Die When You Die

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Die When You Die (July 16, 2026)
Main Theme:
A wild, no-holds-barred dive into notorious shock rockers, the extremities of performance art, and a brutally honest exchange of stories and bits about bodily fluids, punk history, and the aging comedy scene. Through rowdy banter, the crew lampoons the grossest stunts of various musicians, explores how the culture has changed in the last thirty years, and riffs on everything from pitiful band names to Gigi Allen’s legendary depravity—with their signature mix of candor, transgressive comedy, and buddy-roast camaraderie.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Generational Banter & Slang

[01:16–04:16]

• The crew riffs on Jacob’s awkward attempts to bring "young people energy" and “Gen Z” slang into the studio.
  • Jacob: “The song is lit.”
  • Eddie: “This song is before lit, dude.”
• Highlights the group’s discomfort with forced positivity and generational lingo:
  • Chris (to Jacob): “You have serial killer personality… when you smile, danger’s coming.”
• Sets a teasing, irreverent tone for the episode.

2. Punk Rock Legends & Shock Value

[05:00–16:48]

• Recap of the CBGB’s scene, punk shows in New York, and seeing bands like White Zombie and Rob Zombie early on.
  • Eddie: “I performed at [CBGB’s] once. No, stand up. Very small.”
• Deep-dive into Gigi Allen’s infamy:
  • The hosts and guests react to clips/documentaries of Allen’s violent, depraved onstage antics: nudity, defecation, alleged assaults.
  • Eddie: “Thank God that guy died in his 20s… could you imagine having to answer for that as an older guy?” [05:24]
• Discussion of punk culture’s self-destruction and the ethos of “die young, stay problematic.”
  • Contrast: If Patrice O’Neal had lived, “nobody would have liked vegan, thin Patrice, who started doing clean comedy.” (Chris, 06:06)

3. The Gigi Allen Segment – Extreme Performance Art

• Full breakdown of Allen’s onstage offenses, with audio clips and YouTube searches.
• Notable exchange about TV in the ‘90s vs now:
  • Eddie: “It’s a weird balance… I don’t think you should be able to rape onstage, but I think you should be able to say ‘raped onstage.’” [14:04]
  • Chris: “You should not be raped on stage at all.”
• Discussion about fans, family members, and the dangers of idolizing shock artists.
  • Jacob: “He was sus.”
  • Eddie: “It may explain his anger and rage, I mean, it’s such a little pecker.” [17:52]
• The group watches and reacts to video clips:
  • Allen throwing feces, beating up crowd members, shoving bananas inside himself, and eventually being arrested live onstage.

4. Taboo, Fluids & Modern Comparisons

[30:09–39:00]

• Comparisons drawn to Marilyn Manson, John Waters’ Pink Flamingos, and contemporary “gross-out” stage acts:
  • Chris: “Is there anybody like him now?”
  • Stories of modern performers: two female metal musicians with topless shows; infamous onstage urination incident by the band Brass Against.
• Group discusses their own encounters with bodily fluids for comedy & shock:
  • Piss and “decanted squirt” taste tests for stunts (and the difference in flavor/freshness—a genuine debate):
    • Eddie: “Fresh out the puss… this was squirt 20 minutes after.”
  • Piss on faces, group dares, and how lines have shifted.

5. Anal Sex, Bidets, and Oversharing

[41:13–52:20]

• Switches to personal stories of sexual mishaps:
  • Accidental anal with a massage therapist, immediate regret, and the evolution of “cleanliness” (bidets considered a game changer).
  • Detailed, comically graphic recountings of pooping, cleaning mishaps, and embarrassment.
  • Eddie: “If an onion can just fall out of your pussy, you got bigger problems.” [31:34]
• Jacob’s lone anal sex experience, anxiety about cleanliness, and wiener size banter:
  • Chris: “She thought your dick was so small it wouldn’t fit in her big vagina, maybe you should try my ass.” [49:23]
  • The group teases Jacob about premature ejaculation and proper protocol for condom removal.
  • Ongoing running joke about how bidets have revolutionized cleanliness—especially for the “deep wet ass.”
    • Jacob: “The bidet is like pre-duty—stops the duty that was gonna happen before it happens.” [44:11]

6. Culture Shift – Then vs Now

[45:20-46:00]

• The “Disneyfication” of New York – lamenting the loss of the gritty, hypersexualized pre-Giuliani city.
  • Chris: “You’ve got a Foot Locker where you could watch someone get gangbanged by a donkey.”
• Nostalgia for the gross, lawless, anything-goes 90s.
• Pondering what could/couldn’t happen on a comedy stage or late-night TV now.

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “You have the personality of a guy who inherited a funeral parlor.” — Eddie (03:43)
• “Thank God that guy died in his 20s. Could you imagine having to answer for that as an older guy?” — Eddie (05:25)
• “He’d be naked on stage with the smallest little dinger, and he would eat his own shit.” — Eddie on Gigi Allen (06:32)
• “It’s a weird balance… I don’t think you should be able to rape onstage, but I think you should be able to say ‘raped onstage.’” — Eddie (14:04)
• “That squirt… almost made me throw up immediately. It was sitting around 20 minutes.” — Eddie (37:28)
• “If an onion can just fall out of your pussy, you got bigger problems.” — Eddie (31:34)
• “The bidet is like pre-duty—stops the duty that was gonna happen before it happens.” — Jacob (44:11)
• “She thought your dick was so small it wouldn’t fit in her big vagina, maybe you should try my ass.” — Chris to Jacob (49:23)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:16–04:16 – Generational humor, Jacob attempts young slang, “funeral parlor personality”
• 05:00–06:48 – Punk nostalgia: CBGB’s, White Zombie, introduction to Gigi Allen
• 06:52–16:48 – Gigi Allen biography, reprehensible stunts, punk rock depravity
• 17:10–22:30 – Banter on bodily fluids, crowd reactions to Gigi Allen’s performances
• 23:39–29:31 – College show meltdown: bananas, chairs, and police intervention
• 30:09–39:12 – Other gross-out acts: Pink Flamingos, Brass Against, “piss on faces or trombone solos?” debate
• 41:13–44:11 – Anal accidents, bidets and their redeeming power
• 45:20–46:00 – The lost “anything goes” New York
• 49:23–51:56 – Jacob’s regretful anal story, monster penis jokes
• 52:20–End – Closing roasts, plugs for upcoming shows, playful put-downs

---

Tone & Flow

Spontaneous, crass, and relentlessly self-ridiculing, the episode plays out like a group hang at a late-night diner—skipping from gross-out reminiscence to biting stand-up roast, all with their blend of affection and foul-mouthed candor. With no topic too blue or memory too shameful, Jay, Bobby, and company interrogate the legend of Gigi Allen, compare sexual disasters, and lampoon each other—the ultimate insider’s look at how comedy’s edge evolves, but never softens.

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Useful For:
Anyone looking for a full-on immersion in the bonkers world of 90s punk, shock comedy, and veteran comedians who refuse to grow up (or self-censor). Essential for fans of depraved humor, music industry oddballs, and the lore of the New York comedy underground.

Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Commercial Voice]

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[Chris]

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[Host]

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Eddie]

Don't me.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Look at jacob.

[Commercial Voice]

Calm the down, jacob.

[Announcer]

What?

[Eddie]

The studio's shaking.

[Chris]

I like that.

[Commercial Voice]

Dig.

[Eddie]

Don't dig.

[Jacob]

The song is lit.

[Announcer]

Huh?

[Commercial Voice]

Whoa.

[Jacob]

Song is lit.

[Eddie]

This song is before lit, dude.

[Chris]

Jesus Christ.

[Jacob]

It's busing. It's busting.

[Chris]

No, I was listening to.

[Eddie]

This is from the 90s, dude.

[Chris]

Who is it?

[Eddie]

Mud Vein.

[Chris]

Mud Vein. What a good name for metal band.

[Eddie]

You ever see Mud Vein before?

[Chris]

No, I've never seen them live, but I've seen what they look like. They're maniacs, right?

[Eddie]

Yeah. It's this.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Jacob, is this goated or what?

[Eddie]

I almost. I almost jumped over the table right there. You got young words to bring young energy to studio.

[Chris]

Is that what that is?

[Eddie]

That's exactly it. Yeah. Jacob didn't hide his sheep very well.

[Chris]

What is it?

[Eddie]

It's not the word energy. It's the physical energy.

[Chris]

Wait a minute.

[Guest]

Does he have.

[Chris]

Does he have a fucking sheet in front of him? A word.

[Eddie]

She. Young people words. Yeah.

[Jacob]

Are we all fam or what?

[Chris]

No, no, you're the fam.

[Eddie]

No one's looking for that.

[Chris]

No.

[Eddie]

And no one's looking for force from a 65 year old.

[Chris]

Can I ask a question before his neck inj. Something different?

[Eddie]

No.

[Chris]

Oh, okay. So.

[Eddie]

Well, no.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Eddie]

No.

[Chris]

Okay. Just.

[Jacob]

I would like to point out that just two months ago, even under your suggestion, you asked me to come in and smile and throw and give some great energy to the room and I did it for two days and you both told me to stop because it was creeping you out. Yeah.

[Chris]

It's fake.

[Eddie]

Do you believe what you were doing was positive movement forward, or do you feel that I was trying. It looked smarmy and sarcastic.

[Jacob]

I wasn't not trying to be smarmy.

[Eddie]

You had a painted smile on your face.

[Jacob]

You fake it till you make it right. Is that the term or not? But I'm That. You can't fake it.

[Chris]

That's a term for recovering alcoholics that need to just get through it.

[Jacob]

I sincerely tried, but the weird thing was when you told me to stop, that it was creeping out. It was actually sincere.

[Eddie]

You have the personality of a guy who. You have the personality of a guy who inherited a funeral parlor.

[Chris]

Yeah, you. You have serial killer personality.

[Guest]

Like energy when you smile.

[Chris]

Danger's coming. Like something horrible is about to happen.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You know what I mean?

[Jacob]

Yeah. I'm dangerous. What I mean, you know, is that

[Eddie]

on your word sheet, I'm dangerous. I'm dangerous.

[Jacob]

I give. I give off bad boy. Bad boy energy.

[Chris]

See that little purse? You do that little thing. That's your smile right there. Look at that little purse. That's your smile.

[Guest]

There's your smile.

[Eddie]

Jacob's gonna have. Jacob's gonna have earplugs in it. Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie. Oh, no.

[Guest]

Are you going?

[Jacob]

I thought.

[Eddie]

We're all going. We're recording a show.

[Chris]

You're gonna. You're gonna. You like Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson?

[Eddie]

He doesn't know.

[Jacob]

I saw Rob Zombie before Jay did.

[Chris]

Oh, shit.

[Jacob]

Shots fired in a room no bigger than this.

[Host]

What's up?

[Chris]

What are you gonna say?

[Eddie]

Oh, like CBGB's.

[Jacob]

No, Long Long Branch, New Jersey. CBGB's a white zombie.

[Eddie]

Yeah, white. But they used to play CBGB's and stuff.

[Jacob]

All right.

[Chris]

I thought you're just making him old.

[Eddie]

No, no. CBGB's existed when I lived here. I performed it at once.

[Chris]

You did? What'd you do? Rock and roll.

[Eddie]

No, stand up.

[Chris]

Stand up. I know.

[Eddie]

Very small.

[Jacob]

I know.

[Chris]

So all the stuff I say isn't like I'm being real.

[Commercial Voice]

Oh.

[Hannah]

Oh.

[Chris]

I thought you'd been here. Oh, yeah.

[Eddie]

Okay, now, hearing it back like that,

[Chris]

through that lens, through the funny lens.

[Eddie]

I did a show for John Joseph.

[Chris]

Oh, God.

[Eddie]

There. Who was the. He's the lead singer of the CRO Mags. Punk rock group.

[Chris]

Wait a minute. John Joseph.

[Eddie]

Not the guitar comic.

[Chris]

The guy who wears a dungaree shirt with buttons, snaps.

[Eddie]

John Joseph, lead singer of the Chromax. Awesome, dude. Badass, dude. But it's so funny. His whole thing now is like veganism. He's also friends with Steve O. And he's like. He's super, like, vegan, you know, not eating meat. And he writes books about it and all this stuff. I tell you what, you're supposed to die young. I was watching a little bit. I was showing our friend Michelle the Gigi Allen documentary they hated. Yeah, we were. We were showing her the Gigi Allen documentary. That's. She never heard of him before. And it's like, thank God that guy died in his fucking 20s or whatever it was. I mean, what a shit. Could you imagine having the answer for that? It's like an older guy now and be like, I don't know, man. Heroin. Like, the answer is heroin. That guy was problematic.

[Chris]

I feel that way about Patrice. Nobody would have liked vegan thin Patrice, who. Who actually started doing clean comedy.

[Guest]

You know, men can be mean.

[Eddie]

Do you remember G.G.

[Interviewer]

allen?

[Chris]

Nope.

[Eddie]

Not at all.

[Guest]

I probably do.

[Chris]

I don't have the. The memory, but if you show me, I might probably do.

[Eddie]

This is you.

[Guest]

I don't.

[Chris]

I don't retain anything because of my adhd. I don't retain any.

[Eddie]

This is something you'd retain if you knew Gigi Allen. Well, you know, is.

[Chris]

Let me see.

[Eddie]

Right?

[Chris]

Lou ate his own shit.

[Eddie]

All kinds of stuff. Oh, he was a punk rock quote unquote performer here in New York, basically. And he fucking. You know, he's like a Lower east side guy. And he just. Yeah, he'd get. He'd be naked on stage with the smallest little dinger, and he would eat his own shit, throw his own shit, piss on people. Rape on stage.

[Chris]

Rape on stage.

[Eddie]

Did a whole Jerry Springer where he was like. I mean, if you could find the. Him on Jerry Springer, he's like, sometimes you got to rape. And then they know not to get raped in life later because they got raped. They'll be stronger for the experience. And then there's a guy in the audience, he goes, do you agree with that? He's like, no, I don't think you should get raped. He's like, but it'll make you stronger for the experience. And he goes, I mean, I may. Like, he just wants to like him so much. The fan of his, he's just like. I mean, when you put it like that, I guess rape school makes no

[Chris]

sense when you learn a lesson.

[Eddie]

Look, when you put it like that, sure, rape is cool.

[Jacob]

He was sus.

[Chris]

Oh, my God. What is he wearing? Socks on his hands. What's he wearing?

[Interviewer]

Just awful gloves that you find Attractive in this man.

[Hannah]

I identify with the things that he says. I mean, I'm not saying I want to be raped. I'm not saying anything like that.

[Eddie]

She doesn't want to, you know what, 17?

[Chris]

Yeah, she's a 17 year old, right? That's fucking disturbing.

[Eddie]

But she is totally cool with the idea that some girls are going to get raped. And that'll teach you not to get raped.

[Chris]

Was this the 80s?

[Eddie]

This would be the 90s, 90s.

[Chris]

90s shit. You could. It's crazy. He looks like 58 in that photo.

[Eddie]

Oh, he's. I mean he was littered with drugs. He was just a mess.

[Chris]

And he's dating a 17 year old.

[Eddie]

No, no, that's not his girlfriend.

[Chris]

Oh, oh, he's just racing.

[Eddie]

He's like a huge fan.

[Jacob]

Oh, okay.

[Eddie]

It's kind of when Marilyn Manson went on Donahue, he did the same thing. He brought a couple of fans in the audience and he was like young, so he was. He had the whole look and stuff and he's like, I think you should raise your own children and. Which by the way Marilyn Manson always handled these. Situation. Situation is pretty good, actually.

[Chris]

Well, let me ask you about this guy. He's. Is this at the end of his career right now or is this at his height of his career?

[Eddie]

I don't know how long his career was quite honest.

[Chris]

And did he really rape somebody on stage?

[Eddie]

They say. I mean, there's no. But there's tons of video of him beating the out of chicks and stuff. He did. There's a video he did a Perform a speaking engagement. Like he would do these weird engagements. Let's see.

[John]

It says 93.

[Eddie]

He died in 93. So he has really quick. He died at 36. I guess he was 36. Heroin overdose. Here's the thing, which sucks again, being older and watching his thing. He's just a fucking scared, pathetic fucking junkie is what he is. You know, whatever. Tortured by whatever bothered him besides just drugs. I'm sure he had something fucked up. His brother who's still alive, just always rocked a Hitler mustache. Merle. Merle Allen.

[Chris]

Good. It's a good Nazi name.

[Eddie]

Merle. Merle. But oh, the lyrics. What's really funny? To sing GG Allen lyrics and just like pleasantly sing them, bro.

[Chris]

Is that his brother?

[Eddie]

That's his brother Merle. Yeah. He's straight. Always. Right. He still has it now and he's an old man.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Wow.

[Jacob]

Merle.

[Eddie]

But yeah, he was like. I said he was like a sad junkie of a guy.

[Kevin]

Right?

[Eddie]

You Know what I mean? In hindsight. And he used to say he's gonna, like, take a grenade and like blow himself up in the audience and take as many members of the audience as he can with them.

[Chris]

That'd be great.

[Eddie]

That's what he always said. Yeah, but he kept saying he was going to do it and the date kept coming up, I think, and he kept, like kicking it down the road. He's like, nah, today's not the day. And then eventually just OD'd. Because he was never gonna, you know, I mean, like, he would have to push that kick that can on the road forever. He's like, all right, wait a second. It's not even a full moon. It isn't now. That's waxing crescent for sure.

[Chris]

Hey, did you get the grenade? Fuck.

[Guest]

You didn't get it?

[Jacob]

Where do you just get a grenade?

[Eddie]

Army Navy store.

[Chris]

Army Navy store?

[Eddie]

Yeah, the back of an Army Navy store. When you talk to the guy for a little bit.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's like fake watches down in Chinatown.

[Eddie]

You know where I can get me a grenade? Something. You think you're gonna get something a little bit. A little heavier? You guys getting your eyes on a little heavier back there? You can play a minute of this. They bring her dad out.

[Chris]

Oh, God.

[Eddie]

And her dad is so annoying.

[Chris]

Is he annoying?

[Eddie]

Yeah, he is. No, I mean, he's wants his daughter to not be into this on stage. Rapist. Yeah, for sure. But he's like, it's the perfect dad for this. It's not a dad who just shows up in a T shirt and things like, I don't want my daughter doing this shit. It's of course, like a suit and tie.

[Chris]

It's the guy. It's the guy that made her go to this guy.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Hannah]

He does something to me. I've just asked for it. Especially if I get myself.

[Interviewer]

Wait a second. Why do you think a woman ever asked to be raped?

[Hannah]

If I. You have to know what to expect. I mean, you know, I mean, if I don't go to the thing expecting trouble and if you don't, I miss.

[Chris]

Then I miss the 90s in the 80s. Girl, look, just the old, if you

[Eddie]

don't want to get raped, don't be. Don't do rapies. Don't get stuff where you can get raped

[John]

out with people and not get raped.

[Chris]

Yeah, man.

[Eddie]

If you go to a concert, you gotta think to myself, I'm probably gonna get raped.

[Chris]

It's gonna happen.

[Jacob]

Nothing wrong with that. Check out brain rot.

[Chris]

Oh, God.

[Eddie]

Jacob the bits. Bombing, dude.

[Jacob]

You want me to use it?

[Chris]

It's bombing so good that it's.

[Kevin]

It's.

[Chris]

It's so bad that it's good. Yeah, it's coming back around. It's coming back around. It's so stinking.

[Eddie]

It's not hitting me. I'm seeing him grab the paper and look and pick which thing he's going to use.

[Chris]

That's the part that it's really sucking, but it's getting to me.

[Jacob]

You stepped over salty before I said he was salty.

[Chris]

No, that's not really salty.

[John]

It's like not even.

[Chris]

It's not a hip word.

[Jacob]

Bitter, upset or jealous, by the way, though.

[Eddie]

I know the word. Using the word salty.

[Jacob]

A joke for you, Christine.

[Eddie]

Using the word Sal though now shows how old you are because that's not a new young person's word at all. Salty.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Chris]

That's for a captain of a ship.

[Jacob]

Salty. I will point out Lewis Print printed that out.

[Chris]

Yeah. Throw him right under the bus. Why don't you own it?

[Jacob]

I have to take the grenade for his words.

[Eddie]

Lou, once you fired so he could step up a seat.

[Jacob]

I told him to be the young guy. He said no, he's 40.

[Eddie]

He's the youngster in the room, according to Patrice. That's like black 73.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

This time is limited, dude. He's dog years left.

[Chris]

Once you start like, sit like a young guy too. You sit like my grandmother.

[Jacob]

It's a low chair.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Wearing your boyfriend sized jacket every day. Skip ahead.

[Chris]

Let's hear this.

[John]

17 to wear.

[Eddie]

Let's get to where her dad comes out. Yeah, yeah. John Mankowski.

[Chris]

He's actually raped for real.

[Eddie]

This is when Jerry Springer was a different kind of show, though.

[Interviewer]

We're back. We're talking with rock performer Gigi Allen, who, if you've ever been to one of his concerts, you'll certainly remember it. He is. He is violent on stage. He does things which. Well, he does things. Everything from defecating on stage to raping women to going into the crowd and beating up on the people there.

[Eddie]

His argument is they pay for it. He also says the audience is his enemy. He hates the audience.

[Chris]

It's funny that you could even like, you could never even say that on a TV show now. You couldn't even have this guy on a show. He defecates and he rapes on stage.

[Eddie]

You can't have it on. You don't blank it on YouTube.

[Chris]

90s were nuts.

[Interviewer]

Perry Como of this generation. What now? I want you to meet Liz's Father.

[Eddie]

It's a weird balance, though, the 90s, because I don't think you should be able to rape on stage, but I think you should be able to say raped on stage.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Does that make sense?

[Chris]

That does make sense.

[Eddie]

You should not be raped on stage at all.

[Chris]

At all.

[John]

Ever.

[Eddie]

You know what? You shouldn't be raped anywhere.

[Guest]

No.

[Chris]

No.

[Eddie]

Anywhere at all.

[Chris]

Rape is not good. But you should be able to say it.

[Eddie]

You should be able to say raped on stage.

[John]

I don't, really. Well, aren't they. Isn't this, like, he has sex with girls that jump on stage to have sex with him?

[Eddie]

Have you seen any of the clips of people getting on stage? He grabs you, like, for. He likes. He just grabs someone start beating the shit out of him, and then they'll beat the shit of him. Sometimes it's pretty great. We got to watch some footage of the concerts, but bring the play. Play John Mankowski and her sister Sarah.

[Chris]

Oh, boy.

[Interviewer]

John said it scared the hell out of him when he realized what Gigi Allen was all about. Liz's sister Sarah says Gigi Allen is dangerous. John, as a father, what worries you most about her going to the concerts?

[Kevin]

What's going to happen to Liz when someone takes Gigi's philosophy to heart and doesn't realize? I think that if she feels this is a joke or a game or it's harmless, or the moth playing at the flame, maybe one of the people who really think that rape is a cool thing is gonna take that seriously. And I don't want Liz or my daughter Sarah or any other young woman or any woman to be raped. It's a heinous crime.

[Chris]

Very good.

[Eddie]

Couple points.

[Chris]

Well said points.

[Eddie]

That was definitely the points answer. Bring up some footage of him performing and just throwing dookie on people. And it's. But there's one thing where he did a speaking engagement at. Or maybe it was supposed to be amused. There's two things. There's. He was supposed to do a musical one man thing at nyu, and he just starts, like, throw. He smushes a banana up his asshole and then starts throwing, like, the mush from his asshole, like, into the audience. And it's just a bunch of, like, 90s college kids at NYU. Like, they think it's kind of funny at first. This is great. And then he's like, all right. People start getting naked, and they're like, no, no one's gonna get naked. Hang on a second. He goes, no one's getting naked at all. He's like, oh, you guys make me get naked by myself. And he's throwing more fucking butt banana at them. And then he goes. Somebody. He goes, all right, I'm gonna start pissing. And then everyone just gets up and runs out of the room. Then he throws a chair at them. And then he gets arrested. The other one. I forget where the other place he's doing a speaking engagement is, but a girl comes up to the stage. He's, like, talking about beating and raping chicks and stuff. And then a girl comes up to the stage and just, like, challenges him in some way, and he just beats the shit out of her on stage. It's fucking wild.

[Chris]

Maybe he just didn't like performing.

[Eddie]

Now he says he loves it. So he lives for.

[Chris]

He's just trying to get off stage as quick as possible.

[Eddie]

Yeah, well, apparently he always had the shit, so. But if I. I mean, fans of his that are kind of like. Well, you kind of learn where to go to not get shit on you. And here's the thing. To some degree, I understand what they mean. I do. To some degree, yes. Because I didn't go Marilyn Manson at the time when he was doing what he did, I would have never. I wouldn't have wanted to be close to him, like, cutting himself and all the shit he would do. Like that.

[Chris]

Dude, I don't want to go to a Gallagher concert. I don't. I don't want to get watermelon on my shirt, never mind banana dookie.

[Eddie]

Well, I'm saying Marilyn Manson would blow, like, snot rockets and all kinds of crazy when I was younger, but. So I would never want to be in the shot of that at all. I mean, not off stage all the time in any way, but just, like, around us, fluids in general. I don't want to be around that. So no interest in. But if you were like, could I be in a fucking booth right behind him?

[Chris]

Like a glass booth?

[Eddie]

Yeah, like, watching every single bit of it. I want to see all of it, but I don't want to be a part. I don't want to be anywhere near it.

[Chris]

Like a zoo. You just watch him.

[Eddie]

Yes. I want to go to the CBs. CBGB Zoo and watch this guy. His little dinker is so funny, though.

[Chris]

Little dinky.

[Eddie]

It's the funniest. It may explain his anger and rage. I mean, it's such a little pecker. And he's not really fat or anything, so he doesn't even have an excuse like that.

[Chris]

Well, he's on drugs, so this is just a little shitty room that he's playing.

[Guest]

He's naked right now.

[Eddie]

He never played anything but his little shitty rooms.

[Chris]

He just dove into nothing.

[Eddie]

He's wearing a thing. He's wearing a thong here. This don't count.

[John]

I think he takes it off. Let me skip.

[Eddie]

Well, this is YouTube, so I've never heard of it.

[Chris]

Was his music good?

[Jacob]

What?

[Chris]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Oh, the lyrics were great. There was. The beginning of the documentary is like. It'll be like, I met this girl. I met this broad, but she was a guy. Die when you die.

[Chris]

When you die, you're gonna die.

[Eddie]

Then it's like some N word. Baron likes a pig.

[Chris]

Die when you die. When you die, you're gonna die.

[Eddie]

It's nonsense. It's is. It's as bad as, like, it's. I don't think it is technically white supremacist rock. It's like punk, but it's like. It's just like. It's. It's so over the. It's so bad. It's bad. Bad music.

[Chris]

Bad music.

[Eddie]

But the lyrics are, I mean, hilarious.

[Chris]

Oh, my God, look at his little tiny ding ding.

[Eddie]

Treat yourself to his ding ding.

[Chris]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's. Listen, wiggling.

[Eddie]

We get some closed captions so I can get some of these sick ass lyrics.

[Chris]

That is such a small, big thing.

[Eddie]

Second thing over from the left.

[Chris]

Flu it up a little bit.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but for two hours.

[Chris]

I don't know. You could take Viagra back then, but ass is all brown.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Oh, my God.

[Eddie]

Sorry.

[Chris]

His ass cheeks are like yellow.

[Eddie]

Can I be honest with you?

[Chris]

Please.

[Eddie]

Sometimes the more I hear some of the music, it is a little more musical than you'd think it would be, though.

[Chris]

Well, the band's always good.

[Eddie]

No, no. The one guy in the band spent time in jail. One guy, the drummer plays naked and he went to jail for showing his wiener to a kid.

[Chris]

This fan just came up and pushed him over.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that's what he wants. He, like, encourages all of it.

[Chris]

He's actually wearing cowboy boots, which is wild.

[Eddie]

And a collar and a dog collar. I don't think that's weird at all.

[Chris]

A dog collar.

[Eddie]

Guy likes accessories. So what would you wear? Oh, you just missed him. You just watched him. He just took a dump.

[Chris]

Oh, let me see.

[Eddie]

Jacob, eyes forward. Oh, that's part of the song, though. This is on the paper. It says.

[Jacob]

It says animal.

[Eddie]

It says chorus in parentheses. Chorus.

[Guest]

He's not wiping. He's just mushing it.

[Jacob]

It's a wet duty too.

[Chris]

It's all like, what do you think. You think heroin guys have good logs?

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

No, that's heroin. Doo doo.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's.

[Jacob]

That's.

[Host]

That's the.

[Eddie]

And this is heroin behavior.

[Chris]

He's eating it.

[Host]

He's eating it.

[Commercial Voice]

He's eating it.

[John]

He's eating it.

[Guest]

Get it off. Get it off.

[Chris]

Get here.

[Eddie]

Rock and roll.

[Chris]

No, not rock and roll.

[Jacob]

Oh.

[Guest]

Oh, he's looking at all that

[John]

Gigi Allen.

[Chris]

Dude. This guy's a animal.

[John]

I thought everybody heard of Gigi Allen. He's the guy with the.

[Chris]

Oh, I heard of the.

[Eddie]

He's rubbing all over his body and he's throwing it at.

[Guest]

Some people leave.

[Eddie]

They do. They do all start to leave.

[Chris]

You see, that's disgusting.

[Jacob]

Smearing his duty.

[Eddie]

They just leave. They just leave him in a room and, like, they all pile into the hallway because they want to kind of see what he does now. I think he's taking a piss.

[Chris]

This is a grossest thing I've ever seen. How do you.

[Jacob]

How does this place stay open?

[Chris]

How does a club let this go down?

[Eddie]

Oh, the stand lets us do is Legion of Skanks.

[Chris]

Valid point. Oh, look at that guy. Just miserable.

[Eddie]

Who'd have thought that the Hitler mustache guy could play the bass for real?

[Chris]

It's so funny.

[Eddie]

Black Lou. No, you wouldn't go this one.

[Chris]

No, he's.

[Eddie]

But what if we were gonna. But what if we're gonna broadcast live from there?

[Host]

Then, yes, of course.

[Eddie]

For work. This music has to be really good to put up with all that.

[Chris]

No, this. This is good. Considering all.

[Eddie]

That's better than you think. That's what I'm saying. It is strangely, like.

[Host]

Doesn't sound.

[Jacob]

That's the band. That's not him.

[Eddie]

No, I know. That's what I'm saying, but the music they put together, I'm saying, is like.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Arranged better than I thought it would be for the song. I mean, I don't like punk music. And that was like.

[Chris]

Imagine being the cop having a fucking arrest this shit stick dookie face to have to get on your uniform.

[Eddie]

You bring up the video of him beating up the woman. Oh, yeah. Is this that. This is nyu.

[Chris]

And he's just.

[John]

He's got a.

[Chris]

His penis is very small. Oh, he's sticking.

[Eddie]

Now he's smushing a banana up his ass. Oh, he really gets it in there too.

[Chris]

It's performance art.

[Eddie]

It is performance.

[Chris]

Oh, God, no.

[Eddie]

Don't you see what it is?

[Jacob]

Ah. Oh, he's shoving it in his.

[Chris]

Ah, man, that must feel good.

[Eddie]

Dude, you're the banana and his society.

[Chris]

And then.

[Eddie]

That's just it, dude. Society's just smearing.

[Chris]

Oh, he's throwing it at the crowd and then laughing.

[Eddie]

A bunch of 90s teenagers.

[Chris]

This is gross.

[Eddie]

There's even instruments or anything on stage.

[Guest]

No, it's just him.

[Chris]

Oh, this is him bombing out of college.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

This is when they don't.

[Eddie]

One guy who just came with him naked.

[Chris]

Oh, God.

[Jacob]

What was that circuit you were on the college circuit?

[Eddie]

Naca.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Is this naca?

[Chris]

I. I guarantee. He. He booked one NACA gig. Oh, God.

[Eddie]

He goes, we know the sissies are now.

[Chris]

He really commands the crowd. Oh, he puts another. Is that another banana?

[Eddie]

They don't care.

[Guest]

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[Chris]

I don't understand what this is though. If there's no band and he's not going to sing.

[Eddie]

Dude, they have to spend money. The colleges have to spend their performance budgets. So this will happen. Look, he's like, I'm going to piss and everyone just goes, yeah, I'm out.

[Chris]

Yeah, all these kids have good clothes on.

[Eddie]

But then he starts throwing chairs and then you see the cops busting. Yeah, he was a maniac.

[Chris]

Yeah, this is mentally.

[Eddie]

Oh, I'd say cone if you've ever seen Gigi Allen live, but odds of

[Chris]

that I say are, yeah, whoever saw him live is dead.

[John]

I'm trying to find him hitting the woman still, but it's just crazy.

[Chris]

The videos that are coming out, let's

[Eddie]

do a tax woman.

[Chris]

Oh, what is that?

[Eddie]

It's him.

[Chris]

And covered in lying on the floor blood. And this is not my dude laying in blood and.

[Eddie]

And still what, Cracking a beer? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. But still a dude. End of the day, still a dude. I like to sit back in my own blood and, and just smoke a nice stogie and have myself a brew.

[Chris]

Is there anybody like him now?

[Eddie]

Marilyn Manson's probably the closest at a point, but he was never that.

[Chris]

Nobody ever got this kid. Who's the. What was the movie that the trans ate her? John Waters movie. What was that?

[Eddie]

Oh, Pink Flamingo.

[Chris]

Pink Flamingo. She ate her in that right?

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

She had her own shit.

[Chris]

Picked up a doogie and just ate it.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Live performance. There's people out there who do sick ass performances, but they just don't get big. And there's so much stuff out there that you don't know. I found. I almost went. I forget their name already. They were my algorithm for a minute. These two girls who perform like heavy metal and like with almost without a fail every show, like their tits and are out at some point.

[Chris]

Remember the most of the pink. There was a Pink Flamingo Club in the East Village. You remember that place? What's his name used to work. Who's that? Crazy dude? Rob. Crazy guy. He's kind of sick now, but he had a twin brother.

[Eddie]

Oh, you mean Rick Shapiro.

[Chris]

Rick Shapiro used to perform though. We used to go over there and see him perform there every once. Over there they had weird shit over there.

[Eddie]

Dookie on his face.

[Chris]

Yeah. No, one girl put it had a onion in her pussy the whole time and then it. It popped out. Yeah, yeah.

[Eddie]

Like did they use it?

[Chris]

No, no, she didn't cook with it. It just came out. Like halfway through her act it just fell out. She had like an onion bit and it just came out.

[Eddie]

So was it on the set list, like time for the onion or it just fell out?

[Chris]

No, she. She let it come out. It was a performance.

[Eddie]

I think you have to push an onion out. I don't think you let it come out.

[Chris]

Well, whatever.

[Eddie]

If an onion can just fall out of your pussy, you got bigger problems.

[Chris]

Yeah, it was cute. It was definitely cute. It was time for the onion bit.

[Eddie]

If you need to. Jacob, write this down. If you need. If you get an onion can just fall out of your. Then you have a bigger fish to fry. No, wait, you have the biggest fish to fry

[Chris]

or we should have a fresh. A fish fry.

[Eddie]

John. It's all down. Oh, here he is. Here's where he beats the of the girl. It's in Boston.

[Chris]

Makes sense.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Well, it is the only place where I think it's a fair fight with a chick.

[Chris]

It's not illegal. Back in the 80s 90s you could hit a chick.

[Eddie]

It was 89.

[Chris]

So he's just in the house.

[Eddie]

It looks like now it's a college show.

[Chris]

Why didn't I kill myself sooner?

[Jacob]

Why did you kill yourself sooner?

[Chris]

Oh my God. He grabbed her by the hair and he's beating the out of her. He's dragging her and then these Boston kids fuck him up.

[Eddie]

Yeah. You know what's funny? You know it's great too that they. I think what she is responding to there by what she says even I think he was doing the thing. I think she was like, kill yourself or something like that.

[Kevin]

Cuz he's just.

[Eddie]

Whatever awful shit he's saying and he starts doing his. Like, I'm gonna actually. I'm actually gonna kill myself and take out a bunch of people. And then it's like. And then she goes up and goes, why haven't you done it yet? He goes, why haven't you done it yet? And he just grabs her by the throat, fucking flings her around.

[Chris]

It's funny too that this guy.

[Eddie]

You are the one.

[Chris]

This guy's a big too. As soon as the guy. As soon as the other guys came in, he just started cowering. Dumb.

[Eddie]

It's not the Butcher babies. No, that's who you think it is. No, no, I know the Butcher Babies. They're just hot. The band I'm talking about, I don't know what it is. They like just like they're. Sometimes they just like perform with their shirt off. Just do the show. Nashville used to. The two girls used to like dyke off on stage.

[Chris]

I like that.

[Eddie]

Go look. The other one's painting.

[Chris]

There was the girl who pissed in the guys on the guy's face at a concert. What was that girl?

[Interviewer]

Remember?

[Chris]

She got in trouble.

[Eddie]

They're a cover band, right?

[Chris]

That was a cover band.

[Eddie]

They're a cover band.

[Chris]

And she took a hot.

[Eddie]

Yeah, a long. A long bathroom piss. Yeah, that wasn't a. I'm just getting a little rid of a little bit because I have to go. She went like. It's the whole thing.

[Chris]

Yeah, she was holding all the piss. I still follow her on Instagram because of that.

[Eddie]

Yeah, of course she got in a

[Chris]

lot of trouble for that, right? No, no, she's doing great. She's got two kids.

[Jacob]

Oh yeah.

[Chris]

Lesbian couple.

[Eddie]

In fact, they. It's probably the best they can do is when brass against. Yeah, it's. Why would I know that? Other. A cover band other than they.

[Chris]

Was she. Is that her thing or was that just a thing?

[Eddie]

No, that was just a thing.

[Chris]

Oh, she just did it.

[Eddie]

Yeah, she just did it there.

[Kevin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eddie]

No, it's not a thing particularly.

[Chris]

That was gross.

[Eddie]

And she was a lesbian, so she's

[Chris]

like, I don't give a. I have guy face. That's what all women should do. Piss on guy faces.

[Eddie]

Is this them? Yeah, this is them doing a cover of Killing in the Name of. Yeah, they have like horns in the Band. It's dumb.

[John]

I'm trying to find it uncensored.

[Chris]

That was gross. Way better. I'd rather see somebody piss on somebody than somebody throw.

[Eddie]

I'd rather see. I'd rather get pissed on than listen to trombone renditions of great songs. If you talk. If I. You'd have to let her piss on me to get me to this concert. She goes, come and I'll piss on you. I'll look at your. All right.

[Chris]

She had a nice body. She had a nice little dumper on it.

[Eddie]

Pretty good.

[Chris]

When she. Pretty good. Took a piss.

[Eddie]

Pretty nice.

[Chris]

Yeah, well, you don't want to see Janice Joplin piss on somebody.

[Eddie]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Do you imagine that?

[Eddie]

You would have seen her big dangling lips. Oh, you know, they're immediate.

[Chris]

Yeah, look at. She's not bad. She got a nice rump.

[Eddie]

No, she was cute.

[Chris]

She's got a nice little.

[Eddie]

No, she's not a bad looking lady at all. Anyway, she pissed on some fat farmer's face standing over.

[Chris]

I know the whole band is like, what the happening. Oh, that's a hot.

[Eddie]

Yeah, Everyone in the band is a classically trained woodwind player.

[Chris]

Oh, you can see the steam coming off his head. It's cold out. Look at.

[Eddie]

You know, it's really funny. Zach De La Roca did this to me himself. Same song. When we saw him at the Garden, I ran up on stage and he took a fat piss on my face.

[Chris]

Have you ever been pissed on by

[Eddie]

Zach de la Roque?

[Chris]

By anybody?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You've been pissed on?

[Announcer]

Sure. Really?

[Host]

Wow.

[Chris]

Wow what? Like, what? Like is. Did you like it?

[Eddie]

Showers.

[Chris]

Huh?

[Eddie]

In showers.

[Chris]

Oh, you got like. Not on the face.

[Eddie]

No.

[Chris]

Hey, why is Paco here?

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah. What am I talking about? Paco, why are you here?

[Host]

Footage.

[Chris]

Oh, hi.

[Jacob]

Hi.

[Chris]

Paco, have you ever been pissed on? Yes, of course.

[Eddie]

But. Yeah, no. On SDR show.

[Guest]

I thought that's how you guys, like, became a man.

[Chris]

If I became a teenager. Your father had to pee on you. That's not. That's not your culture.

[Eddie]

Aloha, is it, Matt? Now, when you say pissed on my face, how about pissed in my face?

[Chris]

Yeah, like someone stood over you and pissed in.

[Eddie]

I forget her name, but yeah, she took a fat piss on my face. In my mouth. In Ralph.

[Guest]

In your mouth?

[Eddie]

Me and Ralph? Yeah.

[Chris]

And why was that a sponsor? Was it like money involved?

[Eddie]

No.

[Chris]

Did you get a lot of views on that?

[Eddie]

No.

[Chris]

So it wasn't even fluencing. Wasn't. It wasn't.

[Eddie]

We got a better boxer over my Face. That was kind of cool for a second.

[Announcer]

You.

[Chris]

She peed in your mouth.

[Eddie]

I got to watch her butthole work while she was peeing.

[Chris]

Okay, well, there's a positive to everything, so. And she. And when she did it, did you. Did you hate it immediately? Honestly, you didn't mind it?

[Eddie]

Not big of a deal. No, it was way worse, dude. I drank. I drank Gigi Dior's decanted squirt, and that was. That almost made me throw up immediately. That almost made me throw up immediately. It was sitting around 20 minutes.

[Chris]

What is the difference between piss and decanted squirt?

[Eddie]

Christ only knows. But. Oh, well, it was pissed. Fresh out the puss. This was squirt 20 minutes at least after.

[Chris]

So it doesn't get better with age. Like, piss has to be fresh from the tap.

[Eddie]

I don't know. But, dude, that squirt, it was so.

[Chris]

Really.

[Eddie]

That freaked me out. Gigi's gorgeous.

[Chris]

He's gorgeous, but just the decanted squirt.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I couldn't even get past and go, well, Gigi's hot, so it's from her.

[Chris]

Oh, is that you?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And that's you drink.

[Eddie]

Oh, that was a squirt.

[Hannah]

Do you want me to fix the cubs up, Shannon?

[Chris]

Oh, you're gonna throw up.

[Eddie]

I almost.

[Chris]

How much did you take? How much did you get in there? Nice. A nice gulp.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Oh,

[Eddie]

shock glass on there. Almost.

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Wow.

[Eddie]

It was wretched.

[Chris]

Yeah, I would imagine that somebody some.

[Eddie]

She's laughing at me.

[Chris]

Of course she's laughing at you. Can't believe you did it. You're a fucking fool. Oh, look at. Ralph is trying to pretend like he doesn't love it. Oh, poor Jay.

[Eddie]

We really let it open up in the room, you know?

[Chris]

God damn. You wanted to be fucking liked. God damn it, Jay. I fucking love you, kid. You're so talented. Did anybody tell you that you're gonna be a really fucking successful comedian.

[Eddie]

Oh, I think that's funny.

[Guest]

Did you not believe in yourself?

[Eddie]

I think it's very funny.

[Chris]

It's fucking gross. It's disgusting.

[Eddie]

Yeah, but sometimes you got to do disgusting stuff.

[Guest]

I mean, yeah, sometimes you be.

[Eddie]

I have my limits.

[Chris]

I've never done anything.

[Eddie]

Like poop. So anyone's piss, like. Like a guy's piss?

[Chris]

Of course not. That's gay, right?

[Eddie]

Off limits. Anyone's fucking poop.

[Chris]

What if you did something for skanks? You know, they have to do that. They have to. You get guy piss and two girl piss and you have to mix them up. You have magician Gomez mix up the. The piss cups. And they have to. They have to pick a cup and they have to guess whether it's the guys or the girls. And if they win, they get immunity.

[Eddie]

Jacob is typing. He's writing that down. Oh, look who fucking jumped on things. Ooh, Great game, ide. Dear Mattel, Jacob, here again.

[Chris]

I wonder if you could tell the difference between girl piss and guy piss. I wonder if there's a difference.

[Eddie]

I don't know.

[Chris]

Maybe if there's anybody in this room that would know.

[Eddie]

I've never had guy piss.

[Chris]

Nah, you know that guy never had guy pissed.

[Eddie]

I watched a memory video today. That was Jake, our old intern, drinking Aries piss for nothing.

[Chris]

Why would you drink that piss for literally nothing? That's going to be the worst. But just cheese and coffee. Just a hot east village hippie piss.

[Eddie]

Weird foods that nobody else wants to have.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know. Carrots. Yeah, carrots and sage.

[Eddie]

Well, it's just that's the leftover junk from yak spleen that I had to have on my 75 mile hike through the mountains of. Who gives a. The mountain who gives a bill?

[Chris]

Yeah, that's grasshoppers and granola. Ah, his poops on those trails must have been nuts. I think out of anybody he would be the one to do some wild stuff like that.

[Eddie]

Joe.

[Chris]

No, Ari eat. I don't know he would eat it, but he would definitely.

[Eddie]

He'd play with it.

[Chris]

I bet he'd play with it. Maybe make something with it.

[Eddie]

His own he'd play with for sure.

[Chris]

Yeah. Reenact the scene from Ghost.

[Eddie]

Dude, I would never.

[Chris]

Spinning a wheel, making a vase.

[Eddie]

When I clean my. Off of the bowl of a toilet with like the scrubber brush.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

I react almost as bad as if I had to do it for somebody else's streaks.

[Chris]

Yeah, I don't like at all. I don't like it.

[Interviewer]

I don't like.

[Chris]

I remember I had. I did. I was going to a massage lady years ago before dawn, and she.

[Eddie]

While she was massaging.

[Chris]

No, we. She would give you a massage and she was kind of like a hippie, you know, I mean, she wasn't good

[Guest]

looking, but she wasn't bad looking.

[Eddie]

Let me pull doodoodoo at your butt.

[Chris]

No, she was white. She was white.

[Eddie]

Do you want me to pull doo doo out of your butt?

[Chris]

Kind of hippie. Ish. Like, hey, man.

[Eddie]

Hey man, pull dookie out of your butt.

[Chris]

I knew you'd get it. And can I go back to the Asian one, though? I like that. Okay, go ahead. Oh, I put dudu on your butthole. She. She gave me a massage and we wound up, you know. She wound up, you know, doing the extra stuff at the end. And then she was like, do you want to have sex? And I was like. I was so wound up. I was like, fucking. Yeah. And I remember she at least leaned over the thing and I. I put it in, but it was not the vagina. I put it in her poopy and I pulled it out immediately. And I sm. I smelled something.

[Eddie]

What did she say?

[Chris]

She goes wrong hole. And I was like, yeah, she took that.

[Host]

Great.

[Chris]

Yeah, she did. Well, I think she had a. I think she took it in the bottle. I was so. I was so disgusted with myself. I just.

[Eddie]

That took you three minutes to come?

[Chris]

No, I came as soon as my dick went in her. Yeah, I love it. No, I left. I was like my. I had a. Oh, I was. Can I use your bathroom? I ran to the bathroom, like, took a shower. I scrubbed my. It was just so gross.

[John]

That.

[Guest]

That means she had.

[Eddie]

Well, you popped off at least.

[Chris]

That means she had a poop in her butt. You know what I mean? Like, she. She had to poop.

[Eddie]

Or don't or. It's the leftover.

[Narrator]

What?

[Eddie]

It's the leftover from a poop. Yeah, well, it's after poop, but it's still like lining the tube. You know what I mean?

[Chris]

Like, I came over too early.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Life hasn't just drained the tube completely. And this is before bidets right now, Bobby, you could fucking accidentally anal me. And I would tell you if you buried your nuts against my fucking starfish. I mean, if. When you pulled away, your nut skin stuck to my butt cheeks for a second and then peeled off, nothing. Nothing would be on your fucking dick right now.

[Jacob]

That's the bidet, huh? That's the power of the bidet.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, I thought about that. Ass fucked.

[Jacob]

The bidet is kind of like would if your asshole was a water dick. No, if you're. If your asshole was a minority report, the bidet is like pre duty look stops the duty. That was gonna happen before it happens.

[Eddie]

If I went into jail day one, I'm gonna have to really like fucking. I'm have to fucking really dirty my asshole up or something. They're gonna see what's going that fucking. If When I change into my fucking little orange jumpsuit, they're gonna see like that. The white tooth sparkle on my asshole.

[Chris]

You're just gonna have to get Pigtails and hold onto some baby pocket.

[Eddie]

Dude, my is like a deep. No dookie up there.

[Chris]

You get a nice hot wet ass.

[Eddie]

Such a deep wet ass.

[Chris]

Oh, I hate it. I hate it. I hate poop so much.

[Eddie]

I don't like poop either.

[Chris]

I hate it.

[Eddie]

Yeah, kid came back with poop for the scavenger hunt on skanks the other day.

[Jacob]

Massage parlor whores poop on you.

[Chris]

She was a masseuse. She didn't work in a car. It was in her house. She was at her house?

[Eddie]

What?

[Chris]

Yeah, she was at an apartment.

[Eddie]

It's even weirder.

[Guest]

No, back.

[Chris]

Back in the like late 90s, you

[Eddie]

could rape on stage. You could a masseuse at her house.

[Chris]

Yeah, they had like Alanis Mars.

[Eddie]

That was on the radio.

[Chris]

Yeah, New York was a very sexual town, bro. New York was a. I mean, sex was rampant. I mean the peep shows, underground strip clubs, you know, massage parlors were. It wasn't just. It was, you know, regular girls at massage parlors. And a lot of them were like in buildings.

[Eddie]

Paco moved here with the dream of breaking into that business. Now Disney. Disney. Am I right, Paco?

[Chris]

It really is.

[Eddie]

Disney strikes again. Dude, you got a Foot Locker where you used to be able to watch someone get gang banged by a donkey. Yeah, by donkeys would be a gang bang.

[Chris]

You've never had anal sex, have you, Jacob? Wow, he has 25 once, huh?

[Jacob]

Once when I was 25.

[Eddie]

Giving or getting? Did take him a while, Black Lou.

[Jacob]

I was laughing at your humor.

[Chris]

Did he come?

[Eddie]

Did you find the prostate? Were you large enough for him right away? Were you large enough to his liking? Did you fit?

[Jacob]

Well, I mean, I lasted a second.

[Chris]

A second? You put it in a.

[Eddie]

Came right away?

[Jacob]

Yeah, in their ass.

[Chris]

And you came in her butt?

[Eddie]

That means she.

[Jacob]

Well, I was sharing a condom. Sorry.

[Eddie]

Why? Dude, AIDS in a butt. Why do you think that? Because it's a gay disease.

[Chris]

I think most things, actually.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, mostly in the butt, I think. Most likely. Where does blood gonna be traced?

[Chris]

Yeah, I think so.

[Eddie]

But you take prep. Or at least your computer thinks you do.

[Jacob]

Yeah, well, Hulu thinks I do.

[Chris]

Did you. Did you. Did she ask you to do it or did you just do it?

[Jacob]

She did.

[Chris]

She said what?

[Eddie]

She wanted to try it.

[Chris]

What did she say? I'm you. Hey, hey, hey.

[Eddie]

Where do I put this goddamn thing?

[Chris]

Thanks for coming over.

[Eddie]

Where do I put this cockamamie thing?

[Chris]

Don't mind all the dolls in the bed. I'll get them off.

[Jacob]

It was a While back.

[Eddie]

No, that's an anti Nazi book.

[Chris]

I know.

[Eddie]

It doesn't look like it. You've never seen a skeletal map of the Titanic?

[Chris]

Do you don't like. Do you like bow and arrows?

[Eddie]

Run, rabbit, run. Now the chase begins.

[Chris]

What did she say?

[Jacob]

Do you like in the ass?

[Chris]

She said that?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And what did you say?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Eddie]

Did she say she wanted to try it or she just wanted you to do it?

[Jacob]

I got the. Well, if you're asking me out of nowhere.

[Eddie]

Well, I mean, she might. She might go, I think I want to try it.

[Jacob]

Yeah, that was basically it.

[Eddie]

So she's never done it before. That was her.

[Chris]

Maybe his penis was so strong you'd know. Maybe his dick was so small I'd be like, it'd be better in my ass.

[Eddie]

That's almost the question I'm asking if. I've never in my life had a woman suggest fucking her ass out of. Without some discussion of something.

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

By the way, and I mean a discussion that, like, there's gonna be some anal sex tried. If a girl out of the blue just went like, you should fuck my ass, I would exactly go. I'm like, oh, no, my wiener's too small for her pussy. She's like, at least make me feel something painful.

[Commercial Voice]

Joy.

[Eddie]

I don't care, but just make this for. Don't make this for nothing.

[Guest]

This is gonna be.

[Eddie]

That would fucking bum me out. I'm sorry that happened to you, Jacob.

[Jacob]

Man, you turned it so ugly.

[Eddie]

Yeah, well, Bobby started it and then I really piled on. Yeah, but Bobby did point out that she probably thought your penis was too small for her big, huge vagina.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

How old was she?

[Jacob]

My age. I was trying to look up a term that. About the feel. About my hurt feelings of what you just said, but I couldn't find one.

[Eddie]

You're all up in your feelings.

[Jacob]

That's not on the list.

[Eddie]

No, no, it's not shook.

[Jacob]

But that's just shook.

[Chris]

You were shook.

[Jacob]

I was just.

[Chris]

Yeah, you were shook. Yeah, that she thought your dick was so small it wouldn't fit in her big vagina. Maybe you should try my. My.

[Jacob]

I want it on record. I mean, a monster penis compared to Gigi Allen.

[Eddie]

Well, we don't know what he looks like hard.

[Chris]

Yeah, you don't know what he looks like hard. You might have a grow.

[Eddie]

Another shower guy could have a monster of a shower.

[Jacob]

No, you're wrong because nobody's that angry if you have even halfway.

[Eddie]

I don't disagree with that. Yeah, I don't disagree with that theory.

[Chris]

Yeah. He had a big dong. He would probably have to eat a piss.

[Jacob]

Yeah, medium dong. He would be just working at a. He'd be a lawyer.

[Host]

Right.

[Eddie]

And if he has a fat. And if he had a big fat dick, maybe he's the same guy. But you don't have to pull out all the dookie and piss because really the story is all about your big huge flopper that you perform with.

[Chris]

Hanging out all the time.

[Eddie]

Yeah, but no one's talking. All the dick talks negative. So now you. It's self deprecations. Why? All my jokes were about being fat when I started. Started you go. It's I guess like, no, I'm eating. Hey, look, I eat. Don't pay attention to my little stupid wiener, guys.

[Chris]

Is that the girl that you in the ass, Jacob? Oh, sorry.

[John]

I was trying to find more of his dinger.

[Chris]

Jacob, when you came and you had to pull the rubber out. I know that you're very neat and you're very. A clean freak.

[Jacob]

No, I'm not. I. I don't. I don't have any rules. I mean, I'm not like Mr. Clean.

[Chris]

When with sex with ass.

[Eddie]

Did you pull your wiener out in the condom? Stayed halfway in her butt. Then you had to pull it out like a balloon.

[Chris]

And then it hit you in the eye.

[Eddie]

And then it hit you in the eye afterwards and you got pink eye. And that's the story how you got pink eye that one time. No, that's not story.

[Jacob]

That's not.

[Eddie]

Oh, then how'd you get pink eye then?

[Chris]

Answer the question, Jacob.

[Jacob]

There was no pink eye.

[Chris]

How'd you get pink eye?

[Eddie]

Girl farting. Just farting in your face while you're eating her pussy from bong. Trying to think of ways you get pink eye.

[Chris]

I can't imagine.

[Eddie]

I thought it's all from. From behind. Pussy eating farts. Isn't that the only way you get it?

[Chris]

It's wrong.

[Eddie]

And then Eskimo kissing one of those people who got farted in their eye. Oh, there it is. Great. Now I got pink eye. That's my weekend.

[Chris]

What'd you do with the condom? You double bag it? Did you double bag it out? Just threw it in the trash. And left a condom in the trash for a couple days.

[Eddie]

Ew, dude, look at zebra stripe gum.

[Jacob]

She was very.

[Chris]

Was that at your house or hers?

[Jacob]

Mine.

[Chris]

Was your mom around?

[Eddie]

She fucked her ass. You came immediately. You fucked her as. You came immediately and then didn't make her come?

[Chris]

No, you can't.

[Jacob]

Not then. I Can guarantee that. I mean, that was just too.

[Eddie]

That's gonna suck for a girl to get butt fucked and not come afterwards.

[Chris]

Yeah. Two strokes and he jizzes in a condom. And then he takes it out and says, you want tea?

[Jacob]

Go wash your.

[Eddie]

Jacob, I don't realize. That was the young. You was so. You were so right to the point.

[Commercial Voice]

Damn.

[Eddie]

Young Jacob doesn't take any. Now suck it. Now suck it. Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lordy. Yeah, I would have ggl. I've watched every documentary they have on him. Pretty much.

[Jacob]

Can I be honest? I didn't know who he was. Name. I thought you meant G.E.

[Eddie]

smith in the Saturday Night Live band.

[John]

Yes.

[Chris]

Can I be honest, too? I was like, oh, this is going to be some cool band. Yeah, like really cool. Obscure.

[Eddie]

They're cool.

[Chris]

Well, I mean, that's the grossest thing I've ever seen. That he has his own hand.

[Eddie]

Well, that was. But that was just the Philly show.

[Kevin]

What?

[Chris]

And he's covering his dick. Why is he covering his.

[Eddie]

He's tucking his dick.

[Chris]

Because he's being up.

[Eddie]

He's having a man now.

[Jacob]

Bobby.

[Chris]

Yeah. He should have died.

[Eddie]

Bobby Kelly's gonna be in portsmouth, New Hampshire, July 25th. After that, Saratoga Springs, September 11th and 12th. And Brooklyn, New York. Whoa. Brooklyn, New York, on September 26th. For tickets and all other tour dates, go to punch up dot live. Robert Kelly. Check out his new YouTube channel at robert Kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar. Also, listen to. We don't do any of those. You should listen to. You know what, dude? The regs. All Bobby stuff. Bobby's out there. Busy, busy, busy, busy with all my other friends.

[Chris]

Yeah, we had Shane on the regs today, Filled in for Joe List.

[Eddie]

Oh, nice.

[Chris]

Big J Okerson. Be in Winnipeg for the Great Outdoors Festival July 19, and then he's going to be at the Funny Bone in Richmond, Virginia. Whoa, mushy mouth. July 24th through the 25th. After that, he'll be in Long Island. Royal Oak, Michigan, Albany, Virginia Beach. He's going to be all over the place. He never stops working. One of the hardest guys in the business. But you got to go to his website so hard.

[Eddie]

I am one of the hardest guys in the business. Some say the hardest guy in the business.

[Chris]

BigJ comedy dot com.

[Eddie]

It's not big, but it gets really hard. Jacob.

[Chris]

And go to YouTube.com biggeoga so, for his live feed, somebody sent me a video of you just stoning out on your live feed.

[Eddie]

What do you mean?

[Chris]

You were just going to.

[Eddie]

We're watching something.

[Chris]

Yeah, you're right. But you. But you kind of went somewhere. It was hilarious.

[Eddie]

The one I just did with Tanoya?

[Chris]

I think so, yeah.

[Eddie]

Nice. They're fun.

[Chris]

Yeah, they're very fun.

[Eddie]

I'll be right back.

[Chris]

Not that you acknowledge me when I'm in the chat, but I do watch them.

[Eddie]

I've never seen you in the chat.

[Chris]

Because you don't look.

[Eddie]

I have to look.

[Chris]

Oh, there you go.

[Eddie]

It's the bonfire.

[Host]

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