Co-ed Russian Bathhouse

Summary

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The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Co-ed Russian Bathhouse
Date: June 23, 2026
Podcast Host: SiriusXM | Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Episode Overview

In this hilarious, freewheeling episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly riff through stories about the comedy life, aggressive homeless encounters on the road, the culture of Russian bathhouses, kids’ bar mitzvahs, and the insanity of New York sports fans. With trademark unfiltered banter and sharp comedic takes, Jay and Bobby also probe each other's parental choices—especially surrounding Robert's decision to let his son visit a co-ed Russian bathhouse with Ari Shaffir. The show blends stand-up story energy with raw honesty and the humor of old friends calling out each other's quirks.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jay and Bobby’s Fashion and Persona Riffs

[01:07–03:40]

• The episode kicks off with Jay’s mood and his “little pig slut” leg pose, prompting hazing from Bobby:
  • “You avoid your fingernails like Patrice avoided fat jokes. I don’t know how you do it.” — Robert Kelly [01:34]
• Jay and Bobby dissect Jay’s clothing style, mixing goth, rock, hip-hop, and flamboyant touches (“My two moods, pink or black” — Jay Oakerson [09:30]).

2. Comedy Road Stories: Minneapolis and Aggressive Homeless Encounters

[06:49–19:54]

• Jay shares his recent theater gigs and a wild encounter with an aggressive homeless woman (“crazy toothless junkie” [13:06]), pushing her away in self-defense.
• The hosts discuss regional differences in homeless aggression, riffing on Minneapolis, Denver, Austin, and more.
  • “It was so out of nowhere…She goes chest to chest with me... I threw her on the ground.” — Big Jay Oakerson [13:08–14:38]
• Reflection on American city homelessness and comic Giannis Pappas’s take that New York’s homeless population is less aggressive due to occasional street justice.

3. Pop Culture and Reality TV Tangents

[09:53–10:55]

• Jay and Bobby riff on reality shows where house fights break out immediately upon introductions, describing the spectacle of televised chaos.

4. Parenting and Questionable Choices: The Russian Bathhouse Saga

[24:28–47:44]

• Bobby reveals he let his son Max visit a co-ed Russian bathhouse with Ari Shaffir.
• Jay goads Bobby relentlessly over the “bad father” decision, playing up the bathhouse’s gay reputation.
  • “You’re a bad father. I’m sorry, that was organic.” — Big Jay Oakerson [25:10]
• Bobby describes the rules, reassuring no funny business happens on co-ed days, and lays out historic “manliness” of bathhouse culture.
• Tales of the Russian venik (leaf whipping) ritual and unexpected nudity (“Tits everywhere on coed day!”—Jay, mocking [37:49–37:53]).
• Jay and Lou keep the pressure on, suggesting any spa, particularly in New York, harbors all kinds of germs and potential for unsanitary conditions.
  • “Steam rooms... don’t get hot enough or last long enough to kill bacteria. Virus on surfaces. So. Great, Great. Now Max might have AIDS from simply taking a bath.” — Big Jay Oakerson [46:53]

5. Bar Mitzvah Adventures and Youthful Independence

[48:08–53:38]

• After the bathhouse, Max attends a friend’s bar mitzvah at the Comedy Cellar’s new space.
• Max demonstrates independence, choosing to stay in NYC without dad to watch the game with friends—a bittersweet dad moment for Bobby.
  • “He wants to hang. And he hung in the city all day without his parents, took an Uber, went to a Russian bath.” — Robert Kelly [53:27]

6. Sports Fandom and City Chaos

[53:49–59:21]

• Joyous (and perilous) aftermath of Knicks’ playoff victories: fans lighting buses on fire, parading wildly in the streets.
• Jay and Bobby reminisce about singing the Philadelphia 76ers fight song surrounded by hostile Knicks fans:
  • “Clap your hands, everybody... Here come the Sixers!” — Big Jay Oakerson [55:12]
• Bobby’s anxiety about sports “trolling” among rowdy fans and pride in New York’s chaos.

7. Celebrity News: Oliver Tree’s Fatal Helicopter Accident

[63:31–68:41]

• Brief memorial for Oliver Tree, the musician and viral “scooterist” whose death in a helicopter crash is discussed with a mix of genuine sadness and irreverent banter.
• Jay and Bobby muse on Oliver’s influencer career, music style, and the surreal nature of viral deaths.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Jay’s Unique Style:
  “You have like, goth rock and roll, hip hop, and just plain old gay.” — Robert Kelly [03:05]
• On Minneapolis Homelessness:
  “Some junkie lady, this white lady with... a crocheted bikini top... she goes chest to chest with me... I threw her on the ground.” — Big Jay Oakerson [13:06–14:38]
• Parenting Judgment:
  “You’re a bad father... I send to Ari to go to a bathhouse. You’re a bad father.” — Big Jay Oakerson [25:10]
• Gay Bathhouse Riffs:
  “Do you want to pop into something at a time where it’s not gay? Where? The butt plug store?” — Big Jay Oakerson [28:29–28:31]
• On Co-ed Day Rules:
  “You can only get [the sauna hat] if you go... That’s what the lady said, but I think she was lying.” — Robert Kelly [35:57]
• On Sports Mayhem:
  “Clap your hands, everybody—it’s so Philadelphia, 76ers!” — Big Jay Oakerson [55:12] “You can’t help but sing it. It is a great, catchy song.” — Robert Kelly [56:00]
• NYC Chaos, Knicks Victory:
  “The city just erupted and I don’t know why they have to just... pick a car and light it on fire.” — Robert Kelly [58:44]

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Highlighted Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | Description | |-------------|-------------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:07–03:40 | Fashion and Persona Riffing | Jay’s “pinky nails” and being a “little pig slut” | | 06:49–19:54 | Aggressive Homeless Stories | Jay v. Minneapolis junkie; city-by-city homeless comparison | | 24:28–47:44 | Russian Bathhouse Riffs | Parenting judgments, bathhouse traditions, and gay jokes | | 48:08–53:38 | Bar Mitzvah & Teen Independence | Max’s eventful NYC day and Bobby’s dad anxieties | | 53:49–59:21 | Knicks Celebration & Sports Trolling | 76ers song, New York street chaos, and fan violence | | 63:31–68:41 | Oliver Tree and Viral Celebrity Deaths | Mourning Oliver Tree, influencer culture, and on-the-road mishaps |

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Summary & Takeaways

This "Bonfire" episode weaves unfiltered comedy, sharp roast humor, and real-life adventures about parenting, stand-up touring, and pop culture madness. Through all the jokes and mockery, there’s a thread of genuine heart—whether Jay is needling Bobby about his parenting, or the duo is reflecting on the weirdness of contemporary America. The “co-ed Russian bathhouse” becomes a running joke, standing in for every laughable generational misunderstanding and comic’s willingness to push boundaries for the bit.

The episode is a must-listen for fans who appreciate honesty, the ridiculousness of modern life, and comics unafraid to turn each other's lives into material.

Transcript

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Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] and now the bonfire

[Big Jay Oakerson]

with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. I feel like a woman.

[Robert Kelly]

I know you're in a great relaxed mood and things are going well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. When your leg. When you have your leg up like a whore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

When you. When you. When you come in and you're just a sassy little whore with your leg up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little pig slut. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You're a little pig slut with your foot up there and your calf cranked out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And your hand just draped over your knee like a little pig slut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My new pinkies.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep. You knew. Jesus Christ.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My new little pinky pinks.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it's just the fact that you've. You avoid your fingernails like Patrice avoided. Fat jokes. I don't know how you do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean? Oh, like no one makes fun of them. Yeah, they do.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But it skims off you. It really just bounces off you. Like fat jokes bounced off fat Patrice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You know what's interesting about that? You are right about of the things that get to me, my clothes aren't any of them. I know. People make fun of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All the time. I'm like, sure. I get it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lewis swears. Luis J. Gomez swears. It's like my trigger. But what's funny is when someone says that about you.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When it's not. It's no way to really defend it to be not. Do you know what I mean? It's like it's a snake eating its own tail. He goes, don't go with Jay's clothes. Oh, Jay's gonna get really upset now she's talking about his clothes. And then when I go, I don't care, dude. You can make fun of my clothes. He goes, oh, here. He goes, he doesn't care. It's like, like, it's like, why don't defend anymore. He goes, I really, Seriously guys. I know the wallet chain, the whole. I get it. Well, it's like normal bingles and bangles.

[Robert Kelly]

Norton got us all okay with him. You know, with dudes and trance, it's

[Big Jay Oakerson]

like I'm not around that much. It's never settled right with me.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but you do dress like one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

You were as close to trans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I dressed like what Demi Lovato wanted to look like when she was going trans.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but I think it's because you, you mix a different couple. You, you, you have a different, you have like maybe three or four different styles that you mix up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fair.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You have like goth rock and roll, hip hop and just plain old gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's this part.

[Robert Kelly]

That's this part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jake, if you're wondering, it's my little pinky nails.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, your pinky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm working on my girl. Woo. Turn it up, Lou.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have like flippity flapping bebop scoop doop. Whoa.

[Robert Kelly]

Can't pin you down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is all Black Lou's old finger music. Man, I feel like a woman. I'd love to go see your family's rodeo.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm starting to dress like a middle aged Italian from Yorktown Heights.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, Black Lou, you'll be happy to know Dutton Ranch is crowbar in a black gentleman. We made it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, they did?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it one from before?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, didn't the black guy die on Yellow? Yeah, yeah, he died. Yeah, well, that was in the contract. Taylor shot and said, well look, we can have one, but he's got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he's going first. Like a horror movie. He's out of there. Prontissimo.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it, is it somebody famous?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Somebody famous?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, on, on Tulsa King, they brought in a black dude, but it was, it was Sam Jackson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus. No.

[Robert Kelly]

Which was great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, he's just, just a regular. It's the guy who owns the meat company that they want to sell their meat to.

[Robert Kelly]

Is he famous? Is he famous black or like side famous? Just. You don't Know him from other things?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Didn't know him at all.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Lou]

Black guy no good?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, black guy is good. Jacob.

[Lou]

He's wearing a suit guy. Yeah. Jacob. And make pee. Pee on the street.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Jacob.

[Lou]

That guy.

[Robert Kelly]

They won. They won the championship. Relax. Let them pee on the street.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. I had. I lived a possible nightmare for you this weekend. In a split second moment, my size and hopefully natural intimidation sans the pink nails. They were black. Got me out of one in Minneapolis with a crazy lady. This. This is a tough situation for a. A gentleman of your size that I could see of being a problem. I didn't tell you this, Bob, because I wanted to tell you when I saw you or when we got on air.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that why? Okay, I get it. That makes a lot of sense. Sometimes when you don't call me, I feel like you have something and you don't want to talk. You want to. You don't want to spill it because you don't know how to zip it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, no, it's. This is good. Also, there's something to show you with it that I'd like to show you as it goes.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd like to see it and show me something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'll show you something.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd love to see it. You hold that with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take a peek up them George Jay's.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me pick up the jorts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you see my schwangling?

[Lou]

I do.

[Robert Kelly]

I see. I see a little white. Little white thigh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my. Holy. Dude, you have a pool. Get out there.

[Commercial Announcer]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Take care of that, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

I guess we hit you a little soft spot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't talk about my pasty skin. It's my one thing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right now you guys are going at my lack of tan. They won't spray tan me here.

[Robert Kelly]

They're like, why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. Some in Jersey, like, months away.

[Robert Kelly]

Take that. Take care of that milky thigh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, man.

[Lou]

I hate it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Lou]

Jacob. No, tell your story first.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, thank you.

[Lou]

This is your show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I appreciate. So they. I did the two theaters this weekend. The first two theaters.

[Robert Kelly]

How was it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They were great.

[Robert Kelly]

Sold out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Minneapolis was close. And Boise. Was.

[Robert Kelly]

How is it like, going out in the theater? Like, walking out and doing that and just one show. Was that awesome? Did you love it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Doing the one show is very cool because it didn't bother me doing so much material because it's only one show. So I'm, like, repeating myself all night. But, I mean, I wish there was more. I like the intimacy More of a club, genuinely.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you kill it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They went good, I think. Yeah. They were fun.

[Robert Kelly]

You're so humble. I love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I know it's hard to tell.

[Robert Kelly]

Did they stand up at the end?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, some of them did.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. That's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if everybody did, but some.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm pretty sure. I'm sure that means you did really well. When they go, this isn't enough. I gotta get up, I think they just like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think they just like me.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they love you, man. Who? It's not the love.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just mean there's the person. They didn't laugh that much. They were kind of like, wow, we love him. He's such a sweet dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Your whole career is just because you're sweet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, maybe. I do sort of think that. I go, I've always been very nice because I don't want people to think I'm not nice.

[Robert Kelly]

So did you bow at the end like you were supposed to?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One of the shows I did. I don't know if it was the first or second, but I started giving my. I think it was the last one. I started giving, like, you know, my goodbye. Thank you guys for whatever. And then I was like. I go. When I started giving a speech, I was like, oh, they're gonna make fun of me before I go. I might as well go the whole way. I go, everybody, thank you to the people on the balcony.

[Lou]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

You bowed to the balcony?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. I gave them all from my stool, but I gave them all hands together, praying hand. Thank you. Thank you all. You've been amazing. You've made my dreams come true.

[Robert Kelly]

You gave a baby bow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I did, Bobby. Just, like, constructed.

[Robert Kelly]

How was it looking up in the balcony and seeing people up there? Was it cool?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I couldn't.

[Robert Kelly]

But you like having, like, feeling that, like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it was cool. I mean, it was good, I'd say. I've done a bunch of theaters before, but it's just the first time they were there, like, for me particularly.

[Guest or Friend]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which was. It was awesome. It was cool.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you go out and meet, Do a meet and greet?

[Ryan Reynolds]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

You didn't sell anything? You saw any merch?

[Morgan Stewart]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

You didn't sell, like, fingernail polish? Jay's Pink Polish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

J's Pink Polish.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that'd be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Somebody made me nail polish once. It was going, Jay's Something Polish.

[Robert Kelly]

That'd be a great merch for you. Pink and black. That's it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just those two?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. For whatever mood you're in. Either you're in a pink mood or a black mood. Sundays, they were black Mondays.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I went, tell you what, it's not a bad thing. That's pretty much I'm in a pink or black mood usually.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My two moods, pink or black.

[Robert Kelly]

I knew you were today because that leg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, do I wear black to keep myself evened out when I'm feeling pink and I wear pink to try to drag me out of black? That's the question, Jacob. I'll leave that to you. Go. I think you took too long. I. I should have beat him up, dude. That's what happened. When you take too long on the baddies, you take too long to answer, dude. You get roughed.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no. First of all, there's no time at all on the baddies. They just you up when you walk in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, we watched the first five minutes and Bobby was 17 fights in just the. And just like the. To catch you up on last week, just they had a house meeting and every time a new girl showed up, she just came in and she goes, who won it? And then a girl gets up and they fist fight into blood. And then they all sit down and laugh. And then another girl comes in, she goes, what up, y'?

[Lou]

All?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And someone goes, oh, this bitch is here. And then they go fight. So good.

[Robert Kelly]

One girl. It gave me such anxiety. She ran around, she ran around the security out over the balcony, which was a cliff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was off a cliff. She was hanging off a cliff to get to a girl, to get to another girl.

[Robert Kelly]

And then they had to drag her off the balcony. I mean, look, just like a 30. It was death defying a 30 foot drop. And I'm just like, I can't take it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was crazy behavior. She's an Australian black lady, but she jumped over the balcony, like gate that is over a cliff to skirt along the side of it to get around security to get to this girl. God bless her.

[Lou]

It's insane.

[Robert Kelly]

And then one girl had hair. It was. It was a. Her hair was a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Same girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a bottle of alcohol and her hair was coming through the end of the alcohol into a. A hanging dangling cup, into a cheese cup. A dangling cup. So it looked like her hair was the alcohol being poured into the cheese cup. That was the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's ridiculous.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Josh made a song about it today. Go to his Instagram.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But maybe the best thing on tv. But maybe the best thing. Maybe the best thing on television.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, dude, if you like anxiety and stress, I don't want to get

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Too far from what happened in Minneapolis.

[Robert Kelly]

Put a pin in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So we landed there. Me and Fenoy went. And we landed. And I went outside at one point. Just like, smoke a cigarette. Like, dicking around on my phone.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm like, there's nowhere to sit. So I'm like, standing kind of pacing

[Lou]

around outside the club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no club. It's theater. But no, it's outside the hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

How dare you? How dare you? It's in the back of the theater. No, it's in the front of the theater.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's at the hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

In the hotel.

[Lou]

Let me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So many times.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just getting to it, Jay. I'm just trying to straighten.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you are, buddy. I know you are. Straightening out once and for all, he's

[Robert Kelly]

not a club comic anymore. He's a theater comic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. I'm in a club this weekend. Back again.

[Robert Kelly]

It was just one week in the theater. I was back at the club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Buffalo ho. So, yeah, so I was outside, just, like, dick around my phone. And by the way, I noticed very quickly out there, they have a major. I'm downtown. Granted. But, I mean, bum, junky, homeless, vagrant.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Disgusting pieces of shit. And it's the same. It's that same energy of, like the Denver disgusting pieces. Piles of shit out there because they smell worse. Because they're also hippie somehow or something. And just like these weird fucking snow junkies are running around. And some junkie lady, this white lady with, I mean, a handful of teeth, wearing a bikini top, like, a crocheted bikini top on her.

[Robert Kelly]

It's hot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It wasn't. It wasn't.

[Robert Kelly]

I like, crochet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It doesn't matter what you thought of the bikini. The body it was on was disgusting.

[Robert Kelly]

Really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was a junkie. She was all like that, like, empty skin.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Flappy and. And she had on jean shorts, but. Corner my eye. I don't know what the hell that. And so she goes. And, like, she didn't seem like I was. I didn't think I was in her way. But she breaks course to like. Like, come, like, right by me when I'm, you know, sideways or something to her. And I don't even really look over in my mind. I just kind of assumed, like, oh, I'm. I'm. I was in her path or something. You know, I'm milling around, not paying attention. So I move out of the way. And then she's like. Doesn't go past me. She, like, moves back. She, like, moves the direction I Move. And then, like now I'm looking up and I move like out of the way again. And she goes chest to chest with me. Just in my face, not saying anything, Bobby. These crazy fucking eyes just go like. And it's weird. Mouth open, like in my fucking face. And I went, oh. And I threw her on the ground. I was like, you fucking junkie bitch. Get the fuck away from me. She just got up and she was like, you walk on my. I'm like, you fucking crazy junkie. I was fucking. It was so out of nowhere. It was nothing. A lady. I saw her, like, you know, I say, like, corner of the eye, she's like. She's looking at your surroundings. She's coming across the street. It was like a beeline, right? For me, just some fucking crazy toothless junk.

[Robert Kelly]

She was just mentally ill, but she was a big fan of you before she got a head injury. She's like, is that. Yeah, she can't. She can't get the word.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She doesn't know how to communicate.

[Robert Kelly]

She doesn't know how to communicate. I'm a fan. I loved you. I got no motorcycle accident.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was crazy. The thing. I know. It was like a weird like. Like chest bumping. Like, what's your problem? Out of nowhere.

[Robert Kelly]

Should have kissed her. No, she just lean in. Went, is that what you want? She would have been like, you're a weirdo. I'm out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Could you imagine if we still clank teeth? And she only had like five

[Robert Kelly]

when she.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was. It scared the out of me because by the time I realized it was happening, she was like on top. You know what I mean? She was like touching me. It was so weird.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. That town's nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I really was like, what? The fucking Minneapolis zombie apocalypse is one

[Robert Kelly]

of the wokest towns in the country too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. That's why they let all the Somalians in or something, right? And there's something like that. A lot of Somalians, since I've been going there for two decades now almost, I've been going to Minneapolis at least once a year or so.

[Guest or Friend]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they've always had a thing there. It's like Somali. A lot of Somalians here never even look at a bad thing, which is a thing. Like for some reason, it's this high population of Somalians now. I think it's a thing. It may have become a thing, I guess. Wasn't that the people? They were saying, like, be careful, they're gonna eat your fucking pets. Was that them?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that was the ones that we eat. They were just eating the, the swans in the park. They were just like. I mean, let me tell you something. If I came from a third world country and all of a sudden I was there and there's just a turkey looking thing in a pond and I was starving, I'd fucking grab it by its neck and cook it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't even need any of those stipulations. If I watched a guy kill a swan, pick it up out of the water, and he says to me, he goes, I'm going to eat this. I go, that seems like fair game to me. I couldn't even tell you if that's against the law.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Who says that? Who says what meat is good?

[Lou]

We.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, swan must. It might be better than turkey. No, you don't know that. We don't know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't know that. What if. What if swan is like the juiciest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it'd be a lot like. Duck would be my guess. And duck, I think, is. Is not my thing either. It's very.

[Robert Kelly]

Duck is like steak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like mock duck.

[Robert Kelly]

What's mock duck?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fake duck.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, they have fake duck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I guess Christine's got it before in Chinese food, and I've, I've enjoyed that because I know it's not real, but when I've gotten real duck, it's very fatty and weirdly like, gamey.

[Robert Kelly]

One of my favorite games. Duck, duck, goose. Like that game.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the correlation?

[Robert Kelly]

Just duck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, just ducking it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Duck, Duck. People do. Do people just eat goose liver or do they eat goose?

[Robert Kelly]

You can eat goose, but not as much as.

[Lou]

Yeah, another Canadian geese.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Christmas goose. That's the Ebenezer Scrooge.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they goose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They. Have you ever had a goose?

[Robert Kelly]

Now I've had. I've had goose liver. I've had duck liver, which is real good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever gotten goose?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. What's the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I grab you. When I grab your. When I grab your. Your butt cheeks.

[Lou]

Goosed.

[Robert Kelly]

I. Yeah. That is. I mean, that town's nuts. But I can't believe you actually, like, threw to the ground. I would love to see that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was jarring.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you grab her and throw her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, it was a hand push.

[Robert Kelly]

A hand push?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And she was just, you know, a weird, flabby junkie. It was so bizarre. Did you wash by the time it was happening? I, you know, I've been asked that more than once.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you didn't wash your hands after

[Lou]

you would have showered? No.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, dude, you can get all kinds of shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I ate a cucumber with my hand. No, I held it in the middle like a. And bit down inch by inch, making sure my hand got every bit of that thickness before it went inside of me.

[Robert Kelly]

You just reached into a fruit salad. I don't know a whole lot about eggs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I shared a bag of chips with Mike Fenoia.

[Robert Kelly]

You licked your finger and stuck it in the bottom of the bag just to get the little last crunchies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I guess I did touch her right in her chest. But that's the last place you inject, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe Fanoia. Inside.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Inside.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, wow. Jesus Christ.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Inside the hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

That's weird.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

The homeless people in like, Denver and in other towns like that, they. They're more aggressive. It's like they're. I feel like. And you don't know if they're homeless. Like in Denver, it's like, is that guy just through hiking or is he a homeless guy? Because they walk up to you like, hey, what's up, man? It's like, what's up? How's it going today? Good. They're like, no, no. Hey, man, you got any money? I gotta. I'm starving. It's like, oh, I thought you were a teacher. I didn'.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've regurgged this a few times too, that Giannis Pappas always said when we were up in Montreal, we're talking about how aggressive the homeless are in Montreal. These nice places of supposedly all these great people with these aggressive homeless. Cleveland, same thing. And it's like. Or just Ohio in general. And Giannis goes, well, New York, they're not like that. Because once in a while, like every couple years, somebody sets one on fire and it reminds them that, like, the people will come at you. You know what I mean? You can only push so hard before the people turn on you. And something doesn't happen in places like that, I guess, because some say Minneapolis. Like, I don't know why Minneapolis. These aggressive. I mean, that was the only one I dealt with. But I watched aggressive junkie homeless the whole day. The people watching of it was crazy out there.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, they also, yeah, New York City, they'll fuck em up. Like, people fight homeless people. I've seen that. And in Minneapolis, they're so, hey, it's okay. Just let them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think they get a lot of that. Like, y. Maybe. I think people react to the intimidation of it maybe in those places more.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they got to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cleveland's a tough fucking town.

[Lou]

Cleveland's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm surprised Their homeless are so fucking aggressive. Maybe it's because I'm in the very touristy part, that. That brick road, the promenade and everything. I think I might be, you know, and I'm. I'm there at times, I think, where it's just like. It's very touristy. It's very, very lily white college feeling over there. So maybe that's why they're so aggressive there again, because maybe the intimidation kind of works.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Cleveland has, like, one block of tourists.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then if you go off that

[Big Jay Oakerson]

block, it's a fucking Bone Thugs in Harmony song.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. There's like, the favelas in the Brazil.

[Lou]

I know. Austin and San Francisco. I couldn't tell you which one was more. Probably Austin was more aggressive. Which, out of all the cities you. You say Minneapolis is the most aggressive.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why is that a particular situation in this one? I don't know about that. I mean, Indianapolis. Fucking homeless are nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they're nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Trying to think of the worst place I've ever. I mean, I had. At one point, I would have said it was Montreal.

[Guest or Friend]

Well, Montreal. The thing about Montreal is, like, you'd be sitting in the food court, and they just come and sit at your table and start begging. And there, I remember there's this one crying lady. She was like. She looks like she was 65, 70 years old. And she'd be like, please, please, please, and cry and cry. And then you just see her be totally normal until, like, her next mark walked by.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's all a gay.

[Lou]

It's Austin, too.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all. A lot of these are gigs.

[Guest or Friend]

Scariest was when Austin had the tent city. It was like walking from the creek to, like, the congress or whatever. You didn't want to walk by because you're just like, oh, there's a bunch of unpredictable mentally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Austin. For a minute until they changed it. They had to literally change the rule back. Yeah. That stupid law. It was the tent city under the bridge.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right by the creek.

[Robert Kelly]

Joelis got chased to the club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think he got attacked, actually, didn't he?

[Robert Kelly]

No, he got chased.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just chased.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they were. They came at him and he started running. Thank God. He was like long legs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he took jiu jitsu.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou]

Lewis and I were going to have lunch in an outdoor cafe in Austin, but we couldn't because somebody made a duty right outside the seating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Austin's a.

[Robert Kelly]

You saw them make the duty?

[Lou]

No, it was there. It was human because we'd never smelled like human duty before. And I remember Lou actually Said that's human.

[Robert Kelly]

Now you can't tell for some reason. It is weird.

[Lou]

Well, it's. You can tell.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like, oh, that's human.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Again, judging. And we gotta talk about. We're talking about the downtown. We're talking about the downtowns of these places. Places too. Because I will say Austin is a pile of that little area there. But I went to Tim Butterly's place and everything. Even driving out there, I drove through some really, really nice neighborhoods out there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Austin's beautiful.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

20 minutes outside of that. Like about 20 minutes away and like really nice areas.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Austin's. Austin's a cool little town. But that 6th Ave. After the. When the sun goes down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, all day long.

[Robert Kelly]

Nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, all day long.

[Robert Kelly]

I like during the day it's not as crazy, of course, because it's like families and, and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that's still. No, that's when it's mostly homeless and people trying to get you to come into a. To drink at one in the afternoon.

[Lou]

So depressing. Six straight on at like noon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Donna, Max, a not working mechanical bull. An off mechanical bowl, but still with the wind in front of the window. Later on, guys, there's gonna be so much fat on this.

[Robert Kelly]

Don and Max are coming to the mothership and I told her, I go, you can't. Like, you can't. You gotta Uber everywhere and you gotta find to do every day, every night when I'm doing my shows. I do not want you on that street. She's like, we'll be fine. I go, it's different than New York. New York. There's something about. There's so many more people where it's like everybody's kind of together. I know it's dangerous, but that little block is so. I don't know it. This, this. The energy of danger is always there. I never feel comfortable never on that six on 6th Ave. And I'm not gonna have Dawn. You know, I love her and the people watching. Yeah. But she's. She has no street smarts. She lost all her city street smarts that she used to have. We lived in the city for 16 years. She kind of walked faster. New thing. We were what. We came to the city Saturday and it was like I was, you know, she didn't know how to cross the streets anymore. You know what I mean? We came up, she went the wrong way. She gets turned around and it's like she's suburban. I'm in my car all the time person now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did you come to the city For Saturday.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Saturday. We came to the city for two things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you go see the Pink clouds with Ari?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I actually dropped Max off with Ari. Max and Ari spent the day. The day together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did they go see the pink clouds?

[Robert Kelly]

No, Ari took Max to the Russian baths.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that true?

[Robert Kelly]

That's absolutely true, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're a bad father.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm a great father. You're a bad father.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't believe I said that out loud.

[Robert Kelly]

You're a bad father.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're a bad father, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

You're a baddie father.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a baddie father.

[Robert Kelly]

You actually have a baddie for a daughter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do. My daughter.

[Lou]

Hell yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Clock it.

[Robert Kelly]

Dad. What you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I send to Ari to go to a bathhouse. You're a bad father. I'm sorry. That was organic.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I watch violence with my daughter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think. I think the state should take Max away.

[Robert Kelly]

No, they went. Yeah, he. He took him to the bath. They went to the. The saunas. It was co ed day. It was nobody there. So they went to the saunas. They went to all the saunas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody's there on coed day because it's usually a gay bathhouse.

[Robert Kelly]

No, gay is when it's not coed. I know it. It was co ed day. So what we. It's opposite when it's not coed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why are you fumfering so much?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, because I didn't want him to go and get on that day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He did.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he went on co ed day

[Big Jay Oakerson]

but nobody goes there because they know it's always just a gay place.

[Robert Kelly]

Nobody was there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like no girls go because they don't want to sit engages all day.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I did tell him. I go, listen, if you see. You might see boobs. But don't freak out. It's just a boob. I go, you can look once, but then you got to not look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're a bad father. I'm sorry. Came out again.

[Robert Kelly]

You're a bad father. You're a shitty father.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wouldn't send my daughter to a bathhouse with Ari. Oh, God, the gay times. Yeah, it's the gay schedule.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he had a blast. They did the. The. The Russian sauna, the hot one. And then they. Max went into the cold plunge, got Ari to go in the cold plunge. Ari wouldn't go in, but he finally called Ari a wimp and he went in with him. And then. And they went in all this. The. The steam rooms all. I think there's five rooms.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, Ari went to a concert after that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Well, they went to lunch. They went to lunch after saying he

[Big Jay Oakerson]

could have just took Max to the concert and been cool. He took your boy to a bathhouse.

[Robert Kelly]

Instead, he took him. Well, he took. He had to come back. We have Manny's. We had.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We hold this conversation. And always I'm gonna say, yeah, what's up? Because we got plenty to talk about.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're coming to Skanks tonight?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm. I can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's Ari's last show.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Yeah, I would have talked about there.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why? You hate Louis?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I love Lewis. I love Ari. I love you. I wish you could be there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who do you hate that.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't hate anybody. I just can't go. Why? Why is that? What is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I always assume you can't go somewhere because you hate somebody there.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I love everybody there. I wish I could.

[Lou]

Dave.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dave Smith might come as you hear.

[Robert Kelly]

I love Dave. I wish I could be there. I just can't. I gotta go home tonight.

[Lou]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I gotta go back to the house. I'm so sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know I.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I do. I. I was planning on going, and then I told Don that I'm. Hey, I'm staying in town. She's like, you can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have to go home and console Max for what Ari's done to him?

[Robert Kelly]

No, they had. Dude, he was. Ari was mad that he didn't go to camping. He woke up the next day, he was like, I up. I should have went.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And we would all say that after we got out of it, finally, you know, dude, in hindsight, you're just going. And then I would have loved to steal hoagies with you.

[Robert Kelly]

He called Max. He was like, max, I want to hang out with you on Saturday. Is that cool? And he was like, yeah. And then he asked me. He goes, I'm gonna take him to the Russian bathhouse. And I was like, all right, well, what day?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you're supposed to say no first.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's fine. It's just a sauna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you say, just do something else with them?

[Robert Kelly]

What is bad about going to a sauna?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a gay place for gay people to do gay stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not gay on co ed day.

[Lou]

Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

It's not co ed day is not the gay day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm sure the gays really respect its co ed day. Nobody goes on. No, girls go on co ed day because they know it's all gay stuff. The rest of the time?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I've been a bunch of times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to pop into something that the time it's not gay.

[Robert Kelly]

I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you really?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where? The butt plug store?

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When's straight day at the butt plug store? I'm coming for that.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not a gay. It's. It's on. On Just guy day. It gets a little gay, but I've never been. That's what I've heard.

[Guest or Friend]

Certainly it's Thursdays 12 to 5 and Sundays 9 to 2. So it's really only gay like a couple times a week?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It's a. It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's the pedophile. Those are the pedophile days. Co ed's just a thing. Girls don't go to this.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you ever been to the Russian bass?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nah, dude, roll the dice. Anyway, I always come up straight, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can roll them a thousand times in a row, dude. Keep flipping cards. It's always going to be straight. Dude, they.

[Robert Kelly]

This one of the coolest days ever. I've.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've been a bunch of thing right there. A Sylvester concert would be great if you love this kind of thing. Working girl, you go and hide it real.

[Robert Kelly]

They go. You go in the spa, you go in the sauna. You sweat, go in the cold plunge. Then they have the steam room. Then upstairs they have food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you can hang out. Sounds like a gay party, dude. It sounds like a gay orgy, man. Everything seems great. Good music, good tunes. I just. Not in the guys like that, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a man thing to go to.

[Guest or Friend]

We got. We got a gift certificate for the Aries bath house downtown. Ralph got it for us and he just went for the massages. He wouldn't go in the bath.

[Lou]

Why.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would you go in the sauna, dude?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't get hard for go.

[Robert Kelly]

Was I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, I thought I was like maybe I can get Harford. And I was like. I got there for sure. And I was like, no, I'm definitely not gay. So I'm just going to get the massage, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I've been to the Russian bass in Chicago, New York. I've been. They're. They're the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you're an international gay.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not. That's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, you're a domestic gay.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go, world. I'm. I'm country gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Cross country gay. There we go.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're us gay.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm glad that he.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Us gay. Us gay. Us Gay Us Gay and Happy Pride Month everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, for me, during the summer when things are nice and things are happening, I usually start to think I can do it by myself. For some people, summer is their favorite season, but for others like me, juggling everything is pretty demanding and it's tough and it can lead to feelings, being overwhelmed and anxiety and counting down the minutes just waiting for get back to some type of structure. Whether you're someone who thrives or just survives in the summer, make sure to take care of yourself during the warm months. Therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform, can help you understand your needs, feel more confident setting boundaries and creating a vision of summer that can actually feel good. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and Preferences and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching for you. Feel confident knowing betterhelp. Their therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the us you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy, Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com bonfire that's B-E-T-T-E-R H E-L-P.com/bonfire hey everyone, it's me,

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

The 2026 FIFA World cup meal at McDonald's is underway with one of nine legendary cups in the lineup. Christian Pulisic, David Beckham, Lamine Yamal, Ronaldinho, Thierry Henry, Son Hyung Min, Alphonso Davies, Santi Jimenez and between the posts, it's Grimace. Get one of nine collectible cups with a FIFA World cup meal at participating McDonald's for a limited time while supplies last.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All rights reserved.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

20:26 McDonald's at FIFA World Cup 20:26

[Robert Kelly]

I went to Cuba last year, went through a hurricane and didn't speak Spanish and it really hit me. I speak one language, most Americans only speak one language and everybody speaks two or three. And I vowed that day to learn Spanish and I'm going to go back to Cuba and know how to get bread, say hello, check into my hotel, do all the stuff I wanted to do that I couldn't do last year. That's happening with babbel. If you're traveling this summer, here is a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Even just 10 minutes a day. That's what I do with Babbel can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. Lessons are quick, practical, and built by more than 200 language experts. And instead of memorizing random vocab, you're learning phrases you'll use. Ordering dinner, asking for directions, or talking with locals. That's what you need. This is how you learn the language, by speaking it. Now I can go into a store, I talk to the guys at the garage. I can actually have a conversation. Am I fluent yet? No, but I'm definitely getting better at Spanish. Babbel's awesome. If you've got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on the trip. Right now, Babel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babbel.com bonfire that's Babbel. B-A B B E L.com bonfire for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply.

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[Robert Kelly]

Well, yeah, I took them and then they went for lunch and hung out, which was great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's nice to feed them after.

[Robert Kelly]

And then after what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You gotta get him something nice to eat and let him know that like, he's only buying this lunch because he agreed to not say anything.

[Robert Kelly]

I would hate that if in like 13 years max is in therapy and he comes to me goes, dad, I gotta tell you something. Uncle Ari made me. Yeah, Uncle Ari took me to the steam room by himself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what are you gonna say? Uncle, I told you so? Told me he was gonna do that.

[Robert Kelly]

Uncle, I told you so. Uncle with pink. Uncle with pink nail polish. Told me that was gonna happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Uncle, I told you so. Said that was gonna happen if you let Ari take your boy to a gay bathhous.

[Robert Kelly]

I dress gay, but not gay. Told me so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, look at all the stuff you put on each other.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he got a hat. He got a hat. Scroll down.

[Guest or Friend]

A sauna hat.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you got that one. You can only get it if you go. Well, that's what the lady said to him, but I think she was lying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can only get it if what?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you can buy it right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you got to do to get it? Oh my God. I don't even want to know. Don't even tell me what you have

[Guest or Friend]

to do to get it. $35.

[Robert Kelly]

Ari bought him. Ari bought him a hat, got him lunch, and then put him in an Uber.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And where's he gonna wear that hat? It can only be in a sauna.

[Robert Kelly]

I have a sauna at the house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that's fine because I just going to say the p. If he wears it out as like a hat hat. There's a picture of a naked guy on a fucking in a wood bench.

[Robert Kelly]

He's not naked. He has Lee. He's getting the Russian leaf massage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God, he's so naked. Dude, this hat is gay.

[Lou]

What are you doing? Why understand, huh?

[Robert Kelly]

It's for your head. So your head does your hair and your head doesn't burn. And the sauna is 200 degrees.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's got a picture of a naked gown. So if you're looking in a mirror, you'll get hard quicker by seeing the naked guy in the picture.

[Lou]

Is it just like a leaf covering a guy's?

[Robert Kelly]

It's a Russian. It's a certain massage they give with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a Russian wiener.

[Robert Kelly]

They. The guys have leaves and they kind of beat you with the leaves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Always. Guys doing stuff with other guys slap

[Robert Kelly]

you with the leaves. It's supposed to be very. What's it called, Christine? What's the massage called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Branch slapping. They massage your trunk.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, there it is right there. Now, I was in the Russian bath one time on Co Ed and they had a girl very similar that. In that. That kind of area. And they were slapping her so hard and her top came off and then she just sat up and we were all looking, like, trying not to look. And she was hot. She was like a 10. And we were all just trying to not look at her boobs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I believe you because I don't think you're a liar, and you wouldn't lie to me. But I gotta tell you, it's a very convenient story to tell when we're telling you how gay bath houses are. Now you've told us that you just saw random titties and everyone was great.

[Robert Kelly]

When you go on co ed day, girls go in and it's. It's just a body, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is how you lure people in.

[Lou]

It's so straight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On coed day, it's so straight, there's tits everywhere.

[Guest or Friend]

You can't have your boobs out on co ed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you talking about?

[Robert Kelly]

You're not supposed to, but sometimes when

[Guest or Friend]

you're lying down, I guess, with the top off. But you can't just be sitting there.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, they actually warned Max. They beat her. Not off her back of her bikini top. And then she stood up because it saw. And it just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a magic trick. That's like taking off a watch.

[Morgan Stewart]

You can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you can't leaf slap someone. A knot untied one of the.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not how knots or leaves work.

[Robert Kelly]

Every time I've gone there, it's been, like, one of the most relaxing days ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course, dude. Full release. You don't have to worry about talking afterwards and fucking listen to a bunch of bullshit about her day.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It's actually very. It's a historical thing. I mean, it's. It's for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course, dude. Since the old fucking philosophers. Mount Olympus, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

And the Russian bats have been there for a long time. That place is old.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

And they got a new one down in Tribeca.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They got those stone walls so no one can penetrate it. You can know the horrors of what happens inside.

[Robert Kelly]

You can go upstairs and eat. They have all kinds of Russian food. It's really great food.

[Guest or Friend]

It was like a bunch of, like, older guys with their towels around their waist, drinking vodka. Like, it's very, like. It's not like, a nice place, really. It's kind of dingy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's dingy.

[Guest or Friend]

Like, the baths are nice, but, like, look at the roof. Like, it's not nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's older guys enjoying a boy. Yeah, it's right there in the cave paintings.

[Lou]

And you can eat cum food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And also, you could have a lot of comfort. Comfort. But spell C U M Com Food. Comfort food. Oh, look at some of the munchies you can get while someone leaf beats you.

[Robert Kelly]

I think everybody.

[Guest or Friend]

I don't think Norman Reedus went.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at he. I mean, you go there all the time and you can see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who'd he go with, Modi?

[Robert Kelly]

Famous people there all the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

We should go, Norman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't we go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you proposing to me?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm saying that. Look at.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, let's go beat each other with fucking.

[Guest or Friend]

Oh, you guys can bathe each other. Why are they showering each. No, this is gay.

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's the one of the Russian massage guys. The one, the guys with the hat. Now, I will tell you. When I went to the Chicago one, I was in the hot sauna, the real hot one. It was like 205 degrees, something like that, that. And I was sitting there, and a, a guy was sitting across from me. I might have told you this. The guy was sitting across from me, and I was there with three other guys. And they left to go. To go into the cold plunge. I stayed in the sauna. And they have big buckets of ice water with, like, faucets. You just pour it over you. And I was sitting there, and a guy across from me that kind of looked like he was Russian, but he looked more like Paco. He looked more like Genghis Khan than he did a Russian guy. And he was like, he came over to me. He's like, you, you know, the, you know, the. Give me your feet feet. And I was like, what? And he's like, give me your feet. But I, you know, I kind of get either I'm, I'm fight or flight. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or actually, Bobby, I tell you to be marry, kill, you're marry kill more than fight or flight.

[Robert Kelly]

So I, I don't fight a flight. I, I. What I'm saying is, like, I don't flight. I just freeze. And I froze and I just gave him my feet. And so he's like. Then he got it. He had my feet up, and he's like, doing the towel on my feet. It's so hot. The hot air is hitting the back of my feet. And then he's like, okay, now stand up. And I was like, there we go. Okay. And I stood up and he goes, okay. He goes, okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You sent your boy into this.

[Robert Kelly]

They didn't do this to my max. I asked them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but, you know, they could.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but that, dude, you got to learn to say no, you didn't. Yeah, but I want him to learn. I want him to be better than me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't. You don't want that. You want your boy to have to get gay attack the same way you were. So you guys feel like you're both men at the dinner table. I understand how it is. You can't be the only one who got raped by a man at a bathhouse.

[Robert Kelly]

So this guy, he told me, he goes, you know, he's like. Like, bend over. So I. I was like, huh. So I kind of. Benny was doing it, like the towel thing on my back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bite down on pillow.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he goes. He goes. So he. He. That's when the. My friends came back in and they went, oh. And then I go, no, no, no, no, Come in. And then he goes, come with me. And he brought me into the cold plunge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's get away from these guys. Oh, your friends are back. Great. Come on, come with me.

[Robert Kelly]

It is. It is. It was really weird, but he was. Yes, he was one of the massage. He.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he says, no, he did.

[Lou]

What is the cold plunge? Look how cold. It's like ice water.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like 50 degrees or something like that. 40 degrees.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would stay right in the cold plunge so they can never get at my dick. That thing's gonna be tucked away nice. I'm like, yeah, I'll tell you what. Unless you're gonna find out if I'm gay right now. Go on, touch it in this cold plunge. It ain't moving.

[Robert Kelly]

But Max. Max kept his shorts on. Like you can. You can go naked and just have the towel around you.

[Lou]

You.

[Robert Kelly]

But Max kept his shorts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. He came home and lied to you.

[Lou]

And those guys that are so comfortable being naked, they don't give a. I

[Big Jay Oakerson]

hate that he came home and lied to you. It means he's ashamed of what happened. Let him know. Hey, tell Max for me. Let him know it's not his fault. What happened? He was a boy.

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing. He had a great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's mostly your and Ari's fault for not loving him enough.

[Robert Kelly]

He had a great day with Uncle Ari and took him out and they. And then they went to the. They went for burgers and then he went back to Ari's house and took a shower.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that true?

[Robert Kelly]

That part was weird, but no. Yeah, he had a shower. You had to go to bar mitzvah, so we had to shower, get all that stuff off him, because he didn't shower at the spa. They just did the spa and left. And then they went back to Ari's house and he got Ready for the bar mitzvah?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Max took a shower at Ari's house.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he had to get ready. What is he gonna do? But it's Ari's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get upset if I say you're a bad father, so I don't want to say it.

[Robert Kelly]

Ari. Ari is one of my closest friends. It loves Max.

[Lou]

Max.

[Robert Kelly]

They have a good connection.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

And shower what it was. I think Ari's raping Max.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, it sounds like Max is just giving himself to him. It sounds like you prepped your boy to just. What is it? Blossom for him?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, listen, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Blossoming for him.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd rather with Ari than a stranger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Might as well. He has had a real chance to watch him fill out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, so.

[Guest or Friend]

So he's abducted in plain sighting you?

[Robert Kelly]

No, he got ready for the bar mitzvah and then he. He put him in an Uber and just sent him over to the cellar.

[Lou]

You're supposed to not have. Man, come on, you. It's kind of tradition.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't say my kiwi nuts.

[Lou]

Not from just from picking it up on the seat.

[Robert Kelly]

Christ. Coming on my son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not Ari. He's sliding around in the scene of a bunch of Russians.

[Robert Kelly]

There's not a place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no comment.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got to worry about. You got to wor. Big ruskies making slip and slides out of their own batch.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no on. On coed day. There's no gayness. You can't be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm acting like you're an expert about coed day.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you, you can't be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I. Dude, I went to coed day. One day this girl started frigging her right in front of all of us. It was crazy. It was so straight.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you can't. On gay day. Maybe. Stuff. I don't know.

[Lou]

But Bobby, I love the idea in my head. I picture that the New York subways are steam cleaned like every night. Every time they reach the end of the line, they're thoroughly clean. So it's. It's perfectly spotless.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Leaving it's being idealistic happening. I know. Listen.

[Lou]

Ideally, but I need to believe it or else I couldn't ride on the.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, if you're in a steam sauna, it's clean. Yes, it automatically self cleaning the jizz from Sunday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Probably some UV light in there too.

[Robert Kelly]

From 5 to 9. Gay time.

[Lou]

The sauna, it's so hot, it kills the.

[Robert Kelly]

Kills all the calm for Monday or Saturday when it's co ed day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I would say the come probably is. Would you call that benign? It's like the. Definitely. It's definitely diffused.

[Lou]

It's on you, but it won't do anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It won't do anything. Shove it in you. You're not getting pregnant. I think seen something already.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, all the. All the age is de.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you gotta do it in the steam room, though. It's where you do it, you know?

[Lou]

Say you start making vapor come as harmless. All of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you start coming on the floor of a fucking. Of a sauna, you're gonna make little pancakes on the floor.

[Lou]

All.

[Robert Kelly]

All the yakuza, all the Russian mobsters, this is. Going to a bathhouse is a very manly thing to do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you say that to get away from the women. Say they can't come so they can all have gay sex with each other.

[Robert Kelly]

Not having gay sex, Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no gay sex in bath houses.

[Robert Kelly]

Not on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop saying coed. Stop saying that on coed day.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no koi on koi day. You don't. There's no gay sex. It's a. It's. There's a sign on the wall.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's say ejaculating in a steam room is not sanitary, so. Already sent him into a very unsanitary place. Steam rooms are warm and damp. It helps germs grow. It doesn't get hot enough or last long enough to kill bacteria. Virus on services. So. Great, Great. Now Max might have AIDS from simply taking a bath.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not aids. It's just a rash on his leg for now. Yeah, but it's going away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's an HIV rash. You're right. It hasn't turned to AIDS rash yet.

[Robert Kelly]

We drew a circle around it. It hasn't gotten any bigger. He's fine. I mean, let me. I. When he said he wanted to take him to the Russian baths, I was like. I. I was a little hesitant, but I've been so. I know, right? Fine, go. Well, I've never seen any nefarious stuff. I've always had.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You had another guy's balls in your eyes, dude. You were 69. You couldn't see anything.

[Robert Kelly]

That was weird, but I. I should have said, no, you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I guess you're going.

[Lou]

Hey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Drinking. Gay happening. I can't hear you bothering my eyes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's. It was. It was a good. He had a blast. He had a good time. And then the bar mitzvah was over at the new Comedy Cellar, the theater that they. They opened up for the bar mitzvah, which was. It's looking great. Looks really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's bar mitzvah for? Dan Atterman. Finally.

[Robert Kelly]

Mel. He was there. I sent you a picture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have a picture? Yeah, just send you the loneliest dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Dan, this is the weirdest thing. So they're doing the bar mitzvah. It's a bunch of Manny's friends. Max is there.

[Guest or Friend]

He.

[Robert Kelly]

He shows up by himself, which is cool, right? He's wearing. He's wearing a. I had. He had a Jaguar. One of my. You know those sweaters I have. He had the Jaguar. I went on, it was so funny. And Max did. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Went to a bar mitzvah in a Jaguar sweater.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's. No one had to be dressed up. It was. But they had like all the. It was like they had fake money. They had a money thing that you step in and the thing goes off and you grab as much money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Blizzard of bucks.

[Robert Kelly]

Blizzard of bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, could this be a more Jewy event? That's kind of shitty. Is that. Is that all real?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Talk about bleeding stereotypes. That's fucking crazy. Fake money everywhere. Money, money. The theme was money.

[Robert Kelly]

And they had. Yeah, and all the kids were lining up to go in. And I looked over, Max was just sitting down talking to this other kid. And I was like, max, you going in? The money goes now I don't want to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is the. Is he the better? This is. This is either super Jewy racist or a Busta Rhymes video or something.

[Guest or Friend]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I looked over it. I'm upstairs on the balcony. They have the really nice balcony and they had all the food upstairs and they brought the cake up and I looked over, that's the picture I showed you. And it was just Natterman by himself at the cake for I think 10 minutes. And he's just cutting the cake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I just wet lipped over it.

[Robert Kelly]

I looked at the cake and he. He cut it. You know, you cut a cake and it's a triangle, like, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

He cut it square. No, it was like a. He cut the frosting off one side of the cake and then he cut like a triangle piece and then a square piece so it looked like it was just. He cut a weird piece of cake and then he cut just the frosting off the side of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why wasn't the cake cut?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I think they thought that we were all adults and if they put a knife out, we'd cut a cake the way a cake's supposed to be cut. And he just cut what he Wanted on the cake, like the pieces he wanted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He circumcised the cake a little.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was, was like I looked over and it was a square piece cut and a triangle piece. And then I shaved off the frosting off the side of the cake. I was like, I was like, Is that a Jewish thing? Is that how you're supposed to cut a cake in a bar mitzvah?

[Lou]

I never had any of that. I had like a shtetl bar mitzvah compared to what I've heard.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Lou]

This is how crazy. Nothing happened that much.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Maxtetl look.

[Lou]

I'm saying like a poverty look, you know, like the shuttle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're welcome, Black Lou. I didn't know either.

[Robert Kelly]

You welcome. Everybody listening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I thought you were weighing on it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I just went, yeah, well, you

[Big Jay Oakerson]

just came back from bar mitzvah.

[Lou]

I thought it was a good reference.

[Robert Kelly]

I get nervous.

[Lou]

I don't know it either.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I'm friends with Rich Voss. I hear a Jewish way to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, okay.

[Lou]

All right. Like an old village.

[Robert Kelly]

So then we were leaving. You're gonna, you're gonna really hit me for this. We're leaving to get out of the city at 8 o'. Clock. I wanted to get game started cuz it, it was going to be chaos on Saturday night. Oh yeah, and Max was hanging out with his other friend, Ari Shafir. No, he met another Jewish kid named Ari at the, at the bar mitzvah that they were hanging out. They were kind of not into all the kid stuff, so they were just hanging out with each other.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, show him we learned at the bath house.

[Robert Kelly]

And, and he, he goes, yeah, look

[Big Jay Oakerson]

what I just learned you could do. It doesn't matter. We're just practicing until girls get here.

[Robert Kelly]

He said, actually there was some, a lot of girls there, a lot of girls Max's age that I guess they

[Big Jay Oakerson]

were trying to pick Jew broads. Although it is rare you get to meet a boy so young with his own place.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he goes, hey, dad. We're like, we're leaving. He goes, I. There was a party bus that goes back to Gnome's house. And I go, you going on the party bus back? He goes, no, I'm not doing that. And I'm like, you don't want to go on the party bus. He's like, I don't. I do not want to go on that party bus. I go, what are you going to do? Let's go. He goes, I'm staying. I want to stay and watch the game. I Was like, what? He goes, yeah, they're playing the game here on the big. They have a huge thousand inch screen in the new Cellar. They're playing the game here. We're going to watch it here. And then Ari's mom and dad are going to take me back. Back to Westchester. And you just picked me up at Westchester, if that's cool. And I was like, I don't know, like, you know what I mean? I'm trying to get out of the city. It's going to be chaos. And then I was like, all right, you can stay. And I just. I left him in the city to watch the game at the Cellar.

[Lou]

Good.

[Robert Kelly]

Good and

[Big Jay Oakerson]

bad father.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not. I think it's good he did. They left. I just told the parents to go, can you leave before. Just get out of here before it's over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Burning down. And the father.

[Robert Kelly]

The father's like, yeah, we're leaving. We're gonna leave before the end of the fourth. We're gonna stay most of the game. Watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Except it was the most exciting fourth quarter. Up and down by a point.

[Robert Kelly]

They watched it in the car on the phone. They had it playing and on the phone. So they did get to see it. But, yeah, I mean, he just wanted to stay in the city.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Which I. I'm. I love that. That he wants to hang. And he hung in the city all day without his parents, took an Uber, went to a Russian bath.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Quite an eventful day.

[Robert Kelly]

And then hung out at a hang out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He's like, dad, I don't watch a little basketball. Try to shake off this day, if you don't mind. It's been a hell of one.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought it was cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate it.

[Robert Kelly]

Makes me sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have to say one, I was rooting for the Knicks exclusively, so there's no more games in the city. I know. I was going to up anyway, but I was gone this weekend, so. So, congratulations, Knicks and our Knicks fans. Friends. But God damn, what a. I mean, between those two last games. Holy.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. I mean, it was like. It was almost like college ball coming down to the wire like that. It was crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I get. Yeah. I mean, it was all those games, they were down by. They were down by double digits.

[Robert Kelly]

Every game we came out of Youngblood, we were like, ah, it's over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you still play the Sixer song. This Shunk sucks.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, this is. Is it the Knick song? Sure, man.

[Lou]

The best.

[Guest or Friend]

Let me hear it.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I just say something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

We were walking through the streets after the Young blood. And it was all Knicks fans. And you. You kept doing that. Go. You kept doing the sixes. And then you. You're making me nervous because I don't want to get into a fight over this. And I was. I just don't. I don't. First of all, I'm not a Sixers fan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't that guy in the spurs jersey show you that? Like. Like you could pretty much beat up a 15 Knicks fans at a time?

[Robert Kelly]

We're going to talk about that. But then you started. Then you started singing this song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did I start singing, Bobby?

[Robert Kelly]

This song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What I start singing.

[Robert Kelly]

I got to admit, when I start singing, it's one of the best songs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Clap your hands, everybody. It's so Philadelphia 76ers. He starts singing his streets, everybody. And I was scared, Philadelphia.

[Robert Kelly]

And I was like, Stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop, 76.

[Robert Kelly]

But then it got to this part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here they come, Philadelphia. And it was number one.

[Robert Kelly]

We're gonna get beat up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stand up and cheer number one.

[Robert Kelly]

There's Knicks fans all around us here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They just won team of the year.

[Robert Kelly]

And then we got to this part, and I couldn't help myself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One, two, three, four, five, sixer, ten, nine, eight. 76ers.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't help it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One, two, three, Four, five, sixers, ten, nine, eight. Seventy sixers.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, all right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, we got to get to. Once it starts, you can't turn it off.

[Robert Kelly]

You just want to play bass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know it's true.

[Robert Kelly]

That's all he wants is bass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody, look. Get the camera. 76ers.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Make it long neck. Long neck.

[Lou]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go. Hey, that's better. Long neck base.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, that song slaps.

[Robert Kelly]

This sucked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anyway, congratulations, Nick.

[Robert Kelly]

I was so terrified. All the things he was saying, walking the streets, and as soon as he went, I want to. You can't help but sing it. It's the greatest. You can't help it. It is a great, catchy song. It's a catchy song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But congratulations, Knicks.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, congratulations to all you people who. People that love the Knicks and then the 75% of you who don't even know them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but you did want to knew something from that story you were gonna smash the window out of also. Yeah, just big congratulations. Seriously. I want to send a big out to Rachel Feinstein. Looks like she's been a big fan for a long time. I know. I've always heard that. So it's good to take to the streets.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't forget Gabby Bryant. She's Been. I mean, she goes pretty much all the games.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pretty much. Probably. Probably. You know, I think she's bet 82. 82 games a year.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Anybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who else. Who else was just fucking. Probably super duper. Big fans.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stavros lives and breathes it, I believe.

[Robert Kelly]

I think he does, to the best of my knowledge.

[Lou]

Huh?

[Guest or Friend]

Your ex.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it was Carla. Oh, Carla was going Sixers heavy or Knicks heavy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Guest or Friend]

Well, Isabella was going out and rooting for the spurs. And then she started to quiet down a little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Isabella did.

[Guest or Friend]

Just because she was like. I didn't want to start problems.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She said her and Shane were quietly rooting for the fucking Spurs. That whole game down at the stand,

[Robert Kelly]

I wanted the Knicks to win, too. Just to get it over with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me too.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't want to deal with it.

[Guest or Friend]

It's gonna be World cup and the Knicks game on the same day tomorrow.

[Robert Kelly]

It would have sucked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It would have been. Tomorrow night would have been a nightmare.

[Robert Kelly]

And that would have been.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now it's just going to be a Mexican nightmare, not a Mexican and black nightmare. Oh, my gosh. I can only take one ethnicity of nightmare at a time. On either side of the bridge, no less.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so funny too, how, like, the city just erupted and I don't know why they have to just. They have to pick a car and light it on fire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who's they?

[Robert Kelly]

The Knicks fans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the Knicks fans. Oh, you think. You thought it was racial.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Okay, you thought it was racial.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it wasn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've been trying to change the subject ever since you found your boy was gay with Ari.

[Robert Kelly]

He's not gay. It's not gay. They're not gay. They're men. That's a manly thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thing, Little boy to come in my face. Oh, it's different when it's your boy, isn't it?

[Robert Kelly]

It's a little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To cover my face. Come here, Max. I want that little boy to come in my face at the bath house.

[Robert Kelly]

This is so stupid, dude. Dumb.

[Lou]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To destroy cars.

[Robert Kelly]

I just don't get why they. What is it about a car that you have to the that and they did the bus. I just don't get it. They burned several. A school bus. There was a bunch of buses coming through the street and they stopped them all and then they just lit one on fire. They. They ripped the roof off of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Someone died because the cops couldn't get through. Right.

[Guest or Friend]

Somebody got shot and then died because the cops couldn't get through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why'd they get shot? Were they popping off?

[Lou]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would you light a. That's like a kid's bus to school.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because, Bobby, we're just too old to understand it. Do me a favor. Back up all this footage here and now. Put on that song Billy that we love by 6 9ine. Now, if we play that music to it, Bobby, don't you want to get out there and light a bus on fire? You understand?

[Lou]

We're all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're not ramped up like this because we're listening to Steely Dan and you got to get to the thing. Jump ahead, jump ahead. 20 seconds. Show these. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. Shoot, people.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a killer, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nick's win. Shot, shot. Shot, shots. Nick's win. Pop, pop, pop, pop.

[Robert Kelly]

Shots.

[Guest or Friend]

I'm so happy I was in Jersey for this, huh?

[Robert Kelly]

That's. I do want to burn a bus right now.

[Lou]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't you? By the way, you see, you're so happy. We live in Jersey, so we're not here for that. Yeah, don't worry. Let's see what happens when whatever loses in MetLife Stadium, they're gonna burn it down. The Passaic County.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. I mean, it's too bad USA is not going to be in the finals. They're going to get whipped out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When is the finals?

[Robert Kelly]

When is this over? They did win.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They won 41 or something, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they kicked ass the other day.

[Lou]

They were great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They played really good. Yeah, they played against Paraguay.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How long's that for? The country. Country.

[Lou]

That's a good team. They play Australia on Friday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that like any relation to Uruguay?

[Lou]

I don't believe so. It's just a gwei.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just one of the guys.

[Robert Kelly]

It's one of the guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are they referred to sometimes? The guys.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't call them guys anymore, dude. They don't like that. I don't know why you would say that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A bunch of guezins.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, a bunch of guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It sounds like a Down syndrome person saying raisins.

[Robert Kelly]

Actually, it's what down syndrome guy called Ari and my son. You guys?

[Guest or Friend]

Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, a couple of guys. You guys had a bathhouse like guaze?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lou's girlfriend's here. I don't want to tell her the gay things your boy was taking care of. She's going to get Indian black angry about it.

[Robert Kelly]

I want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hell no. You guys are gay as what comes out first. You with the wrong one player.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you into soccer? No, not at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good why?

[Guest or Friend]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cuz she's. No, no. I mean, why is it cuz she's not in soccer? Soccer?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's good. I think soccer stinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure. No, it does. It's very, very boring.

[Robert Kelly]

But Jacob is in his.

[Morgan Stewart]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude loves it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wish you would have known me more when I would have sent you Isabella soccer games. You could have given her the fatherly cheering on she deserved.

[Lou]

I've been to my niece's soccer game, so I know some of your pain. So it gets better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it never did. Never, never did.

[Robert Kelly]

Soccer sucks. Max was in soccer and I hate it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Isabella was always the goalie of a terrible team and the whole game was always played right in front of her. And then she would block 75 and let 25 go through.

[Robert Kelly]

Max was. Max was on a great team because we lived in. His school was mostly Spanish at the time, so they were just kicking ass and there was just big old clunky weatherby. Max. That's what I realized. He didn't know how to run yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's great. He had a cell phone on a cell phone call clip on his hip.

[Lou]

I think you'd like the World Cup, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I ask a question?

[Lou]

Elite team.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you care about the Knicks?

[Lou]

How.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I do not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you a basketball team fan of anybody?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I like to play it.

[Lou]

But.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you love that Sixers song though, right?

[Robert Kelly]

I do love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll take it. That's enough. Yep, that's enough. That means you like the Sixers. Who do you. You like the Knicks, Lou? I do like seeing them win. The NBA is better when the Knicks are winning.

[Robert Kelly]

But I'm a Lakers fan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, right, right.

[Commercial Announcer]

Shot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I forgot Kobe died, dude. I know. I heard. I heard.

[Robert Kelly]

Ari told me. Ari told a lot of people he crashed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now he's the second most famous person to die in a helicopter crash because of Oliver Tree. Oliver Tree, who I became aware of maybe two weeks ago, and now he's dead already. That was fast.

[Robert Kelly]

I've known him for a while, actually. Max and Don went to his concert.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's like. He's like comedy adjacent somehow. He's like, been on a lot of. A lot of comedians were like, shouting him out.

[Robert Kelly]

He was a skateboard. Not a skateboard. He was the. You know, the scooter. He was a scooter professional. Like, is that a thing? Yeah, I guess. You know, doing the. He does this. He did the same stuff like skateboard guys would do, but on a scooter. He was really big in that he's

[Big Jay Oakerson]

actually good at it.

[Robert Kelly]

Really good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then like a stuntman type thing.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he made an album. He made songs and actually his. He got like a few hits off his album and he was touring, making a lot of money. And then in the last couple years that fell through and his. I think Atlantic or something, his record label wouldn't release his album. He came out and then he became kind of a YouTuber type guy where he would go and do ridiculous stuff and act crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, no, that's. That's him. He's actually a really good scooter. Whatever. I don't know what they call it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A scooterist.

[Robert Kelly]

Scooterist. Yeah. I don't know what it is. Yeah, but he does crazy like that. And that's what he came up in first. And then he did music and then the thing he was doing while he was dying, he was going to all kinds of places and filming. He went to Afghanistan and did some crazy and filmed it. And then he went to Brazil. He went to Petra. You know what Petra is?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, like a. Like a goddess in a TV show.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's like. Like in the middle of the desert and there's like this almost like a hand carved church that's carved into the mountain and you can go in and it's like, you know, thousands of years old. He went there and did some stuff. So he was. He was transferring over to like a. A vlogger. YouTuber guy. That right there, that's Petra.

[Lou]

You can tell. Is it? Isn't it? You respect his influencer game as one. One influencer to another. Another.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he was doing. Yeah, that's. That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I hear him at all? Like singing or something? What's his music?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, his type. In his hit song. You'll know it when you hear it. It's kind of. It's kind of goofy skateboardy, you know. But it hit really big with the kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You knew what his big song was?

[Guest or Friend]

No, I listened to it. I don't think

[Robert Kelly]

this is his biggest song right here. It's kind of goofy.

[Guest or Friend]

Maybe if I hear like a chorus of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Max loved it. Don liked it.

[Lou]

Did H. I don't like it.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Lou]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not for you. It was like. Remember that all that music was coming out like goofy music. That was shitty music.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Error.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was just. I mean it's. It's just catchy. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's fine. But I just don't know what his thing like, is he musician first?

[Robert Kelly]

No, Sk. Scooterist first. Then this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But why make music?

[Robert Kelly]

It's just. I don't know, man.

[Guest or Friend]

When you look at my. It says. It says he's a singer, songwriter and rapper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, rap makes more sense.

[Robert Kelly]

But he's also a character. This thing he does, like his outfits and his hair. It's like he's this. He was this character guy that he would be. Bobby said he was influencing on his way down when the helicopter was crashing. Yeah. If you. There's actually video of. There's so many videos of the crash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, because everybody's got a camera now. And he was. He was filming something while he was in Brazil filming one of his little episodes. I think he was doing like a travel show or some type of thing, going to all the. He went to Afghanistan. It was like making a piece of art in a junkyard with all these Taliban guys around him. And it's like. It's kind of. He's screaming, yelling, and being like a little himself. I think there's.

[Lou]

And the craft.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, this video of. You can see the helicopter. You can see the helicopter coming up. Like they. He was going this way. Another helicopter was landing or coming through. And they just. The helicopter on the top hit the rudders. The. The propellers of the. His helicopter, I think. And they went down. Because you can see in the. It was kind of weird. You could see him tap the. Tap the guy. The pilot.

[Lou]

And the.

[Robert Kelly]

The pilot had like a pilot outfit on. It wasn't like some. Some Brazilian guy. It was a. He looked like a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone's wearing arm uniforms in those countries.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was like a pilot uniform.

[Lou]

So calling him Olive Tree on the phone.

[Robert Kelly]

Oliver Tree. Sorry, I don't. I'm not a fan of him.

[Lou]

Really.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not a big fan.

[Lou]

Damn.

[Robert Kelly]

I think fired Ari actually knows one of his producers, like, Ari knows him. He's like an Ari type of guy. Like, Ari would be friends with him. I think he might have been. But. Yeah. It's kind of weird that he. The. The video of it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you see it?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I think. Yeah. There's a video of. Inside the helicopter. You can see the helicopter coming that way. There's a. There's so many angles of this crash.

[Lou]

Live filming himself while.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there as many angles as the girl. They just threw off a bridge and called it bungee jumping. That was crazy. You saw that?

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It was so crazy. I thought it was AI. I thought it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do.

[Robert Kelly]

But there's too many angles of this the girl was bungee jumping, but they forgot to tie the bungee. So they just put her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They pick her up in the air. It's not a hurt jump. They pick her up and they walk on the edge, and they just throw her off a cliff. There's nothing attached to her, and she dies.

[Robert Kelly]

But this is the thing they've done before. They'll pick somebody up and Superman, you off the cliff or off the bridge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But the other times. But the other times, they were tied.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the other times. The other times, the guy was like, hey, man. This time they. You could just. There was a guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about we try it? No bungee.

[Robert Kelly]

You could see one guy was filming from behind her. And then he panned down to the bungee on the ground. It's like, oh, my God. Oh, we gotta go, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's 605. Why didn't you tell me you wanted to smack my dick around yet?

[Robert Kelly]

What's going on? How come you're not gonna jump?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Lou's girlfriend's here. So you can't let us know that you want to touch our penises when we take the break, can you, please? Thank you. Oh, looks like we have to go. I have knob need polishing.

[Guest or Friend]

Wink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are we doing the Rob Zombie Marilyn Manson concert? Are we broadcasting from there? They hate us. Remember? Liam got none of his tickets, and there was a whole empty row. I hate everything. Bobby Kelly's gonna be at governors in Levittown June 19th and 20th. That's this weekend.

[Robert Kelly]

Friday and Saturday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Friday and Saturday. And then the Comedy mothership in Austin, July 3rd through the 5th. After that, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, July 25th. One night only, two shows. Two shows, one night. Then Saratoga Springs and Brooklyn on Deck. After that, for tickets and all of the tour dates, visit Punchup Live, Robert Kelly. And of course, every Tuesday night, 7:00pm, the Fat Black Pussy Get Lounge, the Comedy Cellar. Come see him live and always check him out his YouTube Robert Kelly comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

And Big J is gonna be at Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo this weekend, June 19th and the 20th. And then the Comedy Zone in Harrisburg, Penns, July 10th through the 12th.

[Lou]

12th.

[Robert Kelly]

After that, he'll be in Winnipeg, Richmond, and Long Island. For tickets and tour dates, go to bigj comedy.com YouTube.com bigjogison and make sure you go to Comic Wearables and get yourself a DJ Lou shirt or bonfire stuff, because how much do we get percentage off that?

[Guest or Friend]

None.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All of it? I have no idea.

[Robert Kelly]

Do we get all of it? Bonfire ones?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. Who makes it or What?

[Guest or Friend]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. I've never got a check. Kevin, you should get a check. You should get 50.

[Lou]

50.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. All right. There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think Kevin owes us zero. Somewhere between zero and $3.5 million. It's a gray area though. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

[Morgan Stewart]

Hey everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life and just a warning, I'm going to be giving my opinion on everything. I'll also have some really fun guests to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube.

[Robert Kelly]

Sometimes life will get you stressed out. Lucky you can always count on Text Now. Free Talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Free text.

[Robert Kelly]

Free 5G and they'll never shut you off. Cause like I said, it's free. Text Now's got your back. Nationwide, no long term contracts. But all they nervous about losing service. Textile's got your back. That's their sense of no matter what comes next, you've got free talk and text with the TextNow app.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wireless plans require the purchase of a sim card. Visit textnow.com for terms and conditions.