The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Cruising For NYC Glory" – March 20, 2026
Platform: SiriusXM Faction Talk, Channel 103

Episode Overview

This episode sees Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly (along with regulars Beef, Christine, and others) dive hilariously into the world of gay culture as viewed through the lens of NYC’s infamous cruising and glory hole scene. The comics riff on George Michael, undercover police busts, the mechanics and psychology of glory holes, and end up mapping out the gay cruising spots of New York City—complete with a comedic brainstorm for a “glory hole finder” app. The discussion pulls no punches, mixing crude humor, personal anecdotes, and the crew’s classic, irreverent take on both the comedy world and the city’s underbelly.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. George Michael, "Gaydar," and the Comedy of Retrospect

• The hosts start by joking about “stay at home dudes” in gay couples, blending into a deep and funny dissection of George Michael’s legacy, attractiveness, and the late recognition of his sexuality.

  • [01:41] The Science: "Because he's super handsome. It turns out he was just in the dick the whole time."
  • [05:14] Big Jay: "He was in a band called Wham, which I think is a gay term. It's like one of those, hey, want to Wham?"

• They riff on 80s and 90s pop bands being "obviously gay," referencing Queen, Wham, and David Spade’s jokes.

  • [05:27] The Science: "Queen was 100 on the nose. That's a great old David Spade joke about that. Queen? I was like, cool name. Because they tried to tell us."

• They poke fun at their own inability to pick up on cues and turn the subject into a slapstick hypothetical detective story.

2. George Michael's Notorious Arrest & Undercover Cops

• The comedians gleefully revisit George Michael’s infamous bust for lewd behavior in a LA public restroom, painting an absurdist play-by-play of how such arrests might go down.

  • [08:14] The Science: "'You're under arrest.' He goes, 'Oh, that's right mate, keep talking… you're under really arrest… I'm an undercover officer…'"

• They debate whether being assigned to "undercover glory hole cop duty" is a career step up or not, leading to more mock scenarios.

  • [08:47] Big Jay: "Is that a promotion or a demotion when you have to be the guy in the bathroom trying to suck other guys' dicks?"

• The group spins their own fantasy about being incompetent undercover gay cops, referencing the film "Cruising" (1980).

  • [09:54] Christine: "He's a real life Al Pacino in Cruising, dude."
  • [10:15] Big Jay: "Dude, stop looking sexy and look coy, okay?"

3. Glory Holes: Mechanics, Fears & Etiquette

• The entire crew explores the practical anxieties and etiquette of glory holes, shifting between humor and exaggerated paranoia ("What if they chop your wiener off?" [13:00]).
• They consider the craftsmanship behind a good hole, and even the possible dangers of splinters or poorly made DIY setups.
  • [17:03] Christine: "Yeah, you want a carpenter to know what he's doing."
  • [17:00] The Science: "3D print the whole wall."
• The idea of "glory hole etiquette" (tapping to signal lack of interest, knocking conventions) becomes a running gag.
  • [26:15] Big Jay: "If you knock twice, Bobby says, from being immersed in the community, that makes him pull it away."
• Jay wonders about the curiosity factor for straight people: would you look through? "How do you go to a bathroom with a glory hole and not put your dick through it—or at least look through it?" ([19:09])

4. Mapping NYC’s Cruising & Glory Hole Scene

• The crew discovers and discusses “Holehunter.com,” a real-time glory hole locator, and riff on the prospect of a “walking tour” event or even an app called “Cock of the Walk.”
  • [18:19] Big Jay: "What do we call the app? Just sneak it by Apple."
  • [18:23] The Science: "Cock of the walk. Damn. Why did I think of that so fast?"
• They browse NYC locations: Marriott Times Square, Sheridan, Equinox, Macy’s, Crunch Gym, The Cock bar, The Rambles in Central Park, Astoria Park, the Vince Lombardi Rest Area, and more.
  • Exchange features hilarious field reporting plans and observational comedy about how common (or old-school) glory holes are:
    • [27:12] The Science: "Wait a second. There's a glory hole in the Marriott Times Square?"
    • [29:47] Beef: "Yeah, it seemed like a very family-oriented place."
    • [31:07] Big Jay: "Well, they had to close the steam room at the Crunch because guys are just going on there sucking each other off."

5. Straight Curiosity and the Female Perspective

• At Jay’s prompting, Christine shares (reluctantly) how women might react to a random penis through a wall—a rare and gendered scenario.
  • [37:40] Big Jay: "Christine, as a woman, if you were in a bathroom and there was a hole…and a nice, pretty dick came through it, would you be freaked out, or would you try it?"
  • Christine and Beef discuss motives, the difference between male/female sexuality, and societal double standards.
• The hosts reflect on rare viral videos where random bystanders engage in unexpected sexual acts in public, questioning their authenticity.

6. The Culture of Anonymous Hookups and Kink

• The comics dig into why people prefer anonymous public encounters to simply meeting at home, poking fun at the thrill and the persistent secrecy of cruising.
  • [31:28] The Science: "You can't go to your apartment—your wife is in there."
• They satirically lament about glory holes never (or rarely) existing for women and the notion that, for women, “just be a hooker and make some cash!”
• The rare instance of women engaging in glory hole acts is explored with self-aware, dark humor about trauma, mental health, and societal pressure.
  • [37:01] The Science: "There's definitely gay guys psyched to just suck off guys…a woman that…The rarity…that is never, ever, ever going to be an attractive woman…"

7. Memorable Comedy, Callbacks, and Closing Gags

• Jay and Bobby close with their trademark club plug session, but not before joking about dance floors slick with "moonwalkable" remnants in gay bars.
  • [41:26] The Science: "When the dance floor is covered in jizz, you could always moonwalk. You can moonwalk across the floor at any gay bar."
• The episode ends with jabs and callbacks about how “The Cock” bar is “the dirtiest bar I’ve ever been to” ([41:03]), and the endless resourcefulness of the NYC cruising community.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [05:14] Big Jay: "He was in a band called Wham, which I think is a gay term. It's like one of those, hey, want to Wham?"
• [08:47] Big Jay: "Is that a promotion or a demotion when you have to be the guy in the bathroom trying to suck other guys' dicks?"
• [17:00] The Science: "3D print the whole wall."
• [18:23] The Science: "Cock of the walk. Damn. Why did I think of that so fast?"
• [19:09] Big Jay: "How do you not put your dick through it? No, not look through it. How do you not?"
• [31:07] Big Jay: "Well, they had to close the steam room at the Crunch because guys are just going on there sucking each other off."
• [41:26] The Science: "You could always moonwalk. You can moonwalk across the floor at any gay bar for sure, dude."
• [37:40] Big Jay to Christine: “If a beautiful, uncircumcised European comes through… would you be like, I'll try this?”

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:51-03:28: George Michael, gay idols, Wham/Queen, and “gaydar” in pop culture
• 07:51-09:54: George Michael’s arrest and the undercover cop roleplay
• 13:00-18:29: Mechanics and etiquette of glory holes; dangers, splinters, and construction materials; invention of a glory hole app
• 19:35-31:30: Mapping NYC cruising/glory hole hotspots, “field research” plans, apps/websites
• 37:01-40:58: Female perspective, why men vs. women do anonymous hookups, social/psychological motives
• 41:03-41:41: Jay and Bobby on the dirtiest gay bars, "moonwalking" gags
• 41:44-end: End-of-show banter, club tour plugs, callbacks

Concluding Notes

Bouncing between raunchy comedy and genuinely curious explorations, Big Jay, Robert Kelly, and crew turn New York City’s secret sexual subcultures into fodder for brutally honest yet affectionate standup banter. Longtime listeners will find favorite themes—improbable hypotheticals, ribbing over sexual confusion, and the city's unpredictable nightlife—extended here into the most unlikely corners (literally and figuratively) of bathroom stalls, parks, and gyms.

If you’ve ever wondered what comedians talk about after hours—or what the punchline is for every glory hole urban legend—this episode is a one-stop masterclass in filthy, genuine, quintessentially Bonfire humor.

Hosts’ Plugs:

• Robert Kelly: [41:37-42:13] Upcoming stand-up dates in NJ, CT, and beyond (Punchup Live, YouTube channel promos).
• Big Jay Oakerson: [42:15-42:46] Touring schedule, YouTube, website bigjcomedy.com

Listen to this episode for:

• NYC gay subculture deep dive
• Ridiculous, unfiltered standup-comic camaraderie
• Urban lore, sex etiquette, and a million dick jokes

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