Crying Over A Country Song

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: "Crying Over A Country Song"

Podcast Details:

• Title: Crying Over A Country Song
• Release Date: April 10, 2025
• Podcast: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
• Host/Author: SiriusXM

Overview: In this engaging episode of The Bonfire, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly delve into personal experiences with Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT), exploring its benefits, side effects, and the impact on their daily lives. The conversation is a blend of candid discussions, humor, and listener interactions, providing listeners with an unfiltered look into the lives of these comedians beyond the stage.

---

1. Introduction to Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT)

The episode kicks off with Bobby Kelly sharing his journey into TRT, aiming to regain his youthful energy and vitality.

• Bobby Kelly [01:52]:
  "I started taking it to get my Testosterone back to where it's normal. Where I can feel like I'm 20 something again, so I can get up and work out and I can do the day and I can, you know, crush."

Bobby explains that his testosterone levels were significantly low, prompting him to seek medical intervention to improve his overall well-being and physical performance.

---

2. Personal Experiences and Side Effects

Bobby recounts his unconventional visit to a "witch doctor" in Stanford, Connecticut, highlighting the lengths he's willing to go for TRT.

• Bobby Kelly [03:14]:
  "I went to this witch doctor in Stanford, Connecticut, and he had a monkey that came up and picked my boogers. Oh, my God."

This humorous anecdote underscores the sometimes bizarre paths individuals might take in pursuit of health and wellness.

Administration of TRT: Bobby discusses the practical aspects of TRT—whether it's administered via pills or injections and the frequency required to maintain optimal testosterone levels.

• Bobby Kelly [03:37]:
  "This is the weird part about it. This is what I didn't want to do... date. Game day."

He emphasizes the importance of regular blood checks to monitor hormone levels and adjust dosages accordingly.

---

3. Health Professionals and Wellness Centers

The conversation shifts to the legitimacy of various health treatments, particularly criticizing chiropractors.

• Bobby Kelly [11:31]:
  "Chiropractors are scams. I'll tell you what they actually, the guy I'm seeing up in where I'm at this. Microphones, limp. Is my..."

Contrastingly, he praises Sports Massage services for their effectiveness and genuine understanding of muscle and ligament connections.

• Bobby Kelly [12:32]:
  "I found a sport. This guy Frank up right down the street from my house, Sports Massage guys, the guys who work on athletes."

---

4. Coping with Depression through TRT and Exercise

Bobby opens up about his struggle with depression, highlighting how TRT and physical exercise serve as coping mechanisms.

• Bobby Kelly [09:23]:
  "I've been in a little depression the last couple months, but it only lasts for a couple hours... and I'm just like, fuck it. I'll just lie there, maybe get some."

He emphasizes that staying active, like walking on the treadmill, helps alleviate depressive episodes.

---

5. Listener Interaction: John's Experience with TRT

A caller named John shares his positive experiences with TRT, reinforcing the hosts' discussions.

• John [13:35]:
  "Testosterone. I'm feeling pretty. Goddamn. I'm up to 400 on my testosterone now."

Bobby Kelly [14:49]:
"...the testosterone... it's supposed to help you with working out because it takes a lot for me to work out."

John’s testimony adds credibility to the benefits of TRT, while Bobby underscores the necessity of medical supervision to avoid adverse effects.

---

6. Humor and Banter on TRT Side Effects

The hosts humorously discuss potential side effects of TRT, such as gynecomastia (man boobs) and emotional fluctuations.

• Jacob [20:21]:
  "Gynecomastia."

• Bobby Kelly [20:24]:
  "Gynecomastia. I do not want gynecomastia."

This light-hearted exchange brings levity to the serious topic of hormone therapy, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and comedic timing.

---

7. Impact on Relationships and Personal Life

Bobby reflects on how TRT influences his personal relationships, particularly his marriage.

• Bobby Kelly [30:33]:
  "I'm always. I mean I'm actually proud of myself of being a father and a friend and a husband piece of. I don't. I like myself good."

He discusses balancing treatment routines with maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with his wife, despite occasional challenges.

---

8. Musical Segment: Crying Over A Country Song

As the episode progresses, the focus shifts to selecting and discussing a country song titled "Crying Over A Country Song." The hosts blend humor with sincere reflections on emotional vulnerability, tying the song's themes to their personal experiences.

---

9. Conclusion and Upcoming Events

Wrapping up the episode, Big Jay announces upcoming events, including performances in Nashville and promoting Bobby’s comedy special on Punch Up Live.

• Bobby Kelly [45:47]:
  "Enjoy Jay's Day Gay crying songs, too."

The hosts end with more playful banter, reinforcing their camaraderie and deepening the listener’s connection to their personalities.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Bobby Kelly [01:52]:
  "I started taking it to get my Testosterone back to where it's normal."

• John (Caller) [13:35]:
  "I'm feeling pretty. Goddamn. I'm up to 400 on my testosterone now."

• Jacob [20:21]:
  "Gynecomastia."

• Bobby Kelly [20:24]:
  "Gynecomastia. I do not want gynecomastia."

• Bobby Kelly [09:23]:
  "I've been in a little depression the last couple months, but it only lasts for a couple hours."

---

Conclusion: "Crying Over A Country Song" offers a candid and humorous exploration of Testosterone Replacement Therapy, interwoven with personal anecdotes and interactions that highlight the complexities of seeking medical treatments for hormonal imbalances. Through laughter and authenticity, Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly provide listeners with both entertainment and insightful discussions on health, wellness, and personal growth.

Transcript

[Dr. Horton]

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[Jacob]

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[Dr. Horton]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Hey, what's up? It's Bobby Kelly, BK Broiler. Join us for the bonfire live from Nashville on Tuesday, April 8th. If you'll be in the Nashville area, Guess what? On April 8, visit SiriusXM.com TheBonfire Nashville before 5pm Eastern on April 4 for your chance to attend. No purchase necessary to enter or win. Must be a resident of the continental United States of God bless America and at least 18 to win. Visit SiriusXM.com the Bonfire Nashville.

[Jacob]

I'm going back down south town. Jacob, what you're talking about is steroid abuse, where your body will stop producing things. Doesn't need to. You're not taking. He's taking testosterone. It's like supplemental, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I started.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I, I look it, Put those headphones on. You're screaming into the microphone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry, dude.

[Big J]

Well, how was your testosterone level?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. My testosterone level was for, I think 420, which it could be like seven or eight or nine is normal. I mean, look, I'm fine with it. I could after 300. You should, you can replace it. But what you're doing is you're not, you're just, I'm, I'm not taking, I'm not taking way too much to get my Testosterone over, like 1400. I'm just taking it to get it back to where it's normal. Where it's, you know, 800, 700, 750 in between seven and eight. Where it's just normal again. Where I can feel like I'm 20 something again, so I can get up and work out and I can do the day and I can, you know, crush. Crush pussy. Yeah, it helps. It helps with a lot of things. I went to this. Was it the fuck is it called?

[Jacob]

Witch Doctor.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went to this witch doctor in Stanford, Connecticut, and he had a monkey that came up and picked my boogers. Oh, my God.

[Jacob]

That's good. That's a good sign.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then ate them. And then by that he went and he knew what I had to get.

[Jacob]

That's a good harvest.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. It was a harvest. Yeah. It's called game. I think it's called game day.

[Big J]

What is it, a pill or a shot?

[Bobby Kelly]

This is. This is the weird part about it. This is what I didn't want to do. You know, I. I was offered. Yeah. Date. Game day. Game day. Men's health in Stanford. Great place. Because I was very scared. You go in, they have all the stuff there, but you can get like vitamin shots. Be. You can do all kinds of stuff.

[Jacob]

A wellness center.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wellness center. And you go in and they got this smoking hot Puerto Rican girl working there. I'm gonna be honest with you.

[Jacob]

She wants your.

[Bobby Kelly]

The only reason I'm doing any of this is because she works there. And I just. I'll let her stick a needle in my shin bone. I like if I can just see her once a month.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

To be honest with you.

[Jacob]

Sexual flash of titty. Eventually.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God, she's so hot.

[Jacob]

She young.

[Bobby Kelly]

Young or probably late 20s, Puerto Rican girl. So cute.

[Jacob]

You know what? She'd like to smell her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jacob]

Yeah. Get up on her and just smell her like. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

When she comes in.

[Jacob]

I think they like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Like that.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, cool.

[Jacob]

Smell maybe her down there and say. He goes, you're menstruating. Or tell her that she just finished. You just finished menstruating.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, should I do it through my nose or through my mouth like this?

[Jacob]

No, no, no, no. And do this with your fingers. Like you're bringing it into your.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like a steak sauce. You are menstruating it. Like Count Dracula.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Okay. You're menstruating. Yeah. So I. You inject it subcutaneously, which is in your belly fat. I don't do.

[Jacob]

Or your ass or thigh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't do the ass or thigh because that's the bigger needle and that you can hit a vein. And I'm. I just didn't feel comfortable. A lot of people do it. A lot of people do.

[Jacob]

I did it in the ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do in the ass with the thing?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your own finger?

[Jacob]

I do in the ass with a. In my finger. I did it in my ass cheek with the needle. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do. Is that what you do?

[Jacob]

Well, I don't do it anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you don't do the thing anymore? You did.

[Jacob]

No, manjaro, that's stomach.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's sub. Subcutaneous. Yeah, yeah. That's less.

[Jacob]

You're saying subcutaneous, but subcutaneous means it's. It's the ass and the. And the leg.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I be honest with you?

[Jacob]

It's all subcutaneous.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just tell you? I just want to say subcutaneous.

[Jacob]

Yeah. I don't even know what it means under the skin.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just like saying that. No, but if.

[Big J]

How often you got to take it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you can do it once a week. You can do it three times. It's called micro dotting where you can go a little tiny bit every day. Some people do that. It's what you want. So I do. I'm going to do Mondays. I'm going to do Sundays and Wednesdays because I go on the road Thursday usually. So that will take me through the week and keep me where I need to be.

[Jacob]

Fucking hard cocked.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the advantage and fucking. What?

[Big J]

Sorry? What's the advantage to once a week or three times a week?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, when you micro dot. I don't know what they call if.

[Jacob]

You do it twice. The Justin tell you this, this is Justin silver thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

He told me to come inside a vagina and eat out of it.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People don't think you're gay, but you still get to enjoy your gay stuff, Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I didn't want to do that.

[Jacob]

Yeah. I was sucking another man' Come out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of A and go to advertising now. Bear skin jackets.

[Big J]

Justin said he ate his own C. Sure. Yeah.

[Jacob]

You haven't stopped thinking about it, have you?

[Big J]

Yeah, I mean I'll make you. Don't forget about the only thing that.

[Jacob]

Makes you come now.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Thinking about that, but okay, go ahead. Another question.

[Big J]

No, I just didn't understand like what's the benefit to taking it once a month? Once a week is one.

[Jacob]

Because you know, instead of like having it all like working, wearing off that one dose all week in the middle of the week, it'll Give you another. Kind of like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, so it just. It just disperses better if you take it. If you take.

[Jacob]

So they say. I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, exactly. If you take it on Monday, by Thursday, Friday, Saturday, you'll be coming down, you test, you'll be coming down again. So you might feel that energy drop. But. But if you take a little bit on Monday and some on Thursday, it keeps you just even for the week. And I know so many guys that have done the testosterone, and it just brings you kind of back up, supposedly. I don't know yet, dude. I just tried it. I'll let you know in, like, six months if there was a change in me. I'm just working out. I'm trying to really work.

[Jacob]

I don't know. I think I've been waking up in the middle of the night and becoming a wolf, but I don't know. And I don't know if that's testosterone.

[Bobby Kelly]

In fairness, I choked Don and Max at the same time and picked him up off.

[Jacob]

I want you to have lax, Adam, or road rage so bad. Where's Bobby? He's laying down on the street, letting cars pass him. He's going off his rocker.

[Big J]

I heard you're interested, so I didn't.

[Jacob]

Know, like, how long tease.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing you'll like. I went to my doctor a few years ago. My tea has been the same for a few years. It's been in the four hundreds, which I don't really like. Right.

[Jacob]

He hasn't been the same since the 80s. Your D.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's because you got your booger nose in front of the D. We thought you said D.

[Jacob]

D. Did you guys hear me? I said the D.

[Bobby Kelly]

But, yeah. So, like, I went to this place. This place takes your blood, does all this lab work. I have to go back in, and they do all kinds of other lab work. You got to keep going in, though. You keep, like. You have to keep getting your blood checked.

[Jacob]

It's a wellness center we all should.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go to make you make sure that, you know, it's not affecting you in a bad way where your tea is. You don't want to go too high. You don't go too low. You want to find that sweet spot so it's not something you just get and start injecting yourself and you're good.

[Jacob]

You got to keep going. Bobby's wolfing out. No, Styles, I'm not a wolf. I'm a fag.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So it's. It's supposed to help you with working out because it takes A lot for me to work out.

[Jacob]

Crushing ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'll be honest with you, and I haven't told anybody this. I've been in a little depression the last couple months, but it only lasts for a couple hours. Like I'll. It will happen. Like, it will just hit me and take me out where I'm just want to sit on the couch and that food thing comes back and all kinds of other stuff, and I'm just like, fuck it. I'll just lie there, maybe get some.

[Jacob]

Bubblier glasses and stop wearing those Roy Orbsons you got on. Get some fun eyewear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I. There's nothing funnier than a guy going, let me just tell you something. I've been depressed and sad the last two months. Why don't you change your glasses?

[Jacob]

You Roy Orbison glasses.

[Bobby Kelly]

You tub of. Get some better glasses.

[Jacob]

Crying.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's, you know, like, guys good. Like Dawn's going through menopause and they're, you know, their estrogen. All that stuff goes up and down. Guys go through the same. But we're just supposed to man it up and keep going. And I was like, I talked to a lot of guys who've done this and I'm gonna do it and hopefully it brings me my energy back up. Helps you remember again, your memory, your. Your. You get to work out a little harder and stuff like that. Because I've been plateaued at 230 for a year now. I need to. I want 200. I want to get to 200 and call it a day. And I don't have that type of energy to do it. And I think that this will help me out.

[Jacob]

Christine, are there wellness centers near us? I want to go to a wellness center.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stanford. You go to Stanford, I'll hook you up.

[Jacob]

Why the hell would I go all the way to Connecticut?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's only 30 minutes from you.

[Jacob]

No, it's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know it's like 50, but whatever.

[Jacob]

There's got to be one. Probably in my area.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's probably one in your area. It definitely is. Well, the reason.

[Jacob]

Are you going to a wellness center now?

[Bobby Kelly]

My primary doctor wants to have a wellness program, but I'm not falling for that. No, dude, I'm telling you, bro. What are you talking about?

[Jacob]

Whenever it says chiropractic, so I don't listen. I want chiropractics more than anything. I love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Scam.

[Jacob]

But it's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it is a scam.

[Jacob]

What are you saying?

[Bobby Kelly]

Chiropractors are scams. I'll tell you what they Actually, the guy I'm seeing up in where I'm at this. Microphones, limp. Is my.

[Jacob]

Everything in here sucks. Every piece of equipment in this building sucks, except the ones that we can't use. The cameras are phenomenal, but we don't know. The lights are covered with little pieces of tape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, listen, chiropracting. I went there. It's. It's. Maybe what they do is I went in. I. They charged me a lot of money on my insurance. They. They made me watch a whole video, like a cult. And then I had. He was like, you have to sign up for a year. You have to do two visits a week. Five to three a week to start out. And I'm just. I'm just letting the guy talk. And I had to sit through this stupid thing. And I went in for the first week. I go, let me check this. I just want to do one week. Check it out. I went in. I lied on the table. He did a stupid thing on my neck. Pulled this, did that. Roll over. Okay, you're done. It was like three minutes, four minutes. I'll see you next week. I'm like, it's only a few minutes. Yeah, fuck you.

[Jacob]

It's like tanning.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's bullshit.

[Jacob]

Only a few minutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's bullshit.

[Jacob]

What does this building do, Mike?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say, my chiropractor was a scam, too. And he used that handheld massager on me. I'm like, why don't I just get the handheld massager? And I bought it. 70 on Amazon. I haven't been back. Yeah, you know what? I went to Sports Massage. I found a sport. This guy Frank up right down the street from my house, Sports Massage guys, the guys who work on athletes.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

They know how every muscle ligament connects to everything underneath the skin. He went into my back.

[Jacob]

But do they jerk them off after?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, of course. I'm not gonna. What do you think? I'm not gonna get jerked off at the end.

[Jacob]

I'm just worried that these athletes are gonna get their, you know, all their muscles and everything right, and their backs and lines straightened out in the line. But are they gonna get jacked off by this guy?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. They jerk you off.

[Jacob]

Okay, Black Lou. Yes, we have a caller calling in who agrees with Jacob about what's going on here.

[Bobby Kelly]

About what?

[Jacob]

I don't even know what we're talking about, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, I don't know what. Rats. What does he agree with?

[Big J]

Testosterone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, testosterone. Go ahead. Hi. What's your name?

[John]

John.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, John. What's happening? You're on the bonfire. Why don't you pull up a chair and enjoy some s'mores?

[Jacob]

Hey, welcome to the bonfire. Grab yourself wiener on a stick and. And sit down with us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, welcome to the bonfire. Sit down, light a cross on fire.

[Jacob]

Hey, welcome to the bonfire. These are your brothers in Aryan Brotherhood. Now, Bobby, take the floor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, welcome. What's up, Johnny?

[John]

So, Bobby, you gotta be careful. Once you start taking that juice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on one second.

[John]

Your body stops making testosterone.

[Big J]

That's what I keep hearing.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're absolutely right. I already knew that. That was the decision I made. When you take it, your body will just say, hey, I don't need to do it. There's a couple things. Your body might produce more estrogen. And a friend of mine got to go get estrogen blockers to block the estrogen. There's a couple things I'm gonna do it for. Understood. But I'm gonna do it for a little bit. All the guys I know on it. You can't just go get it. You know what I mean? You can, but you shouldn't. That's why I'm going to this place where I'm gonna be, have my blood checked, make sure everything's okay. And if there's a certain point where I. I don't feel, I'm just gonna back out of it.

[Jacob]

But not me, dude. I'm getting Diana ball from some greasy guy at the gym. He's giving to me. And the can, the pill. None of the. No two pills are the same.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, John. John.

[John]

I'm getting it from the doctor.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

John.

[Bobby Kelly]

What'd you say? John, we didn't hear you.

[John]

I'm on it. I'm on it from the doctor. They've been giving it to me now for two years because I'm an older guy. I'm 62.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, but you feel good, right?

[John]

My testosterone. I was almost a girl growing tits, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[John]

I had no drive. And now I've watched it. It doesn't happen immediately. It's a slow thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's slow. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes months. Right.

[John]

It's even longer.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm saying for men it takes months.

[John]

It takes. And then once it's. I guess now I'm two years in, almost.

[Jacob]

How do you feel?

[John]

Testosterone. I'm feeling pretty. Goddamn. I'm up to 400 on my testosterone now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, yeah, I'm at 400 now. You should be like 800.

[Jacob]

He said he was a girl.

[John]

I was just. I was 40. I think I'm Superman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now you are 40. Fuck. Wow. You pretty much having lips, but you.

[Big J]

Can'T go off of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, this is it.

[Big J]

Once you go on, you're committing for life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say something? As he got older. He's at 40. As he gets older, it just goes down to where he had no teeth.

[Jacob]

Jacob, your theories are all too. I've had the same shot. I had this when I had to take Lexapro for the rest of my life. And I go, or not for the rest. You know, whatever. As long as I'd have to take it. Everyone's always concerned about that. You've do it the rest of your life. You're going to do it the rest of your life. Yeah, you have to take vitamins every day, too. It's like just part of the thing. It's a routine ad.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you're not like, you may have.

[Jacob]

To do it the rest of your life, but you're going to feel good.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a chemical. Look, I understand. I don't take any pills at all. Nothing.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's not true.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I'm sorry, what did you say? Micro correction. I don't take any pills.

[Jacob]

I believe that you do take pills.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? What?

[Jacob]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't take any.

[Jacob]

I was just being funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. I was trying to be funny, too.

[Jacob]

No, you weren't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fight back.

[Jacob]

That's a move. That's your move.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that. This is.

[Jacob]

You say you're being funny and then you can't go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Serious.

[Jacob]

When I say I was trying to be funny, you go, I was being funny, too, and I yelled at you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're supposed to go micro correct.

[Jacob]

Yell at Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

You. Jacob.

[Jacob]

I'm looking at this guy's tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, I'm sorry. Listen, my testosterone's getting better.

[Jacob]

God, he's hyped up.

[Big J]

Do you want to know what my gave himself?

[Jacob]

One jag in the belly and he's fucking on the off the rails, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you. What you have to do is get your blood check, get your testosterone check. But they don't just check for that. They have to check for a lot of things. So you get that checked. If it's below 300, you. You could get testosterone.

[Jacob]

Fix your face before Bobby knocks you the fuck out. I see him getting good. I see him getting worked up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Jacob]

Fix your facial expression, dude. For Bobby fixes it for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, not for nothing. It's bugging me. Jake.

[Jacob]

Oh, no, he's wolfing out. He's wolfing out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, listen. But what happens. You're just replacing what you were when you were 27 or 25. You probably had 800 to a thousand. You're just replacing it. You're not putting anything else in your body except replacing what you lost.

[Jacob]

Now the lowest end of normal is 400. Your probably. I'm guessing around 2.

[Big J]

How do you know? I bet mine's higher than yours.

[Jacob]

Listening to your voice, it might be very much. I have no idea. I was okay when I went on it last time. I was four. No, I was like five something. It was low fives and it was.

[Christine]

Like just low enough to be able.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it was just low enough to be able to low end of normal that they said I could do it. So I don't know. But I was on it for. I did one month and then they took me off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why'd they take you off of it?

[Jacob]

Because I couldn't go get blood work done again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Jacob]

Just timing. So I had to go get blood work done to get another prescription for it. I didn't have time to go get blood work.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's why I like this game day place. I walked in, made an appointment, they gave me a consultation for free.

[Jacob]

Well, Christina's looked up a gynecologist for me. I guess when I was trying to see if a wellness center, it was just chiropractic. So I went like a. What's it called? Like an anti Aging. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

This place does that.

[Christine]

Testosterone replacement for men. Wayne, New Jersey.

[Jacob]

Well, the one place you went to was like all.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? The place I'm going to does everything right. Does. Did you go to it?

[Christine]

What's the name of the place you go game day?

[Bobby Kelly]

Game day. Men's Health. It's. They have. They're opening up a bunch of locations. They might have a Look.

[Jacob]

They're a franchise.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a. Yeah. Because this.

[Jacob]

You're going to tgi. Thank God. It's testosterone.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is like a thing down in Florida. Like all these things that happen. Yeah, Yeah. I booked the testosterone replacement test, went in free. They do it and they have all the tests there. So they do the testing. So in 20 minutes, you know what your tea is.

[Jacob]

Christine, look up. Why Game day? It's been seen in men's Health as the best franchise for intravenous drugs.

[Big J]

I mean, my age, I still. I'm very good about working out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Big J]

And I still get boned up pretty easy, pretty damn easily.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Jacob]

Let me see. Get hard for me. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right now.

[Big J]

I mean, I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Look at this.

[Jacob]

Bobby will be able to in a few months.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at my tit. Look at my titty.

[Jacob]

Look at his tit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that.

[Big J]

You have a man's titty. That's not that titty that they say.

[Jacob]

You can get hard. Stop talking about it and get yourself hard right now for me.

[Big J]

Can't do it right now.

[Jacob]

Sure you can.

[Christine]

I just love that there's like a medical word for bitch tits.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Christine]

I looked at the pronunciation here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Say it.

[Jacob]

Gynecomastia.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gynecomastia.

[Christine]

Gynecomastia.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do not want gynecomastia. I think Mike Calder got gynecomastia when he started testosterone and he had to go and get a estrogen blocker.

[Jacob]

I think I currently have it.

[Big J]

Let me ask you this though. You're going to get this if you have to commit to working out though.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, you're going to get. Not everybody gets that. Not. You have to. That's why you have to get everything checked every six months. You. You have to go back in. I have to go back in in six weeks. I'm actually going back in Friday and then I'm going back in in six weeks. But here's the thing, they mail you the stuff so you just do it. Bang. I'm done in two seconds. So it just gets mailed to my house every once a month.

[Jacob]

Christine, stop looking at necessarily just testosterone.

[Dr. Horton]

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[Jacob]

The best things in life come when you don't settle. That's why switching to Metro is a great choice. Because at Metro you don't just get great deals, you get even more of what you love. You shouldn't have to put up with the yada yada you find with other carriers things like hidden fees, contracts and underwhelming deals. That's why at Metro you can get great deals on 5G devices from top brands like Samsung with no contracts, no credit checks, no exploding bills and nada, yada yada. That's wireless without the gotcha. With more 5G phones to choose from. And incredible deals. You'll never feel like you're accepting less than what you deserve. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store and learn about their amazing deals. Go to metrobyt mobile.com stores to find a location near you.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jacob]

Find me a place that's gonna robocop me together.

[Bobby Kelly]

How funny was John? Bobby, listen to me when you do the tea.

[Big J]

He said it changed his Life, though.

[Jacob]

Yeah. He says. Great.

[Big J]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J]

A lot of first he started with. Yeah, you can't ever go off of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Because your body does. Has it, so it doesn't need to produce it. Yeah.

[Jacob]

That's a wellness center. What is that guy, 105 years old? That's the only way that makes sense to me.

[Christine]

Well, that's. It's the same thing with, like, the hormone replacement therapy for menopause. And it's like there are downsides to it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dawn is doing that.

[Christine]

It makes you. There's so many upsides.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don is doing that. She's doing the homework because we.

[Jacob]

Oh, no. I'm asking. Why will Christine not find me a wellness center?

[Christine]

Jay, I found you three.

[Jacob]

That's a place for old blacks. Look at the goddamn cover.

[Christine]

People that need tea are old men.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's who needs tea. Louie's turning into one.

[Jacob]

I don't want. I don't just want.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's getting crazy. Here he goes. He's got crazy.

[Jacob]

I want full on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay is going. Going crazy.

[Jacob]

Wellness all around. What do you call, like, anti aging clinic?

[Christine]

Yeah, you want a med spa. That's what you want.

[Jacob]

Christine, if you don't stop talking and start typing, I swear to God, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there a.

[Jacob]

You're lucky my tea is low, right? Break your fingers off.

[Bobby Kelly]

The place I go to does, like, vitamin shots. They do all kinds of other stuff than. Other than tea. They don't have a game day near you, like, one of those places.

[Jacob]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is she bringing up?

[Jacob]

Dude, she's just bringing up.

[Christine]

I thought you wanted cool sculpting, Botox, lasers.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wants a guy.

[Christine]

He wants a man.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wants. He wants a spa that keeps you young with, like, vitamin B shots and vitamins and all kinds of that crazy shit.

[Christine]

Oh, you want, like, a Joe Rogan place.

[Jacob]

I want this guy's dick where there's lines that go to his dick. Yeah, Joe Rogan stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to sip in my broth?

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Try it.

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Jacob]

Because.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please.

[Jacob]

I don't want it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Will you try it?

[Jacob]

I don't want to. Try your cold broth.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my bone broth. It's hot. Please try it.

[Jacob]

I don't want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please try it. It's just. It's bone broth. Just try it. Tell me how good.

[Jacob]

Are you tricking me right now? Is this your come?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I can't fill a cup up with my come.

[Big J]

Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, buddy.

[Jacob]

Bobby. It smells like piss. I don't like it, but it's not pissed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please.

[Jacob]

I know it's not piss.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. Just try. It's my bone broth. Try it. It's so good. Just take a sip.

[Jacob]

It's your bone broth.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's bone broth. It's awesome.

[Jacob]

Try from your bone.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Try. It's so tasty. It's like a meal. It's like a meal. How good is that?

[Jacob]

It's good. It's delicious. It's not a meal. It's salty water.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. It's such an asshole.

[Jacob]

It's delicious salty water. I loved it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's bone broth. Isn't it good?

[Jacob]

It is good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't it tasty? You don't want another sip?

[Jacob]

No. Stop trying to make me ingest the bone broth you have to get rid of. You packed too much bone broth and you're over it. Now you're trying to put it off on me. Is this the place I'm gonna go to?

[Christine]

Well, yes. You keep saying that. I'm not finding the places, but I found multiple. See? Anti aging medicine for men. Trt. This is like what these places are.

[Jacob]

Okay, good.

[Christine]

But you also want a med spot to get the laser for your face.

[Jacob]

I also do need lasers for my face. Yeah, I need face lasers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Your face is gorgeous.

[Jacob]

That's not what the facial lady told me. She says I have rosacea and patchy red spots.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did she say it?

[Jacob]

You have rosacea? She have an accent and patchy red spots? No, she was white.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Just a young white lady who did a. I think a good facial. It did feel good. Doesn't feel the same anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

What does it say? Read. Common symptoms of low testosterone are used to low sex drive through that. Low sex drive.

[Jacob]

Low sex drive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Had that. Yep, absolutely. Keep going. Scroll. Inability achieve and maintain.

[Jacob]

You have that. You have that for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Keep going. Stop. I don't have that. I can achieve.

[Jacob]

No, you said you have, like, a soggy dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do not. I never said SOG in my life.

[Jacob]

You said it was soggy and you couldn't get it hard no matter how much you did.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not true.

[Jacob]

And so you have to close a book on it to feel true.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I watch tranny porn, I am hard as a.

[Jacob]

Okay, all right. So there you go. We don't have. You see that part of the clinic.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go.

[Jacob]

You know what? Stay out of that wing, okay? Bobby's got a super hardcock for trans.

[Bobby Kelly]

D. I don't have my sex. Driver's gone. I don't want to have sex.

[Jacob]

You just want to look at trans.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want to look at my. I just want to look at a hardcock.

[Jacob]

Have a hardcock. Looking at hardcock.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Okay, what's next? Loss of strength and muscle mass.

[Jacob]

Yeah, everyone was saying that about you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody said that about me. Hair loss. Well, we all know that. What is that? I don't have those. I mean.

[Christine]

Also called man boobs.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I mean I have them a little bit. Right. Do I have man boobs?

[Jacob]

We called you who? We call them hoots.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do I have man.

[Jacob]

So you see Bobby's hoots?

[Bobby Kelly]

Feel my. Feel my chest.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you have strong chest.

[Big J]

Strong chest.

[Bobby Kelly]

I already know I got strong.

[Jacob]

You got a barrel just like this guy.

[Big J]

You forget you're part of the bonfire workout boys.

[Jacob]

Decreased energy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've had that. That's a depression thing. I go to mine sucks depression also. That's the one that kills me and it. And you know what gets me out of it? Working out. If I walk on the treadmill. If I just get up and walk on the treadmill, I will. My depression goes the away. It is wild the way depressed about Buddy. It's just I'm. I'm mental. You know what I mean? I have those fucked up things with me and I'm aware of it. I never used to be aware of it. Now when it happens, I'm like I'm in a depression. I don't know what happened. My fucking. The chemicals in my brain fucked up. If I just make it downstairs, get on the treadmill, it will go away.

[Jacob]

What's the thing that gets to you? You're not a good father. You're not a good husband.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean I never have said any of those. I'm always. I mean I'm actually proud of myself of being a father and a friend and a husband piece of. I don't. I like myself good.

[Jacob]

Good for nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

That has nothing to do with it. That has not. You give me a headache right now. I want to take a nap now I'm sad. So.

[Jacob]

So that's what you just do. And you have no sleep and you can't concentrate because all your mind is once with a rotten.

[Big J]

They writing my biography?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Sleep and the concentration thing kills me because I have adhd. I have dyslexia. I have all that stupid shit. Weight gain. Yep.

[Jacob]

We've all.

[Christine]

Even though today's society is more inclusive of large people, we're not.

[Jacob]

Keep going. The benefits of TRT and Anti aging. You get this hot chick?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Jacob]

Oh, is that what happens? So when my testosterone is back, this hot chick comes to kiss me on the side of the face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Reduction in. Reduction in body fat, increased strength, more muscle mass, more energy. Low risk of erectional dysfunction, higher spread. No, I want erectile dysfunction.

[Jacob]

Thank you, Bobby. That's not micro corrections. I want you to get it. I want you to get it, buddy. You went, like coaching you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're like a great white shark that saw meat in the ocean. You went, what is it called?

[Jacob]

Come on, I know you could do it, though. I believe in you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said erectile dysfunction, but at first.

[Jacob]

You said a whole crazy different word. That's not a real word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, apparently you don't believe me because I just said it, right? You didn't go, yay.

[Jacob]

I did. I just cried. I was so proud of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you weren't.

[Jacob]

You said erectionally.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're erectional.

[Jacob]

Erectionally dysfunctioned.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a big dick.

[Jacob]

But I'm hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, whatever. Go back up. Go back up. Go, go.

[Jacob]

Male menopause. What is that even?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's men go through menopause, bro.

[Jacob]

Is that why you're crying all the time?

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Crying. You're a piece of shit.

[Jacob]

We never got to your cry song yet. We have to.

[Christine]

I can get hgh. I thought you, like, couldn't get.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't get it. But you can.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

At these places you can. I'm not. I'm going to try the testosterone, and if that in the next six months.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna go hgh. So my forehead grows big.

[Christine]

This is the other stuff.

[Jacob]

You only got a cave head.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that?

[Christine]

This is a peptide.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Peptides. I want to start doing peptides.

[Jacob]

I love peptides.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. I wanted to be friends with Joe Rogan so bad so he can help me with peptides.

[Jacob]

Is this in our neighborhood? Yeah, it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You going to get.

[Jacob]

Make me an appointment, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to get peptides?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's a peptide? I don't even know what it is, but I want it.

[Jacob]

Well, Dr. G. Dr. G tells me there's certain peptides that I could just somehow inject into my body and it'll find my lungs and fix all of the smoking damage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say something?

[Jacob]

That's fake.

[Bobby Kelly]

My friend had a shoulder injury. They wanted surgery. He said, fuck. It went to peptides. Gone. Healed it?

[Jacob]

Yep. Tiffany Haddish said she was due for knee surgery. Instead, they injected peptides. She now doesn't need Knee surgery and she's stable.

[Bobby Kelly]

I might want to do Peptides.

[Jacob]

I. Listen, I'm gonna. I'm going to. Now, I don't know if they do that over at game day. Franchise the sports clip. Haircuts of testosterone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't. Don't trash these people. They're friends of mine.

[Jacob]

Yeah, the haircuttery.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they're not. They're amazing.

[Jacob]

Bob, everybody you meet isn't your friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, this guy's a friend of mine.

[Jacob]

Oh, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's really.

[Jacob]

I thought you were like a retarded person.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's great company. These guys are really great. They're awesome.

[Jacob]

Game day, men's health.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's really cool place to go to it. You know what it did because you go to a doctor. My doctor two years ago was a woman doctor and she was like, why do you want testosterone? I go, well, I want to see if mine's low. What if it is?

[Jacob]

And did you go, can I have a man, please?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was weird.

[Jacob]

She goes, look, I wanted to see a doctor, not a nurse. And then when she flips out, you go, classic chick shit. That's how you break him down.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then I went to a guy doctor and he was just like an idiot. He was like, whatever, man. I was like, I don't want that. These people know what the fuck they're talking about and made it.

[Jacob]

You like your doctor to be wearing a baseball hat backwards. Hey, yo, you want to get your fucking best gains you could possibly get? You can see I'm wearing a lab coat and a backwards hat.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just want my doctor to be a hot Puerto Rican girl that I can see once a month.

[Jacob]

Oh, that's right. I forgot. You're doing this all for a woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

In six months, I'll walk in with a rod.

[Jacob]

I know. Could you imagine if I go in there and it's just a smoking hot down syndrome girl at my wellness center? We're going to be in competing wellness centers. We'll have to meet at nationals and we'll see who's wellest.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, if. If this stuff works, which I think it will, every guy I know, around 10 dudes that have been on it. If every guy that I've talked to is. No one has said it sucked. Everybody's like, dude, you're gonna feel so much better. It takes a while. It doesn't happen overnight. But you are gonna feel it and you're gonna. You'd be able to do all the things you want to do again.

[Jacob]

Christine, for the Monday that We're back from. Let's say not moon tower, but when I get back from Atlanta, let's get me in one day. I want to get my first tanning sesh and then the wellness center, please. Can you get me in the wellness center? What's wrong? Why are you making a face?

[Christine]

I'm not making a face.

[Jacob]

Yeah, she's making a face. When she's making a face, you made a. You're being weird.

[Christine]

You're not going to want to do multiple things. Your first.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did make a face.

[Christine]

I'm always making a face, Poppy.

[Jacob]

She does make a face.

[Christine]

I wear it. All right. On my face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I don't want you to say that again on radio show.

[Jacob]

She likes to wear it on her face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she said that.

[Jacob]

She likes come walks.

[Bobby Kelly]

She said I wear it all on my face.

[Jacob]

All over her face.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, so listen, we'll do this and then we'll see what's happening.

[Jacob]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll come back to it. Dude, I think.

[Jacob]

I think your eyebrows are going to grow to your ears, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if I get hair back? Dude, I think this summer we're going to be shredded.

[Jacob]

Probably shredded at this point, I'm going to be fucking struck. Jacob, I know you're pissed off because me and Bobby are like fucking Drago. We're pure medical science turned into fucking lean, mean machines. And you're over there grinding it out really hard with your little rubber bands. But I'm going to tell you, me and Bobby are more human than human.

[Big J]

If I'm using the log, I'm doing squats with a log.

[Jacob]

Absolutely, buddy. You're doing it the right way. You're. You're Rocky Balboa ing it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're gonna kill Apollo.

[Jacob]

But I'm gonna tell you this.

[Big J]

Get your people to cheer my name.

[Jacob]

No, no, no. It's. It's not gonna happen that way, you understand? Because me and Bob are gonna be so full of synthetic steroids and HGH that we're gonna rip you in half like a fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, don't forget half of America now is communist.

[Jacob]

Yeah, that's true. We're gonna. We're gonna grab. Me and Bob are each gonna grab an arm and a leg and we're gonna rip you in two pieces with our new bodies.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then we're gonna eat you.

[Jacob]

And then we're gonna eat you for protein because you're all lean muscle.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's all you are. We should get to my song before we have to go.

[Jacob]

I can't believe how he's never gotten to the song. And we almost have to go.

[Bobby Kelly]

We almost have to go.

[Jacob]

We got about seven minutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

So tee this up, dude.

[Jacob]

Bobby, we all. I found my 11,000 songs that make me cry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cuz you're not.

[Jacob]

Everyone said there. What's something Pearl Jam makes you cry? Every time, Lou, I've cried. I know, I know. You cry every time they leave the stage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

I don't know when I'm going to see him again. You think they have another album in the mood?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's pretty accurate.

[Jacob]

I have so many songs I cry at. Christine is emotionless or too many emotions. No, in between. And Bobby looked the whole time for one song. One song makes him cry.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was saying this song made me cry in front of Don and Max and Don started laughing going, what. What the fuck are you doing?

[Jacob]

I heard 10 seconds of it outside. And I'll tell you what. I think I already agree with her. But let's see.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just makes me sad because it's like a whole lifetime.

[Jacob]

Sounds like a commercial for Mrs. Dash.

[Christine]

This song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut up.

[Jacob]

You know it. This sounds like. Doesn't this not sound like. Doesn't this sound like when south park does like a joke of a genre? Because this is a country song about a sad thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys are stepping on the meaningful build up. There's a build up?

[Jacob]

When I was 17, things were different. That's what's getting you. You get by hit by songs about getting old.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. There's a build up. Listen. It's crazy. Here we come. Oh, just.

[Jacob]

Just ask him how he did it. He'll say, put up a seat. It'll only take a minute to tell you everything. Be a best friend. Tell the truth. Positive daily affirmations.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love my wife.

[Jacob]

Come home and kiss your wife on the cheek and go to bed and then take testosterone replacement therapy and work out all night, never sleep and never spend time with your family.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love my wife so much, dude. Yeah, I really love my wife so much. And it just makes me think of our whole 30 years together.

[Jacob]

She's laughed at you and you.

[Bobby Kelly]

She laughed. She laughed at my face. When I looked at.

[Jacob]

I went.

[Bobby Kelly]

This reminds me of all. She went, what the are you doing? I. I makes me laugh. I mean, it makes me cry. What? I like the song, dude.

[Jacob]

Holy. Dude, this guy looks like an a hole.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut up. He's great.

[Jacob]

And a backwards hellcat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Jacob]

First of all, me and you, Me and you have to learn, Bobby, that we look like buffoons when we get Emotional over songs that have the word faithful in them. We look like idiots.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm crying right now.

[Jacob]

And I dedicate my heart to you every day since the day I met you. Except for those couple of chicks that I that one time and then another time also. And then I said I would never do it again. But I did it several times again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay. In around six months with my tees back up, this piece of.

[Jacob]

I mean, for real.

[Bobby Kelly]

My T's low. And I was up. And we were driving to the country.

[Jacob]

Up last summer when you were looking at her. And you're my best friend and a girl and we don't have sex just like best friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

The sun was setting and her hair was blowing out the window and there was like the little speckles of light going on her. And I was just like, I love my wife so much.

[Christine]

Oh, man. She's never felt that way about me.

[Jacob]

Jeez, Christine, she's not wrong. Christine. Christine thought one time I was putting my arm around her in a car, but I was just going behind her to open, unlock her door and then try to kick her out of it.

[Christine]

I said the only time he ever took a picture of me was to send it to another girl to see if she was interested in me.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I thought Christine might be the problem.

[Christine]

Really quick. I was like, what?

[Jacob]

I go, this chick wants to see if you're hot enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and her.

[Jacob]

Me and this girl are deciding if you're hot enough. Christine.

[Christine]

Yeah, me and this. This girl needs to decide if she wants to.

[Jacob]

You. Hey, I'm just letting her see what's up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh.

[Jacob]

Always treat your woman like a lady. Never get too old to call her baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Never let your praying knees get lazy.

[Jacob]

And love like crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm nauseous.

[Christine]

I'm going to throw up.

[Jacob]

Be a best friend. Tell the truth.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said that love. It makes you sick because you want it.

[Jacob]

Bobby, we're so wired wrong, you and I both. Especially for relationships that you like this because it looks like flip open paper instructions on a relationship. Be a best friend. Tell the truth. Go to work, do your best. Don't outsmart your common sense.

[Christine]

Microsoft, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They bought stock and it became something later in life. You asshole.

[Christine]

They called him crazy when he quit his job.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Said them home computers, boy, they'll never take off. He sold his one man shop to Microsoft.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And made a fortune.

[Christine]

And this is what you cry about?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Then they paid him like crazy. He made him millions of dollars like Forrest Gump, you asshole. They don't have to worry about money.

[Jacob]

Wait. There's a fake story about a guy who got money from selling something at Microsoft.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys are fucking assholes.

[Jacob]

It's a fictitious story.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope you never get married.

[Jacob]

Don't worry.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope you never have any love in your life. I hope you die in separate rooms of this big house you live in.

[Jacob]

We will. No, Christine will die in the house. I'm gonna die in a hotel room trying to get back the house language I speak, by the way. House has now become houses on the house. House is something that is a. It's an entity now. It's its own thing. I just ask when I call. I just go. I'm just calling to check on house. House. House. This house. Miss me?

[Bobby Kelly]

House. Is your kid with Christine?

[Jacob]

Does House miss me? What is House doing? What are you doing? The house. Are you upsetting House? Be your best friend. Do a dish. Don't be a. Call her a.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, we gotta go.

[Jacob]

Do not piss inside her. Her gas tank.

[Christine]

Mine was for a long time.

[Jacob]

Always take a toilet. Never use her clothes as toilet paper.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love my wife. I'm sorry that. I love my mom. I feel it. Jay loves nothing.

[Jacob]

Never clean your with her toothbrush.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay loves House.

[Jacob]

Never take a dump inside her panty drawer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay speaks like a. Like a chimp. Jay love house.

[Jacob]

Jay loves house.

[Christine]

New dress. He had to say, I need a bra.

[Jacob]

No, no, no. I asked you if you were going to squeeze your boobs together for that dress, and when you said no, I made this face. Oh, that's called suggestiveness. That's what Bobby tells me to do. Christine. I believe, Christine, if it serves me correctly, your tits would look better squeezed together than that. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, we'll check on your dad. Big J is going to be in Nashville with me coming up very shortly next week. He's gonna be there, I believe, through the 6th through the 9th, doing story wars every night. And he's also gonna be doing another comedy show there, and your own. You're gonna be doing a show for our friend Bobby. Right, Bobby?

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby.

[Jacob]

I don't know. Do they announce who's on that show?

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, well, you're gonna be on it, right?

[Jacob]

Well, we've announced it. That's right, everyone. Austin, Texas, moon tower. While Bobby's gonna be at the mothership. Same weekend, everybody. We're definitely going to Cisco's for breakfast. Breakfast, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, whatever you want. I'm going wherever you guys want you.

[Jacob]

Terry Blacks hooks us up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, it's Bomb.

[Jacob]

No, they don't care about you. They're excited for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's all right.

[Christine]

I would go there because it's so good.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you just go there and pay. I try to pay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Be a fresh friend. Love her like you do.

[Jacob]

Yeah, this is how I love her. Shut the up. We're going to Cisco's Friday and criticism.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys, this Friday night, everybody listen. And do me a favor. Favorite Download the Punch up app and watch the special. If you haven't seen it, if you have seen it, you probably haven't seen a while. Check it out. One of my favorite specials I've done Live from the Village Underground, uncensored up on Punch Up Live.

[Jacob]

Just kiss her on the mouth even though you don't want to hug her. Even though she smells like morning. Even try to pretend that you didn't hear fart in her sleep.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope you guys appreciate what we do to make you laugh.

[Jacob]

Well, Christine just got gas chambered by my shit from last night today, so.

[Christine]

Listen, I mean, having it smack you when you're going to brush your teeth is really something else.

[Jacob]

Christine, I've seen your doo doo streaks on the toilet and I've thrown out just as early as today. Your.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, don't say it.

[Christine]

My dental floss.

[Jacob]

Her dental floss.

[Christine]

Should I just leave it in a string?

[Jacob]

What?

[Christine]

Instead, Is that less gross?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's gross.

[Jacob]

No, throw it out.

[Christine]

I mean to. And then I forget.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll see you guys Monday. Enjoy your weekend.

[Jacob]

Enjoy Billy Idol tomorrow on the Pre Record, everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Enjoy Jay's Day Gay crying songs, too.

[Jacob]

What? They're not like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is.

[Jacob]

And I love my wife even though she only owns 1 pair of pants and 17 pair of sweatpants.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll see you guys Monday. It's the bonfire. Crackle, crackle.

[Jacob]

Is that little toe always bent like that? Why is the bottom of your foot so rough?

[Bobby Kelly]

It just makes me cry.

[Jacob]

Oh, my. Don't you shave your calves Also shave your thighs. You can.