Concert Pigs

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: "Concert Pigs"
The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Release Date: January 17, 2025

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Overview

In the "Concert Pigs" episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into a tumultuous night at a Linkin Park concert that spiraled into chaos involving theft, confrontations, and personal anecdotes. The episode intertwines humor with candid discussions about friendships, personal struggles, and the challenges of maintaining relationships on the road.

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1. The Chaotic Concert Experience

The episode kicks off with Jay recounting an eventful evening at a Linkin Park concert in Philadelphia. Accompanied by friends Carla and Craig Gass, the night takes an unexpected turn when Craig's acquaintances steal items from their car.

• Key Event:
  Jay and his friends attend the concert, only to discover that Craig has hooked up with three women. This leads to tension and confrontations, culminating in the theft of personal belongings from their Hyundai Santa Fe.

• Notable Quote:

  Big Jay Oakerson ([17:52]): "Cops are useless as always. They didn't search well, I don't call them."

2. Friendship Dynamics and Conflicts

Craig Gass emerges as a central figure whose actions instigate a series of conflicts. The hosts discuss Craig's tendency to become overly attached and the resulting strain on their friendships.

• Key Points:

  • Craig's history of leaving belongings behind and creating messes at friends' homes.
  • The tension between camaraderie and the chaos Craig brings into their lives.
  • An anecdote about Craig's association with Eddie Van Halen and his nomadic lifestyle.

• Notable Quote:

  Robert Kelly ([32:07]): "Do you care if I bring the current lineup of Rat? Yeah, yeah, for sure."

3. Confrontations and Theft at the Concert

The narrative intensifies as Jay details the confrontation with the thieves, who turn out to be married men angry about Craig's actions.

• Key Event:
  After the theft, confrontations with the perpetrators ensue, leading to a heated exchange where emotions flare. The situation is further complicated by the presence of law enforcement.

• Notable Quote:

  Big Jay Oakerson ([18:07]): "We're driving home. We went shamefully picked up Isabella from my mom..."

4. Weight Loss and Personal Transformation

A significant portion of the episode focuses on discussions about weight loss, health issues, and the personal changes both hosts have undergone.

• Key Points:

  • Jay shares a harrowing experience post-surgery where he lost sensation in his fingers, highlighting the physical toll of obesity.
  • Conversations about struggling with clothing sizes post-weight loss and the societal challenges faced by plus-sized individuals.
  • Humorous exchanges about the impracticality of finding fashionable, well-fitting clothing at popular stores like DXL.

• Notable Quote:

  Big Jay Oakerson ([41:57]): "I couldn't feel really... my thumb and index finger on both hands."

5. Humorous Take on Plus-Size Fashion

The hosts engage in a comedic critique of DXL's t-shirt sizing and graphic options, reflecting on their frustrations with limited and unflattering clothing choices.

• Key Points:

  • Mocking the scarcity and repetitiveness of graphic tees available for larger sizes.
  • Discussing the exaggerated sizes offered (up to 8XL) and the impracticality of such measurements.
  • Light-hearted banter about the challenges of finding stylish and comfortable clothing post-weight loss.

• Notable Quote:

  Robert Kelly ([54:36]): "I love it, inside. Belhaven Obesity Clinic used to take the fatties to the elephant to the Bronx Zoo to weigh them."

6. Reflections on Past Performances and Relationships

Throughout the episode, Jay and Robert reminisce about past concerts, interactions with other comedians, and shared experiences that have shaped their careers and friendships.

• Key Points:

  • Memories of attending iconic shows and meeting legendary musicians.
  • The impact of these experiences on their personal growth and comedic material.
  • Discussions about mutual friends and their influences on each other's lives.

• Notable Quote:

  High Five Casino ([35:00]): "No, it's AI when they didn't have AI. It's pre AI."

7. Conclusion: Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

The episode wraps up with reflections on the night's events, emphasizing the importance of resilience, the complexities of friendships, and the ongoing journey of personal improvement.

• Key Points:

  • Acknowledgment of the challenges faced during the concert incident.
  • The value of honest communication and setting boundaries within friendships.
  • Encouragement to listeners to navigate their own personal and professional struggles with humor and integrity.

• Notable Quote:

  Big Jay Oakerson ([57:01]): "Can we buy the Ice Cube 8XL? Yeah, can we just buy the Ice Cube 8XL?"

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Notable Moments and Highlights

• [03:18] Jay humorously suggests restraining a friend to prevent further chaos, showcasing the extremes faced during confrontations.

• [27:13] The interaction with law enforcement highlights frustrations with the inefficacy of police involvement in personal disputes.

• [36:10] A light-hearted debate about camera angles and appearance underscores the hosts' self-deprecating humor and camaraderie.

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Final Thoughts

"Concert Pigs" is a blend of high-energy storytelling, raw honesty, and comedic banter, offering listeners an unfiltered glimpse into the unpredictable lives of Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly. The episode masterfully balances humor with serious reflections, making it both entertaining and relatable for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

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[High Five Casino]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Big J Okerson]

Well, we got Yamaneka coming in tomorrow.

[High Five Casino]

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[Big J Okerson]

Sassy black lady comedy.

[High Five Casino]

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[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you better. You get a nice.

[High Five Casino]

She's gonna give you a Russian sickle.

[Big J Okerson]

She's not. She lost a lot of weight. She looks good. One of she's as tough as she used to be.

[High Five Casino]

Now that she slimmed down.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, let's try to fight her.

[High Five Casino]

Let's see. Yeah, let's put up a go. I don't need to take your no more Yamanika.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see.

[High Five Casino]

I ain't scared to you no more.

[Big J Okerson]

We'll put her against Jacob first and then DJ Lou.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

All the way up to black Lou. And let's see if she gets to.

[High Five Casino]

Every one of you. I swear to you, Yamanika, when she was heavier, you guys would all beat the out of her. Not you, Christine. She'd your world up. But the rest of you guys would beat the out of Yamanika.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Christine would go to pull a hair, it would come off, and she'd be like, what now?

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, he's gonna freak out.

[Big J Okerson]

And she'd blow dust, some type of dust in Yamanika's eyes, and she'd go, I like that on my bacon and eggs.

[High Five Casino]

Christine Evans lacks aggression. Stick up for yourself aggression. Does dawn have that? She has that gauge in her, right? Boston chick.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I told you one time I threw chicken at her face by accident, right? And she. She Balled up her fingernails. She broke all her fingernails off to fight you? Yeah. She kept calling me kid. She's going. I was on top of her. Thank God. It was heavy at the time. It was one of my fats.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I was on top of her. I go, dawn, you gotta calm down. I was accident. She's like, kid, get off me, kid.

[High Five Casino]

That's scary.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like holding down one of the Wahlbergs. Kid, get off me. You fucking. Kid, I'm gonna fucking. Get off me. Stop calling me.

[High Five Casino]

You better kill me here. You better. You better kill me, kid. Because if I get out of this hold, I'm telling you, it's on until you're dead.

[Big J Okerson]

She's got that very, very hard to get to.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

She usually goes to tears first, but.

[High Five Casino]

Is with dawn, someone comes up, fucking throws a. Maybe a nice knee or a punch into your. Your car.

[Big J Okerson]

Into my car.

[High Five Casino]

In your car.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

It's a woman who does it. Dawn's in the passenger seat.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I'll have to hold her by her hair.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Like a fucking. Like a dog.

[High Five Casino]

You don't let her go.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[High Five Casino]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

No? Because I don't want to see her. I don't want to see her get her ass kicked. She thinks she'll get her ass kicked or kill somebody.

[High Five Casino]

No. But here's the argument. She doesn't get her ass kicked.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

Because you're there to make sure. It's a lopsided fight in their direction. You just can't hit a chick. But I can't hit a chick. But I could push a chick's shoulder, spin her a little way. Just, you know, grab a. Grab a wrist if she's trying to hit Christine. And then Christine's got free whales all day long.

[Big J Okerson]

You can grab a. You can grab a wrist and pull.

[High Five Casino]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Into the gutter.

[High Five Casino]

No, listen. Because you could always go, well, she's attacking my girlfriend.

[Big J Okerson]

And then run like you're running to miss. I'm sorry. And then accidentally kick her in the gut.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, I can kick her in the gut for sure when she's down. You can her all up. But it's the initial thing to the. The optics to the. To society have to be that Christine is in this fight. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

And then I could through Christine. I said like lopside this fight to really make sure this girl gets a good ass kicking.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I think I've seen Don snap twice. And it was. And it was 2 Pete. Like women. She snapped in the store with Max.

[High Five Casino]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Somebody. Some ladies. I Like that saying something to Max.

[High Five Casino]

I like when your rage overpowers your love of child.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she. Some. Some old lady gave Matt bumped into Max, said with her cart and was like, you shouldn't be in the way or something.

[High Five Casino]

I know, Lou, I'm sorry. I gotta.

[Big J Okerson]

Dawn snapped.

[High Five Casino]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. She was like, why don't you watch where your cart is? How's that? Yeah, he said he's a. I think it was like nine. He's nine.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Why don't you watch? And she snapped.

[High Five Casino]

Carla was a little bit quick to reaction and particularly with. When it was the Isabella thing. That. That story I had from years ago when we found the car, that they stole stuff out of our car, these people, and then were leaving. We. We couldn't find the stuff they stole, but the cops were there. It was a whole war.

[Big J Okerson]

You found the people?

[High Five Casino]

Oh, yeah. We lured them back to us.

[Big J Okerson]

How'd you do that? With, like, treats?

[High Five Casino]

No. So it was gold chains on the roof. I haven't told this in a long time. It was a Project Revolution tour. Craig Gass takes me and Carla backstage down outside of Philly. We drop Isabella off. There's so much happens in this story, by the way. Found out that morning when derosa wakes up, he goes, hey, man, did somebody stay over here last night? And I was like, yeah, Craig. Yes. Crashed out because we went to this concert today. He goes, oh, I think there's cocaine residue all over the table.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

And I was like, jesus Christ.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking. It's ballsy.

[High Five Casino]

Ballsy. Well, he's many years sober now, Craig. Two heart attacks in many years sober.

[Big J Okerson]

He had heart attacks.

[High Five Casino]

Two.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[High Five Casino]

From Coke. So. Yeah, that's real.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true.

[High Five Casino]

100% true. Yeah. I'm friends with Craig.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you get heart attacks from coke. I thought that was a myth.

[High Five Casino]

No, no, no. Two heart attacks, apparently.

[Big J Okerson]

How much coke do you have to do for your heart to stop?

[High Five Casino]

Twice wild. Pretty wild. But. So anyway, Craig takes us back. I gotta keep this thing. It sucks. Turn it off for a second.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay is fixing his mic stand because it keeps going limp on.

[High Five Casino]

Has everybody else in the world have shure microphones? The podcast world has figured out the shure microphone is the one. It's a quiet slide. It's a fantastic microphone. Hey, Mr. Serious. William T. Serious. If you're listening up in your ivory tower, better microphones.

[Robert Kelly]

It's fixed now.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cranked it until my fingers hurt. It's working now. We're doing okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank God you have no fingers on Your mittens.

[High Five Casino]

Thank God. If these were straight mittens, I'd be fucked.

[Big J Okerson]

There's nothing worse than an angry guy having to take a glove off.

[High Five Casino]

Oh. To do something. I know. God damn it. Especially if they're a tight glove.

[Big J Okerson]

Unless you're gonna slap another man in the face for a fight.

[High Five Casino]

When they asked me at TSA when I'm wearing them, it's funny when they go, you got to see the gloves. So I already know the motion of like. I go like that. And they're fine.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't take them fully off.

[High Five Casino]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't put them in the basket.

[High Five Casino]

I don't think about it, really. I wore them because I'm freezing right in the morning.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I would love to get Craig Gass in here because I just watched an interview with him and I had no idea that he became friends with Eddie Van Halen. And Eddie Van Halen, after he. Craig Gass broke up with a girl, let him live in the 5150 studio.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I don't know if he let him.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, yeah, you know more about this because he said he was actually listening to Van Halen rehearse.

[High Five Casino]

I just know one of my favorite stories. And I'll go back to the thing with the. With the fight. But one of my favorite things with Craig is I happen to be with Eddie Iftt or I saw him shortly after this happened. And I know that Craig Gass was staying at Eddie Ift and Steve Byrne's apartment house, I guess, in LA a lot. He was crashing at their place. And I know as someone who had Craig crash at my place, he also left all of his belongings instead of getting storage in my dining room for two years almost.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ. You were just. As a New York apartment.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah. And he would stay, and sometimes he'd, like, leave garbage. And he would leave my balcony window open. Was another thing he did at one point. So I can't tolerate that type of person.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I just can't do it.

[High Five Casino]

Well, I think he's changed a lot now. I hope he hasn't been my house guest.

[Big J Okerson]

Hope he comes back and stays at your new house.

[High Five Casino]

But Eddie Van.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, man, you mind if I live in this garage for.

[Robert Kelly]

I said, you lived there for months.

[High Five Casino]

I know the thing that made me laugh about that is when listening that or talking to Eddie Ifttt afterwards, he was like. He's like, Eddie Van Halen's house. I said, no, he was staying at Eddie Van Ift's house at that time. At that exact time. So I don't know who, but it's.

[Robert Kelly]

Pretty elaborate the story tells.

[High Five Casino]

I know, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Like, detailed.

[High Five Casino]

Could be true.

[Big J Okerson]

I.

[Robert Kelly]

Now I gotta get him in here. That's crazy. If he made up a hole. I became friends with Eddie Van Halen. I don't think lived in 5150.

[Big J Okerson]

Biggie made it up, but this. If. If I went to Eddie Van Halen's house and he was like, dude, just stay. I'd be like, no.

[High Five Casino]

Right? Yeah. I'd be like, this is weird.

[Big J Okerson]

No, dude, I'm. I'm good. I'm. I have an apartment.

[High Five Casino]

Well, this or hotel, even.

[Robert Kelly]

He said he had nothing, but he broke up with a girl who was, I think, previously dating Eddie Van Allen's manager or assistant or roadie or something.

[Big J Okerson]

He's a. He's. What would you call, like, a nomad type of comedian.

[High Five Casino]

He'll just have it. He didn't have, like, a. Like, a steady house for years.

[Big J Okerson]

He would just show up in a town knowing that somebody he knew would be there and show up at your gig and be like, yo, dude, can I get on? And you're like, yeah.

[High Five Casino]

Also, he'd be like, I brought Wolfman Jack and the guitar player from Tesla.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. So there was always something, some little morsel he'd have.

[High Five Casino]

Do you care if I bring the current lineup of Rat? Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Big J Okerson]

It was weird.

[High Five Casino]

Now, also, early comedy, though, Craig got me easy roped in because he was throwing out my childhood with the people he knew. It was just that. It was like, hey, you want to go see Cinderella and Poison? I'm like, yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

And it was great. We get to see all these shows. Was pretty fucking awesome. He always had, like, a weird hookup, but it was.

[Big J Okerson]

But he's at your house doing blow.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

We go leaving windows open.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah. We are driving down with him and Isabella. Baby Isabella. We're dropping her off at my mom's to go to this concert, and then we're gonna come back, pick her up afterwards. We get in the car. When I hear the thing about Derosa, what Derosa tells me about the coke, I call him out on that, and he was like. I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing, man? I was like, I have a baby, by the way. We just drove down to Philly with the baby, and he goes, what do you say? He was like, yeah, I always forget you guys have a kid sitting next door. So we went down making props for honesty. We went down to the. We went down to the concert and. And at one point, Craig asked me if he can get my keys. He wanted to get something out of my car. I was like, sure.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so funny though. You just come home, he's resting his beer on your baby's head. Oh, shit, I forgot you guys.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, that's not a baby shaped table. Oh, look, it's cooing.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a perfect coffee table.

[High Five Casino]

Dude, look at the perfect height of your child's head.

[Big J Okerson]

Your baby holds my drinks for me.

[High Five Casino]

Hey, I hope you guys don't mind, I clogged both your toilets.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry. I put my coke straw behind your baby's ear. He had no place to put it.

[High Five Casino]

Hey, I accidentally tried to flush a sock. Oh, there. Look at your coffee table. It's adorable. So he has to use. I go to my car, my car, by the way. A month old, first brand new car I ever got. Hyundai Santa Fe.

[Big J Okerson]

Ooh.

[High Five Casino]

Automatic power windows, CD player.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you have the CD portfolio?

[High Five Casino]

No, actually, I think I purposefully asked for a tape player because I was gonna use the my at that point. I think I had it at least an MP3 or an iPod. One of the first ones that I could hook in and play through the tape.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, the tape one. When you had to put the tape in and plug the tape into tape in the ipod with a little headphone cord.

[High Five Casino]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck. We've come so far.

[High Five Casino]

I know, so far. Now I just tell my phone, put on Toto, hold the line. Now playing it. What are you gonna hear it on? I go, throw it on Apple Music.

[Big J Okerson]

Crazy how far we've come in such a short time.

[High Five Casino]

Such a short time with that stuff, it seems. But so I got this new Santa Fe. So Greg goes, could I use the. Get the keys. I gotta get something outta my car. He said, a charger or something. And he vanishes. And then he comes back and he goes like at one point he's like, whoa, dude. He goes, I just hooked up with three chicks. I was like, oh, all right, cool. At the same time, I'm also with Carlos, so I can't overly be like, damn, dude, are they still hanging? I was just like, okay. But then I'm like, you were just.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, why would you do that?

[High Five Casino]

Well, I was just like. I'm like, almost like, how. What the fuck just happened?

[Big J Okerson]

God would.

[High Five Casino]

And then I go, wait a second. In my car. And he goes, yeah, proud. Absolutely proud.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you're supposed to be. Yeah, if you're from the early 80s and you're fucking, you know, 15, you should that's his mentality. He goes, yeah, yeah, if you. So I'm like, fast times at Ridgemont High Life.

[High Five Casino]

I go, dude, it's my first. It's a brand new car, man. Like, come on, dude, you know? Brand new car. It's 18 grand or 17 grand, but it's the biggest thing in the world.

[Big J Okerson]

Plus, your chick and your baby are.

[High Five Casino]

In it a lot, all the time.

[Big J Okerson]

And they have to.

[High Five Casino]

Now there's load.

[Big J Okerson]

So was there a baby seat in the back seat?

[High Five Casino]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

100%. One of them sat in it.

[High Five Casino]

It was definitely touched by some fucking Backstage at a Corn Lincoln park show. Pig.

[Big J Okerson]

She was just flicking her bean in your baby seat. Look at me. I'm a little girl. So drive around, get me a lollipop. Goo goo ga ga.

[High Five Casino]

I'm sticky.

[Big J Okerson]

Clean me up. I got wee wee.

[High Five Casino]

He tells me, I'm pissed for, like, the rest of the night.

[Big J Okerson]

Pissed and half hard.

[High Five Casino]

And I'm half hard. I'm jealous. And we. So whatever. But we watch the rest of the concert, and it's like we're having a good time. It's like, all right, whatever. Let's just kind of get past that. We go back to the car. We're parked backstage. We go back to the car. When we go in there, we start realizing one, there's, like, fucking mud, like, on, like, back seats and dashboards. Because it's fucking festival concert, you know? I mean, like, it's just terrible. So everything was dirty.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, one of the girls. Shit.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah. Then we noticed Carla put in the glove box. We went in there. She had cash. She worked comic strips, so she had a lot of cash on her. And she goes, I don't think I'm bring all this cash in. I'll put it in the glove compartment box. We're backstage, you know, and her mom had gotten her a cameo. You know, the pendant. And that was in there, too. She looks inside the thing, both gone. All the cash, and the thing's gone and the cameo. So now we're furious. And I'm literally getting ready to punch Craig. Like, Craig, like, it's. It's a weird situation. And then we see they left their cell phone there. Stroke of luck. I go, craig, call them to come get their phone. And don't be weird. Just like, hey, you guys left your phone here if you want to come grab it or whatever. And they're really short on the phone, but they're like, yeah, where are you guys at? And he's like, wherever we were before now a minivan Pulls up, three girls jump out. Also two dudes.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit.

[High Five Casino]

Who are definitely their boyfriends.

[Big J Okerson]

This is like a. This is like a gang.

[High Five Casino]

Now, Craig's already hooked up with these chicks, but they're walking over now with, like. I see their face going, can I have my phone, please? Like, to Craig or something. And then I took the phone or no, Carla took the phone and was like, no, blah, blah, blah. Now the guys start coming over, and I'm very happy to tell them what's going on. The husband.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait a minute.

[High Five Casino]

Husbands?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, it's husbands.

[High Five Casino]

At least the one.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure. This wasn't like someone was a husband.

[High Five Casino]

One might have been a boyfriend out. But the one was definitely husband.

[Big J Okerson]

This one type of gang, how they steal people. You guys look. You guys gonna go fuck this guy, rob him and then go back?

[High Five Casino]

No, because this guy wasn't thrilled with what I was telling him. Oh, you Craig. Yeah. I go, your fucking pig girlfriends or whatever. You know, wife or whatever. And it's like, we're fuck, fuck my friend in my car. And then they robbed my shit, so I want my fucking shit back. And Craig's. And I'm going like, the guy's going to Craig. He's like, is it true? And I'm like, craig, you gotta deal with me for sure. You know what I mean? I'm like. And Craig was like, yeah. And I was like. And they stole my fucking shit. And I went back, and he's going like, ladies, blah, blah, blah. And then the guy's now getting embarrassed, and he's pissed, and he goes, why.

[Big J Okerson]

Is he getting embarrassed?

[High Five Casino]

Because his wife and her friends just fucked Greg Gaius in my car. And it's being yelled out in front of, by the way, crew members from korn.

[Big J Okerson]

They didn't think it was Craig. They thought it was Gene Simmons.

[High Five Casino]

Correct? In fairness, we thought he was. We thought it was Sam Keniston and Gene Simmons. Oh. Oh, suck my. So the guy goes. At one point, he just wants to leave. You can tell the husband, like, big guy. And he was like. He's like, yo, we're fucking leaving here. And he goes, get your phone. Or like, you know, like, it's like, they have my phone. And he's like, get your phone, and we're getting out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

Is he not believing you at this time, or is he mad because he believes you? Is he like this?

[High Five Casino]

Oh, he believes. I mean, why is her phone there? I mean, everything adds up. The girls aren't making other excuses. It's just, like, awkward as fuck. And I'm barking. I'm, like, making the scene. For sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know your anger.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, yeah, you do.

[Big J Okerson]

I know it a little bit. Can I hear what you were saying, how you were doing?

[Christine Evans]

It's not for air.

[Big J Okerson]

Let me see.

[High Five Casino]

No, no, no. They were all. They were all white. What do you mean, not for air?

[Big J Okerson]

All right, listen. Hey, we're just gonna get out of here.

[High Five Casino]

No, no one's getting out of here, okay? I want my back. And then you and your whore bag wives can get out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

Were you smirking a little bit at the time?

[High Five Casino]

Well, I am now because I see Lou's filming and everyone. I'm putting on a show. This is why I'm a bad auditioner.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, dude, you gotta.

[High Five Casino]

I go, because you killed my brother. So I'm barking and then the guy. But this is a quick, quick turnaround. Cause this guy, like, he barked back. They have kids. They have everything. It's not that. He goes, get your. Not with him, not with them. But they have kids. We found out. Cause he goes, well, we're leaving the girls. They have my phone. He goes, well, get your fucking phone. And Carla kind of has like a. Well, I have the phone. And he goes. And no one. And you ain't getting it back till we get our shit back or till the cops get here or whatever. And then the guy was like, beat the shit out of her and get your phone right now. We're leaving. And then I grabbed the phone from Carla and I go, well, now I've got the phone. Who's gonna come beat the shit outta me and get the phone? That guy couldn't have stepped into my face quicker. And I immediately. I mean, I held face and ground, but like, my insides were definitely going, like, his whole life has fallen apart. Tonight at a Linkin Park Corn concert. And I am just like, I'm down 400 bucks. You know what I mean? Like, he's got far more fury in him than I do right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

And. But again, almost at that exact moment, the cops pulled up. So the cops do a whole thing. Cops are useless as always. They didn't search well, I don't call them. They went in one of their purses, found the 400 and exactly whatever dollars cash it was. They said, can't prove cash. Did not find the jewelry on them. And that was it. And they were just like. And they said. They go, well, if we found. Or no, I'm sorry, it wasn't to that point yet. They were like, well, we can't do anything about it. So I just go. And they're letting them go. So I go, I'm telling Craig, I'm like, yo, you're replacing the 400 some dollars tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

The guy who's living with you rent free has nothing.

[High Five Casino]

He wasn't living there. He just spent the night, spent all.

[Big J Okerson]

His money on cocaine.

[High Five Casino]

Yes. Okay, that guy, $400, please. Some 400 some dollars. But then they get in their minivan and cops had pulled away. They get in their van and they drive away. When they drive away, Carla looks over and she sees not just her cameo, like the little jewelry, but they took Isabella's toys, her baby's toys. And Carla, so weird, right? They just took the little kids toys out of our car.

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy. Well, they do have kids.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, but it's crazy to do that. Hey, look what we robbed you honey. Oh, Sarah will love that when she sees that in that van search right away Carla goes into and what's funny is like a guy from like a corn crew who I got to tell years later, I only saw him one other time than this, but I'm like, that's the guy. This guy from corn is like an Asian, long haired, like DJ type guy. And he goes, is that your stuff right there? And when Carla did see that to Terminator 2. Run to the van, to this van while it's moving, jumps on the back bumper and grabs the luggage rack while it's slowing for a turn. And then the cops pull it over again. It's wild. So cops pull it all over again.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you doing? When she's running and jumps on the. What are you. What are you doing?

[High Five Casino]

Just standing there saying, holy. I was just laying by my hands in my head. I was like, I've never seen her move like that.

[Big J Okerson]

I want somebody to animate that as just Carl.

[High Five Casino]

I mean, dead faced hall and caught a van on foot and jumped on it. Jumped on it moving. It was crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Was she on the. Just hang on the back on the top.

[High Five Casino]

They stopped the truck, I mean like yards after she was on it. Right, but she was on it. And the cops I keep. She didn't fall or nothing, thank God. But like she. So they ended up arresting them all.

[Big J Okerson]

How?

[High Five Casino]

What on what so. Well, that initially they were helping us and being doing the right thing. Then they. So they take them all in and they ask us to go, hey, if you want to press charges and stuff, you gotta like come to the station. It's gonna be. And they're giving me all the reasons I shouldn't. They're like, it's gonna be a process. Like, if you go, it's gonna be probably a couple hours or whatever. And I was like, no, but that. Yeah, because you're not even giving us our money back.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

You're still saying the money is nothing.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

And like, so, yeah, we want to press charges for sure. And then I call my mom. Mom, we're going to be like, way late. This happened. Blah, blah, blah. Okay. We go to this police station while we're sitting there about an hour and a. Sitting there, when me and Carl are like, what the fuck, man? This sucks. This sucks. Just sitting here, I'm exhausted. We're not getting the money back anyway. You know what I mean? It's like, it's going to be an ordeal for us now. And then you hear Craig is in the back with a circle of cops around him, and he's going, oh, oh.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. And they're like, oh, dude, I told.

[High Five Casino]

You, it's the guy from Alistair. And they're. They're loving it. And me and Carl are just. And then the cop, when he comes over to start talking to us, one we see on the cameras, they put them all in the same cell, which is hilarious. All of them, by the way, the guys and girls all in the same cell where I'm like, I mentioned. I go, hey, I think I watch enough TV that like, aren't you supposed to not let them sit in the same cell and concoct what they're gonna say while they're waiting to talk to you? And they go, yes, and it's not a murder. When I talk to him, the guy goes.

[Big J Okerson]

The guy goes, if, listen, you say nothing about the panda and don't mention the toys, all right?

[High Five Casino]

So he goes. He goes. So then we start talking to the cop and he's taking our statement. He goes, all right, well, we're going to let him go tonight after. After you guys go. And I was like, you're going to let him go tonight? I'm like, why is that, like, on bail or something? And they were like, no, no, we're going to let him go. And if you want to press charges, something like this. But we're not pressing charges. You have to press the charges, like. And I was like, well, what's the. I don't understand what's going on? And they go. The guy goes, well, I don't know, but would you want me to press charges on you if we found some. If somebody accused you of stealing something and we found it under your car. He just asked that question to me. I was like, yeah, because that means I took it, right? I probably took it more than likely. See us press charges. I'll have to prove it.

[Big J Okerson]

Cops do this. I hate that they do that. They always do that. They always try to make it as difficult as possible because I want to go home. Because they don't want to deal with it. They. They just get it out of the.

[High Five Casino]

Way, especially nothing violent there necessarily do.

[Big J Okerson]

If we. We press charges against you, everybody. You have to.

[High Five Casino]

Everybody's going arrested. Everybody gets arrested.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's bullshit, by the way, too.

[High Five Casino]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Bullshit.

[High Five Casino]

They just want you to go, never mind. Because I listen. Me and Louis, both different occasions, have called them on that. And I said, okay, I'll get arrested. Just arrest this person too. And you could. That's fine. If it's everybody or nobody, then I'll go too. And they went, no. And you're like. So the cop was like, yeah, we're kind of letting him go so kind of quickly. I was like, fuck that. We're leaving.

[Big J Okerson]

And it worked.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, we had no choice. Yeah, Yeah. I go, fuck it. We're leaving. Craig's giving us the money back. We got all the stuff back, you know, I mean, now she's like, whatever. So we leave. We're getting in the elevator, and I mean, as this elevator is closing, the guy, the husband, gets in, jumps in last, and cops are coming behind him. And he gets in the elevator last second, and the door closes, and it's me, Carla, him, and Craig Geller. Yeah, but it was very. It was one floor we were going down, I think, or two, maybe. But either way, we get in the elevator and the guy's in there. The cops are definitely gonna be waiting at the bottom floor here. But in that elevator, Rod, the guy goes, no, Craig, I ain't got a problem. I just wanna say. He goes. He goes, you fuck my wife, right? Like you fucked my wife? And Craig's kinda like, yeah. And he goes. And just for the records, I'm gonna get a divorce, you know, I mean, so I just want to make sure he goes. He's like, she sucked your dick and everything, huh? And every. And I don't think Craig is seeing that this guy's doing the thing. He's gearing himself up. He's hyping himself up to. To hit him again and to do something, you know, he wants to take this fury out. So he's. He's wanting to get all the words and Craig's like, yeah. And then the doors open and the cops all came in. Then they just kind of grabbed that dude and that guy was like, no, no, no, thank you, Craig Gas. Because you got me. Or Craig, whatever it is. Craig. Yeah, Craig ass. He kept saying, thank you, Craig gas. You got me now I know I'm going to get divorced. And blah, blah, blah. It was such a weird scene. And then be funny if he did.

[Big J Okerson]

It in Al Pacino's voice. I. I stuck my finger in her ass. Your wife's a. Your wife. She blew me. I figured her and I. Her and I also. I kicked her eye.

[High Five Casino]

Beat it.

[Big J Okerson]

He just kept going on with stuff that she did.

[High Five Casino]

Well, the best, the Craig oblivious Craig Gasta era oblivious drug addict Craig Gasta. We're driving home. We went shamefully picked up Isabella from my mom, who's like looking at Craig like, knows the whole story now too. And it's like, this guy seems like a jerk off. Huh?

[Big J Okerson]

So you put Craig in the back.

[High Five Casino]

Seat with the kid once again and then let him sit in front. Yeah. So they could both stare at the footprints from some pig in Jersey. So we. And then I said, always. I was looking at the sign because I also had a bad license. So I had to have Carla drive also at this point now because, like, I would always drive, but it's like the cops were watching us. Lee. I don't know. I was just like, you drive tonight. And she's driving back and I just. Because I remember I was sitting on that side when Exit 9 of the turnpike, Craig has leaned forward and he goes, those chicks were hot though, right? Come on, dude. Yeah, dude, you're out of your tree.

[Big J Okerson]

He is. He's out of it.

[High Five Casino]

Very, very, very different now. Yeah.

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[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's good. Yeah, he always used to show up at my shows and I was like, dude, I don't really want you.

[High Five Casino]

I think he's a big sobriety personnel, like big sober, like helping people and shit like that.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a couple people that I did that Jay Moore is fucking get a shit together now too. Sounds. I think Jay Moore is one of the funniest dudes ever too. I'm glad he got his together. Yeah, Jaymore was always the type of guy I wanted to be friends with. Like Craig Gass was a guy who kind of I stayed away from because I knew he kind of latched on to.

[High Five Casino]

Sure. Well. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Because he had to. He needed something in this town.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, I'll say. Look, he figured out his. I mean he would come and he would. He got an apartment for like a couple months and it got robbed. And that's when I think he took stuff out of that apartment and put it in my apartment.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I Just I stayed away from him. I always thought he was funny, but I was just like, there's something up with.

[High Five Casino]

Well, to me, also, in fairness, I mean, I always like Craig, too. I enjoyed, like, bullshitting with him. Well, you guys love the stuff, but the music thing. But also, like I said in fairness to, like, the people kind of, like, taking advantage of each other's situations. Like, I mean, I went to. I got to meet Pantera before Dimebag died, you know, I mean, that was all like, Craig gas.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Actually is why we were in The Snake brought us in.

[High Five Casino]

The snake bit.

[Big J Okerson]

You got in the snake.

[Christine Evans]

Craig brought us.

[High Five Casino]

Different tour. Different tour before.

[Big J Okerson]

So if I knew Craig, if I was friends with him, we could have gotten a snake.

[High Five Casino]

Craig could have definitely walked you right into the Snake. He definitely knows Metallica.

[Christine Evans]

He just walked up with two wristbands that said, snake pit. Hand him to us. Like, it was no big thing.

[High Five Casino]

He goes, here you go. Now go into the greatest thing you've ever been a part of in your life.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's what we were supposed to have.

[High Five Casino]

We were. But it was too packed in there anyway when we went.

[Christine Evans]

But didn't Craig, like, you know what Max couldn't see?

[High Five Casino]

I forgot how small Max it was.

[Big J Okerson]

We weren't in the Snake Pit.

[High Five Casino]

Well, I know, but we were on the outside. It's the same view.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you said when you get in there.

[High Five Casino]

But we saw how packed it was when we looked.

[Big J Okerson]

You said that it was not packed.

[High Five Casino]

Right, but it was, because I was worried about it. It ended up being packed.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but you said, so we.

[High Five Casino]

For the best. We were.

[Big J Okerson]

You said it never gets that packed. It looks packed, but it's not.

[High Five Casino]

How else would Max have become Renzo Gracie's number one student if we weren't sitting in those seats?

[Big J Okerson]

He's not with Henzo. He's with Igor.

[High Five Casino]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

That wouldn't even happened.

[Big J Okerson]

It didn't.

[High Five Casino]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, you and Craig are good friends.

[Christine Evans]

Well, didn't Craig, for years, like, defend that story? And then I forget what part of it was. It wasn't.

[High Five Casino]

I told the story. No. I told it on Opie Radio with Vic Henley. And then when he was on, I told that story because Craig went on that show and told that story, and I didn't know after all the. Craig called me after I did that thing. He was super apologetic, and I was like, dude, it's fucking a bazillion years ago. And it's a great story because he was just like. He's always told it from, like, his perspective. And when he was on drugs and stuff. And his story was always when he told on Stern. That's one of the most hurtful things that ever happened on Stern to me, because I had told Artie Lang and Gary Delabate that story separately. And Craig Gass started coming in telling the story of that night.

[Big J Okerson]

Did he say you by name? No, he just said, chubby comedian from Philly.

[High Five Casino]

No, he's just my friend. He's more talking about the story of, like, three girls sucking my dick in my friend's car or whatever.

[Big J Okerson]

That's better than what Stern called Patrice. He goes, if that fat guy. That fat guy who went to Brazil.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah. But no, he just was. It wasn't. He wasn't saying. And he probably did say my name, actually. That's why I think they got a hold of me. But, yeah, he. No, he said my name. But his story was just like this thing. Like. Yeah, they ended up doing some shitty stuff, these girls. But I. It was just like a hero story of, like, how he hooked up with three chicks. And then when. But it was so many wrong facts in it that when I went on Opie, it's a. It's good clip that's out there. When I went on Opie, I was like, just play Craig's story. Play it, and I'll tell you to stop the tape whenever it's wrong, and I'll clarify what's going on here. And then right away, he says something. He was like. He's like, so my friend Jay picks me up from the train station, and I'm like, stop the tape. He stayed at my house the night before, in fact. Did coke off my table while my baby was sleeping in the other room. Go ahead, start. Were you there for that, Lou? I was absolutely there. That was the first time I met you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was a fun. So it was a really classic clip in that regard. Cause I stopped the tape every five seconds to correct whatever Craig has said. Crazy. But Craig called me afterwards. He was super. Even called. Reached up to Carl afterwards, but I thought was very sweet.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, yeah, look, Lou's right there. Oh, wait, no. That's not Lou.

[High Five Casino]

That's Carl.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. Wow.

[High Five Casino]

You can't even say all black people look the same. That guy's not black.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Christine Evans]

As it was changing.

[High Five Casino]

You'Re saying that black Lou looks like a fading in Carl.

[Christine Evans]

I'll tweet this out.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Who's that? Is that Vic Henley?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Those two guys are dead. Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And the other guy's career.

[High Five Casino]

Is he coming back with something? Obi?

[Big J Okerson]

I thought I heard on what. On this. I don't know how uncomfortable that heavier I was.

[Christine Evans]

No, you lost a lot of weight.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you, dude, you look. Wow. Dude, you were big.

[High Five Casino]

Damn.

[Big J Okerson]

It's up looking at you fat, right?

[Christine Evans]

What year? It's only seven years ago. You'd already lost. I think that's just like a bad.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you think that it's not a good picture. You think that was.

[Christine Evans]

He lost like most. You lost like £70.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody else looks the same in the video and you're saying but Jay's part is a messed up part of the video.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, everybody else looks super.

[Big J Okerson]

Only the right corner of this video got up and made. It's not an angle. Christine. I think there's boyfriend's fat.

[High Five Casino]

I think there's something at that time. No, I think there's something with the refraction though, actually.

[Big J Okerson]

Refraction? Yeah. If refraction means food in your face.

[High Five Casino]

No, I think the way the light hits that thing. No, it's perspective.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not perspective. You're bigger.

[High Five Casino]

No, it's like looking. It's like looking through a plastic cup at like a tree. The tree is going to be like. It's different. No, things are just different.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's AI when they didn't have AI.

[High Five Casino]

It's pre AI.

[Big J Okerson]

They have a fat AI filter on you, Jay. That's all.

[High Five Casino]

That's all it is. Little fat AI filter. What's the big whoop, dude?

[Big J Okerson]

I look at my special kill box, I want to puke every time I see it.

[High Five Casino]

It is crazy. I also don't understand why you decided to hold off on facial hair until you lost the weight. Why didn't you give yourself any semblance of like face shape?

[Big J Okerson]

I only had a. I didn't understand fat techniques of the face because you.

[High Five Casino]

Were too back and forth. No, I knew you took off everything that can hide fat head hair. And then you purposely look at Bobby facial hair right there would be changing your life. Now that side view is not going to help.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, listen, dude, the side view from the front on.

[High Five Casino]

From the front on. Dude, it takes away that whatever that little chin is that you grew on your regular chin.

[Big J Okerson]

Little. It was my part of my chest. That was some of my tits on my neck.

[High Five Casino]

Oh yeah, when your chest grew into your fucking head.

[Big J Okerson]

How about this? That side view was my idea because I wanted. But now looking at it, wow.

[High Five Casino]

Shoot me side view. That's why I can't watch or edit any of my Things. Because I would say dead front camera the entire time.

[Christine Evans]

Well, we killed a whole angle on Webster Hall.

[High Five Casino]

Thank God.

[Big J Okerson]

How about me? It's. It's 900 degrees in Tampa. At that time, the AC was up, and then I decided to wear a leather jacket.

[Christine Evans]

How are you not pouring sweat?

[High Five Casino]

Oh, his armpits are up.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn it.

[Christine Evans]

Did you have a towel?

[Big J Okerson]

I had a towel on stage. Yes, I had a towel on stage.

[High Five Casino]

Nice. Like a black comic. That's how black comics behave.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

You had to edit out all the towel.

[Big J Okerson]

But unlike a black comic, I used it. I didn't look wet the whole time.

[High Five Casino]

Fatty fat fat. That was your thing. Oh, fatty fat fat. And then they all cheer and then you tap your head a little bit.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at my. Isn't that weird?

[High Five Casino]

You want to find me a fine ass, you go to church, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought my sweat marks formed a bonfire logo, but it's just the bonfire logo burnt into the screen.

[High Five Casino]

I ain't scared of y'all.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. D.J.

[High Five Casino]

Kick it, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. I was. I mean, look at that.

[High Five Casino]

I'm doing my leather special.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

By the way, the bonfire logo I thought was sweat.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I just said.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, you said it was sweat. I thought you were saying that it was a watermark.

[Big J Okerson]

I was excited. I was like, look at my fat sweat from the bonfire logo.

[High Five Casino]

But it's actually like, Christ.

[Big J Okerson]

Go back to Jay's video. Can you go back to that one? I'll compare it. I mean, I think we're both the same size, right?

[High Five Casino]

No, that's your heaviest?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that was three. 350, 360.

[High Five Casino]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

All right. That hurts.

[High Five Casino]

My heaviest ever was 340.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but you're. I don't know. I got nothing.

[Christine Evans]

That was. The Kill box was your heaviest?

[Big J Okerson]

Kill box was my heaviest.

[Christine Evans]

Was that right after Montreal?

[Big J Okerson]

When did you shoot?

[Christine Evans]

Kill box.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. Jay, I just don't remember you being that big.

[High Five Casino]

No, I was substantially bigger than this.

[Big J Okerson]

You were bigger than this?

[High Five Casino]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You look bad.

[Christine Evans]

You had lost you.

[Big J Okerson]

You were like.

[Christine Evans]

What'd you say? 350? Because you went down to, like, 280.

[High Five Casino]

340 was my most.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you were only. 340 was your fattest.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you sure?

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Big J Okerson]

You weighed yourself all the time.

[High Five Casino]

No, but I mean, I'd get weighed.

[Christine Evans]

Do you weigh yourself when you start CrossFit?

[High Five Casino]

Oh, yeah, they did.

[Big J Okerson]

What was that?

[High Five Casino]

When I started CrossFit, though, I think I was like, three. Oh, it's my fucking rickety goddamn thing. Over Here doesn't cover the wires. 3. Probably about 310 or 20. Then I lost anxiety weight, you know. Wade, 2010.

[Big J Okerson]

I hate the scale at the doctors, where you have to kink king kink. You have to go, kink, kink, kink sucks.

[High Five Casino]

Kink, kink, kink, kink, kink, kink, kink, buddy. I mean, when I didn't hear the three Kinks anymore was a huge day for me.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a great name for a band, the Three Kinks.

[High Five Casino]

And by the way, sometimes get them. They were. Sometimes doctors were so used to doing the kink, kink, kink. They throw it up to 300 and then start seeing where the little one goes. The first time they had to dial it back, I was like, shut up. Yeah, two something. I mean, it's so funny how heavy it is. 292 on a scale. I remember was the first time I saw a thing where I was like, shut the up, dude. What? Under three? In my mind, I was, like, always around, like, 305, something like that. Like, if I was like, you know.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I was always. I was always like 190.

[High Five Casino]

It's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

I was always 190. My. My best weight was like 180 when I was shredded. And then I went up to 220 at one point. I was like, well, I'm. That was my fattest. When I stepped. When I stepped on the scale at the doctor's office. I think the last time I had weighed myself, I was still under two. Maybe two. Two something when I was 360 or 350. And I heard the doctor was just like, that's not good.

[High Five Casino]

And I was like, all right, that's an understatement. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

She goes, that's not good. And I. Because I blew away the scale. And she was like, she wanted to put me on Ozempic. She was like, I have this.

[High Five Casino]

Arthur said she wanted to put you on an animal scale. Well, we have. We weigh large sea creatures in this other room.

[Big J Okerson]

That was at Louis bit when they had to take the fat woman to the zoo. The mri, they have a. They have a. An animal MRI that the poor lady had to go through.

[Robert Kelly]

I love it inside. Belhaven Obesity Clinic used to take the fatties to the elephant to the. To the Bronx Zoo to weigh them.

[Big J Okerson]

When I came out of surgery and I was, you know, the next day, my. My. My. What was it? My. My thumb and index finger on both hands. I couldn't feel really. So I'm panicking because I can't I can't. No, it was my. These two fingers right here on both hands. Couldn't feel. And I was like, oh, my God. Something went wrong.

[High Five Casino]

Do you think Dane Cook came in while you were on there and smashed your hands so you couldn't super finger anymore? No more Sufis for you. You go suck on this. How? My damn hands.

[Big J Okerson]

I couldn't hold water. And I could. So the doctor comes in, who's a friend of mine. I go, I can't feel my fingers. What happened? He goes, I don't know. And I went, I have to hold a microphone for a living. It's the gayest thing I've ever said.

[High Five Casino]

He's like, leave it in the mic stand. That is the solution.

[Big J Okerson]

They tried to get me. They were like, all right, we're getting you in an mri. But I didn't fit. And I remember just lying in the bed. She goes, all right, keep your arms and stay still. And I remember we were going in and I could feel me not fitting and just getting tighter and tighter. And I went, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. And the machine just stopped. And I was stuck.

[High Five Casino]

And they had to, like, butter you.

[Big J Okerson]

They had to just back me out of it, like, slowly. And I was like, I'm not gonna. She goes, you don't fit. We don't have a. We don't have a size that fits you in the building.

[High Five Casino]

I'm sure I'm still too big for several rides, but, like, that's just the worst feeling. The one I always got nailed to. Me, actually. That and crushing was always walking around a mall. I just hated walking around malls. I mean, obviously to go to the sneaker store or whatever, the other cool store, but you know, the mall is also something. You walk by and see so many clothes and you're like, man's a great hoodie. And it's like, yeah, it goes. Well, our largest is small and our smallest is petite. Men's. Come on, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Was it H and M?

[High Five Casino]

I don't even know. I still haven't. I still haven't tried. I still haven't tried. Just like a flat out mall. I'll do jeans, but I haven't tried a flat out, like, shirt from the mall.

[Big J Okerson]

I drive by DXL and give it the finger all the time because that's.

[High Five Casino]

The only place I still feel I'm there. But all my hoodies that I'm wearing that are like my three X's. Now if I just wear them to be like, comfy, like I look like. Like my neck comes out of them. Like I'm wearing my dad's clothes.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. Dxl I. Because you could always tell because there's only like five cool fat guy shirts.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, the T shirts. That was the worst.

[Big J Okerson]

At the airport, you see another fat guy walking up with your Hawaiian shirt on.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, I thought. I didn't know you meant that. I thought you were talking about their.

[Big J Okerson]

There's only. They only had like five cool summertime shirts.

[High Five Casino]

I know, but.

[Big J Okerson]

And then you. You. I'm getting that. And then you're somewhere in this. Three other fat guys with just two different colors of the same fat guy DXL shirt.

[High Five Casino]

But that's not even as telling as their graphic tees. They would have. They only had like a hampso. Exactly. Goes. Why are so many fat people getting into this one new Nirvana shirt?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Because it's like they had acdc.

[High Five Casino]

I had. I had a Beatles one forever.

[Big J Okerson]

They had the Led Zeppelin, they had Beastie Boys, but it was never. They always. There's a lot fat guys took the big double X. Oh.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

I was Triple X. I would always do.

[Big J Okerson]

Because I was. I was short.

[High Five Casino]

I would do 2xlt or 3xlt on those. But it was. I always got the tall.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right. I always get the tall too, because I was double X. But my stomach went out so much.

[High Five Casino]

You'd belly be hanging out my.

[Big J Okerson]

If I. If I did. Thank you. Good night. To my face. I remember there was two girls in the front row and I heard one of them go, oh, God. And I remember my. I felt the air hit the bottom of my stomach and I would. So I would just. I would literally say goodnight like this. See you later with my head. See you guys later. Thank you so much. And then.

[High Five Casino]

You guys are good. You guys are cool.

[Big J Okerson]

Louie taught me about the tea because Louie's been fat. He said, you got to get the tea. The tall. The tall.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

The tall. The tall was a game changer.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, yeah. There you go. There's a nice one.

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't even look like you.

[High Five Casino]

Grateful Dead.

[Big J Okerson]

You look great, but you don't even look like you in that Jack Daniels.

[High Five Casino]

Jack Daniels.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not even a Grateful Dead.

[Big J Okerson]

The Ramones. Ramones was a fat guy one.

[High Five Casino]

I didn't get Ramones. I got.

[Big J Okerson]

They had Guns N Roses.

[High Five Casino]

I had a brown Guinness. They would do some beer ones. I'd get the beer. Me and the guy who looked. Me and the guy who looked. Oh, yeah. Drop Kick. No no, no. Dropkick Murphy shirt was hot topic, actually. But it was. But it was short. I had to wear a tall undershirt.

[Big J Okerson]

You had to wear something underneath.

[High Five Casino]

Slinky.

[Big J Okerson]

You always wore the tucked in wife beater still. Which was a good technique.

[High Five Casino]

Always do.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. That's a great technique. I wish I. I wish in my fat, fat days, I wish I. I learned about that technique.

[High Five Casino]

These are so fun. These are all big and Lincoln playing drums with a peace sign on it. But it was just like with an American flag. With an American flag on the bass drum.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. These are all fat guy shirts.

[High Five Casino]

All of them.

[Christine Evans]

Jerseys.

[High Five Casino]

What is that? Oh, there's the baseball. That's.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, buddy, let me tell you. Some DXL fat guy.

[High Five Casino]

Both of those Punisher. What's the. Oh, the Punisher.

[Big J Okerson]

Punisher. I had the Punisher, definitely.

[High Five Casino]

And a hooded.

[Big J Okerson]

I had the Punisher.

[High Five Casino]

Damn, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby, that's an eye opener. Because I never thought you. Basically, there's one. There was one store.

[Big J Okerson]

There's one store.

[Robert Kelly]

Everyone had the same shirt.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the problem with the XL2 is they're never connected to the mall. It's always by itself, off in the distance like a lonely fat kid.

[Robert Kelly]

The drive of shame.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You had to drive up to it and as soon as you walk in, another fat guy would walk up to you. And the mannequins. Here's the problem with the mannequins. They never had fat mannequins. They were just like linebackers.

[High Five Casino]

Ben Bailey.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, they were like.

[High Five Casino]

They were Ben Bailey. They're just tall, broad men that have great bodies.

[Big J Okerson]

So the shirts still look fat on the mannequins. Horrible. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

I don't understand guns and rose malls when, like torrid.

[Big J Okerson]

And because they don't want fat people in the malls, they want us on a route.

[High Five Casino]

Everybody.

[Christine Evans]

They know you guys don't like to walk.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, exactly.

[High Five Casino]

They're going to run out of Bourbon chicken samples.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we're not gonna look at.

[High Five Casino]

That's just me with. That's with me. And Rob Zombie's microphone stand. I don't care. And Five finger death punch behind. Who gives a. But it was my Guns N Roses shirt. Pantera was think that's the Jagermeister that was given to me.

[Big J Okerson]

I could never get the Budweiser or the alcohol ones because I don't drink. So I could never partake in the alcohol ones, which I was envious because they used to have the Budweiser.

[High Five Casino]

Damn. Dave Smith. Wow. That's so Great.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at that one up on the right. Wow.

[Christine Evans]

This one?

[Big J Okerson]

No, the right. That's the left. My right. Your left?

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You look. I mean, dude, you're still a cutie patootie, but you wow. That. I understand the beard now. You made a face.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, Patrice called me on it. It hurts so much. He's like, look at Jay with his hair jaw. He was right.

[Big J Okerson]

Who, her? Somebody. Her. She has. I'm one of these comic.

[High Five Casino]

There's the Beatles shirt. Beetle shirt's great.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, the Beatles shirt was a class.

[Big J Okerson]

We're all go to DXL right now. See if they upgraded their T. Their. Their fun fat guy T shirts.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, the graphic tees, please. What do they got available now? I'm gonna take a guess. There's always an AC DC available. Rolling Stones was. I believe that was also hot top. There's going to be Hot Topics 3x stones. Hot Topic 3x used to always work good for me.

[Big J Okerson]

But the thing about DXL is you're right. They had the T, the 2X, the 3XT. When I got to the 3 XT, I was fucking sad.

[High Five Casino]

That's what I was saying. All that red shirt. The door. The door shirt.

[Big J Okerson]

Why would you wear red?

[High Five Casino]

The doors was. I still wear red.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[High Five Casino]

The door shirt.

[Big J Okerson]

That was the. As a fat guy. The scariest color was red and orange.

[High Five Casino]

What is that?

[Christine Evans]

Because I called big red.

[Big J Okerson]

You would see people in the distance going, what's coming? There's something coming. What is that? And then it's. Oh, it's just Bob in a red shirt.

[High Five Casino]

What's the one there in the middle, Christina? Bottom, middle, bottom, middle.

[Big J Okerson]

Who was that?

[High Five Casino]

That was them. Oh, yeah, there's Iron Cross. Oh, Orange County Choppers. That's what that was. And that was a biggie. Orange County Choppers. They would. I would get. I had two Orange County Choppers shirts a year.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I ask a question? Was this when you were doing magic in between jokes?

[High Five Casino]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I used pizzazz fingers back then.

[Big J Okerson]

What the is happening?

[High Five Casino]

I don't know. I didn't figure out my eyebrows yet, probably.

[Big J Okerson]

No, your eyebrows didn't figure out. You didn't figure out your face hair either.

[High Five Casino]

My facial hair? Well, it was.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, here we go.

[High Five Casino]

Here we go here. It's the big net.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Grateful Dead.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, what are we looking at?

[High Five Casino]

We're looking at men and talls.

[Big J Okerson]

Bigot. Big dxl, which is called. It's DXL now. And it's. They have the graphic fat guy tees and there's only a handful at all times.

[Christine Evans]

So more now so you can.

[Big J Okerson]

You can actually go on the streets. When you see a fat guy and you like, you see a Goonie shirt or an ACDC shirt, know that there's. You'll probably see four of them. It's like when you're gonna buy a car, like I'm gonna get a Toyota. And all of a sudden that's all you see.

[High Five Casino]

You start noticing it. Anything you see a fat guy in a big shirt, just know it's the things. Look at that. A paid a. Paid in full movie. Paid in full of all the movies. Godzilla shirt, by the way. They have up their game, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Cause they used to just have. I remember the biggies Biggie shirt. I got the biggie like 30.

[High Five Casino]

It was like 30 T shirts and that was it.

[Big J Okerson]

But they rotated them in and out.

[High Five Casino]

Yep. And then one's gone. And then it was like now a Led Zeppelin one comes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, they. They're realizing that fat guys need cool, kooky shirts.

[High Five Casino]

And by the way, again, these models. I. I wish. Oh, Bobby. There you go. I'll get you a Yellowstone ranch one.

[Robert Kelly]

Look, the back man guy is a. He's a. Yeah, he's a. He's a model.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, well, they can't put fat people. Yeah, he's right.

[Christine Evans]

No, some of them are chunky.

[Big J Okerson]

What does it go up to, Christine? What is this size that it goes up to?

[Christine Evans]

Doesn't it go up to like 5x?

[High Five Casino]

I don't know. Oh, they go up crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you not say it disgusted?

[High Five Casino]

I think it goes up to oh, my cr.

[Big J Okerson]

Where is it?

[High Five Casino]

Click one.

[Robert Kelly]

You click on anyone.

[Big J Okerson]

You got to click on one and then go to the shirt.

[High Five Casino]

I'd like to get it in a bazillion X. Well, do you have this in infinity X?

[Big J Okerson]

Here you go. What is. Oh, 7x.

[Christine Evans]

No, t. Once it gets to 6x and 7x 7x.

[Big J Okerson]

You get. A family could live under buddy.

[High Five Casino]

They stop. But isn't that funny that at 5xlt is the last they go. Because you might be morbidly obese and really tall up until. Including 5x.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. 5, 6, 6xl. You really shouldn't care.

[High Five Casino]

6 and 7x 6 and 7xl is wow. Like this is. You're gonna be buried in that shirt. There's no way. That's not. That's too big to make a shirt for a person.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a 74 inches by 76 inches. I have a tarp that I rake my leaves on.

[High Five Casino]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

That is that size perfect.

[High Five Casino]

Get the seamstressing, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

8Xl. I've never heard of 8.

[High Five Casino]

It goes to 8.

[Big J Okerson]

Crazy. Wait, wait, wait. Yes. They go to 8XL.

[Christine Evans]

And then these are the XLTS.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, it goes to 8XL.

[Christine Evans]

Here's the thing. The size chart goes to that, but the shirt doesn't.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ, man. That is. They should be.

[High Five Casino]

I'd like an 8xlt.

[Robert Kelly]

The charge is wishful thinking.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you know, here's the thing, though. That 8XL cost 700 if you're wearing.

[Christine Evans]

They are more expensive to make if you're wearing.

[High Five Casino]

If you're wearing an 8XL T, though. Like, it doesn't matter if there's a graphic on it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

No one's seeing this.

[Big J Okerson]

No. You should just.

[High Five Casino]

You're not taken to the mall in your new Deadpool shirt.

[Christine Evans]

You see it really great. Because it's so big.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You should hire fat people for movies to walk around.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah. Advertising.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. A billboard, Bobby.

[High Five Casino]

It's a fantastic idea. You just got yourself first pivot of the year.

[Big J Okerson]

Like.

[High Five Casino]

Do you.

[Big J Okerson]

Why does this still make me happy?

[Christine Evans]

Let's see what bands they have. That's where the class.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you pay by the fat? Like, is it.

[Big J Okerson]

You go up, they know more fat. They know that this is the only place you're gonna get your shirt. And the tea is the one where they really know you're gonna need this tea. The tall. And they know that. And they charge you for it.

[Robert Kelly]

They charge you extra for, like, a 1. A 2x is not as expensive as a 8x.

[Christine Evans]

So 1x is.

[Big J Okerson]

What is it.

[Christine Evans]

What is it saying?

[Big J Okerson]

38. Yeah, 38 bucks for a t shirt and go to 6x. Let's go to 7. 7.

[Christine Evans]

It's blocking me from pixel.

[Big J Okerson]

It doesn't want you to be that fat.

[High Five Casino]

It's just not available.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it's. Can you believe that? That the 7x isn't available?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that's so much more cloth.

[Big J Okerson]

Those Chinese kids who are starving that are making these shirts must be so annoyed. It must be like the whole. Why are we making big blimps to fly in now? These are shirts for Americans. Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

The whole factory could fit in one of these T shirts.

[High Five Casino]

It's crazy. I'll tell you what, I'm a little pissed off, though, because. Go back up now. Let me tell you what. That's so much the Grateful Dead. That Ice Cube would have been a goodie to have at some point in my life.

[Big J Okerson]

You can still get it.

[Christine Evans]

Still buy them.

[Big J Okerson]

You can buy it. You just don't buy the fucking one you used to buy.

[High Five Casino]

Get the 1xt. Yeah, I gotta see t shirt Kevin gave me 1xts this time around. I gotta try it on. See, but is it.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it. Here's the thing. This is American xl. There's European xl.

[High Five Casino]

Oh, I didn't know T shirt Kevin was so worldly.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, dude, you gotta make sure you get the American xl, which is a different thing.

[High Five Casino]

I got this from France.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, dude, you go to Europe and you buy an xl. It's a medium here.

[High Five Casino]

I don't go to Europe and I don't buy xls. I'm safe. Thanks for the warning, but I'm good.

[Big J Okerson]

Can we buy. Can we buy an 8XL and see what it is? Yeah, can we just buy the. Buy the Ice Cube 8XL?

[High Five Casino]

Wait, wait, wait. Let's keep going up. Let's see.

[Robert Kelly]

I would love to put that on to see like, how many.

[Christine Evans]

How many Jacobs can you fit?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

Jacob, you can be so naked on the. Oh, there's Nirvana. A lot of fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Johnny Cash was a big one too. Sure, Johnny Cash gave him the finger. That was a big fat guy shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

Can we do a game? Like, I'm doing something under the shirt, but you have to guess because there's so much cloth.

[High Five Casino]

Wait, wait up. Back up, back up.

[Big J Okerson]

What's that? What's that one?

[High Five Casino]

Van Halen race car Graphic tee. Too busy, Fender girl.

[Big J Okerson]

What a shit shirt for Van Halen. One of the coolest logos ever for a band and they made a race car.

[High Five Casino]

I like ice tea. Iron Maiden was never there before. That's huge. Rick Ross. That's too much of Just a Man's Face and name.

[Big J Okerson]

The Brady Bunch.

[High Five Casino]

Yeah, I don't like it. Odb, Ice Cube. Boys in the Hood. Come on.

[Robert Kelly]

This is actual industry now. It seems like when you guys were.

[High Five Casino]

Buying shirts, it was like Sublime would always be there.

[Christine Evans]

More people are heavier now.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

They finally said, why are we giving them a handful when we can make it billions?

[High Five Casino]

Listen, I lied to myself. I lied to myself. I've always said, I go, man, it'd be great to get famous and wealthy enough that like, when I get to a point, I go, I'll make the fucking clothing line. That's like, finally you can make a three quarter length sleeve, you know, softball shirt of Led Zeppelin. That's what I always. The one I wanted was the Led Zeppelin shirt.

[Big J Okerson]

Right?

[High Five Casino]

With the angel.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[High Five Casino]

And I'm gonna get to a point where I can make those clothes and I'll start making them and because they just were not. And it just turns out I just wanted to fit into the regular ones. I didn't want to keep buying giant Led Zeppelin shirts.

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[Robert Kelly]

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