Dignity with Kim Congdon

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: "Dignity with Kim Congdon"

Release Date: August 14, 2025

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Introduction

In the August 14, 2025 episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly titled "Dignity with Kim Congdon," the hosts delve deep into the tumultuous world of stand-up comedy, exploring the challenges comedians face both on and off the stage. Joined by guest comedian Kim Congdon, Jay and Bobby engage in candid and often hilarious discussions about industry dynamics, personal anecdotes, and the fine line between humor and humiliation.

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Unpaid Dues and Industry Betrayals

The episode kicks off with Bobby Kelly recounting a troubling experience involving fellow comedian Rich Voss. Kelly shares, “[01:16] Bobby Kelly: There is a comedian who I wrote for, okay, who stole like $10,000,” highlighting issues of trust and financial disputes within the comedy community.

Kim Congdon adds depth to the conversation by describing her fraught interactions with the infamous Fran Drescher: “[02:35] Kim Congdon: Can't believe it. Kim's so mad at Fran Drescher. The nanny.” This segment underscores the often tumultuous relationships comedians navigate with established figures in the industry.

Comedy Club Challenges

The discussion shifts to the complexities of working with comedy club managers, particularly focusing on Greg Proops and Bobby Slayton. Kim shares her frustrations: “[04:05] Kim Congdon: Yeah, he lied. He kept pushing tickets for a Sunday show on my weekend that I wasn't there.” This revelation speaks volumes about the mismanagement and lack of respect some comedians endure, even from those in managerial positions.

Jay Oakerson supports Kelly's perspective, stating, “[04:58] Big Jay Oakerson: He would just turn the button on his iPad on it says live. Say podcast on the screen.” This anecdote illustrates the intrusive and unprofessional behavior some club owners exhibit, further complicating the lives of performing comedians.

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Navigating the "Alt" Comedy Scene

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting the so-called "alt" comedy scene. Kim Congdon critiques the divide between mainstream and alternative venues: “[08:48] Kim Congdon: And so her roommate Brian at the time was more, like, into, like, that world of, like.” This conversation sheds light on the unnecessary segmentation within the comedy landscape, where talent can be overshadowed by scene loyalty rather than merit.

Jay reminisces about his experiences in Boston, “[09:03] Kim Congdon: And they used to say that was a very, like, early 2000s thing,” emphasizing that the "alt" label often does little more than mask a lack of quality performances.

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Humorous Skits and Pop Culture Commentary

Venturing into more scripted territory, Jay and Bobby engage in a comedic skit analyzing a viral video about a woman catching her boyfriend cheating. Kim enthusiastically participates, breaking down the absurdity of the situation: “[30:31] Kim Congdon: She's fucking her boyfriend's father. It’s a lot all at once.” This segment showcases the trio's ability to find humor in convoluted narratives, blending sharp wit with slapstick elements.

Notable Quote:

• “[32:00] Kim Congdon: It’s the coldest, funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.” – Kim Congdon reflecting on the skit’s humor.

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Furry Detectives and Parody

Transitioning from personal anecdotes to pop culture, the conversation takes a playful jab at the new Prime series "Furry Detectives." Kim introduces the concept with enthusiasm: “[35:24] Kim Congdon: Furry Detectives and it's ridiculous. It takes place in the world of fairies.” The trio humorously deconstructs the show's premise, poking fun at the furry fandom and its integration into mainstream media.

Bobby adds to the humor by mockingly critiquing the show's characters: “[37:31] Big Jay Oakerson: It looks like a Ramone. It’s a wolf.” This light-hearted parody highlights the hosts' talent for observational comedy and satire.

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Promoting Upcoming Events and Guest Performances

As the episode nears its conclusion, Jay and Bobby take a moment to promote their own and Kim Congdon’s upcoming events. Kim announces her participation in the Patty Power Comedy Festival: “[48:35] Kim Congdon: There's gonna be a Patty Power Comedy Festival in Dublin this weekend.” Additionally, Bobby hints at Robert Kelly’s performance at Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, encouraging listeners to support live shows.

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Concluding Remarks

Wrapping up, the hosts maintain their trademark humor, engaging in a playful and slightly absurd conversation about belly buttons and wolf impersonations. This closing segment underscores the camaraderie and improvisational prowess that make The Bonfire a favorite among comedy enthusiasts.

Notable Quote:

• “[27:04] Bobby Kelly: Does it smell?” – A humorous exchange highlighting the show's spontaneous and irreverent style.

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Final Thoughts

"Dignity with Kim Congdon" offers listeners an unfiltered glimpse into the highs and lows of the stand-up comedy world. Through personal stories, sharp critiques, and side-splitting humor, Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, and Kim Congdon deliver a compelling episode that resonates with both seasoned comedians and casual fans alike. Whether grappling with industry betrayals or dissecting parody shows, The Bonfire maintains its position as a bastion of honest and entertaining conversation.

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For more episodes of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, subscribe to SiriusXM’s Faction Talk channel, listen live Mondays through Thursdays at 5 PM Eastern, or access ad-free content early by subscribing to SiriusXM Podcasts+.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

Limu.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Emu and Doug.

[Kim Congdon]

Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But now we want you to feel it. Cue the Emu music.

[Kim Congdon]

Limu.

[Bobby Kelly]

Save yourself money today.

[Kim Congdon]

Increase your wealth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Customize and save.

[Kim Congdon]

We save.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Very underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts. If you work as a manufacturing facility facilities engineer, installing a new piece of equipment can be as complex as the machinery itself. From prep work to alignment and testing, it's your team's job to put it all together. That's why it's good to have Grainger on your side. With industrial grade products and next day delivery, Grainger helps ensure you have everything you need close at hand through every step of the installation. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. And now the Bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Previously on the Bonfire with Big J Okerson, Robert Kelly and guest Kim Congdon. This happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

There is a comedian who I wrote for, okay, who stole like $10,000.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rich Voss.

[Kim Congdon]

There it is. Robbery in being unpaid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unpaid after agreeing to a payment. And then this person who is everyone knows here, famous shouldn't be, but is un. Like not deserved, undeservingly famous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Five guys just shot them. Oh, she.

[Kim Congdon]

I had a feeling. I had a feeling.

[Bobby Kelly]

She refused to pay me my money. And then added into the email an attorney who threatened that to. To tell Netflix that I was difficult to work with if I came after the rest of my payment. Literally. Think of someone who's never had one joke and is famous and gets regular spots in the city.

[Kim Congdon]

No, Bobby. Bobby guessed that already and blew up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Quickly and has been connected to some of our friends.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I know it is. I know it is.

[Kim Congdon]

Yes, I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, yes, I see you writing it and yes, J, I'm seeing the letters.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yes, that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I put that face.

[Kim Congdon]

Can't believe it. Kim's so mad at Fran Drescher. The nanny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I didn't know she was still Big Fran Drescher.

[Kim Congdon]

I can't believe the way she treated you. Kim.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kim, I'm not giving you the money. You don't deserve it.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, it's Fran Drescher. Fran Drescher is your. Is your evil Fran.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Kim Congdon]

You're on my list, bitch. 70. A 70 year old woman. You are on my list, bitch, I'm coming for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you have somebody that you. It. Was there anybody that you don't like? Like that? Like, she doesn't like that person. Is there somebody?

[Kim Congdon]

Christine, Do I have somebody? Did me funky that I really have? Like, I don't like them. No, it's nobody.

[Bobby Kelly]

I really wanted to make this joke, but I couldn't say it out loud. Anyways, that sucks for everyone listening still good.

[Kim Congdon]

Good radio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good radio.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry, guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's watch a video.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a guy that you over for years that became a Christian comic.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah. D. Yeah, I'll say the name. Oh, yeah, I don't give a. Come after me with his fleet. His flock. His flock of religious people. Now that he's. Now he's Christian comedian.

[Bobby Kelly]

They always go Christian.

[Kim Congdon]

You think a Christian would have thrown you that money that he owed you? Christian comedian D. Lee for sure is on my list. And. And Captain Brian, off the hook comedy club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you don't like the comedy club owner?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that Naples?

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, yeah, it's the guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stay away.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, he lied. He kept pushing tickets for a Sunday show on my weekend that I wasn't there. Not there on Sundays. And then he kept saying, this is a mistake. They're gonna fix. They're gonna fix it. And then I left. And when I left the next night, when people came expecting me there, he just said that I canceled. Said I had an emergency and. But, you know. But, you know. Well, everything's cool though, you know, you can come watch a different show with these local comics or whatever just to get. So they sold tickets that night using your name. Using my name.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then lied and said you cancel?

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, hell no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So why'd you cancel?

[Kim Congdon]

Never took it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I always take the comedy club manager side.

[Kim Congdon]

Bobby's a huge comedy club manager.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a huge.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're such good people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Off the hook people especially.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love comedy club managers. They're really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I actually worked for him this year. I didn't work for him for years too. Yeah, I had a problem with that weird, weird shit he would pull.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, what? You have to call a grown man Captain Brian. And you have to. And also does a podcast with you in his car while you're driving. While he's driving you to press.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He would just turn the button on his iPad on it says live. Say podcast on the screen.

[Kim Congdon]

Something. He'd push it and then a live thing goes on in his backseat and cameras will start filming while you're on your way to morning press.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, what A piece of.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or genius.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is he dating marketing genius?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you who's a dick to me. Greg Probs.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a douchey name. I don't even know.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, I know who he is. He was a to me too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was he?

[Kim Congdon]

No. Every time I would go places, I'd always. When they would say that, well, there's a big show here at this place, but it's an alt show. It's an alt. They used to say that was a very, like, early 2000s thing. It was like divided. It was an alt show. So I'd go, so what? Like, yeah, it's a comedy show. Like, I'll go to a comedy show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it was usually in the East Village. You'd go do Mark Maron would be there. Comedy Central, people would be there, lounge.

[Kim Congdon]

All that kind of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, all that.

[Kim Congdon]

So when I was out in la, there was one called M Bar, and it was like the Sarah Silvermans and everything and Greg Proops and they. And I went up and did well. And like, they were shitty before and. But him particularly, I remember just being kind of like, ow. It's just, you know, I always just gets disregarded as dirty shit or whatever. And it is what it is. It's fine. But like, do it behind my back. It's weird. Just be like, shitty to a young comic who's just like, I'm excited to be there. I'm like, hey, that's the guy from tv. I recognize Greg Probst.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the smartest guy in comedy.

[Kim Congdon]

When I get my shit, he says, when I get my shit, like from any comic. That's what the bummer of. It was always that Bobby Slayton. It was never that. I was like, he's the greatest comic I respect there. I respected that. I knew who Bobby Slayton was since I was 12 years old. Watching stand up comedy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

On TV. And then when there's dickheads do, you're like, damn, dude, that sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Bobby was a dick to me too. When I first met him in Boston. I was opening, I was hosting for him, and he walks out, he's like, you do cocaine? I was like, no, I've been sober for 15 years. He goes, you fuck chicks without condoms? I was like, nah, there's AIDS and shit. And he goes, what the fuck out of here. What are we talking about? And he walked away like, what the fuck? I don't even know what the fuck that meant.

[Kim Congdon]

Well, I'll tell you now. He knows you're a liar. You fuck Chicks without condoms. Never.

[Bobby Kelly]

Never.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. Yeah, Greg Poopis did the same thing to me. I went up, he went on after me. I was like, oh, that was interesting. Some horse shit like that. I was like, fuck you, dude.

[Kim Congdon]

That's legit. Natasha Leger did that to me in L. A. One of my first times out there. Like, I did well. And when she got up on stage and it wasn't going well right away. Yeah, she, like, started on, like, backwards on me, you know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did she take her glove off?

[Kim Congdon]

I guess this crowd loves stupid, like, you know, just dumb dick jokes and whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She take her gloves off and slap you and challenge you? Breakfast at Tiffany's.

[Kim Congdon]

She told me she does declare. I do declare.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do declare.

[Kim Congdon]

I do declare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now There's a couple.

[Kim Congdon]

Mr. Oaks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Alt Comics had a problem with us back in the day.

[Kim Congdon]

It was a flip side because they. There was more of a chance of a comic who was working clubs, doing well. When they went to those rooms, and those guys thought they were like the dominators of the rooms. It was a divide that no one even created. When I first started dating Christine, she loved alt penis. Well, no, she. She was broke. So besides the club she worked at, she didn't go to a lot of the comedy clubs. She got into watching the comics all at, like, the cabins and, like, the smaller places. And she worked at the one comedy club, so she'd see, like, the a people there. So she saw both. And so her roommate Brian at the time was more, like, into, like, that world of, like. So they would almost, like, with a shitty thing goes, oh, I don't like so. And so they're a club comic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, club.

[Kim Congdon]

And it was just because, like, they stopped the people that couldn't get in the clubs just started a scene and call it the alt scene. But it really just meant was, like, most of them were going to be bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, alternate places they could get up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, a donut shop.

[Kim Congdon]

That's all it was. And it was like, oh, because most of them are shitty and not good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

And. But they're. But I do appreciate, like, the effort. But then the thing was, they were like, what, are you gonna go up there and just tell jokes and not like, you know, shit on a piece of paper and call it a painting? Cause that's what comedy is down here, bruh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that was so funny. Do you remember the seller? And Kurt just came out, like, cackling, laughing, and he just goes, these kids think you don't need punchlines.

[Kim Congdon]

Did you. Did you miss starting Kim like the alt scene, where they called it even.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like an alt scene. No, they were. We had an alt scene in LA when I started.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh. I guess, because, yeah, I went and did Meltdown, same thing. They were shitty to me and I did great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we had whiplash here.

[Kim Congdon]

We would always go to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was where you turned Brian around. I had what's his name? What's his name? Wife in what's his name Wife. What's his name, what's his name's wife. What was that? Cambry. Huh? Cambry. Was it Christians? No, Larry's Larry David show. The lady who played his wife, okay. She's a stand up comedian and she had a show in West Hollywood somewhere and she had a stopwatch on and she was. I got a set one night, I was so. And I'm coming from being at the Cellar, being a rock star at the Cellar, and now I'm out in LA and I gotta go do this stupid show in a restaurant in a back room. And she has a stopwatch and I remember her clicking it really hard when I like, you have five minutes, click. And then she just sat there with her finger on the stupid button my whole set. And I was panicking because I'm just waiting for her thumb to go click. You're done. And she put her two up and I was like, all right, thank you, good night. And she didn't say shit to me.

[Kim Congdon]

I was like, fuck this LA had a doozy, LA had a doozy with a J. Davis room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Kim Congdon]

And it was like a Chinese restaurant. But the stage had like a babbling brook and like a. A bridge that went across.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I remember.

[Kim Congdon]

And I remember watching. I went there, walked in one night. I watched like Dove David off, like tightrope walking, like the bridge thing, while he's got the jacket off the shoulders, a young Dove David off doing like his overly, like, I might be retarded thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he's like, hey, Socrates is the one who told me about life and.

[Kim Congdon]

Who goes, that scene, what that scene was. And I don't know what. What it is even today, but there was a. Everything was like protective of getting pussy after shows for different groups of people. You know what I'm saying about that? That's what I felt like, that meltdown when I did the meltdown out there, they were just shitty to me because it went good and stuff like that. It's like, like I'm gonna impede ultimately on this nerd. Do you know what I mean? And you see, and you see it.

[Bobby Kelly]

With the bro can't come in here and be funny.

[Kim Congdon]

You see it with the brewery guys at the Comedy Store. Kind of the fraternity, like energy guys, where it's the same thing. It's like, bro, you're kind of coming in here and up the ratio.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have funny people in here. Yeah, we're bad.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah. If some, like nerds doing great at the Comedy Store, everyone's like, yo, who's the fucking nerd, dude? This guy ain't getting pussy, right? This guy even get pussy. Interesting. Interesting mix.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, man.

[Kim Congdon]

And the fact that it just found itself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They had that in Boston at. It was at the Catcher. Rising star in Harvard Square was with David Cross and Marin, and they had Cross comedy. And they were like elite. And I remember me, Dane, and a couple comics went down and you could fill out your name and wait six months to get a five minute spot. And we did it. We put our name on. We waited six months. We all. I got my spot. And I remember my whole family went. I got like 15 people. And the guy came up to, he goes, hey, make sure your family doesn't laugh too loud at you. I was like, what? He goes, tell them not to be. I don't want them to laugh at you and not laugh at. I don't want so equal laughter. Keep it down. And I didn't even know how to say that to my mom and my uncles. Be like, hey, guys don't like me a lot. And they weren't. Anyways, my fucking jokes sucked. You know what I mean? I remember I had. I had. I had some jokes about Spanish people or some shit that I look Spanish, but I'm Irish. And I remember one of these fucking hipsters, he goes, give it up for Robert Kelly. People are so different from me. Comedy. That was great, wasn't it, people?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I would have gone to jail.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know, it was bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would have fully gone to jail.

[Kim Congdon]

That's the kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That guy opened for me out of college like seven years later.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he took a fat hot one. We're out of college and he was miserable. His life sucked. He was opening and I was headlining. I was getting paid five grand and this fucking loser was getting like 400 bucks and he ate his. And I just watched him the whole time. Oh, made me so happy. Life does. Life does help sometimes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who is that guy that used to wear a cowboy hat?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jim Norton?

[Kim Congdon]

No, Dustin Chaffin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He was a douche.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know why my phone fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was a douche.

[Kim Congdon]

I get sent his. I Think he opens for Nate now, Bargazi. But he, I get sent from a lot of people like his, his post every day. He gives like comedy veteran posts, which I always do find pretty funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

People get that.

[Kim Congdon]

Just like things that will never apply to you, but you're judging that the others have done. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I guess we just all tell our celebrity friends business on podcasts now. He goes, I always thought that we took that to our graves because that's part of the job is, you know, about being a good friend or such as these things. Like what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had him on ykwd with gnome1 day and he was. He kept threatening to beat Gnome up physically. And he kept going, I'm a golden. I'm in Golden Gloves. And no one was like, no one's.

[Kim Congdon]

Like an old Jewish lawyer with the merchant marines.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Joe was like, do you want to fight me? Like physically fight me? He's like, I can. He's like. Joe was like, I'm not doing that. We're just. I'm not fighting you, you fucking maniac.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the last fight you got in?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Kim Congdon]

He got chomped at his by fireworks last year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I did not. I didn't get jumped. That was not me.

[Kim Congdon]

That was chumped.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't get chumped. That wasn't me who got chumped. That was. That was Brandon and his brother. Oh, that wasn't me. That was the, the family.

[Kim Congdon]

What was the guy. Someone got you in front of Max. We laughed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that was, that was when my association. That was when I was, I was. I'm a member of an association. And we were. Me and Max were down there. I've been going there for 30 years with my uncle.

[Bobby Kelly]

What association?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like say just.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a member of an association.

[Kim Congdon]

It's nambla.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's.

[Kim Congdon]

It's the National Association North American Man Boy Love Association.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I went there with Max and I actually got a good price for Max.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, he kept going up there with his uncle, but Bobby didn't have any nephews.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now I have Max.

[Kim Congdon]

So he had to make Max, right, so he could take him up to molest him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now I'm in the association and now.

[Kim Congdon]

He'S a card carrying member. We're all caught up now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We good?

[Kim Congdon]

Bobby, please continue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So anyways, I'm showing Matt Max's tushy off.

[Kim Congdon]

You take it to the tushy talent contest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This guy came up and he's like, hey, are you a member here? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, I don't know you. I'm like, well, look at this tushy now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know me?

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah. He goes, do you still not know me? Turn around, Max.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dangling Max by one arm.

[Kim Congdon]

Max, take a bow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was actually braiding his hair at the time. So there's. There's. My uncle owns land.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why? I love what she does. Dad, why are you breaking me to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you bringing me to bend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Over in front of these grown men? Listen, relax, Max. I told you, you need to learn to relax. Well, it does hurt less.

[Kim Congdon]

Do you like Squam Lake, boy? Boy? Do you like Squam Lake? I love Squab Lake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, well, then you relax.

[Kim Congdon]

Relax. So breathe into it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's a. We've been going up to his house and he. They have this beach front that is their private property on a lake, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't go there unless you're a member of the association, unless you have land. So I went and bought a piece of land in this association so that I don't have to ask my uncle. We live on the same road.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't ask your uncle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't want to ask my uncle, hey, can I go to the beach? Because he was kind of a dick about it. And he actually, we're on the same road, but they're in the association. And he called me and my family townies. He goes, we call you guys townies. Which infuriated me. I went back to Don. I go, we're buying. I don't care if it cost a million. I'll sell our house. House to buy land. This motherfucker. I literally went and bought this piece of land. I had shirts made that said Townies Plus. So we wore them the first day. But now we're down there and we're doing my thing. I'm a fucking. I bought. I spent a lot of money on this piece of land so I could be a member of the stupid association so my kid doesn't have to ask his uncle to go down land like.

[Kim Congdon]

Someone'S side yard or something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's a piece. It's an acre and a quarter of land. It's my land. It's like.

[Kim Congdon]

But it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

That quarter is important.

[Kim Congdon]

Tough to. There's something about it though, right? Like, tough because it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would have to. It's. It go. It drops off. So if I build on it, I'm going to have to fill and it's going to cost a lot of Money to, To actually make it buildable.

[Kim Congdon]

But you want to fuck this guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wanted to fuck my. Not. I want to fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your uncle comes over after you buy land. He's like, we call you Highlands. I see Even drop down to the water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So funny. He, oh, you bought that piece? You really can't build on that. He said, I was like, if I wanted to build, I was gonna start building. I was gonna build a mansion.

[Bobby Kelly]

It goes up and then over to his house. It's like a diving board of a platform. You just stand over his roof.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is across from his house. I really wanted to just build like a, Like a. A building that goes straight up and to the left that just blocks his view of the mountains.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But we go down there and we're hanging out. All of a sudden, this car pulls up kind of aggressively, and I'm putting fishing rods in the back. And this big douche gets out like retired cop douche and walks up, hey, say what? I went, what?

[Kim Congdon]

That's what I thought. Keep it moving.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I, I, I didn't, I didn't. It just caught me. And he goes, he goes, who, you? Who you here with? I go, no, we. We live here. He goes, where? And I go, we just. I just bought the land. Where? Up on the top of the hill from. I go, I'm. And I said, I'm Jimmy, Jimmy's nephew. He goes, I bought a cross from. He goes, no, my land's across from him. I go, no, I'm next to. He's like, who did you buy? And his wife is just staring, not even going, shut the fuck up. Leave him alone.

[Kim Congdon]

Tell him who you fucking bought it from.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm sitting there and I'm like. I go, I bought. And then it finally came to me. I bought. I said the name. I bought their land. He goes, okay, all right. I bought that. And he goes, okay. And he walked away. And she kicked that town.

[Kim Congdon]

He's ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His wife all of a sudden was, hi, how are you? I'm like, fuck you. And Max gets in the car. He's like, dad, can I say it? I'm like, what? He goes, that guy's a fucking asshole. And I was like, he was an asshole, and I should have did something. And I came back here, and Jay was like, you pussy.

[Kim Congdon]

Then he looked at. He looked at Dawn. He gave Dawn a little fucking. Little clap on the ass. He goes, you look like you belong here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He took down on his pontoon boat.

[Kim Congdon]

She's out there. She goes, I'm just having a couple Keystone Lights. I'll be right back.

[Bobby Kelly]

She turns over to him. She was like, my husband bought the smallest land.

[Kim Congdon]

You can't even build on it. It's a fill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She came back, she had a mohawk. I was like, what the happened?

[Kim Congdon]

She belongs to the. She belongs to the lake people now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's association woman now.

[Kim Congdon]

Association has a wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Kim Congdon]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pick a vacation spot based on where you don't need a phrasebook? With Babel, the language barrier no longer has to hold you back. Start speaking a new language with confidence thanks to Babel's conversation based techniques that quickly teaches you useful words and phrases about the things you actually talk about in the real world. There's a dozen languages available to learn at your own pace so you can achieve your goals with material tailored to your individual proficiency level, interest and time availability. I love it. I'll tell you why. The dialogue practice part of it is awesome, but it has games which makes it fun. It's not this learning thing that makes you feel guilty when you don't do it. You actually want to do it. Sentence building, the spelling, reinforcement and and the languages are awesome. German, Spanish, Italian, French. I'm learning Spanish and Italian right now. Babbel is my favorite app on my phone. Learn another language. Babel is gifting our listeners 55% off subscriptions at babel.com bonfire get up to 55% off at babel.com bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com/bonfire babel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. Yeah, that, that. It's so funny because they keep those guys on such a pedestal. All those all guys. Like they're better. Like I remember a Guy was like, he is my. His dignity. Like talking about David Cross and how honorable he is. Stand up. I go, oh, yeah. I go. Bring up his resume. Fucking Alvin and the Chipmunks. One, two, three. It's like they're. As soon as they can make money, they may stand up.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not about dignity.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

When has it ever been about dignity, Dude?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I. I don't understand. It's about his dignity. I don't know. They think they're better than us.

[Bobby Kelly]

What happened to the good old days when everyone rape?

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, right. Bring back the 50s. Bring back the 50s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at Jacob just stood up in his chair. He made his spine hurt. He's gonna be like, we're have to take that out too. Along with Bob's bag joke.

[Kim Congdon]

No. It was the hottest thing Jacob's ever heard in his life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, silly bag. Is that better?

[Kim Congdon]

Was douchebag the problem?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh. All right. I wanted to show you something. I think Kim would be fun to have here for this. It's a. Let me just pull my wiener out. I want to show you guys something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look how big my dick is. I lost weight.

[Kim Congdon]

Guys, draw this. No, this. I was watching.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was saying Jay, is. Is it crazy looking at Jay?

[Kim Congdon]

I was watching a video, so you're making me uncomfortable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. How are you making a cut? Look how.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see your belly.

[Kim Congdon]

Stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, don't do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see your belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop. We're not there yet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come here. I'm going to go look at it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, don't do it.

[Kim Congdon]

Don't look at my belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Kim Congdon]

I'll hate it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go ahead, do it.

[Kim Congdon]

I'll hate it so much. I'll hate it so much. Golly, I'll be so sad.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looks legitimately so nervous.

[Kim Congdon]

I'll be so sad. I'm starting to sweat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you took it up and you just had this crazy girdle on.

[Bobby Kelly]

What about you? You got to see your belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay didn't lose anyone.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's ready.

[Kim Congdon]

I don't want Christine to see my belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you have to take the video off. I'm a black glue. Only time you put the camera on me when I was.

[Kim Congdon]

We have OSMO cameras on you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take these down.

[Kim Congdon]

Zoomed into your belly button.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cancel this.

[Kim Congdon]

Wait. Can I explain to you what this is?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, put your finger in my button.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm scared.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just do it. Just do it.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, don't. I wouldn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just do it. Do it. Index, index, index, index. Go, go, go, go. Put it in. All the way. As far as you can go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I do it through your shirt?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's terrible. Do it.

[Kim Congdon]

It's gonna smell.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just do it. No, it's not. My belly button does not smell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you clean it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, every day. Just push it all the way up. Push it, push it, push it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was so deep. I can't. I went past the knuckle crease.

[Kim Congdon]

Does it smell?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you smell it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Smells. Your fingers smell good. Don't smell that.

[Kim Congdon]

Don't smell the other one. Yeah, it wasn't my finger on us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do a smell test.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, not bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's not bad. I cleaned my belly button.

[Kim Congdon]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Smells like.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, smells like front.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lou's trying to get my side stomach.

[Kim Congdon]

This video, I was watching a compilation the other day outside with Christine. It was one hour of cheating women getting caught. Now, it's a little misleading. It's a bit of clickbait because it's everybody getting caught.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love it. I love people getting caught cheating.

[Kim Congdon]

It's great videos. They're great. The ones I always kind of laugh at, like, women's reaction to getting cheated on. Sometimes it's too much bravado, and you're. And you're. And you're hiding hurt, and it's just too vis. It's too obvious to me. And I mean, like, they have so many on this video of a girl catching a guy cheating and then bringing the other girl out too, and they're both kind of laughing about it. It's like, oh, hey, stickers. So you told her that I'm dead, right? You said that your girlfriend died, so am I dead? They're all laughing.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, how dead do I look?

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah. And then. But, you know, they're three hours away, both of those girls, from hysterically crying and being broken up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Above all, they're either three hours away from Hyster hysterically crying or having a weird threesome with that guy.

[Kim Congdon]

Yes. Or one or one of them staying and the other one and then getting. He'll get her to turn on the other one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Kim Congdon]

Like, it's just so not a real father. The guys getting caught is funny because they really just, like. It's almost just like they're not physically afraid much of the situation. So it's just like. But you have to take your lumps. Can't really fight back. So it's just like a sit there and, like, look like a doof while a girl keeps, like, laughing at you. A girl getting caught cheating is puzzled.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever got caught cheating?

[Kim Congdon]

You don't know what to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never cheated ever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was it high five.

[Kim Congdon]

But they just never, like, know what to do. I mean, it's so such a foreign thing for that to be the side of it. Yeah, it's interesting, this for a woman handling a situation. What she says here, I guess she got cheated on by her boyfriend. And then she. It's a. It's a black woman. And she lets him know why she doesn't give a actually that he cheated. Okay, she doesn't give a actually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was just popping her fingers. That's fine.

[Kim Congdon]

I've been your daddy. Is that who you're texting?

[Bobby Kelly]

And I just had an abortion.

[Kim Congdon]

So you know what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Now I'm gonna go, and now you're my son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now what?

[Kim Congdon]

That is my favorite thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Wait a minute.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm have to explain it to you. I'm gonna take it slow. You know, I have to go through it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa, what the fuck? What?

[Kim Congdon]

So it's a lot all at once. So I'm gonna walk you through it now that you heard it and we'll go through it again. Woman is caught her boyfriend cheating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, hang on, let me get a pen.

[Kim Congdon]

Go ahead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, go ahead.

[Kim Congdon]

Woman's caught.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hold on, let me pull up.

[Kim Congdon]

Chatgpt Woman has caught her boyfriend cheating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob put up Anna.

[Kim Congdon]

I guess the first response he gives to her asking. He asking. Somebody goes, oh, you're just popping her fingers out or something like. Like whatever excuse he's making about being with other girl. Yes, he says, he. And she goes, but it doesn't matter because I've been your daddy the whole time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so she's dead. Okay, got that. And got the dad.

[Kim Congdon]

And Bobby's taking notes. And then a guy goes. And then the guy goes, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then she says, and I had an abortion.

[Kim Congdon]

She goes, I was your dad the whole time you were going, no. Then the guy says, that's you were texting or something. And he goes, and I just had an abortion. And I'm fitting to go, so you're my son now. Now what? Now what? So he was cheating. And she goes, you know, that's fine. You're cheating because I've been fucking your father. I just had an abortion. And what you'll hear when we run through it the next time is afterwards the guy who got cheated on is gonna go, you were pregnant with my brother. She's like, yeah, she don't give a shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Kim Congdon]

It's the coldest, funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Bobby Kelly]

I need to see immediately.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, how is the sun? How.

[Kim Congdon]

Go on. Bobby, you have a question?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do.

[Kim Congdon]

Please, before you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby. Looks like he's taking the SATs right now.

[Kim Congdon]

Bobby, I'll accept all questions real quick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So the fucking the father, right? She's fucking the father, right? Doesn't matter.

[Kim Congdon]

Fucking her boyfriend's father.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fucking. I was fucking your daddy. I had an abortion with the father. Father jizzed me. Had a baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now you're my son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That makes me. That makes you my son.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm your stepmother.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm your stepmother because you are my son.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I fucked your father.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I fucked your father.

[Kim Congdon]

Had and was pregnant with your brother.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With her brother. You're my son. Now there's another. I'm up. I'm all caught up now. We're going to another level.

[Kim Congdon]

No, I think we're just rewatching now. We're just gonna watch it. But now you're gonna see the part afterwards where the guy goes, you were pregnant with my brother, huh? And then the guy who's just. The guy who's standing next to him just goes this crazy good. You was just popping her fingers.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's fine.

[Kim Congdon]

I've been your daddy the whole time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whole time.

[Kim Congdon]

Is that who you're texting?

[Bobby Kelly]

And I just had an abortion.

[Kim Congdon]

So you know what? Now I'm going to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now you're my son.

[Kim Congdon]

Now what?

[Bobby Kelly]

Now what?

[Kim Congdon]

Now what? Why not? Who wins?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure did.

[Kim Congdon]

Sure did. Say it again. Say that week he was going in Miami and he wasn't answering my phone call. Say it again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Say it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Walk right on his old ass.

[Kim Congdon]

That sound funny? Said he took me out. Yeah, I mean, hey, long run in the family. Long dick running the family.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm nasty.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you mean you got what you wanted?

[Kim Congdon]

You just said you had an abortion with my dad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So that mean you had my brother?

[Kim Congdon]

I did. Oh, my God. This is crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This better be some twisted skit.

[Kim Congdon]

I mean, I was. I mean, if it's a skit, she's the greatest actress in the world that way. She goes, I had an abortion, and I'm fitting to go, and now I see you in my son now. So now what? This is a funny way to just like. And what do we. How do we. Where do we go from here? So he was in your court.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was cheating on her by finger. Fiddle finger diddling. Did you call it?

[Kim Congdon]

No, I think when whatever he's describing doing. Because it says. What are you, a chiropractor or something? When he said. I think he Was like whatever. They're holding hands.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he said he was cracking her fingers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'd be funny if he really was and he was in love with it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just get caught popping a cross finger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's his dream. To become a chiropractor. Can I practice on you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you crack my fingers?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I can.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can still fear your belly button on it. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Top. Relax down. No, I don't like the.

[Kim Congdon]

Thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

This part's great. Right here. I forgot about this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I laid this wob right on his.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh yeah. I laid this whop right on his old ass. Red ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She called him a whopping. That's an Italian.

[Kim Congdon]

No, no, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got you.

[Bobby Kelly]

She later wap on his old ass.

[Kim Congdon]

Right on your daddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She said I'm a. She said she was a pig too, right? She's a slut.

[Bobby Kelly]

She said I'm nasty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm nasty.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it.

[Kim Congdon]

Is that. That the other thing I had that I wanted to show you before but I don't know if we have it right here. But is. And we only have a few minutes. But there is. I'm gonna look into this lady. This might be a teaser for another day's deep dive. And maybe she's famous online. But there's a new series just saw on prime came out called Furry Detectives and it's ridiculous. It takes place in the world of fairies. You know what fairies are?

[Bobby Kelly]

Furries or fairies?

[Kim Congdon]

Furries. The people who dress up in the mascot costume.

[Bobby Kelly]

They. Fucking animal costumes.

[Kim Congdon]

Well they say as all these things they try to make it that it's not a fuck thing. But it most certainly definitely is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah people. There's a college up where I live. They have an outdoor place for the furries to play in.

[Kim Congdon]

But there's. That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not true.

[Kim Congdon]

So then they.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there's a couple furries at the college and they have an outdoor like little like area where they can go in the sand and you can go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Foster a furry for the day.

[Kim Congdon]

Just need a therapy furry. So that. But someone. They get word. People start sending them like fucked up videos and shit. It is all. I'm only in the one episode of it. But they send up animal abuse videos and it's. They're the ones trying to like because they're getting the videos. They're trying to find out who this comes back to and stuff. That's why I call the Furry Detectives. There's one girl who's very involved in the hunt. Girl, I think Paco's face. What's the Name of her? Christine. We took the name down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paco, are you a secret furry? Are you being exposed right now? You look nervous.

[Kim Congdon]

Naya Okami Nioka. Anybody familiar with this? Paco? Seems like I'd be up your alley.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okami, is that your cousin?

[Kim Congdon]

Nye Okami? No familiar. It's not a real name because she's definitely a white guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Kim Congdon]

Or girl. Probably a they. They.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dare you say they?

[Kim Congdon]

Well, it is they because she doesn't identify as either. She identifies as furry. A wolf? No, an actual wolf person.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you can be a male wolf or a female wolf. Now there's they.

[Kim Congdon]

Wolves. That may be. But I will tell you one of my favorite things, and I'm glad we had the cameras here, because you only see this when it goes on socials of what she does. Her introduction in one of the scenes to her is her howling at the moon and then looking at the camera, but in such a way that, you know, again, producers who are funnier and smarter than the people they're filming go, hey, do the howl of the moon. And she goes, oh. And then the turn. She just goes. Turns and smiles at the camera like, oh, God, this poor snook just lives her life in a room with a red light bulb.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a wolf.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, that's the type of. What's the type of wolf? Schnook wolf. Yeah, it's like right here. This is the greatest introduction to a character ever on something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's see here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Screen names to hide themselves.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Kim Congdon]

And I did say when I start doing. If I do any home streaming on my studio out there, that's gonna be the. That's the intro of my show was going to be. And now whatever with Jay is her turning.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got to see that again. Can I please see it?

[Kim Congdon]

First of all, this made me laugh seven times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not a bad howl.

[Kim Congdon]

Fantastic how she lives her life as a wolf.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like.

[Kim Congdon]

It looks like a Ramone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she looks like a member of Kiss.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, she's wolf Ramone. Hi. Please look up.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like the guy that used to follow. You know, the guy that used to dress like a goth and he was really tall and he'd follow people around and he was really scary. Do you know who I'm talking about? Oh, it looks.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, that guy. He had a really deep voice.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mean to.

[Kim Congdon]

In comedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe he's in comedy.

[Kim Congdon]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he was really scary looking and he'd like follow people in the mall. It looks just like Naomi.

[Kim Congdon]

Naomi is weird. Looking. Is there? Can you look up her social media or anything? It's gotta be.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're so nice for saying her still.

[Kim Congdon]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, I don't even know if it's. I think this might be. Boy first. I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's a wolf first.

[Kim Congdon]

First and foremost wolf.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't just.

[Kim Congdon]

Let's just get that on the table. I acknowledge her wolfism, her wolfness.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does she. He. Her Wolfeninity live as a wolf all the time or does she take a break to go to work full time wolf? So you can get a job as a. You get a job as a wolf.

[Bobby Kelly]

And where does one apply for a job as a wolf?

[Kim Congdon]

Extremely domesticated wolf.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Kim Congdon]

You have to be so. But you have to be like an inside wolf.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to be. You have to be a house. A potty trained wolf.

[Kim Congdon]

Or what if the job is like she just goes out onto like a. Like a driving range and just like bite and spits out balls back into the buckets all day. She just collects.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but people have to go pick up her.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

In a tennis match.

[Kim Congdon]

She has to stand in the desert and howl while Johnny Depp plays a guitar in front of some fucking wall of Marshalls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you date her, you have to have a penny can.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God, I would rather Marilyn Manson go inside this than youngblood.

[Kim Congdon]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

I swear to God. This is cooler than youngblood.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, hell.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, she has a tail. He has. She has a tail.

[Kim Congdon]

This is her original Florida. So this was.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Flor. That's Florida.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, this is a Florida problem all the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa.

[Kim Congdon]

Now that was a meme. Jacob's gonna try to shoot her next.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Time he's down to Florida.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is what we hunt down there, by the way.

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have a license to kill this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can shoot this on site.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, that's six points right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's like coyotes. You can just kill them.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're actually. You know what? It's actually a problem that there's too many of them and they're hurting the environment. You're supposed to shoot those.

[Kim Congdon]

You're supposed to he.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're an invasive species actually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. They keep taking out all the birds down there. Oh, what is that? I first like realized that I was other kin and theory and I joined. I wasn't exactly welcomed.

[Kim Congdon]

She's wearing a collar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was 12 years old. I didn't really understand. Easy to shop for though. Just get her a pig's ear.

[Kim Congdon]

What wolf do you know has a DVD Collection.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're the only wolf with a DVD collection person.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know?

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, you guys want to watch Dumb and Dumber too?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Community. Oh, we got to join that. This isn't a woman.

[Kim Congdon]

It's a wolf.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a wool. It's a wolf.

[Kim Congdon]

What are you not getting, Jacob?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude. Why are you such a Republican, dude?

[Kim Congdon]

Why don't you chill out now, dude, you're born wolf. It's not a choice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude, you don't can't decide that. Oh, it looks like a male wolf.

[Kim Congdon]

Huh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How do you know what a male wolf looks like?

[Kim Congdon]

Why did you lift her tail and look at her undercarriage?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you see her little pink lipstick sticking out?

[Kim Congdon]

I'm not a wolf expert. You're right.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow. Look at how many.

[Kim Congdon]

Is that all the wolf people in the world. She looks like the lead singer of Greta Van Fleet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's wearing a Mexican bracelet.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like the bra strap. Twisted bra strap.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love the honey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fix your bra strap. You're on tv.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, I'm still figuring out how to work it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love that she got one of those little collars at Costco's for the dogs, but for herself.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I thought I was gonna find inside your belly button.

[Kim Congdon]

A full dog's leash?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the full wolf. I thought she was gonna come out.

[Kim Congdon]

On my nail a wolf first. Hey, put your finger on my belly button. It's been known to be a werewolf hiding spot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Doesn't she look like she curls up inside Bobby's belly button at night and takes a sleep?

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, that is Bobby. It does look like her hair looks like it is made of what would be inside your belly button.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks like she goes in there to smell better.

[Kim Congdon]

Could you imagine? Where does the wolf go to get a cup of coffee around here? What if it says no dogs allowed in the store? And she goes like she stands outside and goes, ah, phooey. Rats.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are her cousins. The one in the back is the male.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, the one in the front is the male. Front's male. Male is smaller.

[Kim Congdon]

Jacob, you feel like a fool, dude, you'd be a gay wolf. You happy? You would be such a gay wolf, dude. You'd be all the goddamn little ones.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you'd think they were women. Guys, you're actually wolf butt thinking it's wolf. I hate when I. I hate when I have wolf butt and I think it's wolf.

[Kim Congdon]

Dude. It sucks because they smell the same. But, dude, you're so gay now. You're so gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For wolves.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's looking at the wolf going, your wolf smells like.

[Kim Congdon]

And the wolf goes, got him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's got a tail.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the sniff to the camera.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

What happens to a child that they turn out this way?

[Kim Congdon]

You know what? Let's just hope it was beating and not molesting.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think it was beating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not beating. It's 100%.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't dress as a wolf in the woods if you haven't been molested.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there's some. Some dude next door had a dog that used to lick this kid's asshole.

[Kim Congdon]

Please, God, make me a wolf so I could bite off the penis of every man who tries to rape my face.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the choices. You either either molest other kids or you become wolf. There's two WOL wolves inside of him, and one was a molester.

[Kim Congdon]

In a lot of ways, this is the hero we deserve.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look. Wait. I love his look. Anytime he does the. The.

[Kim Congdon]

Go back to that how, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He does the same look.

[Kim Congdon]

It's right back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a very. It's a very. How'd you like that?

[Kim Congdon]

Yeah, it goes supple.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's supple.

[Kim Congdon]

Gonna go, that's a how.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then, in fact, you know what?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hold on. Let's see it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So that's. That's how you do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

That wolf sounded like butter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't do it too loud. Other wolves will show up, and I don't want to have my pack here.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, yeah. Also, I'm terrified of actual wolves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's why I moved to Florida where there's absolutely no wolves.

[Kim Congdon]

The only wolf.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was going to move to Alaska, but it was too dangerous.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

The room's restricted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's. That's what her father put that on to. Lock that weirdo out. Hey, lock that. That nut job in the room. We have guests over.

[Bobby Kelly]

I never liked my father.

[Kim Congdon]

This is my parents people house. They think I don't know the code, but I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do. I smelled his fingers on the digits, and I knew it was 342 2, 2.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's her humping room.

[Kim Congdon]

She goes, what is that noise? He goes, that's our son. I mean, that's our wolf scratching.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shit.

[Kim Congdon]

She wants to get out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at her.

[Bobby Kelly]

The faces after the shots.

[Kim Congdon]

Is every day a nightmare or. Or is this content?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is. This is a night.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, wait, go back. I want to see what the name was changed to, please. Okay. Their name used to be Shiro Femion Schimmel.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I Think that's the official name?

[Kim Congdon]

No, no, no. Now she's Naya Shiro Okami.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, now she. She went from a Jewish kid to a Japanese to a Japanese wolf slash paper bird God, look at those little hyphenated old U L V. Maybe that's Robert Schimmel's son.

[Kim Congdon]

Wolf Daughter wolf.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shiro.

[Kim Congdon]

It's his wolf Wolf. Bobby was.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta tell you, Shiro sounds more like a wolf than nya.

[Kim Congdon]

It does. We will be kicked off the air so fast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry.

[Kim Congdon]

If you start fucking misgendering wolves, I will start misgendering wolf people. Wolf bitches.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I call it a wolf bag?

[Bobby Kelly]

Wolf bag.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that okay?

[Kim Congdon]

Yes. You should be able to use the F word for this one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love that he has little hair. Ears.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, this will make you homophobic.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm a were queer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I use my mom's lip gloss because when I go outside as a wolf at night, my lips get chapped.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm a weremo.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny. No matter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A fucking weremo. Can we say that?

[Kim Congdon]

Of course.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a new. That's a new a weremo.

[Kim Congdon]

I'm a weremo. I know there's a wolf. But when the moon comes out, I become a movie. A transform to mo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh God.

[Kim Congdon]

There.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's Moon howlers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh man, he's so normal. At one point that's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, that's him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's another one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's a different one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a different one.

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think so. One is goofier than the other one.

[Kim Congdon]

The other one talking is definitely play.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It leopard on all levels except physical.

[Kim Congdon]

I am a wolf.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, wait. The little bark was crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You mean everything.

[Kim Congdon]

He was a baby wolf then his little baby wolf still peeing inside all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever seen the video of the two virgins kissing for the first time?

[Kim Congdon]

Oh, yeah. Is it hilarious?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's hilarious. They wait till their wedding day and they kiss for the first time in front of their entire family. I mean, in their 40s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We gotta wrap it up. We gotta go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we close out on a virgin kiss?

[Kim Congdon]

I mean, yeah, you can bring it up after we read Kimmy's plugs. Kim Congdon. There's gonna be a Patty Power Comedy Festival in Dublin this weekend. July 24th through the 27th. After that, Nova Scotia, Tacoma, Nashville, Austin, Dallas Fort Worth and more. For tickets and all the tour dates go to Kim Congdon. C O G C O N G D o n Kim congdon.com and listen to the Kim Congdon Takeover on YouTube and wherever you find your podcast. She is one of the best. Bobby Kelly. Punch up that live Robert Kelly. He's gonna beat Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine this weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep. And go check them out. Check us out.

[Kim Congdon]

And we'll be back tomorrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tomorrow.

[Kim Congdon]

Thank you Kimmy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you guys. Love you Bubba.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love you guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Take care. What's her name? Say it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Phyllis Diller.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You ever wonder how far an EV can take you on one charge? Well, most people drive about 40 miles a day, which means you can do all daily stuff no problem.

[Kim Congdon]

Go to work, grab the kids at school, get the groceries and still have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Enough charge to visit your in laws in the next county. But they don't need to know that. And the best part? You won't have to buy gas at all. The way forward is electric. Explore EVs that fit your life at.

[Kim Congdon]

Electricforall.Org.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dealing with hidradenitis suppurativa HS is tough, but you're not alone.

[Kim Congdon]

Before I started Cosentyx, I looked at the website and saw it had many.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Years of clinical research that made me feel confident. Cosentyx Secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe Hidradenitis suppurativa hs. Don't use if allergic to Cosentyx. Get checked for TB before starting. Increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur like TB or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or planned to, or if IBD symptoms develop or worsen. Serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-COSETTE or cosentyx.com.

[Kim Congdon]

Don'T wait. Ask your dermatologist about Cosentyx.