The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Episode Title: Congas and Kegels
Date: October 31, 2025
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Producer/Staff: Christine, DJ Lou, Jacob, Danny Braff
Channel: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103
Episode Overview
This rambunctious episode of The Bonfire dives deep into the comedic minds of Big Jay and Bobby as they riff on everything from Latin percussion and “easy” musical instruments, to dissecting revered comedians, discussing generational shifts in stand-up, sharing raunchy personal stories, and exploring the mysterious world of “Kegel weights.” With their signature irreverence, they upend comedy’s sacred cows, celebrate the blue-collar joys of bad instruments, overshare about genital exercises, and, in classic Bonfire style, never let the conversation stray far from the gutter… or the truth.
Key Segments & Insights
1. Conga Craze in the Studio
[00:52 - 05:40]
- Jay brings in a conga from the SiriusXM performance studio, sparking a hilarious debate over whether it’s the lamest instrument.
- Both hosts play the congas, poking fun at their “musical prowess.”
- Jay (01:17): “Are we, as a Sirius employee, able to play with whatever the fuck we want to play with?”
- Bobby (02:13): “I do feel that anyone can be a master of the Congo.”
- Lighthearted banter about notable Latin acts and band instruments.
- Memorable Bit:
- Jay (03:27): “You goddamn right Sheila E. could sign me tomorrow.”
- Bobby (05:14): “My fingers are numb.”
2. The Problem with Preachy Comedy
[05:40 - 12:25]
- Jay and Bobby air their distaste for “tell it like it is” comics and the culture of applause instead of laughs.
- Bobby (06:08): “I don’t accept claps. I want laughs or look at me weird.”
- Bill Hicks comes under scrutiny; they clown on his posturing, wardrobe, and “pontificating” style.
- Jay (09:08): “I have no problem with Bill Hicks. It’s the reverence people hold for him.”
- Personal comparison to the late Patrice O’Neal — both great but limited catalogs due to early deaths.
- Jay (09:27): “Patrice doesn’t have a catalog enough… we never really got to see what the potential was going to be.”
- Conversation pivots to legacies in comedy, reverence vs. reality, and what makes stand-ups endure.
3. Truth & Tall Tales: The Magic Thumb Story
[13:00 - 16:57]
- Bobby shares a wild story involving his producer Danny, Penn & Teller, magician thumbs, and an embarrassing backstage encounter.
- On-air confusion about who told which part of the story; Jay’s skepticism prompts a live call to Danny for fact-checking.
- Notable Exchange:
- Jay (16:07): “Now let’s break it down.”
- Bobby (17:02): “From now on, when I tell a story, you can just go with it.”
- Meta-commentary about radio authenticity and storytelling.
4. Old Comedy vs. New Comedy: Bob Newhart, Sinatra, & the Crooner Wars
[17:50 - 32:00]
- Jay and Bobby challenge the idea of “classics” in comedy:
- Openly roast Richard Belzer, question why Bob Newhart or even Frank Sinatra are celebrated.
- Jay (22:44): “How do you not put David Tell on the Mount Rushmore?”
- Listen to a Bob Newhart bit and conclude he “stinks” by modern standards.
- Jay (28:13): “Bob Newhart stinks, dude.”
- Extended riff on crooning, Danza vs. Sinatra, karaoke-quality singing, and generational tastes.
- Jay (31:39): “Any of us could have done that.”
- Bobby (31:29): “That doesn’t feel good?”
- Jay mocks the over-romanticizing of bygone entertainers and acts.
5. Nick Fuentes, Virginity, and the Politics of Outfits
[35:06 - 41:13]
- The hosts mock the infamous Nick Fuentes’ style — an “aunt’s babysitting jacket” — as a reason to ignore his statements.
- Jay (35:52): “He’s wearing a babysitter’s jacket.”
- Joking about Fuentes’ public claim of virginity and the assertion that “sex is gay.”
- Bobby (36:55): “That’s the only way you can be racist, if you didn’t fuck yet.”
- Jay (39:17): “Anyone who says I don’t want to have sex at all, probably gay.”
- Debate spirals into speculative (and graphic) reasons for abstinence, and how “puss would change everything.”
6. Congas, Kegels, and NSFW Anatomical Olympics
[41:39 - 63:44]
(Theme & episode title payoff)
- Spirited, explicit discussion about the female pelvic floor, childbirth, and Kegel exercises.
- Bobby (45:08): “It was like a little thing you put between your thighs. After [my mom] had me, she kept it around. I used to play with it.”
- Discovery of kegel weights and speculation on “pussy strength competitions.”
- Jay (49:23): “What’s your pussy bench?”
- Christine is roped in for firsthand commentary.
- Hosts fantasize about “if they had vaginas,” musings on tightness, bench-pressing with their genitals, and more.
- Jay and Bobby’s raunchy, adolescent humor shines.
- Jay (50:04): “Who could fill their pussy with the most stuff?”
- Bobby (56:25): “If I had a [vagina], I’d be rubbing my fat all the time.”
- Christine (55:33): “I have no idea how tight my vagina is.”
- Spirals into big clits, “strongman” genital weights, and stories about first sexual experiences, bushes, and college-aged anatomy.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Easy Instruments:
- Bobby (02:13): “I do feel that anyone can be a master of the Congo.”
- Jay (03:27): “You goddamn right Sheila E. could sign me tomorrow.”
-
On Bill Hicks & Comedy Idols:
- Jay (09:08): “I have no problem with Bill Hicks. It’s the reverence people hold for him.”
- Bobby (12:25): “Walk into the darkness, not away from it.”
-
On Crooners & Legacy:
- Jay (31:39): “Any of us could have done that.”
- Bobby (31:29): “That doesn’t feel good?”
-
On Sex & Generational Shifts:
- Jay (39:17): “Anyone who says I don’t want to have sex at all, probably gay.”
- Jay (51:30): “That’s a personal record in any gym. Any pussy gym you go to in this town.”
-
On Female Anatomy & Humor:
- Christine (55:33): “I have no idea how tight my vagina is.”
- Jay (49:23): “What’s your pussy bench?”
- Bobby (56:25): “If I had a [vagina], I’d be rubbing my fat all the time.”
- Jay (50:04): “Who could fill their pussy with the most stuff?”
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Conga Jam & Studio Bits: [00:52–05:40]
- Comics Who Pontificate (Bill Hicks/Rant): [05:40–12:25]
- Penn & Teller Thumb Story: [13:00–16:57]
- Roasting Old Comedy (Newhart, Sinatra, Belzer): [17:50–32:00]
- Nick Fuentes, Sex, and Outfits: [35:06–41:13]
- Kegel Weights, Vagina Talk, & Explicit Anatomical Humor: [41:39–63:44]
Tone & Takeaway
Relentlessly funny and off-the-cuff, this episode exemplifies The Bonfire’s penchant for blending crude honesty, deep-in-the-weeds comedy shop talk, and raucous “locker room” humor. Jay and Bobby gleefully stomp on sacred ground — musical legends, comedy icons, and social taboos — making it a must-listen (or must-read) for fans who love their humor raw, unpredictable, and very, very blue.
Listeners who love behind-the-scenes stories from the comedy world, as well as notorious, unfiltered conversations about sex and pop culture, will find this episode to be vintage Bonfire at its most unrepentant and hilarious.