Robert Kelly (0:55)

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Big Jay Oakerson (0:56)

Plus a month plan with auto fees required.

Robert Kelly (0:58)

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Bobby Kelly (0:59)

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Big Jay Oakerson (1:27)

And now the bonfire with Big J.

Robert Kelly (1:29)

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

Big Jay Oakerson (1:32)

Cannonball. Booey. Ooey ooey ooey ooey ooey ooey ooey ooey ooey. Flim flam, Cannonball. Skim scam Flim flam, Cannonball. Damn, Jacob, you get down, dude, you throw everything to the dance. This remix is the best you thought this was. You gotta keep them separated.

Robert Kelly (2:02)

That's what I thought it was.

Big Jay Oakerson (2:03)

And you're not wrong. There's only so many things you could do with a song. I never noticed this before. Apparently this is an old thing. But I saw a clip today, a video of Kurt Cobain, and he was there was there was Nirvana back in like 90, maybe three or something. That shows him 92. It's playing smells Like Teen Spirit.

Robert Kelly (2:23)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (2:23)

But I guess people were saying that it's the same chords as More Than a Feeling. You seen this before?

Robert Kelly (2:29)

Yes.

Big Jay Oakerson (2:29)

And so they start playing More Than a Feeling kind of before it. It's pretty cool video, but it's. They start playing and when you hear it, though, you are like, yeah, it is the same that happens a thousand times.

Robert Kelly (2:39)

There was a guy, like, he had this piano lesson where you learn how to play any song with like fucking three things.

Big Jay Oakerson (2:46)

Chords.

Robert Kelly (2:47)

Yeah, yeah. And he was like, this is this song bing, bing, bing. And I was like, holy shit. I could play the piano. And then I got an organ and never touched it. There's only so many combinations.

Big Jay Oakerson (2:56)

It really is.

Robert Kelly (2:57)

How many instruments have you gotten in your life where you're like, I'm gonna be this.

Big Jay Oakerson (3:01)

Stop trying to make us feel better about what Max did with you with that saxophone. We've all done that, right? Just got a thousand really expensive instruments. Never played them once.

Robert Kelly (3:10)

I remember I was gonna do harmonica.

Big Jay Oakerson (3:12)

I was never gonna do. Yeah, the book and everything. I was never gonna do harmonica. I was gonna do guitar several times. Keyboard once.

Robert Kelly (3:21)

Guitar was my dream.

Big Jay Oakerson (3:22)

And then I was gonna get good at drums at one point. But I just got like passively fun while I'm at home. Drums.

Robert Kelly (3:28)

Yeah. You could go into Guitar center and go.

Big Jay Oakerson (3:33)

Oh, yeah. You want me to play along with Back in Black?

Robert Kelly (3:37)

Yeah. Sample. I did that with the Comedy Jam and I thought it was a God gang.

Big Jay Oakerson (3:46)

So easy.

Robert Kelly (3:46)

Oh, it was so great.

Big Jay Oakerson (3:47)

Then I saw a video today from Skankfest. I forgot that when they did say it ain't so, Sam Talon jumped on drum and just. Sam Talon's so goofy, like in appearance. And he's just dancing. He's like. He was killing. It kills. So good.

Robert Kelly (4:01)

So good. It's like, Billy Burr is great on drums. Yeah, he's really good on drums. But Billy plays like. Sam when he was playing is like the way I would want to play drums. The way Billy plays drums.

Big Jay Oakerson (4:12)

Billy learned from the time I watched him learning drums. Or at least maybe getting back into it. You said he was drums when he was younger too.

Robert Kelly (4:17)

He played drums back in. When I first met him.

Big Jay Oakerson (4:19)

Because when I. When the times I was friends with him, I remember he got his electric kit. We were like, holy shit. Then he had to put the padding down because the neighbors. So he was the one that taught us all the electric drum shit. He was getting tapes, but he was Bill from the get go. Like A fucking dweeb was learning how to read drum music. He wants to, like, do it. Like, the actual. And I'm like, dude, what do you waste your time for, man? You want to hear me play Moby Dick? Put on Moby Dick, dude. I'll play along with it. He.

Robert Kelly (4:47)

I went to his house in la.

Big Jay Oakerson (4:49)

He's gonna feel it, man.

Robert Kelly (4:51)

I went to his house in la, and he has a drum room.

Big Jay Oakerson (4:54)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (4:55)

With like a gretchet holy set.

Big Jay Oakerson (4:57)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (4:58)

And I remember when I was leaving, he said, dude, you got to get a drum room. I'm like, what? I have a three bedroom ranch with no basement. What the am I gonna put. He goes, dude, you got to get a drum room and you got to get an antique car, dude. I'm like, $70,000.

Big Jay Oakerson (5:11)

Here's the mistake you're making. You're leaving all that ground underneath your helipad as just ground. You can make that an extra room.

Robert Kelly (5:17)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (5:18)

I didn't think my helipad. Dude, you don't have a helipad up there. But then, wow. Okay. Well, we went different directions, huh?

Robert Kelly (5:26)

I was talking about, like, Motley Crue, right? And he sent me handwritten.

Big Jay Oakerson (5:32)

Bobby, why you dress like you're gonna meet Meg Ryan for a New York daytime date?

Robert Kelly (5:36)

Well, I wasn't gonna say anything. I wasn't gonna say anything because I was gonna say it on the live show, but I. I met. I did meet.

Big Jay Oakerson (5:43)

You met a girl.

Robert Kelly (5:44)

I didn't meet a girl. I met Susan Sarandon for lunch.

Jacob (5:48)

So.

Big Jay Oakerson (5:51)

You'Re really. You're ready for a meet cute in the Central park with that indoor.

Robert Kelly (5:56)

Actually, I had a lunch with Guy Ritchie today.

Big Jay Oakerson (5:58)

Baby, it's cold outside.

Robert Kelly (6:00)

I'm gonna. I'm gonna be in gentleman's too.

Big Jay Oakerson (6:04)

Baby, it's cold outside. Dude.

Robert Kelly (6:07)

He's making a movie called Dudes.

Jacob (6:11)

Dudes.

Robert Kelly (6:12)

I really am dressed like.

Big Jay Oakerson (6:14)

Who's this? Whoever the next person walks in here do, I want you to attack him. Physically attack him. This guy walks in here, I want you to. I mean, lay his ass out, ask questions later. We were under attack. There it is. Like, Lou, hey, there's your moment.

Robert Kelly (6:28)

Attack him, Lou.

Big Jay Oakerson (6:28)

There's your moment to shine.

Robert Kelly (6:29)

Can I help you, brother?

Big Jay Oakerson (6:31)

I'm trying to see your lights.

Robert Kelly (6:33)

Like, because you're on drugs or because you.

Big Jay Oakerson (6:35)

Escobar said Escobar. Escobar's back.

Robert Kelly (6:38)

Escobar's back. I thought he got killed.

Big Jay Oakerson (6:41)

Oh, my God. New York Studio four personnel and studio lights have shut off.

Robert Kelly (6:46)

Studio three or four. Yeah, this is three Nah, man, don't worry about it. We like visitors. We love visitors. We're lonely in here.

Big Jay Oakerson (6:55)

This place sucks.

Robert Kelly (6:56)

And if there's one thing the studio doesn't need is lights, by the way.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:00)

He'S looking and he sees the lights. Then he opens the door and he goes, I'm here about the lights that are out. He goes, lights are on, man.

Robert Kelly (7:05)

Yeah, including the on air light that's clearly on that you're ignoring.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:10)

Yeah. This place is the retarded.

Robert Kelly (7:13)

We should have threw shit at him.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:14)

No one makes sense. By the way, there's just a new terrifying Jamaican at the front desk now. What happened to our big titted girl?

Robert Kelly (7:18)

I already made friends with him.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:20)

Oh, nice. Good move, dude.

Robert Kelly (7:22)

I walked up, I was like, what's up, man? How you feeling today? He's like, I'm good. How you feeling?

Big Jay Oakerson (7:25)

Did you give him a complicated handshake?

Robert Kelly (7:26)

No, I didn't give him. I was working on that.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:28)

That's the move.

Robert Kelly (7:29)

Yeah. That's why I dress like this today. So he respect me.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:31)

Handshake.

Robert Kelly (7:32)

He would think I was a distinguished gentleman.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:34)

I came in, I actually, I was act like I was on the phone having a long conversation about how I thought the bad guys in Steven Seagal's marks for death were the good guys. I don't know. Those twins were pretty cool, if you ask me. I mean, look what Steven Seagal's become.

Robert Kelly (7:44)

You know, Screw face was just doing what screw face does.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:46)

Face do. A screw face does. And there was two screw faces.

Robert Kelly (7:49)

Yeah. There's all kinds of religions.

Big Jay Oakerson (7:50)

A mother lost two sons that week.

Robert Kelly (7:52)

Yeah. Some people believe in a guy that walked on water. Some people believe in guys. You have to chill a kitten, chicken and a goat and, you know, rape a chick.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:01)

Screw face.

Robert Kelly (8:04)

Yeah, dude. But Billy Burr sent me.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:07)

He.

Robert Kelly (8:08)

Then he sent me in the mail, handwritten music. No drums for the drums for. For Motley Crue's. What song was it? I think what? The song was it Girls?

Big Jay Oakerson (8:20)

Girls. Girls.

Robert Kelly (8:20)

Nope, don't go.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:21)

Kick Start My Heart.

Robert Kelly (8:22)

No, earlier not Live Wire. After Livewire.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:26)

Oh, Shout the Devil.

Robert Kelly (8:28)

Nope.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:28)

That should be more complicated.

Robert Kelly (8:30)

Nope. 2, 2, 2.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:35)

La Rue. La Rue. That's Runners. The song's called Coming Too Fast.

Robert Kelly (8:41)

Too Fast for Love. That it? Yeah, yeah. He sent me handwritten. And he goes, all right, dude, here you go. Just all you gotta do is. I go, dude, I don't read music. I don't know. What.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:54)

What an asshole.

Robert Kelly (8:55)

What? A ball with a stick with another ball attached to it.

Big Jay Oakerson (8:59)

But you're right. When I watch Bill Burr play the COVID songs, I go, he's nailing it how it's supposed to be nailed. By the book.

Robert Kelly (9:08)

By the book, Sam.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:09)

Talent. I don't know if he nailed everything exactly how it goes. He's like singing it while he's playing it because I feel like he was just. He knows how it goes. If there's an extra cymbal crash in there or something, it's.

Robert Kelly (9:21)

He's.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:21)

It's still in rhythm. Doesn't matter. And I like that. I like that. I like the playing along with it.

Robert Kelly (9:25)

When we were doing sex, drugs, rock and roll.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:28)

Yeah, yeah.

Robert Kelly (9:29)

We were doing Comics Come home.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:30)

You were 13 years old.

Robert Kelly (9:31)

No, I was not.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:32)

Drugs and rock and roll.

Robert Kelly (9:33)

No, I did not.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:33)

Oh, you mean the show.

Robert Kelly (9:34)

The show.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:35)

I thought you meant life.

Robert Kelly (9:36)

No, I've done that. No, the show.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:38)

Yeah, we did.

Robert Kelly (9:38)

Comics Come Home.

Big Jay Oakerson (9:39)

Bobby lived the life of a fucking coke addict. 30 year old when he was 13. And then was the most boring adult ever. Oh yeah, dude, for sure. You guys should have met me when I was 13. Oh, 13 year old Bobby Kelly and a 30 year old Mitch Hedberg would have fucking parties.

Robert Kelly (9:59)

I just. That's so funny.

Big Jay Oakerson (10:01)

Oh my God. By the time you were 30 years old, you were having coffee at all dude dances.

Robert Kelly (10:08)

I really was. I was in church, baby. I was talking about spirituality and a higher power.

Big Jay Oakerson (10:12)

Donuts and coffee. Trying to get laid without alcohol with a real conversation about life.

Robert Kelly (10:17)

I was saying sorry after I did second base with a girl. Is this okay?

Big Jay Oakerson (10:21)

I just like to make sure everything's okay.

Robert Kelly (10:24)

But he, he. I go into, I go into the rehearsals. Like not rehearsals, but before the show. Two drum kits. I was like, oh my God. I. Dennis is going to ask me to play the drums with the band.

Big Jay Oakerson (10:39)

Wow.

Robert Kelly (10:40)

And I'm sitting there like I kind of sat down at the kit and I was like, this is great. All right, I got it. I'm gonna play one. The song from the show. I got it. And then Burr came and sat down at his kit and it was a rental kit for him and he won a plane at the end. I was just throwing T shirts out like a loser.

Jacob (11:01)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (11:01)

Play good though.

Big Jay Oakerson (11:03)

Officially played good.

Robert Kelly (11:04)

God damn, he plays good. Bird plays great. But it is, he's very. It's. It's.

Big Jay Oakerson (11:09)

He's by the book. He knows how it goes.

Robert Kelly (11:10)

There's no. Yeah, there's that face. That drum face. Sam Talon had it. That drum face.

Big Jay Oakerson (11:16)

No, I see. He's like singing the word. Him and Josh were doing the connecting there. It was pretty great.

Robert Kelly (11:20)

Yeah. Josh came up at the end. Okay, we're going to end this on.

Big Jay Oakerson (11:22)

My Q. Josh came up, sang loud, and everybody started the song over. No one knew what was going on. He was a little out of his tree. We may have got him on track. We may go. Josh back on track. I don't know. I don't keep up.

Robert Kelly (11:32)

I bought a. I bought my first guitar. I bought. Before I even know how to play a note. Was a. Eleven hundred dollar Italian. Some fucking. I had to wait like three months.

Big Jay Oakerson (11:41)

Accordion.

Robert Kelly (11:42)

It was a acoustic electric.

Big Jay Oakerson (11:43)

Oh, jeez.

Robert Kelly (11:44)

I had to wait like three months for it to be shipped in. I. I went to my guitar teacher's house and he wasn't there. And I never played it. I showed up and I was just standing in front of his door for like an hour. And then he called me like, yo, man, sorry. I got held up at rehearsal. And I was like, all right. And I never touched the guitar.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:03)

My bad, man. I didn't give a. It turns out, dude, Mike's fault. Turns out I don't give a. At all.

Robert Kelly (12:08)

Yeah, you know what? I can't get past the guitar thing.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:11)

Turn that. Put that volume on.

Robert Kelly (12:12)

Hurting your fingers.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:14)

You could hear him. Started over too. Yeah, Pretty great. Yeah, that was fun to watch.

Robert Kelly (12:18)

Maybe I'll play drums next year. How about that? Yeah, see, Bill, he is. I mean, there is.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:25)

Back when Josh had Ron Jeremy hair.

Robert Kelly (12:28)

He actually is. He's smiling really big.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:30)

He. No, no, no, no. He's. Bill loves playing the drum. I'm not saying that at all. I'm not saying he doesn't. That he's not feeling it either. I'm just saying Bill is. He's super. He's technical as fuck.

Robert Kelly (12:40)

He's like the drummer from the Stones.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:41)

It looks. He doesn't look like he's having as much fun.

Robert Kelly (12:43)

He's like the drummer from the Stones of the Beatles. Not Neil Pert or Tommy Lee.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:48)

Tommy Lee, right.

Robert Kelly (12:48)

I love Tommy Lee.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:50)

Yeah. You want someone.

Robert Kelly (12:51)

Cause there's no reason he has to go up that high to hit the fucking snare. No, but he does, dude.

Big Jay Oakerson (12:55)

Wrong. Wrong. What was it called? Famous. Most famous video. Wrong gig drummer. Dude, that's the drummer we all want to be. You want to play sharp dressed man like that, making faces and Weird guy was all over the place. Wrong gig drummer.

Robert Kelly (13:10)

You want a drum face. I mean, oh, he's the best. There's no reason for any of that.

Big Jay Oakerson (13:16)

Even the kit.

Robert Kelly (13:17)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (13:21)

This song could be played while you're watching television.

Jacob (13:24)

It's the best.

Big Jay Oakerson (13:26)

Such a basics.

Robert Kelly (13:27)

He looks like Tim Dillon.

Big Jay Oakerson (13:30)

He does look like young Tim Dylan.

Robert Kelly (13:32)

Yeah. If Tim Dillon played the drums, that's how he'd play.

Big Jay Oakerson (13:35)

But that's how I want to play drums. I would do this.

Robert Kelly (13:41)

Oh my God.

Big Jay Oakerson (13:41)

The other guys couldn't be stiffer.

Robert Kelly (13:44)

Top hat. It's a stiff. I'm not saying day today where. What is this event? I don't know.

Big Jay Oakerson (13:53)

It's a fucking wedding or a fucking whatever.

Robert Kelly (13:57)

I bet he gets hired a lot.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:00)

Oh, I'm sure. I bet he still gets work based off of this.

Robert Kelly (14:03)

He should hire from Skagfest. You should get him to Skagfest.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:06)

I would love to have rug drummer.

Robert Kelly (14:08)

We should have him at Skag Fest.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:10)

I love. But Nick's such a killer drummer too.

Robert Kelly (14:13)

He's great too.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:13)

He's another one too. Plays by a lot of feel. Nick's all face and singing along and barking with Joe. You see his fees, like leaning forward. He's so into it. Yeah.

Robert Kelly (14:22)

He just looks like he's trying to get a ring back to some volcano somewhere.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:26)

Absolutely. Well, the hat comes up. It's a whole new world under there. Precious.

Robert Kelly (14:31)

I love the drums.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:35)

Beautiful wife he has.

Robert Kelly (14:37)

Beautiful wife.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:38)

Yeah. Michelle. Why whiffing on her last name? She's a beautiful comedian. Very funny too. Oh, is this the Nirvani have Up More Than a Feeling Teen Spirit?

Robert Kelly (14:47)

I love. I love him as a drummer.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:49)

That's not Dave Grohl.

Robert Kelly (14:50)

It's not Dave Grohl?

Big Jay Oakerson (14:51)

No, not there.

Robert Kelly (14:52)

Oh, he really.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:53)

I don't think so.

Robert Kelly (14:53)

When did he come into the band?

Big Jay Oakerson (14:55)

Huh?

Jacob (14:55)

I thought that last shot was Dave.

Big Jay Oakerson (14:57)

I don't think it was Dave. His hair's too short.

Robert Kelly (14:59)

Yeah, but he had short hair at the beginning.

Jacob (15:01)

The beginning.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:02)

No, he didn't. No. I mean, it's crazy. Long in the beginning. Pin straight and long.

Robert Kelly (15:07)

I literally just said that to say it. And I didn't think you were going to call me on it.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:11)

I thought Jacob backed you up like a lunatic.

Robert Kelly (15:12)

And I was. I was befuddled when he backed me up. I was like, wow, maybe I'm right.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:16)

I don't think that's Dave Gr in that particular.

Robert Kelly (15:18)

Who was the first drummer? Who was the drummer for the band?

Big Jay Oakerson (15:20)

I don't know. The first drum was. He was the drummer when they got famous for sure.

Robert Kelly (15:23)

Okay.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:23)

From the time you knew Nirvana, Dave Grohl was a drummer.

Robert Kelly (15:26)

But then he's a great drummer.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:28)

Great drummer.

Robert Kelly (15:29)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:29)

And he thinks he's. He thinks he's an okay drummer. He thinks he's a guitar player.

Robert Kelly (15:32)

Well, if you know he's a good drummer. Van Halen's son.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:36)

Oh, Wolfgang. Wolfgang.

Robert Kelly (15:38)

Great drums. No, no drums.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:39)

I mean Alex. Alex.

Robert Kelly (15:40)

No, no, Wolfgang play drums too. He plays brilliant.

Jacob (15:44)

He plays his uncle.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:46)

He's a guitarist. No, dude, he is a guitar. I didn't know he did both.

Robert Kelly (15:50)

He plays every instrument. On one of his songs he does a video where he goes in and plays every single instrument.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:57)

Wow.

Jacob (15:58)

Yeah, the albums. He plays every instrument.

Robert Kelly (16:00)

Sick.

Jacob (16:01)

Phenomenal.

Big Jay Oakerson (16:02)

Drummer sounds cheap. Sick drummer sounds very cheap.

Jacob (16:05)

He covers his dad's. He covers Alex Van Halen on drumeo. He goes through his.

Big Jay Oakerson (16:09)

His uncle's to just show it's not that impressive.

Robert Kelly (16:14)

Yeah, there he is.

Jacob (16:15)

He's such a good drummer.

Robert Kelly (16:16)

Dude, watch this. Dude, I know Eddie Van Allen.

Jacob (16:19)

I just started him on drums.

Robert Kelly (16:20)

I just wish he'd get on Ozempic. He's such a good looking dude.

Big Jay Oakerson (16:22)

Lev fur should be Wolfgang Van Halen. You should kill Wolfgang V. Van Halen and take over his life. Guns and Rose is coming back, by the way.

Robert Kelly (16:31)

I know 40 shows.

Big Jay Oakerson (16:33)

August 12th, MetLife.

Robert Kelly (16:34)

Yeah, but do you really want to see Guns N' Roses with Sweaty Ball? Alex. I mean, what's his name? Axel?

Big Jay Oakerson (16:43)

Alex. Alex Rose.

Robert Kelly (16:44)

I was thinking Van Halen. Axl Rose singing. Yeah, he doesn't even sound good. Yes, you do.

Big Jay Oakerson (16:51)

Yeah, he actually, the way they. I mean, the way they have him all like loaded up with like effects on the show. He sounds fine live because I would say I was surprised how good he did sound live because being like, I know he doesn't sound very good, but out. But technically he hadn't sounded good live plenty of times when they were young, in their prime. Yeah, they had like a Grammys appearance once or something.

Robert Kelly (17:10)

May have been Patience blew out his voice.

Big Jay Oakerson (17:13)

It just sounds like it's the worst performance. I mean, well, he wasn't trying. It looked terrible.

Robert Kelly (17:18)

He has no power left and he's got too many shows. The only way to heal your voice is to rest it. And he doesn't take a break.

Big Jay Oakerson (17:24)

He's talking about when he was younger.

Robert Kelly (17:25)

No, currently he's got no power.

Big Jay Oakerson (17:27)

Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying I haven't heard. No, no, I'm talking about years ago, when he was young.

Robert Kelly (17:31)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (17:32)

He did an award show, one of those award shows. Performances of Patience. Me and my stepfather were watching that. I forget what it was. American Music Awards, who knows? But we were just like, yuck. Yeah, he looked, he looked great. It was still like the height of his cool.

Robert Kelly (17:43)

Right.

Big Jay Oakerson (17:43)

Just. But then, you know, they did November rain on the MTV awards with Elton John is one of the greatest fucking performances. That was good. That's one of the greatest. And he sounds great.

Robert Kelly (17:52)

I just hate that he wears True Religion jeans still.

Big Jay Oakerson (17:55)

Oh, he butt flaps.

Robert Kelly (17:56)

Yeah, dude.

Big Jay Oakerson (17:57)

It's like, yeah. Dane Cook butt flap jeans.

Jacob (17:59)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (17:59)

Just big buttons on the back of his ass.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:03)

Fucking Axl Rosen's button ass dumb hat combo.

Robert Kelly (18:05)

I hate his lack of dancing. Now his big move is to walk backwards.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:09)

Yeah. Or just like. Or does it go like a weird, like. Like step forward? Like it's like a two step walk. It's like instead of walking, he just takes like half steps.

Robert Kelly (18:16)

Yeah. He used to dance so crazy and great. And now it's just like, oh, look, I'm moving around.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:21)

But are you going to go.

Jacob (18:24)

The tour to see them on? Because they finally changed that boring drummer they were touring with. The guy that their new drummer so much, but he saw he was so boring, played with no energy. And their new drummer.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:35)

I like when you shout to the black person over your shoulder.

Jacob (18:39)

I couldn't believe they kept him for so long.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:40)

What are you saying? He had no soul.

Robert Kelly (18:42)

Yeah. Can you just call him power? Can you just say drummer? You have to say black drummer.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:46)

Yeah.

Jacob (18:46)

He had no power.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:47)

Actually, if you could say drama would be nicer. Drummer seems a little harsh.

Jacob (18:52)

Jay brought up the race. I'm just saying.

Robert Kelly (18:55)

You didn't deny it.

Big Jay Oakerson (18:56)

Thanks. Thanks for covering yourself there. Jay brought the race.

Robert Kelly (19:00)

Bon Jovi is another one who does that. He has a move, that little hop. He spreads his little V and then he just hops up and down.

Big Jay Oakerson (19:06)

I know. It's over for a guy used to fly over the audience with the microphone like that. Yeah. It's pretty crazy.

Jacob (19:12)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (19:12)

That's why I love Billy Joel. He just sits at the piano.

Big Jay Oakerson (19:14)

Yep. No, no, no. That's not true. Billy Joel, at the end of the set, always, he gets up for the first doo wop phase. Run through for that little part of the set. He gets up and he car. He brings a microphone stand that I'm telling you, weighs 3 ounces. Because the whole thing is him just, like spinning it.

Robert Kelly (19:31)

Oh, yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (19:32)

Spinning in his hand so he could do pale hair about it to fall.

Robert Kelly (19:36)

And he kicks it back up. Sometimes he doesn't catch it when he.

Big Jay Oakerson (19:39)

Sometimes he doesn't catch it. And he'll go like this. He'll go. But the crowd just like.

Robert Kelly (19:42)

Billy, do you remember the. The one he Can't. When I went. And I. Something's wrong with his eye.

Big Jay Oakerson (19:48)

Did. Oh, yes. What do you mean?

Robert Kelly (19:50)

Dude? We're.

Big Jay Oakerson (19:51)

We're in the.

Robert Kelly (19:52)

We're in the concert. I went with Calda and he's the guy. Billy Joel's the guy. You're like, I don't want to fucking go. And then you go. You're like, I'm so glad I went.

Big Jay Oakerson (19:59)

So glad I went.

Robert Kelly (19:59)

You're like, this is the greatest.

Big Jay Oakerson (20:00)

It's the best.

Robert Kelly (20:01)

It's the best.

Big Jay Oakerson (20:02)

But then four, four or five songs in it where you're like, I don't care. But there's 17 that you go, oh, right, yeah.

Robert Kelly (20:09)

As soon as you're there, you're like, oh, this is great. Right in the middle of the concert, they have all the. He has a very low budget set. It's just the big Trinitrons vertical ones. And he looked to the crowd and his left eye was bulging out of his head. And you heard the crowd go, I have a photo of it on my phone, guys.

Big Jay Oakerson (20:30)

Let me put my eyeball back.

Robert Kelly (20:31)

There's a photo of his eye. And we're all like. Everybody turned to each other like, what's wrong with Billy? Because his eye was fucking popping out of his head for some reason when he went down for the last time. When he fell, he was doing the microphone trick and he never got back on stage again.

Big Jay Oakerson (20:45)

Just see. I want you to know also that Christine, the piece of shit that she is, whoa. Trying to catch a free trip. Whoa. She goes, guns. Did you see Guns N Roses Touring? She told me like a week ago.

Robert Kelly (20:56)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (20:56)

Before I saw the announcement. You see Guns N roses touring doing 40 cities. 40, 40 cities. They're not doing everywhere, though. But they are doing Paris. She didn't say they are doing New York also.

Robert Kelly (21:08)

What?

Big Jay Oakerson (21:09)

She made it seem like they, like New York wasn't. And then I drove by MetLife yesterday and I was like, Nice. Oh, 15 minutes from my house.

Robert Kelly (21:16)

That's better. Paris, you have to. You have to go to the Atlantic or 15 minutes from your house.

Big Jay Oakerson (21:25)

You want to see Guns N Roses dying on stage in the city of love.

Robert Kelly (21:29)

Hey, do you guys want to exchange money to go see Guns and Roses?

Big Jay Oakerson (21:36)

That's great.

Robert Kelly (21:36)

I would be nice to see him in Paris, so that would be cool. Wouldn't that be fun? Oh, you know what you want. I know she wants to go to Paris. She wants to go to that Louis. She goes to that Louis Vuitton flagship store. Oh, I was there. It's nice.

Big Jay Oakerson (21:49)

I'D like to see Louis, please. Mr. Vuitton.

Robert Kelly (21:53)

Yes, I was there.

Big Jay Oakerson (21:54)

Who is it?

Robert Kelly (21:55)

I was there.

Big Jay Oakerson (21:56)

Is it Christine who spends too much money for the money that she makes? She spends too much. She knows the names of employees and has personal phone numbers.

Robert Kelly (22:08)

Is Louis. Is he French or is he Italian? I don't know. I don't fucking know these people. Oh, Gucci's Italian.

Big Jay Oakerson (22:16)

Fucking African, Chinese guy.

Robert Kelly (22:18)

I'm not a professional fucking bag slut like Christine. I'm just working myself. I need to count your bags before you bought a bag. How many bags did I have? Like 22. Whatever, bitch. You know the rules of bag sluts. You know the fucking reveal how many bags you have to other people that don't have fudgeing aren't bag slots. 22. You're breaking peg slut rule.

Big Jay Oakerson (22:37)

It's a lot of bags.

Robert Kelly (22:39)

Whatever. They're not all expensive. I remember. I was. I went there. I was.

Big Jay Oakerson (22:45)

I was even talking about bags you've made him get.

Robert Kelly (22:47)

Yeah, he's gotten back, and I made.

Big Jay Oakerson (22:49)

Him because Bobby comes to me. He goes, It's. He goes, dude, it's a bag that goes in a bag that you keep in a bigger third bag.

Robert Kelly (22:55)

It's a good bag. It's a great travel bag. It has a bag. So you just pull the bag out of it, and that's your little backpack bag. My favorite.

Big Jay Oakerson (23:05)

Bobby's got bags. Bags.

Robert Kelly (23:06)

I just got a new one of those bags for a bag. They made it in light of material.

Big Jay Oakerson (23:11)

23. 23.

Robert Kelly (23:13)

Shit.

Big Jay Oakerson (23:13)

I do 23.

Robert Kelly (23:15)

I was in front of Louis, and I go, don, you want to. I go, don, do you want a Louis? I'm in Paris, the Louis Vuitton store. I can go get your bag. She goes, no, I don't want it. We don't need it. Blah, blah, blah. I go. I'm standing in front of the store. My phone went, ding. The exact bag that she wanted, only you could get in Paris. She already did the research. So I'm standing. Fat Bob. Bald, fat. The fattest I've ever been. I was out there and a guy just walked out and saw me in front of the store just sweating. And he came out with a big white Louis umbrella. So I was just sitting like a. Like a fat with a white umbrella waiting in line in front of Louis.

Big Jay Oakerson (23:55)

Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go. We gotta go see Guns N Roses.

Robert Kelly (23:58)

Dude, I would love to see him, but do you think he's. What does he sound like now?

Big Jay Oakerson (24:03)

Good.

Robert Kelly (24:03)

Embarrassing. Is it embarrassing?

Big Jay Oakerson (24:06)

Doesn't sound embarrassing when you're there, it doesn't sound embarrassing.

Robert Kelly (24:08)

I saw him at MetLife.

Big Jay Oakerson (24:09)

Yeah, they got him. They got him. I got a song at MetLife and the Garden. Yeah, he's got a. Yeah, he sounds good.

Robert Kelly (24:14)

Yeah. I'm happy you're gonna see him at MetLife. Not with gout.

Big Jay Oakerson (24:18)

Oh, yeah.

Robert Kelly (24:20)

I'm telling you, MetLife, one of the worst nights ever. What?

Big Jay Oakerson (24:24)

It's one of the worst nights ever. But it was when I found out Kimowitz, the late, great Kimowitz, also had gout because he helped me out a lot. And it's funny. And the doctor said when I went, remember, I don't have gout, but people have it. I can, by the way, I also haven't gotten it in so long now. Maybe might be weight loss.

Robert Kelly (24:41)

What is gout? It's like a king's disease.

Big Jay Oakerson (24:43)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (24:45)

Jay's just sitting at the table eating grapes and ham. I need Christine, I need a bucket.

Big Jay Oakerson (24:53)

It can happen. It can happen from a lot of meat, alcohol, beer, hoppy stuff like that. And it puts uric acid in your joints of your toe. I guess it could happen other places, too, but it was my big toe, and it hurts in the joint, but it feels like you're being stabbed. So this weekend, we went to Panorama Fest. We got people hooked up for Panorama Festival.

Robert Kelly (25:25)

What is that?

Big Jay Oakerson (25:26)

They don't do it anymore. It was on. It was on. Yeah. Randall's island, right over. Right on top of the city.

Robert Kelly (25:34)

Yeah, but what type of. I don't know.

Big Jay Oakerson (25:35)

It was all kinds of music. It was the same people that do Coachella. Yeah, some people do Coachella. Did a festival here for three days. It just. It wasn't a success.

Robert Kelly (25:45)

Two years, they did it.

Big Jay Oakerson (25:46)

Yeah, it wasn't very good, but I took people to that. I brought a bunch of people. I was able to get tickets. So people all weekend are going like, hey, man, I got you a beer. I got you a beer. Then we're eating fair food every day. A burger, piece of pizza, whatever. And then keep going.

Robert Kelly (26:01)

Then don't stop at one food.

Big Jay Oakerson (26:03)

That's Friday. Saturday, Sunday is Guns n Roses at MetLife Stadium. So we go there, we meet up with Kimowitz and his friends. We're eating hoagies, we're throwing footballs outside. We're tailgating, and we're walking in. It's towards the end of Lenny Kravitz. And we start going in. And as we're walking in, I start. I say to Christine, I'm just kind of like, weird to go, I don't know, did I like, twist my foot or something when we were throwing the football, right? I don't remember doing that. I go, I don't know, I'm just old. Probably just dumb shit, like twisted an ankle or, you know, whatever my. I thought it was. I didn't know what it was exactly. I couldn't pinpoint where it was in my foot. And then we got in. Get to the place. It's still sore. And we're sitting down and Lenny Kravitz. We're kind of sitting down and I'm just kind of like. Like, man, this is uncomfortable. I'm getting off of it and it's not hurting much less. I'm even walking on it now, and it hurts a ton.

Robert Kelly (26:52)

Oh, gout just hurts.

Big Jay Oakerson (26:54)

It's inside. It's the worst thing. Yeah, it's so bad.

Robert Kelly (26:58)

So it like being stabbed on the inside of your toe because you're fat?

Big Jay Oakerson (27:05)

No, not necessarily.

Robert Kelly (27:07)

Well, dude, if it's a fucking king's disease.

Big Jay Oakerson (27:10)

Well, that's what they say, but that's because of the.

Robert Kelly (27:11)

I must have had gout. I just muscled through it.

Big Jay Oakerson (27:14)

No, you may just never did. I'm telling you, as I said, it's not necessarily a fat thing. It's no salad, because that was the big thing.

Jacob (27:22)

No, I'm not even joking. It's like you're only talking meats and.

Robert Kelly (27:26)

Like, meats and cheeses for three days. Yeah, yeah, that's.

Jacob (27:30)

It's an imbalance.

Big Jay Oakerson (27:32)

What are you arguing?

Jacob (27:33)

I'm not arguing.

Big Jay Oakerson (27:34)

He's like, you know, it's not good for you. Like, it's the whole point of the story.

Robert Kelly (27:40)

So first of all, subs and hamburgers and fries is a fat guy's thing.

Big Jay Oakerson (27:46)

It's a weekend of concerts thing is what it is. And so. And then when Lenny Kravitz is playing, starting to hurt. And then in between, we're sitting there and like, it's still. I'm like. And now I have my fucking shoe off and I'm like, trying. I'm starting to feel where it's at. And it hurts a ton to the touch. But it's not like there's no bruise, there's no nothing on there. I'm like, what the fuck could this possibly be? By the time Guns N Roses comes on, whole concert, the place stands up. I stood up for a second and then I sat back down, and the whole concert was me just looking at asses of people sitting in front. Couldn't stand up.

Robert Kelly (28:20)

It was brutal. I thought Axel had gout when you started the story. I thought he was gonna have gout.

Big Jay Oakerson (28:27)

No. So I. So then they start doing, I think, Paradise City to close, and I fucking drag my foot out of place. We meet up with Kimowitz, and Kimwitz goes, that sounds like gout. He's like, I have gout. He's like, you guys should get somewhere. He's like, get to, like, a CVS or something. Nothing else. Get like, cherry juice or something like that and just pound it.

Robert Kelly (28:47)

Cherry juice, buddy.

Big Jay Oakerson (28:48)

It's an immediate cure.

Robert Kelly (28:49)

Cherry juice?

Big Jay Oakerson (28:50)

No, an immediate cure. I mean, you got. You got to get, like, the fucking Gatorade, size of it, and, like, pound. It's disgusting. It's not disgusting, but it ain't good. And get that down. It makes it go away. And I had it happen to me two more times over the last, like. Over those last years beyond that. And one of them was the funniest. We were going to Morning Press for Orlando. Metzger was with me. It was a rare weekend. Metzger was like, I'll come with you on the road. And we were going to. I was like, hey, man, after this last, like, radio thing, I think I have to go to urgent care. And he's like, yeah. I go, yeah. It's like, I can't. I wasn't able to get anything to stop it.

Robert Kelly (29:27)

You couldn't get cherry juice?

Big Jay Oakerson (29:29)

No. So I had. You can go get a steroid shot too, like a. And they'll make it go away quick, too. But I was like, oh, I have to go do that at an urgent care center or something like that. And then I just remember hearing Kurt on the phone with someone. He's like, yeah, I'm actually gonna be a little bit longer before I can call you because, like, I don't know, we have to go to. We have to go to the urgent care because Jay's got piss ankles or something. Piss ankles? I don't know. Jay's got piss ankles or something.

Robert Kelly (29:58)

That's so weird. Cherry juice would sound like a give you gout, doesn't it? Yeah. Just drinking cherry juice straight up with the cherries in it. It was just plain cherry juice.

Big Jay Oakerson (30:06)

Juice juice. But it's.

Robert Kelly (30:09)

Yeah, I've never heard of cherry juice.

Big Jay Oakerson (30:10)

There it is. Now. I just in my life have those to. Just have the gummies.

Robert Kelly (30:14)

Just have them in your fridge?

Big Jay Oakerson (30:16)

No, I keep them in my suitcase.

Robert Kelly (30:17)

Oh, the gummies.

Big Jay Oakerson (30:18)

Oh, gummies on the road. But I haven't had it happen in years.

Robert Kelly (30:21)

Well, you lost Weight, too. And you don't eat as much food.

Big Jay Oakerson (30:24)

It must probably. It's more dietary change than knowing that I don't drink beer.

Robert Kelly (30:27)

The most beer you'd ever.

Big Jay Oakerson (30:29)

Yes, I'm saying I don't drink beer like that. So it's just like that weekend just flared it up. It was bad. Sucked. You're drinking every. And you can almost attest to this. The times that it would. The other times where it's like. It's almost. I was like, oh, maybe something's happening. I should get some cherry juice. Festivals always. Not even music like Moon Tower. It's happened, you know? I mean, like, jfl. I've been like, hey, I should probably get some cherry juice. Like, just because, again, you're around all these things and everyone's drinking beers and blah, blah, blah. Oh, we're going for burgers in the afternoon.

Robert Kelly (30:54)

Meatloaf sandwiches. Jay smuggling in a thing of cherry juice.

Big Jay Oakerson (30:58)

You guys have cherry juice?

Robert Kelly (30:59)

My tart cherry.

Big Jay Oakerson (31:00)

What if they don't have cherry juice here?

Robert Kelly (31:01)

Surprised they don't sell cherry juice at these festivals because they know that people have gout. My plantar fasciitis at any concert sucks. Halfway through, it's. I have to wear those stupid hokas.

Big Jay Oakerson (31:13)

You have to get your Rolf, dude.

Robert Kelly (31:14)

What's a Rolf?

Big Jay Oakerson (31:15)

We did a Rolfing once for me, but I'll tell you what. We did a Rolfing in here. I'm gonna say his little curtain pole. He did good. I mean, he got in there, but I didn't get Rolfed.

Robert Kelly (31:25)

What's a Rolf?

Big Jay Oakerson (31:25)

I got Rolfs on the Bert Kreischer cabin show. And that's Rolf. This is not Rolfing.

Robert Kelly (31:29)

What's a Rolf?

Big Jay Oakerson (31:30)

Rolfing is deep, like massage, but, like, deep. Like, he pushes, like, on, like, the front of your stomach until he touches your back.

Jacob (31:39)

It's.

Big Jay Oakerson (31:39)

It's. It's rough, but it's supposed to break up all that fascia.

Robert Kelly (31:44)

Fascia.

Big Jay Oakerson (31:44)

And it's in, like, one sitting with a Rolfing thing on your foot.

Robert Kelly (31:48)

Really?

Big Jay Oakerson (31:48)

You're gonna scream hilariously, but it will make you feel much better.

Robert Kelly (31:51)

I would do a roll for my foot. Always hurts, you know, I was.

Big Jay Oakerson (31:54)

All right, let's get a roll for you here for Bobby's foot.

Robert Kelly (31:56)

I was in Aruba trying to do a ball on my plantar fasciitis because they said, you know, carry a golf ball or something like that. So I was rolling my foot on the ball, and then I heard a pop and. And my toe down the middle of my toe. Since then, and that was, like, four years ago. I have, like, this numb feeling in my toe. Almost like I took a ligament and popped it over something and it never went back. I went to a foot doctor, and he went, I don't know what this is.

Big Jay Oakerson (32:29)

Look what they're gonna do to you. Give him a shot. And this is the freaking first of all.

Robert Kelly (32:34)

That guy looks like he does Rolfing.

Big Jay Oakerson (32:36)

Oh, yeah. This guy looks like an illegal German doctor. Yeah.

Robert Kelly (32:50)

Are they all English, the people that do ralphing?

Big Jay Oakerson (32:52)

No. Oh, Bobby, you're gonna make noises.

Robert Kelly (32:57)

Dude, I wouldn't mind getting Rolfs if it will fix it. Okay, I'll take it.

Big Jay Oakerson (33:02)

Can we get a roll for black Louis? We work on a roll for.

Jacob (33:06)

Could never be a foot doctor.

Robert Kelly (33:07)

Why?

Jacob (33:09)

I don't want to.

Big Jay Oakerson (33:09)

Because you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from sucking his toes. I know, dude. I know, I know. My answer's funnier because you wouldn't be able to resist sucking all these freaky toes. Oh, I understand why. By the way, they show that thing happening a lot, and I want to get. But it looks like I'll laugh until I piss in his face. That thing.

Robert Kelly (33:30)

What is that?

Big Jay Oakerson (33:31)

The scraper? What? The bottom of the foot, dude. It's. Whoa.

Robert Kelly (33:36)

I want to do that. I want to do that right now. Can somebody roll for me right now?

Big Jay Oakerson (33:40)

I've seen they use that thing on people's, like. Like, shoulders and stuff. That thing. It looks crazy.

Robert Kelly (33:46)

I like that.

Big Jay Oakerson (33:47)

It makes your foot look so weird. Can I. I was gonna bring up.

Robert Kelly (33:53)

If I could fucking get my foot fixed, I'd be so happy. Have you never done, like, the foot reflexology or any of those things? No, I've gotten massages, but they always wind up jerking me off.

Big Jay Oakerson (34:03)

Before they get to your feet?

Robert Kelly (34:04)

Yeah. It's like, 45 bucks, and it's actually, like, you don't have to get jerked off. You can actually get your feet done. You're not gonna tickle my butthole and give me butterfly kisses.

Big Jay Oakerson (34:17)

Yeah.

Jacob (34:17)

I thought Rolfing was what you made Lou and I did. Now I remember. It was Ken the cuddler. We had a cuddler.

Big Jay Oakerson (34:24)

You had a cuddler. I got Rolfed.

Robert Kelly (34:25)

What's a cuddler?

Jacob (34:26)

He's a professional cuddler. He comes in and he cuddled.

Robert Kelly (34:29)

Could I get Rolfed and then have the cuddler?

Jacob (34:32)

He is great.

Robert Kelly (34:33)

Yes, I'll do both.

Big Jay Oakerson (34:34)

But that's gonna be Christmas and birthday.

Robert Kelly (34:36)

You know what? Let's just do the ralphing.

Jacob (34:38)

We just cuddle together.

Big Jay Oakerson (34:38)

It's Christmas and birthday.

Robert Kelly (34:40)

The show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's coming. The days are getting darker and longer. It's getting colder. And the holidays are here. Balancing family and travel and gifts and where you're going and who you're doing it with, it's easy to forget about yourself in the middle of all this chaos. We always forget to take care of ourselves because we're worried about Everybody and everything el else. That's why BetterHelp is encouraging you to rewrite traditions this season by making time for yourself. Incorporating therapy into your new, existing traditions can help you slow down and take care of yourself during what can be a joyful but sometimes hectic, lonely time of year. And that's what you want. You want to enjoy it. The holiday looks different for everyone. Maybe it's baking your great aunt's sweet potato pie or starting something new, like a quiet night with friends. Therapy can be one of those new traditions. BetterHelp gives you space to pause, reflect and feel more grounded. They match you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime. With over 30,000 therapists and more than 5 million people served, BetterHelp helps people close the year with clarity instead of chaos. This December, start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off at betterhelp.com that's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com Bonfire this is an Etsy.

Bobby Kelly (36:14)

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Big Jay Oakerson (37:05)

Guys, you know running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need, and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do right odoo that's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software. So you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it. Right, but that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com Amy Poehler is hilarious of a person and I keep watching clips of her podcast. It's like nominated for whatever. Golden Globes or something they're up for this year and you're like, what a boring hunk of shit.

Robert Kelly (38:18)

This is Golden Globes.

Big Jay Oakerson (38:20)

This is fucking terrible.

Robert Kelly (38:21)

You said whatever. It's not a Golden Globe.

Big Jay Oakerson (38:23)

No, I think it is a Golden.

Robert Kelly (38:25)

Globe for a podcast.

Big Jay Oakerson (38:27)

I think it's a new thing they put out. Gold podcast.

Robert Kelly (38:29)

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna start a podcast.

Big Jay Oakerson (38:32)

But she's on it. No, I don't know this show, but.

Robert Kelly (38:33)

I'm have sweet tea time with me and Jacob and we're just going to talk about watches and belts.

Big Jay Oakerson (38:38)

Sweetie's talking tea. Sweet.

Robert Kelly (38:41)

Sweetie's talking titties.

Big Jay Oakerson (38:43)

2020. What?

Robert Kelly (38:44)

Who's. Who's in it? Who's in that stupid. Who's up for it?

Big Jay Oakerson (38:48)

I'm reading it to you, jay.

Robert Kelly (38:51)

Read it.

Big Jay Oakerson (38:51)

20, 20, 48 hours. Which are stupid ones to do that Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard.

Robert Kelly (38:58)

I've seen a couple episodes. Pretty interesting inside the business type thing. Not bad. But he, he's become some type of like alpha male Navy SEAL looking dude, which is weird to watch, you know, he was just a goofy dude.

Jacob (39:11)

Jack shepherd, he was so skinny.

Robert Kelly (39:14)

Yeah, he's jacked. And he looks like he fought in the Iraq war. He's an actor. Body.

Big Jay Oakerson (39:19)

Not even. What's he acting?

Robert Kelly (39:22)

He plays make believe for a living. I don't think he could be in anything anymore because his face is too crazy.

Big Jay Oakerson (39:28)

He's like an idiocracy. Is like the goofballs.

Robert Kelly (39:30)

Yeah, he was like a silly goofy dude.

Big Jay Oakerson (39:32)

Call her Daddy Candace. Which I assume is Candace Owens.

Robert Kelly (39:34)

I think so.

Big Jay Oakerson (39:35)

Crime junkie. I don't know. Dateline NBC. Makes sense.

Robert Kelly (39:37)

Good.

Big Jay Oakerson (39:38)

Hang with Amy Poehler. That's the thing I was saying. I watched Amy Poehler. There's a clip. See if you can find this clip on YouTube. It was my. Dulled. My brain. It was her.

Robert Kelly (39:48)

Is Rogan up there?

Big Jay Oakerson (39:49)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (39:50)

Okay.

Big Jay Oakerson (39:50)

It was there. It's her and Mariska Hargitay. Detective Captain Olivia Benson. Sorry. Captain Olivia Benson. Thank you. Talking about it. And it's just this clip that they're like, this is the clip we should put out to get people to want to watch this. It's her going. She goes, I have a bad, Like Amy poster. I have a bad time. Like, I tell people things like when. Like when they ask things, like when people want you to kind of lie to them or something, and I just don't have the thing. And then Marisha goes, I am. We are exactly the same like that. Someone will be like, do you like these shoes? And I will just be like, no. It's like, are you guys sharing notes on being cunts to people? What a stupid conversation this is to have.

Robert Kelly (40:30)

I would listen to that podcast.

Big Jay Oakerson (40:31)

No, you wouldn't.

Robert Kelly (40:32)

Two cunts being cunts. You wouldn't listen to two cunts being cunts.

Big Jay Oakerson (40:35)

This isn't it. Try this one.

Robert Kelly (40:37)

Oh, God. Why do they have to do it? I mean, it's not enough that you're on TV every fucking second. You have to do a podcast, too. We do podcasts because we had nothing else to do.

Big Jay Oakerson (40:48)

Right.

Robert Kelly (40:49)

We did it.

Big Jay Oakerson (40:50)

We're like, we work. We start working at 10pm every night.

Robert Kelly (40:52)

Yeah, we did podcasts. Nobody was doing it. It was a shit job. That's why we did comedy.

Big Jay Oakerson (40:56)

Starts getting to a point where you're not making enough money doing comedy. And you're like. And I'm working five hours a week. So you're like, well, I have to do something to not be a piece of shit.

Robert Kelly (41:05)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (41:05)

I should at least be broke and say, I'm working really hard. Ye. Yeah. So, yeah, then we all start doing podcasts. Yeah.

Robert Kelly (41:12)

And then these jump in and take the. The Golden Globes away from us.

Big Jay Oakerson (41:17)

Yeah. And then Oofis over here.

Robert Kelly (41:20)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (41:22)

Bizarre from D12. Yeah.

Robert Kelly (41:24)

Forest Whitaker.

Big Jay Oakerson (41:26)

Ghost Dog, and some skinny.

Robert Kelly (41:28)

She looks like Ghost Dog.

Big Jay Oakerson (41:30)

The Ben Shapiro Show. The Bill Simmons Podcast. The Daily New York Times Show. Smartless Rotten Mango Podcast.

Robert Kelly (41:36)

Sean Ryan. Sean Ryan's a good show.

Big Jay Oakerson (41:37)

Joe Rogan, Megan Kelly, Mel Robbins, Tucker Carlson. Keep going. This past weekend with Theo and npr. It's.

Robert Kelly (41:45)

It's Theo, definitely.

Big Jay Oakerson (41:48)

Sure. But listen. No, not Theo, definitely. What are they talking about here? Like, this. Call it podcast is the whole thing. So really, none of these people should win. And it should be, what, 2020. Probably gonna be the most. They're gonna be the most highly produced things with experts and blah. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's a real thing you're talking about that versus, like, Theo Vaughn shooting the shit with Andrew Santino. Either it should be all that up to and including Joe Rogan. Cause I know it's not just necessarily a comedy podcast, but it's definitely in the universe of comedy world.

Robert Kelly (42:20)

Well, they should have. They should have categories. Comedy podcast, true crime or something like that. True crime. And then, you know, storytelling, which I'm.

Big Jay Oakerson (42:28)

Gonna crime up about something that's different.

Jacob (42:30)

Different.

Robert Kelly (42:30)

Yeah. True crime is great. Love true crime.

Big Jay Oakerson (42:33)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (42:33)

I watched the Cartel one. I watched the whole history. Was it Murder Inc?

Big Jay Oakerson (42:39)

I don't know if you know this dude, but Suarez, what was his name? Someone's back. And they're back. Big.

Robert Kelly (42:43)

They're back. They're in Studio 4.

Big Jay Oakerson (42:44)

Don't you remember? In Studio 4. Escobar.

Robert Kelly (42:47)

Escobar's back in Studio 4. Why? You don't think Serious would give Escobar a podcast?

Big Jay Oakerson (42:52)

I don't. They gave us a podcast, but they just called our radio show and then decided to call it a podcast. And then they tell us we don't have a good studio because we choose to do radio versus this podcast. None of it makes sense. But I will tell you, if you want to sit in the shitty studio with us, you have an opportunity to do that by going to sirusxm.com/hungerthon now. And you can see a bunch of items you can bid on. But real important, why would you want to bid on this? Because you get to sit with us if you want to bid on that. Now, I will tell you can bid to sit on the Sam Roberts show and Bennington, amongst many other shows here.

Robert Kelly (43:27)

Fine shows, fine shows, great shows.

Big Jay Oakerson (43:29)

But Sam Roberts and Bennington are beating us with bids right now.

Robert Kelly (43:33)

What?

Big Jay Oakerson (43:33)

And I got to tell you, it's driving me nuts.

Robert Kelly (43:34)

What are you talking about?

Big Jay Oakerson (43:36)

Sam Roberts. Currently Sam Roberts.

Robert Kelly (43:38)

Yes.

Big Jay Oakerson (43:39)

Who betrayed your friend Jim Norton and drove him right into the arms. Man.

Robert Kelly (43:44)

Lady betrayed all of my friends.

Big Jay Oakerson (43:46)

True.

Robert Kelly (43:46)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (43:47)

And then Bennington, you know, fucking dismissive. Doesn't care about you at all.

Robert Kelly (43:54)

Yeah, Me. I thought you're going to say you just me not you, apparently, so it.

Big Jay Oakerson (43:59)

Must drive you nuts.

Jacob (44:00)

Me?

Big Jay Oakerson (44:00)

He pays the ultimate respect.

Robert Kelly (44:01)

Yeah, he does.

Big Jay Oakerson (44:01)

But I. But. But they have higher bids than us.

Robert Kelly (44:05)

But. But they've been. Here's the thing with us. Can I tell you?

Big Jay Oakerson (44:08)

You're gonna go in there and stare at Ron's fucking daughter and make it weird with him. He's gonna hate you. A few.

Robert Kelly (44:12)

No, no, no, no, no. They are promoting it. They're trying. We don't. The problem with us, we don't try.

Big Jay Oakerson (44:19)

I know.

Robert Kelly (44:19)

We don't try to win anything. I think it's time to change. It's 20. 25 is over. It's coming up.

Big Jay Oakerson (44:26)

I did try, though. I tried to get people to get on board with voting for Corey Feldman. No way. He was the first person eliminated.

Robert Kelly (44:31)

Really bad. That's not you. That's on him.

Big Jay Oakerson (44:33)

That was him.

Robert Kelly (44:34)

This is us.

Big Jay Oakerson (44:35)

This is on us.

Robert Kelly (44:36)

I think that the fans of the bonfire need to be shook up a little bit.

Big Jay Oakerson (44:41)

I agree.

Robert Kelly (44:42)

They need to get off the couch. Put the remote down. Stop getting on the fucking social media. And now we need you. We need.

Big Jay Oakerson (44:50)

Hunger needs you.

Robert Kelly (44:51)

10,000 votes. 10,000. What is it a pledge? What are we doing? Bids. We need 10,000 bids. Not only gonna save somebody.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:00)

You're gonna feed people the amount of bids we get. It's the highest bid.

Robert Kelly (45:05)

We need $30 million in a bid.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:08)

$30 million would win.

Jacob (45:09)

How much is Ron and Sam beating?

Big Jay Oakerson (45:12)

Four or five grand or something.

Robert Kelly (45:14)

They're doubling us. Can I tell you what I think's going on with Roberts? I think he's shoveling his own money in there.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:20)

She's doing some flim flam.

Robert Kelly (45:21)

I think he's doing a little flim flam. I checked Those. The screen names of the people who are.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:26)

I don't respect flim flam, Bob. You know that one thing about me?

Robert Kelly (45:28)

No. You hate flim flam. You have a hoodie that says, I hate flim flam.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:31)

I hate flim flam. I don't like when you think I'm getting flim. And then you flam me. You flim flam.

Robert Kelly (45:38)

He has 43.

Jacob (45:39)

Three times the. The amount.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:41)

Yeah. What do you think? We don't have a bald guy with a beard in here. We got a couple.

Robert Kelly (45:44)

I think that's Opie.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:46)

Opie's bidding?

Robert Kelly (45:47)

Yeah, Just the gym. No, no.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:49)

Opie. If you donate $20,000, they will let you back in the building to sit in the bonfire. We should get Anthony Kumia.

Robert Kelly (45:55)

Kumia.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:56)

Donate $50,000 and see if they don't let you in for hunger, dude. How much do they hate. Do they hate you more than they. Than they love hunger?

Robert Kelly (46:03)

I say Jim, Opie, and Anthony, you guys, $45,000 each. We get the show back together right here on the bonfire.

Big Jay Oakerson (46:09)

One night only.

Robert Kelly (46:10)

One night only.

Big Jay Oakerson (46:11)

If you. If we get up to a cumulative. I'm telling you, don't just. Everybody don't just jump on. Start bidding now. One up on each other by 10 bucks. Stop that. Get together, get one communal person and bid $2 million.

Robert Kelly (46:26)

Two million.

Big Jay Oakerson (46:27)

And then we will divvy that up amongst Jim, Opie, and Anthony. And we will have them in studio.

Robert Kelly (46:34)

I'm back in.

Big Jay Oakerson (46:34)

We will have them back in studio together. Yep.

Robert Kelly (46:36)

And then we'll do it. And then we'll do a tour.

Big Jay Oakerson (46:38)

And then we'll do a whole fucking tour together.

Jacob (46:40)

We fucking conquer.

Big Jay Oakerson (46:41)

Yeah. That's what it always is. But you can grab a seat around a bonfire, our show. And hang out with us. If you want to win a chance to be in the studio live with us for a broadcast of the bonfire, you have to go right now to SiriusXM.com Hungerthon 1600.

Robert Kelly (46:57)

I'm sorry, I just looked at. We have $1600.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:00)

No, no, no, no, no. You're not understanding how this is working.

Robert Kelly (47:03)

I don't.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:04)

We're not. We don't have a.

Robert Kelly (47:06)

Don't talk to me like Billy. Fucking lighten your tone. Fucking asshole. All right, sure. You're talking to me aggressively, and I don't like it.

Jacob (47:14)

Okay.

Robert Kelly (47:14)

Hey, make me. Dang it. What's up? Hi, buddy.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:16)

Hey, champ. Listen. Bids?

Robert Kelly (47:19)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:19)

Bids are individual things.

Robert Kelly (47:21)

That's one person bidding.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:22)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (47:23)

1600.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:24)

Now, what you're thinking of is like a. Like a cash. Like a GoFundMe type thing where money's building up. And that's a mistake people make. Hey, hey.

Robert Kelly (47:31)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:32)

That's a mistake all kinds of people make.

Robert Kelly (47:34)

So wait a minute. Let me ask you a question. So there's one person that bid on Sam Roberts. The Sam show in the morning. 4,500. $4,500. One person?

Big Jay Oakerson (47:44)

Yeah.

Robert Kelly (47:45)

There's one person that listens to show that.

Jacob (47:48)

Or.

Big Jay Oakerson (47:49)

Or like I'm suggesting people are getting the. Like, we could. We could make a. We could make a bid on a show, but we could also do it instead of just going, hey, let's all put in a bid, beating each other by $5. Why don't we all put in our thousand we were going to do together, and now we've got, what, $60,000. Now we're winning this thing, right? And you could always say, yeah, it was us. So we all have to come in and watch the show. I would honor that. So if you have a hundred people, we will get a hundred people in the studio.

Robert Kelly (48:21)

This is nuts, dude.

Big Jay Oakerson (48:22)

We're gonna win. We have to start cumulatively bidding together.

Robert Kelly (48:27)

I'm gonna sell the title, form alliances.

Big Jay Oakerson (48:29)

And drive the price up.

Robert Kelly (48:30)

But if that doesn't happen, we put our own money in to just to win.

Big Jay Oakerson (48:36)

And then who do we have sit in the roll for? Two birds, one stone.

Robert Kelly (48:40)

There you go.

Big Jay Oakerson (48:41)

You know what? Say no more. We're gonna win this thing one more time. That's SiriusXM.com Hungerthon now. And see if you want to bid on the bonfire. You could also bid on Bennington and Sam Roberts there. If you're a fucking asshole. Yes.

Jacob (48:53)

Can I say what's the name of the person that bid $4,600 on?

Robert Kelly (48:57)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (48:57)

Oh, let's not look at that. We don't need to see that at all, man.

Robert Kelly (49:01)

If it's Sam's in it, we don't miss. Sam is the name we don't need to see. What is Bennington up to? Who bit it?

Jacob (49:07)

He's 3,000. Who?

Robert Kelly (49:08)

What's his name? So for Sam Roberts, it's Dog Lover. Yeah, that's Sam's Nick. That's his nickname in wrestling.

Big Jay Oakerson (49:16)

Dog Lover.

Robert Kelly (49:17)

Dog Lover. That was his nickname back in the day. Can we see how much Eddie Trunk has? I want to see if this thing's fixed. We have Eddie Verzella, Eddie Frazella. He's got three. He's. Is he beating us?

Jacob (49:28)

Yes, but he's double us.

Big Jay Oakerson (49:31)

Wow. Let's see what Eddie Trunk has.

Robert Kelly (49:33)

This doesn't feel good. This is the only second time we've mentioned it.

Big Jay Oakerson (49:38)

So true.

Robert Kelly (49:40)

We need to mention it every day. When is this over?

Jacob (49:42)

Oh, Eddie. Nobody is.

Big Jay Oakerson (49:46)

Who's the first one, though? It's Jim Florentine. It's Jim Florentine trying to get that heavy metal show back together. Star Jameson.

Robert Kelly (49:55)

We need a group of people to get together or we need somebody rich and famous. Who do you know? Shane.

Big Jay Oakerson (50:01)

No, who do you know? Shane doesn't want to sit in here.

Robert Kelly (50:04)

I know, I know. How's this?

Big Jay Oakerson (50:06)

Godsmack. Tell Godsmack to bid.

Robert Kelly (50:08)

We could do Gabby's dad. All you have to do is relinquish. Just say that his daughter is the greatest crowd work comic in New York City.

Big Jay Oakerson (50:17)

I've relinquished that.

Robert Kelly (50:18)

Okay, good.

Big Jay Oakerson (50:18)

The New York Times said it you think I'm challenging the New York Times? What am I, Joe Rogan and Dave Smith?

Robert Kelly (50:23)

We should get. We should get him to do it. We'll get him to do $2 million and blow it out of the water. And then we have him come in. I like the plan with Gabby.

Big Jay Oakerson (50:35)

If you want to give Bobby some of your money personally, you can see him performing in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, this weekend.

Robert Kelly (50:43)

How do you know? I get paid personally. From every person in the crowd.

Big Jay Oakerson (50:46)

Every person personally.

Jacob (50:47)

We have a. Wait, let's mention. We have a holiday show. You can come for free.

Big Jay Oakerson (50:52)

Oh, that's right. We do have a holiday show.

Robert Kelly (50:54)

We should charge people for the holiday show. Take that money and buy.

Big Jay Oakerson (50:58)

The things look good. That's true. Yeah, that's good. All this money will not. The proceeds will not go to hunger for this. There are no proceeds. Everyone. You can just go. It's December 16th, Tuesday, as always, 7pm at the Village Underground in New York City. Get tickets atthecomedy seller.com. they will go fast. They're free. So they're gonna go.

Robert Kelly (51:18)

They're gonna go real fast.

Big Jay Oakerson (51:19)

Get your reservation in right now. Bobby is gonna be at Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, this weekend. The 5th and the 6th. After that, he's gonna be in Sarasota, Poughkeepsie, the Comedy Works south in Colorado, Batavia, Illinois. For tickets and all their tour dates, go to punchup.live.

Robert Kelly (51:35)

Robert Kelly, the Greatest Business in the World. Punch up that life. Big J is going to be at the Funny Bone in Omaha this weekend. The fifth. After that, he's going to be in Irvine, Milwaukee, Tacoma for tickets and all the tour dates, bigj. Comedy.com and don't forget to go to his website, YouTube.com bigjokerson and see him do live stuff.

Big Jay Oakerson (51:58)

Question.

Robert Kelly (51:59)

Six and a half inches.

Big Jay Oakerson (52:01)

Okay. I get home.

Robert Kelly (52:02)

What was that face?

Big Jay Oakerson (52:03)

I get home on my birthday.

Robert Kelly (52:05)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (52:05)

Sunday.

Robert Kelly (52:06)

Yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson (52:08)

Sixers play the Lakers in Philly. Yeah. Do I come home, drive down there, sit in good seats, and then risk the chance that the Sixers just. I know this holds nothing to you, but the Sixers, every game it could be. Everyone's playing. No one's playing. Some of them are playing, and then they're going to play good. Or they could win by. They could win by five in the coolest ending of all times. Or they can lose by 50. Is it worth that? Drive back on a weekend that I got to work the next week?

Robert Kelly (52:41)

Still no.

Big Jay Oakerson (52:42)

Stay home and watch it.

Robert Kelly (52:43)

You have so many TVs stay home, watch it. You have ubereats. You can do whatever you want.

Big Jay Oakerson (52:49)

Isabelle, come over, watch the Lakers game.

Robert Kelly (52:51)

Stay home. Dog, chick, daughter, slippers, food, gout.

Big Jay Oakerson (52:57)

I don't have gout.

Robert Kelly (52:58)

You might. I don't after this weekend.

Big Jay Oakerson (53:01)

Doctor said I don't have gout.

Robert Kelly (53:02)

All right. You don't have gout?

Big Jay Oakerson (53:04)

No, I never. I think gout's a thing you can like live with. Like you have to take medicine every day. Kimowitz took medicine for it every day. The doctor told me I didn't have gout, right? He goes, you got like an outbreak.

Robert Kelly (53:14)

Of it of gout, which means you had gout.

Big Jay Oakerson (53:17)

Oh, yeah, I had it.

Jacob (53:18)

Chronic gout.

Big Jay Oakerson (53:19)

Yeah.

Jacob (53:19)

It doesn't go away.

Big Jay Oakerson (53:21)

No, I mean if it go. But I think we're just is it's always like right there. You have to like med regulate stuff. They told me I don't take need to take medicine and not do it. They go, I would just be careful. If you're gonna have a weekend where you're pounding fucking 10 beers, you know that it.

Robert Kelly (53:33)

Sorry.

Big Jay Oakerson (53:33)

Go ahead, go ahead.

Jacob (53:34)

Well, my question is, let's say you have advanced. You have full blown gout. Somebody has full blown gout. You take the medicine. What you don't. And let's say you change your diet, doesn't go away for, I don't know.

Big Jay Oakerson (53:46)

I take prep.

Robert Kelly (53:48)

You take prep. Or you could do Body brain coffee because that Oscar. Waka waka.

Big Jay Oakerson (53:51)

Yeah. Let's do a live read. Body Brain Coffee now featuring Swan Cat, Swingy and Wab and Picky Main and all that's good for your brain and your body, apparently. I'll tell you what it hasn't been good for. My wallet hasn't changed my life one little bit whatsoever. Meanwhile, I talk about it non stop. Interesting.

Robert Kelly (54:12)

I can't wait for the live show because I'm gonna have my body brain hot cup of coffee.

Big Jay Oakerson (54:16)

Interesting. Very interesting.

Robert Kelly (54:19)

Make sure you come to our show, the Christmas show, and make sure you get your funds together. I want to win.

Big Jay Oakerson (54:25)

Let's go get lunch.

Robert Kelly (54:26)

What are we getting?

Big Jay Oakerson (54:28)

I don't know.

Robert Kelly (54:30)

We can't do the buffet.

Jacob (54:31)

Eddie Trunk. We should be beating anything.

Big Jay Oakerson (54:35)

No complete offense.

Jacob (54:36)

Maybe cut that out.

Big Jay Oakerson (54:37)

Nope. No. Jacob. You said it, buddy. We said it.

Jacob (54:39)

You said it's a different type of show. Yeah, we're a comedy show.

Big Jay Oakerson (54:42)

It's all different thing. That's all. Enjoy your weekend, everybody. I'll see you Omaha. Bobby's gonna see you out in Point Pleasant and we will see you Monday.

Bobby Kelly (54:53)

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