Fighting Richard Gere w/Colin Quinn

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: Fighting Richard Gere w/Colin Quinn

Date: May 15, 2026
Guest: Colin Quinn
Highlights: Comedy festivals, bombing on stage, celebrity encounters, immersive theater, and an infamous encounter with Richard Gere

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Episode Overview

In this episode, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly are joined by Colin Quinn for a riotously candid conversation that ranges from comedy festival stories and on-stage disasters to awkward run-ins with celebrities like Ryan Reynolds and Richard Gere. The trio’s signature banter mixes brutal honesty, self-deprecating tales, and affection for each other, offering listeners a tour through the highs and lows of comedy life.

---

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. NBA Playoff Trash Talk & Comedy Festival Rivalries

• [01:06–03:13]
  • Jay Oakerson calls in from his Airbnb after just arriving at the Netflix as a Joke festival, ribbing Colin about his Boston team’s “historic” playoff choke.
  • Boasts and curses are exchanged about the ongoing sports rivalry, with Jay’s typical blend of humility and bravado.
    • Colin: “This is how the Sixers win – by Jay saying they’re not going to.” ([04:08])
    • Jay: “There’s a simple reason for this. I can dish it out and yet I cannot take.” ([04:21])
• They compare the Netflix festival to the “Bonfire Comedy Festival,” joking about allegiances and the fun they’re missing.

2. Immersive Theater vs. Stand Up

• [05:16–07:44]
  • Robert explains his new writing project: an “immersive theater” piece about the building of the World Trade Center, starring friends like Vinny Piazza and Catherine Narducci, with Colin feigning both skepticism and intrigue.
    • Robert: “It’s not comedy per se, but it is funny.” ([05:36])
    • Colin: “That’s a good way to sell it on a comedy show.” ([05:48])
  • Good-natured interrogation about why Robert refuses to perform in his own show.
    • Robert: “I’m done hearing my voice. I can’t do it anymore.” ([05:55])

3. Celebrity Name-Dropping & Bombing at Gigs

• [09:35–18:15]
  • Hilarious account of awkward attempts to befriend Ryan Reynolds, including failed bakery run-ins and bombing a personal interaction.
    • Robert: “Personally, I bombed with him, which is worse...” ([09:54])
    • Colin: “He’s going to walk away, and my luck I’ll go up and bomb in front of him somewhere...” ([11:43])
  • Both reminisce on celebrity encounters gone wrong, including stories about De Niro, Pesci, and comedian Dennis Leary.

4. The Legendary Richard Gere Story

• [13:32–16:43]
  • Robert shares a heated near-altercation with Richard Gere at the height of Gere’s fame in the early ‘80s, confessing to a bizarre jealousy over Gere flirting with his girlfriend.
    • Colin: “Richard Gere…at the peak of peak Richard Gere.” ([13:48])
    • Robert: “I just wanted to fight Richard Gere.” ([15:16])
    • Colin: “You’re a selfish man.” ([16:16])
  • They riff about male jealousy, Gere’s sex appeal, and the humiliation of losing a girl to a superstar.

5. The Pain and Comedy of Bombing

• [19:23–24:06]
  • Detailed, hilarious breakdown of what it’s like to bomb at a charity gig—the delayed walk through the crowd, the lack of acknowledgement, and manufacturing excuses with the sound guy.
    • Colin: “So you had to walk by a crowd—nobody acknowledged that you were walking by.” ([21:40])
    • Robert: “When you kill, the whole crowd’s like, ‘Hey!’…When you bomb, there’s cars like this, talking to each other, just nobody wants the stink of failure.” ([21:27])
  • Discussion of “comedians who don’t bomb” (with Ryan Hamilton’s name debated and ultimately admitted as possible exception).

6. Comedy Festivals & Colin’s Reluctance

• [29:23–36:02]
  • Spirited debate about Skankfest and why Colin Quinn refuses to attend, mocking the swarm of podcasts and high-energy fans.
    • Colin: “These fans need to be put in their place. This year at Skankfest, maybe I’ll do that. I’m gonna do an early morning show: no cheering, no woos, just quiet, honest, occasional titters.” ([30:23])
  • Robert pitches immersive exhibits and intimate low-ceiling shows to tempt Colin into attending.
    • Robert: “You get to be in the super-secret Colin Quinn tent, filled with Diet Cokes, tea, and boobs—whatever you want.” ([34:25])
  • Strategies for navigating fan attention and resisting the lure of endless podcast guest spots.

7. More on Meeting Ryan Reynolds—Desperation and Manifestation

• [36:23–41:17]
  • Robert and Colin devise elaborate (and ridiculous) plans for running into Ryan Reynolds in town: buying Wrexham soccer shirts, staging “friendly dog” encounters, and, eventually, just standing outside his house.
    • Colin: “I just go there. Ry-dog. Where it becomes a thing. Other people start videotaping. It becomes viral. And then he winds up going, ‘I gotta go meet this guy. He’s been out here every Sunday for a year.’” ([41:12])
  • Realizations that such plans might be even more off-putting than simply saying hello.

8. On Comedy Charity Shows, Perks & Pet Peeves

• [41:27–44:20]
  • Comics’ ambivalence about performing for charity events, getting paid for benefits, and the indignity of being invited only as an audience member.
    • Colin: “As a comic, you don’t want to be asked to be an audience member.” ([42:54])
    • Robert: “We don’t support. Our support is our jokes.” ([43:03])

---

Memorable Quotes

• Colin Quinn:

  • "This is how the Sixers win – by Jay saying they’re not going to." ([04:08])
  • "That's peak…But she liked me. And she was like, 'oh, he's just trying to get your goat.'" ([13:53])
  • "You’re a selfish man." ([16:16])

• Robert Kelly:

  • "Personally, I bombed with him, which is worse." ([09:54])
  • "I just wanted to fight Richard Gere." ([15:16])
  • "When you bomb, there's cars like this, talking to each other, just nobody wants the stink of failure." ([21:27])
  • "We don’t support. Our support is our jokes." ([43:03])

• Jay Oakerson:

  • "Supposed to go four zero. Supposed to go four zero." ([04:06])
  • "There’s a simple reason for this. It’s because I can dish it out and yet I cannot take." ([04:21])

---

Notable Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Start Time | |------------------------------------------|------------| | NBA Playoff Trash Talk | 01:06 | | Comparing Comedy Festivals | 02:20 | | Jay’s Sports Jinx & Banter | 03:13 | | Immersive Theater & WTC Show | 05:16 | | Colin’s Celebrity Bomb Stories | 09:35 | | The Richard Gere Restaurant Story | 13:32 | | On Bombing at Charity Shows | 19:23 | | The “Walk of Shame” After a Bomb | 21:27 | | Who Never Bombs? (Ryan Hamilton Debate) | 23:45 | | Why Colin Hates Skankfest | 29:23 | | Comedy Festival Pitch for Colin | 31:16 | | Celebrity Stalking: The Ryan Reynolds Plan | 36:23 | | Colin on Comic Status at Benefits | 41:27 |

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Tone & Style

The tone is brisk, irreverent, and full of inside-joke energy. The hosts and guest keep things loose, often taking detours into affectionate mockery and confession. The style matches their on-stage personas: brash, sharp, and always with an undercurrent of warmth.

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In Summary

For comedy fans and fellow comics alike, this episode of The Bonfire is a masterclass in comic camaraderie and storytelling. It dives into the reality behind the glamour of showbiz, from bombing at gigs to the silliness of celebrity worship, and the absurd schemes comics dream up to meet their idols. With Colin Quinn’s reluctant wisdom, Robert Kelly’s proud screw-ups, and Jay Oakerson’s unfiltered ribbing, the show roasts the very idea of success—and the hilarious struggle it takes to get there.

Transcript

[Colin Quinn]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Colin Quinn]

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[Robert Kelly]

And now back to the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, this. Whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

He deserves it.

[Colin Quinn]

This time you deserve it. Jay's singing the song. Here it comes. Jay's dancing to the song right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Where's he staying? At the hand.

[Colin Quinn]

There it is. His favorite part. All right, everybody. Is he on the phone? No, you're just. Put him up to the speaker, Christine. Not to the headphones, you numbskull. Christine, put the. Put the phone up to the headphones.

[Robert Kelly]

I could hear the song.

[Colin Quinn]

Congratulations, buddy, on your well deserved comeback win.

[Jay Oakerson]

History. History making comeback.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, look, I've been part of history being a Boston fan, so I know what that feels like.

[Jay Oakerson]

Feels good. Feels real good.

[Colin Quinn]

It does feel good, right? It's a good week. You deserve it. You deserve it. I'm very happy for you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, this isn't how I wanted this to go.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, how about this? The Knicks are gonna wipe him in four.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

They had a good run.

[Colin Quinn]

How's it? How is it? I know you're at the Netflix as a joke festival, but you're missing out on the bonfire comedy festival we're doing here all week with me, me, Voss and Paul, Colin and Paul Verze.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And Kerrigan and Philadelphia. I saw her name.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is like that concert they did out in the desert. The old Cella.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. This is like when they did the. When Stanhope did the Just for Laugh side Fest. The tea party.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

In the car wash. Yeah. Nobody. Nobody. Everybody's there. You son of a. Having a good time?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I just landed. I Just got to my Airbnb. I haven't even unpacked yet. I came outside and called the show so I can do this.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, God. Really? What an ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's how important it was for me to be a part of this. Your team choked a 31 lead.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, off. Dude, you're so lucky. That is a joke.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just the percentages were in the teens.

[Robert Kelly]

But Tatum did get injured, right?

[Colin Quinn]

Sure, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He's out of the game.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sinus surgery a week ago.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's true.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. But he's recovered from that.

[Robert Kelly]

The.

[Colin Quinn]

He got injured more. Tatum got way really bad.

[Robert Kelly]

Plus, B kind of plays in that. He plays like he's injured. He kind of clumsily throws the ball around, you know, and bumps into people, so he doesn't need to be.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's about being born to win. You're so right. They are going down in four to the Knicks. But still.

[Colin Quinn]

Now, this is Jay. This is Jay's technique. Don't let it do. This is what he does. He goes. He said the same thing after the Celtics won that game. He's like, well, that's it. It's over. It's done. He got all sad.

[Jay Oakerson]

Supposed to go four zero. Supposed to go four zero.

[Colin Quinn]

Yep. And he goes, it's over. It was a good series. He was being polite. This is what he does. This is. This is how. This is how the Sixers win by Jay saying they're not going to. They're going to go four. It's a technique. Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's a simple reason for this. It's because I can dish it out and yet I cannot take.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

You guys have a great show.

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna go watch. Love you, Colin. Thank you for doing this. And. And I'm sure I'll text you guys in a few hours when the Sixers probably lose this one tonight.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, I hope they just know this. We're gonna be playing the Nick song tomorrow if they do whatever shitty song that is.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God, that's great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh. All right. I love you guys.

[Colin Quinn]

I love you, too, buddy. Have fun at the other festival. Love you. Have fun at the Not Fun festival. Yeah, this is the fun fest.

[Robert Kelly]

You ever see every. See Casino when they're all sitting there? We're having fun. Like Joe Pesci and them. Like, we're having fun over here, too. The greatest moments.

[Colin Quinn]

So you got the show coming out.

[Robert Kelly]

You have.

[Colin Quinn]

Yes. You have another. Is it a one? It's not a one minute, is it?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's. I'm not in it. I just wrote it.

[Colin Quinn]

What? The what?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not in it.

[Colin Quinn]

You're not? I wrote it.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Colin Quinn]

So what is it?

[Robert Kelly]

It's immersive theater. Oh, God, Robert. Oh, God.

[Colin Quinn]

I don't like this call.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know if you would really appreciate what this is. It's not comedy per se, but it is funny.

[Colin Quinn]

That's a good way to sell it on a comedy show.

[Robert Kelly]

It's funny. Well, it's different. It's.

[Colin Quinn]

How. Why are you not in it?

[Robert Kelly]

Because I just. I'm done. I'm done hearing my voice. I can't do it anymore.

[Colin Quinn]

You know. What's immersive? Well, immersive means Epcot Center.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Well, I mean, Epcot center is kind of mercy.

[Colin Quinn]

It's an old reference. I know,

[Robert Kelly]

but, you know, they have these things now where, like, all these things where you walk in and you're, like, surrounded by, like, even the. Even the Friends exhibit. Like, you're in the friend set.

[Colin Quinn]

What is that? I don't know what the Friends exhibit.

[Robert Kelly]

They're doing some crazy thing on 23rd Street.

[Colin Quinn]

I think I went as soon as it opened. You went.

[Robert Kelly]

So it's immersive, right? Like, you. You.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you're, like, in the. You're in their apartments and you, like. They have a stick. You poke fat, ugly naked guy with. Was fun. Me and my friend Becky. You still want to call it Immersive Bits? That's his first immersive bit. You stick a fat poke guy.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not a bad idea.

[Colin Quinn]

So can you. Can you, unlike your mantra, can you reveal some of the immersiveness?

[Robert Kelly]

So it's basically this. It's. It's a. The building of the World Trade center in the 19 late 60s, early 70s.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

So during COVID I started writing these monologues, and then my friend Vinnie Piazza was an active. He's born. He was Lucky Piano and Boardwalk Empire.

[Colin Quinn]

Who was he?

[Robert Kelly]

He was Lucky Luciano on Boardwalk Empire. He's on. He's on Tulsa King.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay. Oh, he's the guy who became the boss last year. I love that guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he's great.

[Colin Quinn]

He's great.

[Robert Kelly]

So he's. He's.

[Colin Quinn]

He loves friends with this guy. Yeah, like close friends.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, like, we talk all the time. Like, we. He's co producing. He's the reason we're doing it, because I was like, yeah, I wrote these monologues, and he's like, no, no, we got to do these. And he just keeps organizing, putting all these things. And the other one is Your girlfriend, Catherine Narducci.

[Colin Quinn]

You know I'm in love with her.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Colin Quinn]

I mean, like, that is my.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Colin Quinn]

That is my. My jam right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

She's great.

[Robert Kelly]

And they're both. They're both.

[Colin Quinn]

I met her.

[Robert Kelly]

You did?

[Colin Quinn]

I did Chaz's podcast, and she was in the house. You go to Chaz's house?

[Robert Kelly]

That's right.

[Colin Quinn]

He lives right down the street from me. Never been asked back. Five minutes away from my house. Never been asked back. Love, Chaz.

[Robert Kelly]

Love Chaz.

[Colin Quinn]

Great guy. Did his podcast. I felt like I a little. Maybe bombed a little bit. I think I was too excited to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Colin Quinn]

I was too.

[Robert Kelly]

Came in too hot. And then Chaz is like, that's not how we do it here.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, I was looking. Yeah, he's a little. Yeah, I should have listened more. I was a little yappy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You're like, I got a school with Chaz.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, I thought he was gonna take me under his wing.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you thought it was like a Ryan Reynolds situation.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, that's gonna happen.

[Robert Kelly]

I did. What? We've been waiting. You've been there two years, you haven't even run into him. I run into him twice.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, because you've done shows with him. I'm. I'm gritting out.

[Robert Kelly]

I've met him twice.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you've met him twice on shows.

[Robert Kelly]

Hi, Ryan.

[Colin Quinn]

Did you meet him at the last show? Dennis.

[Jay Oakerson]

Luke.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he wasn't there. Dennis Leary could introduce you to him. He must know him from Michael J. Fox.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm not pulling that bullet. I'm not shooting that bullet till I need it. I'm still trying to meet him at the bakery or maybe downtown on a Sunday afternoon. Why are you laughing?

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, there's no downtown. That little. Katona.

[Colin Quinn]

Katona is a beautiful. What are you laughing at? That's a beautiful downtown. Better than your shitty downtown where you live.

[Robert Kelly]

You mean downtown Manhattan?

[Colin Quinn]

Yes. All right, well, you got a good downtown.

[Robert Kelly]

The original downtown in the planet. Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

First of all, I think my downtown was before your downtown Katona. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no. Why? Because you have one stupid sign. Established in 1787.

[Colin Quinn]

That's the stupid sign I'm talking about. Yeah, I. Yeah, I went to Chaz's house and I. I hung up, but she was there, and I panicked again.

[Robert Kelly]

You did? Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, because she's. I mean, she's so pretty.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You should have just said, colin, Quinn says you're the best, and I should be like, oh, she dropped my name with her, and she dropped My name with Ryan. I think Ryan had a newfound respect for me.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm not dropping your name with Ryan because you bombed in front.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I bombed in front of him. But then I went on stage and killed. So I bombed one on one with him.

[Colin Quinn]

You bombed personally?

[Robert Kelly]

Personally, I bombed with him, which is worse. But it was his fault because.

[Colin Quinn]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

It's his fault because I went up to him with the best of intentions. First of all, you know, I'm obviously a comedian of some note, and I go to. I go, ryan, that movie, whatever. The Just Friends, I go, that movie is one of the funniest things. And if he. And I could see his face like this, like, he was already disgusted thinking about it. Like, you know, these guys do. Here's the problem with these movie actors. They do the movie, then they have their own experience on it, and it's old hat. They do some other stupid movie that they think is amazing. Like, it somehow resonates with something in them. And then you're trying to tell them about a great movie, Just Friends, and they're like, oh, that didn't even make money, Ryan. It's not all about making money. Just Friends is a comic masterpiece. Back it up. It's funny. Every line, you're like, this is the funniest thing ever.

[Colin Quinn]

Adam Paris, she's the funniest.

[Robert Kelly]

Chris Klein is hilarious.

[Colin Quinn]

It's an underrated comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

The mother, the brother.

[Colin Quinn]

The brother's the best.

[Robert Kelly]

Movie's great.

[Colin Quinn]

The whole movie is great. Just Friends is one of the funniest movies.

[Robert Kelly]

So I start ranting about. And he's like, yes. Yeah, we shot that up in Canada. Like, basically just going, let me get away from this boring fan now. Luckily for me, then I went on and killed. I think I redeemed myself after that. He's probably like, you know what? Maybe the guy's right. And he probably went back and said, you know what, Blake? Let's watch Just Friends again tonight. Trust me.

[Colin Quinn]

I think that's what he did.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe it's possible.

[Colin Quinn]

Did you see him after that? Have you seen him since then?

[Robert Kelly]

No. Yeah, I haven't seen him.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna bring him up. I'm not gonna drop your name with Ryan. I'm not doing it. It's just not happening.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a mistake. Because.

[Colin Quinn]

No, because then Jeff's friends will come out of my mouth. It's gonna just shoot out of my pie hole.

[Robert Kelly]

Like.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, he was talking about Jeff's friends. I agree with him. I think it's one of your best. And then he's gonna walk away. And my luck, I'll go up and bomb in front of him somewhere. Unbelievable. There's. You bought.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you. You know what you do when he's at the bakery? When he's at the ordering, you pay for it secretly and tell the girl behind the counter to put a little note. This is because I want to be just friends.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, I've already thought of this. If. If. If he is in front of me. If he is in front of me, yeah, it's going to be harder. But if he is behind me, I'm gonna be like, look, I'm paying. I'm gonna have to say, I'm paying for my friends right there. I'm have to say friend. She. He's not gonna know I said that, right? I'm gonna say, I'm praying for my friends, too. Or if he's in front of me at the last minute, I run up and just put my. My card on the bar. I go, I got it, dude. I. I love you. I think you're the best. Oh, and then I do that.

[Robert Kelly]

If you do that, I promise you my. The disgust he felt for me, it'll be 10 times worse if you pay for his stupid muffin or his crumb cake.

[Colin Quinn]

That's my bakery elemental P. I love it. No, I have it all planned out. No, I sit out front with doodles. I feel like doodles is going to get his attention. Dogs always get somebody's attention. Oh, he's. They're going to talk to the dog first, which is fine. I'm going to ignore him. When he talks to the dog first. He's going to come up and, oh, is she friendly? Oh, yeah, absolutely friendly. Friendliest dog ever.

[Robert Kelly]

You should say she's friendly and so am I.

[Colin Quinn]

Don't put these things in my head because you know I'm going to panic and I'll probably wind up saying these stupid things. I'm friendly, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's what you do. You order your food. If he's behind you, you go, he's paying. And walk out.

[Colin Quinn]

I've never seen anybody famous in Katona so far.

[Robert Kelly]

Richard Gear used to live there.

[Colin Quinn]

Who?

[Robert Kelly]

Richard Gere.

[Colin Quinn]

Richard Gere. I don't want to meet him.

[Robert Kelly]

Did he ever say, but the big thing, the big dust up me and him almost had.

[Colin Quinn]

You almost got to fight with Richard.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Well, I was, you know, it was about 1982, 83. I just talked to the woman that I was with at the time about It.

[Colin Quinn]

That's Richard Gere. Richard Gere. That's at the peak of peak Richard Gear.

[Robert Kelly]

She should have them.

[Colin Quinn]

That's peak.

[Robert Kelly]

But she liked me. And she was like, oh, he's just trying to get your goat. I was, why was he trying to get Michael? I'm walking by him with this restaurant, and for some reason, he was in there with some beautiful girl. She was, like, wearing, like, a gauze dress. I was blown away. And then he said she stuff. Flirting with the girl I was with. I go, what's your problem, 23? He's like, oh. I go, I.

[Colin Quinn]

You.

[Robert Kelly]

You know? And then the. The managers came, and I wonder who got kicked out.

[Colin Quinn]

You got kicked out. If Richard Gere ever flirted with Dawn, I would let it go down in five seconds.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, I really did. I did wrong by her.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you did.

[Robert Kelly]

But he's with his girlfriend. It was a little rude for him to do that with his girlfriend.

[Colin Quinn]

It's Richard Gear. A peak Richard.

[Robert Kelly]

You're right. I don't deny it.

[Colin Quinn]

American Gigolo Richard.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. Yes. I don't deny.

[Colin Quinn]

Dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't deny it.

[Colin Quinn]

Look at Richard Gere.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

One of the hottest fucking guys ever. So fucking smoking hot. Oh, my God. He's wearing a fucking bullfighter shirt. You know how hot you have to be to wear a ruffle bullfighting shirt? Every picture he's like a dream. I mean, he's wearing pleated pants and he's sexy as shit. Why would you deny this woman? You probably smoked back then. You're real thin.

[Robert Kelly]

I smoked. I was thin.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, Little chicken legs chap.

[Robert Kelly]

But I didn't deny her. I just wanted to fight Richard Gear.

[Colin Quinn]

Because you're a psychopath.

[Robert Kelly]

Because he was starting with me.

[Colin Quinn]

He was not starting with you.

[Robert Kelly]

So he was disrespecting me, by the way, he was talking to her, like, in front of me and his poor girlfriend.

[Colin Quinn]

First of all, he was respecting her by hitting on her.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, he was.

[Colin Quinn]

He was respecting women.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely. She could have. And here's the other sad part. This girl lived about probably 200 or 300ft from the restaurant we were in.

[Colin Quinn]

She could have took him right home. Now she had to take a train back to Brooklyn with old thin legs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Colin Quinn]

That stinks.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

What a night. What did you do at the end of the night? Did you have a good. Did you at least give her a good night?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. Probably not. I probably argued with her and drunkenly fell asleep.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, that's great. That's great. She's just lying there watching American Gigolo of what could have been.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

That guy is hot as. Look at him in a tr. Everything he does was gorgeous.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he was gorgeous.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And this is before, right? But this is like after American Change.

[Colin Quinn]

He's in a movie about banging broads, and you get pissed off that he's. Girl, you're with you. You selfish piece of. You're a selfish man.

[Robert Kelly]

He was with me.

[Colin Quinn]

He wasn't with you. He was liking her.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Was she hot? Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Beautiful.

[Colin Quinn]

There you go. There you go. There it is, right there. Oh, so you're a mercy she.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she turned. She turned me on to a great song. Love and Affection by Joan Armitrading.

[Colin Quinn]

I hate all your music. You know this.

[Robert Kelly]

This is the girl's music, not mine.

[Colin Quinn]

I. Your music. You send me these songs and it infuriates me, and I don't know why everybody else thinks it's hilarious, including my wife and Max.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you remember the song Joe? And arbitrating? No, I wasn't open to Persuasion.

[Colin Quinn]

This.

[Robert Kelly]

You could actually say this to your buddy Ryan Reynolds. I'm open to Persuasion. I'm not looking for friends, but I'm open to Persuasion. This is the kind of deep cut that somebody like Ryan Reynolds would probably like. Joan Armitrade.

[Colin Quinn]

I don't like what you're doing. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

She was Tracy. Why? She was Tracy Chapman before Tracy Chapman ten years before.

[Colin Quinn]

Because you're coming up with techniques to move in on my Ryan Reynolds.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, my. My. My. My shot is gone.

[Colin Quinn]

It's gone.

[Robert Kelly]

I could see his face. He was disgusted. Yeah. God knows what.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm back.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that?

[Colin Quinn]

You got him back.

[Robert Kelly]

You said, well, I think. I mean, all I know is I killed that night. So if he was anywhere in the vicinity, there's no way he could deny that guarantee. He didn't see it in my life.

[Colin Quinn]

As soon as old Just for Friends Topics went on stage, went, I'm out of here. I'm gone.

[Robert Kelly]

You know how many times in your life you're like, oh, God, I killed in front of. And then they go, oh, that person left like an hour ago.

[Colin Quinn]

It's happened to me so many times in the Cellar. I remember De Niro. I think De Niro and Pesci were in the crowd with Seinfeld. And as soon as I stepped. They watched the whole show. And as soon as I stepped on stage, as Keith gave me the intro, they got up and left.

[Robert Kelly]

It's unbelievable.

[Colin Quinn]

And Keith. Keith went, aha. On the mic. They. They left stupid and Dairo laughed. Thought it was funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, his. His love of stand up is a little annoying. Who? He likes De Niro? No, just his general obsession with stand up.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, he loves stand up, but he's not that funny.

[Robert Kelly]

But he. No, but he's. No, he was. He was funny when he was. When he was playing, like in. When he played. What's his name? Travis Bickle. And he played Rupert Pupkin. Then he's. He's funny as like a weirdo.

[Colin Quinn]

He's a funny actor. I mean, what's the. The into Midnight Run.

[Robert Kelly]

Midnight Run.

[Colin Quinn]

Great.

[Robert Kelly]

Hilarious.

[Colin Quinn]

Another famous movie that people don't know the minute.

[Robert Kelly]

Great movie.

[Colin Quinn]

Great movie. And he was. He's a funny actor, but I wouldn't imagine he'd be maybe me fun to hang out with. You've met him?

[Robert Kelly]

I met him, but I never really hung out with him. Except that great bomb story.

[Colin Quinn]

You took a hot one. Now, this weekend you had another show that I was waiting to hear. I didn't call you all weekend. You were going to do a. The. A. A therapy show?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it wasn't a therapy.

[Colin Quinn]

What was it?

[Robert Kelly]

It was just a show. It was like a benefit type thing, but for. For just some organ, like a goodwill type organization. But it wasn't therapy.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

But anyway. Yeah. Let me tell you something. I get up there and in the first. You know how it is. Because these. Anytime you're in a gig, that's not a comedy thing. It's 50%. I don't want any comedian ever say, they don't bomb at these things. And I get up there, in the first few minutes, I'm kind of just talking about what's going on. I'm doing good. And I'm like, you know what? I figured this one out.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. And then there's always that moment when you get up there where you're like, I. I figured it out and I know what to do.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And then 15 minutes in, I was drowning. You know when you. You have a dream where you're drowning, you just can't stop it. You're just drowning. That's exactly what was happening.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm a hero, so I don't know about those.

[Robert Kelly]

Drowning. Oh, you're right about drowning.

[Colin Quinn]

I don't know about it.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like I was falling into a pit.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I was just falling and falling. Nothing. And I couldn't grab all day.

[Colin Quinn]

How much time do you have to do?

[Robert Kelly]

45.

[Colin Quinn]

Holy balls.

[Robert Kelly]

I did every second of it.

[Colin Quinn]

Because you got to get that check.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's when you know. Yeah, here's when you know you. When you know you didn't do well. Because sometimes you can't really tell because you're like, well, there's some laughs. It's a weird setup. The room acoustically is strange, so, you know, rugged down people at these tables. And then afterwards, I get off. Here's a. You know, I talk to the guy that ran the sound thing because then I don't have to walk through the crowd yet. So I'm delaying the walk through the crowd by talking to him for, like, three minutes.

[Colin Quinn]

You're hoping. They're hoping they all leave, but they don't, because this is where they are for the night.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, this guy's probably like, boy, this guy's really cool as a cucumber. He's talking to me for three minutes. I'm chatting to him on the side.

[Colin Quinn]

You're asking him about, hey, what's that button do? That's interesting button.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Colin Quinn]

Now, when you got into sound, did you go to college for that?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And I'm like, so, bubba, you just

[Colin Quinn]

stop being interested, whatever that is.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I ran out of things to say, and I go, all right, time to take the walk. I walk back, and when you kill, the whole crowd's like, hey. They even give you more applause.

[Colin Quinn]

They get the pounds and the high fives. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

There's cars like this talking to each other. Just nobody wants the stink of failure.

[Colin Quinn]

So you had to walk by a crowd that nobody acknowledged that you'll walking by.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right.

[Colin Quinn]

Like you were some type of waiter.

[Robert Kelly]

Like. Yeah, like, I was just. Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

The worst is the people that booked you, though. Were they there?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

How was that?

[Robert Kelly]

They're like, your car's outside.

[Colin Quinn]

And you were alone.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

And you got in the car alone, and the first thing the driver said you. This is when you bond with the driver, too. You start telling him, I'll just make lies up. Nah, they didn't say, like, he knows about a gig. They didn't set it up right?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Colin Quinn]

The mic was off. They didn't have a monitor. You need a monitor. As a comic, you need a fucking monitor. How am I supposed to work with a monitor? He's like, buddy, I don't know monitors. I know airport and hotel. Yeah. Were you. Did you. Did you have to stay the night or did you go right home?

[Robert Kelly]

No, luckily, I was staying somewhere else, but. But here's the other top part. You walk out to wait for the car, and half the People that were at the show are waiting for their car. Oh, God, you're right in the middle of them.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, you have. And there's nothing. Nobody said nothing.

[Robert Kelly]

No, Nobody. One guy.

[Colin Quinn]

Did you hear whispers at least one.

[Robert Kelly]

No one. One guy said, oh,

[Colin Quinn]

he knew you. You ate your dick.

[Robert Kelly]

He go, How long do you sympathize with me?

[Colin Quinn]

How long do you have to sit outside for?

[Robert Kelly]

It was only about five minutes, which

[Colin Quinn]

is in that time. That's like 30 years.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Oh, that sucks. I mean, thank God it happened.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Because it would have sucked. If you, like, killed, great. Awesome. But having a bomb, there's nothing like I. Did you call somebody that night or did you just eat it?

[Robert Kelly]

I just ate it.

[Colin Quinn]

I call. I have. You and Voss are on my speed dial. And Jay, when I take a hot one, I immediately have to call another comic.

[Robert Kelly]

The thing I hate most is any comic deals. I never do that. It's like, shut up. We all bomb. You know what I mean?

[Colin Quinn]

There's comics that don't bomb. Like who? Ryan Hamilton.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, if he said any other name, I would have argued. But no, actually, Ryan Hamilton actually told me. Luckily a few months ago, he had a rough one. Like one of these gigs.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, at Skank Fest. He had a rough one.

[Robert Kelly]

Ryan Hamilton should not be at Skank Fest.

[Colin Quinn]

He's not. He would never step foot.

[Jay Oakerson]

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[Colin Quinn]

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[Robert Kelly]

at a comedy show.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date? Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. One out of five Americans have learned a new language on their bucket list. If that's you, make 2026 the year you finally check it off with Babbel the language app that makes grammar fun and is actually worth your time. They understand that people learn differently. So you can dive into a podcast when you don't quite feel like a quick lesson. You can speak out loud to get that, practice in and even create your own customized review list all within the app. I've been trying to learn Spanish for over a year now and I've tried other things and this babble just seems to work for me. It's so easy to use. I turn the app on, it has reminders. It just. Just keeps me focused. Every day I try a little bit. Sometimes I actually go a little further and I try new functions on the app and sometimes I just learn basic words. It works. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners Right now. You get up to 60% off your Babel subscription at babel.com forward/bonfire. Get up to 60% off at babel.com bonfire spelled b a b b e l.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. Hello, I'm Ozempic and I'm other GLP

[Robert Kelly]

ones kinda like him.

[Colin Quinn]

Are you shaking a maraca? Nope, I'm shaking the pill version of Ozempic, which no one should ever do except in ads like this.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice disclaimer.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey, thanks. Ask your doctor about which FDA approved uses of the Ozempic pen or pill may be right for you. Call 1-833-OZEMPIC or visit ozempic.com to view the medication guide and learn more about ozempic semaglutide tablets 9 milligrams and ozempic semaglutid injection, 2 milligrams.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a pill. Vers.

[Colin Quinn]

Speaking of skank fest.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah?

[Colin Quinn]

You're gonna come this year?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. Maybe.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, dude, you let me. I mean, dude, you would love it. You'd have such a good time, bro.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I wouldn't. Because all you guys.

[Colin Quinn]

I know, I tried.

[Robert Kelly]

I know what you guys are about.

[Colin Quinn]

What are you talking about?

[Robert Kelly]

I know what you're all about. And you're the biggest offender of them all.

[Colin Quinn]

I am? Yeah. I'm not even. It's this. It's this legion of skanks is the

[Robert Kelly]

first of all, you. Exactly. You. You're not the liaison. So don't even ask me to come. I'll leave that up to you.

[Colin Quinn]

The liaison is right there.

[Robert Kelly]

That's fine. But here's my point, Christine, and I'll tell you right now. Are you going to tell me that I'm not going to have to do five to 15 podcasts. It's all these cocksuckers bring their podcast down there, and I'm sick of it. And as everyone's like, oh, let's get crazy, and they start playing to the audience, like, everybody comes out, music, walk out, music on podcast. It's infuriating to me. These fans need to be put in their place. This year it's Gang Fest. Maybe I'll do that. I'm gonna do an early morning show. No cheering, no woos, just straight. You're getting honest, quiet, and occasional laugh or titter.

[Colin Quinn]

You're gonna get what you're used to. Do you want to do from this last weekend? Do you want to lecture people from the boxing ring as people walk into the festival? No, he doesn't want to do any of the hijinks. That's. I'm. That's just what I'm just for forming what he wants.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, I.

[Colin Quinn]

Can I tell you what you do? Can I tell you what you do? Ready?

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Colin Quinn]

We ship your immersive stage to Skank Fest and we do the. We have an exhibit in one of the halls. The. What is it called again? Mardi Gras World. Oh, no. Building, building. We have building the immersive comedy of Colin Quinn in there.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not a bad idea.

[Colin Quinn]

Why don't we do that? How much is going to ship out all the stuff?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Colin Quinn]

Will Joe Pagliatoni do it? Does he have money? What's his name?

[Robert Kelly]

And New Orleans has a big, you know, they have a big Italian section anyway, so they could probably. He probably knows somebody from down there.

[Colin Quinn]

And here's another thing we do. We do, we do with Colin Quinn a comedy show in the smaller room, in one of the smaller rooms because it's low ceilings. 200, was it 200 people.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Colin Quinn]

How many people, Christine? It can like three. It's a really small room. 300. 300. Pack them in. Right. We do a comedy show. You, you're the headliner. You can pick who you want on it. You do a whole hour. You don't have to have like 15 people on it, but just you do an hour. Colin Quinn, 300 people, low ceilings, nice little small venue. And then we do Tough Crowd Reunion. Me, you, Voss, Keith Norton and Nick Depaulo.

[Robert Kelly]

We did Tough Crowd Reunion.

[Colin Quinn]

I know we did, but we do it again. Why do you have to say it like we did it once? We want. I know we fucking did it. Oh, my God. We do it again. We do one more fucking back Listen,

[Robert Kelly]

dude, because here's the problem.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, God.

[Robert Kelly]

We did it once, okay? It was a magic moment.

[Colin Quinn]

It was.

[Robert Kelly]

Why ruin it by saying, let's do one more?

[Colin Quinn]

We're not gonna ruin it. It's gonna be another magic moment. Why can't we? Why? Why? You. Your life into. You only get one magic moment in your life. Why can't we have two or three magic. Why can't we just have magic moments? We have so many moments on the road. Let's have more magic moments, man. Let's have some magic moments.

[Robert Kelly]

By the way. By the way, John Gotti's favorite band.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This was Jane, the Americans.

[Colin Quinn]

We open up the show with this

[Robert Kelly]

song we have played at Gotti Jr's wedding.

[Colin Quinn]

The fact that you know that is just nuts. Nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay Black.

[Colin Quinn]

So what do you say?

[Robert Kelly]

You know why? Because Carame was. They like that Italian song? I don't know. We'll think about it.

[Colin Quinn]

All right. Well, thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

I like the idea. I like. I like the way he pitched. He did a good job pitching.

[Colin Quinn]

He did a great job. He did a great job pitching. I think we're really proud of where it's at now. And you can totally hang and look out the river and nobody will bother you. Nobody will.

[Robert Kelly]

No, they'll bother me. I know. I'll be on every goddamn. I already know.

[Colin Quinn]

You won't. I already know. Hey, this. You do whatever you want. We're gonna. That's not the way it works. We're gonna set this up. Ready? We're gonna put signs around, like wanted posters with your face. No podcasts, Quinn. No podcasts. No pot. You are not allowed to ask Colin Quinn to be on any show other than the shows he's on. That's it. And then we have a super. We have a super secret tent, the Colin Quinn tent that you get to be in, filled with Diet Cokes, tea, and boobs. We have boobs, but all kinds of boobs, right? Paco's gonna be there. He's whatever you want. He's gonna be a little Gunga Din. And whatever outfit you want him in, we'll put him in an outfit, right? And you'll be in there, and you allow anybody. We'll have security. You don't even have to take pictures with anybody. And then we do those.

[Robert Kelly]

I like taking pictures with people.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay, then we'll take pictures. Well, all right. Relax. So you'll take pictures if you want. We'll have a special picture day. I think this is great. I think very good.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Definitely a possibility.

[Colin Quinn]

All right. I love it. I love it.

[Robert Kelly]

Alive. Let's put it that way.

[Colin Quinn]

I'll protect you from.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a lot.

[Colin Quinn]

It's a lot. As much as possible, yes. We'll keep you away from anybody you don't want near you.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it's not. It's not the people. I just don't want to sit there and do 20 hours of podcasting.

[Colin Quinn]

You won't do any. You won't do any. You'll do one. You'll do three shows. We'll have three magic moments.

[Robert Kelly]

This magic.

[Colin Quinn]

Wait a minute.

[Robert Kelly]

What are the three? I only heard two.

[Colin Quinn]

We didn't say anything about radio shows. We do have a live bonfire. I'm kidding. Kidding. You can do whatever you want.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. It's. It's.

[Colin Quinn]

Listen, I know Colin so well, and when I. There's certain things I can ask him to do, but I have to look at the last time I asked him to do something to see if there's enough time in between when I asked him to do something, because if there's not, he'll literally just go, nope. And hang up the phone. Nope. Not doing it. I like where we're at. I like. We're at. I feel like we're in a nice place.

[Robert Kelly]

We're in a good place.

[Colin Quinn]

We're at a good place. Place. You're gonna do two set festivals. The bonfire festival that you're on. Right. I mean, right now, we're killing it swimmingly. It's going.

[Robert Kelly]

Going very well.

[Colin Quinn]

It is. I say it's the fat. The best fest of the country right now. The Bond fest.

[Robert Kelly]

The other one is. Like I said, it's too saturated. There's too much going. You can tell Jay doesn't want to be there. He was calling in not just to celebrate the 76ers because he wants to be here.

[Colin Quinn]

He does. Jay does. What? Jay.

[Robert Kelly]

He knows the vibe is weird out there.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, he knows. And he's not. He likes to. He's not good at schmoozing after. You know what I mean? And there's going to be a lot of schmoozing at that festival. Aft, behind the backstage is going to be a lot of schmoo. Like, hey, hey, hey. A lot of those things.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, that's. We got to get good at. We got to get you good after the Ryan Reynolds thing.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm fantastic. I think I got it. I got it. And I. I got. I. What do you mean? I. I think you be Ryan Reynolds. I'll be me. Ready? You're at the bakery.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd like six of. What are those? Those are very interesting. Yes. Okay. Yeah, we actually have those in. In France. We call them Bonier. But, you know, in. I mean, in Canada, you know, it's a French influence.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey, you know. You know, you're really going to try not to butt in. Sorry. Real quick. Queen Amans here. They're first of all, my favorite dessert and the best in the country right here. The Queen of Mons.

[Robert Kelly]

I think you're pronouncing that wrong, sir. Queen of Mons. What is that?

[Colin Quinn]

Queen of Mons.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like you're pronouncing it incorrectly.

[Colin Quinn]

Are you Ryan or you're the cashier?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm. I'm Ryan.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay, because I didn't know. Because you did both.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Colin Quinn]

I was gonna tell you to shut the up if you were the cashier, but if you're Ryan, I'm gonna. No, no, no. I'm pretty sure it's Queen Aman. I could be wrong, though. You know what? I'm always wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm always, you know, Colin Quinn. Just. Just friends was one of my. Just panic and say just for laughs. Have you been to the festival? I just did a festival. It's the bonfire festival. It was me everybody's talking about.

[Robert Kelly]

You must know him.

[Colin Quinn]

God damn it. I don't have it. I don't have it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I like your original idea.

[Colin Quinn]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

His original idea was much deeper.

[Colin Quinn]

Stand in front of his house until he comes out.

[Robert Kelly]

You're gonna wear some shirt that only he wears from some team.

[Colin Quinn]

What do you mean? Oh, like a. Like a Wrexham shirt? He owns a soccer.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Colin Quinn]

Sorry. Football. Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Colin Quinn]

I get it. This is it. That's it. I get a Wrexham shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

You said that. You're the one who came up with that.

[Colin Quinn]

I forgot about that. I get a Wrexham shirt and I'm gonna be Jay right now. Christine, order me a Wrexham shirt. I'm kidding, though. I get a Wrexham shirt and I hang out. How long do I gotta hang out for? Days. I'm gonna be the guy in the Wrexham shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

You just start wearing it once in a while.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, but I'm gonna have to wear it every time I go to the bakery.

[Robert Kelly]

When you said you were gonna jog. You think he goes to some track or something?

[Colin Quinn]

No, he doesn't do a track. He has property idea.

[Robert Kelly]

Why? Why?

[Colin Quinn]

Because Ryan Reynolds is gonna assume you've

[Robert Kelly]

been waiting, wearing this thing, hoping to run into him at the bakery so

[Colin Quinn]

he can see you wearing the shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

Assume Away.

[Colin Quinn]

That's right. Assume away. Right. Rye dog. What's up?

[Robert Kelly]

What's up? Yeah, I got some fun facts, though. If you do wear a Wrexham jersey, you can be like. You could tell him, dude, so close next year. Because they were.

[Colin Quinn]

For three years in a row, they promoted that team.

[Robert Kelly]

So they were almost at the top.

[Colin Quinn]

So it could seem like, you know, a little. You think that's going to play? Hey, you didn't make it again. That's going to. Not again.

[Robert Kelly]

First time.

[Colin Quinn]

I can't say. So close. Maybe next year he's going to be

[Robert Kelly]

like, wearing the Wrexham shirt.

[Colin Quinn]

No, he's going to be like, fuck, you're right. We. He's going to get bummed out again that we didn't. They didn't win.

[Robert Kelly]

No, here's what you do. You wear it. You wear the shirt, but you turned around so he has to look at you. You're not trying to show them the shirt.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? You're by the car, right? You get a hanger. You try to get it. You call the hanger.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm trying to break into Alexis with a hanger. First of all, that doesn't work anymore, you old coot. Can't use a hanger. Nobody has hangers.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Colin Quinn]

The only hangers I have is the cut max up.

[Robert Kelly]

All right? So you just. Here's what you do. You just turn around and you. Let's say you see a scratch on your car. You start playing with it. You have to be turned around. Around.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay, I'm turned around, but I'm doing what to my car?

[Robert Kelly]

You're just like, trying to just buff out a scratch with. But you turn. You got to be turned around. And then he's looking at. From wherever he is in town. Downtown, apparently. It's hopping all the time.

[Colin Quinn]

It's hopping.

[Robert Kelly]

So you. Downtown, you just walk. And then you just kind of. And he'll be like. And then he'll follow you. He'd be like, wrex him. And then. You have to know a little bit about them, though. Do you know?

[Colin Quinn]

I do. Of course. I love the. They had the series on. I believe it was HBO or Cinemax. They had a series.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't even know the names of the players.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, I do. Vidal and Vidal. Vidal and Sequence. Sequence and Vlad. I don't know the names. I'll look the names up. Okay? I don't know any of the names. Doesn't matter. I know the team. I know the show.

[Robert Kelly]

No, this is not a way to get in. We're gonna have to get in another way. How about.

[Colin Quinn]

How about this? How about this? Yeah. I hold a sign up on Sunday. It says what Says rye dog with the shirt. Every Sunday, I just go there. Rye dog. Where it becomes a thing. Other people start videotape. It becomes viral. This guy wants to meet, and then he winds up going, I gotta go meet this guy. He's. He's been out here every Sunday for a year.

[Robert Kelly]

That's truly the most. The saddest idea I've ever heard in my life.

[Colin Quinn]

You know, I'm just gonna break into his house and see what he's doing.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that's. You're doing. That's the. That's less offensive than what you're doing there. It's less intrusive to Ryan's life.

[Colin Quinn]

Messing up my manifestation by this. I'm trying to manifest this for a long time.

[Robert Kelly]

You forgot about it until I brought it up. You turn on. I don't know who. But you. I. Your. Your one in is Leary. I'm Leary. Probably doesn't get along with him.

[Colin Quinn]

Him. Why? Why. Why do you think that?

[Robert Kelly]

They probably. He probably high sticked him when they were playing hockey in one of those stupid leagues.

[Colin Quinn]

I felt bad, Larry. It. I. I threw dawn on the bus. I got. Dawn kind of manages my stuff. Right. So she got an email from Leary for the firefighters day. He has the Leary Firefighters benefit.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Colin Quinn]

And all the stuff. And I got a email. Hey, you're invited to. You've done it. I think you've done it, right? The show he puts on.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Okay. I've never been asked to do it. I've only been asked to do. I've only been asked to do the Boston Comics Come Home. And I felt like the Leary Firefighters thing was more of a prestige. Okay. Yeah. That. More prestigious. So you get to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

I've done it in 25 years, but go ahead, Mr.

[Colin Quinn]

Victim. I'm choking right now. Has it been 25 years since you did it?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

He's literally been on the goddamn comic con for 12 years in a row.

[Colin Quinn]

So they had this thing, and I couldn't do it. I had a show, but I thought it was at night, but I thought he was asking me to go to it. I didn't want to be a. As a comic, you don't want to be asked to be an audience member.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely not.

[Colin Quinn]

As. And then other comics, you know, and you show up, hey, what are you doing?

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Colin Quinn]

And they're like, I'm just here to support.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. I don't want. We don't go for that shit.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, we don't support.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't support.

[Colin Quinn]

Our support is our jokes.

[Robert Kelly]

Y. We're comedians. We take the mic. We like to take. We like to sit there like that.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, we do benefits. Take the mic and also get a check. Well, from the benefit. Yeah. Do you take the money from the benefits?

[Robert Kelly]

Some of them.

[Colin Quinn]

You do?

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, if they offer, I don't. Oh, whatever.

[Colin Quinn]

It's. You people are different. It doesn't matter. So I turned it down. It wasn't. It was actually a day. You get to be a firefighter for the day. They take you, I think, to Brooklyn, to the firefighters place, and they dress you as a firefighter. You get to climb the rope. You get to fight fires. You get to go. You do all the stuff training that. Firefighters do all this shit. Yeah. And it was a daytime thing where I got to be. And then I look and Adam Ferrari's there, Pete Davison's there. All these famous actresses are there, and I could have been there, and I wasn't, Right. Because fucking Don read the letter wrong. What?

[Robert Kelly]

I thought you said you threw dawn under the bus, but now you're throwing her under the bus again.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, I am right now. Yeah, I'm throwing her.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought somehow it wasn't her fault.

[Colin Quinn]

It's not her fault at all. I. I just didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

I re.

[Colin Quinn]

I up. But it's her fault for not telling me exactly what it was.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It sounds like a Fun day for Max

[Colin Quinn]

12.

[Robert Kelly]

And you want to climb the firefighter pole and dress up in a fireman Alpha. Yeah, grown man.

[Colin Quinn]

Whatever, dude. All right, listen. All right, we're gonna wrap it up, buddy. I love you so much. Colin has a. Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

For having me at the festival.

[Colin Quinn]

Thank you for being the first. The first comic on the fest. There's gonna be big every year. We should do the bonfire.

[Robert Kelly]

We should.

[Colin Quinn]

Until we get invited to their other.

[Robert Kelly]

No, until we have more followers than the fucking Netflix Festival.

[Colin Quinn]

All right, let's do that. That's gonna take how long? 10 years.

[Robert Kelly]

I won't be here, but.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, you're gonna be at Skankfest. Maybe. Colin Quinn wrote a new immersive showcase. It's called Building, Building, Building. And it will be produced at the Pioneer Works in Red hook this summer, July 8th to the 11th. That's it. The 8th to the 11th. With Vinny Pezzi Piazza.

[Robert Kelly]

Vinny Piazza, your girlfriend.

[Colin Quinn]

Make sure you check that out. Make sure you get tickets for Skank Fest. They're available right now. Guess who's gonna be there? Maybe, hopefully doing a couple shows, maybe three shows. Big J's gonna be in Los Angeles Stories world this week, and then he's going to Austin for Memorial Day weekend. BigJComedy.com, you guys are the best. Make sure you go to punchup live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm going to be in Cleveland coming up, and I'm going down as Alabama. All right, we'll see you guys tomorrow. Crackle, crackle, everybody. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row

[Robert Kelly]

at a comedy show.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date? Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent. With Vrbal's last minute deals, you can save over $50 on your spring getaway. So whether it's a mountain escape with friends, a family week at the beach,

[Robert Kelly]

or sightseeing in a new city, there's

[Colin Quinn]

still time to get great discounts. Book your next day now. Average savings $72. Select homes only.