Chasing Kelly with Michael Che

Summary

---

Podcast Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Chasing Kelly with Michael Che
Guest: Michael Che
Date: October 1, 2025

---

Main Theme/Overview

This episode of "The Bonfire" features Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly riffing with special guest Michael Che (SNL’s "Weekend Update" co-anchor). With their signature raw humor, the trio swaps wild stories about the comedy scene, behind-the-scenes moments at SNL, pop culture oddities (including Ghostface Killah’s "Sweet Face Killer" story), handling strange fan encounters, and the mechanics of late-night sketch show writing. Throughout, the hosts weave in bits about Kelly's desperate wish to meet Kelly Clarkson, viral rumors, and the stress and absurdities of public life in showbiz.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Kelly Clarkson Saga (Begins at 07:37)

• Robert Kelly is obsessed with meeting Kelly Clarkson. He pleads with Che to make it happen, jokingly playing it up as his "Make-A-Wish" dream.

  • Quote:

    "If I get cancer, that's going to be … I'm dying."
    — Robert Kelly (07:07)

• Che trolls Kelly about actually setting it up, with Kelly nervously falling for it.

  • Che feigns mysterious phone calls and updates, keeping the running gag alive:

    "She's literally across the street…but they're, like, in between something."
    — Michael Che (08:53)

• The theme comes full circle at the end, with Kelly still begging Che to deliver Kelly Clarkson:

  "Can you look at me, Mike? … Are you going to make this happen?"
  — Robert Kelly (39:44)
  "I'm going to make it happen."
  — Michael Che (39:47)

---

2. Comedic Riffs on Pop and Hip-Hop Culture (01:31, 36:12)

• Early in the episode, Jay and Bobby riff on Ghostface Killah’s child, who’s now known as Sweet Face Killer and released a diss track at their dad.

• Extended back-and-forths about absurd possible rapper names and trans names, filled with gleefully crude wordplay.

  • Quote:

    "I would make my trans name My Face Killer, but I would put a comma in it. My Face, Killer."
    — Big Jay Oakerson (02:20)

• Later, they circle back to actually watching the "Sweet Face Killer" video and debating whether it's son/daughter/child (36:12–37:37).

  • Che tries to thread the needle with sensitivity:

    "Sometimes people just like, I dress up like one. But I'm not a woman. I don't know how it goes, actually."
    — Michael Che (36:31)

  • Jay, true to form, goes for the jugular:

    "Look like Ghostface Killer. But you got tits."
    — Big Jay Oakerson (37:05)

---

3. Behind-the-Scenes at SNL: Tickets, Stalkers, Writing Process (11:18, 14:32, 25:03, 32:37)

• SNL Tickets: Jay and Christine get tangled in a scenario where Jay promises SNL tickets to their car salesman—something he immediately regrets.

  • Che explains the real scarcity and stress of ticket requests:

    "I tell people I give them to charity all the time...I shouldn't say it on air, but I usually say I give my tickets to charity, so that way they can't ask for it."
    — Michael Che (13:59)

• Stalker Incident: Che shares how security at SNL once quietly handled a real threat to his safety.

  “I could see that she’s still kind of talking to me…and she was like, I was saying we’re gonna catch that guy. Don’t you worry about it. I’m like, what guy?...She just shows me all these papers. They have like his pictures, his tweets. He’s like, this guy’s coming…They’ve been looking for him for like a week. And currently no one told me about it after that.”
  — Michael Che (15:04–15:59)

• Writing Under Pressure: Che breaks down how SNL’s sketch-writing process became even more grueling during the Trump years, with cold opens written as late as Friday night or Saturday morning due to the relentless news cycle.

  "Now we write our cold open, like, usually Friday night in the middle of the night. Sometimes we don’t even have it until Saturday morning. Nobody’s seen it until the table."
  — Michael Che (32:37)

---

4. Viral Video & the Kanye West "Cousin" Story (21:45–28:33)

• The hosts probe Michael Che about a viral video with Kanye West and rumors that Kanye discussed bizarre things backstage, including the now-infamous "suck my cousin's dick" line.

  • Quote:

    "He mentioned, you know, like, that song, like, I suck my cousin's dick and all of that…He said that that week. And I completely forgot until the song came out...That's how much shit was going on."
    — Michael Che (23:07)

• The crew jokes about whether Che’s stern-yet-cool demeanor scared Kanye and marvel at the absurdity of the week that spawned such moments.

  • Che says, "He holds court like Kanye holds court. So he'll just be talking. After a while, you're like, I gotta get out of here."
  • After years, Che says Kanye approached him with an apology at Eddie Murphy’s hosting return (27:21):

    “As soon as he sees me, goes, I owe you an apology. And, like, I hadn’t seen him in years. I didn’t even know if he remembered that that happened because he was saying so much shit.” — Michael Che (27:21)

---

5. Comedy, Social Media, and Real World Absurdities (29:03)

• Jay describes missing a viral video opportunity involving a woman urinating in public, with Bobby chastising him for not catching it on his phone.

  "A woman literally spreaded her ass cheeks and pissed. Spread her ass cheeks, spread between."
  — Robert Kelly (29:11)

• Che muses about how stories used to be told rather than filmed and how New York always supplies new viewing material.

---

6. TV & Comedy Business Models: South Park and SNL (30:55–33:26)

• The hosts compare SNL’s relentless schedule to that of "South Park," noting how the latter now occasionally bailed on weekly delivery, having earned the right to work at their own pace:

  "To me, the best business model in show business going right now South. What South Park got going is…They have f*** you money forever."
  — Michael Che (31:28–31:38)

• Che emphasizes that people still care what SNL and South Park have to say about current events, even if just to critique or hate-watch.

---

7. The Infamous "Write Each Other’s Jokes" SNL Tradition (34:08)

• Robert Kelly reveals his love for SNL’s “write each other's jokes” segment; Che jokes about hating interviews.
• The segment reflects the episode's recurring blend of earnestness and sarcasm about the comedy world.

---

8. Friendly Banter, Future Plans, and Closing (41:03, 42:20)

• The crew talk about attending SNL, invites to "Story Wars," and neighborly gossip, with plenty of inside nods to the New York comedy scene.

  "Not just Glenn, but Louis Jacob was like, me to lock you in for story wars…Jay, don’t make me go back to our text."
  — Big Jay Oakerson (42:11)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• "I would make my trans name My Face Killer, but I would put a comma in it. My Face, Killer." (Big Jay Oakerson, 02:20)
• "If I get cancer, that’s going to be … I’m dying." (Robert Kelly, 07:07)
• "She’s literally across the street…but they’re like, in between something." (Michael Che, 08:53)
• "I tell people I give them to charity all the time...I usually say I give my tickets to charity, so that way they can't ask for it." (Michael Che, 13:59)
• "I could see that she’s still kind of talking to me…and she was like, I was saying we’re gonna catch that guy. Don’t you worry about it. I’m like, what guy?" (Michael Che, 15:04)
• "He mentioned…'I suck my cousin's dick'…I completely forgot until the song came out. That’s how much shit was going on." (Michael Che, 23:07)
• "Now we write our cold open, like, usually Friday night in the middle of the night." (Michael Che, 32:37)
• "To me, the best business model in show business…what South Park got going is…I mean, they earned it. What, like 30 years now?" (Michael Che, 31:28)
• "A woman literally spreaded her ass cheeks and pissed. Spread her ass cheeks, spread between." (Robert Kelly, 29:11)
• "Are you going to make this happen?" (Robert Kelly, 39:44)
  "I'm going to make it happen." (Michael Che, 39:47)

---

Tone and Style

• Unfiltered, rambunctious, and rowdy—the episode is full of blue humor, inside jokes, and quick-witted banter.
• Jay and Bobby are relentless with each other (and Che), but all in good fun, frequently breaking up at their own jokes.
• Michael Che matches their pace, splitting the line between sarcasm and sincerity, especially when the roasting turns to real-life showbiz stress and cultural absurdities.

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 07:37 – Michael Che arrives and the Kelly Clarkson saga kicks off
• 11:18 – SNL tickets story and Che’s strategy for fending off requests
• 15:04 – Che recounts an SNL stalker incident
• 21:45–28:33 – Viral video, Kanye West, and the cousin story
• 30:55 – South Park & SNL: writing under pressure and comedy in a news cycle
• 34:08 – SNL “write each other’s jokes” tradition
• 36:12–37:37 – Sweet Face Killer, gender discussion, and social commentary
• 41:03–42:50 – Story Wars, future neighbor jokes, and sign-off with plugs

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is classic "Bonfire": rambunctious, inside-baseball, and thoroughly unfiltered. Che seamlessly fits in with Jay and Bobby’s raucous rhythm, offering glimpses of what it’s like to be at the eye of the comedy storm—whether it's faking Make-A-Wish encounters, deflecting SNL ticket requests, or surviving the week Kanye confessed wild things in the writers’ room. If you like your podcast laughs rowdy and real, it’s one to catch.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if we could reduce carbon emissions.

[Michael Che]

And strengthen the economy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At ExxonMobil, we believe both are possible. As a global leader in carbon capture.

[Michael Che]

And storage, we're empowering industries to reduce.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Their emissions all through technologies that are creating job opportunities in America.

[Michael Che]

How's that for a win win ExxonMobil.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's deliver.

[Robert Kelly]

If you're a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility and your machinery isn't working right, Grainger knows you need to understand what's wrong as soon as possible. So when a conveyor motor falters, Grainger offers diagnostic tools like calibration kits and multimeters to help you identify and fix the problem. With Grainger, you can be confident you have everything you need to keep your facility running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now, the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's a. Here's a funny thing. I wanted to wait for Che to come, but he's not coming, right? He was supposed to come, Michael Che was supposed to be here, apparently.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at Black Luke. He's checking his phone like he's waiting for a father to call.

[Robert Kelly]

Should I call him? Less than. We should wait for him to watch this. But, you know, like, we went to Wu Tang this year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Which was. It was just incredible. It was awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Definitely wait for him to watch.

[Robert Kelly]

We gotta wait for him to watch it. But Ghost Face Killer son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Speaking of all this Ghost Face Killer son trans stuff, the kid that opens for you. Wait, you talking about that chick who opens for you?

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, Ghostface Killer's son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ghostface Junior. That hot chick you work with.

[Robert Kelly]

What do they call it? He's a. He put out a diss track to his dad. Her dad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ghost Penis. That should be the name. Ghost Penis Killer, I think she's called.

[Robert Kelly]

Her name is Go something. What is her name?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ghost.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice. Ghost. What is it? It's called Sexy Ghost. Sweet Face Killer. Sweet Face Killer is her name. Sweet Face Killer. Instead of Ghost Face Killer. It's Sweet Face Killer. And we have to. I mean, dude, is. It's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would make my trans name My Face Killer, but I would put up. I would put a comma in it. My Face Killer. Like, I'm telling you, fuck My Face Killer.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, you're a tough girl, but people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would say, fuck my. Do you like my Face Killer? And you mean. Oh, you mean My Face Killer.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

I do like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, my great names for Fucking trans stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Give me one for trans rapper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For you?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who are we playing off of? Who's your favorite rapper? Whose name do we play off of?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I do like Eminem. 50 Cent would probably be another one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dr. Dre, 50 cents.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you know, Easy, Easy, E. I love Eazy. Love his raps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that all you love about him?

[Robert Kelly]

What are you talking about? The AIDS part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you doing? Did he die doing what you want to do so bad? He was having sex with somebody with aids.

[Robert Kelly]

He was assassinated. They shot him with a natal phone and a needleful and aids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that what you believe?

[Robert Kelly]

That's exactly what happened to him. Everybody knows that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mm.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody knows that. They wanted his money. Yeah, I was. What's his name? Suge Knight. Right in the arm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not true.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. Dude. It was a Will Smith.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He had sex with guys.

[Robert Kelly]

It was DJ Jazzy Jeff and Will Smith took him out odd.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sex with guys.

[Robert Kelly]

He didn't have sex with guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I feel. You know what? The more. The older I get, the more you.

[Robert Kelly]

Want to have sex with guys, the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

More I want to have sex with guys. It's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

It is nuts. Right? Where do you get my age? When you had sex with guys?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a great. That'd be a great commercial. Sex with guys. It's nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

This is one of the gayest shows we've done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, I blame Paco 85%. Why do you gotta be so beautiful sauntering in here?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Why do you be so damn beautiful?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is a one chick room, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now Christine's irate with Paco because he really came in and stole her feminine thunder.

[Robert Kelly]

But your best part about Paco's. No, period.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's true.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Whoa, whoa. That's fucking rude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is rude.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. What a. What a Christine person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, what do you think's up your man pussy?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I call all assholes man pussies.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Your stink wrinkle has poop in it. I'll be back. I've got a wrist. Oh, really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Calling all assholes man pussies is hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody just loves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a nice pussy. Open that. Open your master cheeks for me. Let me see that man pussy. Why look back? Excuse.

[Robert Kelly]

Especially when it looks like a little baby pussy. One has little the lips. Like the edges of the asshole looks like little wrinkly pussy lips.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do also think that my asshole is no longer a perfect circle and does kind of have like a vertical thing happening to let me like a.

[Robert Kelly]

Pussy Let me see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Take a picture of it. Send it to me. I promise you I'll never send it to anybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I believe you won't.

[Robert Kelly]

I promise you I'll never make a shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I believe you won't.

[Robert Kelly]

I promise you I'll never have a website dedicated to your asshole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. It's weird that you keep saying it, but I believe you're not going into those things.

[Robert Kelly]

I will never, ever in my life have hoodies made with your asshole on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I mean, why? I didn't think that's something that was even in your mind.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not gonna get my truck, my Ford Ranger, wrapped in your asshole photograph.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because it would be insane, right, to have their whole truck be an asshole. Nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not gonna have. If the Birds go to the super bowl this year, a plane flying with a banner of your asshole. BigJ.Comedy.com with your asshole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. Because that would be really embarrassing for me. I love the Philadelphia Eagles.

[Robert Kelly]

I will not do that. So.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You won't?

[Robert Kelly]

I will not. I promise you I will not pay for a million drones on 4th of July to go up in the air and actually make the photo of your asshole in the East River.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd have to assume that would be a little bit pricey.

[Robert Kelly]

It'd be a little pricey, but I wouldn't do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You wouldn't do it?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I would never, ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Even if you had a windfall of cash like you recently came into 100%.

[Robert Kelly]

I would never do that. I would never get my own water made with. With a photo of your on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As, like, the brand.

[Robert Kelly]

As brand. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wow.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You wouldn't do that?

[Robert Kelly]

I wouldn't do that. I would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll send you the picture then.

[Robert Kelly]

All right. Send me the picture. Great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you're not gonna do all those things.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not. I swear to God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I believe you.

[Robert Kelly]

Swear to God. I'm not. I'm not gonna make it a tattoo at Skank Fest that you can get of Jay's Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine never takes this long to bring back our white guests. She's out there fawning over him.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take me away from all this, Michael.

[Robert Kelly]

So you sure you can't do skankfast? You can just come in and out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Make our own deals. We'll fly.

[Robert Kelly]

We'll put you up in the hotel that. That we're in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll give you some of Bobby's money.

[Robert Kelly]

Good luck. Take my money. He still wouldn't do it. For my money, I'm gonna send a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beautiful trans to your room in the middle of the night. It's gang fest.

[Robert Kelly]

Me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

How dare you just life test. Are you. How dare you give me my just life test, my make a wish dream. If I get cancer, that's going to be. I'm dying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, is this. Are you Robert?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, jay sent me. And you're going to be like this, but you're going to open the door. He goes, listen, you can come in for a second. We can't do anything.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm going to be like this. I'm going to be like this motherfucker.

[Michael Che]

Piece of shit. I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How fast could Bobby be talked, can be convinced he's not cheating with a trans 2? And.

[Robert Kelly]

There he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good to see you, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up, buddy?

[Michael Che]

Hi, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

It always, what's up, brother? How are you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Michael Che in the building.

[Robert Kelly]

I always forget how tall you are. Oh, you always. I see you on TV as short, but then when you come in, you're tall.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, I'm usually sitting behind a desk.

[Robert Kelly]

How tall are you?

[Michael Che]

Like six two, probably.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I meant in interviews. Like standing interviews when I see you. I didn't mean on the show. What's the matter with Chase? Already turned against me. He's sitting stupid. I. I love you, buddy. How you doing?

[Michael Che]

Good, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you hook up my deal?

[Michael Che]

Yeah, yeah. She's actually on her way. She's literally on her way. I'm gonna surprise you.

[Robert Kelly]

Michael, listen to me, seriously, bro. I know that we. We bust each other's balls and stuff.

[Michael Che]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is one thing he's pretty serious about.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Please do not. Do not joke about this.

[Michael Che]

You think I'm joking?

[Robert Kelly]

I do think you're joking. Okay, buddy, because if you're going to. If she's coming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have a shirt.

[Michael Che]

I'm not going to say anything else.

[Robert Kelly]

But I have a shirt that says Mrs. Kelly Kelly that I would have worn. I have a whole outfit I was supposed to.

[Michael Che]

So you don't want to meet her?

[Robert Kelly]

I do.

[Michael Che]

Okay. Are you going to. Can we curse here?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Fuck yeah.

[Michael Che]

All right, cool. I don't curse anyway. But not really.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, is. Don't lie. You're lying. You're lying. You're lying. You're hurting me.

[Michael Che]

She's literally across the street, but they're like in between something. She said she'll come over if. I don't know if. What. What time did she say?

[Robert Kelly]

Look at me. She's lying. She can't lie. For you. She's a good person.

[Michael Che]

That's true. She's. She's too good of a person to lie.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, she did it. She did lie to my face.

[Michael Che]

Yeah. That was awful.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I really am.

[Michael Che]

You should never have kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I am really everything you think a fat boy should be. Because as he's saying it, I'm completely buying in. Even when she said, Six, and I go, 6:15.

[Michael Che]

She's coming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's coming for Bobby. Until he said, yeah, no, she's not a good. I was like, oh, the whole thing is fake.

[Robert Kelly]

The fans don't know what we're talking about. I went up to Mike at the seller, and I was like, please.

[Michael Che]

You called me in, like, the middle of the morning.

[Robert Kelly]

You didn't have to talk.

[Michael Che]

Worst thing you can do to an alcoholic.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like, I want, you know, Kelly Clarkson. I need you to hook it up. I just want to meet her. I'm a big fan. He's like, I. I might be able to do that. He literally said, I might be able to do that.

[Michael Che]

No, I, I. You can easily do that.

[Robert Kelly]

You could. I can't.

[Michael Che]

I could easily do it, but why don't you? I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

I have cancer. Okay, well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got a lot of going on.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I have cancer, so there you go. So.

[Michael Che]

All right, we'll see how bad it gets.

[Robert Kelly]

And aids. I have aids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His beard fell off.

[Robert Kelly]

I have AIDS and cancer, so whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cancer, aids, the worst kind of.

[Michael Che]

I haven't been here in forever, man. This is like. I don't even think it was in this room when last time I was here.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look what Dan looks like now.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey. I lost my hair and my voices.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck happened to Dan? Am I right?

[Michael Che]

I lost my hair, my voices.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I got lost. Yeah. Michael J's in the house and he wants Kelly clutch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I leave, Clay. I leave because I can't watch it anymore. I go, I can't watch him fall. Pieces like this.

[Robert Kelly]

I just want to meet Kelly. Clocks in Slim Jim.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I'll tell you what, Bobby. You did a good thing. You have at least the audacity, the balls, the gumption, if you will, to walk up to Michael Che and ask for such a big ask like that.

[Robert Kelly]

That's because. That's why I'm not famous here, cuz just things like that maybe.

[Michael Che]

No, I don't think that's true.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's my. It's my jokes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'll tell you. Poor.

[Michael Che]

Can you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Poor Michael is involved in, like, a. A drama in my life that came on very suddenly. I wasn't expecting it to be a thing.

[Michael Che]

No, don't you dare.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, this is nothing that's your fault at all. What, so you did nothing wrong?

[Robert Kelly]

You shot to talk about Kelly Clarkson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did everything wrong, okay? I did everything wrong here. And Christine, you know I'm about to tell him, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Is this the Players?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. This is not Players at all. This was. I recently got a new car.

[Michael Che]

Nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bought a truck.

[Michael Che]

Nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bought a truck. We bought the truck. Christine. This is where she's gonna take her a little bit of fucking thing on this, okay? Mentioned about me being a comic when I was not there at the dealership. She went first, looked at the car, came, told them I was a comedian.

[Michael Che]

Okay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She did that. So then they start looking at my comedy. So by the time I go in there to get this truck, there. Yes, they're talking. They wanted a thousand questions and it's fine. It's fine. They're all nice. It's absolutely fine.

[Michael Che]

That's a nightmare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In conversations you gotta have with somebody while you're going through 7,000 pieces of paper or whatever, the guy goes. He goes, I love comedies. Like, Saturday Night Live's been my. It's been my dream to go to that. And he gives me all the things. He had to retire from being a cop. Cancer. He now sells cars. He's almost like. He seems slow. He almost seems slow brained.

[Robert Kelly]

Son of a bitch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He almost seemed like, like silly. And his. Like, he just love and he' Slow brain.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, not super helpful. Kind of hard to deal with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just odd. But he's nice enough. And he just keeps saying how much he loves snl. I've tried to go so many times ago, oh, you should go. It's cool. I said, I've gone like twice now. It's really neat to see how they do the thing. He goes, really? I go, yeah, I've been doing comedy forever. So it's like I know Michael and Stu. And he goes, you know, Mike, do you think right away you can get me, like, because I've tried so many times for the lottery to get tickets, I can never again. I go, we could probably get you in at some point in such. I was smoking a cigarette.

[Michael Che]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was. It was outside. I was smoking a cigarette. Is one of those, like. Yeah, I could probably figure something out figuring, like, we'll get the car, whatever. Then we ended up leasing another car because Christine is a car from the same Fucking place. And this guy has not once been on the phone, seen me, asked, reached out, tell me if I can complete a survey for him where he has to go. Season 51, right? Remember season 51? And we've kicked it down.

[Robert Kelly]

Down the road.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine was actually mad at me.

[Robert Kelly]

I was mad at him. I said, I don't know why you do that. I go. I go, those. I go, do you know how precious. I go, that's like. I go, you're giving that up for strangers? I'm like, we didn't even know this guy, and he wasn't even, like, a helpful salesperson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't say, you got to put him up front.

[Robert Kelly]

I go. I'm like, you ask him.

[Michael Che]

I tell them I give. I tell people I give them the charity all the time. I shouldn't say it on the air, but I usually say I give my tickets to charity, so that way they can't ask for it.

[Robert Kelly]

I even went to him and I go, listen, Jay was like, misting. I go, that's like a friends thing. It's not. I go, we can't really get those tickets. He still kept bringing it up.

[Michael Che]

I don't think they know that. There's like, 300 tickets and everybody gets two, and then regular people sleep outside for them. It's like. It's a impossible 20 shows a year.

[Robert Kelly]

You need to give this guy two tickets. Michael, this is why we've asked you here today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, you don't have to give.

[Michael Che]

Him two tickets at all. Two tickets. No, I.

[Robert Kelly]

And I don't want them to count against my tickets.

[Michael Che]

If I were to get them tickets, I would never say it here, because then we'd, like, definitely open the floodgates.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you already gave those to charity.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, I got them.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the beginning of the documentary of the guy who kills Mike at SNL because you got him fucking tickets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, his name's Glenn. Keep an eye out.

[Michael Che]

There was a guy that wanted to kill me at SNL before, but we. I hope they found him. They didn't tell me it was happening, to be honest. Actually.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Michael Che]

Like, it was years ago. It was like. Well, there's this. There's this Jamaican lady that's always at the. You know, like the security gate, like when you walk through the. The turnstiles or whatever. And she's the nicest lady. Every time I see her, like, it's just like a hello relationship. It's been like five years. She's like the sweetest lady. I see her every Saturday. And one Saturday, I have my. My headphones in and I'm walking by. And I don't need to take them out because we just say hi to each other. It's not like, you know, we have cousins. But I could see that she's still kind of talking to me. And I took my, my, my, my butt out and I'm like, what'd you say? And she was like, I was saying, we're gonna catch that guy. Don't you worry about it. I'm like, what guy? She's like, the guy. So he's gonna kill you. He's coming. They gave us like, a bulletin about it, and she just shows me all these papers. They have like, his pictures, his tweets. He's like, this guy's coming. And I was like, no one mentioned it at all. I'm about to go in there. They've been looking for him for like a week. And currently no one told me about it after that. So maybe they caught him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was like, a while ago.

[Michael Che]

This was like, why.

[Robert Kelly]

Why did he want to kill you?

[Michael Che]

I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

Political. What do you do? Oh, just a joke.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, People are crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Bobby. Bobby thought he was. Did he have a good reason?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, there might be a reason.

[Michael Che]

I stole his bike and a knife. Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, if you ask yourself, what did you do to this guy?

[Michael Che]

Before we start, just, what was I wearing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fingers everywhere. Victim blaming, Bob. I love that. What'd you do to piss this guy off so much, man? How'd you up?

[Robert Kelly]

He might have a good reason.

[Michael Che]

No, it was like. It was like at that time when we were getting a lot of, like, political heat, right? Like, they changed the security in the building and everything.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, it's kind of crazy now. You don't. You don't around with the train anymore.

[Michael Che]

You can't do any of that anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, no, those days are over. But just so you know, we can make Paco a great one.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something real quick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's going.

[Robert Kelly]

We're going to spend the money to make Paco a trainee for this year. He's going to be transitioned to a beautiful Filipino woman, and he's going to go on the road with me. But you could take him on the road with you if you want.

[Michael Che]

I'm with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Should you follow the Eddie Murphy tract?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, cut that out. All right? Corporate chase in the house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey. This show is sponsored by Better Help Mental Health. And being healthy is very important. Not only is important for yourself, it's important for your relationships. My relationship with family members over the years has gotten so much better and it makes me happy. My son has a better life because of therapy, because I talked to somebody, because I got the stuff out. He can have a healthier life too. World Mental Health Day is October this year and BetterHelp is shining the spotlight on therapists. People who truly make the world a better place. Because the right therapist can change everything. I know this because I got one betterhelp therapist work according to a strict code of conduct. They're fully licensed in the U.S. go in there, you get matched up with a therapist that is right for you and focuses on your therapy goals. And if you're not happy with your match, just switch to a different therapist at any time. This World Mental Health Day we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bonfire. That's B E T T E R H E-L-P.com bonfire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey everybody, have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered and you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply. Details at metro by t-mobile.com Guys, you know, running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo? That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software so you're not sacrificing it's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o odoo.com why.

[Robert Kelly]

Do most of us want to learn a new language? It's probably not about memorizing grammar tables or topping a leaderboard. It's because we want to speak it out in the real world with real people. Babbel gets you there fast. Babbel lets you practice real life conversations step by step without the stress. You'll build the confidence to speak up when it matters. From ordering coffee to chatting or new friends abroad. Listen, I use it and it's great because I was using this other app and it, after a while it just stresses you out. It's not fun. And I wasn't learning how to speak, but now I actually practice speaking. They teach you in live real life conversation skills in different languages, which helps you learn so much faster. I love Babel. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now. Get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babel.com/bonfire. Get up to 50 off at babel.com/donfire. Spelled B A, B, B, E, L.com/donfire. Rules and restrictions may apply.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do. How about that fucking viral video coming up from years ago? You and Kanye West. It was all over the world star stuff.

[Michael Che]

That's what I thought you were gonna talk about. I was like, oh, God, no. Wow. I mean, that was. It was so long, I don't even remember it. And I'm like, I'm terrified to watch it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that's what's fucking, like, dope about the whole thing is that it's so you're not giving him a talking to anything. I don't want to present it like that. But like, you're kind of like, what do you do? It's just like it's two adults talking where. It was kind of neat to see you that young on the show, but you kind of like remove like one.

[Michael Che]

Year ago it wasn't.

[Robert Kelly]

But you're using the coolest words ever to dress somebody down. You. You were saying shit like. I was like, I don't know what that means, but I know what it means.

[Michael Che]

Well, no, you don't.

[Robert Kelly]

Guys, would you say, why you come?

[Michael Che]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you won't watch it again.

[Michael Che]

I won't watch it. I swear I won't watch it. But it's not bad. It's like, I've heard it's not bad, but I just. It's just like. It was like a very stressful week, that whole week. So it was like. That wasn't just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was stealing his wife. It was a crazy week.

[Michael Che]

I think that was way before that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He smelled it coming, though.

[Michael Che]

Yeah. It might have been some magic in the air.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is funny. He goes, kanye, we love you. You're saying the video. He goes, sure we did. Destroyed your family here in some ways. Some would say we've tested. We've challenged your manhood.

[Michael Che]

No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

We mock you every week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's awesome what you did.

[Michael Che]

He was. No, it was just like a crazy. Put it this way to give you an idea of how crazy that week was. He mentioned, you know, like that song, like, I suck my cousin's dick and all of that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Michael Che]

He mentioned that. He said that that week. And I completely forgot until the song came out. Cause that's how much shit was going on. Like, I was like, oh, that's right. He did tell me something's going on. Like, that's how cr.

[Robert Kelly]

He.

[Michael Che]

He told that week was. It was like nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did he tell it to her? He goes, hey, is this a good lyric for a song? I suck my cousin's dick.

[Michael Che]

He said it like, I got his.

[Robert Kelly]

Premise for a song.

[Michael Che]

No, it was kind of. It was kind of very like, matter of fact, actually, where we didn't know if he meant it or not.

[Robert Kelly]

So he's just, what do you guys want for lunch?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, not my cousin's dick. That's salty. That's too salty.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, man, how you doing today? I suck my cousin's dick.

[Michael Che]

No, it was. He said it was.

[Robert Kelly]

What did you say after? He said he sucked my. What did you do?

[Michael Che]

I. I was. He said so much that it didn't even register.

[Robert Kelly]

I sucked my cousin's dick into register.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's walking around. I suck my cousin's dick. I punched a dolphin. I built my own house and I destroyed it.

[Michael Che]

This was like 40 minutes into a 5 minute discussion and it just came out.

[Robert Kelly]

I sucked my cousin's dick.

[Michael Che]

It was like A long. Like he would. He holds court like Kanye holds court. So he'll just be talking. After a while, you're like, I gotta get out of here.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I suck my cousin's dick come out. And that was at your cue.

[Michael Che]

And then more came out.

[Robert Kelly]

More about his cousin or other. Did he suck other people's dicks?

[Michael Che]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, dude. You know, I don't.

[Michael Che]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Give us an exclusive.

[Michael Che]

I try not to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you say it in auto tune, it's different. It's okay.

[Robert Kelly]

He blew Jay Z.

[Michael Che]

No, he was. It was definitely off key when he said.

[Robert Kelly]

That was good auto tune, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

You, I love. It's just one line in a manic episode.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, no, it was a lot going. That. That week was, like, extremely stressful. It was like a crazy, crazy week. So that's why it's just like, was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He the host of the week or music guest?

[Michael Che]

No, he was the musical guest. I forget who. I think Adam Driver was the host.

[Robert Kelly]

But, you know, you knew halfway through, like, he was scared of you. Like you. You.

[Michael Che]

No, I didn't. I don't think he was scared of me.

[Robert Kelly]

He went from he. Because Kanye's usually aggressive, but you came at him with this stern, confident Michael Che, which I've never seen. I'm sorry, did that come out wrong? I suck my cousin's dick. I just want to let you know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That he goes, I don't know. Something about your face wants me to let you know. I also sucked my cousin's dick.

[Robert Kelly]

I sucked my third cousin's dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paco, if you sucked your cousin's dick, now's the time, buddy. The guy's here.

[Michael Che]

He might have been kind of like, worried, like, oh, man, I did tell this guy I suck my cousin's dick. I didn't want to get him upset.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't react the way he thought when you said it.

[Michael Che]

Oh, no, no. He's got too many secrets. No, no, no. I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

He had to make a song and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said you haven't watched it at all since. So it's like. It's interesting. It's not. I don't think it is like a. You reprimanding him. Real as the way it's always more impressive was how long time famous he has been and how short of a time at the time it was for you that you were like, just. It was. It was not like a famous. More famous thing. You were just going, like, what are you doing, man? Like, you're like, what are you. It's like, I was just curious, and you're saying, we love you. We love you here. And, like, I don't know why you're doing this.

[Michael Che]

I was. I don't know how much they show, but, like, I was actually, like. I was literally like, what's going on, man? Like, why would you do that? Yeah, because I remember, like, everybody was. We had. We were trying so hard to accommodate him. So I think he was just kind of like, sometimes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was that when he came out at the end? Is that what it was?

[Michael Che]

Yeah, he came out at the end. I think it was just like, everybody was, like. Everybody was trying so hard. Cause we were kind of like. We knew that he was sort of. You know, it didn't seem like he was his normal self because he'd been in the show a million times, so it seemed like he was kind of not behaving like himself. So we were just like, what's going on?

[Robert Kelly]

Behaving like he sucked his cousin's dick.

[Michael Che]

We were trying very hard. And then. And then when that happened, and he made it seem like we was bullying him, and I was like, why would you say that? Like, what happened that you felt that way? Yeah, it was just more that it wasn't. People are making it something.

[Robert Kelly]

But was that the last time you talked to him or you talked to him?

[Michael Che]

No, actually. And that's another reason why I don't really like talking about it, because the next time I saw him was years later.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I remember years later.

[Michael Che]

Years later, it was the Eddie Murphy show. And, like, every black person in Hollywood was at this show. Like, literally, it was crazy. It was like people had never came to Eddie Murphy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, oh, the show he came back.

[Michael Che]

From when he hosted the Christmas episode. And I remember I was. I had, like. I had, like, a lot in that show. And I was, like, running around crazy, and people just, like, in my dressing room, kind of using it as their green room. And, like, I couldn't. I had no place to really, like, go. And I'm walking through the hallway, and he's coming out the elevator bay, and as soon as he sees me, goes, I owe you an apology. And, like, I hadn't seen him in years. I didn't even know if he remembered that that happened because he was saying so much shit. And he was like, owe you an apology. And we, like, talked, and I was like, I never, like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, sorry. I'm sorry.

[Michael Che]

Hey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He never told me. I wonder if it was even. Because he wanted people to know. He goes, cause I'm writing a song about it, and I really don't want it out there yet.

[Michael Che]

This was years ago. I can't believe it took him this long to get a song about it. Honestly, he was. He talked about it a few times. I remember even telling somebody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like, everything rhymes with cousin's dick.

[Michael Che]

Wow. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you make me sick?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Michael Che]

Sick Lick does a lot of rhymes in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I went hiking, got a tick, tick. The whole documentary is weird. I guess some guy just followed him around for, like, six years and is now putting out footage. It doesn't really seem authorized or anything.

[Michael Che]

That's what that was. The first thing I was like, how would they even get permission for that? Because taping at snl, they won't let me. So I'm like, how are you guys able to do that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really? You can't, like, film me on your phone or anything?

[Michael Che]

I mean, it has to go through them. They're very strict about it.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't be a full influencer like Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's mad at me because I didn't take a picture of a homeless woman pissing between two cars today. He says, because I'm not an influencer, I don't think to pull my phone out. He's right. He's not wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

He walked by a crowd of people. A woman literally spreaded her ass cheeks and pissed. Spread her ass cheeks, spread between.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All I saw was her ass cheeks, hands, asshole. Disgusting vagina. I think that's in that angle. From that angle.

[Robert Kelly]

She took a piss like a Clydesdale.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He could have got that video and brought it into the show, and he panicked and didn't.

[Michael Che]

It's not. I want to be rude.

[Robert Kelly]

She's being rude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In my mind, I was like, oh, it's not cool to take a picture of this lady doing this. But she is doing it out there for all of us to see.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's like a ufo, dude. Get the photo. How many times you get a chance to see a woman pissing in daylight?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I come from the spoken word.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what? It's New York. You'll definitely get another shot a few times maybe. Yeah, that's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I come from the spoken word, so I think it's always like, I kind of watch it, everything. So then I can go, oh, I'm gonna go tell everybody about not thinking that. Now you can just, like, take pictures or. Here's a video. Here's exactly what I saw. I'm always like, this happened. This just happened.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you guys off now, right?

[Michael Che]

Yeah, we're off till, I think, in a week or two.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The fourth.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I ask you a question? Are you glad that you're off during all this fucked up Charlie Kirk stuff so you don't have to come up with some angle to make it fun, or are you like, fuck, I wish we were back?

[Michael Che]

No, it's neither. It's not even like, I wish we were back or off. It's. It's gonna be something anyway. Yeah, it's unavoidable. The thing is, it's like, in a week, it's nothing again. You know what I mean? Like, in a week, it's like a whole. Like, if you would have went all in on Kimmel and then he gets this job back literally days later, and it's like. Well, now that's. It's like. It becomes like an exhaustion thing. It's gonna. Something's gonna be going on at that point.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys got to come up with it every week. Which is the only other show that does that was South Park. But how about south park this week? They bail for the first time was like, well, they. They're doing every two weeks now. But I thought that was on purpose. I thought the schedule was that. But I heard every time it's been two weeks is because they're not delivering it in time for, like, the Wednesday. It's extremely hard, but I'm surprised they still hold themselves to the standard. But it's also weird. First time, they're just doing. Every time it doesn't come out. They just go, ah, sorry. Yeah, we weren't done. Two more weeks. And then they just put it out. Whenever they put it out, I think that's the.

[Michael Che]

To me, the best business model in show business going right now South. What south park got going is. I mean, they earned it. What they like 30 years now.

[Robert Kelly]

30 years plus. They fuck you money forever.

[Michael Che]

They have you money forever. And people trust them. Like, it's funny when literally, whatever they.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Want, it's like almost like a basketball player. Sixers just did you give these max contracts to people at the end of their career or so they've already got bottomless money, and then they just work at a deal that probably doesn't even hit them like thunder. When they go 1.5 billion, they're like, that adds up. That makes sense.

[Michael Che]

Yeah. But also, like, for them, they're. The reason why I think it's worth it is because they're like the last show. I think SNL is too, in a way. Of people are excited to see what they're going to do about the thing. You know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of TV on, but people are like, I want to hear if they're doing this. I want to see what you do about. Even if it's bad, I want to know that it's bad. I want to make fun of it for being bad. Like, whatever it is, they want to. They care about it in a way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you seen, like. Like, breaks from people trying to work and like that? Like, we have a week to think of the best jokes and blah, blah, blah. Have you seen people just, like, crack under that pressure?

[Michael Che]

Friday's rough. Friday is rough. Especially since. I mean, not to heart, but since the Trump cycle, it was like it used to be. We would have a cold. We would write our cold open on Monday or Tuesday, and then by Wednesday, we read it. By Thursday, we start producing it. Now we write our code open. Like, usually Friday night in the middle of the night. Sometimes. Sometimes we don't even have it until Saturday morning. Nobody's seen it until the table.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, you guys doing a lot of.

[Michael Che]

Things, the speed of it, and I think south park probably works in a similar way. That's what I'm saying. Like, sometimes we shouldn't be. We're not ready to be on air either, but we don't have a choice. You know what I mean? Like, I get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Being a boss to, like, writing is such a weird thing as a. Like, a time stick. I'm so the opposite of that. I'm not a good, like, writer or something. So to go into a room and be like, hey, man, we got about 30 minutes. We got to come up with something good for something that seems so pressured that I would just, like, I wouldn't think funny in that way.

[Michael Che]

I don't think people know how fast this show is made and how it's made. And even if you see it, it's unbelievable. Like, that we get a show on.

[Robert Kelly]

It yet, and you guys don't get to use coke and drugs like they used to back in the day.

[Michael Che]

No, we don't, officer. That's what you talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, it's crazy Ronnie over there still. Still selling coke to everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

You guys aren't using coke anymore, right? Hey, let me ask you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's always wearing a wire. His glasses are always meta.

[Michael Che]

No, Boston Bob, we do not speak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Into my glasses, Boston Bob.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, you cocksack. I heard you doing coke up in that chateau up there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, it looks like you've got Some disco on you with those glasses.

[Michael Che]

Departed.

[Robert Kelly]

Bob, who. Who came up with the. My favorite thing every year is when you guys write each other's jokes. It's got. It's one of my favorite things on SNL ever. It's so funny just seeing you. Who came up with that idea?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Michael Che]

I don't. I don't like, interview Bobby. I don't like, you know, who. Who comes up with. How does the magic make.

[Robert Kelly]

You Guys.

[Michael Che]

This is not how he acts.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, listen. You answer the question. And when the. Is Kelly coming in here? I'm seriously. I'll call you all night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not gonna feed her to you, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

He is. You said you're gonna hook it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna make her uncomfortable.

[Michael Che]

I wanna make it like a special thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna make her uncomfortable. I'm gonna make it cool.

[Robert Kelly]

But can I be ready?

[Michael Che]

No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

I wanna.

[Michael Che]

She's gonna visit you. She's gonna surprise you. Like a Make a wish kid somewhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love her.

[Michael Che]

Beautiful.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I give you my address? Send her up. Send her up to where I live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want so bad.

[Michael Che]

I'll check for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, if you show. If you just have Kelly Clarkson show up to a place with Bobby, it's gonna be like when a Down syndrome kid sees.

[Michael Che]

Wait, what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, they're so innocent and happy when their dad comes back from. From the war.

[Robert Kelly]

They're regular kids. You piece of.

[Michael Che]

I think you're describing dogs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't think a Down syndrome kid doesn't have a father who's in the military? That's when you go to the military to not take care of this down syndrome kid.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a reg. It's a regular kid that gets emotional.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, regular. They're all regular.

[Robert Kelly]

The down syndrome kid goes yay. He's just happy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what, dude? That would be up if that wasn't a dead on impression of every down syndrome person I've ever met.

[Robert Kelly]

God, that was just Jim Florentine's impression. Y. Hey, hey. Did you see Ghostface Killer's son, Daughter. Sweet Face Killer. Heard the rap. Did you see it? You saw it?

[Michael Che]

No, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, dude. You don't do drugs.

[Michael Che]

I didn't see nothing, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, you seen it?

[Michael Che]

I'm off the grid.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got a flip phone, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna say this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I haven't seen it yet.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not bad. Bad. It's actually pretty good.

[Michael Che]

I mean, she has his face. It's wild.

[Robert Kelly]

You got to see it. Play it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Michael Che]

She has like his literal face.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It's sweet Face Killer and Tony Stark immediately.

[Michael Che]

Wait, is it. Is it. Is it daughter or son? Cuz it says Ghost Face Killer. Son.

[Robert Kelly]

It's daughter. This is on a hip hop website. So.

[Michael Che]

But sometimes people just like. I dress up like one. But I'm not a woman. I don't know. I don't know how it goes. Actually.

[Robert Kelly]

I have. Haven't. I don't know.

[Michael Che]

I'm just saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys.

[Michael Che]

Hey, listen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was fantastic.

[Robert Kelly]

That was really good.

[Michael Che]

I love it.

[Robert Kelly]

You're protecting everybody. Good for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I like that. What is it?

[Robert Kelly]

It's not. It's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great question.

[Robert Kelly]

Good question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the is Ghostface Killer's child?

[Robert Kelly]

What is that on the TV right now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is the. That's the political way to say it. You go, I don't know what the that is. Tell me what to call you. Because I don't know what the. You are far.

[Robert Kelly]

Good job, Chad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look like Ghostface Killer. But you got tits.

[Michael Che]

Man.

[Robert Kelly]

Doesn't have tits.

[Michael Che]

I really miss working on network television.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this the one?

[Robert Kelly]

What is she doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Skank's never got video.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm playing the YouTube video Sweet Face Killers.

[Robert Kelly]

Here we go. Ready?

[Michael Che]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

Make it big. That's what she said.

[Michael Che]

Nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what he said.

[Robert Kelly]

Crank it. Crank it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Huh?

[Michael Che]

Oh, man. I'm uncomfortable with this. Come on.

[Robert Kelly]

Look, look, look. They haven't spoken in a decade.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought this was Tom Hanks. Son. This sounds like Chad Hanks.

[Robert Kelly]

There we go.

[Michael Che]

You can't hear it. I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Head full of time.

[Michael Che]

I think I've heard it once or twice. I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got it.

[Michael Che]

I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay. He's faking it.

[Michael Che]

I got it. And I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Understands. That is.

[Robert Kelly]

I got.

[Michael Che]

It's. It's. Sure, sure, sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this his first kid with. It's like Riz's.

[Robert Kelly]

He's not even listening to it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sister or something. Right?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you right now.

[Michael Che]

I don't watch the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't watch me take An American Saga.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not that bad. Dude. It's actually not that bad. It's pretty good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why would it be.

[Michael Che]

How would it be bad? Like it's.

[Robert Kelly]

He's. Yeah.

[Michael Che]

It looks just probably very talented in rat.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He sounded a lot like him too. Wow.

[Michael Che]

I mean, you know, it looked and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sounded all like a ghost face.

[Michael Che]

It's.

[Robert Kelly]

Except for the lyrics. Canning except for the lyrics. The lyrics were a little different than Ghost Face Killers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What were the lyrics? I didn't really hisn. Was that not old kung fu stuff?

[Robert Kelly]

No, that was not old. That was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You must think third first before you blow a guy in a bathroom.

[Robert Kelly]

The 36 chambers of my. Yeah, I'm never.

[Michael Che]

Why did I do this? I could have just went into the season unshaved, unshaved, unscathed.

[Robert Kelly]

What the hell you talking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I say shave this weekend, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Shave for it. He loves to shave.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Infinite cold.

[Robert Kelly]

I. Listen, listen, Mike, Mike.

[Michael Che]

Before we Was this fun. Are we wrapping.

[Robert Kelly]

No, we got. Yeah, we gotta wrap it up very soon.

[Michael Che]

But listen, this was awesome. Thank you, guys.

[Robert Kelly]

It was short because you came in late. But the thing is, I mean, you really disrespected us today. But the thing.

[Michael Che]

And you got so much on your nose, and I'm looking. All this stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

You disrespected your. She made her wait outside, too. It's. You know. I mean, I know you're famous, but you could have been here a little on time, but whatever. I mean, you're awesome.

[Michael Che]

That all's gonna end after this show airs.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me ask you a question. I'm serious. Look at me. Look at me. Can you look at me? Just look at me, Mike. Just give me. Look at me.

[Michael Che]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you going to make this happen?

[Michael Che]

I'm going to make it happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want.

[Michael Che]

Is it after 6 o'?

[Robert Kelly]

Clock? I don't want to be in the. I don't want to be in the audience.

[Michael Che]

She's probably. She's probably going to come tonight.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to be in the audience. I don't want you to get me. I want to. Hey. I want to win. I want to be there. I want to.

[Michael Che]

Hey. What if she came here, buddy?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, I'll say too much.

[Michael Che]

What if she's outside right now?

[Robert Kelly]

What are you talking about?

[Michael Che]

Like, what would you say if you could talk to her right now?

[Robert Kelly]

I'd be like, kelly, I love you. Since you've been gone.

[Michael Che]

That sucks, man.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, don't do that. I'll change that. Jay's gonna help me out.

[Michael Che]

I'm gonna give you time to prepare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I really. While he's preparing, let's just say if you could not forget about Glenn over at Teterboro. Dodge Jeep Ram. Glenn coming up for season 51.

[Michael Che]

That's Raglan.

[Robert Kelly]

We really just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I may have wrote some checks with my mouth that Chase got a cash.

[Robert Kelly]

We just got Che in here. Just to give us stuff.

[Michael Che]

Oh, man. Glenn, please do not DM me. Glenn. Don't check those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, it's Glenn from Teterboro. He's so excited. Season 51 premieres next Saturday, October 4th, 11:30pm I'll be watching. I always do. Do.

[Michael Che]

Do you really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know I do.

[Michael Che]

Oh, nice. You have come to the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I also message you through the year, usually with something that's if I have questions or anything.

[Michael Che]

Anytime something really funny happens. So like twice a year, Jay will text me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

I never. I've never been to the show.

[Michael Che]

Wow, it's so fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is when Kelly Clarkson. You want to see Bobby get a boner in his chair? Bring on Kelly Clarkson.

[Michael Che]

Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watch Kelly Clarkson wink at him.

[Robert Kelly]

Not an emotional boner.

[Michael Che]

No, like an emotional bone in the heart.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Make sure you check out JB. Where is it? Big J comedy.com punch up.live/big J and YouTube.com/@big J Okerson and go to punch up.live/robert kelly for all my dates. We'll be back tomorrow. We have more get lie. Oh, my God. This is my. Right here. Mike, Mike, look. Turn it up in the studio. Let him hear. Fuck that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wink.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, did you see it? Yeah. Play it again.

[Michael Che]

Yeah, I know. I love Kelly. Very lovely.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, dude.

[Michael Che]

She's actually super cool in person.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Michael Che]

Like, I introduced it to my cousin who's kind of a fan.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Che, while you're here. While you're here. Not just Glenn, but Louis Jacob was like me to lock you in for story wars. Also over here.

[Michael Che]

One story wars. I've never been asked to do that. I would love to love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay, don't make me go back to our text.

[Michael Che]

Is that true?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Michael Che]

I'm in. I'm in love. Hey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First of all was like, you want to do story wars? I've sent long descriptions of what story wars is. I'll say if you want. You'll love it. We'll get you out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Get on the story wars and come up to the tiny house this summer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And we'll catch you.

[Michael Che]

Yo. That is true, though. We have to do and you got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To get to Squam Lake with black glue Black and you're going somewhere crazy with Paco. Can I just say something?

[Robert Kelly]

He said said, I will come up to Squam lake. I actually went, you will? Like in my head.

[Michael Che]

We don't live that far from each other.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't. We live right around the corner.

[Michael Che]

We also got a new neighbor coming too. So really, I can't say who, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it Kelly Clarkson?

[Michael Che]

I can't say who.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's official.

[Robert Kelly]

Ghost Face Killer Son, son, daughter, girl.

[Michael Che]

Begins with a K. Kelly Clarkson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No Kim Kardashian Finally. I knew it.

[Michael Che]

KC Kim Kardashian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Che was waiting to make his move.

[Robert Kelly]

Casey in the sunshine B He said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pete Davidson he warm him up for me and then I'm coming in the headline.

[Michael Che]

Damn Casey Kardashians.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, we'll see you guys tomorrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Until then, everybody, crackle, crackle.

[Robert Kelly]

I won't let my moderate to severe.

[Michael Che]

Plaque psoriasis symptoms define me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Emerge as you in two clinical studies, Trimfire gusulcomab, taken by injection, provided 90% clear skin at 16 weeks in 7 out of 10 adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. In a study, nearly 7 out of 10 patients with 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks were still clearer at 5 years. At 1 year and thereafter, patients and healthcare providers knew that Tremphya was being used. This may have increased results. Results may vary. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremphya may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection, including fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough. Tell your doctor if he had a vaccine or plan to emerge. As you learn more about Tremphya, including important safety information, at tremphya.com or call 1-877-578-3527. See our ad in Food and Wine magazine. For patients prescribed Tremphya, cost support may be available.

[Robert Kelly]

For over 100 years, Schlig has made door handles and locks that are built for real life hardware. Backed by rigorous testing both by industry experts and by busy families, Schlage's dedication to detail is trusted in over four 40 million homes. This commitment to quality is why Schlage is America's most trusted lock. Strength and durability you can count on. Explore door hardware built for real [e-mail].