
The new Snow White movie is awful for many reasons but the choice to use CGI dwarves is the worst. Jay remembers the Chuck Norris film "The Delta Force" where the Arabic terrorist was just a poorly spray-tanned Robert Forster. Everyone has a good laugh at the ridiculous ending of the movie. Bob and Jay debate about their Farrah Abraham interview. They conduct an investigation as to whether her turd hit the floor or the toilet in her scat video. The crew gangs up against Jay because he denies that he's an expert in poop porn. Bigjaycomedy.com Robertkellylive.com for tour dates *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
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Jay Okerson
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Robert Kelly
And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Could you bring me up something to drink?
Robert Kelly
This your calm down music?
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
This is what you calm down to.
Jay Okerson
I got a story to tell.
Robert Kelly
You have a story to tell.
Jay Okerson
I don't want to blast a man, but I can and I will though, even though situation looking kind of ill.
Robert Kelly
Yo, this is describing your. Your morning.
Jay Okerson
This is my early afternoon.
Robert Kelly
This is why you picked it.
Jay Okerson
I didn't pick this. This was Lou and his and his girlfriend of color. I always assume this is Lou and his girlfriend of color.
Robert Kelly
I don't like that, Jay. You corrected me again. You have a weird habit of micro correcting.
Jay Okerson
Well, I had a. I went.
Robert Kelly
I went your morning and you went early afternoon. Nobody gives a. Nobody cares.
Jay Okerson
I wouldn't behave like that in the mornings.
Robert Kelly
But nobody gives a. If it's. If I'm right about the morning, it's your morning. It's our morning.
Jay Okerson
It's not you. You. I tell jokes. If I have, you'll never have. Unless it happened that day. You'll never hear the I got pulled over today. I. Blah, blah, blah. I'm very big on if I got pulled over and I have some story about it, I'd be like every month there'd be a tag of like about two months ago, like three months ago this happened. Right? I don't know why that matters to me.
Robert Kelly
It does matter to you.
Jay Okerson
Storytelling. I got a story to tell.
Robert Kelly
We all have stories to tell, but nobody does investigations on stories. So if you say if you micro correct. Which is what I've. I've come up with.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Is what you do.
Jay Okerson
What if there is an investigation though?
Robert Kelly
If there is. Dude, if there's an investigation, I will, I will go on the stand and be like, you know what? I lied. It was not morning, it was early afternoon. I made a mistake.
Jay Okerson
But lying seems more nefarious. You just had it a little bit wrong.
Robert Kelly
It's not lying. First of all, you're using the word nefarious just to be above me.
Jay Okerson
No, I don't think it was done with ill intent.
Robert Kelly
This is getting out of control. What are you doing right now? You know I did not go to school as a young boy. And these words.
Jay Okerson
You were in the school. Hard knocks.
Robert Kelly
You're putting me into spin. You put me on tilt. I don't like.
Jay Okerson
I'll explain it to you. Your actions when you were young were nefarious.
Robert Kelly
Do not say I'll explain it to you because that means I don't understand it.
Jay Okerson
Bobby.
Robert Kelly
Yes.
Jay Okerson
Let me give it to you like I'm talking to a five year old.
Robert Kelly
Jay.
Jay Okerson
Let me tell you something. I'll tell you what.
Robert Kelly
There's something about you. Let me just say.
Jay Okerson
Can I apologize to you?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, go ahead, bro.
Jay Okerson
I apologize.
Robert Kelly
What?
Jay Okerson
I apologize.
Robert Kelly
I don't know.
Jay Okerson
I'll try not to correct you anymore. I'm going to apologize. I'll tell you what.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
If yesterday, well, it's Thursday now, but if Monday was any indication of what? How I make people feel. I didn't like that you guys were all picking on me yesterday. Is that what I do?
Robert Kelly
No, no, no.
Jay Okerson
Is that what I do to people?
Robert Kelly
No. No. Where are we?
Jay Okerson
Why did my mic die? What's happening here? Why does this equipment suck?
Robert Kelly
What were we picking on you? I think we were just throwing zingers.
Jay Okerson
You guys were piling on top of me. Well, because you attacking me, you can't.
Robert Kelly
Come in here and say.
Jay Okerson
And Christine is laughing because she loves it. No, she loves nothing.
Robert Kelly
It.
Jay Okerson
I'm so happy the whole ride home.
Robert Kelly
You came in yesterday. I found. I found a gay guy that does my hair, does my eyebrows. And you want your eyebrows and you want, you want.
Jay Okerson
And I'm batting around a spray tan. But I. I decided to go to the booth. We can't. We can't.
Robert Kelly
How do you unwind that cuz?
Jay Okerson
A friend's just coming in here trying to get some opinions from his friends. I didn't know everything's got to be a haha hilarious thing sometimes. We could just talk and ask our friends if they should get spray tans.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, but your lazy slut fingers over the weekend was bugging me, so I.
Jay Okerson
Fixed them for you.
Robert Kelly
I. They look. They do look much better.
Jay Okerson
They look much better now.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, they look much better.
Jay Okerson
And think of how good these are going to look with that tan.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, I was looking on tanning beds last night. I found a couple.
Jay Okerson
You think if I get one.
Robert Kelly
No, I'm not gonna get one, but you get one and I'll come over. Yeah, maybe I'll get. Maybe I'll. I'll rent it. Like, I'll do a. A monthly fee to you and Christine. Like a 29.99. I could use it three times a week.
Jay Okerson
Hey, this will motivate the. Out of me. Can we. Before, like, before. Maybe summer's over or just set a time for when? On Tuesdays for the early show at least. Yeah, maybe we do it a tad earlier. And from my house. I do not enjoy now because I'm parking here now. It's a further walk than when I would get dropped off by an Uber.
Robert Kelly
Nice walk, though.
Jay Okerson
It's a lovely walk. Except on Tuesday when we come in early and we are getting out with the rotten, horrible piece of children of this town. They should all be. It's insane. I don't know what's going on.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, you want to hire Morgan Freeman to come in and fix this thing?
Jay Okerson
I mean, Jesus. I mean, screaming in the streets and just like, with cars and jumping through trash. Just.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, the schools in New York. Animals in Hell's Kitchen at. Around, at around 2:00, 1:32 o'clock. It gets a little nuts. Yeah, you just see.
Jay Okerson
And then there's just these packs of troubled youth and then just like one white nerd who just is forced to live there. One white nerd walking with the crew. Like, Jesus, this poor white. When I was pulling into the parking lot, it was a school, like a line of kids going. And I mean, everything I'm describing. And then just one white nerd walking. I pointed her out. I was like, damn, this poor white nerd.
Robert Kelly
Stupid leftist parents. Mom has big hair. Oh, you're fine. You need to learn culture.
Jay Okerson
It's like they're culturing all over me every day. They're culturing me everywhere I go.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, it's a little early for that.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Is it usually. I thought it was more like 2:30.
Jay Okerson
Well, I think these kids are coming out of alternative schools, if you know what I mean.
Robert Kelly
I don't think they're. I think. I don't know if they're listening to the bell.
Jay Okerson
I think they leave when they leave.
Robert Kelly
I think they're leaving to get to the store to get some stuff.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
God damn it.
Robert Kelly
It gets a pretty horrible. Gets pretty rowdy on that street because I believe the school is on that street that we park on. The school is right. The school is down there.
Jay Okerson
Wow.
Robert Kelly
And it gets rowdy.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
You got to kind of just keep your eyes front and. And let them go like lions in a safari. You can't. You know what I mean? You can't.
Jay Okerson
What? Loose, wild pieces of shit. These kids are not one redeemable one. Even the white nerd. I'm not okay with no.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Whenever I've looked for apartments, I always wanted, like, not near a school.
Jay Okerson
No.
Robert Kelly
No.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Especially in New York, Manhattan school kids are rowdy as fuck.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. I mean, where I live, you can live right next to the school.
Jay Okerson
Rowdy. I would use the term problematic.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. My neighborhood. What are you gonna hear Grease playing? Cause they're rehearsing.
Jay Okerson
Yes. That's what I want. I wanna hear high level musical theater happening in schools.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
It is not Puerto Rican fat girls screaming with the confidence of an attractive woman. It's crazy.
Robert Kelly
It really is.
Jay Okerson
What happened to being fat and full of sh. Fat Lizzo.
Robert Kelly
She probably showers with the lights on.
Jay Okerson
I know. She probably has zero fat shame.
Robert Kelly
No.
Jay Okerson
Bunch of skin tags. She strokes. She cleans them. She washes them in the shower. She feel every time she runs her hand underneath her side pit fat. She feels those things and she just cleans them. She doesn't give a.
Robert Kelly
She probably puts them on Instagram stories.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. You want to name my little skin tag form?
Robert Kelly
I found another one.
Jay Okerson
Oh, these things growing. It was.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, it's pretty crazy, man.
Jay Okerson
The fat, the confidence in the fat. It's insane.
Robert Kelly
The backpack don't fit?
Jay Okerson
Oh, no, not at all. Their jeans are fucking. They're ripped. Why? They wear ripped jeans and they're bubbling out of them like fucking. Like breads breaking out of the holes.
Robert Kelly
I don't think they were ripped.
Jay Okerson
They were. They are now. Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. I think. I think they're fat. Just smushed out of them.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. She ate her way into hulking out her pants.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
You won't like me when I'm hungry.
Robert Kelly
A lot of good hair, though. A lot of good curly hair.
Jay Okerson
There's a lot of good fake hair.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, a lot of good hair.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. There it is, Lizzo. Convincing these fat people that people like them. No one likes you. Young fat girls.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
No, you like them, Jay.
Jay Okerson
What young fat girls?
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Well, you've enjoyed young fat girls in your life. Now you're like middle aged fat girls.
Robert Kelly
I'm not laughing. I ain't laughing.
Jay Okerson
Is Christine calling herself a middle aged factor?
Robert Kelly
She's doing it for the joke.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, I don't think she was.
Robert Kelly
She fell on the sword.
Jay Okerson
No, she was pointing that outward. She was pointing it out. She wasn't thinking that herself was a middle aged fat person.
Robert Kelly
The hot dog.
Jay Okerson
Man. No, I hate fat teenager girls. Every one of them.
Robert Kelly
I didn't mind. I always had a fatty around back when I was in sixth, seventh, eighth.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, yeah.
Robert Kelly
I love the nice fatty. Because they. They don't. They'd stick around, you know what I mean? They'd be around. Nah, it didn't work out with her. What are you doing? I don't know. What do you want me to do?
Jay Okerson
Oh, just. You mean like one that just come over and like polish your knob because she has no self respect because she's a big fat pig piece of shit?
Robert Kelly
Yes, sir.
Jay Okerson
Okay.
Robert Kelly
That's what I think.
Jay Okerson
I have no idea what Christine thinks. I'm into these fat chicks.
Robert Kelly
She keeps going, hello, I'm sitting right here.
Jay Okerson
I'm talking about who I want to. Oh, Lizzo. Yeah, she ruined everything for everybody.
Robert Kelly
Well, she. She's thin now. And now she's all about being thin. She made a bunch of chicks fucking lose feeling in their feet for two years and now this has the money to be thin. I know a bunch of fucking lollipop lickers fucking have shin wounds that won't heal because of this tub of shit.
Jay Okerson
People just go back to living in the shadows instead of casting them so big.
Robert Kelly
Look at her belly button. Looks like an elephant's.
Jay Okerson
She's so happy.
Robert Kelly
Go back to that.
Jay Okerson
Oh my God. Oh my God. And by the way, it's ashy. And by the way, she's down. That's down a hundred plus pounds easy.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Yeah, she lost a lot of weight.
Robert Kelly
She lost a lot of weight.
Jay Okerson
Well, she did the.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
She wasn't this party nice.
Jay Okerson
She ozempic'd it for sure.
Robert Kelly
She did ozempic. Because she might have did something else, right?
Christine
She didn't do exercise.
Jay Okerson
It definitely wasn't exercise. But I'll tell you what, she's gonna do something about them titties now she's.
Robert Kelly
Gonna do something about the titties and the stomach. A.
Jay Okerson
Well, if she would just, you know, stop showing off her asshole's belly button, then it wouldn't really make a difference. She could. She could hide that well.
Robert Kelly
She's crying.
Jay Okerson
The fat she is now, she could hide pretty well. But those titties, when they come out are a mess.
Robert Kelly
But she's not hiding it. She's wearing, like.
Jay Okerson
No. Right. That's the problem. That's what I'm talking about. Lizzo is created with these young fat girls I'm dealing with as I'm running through a gauntlet of them when I come from my car to work.
Robert Kelly
It's only on Tuesdays.
Jay Okerson
What is the thing with these fat? Confidence. I hate it so much. Why won't these pigs be put in their place?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, why don't they wear hoodies? Cover shit up?
Jay Okerson
And you know why they're boisterous, Jacob? Because they know they have as good a chance as a fight as any girl would have against a man. Because they can take blows. That's what it is.
Robert Kelly
They can take a nice kidney shot.
Jay Okerson
They're absolutely right. They know their organs are deep. So if you want to drop her with a kidney shot or a liver shot, you have to punch so hard.
Robert Kelly
Is there anything scarier than a chick like that getting mad at you?
Jay Okerson
Oh, just cut like a tornado.
Robert Kelly
What'd you say?
Jay Okerson
I know you're like, what can I do? You can't headlock, then. There's no neck. Your headlock just squeezes.
Robert Kelly
You.
Jay Okerson
Just eventually, before you know it, you're above their head. Yeah, I'm gonna settle down.
Robert Kelly
Squid Don got in a fight with a girl, like a ghetto girl at Babies R Us. I was like, shut the fuck up. I am not getting my ass kicked. I'm not watching you get your ass kicked and then me get my ass kicked by this chick who could definitely be. She has a panther tattoo on her neck. It's not happening.
Jay Okerson
Here's the thing, Bobby. You gotta. The move is you gotta be willing to sacrifice your lady a little bit in the sense that if I would send Christine out willy nilly into any fight, because my rule is like, well, look, as soon as this girl drops Christine with one or more puts hands on her at all, and I'm like, oh, Christine doesn't have this at all. Then you can go, well, I had to punch this girl in the face because she was gonna attack my chick. She was gonna kill my chick.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, but a big, big, big girl Might fucking take you down now.
Jay Okerson
You're wrong.
Robert Kelly
You don't want to be wrestling.
Jay Okerson
You think I couldn't drop you? I'm gonna eat one shot now. What does that mean?
Robert Kelly
Now you could.
Jay Okerson
Why is that?
Robert Kelly
What are you doing?
Jay Okerson
I don't know. Something. My nose. My nose.
Robert Kelly
I got a little pimple. It's a little tiny pimple.
Jay Okerson
You see it?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, I see it. Don't touch it.
Jay Okerson
Did you see it?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, a little tiny pimple.
Jay Okerson
Probably she's saying something.
Robert Kelly
No, there's a little red thing. There's a little red thing right there. See it? It's a little tiny pimple.
Jay Okerson
No, wrong side over here.
Robert Kelly
Right there? Yeah, yeah.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
I'm not mirroring you.
Robert Kelly
That. She's not mirroring you. She's doing. Where it is.
Jay Okerson
You see it?
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
I don't know what it is.
Robert Kelly
Stop. It's a pimple. Stop touching it.
Jay Okerson
There's blood, but you know.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, because you're touching it.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Stop touching it.
Jay Okerson
I'm big in the skincare, Bobby.
Robert Kelly
What?
Jay Okerson
I don't know why. I have a Neutrogena pad every day. Yeah, but that's. But that. Yeah. So you gotta be. You have to be willing to let dawn take a shot so you can get.
Robert Kelly
What is this noise?
Christine
It's. Somebody's in the performance studio. There's a band playing.
Jay Okerson
Performing what?
Christine
There's a band performing in the. In the studio, too.
Jay Okerson
I thought you were saying something like the constant vacuuming sound behind us.
Robert Kelly
No.
Jay Okerson
Oh, yeah, look at that. There's drums, little drums. Hey, you know, it been fun if they were going to make a performance space to soundproof them, if you're going to have other live broadcast studios next door to it, and it's just. Listen, call me the. I'm sure that was probably. Look, hindsight's 20 20, right? Who knows if anyone's going to perform live at a radio station? So we're not gonna. What, are we gonna insulate every room for sound?
Robert Kelly
Yeah. Stupid.
Jay Okerson
That's idiotic.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, it's dumb. I mean, especially five rooms down. Five studios down from the performance studio.
Jay Okerson
Why would they insulate these walls with anything when we could just put up the word SiriusXM a lot on wallpaper? I'll tell you one thing. Come in this room, you could hear every other studio happening. But one thing's for sure, you know, you're in Sirius xm, that's no doubt. And how do you know? Well, because it's plastered everywhere and none of the equipment works.
Robert Kelly
So where are we and you can hear this fucking stupid drum beat.
Jay Okerson
Can call her daddy, kick in five of her $125 million. And let's just hire a fucking crew to work these cameras. It's 525mil.
Christine
You should come up by my office and walk through the video bay. It's empty.
Jay Okerson
Nice. Can we steal the equipment?
Christine
Who's gonna see you?
Jay Okerson
Who's gonna stop? Yeah, the cameras aren't on.
Christine
There's a monitor upstairs, but there's nobody looking at the monitor.
Jay Okerson
No, I'm saying let's steal the actual equip. Like, I'm gonna take these cameras.
Robert Kelly
I feel like we're in the jungle.
Jay Okerson
What do you mean?
Robert Kelly
With the. The beating.
Jay Okerson
Oh, the drums.
Robert Kelly
Like King Kong's coming.
Jay Okerson
The distant beating of drums and the native drums in the dist.
Christine
It's a vibe.
Jay Okerson
Can you see what it is? Can anybody find out what it is? Oh, what's this? Is this Max coming through the tunnel. Maximus Kelly, number 42, fullback. Go, Max, go. Go, Max, go. Running that ball, bubba. You better run up that goddamn ball.
Robert Kelly
Hey, you know what? I tell you what. Max learned how to run. I don't know what happened.
Jay Okerson
Right?
Robert Kelly
I don't, dude.
Jay Okerson
And I got laughed at in school.
Robert Kelly
It might have been that. But he. He. The other day I was. I came home, I'm sleeping, taking a little nap. He goes, let's go. Brings me outside, there's a chair waiting. It's nighttime. He's going to do lacrosse stuff that he learned. He missed the net and he went into the yard next to us. He started running. I'm like, oh, this is gonna take forever.
Jay Okerson
Oh.
Robert Kelly
And he. I was like, oh, my. I went, oh, my God, you can run.
Jay Okerson
What? You said that to him?
Robert Kelly
It just came out.
Jay Okerson
That probably hurt.
Robert Kelly
It just shot out of my mouth.
Jay Okerson
Oh, look at you running. Not like a retarded person anymore.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, look at you running like. Not like a 14 year old girl from Turkish terrorists.
Jay Okerson
Steven Seagal. He has a Steven Seagal run.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, Steven. I like Steven. You don't like with his little floppy hands? No, I think it's a little sexy run.
Jay Okerson
It would ruin everything. And he was also big on a nice turning, like, stutter step that turned it around a corner. And he always did it in nice Italian boots.
Robert Kelly
He did it in boots and he did it in really tight jeans.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Well, he wasn't very kick based with his aikido. It was a lot of throwing in hands. Yeah, mostly.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. Isn't that aikido just standing there and Fwhipping people.
Jay Okerson
It's a judo y kind of. Yeah, Aikido's. I think most of it's like using your own body's, like momentum against you.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
It's like getting out of the way of the punch and then dragging them around by that arm somehow and then snapping the joint. I only took five classes. How many movies did Steven Skull make? Five. I took five classes in aikido. The first one was called Marked for Death, Under Siege, Hard to Kill, out for Justice. And of course, let's not forget Executive Decision, where he died immediately.
Robert Kelly
What about above the Law?
Jay Okerson
Above the Law, Yes. That was the other one.
Robert Kelly
That's the original.
Jay Okerson
There they are, all five of my aikido classes. And I'll tell you what, if you are lucky enough to get out of the way of a punch that you can watch it go past your face. Your instinct is not to grab that arm, not your instincts. And then flip them with it. I can't see waiting and go. God, I hope this guy throws a punch so I can flip him.
Christine
There's nothing funnier than watching his. The demonstrations he does in Russian. Yeah, Russia. And all the guys are throwing themselves.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, it's like a movie. He like, touches him in the chest and they fly back. Yeah, yeah.
Christine
Flip flying.
Robert Kelly
He actually hurts.
Jay Okerson
Bring up a Steven Seagal demo.
Robert Kelly
No, he does he. Because he. When he. You can see the guys, they have to tap, but he'll really twist their arms.
Christine
Yeah, but they let him, like, almost break their arm.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, that's what aikido is.
Jay Okerson
Letting a man do it.
Robert Kelly
Letting a man do it.
Jay Okerson
All of us are only aware of aikido through the works of five films.
Christine
So great.
Robert Kelly
I love how fatty is, though. Look at that stuff. That's all.
Jay Okerson
That looks fake.
Robert Kelly
That's visceral. Fat, fatter now that's all food.
Christine
This is one of the best.
Jay Okerson
He's like, tap, tap. You can see if a man lets you, you can flip him with his elbow.
Robert Kelly
I mean, this is.
Jay Okerson
Wow. Why is he performing in front of a bunch of boys in robes and tight short shorts?
Robert Kelly
He tapped and he's still doing it. The dye that it takes to get his hair black. Easy nuts.
Jay Okerson
Easy. Light work. Light work. Light work, light work.
Christine
These guys choreographed Marvel Movie.
Jay Okerson
He's very, very quickly and easily defeating two men who are not fighting back. Yeah, they're. They're clapping for him. This is crazy.
Robert Kelly
It's so funny. They just fall.
Jay Okerson
By the way, and he put his hands up. It's that easy. That's the best is after he fucking guys just flip around and drop on the ground for me. Goes just like that and voila.
Robert Kelly
Is there any video of him actually fighting anybody? Or is it all just these two twinks running at him?
Jay Okerson
I have to.
Robert Kelly
And them falling.
Jay Okerson
You mean in his life ever, like, anywhere? I don't think Steven Seagal's ever had a real fight that you've seen.
Robert Kelly
My God, he's so heavy. He's so heavy.
Jay Okerson
Isn't there, like one Bruce Lee real fight? I think it was always demonstrations, right?
Christine
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
And then the ones they made up. The ones that. What is this? Why are we watching Two Bears, One Cave?
Robert Kelly
I know. Chrissy, what are you doing?
Jay Okerson
Are we promoting By Crusher's new special Lucky, available now on Netflix. Nice plug.
Robert Kelly
I heard it's its best work. Yeah, that's what he said.
Christine
Did we find out who the band is?
Robert Kelly
Yeah. Who is it?
Jay Okerson
Yes, we did. I went out there and asked Cynthia at the front desk. That is Darius Washington. He's a artist. We were all thinking you were gonna say Rucker and Pastor. It's. It's gospel that he's doing.
Robert Kelly
Jesus Christ.
Jay Okerson
Jesus. Also ran into Selena Gomez about two minutes ago.
Robert Kelly
Did you ask her to come in?
Jay Okerson
Crazy.
Robert Kelly
Did you tell her to come in?
Jay Okerson
She's with 30 people on her way to do an interview.
Christine
Oh, that's who was down there.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, but. Okay, but, Lou, if you should walk through, I mean, they're not going to stop a brother from going through trying to meet a lady for her. They might. Really? Yeah. Damn.
Robert Kelly
Damn.
Jay Okerson
You should have been like, yo, yo, Selena. Why'd you knock up my cousin and never call him again? Just confused the shit out of everybody. What? How did she look? Fantastic. Does she. Didn't she have something that makes her face get big? I think that might be a thyroid issue. Yeah, she has like a disease or something that makes her look weird at times.
Robert Kelly
It's very pretty, Selena. Okay. Is she the one who's playing? No. She's not the one doing Snow White?
Jay Okerson
No.
Christine
Okay.
Robert Kelly
Oh, that girl's getting whacked.
Jay Okerson
Who is it?
Robert Kelly
The Snow White girl.
Christine
Zegler.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Okay.
Robert Kelly
They're kind of similar, though.
Jay Okerson
They're mad at her.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. Because she's. They're making Snow White. They're making her a modern woman.
Jay Okerson
Are they the seven little people?
Robert Kelly
Well, there's.
Jay Okerson
No.
Robert Kelly
They didn't. They didn't have any little people in the movie. And they also. She said that Snow White will not be rescued by a prince. She will rescue herself. This is a modern version of Snow White where she doesn't need a man to save her.
Jay Okerson
That's fine. Let that witch kill you then, bitch Prince.
Christine
He's a thief.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Christine
Apparently the actor is gender fluid. Yeah, I don't have much chemistry from.
Jay Okerson
What I'm the princess, the prince. The prince himself is gender fluid.
Robert Kelly
She's not Snow White because of her skin. She's Snow White because of a snowstorm.
Jay Okerson
One of these color Snow Brown. Why don't they just call her Sand Snow of color?
Robert Kelly
But yeah, she. They had to change the whole thing around. So her. She. She got into a snowstorm with her father. So that's why she was called Snow White.
Jay Okerson
What a dumb thing.
Robert Kelly
And she's going on a lot of. There's actually a video of her. She's such a egomaniac.
Jay Okerson
Cool mirror.
Robert Kelly
She's such a actress of her just faking tears.
Jay Okerson
The Snow White girl, the.
Robert Kelly
The actual girl faking. You could see the moment where her brain just says cry. Now. It's the most uncomfortable, fake emotional moment like I've ever seen. Because she's getting so much shit for this movie.
Jay Okerson
Black Lewis speak for all black people. Were you concerned that Snow White wasn't racially diverse enough? No, not at all. That's never sat on you or weighed on you heavy? No, I like things to stay traditional. You're not worried that Hendrix might think that Snow White didn't know any black people and that could be a problem? Not at all. Okay, good, good, good. I thought maybe I was being nuts.
Robert Kelly
Well, there was no.
Jay Okerson
Why would anybody give a.
Robert Kelly
There was no black people in snow. Right.
Christine
Every movie looks like downtown LA with the cast.
Robert Kelly
Well, I mean, I understand her. I mean, whatever. Who gives a.
Jay Okerson
They should have given her a poison watermelon. That would have been funny. That would have been really funny.
Christine
I mean, apparently it's also an ode to communism.
Jay Okerson
The movie an ode to it.
Christine
It's a love letter to communism.
Jay Okerson
Nice.
Christine
The whole movie is about how the. The family just. Nobody has any wealth. Everyone shares everything except her, except the queen.
Jay Okerson
Right.
Christine
They rule over everyone, but everyone else shares. There's no crime, so they feed everyone apple pies.
Jay Okerson
This thing is doomed. This movie was doomed from the get go. I mean, there's bring up a thing like an article about the whole story. Because first I'm seeing the Dwarves. Now, the first. The Dwarves were live action at one.
Robert Kelly
Live action.
Christine
And they were not. They were always cg.
Robert Kelly
They were going to be. And then it was.
Jay Okerson
It was like multi. It was Like, a, like, black and Hispanic one. It was like everything had to be like. Like some version of, like, a different culture.
Robert Kelly
But I believe that. What's his name, Dinklage, complaining, said, why.
Christine
Are we doing dwarves again? So they made him cgi. They were gonna put actors, but because.
Robert Kelly
Him and all the dwarves were pissed off because, like, yo, dude, that's money.
Christine
They're angry.
Robert Kelly
Yo, you. You made.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. He wants to be the only dwarf.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. It's like, dude, you made it through. You're like the porn star that got to act.
Jay Okerson
Well, it's also like, do you think you haven't gotten every role you've gotten not because you're a midget also? I mean, that's the thing.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Like, you're always playing them. They never just happens that it goes, oh, and that character happens to be a midget. Yeah.
Robert Kelly
And it's also. Yeah, you did be.
Jay Okerson
You're a little person.
Robert Kelly
You're a mob boss in a movie. But it was also unique that the mob boss was a little person.
Jay Okerson
Sure.
Robert Kelly
That's a little caveat to the character that makes the movie a little more cooler.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. You know, the fact I did notice there was no Mexican dwarves ever in.
Robert Kelly
Any retelling of Snow White because Mexicans are already small.
Jay Okerson
That's right. Oh, yeah. It'd be great. You, Snow White and the seven Ecuadorians.
Robert Kelly
You wouldn't be able to see them.
Jay Okerson
Is she. Was she Maria in West side Story?
Christine
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
There's a video. I put it in the thing where she is. She. She starts doing the tears. She has a moment. Jay. It's so funny. I would love Jacob to reenact it acting wise. I really think it would be fantastic.
Jay Okerson
I'm worried about how far away her chin is from her neck.
Robert Kelly
I think she's stretching it out.
Jay Okerson
What the. Man, you put a whole sandwich in there without swallowing it.
Robert Kelly
This right here, this is so. Listen to this lunatic.
Jay Okerson
To everyone and to everyone who hates when I win. What? The Winged Victory came to the Louvre in pieces, and people still line up to see her. I don't. What is she saying? And I can only hope that despite my flaws and despite my cracks and my breaks and there are many of them, that at every premiere and everything I do, people will wait in line to see. Wow. It's weird. And I mean, everyone.
Robert Kelly
I just want Jacob to redo that one part when I win behind my crack and I have many of them.
Christine
She's insufferable.
Jay Okerson
Those are breaking down again. Lonely. It's very lonely. I know that if that loneliness. I think her mom drank.
Robert Kelly
Why? Because of. Her eyes are so far apart.
Jay Okerson
That's the reason.
Robert Kelly
Because she has two eyes apart from the other eye.
Jay Okerson
Because her eyes are in her dimples. Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Like when you learn to draw a face.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, dude, you wouldn't be able to.
Robert Kelly
Draw her face because there's two eyes in between these two eyes.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Robert Kelly
And there's only supposed to be one eye.
Jay Okerson
Yes.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
She got pan's labyrinth face.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, she really did. She should be like this.
Jay Okerson
Her eyes should be on her hands.
Christine
There's so many controversies. I mean, she wouldn't shut up about the election. Also.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
She said, well, she's also pro Palestine. The other one's pro Israel.
Robert Kelly
Well, the other one's from Israel. Yeah.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
The evil Queen.
Christine
She started that.
Jay Okerson
Gal Gadot, she was in.
Robert Kelly
She was in the Israeli army.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
You know what I mean? And she's next to this. She's gonna work with this pro. Pro Palestine actress who's. Who's not even like. I mean, she's an American. Mexican American. Right.
Christine
She's Mexican Spanish, half Colombian, half Polish.
Jay Okerson
Why the fuck was she playing a Puerto Rican? And there are plenty of Puerto Rican actresses. Wow. What's going on with the world?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, Disney's really fucking up.
Jay Okerson
Why are there no Puerto Rican actors gonna handle this? Because they're all fat and screaming outside of a School on 50th Street. Do you think that might be the thing? These are all fat and screaming and running through the streets like goddamn confident animals. Is that why, I wonder? And all they have is a Mexican with frog eyes that we could fucking throw into a goddamn movie.
Robert Kelly
She does have frog eyes. Despite my flaws, and I have many of them.
Jay Okerson
You will line up to watch my shows.
Christine
Gal Gadot is so much hotter. She's playing the evil queen.
Jay Okerson
Nice.
Christine
She's.
Robert Kelly
Well, she's also a woman. This is a little tiny girl.
Christine
Yeah, but the whole point of Snow White is that the queen is. Wants to kill her because now she's not the hottest anymore.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. That doesn't really fuck up the plot. You still want to fuck the Queen?
Christine
The whole plot.
Jay Okerson
At one point, the evil Queen, he goes, I bet I can get through to her.
Robert Kelly
Is this the one with the mirror?
Jay Okerson
Yeah, yeah.
Robert Kelly
And the mirror was like, bitch, you're way hotter than her. Look at me.
Jay Okerson
Who's the hottest of them all? Well, I feel like you only seem to be concerned about that one chick, and you're definitely hotter than her. Pretty much. All throughout the land is just Dwarves? I think so, yeah. It's just you and this chick.
Robert Kelly
You see how far her eyes are apart?
Christine
None of it makes sense. None of it works.
Jay Okerson
She needs two mirrors to ask herself the same question because her eyes are so far apart.
Robert Kelly
Why do you keep coming to me for? Bitch sees like a horse.
Jay Okerson
Look at her. Stop bothering me. Yes, you are substantially hotter than this child dressed like an asshole hanging out with seven midgets.
Robert Kelly
If she has a cup, you. You have a C cup.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Way hotter.
Jay Okerson
Damn, dude. You'd have to Three Stooges Pokerize with heavy metal horns.
Christine
Apparently they changed it. Like, they couldn't even pretend.
Jay Okerson
You couldn't do that.
Robert Kelly
You couldn't do the piece.
Jay Okerson
You can't do the piece. You can't do the Dover. You got to go. Heavy metal horns.
Robert Kelly
That's great. I never noticed how far. I always noticed something wrong with her face, but I didn't know what it was.
Jay Okerson
I'd say it's a measurable amount of it. I bet there's a. A nice size soft cock of inches between her eyes.
Robert Kelly
Christine, can you bring up her face again? I'd like to.
Jay Okerson
If my soft dick was as big as the space between her eyes, dude, I'd. I'd be confident as hell with my softy. By the way, just so you know, for two shows today, I wore my boner underwear. See if it happens.
Robert Kelly
Did it work?
Jay Okerson
I don't know. It's knocking around, though, I'll tell you that much.
Robert Kelly
Feels good, right?
Jay Okerson
I love it.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. Yeah. Her face is definitely something wrong with it.
Jay Okerson
She looks pretty there.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, but you got to put it. But when you. When you look at. There you go. Yeah, with her bangs back. Bangs really make a woman's face.
Christine
And they can Photoshop Eyes Closer.
Jay Okerson
And I bet they do. They definitely have to. For sure, dude. Come on. For sure.
Robert Kelly
Right there. Top right. Top right over. One more, one more. Right there. Click that. What the. Jesus H. Oh, my Lord.
Jay Okerson
You do a whole other eyebrow between her eyebrows.
Robert Kelly
Oh, and you know what? Look at her mouth, too. Her mouth is weird.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
I love picking apart hot chicks.
Jay Okerson
I'm a Natalie Wood guy myself. If I'm going with Maria's Natalie.
Robert Kelly
For sure, yeah. You mean the chick who got killed?
Jay Okerson
Yeah, the original Maria from West side Story. Not the new Maria.
Robert Kelly
Really? You like Natalie Wood?
Christine
You thought she was so hot.
Jay Okerson
I don't necessarily think she was hot. I just prefer her over Rachel Ziegler's take on the character of Maria.
Robert Kelly
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Jay Okerson
No, I personally didn't give it. Jacob said she was very hot. I don't find her to be that hot other than she's the original. Dude, come on.
Robert Kelly
Back then what was hot was a different. I mean, as long as you didn't have fucking hairy shins and a fat head. You know, women back then most mostly look like men.
Jay Okerson
The most fun is that they got zero Puerto Ricans to play Puerto Ricans in the original west side story either.
Robert Kelly
Well, all the Indians were Italians and Jews. Did you know that? The Indian that did the. The garbage commercial, Remember the littering?
Jay Okerson
Sure.
Robert Kelly
Jewish guy, fucking Sicilian.
Jay Okerson
Really? I love that.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. Remember the Italian American club?
Jay Okerson
Well, look, you know, fucking Ralph is bronze of sensuali, so nothing makes sense. That was the best. One of the best ones ever was delta force Robert Forster playing a. A Saudi Arabian terrorist. And he's just. They just, they just black face him. I was talking to Fenoy today. I forgot. Fisher Stevens, full black face to play an Indian in a short circuit.
Robert Kelly
This guy look, you can tell he's an Italian.
Jay Okerson
Chuck Zito.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. You put a pinky ring on that guy, he's a guinea.
Jay Okerson
Oh, you still got. You. You put the trash on my lawn. You still got.
Robert Kelly
You wrap me up. You make a tear come down my eyes. It's so funny. We didn't. We didn't allow anybody except white people to do back in the day. I remember when the Indians used to come up on the westerns, be like, well, what are you doing? Why are you coming here? Old Jews.
Jay Okerson
God damn. Keep America beautiful.
Robert Kelly
Keep America beautiful with Italians.
Jay Okerson
Dude, bring up Robert Forster and Delta 4. He's so funny. Robert Forrester. They just. I mean, they just put. I mean, talk about spray tan. And he just.
Christine
What you're getting, huh?
Jay Okerson
I'm not gonna get the Middle Eastern terrorists.
Robert Kelly
Oh, you're not gonna go that dark?
Jay Okerson
No, no. I'm gonna go to the booth.
Robert Kelly
Oh, yeah, you get to pick your shade when you spray tan.
Jay Okerson
I don't know. I haven't gone. You guys talked me out of it.
Robert Kelly
Good.
Jay Okerson
Sorry. The movie.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
One more time.
Jay Okerson
Delta Force.
Robert Kelly
What?
Jay Okerson
Chuck Norris's finest work. I mean, like.
Christine
Jay.
Jay Okerson
What?
Christine
Leave it alone.
Robert Kelly
Leave it alone.
Jay Okerson
There he is.
Robert Kelly
Most important, put a face in the glass, by the way.
Jay Okerson
Oh, it's been a while.
Robert Kelly
I blame you, not her.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
No amount of face on the glass is going to get me to know this movie from 1986.
Robert Kelly
I mean, the way she just talked like that to me.
Jay Okerson
Is this from 86?
Robert Kelly
That just happens, Jay.
Jay Okerson
Now, I thought it was really enough.
Robert Kelly
She just talks to me like that.
Jay Okerson
Christine, self report your face to the glass.
Robert Kelly
I love that she acted it out.
Jay Okerson
Here we go. He goes, oh, my God, this guy's wearing black face. This guy in blackface is taking over the plane.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
He's supposed to be an Arab. Yeah, they didn't even tan him that hard.
Jay Okerson
It's Robert Forster from. From Jackie Brown. Damn. Delta Force ruled. Do you remember how he kills him at the end ultimately? Bobby?
Robert Kelly
No, I forget.
Jay Okerson
They. They tease earlier in the movie that they have a motorcycle, it's got two missiles in the front of it. And at the end there's one missile left. And he just. He sees the guy and he turns the front of the. Of the motorcycle to face him and then fires that last missile, takes him out. Christine, bring up the last. Oh, I forgot. She's an Israeli lady and he's mean to her. Delta Force.
Robert Kelly
Such a cheesy movie.
Jay Okerson
Final scene or whatever. Maybe Delta Force.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, but all I'm so cheesy. All the movies back then were so cheesy.
Jay Okerson
But going Globus, dude, that was the company. They just made any action film you can make. And they were like, we need a ninja to play a ninja. He goes, well, we do have this guy Michael Dudikoff, a couple of films. And they go, what? He's an American guy? Goes, well, we'll call it American Ninja. And then he just did that. Michael Dudikoff. His other. His other fucking part was as one of the other guys in Bachelor Party.
Christine
Yep.
Jay Okerson
And then he became American Ninja. Let's see. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Robert Kelly
Is this it?
Jay Okerson
Yeah. You forgot you stopped because of one man on a motorcycle. Move on. They didn't know it was Chuck. Bob, you should have got those on your vest, dude. And wait, he's got that one last one. Back to Beirut. Everybody turn around. This guy's got one more missile left on his motorcycle. No one thought about shooting one of those guns at him.
Robert Kelly
Nobody's shooting him at all because he's.
Christine
Got that riding that fast.
Jay Okerson
One missile and they're pointing up. It's hard to aim. By the way, that's definitely not Chuck Norris. That was so obviously not Chuck Norris. On the motorcycle. Yeah, send it. Yeah, you just got Jade. That guy just got jade. Oh, no. Damn 80s movies ruled.
Robert Kelly
He's driving around the most open thing he could drive around in war.
Jay Okerson
A motorcycle. Well, you have to get those last few hostages. They took a few. And then it inspires the hostages to fight back. Bobby, It's a trickle down effect. I don't know if you've been involved in a major hostage situation.
Robert Kelly
I haven't.
Jay Okerson
With the Delta. Fort Lee Marvin. I forgot. Lee Marvin was in that leave.
Robert Kelly
Meyer was in everything back then.
Jay Okerson
He's the head of the Delta Force. But mostly from afar. He tells. He tells Chuck Norris what to do.
Robert Kelly
I've been researching Delta Force for last few months.
Jay Okerson
Really?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, like the real Delta Force. It's the most. I mean, they're the top. You think Navy SEALs are here? Delta Force is.
Jay Okerson
Well, I knew that because I was aware of the film from 1986.
Robert Kelly
I don't know if you know that in real life, though. Delta.
Jay Okerson
There was a plane taken hostage and they called in one team and one team only.
Robert Kelly
All right.
Jay Okerson
The Delta Force.
Robert Kelly
I didn't know that you knew, but apparently micro corrected. Yeah, I got micro. No, that wasn't my. That was an actual correction.
Jay Okerson
Micro correct.
Robert Kelly
That was not a micro correction. That was a 100% correction.
Jay Okerson
They're the top tier. You don't give the second tier people missile. Motorcycles.
Robert Kelly
No, that was a. Well, that was a. You know, Jay, that was a well deserved correction.
Jay Okerson
But apologies.
Robert Kelly
I apologize. I apologize to you for actually assuming you didn't know what Delta Force was when you've known for years.
Jay Okerson
I have known for years. God damn. Her eyes are far apart. Sorry.
Robert Kelly
It's on the screen. It's mind boggling.
Jay Okerson
It is. I mean, Jesus Christ.
Robert Kelly
She's not gonna age well either.
Jay Okerson
Why, you think those eyes are gonna keep falling down their cheeks?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, she's gonna look like a melting pumpkin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, It's. It's crazy. So this movie, I. But I think it did well. What was the box office? Did it bomb?
Christine
Didn't make. I think it made like 47 million over the weekend. 270 million.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
At least, right? I assume it took. Yeah, they had to redo it a couple times. Yeah.
Robert Kelly
They have to understand that people, like Lou said, they just want tradition. They just want what it was. You want to make a whole new movie? Go make another movie about a princess that doesn't need a prince and their eyes are way far apart or whatever you want to do.
Jay Okerson
And by the way, call it something else.
Robert Kelly
You call it something.
Jay Okerson
Or like they make those movies like, they just make like a. Like a. Not a spoof, but just like a play. Like another take on it. Don't call it Disney. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and fucking.
Christine
No, they didn't say dwarves. They can't even.
Jay Okerson
They would say dwarf midgets. You can't do that.
Robert Kelly
No, they didn't do that either, Jay.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Oh, wait, it's not called Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Robert Kelly
No, it's called Snow White and the.
Christine
I think it's just Snow White Short people.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Snow White.
Jay Okerson
Oh, is it called the blow bang of Snow White? How do you know there's seven dwarves in there. How many dwarves constitutes a gang bang? But if you take two midgets per regular person, I'd say a gang bang would require six midgets. Christine, put that in the fact checker. I'll wait.
Robert Kelly
Five.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Five midgets.
Jay Okerson
Five midgets is a gang bang. All right. Damn. Thanks for micro correcting me. This one over here. Huh?
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
It's also weird because this isn't just. These are like classic fairy tales. It's not just Disney. Like, this existed before Disney.
Christine
It's.
Robert Kelly
Well, but it's hard. It's hard to defend because it's all made up horseshit. You know what I mean? But yeah, the. The little girls Want to be princesses. And you, you're kind of forcing them to. I don't need a man. I won't have babies and fall in love. I'll just be on my own with three little people. It's.
Christine
It's a weird saved by a man.
Robert Kelly
It's like that whole a girl finding the princess is what little girls grew up on, and now they. It's like, you know, like damsel and.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Distressed behavior is pretty toxic for women.
Jay Okerson
Guys, movie idea, Bonfire Studios. Produced by Bonfire Studio.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, but. But listen, listen.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
But fairy tales are cute, and they're just cute movies.
Robert Kelly
But yeah, yeah, it is a cute movie, and it's just a stupid thing. Go make a new movie about a woman that doesn't need any man.
Jay Okerson
Guys, I have a great reimagining for Bonfire Studios to produce a movie. You know, everybody always says it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. How about we make the Adam and Steve? We make Adam and Steve.
Robert Kelly
Who's Adam?
Jay Okerson
A retelling of the Bible story, but it's with Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve.
Robert Kelly
Right?
Jay Okerson
And Steve's just like a dumb bimbo of a guy. I'll play. I'll play Steve.
Robert Kelly
I'll do Steve.
Jay Okerson
You want to do Steve?
Robert Kelly
I feel. I feel like I can get.
Jay Okerson
You want to eat the apple?
Robert Kelly
I'll eat the apple. Because you'll be like, don't eat it. And I'll be like, whatever.
Jay Okerson
Oh, you should text me. You should text me. Our room. Be like, dude, come down here. They have my favorite apples. This place don't let me eat one.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, and then I'll come down.
Jay Okerson
Yo, this garden has my favorite apples. Dude, come down here and do not let me eat one, please. Whatever I say, hey, sure, man. I'm Adam and you're Steve.
Robert Kelly
But then I do eat one. And then you just over order apples. You get like 17 different apples.
Jay Okerson
Well, if we're gonna have apples, dude, I want apple sauce. I want apple slices. I want apple apple wedges. I want apple pie. I want applewood bacon. I want everything apple has to offer.
Robert Kelly
Oh, man.
Jay Okerson
Adam and Steve coming this summer.
Robert Kelly
It's weird that they're. That Disney. Disney's doing this with a lot of shit, too. They keep getting shit from people. I was talking to Lou about this yesterday. It's like when you're making a movie, like a sci fi movie, a superhero movie, the people that are watching it, that buy it are nerdy dudes, and you keep making it feminine. You keep trying to put women in and make. Women don't want this. Women don't want to go see a superhero movie and then when it bombs, they blame us.
Jay Okerson
Black people don't want to see Snow White and they shouldn't, but they, you.
Robert Kelly
Know, I mean, it's like. It's like they don't make the movie for the nerd guys that want to see this stupid. It's wrestling. Make it for them. You can't. They keep trying to make a strong woman. Guys don't want to see that shit. They want. They're a bunch of losers that want a hero.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. None of us want a strong woman.
Robert Kelly
I know. I mean.
Jay Okerson
No, you're right.
Robert Kelly
You can make a Wonder Woman. Strong woman.
Jay Okerson
Right?
Robert Kelly
Loved it.
Jay Okerson
But controlled by a man probably somewhere. I mean, definitely someone in Alaska.
Robert Kelly
Her father.
Jay Okerson
Probably not.
Robert Kelly
I think so.
Jay Okerson
No, they're the Amazonian somethings.
Robert Kelly
They keep fucking up. They keep trying to just mix shit up.
Jay Okerson
Well, that's.
Robert Kelly
Make a new movie, man. Just make something new.
Jay Okerson
It is funny. I was saying, I'm watching that. I finished that show Adolescence.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Four episodes. It took me three and a half episodes to realize. I go, oh, it's. It's good. The acting in it is unbelievable. Maybe that was some of the best I've ever seen. First of all, it's like four plays. Yeah, there's one. It's a single shot camera the entire episode.
Robert Kelly
What?
Jay Okerson
But it's nuts.
Robert Kelly
Oh, I think I saw that. Oh, yeah, I saw that.
Jay Okerson
Unless they. Can you look up. They say that they edit it just to make it seem that way.
Robert Kelly
They figured out I actually watched a little clip of it. Even when they're going up the stairs, there's somebody up on the top stairs and they hand the camera up and the person grabs it. So they are. They figured out how to make it one shot.
Jay Okerson
Oh, no. But I'm saying, is it. I'm more taken by that, not by the shoot. Because a lot of times it's just in one room.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
I'm taken back by the memorization of 45 minutes of dialogue.
Robert Kelly
Right.
Jay Okerson
It's crazy. And it looks like you have to nail it when you nail it, because they're doing one shot. The kid was unbelievable. However, when it got down to it, I'm like, oh, this whole thing's about toxic masculinity and the.
Robert Kelly
Is it.
Jay Okerson
And the effect. I mean, once they said Andrew Tate's name in it, I was like. And then I was like, oh. And then a therapist keeps. So it's about a kid who's Accused of killing a little girl in their school. Same age, like, 13 or something.
Robert Kelly
What'd she do?
Jay Okerson
Huh?
Robert Kelly
What'd she do?
Jay Okerson
She did do something, apparently.
Robert Kelly
Really? I'm kidding.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, but, like, that's almost the argument is, I guess he was made fun of by her. Spoiler alert. He was made fun of by her.
Robert Kelly
God.
Jay Okerson
And so they think that's why he killed her. And the whole thing is like, he's saying he didn't do it. That's what the show's about. Like, did he do it or not? Okay, she stabbed. She got stabbed. But there's video of it, and they show it right away. It's why they think it's him. But it could technically not be him. That's the whole. But it doesn't matter, because the point I'm just making is that the whole thing is just talking about, like, does your dad ever cry? No, he doesn't, does he? That's probably why you have this rage in you. And it's like Andrew Tate, right? Your dad probably thinks your mom's just shut the fuck up and cooked dinner. Even the kid who's in jail is like, what? I didn't know. I didn't say that.
Robert Kelly
Why does it have to be either or. Why can't your wife just cook dinner and talk?
Jay Okerson
I know, right? Just shut the fuck up already.
Robert Kelly
Just cook dinner and talk and I'll go make money and we can make.
Jay Okerson
Some real money doing those, like, those podcasts I used to watch. Like the whatever podcast or those things where they just sit there and tell women they're dumb sluts for fucking two hours. I feel so bad doing that. We've had any. We had Farah Abraham in here, and you still go. There's the questions I to ask. But I'm not, like. I'm not really good at, like, poking, like, hard. You know what I mean? Because, like, I want to ask. I go, hey, you know, you have a daughter. She think it's weird that there's, like, third videos of you out there. She's like, she's old enough to get it. And I go, yeah, she's totally old.
Robert Kelly
Enough to get it.
Jay Okerson
I just move on quick. I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to sit here and debate this point with you.
Robert Kelly
There's no way her daughter saw her.
Jay Okerson
No.
Robert Kelly
Probably no way. No, there's no way. But if Max ever saw me taking a. He would be humiliated, and he'd be probably not. Talk to me, dad. Get away from me. Why? I saw your shit video dad, no, but I did that, remember? You wanted that new lacrosse stick. I don't care. Dad, you're disgusting.
Jay Okerson
It'd be better, though. He'd rather that a video of you just taking a nasty dump came out than a video of dawn looking at the camera going, ooh. And then turning around and spreading her cheeks and firing logs at the camera.
Robert Kelly
Ah, there's no coming back from O.
Jay Okerson
Bob, look at this.
Robert Kelly
I'm going to throw up now.
Jay Okerson
Clean it up.
Robert Kelly
No, of course she would clean it up.
Jay Okerson
I'll clean it up.
Robert Kelly
I'll make her clean it up.
Jay Okerson
I'll do it. Don't worry. I'm going to get that.
Robert Kelly
She can talk when she's cleaning.
Jay Okerson
Bobby. Bob, help Max with his homework. I'm raining turds over here.
Robert Kelly
Bobby, get me the tux. I think I knocked one of my roids loose, kid.
Jay Okerson
Oh, I got a dab, but I can't wipe it. It burns.
Robert Kelly
Bobby, get the broccoli out of the air fryer.
Jay Okerson
Huh? Oh, oh, oh. Mostly fluid, I think. I think that's all of it.
Robert Kelly
Nope, there's more up. There it is. There she goes. Oh, that's got to be at least $400 right there.
Jay Okerson
Okay, okay.
Robert Kelly
Max, how much is that lacrosse stick? Ah, shit. I need more.
Jay Okerson
Hey, I'm talking to you, turd burglar. 69xxx Max, Max needs a new lacrosse stick. I'm just gonna lay out a little. Yeah. Man, I hope dawn gets in the scat pornography.
Robert Kelly
Me too.
Jay Okerson
Fuel Max's Sports.
Robert Kelly
Fantastic.
Jay Okerson
That'd be great.
Robert Kelly
She's gotta make it.
Jay Okerson
Max, do you know what I. Max, you're going to practice. Do you know what Mommy had to do to afford that lacrosse stick?
Robert Kelly
Hey, Max, listen, we got to take a little piece of your casa de. Max. I'm gonna make a special room.
Jay Okerson
Gonna make a studio for Mom.
Robert Kelly
I gotta make a studio for your mom.
Jay Okerson
Mom's. Look, some. Some moms get into knitting. Your mom has gotten into scat pornography with strangers.
Robert Kelly
It's so funny, though, because that was the. The video that she did that in. Was that in her living room? Wasn't that in the living room closet? It looks like the closet.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Like, where do you make the decision where you.
Jay Okerson
I don't know.
Christine
On your own floor?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, we did accept.
Jay Okerson
We accepted that, too. When she said it was pretty funny, she goes, where'd it go? She's like, right in the toilet. Just fell in the toilet. And you're like, that room was too wide. That wasn't a toy. That Wasn't a bathroom.
Robert Kelly
Living room maybe? Slash office.
Jay Okerson
Christine, I assume you're bringing it up so we can see if it's a bathroom or not. Oh, I have to see if it's a toilet or not.
Robert Kelly
All right, I'll CSI up until it. I can't watch it.
Jay Okerson
That's fair.
Robert Kelly
I hate. I hate it.
Jay Okerson
No, you don't.
Robert Kelly
I hate it.
Jay Okerson
Why? Because she was very nice.
Robert Kelly
I love. She was sweet. I just don't like coming out of.
Jay Okerson
That's not true.
Robert Kelly
I don't. Why would that. Why would you say that like that is. That's a weird thing. That's not true. Bobby. Every. Every.
Jay Okerson
Don't say things like that.
Robert Kelly
Here you go. Will you don't say something.
Jay Okerson
Don't say something. Now you're not gonna be able to take back later.
Christine
You're talking crazy.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, you're just crazy talking again. This Jacob. This guy.
Jay Okerson
You know what? What I'm thinking. Christine.
Robert Kelly
It's okay. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Jay Okerson
I think she's in a bathroom. She is in a bathroom. Look, there's tiles.
Robert Kelly
Okay.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. Okay. Apologies. Apologies.
Robert Kelly
Why is she moaning like she's playing with herself?
Jay Okerson
Are you kidding?
Robert Kelly
Why, yes.
Jay Okerson
Look at how satisfying that must be. Stop it.
Robert Kelly
I don't like it. Stop stopping it. Stop stopping me from not liking it.
Jay Okerson
You're. Let's not like it.
Robert Kelly
I don't like it.
Jay Okerson
It's fine.
Robert Kelly
I hate it.
Jay Okerson
I feel like you're overreacting.
Robert Kelly
I don't. I'm not over two coming out of a girl's on a video. Yeah, I know, but it's.
Jay Okerson
If somebody stood up on the table right here and took a fat dump on the table and you ran. Yeah, I'm with you.
Robert Kelly
I'm with you.
Jay Okerson
I'm right. I'm right behind you.
Robert Kelly
You can't. You can't. You can't put levels on watching come out of somebody's.
Jay Okerson
I don't know if she makes so much noise.
Robert Kelly
Is it done? Are we done?
Jay Okerson
Okay, that's good.
Robert Kelly
You bet. Up first.
Christine
Smell how powerful I am.
Robert Kelly
There's no way. Can I just say something? There's no way that she got it. She shot a. Out of her ass into a toilet.
Jay Okerson
I think she did.
Robert Kelly
There's no way. I do listen for the plop.
Jay Okerson
Okay.
Robert Kelly
Is there a plop?
Jay Okerson
I think there is.
Robert Kelly
Let's see a si. This.
Jay Okerson
Christine, if you go back for the.
Robert Kelly
Plot, please, can we go back for the plop? I can't watch it. I'm gonna turn away. But I'M gonna. I'm gonna listen now.
Jay Okerson
Here's the thing. Wait, wait. Well, the first one would make the most plop. The cork would make the plop. Okay. Really turn up the volume. Oh, yeah. Come out of that shit. Oh, yeah. I like that. Sh.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Sounds like it's hitting floor.
Jay Okerson
It sounds like it's hitting floor. It sounds like it's hitting tile.
Robert Kelly
I didn't hear.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
I mean, she got some plastic wrapped down, but.
Robert Kelly
Buddy, I didn't hear plop. I heard a flap. A flop is a floor. A plop is water.
Jay Okerson
What did you hear?
Robert Kelly
I heard a flop.
Jay Okerson
I don't.
Robert Kelly
A flop. I heard a floor. I had a floor.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. Sounded like meat hitting floor. Yeah, Yeah.
Robert Kelly
A plop is water.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Already made himself a board. So maybe she did the same.
Robert Kelly
Like a charcuterie board.
Jay Okerson
Or maybe he made a board. Oh, wait a second. You can see she's. Yeah, she's over the toilet.
Robert Kelly
Dude, what was that? What was that?
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
A girl masturbating with a covered dildo.
Jay Okerson
What are you talking about? Oh, well, why are you looking at the other suggested videos? Well, get out of there.
Robert Kelly
Hurry up, man. I can't get the out of there. I'm not gonna be able to have lunch with you guys today.
Jay Okerson
Huh?
Robert Kelly
I'm not gonna be able to eat today.
Jay Okerson
Why? We're not having soft serve chicken.
Christine
We have that Alec Baldwin video.
Robert Kelly
We're gonna switch up. But we. Jacob, we have a job to do. We need inside this. We need to find out if it was in the toilet or if it wasn't in the toilet.
Christine
It's confirmed.
Robert Kelly
Yep, it's.
Jay Okerson
It.
Robert Kelly
It's confirmed that she was in a bathroom. It's not confirmed that it was in a toilet.
Jay Okerson
Black Lou. I'm only going to say this now because it airs after Tuesday's episode, and I don't want you to have an awkward moment, but two days in a row. You spelled Donnell Rawlings wrong. I caught it. I already fixed it.
Robert Kelly
Micro.
Jay Okerson
You think it's microaggression? I'm the brother here, not microaggress. You think it's him?
Robert Kelly
Be like it's a micro correction.
Jay Okerson
Correction.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, it's a micro correction. Nobody knows that that is it. And nobody cares that his name is spelled wrong.
Jay Okerson
Oh, he will. Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Which would have been hilarious.
Jay Okerson
No, that would have been awful.
Robert Kelly
Not for him. Yes, but for us.
Jay Okerson
And what were you just gonna do? Sandbag Black Lou? See, I think I did a good friendship. We should change this paper before we have to sandbag black low.
Robert Kelly
But it did he do it on. He did it on the air, which is crazy.
Jay Okerson
Well, it's after it airs. It's. It's inconsequential now and it's a pre record that we could technically take what.
Robert Kelly
I tell you about those words. What inconsequential?
Jay Okerson
That one through you.
Robert Kelly
Was it in the toilet bowl?
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
I didn't. I see a toilet bowl.
Jay Okerson
There is a toilet when she. At the end, when she turns around. Christine, are you even looking for this?
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
No, I got grossed out by the other stuff.
Christine
Oh, Christine's dudes.
Jay Okerson
God damn it, man. Videos really throw you.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Well, I'm not a connoisseur of them.
Jay Okerson
Who is you? Is that what you want to say? A connoisseur? Yeah, a connoisseur.
Christine
If anyone's a connoisseur.
Robert Kelly
Anybody in this room. If we had to go to an expert in this room, you would be called to the stand.
Christine
I'd say would say an expert anywhere.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Here we go again. Pile on. J.
Robert Kelly
Go ahead.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
Christine, you were doing a joke for a bit about how you have to admit that you just like porn.
Jay Okerson
It's a joke.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. The jokes all come from real.
Whole Foods Market Advertiser
I think I came from the heart.
Robert Kelly
You know, we know you don't write them. They have to affect you and then they come out. It's like you sit down for an hour a day and go, let me think of some good stuff. He just goes on stage. Yeah. I was thinking I like porn.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
All right, here we go.
Jay Okerson
I don't. I didn't say I was just don't make it. That's why I've said that. I was just thinking I like shit porn. I've never said those words.
Robert Kelly
You're an expert at it.
Jay Okerson
I'm not an expert.
Robert Kelly
You turned you on in this room.
Jay Okerson
In this room? In this room, admittedly, at least I don't know what's going on in the darkness of your guys lives. Outwardly I have seen probably the most pornography.
Robert Kelly
No, it's not probably. 100 Lee.
Jay Okerson
100 Lee. If we're all living above board being honest here. I don't know. I don't know.
Christine
An expert witness.
Jay Okerson
That's what I would say too if I was trying to throw somebody off the scent of me being the big scat porn person.
Robert Kelly
Jacob, I think you're onto something. I think you're on something.
Jay Okerson
I'm saying, admittedly, if we're talking about the people who are living on the surface, living the truth, living their truth.
Robert Kelly
You're living your truth.
Jay Okerson
I in this room, proportionately. I've seen the most and know the most about shit pornography. I am no expert and to say a connoisseur. Who would be a connoisseur? The people who put together websites dedicated to shit pornography. That. I would never do that. But I, in this room, I do know the most. Admittedly, yes. I don't know what Christine does when I'm going on the weekends. Jacob, no one knows what you do in that lonely ass apartment.
Robert Kelly
Nobody. You know what? He does have a lot of time.
Jay Okerson
DJ Lou's trying to fill. Fill some holes right now. One of those holes could be shaped.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, that's true. I've never seen a person since I started working on this show, since so before. No, I've never seen it before. Also, I've never seen gay sex before I started working on the show. Well, you could just because you keep your eyes closed. Sorry, dude.
Jay Okerson
That's good. Same thing. I was gonna be like, well, that's because you're always in the front.
Robert Kelly
I mean, I.
Jay Okerson
I've never seen gay sex. Yeah, it's always happening behind you.
Robert Kelly
My point is they're all gross. They're all disgusting is what I'm saying. You're talking the wrong sense.
Jay Okerson
Well, I think one feeds the other. You know what I mean? I think enough. I think enough porn, you know, enough gay sex, you're going to end up making pornography. No, not you. I'm not saying you're going to make it. I'm just saying quietly, there's a strong chance that you're a huge into shit pornograph.
Robert Kelly
There is a strong chance.
Jay Okerson
Quietly. I know right now you're saying you've never watched it, and I just have to. I'm inclined to believe you because, you know, I don't think you're lying to me, but you might be so problematically involved in shit pornography that you don't want anybody to know. I laugh it off so I can come in here and be like, oh, yeah, I watch this, everyone. It's hilarious. I saw this, came across my plate, no pun intended. But yeah, you know, but everybody else here, I wouldn't say it either if I was like, super. Do you know what I mean?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I. But I think if anybody in here, other than you, it would have to.
Jay Okerson
Be Jacob in the ship pornography.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. Because Lou has a girl that he does have over that. He goes over there. I don't think he has time anymore.
Jay Okerson
To watch shit pornography. Well.
Robert Kelly
Because he'd have to hide it and all this stuff. I think Jacob is over there by himself on weekends. But now and then, look at his face. He always has a face like he just watched shit porn.
Jay Okerson
It does. You do you always just watch shit porn? In fact, when you come in off my face, I just know that these computers here, you can't look that stuff up. But when you walk in the room, oftentimes I want to ask you, what? Did you just watch shit porn?
Robert Kelly
Yeah. You always have that face like you just saw a nice dump come out of somebody's butt.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
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Jay Okerson
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Robert Kelly
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Jay Okerson
Or looking for an upgrade, you don't.
Robert Kelly
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Podcast Summary: "Delta Force" - The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Release Date: April 4, 2025
Hosted by Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103
Introduction
In the "Delta Force" episode of The Bonfire, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into a variety of topics ranging from action movies and their cultural impact to personal anecdotes and humorous banter. Joined occasionally by Christine, the hosts navigate through critiques of classic and modern cinema, discuss representations in media, and engage in light-hearted conversations about their personal lives and experiences.
1. Neighborhood Observations and Local Issues ([05:37] - [07:30])
The episode kicks off with Jay and Robert sharing their frustrations about the rowdy behavior of school-aged children in their neighborhood. They describe the street outside their parking area as chaotic, filled with shouting and unruly youth, which disrupts their morning routines.
Jay Oakerson:
"Why does this equipment suck? ... It gets pretty rowdy on that street because I believe the school is on that street that we park on." ([06:54])
Robert Kelly:
"They can take a nice kidney shot...there is anything scarier than a chick like that getting mad at you?" ([12:44])
2. Critique of Action Movies and Representation ([25:03] - [40:37])
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to critiquing action movies, with a particular focus on the "Delta Force" franchise and its portrayal of characters. The hosts express discontent with the use of blackface and stereotypical casting in older films, highlighting the lack of authentic representation.
Jay Oakerson:
"Robert Forster playing a Saudi Arabian terrorist...They just put actors, but because..." ([37:29])
Robert Kelly:
"You put a pinky ring on that guy, he's a guinea...They just put actors, but because..." ([37:54])
The discussion extends to the portrayal of characters in films like "Snow White," where the hosts criticize the casting choices and deviations from traditional narratives. They argue that reimagined versions of classic tales often lose their essence due to poor representation and overemphasis on modern themes.
Robert Kelly:
"They made the whole thing around...Studies that do not make sense." ([23:05])
Jay Oakerson:
"Why are there no Puerto Rican actors gonna handle this?...Do you think that might be the thing?" ([29:34])
3. Martial Arts in Cinema and Aikido Demonstrations ([19:00] - [21:17])
The hosts transition into a discussion about martial arts, specifically Aikido, and its portrayal in cinema through actors like Steven Seagal. They critique the exaggerated and often unrealistic demonstrations of martial arts in movies, questioning the practicality and authenticity of such portrayals.
Jay Oakerson:
"It's like getting out of the way of the punch and then dragging them around by that arm somehow and then snapping the joint." ([18:35])
Robert Kelly:
"Is there any video of him actually fighting anybody?...He's so heavy." ([21:03])
4. Modern Reimaginings and Feminism in Fairy Tales ([30:00] - [46:42])
Jay and Robert delve into the subject of modern reimaginings of fairy tales, focusing on the recent adaptations of "Snow White." They critique the move away from traditional narratives that emphasize the need for a prince, arguing that such changes alienate audiences who prefer classic storytelling.
Jay Oakerson:
"What a dumb thing... They should have given her a poison watermelon. That would have been funny." ([23:50])
Robert Kelly:
"It's a weird saved by a man...So it's like damsel and..." ([46:11])
The hosts advocate for maintaining traditional narratives or offering completely new stories rather than attempting to modify beloved tales in ways they perceive as unnecessary or poorly executed.
Jay Oakerson:
"You should call it something else...Don't call it Disney." ([44:56])
5. Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Banter ([49:00] - [64:34])
Towards the latter part of the episode, Jay and Robert engage in more personal conversations, touching upon topics like pornography and personal relationships. Their humorous and often irreverent exchanges provide a candid look into their personalities and friendships.
Jay Oakerson:
"I'm big in the skincare, Bobby...I have a Neutrogena pad every day." ([14:25])
Robert Kelly:
"You always have that face like you just saw a nice dump come out of somebody's butt." ([64:00])
Their banter extends to mock proposals for movie ideas, highlighting their creative (and comedic) thought processes when it comes to entertainment and media production.
Jay Oakerson:
"Guys, I have a great reimagining for Bonfire Studios to produce a movie... Adam and Steve coming this summer." ([46:29])
Robert Kelly:
"Who’s Adam?...I’ll do Steve." ([46:57])
Conclusion
In this episode of The Bonfire, Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly provide listeners with a mix of sharp critiques of modern and classic media, intertwined with personal stories and humor. Their discussions on representation in film, the authenticity of martial arts in cinema, and the evolution of fairy tales reflect their perspectives on how entertainment shapes and is shaped by cultural narratives. The episode concludes with their trademark humor, leaving listeners entertained and engaged.
Notable Quotes
Jay Oakerson:
"Could you bring me up something to drink?" ([01:15])
Robert Kelly:
"This is what you calm down to." ([01:22])
Jay Oakerson:
"I apologize." ([03:39])
Robert Kelly:
"Look, Christine, you were doing a joke for a bit about how you have to admit that you just like porn." ([60:23])
Jay Oakerson:
"Adam and Steve coming this summer." ([46:52])
This summary encapsulates the key discussions and highlights of the "Delta Force" episode, offering a comprehensive overview for listeners seeking to understand the essence of the conversation without tuning in.