Dumbbells with Robbie Bernstein

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: Dumbbells with Robbie Bernstein
Release Date: July 23, 2025

In this episode of The Bonfire, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into a variety of humorous and candid topics, featuring special guest Robbie Bernstein. The conversation seamlessly transitions from sports commentary to the intricacies of stand-up comedy tours, peppered with the hosts' signature blunt humor and unfiltered honesty.

---

Tom Brennaman and the "Fat Capital of the World"

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted discussion about baseball announcer Tom Brennaman and his notorious remark, "fat capital of the world," humorously speculated to reference San Francisco.

• Big Jay Oakerson [01:25]: "We are back. Tom Brennan. Brennaman. I can't remember his name. The baseball announcer... 'fat capital of the world.'"
• Robert Kelly [01:44]: "San Francisco."
• Big Jay Oakerson [01:49]: "I love the live, the pregame show... He's back though."

Robbie Bernstein’s Summer Porch Tour

Robbie Bernstein shares insights into his ambitious "Summer Porch Tour," detailing the logistics of performing across various private locations and the growth of his tour over the years.

• Robbie Bernstein [02:17]: "Yes. This is like it looks like it's getting bigger and bigger though."
• Big Jay Oakerson [02:27]: "It is funny that everyone will just have to assume he was talking about San Francisco."

Logistical Challenges and Audience Dynamics

The conversation shifts to the challenges Bernstein faces while touring, including incorrect addresses and managing diverse audience types, such as sovereign citizens who challenge legal norms.

• Robbie Bernstein [03:26]: "I had the wrong address."
• Robert Kelly [04:44]: "Do you book shows with sovereign citizens?"
• Big Jay Oakerson [05:50]: "They just say they never receive anything... they don't have to pay their mortgage."

Comedic Take on Conor McGregor’s Explicit Photos

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a humorous and explicit discussion about Conor McGregor allegedly sending unsolicited photos of his genitalia to Iggy Azalea, blending celebrity gossip with crude humor.

• Big Jay Oakerson [19:13]: "He's holding a weight up with his dick."
• Robert Kelly [25:14]: "Does he have erectile dysfunction problems?"
• Big Jay Oakerson [26:44]: "Look at her ass... That's not her. It's AI."

Humor Surrounding Genitalia and Personal Preferences

The hosts engage in a playful and explicit dialogue about preferences in pubic hair grooming and the aesthetics of male genitalia, maintaining the show's trademark edgy humor.

• Big Jay Oakerson [28:05]: "Shave your balls for sure. Shave all around."
• Robert Kelly [33:03]: "What? She has a tattoo. The Olympic tattoo."

Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

As the episode wraps up, Big Jay and Robert promote upcoming shows and tours, maintaining their energetic and engaging rapport.

• Robbie Bernstein [41:44]: "Robbie's on the porch tour."
• Robert Kelly [42:51]: "Go check that out if you can."

---

This episode offers listeners a blend of sports anecdotes, the behind-the-scenes reality of stand-up comedy tours, and unabashedly raw humor about celebrities and personal preferences. Robbie Bernstein’s experiences add depth to the conversation, providing a unique perspective on performing in unconventional venues. Throughout the episode, notable quotes punctuate the dialogue, enhancing the engaging and dynamic nature of the show.

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson [05:50]: "They just yell at court and you know, yell at the judge for doing something that you know he's not doing it right way."
• Robbie Bernstein [13:29]: "But I put up tickets. So for the most part, unless it's a private, I just put up tickets."
• Robert Kelly [25:47]: "You have to prove it can perform feats of strength."
• Big Jay Oakerson [32:34]: "It's the outline of the bonfire logo burning the screen."

This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting the interplay between the hosts and their guest, the variety of topics covered, and the humor that defines The Bonfire.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

Quote in as little as 7 [e-mail].

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company coverage provided and serviced by affiliated and third party insurers. Discounts and coverage selections not available in all states or situations. And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. May I have another? Yo, yo, fat capital the world. Oh, Mike's on. Tom. That Tom Bergeron. What's his name? Not Tom Bergeron. Damn. I forget the guy who said it. We.

[Robert Kelly]

Who was it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are back. Tom Brennan. Brennaman. I can't remember his name. The baseball announcer. Baseball thing. When they came back from break, he was on like national air and he's like, fat capital of the world. And they were like, where are they? San Francisco. You have to always. It is funny that everyone will just have to assume he was talking about San Francisco. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Capital of the world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. There it is. Do it again. Give it to him. The fag capitals of the world.

[Robert Kelly]

San Francisco.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love the live, the pregame show.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I do love that he talks though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is when he talks. Like an announ. Always though. Hey, you ever been to San Francisco? It's the fat capital of the world. Like everything's like presented that way. God, that's funny. He's back though. We are back from commercial break. It's the Bonfire faction talk series XM103 Big Jokerson. Robert Kelly, the great Robbie Bernstein is joining us in the studio right now. He's doing the summer porch tour. It's fucking every year. You're doing this now.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yes. This is like it looks like it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Getting bigger and bigger though.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah. Doing like I think 60 of them this year or something. Crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, those dates were. I saw the poster. That's all backyard ones.

[Robbie Bernstein]

All backyard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What does it mean when they say private?

[Robbie Bernstein]

That means someone booked me to just play for their friends. And I just kept the tour dates because it looks cool.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I book you to do my tiny house back?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Absolutely. I would love nothing more.

[Robert Kelly]

So I could book you to come up to my association and do a show. Do you work clean?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Not at all.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Robbie Bernstein]

We can make it happen, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

That would make me so happy.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I got a date in New Hampshire. We can.

[Robert Kelly]

Where are you in New Hampshire?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't even remember your cigar bar out back. Your cigar bar. He's got dates coming up in. Whoa. Doylestown, Pennsylvania. Fun place. July 25th, Bruce & Mills, Virginia. West Virginia on July 26th and Johnstown P on the 27th. You're mobile on this thing, though. You're jumping city to city.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah. Drive all one nighters usually fly into an area and then drive from there. Or if they're local enough, it's all hike that Bruce and Mills. Last year, I mean, it was not just backwoods West Virginia. We showed up to West Virginia and we steered off a normal road to a dirt road to then a rock road to then a dirt road. And I'm such an idiot. I had the wrong address.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, shit.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You find out when you get there. By the sound of the gunshot, I could just tell.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And I was lucky that I beat the fans there by about five minutes where cars started pulling up behind me and I was like, all right, hold on. But if I just been like three minutes later, I would have gotten a fan shot just by being an idiot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God damn. So is it the same place you're doing this time?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, that one was crazy. I mean, that was like a moonshine party in the middle of the woods. There were. They had like 60 friends that came out. They throw a big summer get together. There was a band before me.

[Robert Kelly]

How does this. How does this happen? You put this part of the problem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Part of the problem. They know you from.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Is this. Did people like say, okay, they know you're doing this now? So they can say, hey, let's get Robbie to come out and do it for us. And it's just getting bigger and bigger.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, everyone. People shoot me emails and then I take a lot of Adderall and I sift through them.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And then through the power of Adderall, I finally get it all booked and put together.

[Robert Kelly]

And you book everything?

[Robbie Bernstein]

I do everything.

[Robert Kelly]

And is it you and somebody else?

[Robbie Bernstein]

I have different openers on basically every show. BK Chris has probably done the most with me. Yeah, it's different because I like to rotate the routes Right. So like If I brought BK Chris on a 3 day route last year, I probably won't bring him on that route this year. And then the challenge for me is coming up with new stuff to go back out, which sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. And it's part of the problem. So these are. Bobby, these are maybe a lot of sovereign citizens hanging out at these shows.

[Robert Kelly]

Are they sovereign citizens?

[Robbie Bernstein]

You gotta. You know what? I'm supposed to be the one that knows these things. Can you define that for me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sovereign citizen. Oh, they don't believe the law apply at all.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, you get, oh, dude, I was. Me and Dave did this gig up at or. We did it years ago. It was this libertarian event and I just walked by a tent and a lady was teaching a class on whether or not you should give natural home birth so your kid doesn't have a Social Security card. And I was just like, this is the wrong party for me. Like, I love libertarianism. That sounds insane.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh no. Yeah, it gets pretty wild. But I said it seems like it's. We talked about on the. You'll hear, guys hear it on Thursday here on the pre record. But about the sovereign citizenship, like it sounds mostly like it's just to not pay your debts is what the move seems to be. They just say they never receive anything. And if I don't receive information that I have to pay something, I don't have to pay it. So they're like, that's why I don't pay my mortgage and you can't take my house. And then they just do take their house. And these people just. And then they just keep going to court about it. And it's like. And they just yell at court and you know, yell at the judge for doing something that you know he's not doing it right way. No one takes them seriously. It never goes anywhere.

[Robbie Bernstein]

One person was just told that at a bar, like you don't have to pay your mortgage, you just declare sovereign citizen in court.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you could be a sovereign citizen. If you go full hermit, you just are a sovereign citizen. It doesn't matter if you just hide yourself from the world and stuff. You can be a sovereign, they don't give a shit. But you, these people are the people that say it on the road, driving and stuff. They're saying that because they don't have a license and they're driving. So they go, I don't need a license because I don't acknowledge your government or whatever. It's just.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, good luck with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Is this who you're performing in front of.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I haven't experienced that yet, but I'd like to invite more of them to my show. As long as they'll pay for the ticket.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, remember the words. You can go, I guess. He goes, you have any birthdays, any sovereign citizens in the back fog? Yeah, dude. Fuck the United States.

[Robert Kelly]

You should definitely do that.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I will say, I don't love when drunk dudes have their guns out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Like, as much as I am all for guns and stuff. I'm like, if you're hammered, just leave it in the car.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're all for guns, but, like, you know, safe usage.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Just fire him off at a good joke.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Oh, that. You know what? If someone. Yosemite Sammed it, then I'd be on board making you dance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought it was maybe shooting at your feet making you dance.

[Robert Kelly]

That was a good one. Boy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A lot of people shirts off during the show.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I haven't had that yet either.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robbie Bernstein]

I. I would encourage that. I could get into that. Just a whole audience of Bert Kreischers out there.

[Robert Kelly]

Are there chair?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, People bring their own chairs. They bring their own.

[Robert Kelly]

So you bring your own cooler, you get your chair. Is there a stage?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Sometimes. Sometimes I'm right on the porch. If we're lucky, we got a porch. That's right. I have the gear down to a science, really. I got free bags with Delta. I got the one bag. If it's only. If it's under 50 people, I got two bags. If it's over £100. What? No, no. If there's 100 people, then I'll bring two speakers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I thought you said. I thought if it weighs More than 50. I thought. You're talking about the. The weighing at the airport. The luggage weighing.

[Robbie Bernstein]

No, I just. My speaker system's solid, so, like, if it's under 100 people, I'm good with one bag. And then I've got a spotlight in there. I got extension. I got this down to a science at this point. After years of porching.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that what it's called? Porching?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah. I call it forging. Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He gets to name it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First one to do it.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Exactly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it's all. What is the. Do you find there's, like, fan acquisition doing this, though, or is it. Is it just preaching this? It's hard. Like, there's no, like, general public necessarily.

[Robbie Bernstein]

You know, I'm at. Yeah. People will bring out friends, and there's nothing I love more than when someone showed up, had no idea what it was. And they were like, this was awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. Yeah.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I am finding I have to let people know I'm doing all new material because there's not. I noticed there's not enough repeat business because I think people are used to. When people are re hitting markets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna do the same.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Exactly. So I'm finding I have to figure out how to share that story a little better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

New hour. Just put it on the thing.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you doing a full hour?

[Robbie Bernstein]

No, I wish.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you doing?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Like, I do about 45.

[Robert Kelly]

45.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Sometimes it ends up being an hour if I'm.

[Robert Kelly]

And so you. So this is when the sun goes down. Is there like a method to that? Like, all right, when the sun goes down, we start the show.

[Robbie Bernstein]

So the way I like to do it is I go with the flow because like you don't want to shut down Fun. There's no venue time. So if everyone's really hanging out, nobody.

[Robert Kelly]

Wants to do that.

[Robbie Bernstein]

That's what I'm saying. If everyone's hanging out and drinking, I will not shut down. Fun to be like.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate shutting down.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Exactly. Everyone's the worst. Everyone's having fun. Sometimes I show up and I'm late and everyone's just sitting in their seats like waiting for show to start.

[Robert Kelly]

That's my wife's nickname, by the way. Fun Shutter down.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I thought you were going to say waiting for a show to start. And then I wanted to know what the show was.

[Robert Kelly]

That used to be a nickname. Yeah, back in the whore days.

[Robbie Bernstein]

So it's just go with the flow. Sometimes everyone's out there, they're hanging out and so I kind of wait for a lull when it seems like people are starting to take their seats and wait for the show. And then I just hop up and get to it.

[Robert Kelly]

Now if you have a heckler or somebody who's an ass, I mean, you have to deal with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're in a private thing. Yeah, it's really.

[Robbie Bernstein]

It's very lucky. I thought when I started this I was gonna have a bunch of like douchebag, like 25 to 32 year old drunks. The audience is a little bit older, which sucks. Cuz there's no sluts. You know, you're not pulling any. You're not pulling any action on the porch. But I have pretty mature, like 40.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you did. The house is right there.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, exactly. And sometimes I stay there too. So you. Ideally, yeah. It's nice.

[Robert Kelly]

So you'll stay at the house of the people. That hire you?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that, like, in the contract? Like, I need a room?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, it's in the rider.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Robbie Bernstein]

No. But no. Sometimes people, like, put out a nice spread for me. Like, sometimes people. People are very welcoming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No one's ever offered you their wife?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Not yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's coming.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Not yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's coming.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Dude, there's been some times where wives have been too flirty for the husband. Not letting me know ahead of time that that wasn't a problem. And then you got to, like, navigate that, you know.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you ever done one where it's all vamp?

[Robbie Bernstein]

You gotta make sure it starts after dark. So that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I've learned invite only.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I'll tell you guys a wild one. I've learned I will not stay at Porches the first time. It's gotta be a second time around. Or if someone emailed me that they have, like, fantastic accommodations, right? Which sometimes they do. Sometimes these people are very wealthy and they'll let me know. They got a whole guest quarters and a slave for me. And I'm like, great. But I had. I did one. I'm not even gonna say where it was. And the host was referred to me by a friend, and he was like, I got a room here. You can stay. I was like, perfect.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you say a slave? I'm sorry.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yes. It was.

[Robert Kelly]

All these shows in the south, some of them are.

[Robbie Bernstein]

You gotta. Anyways, you gotta. I have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no slaves anywhere anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no slaves anywhere, even in the South.

[Robbie Bernstein]

There's that one place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There is that one place. Lck, Texas, to name a place.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You mean. You mean Joe Rogan is all right.

[Robbie Bernstein]

He might. On that compound. Who knows? He's got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's sovereign nation over there, Joe Rogan's compound. You're still allowed to have slaves.

[Robert Kelly]

He's in the. He's in the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm in the sphere.

[Robert Kelly]

He's in the sphere.

[Robbie Bernstein]

There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Robbie's sort of in the sphere, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you in the sphere?

[Robbie Bernstein]

I'm Spirit Jason with Dave.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I've never met him. I've never been on the show. I've never worked the club, but Sphere adjacent.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe if you work his porch.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I would love to.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you ever been hired to work somebody's porch that they didn't want you there where somebody just hired you to do it? You showed up.

[Robbie Bernstein]

That would be my favorite show ever. And the guy's like, knows comedy well enough where he's like, you're only getting paid if you do your time. And you just have some wife that's yelling, like, what is happening?

[Robert Kelly]

You know, they SWAT people. They just send SWAT to people's houses. Be funny if we could just pay Robbie and swat. Like, Robbie people's houses? Yeah, send them over to like Anthony Kumia's compound, his new place down while you're.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

While you're at work. And you come home and he has a whole light and sound rig set up completely in your backyard. What's going on?

[Robbie Bernstein]

All right, so this is so that porch. I guess I'm gonna admit where it was, it was in Austin, Texas. So the year before, the two years before I played across the street and this guy said, hey, you can stay at my house. And I show up to the house and it doesn't look like a well kept house. And we walk into the house and he goes, hey, here's the room that I got for you. And he opens up the door and there's no bed in the room. Really? There's no bed. There's dead bugs. There's nothing. And he looks at me sincerely. He goes, hey, I got this room for you. And I looked over my shoulder, wondering if I was like on a prank TV show. I was like, this can't be reality. This guy raped. Yeah. I was like, this can't. And then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you'll want to sleep anywhere after I would.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And so I pulled the. Nah, it's cool. I actually got a hotel. So then someone else hit me up saying, hey, I got a porch out in the area. And that guy's house had a bunch of airplanes when we were performing. And I was like, great, let's do a new spot. So I booked this spot, which we've now done the last two years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. I see you brought Lemaire and Lamar Lee and Nate Marshall. I was wondering whatever happened to them.

[Robbie Bernstein]

They're out there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're still at that place in cages. They're naked. They're starving Lemaire down so they can make outfits out of his skin.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Lemaire is so funny. He shows up and I was going to have him go 30. He's like, can I go first? I can go back to watching wrestling.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm like, in their house?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, I'm like, if you prefer it. But this house ended up being directly across the street from the other people's house. And I didn't even realize.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Like, I showed up thinking I'd booked a new location, that I wouldn't have to deal with the airplanes. And I thought I was in the Twilight zone, where I Was like, I'm across the street.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it just kept happening.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah. But I guess we've just kind of gotten used to it. And my. My sound system's a little bit better.

[Robert Kelly]

What is. What is the biggest porch you've performed?

[Robbie Bernstein]

When I out in Denver, I'll do about 110 people. And that's the. That's the biggest porch draw.

[Robert Kelly]

Really.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Anne Marie and Jonathan. So I've done it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've done another maybe when it's black people in the show. We don't call it a porch show. We call it a backyard show. You know, just to like this is not get anybody excited about that when they get up there. Welcome to the porch. Lamare Lee. You know those guys are all biting lip at that point.

[Robert Kelly]

So you do these shows, right. And you. The biggest one was how many?

[Robbie Bernstein]

110 out in Denver.

[Robert Kelly]

What's the smallest one? Where you're like, oh, these people just hired me for them.

[Robbie Bernstein]

That doesn't. Well, I'm of the. You just book it it and you let you know, you let the chips land where they may. But the smallest one I did this year. I showed up and I was like, we shouldn't be doing this. It was like it was 10 people in upstate New York.

[Robert Kelly]

Really.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And it was just last year we also did one port. The thing with those is that they're always in route that was coming back from Canada and we did two shows up in Canada. So it's literally on the drive home. So it's no, it's nothing lost to do the gig. Yeah but that one was small enough that it probably wasn't worthwhile.

[Robert Kelly]

But they pay you the money or do you get. You get.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Well, I just put up tickets. So for the most part, unless. Unless it's a private. I just put up tickets. So we didn't make money that night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

So these are people who find know you. So this is just building up this fan base all now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you get there and you see a mezuzah on the door, do you think that the Jews have gotten to hold you ransom for Dave?

[Robbie Bernstein]

When. When I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to see Robert the Fire again?

[Robbie Bernstein]

When I first started booking them in the remote locations, I was like, I'm going to show up. It's going to be the CIA. I feel like it's just over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you catching any of the shit that Dave's catching with some of the stuff like as far as like, do.

[Robbie Bernstein]

They put your name angry text from my grandma.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, your Jewish grandmother.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had to assume yes, Yeah.

[Robbie Bernstein]

A call from my dad of why are people coming over on Shabbat and yelling at me about what your friend did on Joe Rogan's podcast. I'm getting that kind of heat. That's about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just it just in house.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, that's the heat right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just in house. But you don't see any on the road like people being like shitty at all or anything.

[Robbie Bernstein]

No. If anything we've had some. Where our Palestinian draw has. Has grown quite a bit. We've had a couple of people with whatever it is. I don't know what they're.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This Jew gets it.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, well the first couple of time we saw them we got real nervous because we're like, we have filthy acts and these people look like they're religious Muslims. Like this might be an issue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I would have said that you were being anti Semitic. But Superman also. Superman also chose to go with Palestine in that story.

[Robbie Bernstein]

So we haven't dealt with any of that. But the first weekend I did with Dave on the road was in Rochester, New York and we hadn't done gigs on the road because Dave had. Was having kids. So he didn't do like you have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To deal with Superman yet. He goes, no, don't worry, he's fictitious. Oh, Superman, Yeah, the new Superman movie.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Oh, you see, I didn't get the reference. So I just, I don't. I didn't know what you were talking about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The new Superman movie is pretty heavy handed. Anti Israel.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Interesting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And Hollywood made it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's very strange. It didn't slip through the cracks for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean it could be any. But it's, it's. It's basically the big country that we're friends with is with a little country with little people.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And then Superman goes in there. People with guns or something.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the people with guns fucking with the people with rocks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's the idea. And Superman, before the movie started you find out that he had all people are kind of mad at him because he already intervened.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And went at the Israel people and was. And like even though they're the Superman in this. Superman's anti Semitic? Yes.

[Robbie Bernstein]

That's wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is what it comes down to.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I mean I can't support an anti Semitic. Yeah, Superman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you don't want to. But I mean it was pretty fun. Watch him go around on Passover and burning down sukkahs with his eye lasers.

[Robert Kelly]

Batman's Jewish.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, that checks out.

[Robert Kelly]

Batman's Jewish and loves the Jews.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Well, he's a billionaire. So he's got the money coming in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Robin's trans.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Did the Jews figure out kryptonite in this movie?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They did, yes. They did in fact figure out. In fact they had the. They had to make a man to make kryptonite because they had to make a Jew man. They made a little old Jew man. Did you also know that. Did you know the. The elemental guy is noho? Hank from Barry. The guy who. The freaky thing he was in the prison cell with. Superman.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is the bald guy, the alopecia guy from Barry.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Oh, that guy's funny in Barry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's very funny. Yeah. Less funny in this. Yeah, he was Mr. Element.

[Robbie Bernstein]

So I gotta ask you guys, what did the panel think of Conor McGregor's dick? Did you guys already get into this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, we didn't go around.

[Robert Kelly]

Can we bring it up? The photo of it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's already up.

[Robert Kelly]

It took me like actually down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's down in one picture.

[Robert Kelly]

The other one, I didn't see it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's holding a weight up. A dumbbell up with his dick.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't see that. Where is that. Conor McGregor sent a.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Wait, that looks way bigger than the one I saw.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's big. Maybe it's. Maybe it's a Photoshop, but it's. He's got a hammer on him.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he's also a small guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very small guy.

[Robert Kelly]

He has no bush fat whatsoever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. No body fat.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it is just bone and dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The guy's got a fantastic penis, Bobby. I agreed.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But the story is he sent this unsolicited, which is batshit, to Iggy Azalea. Who? Famous. No, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Azalea Banks. I wish it was Iggy Azalea. Me too. Azalea Banks, who's not as hot as Iggy Azalea. Azalea Banks, who is the girl who Dave Chappelle allegedly hooked up with and she spilled that news. Remember in one of his specials he calls her like a, you know, you loudmouth tattletail or some.

[Robert Kelly]

So she's already ratted somebody out before?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. And he sent this picture and he sends her. She views it as a threat that he wrote with it, which is sort of. So it's very. It's. It's a loose one. He goes, don't be a rat. Cuz all rats get caught.

[Robert Kelly]

What is that? What is he saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't tell people I sent this to you. Don't fucking put this out there.

[Robbie Bernstein]

So he wanted his big hog on the Internet?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I guess. I mean, like, it's a good way.

[Robert Kelly]

Of looking at it.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Is this real? Because this says me and Conor McGregor have been sending each other unsolicited news since 2016. 16. Hello.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Is that. That's not real, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is not.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Robbie Bernstein]

I do wonder where is that on the fluffed up scale? Like does he have a bad erection that it doesn't, that it just still hangs erect? Like is that him fully erected or is that just hanging?

[Robert Kelly]

Does he have erectile dysfunction problems?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

So that's him erect, but it doesn't get all the way up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, it was hanging. It was hanging that sideways one where you saw without the censorship was hanging. If you find this uncensored. The other one, it's got a dumbbell attached to it and he's holding it up in the air. That was what the other picture was, but it had a censorship thing over.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Wait, he was able to lift the dumbbell with his penis?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I think he was just hanging it from it. Yeah, I don't think he was able.

[Robbie Bernstein]

To saying he broke his penis. He had a good penis and then he hung dumbbells from it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Possible. I'll tell you, his foreskin looks like it comes four inches past his dickhead, which is strange. I don't enjoy that dumbbells on hanging.

[Robert Kelly]

Off my penis in my lifetime too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, a couple of dumbbells hanging off.

[Robert Kelly]

My penis, now his dick. The thing that ruins this for me is that, that, that helmet, that Irish European foreskin stinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so baggy at the top.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, gross. It looks like an alien.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look, there's so much skin not touching dick.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you zoom in on that for us, Christine, please?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Enhance.

[Robert Kelly]

Enhance it. Sector 4 CF. Enhance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Zoom in now. Enhance.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God. He trims his. All of it. Now that looks like a. You know what it looks like? A cigar. Like a lit cigar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like a delicious cigar.

[Robert Kelly]

Looks. Well, is that what you're saying? It looks like a Connecticut wrapped, delicious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beautiful, delicious, salty cigar.

[Robbie Bernstein]

The front of it looks like when in the newspaper you see the pictures of dust mites?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It does.

[Robert Kelly]

I think a microscopic animal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like somebody cut the head off a chicken. Like that's chicken neck that's hanging.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It's big though. It is a big, big schnoz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The guy's got a wallop. For sure.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got a wallop. And I don't understand why he would hang a weight off it though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, does he impress a black woman?

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, I apologize. You know what? There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's seen big dicks before. You have to now prove it can perform feats of strength.

[Robert Kelly]

It shoots a bow and arrow in the next.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, absolutely. He's doing all kinds of goofy Irish shit.

[Robert Kelly]

He uses his as the bow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He hits a. He hits an infield home run.

[Robert Kelly]

He plays skeeball with it and gets a 350.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He sets the high score. Whack a mole. He whack a moles. And gets enough tickets to buy a boombox from the front store. God damn. Keeps that bush hair down low too, huh?

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, it keeps it nice and low. Cuz he's got that V, that arrow dick ab that just points to his still.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I would keep a little more fur up there. I would have the dick ejecting from the fur.

[Robert Kelly]

From the fur. Like the. The bushes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I feel like the shaved dick, even when it looks its best, still looks stupid and weird.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And the older.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shave your balls for sure. Shave all around. But there should be Justin Silver does it right? The guy. Yeah. He keeps a nice thick bush around his dick and that's it. The rest of him is bald like a dolphin.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, Justin has a lot of help at the farm. Sure looks good at what Looks bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. He goes to a pube stylist. Would be my guess.

[Robert Kelly]

He has to.

[Robbie Bernstein]

But if you shave it down that low, don't you get nervous? Just about. You're gonna have like the chick razor bumps. It's gonna look like an std. Razor bumps, red hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Razor bumps. I would zits. The fact that I'm just pasty under there completely is gonna look awful.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. As actually a tattoo you forgot about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah. My high school boyfriend's name. Rich.

[Robert Kelly]

Rich Osborne.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now in script.

[Robbie Bernstein]

When I was trying to find that this morning, and it was funny because I started my day, I thought I was interviewing this guy named David Stockman. It was Ronald Reagan's budget director. And I woke up early to start reading his recent articles.

[Robert Kelly]

That sounds fun.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And then he canceled on me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not getting pussy T shows.

[Robert Kelly]

You're only. You're only selling porches.

[Robbie Bernstein]

And then he canceled on me. So I was like, all right, let's start prepping for part of the problem. Let's see what's in the news. This was the first headline that came up. And then I spent the next hour trying to find his penis uncensored. Yeah. And then I was just looking through all the gay porn wondering how. What's the time limit on finding celebrity penis before you're now just being a little gay?

[Robert Kelly]

32 minutes.

[Robbie Bernstein]

32 minutes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, what does the algorithm think? That's the answer. When does the algorithm start shooting you other pictures of dicks you're not looking for? Because it goes, well, listen, you clearly love dicks.

[Robert Kelly]

Immediately there was a lot. I was trying to find it today too. And it just came come up with cocks and all different kinds of. And then I was just looking at other cocks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, I'd be surprised how many guys named Connor Mack something have showed their cock Before.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, I was down at Crazy Cock Rabbit Hole this morning, and then I just put it in the text, somebody find this. I'm gonna fucking kill myself right now.

[Robbie Bernstein]

That's the way I. I was like, I need a producer on this.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you need a producer. A producer.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Did you see his ESPN shoot where he's naked? No. So that was another thing, because then all of a sudden, I'm sifting through the ESPN pictures where you just see. And you're like, man, this guy's got a great body.

[Robert Kelly]

Then there's one where he's in his bed after a fight or something. He's just. He's covered his junk with a. Like a Xbox remote he's playing. There's so many pictures of him with his, like.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah, almost.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you ever see the outtakes of the. You ever see the Ronda Rousey outtakes from the ESPN nude? And she has those beefy lips.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you can see her vags.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. The uncensored. The uncensored ESPN thing has her beef or something. I get. I don't know. I mean, they're professional pictures, so I mean, they're. And it's definitely the picture that's.

[Robert Kelly]

That had to leak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if it's. We could find out. The whole thing's made up. But it's the exact picture that they show the rest of it. That's not her pussy.

[Robbie Bernstein]

In ESPN roast beef ridges are, like, long and flappy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, like, muscular. So, like shredded pussy lips. Do you know what I mean? Like, they're very defined. I don't think she has inside baggy lips at all. But the outside lips have, like, they become lips almost like they separate from the body. They almost purse too much creatine purse. They purse pussy lips. Christine, did I vamp enough long enough you'd find her purse pussy lips.

[Robbie Bernstein]

No, I'm having trouble finding the uncensored with the weight and her. But this is like. I know. I'm looking for the outtakes on this.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Too many words. Just Ronda Rousey nude.

[Robert Kelly]

Ronda Rowdy batwing a nice puss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. Type in. Right, exactly. Type in Ronda Rousey pussy.

[Robert Kelly]

They go show the fight where she got kicked in the head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. What a pussy.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that right there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's it right there.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a tattoo. The Olympic tattoo.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, there. Right there. Is that it?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

My God. It looks like somebody doing, like, covering their thumb. You know when you're taking your thumb, like, look at. When you do this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It does look like that.

[Robbie Bernstein]

That looks like you're gonna have to wrestle it to get in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like. It looks like she's getting ready. It looks like her pussy, just like her clit comes out far. It's all slanted to the our right. Her left.

[Robert Kelly]

It looks like a baby anteater.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's strange looking.

[Robbie Bernstein]

It almost looks like someone's finger and thumb is already around it.

[Robert Kelly]

And there's like a little line like a rainbow. Like a dark rainbow. See that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do see that.

[Robert Kelly]

What is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the outline of the bonfire logo burning the screen. Yeah, it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, it is. It's such a little. We took this photo. No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she said it on a timer. No, it's espn.

[Robert Kelly]

Espn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, she took the picture. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

It looks like somebody kicked her on the left side of the vagina a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She agreed to the picture for sure. But it is a slanted to the left and it's just that cliche's poking out. So it looks like. By the way, it also looks like a side view of a thumb.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, like this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like a thumbnail. It looks like her clits. A thumbnail.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at this. It looks like this right here. Look. Ready? Like that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

All right.

[Robbie Bernstein]

If.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Right there. It's like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it looks like. It looks like my childhood nose.

[Robert Kelly]

When you're taking the. When you're doing that magic trick where you take your thumb apart. Yeah, it's just the thumb part.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Wait, how'd you do that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, no, it's also your.

[Robert Kelly]

I did magic. I went to magic camp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's your grandpa's nose. When your grandpa takes your nose off, it's right here.

[Robert Kelly]

I got your nose. Give it back. I'm gonna throw it under her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's magic right there. You should go to America's Got Talent with that.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Now, I gotta say, if you had the opportunity to hook up with Ronda Rousey, that would be world class.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Robbie Bernstein]

But if I took off her, I'd be like, I think I need instructions.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, listen, once you get down there and she spreads her legs, it all turns into a normal looking pussy. It's just her. She's so muscular and clearly, like she got shredded up for this. You know, she doesn't want to.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you gotta figure it out. Like a Hellraiser puzzle box. Once you get in there, you'll find.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'S a. Yeah, it's a real.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, boy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so like. It's a dehydrated pussy.

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta put water on it like beef jerky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's like astronaut pussy. Yeah, astronaut ice cream. You have to hydrate it.

[Robert Kelly]

You have to lick it and spit on it and it becomes a regular pussy. Yeah, like those fish that you wet and they become big fish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like her's been vacuumed up to her body. Like there's nothing between and pelvic bone.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, that is a. That's a weird looking. If I saw that in life, I'd.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Be like, oh, dude. Easy come, though. I bet her lives on the outside. Easy come. No doubt.

[Robert Kelly]

It looks like she had surgery on her. Like she got kicked or something happened. Some kung fu accident back in the day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think someone juded off her left?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I think her master. Her masters. I must take this. You will never succeed if you have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Regular cuts it off with a. Yeah.

[Robbie Bernstein]

It looks like she just needs to, like, adjust her left lip a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think that is. You're not wrong about that too. I think she could pull. She could pull the beef out of the left part. There it is. Like her leg caught it and, like, dragged it up.

[Robert Kelly]

Another pusser.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Another pisser.

[Robert Kelly]

Is there another picture of her puss?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there another puss picnic, like, score.

[Robert Kelly]

There was a couple more. There's one more.

[Robbie Bernstein]

She's doing a great job with her pubic hair, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's trimmed up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? I will say again. You see, it's all follicle. I don't like that. I'd rather have bush.

[Robert Kelly]

He doesn't like the root. The root vein.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're absolutely right.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like the root vein.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't. To see where hair is gonna grow, you either have to be a person who gets that skin that goes totally smooth bald. Or you should grow a little.

[Robert Kelly]

You just pull it up. There it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at her ass.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not her. It's not her.

[Robbie Bernstein]

So everything's showing up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is her. That's there. Nothing on the right.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, is it AI? It's probably AI because it has her tattoo.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think I was the only one that came out. Was like one outtake of that photo shoot.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And, you know, she's got a little weird.

[Robert Kelly]

So now he's. He's showing his dick to this girl and she. So she ratted somebody else out before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? She said that she fucked Dave Chappelle.

[Robert Kelly]

She. Dave Chappelle ratted him out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he sent her this thing thinking they probably send it back and forth and he rat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't Black Lou, could you guess why her? I mean, she's not. Not a trap. I mean, they can make her look super hot and stuff, but I mean, like, she is so dime a dozen, forgettably attractive. Azalea bang. Why her?

[Robbie Bernstein]

For real?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you can see in the picture, he's never messaged her before. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because it says like, it says accept. It says accept.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, if I had a schlong like that though, I wouldn't mind sending that around to some dms.

[Robbie Bernstein]

That's just cold calling.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd send it to everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I also will say this.

[Robert Kelly]

I said, Conor McGregor for your birthday, Robbie. I'd send it over and I would.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Go, robert, that's a great piece.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd let you. Thank you for sharing promotion. Your porch tour.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's so out of control right now, though. Conor McGregor.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Well, he's been really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just went bare knuckle fighting. They said he showed up all whacked out.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he. He actually put it on. One of the guys said something about him and he got in his face. Yeah, he was like, I made you, you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he tells me, he goes, maybe if you beat so and so, I'll take a look at you or something.

[Robert Kelly]

Until then, you're mine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's like, dude, he's doing his thing. But I'm saying he's a little like out of his tree. He said he came all coked up is what the reviews on that. He's very coked up. So he's all up. He's running, making bad decisions because. But again, that bad decision may have been. You're right. Like, let me send this to a tattletale who will get my big fat dick out there on the Internet. Now, it's not my fault not realizing it looks worse that you just unsolicited send Dick's pics off.

[Robert Kelly]

We should send our dick pics to her. We should see if she doesn't send them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I go. I go, don't be a rat, because rats all get caught. But please don't show anyone my wiener, please. Yeah, so I'm right. I'm right. Please don't show anyone my wiener, please. I'm going to please on both sides. Like, I'm speaking Spanish.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I think the lady he had that incident with the bathroom that he got in trouble for and then got let off for, I think she was pretty dumpy looking too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robbie Bernstein]

So I don't think he's too particular.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dumpy looking. She's not dumpy looking. She's like, pretty, but she's just like, for him to pick her of just so randomly every, like. Like, even if it's like a. You want to send it to a hot black chick, there's just so many that you could probably reach just as easily for him, you know, I mean, to send that dick pic to weird that it was her. It's like, why is she on his radar? She's not even, like, a popular musician. She doesn't have, like, you might. You might hit songs.

[Robert Kelly]

You might be right. So he's trying to get it out there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, he's like, but this is a chick who did it. Made the whole thing about Dave Chappelle that she'll tell.

[Robert Kelly]

But why wouldn't you? If you have a circumcised dick and it's big like that, why would back pop. Pop out the helmet and give us what we want?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because he comes in on a place where no one's complained about it ever because he's Conor McGregor. And also, he's also gotten American girls who like that because it's a different thing.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a different weird, European dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Robbie Bernstein]

He's got a pit. He's got a Lambo boat. Just. That's a better opener. Hey, you want to hang out on my boat?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is better than that. He goes, every dick's big on a boat.

[Robert Kelly]

This rat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's her.

[Robert Kelly]

Ugh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I'm saying. They can make her look like she looks plenty pretty in some place, but there's nothing that's, like, where it seems like he can take something to make himself, like, known for this. Unless he wants to be known for this. If he really was hoping this would not happen, then why pick this? It's like, if you're gonna throw it all away, like, throw a Hail Mary, like, who your real dream girl is out there? You know? I mean, whoever that may be, it's definitely not Azalea Banks. This. The same broad is attracted to chaos. I think maybe, maybe. Oh, is that her? Yeah, she did some nude stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

And again, I would have sent it to. To Rosie o'.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Donnell.

[Robert Kelly]

If I was gonna do anything, I would have sent it to Rosie like, yo, you fat tub of. Look at this hook. Yeah, this is in your draw next year, you piece of lard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'll send Rosie Donald my dick. Pick and go, welcome back to heterosexuality.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. This is what we go over here in Ireland, you fucking tub of shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right. She got titty implants.

[Robbie Bernstein]

This lady is attractive. I Don't understand the erotic milk photos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, on her black skin.

[Robert Kelly]

If you send this to Rosie, is that assault? Is that sexual? Can she can get in trouble for that? Because she sent it to this girl and it's fine. She's just ratting him out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, no, we're just paying it forward because he's over in Ireland sending dick pics to our American black women. Yeah, we are over here in America sending dick pics to that now Irish lesbos over there. She left the country.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I think he could probably just Wrong number it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Oh, roses. Rosie o'. Donnell. My bad.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry, babe, sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was trying to send this to a different o'. Donnell. Damn, dude. Nice piece. What a way to end the show.

[Robbie Bernstein]

It so much you can't see anything. That's what I've been trying to find.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It says lifting weights.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would he lift a weight with his cock? Is that just to show the power?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because you can.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, can you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't think he can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't think so?

[Robert Kelly]

No, you can't. You have to get a hard on that goes up and brings like. Does it curl with your.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One time Christine almost fell onto train tracks and she was falling back. I put my wiener out and she grabbed it and was able to save herself from falling.

[Robert Kelly]

She had to suck your balls. So you get high, Jay, stick a finger in your ass. You like that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Unfortunately, she had to do a lot to get saved that day. And then she wrote. Yeah, how are you gonna send a some crooked dick pics then threaten her to not tell. Do you know who the I am? And this is Haram.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I like that Connor's advocating for the crooked dick community.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no doubt.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have a crooked dick?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Oh, yeah. I could stand here and pee there.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a straight up elbow.

[Robert Kelly]

What the happened?

[Robbie Bernstein]

Too many weightlifting, you know, from the corner, trying to get shredded from the corner.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Robbie Bernstein, thank you so much for hanging out with us, man. Robbie's on the porch tour.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Very interesting tour, man. Go check that out if you can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got some dates coming up. Doylestown, Penns, July 25, Bruce & Mills, West Virginia on July 26, and Johnstown, Pennsylvania on July 27. For tickets and all tour dates, visit porch tour.com. there's 60 shows, so look for a porch near you. Bobby Kelly. Go to punch up that live Robert Kelly. He's going to be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 25th and 26th and then indefinitely.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm going there for Friday and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Saturday, thinking about setting up permanent residence. As long as you keep selling on shows, he'll keep performing.

[Robert Kelly]

Fact that I'm not sold out in this bit, still going on makes me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're sold out. You are sold out.

[Robert Kelly]

Am I? Yes, I'm sold out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, there's no bits of small.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, okay, you're sold out. So he has to add shows. But check, by the way. But check. But if you. If you're thinking about going to those original two dates, check that they're sold out before you move on. But then they will open up for the 27th through the end of the year.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, I'm not there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he's also has to do Rochester, Tampa, and he may spa. For tickets and all tour dates, go to Punch up that live Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

And go right now to bigj comedy.com because he's going to be in Tacoma Comedy club in Washington August 1st and 2nd. Then the comedy Store in Los Angeles for Story wars the 4th of August and the 5th after that. He's gonna be in Punchline Sacramento the 7th through the 19th of August. For tickets, just go to his website, bigjay comedy.com or punchup.live bigjokerson and go to his YouTube page, YouTube.com bigjokerson for his two specials. They themselves. It's up there now. Killing it. And we'll see you guys tomorrow.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Tomorrow.

[Robert Kelly]

Tomorrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tomorrow we have Roy Wood.

[Robert Kelly]

We got a whole bunch of people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe some other people are gonna pop in before Wu Tang and then. And then Wu Tang. The chaos. Bobby gets its chaos.

[Robert Kelly]

I get my chaos. I get my chaos on stage and I get my chaos off stage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll be back tomorrow. What does possibility mean to you?

[Robbie Bernstein]

That's a hard question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Something that you can strive for. I'm able to do anything I set my mind to. You're confident in yourself and you believe in yourself. Stuff that you could achieve.

[Robbie Bernstein]

I feel it's Sarah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anything is possible when you're more confident.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Shoes are a huge part of that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They are the most important part of my style.

[Robert Kelly]

You can like express yourself in the right shoes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anything is possible. Dsw.

[Robbie Bernstein]

Countless shoes at bragworthy prices.

[Robert Kelly]

Imagine the possibilities.