Fixing Jacob with Colum Tyrrell

Summary

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The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Fixing Jacob with Colum Tyrrell
Date: May 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire is an uproarious, freewheeling brainstorming session centered around the show's beloved but awkward producer, Jacob. Joined by guest Colum Tyrrell and regular Colin Quinn, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly riff on how to reinvent Jacob’s personal style, teasing out his fashion, confidence, and life outlook. The group’s signature blend of ball-busting, observational humor, and affectionate advice powers a conversation that spirals unexpectedly into suits, “sutsies,” fat guy formalwear hacks, and reveries on classic TV and comedy history. There’s plenty here for fans of inside-comedy, fashion misadventures, and good-natured roast sessions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Fixing Jacob” Project – Revamping a Reluctant Producer (01:06–13:39)

• Jacob’s Reluctant Vibe
  The hosts describe Jacob’s begrudging, low-energy way of doing things, painting him as someone who “does everything just begrudgingly… his shoulders down” (Colum Tyrrell, 02:37).
• Jacob’s Invisibility & Missed Connections
  Anecdotes about Jacob blending so well into rooms that people, including a guest porn star, fail to notice him—"he just blends into walls and chairs" (Big Jay Oakerson, 03:44)—set up the need for a style overhaul.
• Brainstorming Fashion Transformations
  The group kicks off a fashion-project: “We have to reinvent this guy Jacob,” leading to suggestions ranging from distressed jeans and flannel to “flip flops with some ripped jeans,” and Birkenstocks (Colum/Quinn, 04:27–04:58).
• Trial of Five Looks
  They propose Jacob tries out five distinct genres, from hip hop, country western, “Key West party guy,” and “greaser,” to steampunk and “1980s British skinhead” (variously suggested 06:47, 07:54, 13:39, 15:46).
• Playful Ball-Busting
  The rituals of mocking-male affection are in full effect: “You can't go goth vampire. He's too timid.” (Colin Quinn, 07:15), and “We're going to call this your take-the-country-back look” (Colum, 16:19).
• On Confidence and Reinvention
  Colum, notably, says, "He's got to play into… play a character until he believes in himself" (04:27), underscoring the episode’s underlying theme of self-confidence through external change.

Notable Quotes

• “Jacob does everything just begrudgingly. Yeah, but everything he does, he has his shoulders down.”
  —Big Jay Oakerson (02:37)
• “We get a hoodie, maybe some type. We change his glasses up. He’s got those stupid reading glasses. He’s got to get, like, big glasses like me.”
  —Big Jay Oakerson (04:04)
• “Jacob’s got to play into… play a character until he believes in himself.”
  —Colum Tyrrell (04:27)

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2. Comedy Fashion – Sutsies and Formalwear Foibles (13:39–36:46)

• The “Sutsie” & Fat Guy Fashion Woes
  Extensive riffing on the “sutsie” (a mythical all-in-one suit/jumpsuit for men). Jay defends the concept for its utility for bigger guys: "This solves the problem of being fat and having to tuck a shirt in… when you’re fat, as soon as you tuck it in, it’s one move, one sit and everything pops out” (27:02).
• Tailored Suits vs. Gimmicks
  Colin Quinn injects some real talk: “You guys have money now. You could just get tailored suits…” (29:48)
• The Mythical Sutsie 2.0
  The crew leans into absurdity, joking about a “stab proof, fireproof, bulletproof” Sutsie modeled after Iron Man (29:06), and the unwieldy logistics of one-piece outfits—especially when using the bathroom.
• Fat Comics and Loud Suits
  They reflect on the fat-comedian wardrobe: “Like the zany fat guy who wears a suit on stage…not a suit even…a sports coat that’s a wacky color” (Colum, 36:46).
• Comedy War Stories
  Jay tells a tale of Colin’s ill-fated set at NACA in a “purple suit,” following Lewis Black, which bombed: “He bombed. I remember at one point…he turned his head and I just saw a sweat fat thing roll down his neck…” (Big Jay, 37:36)

Notable Quotes

• "It did come with a helmet."
  —Big Jay Oakerson, on the Sutsie (29:29)
• "You gotta take the jacket off or a puddle."
  —Colin Quinn, riffing on one-piece suit logistics (31:00)
• "It's so funny if he went and got a regular suit with the money he raised, you probably got a really nice."
  —Colum Tyrrell, on failed Kickstarter fashion (34:34)
• "Like the zany fat guy who wears a suit on stage. You know, I mean, ... a sports coat that's a wacky color."
  —Colum Tyrrell (36:46)

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3. Nostalgia Corner: TV, Cosby, and Comedy History (36:56–45:25)

• Colin Quinn's Fat TV Years
  Jay and Colum roast Quinn’s TV appearances: “He comes in dressed as a UPS worker with the shorts, and you can see his little fat legs and his fat stomach” (Big Jay, 37:52).
• Smoking on Stage Trendsetting
  Quinn one-ups Chappelle: “He was doing the Chappelle before Chappelle, huh?” (Colin Quinn, 38:22).
• Cosby, Pudding Pops, and Separating Art from Artist
  The gang jokes about supporting Cosby by buying his old episodes, riffing darkly on “Cosby himself” having a Patreon (40:17) and remembering the good and bad of pudding pops (39:49).
• Lisa Bonet and Angel Heart
  The hosts debate TV/film trivia, digressing hilariously on rumors of real sex in Angel Heart: “That’s what you want to tell yourself. That’s the rumor.” (Robert Kelly/Colum, 44:07–44:10)

Notable Quotes

• “He comes in dressed as a UPS worker with the shorts, and you can see his little fat legs and his fat stomach.”
  —Big Jay Oakerson (37:52)
• “We can let Colum help with your Alaskan fisherman look with the pen knife.”
  —Big Jay Oakerson (41:32)
• "I can separate the art from the artist."
  —Colum Tyrrell (42:01)

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4. Final Riffs & Farewells (45:25–46:25)

• Plug Parade
  Each comedian plugs dates, podcasts, and YouTube pages (e.g., Colum’s “Cockfight” pod and Robert’s stand-up and “Fat Black Pussycat Lounge” residency).
• Heartfelt Sign-offs
  Colum thanks everyone: “Thanks, dog. Yeah, Colum. Thank you so much for hanging out with us.” (Big Jay, 46:02)
  • “Enjoy the pre record. We got a fun topic brewing on that that we’re going to continue…”
    —Colum Tyrrell (46:08)

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Segment Timestamps

• Jacob’s Style Troubles & Overhaul Brainstorm: 01:06–13:39
• Riffs on Sutsies and Fat Guy Fashion: 13:39–36:46
• TV & Comedy Nostalgia (Quinn’s Fat TV Years, Cosby, Pudding Pops): 36:56–45:25
• Plugs & Sign-off: 45:25–46:25

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Most Memorable Moments

• “We have to reinvent this guy Jacob. That porn star at his gauche, saying, ‘Oh my God, when did you get here?’, for a person that was there the whole time.” —Colum Tyrrell (02:56)
• “This solves the problem of being fat and having to tuck a shirt in... As soon as you tuck it in, it’s one move, one sit and everything pops out.” —Big Jay Oakerson (27:02)
• “Jacob’s got to play a character until he believes in himself.” —Colum Tyrrell (04:27)
• “He comes in dressed as a UPS worker with the shorts, and you can see his little fat legs and his fat stomach.” —Big Jay Oakerson (37:52)
• “I can separate the art from the artist.” —Colum Tyrrell (42:01)

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Tone & Style

Expect a rapid-fire, loose, and relentlessly funny tone packed with barbs, silly detours, and the camaraderie of seasoned comics. The humor is self-effacing, sometimes harsh but always affectionate, with plenty of industry in-jokes and New York edge.

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For listeners: If you like ball-busting camaraderie, behind-the-scenes comedy chatter, and unpredictable conversations that dart from life tips to fat suit hacks to Cosby pudding pop nostalgia, this episode delivers all that—plus a team effort to “fix Jacob” in ways that are somehow both sincere and ridiculous.

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Transcript

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[Unidentified Guest]

Hey, everyone.

[Robert Kelly]

Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[Robert Kelly]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Colin Quinn]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Robert Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Column Terrell]

Hey,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't take a. I didn't take a night off for the. For that. I went into the spot and talked about it. We were talking about having a baby. How. How hard and crazy it is now. Back in the day, just had sex, and then she got pregnant. Now it's. We know so much about pregnancy that dawn, by the end, had an app. She had. She was drinking certain cough syrup to dream catcher over a. Some chicken bones. You know, by the end, I had to hold her legs up.

[Column Terrell]

But you have to, too, though, also.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there you go.

[Column Terrell]

And then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. I was putting it in by my hand.

[Column Terrell]

You're doing those things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was mushing in like a sandcastle.

[Column Terrell]

Chichi Christian scene came in hot. They closed in the lobby again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they did?

[Column Terrell]

For who now?

[Unidentified Guest]

I have no idea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, they have a party out there. There's like a. Like a birthday party or some event.

[Unidentified Guest]

I just wanted to get down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

J.

[Column Terrell]

You go. Do you have clearance to find out what's going on out there?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm actually not clear to go into the lobby.

[Column Terrell]

We were here.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you got to go around.

[Column Terrell]

You can't find out what's going on?

[Robert Kelly]

I could find out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So Howard Stern would have to go around?

[Colin Quinn]

No, Howard wouldn't be here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think ti Would have to go around?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I think if the guy didn't

[Unidentified Guest]

know who he was.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why do we have now?

[Column Terrell]

I'm tell you why. I'm walking through this lobby. Why I'm gonna Tell you why. All right, I'll tell you. I'm standing right here. You want to know.

[Colin Quinn]

You want to know what's going on? I'm gonna tell you about to find

[Column Terrell]

out the hard way.

[Colin Quinn]

You listen.

[Column Terrell]

I love that Jacob don't take from anybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love that Jacob does everything just begrudgingly. Yeah, but everything he does, he has his shoulders down.

[Column Terrell]

Okay, I know, but I'm like, jacob, go out there and sucker fish the fishbowl. Fucking do the blowfish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob hates getting up.

[Column Terrell]

We have to reinvent this guy Jacob. That would. That. That porn star at his fouche saying, oh, my God, when did you get here? For a person that was here the entire time she was there, directly next to her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's sitting right next to her in

[Column Terrell]

a thick brown jacket laughing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Laughing at the stuff we're all saying. Even she's saying, like, making audible sounds.

[Colin Quinn]

And she goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She jumped like.

[Column Terrell]

He goes, like.

[Colin Quinn]

Like a shadow came to life.

[Column Terrell]

He goes, what happened? She goes, whoa. How long you been there? How long have you been there? Like, I've only seen this ass on the Internet. And I was like, ew, what is this?

[Robert Kelly]

To teach guys to. To be able to date long term so they don't get sitting there.

[Column Terrell]

Jeez.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that's horrible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, guys.

[Column Terrell]

Well, yeah, now he's going to live for us. That's what we sent him out there to get killed by black people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, first of all, he has to change his fucking earth. Own outfits. He just blends into walls and chairs.

[Column Terrell]

He's coming in. That's his whole thing. We got to reinvent him, dude. JB is going to be somebody up. JB's gonna peacock.

[Colin Quinn]

Don't take no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna get. He's gonna get like a hoodie thing going. Like a. Like a hoodie. Like, you got the hoodie thing.

[Colin Quinn]

Hoodie. A hoodie thing. He needs more than that.

[Column Terrell]

He needs. Oh, it's more than that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We get. We get a hoodie. Maybe some type. We change his glasses up. He's got those stupid reading glasses. He's got to get, like, big glasses like me.

[Column Terrell]

I said he's got to start embracing. He's in shape.

[Colin Quinn]

No, you have your look. Let's keep you in your lane.

[Column Terrell]

Listen, I don't want. Jacob's going. He's going to be an old fucking Jew like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they're going to stop him on 47th Street.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, someone's widowed aunt.

[Column Terrell]

Jacob's got to play into. He's got to play a character. Until he believes in himself. Where I'm thinking like some distressed jeans, button down flannel shirt with the tank top showing underneath it. Because he's in shape maybe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but flip flops.

[Colin Quinn]

Flip flops with some ripped jeans.

[Column Terrell]

Absolutely do flip flops. Where he's like. He doesn't give a ripped jeans or flip flops or shoes that have like, you know he doesn't wear socks with some slip ons and. But he looks cool. Oh yeah, he's pulling it off.

[Colin Quinn]

The ankles are out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What you mean like. Like croc. Like like a Birkenstock type thing?

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

No, no, no, that's too. That's looking for danger. No, he was just like I don't give.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know those boots with the really high heels but they're like work boots with. But it has a high heel a lot of people wear. Why don't we get him a boot with a high heel so it gives him the height.

[Column Terrell]

No, he's going to be fucking prince.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. So what are we trying to do? We trying to peacock him or we trying to.

[Column Terrell]

He doesn't. If he peacocks tiny here's it'll appear big.

[Colin Quinn]

We go, we come up with five new looks and we get him to try out each one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that's not a good. I like that. Why don't we do it through the show?

[Colin Quinn]

Like he goes out and gets changed and then comes back. Is that what you want?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not though.

[Column Terrell]

Just like Marilyn manson's sister.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like 16 year old dogs. Not fucking. Big J's high heel boots that he

[Colin Quinn]

would wear like a Dom tricks. He comes in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine just ordered those for Big J.

[Column Terrell]

I think we should do. I think this should be. Maybe we can get on it now when he comes back starts figuring out like let's pick. I think column's right. Let's pick five outfits. Let's order those outfits for him. I would like. One of them we have to pick out is hip hop style.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That should be a furry like a hoodie. Like fur on it. Black. Maybe leather maybe you know, matching bottom pants. Some, maybe some.

[Column Terrell]

I was going to throw him in a straight.

[Colin Quinn]

I like the flat caps that you guys are wearing. Like that but a little bit off. Like one of these. Yeah, but more like lose. Because that's kind of more like off the side. Yeah, a little off to the side. A nice chain maybe that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe a kango. But what about backwards kango?

[Column Terrell]

It might look forced. You might like a young voss.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, goatee.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Has that ever existed in our lifetime? A young Boss.

[Column Terrell]

I don't know. I've heard legends.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, he's like the pyramid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wait a minute. What's that one right there with the long sweater? The Long island sweater. Okay, well, I don't mind that. Let's coffee shop, Jacob.

[Colin Quinn]

No, this looks like what?

[Robert Kelly]

Like.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, but we're picking cool Jew.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're picking five. We're picking five different.

[Column Terrell]

I know, but I was thinking more like, you know, construction worker, Indian cop.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm gonna go The Village People.

[Column Terrell]

All the Village People jobs.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

Kentucky lineman.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think we pick five genres and let them try each genre on. Yeah, and I think that, that, that little coffee shop writer poet guy. What's wrong, Jay?

[Colin Quinn]

He's too strong.

[Column Terrell]

Equipment here sucks nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but it sucks nuts for nine years.

[Column Terrell]

It's a series xm and everything's just tough. If you just tap anything, it falls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but the other, the other suitors are pretty good though, that. You don't think he'd look good in that?

[Unidentified Guest]

No, it looks like a sweater.

[Column Terrell]

What if he can't go goth vampire? He's too timid.

[Colin Quinn]

He could do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But we're trying to get him out of it.

[Colin Quinn]

But he could do like a Key Westy, like pirate head. Oh, you know, totally.

[Column Terrell]

Like a Wasting Away.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Hawaiian shirt and a. He could.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, yeah. He could go like, like, like a Sammy Hagar. Like a total. Yes, a little bit like a swinger. For sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Column Terrell]

Crispy tan, though we might have to spray tan them.

[Colin Quinn]

Kind of like a Hunter S. Thompson style.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I almost bought that sweater, by the way.

[Column Terrell]

Christine, we might. Oh, there we go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That one right there. I almost bought that.

[Unidentified Guest]

This outfit?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Dawn said no, you almost bought that. No, not that I have that outfit. Not that one you're shopping for with the, with the panther in the middle. Yeah, I almost bought that.

[Unidentified Guest]

You did not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I swear.

[Colin Quinn]

How does this even appear on your.

[Column Terrell]

Scroll down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Remember the sweater that I, I, I had at ari, the thing that we went to. I have that red one.

[Column Terrell]

No, you don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, I do.

[Column Terrell]

You have four tigers on a button down shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll wear it Monday from. Yeah, OXN it. I got. Remember the one with I, with the tigers on it that I wore at the Ari thing? Yeah. And you guys all compliment me on it.

[Colin Quinn]

Everyone remembers it, right? Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Scroll down, scroll down. You guys remember, right? Oh, I have all these.

[Column Terrell]

They go up to 4xL, which is very nice. High reviews. Jacob, what was going on out there?

[Robert Kelly]

All right, there's nobody coming in. It's a Harry Styles album release party.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is he gonna be here? No, they're just doing it.

[Robert Kelly]

They're just playing together.

[Column Terrell]

We can't walk through because of that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because of that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Guest]

Okay, that's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

The reasoning, I guess they said, is because they don't want any phones because the album isn't released, they don't want somebody potentially recording.

[Column Terrell]

We work.

[Unidentified Guest]

We work here.

[Robert Kelly]

Amen. They're also. They said they're going for a vibe. I don't know what the vibe. No, no, that's not us. It's just what the Is the vibe

[Column Terrell]

that was at you.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know what the vibe that was.

[Column Terrell]

Shade at you. Well, that's good. I'm glad that comes up, Jacob, because we decided part of the JB transition, we're gonna figure out. We're gonna figure out. Well, you might when we're done with you.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Then I'll be begging you to join them.

[Column Terrell]

We're gonna pick out five genres. Genres of outfit, five different looks.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, is this fruity clothes for me?

[Colin Quinn]

No, no, not with that attitude. No, no, no, this is good style. This is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna. We're gonna pick up.

[Colin Quinn]

This is identity.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But, Jacob, tell us if you like it or not.

[Column Terrell]

Okay, we're going hip hop. We'll go hip hop. We gotta go country western.

[Colin Quinn]

Country western.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, let me see it.

[Column Terrell]

But rugged the way that I want you to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. There's gonna be no dandy, no bow ties, no suspenders.

[Column Terrell]

No, you're not gonna be a plantation owner. You're gonna be a. You're gonna be a guy. I said I might have you having. I'm thinking yellow leather working gloves in your hand. Gloves you would need to like, so you don't get burns from horses. Ropes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's funny you bring up plantation owner. You know, the black load just frowned.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Column Terrell]

It is funny that. It is funny to bring that up.

[Robert Kelly]

What's his name? Don Johnson in Django Unchained.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, complete racist, but I love the outfit.

[Colin Quinn]

It is. Yeah. The Colonel Sanders.

[Robert Kelly]

Colonel Sanders.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you want.

[Robert Kelly]

Great.

[Column Terrell]

You want to.

[Colin Quinn]

Are you requesting a Colonel Sanders? Is that what you're asking for?

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You really want to wear a ribbon tie.

[Column Terrell]

I think this is Christine's pick for you because she's brought up. I agree. I agree, Jacob. I agree. This might be one that works for you.

[Colin Quinn]

Versace model. That's the look we're going for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that.

[Unidentified Guest]

What is this, Barabas?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's Barabbas we have to get you a chain, though. He needs a chain. And that pinky ring would go fantastic with that.

[Column Terrell]

The pinky ring is going to happen with whatever he has.

[Unidentified Guest]

I say we just let him dress like this.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Maybe because it's Don Johnson. I mean, the man is just.

[Column Terrell]

As a person who loves you, I'd prefer you not dress like this in the streets of New York City.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I would love to, but as

[Colin Quinn]

soon as you put it on, the accent. Oh, if I could lick my lips upon such a pondering.

[Column Terrell]

I say, I'll say, who taught you how to read?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why is there a black man on a horse in my plantation if it

[Robert Kelly]

wasn't linked to, you know, Charlie Barnett could read.

[Column Terrell]

Indubitably.

[Colin Quinn]

Do the dude a bit about the Japanese and how they walk.

[Column Terrell]

Do the thing where they walk all fun and crazy.

[Colin Quinn]

Mandingo. We get two comics to do hacky impressions of Puerto Ricans.

[Column Terrell]

I like this Charlie Barnett, but his lips ain't white enough and his inner lips ain't red enough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do me a favor. Say the N word again.

[Colin Quinn]

Tell me. Tell me how Mexicans act.

[Column Terrell]

Jacob, I'm not picking your underwear. Other than to say I'd like you to have something with dual pouch technology. Would hold your dick in balls.

[Colin Quinn]

I put forward Key west party guy. Like Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy Buffett fan. Powerhead. You're wearing, like, the Hawaiian shirt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the way he dresses when he goes to Florida. Anyways, to bring it back.

[Robert Kelly]

You might actually be like the Noogie Lamont how he dressed in Miami Vice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Column Terrell]

I don't want you dressed like nookie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't say it in that accent.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't know how he looks, Jay.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, no, he looks like Charlie.

[Robert Kelly]

He has a look.

[Column Terrell]

No, I know, but this. No, this is too dorky. I don't. Jacob's. The dork days are over. They're behind us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What about a French sailor?

[Column Terrell]

I don't think you guys are getting it. I'm thinking maybe like a tight. Maybe a black T shirt. We roll them sleeves up 902.0 style. Maybe we make him look like a. Like the ghost of a drag racer from the 50s, you know? I mean, like one of those looks where we cuff the bottom of the jeans a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What, like the original Hell's Angel? Guys that just rode to ride?

[Column Terrell]

More like the deuce is wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The deuce is wild?

[Column Terrell]

More like the outsiders.

[Robert Kelly]

A tough.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You want me to listen?

[Column Terrell]

A street tough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A greaser. You want to be like yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Column Terrell]

We'll give him one. Soccer the Pink Lady.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll take your belt. We'll make you do it on the side. Yes, yes.

[Column Terrell]

And maybe some cigarettes.

[Colin Quinn]

Roll up in your shoes and you flip a coin, but they'll be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There'll be bubblegum cigarettes.

[Column Terrell]

I do like that dude flipping a coin.

[Colin Quinn]

Just flipping a coin casually.

[Column Terrell]

Just always, always, like, really working a toothpick, like, in the front of your mouth a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

I like Bobby's bubble gum cigarette thing.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll give you a little watch, too. And you're like a little pocket watch. Little chain to your belt that you can take it out.

[Column Terrell]

Ebenezer Scrooge,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

he loves a pocket watch.

[Column Terrell]

Doesn't go with everything now. Pinky rings going with everything. Pocket watch. We could have a look. Oh, yeah. We could just. We have five looks. One of them could be steampunk. Yeah, we can go, Jacob. Full steampunk. We're just fucking, like, metal hats and shit goggles.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He can't do steampunk.

[Robert Kelly]

You know who always has a toothpick? Adopted the toothpick lifestyle? Lars Ulrich always has a toothpick when he talks.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I don't like it.

[Colin Quinn]

You don't like it?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like the tooth.

[Colin Quinn]

I think we have to. I think we have to go.

[Robert Kelly]

It just means, like, you're picking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What about. What about Arthur Fonzarelli? Look, we just.

[Column Terrell]

That's what I'm saying. Like, that's. But that's sort of like the drag racer thing. I'm saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we dress him exactly like the Fonz.

[Robert Kelly]

A cool old Jew.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah, they're not gonna. You know, it's too on the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I say something to. The Fonz's leather jacket sucked. It had the elastics on the cuffs.

[Column Terrell]

It was brown.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was brown. It wasn't black. It was brown. And it had the elastics around the waist and the cuffs.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah. Boring. Ass poc.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A dweeb.

[Column Terrell]

It was an ugly jacket then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Look at it. Stinks.

[Column Terrell]

What a jacket.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look how big the elastic is on the cuff. Hey. Oh, Jacob has that jacket now.

[Column Terrell]

Probably. But I'll tell you who's not gonna have that jacket. Jb.

[Robert Kelly]

Look how he looks old wearing it, though. It doesn't. Oh, God.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, it's black there.

[Colin Quinn]

That's not. Who's that? That's him.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's Henry.

[Colin Quinn]

Looks like an AI version of him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it was always brown, right?

[Column Terrell]

I think they changed it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They changed it.

[Colin Quinn]

That's not him, though.

[Column Terrell]

That could be that is him. That's just a promo picture.

[Robert Kelly]

He didn't even wear that at the first season. I think it was like totally different.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He had a T shirt. I think he had a. No, he had a barracuda.

[Colin Quinn]

He was.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

Wasn't a different.

[Colin Quinn]

Wasn't he like a different.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The first season he didn't have a leather.

[Column Terrell]

What's a barracuda?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Same type of look, but cloth.

[Column Terrell]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, gotcha.

[Column Terrell]

Right. You look up. Barracuda. Leather.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A barracuda jacket. Not leather.

[Robert Kelly]

Just Fonzie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fonzie. Barracuda jacket.

[Column Terrell]

Fonzie. There you go.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It didn't work.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It didn't work.

[Robert Kelly]

He didn't look cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he did not look cool.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you could do like 1980s English skinhead type of a thing.

[Column Terrell]

We could go with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you'd love that.

[Column Terrell]

And the white laces would really let black send a message to black blue.

[Colin Quinn]

A little tattoo on your forehead of a cross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And that would go with all your books at your house.

[Column Terrell]

That would roll. That would roll in with your anti Semitic books collection.

[Colin Quinn]

They give you an excuse for the boots.

[Robert Kelly]

I only have one.

[Column Terrell]

It's the one though. Yeah. British skin. 1980s British skinhead look is a good look for Jacob for sure.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With a little red thin suspenders.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Dude, this is it.

[Robert Kelly]

We want to stomp somebody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do like that.

[Column Terrell]

We're going to call this your take the country back look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. We're going to call this All Lives Matter look. What's this? Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Colin Quinn]

This is out there, but I'm digging it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is, this is.

[Robert Kelly]

What are we looking at here?

[Column Terrell]

A see through shirt that you're going to be wearing with some dress pants.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, it's.

[Column Terrell]

It's a nice fitted dress but it

[Big Jay Oakerson]

has a built in scarf.

[Colin Quinn]

It's a scarf and shirt in one. So you don't have to go looking for all of your items.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah, it's a sharf.

[Colin Quinn]

You got a nice sharf.

[Robert Kelly]

Little Stephen. Did I say this on the air? Little Stephen was in last week and he was wearing.

[Column Terrell]

From the Street Band.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Column Terrell]

Springsteen.

[Robert Kelly]

Light blue jeans. But the boots were part of the jeans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? When?

[Colin Quinn]

Like, like a fucking overall. Onesie.

[Robert Kelly]

Onesie.

[Colin Quinn]

He was wearing jeans, ones, balloons.

[Robert Kelly]

The. The boots were. He like. He had to pull on the pants and the boots would go on.

[Colin Quinn]

It was like pajamas wearing waiters going.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you, I've never seen anything.

[Column Terrell]

Bobby's trying to get a three piece suit that does that. Remember?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

Bobby wants all of his clothes. Like Leslie.

[Colin Quinn]

Like a morph suit that just looks

[Big Jay Oakerson]

like it's called a sutsie, and you jump in it and it just zips in the front.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what he was wearing.

[Unidentified Guest]

I seen him for women, but not.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, I get it. It's a style thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's probably. He's wearing women's clothes probably because it's.

[Column Terrell]

Look at men's type of the word. Men's in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bet that doesn't exist.

[Colin Quinn]

Is there a name for them?

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know they existed, but, yeah, he stood out.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah, I bet he's wearing women's jeans.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they were called boots.

[Unidentified Guest]

Panta shoes.

[Column Terrell]

Men's panta shoes.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, now I really want to buy

[Big Jay Oakerson]

somebody that's gonna go on the LGBT panta trans have the shoes.

[Colin Quinn]

Excuse me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I identify as a panther.

[Column Terrell]

You think I wouldn't rock a pair of panta shoes?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you would.

[Column Terrell]

Now that I know they're cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You put Heelys in, though. You're in the thing where they weren't tight.

[Robert Kelly]

They were tight.

[Colin Quinn]

They were tight.

[Robert Kelly]

They didn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because they were women's pants.

[Robert Kelly]

Betty's panta shoes. He's in his 70s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry. Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

He was. He's in his 70s. And they were kind of form fitting.

[Colin Quinn]

Did you see his nuts?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Big old.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His old guy nuts.

[Column Terrell]

That's one of the best. Dude wisened my favorite type of nuts.

[Colin Quinn]

Those are wild panta shoes, you know,

[Robert Kelly]

but his didn't bat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There was a high heel. Were they high heel?

[Robert Kelly]

They weren't baggy. They were like form fitting. I mean, boot.

[Colin Quinn]

They were tailor made. That's how you know you've made it.

[Column Terrell]

That is how you know you've made it. Dude, I want all of my clothes just be one piece. Bobby's gonna get that suitsie, though. I believe in you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want that suitsy.

[Column Terrell]

So Bobby would go to a funeral wearing a suit that he wants. All of his clothes designed by Leslie Nielsen and the Naked Gun. He goes, well, you put. Well, you don't realize underneath my sweatsuit is a full tuxedo, and underneath that a woman's dress. Just in case I have to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's a suit. You don't have to tuck a shirt in or a belt.

[Colin Quinn]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just you jump in it and you zip it up and the tie goes over the zipper.

[Column Terrell]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Column Terrell]

It's crazy. If somebody wore that ticket, you wouldn't know.

[Colin Quinn]

You wouldn't know. You can't tell. Seriously, I'm imagining like a fucking. Like when a T shirt looks like a tuxedo. You know what I mean?

[Column Terrell]

You're right, it is like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's not like that. It has a tie.

[Column Terrell]

They would send you home from one of those workspace rental offices if you wore that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bring up Suti.

[Colin Quinn]

They go, I know, we work.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. At a regis. They'd be like, I know this is your own time, you're renting it here, but we can't have you in the building. But it's definitely not that you can't wear suit pajamis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guess who's getting a sutie for his birthday this year?

[Column Terrell]

Me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, you can. Do the women come with the sutie? Look at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love a suti. Look at that.

[Colin Quinn]

Look at this guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're ready to rock.

[Colin Quinn]

Hey, babe, take out the suits. You know we can have it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know how easy it is to bag a chick and get back into your suitsy and get out of there?

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. I hate when I have to bang a chick and get back into my suit. It's one of the worst things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does that look? No, that looks.

[Colin Quinn]

By the way, I think so.

[Column Terrell]

What an awful walk of shame. They go, it's hot as out. Why don't you take your jacket off? Because it's attached to the shirt, which is attached to the pants, which is attached to the shoes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I Mean.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a spring fall suit.

[Colin Quinn]

You go into the bathroom and the cubicle next to you. The guy has all his clothes on the ground having a.

[Column Terrell]

You've been dancing all night. Take your jacket off, man. I can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened? I got pissed on my. My jacket.

[Column Terrell]

I got jack. I got pissed on my jacket. Shirt and pants.

[Colin Quinn]

I just don't understand what problem this solves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This solves the problem of being fat and having to tuck a shirt in. Right? And so all the time when you're fat, you, you. As soon as you tuck it in, it's one move, one sit and everything pops out.

[Column Terrell]

It's like a one piece. So it's like if you worked at a garage but you thought it'd be funnier for that coveralls to be a suit. You think it's funny that when you come out from underneath a dolly changes someone's oil. You come out and you're wearing a fucking three piece suit.

[Colin Quinn]

Your job is removing asbestos. Everyone else is wearing hazmat suits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you go, hey guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Huh.

[Column Terrell]

Always dressed for the occasion.

[Colin Quinn]

I like to joke around here.

[Column Terrell]

Bobby loves the idea. And you just throw it in the washer as one piece. And I'm sure it dries. Not wrinkly as balls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And anti wrinkle.

[Colin Quinn]

I don't think it's like it's a joke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Column Terrell]

Anti wrinkle is a fake thing. No, it doesn't exist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have new suit. The suit I just got is anti

[Colin Quinn]

a new type of material they just invented.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a new. I swear to God it's metal. The suit I just got waterproof and wrinkle proof. You could just throw it in a bag.

[Column Terrell]

It's a suit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And yeah, the suit. No, it's a great. Looks fantastic.

[Column Terrell]

Bobby. No. The nicest suits in the world aren't also tactical.

[Colin Quinn]

Stainless.

[Column Terrell]

You never hear that about stainless shirt. I got a John Barbados suit, dude. He goes, you could pour oil on this thing and it would slide right off. It's like that's scotch guarded.

[Colin Quinn]

Go at it with a scissors.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Non wrinkle waterproof suit.

[Column Terrell]

Attack it with scissors.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Try is it actually is.

[Column Terrell]

You're gonna look ridiculous. It's made of chain mail. Bobby's wearing night pajamas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There it is right there.

[Unidentified Guest]

As I was thinking we were looking at suits. He was like, wow. He could have run a steamer over this thing before this video.

[Robert Kelly]

You look slumpy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well I look slumpy video. The sutsy video even like I don't. I don't know. If that. Nvidia. I don't know if that's rank.

[Colin Quinn]

That was the fifth or seventh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the first version. The new. The new Suti.

[Colin Quinn]

Suti 2.0.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Suti 2.0 has. It's stab proof, rigor proof, fireproof.

[Colin Quinn]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bulletproof.

[Column Terrell]

It's a John Wick collection.

[Colin Quinn]

This is Iron Man. You're in the Iron man suit, fighting crime in between the vows.

[Column Terrell]

I'm wearing my zip up suit. Jarvis, tell me somewhere this is appropriate. Jarvis. Jarvis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To be fair, when I was fatter, the sutsie was more appealing to me.

[Column Terrell]

Why now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because I did.

[Column Terrell]

That's the worst. You're a mascot of a guy in a suit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It did come with a helmet.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah. Yeah. Give it up for the Yukon Society men. And then you come out on a horse with a giant head. You should have a giant head to go on top of that suit. A big giant fake head of you on top of the suit for sure. This one looks better in picture. But they got a model.

[Colin Quinn]

You guys have money now. You could just get tailored suits and look.

[Column Terrell]

That's right.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got, I got a tailored Hugo Boss and then I got. Got a custom suit.

[Column Terrell]

You go, boss, you know that's Hitler's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's why I got it.

[Column Terrell]

That's what they know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's why I got it.

[Colin Quinn]

He drove his Volkswagen Beetle to get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had a guy. You had the guy? The guy from Japan make you suit, right?

[Column Terrell]

Ari's guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I wish.

[Column Terrell]

He's extremely fair priced.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Does it look good?

[Column Terrell]

It looked great. I think it was really good. Yeah, so far I wore. Then I wore the other one at our story awards at the grammar scene. I look good too. Yeah, I got a blue and a black one.

[Robert Kelly]

Schedule myself the next time he does a trunk show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, next time you do, I'm getting one too. I know exactly what I want. Yeah, I'm doing, I'm just doing. I'm having a.

[Colin Quinn]

Do you do suits?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you make this? Can you put a zipper in the front of this?

[Column Terrell]

Bobby, do me a favor. Also order a sutsie. So when dawn and everybody gets mad, she goes, are you wearing a. Did you get a tailored suit? Right down to the pocket scar or the pocket square and you go, babe, look, we can go to your family's thing. We'll be dressed like this or like this. And then put on your suitsy right after you put on a tailored suit, take it off and put a suitsie on. Be like, I could just go like this and she's like, what are you a. Like. Yeah, you look like a. Like a. I'm gonna. A child's toy camera.

[Colin Quinn]

You gotta take the jacket off or a puddle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna. I can't even. I can't even rescue a damsel in distress with my suitsie.

[Column Terrell]

The fact you have to hold your entire suit between your legs. If you take a shit, you have to hold your whole suit between your legs between your knees.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

So it doesn't get on the floor, but you're fucking naked in a bathroom at a. At a ball.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I could be Superman. Really good.

[Colin Quinn]

True.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That would be great having a suitsy. If Superman had a suits, he'd be easier to turn into Superman because, you know, they always just show him opening up the buttons. But then he had to go and take the pants off, the shoes off.

[Column Terrell]

I bet you have to be. So order the sutsy that most people that order the sutsie plan to wear them over a superhero costume. I would say that's the. The most obvious thing because it looks a little bit better than if your whole outfit was Velcro.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So if I. If I get the suits here, if I get a shirt that has an S on it underneath, they offer you that on checkout.

[Colin Quinn]

It pops up and goes. Would you like to

[Column Terrell]

go? Here they go. Customers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also look that Superman, Spider man, gallon of ice cream.

[Column Terrell]

If you get a big enough suits, you can get a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He said a gallon.

[Column Terrell]

If you get a big enough suits, you can put all kinds of things under it, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All kinds of outfits, a gallon of ice cream. Depression medication.

[Column Terrell]

Actually, you should just take it off and be in your boxers, but tape all that stuff to your head like that guy you like on the Internet and be that here superhero.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That'd be great.

[Column Terrell]

If I'm watermelon tape Chicken Man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If the sutsie came in with underwear,

[Column Terrell]

that'd be a great little off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is that?

[Column Terrell]

That's a Sutsie tuxedo.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Dude, you wouldn't get.

[Robert Kelly]

That does look good.

[Colin Quinn]

It looks good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not gonna lie, buddy. A tuxedo sucks. You can own a tuxedo for how much? These are all suits.

[Column Terrell]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, they're not. No, no, no. If you're looking suits, ie you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine.

[Column Terrell]

That is beautiful, beautiful suits.

[Colin Quinn]

When did Bobby and Irish suits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can't stand Christine's dumbness sometimes. Bobby, I don't know when you bought your suitsie, because it looks like I didn't. I didn't buy a suit.

[Unidentified Guest]

You didn't right. Because in 2014 they were trying to crowdfund Sutsie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then it never went. I got the nothing, I got the wrinkle free waterproof suit.

[Unidentified Guest]

Cuz Sutsy was so bad it never got off the ground.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not true. People like you.

[Column Terrell]

What bodies of water are you in?

[Colin Quinn]

You saw it on Kickstarter.

[Unidentified Guest]

I'm Googling Sutsie. Googling Sutsie. I get this. That's not it. Because it doesn't exist. Because it's so bad.

[Colin Quinn]

Maybe Sutsie wasn't the name though.

[Column Terrell]

She really came at you hard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she did.

[Colin Quinn]

She did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because she doesn't like fat people.

[Column Terrell]

Even though it's not that she's almost never right. And she really buried you on that

[Big Jay Oakerson]

one because she felt you are in

[Column Terrell]

love with a defunct product. And you said, by the way, you said, that's the old Suti, the new Sut's better. There was never Sut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a lie.

[Column Terrell]

It was an idea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a bit. We were doing Dumb. Dumb what? We were doing a bit with 2.0, the new suits. He has this. It was a joke, okay?

[Column Terrell]

It's comedy show. We're hams here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Updated. And then he said 2.0. I. It was just a joke.

[Column Terrell]

No, it's a fucking shitty product.

[Robert Kelly]

Looks like. He looks like a schlub. Every suits he picture suits.

[Column Terrell]

He saw it.

[Colin Quinn]

This is a product that was on Kickstarter. Never had a mark.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, because of people like you and people like in this room.

[Colin Quinn]

You don't understand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't believe. They don't believe time saving.

[Column Terrell]

But he did get a. He did get a fucking. Another suit made out of slicker apparently.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so funny if he went and got a regular suit with the money

[Column Terrell]

he raised, you probably got a really nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that red one. What's that red one?

[Unidentified Guest]

It's not a cutsy.

[Colin Quinn]

But you know what? Lev showed up to my wedding and he was wearing one of those untuck it shirts and he had like no shirt.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

The.

[Colin Quinn]

No. No tie or nothing. He looked like a real slob. He showed up to my wedding like the way everyone else ends a wedding like. Like at the end of the night.

[Column Terrell]

And Lev, dude, it was also like hot. So like Lev started sweat. He was sweating.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, yeah, it was hot as hell.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a fat guy.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, he showed up like he came from someone else's wedding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a fat guy thing. I've done the no tie, no tien took it. No tie I've done it and it is sloppy looking.

[Colin Quinn]

Walked halfway through the. I've tried to do knocking over.

[Column Terrell]

I've tried not to do untucked shirt to a wedding sport, but I've also. I've just done it.

[Colin Quinn]

You just got to get through the first like 35 minutes and then you can go nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but that's the most embarrassing.

[Colin Quinn]

Around your head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, as soon as they go, I do. And then you're just like. And you're untucking and untying everything.

[Column Terrell]

Well, you know, the reason I got those, the two suits made was because Vecchion's wedding, when I went and I said I brought pants that had no belt loop. I had lost weight, so I had to put the belt on like a huck fin over the pants. And then basically, no, I mean, I put the belt on because there was no belt loops on the pants was the issue. They were supposed to be suspender pants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know that Joe had to go. He had to go outside and cut a hose off extension cord or something.

[Column Terrell]

I was definitely in the country Bears band for sure. And. And I had my, my button down shirt, like untucked from it on that. Because I really didn't have any choice. It was like, oh, you're gonna. It was ridiculous. But I try to do tucked in. But now with the suits, I'll do like now I'd be like, now, now there's a suit.

[Colin Quinn]

You've lost weight. You got the tailored suit.

[Column Terrell]

If there's a chance to wear a suit now at this point you go, oh, well, oh, I can wear a suit now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My. I have a. The suit I bought is pretty good, but I have, I have.

[Column Terrell]

And it reflects rain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have a range of fats in my suits because I got custom suits made before, but they were when I was on sex drugs. I had to wear a suit and one of the things. So they had two suits made for me, but I was fat. So I have three different versions of my fatness and suit sizes in my closet.

[Column Terrell]

Like when fat comics start deciding they're gonna wear a suit at one point and they have to be. You gotta go loud. Like the zany fat guy who wears a suit on stage. You know, I mean, it's not a suit even. It's like he wears like a sports coat that's a wacky color.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I remember when Colin was fat, he did the NACA convection. The national. The national one. Excuse me. And it was 3,000 people people. And he had to follow Lewis Black, who murdered and then I remember I was there, so excited to see Colin because I knew him from the cellar. I really wasn't friends with him that much. A little bit. And I sat right up front and he came out in a purple. But he was heavy. So he was fat in a purple suit. They had him on Trinitron and then he. Then he bombed. I remember at one point they had him on the big screens on the side, and he. He turned his head and I just saw a sweat fat thing rolled down his rolls on his neck and he

[Column Terrell]

was like, well, folks, you gotta see his thing. You gotta see him on the Cosby show when he was. Davey, bring that up. Christine. Davey.

[Colin Quinn]

Something heavy then, wasn't he?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was heavy on the Gary Shield.

[Column Terrell]

Was he heavy on the Gary Sham? I don't know if he's heavy on the Cosby Show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gary Shamla Show. He was at one of his fattest.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he comes in dressed as a UPS worker with the shorts, and you can see his little fat legs and his fat stomach.

[Column Terrell]

Well, I said that one thing. One of his specialty comes out wearing skinny jeans and, like, jacket and, like, sits on the stage and smokes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was a Pittsburgh Pirates jacket.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then he had. He had chains and he thought he'd just sit on the edge of the stage, smoke. Hey, I'm gonna do something different.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, what a twat. What a twat. He looked like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Column Terrell]

He goes, I'm gonna do things a little different. Smoke, talk to you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For the.

[Colin Quinn]

He was doing the chappelle before. Chappelle, huh?

[Column Terrell]

Oh, yeah, But I mean. But I mean, sitting on the ledge of the stage. Not sitting on a chair or a stool on stage. Stage at the start of the. Yeah, like, feet just dangling off the stage.

[Colin Quinn]

And then they're gonna have to. Like the lights.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Exactly. He didn't tell anybody. He just did it. You can see the camera guy panned out.

[Column Terrell]

Davey Herbeck. That was his name on the show. And he'd go. Eddie goes. I'm losing my mind. Was this big, like, I'm just trying

[Unidentified Guest]

to get to it.

[Column Terrell]

No one picked up the Cosby show for streaming. Come on.

[Colin Quinn]

On.

[Column Terrell]

Let's get over it, everybody. Those girls are all dead by now. Oh, he's eating a hoagie. He loves hoagies. He is still Philadelphia treasure, everybody. What happened to the pudding pop? I loved it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The pudding pop is gone.

[Colin Quinn]

Was that like he. He had his own brand of pudding.

[Column Terrell]

He was the. He was the guy for Jell O Pudding. And then they started Making pudding pops, which he was the first pitch man for. The pudding pop was good.

[Colin Quinn]

The problem, like, he was the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was the guy.

[Colin Quinn]

He was the face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's when Eddie Murphy was like, pudding pop.

[Column Terrell]

The problem with the pudding pop was that it's a strange.

[Colin Quinn]

What was the problem?

[Column Terrell]

Saying please.

[Colin Quinn]

Please.

[Column Terrell]

I'll tell you what it was. I'm telling that. You want to know what the problem was with the pudding pop. I'm gonna let you know now. I'm gonna let you know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I really want to know what the problem was.

[Column Terrell]

It was a frozen dessert.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

But, like, as you were eating it, it got, like, warm but didn't change shape.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

Like pudding frozen. Like, never stay. It wasn't like, cold like a popsicle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was more jello. Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

Get like, taffy. Ish. Almost by the end. But, I mean, it melted for sure. But it just. Pudding pop was great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We love the pudding pop.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, we all love the pudding.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are we doing? Are we looking at Colin Quinn now?

[Unidentified Guest]

Yeah, I'm trying to buy the episode.

[Column Terrell]

Davey Herbeck buy it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that worth it?

[Colin Quinn]

You guys are doing well, huh?

[Column Terrell]

It all goes to. It all goes to Cosby's defense fund. It all goes to his little nest egg. We're trying to make sure he can have his. Enjoy his twilight years. Cosby himself. This goes directly to Cosby. That's why I buy the episodes once a day.

[Colin Quinn]

I'm on his patreon. He does a morning stream.

[Column Terrell]

Guys, get ready to attack the day. Conquer your inner. He's Rogan. He gets rogue. Conquer your inner.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah. Someone has your money in their pocket.

[Column Terrell]

Your workout is my warmup.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was your Cosby, Clinton.

[Colin Quinn]

Ah, you got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I did. I did. I did it.

[Column Terrell]

And you. Bing Jacob. We're gonna have so many good looks for you, it's insane. I'm more excited. I'm most excited to put together your hip hop look.

[Colin Quinn]

There's so many different versions.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would like to put together your cowboy look.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I think I've got that.

[Column Terrell]

I'm gonna do your Victorian look when you come out with big frills coming out of a buckle jacket.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But don't worry, you're gonna have a sword.

[Column Terrell]

You might have a sword sword. You could also have a gun that only shoots one bolt at a time.

[Colin Quinn]

You could be. Oh, you know, you could have a little, like, a pen knife guy. You could be like a little pen knife guy. And then you do the hand thing.

[Column Terrell]

That's pretty dope.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, you should do it, too.

[Colin Quinn]

That black Prostitute porn star would know you're there. If you're absolutely.

[Column Terrell]

No, you were there. We can let column help with your Alaskan fisherman look with the pen knife.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Column Terrell]

Davey Herbeck. We got him. He's losing his mind.

[Unidentified Guest]

Maybe you can. Because the problem I'm having is.

[Column Terrell]

It's when. It's when these bring home a video.

[Unidentified Guest]

It's giving me the episode number 421, but the title of 422. So do you know which one of these episodes it would be?

[Column Terrell]

Home for the weekend. I do know that. It's when Denise comes home for the weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's nuts.

[Column Terrell]

I can separate the art from the artist.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, but you really know it. You know your.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's weird.

[Column Terrell]

Well, I grew up watching the show.

[Colin Quinn]

Yeah, I know.

[Column Terrell]

Bobby was a little bit older than me and also on crack.

[Colin Quinn]

And how racist.

[Column Terrell]

He was also on crack at that point. He was 13. I had a. Colin's right, too. My mom. My mom took care of me.

[Colin Quinn]

We can all be right. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Jay was a little mommy boy on his stomach eating TV dinners, watching TV

[Colin Quinn]

shows, eating pudding pop.

[Unidentified Guest]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay was raised like an alien.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Colin Quinn]

You were duking it out in the orphanage or whatever you were doing.

[Column Terrell]

You'll see. They bring home a videotape, Denise home. She with her friends. They come back with Davey Herbeck. Not yet. Not yet. Davey Herbeck's coming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God, there he is.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, they're all back there. They're all getting ready to watch Davey Herbeck. Go ahead. It's gonna be the scene for sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Collins in this episode.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah, they're watching him right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Man, Lisa Bonet was so on tv.

[Column Terrell]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Column Terrell]

For the love of God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Passed it.

[Column Terrell]

What are you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She passed it.

[Colin Quinn]

You must have missed it.

[Column Terrell]

You're gonna go. So remember, he died because there was no Bobby there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's right. Well, actually, he inspired me to go out there and say.

[Column Terrell]

And save blacks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he didn't die, that girl would have died.

[Column Terrell]

They're watching Davey Herbert. All these young girls getting ready to watch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So Colin wasn't on the show. He was on the tv. On the show.

[Column Terrell]

Yes.

[Colin Quinn]

And he played a guy called Davey.

[Column Terrell]

Davey Herbeck. He's a wild man. He's supposed to be like Sam Kinison. Y. Okay, but Gallagher. It's a Gallagher. Sam Kinison. He's, like, breaking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see it.

[Colin Quinn]

Is that the very, very end, by the way?

[Column Terrell]

She walked him home.

[Colin Quinn]

Well, I better be going back to my house.

[Column Terrell]

Oh, your sisters are here. I was gonna suck Your brother off, but forget it.

[Colin Quinn]

She flirting with her brother?

[Column Terrell]

Kinda, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, a year after this Mickey rock him in the butt. Oh, did he? Yeah, he did a. She did a movie.

[Column Terrell]

Just jumped 10C jumps.

[Robert Kelly]

Angel Heart, apparently. But they banged for real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Y.

[Column Terrell]

That's what you want to tell yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the rumor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We literally have one minute left.

[Column Terrell]

Wait, hang on. They're watching old Davey Herbic now. Go back, go back, go back.

[Colin Quinn]

How long is he on it for? Just four seconds. Shortest little. You hear him?

[Column Terrell]

Oh, he's showing him the western movie. Throw down that box. Now. Throw down that box.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How do you remember this?

[Column Terrell]

I don't know. Skip ahead. They change it and put in Davey Herbeck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This sounds like me.

[Column Terrell]

Here we go. Dangerous Davey Herb.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna call him the. That.

[Colin Quinn]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the. We went through all that.

[Column Terrell]

He losing his mind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's it.

[Column Terrell]

I think it might be another scene

[Colin Quinn]

that's like when they, like, squeeze in, like, hidden messages into movies.

[Column Terrell]

It's like, I think they show one more. I think they come back to it.

[Colin Quinn]

The.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that was so not worth.

[Colin Quinn]

And he wasn't as fat as.

[Column Terrell]

I hope he wasn't fat at all. He was actually almost bone thin. I didn't say he was fat, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think he was drinking.

[Column Terrell]

Then I just said he was Davey Herbeck. That would seem like the coke years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna call him that. We should all call him Davey Herbeck.

[Column Terrell]

Dangerous. Davey Herbeck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dangerous.

[Column Terrell]

Dangerous. Column Terrell's gonna be at the riot riverwalk comedy club. Go to column Terrell. C o l-u m t y r r e l l column terrell.com and check out the cockfight podcast with column Terrell and Lev Fur. Wherever you listen to podcasts, Bobby Kelly this weekend for tickets and all of his tour dates, go to punch up that live Bobby Kelly, Robert Kelly. And of course his YouTube page, Robert Kelly comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, 7pm Fat by Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Cell,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

comedy.com and then YouTube.com bigjokerson for specials. And he also does his live show up there, which is hilarious and seems to be doing quite well.

[Column Terrell]

Thanks, dog. Yeah, Column. Thank you so much for hanging out with us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thanks, buddy. Thanks for filling in, buddy. Appreciate it.

[Column Terrell]

Enjoy the pre record. We got a fun topic brewing on that that we're going to continue with. If you guys can just be cool. Can you just be cool? Crackle, crackle.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, everyone, Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Column Terrell]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Column Terrell]

Est?

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