Detective Ice-T with Justin Silver

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Detective Ice-T with Justin Silver" | The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
• Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
• Episode Title: Detective Ice-T with Justin Silver
• Release Date: January 15, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Introduction and Advertisements (00:00 - 24:23)

The episode begins with a series of advertisements, including promotions for High Five Casino, Babbel language learning, and IXL educational programs. These segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation but are excluded from the main content summary as per guidelines.

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Celebrity Earnings: Sylvester Stallone vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger (01:29 - 03:32)

Discussion Highlights: Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into the financial earnings of action movie legends Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They analyze Stallone's paycheck history, comparing it to Schwarzenegger's more lucrative contracts.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly (01:59): “He never made like that Jim Carrey 20 million a pick or no, you know, he never made that money like in Rambo.”
• Big Jay Oakerson (02:22): “Expendables though. You think he would make like a hundred million fucking that Movie made what, 300. 300 million or something?”
• Robert Kelly (03:05): “He was becoming a 20 million dollar plus guy. I always thought Stallone made 20 million a pick or. And he had like, you know, back end like you know, Tom Cruise or.”

Insights: The hosts debate Stallone's earnings from iconic roles like Rambo and The Expendables, asserting that while Stallone made substantial amounts, Schwarzenegger often surpassed him, especially with blockbuster franchises like Terminator.

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Wrestling Debacle: Hulk Hogan and WWE Storyline (06:11 - 14:10)

Discussion Highlights: The conversation shifts to the recent developments in WWE, focusing on Hulk Hogan's controversial appearance and potential storyline implications. Big Jay and Robert speculate on Hogan’s performance, audience reactions, and possible future appearances.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson (08:15): “It is crazy that he has like the fall from grace to be like this legend in the sport.”
• Robert Kelly (08:27): “Listen, we should call the wrestling show tomorrow.”
• Big Jay Oakerson (09:39): “He was becoming like a 20 million dollars.”

Insights: The hosts express skepticism about Hogan's comeback, discussing whether WWE will leverage his legacy through new storylines or if this marks the end of his wrestling appearances. They highlight audience dynamics and the potential for WWE to capitalize on Hogan's iconic status.

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Guest Introduction: Justin Silver (09:53 - 12:20)

Discussion Highlights: Big Jay and Robert introduce Justin Silver, a comedian performing at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, and other venues. They discuss Justin's upcoming tour dates and promote his shows across various locations, including Chicago, Kansas City, and Miami.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly (09:53): “He's going to be in Maine, but what?”
• Big Jay Oakerson (10:08): “Justin Silva. Welcome to the show.”
• Robert Kelly (41:54): “Justin Silver was here today.”

Insights: The hosts enthusiastically support Justin Silver, emphasizing his comedic talents and encouraging listeners to attend his performances. They provide detailed information about his tour schedule and online presence.

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Ice-T Clip Discussion and Satirical Skit (24:24 - 37:43)

Discussion Highlights: A significant portion of the episode features a satirical skit involving Detective Ice-T. The hosts reenact a humorous encounter between Ice-T and a fictional detective during a traffic stop. The skit parodies police interactions, highlighting Ice-T's tough persona juxtaposed with absurd situations like expired licenses and unregistered vehicles.

Notable Quotes:

• Ice-T (as portrayed by Host) (24:35): “He's a Karen. He doesn't believe. He's like, what do you mean you can't drive on a suspended license in an unregistered car.”
• Robert Kelly (36:05): “He was smart, what he should have done with this fucking goofy Spanish guy.”
• Big Jay Oakerson (36:37): “Have you ever seen the Born Identity? No. Well, then I'm him.”

Insights: The skit serves as a comedic centerpiece, blending real-life celebrity personas with exaggerated scenarios to entertain listeners. The hosts use the interaction to poke fun at both law enforcement and celebrity culture, maintaining a light-hearted and humorous tone throughout.

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Light-hearted Banter and Humorous Anecdotes (37:43 - 42:55)

Discussion Highlights: Post-skit, Big Jay and Robert engage in playful banter, discussing various topics such as personal anecdotes, humorous observations about everyday situations, and light-hearted jokes about each other's lifestyles and appearances.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson (38:09): “Coco's back at doing some type of stupid old lady aerobics.”
• Robert Kelly (38:25): “Look at all those dogs. They just came. They're just lying there.”
• Big Jay Oakerson (40:37): “Have you ever seen the Born Identity? No. Well, then I'm him.”

Insights: The hosts showcase their chemistry through spontaneous and improvisational humor. They touch on personal experiences, humorous takes on aging, and playful insults, fostering an engaging and entertaining atmosphere for listeners.

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Show Promotions and Closing Remarks (41:54 - 42:59)

Discussion Highlights: In the concluding segment, both hosts promote their respective comedy tours and YouTube channels. They provide listeners with information on upcoming shows and encourage engagement through multiple platforms.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly (41:54): “Make sure you check out Big J, because this week he's going to be at, I believe it's this week, right at the Ridge Improv.”
• Big Jay Oakerson (42:14): “He is out the window. He's on the door.”

Insights: The episode wraps up with effective cross-promotion of the hosts' and guest's upcoming events, ensuring listeners are informed about where to catch their live performances and online content.

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Conclusion

In this episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, listeners are treated to a blend of insightful discussions on celebrity earnings, a humorous skit featuring a fictional Detective Ice-T scenario, and engaging banter between the hosts. The inclusion of guest Justin Silver adds depth to the episode, while the strategic promotions ensure fans stay connected with future content. Notable quotes and well-timed humor make this episode a rich and entertaining experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Stallone Discussion:
  • Robert Kelly (01:59): “He never made like that Jim Carrey 20 million a pick or no."
• Wrestling Debacle:
  • Big Jay Oakerson (08:15): “It is crazy that he has like the fall from grace to be like this legend in the sport.”
• Justin Silver Introduction:
  • Robert Kelly (09:53): “He's going to be in Maine, but what?”
• Ice-T Skit:
  • Ice-T (24:35): “He's a Karen."
• Closing Promotions:
  • Robert Kelly (41:54): “Make sure you check out Big J…”

This structured summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, guest interactions, and the hosts' dynamic, making it valuable for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

I went through Stallone's paychecks over the years. Not as much as you think for Rockies. I mean, I guess he must had a. Maybe a back end, but voice producer direct. His. His salary for a lot of his movies weren't a lot. He made a lot of money with like. But he never made like that Jim Carrey 20 million a pick or no, you know, he never made that money like in Rambo. Still. No, no Rambo he didn't make.

[A]

I'd say like he's probably. He was probably more. 10 million.

[B]

Cobra. He made money, which is weird. It's like.

[A]

Like seven.

[B]

I guess when you pick, okay, I'm popular, the next movie does good. But then he did also.

[A]

Gotta remember though, he got $7 million. See 15 million for Expendables 3. 75,000 for that.

[B]

Yeah, but which.

[A]

But 10 points. That got him 2.5 million.

[B]

Expendables though. You think he would make like a hundred million fucking that Movie made what, 300. 300 million or something? 375 million. What did Expendables 1. Expendables 1?

[A]

Yeah, but there's so many of. Not three, but there's so many. Look, almost a million. 2, 700. The three quarters a million dollars per episode for what? And then for Tulsa King and then one and a half million per episode season two. That's good. But here's the thing. Some of these things you have to go look at the times he did them because you're right when Rambo 1 came out, if he got like $7 million for Rambo, that's like a lot.

[B]

Weren't him Schwarzenegger neck and neck for.

[A]

Like I think paycheck.

[B]

And also I think Schwarzenegger passed him at some point. He did, yeah.

[A]

He was actually getting like. He was becoming like a 20 million dollars.

[B]

He was becoming 20 million dollar plus guy. I always thought Stallone made 20 million a pick or. And he had like, you know, back end like you know, Tom Cruise or.

[A]

You know really he made money that gotta remember like if he got 7 million for Rambo, that was time at $7 million you could buy. You'd have like a. A palatial estate in Beverly Hills for $7 million.

[B]

I mean look at, look how much.

[A]

Money now that's like $20 million.

[B]

He was, he was making 20. Schwarzenegger was making 20 to 30 million a film. But at this. I'm saying at the same time that he was making seven Arnold's. I thought that if you watch that documentary Stallone, they talk about how they.

[A]

Were like neck and neck.

[B]

Like right until they were neck and neck. As far as popularity. Oh no, I don't had a way bigger. What part of your cock is the neck?

[A]

Shaft. Got it. Look at the jump from Terminator 1 to Terminator. Oh, you know what, Justin? That is a good question. And I'm digging deeper into it than I thought I would actually. Probably the area where my circumcision starts. Where it starts being where foreskin would be that soft meat right there.

[B]

I call that the turtleneck.

[A]

The neck. Neck.

[B]

Yeah, the turtleneck.

[A]

The neck of the.

[B]

So then the body would be the.

[A]

Below that your shit. You know what the airstroke. And for quick question. So then this is your body.

[B]

If you could go back to uncircumcised, would you. No, no.

[A]

I have a beautiful penis.

[B]

Going to smell. You have a beautiful penis.

[A]

Aesthetically looking at a penis looking at a penis. Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Beautiful. I don't know, might be the wrong word. Christine, you only personally ever seen my penis.

[B]

No, that's not true. We've all seen it. That's the world. I mean, I mean like I've seen it.

[A]

I've seen it in its glory.

[B]

I've seen it wet. I've seen it wet? No, I haven't seen it like you've seen it. Do you have a finger on my chin? Do you have a fingerless little mitten for it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have a little mitten that you put on the end of it? Yeah.

[A]

Imagine goes over my balls and just my pecker head comes out of the front.

[B]

Paint the helmet pink.

[A]

I call it my penis koozie. My penis koozie.

[B]

I mean, you have it. Listen, you have a. You have a good dick. I don't know. Beautiful is the thing.

[A]

Listen, I was speaking more in the idea of that. It's like. It looks like quintessential penis picture. It's a dick. It's a sustained thickness. And then there's the.

[B]

Christine's just nodding her head.

[A]

Then there's the cut area where it starts to taper in a little bit. And then side of the mushroom cap on top. And then my pecker head. It's a nice straight looking penis. Yeah.

[B]

When was the last time you seen it, Christine?

[A]

Four and a half years ago. I saw it last week.

[B]

Dawn told me. Told me last week. I go, are we ever going to have sex again? She goes, we will. Well, you're good.

[A]

Will you shut the fuck up about the wrestling?

[B]

She goes, we will. I don't care if the rock.

[A]

This isn't what Ria said.

[B]

It's final, boss. And it's Mommy.

[A]

It's not what Mommy would have said. We have to get back to this Hulk Hogan debacle.

[B]

I don't. I think it was this Trump thing. I think him coming out for Trump probably also shilling not having. Listen, if I. Look, he could have turned the crowd if he wanted to.

[A]

I don't. He did. This is such an old man, like, all right, I'll go do it. He says the things he has to say and then leaves.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's so strange.

[B]

Was he a heel the last time he came out?

[A]

It doesn't matter.

[B]

It does.

[A]

A legend.

[B]

It does matter. If he's a heel, the fans are going to stick with the heel. But he's not doing healed here. Listen, when Dana. When Dana White comes out in the same arena, he's very Trump.

[A]

They.

[B]

They go in and up for him. I think. I think there might be. I'm wondering if there's a reason for it. We should call the wrestling show tomorrow.

[A]

He's a piece of shit. We should call the Hulk. Oh, yeah, we should.

[B]

We should call it Sam and the Ropes.

[A]

What's it called? Sammy on the ropes. That's Smart Sammy on the ropes in the mornings. That's mornings on Faction Talk.

[B]

That is the temperature on it though, is what you're saying. It is. Yeah, but there's no. It says.

[A]

Well, nobody knows for certain, so people are guessing.

[B]

It's that it's Hollywood, it's California, the wokest state in the fucking union. And he walked out and he went hand in hand with Trump and did all the speeches, spoke at the convention, came out, ripped his shirt off, blah, blah, blah. I'm telling you right now, I forgot.

[A]

The shirt rip he does on this.

[B]

I'm telling you, it has to do with his body look like chicken. I think the Trump thing.

[A]

Let's do another shirt.

[B]

Here's the thing too. Wrestling fans, once a group of people start booing, people just do what they think they're supposed to do. So there might have been people booing going, why are we booing him? You know what I mean?

[A]

Why do you want Hulk Hogan to be embraced so hard?

[B]

That's Hulk's Derek.

[A]

The guy looks literally. He got microwaved and someone forgot.

[B]

Cause I take my vitamins, sucker. But he's like the biggest, I mean, to me, legend in wrestling ever. Like, everybody was obsessed with Hulk Hogan.

[A]

It is crazy that he has like the fall from grace to be like this legend in the sport. To have this be what your reaction is now for possibly the last time you'll ever make an appearance in wrestling.

[B]

I don't know. I think in if they're smart, they would. They'll take this and make it a storyline and bring him back.

[A]

He will not come back. He's done. But watch, watch this. You didn't watch this yet?

[B]

No, I watch a piece of it.

[A]

This is when he starts pushing the beer. Well, let me tell you something, brother. I've been in this business for over 40 years and the greatest part, the greatest part of my life was being part of this great wwe.

[B]

Guys, this is about clapping right there.

[A]

He had his face partners over the years, but you, the fans, have been my greatest tag team partner. Because by the way, this, he really, when he wrote this speech or whoever wrote it for him.

[B]

Carlos Mencia.

[A]

Sure, absolutely. The tag team. Mike Lawrence, the tag team. The tag team analogy is a real big thing. He's going to. This is his tag team speech. He's going to call it, you're my tag team partner. And now Netflix is a tag team partner. It's so stupid. You've been with me through thick and thin, dudes. He is panicking is what's Happening. You hear a bunch of the things he says. You go, oh, he's panicking. He's like panic speaking. He's just saying words now.

[B]

I'm telling you, it's.

[A]

It's like Bobby doing intros. It's nuts.

[B]

I do intros Great guys, everybody, I'm telling you right now. He's gonna be in Maine, but what?

[A]

January.

[B]

January 31st. And he's gonn Plex in Chicago. He's killing it. He's one of the funniest guys on the road. He's here today. Ladies and gentlemen, everybody's favorite boy toy, Justin Silva. Welcome to the show.

[A]

Comedy connection in Plex Indianapolis. Go ahead. Go back to where he says, you stuck with me through thick and thin. That was my favorite. The fans have been my greatest tag team partner because you guys is stuck with me through thick and thin. Dudes, pause it for a second. That wall is one of the coolest things in an arena right now. Do you know why it's unreal?

[B]

Well, they have to. They use it when it's a sellout. When it's not a sellout, they have the full wall that blocks off that back.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah, when this. When they sell out like this, they use the half wall, which is a good thing. Whenever you see that, that means they. They sold all the tickets.

[A]

But that's.

[B]

It's great. And the ring. The side of the ring is great too.

[A]

Yeah, but no, no, I'm saying this is this arena, particularly this dome. That's what it is. That's what I'm saying, the wall. I don't mean the wall of things. You see the. Do you see the shape of the thing behind it? How it's like straight up, the seating? Yeah, you see those. That's for like the basketball games. Like one behind one of the baskets. Yeah, it's just that kind of. It's called the wall. It's pretty neat.

[B]

Oh, like they have Brooklyn.

[A]

No, Brooklyn doesn't have one side that's straight up and down.

[B]

I think I went to the hockey game. It was kind of weir side where it's weird.

[A]

Screen is insane. They have up there. But where. Yeah, behind wraparound.

[B]

At Sofi too. Like that, huh? I think there's a wraparound screen at Sofi.

[A]

Like that. Yeah, there is, but I'm not talking. I'm talking about the wall.

[B]

You know, you can buy. One of you can buy that wall for like $1500 at best buy.

[A]

It's a. I swear to God do.

[B]

It's a fire stick. Tv. That's all it is.

[A]

Those on the right hand side there is the wall. This was a useless picture. Back to Hulk Hogan, please.

[B]

I mean, we could have went for 10 minutes on that Fire Stick TV thing.

[A]

She was massacring trying to find that wall. She was not finding the wall at all. You could probably just look up the wall at Intuit Dome.

[B]

She's making you give context.

[A]

She's brought up a news article. No, she's not. She's making dead air.

[B]

Jacob told her not to look up videos. Don't look them up. Make him explain it.

[A]

No need for a video on this one. Just a picture of that wall and in the past.

[B]

How do you get orthopedic Nikes?

[A]

These are my ski sneaks also. That too. I get his. The puffy tongues of his. Of his sneakers. Like it's just like an old man putting on his sneaks. Yeah, he probably makes two bow. He probably makes two loops now and ties those together.

[B]

He's wearing that, that old Breitling that I had back in 19. You know, the early aughts when it was pop trailer with rappers.

[A]

It's off season at Hogan's place, brother.

[B]

I'm wearing my Breitling Super Avenger look.

[A]

He's got to keep his a rubber band and keep his fingers together.

[B]

Why's he got a rubber banner on his fingers? That's what his hair came in.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Down the line, I had incredible partners.

[B]

I love that his eyes are sagging beneath his sunglasses now. Like they don't. His sunglasses can't cover his full eye anymore because it's so droopy. Look at it.

[A]

What a sack.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The Macho Man, Randy Savage. I've had giant sized partners like Andre the Giant.

[B]

My grandma has the same underarm skin.

[A]

Greatest partner that the WWE has ever had is the fact tonight we're making history in the wwe. Is tag teamed up with Netflix, the greatest tag team partner of all time. So what should. And then, yeah, I look at, look.

[B]

At Jimmy's like, get me out of here.

[A]

Jimmy Hart's like, yeah, pull the cord, Hulk. We're got to go, dude. It's not going good.

[B]

Yeah, Jimmy's like freaking out in the background. Oh, is he pulling his shirt off? Yeah, his real American beer shirt. Does he get it off though? Is he too old to rip his shirt off?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

No.

[A]

And Netflix runs wild on you maniacs. Hulk Hogan's real American. They take his beer out. Did he say it? When did he say?

[B]

At the beginning. They took his beer I think they.

[A]

Took it out because he says something. He goes, and another partner, like, real American beer.

[B]

Where are you getting this from? They might not be able to promote alcohol. Netflix. Oh, is it? They might. Yeah, they might have took it out. They've taken stuff up before.

[A]

I bet they leave in when whatchamacall comes down the ring. Some guy dressed in all pink and Travis Scott just stands near him and smokes a joint the whole time.

[B]

Oh, that sucks, too. Yeah.

[A]

See that? No, that's pretty wild. Again, I don't care. But it's like, what is the thing here? Is this children's wrestling or.

[B]

What's the wall?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

What's the wall?

[A]

You have to give up on that wall by. There it is.

[B]

I don't know. The wall.

[A]

There's the wall.

[B]

What is the wall? It just goes straight up.

[A]

It's just the seating kind of goes much straight up instead of. Instead of, like, out and back.

[B]

It's a big deal for me.

[A]

I see that Stephen Amell.

[B]

Arrow was in the. In the crowd, but I know he's.

[A]

On the great show Heels also.

[B]

What? Arrow was in the audience. You don't watch the cw. You're talking about the Arrow. Well, it doesn't exist anymore, first of all. Hang on one second. I was the only one watching. No, you're not. I watched every episode of the Arrow. He went to the island. Right. Learn it. Became the hour. Went back home. He was in the crowd. His father died. You didn't.

[A]

You didn't mention that he was in the audience.

[B]

I didn't see him in the audience.

[A]

Stars.

[B]

I was a big fan of cw. Yeah. Yeah. I'm on your side, so maybe you want to. All right. I'm glad. Yeah. Well, don't throw me away like that again.

[A]

Don't ever throw him away.

[B]

Don't ever throw me away. I'm gonna be making a million dollars a year soon, so you might want to just straighten up a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. Negotiations are gonna be over, I think, before the decade wraps up.

[B]

How much are we making? A million.

[A]

We're gonna get a million a year, but it's gonna be an arduous. Yeah, arduous process, potentially.

[B]

128 million split down the middle with me and Jay.

[A]

125.

[B]

125 million. What if they just said, yeah, 125.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

We do one show. I take 1 million, and we go retire.

[A]

I'm gonna take it. Let's take 125 million. If they say yes, I'm just. I'm Accept it. Like it was expected. Yeah, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Okay, good. Then we don't have to dig around with this. He goes, in fact, guys, I appreciate that. For that, I'm gonna take 124. Spread the million about amongst yourselves. Thank you, guys. And I'll be in the sign tomorrow.

[B]

I'm gonna do this. I'll be like, that's cool. Real quick, though. They did just add that nine dollar.

[A]

Oh, you know, they did add a nine dollars when you drive in the city.

[B]

Yeah. So if you could maybe figure that. You know what? I'll. Forget it.

[A]

I got $9, $9, three days a week, two weeks a year.

[B]

Oh, you know, I'll take care of it. I got it.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I got it. You know what? I'm not gonna want to deal with all the reimbursements and stuff. It's fine.

[B]

Yeah, you should park right under the.

[A]

Building like Howard used to. Okay. For that, I'll take $120 million.

[B]

For that, I'll park. Dude. I'll take. I'll take 20,000 a year.

[A]

I get the park in the building, the security elevator up.

[B]

Because you're. You created me. You're huge.

[A]

Yeah, I wouldn't mind that.

[B]

I wouldn't mind that either.

[A]

Damn, that'd be great.

[B]

We need to start. We need to start a fight with somebody.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

We need to get eyes on the show.

[A]

So start something big.

[B]

Start something big.

[A]

Do you want to do, like. Like a quote unquote failed, an attempt on someone's life? No, that's my. That's.

[B]

No, that's a lot. I'm talking one of the other shows. Oh, In Office Beef Is in Office Beef.

[A]

Well, what's the show? We're trying to, like, glom off. I guess Stern's the audience you want to take the most from. Right. It's the biggest audience talk that is.

[B]

But here's what we do. I think we go outside of the show first. Save that for the last thing outside of the series. I say we go after a comic, some big name right now. Just say something controversial about them doing a show here. No, just out there, out in the world. Yeah. Like, what's her name? That comic that on Netflix. She had a special. The chick with the shoulder pads, Michelle buteau.

[A]

She's actually 92% white.

[B]

Okay. Really?

[A]

No. I don't know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I thought we'd just spread rumors.

[B]

There you go. Love it. She's 90. That's weird, because she talks like she's Spanish.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't know that. And she has freckles like Morgan Freeman.

[B]

Yep. She has risen little nugget freckles. Morgan freeze tactile.

[A]

His name was Andy Dufresne and he was my friend. Face. He walked like a man. His name was Andy Dufresne and he was my friend.

[B]

Morgan Freeman's freckles look like you can just wipe them off.

[A]

Michelle Patel looks like she always just got done crying. And she's telling you she's okay.

[B]

I heard she talked about Chappelle and she got a lot of publicity.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Oh, she smashed Chappelle a little bit.

[A]

Is that what she was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we gotta take a shot at a big dog.

[B]

Take a big dog.

[A]

Jim Carrey raped me.

[B]

When?

[A]

No, I didn't. I thought we was doing the thing.

[B]

I know. I was going along with you.

[A]

Suck it in something more current.

[B]

You really just immediately deny.

[A]

A little more current. Okay, here we go.

[B]

Go after Kevin. You could just call him. Tell me to me. Big, big, go after Billy Burr.

[A]

Oh, absolutely. He.

[B]

No, no. What?

[A]

What? Nate. Okay, I'll say the same thing for me. I was gonna say for Bill Burr cheats constantly, but only with little people.

[B]

Get the fuck out of here.

[A]

Yeah, buddy.

[B]

I was. I heard something like that. Like a rumbling. Yeah, you heard here first, but I. Because I did a college with him years ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was headlining, he was opening. And it's funny because something fell off his car. And I was like, I'll get the jack. And I went in the back. There was a midget in the back trunk.

[A]

No shit.

[B]

Taped up. And I was like, yo. He's like, don't mind that. And I was like, all right. And I did. I never said anything.

[A]

One time I was.

[B]

And then that midget was opening for him.

[A]

Oh, that's crazy.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

One time I went. He goes. He goes. Grab this thing from my trunk. And I went in his trunk. And then when I opened the trunk, I see he packed. And he was like. He's like, don't go in that one bag. And it was a bunch of, like, rolled up maps and stuff and hand drawn kind of maps that says, to Tiny Town. Yeah. When he's talking about. He hears there's these villages where all little people live. And I'm like, it's fake. It's not a real thing. But he said he was gonna find it.

[B]

You know, his father was a magician. And if anybody's gonna know who Tiny.

[A]

Town is, sure it's that Lord of the Dark Arts. Steven Bargazi.

[B]

There you go. Print that. Put that out.

[A]

The lord of the dark art, Steven Bargazi.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He was brought into a cult like situation with his magician father.

[B]

I'm not saying if the fans of the show should. You know, we don't want people to go after anybody.

[A]

But if you're not actually, please don't go after Nate.

[B]

But if you're not a fan of the dark arts and people, you know, sexually assaulting midgets, I mean, we can't control that.

[A]

I can't control that. I can't control that at all. Look, I don't know if he ever found Tiny Town. He's got a look on his face that he did.

[B]

What if TMZ breaks this and our show becomes hugely successful?

[A]

Nate, I'm so sorry. Nate, I didn't mean. I didn't think I was gonna catch on.

[B]

Nate, I'm sorry that you love little people.

[A]

Yeah, Nate, I'm sorry that I didn't realize you actually were looking for Tiny Town. And everything I was saying was true. I was just kidding. But you were super into this stuff.

[B]

Did you see? Did you see Iced teas?

[A]

Yeah. I wanted to get into that so much, Buddy.

[B]

This guy.

[A]

Detective Fin2toola. Welcome to NADA Yada Island.

[B]

Next on Nada Yada Island. I knew I deserved so much more, so I left. I finally switched to Metro and got.

[A]

What I was looking for. Get one line for only 25amonth with Autopay.

[B]

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[A]

The largest 5G network. That's nada Yada yada. Only at Metro by T Mobile. First month is $30. Bring your number and ID offer not available if with T Mobile with Metro.

[B]

In the past 180 days.

[A]

Your boyfriend took our money in Dicks. From producer Issa Rae.

[B]

How we gonna make $1,500 by 6?

[A]

You bought this? Okay.

[B]

On January 17th.

[A]

You want a loan?

[B]

Don't do it.

[A]

I've never seen a credit score this low. What if we combine our scores? Kinky Palmer is having one of them days. First the rent and then our lomo's.

[B]

Trying to kill us.

[A]

SZA is having one of them days. He challenge he and steal on the same day.

[B]

Alyssa, run.

[A]

One of Them Days. Directed by Lawrence Lamont. Exclusively in theaters January 17th. Rated R. Under 17, 90 minute without ferret. Now, you say you'll learn a new language each year, but few actually follow through with this. Babbel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think. Babbel's 10 minute lessons created by over 200 experts helps you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. Como estas? I'm only on week one with focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. It's been very, very easy. I've done it when I've been in the car, I've listened to it in the car when I've taken long drives and it has been very, very helpful. I'm going to pick up this Spanish before you know it so I can finally talk to my own daughter. Listen, let's get more of you talking in a new language right now because Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off subscriptions. @babbel.com bon you get up to 60% off babbel.com bonfire spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com bonfire babbel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. Put educational improvement on your new year's resolution list. IXL makes learning fun through engaging video lessons and interactive problems that adapt to your child's learning pace. Plus, with the app, kids can learn on the go. And one subscription covers all your children's educational needs. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and our listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com 20 Visit ixl.com 20 to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

[B]

So Ice T, I guess was driving wherever I think he lives in Jersey, over in Weehawken.

[A]

Absolutely. He's got the personality with cops of a drunken 21 year old white girl.

[B]

He's a Karen.

[A]

He doesn't believe. He's like, what do you mean you can't drive on a suspended license in an unregistered car. If I'm going to the DMV to.

[B]

Fix that, you got to play this. You got to play this clip. You got to play this clip. This clip. And he's first of all, he's dressed. He's so. Look at me. Look at me.

[A]

I don't understand what you mean. I don't have a license. I don't have a registration, inspection or vehicle.

[B]

This is.

[A]

But if. Look, I'm going to the DMV now.

[B]

I have my documentation. Play this clip.

[A]

Give me like that. Give me my paperwork. Get this on camera. This.

[B]

I am one.

[A]

I'm a foot away from you.

[B]

You are down the sheriff's office, let.

[A]

You know you're being recorded. Okay, I'm headed to the dmv. That's where I'm going to get all my registration and everything straight on the.

[B]

Store, you know, your Registration expired since 2021.

[A]

That's where I'm going. Yeah. It's been a long drive.

[B]

He plays a cop on tv. You think you know this. I like that.

[A]

Well, he's not a beat cop. He's a fucking detective. Fin, too. To all. Listen, if this guy was accusing him of a child or something, then, yeah, he'd know how to handle that.

[B]

I like how he said your license been suspended since 21. That's why I'm going now in 2025.

[A]

Yeah. He goes, that's what I'm saying. I'm fixing it.

[B]

Why would you know? He just drives around with files. The paper's already filled out. I know. I was going there right now.

[A]

So you're a bail jumper. He goes, I was about to fix that right about now. No, that's what I was saying. Yeah, but you said you were on your way to a steak dinner. He goes, after I stopped and handled all my legal issues, it'd be great.

[B]

If that was his horn. The law and order thing.

[A]

Move, motherfucker, move, asshole. You don't want to see the old me come out. Coco, get out there and wash his windows with your butt cheeks.

[B]

Fucking Coco's a mess.

[A]

Coco spit on his windshield and wipe it with your fat ass. That's Coco.

[B]

And this sucks, because he doesn't understand that nobody knows this young guy doesn't watch old Law and Orders.

[A]

Would it be funny if he's prepared for this? And he always. And Ice T goes in his glove compartment box and pulls his ponytail out, button puts it back on. He goes, come on. And they go, oh, boom.

[B]

I pulled the trigger.

[A]

Long.

[B]

But the. The older cop that shows up, the. The. The sergeant or whatever, he's like. Because he always. Everybody pulls that now, I want to see your superior officer. And then the guy shows up, and he knows who he is.

[A]

Get somebody more important over here.

[B]

But he can't. He's like, look at, man. I. I can't do anything because this guy's.

[A]

So when he goes, I'm a foot away from the thing. And he's like, you're not a foot away, sir. And he goes, you're an asshole.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. He goes, you're not a foot away, sir. You an. Get this on camera.

[B]

Let me play it yesterday.

[A]

I went, yesterday.

[B]

Yeah, but what I'm saying is registration been expired since 20. 21 cars in park. Are you sure?

[A]

Yeah, of course I'm sure. That's why I'm trying to get this car set up to grow. Yesterday I went to the DMV and they said that their system was down, so that's where I'm at.

[B]

He drove yesterday illegal. This is the second day he's been driving illegal around.

[A]

I got seven cars. Fourth year, I got seven cars. I'm trying to get registered.

[B]

Why? If you have seven cars, can you have one? Gunga Din do this shit for you?

[A]

Literally.

[B]

Idiot.

[A]

One guy goes, hey, man, go take care of the car registration.

[B]

Yeah, me and you have a Christine and a Dawn. You don't have to go to the DMV to update your registration.

[A]

You just do it online. Maybe if it's been years. I don't know. I mean, this is all blatant lie.

[B]

That's not what he was on his way to do.

[A]

Wait a second. No, I have the envelope.

[B]

Seems very odd that he would.

[A]

This would go on this long.

[B]

100. Did not happen to be on the way to the DMV as he got pulled over. I happen to have an envelope with this. And if I decided to adopt a baby, I have that form too.

[A]

No, I was already over here to adopt a baby. Here's my passport.

[B]

Here's my legal documentation.

[A]

Yo, I got all the documentations. I signed everything with a felt pen. Oh, great. What time was your appointment yesterday? I didn't have an appointment. They just take. You need to have an appointment to go to dmv. I don't need one.

[B]

Why is that?

[A]

They know me.

[B]

They know me. They know me from 2001.

[A]

I love that. Get familiar with my work. In the mid to late 80s.

[B]

I just coordinated with my baby adoption. Maybe you got to hear my horn.

[A]

They ice. T was is so far back in hip hop times that it's when hip hop didn't have its own style. And they wore like, heavy metal stuff on top of, like, sweatpants. That's what it was. They dressed like early 80s hip hop dressed like when they tried to make armies in the Walking Dead.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's like, what's your clothes made out of? Sweatpants and tires.

[B]

It's like Mad Max shit. Yeah, they're going to Burning Man. Maybe you guys, maybe you don't recognize me. I was number eight on the call sheet for 12 years.

[A]

You might know me as number 13 on SVU's call sheet.

[B]

I had a double banger. Sometimes a triple banger.

[A]

Earliest I ever had to be in was nine. I'm never in the first scene.

[B]

I came in and said something funny.

[A]

And then went home straight and got my ponytail. Potato, conk. Relaxed.

[B]

I arrested the motherfucker at the end of every episode.

[A]

I straightened my hair the old painful way, like Malcolm X. I never solved.

[B]

A crime, but I was there when it was solved.

[A]

Coco, grab my nuts. We out. Coco, hold the bottle. My big old dick. We leaving. Get my fur and my fur boots.

[B]

Is your passport. You have a driver's license with you?

[A]

Yep. That's expired. So you have your license expired as well. Wow. That's why I'm going to the dm.

[B]

You can't drive a car with an expired license.

[A]

What are you not understanding, Officer? All these problems will be solved one foot from here. It's not one foot, you asshole.

[B]

He's taking care of everything. It says. It says right here that you're wanted for a rape.

[A]

Sure, but I'm going to the DMV to handle that right about now.

[B]

Okay? Yeah, listen, I have a warrant for your arrest right now. Fail to pay child support.

[A]

Mm. Paperwork right here. I got some documents in my attache. Coco, get my attache.

[B]

Where's my manila envelope?

[A]

You got my manila envelopes with the little wraparound things with the circles? I don't lick that shit. I ain't no lady boy. License suspended. That's so funny, sir. I was just on my way to do this. By the way, before you start making it a thing, I was also gonna get my unregistered gun registered at the dmv.

[B]

That's right. Here he goes.

[A]

But they don't do that at the dmv. They do for me. They know me. They just want you to edit this and do that. Every time he changes position, he goes. It should be. After that, it goes gung, gung. And then show the screen. Say, outside of Ice T's car 1228.

[B]

With an expired license and expired registration.

[A]

Why don't you follow me right to this garage right, Right here.

[B]

The DMV is right there.

[A]

You don't gotta be that serious about this.

[B]

Well, is it.

[A]

Is this serious?

[B]

So you could have drive. The other vehicle was registered and get this one registered.

[A]

Oh, I didn't realize. He's a foreign guy. His voice. The cop.

[B]

I think he's Spanish.

[A]

Yeah. He goes. He's. He's. Register. He's saying. A little weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not gonna take it to jail. Okay. Can I Park the car here and walk to the dmv. I'm gonna tow your vehicle. You're not gonna tow my vehicle.

[B]

Nah, you ain't doing that. I'm gonna mind you right now. You ain't doing.

[A]

I'm gonna call captain Cr. Wait right here. Hang on. It's going right to some kind of weird signal. I got this. Right. 55555.

[B]

Sir, that's not a real number. That's.

[A]

You'll see. Wait there.

[B]

No, the phone company knows me.

[A]

Put me through to Captain Cragan, please. I'm just gonna call the operator. I need a stateside operator. You are stateside.

[B]

You haven't paid your cable bill in four years.

[A]

Mm mm. Hang on. Got an envelope for that right here. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. That's a phone bill. That's. I'm about to pay this. Some of my old tickets. Here you go. Park my car right here.

[B]

You're not going to move your car, sir. You give me a keys right now.

[A]

And I'm going to tow your vehicle. You try to be more respectful with.

[B]

Me, I'm going to respect you the same way.

[A]

Well, then let me. You see, I'm going.

[B]

No, you're not going to tell me what to do. I'm going tell you what to do.

[A]

Give me a key right now. I asked you, can I park my car?

[B]

I said not.

[A]

Give me your key, sir. Give me my paperwork. You're. No, don't touch me. Don't give me like that. Give me my paperwork. Get this on camera. This. You are.

[B]

I'm not an.

[A]

You've been to me. You've been to me. I showed you all the paperwork. Let me start. Iced tea is like. Again, I understand ice tea's frustration. Just going like if this is what it's happening and he's gonna go take care now the same exact time with the luck on that. It's just like. It's such a silly like thing for. He's so wound up and the cop. But also like, I don't know. It's just like, funny that he's getting this wound up knowing I'll tell you why. But the cop's doing the right. You're right. Ice T's being too. Like he's doing out of the gates. I'm iced tea. This is a big deal.

[B]

Versus like he's trying to get the famous card right. I've done that at the Apple store and I've gotten just as frustrated when they don't recognize me and they make me wait in line. And pay for shit. I'm Robert Kelly.

[A]

I am the Genius Bar.

[B]

Anytime I go to the Apple store, I always walk around and look at people and I'll say stuff like, dude.

[A]

I've been buying apples since day one.

[B]

Anybody? Nothing. Hey, Melissa. Marshmallows.

[A]

You might remember some of my light cameo work.

[B]

He's mad. His celebrity is worth nothing. It's not worth. It's worth nothing.

[A]

Not with the Spaniard.

[B]

It's out the window. Here's the thing. He played a cop. So you know how many. But that guy doesn't know who he is. I feel like he has no idea who he is. He took down Nino Brown. He has so many PVA cards. He has so many cop friends. He probably has the gold, little ba. He's probably met so many things, he's never in his brain. I'll never have a problem with this shit. This guy has no fucking idea, if.

[A]

He was smart, what he should have done with this fucking goofy Spanish guy. He heard the accent, he should just flash his work thing and been like, detective Finn Tutuo. I'm on the job. Seriously, get out of here. I'm about to stop a predator. This car's unregistered. Yeah, I know. I can't worry about that right now.

[B]

It's my decoy card. I got. I confiscated this from a drug dealer.

[A]

The government has erased the plates from memory.

[B]

You think I dress like this? Cuz I like it. Motherfucking young buck.

[A]

Have you ever seen the Born Identity? No. Well, then I'm him. Then I'm Born Identity.

[B]

I think there's just a little bit left.

[A]

Yeah. What's up, Zard? Hey, what's going on, brother? How are you? I'm trying to get the DMV to register my cars.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I got all the paper, paperwork, and everything there. I asked officer, could I just go over here or even park my car so that I could walk over there, get all my paperwork together. He says he wants to tow my phone. All right, give me a second.

[B]

Let me find out what's going on here, and then we'll.

[A]

We'll figure something out. Okay. And everything's been recorded. And your vehicle is being sold and you receiving tickets. Ticket.

[B]

And that's going to be it, right?

[A]

He's going to leave his car here? Whatever you want to do.

[B]

Yeah, we'll go with that.

[A]

Okay. You leave the car here. Okay. He's going to park the car here. No problem. So they got him back to not towing it.

[B]

I think they paperwork for the car okay, but he's getting.

[A]

He's getting four tickets, though. All right? Driving racer motor vehicle. Driving with an expired license in proper display.

[B]

You got no front plates and no inspection sticker.

[A]

I mean, Jesus Christ, if he hit.

[B]

Crime, if he hit anybody, he killed anybody, he's fucked. The only thing worse, if he was in a stolen cop car.

[A]

I mean, it's crazy how much. That's my car.

[B]

No, no, this ain't your car.

[A]

Also, sir, I noticed that three of your tires aren't tires. It's just the rim. He goes, yeah, I gotta do one thing at a time, man.

[B]

Huh? People to, like, handle this shit for him. Like, of course he does, but he's probably a nickel chaser. And he's probably just like, I ain't spending money on that shit.

[A]

Coco ain't getting them fucking yams in that fucking little tiny Porsche.

[B]

Coco's back at doing some type of stupid old lady aerobics.

[A]

Dude, Coco's tits and ass would put her. Her tits would be in the steering wheel of that car.

[B]

Jesus Christ. She still looks good, though.

[A]

Well, she used to have such an extreme body. Getting old. I mean, she's getting older now, too. It's funny to see, but she's still.

[B]

Like, look at those two dogs.

[A]

They just.

[B]

Look at all those dogs. They just.

[A]

Oh, wild sex nut has nice.

[B]

All those dogs just came. They're just lying there. That's exactly how I lie when I. As soon as I bust my nuts, I lie like a fucking old pit bull.

[A]

But I mean, you still want to take a peek at that body, even though it's like. It's so ridiculous at this point. When she was young, she had that. To me, the first knowing of her name and giving a shit about her. It might be part of this same photo shoot here. It's a long time ago. It was early. Early comedy. And what was the fucking ma? It wasn't Maxim. It was one of the hip hop ones. Source.

[B]

Source.

[A]

What the fuck magazine could have Been where she's on the COVID with her ass up in the air. That's the first time I've ever seen that shape of, like, the thong. Do you remember this, DJ Lucy? Like, something you would remember, too. Round. Yeah. It's just her ass cheeks, like, coming above her while she's like, face down, ass up, but it's from the face on.

[B]

That's a fake. That's a fake. That's a Mexican butt.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah. Was that Whitney Cummings? Scroll back up. Very possibly that Whitney. Oh, it looks like her.

[A]

It did look like Whitney the face there a little bit. Christine, look up Coco. Famous XXL magazine XXL here. You know that it was a rat magazine.

[B]

Oh, sorry. I thought it was your magazine. You got to your house for your clothes.

[A]

Those xxl.

[B]

This one?

[A]

No, it's xxl.

[B]

By the way, I typed XXL and it autocorrected me.

[A]

Oh, it's wrong.

[B]

Don't take that shit.

[A]

Now go down. Hit images. Keep going down. We'll find it. Keep going. We'll find it. Oh, wait, that. Go to the left of the. Up there. I think that might have been it up there. Nope, move over. Scroll the page over. Oh, you see, there's something on the end there.

[B]

Yeah, sorry. Scroll Bar. This is her. Yeah, she was.

[A]

There it is. Wow.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's the Smooth magazine. There we go. But that picture was like. Everyone's like, who the is this? And I mean that. I mean that's crazy.

[B]

It's crazy ass.

[A]

Yeah, it looks like her legs were put on with like. Like you could take them off like bar. It's like an action figure. Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, yeah, those will roll. That's gonna be a little airbrushed a little.

[A]

Could you imagine if Ice T didn't? He's a fool for not trying to tit her butts from behind. Oh, yeah, like, let her lay like that. Drag your bag across her back while you. Christine, can you please move that so I could see? Can you trying to fantasize about tit this girl's ass. Yeah, I know. We have to wrap. All wrapped up in this girl's.

[B]

Yeah, you got us all edging. We're all hard and you ruin it.

[A]

Now we're all hard on edging. We're going to be back tomorrow, everybody. But make sure you go see Justin Silver when he's at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine. January 16th. After that, the comedy Plex in Chicago. January 31st through February 1st. For tickets and all tour dates, iamjustinsilver.com and you follow him on all social media at. I am Justin Silver. Robert Kelly is all over the road. The comedy club at Kansas City coming January 23rd to the 25th. After that, Batavia, Illinois, Levittown, New York. In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And then of course, every Tuesday night, you catch Bobby 7pm to Fat Black Cat Lounge, the Comedy Cellar he's running there right now. In fact, for tickets and all tour dates, punch up live Robert Kelly. And of course, Bobby's new YouTube channel, YouTube.com Obert Kelly Comedy. And of course our YouTube page. YouTube.com the Bonfire Radio YouTube page.

[B]

Make sure you check out Big J, because this week he's going to be at, I believe it's this week, right at the Ridge Improv. Phoenix, Thursday, January, Desert Ridge. Desert Ridge. And then for Saturday, the 10th and the 11th, Friday in your spinny fingers. 10th and the 11th, Friday and Saturday, the Tempe. Tempe Improv. Miami, Orlando.

[A]

I got to sell tickets to these shows. This is crazy what you're doing. Listen, why you say. You said Saturday and then also Friday, the wrap up.

[B]

We gotta go.

[A]

I'm gonna be Desert Ridge.

[B]

It's my job. I get paid to do it. He's gonna be a Desert Ridge Improv. Phoenix this Thursday, January 9th. Then he's gonna be at the Tempe, January 10th, the 11th. After that'll be in Miami, Orlando, Syracuse, Ontario, California. For tickets and all the toy dates. BigJ comedy.com Punch up. Live BigJokuson and go to his YouTube page. It's fancy.

[A]

Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage. Switch to USA Auto Insurance and you could start saving money in no time.

[B]

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[A]

Where'd you get those shoes? DSW has all the shoes you need for whatever you're into. You know, like running shoes that give new meaning to personal best or everyday sneakers that make coffee runs look cool. Basically, DSW has all the best styles from the brands that always get it right, like Nike, Brooks, Timberland and more. Oh, yeah, did we mention they also happen to be the perfect price. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store and dsw.com.