Definitely A Roast

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Definitely A Roast" – The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Release Date: January 10, 2025

In the "Definitely A Roast" episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into a myriad of topics, blending humor with candid conversations. This episode offers listeners an inside look into Big Jay's recent experiences, the dynamics of their friendship, and the unpredictable nature of live events.

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1. Opening Banter and Pivens Discussion (00:01 – 05:22)

The episode kicks off with playful exchanges about guitar playing, highlighting Robert's aspiration to master the instrument quickly. This segues into a humorous conversation about Pivens—a reward system they use to engage listeners.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [01:03]: "When I watch someone play guitar, especially, like, really good guitarists, you're like, I don't know what it is even to learn there. They just know."

2. The Piven Dilemma and Listener Engagement (05:22 – 11:59)

Big Jay and Robert discuss their challenges with managing Pivens, particularly focusing on Robert's overzealous distribution. This leads to a lighthearted scolding from Big Jay about maintaining balance.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [09:08]: "You don’t want to be the one asshole not getting pivens when everyone’s just getting nailed with pivots left and right."

3. Big Jay’s Nashville Experience and the Roast Misunderstanding (12:04 – 27:38)

A significant portion of the episode centers on Big Jay's recounting of his unexpected experience attending the Roast of Jelly Roll in Nashville. Initially under the impression that it wasn't a traditional roast, Big Jay navigates the event with limited preparation, leading to amusing and tense moments.

Key Highlights:

• Invitation Confusion: Big Jay details his initial reluctance to attend, believing it was a non-roast event focused on sharing positive anecdotes about Jelly Roll.

  Quote:

  • Big Jay Oakerson [14:03]: "I was thinking of things. I'm like, oh, I'll say something funny. They said, Kid Rock's probably going to be there. Oh, I'll say a little something."

• Arrival and Realization: Upon arrival, Big Jay discovers it's a full-fledged roast with a structured lineup, which was communicated only at the last minute.

  Quote:

  • Big Jay Oakerson [16:54]: "But the day before, so I was like, I don’t even know how to, like, quietly get out of it."

• Interactions with Other Comedians: The hosts discuss performances by fellow comedians like Tony Hinchcliffe, John Crist, and Adam Ray, highlighting both successful and awkward moments.

  Quote:

  • Robert Kelly [24:55]: "Nobody wants to hear that. Who bombed, Jay?"

  Big Jay Oakerson [25:00]: "Nothing for me."

4. Tension with Cole Hauser and Event Aftermath (27:38 – 37:30)

Big Jay shares his frustration with Cole Hauser’s disruptive behavior during the roast, describing an uncomfortable interaction where Cole acted out of line.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [40:05]: "He was being a drunk jerk off in a balcony of a fucking roast. And I didn’t know it was a roast."

• Reflection on Relationships: The conversation touches on the complexities of friendships within the comedic community, emphasizing loyalty and the impact of fame.

  Quote:

  • Big Jay Oakerson [42:14]: "They’re best friends until that fame wears out."

5. Netflix Special Frustrations (37:30 – 44:21)

Transitioning from live events to career aspirations, Big Jay discusses his ongoing struggle to secure a Netflix special. Despite efforts and support from his agent, Netflix declines his proposals, leading to a mix of frustration and humor.

Key Points:

• Agent’s Support: Big Jay explains how his agent has leveraged connections to try and get his material picked up, but Netflix remains uninterested.

  Quote:

  • Big Jay Oakerson [26:27]: "They owe us one. And that didn't even do it."

• Persistence and Hope: Despite setbacks, there’s an underlying optimism about future opportunities and the potential for his work to eventually gain recognition.

6. Humorous Recaps and Behind-the-Scenes Insights (44:21 – 52:54)

The episode wraps up with more humorous exchanges about the roast's documentation, including group photos and videos that omitted Big Jay’s presence. The hosts poke fun at the situation, highlighting Big Jay’s frequent absences from official recordings.

Notable Quote:

• Big Jay Oakerson [47:17]: "I didn’t know this picture was taken at all. And I’ll tell you what. No one came. Just I’d say five feet away is the door to outside."

• Robert Kelly [49:13]: "The video of the picture of you not in it. There's a video of you not in the picture. You. You are cabined again, baby."

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Conclusion

"Definitely A Roast" offers a blend of personal anecdotes, professional challenges, and the camaraderie between Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly. From navigating unexpected live events to grappling with industry hurdles, the episode is a testament to their resilience and friendship. Listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of humor, insight, and the unpredictable nature of live podcasting, all while gaining a deeper understanding of the hosts' experiences and perspectives.

Reminder: For an ad-free and early access to new episodes, subscribers can tune into SiriusXM’s Faction Talk on Channel 103 or subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts.

Transcript

[Big J. Okerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. If you could just play this on a guitar, this song exclusively, you'd look cool at every party you ever went to.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like I can play guitar.

[Big J. Okerson]

I guess I get something real quick. Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I feel like if I pick one up now, I could just learn it quick.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

Howard Stern's going through that now. He's doing okay. But whatchamacallit? Who have I. I mean that. You're so wrong about that. Pete Corieli has one of my favorite jokes of all time.

[Robert Kelly]

Love that joke.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. He goes, I tried to learn how to play guitar, and all I learned was if I didn't know that somebody else already played the guitar, I would just say, it's fucking impossible. If I didn't know that anybody else had already accomplished, I did. When I watch someone play guitar, especially, like, really good guitarists, you're like, I don't know what it is even to learn there. Like, they don't use. Like, they're not using the guides that are all over the guitar. They just know. And they also. Most of them don't even know the. Not just know how it sounds in each spot.

[Robert Kelly]

I couldn't get past the calluses.

[Big J. Okerson]

You have to build calluses, which I didn't like.

[Robert Kelly]

I know I bought a. An 1100 when I. Back in the day in Boston, I was going to become a guitarist, and I had this really talented guy who was going to teach me, and I bought a $1,100 guitar. Electric, acoustic.

[Big J. Okerson]

Don't you fade out that rock God while he's playing Bobby's tone A guitar story and thanks Jay.

[Robert Kelly]

And I went to his house with my 1100 guitar, not even knowing how to play a thing. And he.

[Big J. Okerson]

I've made those mistakes.

[Robert Kelly]

He didn't show up, really. And then I just had an 1100 guitar that I never used.

[Big J. Okerson]

Still have it.

[Robert Kelly]

My uncle took it from me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Took it away.

[Robert Kelly]

Took it away.

[Big J. Okerson]

We've got a three guitar household, and no one knows how to play guitar. We have drums in storage. I sort of know how to play drums.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I have a keyboard that I know how to play Star wars on.

[Big J. Okerson]

Ooh. I have a full keyboard that may be ruined by dust. I got. That was for Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine was gonna play keyboard.

[Big J. Okerson]

She could play piano a little bit, but she. But it is funny when she. I think when I gave it to her, it was almost like the most unrewarding gift give ever. She goes, oh, no. I mean, I just, you know, like, I don't think I'm gonna play it that much.

[Robert Kelly]

You gave her a hobby. Hey, why don't you find something to do?

[Big J. Okerson]

She goes, I don't think I'm gonna play it that much. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

What'd you think? She was gonna be in there on her off time, just wailing away?

[Big J. Okerson]

And then another Christmas, she lost the guitar that her dad got her.

[Robert Kelly]

Ooh.

[Big J. Okerson]

So I bought her an awesome new acoustic guitar. And then, like, a week later, they found the guitar that her father gave her. Your guitar was now just sitting on the floor.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, do you know the guitar in the Hateful Eight when he takes the guitar and smashes it? Kurt Russell takes guitar, smashes it. That was a vintage marlin guitar that they loaned to the set. And her. Her reaction when she's like, whoa, hey. Whoa, whoa. That's real. Not just her going, you're smashing the real guitar. And he just. Quentin just left it in.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Little fun fact. That's a Monday fun fact.

[Big J. Okerson]

That is a good Monday fun fact.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's the bonfire.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up, Everybody?

[Big J. Okerson]

Faction Talk. SiriusXM103, Robert Kelly, Big J Okerson. Jacob, you thought we weren't gonna say it. I have been sitting on my hands all weekend to talk to you guys about things. And we all. You guys know some of it. There was a. There's a new development in it since none of that. You guys brought to my attention. That was the funniest thing in the world. In the world. Little. My fault. Little. Their fault, I'd say. But I was kind of, like, saying that I had something I had to go do in Nashville last Wednesday, which we'll get to at some point. I noticed this pivot stack is sitting very. It's not really even at all. There's a bunch of. You know what I mean by that? There's a bunch of breaks in the seams because they're all bent up and shifted around and some cut. And that is because you were a pivin whore, Bobby. I saw the picture that you gave out a year's worth of pivins in one show.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm an addict.

[Big J. Okerson]

They don't.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm an addict.

[Big J. Okerson]

They don't. They're not gonna do anything to earn them.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, when you ask me, you're like, hey, remember when you said this to me when the Pivens came out?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

We should go back and forth. And what did I say to you? I said, no.

[Big J. Okerson]

You said, I have a problem.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I have a problem. You do the pivins, Jay. You do the pivins.

[Big J. Okerson]

You did say that.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you went to do this hijinks in Nashville.

[Big J. Okerson]

Fucking hijinks.

[Robert Kelly]

You went into this fucking. This horseshit in Nashville, this bullshit, because you don't know how to say no, Right?

[Big J. Okerson]

You went to do this thing at.

[Robert Kelly]

This point, and you left me here with a stack of pivots.

[Big J. Okerson]

I did.

[Robert Kelly]

And I.

[Big J. Okerson]

You felt the power.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I felt the power. And I.

[Big J. Okerson]

You like people to like you at all. I'm the same way. I want people to like me, too. But this crew I've known for enough years, everybody doesn't have to like me. So I. I will manipulate them through Piven.

[Christine]

Can I have my Monday piven, please? Jay?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J. Okerson]

There's no such thing as a Monday pivot.

[Christine]

Oh, I'm sorry. Bobby trained us to think it might get a pivot. I'm sorry.

[Big J. Okerson]

You told everybody that they might just get pivins on.

[Christine]

No, I just assumed.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, because he was just doling them out that you like. Oh, yeah. What was. Can you remember any of the reasons that Piven was given?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, yeah, there was a couple reasons. Christine smiled, and then.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh. So Christine's flush with Piven. She's out of the negatives completely and in fact now daily giving back Pivens. Christine almost deserves no Pivens ever. How dare you guys give her Pivens at all.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I gotta. I want you to take them out of it because it was me. It was my fault. Did they stop me? No. Did Jacob. Did Jacob try to stop me?

[Christine]

Yes, he did. I said on the air, what?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, wow.

[Christine]

He's gotten drunk with power.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Christine]

And then you reprimanded me on the air.

[Robert Kelly]

Ooh, wow. I know what you are. You know what? I wish I'd go back. I wish there was a time machine. I go back and not go back to when I was drinking, went to jail. My stepfather beat me up. I go back to last Wednesday. And I wouldn't give you shit for Pisman. I wouldn't give you nothing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Because you can't do that now. Now that you have to sit in that. Because Jacob now believes that Piven's like a fall, like rain.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I say why does it really hurt, this scolding? What? This. I'm really feeling this right now.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm not scolding you at all. I'm just saying, like, you've crazy. You didn't gain anyone's respect by what you did. They. They feel like they could walk over you and just, like, you'll get pivots out no matter what.

[Christine]

I know pivens from heaven.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Last Wednesday.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know pivins from heaven.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, I felt like she needed a pivot. I felt like she needed a pivot. And I went nuts with the pivins.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why? She had the house to herself. I was gone doing the Lord's work in Nashville.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But I was dealing with this crazy maniac Jew that came in, right. That just. You know, and he wouldn't. I mean, he just wouldn't look anybody in the eye. He was just going. He was trying to just.

[Big J. Okerson]

Wasn't Ari late, too?

[Robert Kelly]

He was late.

[Big J. Okerson]

He came late and then. And he still walked away with a grip of pivins.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought the pivots would calm him down, Jay. I thought a pivot would make him relax, but it just fueled the fire.

[Christine]

In Bobby's defense, Ari was. He was out of control. And I felt like Bobby's. The only way he felt in. He had some power in the world was to give out Pivens.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I got you. So you felt Ari was alpha dogging you?

[Robert Kelly]

Ari wasn't alpha dogging me. He was mentally ill dogging me.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. I think Christine even mentioned that Ari came in. She was like. He was a little. I don't think out of sorts was the word. Just like on one.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. He was on one. Dude, he was on. I was doing everything I could to prevent him from taking a. On the console.

[Big J. Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude.

[Big J. Okerson]

I mean, he was gonna. Possibly. On the console.

[Robert Kelly]

He was heading in that. You know, when Ari gets in that. That energy.

[Big J. Okerson]

Sure.

[Jacob]

His genitals were already out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he pulled it out. He messed up a read. We had a.

[Big J. Okerson]

Shut up.

[Robert Kelly]

He talked about his penis in the read for one of the things. Live read. And you know, it was.

[Big J. Okerson]

Even Steven Singer doesn't make a ring.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, he would.

[Big J. Okerson]

He would, though.

[Robert Kelly]

He would.

[Big J. Okerson]

Stephen, get on it. Oh. Tis the season, everybody. Are you tired of that limp dick just being wrapped in a black rubber band? Well, how about hit Stephen Singer up right now?

[Robert Kelly]

We could do one right now.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's got a knit of diamonds laced around a cock ring made of 14 karat white gold and 100% guarantee.

[Robert Kelly]

You can turn that ring in for an exact cock ring or more.

[Big J. Okerson]

And your ring comes with a lifetime guarantee, full value, trade in, bring in your ring if your it's any smaller or bigger and get a new size. And you get exactly what you paid for your old ring.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Don't forget free shipping on your cock rings. And his best Guarantee in the business. Yeah, dude, I got a little nuts.

[Big J. Okerson]

That was fantastic timing. Pivot, my friend.

[Jacob]

A legitimate one.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, wow. You're turning on me too. I gave you. You were excited to get your fucking. This is like non earned pivins last week.

[Big J. Okerson]

Listen, when you see people looting a target somewhere, some of the people in there looting are definitely like, this is fucked up, what we're doing. But I'm in it now. You know what I mean? They get wrapped up in the thing. Everybody wants pivins. You don't want to be the one asshole not getting pivins when everyone's just getting nailed with pivots left and right.

[Lou]

At a point, I was gonna tell Bobby he was cheapening the pivot. Lose a pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

If this was bitcoin, I have to give you all free pivots last week.

[Lou]

I mean, once you have like 20 pivins, you're like, what's the point?

[Robert Kelly]

You were fucking elated when you had your fistful of pimmins like a poker game.

[Lou]

I mean, we were all really happy.

[Robert Kelly]

You were happy. But now you. Now you're turning on me.

[Lou]

I just. I was happy. But they were all cheapened.

[Big J. Okerson]

Your family members. Pussies might feel good. You still shouldn't find out. You know what I mean? You have to hold back on certain things. Of course she wanted those pivins. Yeah, of course she did. She is. She never gets piven.

[Robert Kelly]

I went nuts, Jay.

[Lou]

It was the first time I was positive.

[Big J. Okerson]

She was the only time she was. Yeah. Ever up pivens.

[Robert Kelly]

She was up a lot.

[Big J. Okerson]

And she's. It makes sense now. She's walked around with that attitude since last week.

[Robert Kelly]

Did that affect your weekend? I'm sorry?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, it.

[Robert Kelly]

It affected. She had a little attitude when you came home.

[Big J. Okerson]

Little attitude. Faux show.

[Robert Kelly]

How many times you have to put her face against the glass to get that pivot juice out of her.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, I will tell you this, that there is definitely some blackheads pulled out on our windows of the house. There it is. I like that nice face on the glass. Oh, it makes me happy.

[Jacob]

Christine's right next to glass right now. Just saying.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, she's next to glass. Christine, fix yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

I might. You know what, Jay?

[Big J. Okerson]

Face glass.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like maybe I need my face against the glass for the pit and debacle.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, I don't like to do that to a man.

[Robert Kelly]

You're right. It's only women.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's only women have to get that done to them. A man. You could. You could go chest to chest if you had to.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, we could mono a mano. Our stomachs would prevent that, but, yes, we could try.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's just that our nipples. Our pronounced nipples are gonna fucking link over each other like a thumb wrestle. It's gonna make us uncomfortable for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

We might have belly buttons. Might Suction cup together and make a weird sound.

[Big J. Okerson]

This picture. This picture is making me so happy. I mean, it's so.

[Robert Kelly]

We need to get in. Listen, your weekend. You've been sitting on it all weekend.

[Big J. Okerson]

It wasn't even a weekend. It was one Wednesday.

[Robert Kelly]

One Wednesday. But you were sitting on our weekend.

[Big J. Okerson]

That turned into Friday.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't ever correct me on air again.

[Big J. Okerson]

My apologies.

[Robert Kelly]

It's okay. Don't worry about it.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't have. I'm negative pivot.

[Robert Kelly]

You're negative. You're even good.

[Big J. Okerson]

I punish myself.

[Robert Kelly]

You're even good with yourself.

[Big J. Okerson]

Negative pivot. I have to earn a pivot to be. To be of a push. Don't be that guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't be that guy. You aren't that guy. But you had a. A crazy, crazy time.

[Big J. Okerson]

It was. It was a wacky Wednesday for sure last week. You.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't say what it was, right?

[Big J. Okerson]

Sure I can.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, I agree.

[Big J. Okerson]

It's all. I mean, Bobby, you saw the posts.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I saw you. I saw the posts. Not of you, but I saw the posts.

[Big J. Okerson]

Don't jump too far ahead. So what I was going to do was the. It turns out the roast of jelly roll. Look at Christine whispering into a microphone is pretty hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's really hilarious.

[Big J. Okerson]

They have no headphones on, so you just hear Christine going.

[Robert Kelly]

I just heard Those pivots.

[Big J. Okerson]

R, Ks and Cs.

[Robert Kelly]

Those pivots were mine last week, and they made me.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I have to throw Bobby.

[Big J. Okerson]

Into this, you know. What is she showing? Jig. We think that she fucking pocketed a few pivens. Oh. Did you make sure you collected them all back? Because I got. I'm not gonna lie and tell you that this stack doesn't feel light.

[Jacob]

I. I cannot tell a lie. One of them fell behind the console and I couldn't reach it. Like down there in the piven.

[Big J. Okerson]

I hope nobody ever trades that in for real value.

[Robert Kelly]

That's Lou's pivot. We'll. I'll find it. I'll get the pivot back.

[Big J. Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I will get the pivot back.

[Big J. Okerson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought Lou would probably get it back since it was him.

[Jacob]

It was impossible, and I had to catch a bus to Jersey.

[Big J. Okerson]

Christine, everything you do in that microphone makes noise. So hanging that on it and whispering into it is all.

[Christine]

Hear anything in our headphones? Is that it? The dead headphone, or is that something you got to do there?

[Jacob]

Yeah, I'll just. I'll fix it right now. Sweep the place.

[Big J. Okerson]

Lou, that's not your job. They have two guys to come in here and stare at. Stuff doesn't work.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd like to see that, though.

[Big J. Okerson]

What, you don't want to see a Malaysian guy and whatever the other guy is come in here and do something?

[Robert Kelly]

I wouldn't mind seeing Lou stick a broom in his ass. Why is my mic sound all tenny?

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't know. Bobby got tinny.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you did.

[Robert Kelly]

I did get tinny.

[Jacob]

There you go.

[Big J. Okerson]

There you go. Not tinny. Am I tinny now?

[Jacob]

You've been t. You've been tinny all day.

[Big J. Okerson]

Really? Why?

[Robert Kelly]

Man?

[Jacob]

I don't know.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just tin tinny.

[Jacob]

There's no baseball.

[Big J. Okerson]

A little bass in my voice.

[Robert Kelly]

We got a. We got a very special guest coming in today, but. Yeah, we should get to this.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, we do. I should tell you my story.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he can do something.

[Big J. Okerson]

What? What? Can you slow my rate down?

[Jacob]

No.

[Big J. Okerson]

To a screeching halt. I was invited to Nashville. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

[Jacob]

That's fun.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, it was fun. I was gonna start singing Def Leppard songs. All right. So I was asked two some weeks ago if I wanted to go. No, it was more than two weeks, actually. Yeah, it was at least a month ago.

[Robert Kelly]

It was impending.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'd say yes. That they called me up and said, well, my team, who. I don't know if they're behind the problem of this or just bad communication, but it's too late now, because what they asked me was, they go, do you want to do this thing for jelly rolls? Birthday jelly rolls. Having his 40th birthday. They're gonna do it at Nashville Zany's. Do you want to. We'll fly you down, put you up, and, you know, doing, like, a roast of jelly roll. So I said. I was like, oh, man, I'd love to be there. I go, it's just I'm. I've. I'm stretched so thin that I just don't have the time in that short a time to write roast. Roast jokes or roasts. I was like. So I go, you know, I mean, I'd love to go, I guess, but I was like, if it's a roasting thing, I can't do that. I go, is anybody going who's not roasting? And they go, well, it's not really a roast. They came back. I could read these texts to you. It's not really a roast. It's like they're just saying, like, if you just go up there and just say some nice things about Jelly Roll, just, you know, maybe some fun memories you have about them and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, I always had this kind of story. The people the lady wouldn't accept in Fremont Street. Like, years ago, when he was there doing the free show in Fremont street, when I was walking back, there was a lady who thought I was Jelly Roll. Just walking through the crowd, by the way. And I explained there were several times that I'm not and I don't have any face tattoos. But she wouldn't accept it. So eventually I had to just acknowledge remembering her and her sister from that show in Alabama that one time.

[Robert Kelly]

Imagine I had just sing a song for her.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'd have to sing, but I had to take pictures with her. And she's gonna show a lot of people, and they're gonna be like, that's not Jelly Roll. And it's like, you know what? He did tell me that 17 times before I would. She started doing, like, the. It's fine. I'm not gonna blow up your spot. I'm like, my spot would be blowing up. I'm on Fremont street, and I'd be performing on that stage in five minutes.

[Robert Kelly]

She thought Jelly Roll was just walking around.

[Big J. Okerson]

Started just walking around before the show. Just doing a little stroll out with the audience and have time to talk to her about her and her sister meeting me in Alabama. So I was like, I'll tell that little anecdote maybe, and then, you know, whoever else is there.

[Robert Kelly]

You do fit the Jelly Roll description. I mean, if Jelly Rolls committed a crime, you would get stopped by the police at some point.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jelly Roll called me his goal weight, though, which felt nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nice. He looks good, but he's lost weight. He's like 100 pounds. Pretty wild. Yeah. No surgery, I don't think. Maybe Ozempic and stuff, but. No.

[Robert Kelly]

100%.

[Big J. Okerson]

He should. Yeah, he's not. Why not?

[Robert Kelly]

I would have done it if I.

[Big J. Okerson]

If it existed, then I know it.

[Robert Kelly]

Came out two months later. I got scars in my stomach.

[Big J. Okerson]

Everything that could have possibly been baby.

[Robert Kelly]

Stomach puking into a cup.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just stick yourself blowing a week, blowing thick, black loads. Everything went haywire.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're doing this thing, not a roast.

[Big J. Okerson]

I Go, oh, yeah. I'll go up and tell a little anecdote. We'll see who's there. Floating around the party. Like, I'm thinking of things. I'm like, oh, I'll say something funny. They said, Kid Rock's probably going to be there. Oh, I'll say a little. I could probably just go off the cuff, like, fucking around with Kid Rock or something, you know, whatever it is. I go, yeah, if it's just going out there and talking, everyone's gonna go up there and just give, like, fucking little, like, you know, grab the microphone in a wedding. Things like, these guys are so cool, and they've been so good to me. And jelly rolls, I thought, we're gonna do that. The day before I fly out there, they go, are you ready for the roast? And I go, I heard it's not really a roast. And they go, no, it's definitely 100% a roast. Like, the comics are telling me this now. I go, no, I know. I mean, people. I think some people are gonna roast. But I didn't even get, like, there's not a list of people that. That there is. Like, so it's not a roast. There's been nothing to write for a roast other than jelly roll. And they go, no, man. There's like, a whole list. That was. So the day before, they send me a list of comics, thank God I didn't just start writing, like, frantically, because also, that list was, like, six people that were on the list weren't even there. So what a waste of time it would have been to go with some people. So, like, Bert even had to do that. Bert was like, you know, so and so was supposed to be here because he had the jokes already, so you got to do them. So I didn't. I lucked out in that regard. But the day before, so I was like, well, I don't even know how to, like, like, quietly get out of it. And also, by the way, I'm still picturing these are the people who are going to go up, but I'm still not picturing a roast. Like a roast, even though they told.

[Robert Kelly]

You it was a roast, even though the roast king was it. The roasting guy, Tony Hinchcliffe is going.

[Big J. Okerson]

Just found out he was there the day before.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you didn't know he was going until the day before?

[Big J. Okerson]

I didn't know anybody else who was there with the exception of Josh. Josh also knew it was a roast. I didn't talk to Josh about it. Josh had 85 pages in front of him written. That's the other thing. When I get there. So when I get to this thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, song roasts are longer.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, he wrote a song, and then, though he did a song first. In the first.

[Robert Kelly]

I heard you used to be fat, now you ain't.

[Big J. Okerson]

He opened the show. He opened the show with a song. With a parody song. He did. And then. Oh, he did good. He did very good. And then. And then he had. And he roasted in the row, like, in the actual roast. But here's the thing. My point is, it still sounds like it's very casual. But then when I get there, and I. That afternoon, I did Something's Burning with Bert, and he was like. He goes, are you memorizing your roast jokes? Did you have, like, papers you're gonna bring up? And I went. I go, no, it's not that involved, I don't think, is it? And he's like, oh, everyone's been writing. He employed people to write for him. Like, he had writer. There was a staff of writers who wrote for certain people.

[Robert Kelly]

Shocker. It's. I am shocked bananas. Wait a minute. Bert hired people to write for him?

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, yeah. Almost everybody does. Almost everybody, if not everybody, I think, does. So, like. But I. When I said no to the thing initially, because I said that they were like, well, they have writer. And then they asked me with the day before. I go, well, what am I supposed to do? They're like, I. You know, if you come up with something, I go, it's tomorrow. I'm flying in the morning. I'm doing Something's burning in the afternoon and going right to this rose. Like, when do you expect. Like, it was crazy. So were you panicking at all? No.

[Robert Kelly]

While you're cooking your fricassee.

[Big J. Okerson]

I didn't cook. Sit there while Bert cooks and Mark farts. Mark Norman farts.

[Robert Kelly]

What was it?

[Big J. Okerson]

Nashville Hot chicken.

[Robert Kelly]

Ooh.

[Big J. Okerson]

Like, sandwich and Mac and cheese.

[Robert Kelly]

That's good.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah, it was. No, it was good. It was great. I love doing stuff with Burt, but I'm saying, there it is. Norman's. Norman's. Show me. He's got a stack of papers that he's written. Mark's such a. You know. So I'm like, oh, shit. So then I go back to the hotel after something's burning. I'm like, should I start thinking of some stuff? And I'm like, I'll just. Or maybe I'll just go there and just like, blend in and be like, hey, I didn't know it was a roast. So just don't put me up or whatever, but I didn't do that. And then when I walk in there, this thing is such a roast. There is a giant LED screen. It's like, with graphics. The roast of jelly roll. There's merch, there's hats, shirt signs.

[Robert Kelly]

They have merch.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, Tons of people are there.

[Robert Kelly]

They have rose merch.

[Big J. Okerson]

Merch. All these people are there. I go in the green room. It's loaded with people. So you know me, I'm very like, well, that's a. That means go outside and smoke cigarettes. So I went outside and just smoked with Lucy, the. My friend there, the manager, and just smoked cigarettes and bullshit. And then they come in, and I came in and watched Josh do a song. And then I went back outside, smoked cigarettes, bullshit with whoever was standing outside, then went back inside, and they go. I go in there while I walk into the green room again, which is a little more room because everybody is piled in, doing all hands together inside. And Burt goes, jay, get in this, man. He goes, you're doing the show with us, right? And I went, well, what show? And I still don't fully understand. I don't know why I'm not fully getting that this is gonna be. And they go. He goes, well, you're on the dais. And I'm like, no, I wasn't told of being any kind of a dais. And then they go, whitney Cummings, Big J oker. So I'm walking out blonde. I mean, it's. I don't have a drink. I have nothing with me. I'm like, oh, I would have put stuff down. Or like, okay. So I go and I sit on stage. Then they had me sitting directly in front, which may have changed things on the back end of the story. It was like, comfortable, big chairs in the back, and then just like, benches, like bench, almost ottomans in the front for everybody to sit on. And I was just felt like on the edge of the stage, a fat guy singing ottoman. It was gonna be me and David Lucas next to each other. I think he's the first person who said. He's like, oh, man, we gotta sit like this. And then we got Josh and I think Mark Norman to be like, guys, like, switch. You guys go up front and let us go in the back. So I was in the back, the back row. And that's a good call on a fucking dais. And then everybody started going up and doing it. There was some people did great.

[Robert Kelly]

Who was the host?

[Big J. Okerson]

John Crist. John Crist actually did a terrible job hosting. I Don't know him. I'm sure he's a sweet guy. And he was funny. Like, the jokes he did were funny. He just didn't listen. I'm sure this was laid on him as last minute as anything, because I didn't even see his name on the list of people that were gonna be there initially. Maybe he was always coming, but they asked him to host it because he went up and did, like, his five minutes of jokes or whatever, and then he goes, all right, man, so this is the roasted jelly roll. We'll get this thing going. He goes, first person coming up is gonna be, you know, Chris Porter. And then Chris Porter went up and did his thing and did great. And then Chris Porter would be like, so, thank you so much. I love you, Jelly roll and blah, blah, blah. Go sit back down. Then they. And then he. John Christie just goes back up and he goes, all right, that was Chris Port, everybody. Now make some noise for Josh. Adam. Like, he didn't do anything in between that. By the time. I forget who went, Adam Rae went up. Adam Ray killed. And then. I mean, everybody did pretty great, like Adam Ray.

[Robert Kelly]

Nobody wants to hear that. Who bombed, Jay?

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, who fucking.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, I don't want to hear fucking. I'm still in the business. They fucked you, okay? They fucked you in the ass. It's not happening.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nothing for me.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, this.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm right here with you.

[Robert Kelly]

This did nothing for you. It's not going to give you anything. Netflix said no.

[Big J. Okerson]

Who bombed hard? No.

[Robert Kelly]

Who?

[Big J. Okerson]

Days before I found out, while I'm telling them I'm going to take it back, they were like, we already said no.

[Robert Kelly]

So that you said that text message.

[Big J. Okerson]

Could you imagine? I sent a text message.

[Robert Kelly]

They'd be like, yeah, we know.

[Big J. Okerson]

What can tell you not to sidebar. Remember where I'm at in that story, please, with the Kid Rock things. I'll tell you another funny thing about the Netflix that's so funny that all I've been thinking about all week was that they, my agent, manager, were like. They go, so if Netflix. What am I saying? When Netflix picks this up? Look, they might not pick up both specials, but they're gonna probably pick up one then we release another one on YouTube and the fuck and this and that. And they go, I go, yeah, I hope, man. I hope so. The meeting went good, you know, I turned them around in the meeting to wanting to see it, and then I sent it. And then he goes. And then they were like, also, buddy, I wouldn't even worry that much about this. Because like, actually, like, Netflix owes your agent. He's told me several favors and he's done some things getting people specials that they wanted deals done. So like, your agent is like also. And I didn't even like, I was like, ah, I really would like to just get it because they love the specials and not because they owe me one.

[Robert Kelly]

They have and basically photos of Robbie Prague taken in the shot.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, I'll tell you what's great about it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we got fucked up photos of Robbie when he told me with Dan Mintz. Listen, here's the thing. They owe us one. And that's didn't even do it.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, he said they owed us one.

[Robert Kelly]

Release the photos.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Really? Release them. Well, no, that's what's great. He said they owed him one. And then when I. They told me, when he told me last Monday that Netflix had said no the previous Tuesday, he's like, we didn't tell you though right away because we wanted to exhaust every option. It's like, oh, so you even went back with the you owe us one. And they still said no. So you've let me know that we even. We didn't want to tell you for a week because we begged. We did everything possible and we still just were not interested whatsoever.

[Robert Kelly]

We used pretty please. And that didn't work.

[Big J. Okerson]

Pretty please. We tried to bribe them. They said, we don't like it.

[Christine]

They had IOU like Bobby gave out pivens and it didn't do any good.

[Big J. Okerson]

It did nothing. They were like, look. They almost assured. They were like, look, if you don't get this on your own merit, it's gonna end up on Netflix because they have to for me. So funny. But so then. So wait, where am I in the.

[Robert Kelly]

Day you were back, you were on stage. The guy was just bringing people up.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, he just bring people up.

[Robert Kelly]

And I wanted to know. Everybody did great. Everybody was good. Everything was fine. Everybody. Oh, good job. I want to know.

[Big J. Okerson]

Christine's giving me shaking her head no, exactly.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you came home and told her the truth. I want to know. Came home, the truth. Who took a.

[Big J. Okerson]

Told her the truth before I got home.

[Robert Kelly]

She had to ask, who took a hot one. I'm a cop. I'm a stand up too. I've been in these situations.

[Big J. Okerson]

You want to put your friend in this position right now?

[Robert Kelly]

I would put yes, no, yes, no. What does it rhyme with?

[Big J. Okerson]

Dude, it was yonder bags.

[Robert Kelly]

What does it rhyme with?

[Big J. Okerson]

Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

So no, this wasn't filmed at all.

[Big J. Okerson]

It was extremely filmed.

[Robert Kelly]

So this will Be out.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't know. We weren't given any money, and I didn't know it was a roast.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't wait for this to be on Netflix. This is the favor. You.

[Big J. Okerson]

This is it. This is the favor.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the favor. All right. What about the roast? We'll take the roast of jelly roll. So everybody did great. Look at me. Look at me. Look in my eyes. Everybody did great. Everybody, look at me. Stay with me. Everybody did great.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes, well, varying degrees of great. Yeah, Some people did terrible. Great. Where's Karla's face?

[Robert Kelly]

I can't see her face.

[Big J. Okerson]

We did great.

[Robert Kelly]

So everybody was awesome, so what a fun time. Hey, Jay. Did everybody do great?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yes. Wait, let me think of everybody. Let me think of everybody. Oh, wait, no. Even they did. No, everybody did great.

[Robert Kelly]

So every single person that was up there did a great job.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. No, I mean, listen, also keep in mind, everybody besides me was heavily prepared. So how couldn't it have gone great?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, that makes me so happy that everybody. What a good story, dude.

[Big J. Okerson]

Even behind closed doors. I only wish for the best for other comics.

[Robert Kelly]

That is true about you. You never talk about other comics behind their backs. You're not a gossiper.

[Big J. Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

You and Christine never do that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

Over munchies. Tell me time right when you're back to the hotel. As soon as you're done.

[Big J. Okerson]

It may have been right outside the venue. I called Christine. You called her?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, the guy was just hot bombed. What is he.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, it wasn't just the whole thing at the end. Remember, I'm on a dais, you see, Stuck on a dais, smoking on stage behind people that weren't that stoked that I was smoking.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

So I. So John Cristian, he goes. By the time he brings up, like, the fourth person, he come. He goes up. It's Adam Ray. He goes up after. Adam Ray is. It just killed. It doesn't even get the energy killed. Yeah, he did great.

[Robert Kelly]

He killed.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So he. All right, good.

[Big J. Okerson]

He did really good. So he killed. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Josh killed.

[Big J. Okerson]

He had a funny story. He just was read. Adam just like, read the fucking. The thing, like, down the line. What?

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry, you didn't hear me. So who went up first?

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't remember. I want to say maybe Chris Porter.

[Robert Kelly]

Chris Porter.

[Big J. Okerson]

Chris. I think he went first.

[Robert Kelly]

Chris Porter did great.

[Big J. Okerson]

Chris Porter did great. Yeah, yeah. He did a. He did a. It was with somebody whose name I'm blanking on. I feel terrible. But he went up there with somebody, and then they Did a bit where he goes, this is how you write a jelly roll song. And did like a. Like a breakdown of how jelly roll songs go. It's funny. It's very funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

It was great. Then Josh went up. Yep, Josh did great. And then I'm gonna win them over. Cause I'm good looking, I'm cute, I'm funny, I'm talented. He's talented. This is so by the door that when someone walks in, if I look, I kiss them on the mouth. I think I'm get called to HR for what just happened.

[Robert Kelly]

So everybody did great.

[Big J. Okerson]

Everyone's killing it. So Adam Ray murders. And then as Adam Ray or as Adam Ray. Okay, that was my first thing I said about him. I go, how about it for Adam Ray Unplugged everybody? Like, we don't get to see an acoustic set out of Adam Ray too much anymore. But, yeah, he did great. And he. And then John Criss went up after him. And for like, the fourth time was just like, all right, guys, Adam Ray. Everybody makes a noise for Adam Ray goes, all right, the next guy coming. And then Bert. This wasn't a joke the way this went down. Bert was saying, goes. He goes, john, John, John, John. He's like, take a breath for a second. Like, let's let it breathe for a second. Just like, relax for a second, right? And he goes, okay. He's like, your next comic coming to the stage is Big J Okerson. And I was like, welp, I gotta go up. And I went up and I just, like, fucking winged.

[Robert Kelly]

How was the applause?

[Big J. Okerson]

Good.

[Robert Kelly]

Go up. Everybody knows you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah, I feel a lot of them knew I was. Yeah, for sure. Who's it?

[Robert Kelly]

Any stars in the audience?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. Wow.

[Big J. Okerson]

I didn't know, like, all them that were there. I kept. They kept saying Kid Rock was there. They said, oh, this might actually interest you, Bobby. This is exciting. Steve O was there also. And then the few musicians. Few musicians. Marcus King's wife. And then. It's not gonna be in that picture anything. The bussin with the boys. Guys, do you know they are bussin with the boys were on the dais also. I had fun. I made fun of them a little bit. They were great, great dudes. And in the audience also, it turns out Cole Hauser was there. Rip from TV's Yellowstone. So I went up and. Did you just call him Rip? I just went down. I just went down the line with the deus, and I was just like, all right. But I went up there and explained the thing, which hopefully was Like, I made that funny is what I was doing. I go, I'm pissed. The first thing I said, and I explained, I was like. My team asked me if I'll do a roast. I said, I don't have time to do a roast. And I don't. I have to write it myself. I can't do other people's jokes. And I was like, so. I was like, so I don't have time, but I'd love to come do it. And they were like, it's not really a rose. And I did the whole thing, you know, it's not really a roast. Blah, blah. And that's what I said. There's fucking merch. There's merch. There's, like, signage. It was definitely a roast. And I was like. But I didn't write anything. So I just kind of, like, went down the line. Just, like, fuck with people and just, like, as best I could. Kind of gave everybody at least, like, a little shot.

[Robert Kelly]

Little zing people, you know?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. But it was just like. Also, yeah, I did.

[Robert Kelly]

What'd you say about Josh?

[Big J. Okerson]

I was gonna say, for Josh, it was funny. I go, I don't have anything written for Josh, but I will say he's one of my best friends and have a. I do a great Josh impression. And I just do what he was like. I was like, blah, blah, blah. Jelly rolls, fat. Come on, y'all. That was good. Come on. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Tony's a little homo. What? Come on. I thought we're roasting now.

[Robert Kelly]

How close was that to his actual roast?

[Big J. Okerson]

He did great. You're trying to get to something.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course I am. The Juice. I'm trying to get to the Juice.

[Big J. Okerson]

The Sook, that good stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

We have the stuff at the bottom. We have a bunch of people in a car right now that need the juice. Well, they.

[Big J. Okerson]

Man, if the thing comes out, it comes out. It's filmed on six cameras.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, they're gonna sweeten that thing. We're never gonna know the truth. You know, they're gonna add laughs. We're gonna know the truth.

[Big J. Okerson]

Listen, you hooked me up through a lie detector test. I guess it's gonna be what it's gonna be, right? If it's a good one.

[Robert Kelly]

When you did your.

[Big J. Okerson]

Nobody bombed.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Wow. You can't lie to save your teeth.

[Big J. Okerson]

What? I'm a phenomenal liar. What's. Damn. So when Burt went up to do his set.

[Robert Kelly]

He did great.

[Big J. Okerson]

He did do great. Bert was up there doing his thing, telling his jokes, and then he mentions that Cole Hauser's there.

[Robert Kelly]

Is he? Shirt on or shirt off?

[Big J. Okerson]

Come on.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

Come on.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J. Okerson]

So he. Oh, actually, that's a very, very funny thing that you'll appreciate happened with Bert when I was doing my roast. In the middle of talking, Burt goes, jj, wait, wait, wait. Come here, come here. He was sitting kind of next to where I was standing on the dais or on the podium, and he goes, come here. And I came over. He goes, somebody got new jeans for this. And he pulled the thing off the sticker, the size sticker. And I go, that would be embarrassing. Normally, Bert, why don't you go ahead and read that size? And he was like, 38. And I was like, right? And I go, do me a favor. Feel that belt line right there. He goes, oh, that's a 36 waist. I go, right? I go, yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm saying you left it on to let people know.

[Big J. Okerson]

I didn't. But now that I was fine, the people did know that used to. That exact situation has hurt me so much in the past. When I go, oh, they're all gonna see 46. That's so big. They don't make those in regular stores.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna see 46. 42.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's what they're supposed to be. They're supposed to be 42 length. I have a 46 waist. Are you 11ft tall? No. No. So, dude, that John Cristo. That made me laugh so hard when Bert's like, dude, relax for a second. Just take a breath. He goes, all right, your next comic.

[Robert Kelly]

So everybody's killing. Bert's up.

[Big J. Okerson]

Whitney did great. Everyone. Everyone did great. So, yeah, so Bert's on stage, and he goes. At one point, he points out that Coalhauser's there and he's sitting next to Kid Rock, and they're up on the balcony for the first time. The night I see them, I was like, oh, they are here. Shit. I could have. Like, I would have. Like, those are two people almost, like, easier than the comics. Like, I would have said something about Kid Rock and Cole Hauser if I knew they were there and my time had passed already and Burt was up there. And then he just says something like a fun fact that's very nice about Cole. He goes, cole Howellser? Actually, he does, like, a little joke to it. He goes, cole Hauser is OG Hollywood. Like, OG Hollywood. And by that I mean Jewish. And I gotta laugh. And then he goes, no, but I mean, he's like, oh, like, his great grandfather was, like, one of the founders of, like, Warner Brothers, something like that. And he. And he's saying that, like, pause. He's as. He's giving this positive thing. You could tell in Cole Howers. But I didn't know what. I didn't. I heard the tone. Didn't think the words were anything too much up front because I'm like, how could this be going bad? And Cole Hasbro was something about like, yeah, he did this. And he invented little thing you're using there, talking into whatever. And Bert's like, yeah. He goes, well, your grandfather, like, did. Blah, blah, blah. He goes, hey, this ain't about me, man. You want to do you want to talk to me? I live six miles down the road. You want to do something with me? And he's just being, like, a cunt.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, sounds like he's being ripped.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, he's being a.

[Robert Kelly]

It sounds like.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then he goes. And he said at one point, he says, do your little hahas and let's like, kind of move it on type thing. And I was like, you could see if this comes out, you will see me actively on stage. I get Josh in front of me go, yo, is Cole Hauser being a fucking dude? I'm just like, staring at him. I'm like, what's this guy's fucking like, really? You come to a show like this, it's like a. You're a performer too, and you come be a fucking jerk off. It's so weird, man. I mean, listen, that blows my mind. Stop. Don't defend this guy.

[Robert Kelly]

I am going to defend him like Beth would, okay? I'm going to defend him like Beth.

[Big J. Okerson]

I don't know if you watched this week. Beth was getting ready to a guy right behind his back.

[Robert Kelly]

She, I. I didn't watch it yet.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, she didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you doing? The fuck are you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Are you.

[Robert Kelly]

It's two episodes forever. Are you fucking asshole.

[Big J. Okerson]

I gave you nothing away. It's not even true what I said. It's true. It's not even true.

[Robert Kelly]

I said, thank God.

[Big J. Okerson]

First of all, I'm rooting for her in every episode to fuck somebody else.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, Rips being Rip.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's not being ripped.

[Robert Kelly]

He's in the balcony.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, he's not. He's not wearing a cowboy hat. He's being a drunk jerk off in a balcony of a fucking roast. And I didn't know it was a roast.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, you get a guy with mittens and fingernail polish and a shirtless fatso fucking with you as Rip. You say, hey, I'm down the road a piece. You want to deal with this? Other than that, do your little thing.

[Big J. Okerson]

Fuck that. He could suck a dick.

[Robert Kelly]

Nah, he's fucking awesome. He got on a horse when he was done.

[Big J. Okerson]

Now, if I can give you some funny about the. There's a great joke that Metzger made about me on the roast he did of me years ago at the creek. It was Jake. I know what he's talking about. But it was funny. He goes. He always thought I was a little bit retarded because how fast from meeting him that I said it was my best friend Kurt, which is like, he's like a special needs kid or something, which is pretty funny. But that actually is. Is a very Hollywood. That, like, Austin Hollywood, like the big dogs, like, scene. I mean, how many of them say they're better, Jelly Roll included, by the way? I'm not throwing people under the bus. I'm just like, could these relationships be this emotionally deep yet? Like, when Burt was up there. Jelly Roll, you and Bunny, his wife, you and Bunny, Bunny and Leanne have become best friends. And I'm happy to say that the four of us are all best friends. And then Jelly Roll said that Tony Hinchcliffe was his best friend. Tony said he was his best friend. And then Chris Porter and the guy that he sang with were both his best friends. And Chris Porter's his best friend because he's best friends with the other guy. And if his Chris is best friends with him, I guess they're all best friends. This was said not as part of the jokes. This was. This was the emotional part. Everyone's best friends.

[Robert Kelly]

Was anybody.

[Big J. Okerson]

That seems insane to me.

[Robert Kelly]

Was anybody your best friend?

[Big J. Okerson]

No. Josh.

[Robert Kelly]

Was your best friend.

[Big J. Okerson]

Josh was my. One of my best friends who was up there. Yes, absolutely. Best friend. I mean, I'm friends. I'm like, pretty good friends with Bert.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J. Okerson]

But I mean, like, it's like black people, cousins.

[Robert Kelly]

That's my cousin, maybe.

[Big J. Okerson]

But best friends, it seems very, like, a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

They're best friends until. Until that fame wears out.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Once you're out of that, I should ask them all. I go, hey, what's everybody's middle name?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you should have.

[Big J. Okerson]

I should. Oh, my God. I didn't realize everybody here was such best friends. What's everybody's middle name? I'm curious because I know the middle name of my best friends.

[Robert Kelly]

I remember Nate did that to me one time. He used to be on YKWD back in the day when. Before he blew up. And I remember he. He blew Up. Not as big as he is now, but he. I think Fallon kind of took him under his wing. And I called him up and he didn't answer. And I left a message. I was like, oh, you fucking too big now to call me up? I've been fucking your friend for a long time. Blah, blah, blah. You know, you think you're a big shot now, busting his balls. He called me back. He goes, bobby, what's up? I go, what the fuck? You can't call me. He goes, bobby. I go, aren't you a friend? He goes, we're not really friend. We're friendly, dude. I go, fuck you, dude. You've been on my podcast. He goes, what's my daughter's name? And I hung up. I don't think I've called him back since, and I still don't know it. What is it, Aubrey? I don't know.

[Big J. Okerson]

Harper.

[Robert Kelly]

Harper. There you go.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, so funny, Aubrey. Or whatever. You should just take in a guess. I try to. Aubrey.

[Robert Kelly]

I try to Google. It didn't come up.

[Big J. Okerson]

What you will appreciate.

[Robert Kelly]

I just want to let everybody know right now. I brought my.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, yeah. I told him when he showed me you had this.

[Robert Kelly]

My framed.

[Big J. Okerson]

My framed autographed picture of Rip. Autographed by Cole Hauser himself. And it's just a. A picture of a man staring at you.

[Robert Kelly]

A goddamn man who's up in a balcony not taking shit from a shirtless tubby guy.

[Big J. Okerson]

If you. If you keep the picture, Bobby, I'll be upset with you. You think you've chosen the side?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, of course I did. I chose the man side.

[Big J. Okerson]

No man side.

[Robert Kelly]

He's up in the balcony.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

As a man would be. Look, I ain't involved with this. I'll come down for you, Bobby, and for Jelly Roll, but put me up in the balcony because I ain't into this hijinks that these.

[Big J. Okerson]

These fools are doing no jerk off.

[Robert Kelly]

This. This is a man, dude.

[Big J. Okerson]

But I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I hated. Did not like this at all. When it was over. When the. When the roast was over and I would pop back inside from time to time to, you know, like, say whatever, get a drink or see if everybody was doing anything interesting. When I go back in, everybody trying. Everybody who was on that day who was like, yo, what the fuck's wrong? Fuck Cole Hauser. What a dickhead like to each other. Was now pictures shooting the shit with him in the green room. Adam Ray, I started giving a side eye to. I was like, Yech. Look at you over there, nuzzling up to Cole Hauser. Not this guy. I stick to my guns.

[Lou]

Remember, Jay, I said I was trying to find the picture of him and Leanne, but I don't know where I saw it. But I was on Leanne's Instagram and this is their house. Look, do you see that? That looks like a life size rip in the corner.

[Robert Kelly]

Goddamn right it is.

[Big J. Okerson]

That's Bert's house.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet you they're best friends now.

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, listen, I bet you, I think, Let me tell you what's the sweetness of the first of us what kind of bummed me out the most. I'm like, you're picking on the most cherubic of our friends here. Bertreischer. Cherubic. Yeah, that's great work. Bert should have little, little wings on and a little the boat.

[Robert Kelly]

He should.

[Big J. Okerson]

And I'm like, you're going at Burt, who's gonna like, not get aggressive back. And then Burt's react afterwards. I was like, yo, I really hope to God Cole Hauser comes back like stage, so you could be like, what's your fucking problem, dude? You know what I mean? And he goes, no, no, no, it's fine. He goes, no, I'll meet him and stuff and like, it'll be fine. He says, we'll be friends. And I'm like, what, like, is that. That's the approach you take.

[Robert Kelly]

They'll be best friends.

[Big J. Okerson]

I have no la.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet you Burt does the Cole Hower roast next year.

[Big J. Okerson]

I have no LA in me at all, man. I really don't. I don't. And what becomes the situation when you have no LA in you is that that's confirmed when someone puts on. It's confirmed when somebody puts together. When somebody puts together again.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't get the hint, do you?

[Big J. Okerson]

When somebody puts together a compilation of the evening's events, primarily mainly the roast of Jelly roll.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something. I went immediately, as soon as you told me how everybody did. As soon as you called me and told me how everybody did great. Because that's a conversation we had, huh? Right, Jay?

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. I'd tell you how great everybody did.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody did great.

[Big J. Okerson]

Everybody did great.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody did great. As soon as we got off the phone, I went immediately to people's Instagrams because I had to see the fun night of this event.

[Big J. Okerson]

And well, first thing first is the big group picture of everybody involved with the roast. There's a Not only including John Crist.

[Robert Kelly]

There'S not only a group picture of Everybody. I mean, having a blast.

[Big J. Okerson]

Having a blast in the green. I was in the green room for a cumulative three minutes the entire night.

[Robert Kelly]

There was a. A beautiful video made a montage.

[Big J. Okerson]

Well, this is a picture. This is the big. The big group picture of everybody involved in the roast.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody involved except for me. Except for you.

[Big J. Okerson]

I didn't know this picture was taken at all. And I'll tell you what. No one came. Just I'd say five feet away is the door to outside. No one even said, like, see if Jay's smoking outside for the picture.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not best friends. Even your best friend.

[Big J. Okerson]

You know what it is. I know. Even my best friend Josh, who knew I wasn't in that picture.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's front row in that picture?

[Big J. Okerson]

Oh, front row.

[Robert Kelly]

Not one second did he go, let me go get my best friend Jay.

[Big J. Okerson]

Jay taking a picture.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something.

[Big J. Okerson]

And then here we go. Enjoy this. This is the jelly rolls 40th birthday.

[Robert Kelly]

This is a montage video that was put together of every. I don't know. Who's that guy?

[Big J. Okerson]

That was Chris.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's that?

[Big J. Okerson]

Lady Porter.

[Robert Kelly]

This Josh getting elbowed.

[Big J. Okerson]

Everybody but me on stage. Somehow this.

[Robert Kelly]

You've been cabined yet again.

[Big J. Okerson]

I stood out there. Look. They. Josh, Adam, Ray, everybody. Jelly Roll laughing hysterically. The big picture, the backstage picture.

[Robert Kelly]

Video of the picture.

[Big J. Okerson]

His wife, everyone hugging everyone.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody loved everybody.

[Big J. Okerson]

So many hugs. And then I'm to the left there a little bit, but you can't see me at all. Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

Wasn't that Big Jim? I think Big Jim was there.

[Big J. Okerson]

Whitney, Jelly rolls. They just did a scrolling shot of the dais, and you can't see me. Somehow.

[Christine]

I went over it like the Kennedy assassination.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. Look. How am I not in that picture right there? I'm there.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not in anything, Jay.

[Christine]

By contrast, Josh Adamiers is so featured in this that you'd think he saved Jelly Jelly roll in Vietnam.

[Big J. Okerson]

He did. They are. They go way back, dude. They started a shrimp. They started a shrimp business together.

[Robert Kelly]

If it wasn't for me, I saved the roast.

[Big J. Okerson]

Thank God I did my song and my doodles. I mean, even the artist Chris Rogers got featured in the. In the video.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, the video of the photo of you not in it. There's a video of you not in the photo. You. You are cabined again, baby.

[Big J. Okerson]

I'm not built for Main Street.

[Robert Kelly]

They're showing the wall of the people that work club. You're not on the wall.

[Big J. Okerson]

No, that's not true. I am on the walls there.

[Robert Kelly]

The club loves me, buddy. I fixed it.

[Big J. Okerson]

As you put my face over David Lucas, you got rid of the one black guy. Don't do that. Put me over Jelly Roll.

[Robert Kelly]

I actually put you in the outfit that you've been dying to wear since you were a little boy.

[Big J. Okerson]

You're not wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

You got a chain and you have black hands.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know. Black turtleneck and probably a black dick noise.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah. I handily escaped this doing okay on stage. They laughed at everything I said. No dull moments. So I lucked out. Lucked out because that was a everybody did great, scary situation.

[Robert Kelly]

Did good. Now, at the end of it, did you hang out at all? Did you leave?

[Big J. Okerson]

So Jelly Roll came over to me, and he goes, jay, you're coming to hang with us, right? I was like, absolutely. Just blindly said that. And then I started hearing, everyone says they're going over to Kid Rock's bar. I've already eaten shit at this place. There's no reason to go and be a guy. Some guy's staying on the outskirts. And then I'm just gonna see a tear all down my face when I see Josh stand up in the middle of, like, 30 people and go, y'all are my best friends. What? I thought I was your only best friend here. So they were all going to Kid Rocks. And the first person I told that I wasn't going to Kid Rocks was Josh. No, it was Tony Hinchcliffe. And Tony gave me the too long. I can't. It's like, no, no, no. Like, he's like, you gotta come, man. Come on. I won't even hear that you're coming. And I was like, nah, dude, I'm not gonna go. And then I said I had to go back. I had to be on radio again the next day, which was a lie. You lied completely.

[Robert Kelly]

And then to not go to a party.

[Big J. Okerson]

I know I lied. Why? Well, because he was gonna keep saying I was gonna run out of excuses to why I couldn't go. And then I realized after that, when I was like, just start telling people you are gonna go. They haven't. They didn't miss you on anything in this video, so they're not gonna realize you're not there. So then I started doing that. So I think Bert was the last one. He was like, jay, you coming? And I was like. He goes, don't do this, man. I go, buddy, I'm right behind you. And then I just went back to my hotel and watched the Sixers game. I didn't go.

[Robert Kelly]

What makes Me sad.

[Big J. Okerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

Because you should have went. Because you know what? Something could have happened at that party.

[Big J. Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It all could have came together at that party.

[Big J. Okerson]

I was at the party.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby could have came up to you.

[Big J. Okerson]

Kid Rock.

[Robert Kelly]

Kid Rock would have come up to you.

[Big J. Okerson]

I assumed if that's how Cole Hauser was acting, I assumed Kid Rock was probably drunk too, and I really was not looking. Said at one point, Stacy, who works for Burt, said to me, she goes, kid Rock's like two feet behind you. And I was like, I would have been more stoked about that. Even, like, five years ago, I was like, now I'm just kind of like, oh, man, are we gonna get some kind of weird thing? I did want to say? I think I would have said about him. I was like, I like that he sings about all of his references. Skynyrd, Seeger, Trump Corn, the Stones, David Allen Co And Alex Jones, Shaft. But you don't know Kid Rock songs, so you don't get it. Would have killed in the room. I didn't do it. And Cole Hauser, I wanted to say, is the only person who got fat on a show about hard work. He got fat through the seasons on a show about hard work. I was like, what did you become the supervisor, motherfucker?

[Robert Kelly]

He came to. Yeah, he is the supervisor, by the way.

[Big J. Okerson]

I guess. No shit, he is a supervisor. I'm gonna give my old 42 pants delegates now.

[Robert Kelly]

How dare you? And he's in Texas. It's different food.

[Big J. Okerson]

He's trying to save the ranch. Maybe he was on edge.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, we gotta take a break. We'll be back. It's a bonfire.