Flame Throwing with Luis J Gomez

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Flame Throwing with Luis J. Gomez
Date: November 18, 2025
Guest: Luis J. Gomez
Theme: Comedy road stories, green room disasters, hygiene rituals, and backstage tales from the stand-up circuit, featuring the chaos and camaraderie of Skankfest and reflections on the realities of a comedian’s life.

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Episode Overview

This episode brings together hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly with frequent conspirator Luis J. Gomez—a key force behind Skankfest—for a classic hang: chaotic, brutally honest, and hilarious. They swap stories about green room disasters, awkward openers, facility mishaps, and the very real perils and neuroses of personal grooming as a career comic. The conversation is a rollicking reminder that comedy isn't always glamorous, and behind every onstage success lies a swamp of mishaps and character-building discomfort.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. White Rappers & Comedy Banter

• The gang attempts to name as many white rappers as possible, riffing on Eminem’s legacy and poking fun at Jay’s inability to recall names.
  • [03:01] Robert: “All three Beastie Boys. Ten.”
  • [03:05] Jay: “Name 70 white rappers.”

2. Luis J. Gomez and Skankfest Origins

• Luis plugs Skankfest New Orleans and his new special, “You’re Making This Worse”.
• Anecdotes of fellow Legion of Skanks member Dave Smith coming to Skankfest for only one day due to his child being in the hospital.
  • [05:00] Luis: “Dave, one year, just came one day.”
  • [05:56] “He shouldn't have even come. It was a bad move for him to even come.”

3. Legendary Backstage Stories: Hospital Jacking and Venue Mishaps

• Luis confesses to having masturbated in a hospital during his child’s birth induction—treated as a casual aside, to Jay and Bobby’s shock.
  • [06:22] Luis: “When we got there, after we checked in, ran to the bathroom, cranked one out.”
  • [07:00] Jay: "You steamrolled over it like we were like, whoa, whoa, what?"
• Luis and Robert swap notes on public masturbation and drug use, including in SiriusXM’s facilities and airport family bathrooms.
• Discussion of the family bathroom as optimal for solitary airport activities.
  • [08:14] Luis: “You know where I jerk off in the airport? The family bathroom. Oh, I smoke weed, too, in there.”

4. Comedy Club Reviews: Side Splitters in Tampa

• Robert gives a full review of Side Splitters Comedy Club—the humidity, crowd energy, food, and particularly, the green room's shortcomings.
  • [09:13] “I look like a six-year-old boy all weekend because… the stupid humidity.”
  • [13:20] Robert: “I like the club a lot.”
  • [14:09] Jay: “Used to have a couch, bookshelf, and a photo of Smokey and the Bandit… now it looks fantastic.”
  • Critique of the cramped, ad-hoc green room and nostalgia for clubs with better accommodations.

5. Openers, Road Disasters, and Backstage Trauma

• Robert tells a story of a hyper-anxious opener mismanaging Bucs game tickets, leading to a multi-level stadium trudge and front-row disappointment in the nosebleeds.
  • [19:53] “We get all the way down, walk across the thing, go back up the escalators… up to 310. Row AA... it’s four rows from the very top.”
  • [22:30] Luis: “I almost never fly first class. The amount of times I walk past people, like: 'Lewis, what are you doing going back there?’”
• Bobby describes classic opener disasters: the guy whose car breaks down, the chatty opener, or the ventriloquist who was neither funny nor a capable ventriloquist:
  • [28:37] Luis: “He made me go to lunch anyway that I had to pay for because I’m the headliner.”
  • [30:46] Jay: “He didn’t know how to do the ventriloquist stuff… his mouth was just moving, like, regular.”
  • [31:45] Jay: “He took my room. I had a suite. He ate my meal. So I had to pay for my fucking dinner.”

6. Road Comic Rituals and Food Hoarding

• Rich Voss and others memorialized for extreme frugality—taking home chicken, seafood, and steak leftovers from gigs and even flights.
  • [40:57] Jay: “Voss… took the crab legs on the plane… ate crab legs on the fucking plane.”
  • [42:54] Robert: “I almost never take home food… even when I was broke, pride would have let me.”

7. Personal Hygiene, Aging, and Manly Insecurities

• The trio goes deep on grooming woes: waxing shoulders, laser hair removal, and the social shame around ear and nose hair.
  • [49:03] Robert reveals getting his ears waxed: “Yeah, well, nails and eyebrows.”
  • [50:46] Robert: “Behind here is where it’s like. It feels like it’s a lawn… behind whatever, like, the triangle is that comes out…”
  • Jay and Luis exchange stories about realizing how visible and off-putting ear hair can be, and the pain of wax and laser.
    • [53:01] Jay on gifting laser: “This is a great Christmas present for you. Nice laser treatment.”
  • Casual taunting and inspection of ears all around ("Check Jacob's ears!").

8. Relationships, Restaurants, and Sharing Food

• Spirited debate about etiquette when dining with partners—should you order the same dish, and who gets to sample whose food?
  • [45:58] Robert: “If it’s just two people eating, if they order the same exact thing as me… I get mad.”
  • [46:07] Luis: “If a girl orders the same thing as me, that’s a test. She’s not the one.”

9. Platonic Bragging Rights: Saving the Show

• Bobby narrates closing acts where he had to “save the day” after a prop comic sets the stage on fire, or after bombing openers.
  • [37:24] “He lit the stage on fire. He dropped the sticks and the stage is just on fire… I had to go on stage. The stage was still smoldering.”

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

“You threw that in and just steamrolled over it like we were like, whoa, whoa, what?"
— Big Jay Oakerson, on Luis’s hospital jack-off story (07:00)

“He didn’t know how to do the ventriloquist stuff. His mouth was just moving, like regular.”
— Big Jay Oakerson, on a disastrous opener (30:46)

“He took the crab legs on the plane… ate crab legs on the fucking plane.”
— Big Jay Oakerson, on Rich Voss’s frugality (40:57)

“If a girl orders the same thing as me, that’s a test. She’s not the one.”
— Luis J. Gomez (46:07)

“Behind here is where it’s like. It feels like it’s a lawn... Like, it’s not coming out of my ears at all, but it feels like a toothbrush almost."
— Robert Kelly, describing his ear hair woes (50:46)

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Memorable Segments & Timestamps

• 02:49–03:05 – White rapper banter
• 05:00–06:16 – Dave Smith’s Skankfest attendance explained
• 06:22–07:18 – Luis’s hospital confession shocks the room
• 08:05–08:40 – Airport and green room masturbation confessions
• 09:02–14:29 – Side Splitters Comedy Club review
• 19:53–20:35 – Ticket mixup and stadium misadventure
• 28:37–31:45 – Opener disasters: forced lunch, ventriloquist bomb
• 40:57–42:00 – Rich Voss and food hoarding
• 45:58–46:12 – Arguing about sharing food in relationships
• 49:03–53:53 – Ear hair waxing, laser, and public inspection
• 57:29–58:39 – Nose/ear hair trimmers, and competitive grooming

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Tone & Takeaways

The entire episode is classic Bonfire: unfiltered, sometimes juvenile, always self-deprecating and filled with genuine chemistry and affection beneath the ribbing. The hosts and Luis weave between absurdity and honest reflection, shining a spotlight on the real, unglamorous life of a comic—the gig circuit, awkward openers, wild road stories, and relentless body maintenance that comes for all men.

For listeners, it’s a generous helping of backroom stand-up grime, road wisdom, and a snapshot of modern comedy culture—hilarious even for those new to the show, and stacked with insider moments for regular fans.

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Bonus: Skankfest Plugs & Tour Dates

• Luis J. Gomez: Skankfest NOLA, special “You’re Making This Worse” on YouTube, Body Brain Coffee
• Robert Kelly: The Comedy Connection (Providence), Uncle Vinny’s (NJ)
• Big Jay Oakerson: Gramercy for Story Wars (NYC), Skankfest New Orleans, Salt Lake City

For tickets: LuisOfSkanks.com | punchup.live/RobertKelly | BigJComedy.com

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Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hey, welcome to gift wrapping.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Whoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Zoe Saldana.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Hey, can you wrap these please?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow, iPhone 17s.

[Robert Kelly]

You splurged.

[T-Mobile Representative]

At T Mobile. You can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm the worst.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I only got my mom a robe.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Well, it's better than socks.

[Robert Kelly]

So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

[T-Mobile Representative]

No, AT T Mobile. There's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Incredible.

[T-Mobile Representative]

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa. Forget that. Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sounds like my family drama.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Oh, I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, where are you going? To T Mobile. The holidays are better. AT T Mobile. Get four iPhone 17s on us. No trade in needed when you switch. Plus four lines for just 25 bucks a line. With 24 monthly bill credits and four eligible boardings on essentials for well qualified customers. Bought a pay plus taxes, fees and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel contact US Finance Agreement. 256 gigabytes. $830 required. Visit T mobile.com if you're a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility and your machinery isn't working right, Grainger knows you need to understand what's wrong as soon as possible. So when a conveyor motor falters, Grainger offers diagnostic tools like calibration kits and multimeters to help you identify and fix the problem. With Grainger, you can be confident you have everything you need to keep your facility running smoothly. Call 1-800-granger clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Robert Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

90S hip hop ruled. I'm not just saying that because I'm old. Bobbito, did you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a new like Eminem guy out. There's a new white rapper that's really good. Have you heard of him?

[Robert Kelly]

What's vague?

[Louis J. Gomez]

He didn't say his name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know his name.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a white rapper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He. But he's like. He's like Eminem, but he's fucking killing it right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Little dicky.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. You know me. He's great. He's fantastic. That's the other one. He's so good. No, there's a white dude looks Like Eminem. But his, his, his. He's got a new video on. On YouTube. It's. He's so good. It's like. I was like, oh, you expected to suck, but it was actually really good. He's like, you don't press.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not giving me enough information.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thanks, everyone. Go, go, go and try to find.

[Robert Kelly]

Go find White rapper who's good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because I know Wolfhard, that that's actually very small.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's huge at this point.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Name six. Right. Name 70 white rappers.

[Robert Kelly]

70 MC.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Search one.

[Robert Kelly]

Pete. Nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One, two.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You lost count of your own count after one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Number three.

[Robert Kelly]

Old Machine Gun Kelly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That counts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, four. I'll give you that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All three of the Beastie Boys.

[Robert Kelly]

Young black teenagers. All three Beastie Boys. Ten.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a lot. All right, listen, the point is, we.

[Robert Kelly]

Gotta start this show if you want us to. Bonfire faction talk, SiriusXM. 1. Oh, 3. You should put the music back up, Lou, for that. Sounds cool. If the music's up for that, I'll do it again. Hang on, Everyone. Act like this all just happened. Everything's going great. You enjoying that Body Brain over there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me tell you something about this Body Brain. When I get in here and I wait to take my first sip, and when it goes down, it warms my soul.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that a fucking Peppermint Patty commercial?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Jay, we have the CEO of Body Brain in here right now.

[Robert Kelly]

It is true. It's true. Like when Stephen Singer comes in and just hawks over us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm the cfo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody hates Lewis. That should be your. That should be your hook.

[Robert Kelly]

I hate Louis J. Gomez with Steven Singer. It's a good move. That's a. Thank you, Lou. It's the Bonfire faction talk series XM103. Big J Okerson, Robert Kelly. It's Gang Fest week, so why would we not have the man who thunk it all up the right in the studio?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The CEO of Skankfest. Am I correct?

[Robert Kelly]

CEO, cfo. Cfo. Body.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I just spend the money.

[Robert Kelly]

CFO of Body Brain. He's got a new special available right now called you're making this worse. Directed by our very own rk.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's also what they say about my role in Skank Fest.

[Robert Kelly]

And of course he's going to be at Skank Fest. Good plug, Christine. He's also going to be at Skank Fest In New Orleans, November 13th through the 16th, I think. All four days. After that, he's got Nashville, Columbus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's doing all four days this year.

[Robert Kelly]

Miamisburg Ohio and Batavia, Illinois, all coming up. You can get tickets on his website. It's the fucking Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. Louis of Skanks is the website.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, you say it would be weird if one of the legion of skanks wasn't at all four days of the festival. Dave, one year, just came one day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I swear to God.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, he had a wife, was pregnant. Yeah. Personal issue. But it was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The baby was in the hospital.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it was a whole thing.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he had to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't believe he came for the day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But the baby had no respect for him. The baby was like. He was like, dad, really?

[Robert Kelly]

But I had to see medical papers before I let Dave go. Yeah, he was like. At least he cried. And I was like, I don't just mean nothing to me. Crocodile tears, dude. Crocodile tears. Show me paperwork. And it turns out it was legit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did he just come in to do skags?

[Robert Kelly]

Huh? He came in like he cranked that as much as he could in that day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, his. Like his. His child was in the hospital. Yeah, that's what it was, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Like, just born in the hospital. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He shouldn't have even come. He was a bad. He was. It was a bad move for him to even come.

[Robert Kelly]

That's correct.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a baby. That's the son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. Now, you came when your child was born?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I did. I jizz in the bathroom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the greatest story ever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it great?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not a great story. It was.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a low moment for sure. It's a very funny story.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stop it. It's not a low moment. It's not that crazy. But you know what? Open it. To the callers. I Call in 866-755-5525.

[Robert Kelly]

Call in series 969. 1969. Is this 6969? 1969.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is this crazy? I went to the hospital. My son was being born. We knew my son's mother was being induced. Soon we knew when we were going in, it was gonna be a long process. So when we got there, after we checked in, ran to the bathroom, cranked one out. It wasn't like, while she was fucking giving birth, I jerked one off because I knew we were gonna be there for a while. My jeans were rubbing against my dick and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I remember those days when you were young and your jeans rubbed against your. Cocky. Like, I gotta go fuck something. My dick hasn't rubbed against my underwear in fucking years. Sorry to hear that. It's in right now. I wish I could show it to you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anybody named Levi turns me on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It wasn't that. Here's the. Here's was not the part of the story. You were telling a story about the birth and the hospital and you threw that in and just steamrolled over it like we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? And you're like, what? Like you didn't even acknowledge the fact that you jerked off in the hospital. That was like a throwaway.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe it's not the first time he's jerked off in a hospital.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. You jerked off in hospitals after that. Before it.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got to think about it at least.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean something I would say probably if I. If I had to guess. If I had a bed. I've jerked off almost everywhere. I've jerked off in the bathroom. A serious exam. I've done cocaine in the bathroom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've jerked off in this building.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've jerked off in this building.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We get fired for that, wouldn't we?

[Robert Kelly]

No. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Stop it. Well, yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you got caught in this.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I mean, if Jacob complains like A. To H.R. stop being A. Jacob can't just let his jack off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm just in the. I'm in the. I'm in the whim women's room jerking off. Let me be.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you gonna tell.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Me to rat, dude?

[Robert Kelly]

What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Tell. And I hate that. It's not cool, man. That's what chicks do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jerked off at airports.

[Robert Kelly]

Was that old school?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. What are you gonna tell? You know.

[Robert Kelly]

You know you can't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know where I jerk off in the airport? Where I go into the. The family bathroom. Oh, I smoke weed too. In there.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I don't ever do that, but I. My few airport dumps have taken place in the family bathroom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A dump?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Because it's a solo bathroom. Solo. Yeah. And then a poor family goes in and go to smell your cheese.

[Robert Kelly]

Change your baby. Change your baby. In my funk, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Or my weed smoking my cum. We really legion of skanks up the airplane.

[Robert Kelly]

Either way, your baby's getting it. I was in your guys favorite place this weekend where Lewis Films is special. It's the best side splitters Comedy club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm. I'm ready. I. I be. I know you have stories, but I really do want your review of the club.

[Robert Kelly]

Great club. I will say this though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Great review.

[Robert Kelly]

Why you? I'll say why. I understand you guys love Tampa. You and Lewis Particularly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I didn't never got that affection for it. Right away I remembered why when you don't have hair, the humidity doesn't do anything. But I look like a six year old boy all weekend because no matter how much goop and glop I put in my hair, it would just fall down like a little boy because of the stupid humidity.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, don't take offense to that. Listen.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, goop and go up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, the looking like a six year old boy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, first of all, humidity for bald people, it sucks. Or heads get sweaty. Everything is slicks. Our hats get soaked. You have hair to sop up your sweat. Yeah, me and Bobby just soak through hats. Yeah, all week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, Tampa for us is just with dripping into our own faces.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like we're melting. It sucks.

[Robert Kelly]

It's for lizards. Lizards.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you're right.

[Robert Kelly]

It's lizard weather. It's weather.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you saying the Jews?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. No, no, very few Jews in Tampa. I found that out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that's the other side. Yeah, east side. All the Jews, all of us went to the west side.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who's us? What does that mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys look like us.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's a Jew, people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you're not a Jew Jew. You're not a practicing Jew.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd rather be on the Jewish side.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like when you say something about the Jews. He gets very Jewish very quick. What the does that mean what you say?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a Christmas tree, in a sense.

[Robert Kelly]

A guy in an audience I don't think knew that I was Jewish. And he said, some of that bed goes, yeah, this Jewish girl. And he goes, does it matter? Like, ah. I was like, you're Israeli or something on. He was like, yeah. I go, you guys always give a too much.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Israelis are intense.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was one of my favorite Palestinians. They live intense.

[Robert Kelly]

Remember? Remember?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on, guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Holy shit. Bandana bomb. Body brain.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hot body brain.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you remember Mustafa?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do.

[Robert Kelly]

Israeli guy that used to be the security at the Cellar ended up becoming security for Chappelle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wanted to beat me up one night.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe it. Well, he was very easy to set off because I forget what was going. Keith Robinson was on his flip phone. That's how long ago this was. Obviously walking around talking to somebody. And Kevin Hart got Mustafa hyped up that Keith was talking shit about just fucking around. But Mustafa didn't take it fuck around. And to watch Keith, who by the way, whatever age he was, he was always 50 something. Keith, like just the way he was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And he was born 50.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he was. He was talking on the phone, and Mustafa went over and put him in a full nelson and picked him up off the ground while he was on the phone. It's the most humiliating thing I've ever seen somebody do to somebody. Yeah. While he just went, Mustafa? No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mustafa, no. Keith will fight five cops, but one of those.

[Robert Kelly]

Not one Israeli.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Not one Mossad member.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He came at me one night. Remember his hot chick he used to have there all the time? The blonde with the. The cans?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're as good. You're as good at describing women as yours. White rappers.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. She was a girl with tits. Big, bigger ones, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said blonde. But she. I used to talk to her all the time. I used to be like, hey, you know, always give her a hug and a kiss. Something happened somewhere where he thought I disrespected her. I don't know if she said something, but he came up to me and he just started fucking yelling at me. And I was just like, hey, man. Hey, man, chill out, bro. I immediately bitched out. There's something about that accent and anger that fucking is like, I just don't want to. I have. I want nothing to do with it. But also, like, there's like, old school fucking, you know, Jesus fucking crusade anger in his face.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he also felt like he was as important as anyone there because no one there. Nobody was faint. Like, Colin Quinn was, by far and wide, the most famous person hanging out there. Yeah, by far. And besides that. So, like, he didn't feel like a. He wasn't like a. Oh, hello, Mr. Robinson. For Keith Robinson. It was just stupid Keith. He has to throw him in a full nelson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He will.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to tell you about this weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you like the club?

[Robert Kelly]

I like the club a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You love it better than the other place?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, in shape alone. Like the shape of it. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love shapes.

[Robert Kelly]

I love shapes. But the. Yeah, alone, that was great. But the crowds were great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a little kill box.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is, right? Crazy when you kill in there. It's just that low ceilings.

[Robert Kelly]

Their pork and cabbage egg rolls were good. The smoked fish dip. Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have what?

[Robert Kelly]

They have food locally made.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought they had just popcorn.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but they. There's. It's popcorn heavy, that place. Yeah, without a doubt, but green room needs some work. But outside, you could sit and it's awesome outside.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The audience would have never known that, Jay, Unless you told them.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I Like, to give my real critique. Everything else fantastic. There's a clock.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The green room is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I thought you meant there's just a clock.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a clock you see from stage. That's important.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, they used to have a couch, a bookshelf with random books, and a photo of Smokey and the Bandit. It was fucking cheese festival. And then BT took it over and cleaned all that shit. And then when we did Lewis's special, they made it even better. They painted the wall black, they put the lights up. So now it looks fantastic.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, look, it looked weird. Not that weird. It was always cool, but it was like a weird, Just straight up brick wall before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but it wasn't brick. Like a cool brick wall like in New York. Yeah, it was just like they. They put the brick up in like two seconds and yeah, it was. It was terrible. Brick wall. But now the green room is garbage, though. I agree with you. He's got to do something with that. I don't want to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's like a small office, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's an office during the day, somebody's office. And they stick a mini fridge in there and just stick you in there.

[Robert Kelly]

If you have a guest spot, everybody on the show can't fit at the same time in the green room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, three people.

[Robert Kelly]

And that's not Mike Calta.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's two people.

[Robert Kelly]

That's two Mike Caltas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two Mike Caltas.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can you imagine having to be this close to Paco and Dylan just right in your face like this.

[Robert Kelly]

I brought Dave Temple, Dylan out there with me, and they had a. They had a kid, a local kid host. Very nice kid. I'm not going to say his name because he's a. He was a ball of anxiety the whole weekend. He. And it's just a funny story to tell because he's great kid. I like him. I mean, preface those by saying, I like him very much. Very nice kid, funny, did a good job all weekend.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But if you say it one more time, I don't believe that you like him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you guys waiting for? I'm not saying it again. I do like him. He did a very cool thing, actually. But it was just a funny. Like, this is great. So over the course of me, I did Friday, I did Calta. Yeah, it was great. And he tells me to come to. He's like, oh, if you guys are here on Sunday, come I do a tailgate for the Bucs game. It's fun. There's food and, like, you know, free drinks. Just come hang out, have A good time. I said, can I bring you the comics? Sure, of course. We'll pick you up in the sprinter van the day of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love that he has that. Yeah, he just has a. He bought a sprinter and he has a guy that he just hires to pick him up and drive it all the time. Yeah, it's like my dream just to have a big sprinter and hire some dude very comfy, some gardener during the day and a sprinter driver at night.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you could do, Let me see, four, seven people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Seven people hang out, park right in front. You should have used that as the green room, by the way. He would lend it.

[Robert Kelly]

That would work. But I was happy to be outside. But. So, yeah, I did Calta on Friday said, come to this tailgate thing. Great. I can bring you the comics a couple days before I'm start thinking, like, oh, maybe we'll go to the game. I've never seen the Pirate ship stadium. They're playing the Patriots. It'd be really fun to watch the Patriots get smashed and come back and talk shit. Yeah. And I go, that'll be really fun. And I go, we'll get to. I go, maybe I'll ask Bert. Maybe. I asked Bert Kreischer if he can get a hookup for tickets. I text Bert and then the kid hosting goes. He goes, I have like a hookup for four tickets if. If you guys want to go. And I was like, yeah, I was like, be like, like you and the three of us, you have. It's like, tickets. He goes. He goes. He goes, yeah, I got. You already have them. Are you going to buy? I don't mean like, buy tickets. He's like, no, I got. A friend of mine owes me these tickets. So I have four tickets. And I'm like, great, that's fine. And I really don't care where the seats are. I just want to go see the stadium and stuff. I'm Stuff I'm into either team. So we'll go after the tailgate, we'll walk across the street and go to this game. We're at the tailgate. Poor kitty. He gets there, he's like running pretty late. And all we want to do is see the pirate ship in the stadium. Like, exploit does the cannon shot. And the game starts, and you're hearing it from outside the stadium like, the cannon's going off. Non. Everyone's going nuts in the stadium waiting for this kid to show up. And then. So I tell him I'll get his part, pay for his parking right across from the thing. I'm like, just come here, you know, and I'll pay for your park. So he comes over there, and then we walk over to the stadium. I go, where are the tickets? Section 310. All right. So it's all the way up. Okay. Row aa, which is awesome. Row aa. I know from several stadiums, it's the very, very front row of the. Of the bowl. So we're up in the highest bowl, but we're very, very front row. That's awesome. So we're looking around where to go. We start going up escalators because we have to go up. We go all the way up these escalators, and we get to the very top bit, walk across the whole thing. There's no section 310, which I kind of saw this coming. It's one of those stadiums where it's like two sides. Yeah. So you have to go up. So you have to go all the way back down to go back up. You go down an immeasurable amount of ramps walking. It's not a circle. No, it's a back and forth, back and forth. It's where bert does his 5k in the stadium, because that's the thing, is running up and down this ramp, and I'm going down. Oh, I also never mentioned. Didn't really plan for the weather and thought I was going to have to go to the show right afterwards. So I'm wearing very much like this jeans, boots, and a hoodie. A hoodie? Oh, yeah. I'm profusely sweating under my clothes. It's awful. And you can't take your hoodie off. I'm doing. I'm wearing a tank top. I would have. No. So.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, that was the whole solution right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it is Burke country.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's true, I guess. But we. We get all the way down. We walk across the thing. We go back up the escalators, at least this time, you know, all the way up, and we go to section 310. I go, row AA. So we walk up to the lady technicality. Hey, where's row aa? Like, but I'm looking at the front row, and it just says A. And I'm like. I go, oh, maybe it's this little section here. She goes, no, that's handicap section. I go, where's double A? The way double A works in this stadium is it goes through the entire Alphabet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

And then the Alphabet starts again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

But only up to D, because double A is four rows from the very top of the thing. Now, this is a pretty Funny, hilarious thing. I mean, all of us looking at it after the walking we've done, it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, oh, my God, it's so high.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so. And, you know, straight up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's so steep, too. You feel, like off balance when you're that high up at a stadium.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm afraid of heights. I can't sit there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. And this I have. No, it was fine. Again, I don't care about the game as much as wanted to see the place, so it was totally fine. But what was funny was it took me back to a moment that Ari Shafir called me a few years ago and says, hey, I have three extra tickets tonight for Billy Joel. Everyone I was going with, like, bailed. So we wanted Billy Joel. Do you want to come? Yes. Who else should we invite? We get Justin Silver, Sal Volcano. Sal Volcano goes, oh, you know, I might be able to get us in the VIP entrance of Madison Square Garden. Fantastic. He makes a call, we do that. Hey, we can go in the side. We go in that entrance. They all, hey, Sal. Hey. And Ari gives them the tickets for us to go in. And Ari is at every twist and turn Jewish, and he doesn't spring for good tickets. And they looked at the tickets, msg, and they had a little meeting, and then they came back and they said, we're giving you guys these other tickets that were, like, closer to the stage. And they basically said, like, they were like, yeah, we can't. As the people who are here, we can't let Sal Volcano be, like, roaming around the second bowl. It's gonna blow people's minds. And, buddy, it's nice because the recognition is up through the roof. But, I mean, every step of the. I think I counted them. 75 steps. Was someone going, big A? No. And I'm, like, sweating in a hoodie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm like, hey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, at this. What are you doing up here?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, man, I almost never fly first class. The amount of times I walk past people like, Lewis, what are you doing going back there? It's nice back there, actually. I like it. It's fine. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Robert Kelly]

There's nobody in the middle, so I don't even care. I actually have more room than you now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I told Don I go, I'm flying skankfest first class. There's no way I'm walking by Ian Finance, whatever his name is. Him in first class.

[Robert Kelly]

No way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We'll see if we could even fly if all the airports are shutting down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, don't do that. Christine just took A deep breath.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Christine's freaking out.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, this kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not after 2020.

[Robert Kelly]

I bought. I bought. I got, like, waters for everybody. Yeah, these big, smart waters, but they make you take the lids off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate that.

[Robert Kelly]

And then we're sitting there. It's this kid, the host kid, me, Dave Temple and Dylan. I'm just sitting there. It's, like, hot as. It's looking like it's going to start pouring at any second. Pouring. And I'm in the clothes that I. At the time, I believed I was gonna wear that night. And I was just. I was just bumming about, and I was hungry, but no one's gonna go get food. Dylan. Eventually. Eventually, Dylan broke down and went and got some food, but I was like, I'm not leaving this seat, dude. It's crazy what it took to get here. And then at one point, I looked down and I'm like, ew, what's all this? Because I'm gonna get wet all underneath my feet. And I just know the kid, and this kid wants me to like him so bad. And I do, but he wants me to. And I'm watching this happen, and then I look down, I realize he just kicked his water over, and it's just pouring on my boot. And then on the way back, you know, sometimes, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait a minute. You had boots on in Tampa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Boots on?

[Robert Kelly]

I had boots on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You dress like you're in fucking Alaska.

[Robert Kelly]

Right? And I was wearing boots. Walking down that fucking crazy ramp was not. My feet were destroyed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You wear size 15 boots.

[Robert Kelly]

14. Big enough.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He has to go down sideways.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you know what? It is like, the boots, I also wear them loose. So the thing is, like, every time I'm stepping, like, your foot's, like, rubbing on the bottom of the shoes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. You can tighten your shoes and take off your hoodie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can also wear sneakers and wear a T shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

I should have just worn shorts and sneakers. Yes. I thought I had to go right to the show from the game. I just timed it bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You just put a bag in the car and change?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I went back and showered and everything. Because I said, sometimes God puts a little something in there. And I'm not religious, Bobby, but you are. You appreciate this. As I was going home, feeling the sticky of my tank top. I mean, stuff. Gross. Longer a foot longer than it was when I put it on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You gotta throw it away.

[Robert Kelly]

And my fucking. And I could just feel how soupy my underwear are. But I brought four days of clothes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And what do we pass by a DXL Big and tall.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Do me a favor, kid. Pull in here for two seconds. Underwear, tank top, shower. Problem solved.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You still go to big and tall, huh? You still go to big and Tall?

[Robert Kelly]

I like the tank tops from there. Very specifically, the underwear I actually ended up throwing away. They were awful.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate when people say that.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You still go to big and tall. You're still fat. That's what I hear.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Skinny as shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I hear. You're still fat. I know, but as a fat guy, it's like, what? Yeah, I still go ago. I. I knew my guy at dxl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You see, Jay always. You have skinny legs, though, Bobby. You kind of have. You. You don't have fat legs. I got fat legs. For me, I have good underwear and I have shadow sheath underwear. But like all of like my. My old, like Hanes boxer briefs, they would get like stretched out in the thigh and stretched out of the waist.

[Robert Kelly]

It was just like, you can't do cotton. They got to be. I've had my underwear have to say the word.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like clubs. I've thrown underwear out at the end of the weekend because the band is just sweat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I used to throw out my socks just because I didn't. I didn't do laundry often enough to keep up with my socks. So I would just throw at socks and buy new packs from my models.

[Robert Kelly]

My underwear have to say words on them. Like, for combat or training.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To wear tie jock straps for the longest time.

[Robert Kelly]

The one brand I was was. The one brand wore for the longest time was Nike Pro Combat Combat. I was like, it really hugs the legs up, though. You don't get any. That chafe that thigh sh. But I brought that story. I thought also that you guys must at some point had like an opener, just like a great guy, but they just keep whiffing every step of the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I brought. I. I travel with mush Mike Suarez a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah? Well, that's different.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God. He was fun, though. I electrocuted him in a mall once.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know those little electrodes you bought you, you can put on your body and jabs you. I put two pairs on him and I just turned them all the way up and he just kept going.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He had a £300.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The guy was so mad at me. He's like, sir, you cannot. You cannot do this to him. He's just going. I go, does it hurt? He goes, no. And he just. His whole body would convulse.

[Robert Kelly]

I just mean things like, there's got to be stuff. Like, I've definitely feel like I've been with somebody, like, opening for me, and they're driving and like their car breaks down.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had a guy in Canada open for me that he was just like, dude, it was just the most annoying person ever. Kept on yapping, just wouldn't shut the up all about himself, like, just. And I'm like, we're driving hours and hours and hours. And at one point he's like, I've.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Had that with you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's like. He's like, oh, dude, this other guy that's gonna open for us tonight, we're gonna go pick him up in his hometown. It was like an hour out of the way, like, off of the door. I was like, no, I don't want to do that at all. And he was like. He was like, oh. He was like, also, we'll go have lunch with him. Is that cool? I was like. I was like, no, I don't have lunch with anybody. I was like, I just want to go sleep. It was like, please. And then he was like, all right. And then I fell asleep in the car and I woke up and we were at the guy's place and they made me go to lunch anyway that I had to pay for because I'm the headliner.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Made me furious. Fuck you, Zahan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There was a guy. There was a guy called Rob Steen that used to book shows in Boston, like up in Maine, in New Hampshire. So he was the guy. When you first started headlining, you'd work for him and he would always pull. He one time he planned to get his car fixed on the way up, but didn't tell.

[Robert Kelly]

Planned it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He showed up and had a reservation to get something done on his car. She's like, dude, I got to pick you up at like 12 o'.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Clock.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm like, why are we going so early? Takes a long time to get there. We had to go to Maine. I get it. All right, fine. And then he just pulls into a garage. He goes, it's going to take a couple minutes. I got to. Something's going on with the engine. I found that he. It was a planned, like, transmission, something. We were there for two hours in this fucking. I'm just sitting in this car. Then we get to the gig in Maine and it's in the middle of fucking nowhere. I'm the headliner. This local comedian, this older guy with like a huge head, he just did this Leno, Jay Leno competition in Maine, in New Hampshire, and I guess he was a finalist not didn't win. Just a finalist. And he went to the club and he was like, I was in. He just said, jay Leno. Like, he was on it. He took my room. I had, like, a suite. Took my room. I got a meal at the restaurant at this place. He ate my meal. So I had to pay for my fucking dinner. I got so mad, I go, I'm not headlining. Go fuck yourself. Give. He's headlining. I'm middling. So I just went up in front of him, and it. Because I don't even know what he does. I just know that he thinks he's the. So I go up, I destroy for 25 minutes. I do the best. I got marshmallows. I do it all. I'm the stool. I got fake buck teeth. Oh, a goofy vampire. I literally. I go, thank you. And I did the. I planned it to where I got the big laughter. Thank you. Good night. This guy goes up. Dude, he had a puppet. He had a fucking puppet. But he didn't know how to do. He did not.

[Robert Kelly]

He was the ventriloquist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He didn't know how to do the ventriloquist stuff. His mouth was just moving, like, regular. He was just going, hey, how are you?

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

How are you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's just doing the voice. Hey, what's going on? I don't know. What are you doing? I don't know. He bombed. He bombed for fucking ten minutes so bad. The room was silent. And the kid that booked me is like, you have to go back up. You have to go back up. I'm like, fuck you. No, he's got my room. He got my fucking dinner. Let him bomb with his stupid puppet. I wish we could find this guy to watch. It was the worst puppet. Everything. Not one fucking joke. And he didn't even try to, like, mush his lips together.

[Robert Kelly]

He just talked also.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just talked. The voice. It was just him. I wound up having to go back up and do in like, 15, 20 minutes and get in the room back. And then we went. And this is the part that fucks me up.

[Robert Kelly]

That's just for the ladies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, he went. We went.

[Robert Kelly]

Part of the store is for the gals.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We went to a diner up there.

[Robert Kelly]

And saved the day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is what bugs me about these people. I went to the diner after, and he didn't. Didn't face him one bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't even. He was like, yeah, good show. I was like, what? I go.

[Robert Kelly]

I was a jobber, though. This is a guy once needs his money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I Was like, dude, you stink.

[Robert Kelly]

Every city has one of those guys to the guy who books shows. Like, once you had an hour, you can do shows that plays. Paul Solari was a guy in Philadelphia, but I was thinking about weird things. When you get to a place. I had a. The guy who. The driver for a club in Kansas City. One of the times he drove me to radio, and he was driving me home, he goes, do you mind if I stop somewhere real quick if it's. If it's on the way? And I go, yeah, sure. And he pulled up and he went to go try to fight the firefighter that was fucking his ex wife. Came back in the car, like, slammed the door. He's like, fucking asshole guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Piece of shit.

[Robert Kelly]

I forgot. What's up, buddy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On the way back to Boston from Maine, I carved I hate Rob Steen in his door, inside of the car.

[Robert Kelly]

Shut up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I swear to God, I carved it into his I hate Rob Stein into the door handle, with a handle. And I. And I got pen and I put it in there. So it was like a tattoo. A fucking douchebag. He actually just hit me up a year ago to do a gig for him. And, well, I'm gonna be up there this summer in Maine.

[Robert Kelly]

If the price is right, baby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I worked a sausage factory with that guy. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, I've been thinking about this. My. My cousin, my distant cousin, who I grew up with, loved for a long time, sent me a birthday present, and I never called them back. And it's weighing on me. I'm gonna reach out. I'm gonna call him. I'm gonna talk to him. Just say hi. Thanks. But you know what? The longer you wait, the more difficult it gets. And it just takes a little courage to make that call, just to say hi. Someone you haven't seen in a while. Reaching out for therapy can feel difficult, too. It's very similar to that, but it can be worth it. It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? Why haven't I? I taken my mental health a little more serious because it seems daunting. But it's not. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the U.S. betterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals this month. Don't wait. Reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp can make it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bonfire that's better. H E-L-P.com bonfire this is an Etsy holiday ad, but you won't hear any sleigh bells or classic carols.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Woohoo.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Louis J. Gomez]

Bobby had to go up on stage, save the show. Cuz that's what Bobby does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Been killed in the fire.

[Robert Kelly]

So everyone there was going to be a riot. But I was able to calm him down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I lit the stage on fire again. There he is. Oh, there. There is sticks.

[Robert Kelly]

Those. Every.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Every story ends with Bobby coming in and murdering and saving the day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to see, I want to see if. If any of this is funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Go to the end of the video, see if Bobby comes on. Is that the. Sorry, everybody. Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to hear it. Oh, he. Here's the thing. I. I remember him being all right, you know what I mean? But that was early in the. Here we go.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

So it's physical impressions with the fire stick.

[Robert Kelly]

I almost punched my microphone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had to follow this at a sausage factory.

[Robert Kelly]

You should have went out. You should have went out while I was doing this. It blew the fucking flame out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did that with a magician one time. I bumped into his table and all his magic axe fell and I picked up this table that I guess is a trick. And anyway, and all the trick part just folded out. I go, look, there's holes in it. And I just heard from the back my illusions.

[Robert Kelly]

And you said, don't worry, sir, I got this. I'm gonna go up there and save the day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had to go up and kill after that.

[Robert Kelly]

So what's up guys? Magic show's cut a little bit short.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Marshmallow dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Look, you might be a teeth. I got silly teeth. I'm a school.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude. It's so funny the gigs that we did back then that we wanted so bad. I mean, I wanted so bad to be on the road. And you look back at these hell holes.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, seem romantic. I don't know why. For, like, five seconds, when a guy's like. I mean, you see him come in. He looks like he hates life. Like the road. Dog hates life. Miserable comedy usually stinks. And then. But he's saying things, and you look at there and he's like, what is this? He goes, this is my very reliable, super ugly shitty car. And this is all of my clothes in the back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he made, like a. He made a. A curtain rod in the back, and they're all just. His shirts are hanging up.

[Robert Kelly]

When someone's proud of, like, makeshift horseshit in their shitty car that they have to basically live in. Never impresses me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It makes me so sad. Makes me so sad.

[Robert Kelly]

Look, I got a hot plate that plugs into the lighter. I got coffee right here. What do you need? Dude, when I walk, I'm on the road anyway. That's always the thing. I'm on the road anyway. So, like, when I walked, that was Craig Gas. I'm on the road anyway. So can I keep all of my belongings at your house for four years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I walked in, I'm Voss making. Making a hamburger on his portable Foreman grill that he. He carries on the road with him. I. I don't think I've ever been sadder in my life.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He brings a former drone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're in a. We're in a fancy hotel. He goes, yeah, but. But you can just make your hamburgers here.

[Robert Kelly]

They don't have turkey burgers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where are we gonna eat? Dude, he took everyone's food back with him. He got everyone else's food bagged up on the road. He brought it back to his. We were on the road, the three of us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

At some casino or Buffalo or something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was upstate. We did a real. I mean, great casino. We were all. Yeah, Seneca.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They gave us, like, steakhouse. They. They let us go to this amazing steakhouse. We had the best time. Everybody killed. Awesome show. And then we go up to the steakhouse on the house. We ate such a. I mean, like kings.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Voss, listen, dude, he did this in Vegas, too. Me and Keith, we were there for the weekend at the Cellar. Went up to the Rio to the top. They have a steakhouse. We got a seafood tower. Amazing seafood tower. He took the crab legs home and on the plane. No, on the plane, buddy. I got a photo of it. He took the king crab legs on the plane. He has a little bag, a refrigerator bag with an ice pack that he keeps. He. He. He put the legs in the ice bag because you can go through customs with water if it's frozen. And he had crab legs. And then he opened them up on the plane, and he ate crab legs on the fucking plane.

[Louis J. Gomez]

In coach, I would fist fight if there's somebody sitting next to me eating crab legs on the plane.

[Robert Kelly]

He ate them on the plane, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He.

[Robert Kelly]

He had to open them. I have still.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Or was it just pieces of crap?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it was cracked. It was crap. A new crack.

[Robert Kelly]

But was it a big old leg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With the shell on? Dude, the shell on it. Listen to me, dude. What's wrong with him, buddy? I remember we did creeps with kids. We had a Kate. Deb, the best. She was our tour manager. Every night, we had a Catered to the max. It was great. Every night, he would take home food. And one night, I came off stage, I would eat after I came off because I had to go up last because, you know, I had to, you know, clean, you know. But I come off stage to eat, and I'm like, where's. There's a whole chicken? There was a whole chicken. And I go, where's. Where's the chicken? Did they throw it out? He put it in his. He put it in his duffel bag. He took a whole chicken, and to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Put it in his bag of a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Duffel bag to take food. He took a whole chicken home. I go, dude, we're 20 minutes from your house.

[Robert Kelly]

Fucking crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I almost never take home food.

[Robert Kelly]

I was gonna say, even when I definitely was broke and everything, like, pride would have let me, because I see how it looks. I remember. And he merrily admit this and say Harris Stanton at Patrice's Thanksgivings was one of the funniest things ever. Because at the end of it, Patrice's mom would just be, like, covering everything, just getting ready to get rid of everything. Yeah. And he would take it. He would bring him, like, a garbage bag's worth of leftover food and walk out with it, like, thanks, y'. All. I would be like, I'll go, ah, you never.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You never take home anything from a restaurant.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine. Will I never do it? I never do. Because I'm never gonna. I'm never gonna go back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I never have the leftovers. That's the problem. I'm just gonna bring home from a restaurant garbage to put in my fridge that I have to throw out two weeks later.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anytime I've ever brought stuff home from the restaurant, it's just being thrown out. Yeah, it's just Taking space in the fridge. Nobody's eating a half a hamburger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I dated a girl once, she would take, like, the food afterwards, and then she would repurpose it and, like, make different meals out of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, wish you the tik tok.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, everyone, this is burger soup.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys have had burger hummus. It's fantastic.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's juice made out of chicken wings.

[Robert Kelly]

This is croutons made from stale bread I brought back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you guys had bone marrow bread?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you had several different cuts of steak? Hot dog.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you had chicken, ham? Hot dog.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, anything can be a sandwich.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's something about taking food, especially now. Like, I'm at the age where me and dogs split. Now, like, we'll get a. We'll split a hamburger. Because I'm not eating a whole hamburger. I just don't eat it because my baby's stomach, and it's just a waste of food.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby, I have a baby stomach. Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Baby, I can't eat a whole hamburger.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby. I. I watch you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, here's. You're forgetting. I'll get, like. We'll get an appetizer, like a salad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

More than a hamburger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll get a clamchata. We'll get wings. Then we'll get you loosened calamari.

[Robert Kelly]

That gets you loosened up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A charcuterie plate. I can only eat half a hamburger after that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. You can't just pound a ham half a hamburger. Well, because you. But what you're saying that you're like, you have to do the halves thing. But I go, me and Christine have done that a bunch. Two things. And you go, oh, half of your chicken.

[Louis J. Gomez]

First of all, imagine, I have dated girls. Kara Margolis, girlfriend, she was not a sharer. So I'd order something, she'd order something. And I couldn't eat. Like, I was like. But I could eat. I mean, particularly more than half of yours. Because I'm a guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I used to. I used to order and then tell dawn to get what she's getting because I wanted some of that, too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm getting 75% of what's on the table.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'm depending on you not to be a pig and eat all your food.

[Robert Kelly]

If someone I'm with, if it's just two people eating, if they order the same exact thing as me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's psychotic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I get mad.

[Robert Kelly]

I almost yell out. I go, don't do that. Yeah. Because that means now if you want this also, let's get some.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If a girl orders the same thing as Me like, that's a test. She's not the one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's not the one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's not the one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don gets the fillet. I always get. I always get the other potatoes. Steak. If Don gets the filet, I get prime rib. Or I get, like, you know, ribeye, because I want some of that filet. And she. If she eats the whole thing, I get mad.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I thought you meant like a mount. You're saying almost like she goes and just like him. I'll have the large side of mashed potatoes and the extra Mac and cheese.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, we went to. We went to the Comedy Cellar dinner last night.

[Robert Kelly]

Who did?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did. Keith did. Norton did. Colin got stuck in Vegas, couldn't make it, so we had the dinner last night. It's just. It's a mean dinner.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just because.

[Robert Kelly]

Was Estie there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Estee would. That was just a mean dinner, which is vicious.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like. Was Estee there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was there. Estee. Kristen. Remember old Kristen, the old manager? She's there. She's. She's mean. Liz was there. I. I got the butter cake from downstairs at Del Frisco's, which is probably my favorite dessert of all time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And, Liz, we did this on the ranks. We made the joke because you said how you love the butter cake. It's like it's. It's not actually cake, Bobby. It was just a stick of butter.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a slice of buttercake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's butter with cream on top. And ice cream. It's a butter ice cream, too. It's a butter be. Can Liz actually. She took it and gave it out to everybody and left me a little tiny piece. It's like. You're just such a cunt.

[Robert Kelly]

I did a bold thing today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd you do?

[Robert Kelly]

You hesitant to tell you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't paint your fingernails?

[Robert Kelly]

No. Chinese lady did. I think Chinese. One of the Chineses.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think that's. I don't think that's a thing. It's called one of the Asians, Jay.

[Robert Kelly]

The Orientals. No, it was a grooming move, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You trimmed your bush fan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You met a teenage girl?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, and I think I got her on the line pretty good. Well, she's definitely afraid to tell her parents. And that seems like good grooming. No, a personal hygiene grooming thing I did today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You trimmed your asshole. You shaved your hair?

[Robert Kelly]

Nope.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You trimmed your ball hair? No. You do that anyways.

[Robert Kelly]

I do that anyways.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ball deodorant?

[Robert Kelly]

Nope.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You trimmed your. Your armpits?

[Robert Kelly]

No, but I Will tell you, you're on the right path, though, with the trimming.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Trimming?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You trimmed your nips, Your chest.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You waxed something on your body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, you are a gay little. What do you do? Your eyebrows.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What'd you wax?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, I would always.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, he threads his eyebrows. He doesn't wax him. You wax him.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, why don't. I mean, again, an Asian.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You need Asians?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is it the same Asian place? Yeah, same Asian place does everything for you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, nails and eyebrows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, nails, eyebrows and hand jobs.

[Robert Kelly]

No hand jobs, Bobby. Some of them are actually respectable workers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All of them have a price, Jay.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm pretty sure she'd whack me off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And every one of them have a price.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All you have to do is go two hours, just legs, and then around an hour and 20, they get tired, and they just jerky off. Here to take a dance and get out. My fingers are tired.

[Robert Kelly]

So I got some.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just the front of my legs.

[Robert Kelly]

I got something waxed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got your. Your bush fat. All right, so it's not your bush fat. It's not your nipples. No. Your back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Your whole back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your whole back. Your belly.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Your and your crack. There's no other place we've named.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you got your ears done.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Here's your ears waxed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep. You should get them lasered, bro.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But burns a hole through Jay's head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The laser just goes right through. It just hits a calendar on the wall.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I will tell you, it still currently hurts.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let me see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let me see your ears. If I can see. Ooh, they look hairless.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They are hairless, though, buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Were they. Were they. Was there, like, hair, like, crawling out of them?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

No. But what she got, I always. All I really wanted or needed her get, which I will say was, like, painful yet also satisfying, was I wanted to get, like, behind whatever, like, the triangle is that comes out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, behind there. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Behind here is where it's like. It feels like it's a lawn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, it's not coming out of my ears at all, but it feels like a fucking toothbrush almost. And I was like, I want to get rid of that hair. And she was like, yeah, but she also did the outside of my ears a lot, which bummed me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I didn't even realize you had.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Outside of fuzz.

[Robert Kelly]

You just had fuzz. Fuzz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should leave the fuzz.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm sure, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because now that's gonna grow back thick as shit. You're gonna look like the little kid on the Munsters.

[Robert Kelly]

Not if I get lasered.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right, Right.

[Robert Kelly]

But they. But she. When she put the wax on and then stuffed the. You know, the strip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, down in the ear hole, and I felt it grabbing and ripping out like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just tear at your eardrum.

[Robert Kelly]

It was great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You cannot keep that and get custom headphones made with that little thing, that strip, buddy. When I. I knew I had to get my ears done because I was on a plane.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You also have your ears done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had my ears. Laser.

[Robert Kelly]

Laser.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because I was on a plane. And I. You know the little air that comes from the top?

[Robert Kelly]

I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I felt. I felt the hairs moving in my ear.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I looked over at the girl next to me, and she was just looking at me with disgust. I had, like. Like hobbit ears coming out. I could. I could feel the wind hit my ear hair.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is some, like, old white guy. It's bad.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I gotta stay on top.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at my ears. How are they?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you're Puerto Rican.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me see. See. Let me tell you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Take a look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they're not bad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Get in there. Dude. Get a light.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I hope it's terrible.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It might be, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You might see some bugs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay's going in the air. What do you got going behind?

[Robert Kelly]

Certainly some hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh. Some longies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, give me a picture. I want to see. I want to see.

[Robert Kelly]

You want to see?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Take a picture and let's see.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I feel very naked right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pluck one. See if it hurts.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did this with my once on Legion of Skanks, and I didn't feel as naked as I feel right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, your ears are somehow weird.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's very weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

More vulnerable than your. I would say, because you're not supposed.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, we don't kind of. Everyone get around my ear right now. What is happening right now?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got a hair, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How much hair is in there? Is it all he said wow. Why are you saying wow?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is a. This is a great Christmas present for you. Nice laser treatment.

[Robert Kelly]

You see the Long East Jacob, Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you grab one? Jay, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stop it. What do you mean? Oh, God. This is crazy. What are you guys talking about? Everyone's putting their ears on the line tonight on the bonfire. Just so you know.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, some long.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is happening with my ears? Lou, I want to see your ears. What's in a black guy's ears?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. They're all around the rim.

[Robert Kelly]

Your headphones right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know what I'm doing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look, look. Right here, dude. I'm gonna show you.

[Robert Kelly]

Ow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You pulled on my ear hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because there's a lot of it, dude. It's like a mustache in your ear.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Get your hand out of my ear, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Even your mustache.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude, you gotta get your wax or laser.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what I'm gonna bring back? I'm bringing back wet willies, and I'm bringing them back tonight, boys.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, don't do it to me, dude. You're gonna touch my brain. There's nothing stopping you anymore. You're gonna finger my brain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, getting the. But the. Get the laser. I don't know. Women are so much stronger. Can take so much more pain.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What? Bobby, your wife isn't listening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They get you sure?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These are weak because they get their. They get their boxes and lasered.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And their legs. Their. Women get their legs.

[Robert Kelly]

It doesn't hurt that much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It hurts. It hurts, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

You thought so?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought when? In your ear. In your ear, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on. Ear hair, Lewis. Sit still, Lewis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ow.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on. Almost zapping. Oh, there she is. Oh, one more. One more straggler. There it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The other one. The other one. Go.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. Bam. All clear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You missed one. There's one in the back right there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, he's got all the hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it hurt, man. She gave me, like, a tennis ball to hold and to squeeze. Cause I was a bitch, man. She inside the ear laser. And you have to shave it down. You have to shave it because if the hair's gray, they can't do it. It will do nothing. The laser picks up on the black of the root.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you hear that, Lou? Lasers can only find black.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black people can't get lasers because it kills the pigment in the skin.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, by the way, when makes them white.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What? Lou, we figured it out.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's just laser the other side. Let's laser the backside of your hand first. Like a tester. It's like a test strip. I will say, when she lasered his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Beard, he was white from the nose down.

[Robert Kelly]

What's unpleasant. Which I assume the laser kind of has that thing, too. Is that almost like the thing that's like. It's a strange sensation because remember doing the joke, Jacob, last week about the. The ear talking? It's. It does, like, when she's putting, like, the wax and, like, the piece of paper in there to, like, on top. You really have to. It's like. It's very. Shooting up your Spine. Oh, okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't think any of this is worth it.

[Robert Kelly]

And then pulls it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh? It's worth it, dude. Not to feel your hair in a windstorm.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell you what you don't. I don't think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do I need it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's not pouring out of my ears.

[Robert Kelly]

Literally, by the way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I've never had any. Not once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I believe you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said three. Tell you. You have your men, your.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Your old white men who are self conscious about your ear hair. No, I've never noticed any of your ear hairs.

[Robert Kelly]

They didn't say anything to you, but they saw it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hey, why are you coming at me with this energy, Jacob? Who the do you think you are? I'll beat your ass, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He did call you a before you came in.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was crazy. Body Brain.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He drinks a huge cup of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm going to send you guys the Body Brain song. That crack Amico made, we haven't premiered. We premiered it at Skankness, But I feel like the bonfire should have the Body Brains.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I want to hear.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna send it to Chris. Actually, Christine, you have it in your text messages.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What the. Oh, yeah. No, you'd. What you would benefit from without even getting the waxing because you don't have tons of hair. Did you think he had tons? I just think I would say there's about 10. Yeah. And. But they're long.

[Louis J. Gomez]

10 hairs is fine.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no, no, no, no. They're long. It's all over the place in that triangle. I've never noticed it before. No one looks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's that old Asian woman. Little mole hair on that peninsula.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have a nose hair trimmer?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, so I can use that. So why don't you use it?

[Robert Kelly]

I do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So why do you have to get it waxed?

[Robert Kelly]

Because when I do with the ear hair trimmer, it sounds like someone's taking down a fern in my lawn. It's. I wanted to get it gone. Gone instead of missing. So she did it. It took a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was the worst part. When I got my laser. It did hurt. She went in with the trimmer, the little tiny trimmer. And it sounded like I was shaving my beard.

[Robert Kelly]

I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there a lot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She goes, it's right in your ears.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you chasing. Are you chainsawing the yellow pages in my ear?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

It's just a little tiny thing making a buzz. It doesn't feel that way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did you say?

[Robert Kelly]

Is it one Laser treatment and you're done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I had to do six because as your hairs grow back and the ones you miss, you gotta go get. And you just keep going.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you putting a full telephone pole in a wood chipper? Directly in my ear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It was bad. But your. Yours, you could. You can wax, but what's going to happen? They're just going to get longer?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, no, I realize I have used. I have used my nose hair trimmer once in a while. I go from nose to ears, like booger to earwax. It's very weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then the mouth.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Then I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Then the butt.

[Robert Kelly]

It's your boogers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I swallow it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mouth, ear, mouth, mouth, ear, nose.

[Robert Kelly]

But, Jacob, how do you handle your nostril and your hair?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't have.

[Robert Kelly]

I only. I don't have any ear here. But I have.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How do you know you literally can't.

[Robert Kelly]

See the same one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll pluck it.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have. What?

[Robert Kelly]

Check Jacob's ears, please. Nobody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nobody knows how many. How would you ever know? There's no angle. You can see your own ear hair.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You need an honest friend.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. To go and do the thing and see if you hear. They're finding it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn. Turn to the left a little bit. Right there. Stay right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, come on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, you got. You got.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's uncomfortable, right, Jacob? Jacob, Is it uncomfortable?

[Robert Kelly]

Just one. Take it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what. He's got one on. It's weird. He has one on each side.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you. Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One.

[Robert Kelly]

Interesting.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow. I understand where that confidence comes from now. Man's got impeccable ears.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine looks like she's wearing fur earplugs.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Christina's full caterpillars wiggling around in her ears.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine's wearing earmuffs. Christine's ears never get cold in the winter. I have hairy calves. We know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's. It's good that you did that, though. It's time. But you definitely get the laser. I mean, it's been five years and I have a couple that just grew back, which are annoying. That I can pluck.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, the reality is I can just when I get my eyebrows done, just have this lady work the fucking ear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Imagine never have to do it again.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just go to esthetician school. Learn how to do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get your eyebrows. Get your eyebrows. Shut up, bear. Bear. Dare to be bear.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Why doesn't you, once you have your.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Daughter do it, have your eyebrows lasered.

[Robert Kelly]

My eyebrows?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You'll never have to do them.

[Robert Kelly]

Again. No, it's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, do them. You have your eyebrows. Laser.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He kind of likes the process. He likes going in and having the conversation with the old agent. Look him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't do. Don't do your face because what happens?

[Robert Kelly]

She says my eyebrows are nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you get a tan, the little dots where they lasered, you'll have little dots all around your eyes.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you don't want that.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't look like an alien looking face. Laser. I keep my lasers. What's that, Lou? We have to break.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You want to jerk off Lewis? What do you want to do?

[Robert Kelly]

Show us. Show me with your hands what you want to do. Whack off Lewis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whack off Lewis. And then break his dawn. Break his dick and then suck it.

[Robert Kelly]

And then suck the bottom part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Word.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Strange.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, well, Lewis is gonna be the. What would you call it? What's the main person of a Mardi Gras, like the grand wizard of Skank fest through the 16th. After that, Nashville, Tennessee, Columbus, Ohio, Miamisburg, Ohio, and Batavia, Illinois. For tickets and all tour dates, of course, go to LewisOfScanks.com that's L U I S. You know it. Lewis of Skanks.com and Body Brain coffee, please. Christine. Body brain coffee is available right [e-mail].

[Louis J. Gomez]

We gotta give the bonfire a promo code and then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. How about you just give us free coffee? Oh, for the fans. Yeah, yeah. 30 off.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's do 75 off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

75.

[Robert Kelly]

And then also Lewis is special. You're making this worse. Available right now. Streaming. Streaming on YouTube.com LouisJ. Gomez Comedy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you already saw it, go there. Comment like, get in those comments that help. Share it and share it, share it, share it, share it. Even if you saw it already, make sure you're in those comments telling people how much you love it and all that stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

And of course, Bobby is going to be at Skank Fest as well. This is it. This is the week so stressed. After that, he's going to be at the comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, November 21st and 22nd. Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, December 5th and 7th.

[Louis J. Gomez]

6.

[Robert Kelly]

For tickets and all of his tour dates, go to punch up live Robert Kelly and check out that YouTube channel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get your tickets now because I'm. I'm sold out. Both of those shows are almost sold out. Vinny's Uncle Vinny's Comedy Connection. And no, I'm kidding. I have a lot of tickets left.

[Robert Kelly]

Please go and make sure. You check out Bobby's YouTube YouTube.com Robert Kelly comedy. And every Tuesday night, 7pm Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Village Underground. Yep. Catch him live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Catch me live. And Big J the Gramercy in New York for Story wars on Tuesday, November tomorrow.

[Robert Kelly]

There's only a few tickets left.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's tomorrow. Only a few tickets left. It's going to be an amazing show and of course, New Orleans Skank Fest. And he's going to Salt Lake City for tickets on all the tour dates. Go see one of the funniest guys walking right now. BigJComedy.com is where it's at. YouTube.com Big Joe because for his special Them They. And there you go. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

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