Podcast Summary: The Bonfire – "Embarrassing Patchy Growth"

Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Date: January 1, 2026
Main Theme:
A raucous, freewheeling episode where Jay, Bobby, and crew riff on podcast logistics, live events, body grooming mishaps, and hysterically overshare about medical experiences, all wrapped in their signature blunt humor and riff-heavy camaraderie.

Episode Overview

This episode finds Big Jay and Bobby adapting to changes at SiriusXM, prepping for an upcoming "fishbowl" live show, and diving deep into unfiltered (and sometimes TMI) comedy about aging, body hair, embarrassing grooming habits, wild medical procedures (including penis "gain waves"), and their enduring professional friendship. Episodes like this exemplify why The Bonfire stands out: it's comedians, totally unfiltered, riffing on real life with laughter as their only agenda.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Fishbowl Show and SiriusXM Podcast Woes

Timestamps: 01:05 – 05:55

• Christine announces their "fishbowl" live recording (01:16), prompting ribbing about office politics and the limits (literally—only 15 audience members allowed) imposed on their show.
• "How come black people don’t have more holidays?" - Bobby Kelly, as they riff on office attendance and holiday policies (02:47).
• The group jokes about why they get the small audience: "It’s because we’re always trying to be funny, right? And sometimes that takes us over the edge." – Bobby Kelly (03:17).
• Extended confusion and complaints over SiriusXM’s awkwardly plural "Podcasts Month"—"Who do we talk to about this? We should have been talked to about this as people who also have podcasts." – Christine (05:31).

2. Body Brain Coffee & Mock Sponsorships

Timestamps: 06:03 – 08:26

• Bobby and Christine joke about not being paid shills for Body Brain Coffee... despite hyping it weekly.
  • “Go buy it so Lewis will become a millionaire and do another career.” – Bobby Kelly (07:08)
  • Christine’s mock exasperation: “My time is money, dude. Lewis, ball’s in your court. Throw me a monthly fee, I’ll start wearing Body Brain Coffee sweatshirts.” (07:17)

3. Audience Selection for Live Shows

Timestamps: 08:44 – 10:00

• They wonder who will pick the fishbowl audience, with jokes about Jacob only choosing "all five foot one chicks… so he feels like a giant." (08:51)
• Suggestion to diversify the group (“Maybe a MILF, couple DILFs…” Christine, 09:14).

4. Breakfast Food Rankings—The Great Pancake/French Toast Debate

Timestamps: 09:52 – 11:04

• Christine confesses she doesn’t “love” pancakes, sparking a playful hierarchy analysis of breakfast carbs.
  • “…If I go to a brunch place, I could forego pancakes. Easy. If there’s other things I like better.” – Christine (10:04)

5. Behind-The-Scenes: Producer Lou, Drops, and Skank Fest Glory

Timestamps: 11:01 – 17:22

• Lou’s role as soundboard king gets praise and good-natured roasting.
  • “He’s the Charlie Kirk of boards.” – Bobby Kelly (14:05)
• The team reminisces about Skank Fest, pride in the festival, and outlandish on-stage rap battles (“The rap battle between you and Lewis was one of the funniest, greatest live comedy things I’ve ever seen.” – Bobby Kelly, 17:22).

6. Jacob’s 'Guy Crushes' & Comedy Festival Brainstorms

Timestamps: 18:03 – 19:40

• They riff on Jacob’s open admiration for other male comics—a long-running joke—prompting even his nephews to confirm "he like falls in love with guys" (19:06).
• Plans for future Skank Fest live bits are floated, such as a live sitcom episode called "Jacob Loves Guys".

7. Bobby's Wild Medical Experience: Gain Waves and Patchy Growth

Timestamps: 21:03 – 44:46

• The heart of the episode: Bobby shares his escapades at “Game Day” health clinic, involving treatments for elbow pain that transition into conversations about penis health and “gain waves” procedures.
  • On being offered a treatment to boost “morning wood”: “It just gives you morning wood… It helps with that. So I was like, oh great. So I went in and was like, hey man, this stuff isn’t really giving me morning wood like you said it would.” (23:13)
  • On the prospect of exposing himself for a “gain wave” penis procedure, while absolutely not having “groomed”:
    • “It’s a nest down there, like, it’s wild.” – Bobby Kelly (30:43)
    • “Should I go clean? Should I leave a little Hitler mustache?” – Bobby Kelly (38:04)
• Hilarious overshares about body hair:
  • “Mine right now looks what I think Edith Bunker’s would look like if you pulled her pants down.” – Bobby Kelly (31:15)
• Christine teaches her ritual: plinking her smooth balls against her asshole, “I let it drop into my asshole. I plinko it. It plink goes down my ass cheek folds.” (32:13)
• Discussion of "patchy growth"—the titular theme—a plight both hosts bemoan as older, heavier men.
  • “If I went in today, everybody would have saw patchy growth, and maybe that would have been my nickname. Patchy growth Kelly, and I don’t want that.” – Bobby Kelly (41:17)

8. Fatherhood, Puberty, and Weird Razors

Timestamps: 35:00 – 36:48

• Bobby recounts his 12-year-old son Max starting to trim his own "fat patch" of pubes, leading to razor mix-ups.
  • “He’s got a fat patch... And he—I don’t know where he got it from, but one day he just trimmed it off... I gave him my manscape. This is yours. Don’t use my stuff.” (35:02)

9. Sexual Tensions, Medical Procedures, and Overanalyzing “Appropriate” Boners

Timestamps: 43:07 – 53:06

• Bobby confesses canceling the “gain wave” procedure at the last minute due to not being – as the episode states – “medically presentable.”
  • “I literally ran out. I was like, I gotta go. I’m not gonna do it today. I gotta call my wife.” (43:07)
• Worried about possible arousal or even climax during the procedure:
  • “What if I like…what if I come?” – Bobby Kelly (43:18)
  • “But isn’t it…am I gonna get in trouble?...if she’s rubbing up and down on my thing?” (43:30)

10. Rock & Roll Jeopardy & Jay’s “Superhero Power”

Timestamps: 53:27 – 57:16

• Jay boasts about his near-savant musical trivia skills, dominating VH1 Rock & Roll Jeopardy and subjecting friends and family to his unstoppable streak.
  • “You are a savant. You literally have autism with music.” – Bobby Kelly (55:13)
• Anecdotal tangent about childhood loneliness as the origin story for Jay’s encyclopedic knowledge—“This comes from just a lonely, chubby kid on the floor.” (55:48)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “For the Jews being slaves, they seem very against work.” – Christine (02:36)
• “My love for you is sickening. Oh, it’s sickening. Look at me. I wish I was your auntie. I wish you had a little me on your phone…” – Bobby Kelly (01:55)
• “You can go buy [Body Brain Coffee] so Lewis will become a millionaire and do another career and...get out of our lives completely.” – Christine (07:16)
• “It's called gain waves...and it goes on, and it breaks up scar tissue...It did help my tennis elbow...and they gave me a free thing.” – Bobby Kelly (22:08)
• “Should I go clean? Should I leave a little Hitler mustache?” – Bobby Kelly, debating how to trim for the procedure (38:04)
• “If I went in today, everybody would have saw patchy growth, and maybe that would have been my nickname. Patchy growth Kelly, and I don’t want that.” – Bobby Kelly (41:17)
• “You are a savant. You literally have autism with music.” – Bobby Kelly (55:13)

Episode Flow & Tone

• Language/Tone: Completely unfiltered, gleefully profane, and riff-driven, perfectly displaying the dynamic of comics with no agenda but to crack each other up and overshare.
• Energy: Spirited, restless, and spontaneous, with frequent digressions that spiral from riff to real talk to absurd confessional.

Time-Stamped Highlights

| Topic | Speaker(s) | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------|-----------------------|---------------| | Fishbowl show logistics | Christine, Bobby | 01:16 | | Holidays & office culture joke | Bobby, Christine | 02:47 | | Podcast/Spotify gripe | Christine, Producer Lou | 04:13 | | Coffee mock-sponsorship | Christine, Bobby | 06:24 | | Audience selection riff | Christine, Bobby | 08:44 | | Pancake/french toast debate | Christine, Bobby | 09:52 | | Lou’s “Charlie Kirk” drop skills | Bobby | 14:05 | | “Gain waves”/medical overshare | Bobby | 21:03 | | Arguing over “patchy growth” | Bobby, Christine | 41:17 | | Boner/nurse procedure anxiety | Bobby | 43:18 | | Musical trivia, Rock & Roll Jeopardy| Jay, Bobby, Christine | 53:27 |

Final Thoughts

If you want an episode that distills everything The Bonfire is about—raunchy, fearless, honest, and deeply silly, with surprising depths of friendship—“Embarrassing Patchy Growth” is a perfect entry. It’s less about structure than about letting practiced comics be their most idiotic, hilarious selves, and somehow ending up discussing the true meaning of pride (in one's children, friends, and even patchy pubic hair).