Flankers with Avery Pearson

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: Flankers with Avery Pearson

Release Date: June 18, 2025

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Introduction and Guest Introduction [01:18 – 05:27]

The episode kicks off with hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly re-establishing their lively rapport.

Robert Kelly: "Okerson and Robert Kelly. We're back. We're back. Enough for the squ." (01:20)

Avery Pearson makes an early, humorous appearance, setting a playful tone.

Avery Pearson: "I'm going be honest. I don't like black people." (01:50)

The hosts quickly clarify Avery’s statement, steering the conversation towards a light-hearted and inclusive atmosphere.

Avery Pearson’s Early Banter and Personal Health [01:31 – 02:41]

Avery and Robert engage in comedic exchanges about health issues, particularly focusing on diabetes.

Robert Kelly: "I think my insulin spiking." (02:12)

Big Jay Oakerson: "I have pre-diabetes. I earned it. That'd be great if you were type two." (02:15)

Avery humorously highlights the struggles with health treatments.

Avery Pearson: "It's an oversell. How about I like just all people on an individual basis." (02:00)

Introduction to Avery Pearson’s Special [05:06 – 07:07]

Robert Kelly officially introduces Avery Pearson, promoting his new comedy special.

Robert Kelly: "We're very excited to announce our guest today. We love him. You've seen him. Avery Pearson. He's got a special right now. Give It Up. Give it up for him." (05:06)

Avery Pearson: "Pleasure to be here." (05:56)

The hosts commend Avery’s work and set the stage for a deeper conversation about his upcoming projects.

Discussion on Avery’s Comedy Special and Musical Talent [07:07 – 11:17]

The conversation delves into Avery’s talents, including his ability to play the organ piano on "Comedy Jam."

Robert Kelly: "You play the organ piano on the Comedy Jam, which is fantastic. Which is an underrated instrument, by the way." (07:12)

Avery Pearson: "It is underrated. It is. I don't know if anyone's rated it yet." (07:29)

They discuss the intricacies of playing the organ, highlighting Avery’s musical prowess.

Promotion of the “Flanker” Product [11:17 – 37:40]

The core segment revolves around the humorous invention of a fictional product named "Flanker," a multi-purpose float-anchor device.

Robert Kelly: "What does a boat use if it wants to stay and fish in this area?" (25:17)

Big Jay Oakerson: "An anchor." (25:18)

Robert Kelly: "What if you had a float? With an anchor. Float anchor. Flanker." (25:21)

The hosts brainstorm the features and marketing strategies for "Flanker," incorporating puns and comedic elements.

Avery Pearson: "It's called the Flanker. Flanker. Flanker." (27:02)

Robert Kelly: "You stay in, put where you want. No more taking an ocean jaunt. You're not gonna wind up in Aruba. You're not gonna wind up in Cuba." (30:07)

They create mock advertisements and jingles, showcasing their improvisational humor.

Robert Kelly: "If you're ever in the ocean and you're floating away, instead of screaming something, just say, 'Flanker.'" (30:02)

Big Jay Oakerson: "I'd love to." (13:25)

The segment culminates in a fictional pitch meeting where they attempt to secure investment for "Flanker," blending satire with entrepreneurial antics.

Tour Dates and Additional Promotions [37:40 – 43:04]

The conversation shifts to promoting their respective specials and tour dates.

Robert Kelly: "You do. We're not gonna. Hopefully they buy it before we get to." (34:05)

Big Jay Oakerson: "Tell me more about this night wig." (35:00)

They humorously intertwine promotions for Avery’s special on "Veeps" and Big Jay’s comedy nights.

Avery Pearson: "We're coming to LA in August. Story Wars." (41:36)

Robert Kelly: "Check out Avery Pearson’s special. Give it Up. It premieres on Veeps." (40:07)

Closing Remarks and Final Banter [43:11 – 44:10]

As the episode winds down, the hosts engage in final humorous exchanges, maintaining the light-hearted energy.

Robert Kelly: "We'll see you guys tomorrow. It's the bonfire." (43:30)

The episode concludes with a reiteration of Avery’s upcoming special and a playful farewell.

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Notable Quotes

• Robert Kelly: "I'm excited today. It's a very special bonfire because we have a very special guest. He's got a special Give it up on Veeps." (05:06)

• Avery Pearson: "It's an oversell. How about I like just all people on an individual basis." (02:00)

• Big Jay Oakerson: "I'm on AI." (12:28)

• Robert Kelly: "If you're ever in the ocean and you're floating away, instead of screaming something, just say, 'Flanker.'" (30:02)

• Avery Pearson: "I want you to know, first of all, do not confuse us with OB Kirsco or Run nico." (26:52)

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Key Takeaways

• Avery Pearson’s Comedy Special: Avery promotes his new special "Give It Up," available on the "Veeps" platform starting June 26, highlighting his unique blend of comedy and musical talent.

• Flanker Product Pitch: The hosts humorously create and market a fictional product called "Flanker," showcasing their improvisational skills and comedic chemistry.

• Promotion of Personal Projects: Both hosts use the platform to advertise their own upcoming events and specials, maintaining engagement with their audience.

• Humorous Dynamics: The episode is characterized by playful banter, jokes about personal lives, and creative brainstorming, exemplifying the hosts' signature blunt humor and unfiltered honesty.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bonfire offers listeners a blend of stand-up comedy insights, creative humor, and engaging discussions with guest Avery Pearson. Through playful interactions and fictional product pitches, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver an entertaining and dynamic show that encapsulates the essence of their brand: hilarious, no-holds-barred conversations about various facets of life and comedy.

Transcript

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[Big J Okerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Robert Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. We're back. We're back. Enough for the squ.

[Avery Pearson]

Also want Starbucks hijack.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I love a Starbucks. I am dying. I can't do. I just can't do that much Chick fil a I think. Can I be honest with you, bro? I had a headache from. I had a headache from yesterday. I was. I'm going to be honest. L and Lou picks up the camera. I did Jo.

[Avery Pearson]

I'm going be honest. I don't like black people.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not true.

[Avery Pearson]

Oh God. Black blue's filming.

[Robert Kelly]

I love black people.

[Avery Pearson]

Um, it's an over. It's an overcorrection.

[Robert Kelly]

I like back to life. It's an oversell.

[Avery Pearson]

It's an oversell. How about I like just all people on an individual basis.

[Robert Kelly]

I have to go. I think I got my blood sugar checked, buddy.

[Avery Pearson]

Why is that why you're getting racist?

[Robert Kelly]

I had a diabetes, guys.

[Avery Pearson]

I think my insulin spiking.

[Big J Okerson]

I have diabetes.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have diabetes? Like full blown?

[Big J Okerson]

I got pre diabetes. I earned it. That'd be great if you were type two.

[Avery Pearson]

That'd be great if you're like I have diabetes, you fucking kike.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have to do insulin shots?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm on Manjaro now, but I've gone through, like, the Ozempic mounjaro life. Dude, look at me. I look great.

[Avery Pearson]

Fuck do. You do look great.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you so much.

[Avery Pearson]

Me and Christine both.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, really?

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you guys do look good. But I wasn't going to be like, because you do drugs.

[Avery Pearson]

Avery thinks I'm still fat as shit.

[Big J Okerson]

Not.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Fat.

[Robert Kelly]

Hurt me. That hurt me. And I usually like those ones.

[Avery Pearson]

You said I was doing so good.

[Robert Kelly]

You're doing great. I actually got stomach surgery. And then they were like, oh, there's this new thing. That was epic.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah. Oh, it came out right after he got stomach surgery.

[Robert Kelly]

They tried to put me on it five years ago, but they didn't say. They said, this is a pre diabetic thing. And it also might help you. They do. Might help you lose weight. You should get. I was like, no, I'm not injecting myself with if I don't need to. Not knowing that it was Ozempic they were trying to give me.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then all of a sudden, they came out with that after I got my surgery.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. And I was like, it's a miracle.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a miracle drug. Right.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

And it says it cures everything. It cures Alzheimer's and heart disease, all this other stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

My dick cancer's gone. Everything's better.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

How about the leeches on your.

[Big J Okerson]

That's still there, but by choice. Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

You reopen Squam Lake. Here's a lot of leeches in that lake. Toby loves it. I know there's dick leeches there. Like, stand by me.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

I know there is.

[Robert Kelly]

Every time I eat now, I get tired. I get exhausted when I eat.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

When I'm done, which has to be my blood sugar.

[Big J Okerson]

It's your blood sugar.

[Robert Kelly]

So what I do is I. I walk. I go for a walk usually, or a treadmill walk just to get going again. But today we ate downstairs and I came back up here. I was wiped.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you eating? Are you eating, like, pasta?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I just say like a. It was small. It was like a whole chicken, chick cutlet, French fries, two slices of pizza, ramen. And I had a little small portion of penny vodka.

[Avery Pearson]

And a night crawler.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

One night crawler to wash it all down. We haven't introduced our guests, by the way.

[Robert Kelly]

Grape shoulder. Sorry about that. Go ahead.

[Avery Pearson]

Joining us on the show. That's right. A little ZZ Top. Bring us in.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I try?

[Avery Pearson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. What's up? Joining us on the show, Avery Pearson. Special. Give it up is available. Nope. Up. Go ahead, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I've been waiting for this moment my whole life.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's the thing, Avery. Yeah, man, I was under too much pressure. And when Jay goes, yeah, sure, it freaked me out.

[Avery Pearson]

You asked.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you're right. It's not on you. It's on me. Because I didn't expect you to be so giving, and you know what I mean?

[Avery Pearson]

You think if you said, can I try that? I was going to go, no. That seems crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Hit it one more time, Lou. Everybody, I'm very excited to announce our guest today. We love him. You've seen him. Avery Pearson. He's got a special right now. Give it up.

[Avery Pearson]

Jesus Christ. That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Where did they see me?

[Robert Kelly]

Let me. Let me try. Let me try one more time. Let me try one more time. Let me do one. Let me. He's alive. Let me see him one more time. Let me see him one more time. One more time.

[Avery Pearson]

Ready, Christine? Scroll up all the way, too. Is that everything?

[Big J Okerson]

The description of the special.

[Avery Pearson]

Okay, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

All right. Let me. You know, is that all in what we have to read?

[Avery Pearson]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that right now.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what?

[Avery Pearson]

I would just do a good intro.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't have. Okay, ready? Here we go. Ready? Yeah. I'm excited, man. Man, I've been waiting for this. You guys know him from the Comedy Jam. He is hilarious. He's got a new special out right now, too. It's called Give It Up. Avery Pearson's premiere. It premieres on Veep June 26, everybody. Hey, it's good to have you here. Welcome. Good to see Avery Pearson here, everybody. Give it up for him.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you so much.

[Avery Pearson]

Pleasure to be here.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you. Said it too many times. Said his name like three times.

[Avery Pearson]

Disjointed.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me try one more time. One more time. One, two, three. Hey, Jay.

[Avery Pearson]

Remember, I'm the everybody guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

I'm judging from a place of. I'm not great at this, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I got you. You know what? I'm excited. Today we got a very special guest in. You might know him from the comedy Jamie. Everybody. Everybody. That was good, though. That was good, though. Was that good, though? That was great. I'm. Until that one day.

[Avery Pearson]

Start off good. You just. It was that thing. It's like you fell. As soon as I told you, I let go of the bike.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

You can do it, son.

[Avery Pearson]

Like, you were like, I think you could let go. And I was like, I already let go. And Then you just start whipping off.

[Robert Kelly]

One more time. Just one. That's all I asked for. One. A one, a one, two, three, and. All right. Bam. I'm excited today. It's a very special bonfire because we have a very special guest. He's got a special Give it up on Veep. It premieres on June 26th. Everybody, please give it up for our friend, Avery Pearson. What's going on, buddy? How are you?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'm fantastic. I mean, always a pleasure coming on the show, getting such a warm welcome. Thank you so much.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, man. I mean, you know, people know you from the Comedy Jam. Yeah. You play the organ piano on the Comedy Jam, which is fantastic. Which underrated instrument, by the way.

[Avery Pearson]

It is underrated. It is. I don't know if anyone's rated it yet.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's like an acoustic electric of sorts.

[Avery Pearson]

Is that, like. Is that, like, your flanker?

[Big J Okerson]

It's got pedals.

[Avery Pearson]

The Oregon piano, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a hard instrument to travel with.

[Big J Okerson]

It's enormous.

[Avery Pearson]

It's got three full keyboards.

[Big J Okerson]

It's in a circle, too, right? It's just that circle thing. So you feel like you're in organ. It's like.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like spinning around.

[Avery Pearson]

Oh, where do we go? I don't know. Panics with words.

[Robert Kelly]

It has nothing to do with words. It's J. Okay. You understand J. Listen, stop. Everybody knows that you in this room, you're. Hey, this one. This is Jay.

[Avery Pearson]

Talk. What I'm gonna hear.

[Robert Kelly]

No, talk to your face. We tell you, and you don't hear it.

[Avery Pearson]

I'm not here yet. I'm not hearing you guys, obviously, so.

[Robert Kelly]

So I'll start reading. Start reading and just see my face out of the corner of your eye. Ready? Look at me.

[Avery Pearson]

Ready?

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Avery Pearson]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Start. Ready? Good.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Very excited to bring Avery Pearson special. It's on Veeps with an S on June 12th.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay, why are you looking at exactly? Oh, it's his big Muppet. Eyebrows go up and I get freaked out. Yeah, because they're gorgeous. Yeah. Number two, his eyes are ridiculously just beautiful.

[Big J Okerson]

And there's judgment and love at the same time.

[Robert Kelly]

It special on Veep right now.

[Avery Pearson]

Give him a little one again.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll give it up.

[Avery Pearson]

I'll do this.

[Big J Okerson]

Give it up.

[Robert Kelly]

No, because that. That's even more annoying because your fingernails are painted.

[Avery Pearson]

How about if I do this?

[Robert Kelly]

No, you read that part good. Christine.

[Avery Pearson]

Christine, this is you.

[Robert Kelly]

What is. All right. Hey, Ride. Let's go. Hey, let me see here.

[Avery Pearson]

He's promoting the greatest Concert.

[Robert Kelly]

Shish Avery's here right now. He's promoting the greatest concert of comedy songs of all time ever, featuring comedy songs from Jay Pharoah, Adam Ray, Beth Stelling, Josh. Adam Myers. Yeah. Jeremiah watkins, Luke Null, Jr. D. Guzman, Lisa Ann Walters. Every.

[Avery Pearson]

You were right there, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Guzman, right?

[Avery Pearson]

Junior. Junior. Junior.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Junior.

[Avery Pearson]

Junior goes to the end when he.

[Big J Okerson]

Plays for the Mets.

[Robert Kelly]

Junior. It's not him. It's not the guy from the Mets. It's not the guy from the Mets, buddy. That's where I messed up. I thought he was talking about the Metsman.

[Avery Pearson]

Go ahead.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, Luke. Now, Junior De Guzman, Elemental.

[Avery Pearson]

You just skipped one.

[Big J Okerson]

Skip the most famous person.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I did not. I'm saving her for last. I made a. I made a judgment call.

[Big J Okerson]

My bad. My bad.

[Robert Kelly]

Element. Element. And Elemental P from the goddamn Comedy Jam. And of course, Lisa and Walter.

[Avery Pearson]

With appearances by.

[Robert Kelly]

With appearances by Jackie Tawn, Jeff Ross, Lisa. Liza.

[Avery Pearson]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey. Elisa.

[Avery Pearson]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

Laza. That chubby lesbian chick.

[Avery Pearson]

The first one's an I. ISA no, no, it's I. I. L is the first two letters.

[Robert Kelly]

Eliza.

[Avery Pearson]

Come on, what is it? You're on your way yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

Eliza Schlesinger.

[Avery Pearson]

No, back to the beginning.

[Robert Kelly]

Liza Schlesinger.

[Avery Pearson]

Nope. There's a. It's an IL in the beginning.

[Robert Kelly]

Eliza Schlesinger.

[Avery Pearson]

I'll take it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Eliza. That name.

[Avery Pearson]

Eliza Schlesinger.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, whatever. She's hot.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, now, for the record, I love her. Okay, continue.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I do. I do, too. I love her too.

[Big J Okerson]

I love her too.

[Robert Kelly]

I would love to make love to her.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that what you're saying?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want that. I'm kidding.

[Big J Okerson]

You're great.

[Robert Kelly]

Anyways, I love her comedy, but. Oh, my God. The next guy there, Sal Volcano. Michael Chiklis was brothers. Steve Byrne, or as I call him, Steve Burns. Hates it. And Rachel Bloom.

[Avery Pearson]

That's it.

[Robert Kelly]

It is amazing. Thank you so much for coming on. I am excited to have you.

[Avery Pearson]

While you're far and away, why don't you tell us about Yakov Smirnoff's credits?

[Robert Kelly]

Yakov Smirnoff will be at the Great American Comedy Fe Festival in Johnny Carson's hometown, Norfolk, Nebraska. North Fork. North folk.

[Big J Okerson]

Just read this.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, guys, check this out. We had him on yesterday. He was a star on the show. He's been a star for over 30 something years. Yakov Smirnoff will be on the Tonight show with Jimmy Fallon today, Tuesday, June 10th. It'll be his eighth appearance.

[Avery Pearson]

He's off page.

[Robert Kelly]

First time he's off page with Jimmy Fallon. He's done it seven times. And you know what? Back then he was told, when hell.

[Avery Pearson]

Freeze, he's cutting loose.

[Robert Kelly]

What do I do?

[Avery Pearson]

He's going rogue.

[Robert Kelly]

He's going wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

He's on AI.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Avery Pearson]

Sorry. Bobby's in a good mood. He just found today he was tall.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, wow. Congrats, buddy.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But I also found I might have diabetes because of you.

[Big J Okerson]

What? I didn't give you diabetes.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you told me I probably have diabetes.

[Big J Okerson]

You definitely have diabetes.

[Robert Kelly]

That's nuts.

[Avery Pearson]

You 100 are living with diabetes.

[Robert Kelly]

I have it. Then Jay has it too.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

No, I am tiny. I am a shell of what I normally was.

[Robert Kelly]

You look fantastic.

[Big J Okerson]

You do look great.

[Avery Pearson]

Everybody here looks so good.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, do you have to do that drug shoot it up every day?

[Big J Okerson]

Once, once a week.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's it? Once a week?

[Big J Okerson]

It's once a week. It's a little shot in the old tum tum.

[Robert Kelly]

It's called subcutaneous.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

That's what it's called.

[Big J Okerson]

No, What? The gut is called the subcutaneous.

[Avery Pearson]

When you inject like that. Subcutaneous.

[Big J Okerson]

I just do what Lily tells me to do. I don't know.

[Avery Pearson]

Subcutaneous shot. It means it goes below the skin.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop calling me that.

[Avery Pearson]

Subcutaneous.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. You're subcutaneous.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, guys, you're bullying me. Calling me subtane.

[Avery Pearson]

You cannot wait to write a funny song about subcutaneous injections.

[Big J Okerson]

I cannot wait.

[Avery Pearson]

What a fun word to rhyme things with subcutaneous.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, how about this? His big fat penis. No, you can make it. How tall are you?

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, easy. We just. Five eleven.

[Avery Pearson]

Nice giants.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm five eight and a quarter.

[Big J Okerson]

That's great.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm above average.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

Jacob is four eight.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, dude.

[Avery Pearson]

Four foot eight. Are you okay?

[Big J Okerson]

No, you. You look great.

[Avery Pearson]

He's four foot eight. But not in heels. Oh, when he wears heels, he's like.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I support you.

[Avery Pearson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. When he says support, he'll just cry. He'll open doors for you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Or reach things.

[Avery Pearson]

He's got a tight little body, though. Sweet. You can really toss him around.

[Robert Kelly]

Work with what I have.

[Avery Pearson]

Goddamn right he does.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you married?

[Big J Okerson]

Me?

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean. Oh, for sure.

[Robert Kelly]

How many kids you got?

[Avery Pearson]

To the game of comedy.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you so much.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

How many you got any kids?

[Big J Okerson]

I have two kids.

[Robert Kelly]

Y. Yeah. You come for realsies? Twice.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, twice. That was it.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

It worked. Right down the.

[Avery Pearson]

Right in the vagina.

[Big J Okerson]

Right in the hole.

[Robert Kelly]

Right in the V Canal. You left it in the vag canal.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I got a map.

[Avery Pearson]

It was leave it in, Right?

[Big J Okerson]

Right. Let it.

[Avery Pearson]

Leave it in.

[Robert Kelly]

How old are your kids?

[Big J Okerson]

Five and eight.

[Robert Kelly]

Five and eight. Oh, my God. Wow.

[Avery Pearson]

Those were his last two loads?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Married. Oh, come on.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you in la?

[Big J Okerson]

I'm in la, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You love it?

[Big J Okerson]

I do love it. I love the wild. I was. I lived in New York for 10 years. It had a great time.

[Avery Pearson]

How do you feel about the Mexicans?

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. Wow, Jay. Wow. You put him on the spot. Seriously. Palestine or Israel?

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah, definitely.

[Robert Kelly]

Which one? Pick it now.

[Big J Okerson]

The Greeks.

[Robert Kelly]

The Greeks?

[Avery Pearson]

Hey, your hardcore pro life, like, blow up an abortion clinic, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Let me ask you back to the special. That was a great bit at the beginning.

[Avery Pearson]

He goes, you actually think Hitler had a lot of good ideas. Now, what's your favorite breakfast cereal?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, guys, I wanted to promote this special, and you sunk my career before it started.

[Avery Pearson]

I don't know what happened.

[Robert Kelly]

Quick question. Are there rocks in your bag? Your backpack, to throw it Ice.

[Big J Okerson]

I love America. I am Canadian. I am.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah, you've technically called ice on a bunch of people that work in your neighborhood. I guess my question is, what's Lisa Ann Walter like?

[Big J Okerson]

She's a gem. She's an absolute gem. And you really should check her out on Veeps on June 26th.

[Robert Kelly]

What is Veeps? This is new.

[Big J Okerson]

Veeps is a. It's a. It's a website, and they basically have a lot of live concerts. And so there's a bunch of other comedy musicians that have specials on, like, Reggie Watts and Cat Cohen and Wolves of Glendale. And so it's the perfect home.

[Avery Pearson]

Is it a comedy or is it also.

[Big J Okerson]

It's mostly music. It's mostly like. Like, enormous live shows.

[Avery Pearson]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

You could see, like, whoever you want around the world.

[Avery Pearson]

Pretty much.

[Big J Okerson]

Beyonce does like everyone, but check it out.

[Avery Pearson]

It's.

[Big J Okerson]

It's pretty cool.

[Robert Kelly]

So, you know, I was wondering about Bo Burnham. Where does he. Where has he been?

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, that guy just. I mean, I have no idea, but he does whatever he wants. The guy's. I think he's a genius. Like, he's just incredible. I really, you know, look up to him, but he got into film. He started directing and doing.

[Avery Pearson]

You think he got everything just because he's a white man?

[Big J Okerson]

How many times are you going to destroy my career?

[Avery Pearson]

No, I know you think Bo Burn is funny. You think Bo Burnham's funny, but you think he definitely killed somebody to get to where he's at.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Avery Pearson]

And was raped viciously. Yeah, by me. Oh, right.

[Robert Kelly]

And you think Reggie Watts got to where he was because he has an Afro?

[Big J Okerson]

Uhhuh.

[Robert Kelly]

Other than that.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I say something?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I really feel safe right now.

[Avery Pearson]

It's good because we. You think Reg. Reggie watches the talentless hack you told me earlier. My question is, is it he? What do you prefer piano or organ?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, generally a piano. Organ is always my number one choice. Now, Reggie, right down the hole. Two shots, two kids.

[Robert Kelly]

Reggie Watts is doing the gig on TV for a while.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he was. Is a the mouse band tonight.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no, not the Tonight Show. What was it? Colbert.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, Colbert.

[Robert Kelly]

No, not Colbert.

[Avery Pearson]

No. What's his name? James Corden.

[Robert Kelly]

James Corden. Yeah. So now he's off that.

[Big J Okerson]

He's off.

[Robert Kelly]

That's like golden handcuffs for guys like you, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'd love to do that. You kidding me? Is so much fun.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

I'd love to be a sidekick on a late night show and.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we're actually looking for a house band for the bonfire.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'd love to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

You're in.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. That was.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, start. Show us what you got.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. It's about. I mean, it's moderately sized, you know. Well, I came too serious and thought it was cool. Then I looked around and I looked at this fool sitting next to the right and also to the left. And guess what? Here comes a guy named Jeff. No, got that wrong. But instead I'll make it up, check it out. All I want to do is just end this song. It's a nightmare for me. My name is Avery.

[Avery Pearson]

No, you're into.

[Robert Kelly]

You got the job. Avery.

[Avery Pearson]

Right now he's got a special on that. So hard. Reggie Watts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Really?

[Avery Pearson]

Remember when you said earlier, Avery, that your career goal was to really shove it right up Reggie Watts's ass?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

The proverbial it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

Really. As long as I stick it to Reggie Watts, I feel like I've done my part.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I feel like you took my role.

[Robert Kelly]

What is that thing? He.

[Avery Pearson]

How does it feel to be me, Reggie Watts?

[Robert Kelly]

What is that thing he uses to do that? His. His.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, looper.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's a looper.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a looper. Yeah, he just like, you know, puts a beat, loops it and then he does things.

[Avery Pearson]

Bob, you should make one of those that floats and call it a flooper.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

I like it.

[Avery Pearson]

Jacob's supposed to laugh at that more.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob. Not Jeff.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob. Jacob. Typing My bad.

[Avery Pearson]

He said, what's the machine that Reggie Watts uses to make his noises? And he said, a looper. And I said, bobby's going to invent a floating one called the Flooper. Like the flanker. Dude, I get it.

[Big J Okerson]

Is that callback from a previous moment?

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah, Bobby is. Well, I. We're all on ground level. A Bobby idea. Though, granted, it's not my idea, so if you hate the idea. No, it's Bobby's. But I'm getting behind it.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm listening.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, first of all, that's no way to sell our idea to people that might be future investors.

[Big J Okerson]

I have a money near a lake. Yep.

[Avery Pearson]

You live near a lake?

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Avery Pearson]

Is it infested with leeches?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, probably.

[Avery Pearson]

Then have I got a story for you, Bobby. Take it away.

[Big J Okerson]

Tell me more.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you ever been on a lake?

[Big J Okerson]

The guy from the intros.

[Robert Kelly]

You ever been? I also fart.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, wow.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm kidding. They get mad. Relax, Jacob. Oh, listen, sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I switch seats?

[Robert Kelly]

No, you don't want to switch seats. You want to. Hang on.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm having a good time.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a vanilla protein.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I can taste it.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, everybody.

[Avery Pearson]

Have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered. And you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number. Not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on eligible plan exclusions apply details at metro by t-mobile.com hey everybody.

[Ted Danson]

Ted Danson here to tell you about my podcast with my longtime friend and sometimes co host Woody Harrelson. It's called where everybody knows your name and we're back for another season. I'm so excited to be joined this season by friends like John Mulaney, David Spade, Sarah Silverman, Ed Helms and many more. You don't want to miss it. Listen to where everybody knows your name with me, Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson. Sometimes, wherever you get your podcasts with.

[Big J Okerson]

McValue at McDonald's, you don't just get deals on the drinks, you get deals on McDonald's drinks. So when you're breaking a sweat, embrace the chill without breaking the bank. And when your crew is running on empty, keep your wallet full while refreshing the squad.

[Pharmaceutical Representative]

Get more than you expect on your favorite medium drinks, like frozen Fantablue, raspberry iced coffee or lemonade.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, at just $2.29, price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer but up.

[Avery Pearson]

Brace the rudders. Raise the sails.

[Robert Kelly]

Raise the sails.

[Big J Okerson]

Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.

[Avery Pearson]

Over. Roger. Wait.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that an enterprise sales solution?

[LinkedIn Advertiser]

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply.

[Robert Kelly]

So you know when you're in the ocean?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I do.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, you're in a pool, you know you're in the lake. You're on a little float. Right. Enjoying yourself?

[Big J Okerson]

I like it.

[Robert Kelly]

Then you look up, you're like, oh, shit, I'm. I'm all the way over here. I gotta go all the way back over there.

[Avery Pearson]

Cuz that's essentially shipwrecked. Lost at sea.

[Big J Okerson]

He really did fart, right? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then.

[Avery Pearson]

God damn it, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Avery Pearson]

Did you really just fart on a guest?

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't fart on a guest.

[Avery Pearson]

You did, though.

[Robert Kelly]

I did not fart. Did I fart?

[Big J Okerson]

Let's keep going.

[Robert Kelly]

Did I fart?

[Big J Okerson]

I think so. There's nothing.

[Robert Kelly]

There's nothing. I didn't fart on a guest. There's nothing like an honest guy. That's what I admire about you. My friend Avery.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He's such a sweet person.

[Avery Pearson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna ask you one more time.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Did I fart?

[Big J Okerson]

Something was different.

[Robert Kelly]

That is the most la.

[Avery Pearson]

The air quality changed.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the most LA response I've ever heard.

[Avery Pearson]

You know what I'm gonna start doing?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

Me and Christine bought an air purifier for our house, which is a ridiculous purchase. I'm realizing it doesn't make any sense. It's. If you just move it five inches to the right, it goes. Air quality, 14%. It's just a constant. It's like, what do they say with apps, how they work? They keep you going by, like you're looking to see. What's the color now? Oh, it's blue. It means our room quality Air is getting better. If you light a fucking match, it goes to air quality, like zero. It just reads all that. So I'd like to put one of those by your ass so Jacob can see it coming right behind you.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm fine with the that.

[Big J Okerson]

I have $1 million in my pocket. I didn't mention anything before I got in here. And I was looking to invest it in some sort of device that has to do with water.

[Avery Pearson]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'd be interested to know if you might have an opportunity for me.

[Robert Kelly]

I. It's weird that you say this.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm glad that you came in not only to plug your special on veep.

[Big J Okerson]

Veeps.

[Robert Kelly]

Veepsa.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Which is plural. Like several.

[Robert Kelly]

That's for our Spanish friends.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Because they're in trouble right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Elvis. Yep.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're in the water. You float around. Right? You just want to stay in this one spot.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't want to bump into this family. You don't wind up in Venezuela. You don't want to be on the dark side of the pool.

[Avery Pearson]

Cuba.

[Robert Kelly]

Right? Right, right, right.

[Avery Pearson]

He means where the black people are.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. It's loud over there. Dude. Yeah. Nobody's going underwater.

[Big J Okerson]

No one's going underwater.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's the thing.

[Avery Pearson]

They can't get their hair wet.

[Robert Kelly]

They can't.

[Avery Pearson]

They can, but it's. It's a thing.

[Robert Kelly]

What if you had.

[Avery Pearson]

I think it takes days to dry.

[Robert Kelly]

What does a boat use if it wants to stay and fish in this area?

[Big J Okerson]

An anchor.

[Robert Kelly]

What if you had a float?

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

With an anchor. Float. Anchor. Float anchor.

[Big J Okerson]

Flanker.

[Robert Kelly]

Flanker. Flanker. But not only for the ocean, not only for the pool, not only for lakes. All three in one. No more sliding off to Venezuela or Cuba when you're in Aruba. No more going over to the dark side of the pool where the people you don't really like are.

[Avery Pearson]

Avery. Keep your eyes on Bobby and not over the shoulder. Christine. Showing you all the times has already been designed.

[Robert Kelly]

But it has.

[Avery Pearson]

Do not. You keep your eyes on Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

You look at me.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm here.

[Robert Kelly]

It has not been designed for the last and third part of my plan. Lakes. Because sand on the ocean, metal in the pool. What are you gonna use for a lake? Because it's mushy. There's no sand at some place except for Squam Lake. Little Squam. The associate. I am. Most lakes have mushy stuff. But I figured it out.

[Avery Pearson]

Avery.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

If you want to take that million dollars.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm reaching. I'm Reaching.

[Robert Kelly]

Become a full partner. Ground level with me, Black Lou, DJ Lou, and my man Finn J. I've heard of him. You can be in right now. Is it a yes or. It is a no.

[Avery Pearson]

I want you to know, first of all, do not confuse us with OB Kirsco or Run nico. The two companies who have already seem to have been actively pursuing this venture.

[Robert Kelly]

No. But they have only done oceans.

[Big J Okerson]

I have one question. Yes? First of all, it sounds sound. The logic is there. Everything is there.

[Robert Kelly]

Physics are there.

[Big J Okerson]

What is it called?

[Robert Kelly]

Lake.

[Avery Pearson]

Float.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at me.

[Avery Pearson]

Oh, float, Bobby. I know, but you did the fingers first.

[Robert Kelly]

We're going lake. Lake. Pool.

[Avery Pearson]

Pool.

[Robert Kelly]

Ocean.

[Big J Okerson]

Ocean.

[Robert Kelly]

Float. Anchor.

[Avery Pearson]

Anchor.

[Robert Kelly]

Float.

[Avery Pearson]

It was a good recovery.

[Robert Kelly]

Anchor. Float. Anchor. Flanker. Flanker.

[Big J Okerson]

Flanker. I'm in.

[Robert Kelly]

You're in. We got another ground level. Yes, Lou. What's up, Lou?

[Avery Pearson]

I have a great idea for a collaboration.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, what is that?

[Avery Pearson]

We need a jingle. We need a slogan and a jingle.

[Robert Kelly]

We do. This is why. This is why you produce. I think you're on that side because you produce. Listen to me, huh? We need a jingle for the flanker, okay? It's not only for the ocean, not only for the pool and for the lake. It does all three. The flanker.

[Avery Pearson]

And also, if you order now, you get my project. That is a night wig. Night wig. No, night.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay. Jay, stay back. Stop. J.J. wait. Hey. I almost spit my water on our guest and I'm gonna spit water in his face.

[Avery Pearson]

You gotta stop if you guys want to get in a night wig early. Don't set it off Her. If you order now, you can write.

[Robert Kelly]

A jingle for that.

[Avery Pearson]

It's a wig for the night.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I got this sore and it feels like a canker.

[Avery Pearson]

You know what?

[Big J Okerson]

I need this guy's flanker. Flanker, available at Target.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no. No Target yet.

[Avery Pearson]

Let's workshop Direct to consumer.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, direct to consumer.

[Robert Kelly]

Direct to consumer first. And then maybe if we get the deal with Walmart, we're.

[Avery Pearson]

Do not confuse this with Jet Tribe Compact, who sort of figured this technology out. Or Tuesto, who's also. And Skog Acoust.

[Robert Kelly]

See, here's the thing with these things. They don't come with a little baby shovel. Ours has come with the baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, so you didn't even tell me there was a shovel.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a little baby shovel that comes in the bag.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it cute?

[Robert Kelly]

Huh? It's adorable.

[Big J Okerson]

What color is it?

[Robert Kelly]

It's red with Shaped like a heart.

[Big J Okerson]

Does it have a face on it, like a. Yes, it has fill Me up.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like. It's like a fish shape.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's cool.

[Avery Pearson]

Works for the ocean.

[Big J Okerson]

And what is the color? Like, the branding, what is it?

[Robert Kelly]

You're going to get orange, you're going to get blue, and you're going to get yellow to start.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I say a quick.

[Avery Pearson]

They used an Aruba with love from Aruba. They went to your place and made your thing.

[Robert Kelly]

I know, Jay. I was in the ocean and I saw millions of them. And my wife's a piece of crap because she doesn't believe in my ideas. We would have been a millionaire a long time ago, and I wouldn't have to sign on so many goddamn partners.

[Big J Okerson]

Now I hate my wife. I'd like to have sank her. But guess what I bought it is your flanker.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not bad. It's not bad.

[Avery Pearson]

Coming together.

[Robert Kelly]

We need.

[Big J Okerson]

We need. It's a workshop. You don't just, like, get off the top.

[Robert Kelly]

Avery, can I just suggest.

[Avery Pearson]

Please.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

If you're ever in the ocean and you're floating away, instead of screaming something.

[Big J Okerson]

Just say.

[Robert Kelly]

Instead of something. Anchor.

[Big J Okerson]

Just.

[Robert Kelly]

That rhymes with anchor. Flanker. Flanker. So instead of getting anger, having anger, instead of having anchor, you should have.

[Big J Okerson]

Got yourself a flanker.

[Robert Kelly]

You stay in, put where you want. No more taking an ocean jaunt. You're not gonna wind up come from Aruba. You're not gonna wind up in Cuba.

[Avery Pearson]

You want to hear mine for a night wig? If you don't want your father, don't tell him when you sneak in.

[Big J Okerson]

I still have to sell June 26th veeps.

[Robert Kelly]

Avery bears special is called Give it up. It's on veeps. And it's. It's amazing.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you so much. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he is one of the new. One of the new top members of the Flanker association.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I was a seed investor.

[Robert Kelly]

Seed investor.

[Big J Okerson]

Yep.

[Avery Pearson]

Maybe if your day one isn't that big, you can now.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no. Jay, stop. We have to focus on Flanker. That is a side project that you're on. We're not on there.

[Avery Pearson]

If they order now, though, they'll get.

[Robert Kelly]

They do not.

[Avery Pearson]

It's not associated with a night wig. We need night wig. Night wig.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. If your baby is crying, don't use Spanker. Just throw her in the ocean and use the.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Flanker. We don't want to kill babies.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. Oh, fuck.

[Robert Kelly]

I fucked that up. We gotta make it, like.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah. You panic so hard getting away from night wig. Everyone's got a wig for the day you never hear about someone's specific night wig. But who's got time to say all that? What do I know? I'm just an idiot. I came up to be on a plane soon.

[Robert Kelly]

You do.

[Big J Okerson]

Where are you going?

[Avery Pearson]

Austin Tejas.

[Big J Okerson]

I've heard of it.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you doing there?

[Avery Pearson]

It's the new comedy mecca. I don't know if you know that. I'm making my pilgrimage.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

He's doing a small podcast called Joe Rogan.

[Big J Okerson]

I've heard of it.

[Avery Pearson]

Lewis are doing Rogan tomorrow. And then we're doing Story wars, the Mothership. And then I go. And then I go to San Diego for three days.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, what are you doing?

[Avery Pearson]

American comedy.

[Big J Okerson]

Very nice. Great club. Yeah. The angle out.

[Avery Pearson]

Angle out. Everybody faces forward.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you just stand up too? Do.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I do like comedy songs.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you do 45 minutes in front of Jay? Friday or Saturday?

[Big J Okerson]

I would love the opportunity, but can.

[Robert Kelly]

You cry three times?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I. Yeah, my mom loves me. I can cry more than three times.

[Robert Kelly]

You can hit that emotional note.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. Definitely. Absolutely.

[Avery Pearson]

Can you bring your Uber driver in through the back door and say, he's the coolest. Can I get him a seat? And just sold out show.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Uber driver.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So Flanker, and so you've had the seed investment, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you're. We have the investors. We. We have the money now with your money.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

We are ready to go global. Oh, we're gonna start in Aruba. We're gonna go over to Jamaica. No, we're gonna go to Bone. We're gonna do the ABCs. Oh, Bonaire, carousel. Keep it Dutch. Then we're going to go up to St. Martin, and then we'll go up and then maybe go to one of these, maybe to Florida, and we get all the old people, and then we go over, you know, we kind of hopefully take over Florida. And that's when we go on to Shark Tank as a group.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

We're all going to go on.

[Big J Okerson]

That would be fun.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. We're going to go on.

[Big J Okerson]

You and I are coming strong. We got everything set, and Jay just keeps pitching.

[Robert Kelly]

I figure you're going to be out there with your.

[Avery Pearson]

I'll let him know that. Also, if anyone has a thing, if they go, I don't know. It doesn't feel like it's enough. Like the flanker doesn't feel like it's enough.

[Big J Okerson]

What does it come with?

[Avery Pearson]

I'll go. If you order now, you can get Nightwig, which I've uniquely named.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Avery Pearson]

Here's the thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. We're gonna. We're not gonna. Hopefully they buy it before we get to.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Nightwig.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

Nightwig, though. You'll see.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. So there you go. Dude, this is gonna be.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I think we're gonna make at least a million dollars.

[Robert Kelly]

Back.

[Big J Okerson]

Back.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, we're gonna make.

[Avery Pearson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Millions.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah, you're probably gonna. At least you'll get your investment back.

[Robert Kelly]

It's called passive income.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, because they're just sitting in the lake or.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah. They can't pay you when they're stuck in the middle of a lake.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's the Super Bowl.

[Avery Pearson]

Because their anchor is stopping them from being able to get back to shore.

[Robert Kelly]

Because.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Hey, hey.

[Robert Kelly]

You're gonna make money while you sleep. You're gonna be sleeping. Go to sleep right now.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd love to. Good night.

[Robert Kelly]

Cha ching, cha ching, cha ching.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like I'm wealthier.

[Robert Kelly]

Richer.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, another. Oh, fat lady just bought another flanker. Oh, another. This kid was in my. Can I have a flank? Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

Is this fat lady black Bobby? Because I'd also like to see. Let her know for a couple extra dollars if she orders now, I'd be happy to throw a night wave.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no, no. What did you conveniently name it?

[Avery Pearson]

Which I conveniently named.

[Big J Okerson]

How many seats? Is it like, how many people are floating? Can I tell you something? Your spirit and your energy for this product is unmatched.

[Robert Kelly]

Because I have to sell. Yeah. If I can't sell you as a main investor.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not gonna sell the people. Right.

[Big J Okerson]

Of course.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's the thing, my friend. Avery, look at me. Look at me. But. Look at me. Look at me.

[Big J Okerson]

I see you, but I want you.

[Robert Kelly]

To look at me. I know you see me, but I want you to look at me.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm looking at me. I am.

[Robert Kelly]

Now you're looking at me. You're right. Look at me.

[Big J Okerson]

I wasn't four times.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at me. I. You just hit me with something.

[Big J Okerson]

What's that?

[Robert Kelly]

Not only do you get the flanker.

[Big J Okerson]

Uh huh.

[Avery Pearson]

For 20 extra dollars, you get a float.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this is my wallet.

[Robert Kelly]

You get a float.

[Big J Okerson]

Take my wallet.

[Robert Kelly]

The float.

[Avery Pearson]

Well, once again, optional night wig gets no respect. Huh? Okay. Night wig, please. You know what? I'll take my nightwig business elsewhere. I didn't realize this was a day wig only place.

[Big J Okerson]

All right.

[Avery Pearson]

Real nice. Real nice.

[Robert Kelly]

We're gonna have a float.

[Avery Pearson]

Day wigs are white, so I've. I've shortened that to wigs.

[Robert Kelly]

Stay with me every.

[Avery Pearson]

I'm with you.

[Robert Kelly]

We're gonna have the flanker optional with the float.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

So you can get a float with it.

[Big J Okerson]

Float with the. Wait, I thought the flanker is the flanker.

[Robert Kelly]

No, the flanker is the anchor for the float.

[Big J Okerson]

So it's just an anchor.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a bag of stuff for the float.

[Big J Okerson]

So you're not selling it with the float. I thought, I thought it's a two piece thing where there's a floaty and an anchor.

[Robert Kelly]

It's opt. Have their floats already.

[Avery Pearson]

I did not realize till this moment Bobby's just selling a bag of sand. Until this moment, I didn't know Bobby was simply selling a bag of sand in a rope. I didn't know that. I want to apologize.

[Big J Okerson]

I do apologize to my podcast.

[Avery Pearson]

I. I'm telling you, I apologize greatly. I did not know that Bobby was going to sell you exclusively on a rope with a bag of sand.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought there was a whole waterproof bag with sand.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not that.

[Avery Pearson]

I thought it was a crazy floaty.

[Robert Kelly]

The ones that include the float.

[Avery Pearson]

I think the ones on Amazon include the float. And that's where we're different. Us over here at flanker, we don't care about what you're floating and we just want you to know that you won't float if you have something to float in.

[Robert Kelly]

Because here's the things. Everybody loves a different float. They're forcing a float. And the float that they sell you with. The other anchors aren't good. We're going to optional. We'll have floats.

[Avery Pearson]

Bobby, you're literally selling the thing that mafia people will kill people. It's just like, hey, tie this to someone's ankles or a baby's ankles.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

And throw in the thing. I'm going to be honest with you. Now that I think about it, Nightwig is actually least offensive of all the things pitched here today.

[Big J Okerson]

Interesting.

[Avery Pearson]

I got to tell you something. The Nightwig is doing okay because. Because a flanker, I'm starting to think is the way to kill people.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me tell you something about this show.

[Avery Pearson]

You're gonna tie a flanker to Dawn's fucking left leg and throw her in. Hey, this way you won't go away in the ocean.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I tell you something about this show? I was there in the moment of conception.

[Avery Pearson]

You were. Do you remember that of me and Bobby?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. When you asked them on the back porch when.

[Avery Pearson]

Oh, at jfl.

[Big J Okerson]

I was right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait a Minute it was you, it.

[Avery Pearson]

Was the three of us at JFL outside the nasty show.

[Big J Okerson]

Correct?

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

This isn't the first time I was.

[Big J Okerson]

Listening to the conversation.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I ask a question?

[Big J Okerson]

I was like, do you guys need a third host?

[Robert Kelly]

This isn't the first time I met.

[Big J Okerson]

I have an idea for a night wake.

[Robert Kelly]

Avery, this isn't the first time I met you.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. I. You were there that night.

[Big J Okerson]

I was standing right next to you.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so funny because he asked me. He's like, would you ever do this? I was like, dude, I'll do anything with you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know.

[Avery Pearson]

Idea that had already said goodbye, but.

[Robert Kelly]

I really had no idea. But then when I talked to him later, and he's like, you can't say anything.

[Avery Pearson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

To anybody about this. I go, absolutely. I go. I actually said, look, I hope you guys are the best together. I hope. I hope Dan sees the light and you don't have to. In my brain, I'm like, look, I hope you guys keep it together, because you guys are brilliant together.

[Big J Okerson]

Right?

[Robert Kelly]

But then he knew that he was already gone or whatever, and he told me not to tell a soul, and I didn't tell anybody. Then people were walking up to me, hey, dude, congratulations. Fucking mushmouth can't keep his trap shut.

[Big J Okerson]

He kept going. Got him. Got him. Nailed it.

[Robert Kelly]

He was telling me about Josh this week and all the stuff. I go, do not tell me. I want to hear it on the show.

[Avery Pearson]

Okay?

[Robert Kelly]

So we talk, and then he calls me and he goes, yeah. I go, don't tell me. He goes, all right, cool. I fired him. And he said. Literally, when he said it in life, he put his hand over his mouth, like, whoops.

[Big J Okerson]

I know that move you do. A very good, strong person to dangerous. You go real quick. You go. Like. Because we did Toto on the Comedy Jam. That was the first one. You make dainty cool.

[Robert Kelly]

That should be on your book.

[Avery Pearson]

I make dainty cool?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You really do.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You're like, I'm Big J. And then check out this little thing that's his beautiful.

[Avery Pearson]

This one, guys.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, here.

[Avery Pearson]

We feel like your day wig ain't that big. Why don't you get.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, check it out. Avery Pearson special. Give it up. On premieres on veeps.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

June 26th.

[Big J Okerson]

Make sure you check it out. Concert of comedy songs. Also me and your favorite comics and. And then the album will be out a little bit after that.

[Robert Kelly]

Do we have all our ad reads? We forgot all our ad reads yesterday and today, so hand them over. Luke.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you want me to do one I misplaced?

[Avery Pearson]

Oh, no. None today.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't have.

[Avery Pearson]

You're being fired.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe I left them in.

[Robert Kelly]

How many? How many did they have? Sam Bennington?

[Big J Okerson]

Zero.

[Robert Kelly]

Sam? One.

[Avery Pearson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Avery Pearson]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Competition is the thing.

[Avery Pearson]

Just ad reads means that the advertising is happening on the show. We have none. Sam Roberts has won. So I guess we're on the way out.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean we're literally the hottest show on the channel.

[Avery Pearson]

It is why though I keep a lot of irons in the fire and why Nightwings will be my ultimate.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Avery Pearson]

That'll be my retirement.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's. Let's figure out. Let's focus on.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't you understand? It's a wig for after six o'.

[Avery Pearson]

Clock for the night.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you get it? Don't you get in the summer? In the summer it's after 9:00 o'clock.

[Big J Okerson]

What am I.

[Avery Pearson]

Why will no one just hear me?

[Big J Okerson]

What about the solstice? Maybe someone comes. Can we talk about the solstice?

[Avery Pearson]

Why won't somebody just hear me?

[Robert Kelly]

Check out Big J. You're going to be. Where are you going to be this weekend?

[Avery Pearson]

This weekend I'm going to be a San Diego.

[Robert Kelly]

You going to San Diego? The 20 12th through the 14th after he's got is the story wars are sold out, right? Yes, sold out. That's sad. But you should have got tickets.

[Avery Pearson]

We're coming to la. We're coming to LA in August. Story wars.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he's going to Charlotte, Tacoma, Sacramento. For tickets and all the tour dates, please go to bigj comedy.com go check out his special on YouTube.com at/@big J Okerson. They them available now, right now. So check them out this week weekend and also go to Punchup Live BigJokerson.

[Avery Pearson]

Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine July 25th and 26th.

[Robert Kelly]

25Th. 26th. Yeah baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. You caught that on his ad. How'd you catch the number?

[Avery Pearson]

He just told us outside that he isn't doing Thursday.

[Big J Okerson]

Tell me more about this night wig.

[Avery Pearson]

If you don't want your dad to think you're a pig big when he.

[Robert Kelly]

Goes to sleep to say that part.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, sorry. No, this is let's Empire Comedy.

[Avery Pearson]

Empire Comedy Club. That's gonna be July 25th and 26th. Rochester, New York, Tampa and Emouse, Pennsylvania. Coming up very soon for tickets and all tour dates go to Punch Up Live. Robert Kelly. A special Live in the Village Underground now streaming on his Punchup Live page.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right. And tomorrow, tomorrow I'm gonna be down. Jay's gonna be be gone. But don't worry, we replaced him with the legend Ron Bennington is.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. Love this. I mean, love him.

[Robert Kelly]

He's the best in the biz. He's gonna. He's so awesome to come in. I'm jealous that you're not gonna be here because us three together would be fun. But Ron's the best. So tune in tomorrow and check out.

[Avery Pearson]

Our podcast, swole with Joe Rogan.

[Robert Kelly]

Probably.

[Avery Pearson]

Yeah. Me and him are probably gonna do some old man style exercises together where we toss each other up in these air.

[Greenlight Advertiser]

You know, he doesn't let you guys play with his toys.

[Avery Pearson]

He doesn't let me touch with any of his toys.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Avery Pearson]

That's why when he. That's why when he goes in the bathroom, I drag my nuts across the werewolf. Cool. Stupid. Yeah, it is pretty cool.

[Robert Kelly]

We'll see you guys tomorrow. It's the bonfire.

[Ted Danson]

Hey everybody, Ted Danson here to tell you about my podcast with my longtime friend and sometimes co host Woody Harrelson. It's called where everybody knows your name and we're back for another season. I'm so excited to be joined this season by friends like John Mulaney, David Spade, Sarah Silverman, Ed Helms, and many more. You don't want to miss it. Listen to where everybody knows your name with me, Ted Danson, and Woody Harrelson. Listen sometimes, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Greenlight Advertiser]

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