The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Episode: Death Cab with Sean Patton
Air Date: December 11, 2025
Overview
This episode features Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, joined by their comedian friend Sean Patton, in a typically raucous Bonfire session. The trio launches into irreverent discussions about travel, the comedy life, wild school memories, culinary roots, catering, and the gritty realities of both their own lives and the many oddballs they've encountered in New York and New Orleans. Tonal swings between filth, nostalgia, and genuine warmth provide plenty of laughs, with Sean offering a slice of life from his Louisiana upbringing and behind-the-scenes festival tales.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Charleston, Comedy, & Local Celebrities
(01:58 – 03:15)
- Sean shares he's performing at Wit's End in Charleston, and the group riffs on Charleston's unique atmosphere—a city clinging to both Southern charm and problematic history.
- Jay jokes about possibly moving but not to Charleston. Bobby quips about the “rich racism” of the city, pokes fun at its antebellum vibe, and shares run-ins with celebrities like Bill Murray and Danny McBride.
- Brett Gelman, Stranger Things actor and comic, gets a shout-out as a Charleston denizen.
Notable Quote
“They try to really keep it like... like antebellum parties and shit. ... it feels like it’s gonna be women walking with, like, lace gloves and little umbrellas...”
— Bobby Kelly (02:24)
2. Porn Star Peter North & “Rope” Envy
(03:15 – 06:34)
- Spirals into a typically Bonfire NSFW segment on adult film star Peter North’s legendary “ropes.” The comics compare their own, less impressive realities, landing on absurd lines around legacy and genetics.
- Bobby details a conversation with Nina Hartley about North’s impressive output, play-by-play in their usual gross-out, poetic fashion.
- Artful analogies (chocolate over desserts, Jackson Pollock paintings) are thrown in.
Notable Quotes
“I just wish one time in my life I shot ropes like that.”
— Bobby Kelly (03:24)
“He’s the pornographic equivalent of, like, a Jackson Pollock.”
— Sean Patton (04:37)
3. Hot Teachers & School Lunchtime Stories
(07:09 – 15:46)
- The trio indulges in nostalgia about teachers, particularly “hot” female teachers and gym teachers, broaching crossing lines and awkward schoolboy crushes.
- Jacob (producer/crew) and Sean swap stories about childhood teachers' quirks, including cutting gray hairs in class, to the gang’s disbelief.
- Vivid takes on school lunches: weird milk bags in New Orleans, box vs. bag, and the humiliations and small hustles born of poverty or embarrassment (“lunch ticket” hustling, PBJ sandwiches).
- Group fondly recalls iconic school desserts, from cookies to Otis Spunkmeyer—leading into commercial food nostalgia (Subway, bowling alley cookies).
Notable Quotes
“She used to make me go up and cut her gray hairs out... in kindergarten.”
— Jacob (09:52)
“I would get the lunch, one lunch ticket, then sell it to the dollar kids... get the dollar and then buy my drugs and booze.”
— Jacob (13:29)
4. Food, Family & Southern Cooking
(18:00 – 21:45)
- Discussion turns toward Sean’s family’s catering business in New Orleans; Sean and Jay talk about the community, competition, and feast-scale cooking.
- Deep-fried turkey tips and horror stories—Sean details proper, safe methods, including blow-drying the turkey for crispy skin.
- Commentary on Southern attitudes ("government ain't gonna touch my fucking shit!") when Sean's sister, with a master’s in sociology, tried to help raise houses in flood zones.
Notable Quotes
“Growing up in a catering family, like, I can cook an insanely good gumbo, but I can only do it for like 20 servings or more.”
— Sean Patton (20:42)
“It's dangerous, but it's... so fucking [good].”
— Sean Patton on deep-frying turkeys (21:05)
5. Skankfest NOLA, Cab Gun Story, & The Real New Orleans
(27:20 – 32:53)
- Sean tells wild Skankfest stories: running into local competition, and his harrowing experience with a cab driver pulling a gun, locking him in, and threatening him after the festival (“Do not with me, man!”).
- The group contrasts New Orleans’ predatory quirks with the insulated stupidity safety net of Las Vegas: In NOLA, you must stay on your toes—shot girls drugging tourists, hustles ("I’ll tell you where you got your shoes... on your feet"), and persistent “local color.”
- Weird New York vs. New Orleans: scam artists, “monks with bracelets,” and the metamorphosis of eccentric characters in the comedy district.
Notable Quotes
“I am not with you, buddy. … And then he reaches his glove box and pulls out a gun.”
— Sean Patton (29:36)
“Vegas protects stupidity… New Orleans, unfortunately, kind of preys on stupidity.”
— Sean Patton (31:41)
6. Comedy Scene Oddballs, Scams & Costumed Hustles
(33:03 – 37:38)
- The crew shares stories of local NY weirdos, including those who became unhinged over time, and classic sidewalk hustles.
- Discuss characters like the “adventurer’s hat guy,” “milk carton golfer,” “Crazy Mike,” subway Elmo gangs, and racket territory at music festivals—even nitrous (NOS) mafia at Phish shows.
Notable Quotes
“He wore, like, an adventurer’s hat that had, like, birds and shit all over… He would just scream at people and just scream in the street.”
— Bobby Kelly (33:19)
7. Drug Stories & Being Dosed
(38:03 – 41:58)
- The conversation concludes with a dive into past drug stories: people slipping LSD in drinks, acid vs. mushrooms, “Visine pranks,” and industry in-jokes (“Ari Shafir’d”).
- Jay details the notorious Legion of Skanks episode where Ari Shafir swapped a dosed drink with Jay’s—a situation Jay did not appreciate, resulting in a sad, insomniac evening.
Notable Quotes
“He was like, you know, you drugged me? I drugged Jay. And then Jay’s face was the saddest face I’ve ever seen.”
— Jacob (40:01)
“I was awake, just upset with my friends… That’s how I handled it.”
— Big Jay Oakerson (41:31)
Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes with Timestamps
- (02:24) “They try to really keep it like… antebellum parties and shit.”
- (03:24) “I just wish one time in my life I shot ropes like that.”
- (04:37) “He’s the pornographic equivalent of, like, a Jackson Pollock.”
- (13:29) “I would get the lunch, one lunch ticket, then sell it to the dollar kids… get the dollar and then buy my drugs and booze.”
- (20:42) “I can cook an insanely good gumbo, but I can only do it for like 20 servings or more.”
- (29:36) “He… pulls out a gun. …Do not with me, man.”
- (31:41) “Vegas protects stupidity… New Orleans… preys on stupidity.”
- (40:01) “He was like… you drugged me? I drugged Jay. And then Jay’s face was the saddest face I’ve ever seen.”
- (41:31) “I was awake, just upset with my friends… That’s how I handled it.”
Segment Timestamps
- 01:36 – 03:15 Charleston, comedy gigs, and Southern quirks
- 03:15 – 06:34 Peter North, “ropes,” and performance envy
- 07:09 – 15:46 Teachers, old school lunch stories, and lunchroom economics
- 18:00 – 21:45 New Orleans family catering tales, mass cooking, deep-frying turkeys
- 27:20 – 32:53 Skankfest NOLA, the cab gun incident, tourist dangers in New Orleans
- 33:03 – 37:38 New York/East Coast street characters, scams, and musical hustles
- 38:03 – 41:58 Drugging stories, Jay’s “LSD betrayal,” comedy world pranks
Tone & Language
The language is raw, irreverent, brutally honest, and rich in filth and humor—the authentic Bonfire experience. There’s affection and camaraderie between the comics, with Sean adding a New Orleans flavor and a pinch of family pride. It’s a quick-fire roundtable of real stories, bodily fluids, hustle nostalgia, and the minor triumphs and losses of blue-collar and showbiz life.
In Summary
This Bonfire episode is vintage Oakerson/Kelly: it’s raucous, heartfelt, lewd, and deeply hilarious. With Sean Patton as the guest, the crew covers Southern roots, school scams, food, comedy culture, and the hazards of trusting—be it your classmates, local cabbies, or even your fellow comics. The only thing tying it all together is the trio’s ability to turn every humiliating, weird, or scary episode into a punchline.
For upcoming shows:
- Sean Patton at Wit's End, Charleston, SC (Dec 4–6)
- Bobby Kelly: Uncle Vinny’s, Point Pleasant, NJ
- Jay: Omaha
- Special Charity Drives and Village Underground live Bonfire taping (Dec 16)