Don't Forget To Live

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: “Don't Forget To Live”

Date: June 18, 2026
Main Theme:
A riotous, nitty-gritty backstage pass to comedy fandom, aging out of music, and the chaos and joy of being a grown-up superfan. Jay and Bobby prep for a Youngblud concert, roast each other’s fashion and obsessions, debate the state of rock stars, and gleefully eviscerate pop culture—from Youngblud’s allure to Madonna’s legacy—drawing on their lived experience in comedy and life.

---

1. Setting the Scene: Gearing Up for the Youngblud Concert

• Key Players:
  • Big Jay Oakerson & Robert "Bobby" Kelly (hosts)
  • Christine (recurring voice, Bobby’s wife)
  • Laura (guest), Shannon Maldonado (guest), others
• Purpose:
  The episode centers on group anticipation, anxiety, and jokes about attending a Youngblud concert—aka, being grown up fans out among the “kids”.
• Fashion & Confidence—Age and Attitude:
  • Bobby describes his carefully picked, but mocked, concert outfit, sparking generational and gender humor:
    • “Are you wearing that? ...Dude, it’s gay.” – Max (Bobby’s son), on Bobby’s outfit [02:11]
    • “Go, Queen.” (Max calls Bobby ‘queen’, ribbing him further.) [02:24]
    • "I'm not Wearin'—I took my red jacket off Slay girl and I put on a different shirt." – Christine [02:31]

---

2. Comedic Breakdown: Outfit, Aging, and Parental Judgment

• Bobby’s new sneakers, pink thermos (“functionality” over color), and his son’s brutal honesty spark a group roast.
• Humorous friction between impulse buying and image-conscious age:
  • “You picked a pink thermos.” — Jay [03:21]
  • “But I like the functionality of it.” — Christine [03:03]
• “You can’t suck off this rock god wearing old man shoes.” — Jay [13:55]
• Contemplating comfort vs. style at a concert for people their kids’ age.

---

3. Youngblud Obsession: Fandom, Fantasies & Rock Star Archetypes

• Christine and Laura gush about Youngblud’s appeal, with Jay and Bobby oscillating between skepticism and mock-sincerity:
  • “He’s Mick Jagger. He’s Steve Tyler. He’s fucking Freddie Mercury all rolled up.” — Christine [05:06]
  • “You think I want perfect, juicy lips, a little button nose, beautiful eyes and a great body...?” — Christine, mocking the idea she envies Youngblud’s androgynous looks [15:45]
• Jay pokes holes in Bobby’s fantasy—and in concert gatekeeping (who gets backstage invites, changing shirts, etc).
• They riff on being “the only straight guys” at a Youngblud gig, feeling out of place and potential “almost famous” moments.

---

4. Tickets, Guest Lists, and Inside Jokes

• Chaos over whether their comped concert tickets will ever arrive, with Laura and Christine anxiously checking accounts.
• Jay spins wild narratives about “Liam”, the supposed ticket provider, threatening to “leak secrets” and satirizing elite, fratty “boathouse” culture:
  • “If that happens, Liam, and let this strike fear in your heart, I’m gonna tell people what I saw at that boathouse...” – Jay [10:35]
• Moment of relief when tickets finally come through, followed by seat location disappointment (“Those seats suck!” — Jay [14:50]).

---

5. Rock Star Setlists, Merch, and Modern Concert Rituals

• The group scans Youngblud’s setlist, roasting the short show length and unfamiliar tracks:
  • “He’s going from ghosts into zombie. Do I know any of these songs that aren’t covers?” — Jay [18:29]
  • “I don’t know them. I can’t sing them. I don’t listen to them over and over. I mean, I don’t do music like that, but I do like his last few videos.” — Christine [18:41]
• Worshipful and comedic speculation about what might happen at the show (e.g., taking shirts off, being brought on stage, who gets to “hold the foreskin”).
• Obsessing over the merch table (“I’m a merch whore.” — Christine [31:17]), from shirts to foam fingers.

---

6. The Evolution (and Decline?) of Pop—Spotlight: Madonna

• Jay and Christine roast Madonna’s recent performances, blending nostalgia with ruthless age/culture commentary:
  • “Can your old beaten and battered box fucking also swallow up your little panties outfit?” — Jay [43:35]
  • “You have to age gracefully. You have to figure it... Stevie Nicks figured it out...” — Christine [48:42]
• Dissection of Madonna’s looks, body, setlist choices (“Do a bunch of songs no one’s ever fucking heard of before.” — Jay [43:32]), and the changing standards of pop performance.
• The group riffs on body positivity, cosmetic surgery, and how stars—especially female icons—navigate aging in the public eye.

---

7. The Social Exam: Gender, Generations, and Being a Superfan

• Jay and Bobby linger on how out-of-place they’ll look at the show, amongst “young girls and their moms.”
• They invent absurd “parachute plans” for bailing if the concert vibe gets too weird [24:29].
• Comedy as a lens for saying the unsayable: body hair, gender fluidity, fan culture, and shifting standards of attractiveness—all fodder for Jay and Bobby’s brutally honest banter.

---

8. Spotlight on Comedy: From Delivery Styles to Industry Gossip

• Jay and Bobby reflect on changes in comedic delivery (“chosen delivery”—some comics use anxiety or odd personas as their “gimmick”).
• Name drops: Jeremy Hotz, Kathleen Madigan, Richard Lewis, Mitch Fatel, Aziz Ansari, Gary Gulman.
  • “It’s almost like knowing the magic trick... I know what he’s doing, I’ve talked to him offstage.” — Christine [58:32]
  • “You think Mitch Fatel is a grown baby but he is talking about getting his dick sucked...” — Christine [59:16]
• Breakdown of the stratification in comedy, changes in audience taste, and how career fortunes rise and fade.

---

9. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You can't suck off this rock god wearing old man shoes." — Jay [13:55]
• “He’s Mick Jagger. He’s Steve Tyler. He’s fucking Freddie Mercury all rolled up.” — Christine [05:06]
• “Go, Queen.” — Max (Bobby’s son) [02:24]
• “I’m a merch whore.” — Christine [31:17]
• “Those seats suck.” — Jay [14:50]
• “Can your old beaten and battered box also swallow up your little panties outfit?” — Jay, on Madonna [43:35]
• “You have to age gracefully. You have to figure it out. Stevie Nicks figured it out.” — Christine [48:42]
• “You think I want perfect, juicy lips, a little button nose, beautiful eyes and a great body...?” — Christine [15:45]
• “He rides a horse onto the stage... what do you think he’s going to do here?” — Jay [39:27]

---

10. Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:11]–[02:24]: Max critiques Bobby’s concert outfit
• [05:02]–[06:06]: Christine gushes Youngblud, rock star archetypes
• [10:35]–[12:00]: Jay’s wild ticket-bribery bit about Liam and “boathouse crimes”
• [14:50]: Reaction to getting “bad” concert seats
• [18:00]–[18:41]: Setlist anticipation/disappointment
• [31:17]: Fanaticism about buying merch
• [43:32]–[48:42]: Comprehensive (and cutting) Madonna roast
• [58:04]–[62:10]: Deep-dive into comedic delivery, industry, and gossip

---

11. Tone and Takeaways

• Tone: Unapologetically blunt, playfully mean, astutely observational, laced with hard-won wisdom and adolescent giddiness.
• Takeaway:
  The Bonfire remains a place where you can be too old, too weird, too honest to care—a backstage comedy hang where pop culture, nostalgia, and comics’ own neuroses mix for raw, relevant humor. Age doesn’t stifle excitement—and it sure doesn’t mellow the roasts.

---

Transcript

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[Jay Oakerson]

And now, the bonfire with Big J.

[Christine]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Laura]

Wash your puss in the sink.

[Female Caller]

Ah.

[Christine]

When I fell in love with him, Jay, when I knew he had what they call in the business, it.

[Jay Oakerson]

And tonight you're gonna show him how much.

[Christine]

I'm gonna show him it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Has anyone talked to Liam? Do we have tickets?

[Christine]

I thought he sent them to Christine.

[Laura]

That would be supposed to be sent to me. I don't have them yet.

[Christine]

That'd be hilarious.

[Jay Oakerson]

If we don't get tickets, we're going to the Cellar.

[Christine]

Okay. It's not. Seller wings aren't the same as Young Blood.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're not.

[Christine]

I got all dolled up, got new sneakers that I saved. Oh, I broke them out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, dude, you're gonna see those, buddy.

[Christine]

You don't understand. I was. I was all. I had my outfit ready to go.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right, we need these tickets. Then someone reach out to Liam.

[Christine]

I had. I had my outfit ready to go. Dawn left. I was getting my stuff together. I put on my whole gear. I got a jacket. I had another shirt.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's so humid out.

[Christine]

I know, but I. I told you I got a pop.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, your pop's going to be armpit stains.

[Christine]

I. I don't sweat like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Christine]

I got a pop all ready to pop. Had my whole outfit on. I was peacocking, and Max came home and he walked up and he looked at me, goes, what are you doing? I go, what? I gotta go. I'm gonna work. Are you wearing that? I go, why? Yeah, I'm wearing that. He goes, dude, it's gay. I went, what? He goes, dude, you can't wear that you can't wear. I had a red jacket.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you tell him that was the message you were trying to send?

[Christine]

And he grabs. He's like, dude. He's literally mad at me. But, dad, you can't wear that out. You can't. He goes, where are you going?

[Jay Oakerson]

I take his word.

[Christine]

13 years old, I'm going to the concert. And then I have my pink thermos of my iced coffee in it that I bring to work in my car. And.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

It's a little pink thermos.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why is it pink?

[Christine]

I don't know. It was the only one they had. But I like the functionality of it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is the only one they had when

[Christine]

I was buying it. Yes. It was the only one they had with that functionality. TJ Maxx. Max for the minimum. I like the. I need good functionality.

[Jay Oakerson]

Taking the functionality.

[Christine]

Well, I don't know if you understand what I'm saying.

[Jay Oakerson]

You picked a pink thermos.

[Christine]

I don't know if you understand what I mean when I say functionality.

[Jay Oakerson]

Does it only have room for three fingers and a thumb?

[Christine]

No. I need it to be big enough to hold enough coffee, but thin down the bottom so it fits in my.

[Jay Oakerson]

So it doesn't hurt.

[Female Voice (Ad)]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

When it's all the way in.

[Christine]

So it fits in my cup holder in my car.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that what you call it?

[Christine]

But.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then shove your Stanley in my cup holder.

[Christine]

And then the. And then the top. I wanted to. I wanted. I want a straw. Flip up. I don't want the slide open. Coffee.

[Jay Oakerson]

Understood.

[Christine]

I want this so I can. You know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine's got that in black.

[Christine]

Yeah, well, they didn't. The only one I had when I needed one was this.

[Laura]

Well, when you impulse bought it and when you were being a Max and Issa.

[Christine]

You're goddamn right.

[Jay Oakerson]

You could have just waited and ordered the one that's not a girl's color.

[Christine]

I don't know if you know what impulse buying is, Jay, but.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right, but then you can hang on that one until the black one comes and then swap them out.

[Christine]

No, I bought this one, and I.

[Jay Oakerson]

To send a message, literally.

[Christine]

I had my iced coffee on the counter. He goes, hey, why don't you take this, too, with your outfit? I go, I am. That's my. Nice.

[Laura]

She got a boy mom sticker.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is he gonna be like, oh, my God, you forgot your purse, dad.

[Christine]

He goes, you can't wear that. He goes. He goes. I go, I'm leaving. He goes, hey, all right. Go, Queen. He called me queen.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Christine]

I go out. I'm not Wearing. I took my red jacket off Slay girl and I put on a different shirt. And then you changed shirts, too, I tell you. Yeah, the shirt was a little crazy.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

What was the shirt?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Youngblood.

[Christine]

No, no. I was trying to get one. I can't. I'm getting one tonight, though. What up?

[Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna buy merch?

[Christine]

I had my. My Youngblood merch. Yeah. Why? You know I'm a merch. Fucking whore.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a boy, buddy.

[Christine]

He's a man. He was next to you. Right next to you. He's a fucking rock star. He's going to be the next big thing in rock and roll.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Okay?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you're going to wear a shirt with him on it.

[Christine]

He's Mick Jagger. He's Steve Tyler. He's fucking Freddie Mercury all rolled up.

[Jay Oakerson]

Every wanted to.

[Christine]

I didn't say Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi was not in there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bon Jovi was not everybody. He's got a little Bon Jovi thing

[Christine]

to him a little bit.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And I was. I. So I changed everything. And then Max was like, all right, you better. Then he popped my chain.

[Jay Oakerson]

Him and Bon Jovi have a similar face shape that you'll see as you look up with his in your mouth. You'll see that. That right. Right here. Similar right here.

[Christine]

First of all, I'm not gonna. I'm not going there because I. I mean, I. I think he's sexy.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're hoping.

[Female Caller]

I.

[Christine]

If he's like, hey, come back to the dressing room. And then somebody stops you and then just lets me go. I won't let that happen.

[Jay Oakerson]

What if we're going back to the

[Christine]

dressing room, he's like, young blood wants to see you. And then we both go back and he's like, not you. And he just wants me in the dressing room. I'm not gonna let that happen.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not gonna happen. Did you have. You fantasized that?

[Christine]

But I have to fantasize.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's the situation where they go you not. What is it? Studio 54? Do you think you're a young gorgeous man?

[Christine]

I just know. But listen. But when I went room, I was like, hey, man, I can't do this. And I left and I went back to.

[Jay Oakerson]

In your fantasy, you got in the room.

[Christine]

It's not a fantasy, it's a thought.

[Jay Oakerson]

You went just to say you went in and popped in just to let him know you came. You're there.

[Christine]

I was like, hey, what's up, bro? And he was like. And he was Kind of like just had his pants on.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And you're trying to take yours off. Security tackles you.

[Christine]

You think, I'm gonna take my pants off in front of Youngblood? He's gonna see balls over my dick and then another set of balls.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, he's frozen in smiles, so you're gonna think it's all the signals. I guess he's like. I guess he likes me pulling my pants down.

[Christine]

Cheeky little cunt.

[Female Caller]

Come on.

[Christine]

You don't love it, you cheeky little

[Jay Oakerson]

friend. Laura in here. Our friend Laura. You're going to a concert tonight, right?

[Christine]

Are you going to Youngblood?

[Guest or Additional Male]

Possibly.

[Laura]

I'm also waiting on my friend.

[Christine]

Are you excited to go?

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I mean, this is what I like about her. First of all, who she is. Like. Like, when she walked in, I was like, hey, what's going on? I thought she hated me, but then she said hi the same way to everybody else. And then when you said you to the concert, possibly, I was like, this is the perfect per person to work with Lewis, by the way.

[Laura]

Whisperer.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Shannon Maldonado]

I mean, it's.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's like a rescue dog. She's skittish. She's skittish. You have to say it's like, no, no, she likes you. She's just weird. She's just a little bit of a weirdo. And it's also. It's raining outside, so she has to just lay in the corner.

[Christine]

We should take her to the Cure.

[Jay Oakerson]

That'd be the cure for something. Just drab. God, that Cure concert sucked shit so hard. As a woman, if you're a single lady. If Youngblood called you out to come backstage just to service him, would you? Of course you would. Yeah. Christine would, too.

[Christine]

Yeah, of course they would, Jay. We all would.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not gonna go service Youngblood. You heard it here first.

[Guest or Additional Male]

No. Bobby has the strength to not do it.

[Laura]

You can watch me do it.

[Guest or Additional Male]

The inner strength.

[Christine]

I've actually. I am exactly. I've meditated. I will. I have the strength to not, first of all, not leave a friend. Never leave you.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can leave me.

[Christine]

No, I would never do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you're gonna have your almost famous moment with Youngblood.

[Christine]

No, I would never do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

I would never do that. What if he takes his shirt off for you? You get to see for yourself.

[Christine]

First of all, he doesn't have a shirt on. When I go in the back room, it's already off.

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know that.

[Christine]

Yeah, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry. I haven't seen what you've seen.

[Christine]

He just Did a hot contest by the. If he doesn't take his shirt off while we're there, it's gonna suck.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Oh, you're gonna smell that concert musk on him and you're not gonna be able to hold off.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna be bummed out if he stays shirted the entire show, aren't you?

[Guest or Additional Male]

A little bit.

[Christine]

A little bit maybe.

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I feel like it's in a different way than you, but yeah, sort of.

[Christine]

Yeah, man, come on, take that off. Maybe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Kinda.

[Christine]

What if everybody in the concert takes their shirt? He's like, everybody take your shirts off right now. And me and you just leave.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll leave. If we're the only two people and we're like that much of a sore thumb, I'm leaving. I'm leav lean before I do it. I don't care if the guy next to me is morbidly obese. I'm still not doing it.

[Christine]

There's going to be no guys at this concert. They're going to be gay guys. Me and you are going to be the only straight people at this concert, guys. You are going to be the only.

[Female Caller]

Thank you.

[Christine]

Now, I mean, look it, I just. I. I love. I love lead singers. I love. I've always liked men. That was not. That's out of context and that's. That. That's. I mean, you could be sued for that.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not that out of context, actually.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Seems to be.

[Christine]

All right, I like him. He's just a fan. All right, Relax.

[Jay Oakerson]

You love it?

[Christine]

I love it. Very excited.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know we're coming in tomorrow. We're doing a live show tomorrow. A rare live Thursday. Just come in and talk about it.

[Christine]

But we don't know if we have tickets.

[Jay Oakerson]

We don't know if we have tickets yet.

[Christine]

For sure.

[Laura]

I. He said you have the tickets. They're just not in my account. Yeah, I'm sure it's.

[Jay Oakerson]

That doesn't make any sense.

[Christine]

Can you.

[Laura]

You know how last minute the guest list shit is.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's not guest list. What do you mean, guests? He says he's transferring your Ticketmaster account,

[Laura]

but it's like comped tickets through Ticketmaster.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't think that's what's happening.

[Laura]

That's how. Yeah, that's how it works when it's Ticketmaster guests.

[Jay Oakerson]

Liam, what if Liam us this hard? What if we said not only could he do what we were promised, but then only got us two tickets? And then those two tickets where it didn't come through.

[Christine]

What if it's only one ticket.

[Jay Oakerson]

What do we do? I'm gonna tell you if that happens, Liam, and let this strike fear in your heart. I'm gonna tell people what I saw at that boathouse. I'm gonna tell people what I saw you do. You and your fucking frat friends. I know where she's at, and I'll take the cops right to her.

[Christine]

You know what he did four summers ago?

[Jay Oakerson]

I know you did four summers ago. Leave, you creepy piece of shit.

[Christine]

Look at him. Look at him. Oh, God.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I know where you keep your trophies. In your house.

[Christine]

Your trophies are your victims, your earrings and your of hair.

[Jay Oakerson]

There it is. Thank you, Lou. That's the right song for it. Not a lot of. Not enough people listen to the words of this song. It's all fucked up.

[Christine]

I didn't even know that you. You're the first person to teach me that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really? Yeah.

[Christine]

Well, on the show, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's about a guy taking a girl behind a lake house and torturing and killing her. That's all the lyrics are about.

[Laura]

Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

How come this isn't like. Like a thing? Like, people like, oh, my God, we're singing about.

[Jay Oakerson]

They didn't. Because they also. They didn't make a video that really depicts this.

[Christine]

Well, how would you make the video? That would be terrible.

[Jay Oakerson]

It would be a great horror. Yeah.

[Christine]

Plus, it was the 90s. Nobody gave a.

[Jay Oakerson]

No one really cared. But it really is. It's a guy. He's like. That's his thing. He's, like, laughing while he's, like, saying crazy to her. It's a good song. Good song either way. That's right, Liam. Gonna tell your fucking toady story about what you've done at that fucking boathouse with you and your crew. Team friends. With you and your Duke lacrosse friends. You guys raped that girl.

[Christine]

He does dress like a former rowing team guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. Dude, this guy only knows Ivy League parties. He hits chicks. I'll tell you everything bad about him. Liam, I'm starting to leak secrets. Liam hits women. I'm gonna keep going until you get these tickets in Christine's account.

[Laura]

Well, I don't think they're good.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, look what showed up. Once I said I'd show you where the bodies were.

[Laura]

They actually came in at 12:39. It was just from a weird email.

[Jay Oakerson]

Liam, I'm sorry. I've. Maybe I may have. I may have opened up a. A web here for you. I may have up for you. All right. Hey, Authorities. There's not actually a body anywhere. I was Just wound up.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think they're going to believe that?

[Christine]

Thank God you didn't tell him what he thought about the Jews.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was there, Liam. Just know I didn't tell people what you thought about the Jews. And I really kept quiet about your feelings on the black employees here. I'm looking at you, Black Lou. He's got some thoughts.

[Guest or Additional Male]

This is bad, y'.

[Female Caller]

All.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where are our tickets at? Yeah, that's what I want to see. Where our tickets at?

[Christine]

Can I just say something?

[Jay Oakerson]

If it says mezzanine, dude, I'm gonna fucking throw a chair through the window of his office.

[Christine]

I'm not gonna. I do like a seat.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're only seats.

[Christine]

Okay, great. I'm at the age of I don't mind sitting at a concert.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, for a guy who's got. For a guy who's got a closet full of hocus and on clouds, you sure do hate standing.

[Christine]

I didn't wear my hocus. I. That was a choice I made.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wear pure fashionable sneakers. Do you think these things are comfortable?

[Christine]

They're flat footed, buddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll stand on them for six hours so people know how cool I am.

[Christine]

I wore my fashionable Nikes.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's why you can't stand.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's why I can't stand you Refreshable Nikes.

[Jay Oakerson]

And it's hurting your fascia.

[Christine]

I was sitting there for a half hour deciding whether on clouds, Hokas, or fashionable, and I went, you can't suck

[Jay Oakerson]

off this rock God wearing old man shoes.

[Christine]

I know I can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you throw on some new balances and some tastefully above the thigh shorts.

[Christine]

Yeah, not even girls want to look down and see Hokas.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Bobby, look who's wearing a wallet chained to nowhere.

[Christine]

Oh, he has a. He has a wallet on that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Christine]

How do you know? Look, you don't know what's in his back pocket.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not in his back pocket. It's on the belt loop in the back.

[Christine]

Are you sure?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm a hundred percent sure. No one wears a back pocket wallet anymore.

[Laura]

They all go to nowhere. I told you. They're like.

[Jay Oakerson]

They all go to nowhere now.

[Christine]

Oh, you invented something.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was ahead of my time.

[Laura]

Your seats are really great.

[Christine]

Where, where, where, where, where?

[Laura]

Right here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that written in Japanese?

[Laura]

No, it's just, where are we? So this is a stage and you're here.

[Christine]

Are we on the end?

[Laura]

And you're like, right.

[Christine]

Oh, we're in the middle. Oh, that sucks.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Bobby, he can point to you from there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Those seats suck.

[Christine]

I want to be on the end. What if one of us has to.

[Laura]

Ten rows back?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yep. I want to be right in front of him.

[Laura]

So go rush the stage.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll distract them while you rush the stage, Bobby. Okay, but you gotta.

[Laura]

You can be like the guys that sting and just go in the aisles.

[Jay Oakerson]

Listen, you can't think, though.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Mm.

[Jay Oakerson]

You gotta act.

[Christine]

What do you mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, when I lay the distraction, you gotta get up there and get to him. And then I think when you get up on stage, he'll recognize you.

[Christine]

I don't think so, because he hasn't responded to my DM yesterday.

[Jay Oakerson]

Think back to the fantasy.

[Christine]

Hasn't even read it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Think back to the fantasy. Remember at the end of it, you were on stage with him singing your favorite song, but you were doing the Machine Gun Kelly Parks. That's the only song of his. You know that. He did it with Machine Gun Kelly and you just liked his hair and outfit.

[Christine]

That's not true.

[Jay Oakerson]

You fell in love with the boy's hair and outfit is what happened.

[Christine]

Buddy, I fell in love with everything.

[Jay Oakerson]

You fell in love with a sexy young boy who you wish you looked like.

[Christine]

I don't wish I look like him.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, you do.

[Christine]

I do not. I do not want to look like young blood.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Christine]

Buddy, you think I want perfect, juicy lips, a little button nose, beautiful eyes and a great body, but it's long. It's not in shape, but it's thin and in shapely.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sick hair. Sick dick hair?

[Christine]

Yeah. You think I want that? You think I want perfect hair that flows in front of my face and I can whip it back when I say something interesting?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what, he might get me with the hair tonight, though, the floppy hair. I'm gonna be like, yeah, good hair. It's good floppy hair.

[Christine]

Yeah, he's got. Dude, he's just the perfect rock star. Hang on. Perfect rock star lead man. He's the. It's what we've been waiting for. Who else is that cool up in front? If he can just switch from pop.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gotta see what he's singing, because that's what it is. When I asked the Mike G Mike from Skank said it's kind of like. It's like party pop rock.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I feel like he's gonna be very blink182ish. I feel like.

[Christine]

I feel like he's going towards the. When he hooked up with Ozzy and Aerosmith, I feel like he was. He's going more towards rock and roll. Yeah, and he loves a cover. You're gonna get some covers? Yeah. That's good. There are going to be some songs and there will be some.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bring up a set list, please.

[Christine]

There's go some, you know, speeches about,

[Jay Oakerson]

you know, his bloody. Something.

[Christine]

No, about, you know, how we all going to get along. And gay people. She doesn't matter.

[Jay Oakerson]

And Donald Trump was pretty yesterday. The uk. The uk.

[Christine]

The uk.

[Laura]

This is what this is last night.

[Jay Oakerson]

Last night.

[Christine]

Perfect.

[Jay Oakerson]

Out in Boston. This we did for you. It opens with a rendition. Well. Nope, just the song. War Pigs playing. I like that.

[Christine]

That's great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Then hello, Heaven. Hello. That banger. The Funeral. No idea. Idols, Part one. You're pretty excited about that.

[Christine]

More excited about Part two, but go ahead.

[Jay Oakerson]

Lovesick Lullaby. No idea.

[Christine]

It's a good song.

[Jay Oakerson]

My Only angel, which is an Aerosmith and Young Blood song, but will be done by just Young Blood. Fleabag. No idea. Low Life? Couldn't guess. And then the other Aerosmith. Youngblood song, sans Aerosmith. Then he's gonna do the changes. He's gonna do the Black Sabbath cover, the only ballad they ever made, which is not a good song.

[Christine]

You don't like Changes?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Christine]

Really?

[Female Caller]

No.

[Christine]

You don't like when he did it?

[Jay Oakerson]

When he did it?

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He did a good job of singing. He's very talented. I bet. That song sucks.

[Laura]

This is a really short show. That's like an hour long show.

[Christine]

Perfect.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, prob.

[Christine]

No prob.

[Laura]

I mean, his songs aren't more than five minutes each. There's only 13 songs.

[Christine]

He could be like the Grateful Dead.

[Jay Oakerson]

Floyd over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest or Additional Male]

That's not bad, factoring in gyration and

[Jay Oakerson]

then he's ending with ghosts.

[Christine]

And you're not factoring in speeches in between songs.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's going from ghosts into zombie. Do I know any of these songs that aren't covers?

[Christine]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Impossible.

[Laura]

I want to see if he changes.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Play.

[Christine]

Play the funeral one. That's a good one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you know it or are you just saying.

[Christine]

I don't. I don't. No, I don't. I. I know some of his songs. I don't know them. I can't sing them. I don't listen to them over and over. I mean, I don't do music like that, but I do like his last few videos he put out there.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is the funeral?

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah.

[Christine]

This is when he was young. It's kind of punky. White Wedding. It's kind of funky. Wait, wait, it gets good. What does this remind you of?

[Guest or Additional Male]

This White Wedding?

[Christine]

Yeah. Billy Idol reminds me of Billy Idol.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'll tell you what it reminds me of. Corey Feldman.

[Christine]

No, it doesn't. Don't say that. Then don't go if you're not gonna go. If you're gonna go with his attitude.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Dancing with myself.

[Christine]

I don't want to be next to somebody who's gonna hate on Young Blood.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not gon. You know, I think he's very talented. I think I'm excited for the cuttings. I think me and you're gonna have a good time.

[Christine]

We're. Have a great time. But if I look over and you are. Have those fucking eyebrows. If I see you roll your eyebrows at one song.

[Jay Oakerson]

I won't roll anything.

[Christine]

You're gonna have that dead stare.

[Jay Oakerson]

They might.

[Announcer]

Yeah, he's audibly.

[Laura]

He was. He was making Isabelle during the AIDS tribute at Madonna. He was making Isabelle laugh so much.

[Christine]

I was like, kristen, fucking knock it off. Yeah, I don't wanna. Do not make me. Do not fucking make me laugh. During the song.

[Laura]

The AIDS TR. Tribute you were making. You're cracking jokes at Isabelle and it's like this.

[Female Voice (Ad)]

That.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know what age tribute.

[Laura]

Remember when she was showing all the pictures and she was talking about losing all her friends? Madonna at Madonna.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I didn't hear you say Madonna once.

[Laura]

And you were making Isabella laugh so much.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Laura]

And Isabelle is just giggling.

[Jay Oakerson]

She is my kid.

[Christine]

He is going to. He's going to have some. He's.

[Jay Oakerson]

He talks an age tribute.

[Christine]

No, but he will. He will bring up subjects. I believe he makes speeches.

[Jay Oakerson]

I bet you're gonna yell something out and hope you recognize your voice, young blood.

[Guest or Additional Male]

I don't think he's gonna do political stuff. Huh? I don't think he will do police.

[Jay Oakerson]

I hope he gets heavy political.

[Christine]

He does.

[Guest or Additional Male]

He wants to be a rock star. Not.

[Christine]

Yeah, do that.

[Laura]

There's so many videos. I'm trying to find him. There's just series of videos of father figure playing with him gyrating. And there's just like tons of them.

[Jay Oakerson]

We'll play it.

[Laura]

I'm trying to find them. They're not loading on the page.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at all those wallet chains to nowhere.

[Christine]

There's going to be a lot of chicks at this concert, man. A lot. We're going to stand out. Me more than you.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, because you'll be also mouthing the words and throwing your hands up in the air.

[Christine]

He goes to the crowd too, but we're going to be in the middle. He's not going to get to Us.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stand up on your chair.

[Christine]

Huh?

[Jay Oakerson]

Stand up on your chair.

[Christine]

Are you going to help me up on the chair, though?

[Shannon Maldonado]

Of course.

[Christine]

Thanks.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I'll help you back down. Thanks, but I'm not going to have to. Because in my mind, in my fantasy, you float over the audience to him. Yeah, yeah. He lifts you up. It's his love that lifts you up. Look at that dude. A lot of. To the microphone.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I'm sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Listen, I'm gonna run this traction, and you and Laura get back there and let him suck them.

[Christine]

I'm not letting her come back with that attitude.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's wrong with her attitude? She said she's totally in.

[Christine]

Hey, yeah. You guys want to suck my dick?

[Female Voice (Ad)]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at yes is a yes on record.

[Christine]

Let him go first.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's true. Let Bobby. You're want to let Bobby go first?

[Christine]

Laura, what if he. What if he wants both me and you back in the dressing room with just me and you? Would you go with me?

[Laura]

I don't think that's what would happen.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not what he asked.

[Christine]

That's not the fantasy. You're not. We're not in reality. I mean, Jesus, what are you, my wife? I get it. I understand if he's. If someone comes up to us.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hang on, let me back up a little bit. Lara, first things first. There's not even a chance Bobby's going to float over the audience. I think she takes everything I'm saying very literally.

[Christine]

All right, I'll ask the question again now that you have the context we're looking for. If he. If someone comes up to us after, like, hey, you two. He won't chew in the back.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think all the workers are British also?

[Christine]

They are. Okay.

[Laura]

Yes.

[Christine]

In the fantasy, they are. I don't want some guy, hey, young blood, watch in the back.

[Jay Oakerson]

You want to be drowning in a sea of uncircumcised dicks, my man. And I appreciate that. Oh, would you be willing. How about if he just says to you, you are allowed. He's not gay, but he will allow you to pull his foreskin back and hold it back while Laura sucks his dick. Would you do that?

[Christine]

If we could influence it, yes. If we could videotape it, of course you could have it for the show.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, if you could tastefully blur out Laura. She is in a position of a. She is an executive for a company.

[Christine]

Of course we would blur you out, but your attitude would still be in the air.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's top brass over at Gas Digital Management.

[Christine]

We Get a phone call. Why did you let her do that? What are you guys doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

I just take pictures of my manager sucking Youngblood's cuck while you hold his foreskin back. She has to make important business calls for me.

[Laura]

Bobby,

[Christine]

fuck are you doing, man?

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, were you pushing Lara's head onto his while you kept fucking kissing his neck because he said he's not gay enough to kiss you? Because she can't stop talking about how great it was. It's bleeding into my business calls. I have a feeling that whoever's sitting next to you, Bobby, is gonna be uncomfortable with your behavior.

[Christine]

Well, I mean, I think it's gonna be an uncomfortable concert because it's gonna be a lot of young girls with their moms and me and you, which is gonna be an uncomfortable. And we're gonna have good seats. So all the fan fans are going to be right around us.

[Laura]

Just don't leer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let's look at every time we meet an older woman, like a mom.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

We should have to get a count of what? Just go, would you? And appoint it Young blood. Would you?

[Christine]

All right.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then when they go, whatever they say, I'm gonna go, oh, he would. And then you go. You kind of like, wait, I just wave.

[Christine]

How about this? We have a. We have a parachute plan. At any point, one of us can go pull the parachute and we go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Leave.

[Christine]

Yeah. If it gets to the point where it's getting too weird, where we feel too uncomfortable,

[Jay Oakerson]

it's 14 three minute songs. We'll be fine.

[Laura]

Enjoying.

[Christine]

And don't forget the speeches.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's true. Also the anti Trump stuff.

[Christine]

It's actually a three hour show. It's only an hour of music.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He goes, I don't put times down for the speeches. The Queen is still alive. Prince Andrew didn't do it. Epstein island was fun.

[Christine]

He usually brings somebody.

[Female Voice (Ad)]

He.

[Christine]

Not usually, but he does bring people from the audience up to either play guitar or sing with him.

[Jay Oakerson]

Which do you want to do? If ask Liam to ask, the man can go up on stage and dance behind him.

[Christine]

I would dance. I would do dance if you came up with me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why can't we introduce him? Why can't. What the happened to radio people introducing people?

[Christine]

What happened to radio?

[Jay Oakerson]

What the hell happened to radio?

[Guest or Additional Male]

He does that move where he puts the guitar around you and he holds your hand and strums with you.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God, dude. Like how Teen Wolf taught the girl bowling. Like a real flirtatious hand on the hip thing.

[Christine]

Yeah. I would fucking 100% do that.

[Guest or Additional Male]

What a magical.

[Christine]

If you put my fingers on one chord and then I could just strum. I could do that. I could do the way Madonna plays guitar. I would definitely do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He's going to teach you how to play an F, and then you're going to play his fucking C. I see. Or D. I was going.

[Christine]

I heard you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude, you can't wait to see this guy.

[Laura]

Do you want to see this video?

[Christine]

What is it?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Laura]

Yeah, it's just him dancing around. A father figure.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I do want to see it so bad.

[Christine]

Yeah, he's very androgynous.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's not androgynous.

[Christine]

A little bit. A little bit. The way that. That's not.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, look at me taking a Billy Idol that one time.

[Christine]

Well, listen, his old. His old look, he used to go up in a skirt. He used to wear dresses on stage back in the day.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now he's leather pants.

[Christine]

Now he's rock and roll leather pants. He's kind of fine himself. This is. I. This is the version. I like the skirt.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is he finding himself, or am I Bobby Kelly finding himself?

[Christine]

I mean, you say tomato, I say tomatoes.

[Laura]

Were the Iggy Pop jeans the whole thing? The Chrome Hearts jeans?

[Christine]

What?

[Laura]

I think they're Iggy Pops jeans. Because he's dating the Chrome Hearts heiress.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Who.

[Laura]

It's a company that makes jewelry and, like, old, you know, like these leather pants, like, really cool stuff like that.

[Christine]

And I think that's what he told. The glasses I wanted you to get, I think were crown mark hearts.

[Jay Oakerson]

I almost got Chrome Hearts. There's a place up in Stanford that was, like, a resale joint. And I went to it, and the guy, I tried him on, I mean, it even had a wonky, like, arm. Like, one of the arms of it was, like, kind of loose, but they were very cool glasses. And I was like. I was like, maybe I'll get them, and I'll get them, like, tightened up or something. How much are these? He goes, I could do those for 1500. I went, all right, let me keep looking around.

[Christine]

Why is it that way?

[Jay Oakerson]

How much is this belt buckle? And then I ran.

[Christine]

Why is it doing that? I can't just say no either. Like, when I find out how.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like, why couldn't I say something like, well, that's absolutely ridiculous. They're not working right.

[Christine]

Yeah, why can't we say that? Like, I can't do. I just go, oh, let me. I'm just gonna go find my wife. I always say I'm gonna find my wife and talk to her about it. And she's not even with me, because I can't just say, that's ridiculous.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anything you have to do, if it comes down, it was like, hey, if you go down there, whatever. Like, you could ask people around. You could see who it is and ask them and get some tickets, like, some scalp tickets. And I'm like, I'll never ask. Yeah, I'll go up to people. I'll go, hey, do you. Do you know. Are you one of the guys? Damn, dude. All right, Christine.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah, she's lost.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you're lost in this guy right in the screen.

[Laura]

First of all.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Bobby, look at his above dick hair.

[Christine]

He's got a little bit.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna be. He's gonna be hanging out a little bit.

[Guest or Additional Male]

It's a nice penis.

[Christine]

He's got what?

[Guest or Additional Male]

It's a nice penis.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is probably a really nice penis, but regular in your fantasy. It's regular size.

[Christine]

Well, it's weird because we met him on the show and we had, you know, typical radio host connection that you think is more than you. It is, because, like, oh, these guys are the best. Oh, they're fun. You guys are right. And I won't get you tea and. But yeah, Yorkshire tea.

[Shannon Maldonado]

I'll send you some.

[Christine]

You can get, like, 200 tea bags, right? And then you realize that. That promise, as soon as he left the building, as soon as he got in the elevator, he forgot about us. No, we don't exist.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not true.

[Christine]

There's no way he's gonna go.

[Jay Oakerson]

You guys thought about me every second since.

[Christine]

Don't say that. That's not true.

[Jay Oakerson]

Remember you told him in the thing that I did the Kevin Hart roast. Remember your message? Oh, one of us had done the Kevin Hart roast since we saw you.

[Christine]

He hasn't sent anything back to me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he must not have saw the roast. You just wanted to be spoiled. I understand.

[Christine]

Oh, that would kill me. If he walked up. He's. Dude, you killed it on the roast bloke.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'd like to say, thank God. Kevin Hart roast. Genius comedian over here, the thing. And you just got to be next to me, mascara running down your face.

[Christine]

I would leave if he recognized you, and he did not recognize.

[Jay Oakerson]

I would wait outside for you while you went up there and sucked and them with Laura. And you get upset if he called me out at the show.

[Christine]

Yeah, I would.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not good friendship. I would wait for you. I'd make sure I said I wouldn't

[Christine]

do it for you.

[Jay Oakerson]

You do it, though.

[Christine]

No, I wouldn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gave you that quick permission and you were like, thank God.

[Christine]

No, I did not. I would go in there and go, my friends out there. I can't. I.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was fake humility.

[Christine]

No, it was not.

[Jay Oakerson]

You came at me to do that because you know, I'm gonna go, Bobby, I'm not gonna spoil your possible moment to suck off young blood, buddy. Of all things, that could be a real bonding situation.

[Christine]

First of all, I went in the room and you know, they've been trying

[Jay Oakerson]

to court you for Gas Digital management for years now.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's what my career is heading. That's what Lewis wants. All of us working under him at Gas Digital.

[Jay Oakerson]

You, Louis, you, Louis and Kurt Metzger should do a three person tour together.

[Christine]

Yeah, that sounds fun.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think a tour bus, but like more like a small tour bus. Like a camper.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, that will work.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but only with one big bedroom and see who gets it.

[Christine]

I would just talk to Kurt all day and just let him talk to me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you wouldn't really be talking to Kurt. You'd be listening to Kurt all day.

[Christine]

Exactly. L would be like, bobby, I gotta talk to you. I can't right now. I'm learning about Jewel. Lasers.

[Female Caller]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Louis will be in the back screaming at somebody like, who knows what. Something with his house. Maybe an employee, maybe a boss. Doesn't matter.

[Christine]

I don't have a boss. I am all, yeah, this is gonna be fun. This will be fun. And I am buying merch. I'm buying it right when I walk in.

[Laura]

You never not bought merch.

[Christine]

I told you, I'm a merch whore.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can we look up what his merch is?

[Christine]

Would love that. I almost bought Keanu Reeves band merch yesterday.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dog star.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where was it?

[Christine]

I was. I was listening to some of his songs. The new. The new songs they came up with.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Christine]

I don't know. Just check it out. Because I wanted to check it out, see if it was good.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Christine]

It's all right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Christine]

I didn't mind it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Well, good. You're probably hiring to play a fucking feeling. Don't renew your vowels. Let's see. It just says the word idols.

[Laura]

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Christine]

What is it? Let me see it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It says idols, but it's a super tight tank top which I think you should get.

[Christine]

They have to have xx.

[Jay Oakerson]

Treat it like shell. Treat it like shapewear.

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[Christine]

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[Laura]

My name?

[Shannon Maldonado]

My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com I'm Hannah. I've lost 75 pounds in 20 months with GLP1s/ diet and exercise on RO. I've gone from struggling to run a mile to running farther every day. You can access FDA approved GLP1s online. Get the support you need to reach your weight loss goals. Go to ROE Co Weight to see if you qualify. I'm a paid ROE partner. 20% average weight loss in one year in non diabetics with obesity or overweight with a weight related medical condition versus 3.1% in placebo arm Rx only to stay informed about serious side effects. Go to RO Co Safety Parents.

[Announcer]

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[Christine]

Is it all girl shit? What does that say?

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't forget to live. No, I want you to have just his eyes looking at you.

[Laura]

That's what I want.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's the front.

[Christine]

I want to get that as wallpaper.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, just his eyes looking at you or the one of him just enjoying the scally cap.

[Christine]

I like that one. The white one looks great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's right. Just to have a fucking boy you met on your shirt.

[Christine]

That one's good. What else?

[Jay Oakerson]

A poster yes.

[Christine]

Not getting a poster. I don't like posters.

[Jay Oakerson]

A hoodie. Get Max a fucking my parents don't get me shirt. I already told you all the writing on the arms.

[Christine]

Max said I don't want one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course he doesn't. Oh, I'll get foam fingers. Let me see him.

[Laura]

Yeah, the foam fingers are cool.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll totally get the foam fingers.

[Christine]

All right, I'll get you the foam fingers. I'm getting the shirt. The White Shirt xl.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Do you think they make a left and right? Because I would like to double it.

[Christine]

Maybe it's on the back and front so you can just either or.

[Jay Oakerson]

But then it would.

[Christine]

I think they do. I think they do. I think they have one on the left. Well, there you go. Don't forget to live just one direction.

[Jay Oakerson]

Foam finger, young.

[Christine]

Block that a bit.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Click it.

[Jay Oakerson]

See if you could choose left and right.

[Guest or Additional Male]

I'm gonna pick. I'm telling you because I'm taking bets now. Bobby is gonna pick the one with his eyes. Because you want to walk around with his gaze on your shirt, on your chest, Bobby.

[Christine]

No, I like the other one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just having a nice laugh.

[Christine]

I feel shit when I wake up. Oh, that's a good one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, happy. Get the pink one to go with your Stanley Cup. Oh, look at the one with the underneath shirt built in. I'll get that. Dude, you want to dress like. We're going to see Avril Lavigne.

[Christine]

Right after him. We should get DJ Lou the old biker cap, the painter cap.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna get Jacob a tour poster.

[Christine]

Oh, that poster.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I'm gonna have a professionally framed in museum glass so he has to respect it as a gift. Unsigned nothing, just a poster.

[Christine]

That's a cool poster.

[Jay Oakerson]

That looks like.

[Christine]

That looks like something you give as a Christmas gift card.

[Jay Oakerson]

Something you give to a 12 year old girl to let her start masturbating and don't ask questions. Yeah, this is what a girl fucking grinds her pillow. Bobby, put it in your gym.

[Christine]

I'm sorry, what?

[Jay Oakerson]

We said put it in your sauna, dude.

[Christine]

Put it. My sauna.

[Laura]

Bobby was lost in the poster.

[Christine]

I'm sorry, I was just checking out the poster.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, put in your sauna and then when you come on the bottom, it's gonna fry like egg whites.

[Christine]

Well, he's got a bandana, Jay, look at that. Get that to hang out of the back of your ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't wear bandanas. I wear afghans in my backpack.

[Christine]

Let me see. That's a cool one. Maybe I'll get that.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll get the date back. Chwofer. The twofer. Twofer.

[Christine]

What's that one? Let me see that. Oh, it just says idols on the front.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you get a little T shirt. Long sleeve T shirt underneath a short T shirt, but they're connected probably at the elbow.

[Christine]

I'm gonna get the bandana and see if he'll wipe his sweat on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that would be fucking nice. I'm gonna hold the poster open all night. It's gonna walk on like this, but the top hand is gonna be confusingly the. The foam fingers. It's gonna be a pain in the ass. Or how about the poster of just two? Yeah. Black and white torp. Him just looking at you.

[Christine]

No, that's too creepy.

[Jay Oakerson]

What are you talking about?

[Christine]

It looks like the crow.

[Jay Oakerson]

The thing about this, if you put them in the back of your bathroom when you hop in the shower and you close the door.

[Laura]

20. Nice.

[Guest or Additional Male]

He rides a horse onto the stage. Bobby.

[Laura]

No, that was just in Texas.

[Christine]

Oh, he what?

[Guest or Additional Male]

He rode in horse onto the stage in Texas.

[Christine]

That's cool.

[Guest or Additional Male]

It is cool.

[Jay Oakerson]

What do you think he's going to do here? Ride a horse and carriage and the horse just dies on the stage. The horse just falls over and dies.

[Christine]

You know, he's just going to come out here at Radio City. It's just a. It's not going to be a lot of crazy shit.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did that just happen? I just saw a thing online. I thought that just happened. I didn't realize. It's a thing that happens a lot. The horses just collapse and die on the street.

[Female Voice (Ad)]

Street.

[Jay Oakerson]

The carriage horses.

[Christine]

Yeah. You're not supposed to like horses even. Like, back in the day, you see these westerns where they ride the horse for like two hours or six hours and you can't. You can only ride a horse for a little bit and it has to take a break. It has to get water. You have to let it cool down. You can only use, like, even the guys on the. Like. I've been watching a lot of rodeo stuff.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Christine]

I don't know, dude. I just got into like, bull. Bull riding. Like, I just got into rodeo stuff. I don't know why.

[Laura]

Yellowstone maybe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe Yellowstone got you.

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe now Dutton Ranch has you.

[Christine]

But yeah, they can only, like. They have to bring, like, when they do. When they do cattle, they have to, like, one guy has to have like three to four horses to work them. He can only work a horse for like one, two days and then get a fresh horse or the horse will die.

[Jay Oakerson]

So these shows are bullshit.

[Christine]

Yeah, well, they. Yeah, well, they don't. Yeah. They're kind of bullshit. Yeah. You can't just ride a horse for days.

[Jay Oakerson]

I just have a hard time with these shows with Dutton Ranch again, too. That they keep bringing up that he fucking. How much they're willing to die and kill. I just realized that watching the show, they've made it such a romance.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Between Beth and him. That I forgot that Rip has killed multiple people in complete cold blood. Viciously.

[Christine]

I know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Threw them off of a cliff to disappear so their families could never have closure. Many times. Yeah. During the show.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah.

[Christine]

The buzzing like the train station.

[Jay Oakerson]

He goes, what the fuck is this life? Why is it the mom was like my. My father until the day he died fighting for his land. It's like, what a dumb thing to have to do. And he just gave it to the fucking engines anyway.

[Christine]

I don't think they're called Indians, but. Yeah, he did.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, they are.

[Christine]

He gave it their. Their Native American Indians.

[Jay Oakerson]

Savages.

[Christine]

No. I mean, yes, but no Redskins. Well, he gave it. He gave the land to have it in a preserve so people wouldn't build on it. Because the Indians aren't going to build on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know. They're not going to do fucking anything on it.

[Christine]

That's what he wanted.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine was saying that the other day, which really defeats the purpose of all that land.

[Christine]

But if you watch the. What was it? The 1820, 1886.

[Jay Oakerson]

I never will.

[Christine]

If you watch that one, you see that when he got to that land, Indian. One of the Indians said, you know, you can go up there and there's land. You can take your family for a few gener. You know, like, you can have it for five generations, but then you have to give it back.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really.

[Christine]

That's what. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Isn't a generation 100 years?

[Christine]

Yeah. You see? Which is a. You know, he was like, you can have it. And 500 years, something like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's longer than black people were enslaved.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Female Voice (Ad)]

Was.

[Christine]

It was like 100 years. More.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. We've all heard the same complaint. 400 years of oppression. That's the only reason. We all know that number. I've never done any research on it. I just accept black people are right. It'd be great to find out slightly less and always correct. That would be such a up move. 400 years of oppression goes 396. But that doesn't matter. It is fucked up still. But it wasn't quite 400. But it does suck. Yeah. No, it's not cool, for sure, but just facts, facts. It wasn't 400 years.

[Christine]

396.

[Jay Oakerson]

Whatever they do when it's like 6 million Jews. More like 4 million Jews, because it's a lot of millions of Jews. Okay, take those two off. Take those 2 million off. It's still a lot. I think

[Christine]

Madonna needs to fucking stop.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, the thing in the park. Well, first of all, can you do a bunch of songs no one's ever heard of before? Also, so. Hey, do me a favor. Do a bunch of songs no one's ever fucking heard of before.

[Christine]

Yeah. Can you wear an outfit that makes me want to throw up when I see you in it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Can your old beaten and battered box fucking also swallow up your fucking little panties outfit?

[Christine]

It's so gross. And her legs. There's no muscle tone on her legs. And it just goes up to this ass she had put in Mexico 15 years ago that won't die.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, her ass is busted as shit. Looking from the side, and she just. She looks like. It looks like someone let Nan out.

[Christine]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest or Additional Male]

I told Bob she dances with a. A shower rod.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. But she's just like. But her dances are always just. By the way, when you get a little bit older, she's taking a. A page at a little Kim. That's what little Kim does. Now she can't really do anything else because she's so, like, heavy. So she just does like, a weird, like, robot dance. But what a way to kick off pride parade.

[Christine]

I guess she's the queen of it, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

The queen of pride. Queen of gays, I guess the queen of gays. But, I mean, what a shitty set list.

[Christine]

Look at her. Look at this. Look at the.

[Jay Oakerson]

The.

[Christine]

Just the size of her box, by the way. And then.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then I was. I saw this with Christine, and she was. She made a good point. Two girls come out, like, why would they bring out these girls with great bodies? And she goes, they probably both have dicks. And she's probably right.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's probably right there. Probably both men.

[Christine]

Yeah. They're not bringing out regular girls to this. Look at all these people dancing it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Laura]

That's a.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's part of the show.

[Christine]

Oh, sorry. All right.

[Jay Oakerson]

You think everyone just figured this out? Yeah.

[Christine]

Have it inside.

[Guest or Additional Male]

It's going to be you in a couple hours.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Bobby, me and you should work out some. We should work out something and do it in the aisle.

[Christine]

Oh, she can't. She has to slowly get off the piano now.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, she takes her jack. She takes her jacket off, and you can see her turkey arms.

[Laura]

She looks better here than what I saw.

[Christine]

Please, just cover it all like the lead singer from Hart. Cover it all in black and sit in a chair and just give us the stuff.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you don't have to even sing anymore. She's singing, Jay.

[Guest or Additional Male]

You're right. She wears those long, elegant gloves that go up to her bicep. But then there's. Bicep to shoulder is complete flab.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

It looks like an unstuffed sausage.

[Jay Oakerson]

Skip ahead in this, Bobby. Those are also part of the show. Yeah, look, she's doing this. There's doing her robot dance. There we go. But here's the thing. She could have just not done that.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

She could have just wore, like, a big, like, costumey thing.

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Christine]

She could have covered all her flaws

[Jay Oakerson]

instead of riding this trans or whatever the she's doing.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wanted. I wanted to be women because I said, these girls are way hotter than Madonna. But I guess what I mean is those guys are way hotter than Madonna.

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I still mean it.

[Laura]

Where is a state?

[Jay Oakerson]

Like, I look at her hanging off her stages.

[Christine]

They put her on. She's getting sick right now from the stage.

[Guest or Additional Male]

All right.

[Christine]

Looks like an armpit.

[Jay Oakerson]

It really does.

[Christine]

Oh, God. Oh, thank God. They covered it with a speaker. They literally like, hey, we're gonna put this speaker in front of your old snatch.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think they plugged it into it. Dude. Big Daddy Kane, Vanilla Ice, Tupac this time.

[Guest or Additional Male]

People dreamed about that box now.

[Christine]

Yeah, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

You almost. I gotta go back and watch Borderline to remember when I wanted to pop it in her.

[Christine]

Those are 100 guys, too. Those are not girls. Those are trans.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's what I said.

[Christine]

Oh, look at that thing.

[Guest or Additional Male]

I still got it.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, she doesn't. It looks like she's doing that to get her blood. Photo reverse. Yeah, she has her legs up. She's trying to bring her feet back to life,

[Christine]

man. It's funny. She can just go from one pose to the other very slowly and then stay in a pose for like a. Like a minute.

[Jay Oakerson]

She has no choice. Sponsored by Icy Hot.

[Christine]

Sponsored by Activa.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at her fucking ghoul face. She also, like. See, I think she comes up there and lip syncs songs that no one knows.

[Christine]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't give a fuck. If you've been doing music for 50 years, you gotta do the ones from the first 10 that everyone knows.

[Laura]

The Confessions, too. It's a brand New album. And I think the only reason she agreed to this was to do her new stuff.

[Female Caller]

Oh.

[Laura]

She's like, I'll do your free pride show, but it's gonna be all my new album. And the gay. I mean, I feel like almost like.

[Christine]

Is that Mike Feeney?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Who's the regular fucking dj? Fucking DJ Eric.

[Christine]

Guarantee he has a podcast about technology.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

What the fuck is that? Dj, man?

[Jay Oakerson]

That's DJ Peter Sanderson. Just a guy. DJ Peter Sanderson?

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got a graduate degree in special education.

[Christine]

Oh, look at her tits. Just trying to mush out of that bra mess.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, thank God Tupac's dead. Doesn't have to look at what he's done.

[Christine]

She's terrible.

[Jay Oakerson]

I meant Tupac would have to be like, nah, man, this was like ray of light.

[Christine]

I'm so sick of it too. She's on everything right now. She's on everything doing. It's like you. You have to age gracefully. You have to figure it. Like Stevie Nicks figured it out. You know, she. She age gracefully. Do stop trying to be what you were 20 years ago.

[Jay Oakerson]

Also at this age, dude, there's no way. I'll tell you why she's got something thick under there. Because she's peed a little, a lot on that performance. Oh, my God. Non stop pissing if she can't hold it in. Yeah. She had kids, right?

[Christine]

Yeah. Look at that. I mean, that's Madonna. That's Madonna, by the way. That's also.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's when she figured it out. Because if you go back to her big bush pictures when she was younger, she's actually kind of crud looking there, like facially even. She wasn't even very.

[Christine]

Yeah, she looked like a guinea from Staten island back in the day.

[Jay Oakerson]

But she had those big muff pictures.

[Christine]

These are the black and white photos they took. And she's. Her body is probably, I mean, perfect at that time.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's killing it pretty hard.

[Christine]

Her breasts were. And those are natural tits. She had great natural tits.

[Jay Oakerson]

Them breasts. Like we were a doctor's office.

[Christine]

And then her breasts were world class. Her box. Her breast. I call them breasts now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Christine]

Cuz that's what they are. But those.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now they are.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now it's her bosom.

[Christine]

Yeah. Perfect box. Shaved. Nice shave box. So nice, so smoky.

[Jay Oakerson]

Good shave box. Good shave box.

[Christine]

Yeah, we don't. I don't want to see.

[Laura]

Oh, there you go, J. Oh, what a pig.

[Jay Oakerson]

These are the young pictures we're showing pictures of her.

[Guest or Additional Male]

The horror that we're looking At.

[Christine]

But this was before women started shaving. Their box walks nice and tight. Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not looking. Her body's still good. Everything. I'm just saying, like, everything's so cruddy about her. It takes away. You don't think her face is that hot. I wouldn't have thought much of her face in this picture at all.

[Guest or Additional Male]

We're looking at a picture where we don't know whether there's more hair on our puss or between her or on.

[Christine]

But she didn't shave the side hair on her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Christine]

She has the hair that grows out up to the leg.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's the thing.

[Christine]

Oh, God. And then.

[Guest or Additional Male]

She's disgusting.

[Christine]

She has full armpit hair.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's disgusting.

[Female Caller]

Pig.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, for sure.

[Christine]

My God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Makes me sick.

[Christine]

Yeah. But she did have a great. I mean, under all that hair, under that Sasquatch hair, she did have a great body.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Smoking body. Natural.

[Jay Oakerson]

Great body. And then she eventually figured out, like, her face and hair.

[Christine]

Yeah, her nips are perfect. Little tiny round nipples.

[Jay Oakerson]

Good little nips. The whole thing's popping good. But it just. It aged and like, you know.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you. Listen, if you're making hot dogs and one burns up, you don't showcase that one, you know, I mean, the grizzled up one. You show all the juicy plumpers.

[Christine]

Yeah. A bit naked. She looks like a bowl of clam chowder right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's hunched over with a fucking fake ass. She looks ridiculous. She's a hunchback.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Went to her back in the day and said, you should probably shave your armpits. And she said, I'll give it some thought. But, like, somebody had to tell her, is what I'm saying, that that's not a good look for you.

[Christine]

No, I think. I think that was an artsy thing. I think she probably did. She probably did that. There was probably a time when having armpit hair was like, a woman free. I'm just gonna be me type thing. And they took those photos. And then if I grew up in

[Jay Oakerson]

the 70s, I would have been arrested for punching women. If you have armpit hair, you're a guy. There you go. Hey, let me check your pits real quick. Oh, let me see that up. Wolf pits.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Women knew to be human beings. Like in the 50s or 40s. I think they shaved their arms, armpits or 30s.

[Christine]

No, I think they started. I think they started shaving in the. I think they started shaving and taking care of everything in the 70s and 80s.

[Jay Oakerson]

In the 70s, they let it go.

[Christine]

60s, they let it go. 70s, they started changing over.

[Guest or Additional Male]

But you can watch countless classic movies. And they have shaved armpits by Gillette. God bless Gillette.

[Jay Oakerson]

So now you don't have to be with a woman with an armpit, but you like that a little.

[Christine]

I don't. I don't like it. But I've been with it, and it didn't bother me as much as I thought it was gonna bother me.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was training for tonight.

[Christine]

If I. If I had the choice, I wouldn't. If I was like, hey, do you want me to grow my armpit hair or not? I'd be like, don't. I don't like hair. Like, I like a nice. But I don't like bald either. I hate bald. I like a little hair down there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'm for sure.

[Christine]

I don't like a bald pussy. See, I don't. I don't see the little zit roots,

[Jay Oakerson]

but yeah, that is fun.

[Christine]

You know what I mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

A thousand black spots.

[Christine]

Yeah, it looks like the underneath of a black guy's neck.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Black guy no good.

[Christine]

I'm sorry. Black L. Jacob.

[Female Voice (Ad)]

Come on.

[Laura]

Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Like a Jesus.

[Christine]

Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. Jacob.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't want to dig into it too much now, but when we come back from break, I want to tell you about this Michael Jackson documentary.

[Christine]

Oh, I'm excited. We know we didn't go over Fenoy's thing yesterday.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know. He escaped.

[Christine]

Oh, God. I watched a little bit of it. His first fake laugh.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, I know.

[Laura]

Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Mike's a. Throw his head back and laugh.

[Christine]

Yeah, you have to just to look up a gun and go, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow, he really enjoyed it.

[Christine]

Oh, he really had a good chuckle at a lot of those jokes. He really thought it was a hoot.

[Jay Oakerson]

He was having a hoot.

[Christine]

He was having a hoot.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nanny, no doubt.

[Female Caller]

Hang on.

[Jay Oakerson]

You got it.

[Christine]

This is the first one. Yeah, this is the first one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Get rid of Madonna. Why does Madonna walk like Igor from Young Frankenstein?

[Laura]

She's really old.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can't hear it.

[Female Caller]

I want to answer because my husband's into repairing the house and stuff, and I don't want to seem jaded. It's just I watch all those romantic movies. I'm getting choked up.

[Jay Oakerson]

I hate the show so much.

[Female Caller]

We should be painting the house together, all in love. And then he paints my nose, and then I paint him. And then before you know it, it, we're doing it.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Female Caller]

Have you ever done a Home repair project together. It doesn't end in doing it.

[Christine]

There you go.

[Female Caller]

My husband did not want to make love when I. Mike.

[Jay Oakerson]

Twiddling his fingers.

[Christine]

I mean, buddy, that got him. That got him.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not the first one, dude.

[Christine]

That was. He laughed like that. When you say something funny, there's.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's the first one that makes me

[Christine]

question everything he's laughed at on this show.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's one where he jams his head back. I mean, head to the. It pins it. It's so good. It might be after this guy's routine.

[Christine]

I'm so sick of that look, too. That merchant marine hat on the back of your head indoors when it's hot.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, why? Why? Because it's. He's a young dock worker.

[Christine]

Exactly.

[Guest or Additional Male]

I hate it. He just came back.

[Jay Oakerson]

He just came back from the lunch truck getting some chow.

[Christine]

Yeah, we'll pull it over your ears if you cold. Not just. It's not a yamaka, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's got to go right from here. Back to the fish market.

[Christine]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's gotta throw fish and catch it with newspapers or something.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Oh, look at.

[Christine]

Mike's waiting to get. Wait. He's waiting for the punchline to fake. Of course.

[Jay Oakerson]

He hates this.

[Christine]

He's literally timing the punchline.

[Female Caller]

I had to grow the whole shirt, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

The Hooper.

[Female Caller]

How far down am I supposed to shave? It's rude to ask. Hey, where's the line, Sasquatch?

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you, Bobby? Tell me any comedian, please.

[Christine]

Mike just went like this with his eyes. He literally went, wake up. He literally just went, stay in a kid, stay in it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Without naming them.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever appreciated someone doing, like, the. The real, like, chosen delivery and comedy? I know it's a genre of comics. Doesn't bother me at all. But like, the. Everything subliminal or the misdirect or the not even hers isn't even misdirect. Her thing's more like everything's told. Like, can you believe it? And then he said, that's not how it works. Like, it's like she's. This delivery is like, chosen to be like a character. Jeremy Hots, Kathleen Madigan, that kind of thing.

[Christine]

I gotta be honest. I came up in that. That was the big comedy when I came up. Bobby Collins, Rosie, that those type of people were Richard. Richard Jennings. Jennings.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, not Jenny. Richard Lewis.

[Christine]

No, Richard Lewis, but Richard Jennings, too. They just had that. You know what I mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, but Richard Jenning was just doing. He was doing stand up. He had a shticky Thing. I'm not talking about Shticky, like, talking about jokes. No, I'm talking about, like, really the thing is, like, you know, Jeremy Hots. And so they do the comedy, and it's like, it's like, have you ever noticed a thing? And then the punchline comes, you know, I mean, it's like a. It's like a chosen delivery thing. Emo Phillips, stuff like that.

[Christine]

I think I, When I first started, I would, I would laugh at that stuff, but because I hung out with, like, Patrice and the Boston, like, Steve Sweeney and Kevin Knox, we came up in that fucking in your face type thing. I was phased out of that pretty quick.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wasn't even in your. The idea of being in your face. What. I was drawn to the comics, especially with Kem up here and the back table of the cell, or all you guys, was more just like, well, what I want to showcase is, like, the funny that I am here. You know, I mean, like, talking to my friends and being funny like that, it's not. I never. My friends weren't coming over, and I go, today I'm just gonna talk in a weird, Like, I'm gonna be super anxious and strange.

[Christine]

Mitch Fatale, right? That type of stuff. No, I, I, I got out of that pretty quick when I'm. When I was. The last few years in Boston, and then when I moved to New York, I was at the Boston Comedy Club, and it was, you know, Jay Moore, it was Patrice, it was Norton, it was Voss, it was me. So when I saw that stuff, it just, just, it doesn't hit me. It just, I, it just never hit me because I, I. But it's almost like knowing the magic trick, you know, if you don't know the magic trick. If I don't. If I don't. I know what he's doing. I've talked to him off stage. I understand. So when I see him do that, I can't, I can't enjoy it. But if you're, if you're an audience member and you see this guy, is that him? Oh, my God. So it's like.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I get getting it for sure. So when, you know, it's like a thing like, like, when, you know, it's like characters, even the wrong words, like a chosen, like, way of talking, it's a gimmick. And it's when they come off stage and they're not, like, you know, almost getting ready to cry with every word anymore, and they go. And you go, funny show. And they go, oh, hey, thanks.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you're like, wait, I thought you were.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I came back here to console you. Are you not almost gonna cry about everything you said?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Laura]

Doing it as, like, a performance character.

[Christine]

Yeah, I. I just. I. Once I knew the trick, I was like, I can't really walk. It doesn't affect me the way it should. But I understand how it affects an audience because they don't know the trick. They think that that's. They think Mitch Patel is a grown baby, but he is talking about getting his dick sucked.

[Jay Oakerson]

But he is. But, like, you know, also, like, a regular dude and a creep like anybody else. He's not a baby.

[Laura]

Has he been in, like, LA forever?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. I think he went to Colorado or

[Laura]

something because he wasn't here. I don't. I. I only knew him because he had that head shot at the Cellar with the girl.

[Christine]

He was pretty stood out. He was killing it for a minute. I remember when I went to Aspen, him and Aziz won comic of the festival. They split it. They tied or some. And it was so funny because I,

[Jay Oakerson]

Kevin Brennan, wanted the year I won.

[Christine]

I actually thought I was in the running. I was there, and I was like, in my brain, I'm like, what are you gonna say? I think about, what are you gonna do?

[Jay Oakerson]

And I want to make sure I don't forget to thank anybody.

[Christine]

And I remember my first set there. I fell on. I. That's right after we did Torgasm, and I jumped up in the. I was bombing. I couldn't breathe because I've never been to Denver or to Colorado. And I remember I was. I was losing perspective. And then I jumped up and my knee folded and I fell on the ground in pain, screaming. And they thought it was a bit.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your knee has been your enemy.

[Christine]

Yeah. I remember they were laughing. It was like, one of the only parts. They were laughing at my set, and I was just on the. On the ground, really in pain. And then I had to go backstage, and they put me on an oxygen tank, and I just felt like a loser. But I. I remember that. Day one, but he was big for a minute, and then he just.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, he was disappeared. He was a Tonight show regular and, like, a correspondent. He was. He started off. He was like a Howard Stern, like. Yeah, intern.

[Guest or Additional Male]

Yep.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he was an intern for a while, and then he started getting, like, stuff.

[Christine]

He didn't have a baby voice back then, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. He kind of did his thing on Howard Stern, and then, like. And then tonight's show. He got very popular and he was, like, touring, like, forever or something. He came. I knew his name. I knew him from, like, TV stuff before I ever, like, came up to New York and met him.

[Christine]

Well, I remember Gary Gulman was dating April Macy, and then Mitch Fattell took her from Gary.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was it a swipe or was it a. Broke up at one and then he came in. By the way, if you ever showed Mitch Patel and a younger Gary Gomen and be like, which one of these guys takes the other one's girl? Like, no way. It's Mitch Patel taking Gary Goldman.

[Christine]

Mitch Patel's got a big piece, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

Shut up.

[Christine]

Swear to God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gary's probably got a nice swinger now. It's a little tiny ding. A ling.

[Christine]

No, he's gonna tie him.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's got regular. You heard it here first. Bobby said Gary Goldman's got a tiny.

[Christine]

Gary's got a regular penis. But Mitch has got a.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's regular? He's like six. Six?

[Christine]

Yeah. For him, it's like a regular dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

An eight inch.

[Christine]

Well, I'm just saying. I don't really know what Gary's dick

[Jay Oakerson]

is, but I jerk off an 8 inch cock. Jacob.

[Christine]

I've never heard. Gary. Gary never. I've never heard anything about Gary's penis. I've heard. I've heard about Mishra tells Big dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you went looking for that information.

[Christine]

That stuff just comes to you, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah. It just comes to you.

[Jay Oakerson]

I believe you. We gotta take a break. Ooh, Bobby.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we're only one more commercial. We're only one more segment of radio away from you seeing your boyfriend.

[Christine]

I'm kind of nervous now.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know. What if he doesn't remember you? It's gonna suck.

[Guest or Additional Male]

No.

[Christine]

What if my fantasy comes true?

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't feel bad, dude. It's two blocks to walk back to my car.

[Christine]

No, I'm not leaving you, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, I'm not gonna sit there and wait all night while you have emotional sex with this guy. If you were gonna go just back there and suck him off and hold his foreskin back while Laura polishes not Job. Yeah, I'll wait for that. But if you're gonna go back there and try to look at his eyes all night and tell him about your dreams and what your fantasy was, this night was gonna be, I'm gonna have to go.

[Christine]

I should have wore the red jacket. God damn it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You let Max talk you out of having a great night.

[Christine]

He really alpha brode he shaned me out of my outfit.

[Jay Oakerson]

Should we take a break? Should we go take a break? We'll come back, we'll do plugs later. Yeah?

[Christine]

Yeah. Why not?

[Female Caller]

All right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why not? It's Young Blood Day.

[Christine]

Young Blood.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's the bonfire.

[Christine]

You can't be good. Be careful.

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[Jay Oakerson]

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[Jay Oakerson]

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