Fat Gucci Chef

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Fat Gucci Chef" – The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: Fat Gucci Chef
Release Date: July 29, 2025
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Channel: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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1. Introduction to the Wu-Tang Clan Concert

The episode kicks off with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delving into their recent experience at a Wu-Tang Clan concert. They discuss the dynamics of the event, highlighting the unexpected presence of predominantly white attendees at a traditionally black-dominated hip-hop concert.

Notable Quote:
Big Jay Oakerson [01:26]: “So we saw Wu Tang Clan shift. Complete shift.”
Robert Kelly [07:10]: “It was the wildest concert I've ever seen.”

2. Interactions with Run the Jewels

A significant portion of their conversation revolves around Run the Jewels' performance. The hosts describe Run the Jewels' stage antics, including playful interactions with the crowd and humorous stage moves that added a unique flavor to the concert.

Notable Quote:
Robert Kelly [08:14]: “Run the Jewels were great.”
Big Jay Oakerson [17:03]: “He's a jack of two trades and a jack off.”

3. Personal Anecdotes and Concert Challenges

Robert shares a personal story about being bumped from his seat by Josh Kelly during the concert, leading to a humorous yet frustrating experience. This anecdote underscores the challenges of attending large events and maintaining personal comfort amidst the chaos.

Notable Quote:
Robert Kelly [10:56]: “Josh was like, I'm not getting bumped. And he fucking bowled me out of the…”
Big Jay Oakerson [27:22]: “I go, he lied.”

4. Commentary on Stage Outfits and Performers

The hosts critique the stage outfits of Wu-Tang members, poking fun at their fashion choices and how it reflects their personalities. They humorously analyze each member's attire, from Ghostface Killah's oversized shirts to Method Man's casual gear.

Notable Quote:
Big Jay Oakerson [12:10]: “It's a bunch of middle-aged white people. Mostly.”
Robert Kelly [13:52]: “Fat Gucci Chef was cool too, right?”

5. Stand-Up Comedy and Tour Promotions

Towards the latter part of the episode, Big Jay and Robert transition into discussing their own stand-up comedy tours. They promote upcoming shows across various cities, encouraging listeners to attend and support their live performances.

Notable Quote:
Big Jay Oakerson [61:17]: “He's going to be in Punchline Sacramento August 7th through the 9th for tickets and all the tour dates.”
Robert Kelly [61:25]: “Leave Sunday.”

6. Personal Stories: The Car Accident and Warrant

In a humorous and candid segment, Robert narrates an incident where he experiences a car accident after a night out. The story unfolds with mishaps like falling asleep at the wheel, getting into a collision, and the ensuing interaction with law enforcement over an old warrant.

Notable Quote:
Robert Kelly [41:30]: “She walked up and saw me and immediately hated me.”
Big Jay Oakerson [43:03]: “Mustache attitude.”

7. Light-Hearted Banter and Relationship Stories

The episode concludes with playful banter between the hosts about past relationships and humorous takes on intimate encounters. They share exaggerated and comedic stories, reflecting their trademark blunt humor and unfiltered honesty.

Notable Quote:
Robert Kelly [52:17]: “I really did get hit right with the pussy gods. I deserve a nice fatso.”
Big Jay Oakerson [57:38]: “In your eyes was a good background that I would argue.”

Conclusion

"Fat Gucci Chef" offers listeners an engaging blend of concert experiences, personal anecdotes, and humorous commentary on the music and comedy scenes. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly's dynamic chemistry and candid storytelling provide an entertaining and relatable narrative, making it a must-listen for fans of unfiltered humor and insightful conversations.

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Key Takeaways:

• Concert Dynamics: Insight into the cultural shifts and audience composition at the Wu-Tang Clan concert.
• Run the Jewels Impact: Highlights the energetic and humorous performance style of Run the Jewels.
• Personal Challenges: Robert's humorous recounting of being bumped from his seat and dealing with an old warrant.
• Fashion Commentary: Light-hearted critique of Wu-Tang members’ stage outfits.
• Comedy Tours: Promotion of upcoming stand-up shows by Big Jay and Robert.
• Relationship Humor: Entertaining and exaggerated stories about past relationships and intimate encounters.

This episode encapsulates the essence of "The Bonfire" with its blend of humor, honesty, and spontaneous conversations, providing both laughter and relatable moments for its audience.

Transcript

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[Big J Okerson]

Love will turn you around. Turn you around.

[Robert Kelly]

Good job.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh? Look who's smiling against his will right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Against everything in his body, he's enjoying.

[Big J Okerson]

I walked in, he just got terrible news. I said, me and Jacob are duetting this show in.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow, he really spiced. Look how happy he's still. Look at him. He's still fighting that smirk.

[Big J Okerson]

So we saw Wu Tang Clan shift. Complete shift.

[Robert Kelly]

Unfortunately, nothing bad happened.

[Big J Okerson]

I know you. I knew you were bummed in that regard. I know when you left, you had a little like, it was a fantastic concert.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

But you think it was fantastic concert.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something, okay? I've never been to a rap concert before. It was fantastic. What I got the most joy out of, to be honest with you, is how amazing. I don't know how great this is, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But looking at you, how happy you were, was lighting me up. You kept. At one point you went like this. This is great. But to nobody. Like, to yourself. Like, I think it was after somebody came out, you're like, this is great.

[Big J Okerson]

Little Kim, dude. Little Kim came out. I mean, you did a robot dance. A little fat turkey robo dance.

[Robert Kelly]

That's all she can do. That's all she can do is a robot dance. That tub of shit, man. She is a little mushy fucking barrel of horseshit.

[Big J Okerson]

Easy.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry, I apologize. She is just full of stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't care.

[Robert Kelly]

She has six Mexicans in her ass.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. She's a pinata. I mean, she's a pinata and she's full of fucking weird makeup products.

[Robert Kelly]

But she came out and people like, who's that? What Is that.

[Big J Okerson]

I knew. I knew it was too. You don't tell me. Everyone knew it was.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought they were gonna start going oompa doom, bah doobity.

[Big J Okerson]

She's a little pud.

[Robert Kelly]

She a little pud. It was pretty amazing, the fact that. I mean, look, we did not get Joshed. We got slightly Josh, which I'm happy with.

[Big J Okerson]

We got slightly Josh and the thing. Not Josh's fault, but it's just like Dylan put it, right? It's just the thing's going to happen with Josh. Like, Josh did a. This was going to be his comeback from up before. Historically, he does the. I go, hey, I'm going to go get a white claw. Christine went to the bathroom. Bobby went to the bathroom. Everyone's kind of running, doing different things. Josh goes, I'm going to get seven waters. We just going to get us seven waters. That was great.

[Robert Kelly]

It is great. But you could go, I'm going to get seven hamburgers. You know what I mean? Sure. You could do.

[Big J Okerson]

You could. Well, we weren't getting food just yet, though, right?

[Robert Kelly]

The seven waters. It was cool.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, I'm going to get seven waters. And then the problem was I went and waited in a line to get white claw. People went to the bathroom. People. We were standing when Josh said he was ordering the waters. He was standing and ordered the waters. And then everybody dispersed to other things. Then we.

[Robert Kelly]

I stay with Josh.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I stay with Josh. Which.

[Big J Okerson]

What happened?

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell you what happened, because it's Josh, because the lady was like, do you want them in bottles? And he was like, nah, I don't know. Do we just want them in bottles? He goes, I don't know. Do we want.

[Big J Okerson]

That was a choice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, because they take away the caps, so. Exactly. So he goes, yeah, we'll take them in. Well, we'll put them in cups with lids. We want lids.

[Big J Okerson]

And she's like, okay, with their wet paper straws.

[Robert Kelly]

I have to put them all in cups. And then I didn't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I got Josh. I got Josh. Didn't even know it.

[Robert Kelly]

You got Josh. So then she had to put them all. All the bottles in cups, take the lids off, put. Pour the bottle into the cup, then put the lid on all the cups and then get straws for all the cups. I wound up taking the straws from her and putting them in the cups because it was taking too fucking long.

[Big J Okerson]

It was crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

And then by the time we got all the waters, he was getting them all into trays, which we don't need trays. We can all just hold our waters, Which I was like, just give the waters that we don't need trays.

[Big J Okerson]

Then she was locked into the idea of trays. So she starts doing trey anyway.

[Robert Kelly]

And then Dylan goes, even when he's being nice, it's a pain in the ass. Which. Which made me fucking chuckle.

[Christine]

Even when you thought you were over it, Jay, but you have long Josh.

[Big J Okerson]

I got long Josh. Who knew I had long Josh this whole time.

[Justin]

That lady, though, you want to, like, jump over the counter and fire her. She had no hustle, no urgent. I. I mean, it was like she was enjoying taking her.

[Big J Okerson]

It was nuts. When we came back over from everyone doing their other things and came over, she was cracking probably the fourth of seven bottles and pouring it, like, daintily into the cup, where I think someone said, outside shot. This was being done on purpose.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, because I think that we could have just took the bottle is.

[Big J Okerson]

They're fucking sick of what they thought was gonna be hip hop night being dominated by white people. Two hip hop nights in a row dominated by whites.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. It was weird. The. It was very weird to look out into the crowd and see white people. Like the dude in front of me, who basically just a bald guy like me standing next to a black woman that looks like ne.

[Big J Okerson]

He was with her.

[Robert Kelly]

He was not with her.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on.

[Robert Kelly]

She was alone. No, she was alone. She was not. She was not with any of those guys.

[Big J Okerson]

You heard. You kick it to her.

[Robert Kelly]

I tried to. And then she went. I said, you. I tried to. She was taking a photo. Go. Hey. I touched her shoulder.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God.

[Robert Kelly]

She jumped like.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

I went, do you want me to take that for you? And she went, no, Bob, you come.

[Big J Okerson]

From a different time, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I do.

[Big J Okerson]

You fucking come from a different time.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't have a girl's shoulder.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't just touch chicks like that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you can't anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

It's crazy. I know, but she.

[Robert Kelly]

She left before everybody. She left before we left by herself.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. She took off. But it was weird to see her and him. Him just saying the N word to the side of her head like Electric Company.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because while they were singing, every song was just saying the N word to her. To her. And it was just like, this is the wildest concert I've ever seen.

[Big J Okerson]

Method man did such a. Hilarious. It was such a, well, comedic time thing, knowing this audience is, you know, 75% white. He's doing. They're doing a shame on an N Word. Did you see this? Is there a video of this at all? Oh, there absolutely is. The whole concert's up on the thing. See if you can get to it because I'm going to ask to massacre it without being able to say words. But you know, he's doing the shame on an Edward who tried the wrong. And then at the end he goes. And at the end he goes. He goes, shame on N word. Especially if you white and sang the N word. And the whole crowd just started to laugh. It's like, damn, dude. Just got everybody. It was like well timed. However he said it, he did it perfectly. I started laughing hard, like, that's really funny. It was great because the whole crowd was kind of like, wow. No one's even thought about it for the past half hour.

[Robert Kelly]

It was really weird just to see a whole stadium full of white people screaming the N word. Next to black people was crazy few black people. Yeah, I did get Josh a little bit though. I did. Because when we all left to hang out with the DJ from.

[Big J Okerson]

So. Yeah, so Run the Jewels. Dj, dj, track star, fan of the show. Yeah, big comedy fan. Awesome guy. That was our first time ever really meeting him. And after Run the Jewels got off stage, he came and met us behind our section and then was like. Came. Came and hung with us.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he was like.

[Big J Okerson]

He.

[Robert Kelly]

We were out in the hallway hanging with this dude and you know, everybody's around him, of course, Josh, you know, and then we. When we were. He's like, he. He said, do you guys have room? And Jay was like, yeah, yeah, we'll make room. And we all went back to our. We all went back to our row and of course there's room, but we got to make it, right, Josh? So it was. I think it was Mike Christine, you right?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, no, it was Mike Christine, DJ, track star. Went all the way in.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm talking before. It was Mike Christine, you, me, Josh, Dylan, Justin. Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. So what was funny about that? Do you know what was going on with the lady at that point?

[Robert Kelly]

What lady?

[Big J Okerson]

So this was a quiet thing we didn't know about, but apparently fenoia was dealing with a furry angry lady next to him.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Big J Okerson]

Right. Christine. Christine, you awake? What was that? Where'd you go? Something. Oh, I got you. What didn't fenoia say? Now I forget what the. We was even asking the lady next to fenoia, like, she was like a problem, right?

[Justin]

Yeah, apparently he like bumped into her, but I think at one point she said he was singing too loud.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not sure.

[Justin]

I mean, she's like, you're just really loud. I feel like I heard that, but. But he didn't tell me that.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I was next to Josh and Justin. We're talking about loud Justin.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, Justin didn't say anything. Justin. I just sat there.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he did weird moves.

[Big J Okerson]

Did he?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he did some weird moves at one point, which I found hysterical and cute.

[Big J Okerson]

Was like Flavor Flaving it, but he was.

[Robert Kelly]

Now he made friends with the dude next to him on the end. But when we went back into the aisle, the dude that was on the end, we didn't know he was in the aisle because it wasn't. We weren't. We didn't make a. And the security guard came down and yelled at him, you got to get in. And he was like, I don't know how.

[Big J Okerson]

So hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

I moved over. But the thing is, when we all went back into the row, Josh stepped in front of me and took my spot next to you to be closer to fame. So, you know, he. And he didn't even say, we're switching.

[Big J Okerson]

The seat order all of a sudden.

[Robert Kelly]

He didn't even say, you mind if I stay? You know, I'm a big fan of Run the Whatever. He just fucking bumped me out of the way and took my spot next. I was next to Jay the whole. Which was good for me because Jay was leaning in. Jay's the best because he'd be like, this is this. That's this. This is why this happened. That's who that is. You know what I mean?

[Christine]

You were too close to fame.

[Robert Kelly]

I was too close to fame. Josh needed to be closer to fame. And he. He jumped right in there. All of a sudden, I was on the other side of. Of Dylan. Right. Right.

[Justin]

It got all up.

[Robert Kelly]

I should have been next to you, but that guy.

[Justin]

Yeah, we let this guy in, and, like, we didn't have a spot for him. There was no empty seats.

[Big J Okerson]

What you say? What are you going to say? The DJ from Run the Jewels was like, hey, I want to hang with you guys. We're like, dude, come hang.

[Robert Kelly]

I tell you this. Somebody's got to go.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, someone had to go.

[Robert Kelly]

Someone had to go.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe. Maybe O. Dylan somewhere. Dylan, go figure it out. You're young. Go find something.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But Josh was like, I'm not getting bumped. And he fucking bowled me out of the. I have a video that I took of everybody over that and just having a blast. And me just like, what the fuck? How did I get bumped past Dylan?

[Big J Okerson]

Now I wonder if I have anything tomorrow for you? Because I'm going tonight.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

To see Primus, but just me and Josh.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Down at Pier 17. So that'll be interesting. Oh, you have it, Christine. Yeah, go. This is great. You see the whole stage. Everyone's smiling.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody smile. But he. He was on the main. His face was a close up on the main Trinitron and he just looked right at everybody in the.

[Big J Okerson]

Especially if you said it. And you white.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Crowd started like, oh, were we not supposed to? I thought we were all cool.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so funny though, because in a rap concert, it is a lot. Like, a lot of it blends in. But there are people like Method Man. He stands out. Like, anytime he came out, I was. Something about him that you like.

[Big J Okerson]

He's a star.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's. He's awesome. I mean, he. He looked great. His voice is that deep voice.

[Big J Okerson]

Ghost Face Killer, though.

[Robert Kelly]

I know you love him because he. What'd you tell me?

[Big J Okerson]

Chubby Cool.

[Robert Kelly]

Chubby Cool.

[Big J Okerson]

He was able to make Chubby cool. Ghostface Killer was arguably the second coolest guy to Method man in the group. And he was always kind of chubby.

[Robert Kelly]

What about fat, Fat Gucci Chef?

[Big J Okerson]

Fat Rayquan?

[Robert Kelly]

Fat Gucci Chef was cool too, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Raekwon is like, wait, Ron walks like bowlegged. It's pretty funny. He's just such a little. He's like a little fucking ball.

[Robert Kelly]

He came out with a little. His little Gucci fat apron. I thought he was going to whip out like in between when they were selling everything. It was going to be like this month. Fat Gucci Chef. Barbecue sauce is coming. Wu Tang sauce.

[Big J Okerson]

Fat Gucci. Fat Gucci Chef is what you call. And then he came out later in the show. Fat Gucci Chef. Wearing like a dice clay jacket and shorts. It looked ridiculous.

[Robert Kelly]

Why did they get fucking. Why did they get heavyweight championship belts?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

That was weird.

[Big J Okerson]

Someone who brought it to them, someone gave it to them.

[Robert Kelly]

Some of them gave him these heavyweight belts for something like boxing belts or UFC belts. And they carried them for a minute. And at one point Ghostface was like, yeah, this is stupid. And put his down. Yeah. Oh, there she is. Look at that.

[Big J Okerson]

Say something bad about her, Jacob. I'll crack you right inside your head, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

She is a tub of shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Shut up, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at that.

[Christine]

When she came into the studio with.

[Big J Okerson]

Us, she looked still would. All day long.

[Robert Kelly]

No way.

[Big J Okerson]

All day long.

[Robert Kelly]

No way.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, I would, dude.

[Justin]

She would be with her.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd whine. Her and Diner I'd show her off. And I dare you to say something shitty about it while I'm there. Dude, I'll. Dude, I'll get the biscuit. Don't make me get the hammer.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, it looks like you need like one of those. You know those air pumps you used to do, the sneaker. That's her thing. She robots. You know, the things that you pump up for the floats in the pool.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

It looks like you need that to pump her up before shows.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe you do.

[Robert Kelly]

Those tits look like they're inflatable. She's inflatable. Exactly.

[Big J Okerson]

She looks. I'll fill her up and let her out every night.

[Robert Kelly]

You're going to put it at 175 psi.

[Christine]

Did you say this is.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll take her. I'll take her to nice restaurants and everything.

[Christine]

She's their last concert.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it's hers because she's tired right now doing a half a song. That little tubby Rolly.

[Justin]

Look at the last tour and everybody's saying, I feel like there's no way that Wuang Clan's not going to perform in New York City again.

[Robert Kelly]

There is nothing.

[Justin]

Maybe they're thinking.

[Christine]

Why are they breaking up? Or.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking 50s. How many years can you do it? And really make it awesome still, like, they're so not visibly old at this point. I mean, singing fine. Method man looks great. I think everyone just like, dude, they're gazillionaires and they're done.

[Robert Kelly]

It looks great.

[Christine]

All right. It just looks fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it does. Look. I'm sure on individual levels they'll do their smaller. But also the timing of that, like getting all of them together. Nine guys you have to get together.

[Robert Kelly]

But it was funny that.

[Big J Okerson]

And they are disorganized to say the least.

[Robert Kelly]

Sitting there with Jay though, we would just kept trashing people. He kept. He said one dude came out that goes. Did you just come from playing squash?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. You got. You got to dress like he just like he didn't give a shit. He's wearing like the long tights underneath, like tennis shorts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And like a windbreaker jacket. Come right from squash.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But he came out drinking something out of a. Like a plastic cup. It was like to put that shit down.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Go to his. You can go to his thing and triumph at the very end. That's where you really shine.

[Robert Kelly]

Slick Rick was cool.

[Christine]

It looks like they could do this for another 20 years. It would be cool.

[Big J Okerson]

You'd think, oh, there's the dice clay jacket on the rza. There's You God see him right here? Yeah. Came right from squash.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he looks stupid.

[Justin]

It's like a. It looks like a white polo shirt under a white dress shirt.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, please. I'm doing my rap thinking hands.

[Robert Kelly]

And RZA just kept. He, like, kept spraying people with champagne.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he's the circus leader who has.

[Justin]

The same glasses as you.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn, they're coolest.

[Robert Kelly]

It was pretty. It was a great concert.

[Big J Okerson]

All those.

[Justin]

First rap concert to go to.

[Big J Okerson]

All those guest appearances.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, a lot of guest appearance. Slick Rick was awesome. When he came out, I thought he was gonna sing a different song or something.

[Big J Okerson]

Slick Rick, Big Daddy Kane.

[Robert Kelly]

Big Daddy Kane.

[Big J Okerson]

Look Crazy Jada Kiss and Styles Petal Ox came out. Little Cs, Lil Kim, all Lils. All ls were represented.

[Robert Kelly]

Mary J.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, Mary J was not Mary J. Mary J and Lauren Hill were the next two nights. Red Man. Red man came, but he head faked, which is cool because Red Man's supposed to be overseas. I think maybe something happened or it was like the next day. But I did see that. I thought he probably wouldn't be there because his schedule said he's overseas online. And Method man started the. Is this it?

[Robert Kelly]

I'll try to find it.

[Big J Okerson]

He's doing. He does the rockwilder and he starts it. And the crowd starts going nuts, going like, redman's gonna come out. And he goes. He goes. My man's. He just says so casually because my man's overseas right now. So you all gotta help me out with this one, if you don't mind. And then when the song started, he, like, came out and everyone just went nuts. It was awesome.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that was pretty cool. It was a great concert. It was fun. So everybody was. Everybody was kind of. It's funny to be in my age. And then all of a sudden, I'm kind of dancing. It kind of takes your body over and you just start doing this, you know? And I looked at you and you were doing some cool. What is it? What did you call it? You would do it. You had great hand wrap hands. Your rap hands were the shit. Your rap hands were the shit. Like, Jay Jake was getting so into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Socrates Philosophies and Hypotheses.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. It was making me so happy. I. I was. I don't have rap hands. I have. I don't know what I was doing. I. Forget it. I was. I was. I was doing. I was. I think I did this at one point, but I felt a little weird.

[Big J Okerson]

A little punctuate. The thing with Bam. Yeah. I mean, my inner wigger, he's always right here. Right here. You just can't wait to peek his head out a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, you. You like your. I looked at your whole. Like, who you are physically. Like, how you dress is your music genre. Like, you dress like your whole. You have a little hip hop on you. You have metal, you have. You have a little rock. Your whole look is based on your. Your what?

[Big J Okerson]

You love wide interests.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, it's fucking crazy. You dress well.

[Big J Okerson]

Really? What it comes down to, though, is kind of comes down. It's what became a genre of music that people hate. It's that I loved, like, all kinds of rock music and hip hop music, and then that became nu metal, which people fucking hate. People are like, hey, what does that make? And you're like, Limp Bizkit. And they go, ah, fuck. So I have to dress like Limp Bizkit. Represent everything. Can you. This is it. You found it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

This is so exciting.

[Robert Kelly]

What is this? God, he is jacked.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Justin]

Oh, wait, hold on.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry. Now he's got a piece too, that he kept grabbing his thing.

[Big J Okerson]

He's got shredded abs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he pulled his abs up at one point and the crowd went nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

I went nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we all did.

[Justin]

Wait, I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought this. Fast forward, pass this.

[Christine]

What are we watching?

[Big J Okerson]

When he does the head figure, Red Mans.

[Robert Kelly]

This is Method Man. Look, he pulls his ass. So at one point, he's wearing this wife beater and he. He's doing his whole thing and then he just pulls his shirt up and it's like, we were all just waiting for that. As soon as he did, we're like, yeah, that's what we fucking wanted. It was.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I was telling Bobby that his body's fantastic all night. Method Man. I go get to see Method Man's body. It's fantastic.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

He's doing it. He's in the wrestling thing.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. But here's what it threw me. Because he said, all right, you got to make noise as loud as you can and for as long as you can. And we're all in our late 40s, 50s there.

[Big J Okerson]

He knew it wouldn't be that long.

[Robert Kelly]

This shit's gonna work. Back in hip hop days. But dude, we can't.

[Big J Okerson]

We can't get a communal cough. You go. They go, ah, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

You do.

[Big J Okerson]

You do seconds 5 through 10. I'll always do 1 through 5. 35 seconds of consecutive Mark Norman.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you should have just let it go.

[Big J Okerson]

35 uninterrupted moments of Mark Norman.

[Robert Kelly]

There was that. That actually I. You know, I hate when you go to a concert and you can't do what they want you to do. I feel like I disappointed Method man because I was like, I'm out, I'm done. I guess all I got.

[Big J Okerson]

And he looked up a Bobby like this.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you feel that? They. I Felt like they were a little disappointed at some times with the crowd. They weren't giving it up.

[Big J Okerson]

I do, yes, I do feel like that.

[Robert Kelly]

And I think that young dirty bastard, old dirty bastard son at one point kind of snapped on the crowd. Yeah, he kind of was like, this is my fault. This is old dirty bed. You like? Like, he kind of snapped on him. But it's like, dude, read the room. It's a bunch of middle aged white people. Mostly.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you young piece of shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we've all been up since fucking six.

[Big J Okerson]

He's all. He does a great job doing his dad's stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

He was great. Yeah, go.

[Big J Okerson]

Is this it? I was gonna hear the pop when he comes out. So goosebumpy. Concerts are so fun.

[Robert Kelly]

He's. He's so defined. His voice. You can hear him. It's so good. Like, I really enjoyed Method Man.

[Big J Okerson]

The crowd had no idea. Everybody. Shit.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. There he is.

[Big J Okerson]

And by the way, I slapped Bobby and I went, red, man.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Riff. And he is here. He is here. He lied.

[Big J Okerson]

I said, he lied.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

I go, he lied. He lied.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay, let me tell you something, man. Jay was so happy. It like, I love Redland. It filled you up with joy.

[Big J Okerson]

He came out. I went, bobby, you lied.

[Robert Kelly]

He lied.

[Christine]

He wouldn't miss this for you.

[Robert Kelly]

He knew and he came out.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he lied.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you think. But do you think a lot of people didn't catch it at first when he came out?

[Big J Okerson]

Or do you think everybody. Yeah, yeah, I think they didn't catch it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

I think they closed their eyes and started to sing Redman's part. And they're like, no, stupid, he's actually here. Oh, not me. I hugged Bobby. I hugged Bobby and said, it's.

[Robert Kelly]

He's here.

[Big J Okerson]

He's here. He lied.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And Bobby went, whoa, who's that? I go, red, man.

[Robert Kelly]

He's here. Places, everyone.

[Big J Okerson]

God, that was a fun show.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was good. And I love. There's no. You do a concert so good because at some point you live. Let's go. And we beat all the crowd. Yeah. I love that you know what's happening. I do love it.

[Big J Okerson]

Guaranteed. Make him jump like Rod Strickland. There's nothing else to see here. You gotta have them nine guys stand on stage and say a bunch of dumb shit. For the next week, we back in New York. And New York's important to us. Like, you tell the black people, stay and listen to that ego back. And while they're giving their speech just 15 black people sitting sporadically throughout the place. There's white flight just piling out of the building.

[Justin]

The crowd was completely. When Run the Jewels was on, I was like, this crowd sucks. I was like, this is dead.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, they were dead from running.

[Justin]

So it wasn't. You know, wasn't the audience ever. But great.

[Robert Kelly]

Run the Jews was fun.

[Big J Okerson]

They're great.

[Robert Kelly]

They were great.

[Big J Okerson]

But, no, I couldn't get out of my head. Then we just discovered that Run the Jewels looks like Chad Zumak and Chris Cotton.

[Robert Kelly]

It really does look like Chad.

[Big J Okerson]

The late, great Chris Cotton and Chad Zumak. That's what Run the Jewels looks like. Run the Jewels.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they do it. They were doing a couple bits, too, like, on stage.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I was saying it. I asked track star. When he came over, I was like, you know, it's funny as a performer watching music, and I love it. Like, I love what they do, and I'd be bummed if they didn't do these things. But tell me I'm right. That every night there's, like, one song. When it ends, LP from Run the Jewels, like. Like, lands with his foot up in the air and then, like, pushes the foot and leg down with his hand, right? And, like, you know, and then pushes himself up to stand up straight and walks. Just walking. It's just like. It looks like a little improv thing. He does it every night, doesn't he? Goes, yeah, yeah. Like, that's that thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I know. Just like me.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys just phonies.

[Robert Kelly]

Like us marshmallows. Yeah, we're phony.

[Big J Okerson]

The other thing we don't get to do, though, is have a tour outfit. That's the thing. These guys, when they do a tour, it's like. And I don't mean like something that's a crazy outfit. Like corn. That was interesting. The tour I was on with them. Well, that was that year. It was a. He did an Adidas tracksuit. But then the one after that, I think it was Mayhem Fest after that. Wasn't. That was like, a Henley shirt and, like, fatigue pants almost. But it was, like, every day.

[Robert Kelly]

Pretty sure that Sebastian Matiscalco has a tour outfit.

[Big J Okerson]

That's Every show, it's that outfit, I think.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's a, you know, leather jacket. Like, something crazy. This is what I wear on, like, stage.

[Big J Okerson]

Stage clothes.

[Robert Kelly]

I think he has stage.

[Big J Okerson]

I would think his. He probably rotates it, though. Like, I don't think he's got, like, a set look. I'm saying musicians. Eddie Vedder, right? Doesn't it? That whole tour, wasn't it the stupid. The jersey underneath Peyton's jersey. Yeah. Walter Payton jersey on the ill fitting Walter Page underneath a sleep short sleeve button down.

[Robert Kelly]

Right, right. I could say Sebastian has a professionally made a tour outfit, but it's a variation each night.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little different.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I think if you play arenas you could do it. But if you're at like the Funny Bone and you have a tour jacket, you're an asshole. Did my. Are my clothes. Is my outfit.

[Big J Okerson]

Is my stage case in the back with my four of the execs shirts in case.

[Robert Kelly]

How much time am I doing? 50, 45 minutes to an hour.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd love to not think about the only comic who ever did it was Judah Friedlander. Judah had a forever outfit.

[Robert Kelly]

Dice. No, Dice didn't have a friend.

[Big J Okerson]

No dice, yeah. Dice would mix it up. A bunch of leather jackets and a bunch.

[Robert Kelly]

Steve Byrne had a forever suit.

[Big J Okerson]

Did a suit.

[Robert Kelly]

At one point he did a suit which was. I don't know. Did somebody tell him just to.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, it was that Dane Cook thing.

[Robert Kelly]

What Dane Cook told him?

[Big J Okerson]

No. Don't you remember his fame's old story in our comedy careers? Dane Cook, the essence called Steve Burton told that he's taking his essence from him. And Steve was like, what the fuck? But I think it. But here's the thing about Steve. Steve, good looking dude, good looking guy, slim guy for an Asian.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I mean let's put that in there.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm saying slim guy, slim guy. Similar style to Dane at the time. You know, T shirts and Diesel jeans and shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And so I think that's what drove him to start doing suits. Well, I remember I had completely different. Which was. Isn't a bad move. Technically.

[Robert Kelly]

I was friends with Dane and I'm friends with Steve and I remember during.

[Big J Okerson]

That whole thing, the Essence.

[Robert Kelly]

I had to call.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Steve up and I'm trying to talk to him. But I came. I don't just call him. He goes, Bobby, he, he said I took his acids. And I was like, I don't know what that means. Like I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

It means that Steve broke into his house while he was sleeping and held an amulet over his chest and repeated this. These words in Latin, concertos and maxitonen.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't finish it.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, I'll stop it.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want you to have my essence.

[Big J Okerson]

And then it went into this little trinket.

[Robert Kelly]

You might take that.

[Big J Okerson]

Steve Jacob's essence.

[Robert Kelly]

We'd have to this show would be sucky for the first 10 minutes that.

[Big J Okerson]

Steve would then wear under his tight Ed Hardy shirt. And he stole his essence with the amulet.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he did.

[Big J Okerson]

And then Dane got the amulet back and broke it. And then a pink. Like a pink smoke like went around and went up his nostrils back into where it belonged.

[Robert Kelly]

I think Kyle Cease stole it. There was a. There was an issue where Kyle sees.

[Big J Okerson]

Took Dane's some spade or tools said by sanctimonium.

[Justin]

Did Steve really go from Ed Hardy shirts to suits?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, Hardy shirts is a thing he just wore like it was a thing. It was. The look of the tie was. Let's call it a maroon 5 look. Long sleeve, short sleeve sometimes, but not even that. Just more like short sleeve. Dane Cook. Dane Cook clothes. Yeah, Literally flap, flap. Ass pocket jeans, tight T shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

You have to pull the sides out because it hugs you a little fat on the sides a while little stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Snug in your tusks and thighs and then maybe a little flare out on the bottom like just the look.

[Robert Kelly]

Watch Dane cook any special he's in. Every couple minutes he'll tug the left side of his T shirt to pull it off of his little side chub because he likes kfc.

[Big J Okerson]

I get that. I get that pain.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I get that I make. I have to stretch my shirts out like a sundress before I put them on still. Yeah. God damn.

[Big J Okerson]

But yeah, that was Steve. Steve wore that clothes. Clothes for a while and I think now he just wears like clothes again. I don't think it just suits.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. He. I think he does suits when he does that thing at the. On Wednesday nights in Vegas. He. His.

[Big J Okerson]

His talk show every Wednesday in Vegas.

[Robert Kelly]

I think he does a show every Wednesday in Vegas at Jimmy Kimmel's club.

[Big J Okerson]

Flies to Vegas.

[Robert Kelly]

I think he lives in Vegas now. I think he left.

[Big J Okerson]

He was in Nashville.

[Robert Kelly]

I think. Oh, he lives in. He lives in Nashville. Left Chicago, lives in Nashville. His family's in Nashville. But I think he goes to Vegas and he does this theme show on Wednesday nights that he has a residency at that he does some type of thing there. Yeah, residency. Oh, my lordy. If somebody offered you a residency in Vegas.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Friday, Saturday night. No, let me finish. Okay, Friday, Saturday night. No, hang on.

[Big J Okerson]

There's more.

[Robert Kelly]

Friday, Saturday nights. Friday, Saturday nights. What's your favorite venue in Vegas? All right, wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's just say wise guys. No, no, the sphere.

[Robert Kelly]

This. This circa circa hotel. Okay, say wise guys. Sure, Wise guys. Friday and Saturday Night, wise guys. No, no, no. Let's say the Plaza. They have a theater there.

[Big J Okerson]

You have a resident where you guys.

[Christine]

Had like, the worst.

[Big J Okerson]

People were having, like. They were having mouse fights in your toilets and shit.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, so you stay at the Circa.

[Christine]

Oxygen tanks on the Circa.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the Circa. So you're at the Circa. They have a little theater Friday and Saturday nights. $20 million for the. For a two year contract?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait a minute. What the fuck? What the fuck? Yes. I thought.

[Justin]

Hanging in Vegas.

[Robert Kelly]

So every Friday, Every Thursday night you'd have to fly to Vegas.

[Justin]

Lay down flights.

[Robert Kelly]

Huh? Lay down flights.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Thursday night I would get on a lay down flight.

[Robert Kelly]

Lay down flight. That means with first class. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Or maybe even sometimes just popping on a Wednesday and let's go spend a Thursday just farting around a hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. $20 million. That was super easy.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna make that happen. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get that presented to your circle. Please get a $20 million offer.

[Big J Okerson]

The circa residency got a happy Christ. Well, you're just saying crazy things.

[Robert Kelly]

Leonardo DiCaprio. Christine's goofy voice.

[Big J Okerson]

She's feeling good.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up, buddy?

[Big J Okerson]

I heard you got a little bad news. A little bad news here on the sheet here.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I got a lot of. Dude, I left. After I left you, I went home.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I was exhausted. It was a long day. And going to a concert standing for that long, you know, I got. I should have wore my dumb hocus. I know. I suck.

[Big J Okerson]

This is such an old thing you're about to say. Just know how. Just know.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I want you to know how not sexy this sounds.

[Justin]

Wait, you didn't wear your hocus?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I wore my cool. I want my night.

[Big J Okerson]

You know the insoles are no good for your arch.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. I know they're flat. I know Jay was gonna look awesome. I know Josh was gonna come in some kooky vintage shirt and my Nikes and he was just gonna look good and dirty. I know Justin was gonna come looking great. I know. Look, I know Fenoya was gonna come dressed like a dad and I should have. Just. Me and Fenoya have more in common than anybody. And I should have just went the Fenoia route and I didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

Got some comfies.

[Robert Kelly]

I should have. And I should have brought my. My hokas or my. My 1080 new balance, which are very comfortable also. And I didn't. And I wore my Nikes and my. My dogs were fucking barking. Oh, my God. When little kid came up, I was. I don't know if you noticed, at one point I was sitting, half sitting. Because I didn't want to disappoint you. I felt like I would. I didn't want you to go. You're not having a good time, are you? All right?

[Big J Okerson]

So it's very possible I would have.

[Robert Kelly]

Asked 100% and I have sat.

[Big J Okerson]

Guilty as charged on that one.

[Robert Kelly]

With the chair up. I saw you do it, Christine. Oh, yeah, you did the half chair up, which is the.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine will just check out, but I don't care if she's having a good time.

[Robert Kelly]

So I. I was sitting. I was. I was a little mad that Josh stole my spot, but there was half of me like, dude, at least I get to sit a little bit without disappointing Jay.

[Justin]

I'm far enough down the line.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I was like, I get to take a break, my dogs.

[Big J Okerson]

But then everybody move over one.

[Robert Kelly]

So. So when we left, we had to walk over to the place and. Which wasn't that far, which was great. Then I went home and my plan in my brain. I'm gonna go home, sleep for two hours, wake up at 3:30, jump in the car, be up there, beat all the traffic. I'm just. I can't do it anymore. I just don't have that ability. I used to be able to drive all night. We drove for hours back in the day. And I just. I'm talking at half hour into the trip, I was like. And I. And I bobbed off. I did the old. Fell asleep. And when I almost died. And you think that that energy from almost dying is going to keep you up?

[Big J Okerson]

It does for a couple seconds.

[Robert Kelly]

And then it just goes away, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Immediately, once you realize the road's super safe and empty again, you're like, this is probably a good time for a little siesta.

[Robert Kelly]

And I just can't.

[Big J Okerson]

Just a quick little Power 15 nap, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I nodded off so many times, I wound up pulling into an rei. I just saw REI on the side, which I know what that is. So I pulled into their parking lot and took like a. Just a like old gay guy waiting to get blown in the parking lot.

[Big J Okerson]

Move. Did anybody knock on your window and offer, no, that'd have been great. Hey, man, you want some company?

[Robert Kelly]

Did you know you're in a prime cruising spot?

[Big J Okerson]

Can I get you a little company?

[Robert Kelly]

So I felt. I did like 10 minute naps and I kept having to do it. I felt like such a piece of shit, a failure. Then I started stopping and getting monster Drinks. I was just. I mean, snorting five hour energy.

[Big J Okerson]

You made four hours turn into how long?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, what happened was I'm on 90, which is in Massachusetts. I gotta go. My. My exit's coming up. So I'm like, okay. I put my blinker on. I slowly eased into the middle lane. There was some short haired lady in some, you know, Subaru, Suzuki, whatever. She was driving.

[Big J Okerson]

You weren't. What is it? Hallucinating monster energy drinks. It's a lady in the road.

[Robert Kelly]

She just went it. She. She was trying to get around the car. She slammed into my side and it. It's like. Brand new truck.

[Big J Okerson]

Brand new truck.

[Robert Kelly]

She hits my side and I'm like. It's like. It's like there's. It's like getting arrested. There's no way out. It's like everything you had planned is over. It's all gone. It is what it is. I have to pull over. She pulls over way behind me. I'm sitting there. Thank God I have the. The rail, the step ups. She hit my step up. Because she hit me.

[Big J Okerson]

That's it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, she. I have a dent in the back panel that I gotta get popped out or taken out. No scratches. There's no my. I gotta get a new step up because she. That up. Her car was up. Her car was. She had a white car. So all my is just screaming whatever. You know, car.

[Big J Okerson]

Lesbian car.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, lesbian.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you have lesbian energy?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh my God, did she. She walked up and saw me and.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn, bro.

[Robert Kelly]

Immediately hated me.

[Big J Okerson]

I could bang that out for you if you want. You want to pound that? Let me show you a quick way to get that dental.

[Robert Kelly]

But she. She called the cops right away, which I was like, all right, we could have handled this, you know what I mean? At this point, I could have just got my guy to do it for a thousand bucks, no insurance, blah, blah, blah. But she called the cops. State trooper. Come. State troopers of the fuck. They're just big dudes.

[Big J Okerson]

Mustache.

[Robert Kelly]

No. Did he.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no mustache, but a mustache attitude.

[Robert Kelly]

He had a mustache attitude, no doubt. He pulls up, grabs my stuff, grabs her stuff. Now I'm just sitting on the highway. And as I'm sitting there, my exit is right there. No traffic.

[Big J Okerson]

Not if these guys have anything to say about it.

[Robert Kelly]

As I'm sitting there, I just see the traffic piling up, the sun coming up, just cars backing up past where we were. It's all the stuff I was trying to do by leaving at 4 is nullified. Now I'm hitting all of morning Traffic on the mass bike and then the car. And in my brain, I literally. I did a little fucking reel or whatever and. Cause I'm an influencer.

[Big J Okerson]

You gotta let people know what's going on.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm an influencer. I didn't want to, but I have to.

[Big J Okerson]

So he goes, bobby's got a new post.

[Robert Kelly]

I have to. For the fans of my influencing.

[Big J Okerson]

You go, hey, guys, about to crush this coffee. They were out of oat milk, so I had to go, soy soy boy. Hashtag soy boy. Hey, morning to all you soy boys out there. I'll be back in a few minutes with another update.

[Christine]

Hey, guys, you really are an influencer to just instinct to just. I'm going to. I got to start roll going live, actually.

[Robert Kelly]

I just. I was either that between a boomerang, which would have been fun, between me and the car, and then wrote hashtag accident. Oopsie.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope you erase the video of you crashing into her car while you're trying to film a fucking A real.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, dude. And I just. I just jokingly was like, dude, imagine I have a warrant, right? Just kidding.

[Big J Okerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I was just joking. Imagine I have some warrant from back in the day when I lived here.

[Big J Okerson]

Where were your hands at?

[Robert Kelly]

Cops comes up. I was outside. Cop comes up, he's like, hey, what's up? Here's her information, here's yours. It all comes on a sheet. And then he goes, hey, by the way, you have a warrant for your arrest.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm like, what?

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, if you were black, Lou, you'd have been shot.

[Robert Kelly]

I go, are you sure it's me? He goes, you live in Revere back in the day. I was like, yeah. He goes, it's you. I go, how do you know it's me? He goes, there's a picture of you. You look fantastic. You have hair, very young. It's a great picture of you. I'm like, okay, that feels like shit. He goes, it's from 1995.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a warrant from 1995. And there's a photo of me from 1995 where I look fucking fantastic.

[Big J Okerson]

What were you doing? Stealing beepers? We created a moment.

[Robert Kelly]

He. He said. I go, what is it for? He goes, look, I don't know because it doesn't. It's not. It's not in the system.

[Big J Okerson]

Just keep guessing if you want.

[Robert Kelly]

What is he?

[Big J Okerson]

You were stealing Cavarici pants off the truck. 1995 crimes. You stole a box of brand new Slim Shady LPs from. From Sam Goody. They're all still 95 things for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

I was selling get with the Drop the zero and get with the hero shirts.

[Big J Okerson]

What were you doing? Were you bootlegging? Don't have a cowman Bart Simpson on a skateboard. Was it Beavis and Butthead with the wrong band names on their shirts?

[Robert Kelly]

I was. I was selling buttons.

[Christine]

Would you say this is in between your second fat.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, this was. No, this was sexy Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I still have some more. Did you knock over a Crystal Pepsi truck? Hang on, hang on. A few more defunct brands.

[Robert Kelly]

Crystal Pepsi. I remember Crystal Pepsi. Was that when Coke went somewhere else.

[Big J Okerson]

And they tried to come up with Crystal Pepsi? God, that was gross.

[Robert Kelly]

They just took the color out of Pepsi.

[Big J Okerson]

You knocked over a Crystal Pepsi thing?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh. Oh, my God. You like that?

[Justin]

I love crystals.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you really?

[Robert Kelly]

I hated it.

[Justin]

We used to get it down by the beach at the green.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't carbonated enough. It was like. It like tastes like melted Jolly Ranchers or something.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was weird. It was like a. If they just took the color out of it, which made it probably healthier at some, right? Because the stuff that makes it brown.

[Big J Okerson]

That'S what Kennedy's grandson will tell you. That it'll murder you.

[Robert Kelly]

RFK Jr yeah. Crystal Pepsi with it. Crystal is coming back again.

[Justin]

It came back in like 2022.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Justin]

But yeah, I didn't get any of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, no one has it. No one carries it at all ever. That was the. One of the best SNL sketches. Crystal. What was it? Crystal Gravy they were doing. They did the same commercial right now and it was. It was so gross looking. They put on like chicken and like Kevin Neal like bites into it. It's so nasty.

[Robert Kelly]

Crystal Gravy's funny.

[Big J Okerson]

Crystal gravy right now, tomorrow. This visuals are so nasty.

[Robert Kelly]

So this gravy. So this cop was like, listen, I'm not going to bring you in because it's from 1995. He was laughing. He's like, that's 30 years ago. He goes, but you got to take care of this because people I work with will handcuff you and take you in if you get pulled over. I know guys that will take.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you ask him what was for? He's like, you had a stalking charge on the Color Me badge. I wanna sex you up.

[Robert Kelly]

I kept. I kept trying to find out and he's. He just. He said, call the courts. You gotta call the courthouse. Salem courthouse.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Robert Kelly]

And I wound up calling the courthouse and the lady there was so cool. Very funny. I was like, what is it for? She goes, it's not. It says you have a warrant in the. In the computer, but it's not. The. The actual warrant is in a file in the basement. So I have to go. She goes, I can't go down there and get the actual. It's on a piece of paper file.

[Big J Okerson]

And we don't. We don't have any candles. There's no electricity down there.

[Robert Kelly]

Last time we went down there, somebody got possessed. So she said, you have. I have to go to the courthouse and be. And go in front of a judge.

[Big J Okerson]

You have to do this.

[Robert Kelly]

I have to do this. She goes, you have to go. You don't make a thing. You just show up, nine o', clock, you get in line, you'll go in front of the judge, they'll bring it up, and you have to pay whatever fine it was.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Robert Kelly]

And I have a.

[Justin]

No, don't know what it is.

[Robert Kelly]

I think I'm gonna wish.

[Big J Okerson]

Was it when you were bootlegging the movie Time Cop? Were you at the Time Cop?

[Robert Kelly]

I think. I think I'm pretty. I think I know what it was. I think it's a suspended license ticket that I didn't pay because soon, shortly after that, I.

[Big J Okerson]

Your Fiero.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was a Jeep. I had a Jeep for a month.

[Big J Okerson]

And your Mercury Sable. Now these cars are. Was it a Cutlass Supreme?

[Robert Kelly]

I had a Jeep Wrangler, my dream car. I bought it for a month and it was like the first night I had it. There was this girl, this chubby blonde that I used to go see, and she used to give me BJ's. Really great BJ's.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's it.

[Robert Kelly]

I went to get a BJ from her over in Saugus.

[Big J Okerson]

No, my question was a little. And we could put a pin in this if it's. I don't want to hold the thing up too much, but just. She used to just blow you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then you'd. That was it.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd leave. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You didn't have that.

[Big J Okerson]

I. Too insecure. There's no way. I think me and Jacob have had this thing before. We had this conversation before where I'd eat a girl's pussy and send her on her way before I just got my dick sucked because I feel like nothing about her sucking my dick is gonna make her be like, this was awesome. And I really wanna, like, hang with this guy again. Like I say or do that again.

[Robert Kelly]

One word to that. Yucky.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm eating a girl's suck my dick and go home.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure, sure.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, if I had to, I would, but I wouldn't.

[Justin]

You deserve to get fat.

[Big J Okerson]

Really. You really hurt Christine there.

[Robert Kelly]

The gods got me back.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine definitely. Bobby, you hit Christine. You hit Christine in the guts right there. I'll tell you, Christine definitely, definitely had guys that she. She was just supposed to blow.

[Robert Kelly]

I really. I really did get hit right with the pussy gods. I deserve a nice fatso. I got six fats from being a piece of. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

That's funny.

[Robert Kelly]

That's weird to me. Just, I. I don't know if there was ever a girl. It was always like. I would always do back and forth, but I would never just pick a chick up and eat her pussy and go, hey, that's on me. Hope you had a nice night.

[Justin]

That's weird too.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Yeah.

[Justin]

To have that be the only thing that happened.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. Agreed. I'm just saying.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I've had that be the only thing in hookup before. And I. I would be like, that was probably grander scale more accomplishing for me than just getting my dick sucked. I feel like someone leaves with a. A bad story there of some way you wanted it.

[Robert Kelly]

You wanted to leave. Oh, my God, that was great.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Then sucking your pecker.

[Big J Okerson]

Then like, like, what a fun night. I sucked his dick at the end.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I think it is. It is. I had a couple girls that would just. Just suck my dick. They liked it. They were like, good at it.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want to be too far from your story, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So she, this girl.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's. I think it's that night we got caught. Like, we. I used, like, I would find like, dead ends or, you know, when you're going around the highway rotaries, there's always like a road that the cops use that go into like, the island and it goes into the trees. I had a couple of those where if you pulled in, you couldn't be seen. So I would. I would pull into these little spots.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, what?

[Justin]

I just had those. They were named after. They were like smoking spots. And then they became hookup spots and they were named after they want. Like, one was Argentina, one was Colombia.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Little, little spots to Nicaragua. My. My other thing was cemeteries. I knew a couple cemeteries that would open and I would go into cemeteries and do oh, my terrible things in front of dead people.

[Big J Okerson]

I.

[Robert Kelly]

In cemetery before, I had. I had a girl eat my butt. I made sure I took it to like the 1800 graves though. I didn't want to.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, mine was, Mine was weird because the girl took me. She wanted me to see. To go visit the grave site of her as a girl. That's my virginity too. To see the grave. You know the story. The grave site of her stillborn sister.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

And then we in the, in the, in the.

[Robert Kelly]

It was so weird on it.

[Justin]

On the.

[Big J Okerson]

No, on someone else's grave.

[Robert Kelly]

On it.

[Big J Okerson]

You on a grave on some like weird like statue.

[Justin]

Not the stillborns.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I did all my stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a pile of stillborns in one last grave.

[Robert Kelly]

I did my stuff all in the road, in the car or outside the car. I didn't do any grave.

[Big J Okerson]

We did a grave.

[Christine]

How horny you were. Because I would have thought you would be like me, like you were gonna be haunted for life. Look, the spirit. A spirit would.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, that was pro. It was genuinely was in under my first probably 15 times at all. So if not like, maybe it might have been in the first five or 10. So it's like didn't matter where she wanted to do it. We did we in a field that I. She had a lot of like lofty like she had visual ideas for that were very like she was trying to make everything an experience. She was older than me, so it was like, oh, it's fucking a field. And you're like, we could just do it like in your room again like the last time. Do you know what I mean? She's like, oh, and now maybe like out here when the, with the moon's over there. I go, this is great. And I'll finally. But right now I just need to make sure consistently, am I doing the things right? Am I hitting the spots? Is it going good?

[Robert Kelly]

So yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I, I, I love though that you're possible. All I could think of was I got my dick sucked so much that maybe I have a warrant out for it.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I remember the cops. The cops pulled up because I had no money at that time. I had nothing.

[Christine]

You were in their spot?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I was in. I was on some dead end street.

[Christine]

Where they park for to give out, right.

[Robert Kelly]

They probably hang out and ch. And I remember the cops pulled up. She was sucking my dick. And I remember I couldn't get my, my pants back up fully. I just got them back up and they were unbuttoned and they came in, flashed the light in, realized what was going on and kind of started laughing with each other and took me out of the car. Like, look Bro, you can't, you know. You can't, you know, give me a license. And then he's like, you got a suspended license, dude. I understand you're doing what you're doing, but you gotta get her. Get her home. Get out of here. Go home. Take care of this tomorrow. They were cool as. I was like, I got it, but I just never took care of it. I just. I think that car died. The next couple days. Brand new Jeep. I think it died or something happened, and. And then I want to move into New York. I moved to New York, but this is the time where me and dawn started. I don't know why I'm whispering, but this is the time when me and dawn were kind of just meeting. We were kind of hooking up. We weren't boyfriend. Boyfriend and girlfriend, but we were. Hey, we were.

[Big J Okerson]

Freeway.

[Robert Kelly]

We were hanging out. No, but I still had side chicks, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, what are you doing? I don't know. I'll come over and then go home.

[Big J Okerson]

But you do a set for him. Hey, you've been a great audience. Good night.

[Robert Kelly]

Suck my dick.

[Christine]

You've had an entire life since that chubby pig caused you to get a warrant?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. That's a way of putting it.

[Big J Okerson]

That big fat. That big fat pig slut that sucked your dick?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she was chunky.

[Big J Okerson]

It's her fault.

[Robert Kelly]

I like chunky girls, man. I like. I like a nice, fat.

[Big J Okerson]

Why did you just look at her scene when you said that?

[Robert Kelly]

I did not. I did. I did not.

[Big J Okerson]

You look directly at.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm looking at everybody.

[Justin]

Lost a lot of weight.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby, you look fantastic, and I love you. You were never a chubby pig in my eyes. Ever.

[Big J Okerson]

In your eyes was a good background that I would argue. I would argue you'd be a good freestyle rapper with how fast you came up with that. But in my eyes, in the way that I see you, me, Bobby Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Dime piece, you were always. I think you look to the rest.

[Big J Okerson]

Of the world, I don't know, maybe look at you in a funny mirror or something. Maybe the rest of the world ain't seeing it, but I don't know. I don't get it.

[Robert Kelly]

But now I had to drive. It's almost like. I don't know if you've ever. When you get in a car accident, you're. You're up. Like, I went down to my motorcycle a couple times. And now you have. But you still have to. I had to drive it after that. You're just. It's a. It's a It sucks.

[Big J Okerson]

You're frazzled.

[Robert Kelly]

You're frazzled. And I'm frazzled. Not only from the accident. My car's up. This sucks. But now I got a warrant, so I have to drive. If I get pulled over again, I could get arrested. That's on my brain. And all the. It was weird. All the times I got arrested back in the day. Started tumbling back. That feeling of getting cuffed, getting put in the car. You know, your. Your freedom's fucking gone, and there's nothing you can do about it, and nobody cares about you. Just get in front of the judge. You got to deal with it as it happens. All that stuff started tumbling. So I'm driving the speed limit the whole way to New Hampshire.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I get up there so late.

[Big J Okerson]

Did you think possibly about saying to the guy when he goes, you got a warrant? Saying, no, you got a warrant? And then put on sunglasses and have Cherry pie play really loud. That have been done. If you just pulled off, because it was from 95, he was still gonna do the same thing. Bobby. He would have been like, from 1995. I'm not chasing after him for that.

[Robert Kelly]

It was actually great.

[Big J Okerson]

You'd be like, no, sir. You've got a warrant. And then the sunglasses go on. And then you just fucking peel off in the lariat, dude. Bye, officer. Bye, officer. Pussy. Not slowing down. Dude. Go around me. I already ran one bitch off the road tonight. Damn that lady fucking smashing your car and then got you. You found out you had a warrant because of her.

[Robert Kelly]

And I make it to New Hampshire, and he has to stop. Just go back. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes. Yeah. He does the thing where he spins out and goes like this. Out the window. He wags his fist out the window. You son of a. I scream. You scream.

[Robert Kelly]

There was a. There was a second where I was like, I'm a sovereign citizen. I don't know what you're talking about. There was a half a second where I was like, can I. Can I pull this off? Do I have the balls and the commitment?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't have the commitment to 1985 warrant. That's exactly what I would have done. Like. Oh, it's. That's. That's your problem with Jason Okerson, the former citizen. I am now just traveling on your roads. We have to take a break. Oh, how many ads do we have? I think only one. Just this one. Diddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

But it technically is the second hour right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So we can do it. I say we do mega grown man crap. Big J Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby Kelly and Big J, both of us. We're both so great.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Big J is going to be at the Tacoma Comedy club in Washington August 1st and the second Comedy Store in Las Vegas. Story wars, the 4th and the 5th of August after that. He's going to be in Punchline Sacramento August 7th through the 9th for tickets and all the tour dates. Big J, comedy.com and make sure you check out his specials on YouTube.com/big joss.

[Big J Okerson]

And Robert Kelly is going to be at Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, July 25th and 26th, and then the 27th. Moving forward until they stop selling.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm not. I'm leaving Sunday.

[Big J Okerson]

They all have to sell out, though.

[Robert Kelly]

They are, I think, almost I'm saying.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, the ones moving forward.

[Robert Kelly]

This makes me so sad that we're not sold out.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you're sold out. And now you got it. I don't know if that's true, but the 27th has to sell out for you to stay, right? And then the 28th and the 29th. No, I'm coming home the 30th and onward.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not going onward.

[Big J Okerson]

But if he doesn't live in Portland, Maine, he'll be also in Rochester, New York, Tampa, Florida, and Emmaus, Pennsylvania, for tickets and all their tour dates, visit. Punch up that live Robert Kelly. Also, our buddy Joe DeRosa put a special out today. That's right. I never promised you a rose garden. Out today. Right now on YouTube. Go give it a watch. It's. It's Joey.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Joey. Joey Roses, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Joey Roses.

[Robert Kelly]

Check it out.

[Big J Okerson]

Jack of all trades. Comedy sandwiches. Yeah, that's it. Just those two things. He's a jack of two trades and a jack off.

[Robert Kelly]

Does he make the sandwiches?

[Big J Okerson]

He dreamed them up.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

You hire Mexicans to make the sandwiches? Dude, you just dreamed them.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay?

[Big J Okerson]

He dreams the dreams, all right.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he dreams.

[Big J Okerson]

He dreams for us. Because you don't know what you want on a sandwich.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

He has to tell you. You don't even know you like cooked salami.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know that.

[Big J Okerson]

Swing it. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

[Jacob]

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