Friendly Fire with Felipe Esparza

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Friendly Fire with Felipe Esparza"

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly hosted by SiriusXM features a lively and unfiltered conversation between the hosts and their guest, comedian Felipe Esparza. This episode, released on March 13, 2025, delves into various topics ranging from comedy and entertainment to candid discussions about the adult entertainment industry. Below is a comprehensive summary capturing the key points, discussions, insights, and humorous exchanges from the episode.

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1. Welcome and Introductions (00:50 - 02:07)

The episode kicks off with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly welcoming their guest, Felipe Esparza. The hosts engage in playful banter, setting a relaxed and comedic tone for the show.

• Robert Kelly [00:56]: "I'll make the clap sound because you have mittens on."
• Big Jay Oakerson [01:00]: "My claps are worthless."

2. Felipe Esparza’s Comedy Journey (02:07 - 04:20)

Felipe discusses his busy schedule, mentioning his appearances on other shows like "Skanks" and "Story Wars." The hosts commend his recent special, "Raging Fool," available on Netflix.

• Big Jay Oakerson [02:07]: "I know we got you running ragged. You did Skanks. You're doing Story Wars."

3. Multilingual Comedy Specials (04:20 - 06:00)

The conversation shifts to Felipe's ability to perform in multiple languages. Felipe highlights the universal appeal of Latino audiences, even in places like Australia and Canada.

• Robert Kelly [02:36]: "I think I'm going to do a special in French."
• Felipe Esparza [03:25]: "I think I was the ones that left during the 80s, during the Salvadorian revolution."

4. Cultural Discussions and Misconceptions (06:00 - 08:00)

The hosts delve into cultural backgrounds and misconceptions, particularly focusing on celebrities like John Leguizamo and Carlos Mencia, clarifying their actual heritages.

• Big Jay Oakerson [07:55]: "Ned Holden. During German."
• Robert Kelly [07:55]: "John Leguizamo is now not Puerto Rican. Crazy."

5. Humorous Takes on the Porn Industry (08:00 - 20:00)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to humorous and candid discussions about the adult entertainment industry. The hosts and Felipe share funny anecdotes about porn bloopers, misconceptions about performers, and the absurdities within the industry.

• Big Jay Oakerson [08:25]: "Wesley Snipes was the worst."
• Robert Kelly [12:01]: "He had a hatchet wound. He had the thing with the... his dick hairs genuinely came out further than his dick from a side view."

Notable Bloopers Discussed:

• Felipe Esparza [26:14]: "How did you guys know these fucking names."
• Big Jay Oakerson [34:14]: "He had the thing with the... his dick hairs genuinely came out further than his dick from a side view."

6. Personal Stories and Photo Shoot Banter (20:00 - 35:00)

The hosts share personal stories related to their experiences with photography during the show's photoshoot. Big Jay humorously critiques his own photos, leading to a lighthearted exchange about captions and the emotional expressions captured.

• Robert Kelly [54:03]: "It made me take a break, dude. I had to go pray."
• Big Jay Oakerson [55:13]: "It's like I just got AIDS after I told everybody I was gonna go get a stupid test."

7. Capsule Discussions on Personal Preferences and Fetishes (35:00 - 45:00)

The conversation touches upon personal preferences, fetishes, and the complexities within the adult entertainment world. The hosts discuss topics like snuff films, amateur porn, and the blurred lines between reality and performance.

• Robert Kelly [43:08]: "But I like porns where they did bad stuff. And at the end they were like, this is my wife."
• Big Jay Oakerson [45:08]: "Sometimes I circle back to Sam. 38G."

8. Closing Remarks and Promotions (45:00 - 64:03)

As the episode winds down, the hosts transition into promotional content, highlighting services like BetterHelp, Metro by T-Mobile, and Babbel. They encourage listeners to subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ for ad-free and early access to episodes.

• Big Jay Oakerson [63:43]: "And I will also write a sad poem on it. No doubt."
• Robert Kelly [64:02]: "Yeah. So what are you waiting for?"

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Notable Quotes

• Felipe Esparza [02:15]: "I know a little bit of everything. Do you a lot?"
• Robert Kelly [06:10]: "I want to be without Ari. I might bring Max and just go, me and him."
• Big Jay Oakerson [15:56]: "She looked rough in that."
• Robert Kelly [26:40]: "This is what I like. It's a slow roll. It takes a long time to get. I mean, she's beautiful."

Themes and Insights

• Cultural Diversity in Comedy: Felipe’s ability to perform in multiple languages showcases the universal appeal and diversity within the comedy landscape.

• Humor in Adult Entertainment: The hosts use humor to navigate and discuss the complexities and absurdities of the porn industry, providing a candid look into its lesser-discussed aspects.

• Personal Vulnerability: Through discussions about photo shoots and personal stories, the hosts reveal a more vulnerable and relatable side, connecting with listeners on a deeper level.

Conclusion

"Friendly Fire with Felipe Esparza" offers a blend of humor, candid conversations, and insightful commentary on both the comedy and adult entertainment industries. The dynamic between Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, and Felipe Esparza creates an engaging and entertaining episode, making it a valuable listen for fans of unfiltered and diverse discussions.

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Transcript

[Felipe Esparza]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Felipe Esparza]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Felipe Esparza]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll make the clap sound because you have mittens on.

[Big J Okerson]

My claps are worthless.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, your claps are worthless at any. Any.

[Big J Okerson]

My claps are worthless.

[Robert Kelly]

Your snaps aren't that much better.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, because they're not hitting palm.

[Robert Kelly]

Because you have pink nail polish on.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on, baby. Trying to keep the good vibes in here. It's a day outside.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a day. And we got to really compete with Jacob's vibe of.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Rainy Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

Randy Jacobs.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob's always rainy.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Jacob]

This is the same as summer Jacob.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

There's always a dust trail behind him.

[Big J Okerson]

Fiji Jacob and Queen's thunderstorm Jacob are the same face. How is that? Yeah, it's the bonfire faction talk series XM103. Big J Okerson, the great Robert Kelly is always across from me.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm right here, baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Always right here. We have an awesome guest with us for the whole show. He's hanging out. He's got a new special, Raging fool, available right now on Netflix. One of the greats, the hilarious Felipe Esparza joins us.

[Felipe Esparza]

What's up? Thanks for having me.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you for being here.

[Felipe Esparza]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

I know we got you running ragged. You did skanks. You're doing story wars. We got you on bonfire. We went through the whole car wash.

[Robert Kelly]

It was on my show last night.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Ykwd.

[Robert Kelly]

We spent the an hour and a half together last night having a good time. Yeah, yeah, we had a blast.

[Big J Okerson]

What'd you guys do? Talk about?

[Robert Kelly]

We. We talked about everything.

[Felipe Esparza]

Everything. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

We talked about him, Taiwana. We talked about his Spanish. He did a special in Spanish, which is awesome. I think I'm going to do a. I'm going to do a special in French.

[Felipe Esparza]

You know the French.

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Robert Kelly]

He knows. Dude, he knows Dutch. Don't mess with German. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I had a feeling he was going to be some sort of a Savant, you know, 27 languages.

[Robert Kelly]

He's not a savant. He's just not like a dumb American like me and you. One language I know a little bit of.

[Felipe Esparza]

I know a little bit of everything. Do you a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you know Somalian?

[Felipe Esparza]

Waheeli? You do Swahili? I mean, I know I say hello, like in a bunch of languages.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Felipe Esparza]

So everywhere I go, someone could hook me up with free.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you like performing overseas?

[Felipe Esparza]

Well, for me, wherever I go, no matter where I go, there's always Latinos. Like, they will just show up from anywhere. And even Australia, too, in Greenland and Green. I've never been there.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he goes. But wherever you go, I like to think they still drove there from. From like Texas or something.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, man, in Australia. When I went there, it was like the most Salvadorians I ever seen in my life besides Alberta, Canada and Toronto.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you think it was Ms. 13 nationals or something?

[Felipe Esparza]

I think I was the ones that left during the 80s, during the Salvadorian revolution. When I asked the guy, listen, man, you're Salvadorian, bro. You don't sound like the Salvadorian back home. You don't sound like a Salvadorian guy. He said, well, my parents, they had a choice when they were refugees to go to America, Canada or Australia. And we chose Australia. We wanted to get as far away from the Salvadorian government as possible.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Jesus. That makes sense.

[Robert Kelly]

That's as far as every government is possible.

[Big J Okerson]

And then they got to Australia and just bred like crazy.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man, they sound like Australian, mate, mate, do you.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know why Venezuelans too, and.

[Felipe Esparza]

Peruvians and also guy from Uruguay are big and Australia, but they have the Australian accent. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Felipe Esparza]

But it's weird. They sound like weird man. Like comad Mate.

[Robert Kelly]

Com.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know why I thought it was so cool to hear that you did a special in Spanish. I don't know why it bugs me when people who don't. Even if I believe these people have Spanish or Hispanic half or something, but they don't read Hispanic. And then they have announcements on their tour. They're doing Spanish shows. I think Carmen lynch and Tom Segura does Spanish shows.

[Felipe Esparza]

Both of those people, they speak way better Spanish than I do.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, he said you said you had to go back and do Shows in Tijuana. To learn how to do it in Spanish. In Spanish? Like, better, like. Because there's little words that they don't understand.

[Big J Okerson]

I wonder if the translations are terrible. The car that is blue that I had purchased on the day of my father's birth. Because it's always like, that's how we all learn how. Like when it translates. It translates that bad.

[Robert Kelly]

It's backwards.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like. Yeah, yeah. White car. The car that is white.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's blue is after car. Yeah, the car blue. It's like what? When you say it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because I'm gonna do lingo just to let you know.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, what's the. What's what lingo? Are you duoing?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm doing du. Lingoing. Spanish.

[Big J Okerson]

For what? For you can yell at your house. Help. Piece of.

[Felipe Esparza]

Levanta plato, por favor.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to go to South America.

[Felipe Esparza]

Where at?

[Robert Kelly]

I want to go back.

[Big J Okerson]

Salvador, Colombia.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to go back to Guatemala. I had a good time in Guatemala. And I want to go back to Cuba. But next time I go back to Cuba without. I want to be without Ari. I might bring Max and just go, me and him.

[Big J Okerson]

Cuba? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Do a father son trip to Cuba.

[Big J Okerson]

But you did go in there just to smoke cigars.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'll go there to see the culture. To see.

[Big J Okerson]

You told us the culture. It was a dark alley and you and Ari got terrified and ran back to a family you were living.

[Felipe Esparza]

There was a flood.

[Robert Kelly]

That was because it was a hurricane. Not a hurricane. Yeah, yeah. I mean, what was the name of.

[Felipe Esparza]

The hurricane over there?

[Robert Kelly]

It was Ari.

[Big J Okerson]

Hurricane Ari Shafir.

[Felipe Esparza]

I swept and took everything. All the coins.

[Robert Kelly]

I left a trail of blood.

[Big J Okerson]

The storm that. It was Ari. That was gonna be a storm no matter what, buddy. You don't want to go back to Cuba.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I found out? Interesting fact.

[Big J Okerson]

Pitbulls from Cuba.

[Robert Kelly]

No. John Linguizamo.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Not Puerto Rican.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's Colombian, right?

[Robert Kelly]

He's Colombian.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow. He faked the funk.

[Robert Kelly]

Made the whole career off being Puerto Rican from the Bronx. His father came out and said, hey, just to set it straight, he's Colombian. There's no Puerto Rican blood in our body.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what's funny? I don't know why I never pieced that together, but John Leguizamo has some. Through a person. Through a person. Connection to my ex's family. She's Colombian.

[Robert Kelly]

She's Colombian.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. He's Colombian, not Puerto Rican.

[Big J Okerson]

Motherfucker didn't. What's the point of that?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I don't know. Ask Carlos Mancia.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's right.

[Felipe Esparza]

He chose Mexican. And he chose.

[Big J Okerson]

He's from Honduras, right?

[Robert Kelly]

His name's Ned.

[Big J Okerson]

Honduras.

[Felipe Esparza]

I guess he shows a popular culture that's in the neighborhood.

[Big J Okerson]

It is pretty funny though, that his.

[Felipe Esparza]

People think with Nyack he'll probably be Jewish.

[Big J Okerson]

It's almost like a joke that writes Hasidic. It's almost like a joke that writes itself though. Like if you go Carlos Mencia. Like, no, he's not Mexican. That's not his real name. And then you find out Ned is the fake name. Like that's the craziest thing. I thought Carlos was going to be the real name.

[Felipe Esparza]

Ned Holden.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, something like that.

[Felipe Esparza]

During German.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

John Lazama's now not Puerto Rican. Crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

He's mad about it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Sounds like he's all mad.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop saying it.

[Felipe Esparza]

I was not wearing socks with tennis shoes for a long time until he.

[Big J Okerson]

Dressed up like a woman in tow. Wong food. They're like nice Puerto Rican.

[Robert Kelly]

He's a good looking Puerto Rican. I mean, out of all the three girls on two. Wong Fu.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Wesley Snipes. You think Wesley Snipes the hottest.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, I thought you were gonna stay with the worst.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Wesley Snipers.

[Robert Kelly]

Wesley Snipes was the worst. I mean, Patrick Swayze.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought it was Leslie Jones.

[Robert Kelly]

Patrick Swayze. It goes John Leguizamo. That's not Patrick Swayze. And then Wesley Snipes.

[Big J Okerson]

Leslie Jones.

[Felipe Esparza]

Too short.

[Robert Kelly]

Leslie Jones.

[Big J Okerson]

Patrick Swayze.

[Robert Kelly]

Leslie Jones wore that in her special.

[Felipe Esparza]

Who's that right there in the middle?

[Robert Kelly]

That's John Linguama. That's him.

[Felipe Esparza]

I thought that was Jim Lee Curtis right there in a black dress.

[Big J Okerson]

Patrick Sway.

[Felipe Esparza]

Jim Lee Curtis.

[Robert Kelly]

You know the rumor.

[Felipe Esparza]

And now, real Pearl man.

[Big J Okerson]

Those a real Pearlman.

[Felipe Esparza]

And also a bit of a young still. No matter what, you still look like.

[Robert Kelly]

We Snipes looks like.

[Felipe Esparza]

And Blade, it looks like Godfrey. I am not black. I am not black.

[Big J Okerson]

Blade.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I've never seen that movie.

[Big J Okerson]

Blade.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, that one right there.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, you don't have to.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you don't.

[Felipe Esparza]

See, I didn't even get it.

[Big J Okerson]

I was gonna say to you, Bobby, when you. Because you were saying that John Legazamo was the best looking out of the three. Out of the three.

[Robert Kelly]

If you had to pick one, right?

[Big J Okerson]

But here's the thing, you know. You know what?

[Felipe Esparza]

Gina Davis, actually. Davis. Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

That picture.

[Felipe Esparza]

Al Pacino's daughter and Scarface or his sister.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that a compliment to him or an insult to Gina Davis.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a compliment to him.

[Robert Kelly]

Him. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

He as a. Well, it's an insult to Gina Davis. Gina Davis, though, she. It was one of those things, too. She went away one day and popped back up, started getting roles again. You're like, what happened?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is time such a cocksucker?

[Robert Kelly]

She was just in that movie they go to an island with. Was it Don't Blink?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Famous guy, like a Elon Musk type guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I saw it.

[Robert Kelly]

You saw it? She looked rough in that.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, that was a good movie. With Simon Rex.

[Big J Okerson]

Simon Rex in it?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. Simon Rex is in it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Simon Rex, a big fan of comedy.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man.

[Big J Okerson]

And I met him a couple times, and then he's also got a big wiener. He did a porn before. He did.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, he did a movie called Rocket Man.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

It's directed by the same guy who won the best director for that movie, Nori Ana. Noria.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, really?

[Felipe Esparza]

Honora. Yeah. This guy. That movie is badass. Rocket Man. And before that, he made a movie called Florida Project about this white chick with a single monster, the prostitute in a Florida apartment. And before that, his first movie was shot with iPhones and Ian Edwards. Then he played the Pip. It's called Tangerine.

[Robert Kelly]

Just to let you know, Felipe's wife is here. He's his Siri. His AI. Yeah, he was on last night Anytime. He's like, I'm a holder, man. I'm 54. She's like. She's like, no, you're not. You're older than that.

[Felipe Esparza]

I didn't even know. Yeah, if you want to watch a good movie about an ex porn star who goes back home to the Midwest.

[Big J Okerson]

And ain't Red Rocket.

[Felipe Esparza]

Red Rocket is good, but he actually.

[Big J Okerson]

Did a real porn.

[Felipe Esparza]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

Like back in the day. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you show me which guy you're talking about?

[Big J Okerson]

Simon.

[Felipe Esparza]

Mtv.

[Big J Okerson]

He was an MTV guy.

[Felipe Esparza]

Real World.

[Big J Okerson]

He ended up being in a. I don't think so. No, I think he was like a vj. He was just a vj. And then he. But then he started getting like. He's pretty funny. So he was like. Did like the scary movies. Yeah, he was in those.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's a cool guy, though.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got a big piece.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't do pornography if you don't have a big piece.

[Robert Kelly]

No, apparently you haven't seen my porn.

[Big J Okerson]

That's true. I'm gonna talk about home pornography.

[Felipe Esparza]

I've seen porno with little penises, but they're just to laugh.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that's. That's right.

[Felipe Esparza]

You and our cruise ship with us, we saw the smallest dick ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Smallest ever. It was. I. Oh, my God.

[Felipe Esparza]

You were the best water bottle. You said something about him getting hit with an ax.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

He had a hatchet wound. He had the thing with the. He had, like, his stomach made, like, a dog mouth, you know? I mean, it came down from the. The. No, it was crazy looking. And his. His dick hairs genuinely came out further than his dick from a side view. I couldn't see it at all. And it's not that on the Internet or in the world. I haven't seen a dick this small before. It was just. What I'm blown away by is they're just like, fuck it, I'm showing it. Yeah, I don't care. That's crazy.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. And then Burt yelled out, can anybody beat that $5,000?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh.

[Felipe Esparza]

And there was a guy. His wife was rubbing his shoulders. Ryan, you got this. He said, babe, don't touch me. You want me to win or not? But, you know, he's right, bro. He showed his dick right away. Like, we're not even, like, five hours into the trip. You could still see La Carreta in Miami, man. Like, you could see we were. He was known as the little dick guy the whole trip, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was so early, and it was the first morning that we were there. And then this guy was walking around the whole time. Yeah, he was just. And there was two of them. And you're right, there was two of them. This was actually crazy. I think they did the right thing. I want to give Bert, because Bert's very generous. I'm sure he did the right thing. But how it read. Which is actually funnier. A guy comes, he goes, I'll give $5,000 to the smallest dick on this boat, whoever was willing to show it. So the guy goes up there and shows this really, really tiny dick. Everyone was stunned by it. And Burt goes, all right, that guy's gonna get $5,000. That guy has just gone, in his mind, like, this just became a free vacation. Like, that he's gonna. Or close to, if not a free vacation. Or he's got, you know, bottomless spending money for the rest of the. Whatever it is.

[Robert Kelly]

He took a glass that's half empty and made it half full.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. And then another guy just came up there and says, I'll do it. And just pulled his smaller, even dick out. And that was the one that, like, my reaction on stage was not of laughter. I was going like. I was like, no, dude, I wish I could Tell you, if this would not have done this. And. And then Burt goes, oh, shit. All right. He goes, all right. Split it between him. Like, oh.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, he made him split.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think he did. I don't think he did ultimately. But in the moment, the initial. The initial solution in the moment was split it up. And I was like, yo, that's. He did it. And then as soon as he did it, I'm sure as soon as he walked off stage, he was hit with just a barrel of instant regret. And then probably was like, like, oh, well, at least this trip is free. And then. It wasn't.

[Robert Kelly]

It wasn't free. You had to pay half.

[Big J Okerson]

You still have to pay half.

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta still watch what you order for drinks.

[Big J Okerson]

You still gotta eat the buffet and not the. Don't make Ray's at the steakhouse.

[Felipe Esparza]

I saw him on the. On another cruise ship. The one with impractical jokers.

[Robert Kelly]

The guy with the small dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

He goes, what happened, bro? Oh, man, this is free trip. You're right.

[Big J Okerson]

Free fucking trip.

[Robert Kelly]

What if that was his thing? On every cruise ship, he just showed his dick on the first day.

[Felipe Esparza]

But it's crazy. He had like. Fuck it. Tattoos of tanks, you know, American flag and a little can in the middle.

[Robert Kelly]

So he was like a. Like a Navy seal. I don't know.

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't know, man. But he had like a big two tank tattoos and American flag. A little.

[Big J Okerson]

I will say it was particularly.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at those distractions.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man, it was.

[Big J Okerson]

You're right. It was literally the rapper Rick Ross. I said, I've thought many times at my heaviest, many times about just heavily tatting up my stomach because I hate taking my shirt off. But I'm like, if you make it like a thing, people stop thinking about the big fat body underneath and they start going like, oh, cool. Picture. Cool.

[Felipe Esparza]

Dragons fighting.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Two dragons fighting over a sandwich.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, unfortunately, those dragons. Unfortunately, those dragons have stretch marks.

[Robert Kelly]

Dragons are fat.

[Big J Okerson]

Why do dragons have stretch marks? No, no, no. Those are. Never mind.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, and then when you lose your weight on your Ozempic, they become iguanas.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe I should get my stretch marks. Maybe I should just tiger stripe my whole body into the stretch marks. Like a human. The. The enigma. Remember that guy was tattooed all puzzles.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you know, it's funny when you get. I got the tattoo when I was skinny and then I got fat, and my tattoo went onto the back of my arm. The heart that said D and B for Bobby and Dane. It went to the back of my Arm and it was sad. But then I lost weight and it came back to the front.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that is good. I've seen that. Go the other direction. The. The. I think it was like a. A porn star that she went from being like super, like great body and then just got real big. But I think she had one of those like Carmela Bing. I think she. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Robert Kelly]

What the.

[Big J Okerson]

He's not wrong.

[Robert Kelly]

How did you. I love the. I love though. He looked at his wife for. She's like. That's right. You're correct. She's like, yeah, man. She.

[Big J Okerson]

You want to see?

[Felipe Esparza]

She got arrested for meth too.

[Big J Okerson]

You want to see it? Did she?

[Robert Kelly]

Jesus Christ.

[Big J Okerson]

A transfer. The meth wasn't working.

[Robert Kelly]

Pregnant or is that her?

[Big J Okerson]

But I'm telling you, go. No, look her up. Look her up at her hottest. She was stunning. Jacob, I hope a woman does a flim flam on you like this.

[Jacob]

Don't do that, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope you get flim flam and you already love her.

[Jacob]

Don't wish that on me.

[Robert Kelly]

He loves her. Over the Internet for a year and.

[Big J Okerson]

A half, she was like one of the top. Like, like, like hottest girl, like, like Jenna Jameson level like up there. And then one day they were just like, ah. She decided to go. She just decided to go. Become morbidly obese.

[Robert Kelly]

She called the Bob Kelly.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's what she got. She was on Bank Bros. That's when she got a restaurant there. That picture in the corner on the left hand side. Bang Bros. World famous.

[Robert Kelly]

What's her name again?

[Felipe Esparza]

Carmela Bing.

[Robert Kelly]

Bing.

[Felipe Esparza]

Carmela Bing. Because that was a nickname they gave on Carmela Soprano when they were. What, the FBI were watching them.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, really?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought it was after Chandler Bing, which I just found out was his last name last night when I watched the Matthew Perry documentary.

[Robert Kelly]

His last name is Bing.

[Big J Okerson]

Chandler Bing was the character.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know that.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't know. I never watched the show.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't mind that show.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine told me that show has been translated in every language that Felipe speaks. Friends has been in everything. So you always go watch it on the road.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't mind. Does it make me bad because I don't mind her chubby like that.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you do mind her chubby like.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell you why.

[Big J Okerson]

There was levels of her getting bigger where you're like, I don't give a shit. Great. And then she just kept going. No one stops stepping on the pump.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't mind. I don't. I mean, all right. Maybe I might.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, look, here's the thing that. No, Christine, go back to that page right there. Because that double picture right there, that one, like, that's her starting to get bigger. I'm telling you at a time. She was like a thin, like, amazing body.

[Felipe Esparza]

A lot of awards. But you know what?

[Robert Kelly]

I like a chubby girl, like, proportionately.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I take that. This is fine. But next to it. Something terrible's happened.

[Robert Kelly]

The gray dress.

[Felipe Esparza]

There she is.

[Big J Okerson]

My God. I really. Jacob, I want you to get flim flam so bad like this. Are we moving you move her in then. There's something. There's probably a.

[Robert Kelly]

There has to be a thing you.

[Big J Okerson]

Go to, like an evolution of Carmela Bing or a de Evolution.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it's an evolution, but to you and me.

[Big J Okerson]

Look, her got fat. Go back to that picture.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, she's a little cabin for it now. She has a little cabin, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, what. It's literally. The sides of her are coming. Are coming over the lips.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, listen, don't act like we don't have that. That over our dick the same size inside.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm pretty sure I'm not a porn star.

[Felipe Esparza]

She went from a different genre, you know, she went from regular people. And then she got big. And then for skinny black dudes who like big fat white chicks. But she got even real, real, real skinny. Love big lady like that. They want them to, like, sit on their face.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You're devastated.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's that. Can you go back to the one with a little cabin that you created with skin around her vagina? That was nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not the cabin.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not the cabin.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's right there, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you zoom in on the cabin, please?

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, the little chimney right there.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, wow. Damn. That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so bad.

[Robert Kelly]

I've never seen that happen. I didn't know that happened to vaginas.

[Big J Okerson]

What? Really?

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't. I didn't know it became a cat.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, you can grow the beef around it.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know that grew. I thought that stayed the same.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's what happened. But so then to let the predator.

[Big J Okerson]

It does look like the. Remember the vampires in Blade? The mouths, the way they open like the big ones? Yeah, that's.

[Robert Kelly]

It does.

[Big J Okerson]

And she was.

[Robert Kelly]

Looks like the pods that the aliens came out of.

[Big J Okerson]

She was so hot.

[Felipe Esparza]

She's still hot.

[Robert Kelly]

She's still hot. I don't. I mean, I wouldn't touch that, but I'd probably gag if I went down there. But I don't mind it.

[Felipe Esparza]

I.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the thing. Based on this picture, I would do this.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course you would.

[Big J Okerson]

But the one of her in the dress. No.

[Felipe Esparza]

Which was.

[Robert Kelly]

No, the gray dress.

[Big J Okerson]

Gray dress is.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, the gray dress is just.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, that's nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would she.

[Felipe Esparza]

But it's still coming up, so you just gotta close your eyes.

[Robert Kelly]

But yeah, she should wear a hoodie with, like a chain wall jeans.

[Big J Okerson]

But you're right. I've watched. I said we were talking about it yesterday.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you, Christine.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You're thin now, so I can make these. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

But it is funny, I said I got to meet for a few months. I knew her before she died. Jessie Jane, if you remember her.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And the last time I saw her, she was in tul. She lived in Tulsa. She came to my show with her boyfriend, the one that she died with. They OD'd together in the house. But she was like. You could see she was like. Probably from the second she walks in, her mouth's moving. She's a mile a minute and she seems all fucked up. The boyfriend, I don't think he was anywhere near as way younger than her. And you could tell. It's like he's saying nothing because he's just like. He's like his hands sore from high fiving his friends for being with Jessie James, you know, I mean, so he's like. He's stuck in that. And then they just sit there and died together. Who let this happen to her?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I bet she. Is she married? I wonder if she's one of the married porn stars.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You think it's her love fat? She's probably got money. She didn't have to go and do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, if he's got money, you think he was like, hey, here's money. Go get morbidly obese.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, do me a favor, go get a case of Mac and cheese.

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't think she's married because she was arrested for meth.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she's on meth.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

She's working. I don't know if you saw that picture, but it's not working.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, man, she's eating faster now.

[Big J Okerson]

She's double fist Skittles. That's crazy. What a transformation.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, I've had it, so I can't really.

[Big J Okerson]

They have.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't really be too amazed at somebody becoming fat.

[Big J Okerson]

There's porn stars that have gone the other way, which has been fun to watch sometimes. Sometimes they get thin from being the bigger Girls. Brandy Tallore, I think.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. From Ohio.

[Big J Okerson]

She's from Ohio.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes. The little brothers. I mean, that little guy from Howard Stern, Eric the midget was in love with.

[Big J Okerson]

He's in love with her. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's. He was.

[Robert Kelly]

I remember he went from Ohio. Who the knows that?

[Big J Okerson]

Why do. Why do they always. Why do they always have a mug shot? Is there a porn star who hasn't been arrested aggressively? No, but yeah, she. She was like heavier when she was younger and then lost weight.

[Felipe Esparza]

She might come back for a little while.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you want to hear a sad thing? This might be sad for you, my friend. No, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

What's up?

[Big J Okerson]

That people used to ask me why I would get. I got like regular porn magazines when I was younger, but I really got the like Excel magazine or whatever. Excel, I believe. And like score. And those things with the bigger girls in it. And I did find them attractive, but I would go because that was more. I was like, well, if I ever become anything in this world attainable, this would be the one that I could get. Possibly could get here.

[Robert Kelly]

A sad day in my life. My stepdad, when I went into his draw to see his point, like, get a porno.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Started jerking off. He had a fat girl.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Fat girl porn.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And it bummed me out.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Because then I looked at my mom. I'm like, ah, my mom's fat.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

My dad's into fat.

[Big J Okerson]

Your mom's a fetish.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, my mom's a fat girl fetish. Made me sad.

[Big J Okerson]

I could show you. Christine, look up Samantha 38G. These are the names of people I would regularly masturbate to when I was younger. Big girls, not much younger. Samantha. 38G. Looks like your mom's friend who came over and then started fucking you.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm into that now. I'm into mom.

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes I circle back to Sam. 38G.

[Robert Kelly]

You do?

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't mind it now. I mean, I don't know about that. 38.

[Big J Okerson]

She also looks identical to a lady I fucked years ago named Barb.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, her body looks like a face.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but you know.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, she looked like she bids for storages.

[Robert Kelly]

But she's the auctioneer.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

She's not the bidder.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It can't just be big, black fat girl porn, Bobby. That is not a life. That is not a life. Realized I don't mind that lady.

[Felipe Esparza]

It looks like somebody like one of your homies. Like, man, your mom was hot.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, exactly. That's exactly the big titties, bro. And I would look at it that way when I was younger and then also with the reflection of like. Oh. And maybe, you know, said if I find any kind of like, place in life.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I cross her path, like, maybe if I just talked good, this would work out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

When you'd see like a Jenna Jameson and stuff, you're like, well, that's not going to happen. It's not me. I'm not that. I wasn't the quarterback in school. And Bobby, believe it or not, the most popular kid. I was not.

[Robert Kelly]

You weren't?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you sure?

[Big J Okerson]

I know it's hard for you to see now because you see my knuckle gloves.

[Robert Kelly]

I see you. You aren't wearing those knuckle gloves.

[Big J Okerson]

I know that you see me wearing these fingerless gloves.

[Felipe Esparza]

I thought they would look like, like what's the name movie? Desperately Seeking Susan.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. Madonna gloves.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I'm not wearing my wallet. My wallet.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's cool, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Has the things. That boy toy on it from the Madonna concert. Yeah, we went to go see Madonna.

[Felipe Esparza]

You ever watch porn bloopers?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Felipe Esparza]

Hilarious, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

It's great. But, you know, here's the problem with these. And you'll probably agree with this, there's not enough of them.

[Felipe Esparza]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

There's four videos of porn bloor. It's a girl falling, wearing high heels. She slips, I think, on her own squirt.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then the girl, the guy that farts right in her face while he gets a rim job.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Felipe Esparza]

And those five black dudes get into a fight when a one guy doesn't get a turn.

[Big J Okerson]

And then the girl trying to squirt, I believe, on a tub and falls into the tub.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then that one girl that. She's blowing that guy and the chair breaks. She almost breaks her neck.

[Robert Kelly]

I've never seen porn bloopers.

[Big J Okerson]

There's only five or six porn bloopers.

[Felipe Esparza]

One of them was. I remember one was. It was. It was all like, and dick. And then his dick just slips. Soccer. She's so wet, bro. That goes right in her ass by accident.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

You can hear go. And in the background. We're not done with a shoot. Can you please come back, please? We already give you your two jeans.

[Big J Okerson]

Those are called oops. Compilations. I know this. You want to see a funny compilation on porn? Friendly Fire. Compilations are hilarious. That's like, you know, guys all jerking off on a girl together and some guy and just hitting each other in the legs and stuff. And like, some guys react, some guys go like. What's funny is when a guy will just keep jerking himself off and go like, ah, come on, Ridge, or whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

I believe it's el burro, not jackass elbow. You're being a real el burro.

[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

One of them, one of them was was Lexington Steel. The old one. It was. Somebody might remember the names of the.

[Felipe Esparza]

Stars that came a lot. Boy. Oh yeah, enough fool would just pee on chicks, bro.

[Big J Okerson]

Anar. Well, my new my tour is called Peter North American tour.

[Felipe Esparza]

I was gonna ask you that when you mentioned it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I was like the Peter north, the porn star. Yeah, he was one of the most good looking porn stars, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't know that he comes because he comes so much. When I did Adam Corolla show, he called him. He goes, yeah, we've had the decorator on the show before. The decorator is one of the. I didn't know that's what he's called, the decorator. What do you do?

[Felipe Esparza]

I paint houses.

[Big J Okerson]

But there's one, but there's one where the Anari Vax is doing a blowbang.

[Robert Kelly]

How do you Guys know these fucking names.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll tell you what.

[Robert Kelly]

And I do. I don't look up their names. I watch it. I master.

[Felipe Esparza]

You're stuck to that fat chick magazine.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't. I don't know. I don't know any of the people today. Well, the ones that we interviewed on we. I do the STR show too. We interviewed a lot of them. But this was my friend Frank, who's a genius. This kid, black dude, good looking, smooth, got pussy. But he made compilation VHS himself. Like, he would rent porn movies and then makes. So it would be Frank's compilation of Big Ass Gang.

[Robert Kelly]

A mixtape.

[Big J Okerson]

A mixtape. And he had one. Yeah, and there was one. One of the Nari Vax blowing a bunch of guys. And one of them's Lexington Steel and Lexington Steele. I don't know if you know which. I also heard this about Godfrey from a year ago. A girl years ago that he scream comes. When he comes, he goes like. And is there something wrong with that?

[Robert Kelly]

Because I. I actually do that.

[Big J Okerson]

That's hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

I scream, come, but only when I masturbate by myself.

[Big J Okerson]

I've done the. I've done the. The. Let the steam out. It's like when you're gonna make a noise, but I don't. And then you just go.

[Felipe Esparza]

Like a jazz player.

[Big J Okerson]

Take it for a walk.

[Robert Kelly]

Take it for a walk.

[Big J Okerson]

Stop.

[Robert Kelly]

I do the. I do this. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Fucking. And then I fall and I. And I fall.

[Big J Okerson]

Lexington Steele, while he's doing this scream, come. Fires the first shot directly over her head, right onto another jerking off guy's leg. And just. He's reaction, he just goes, come on, Lex. It was so, like, genuine.

[Robert Kelly]

You ever hear Jacob come? It's the same sounds he makes when we do the workout.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he actually says, lou, straighten your back.

[Felipe Esparza]

Sometimes on those bloopers, you can see. Like, I saw a compilation of a cameraman getting hit over and over.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, hit.

[Felipe Esparza]

And he's like this for just filming, bro. Like, this is his Vietnam, bro. He has to keep filming, bro. To y'all. Cut. And he's. They come cut and next thing, he's wiping the camera.

[Robert Kelly]

He's got a helmet and a vest under this crew.

[Big J Okerson]

That Blue Burial should have Credence Clearwater playing over it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Come on, Lex.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you remember Pawns? I watched it for when they did the. They replicated sitcoms. Yes, they did like sitcoms, which I got into for a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

They do. All the parodies are so funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Parodies.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what they're called the parody ones. Yeah, yeah. That's what China found herself in eventually.

[Robert Kelly]

What was she in?

[Big J Okerson]

People said talk about China too much in her pornography days. But she was in.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's that?

[Big J Okerson]

I did an ama. They said. They said I bring up China too much.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would you ever do it? Ask me anything.

[Big J Okerson]

I had to promote the special.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

She played the girl that blew Bill Clinton the movie, right?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. Oh, maybe she may have done that, but she played she Hulk in the superhero one, which is a funny one to play because not only can you not suspend disbelief that this is China, not in fact she Hulk, it's that also when you fuck in full green body paint, it starts coming off. So it's like her pussy looks like the ultimate warriors face after WrestleMania 6.

[Robert Kelly]

And the guy's dick looks like he got bit by a zombie.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. None of it makes sense.

[Felipe Esparza]

Don't make me angry. You don't like me when I'm angry.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't ask me anything. And it was just them putting up whale videos.

[Felipe Esparza]

There she is.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I kind of like that, you know, I like muscle girls, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Bobby, she wasn't that muscly in her porns. I love it because something is so hot about the crazy fall from grace. There was action figures of her.

[Robert Kelly]

I actually like fucking green bitches. I'm a big fan of Star Trek.

[Big J Okerson]

She would go. She would go on Regis and Kathie Lee and say like, I like that. I can be an inspiration to all the girls out there. And her life ended with her getting bukhaki gang banged in a ring. Oh, it's so hot.

[Felipe Esparza]

Everyone. That Japanese porn, they blocked the penis. But they're into. I don't know what they're into, like bus groping chicks. So there's videos of just Japanese guys groping schoolgirls.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like the schoolgirl one, but there is one of like this blonde girl on a train, glasses. You know what I'm talking about, Lou?

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

And she's on a train together and it's all I would. And she's on a train and just one guy starts touching her butt and then another guy and she keeps pushing the hands off and. But. And it just keep. More and more guys and it's. I feel bad watching it.

[Big J Okerson]

You're disgusting.

[Robert Kelly]

Because if I. She got paid, I was. It was crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

The Japanese used to be into the art of sharking. Sharking. And I don't know how real or not. I think A lot of it was real. Now, baby sharking is a different thing.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't want to watch.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's talk about the fact that this is the early. The early aughts when the early outs before the girls gone wild culture hasn't shifted yet. So we realized what a terrible time the 90s were for ladies. But at the time we were like, don't they all want to be naked in front of us? Remember that? We should all yell. If we yell, show your tits to any lady. She should probably do it, right?

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Felipe Esparza]

Tissue contest?

[Big J Okerson]

Exactly. That was the culture at the time.

[Robert Kelly]

You didn't have to date him. You just needed plastic beads.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. But sharking was in Japan. They'd run up to a girl just like, you know, walking to her car or leaving work and just like, like just pull her titties out and run off. Or like lift her skirt up and pull her panties down, run off. And the only thing that is because I think it is fake because I think there'd be bigger reactions than this. Their reactions to it very much do seem to be like, come on now, crazy guy out there, like just putting their pussies away. Like, that's a handful, huh?

[Robert Kelly]

Talking about Japan though, they. They make their girls walk ten paces behind them.

[Big J Okerson]

So they're just like, another day another guy pulled my box out on the street.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the Japanese guys, like, hey, take this.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, I trust you found a video of sharking, but I know that.

[Felipe Esparza]

I know they have vending machines with soiled underwears that you could buy in Japan.

[Big J Okerson]

They have what?

[Felipe Esparza]

A vending machine where hot chicks leave their underwears there and you could buy them.

[Big J Okerson]

Does it have a picture of the chick?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, and it smells just like them.

[Robert Kelly]

But they also have lo mein. You get hot lo mein out of a vending machine too, which is great.

[Big J Okerson]

Same vending machine guy.

[Felipe Esparza]

Guy's underwear with pee on it. You could buy it.

[Big J Okerson]

And also Kylie Jenner's cosmetics.

[Robert Kelly]

But we should get a vending machine and sell peed underwear from like, from all of us, like famous comedians.

[Felipe Esparza]

Peed underwear colognes.

[Big J Okerson]

This isn't sharking.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not sharking.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not your fault.

[Felipe Esparza]

It's kind of a library.

[Big J Okerson]

That's hidden camera.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like hidden camera.

[Big J Okerson]

I watched that's the. The library girl is the career in my time to do an SDR show even where, like, talk about a career. I saw go there. We're have her on. It's like she just got kicked out of school for. At Oregon University for Masturbating the library on camera. We had her on. She was brand new when we went to the AVN Awards, whatever. It was two, three years ago. Yeah, I mean like they held off like the, you know, they had to block off people so like they can let her and her people. I mean she was like the belle of the ball. Damn. Yeah, but I promise you she's all fucked up. She told me on a zoom that she would shit on camera for $500.

[Robert Kelly]

She. You think she's fucked up?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm inside, I'm sure. Oh look, there's a mug shot. Don't worry.

[Felipe Esparza]

Who's that?

[Big J Okerson]

Kendra Sunderland, her name is. She's hot, but she went from masturbating in a library to now doing. And Lou, I apologize for using an industry term. Big black cock, gang bangs. Yes. And she's great at it.

[Robert Kelly]

She said she on somebody. For how much?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, she on camera.

[Robert Kelly]

She on camera.

[Big J Okerson]

For 500.

[Robert Kelly]

Just take a poop? Yeah, for 500.

[Big J Okerson]

I was asked, it was during quarantine. I was asking her on the show, like, what are the craziest requests you're getting? I'm like, onlyfans now cuz you're just at home. I was like, anybody ask you to shit yet? And she was like, no. She's like, that would be a lot of money. A lot of money. And I went like, how much money? And she said $500. And Christine wouldn't Venmo her for me because I don't know how to Venmo. I tried to have Christine Venmo her immediately, but she didn't, so. But she's only $500.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I ask a question? Would you put that under business or friends of family?

[Big J Okerson]

That's a good question.

[Robert Kelly]

That's.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. What do I use? The Amex or the Chase? How do we play this one here?

[Robert Kelly]

What little emoji would you use?

[Big J Okerson]

Did you find the porn bloopers?

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Felipe Esparza]

There are.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I have Friendly fire compilation is. Cuz that's. That'll be good audio because the guys react for sure.

[Felipe Esparza]

Have you seen the one? The porno with the. The. The le. No torso.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, like. Like there's a. A section where like everybody has like porno for people who don't have no arm. Amputee porn. Yes. It says hot shit with no legs. You just hang like this and.

[Big J Okerson]

And they never seem to enjoy it.

[Robert Kelly]

They hang her. Does she have to hold herself up? She has to hold herself.

[Big J Okerson]

They never. They also never seem to Enjoy it.

[Felipe Esparza]

They just do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, they're booked for, like a thing. Like, hey, look, people want to see this, so if you wouldn't mind, like, do I have to smile at all? Like, no, it's fine. You just sit there and be legless. Really?

[Robert Kelly]

And just swing.

[Big J Okerson]

As long as you're legless, honestly, everything's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

Like a spider plant on a porch. It's just a compilation.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah. Of what is this? Bloopers?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, porn bloopers.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. I'm telling you, me and Philippe, I think know all of them. Oh, I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

Jesus Christ, that looks like you.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, new porn bloopers.

[Felipe Esparza]

Is that new ones? Eh?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know what that is, though.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a double sided dildo.

[Felipe Esparza]

She's gonna fall.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God. Why couldn't they.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Bobby, that's a woman's vagina.

[Robert Kelly]

I know what that is, Jay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Those are the kind of chairs I say, I love the podcast.

[Robert Kelly]

Why they. Why are they giggling?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know, but that woman's belly is why I wanted to get stomach tattoos. Why is she okay with that?

[Robert Kelly]

What's happening?

[Felipe Esparza]

This is better than the porn Joe Rogan show, I gotta tell you.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I just say something?

[Big J Okerson]

If you were. If you were attractive to someone as a fetish, because, like, you're riddled with stretch marks and grotesque body, sure. I still would be like, the problem is I know that there's people, there's girls out there who would not care my shirt was off and go, like, I think you have a good body or something yet. But it's not them. It's the scrutiny from the people that will be like, gah. Like, that hits way louder than someone going like, no, come on, you're fine.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude. I mean, listen, this is low end porn. Christine, we're watching. We're watching low end porn right now.

[Big J Okerson]

This is.

[Robert Kelly]

This is like really low.

[Big J Okerson]

You watch high end shit. Well, I mean, I'm exclusive low end porn.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I like, if there's a time and date stamp on the bottom, I'm in. If you. If there's a low battery warning happening in the top.

[Robert Kelly]

If it says recording.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

You like that?

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. I don't like.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm telling you know, what I go to now is not like the. The hot Carmela Bing years or stuff like that.

[Felipe Esparza]

It is amateur.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a lady amateur. But it's. I've told you for. It's a lady. She could be anywhere from gorgeous to not. Because it's just a lady at home and her husband filming a bunch of dudes come over to fuck the chick. That's the best amateur porn. It's very real. Unless it's not real. You got to be able to suss that out.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, I need. I need the fantasy of it.

[Big J Okerson]

I need to train.

[Robert Kelly]

I need the story.

[Felipe Esparza]

Granny.

[Robert Kelly]

See, this is the one I was talking about. I mean, let me tell you something, dude. I've. I have to not watch.

[Big J Okerson]

Lou sent this from his favorites.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, dude, I have it blue. I have it secretly. I have this hidden in my bookmark. Secret.

[Felipe Esparza]

Hell yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because that's the one I. I go to when I treat myself and I have enough time to make love.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, she's.

[Robert Kelly]

I do this, but I watch to it. Dude, this is what I like. It's a slow roll. It takes a long time to get. I mean, she's beautiful.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd be skipping ahead a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

This is a groping. Beautiful woman on a train. She hairs up. She probably just came from work, maybe a designer. She has glasses on and she's on a train full of Japanese men.

[Big J Okerson]

It's Bobby. It's Bobby and Black Lou's favorite pornography. Asian guys rape woman.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not right. It's not rape. It's not rape. It's not rape. It's not rape. It's not rape.

[Felipe Esparza]

The groping.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, because she's. Oh, I get the joke. It's lape. Because they're Asians. Got it. That was good. That was good. But don't try to work SNL with that attitude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. I gotta shut this off. I can't watch this.

[Big J Okerson]

Why are you getting a genuine boner from a guy? Are you gonna friendly fire me?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm have to say sorry, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Don't friendly fire me. Not on my good Nashville.

[Robert Kelly]

I would be able to friendly fire Felipe.

[Felipe Esparza]

Are they blocking a vagina? Because if they're not, it ain't Japanese.

[Robert Kelly]

No, they. They're blocking the penis.

[Felipe Esparza]

They don't have to block the vaginas.

[Robert Kelly]

They don't.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, they do.

[Robert Kelly]

They block the penis. Oh, they do. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought they.

[Big J Okerson]

Sometimes the cum splatters make it outside of the. The digitization.

[Felipe Esparza]

Did you see the one where there's a Japanese news agent and she's telling her news and she's. She's telling her the weather and everyone just jizzing on her? Yeah, I saw that one.

[Big J Okerson]

That was like the.

[Felipe Esparza]

Originally raining.

[Big J Okerson]

That was the original bukkake. Video. Jacob, put that in the notes. That.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, type that in. Jacob.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob, throw. Pop it into the thing real quick. If you wouldn't mind. If you wouldn't mind for me. What a long poem.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's funny, man. Have you seen the one where they cut. There's one where a guy pretends to catch a bunch of chicks shoplifting. Then, you know, they have to have sex with him.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Or the pawn show them in the back. Yeah, I watched all that when I had a belief somewhere that it was real. But the point. The Bang brothers ruined that for me because the Bang Bus was infuriating because it could have been so real. Until at the end when they go, hey, could you. Oh, I dropped a dollar right there. Can you grab that for me? And then they just be like, later, you dumb bitch. And, like, slam the door and drive off. You guys would be in prison if.

[Robert Kelly]

This is when they really pulled a Stavros Helgius. Bye, bitch.

[Big J Okerson]

Bye, you stupid bitch. Thanks for fucking me and all my friends, you dumbass.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that was kind of. That was. That was the ones that made me feel uncomfortable. I like porns where they did bad stuff. And at the end they were like, this is my wife. And this. We've always. They gave me the out where it's like, we've always wanted to fantasize about a guy coming over from the mafia and, you know, attacking my wife.

[Big J Okerson]

You jerk off to couples therapy.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I just like at the end when they kind of break character go, it's all right. What you just did was, okay, we love each other.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby jerks off to a guy asking his wife about her day instead. No, no, it doesn't matter. Let me hear about your day.

[Felipe Esparza]

Lex, you know that Boogie Nights. You know that scene, like Bang Buzz where they bring a chicken to the bus?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

In that movie Boogie Nights, when Burt Reynolds brought in Roller Girl and they brought a random guy from the street without the first time somebody did that. Was somebody already doing that now?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no.

[Felipe Esparza]

Reynolds in the movie Boogie Nights, he did a bang bus scene.

[Big J Okerson]

That was before.

[Felipe Esparza]

Way before right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but that kind of. That kind of porn was around before Bang Bus. They really. They got the idea as soon as the Internet came out. That seemed like a pretty quick thing.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

People want to believe that. You go, because, hey, nice to meet you. Want to go. Me and this guy. And, like, people were like, okay. And you go, it could have. This could happen for all of us, possibly. And then everyone got sexually warped for 20 years.

[Robert Kelly]

It can Happen for older gay guys at a park.

[Big J Okerson]

You're goddamn right it can. In a park. In a McDonald's, in a Starbucks bathroom, Truck stop. Fucking Bobby's basement.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

Now that's what you rented out Bobby's Bathhouse.

[Felipe Esparza]

You ever watched Sun Stuck in Dryer?

[Robert Kelly]

What? What?

[Big J Okerson]

He says a bunch of different names because Keyboard search.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what the stuck porn is not good at? Which bums me out because Stuck por. I. I kind of like the concept of it. They're never visually really stuck. You can be the whole time, you're like, oh, she can get out of that. Like, I would like the bed to be on her.

[Felipe Esparza]

She's under the bed and stuck.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Like, they're not stuck.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, there's one that's. They're stuck in a dryer and they can't get out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, anything point of view, I don't like. I don't like someone talking to me behind the screen.

[Robert Kelly]

I did see one with a window, which actually played because the window came down and got locked. And the mom was stuck. And the stepsons came home and they didn't really like the mom, and she was yelling at them and they were like, yeah, we'll help you. And the one went out the other side and the one was on the inside and she started yelling at him, but she could not get out of that. I can see.

[Big J Okerson]

And then they fucked her.

[Robert Kelly]

They did a bunch of stuff. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

But, Bobby, are you in the snuff films or something? I don't see any of these things.

[Robert Kelly]

Not a snuff film. I mean, she was just stuck. I like a stuck, but I like a real stuck.

[Big J Okerson]

I like being treated like a piece of garbage by 15 black dicks. But no, I don't. She wants that.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like that. I'm just saying, if you're gonna do it, I like it to be real. Like, I want you to be stuck. I don't want you to be under a bed where I know you can get out of it.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you like the ones where they have a girl, like, chained up and it's just her butt and pussy through a wall and her legs.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I don't like that.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't like that?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like chained up. I don't like. I don't like chained up.

[Big J Okerson]

Did I ever tell you this? I know I've said on the show before, but I was following. I said, I always. Another big thing I love again. It's the downfall if someone's done something Mainstream. And then they go to porn. We're interviewing Farah Abraham soon. She took a dump on camera. It's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I didn't even give her 500 bucks. She. It wasn't me. It wasn't for me. It was. But that someone, like, going from, like, Is she coming in here something else? I believe so. Right? Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Next week.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she's coming in here and the girl that said she dumped for 500.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no. She already shit on camera. We watched it, remember? Two foot, a straight, unbroken dump.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. That was a long.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

That was beautiful.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was not so much sexy as. It was an impressive. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I haven't had ice cream since, but.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, how could you? No, certainly not McDonald's ice cream. No, the way that comes out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But there was a girl on, remember VH1 tool academy that shows out. For a minute, it was just like, we're taking dude bros and getting to treat their girlfriends better. And they bring the girlfriends in at one point and they stay in one place. And one of those girls started doing porn. Her name was Cameron. She always kept changing her name, but maybe the last one's Cameron Adams, the girl. But she wasn't even very pretty. She had a crazy body, but she wasn't even necessarily pretty. But she started doing porn. She did one of those back room casting couch porns, and that was the first one for a while then. So I was like, oh, shit. I followed her on Twitter because she would post, like, naked stuff. And I was just. It was just the fact that I'm like, man, this girl was just on VH1, and now she's doing this, like, with regularity. Then she did one of those, like. She started doing, like, maybe a couple more scenes, and then she ended up doing one of those chained up and 15 guys fuck her and take turns and pass her around kind of thing. Yeah. Then, like, one day, she just posted on her. Do you remember the story, Jake? One day she posted on her Twitter. I don't know why I'm laughing. It's fucked up. She goes, oh, God. She goes, another idiot in the industry up. So now we all have to go get tested again. And then three months later, three months later, her next post, she goes, I appreciate all of you being so kind during this. Very difficult. She got aids. We. I watched her get AIDS in one of these scenes.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. And that's what makes it hot. No, that's not what makes it hot. I'm kidding about. I'm Kidding about that. That didn't make it hot. It's the downfall.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

Age is also no longer a death sentence, Bobby, you bigot.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't even know if that's a downfall.

[Big J Okerson]

There she is.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, she's kind of.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, surprise, surprise. She's been arrested.

[Robert Kelly]

She looks like Ty Rivera.

[Big J Okerson]

She looks like Rivera. She does look like Ty Rivera. No, wait, was that. Was that a picture the guy gave her?

[Robert Kelly]

Who's that Old puppet from back in the day. Remember that? What was the puppet for the kids?

[Felipe Esparza]

Woody.

[Robert Kelly]

Howdy duty.

[Felipe Esparza]

Howdy Doody.

[Robert Kelly]

She looks like Howdy Doody.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Her body was nuts, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that her now or she's dead. She dead or did she get. Oh, Michael.

[Big J Okerson]

So, yeah, guy magic. By the way, look at this cross. Look at this. Six degrees of Kevin Bacon. The guy on the left played Anthony Weiner in the parody porn thing. He had unprotected sex with her a few weeks ago. Who just been told she has hiv. The scene he did the Mark Weiner parody thing in, that girl Sydney Leathers, that was another one. She was the one that got him in trouble, actually, the one he sent the dick pic to. And she posted it and then she was like a intern. She had worked in politics or something. Three days later, full blown pornography.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And she was hilarious. Was. She came into it, like chubby. She wasn't very hot. She was cute and she did a scene, but didn't matter. It was hot because of like, oh, my God, this is crazy. This girl's doing this. Then she got in crazy porn shape. No one cared. No one worked her.

[Robert Kelly]

Really.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Amy Fisher did porn. Remember her? The Long Island Lola. Lolita.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

The worst one was Tanya Harding.

[Big J Okerson]

That was bad, though, because that was. That wasn't made for porn. And she's a. A blocky, gawky idiot. Like, if you really just look like that, that, like female athlete body come in like, her ass.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry. Jason Mayhem Miller came in and mma, that microphone the other day.

[Robert Kelly]

I got him, I got him, I got him, I got him, I got him. That's. I fixed it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Jacob. That was passive aggressive as a. Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob, I don't know what you're doing right now.

[Big J Okerson]

The way he just cranked it up like that to you fixed.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you're. You're doing unnecessary right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. Jacob's all wound up seeing all this fat on the screen. You're all worked up with fat today, dude. Jacob, don't put a blanket over your legs. There's women in the room. Yeah. Confusing everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

There's no way. You're cold. Cold.

[Big J Okerson]

He's very, very cold.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, you know what I saw today that was terrible made me sad. Yeah, really sad today.

[Big J Okerson]

A gray sky.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was sadder than that. It was worse than that. It was worse than that.

[Big J Okerson]

A gay sky.

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's actually.

[Big J Okerson]

That would be nice.

[Robert Kelly]

We, you know, we did the photos today. We did a photo shoot for the show. Brand new photos. We all had to pick our photos.

[Big J Okerson]

We did.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm going through all the photos and you know, they had solos of me and they had the group shot and they had me and Jay to promote, you know, the show, and some solos of me. Bonfire, Bonfire, Sirius xm, Faction talk. Me, the great J. Big Jokerson. And I went through your solos, dude, it's the saddest shit I've ever seen. Buddy, you're. I don't know what the fuck's going on behind your eyes, dude. Christine, can you please bring up. I don't know what's happening. Dude, I almost cropped. Dude, I fucking was like, concerned at this phone. It's your solo shot. And the sadness in your eyes.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like I just got AIDS after I told everybody I was gonna go get a stupid test.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, it is fucking. Look at this. Just go to the first one. This is the first one. I mean, zoom in, buddy.

[Felipe Esparza]

It looks like you lost all your band members in a playground accident and you survived.

[Big J Okerson]

This looks like I'm the last of Papa Roach.

[Felipe Esparza]

This looks like you just stain broke up.

[Robert Kelly]

This looks like you just gotta.

[Big J Okerson]

It's. Can we. I'm telling. We should do with this picture right now. This is ours now we have this.

[Felipe Esparza]

And like, where are they now?

[Big J Okerson]

You have to capture contest this. You have to.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy.

[Jacob]

We didn't submit this to Jim. This is one of the rejected ones.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm saying we have to. Like, this has to be captioning. Let the people capture this.

[Robert Kelly]

Looks like two years ago when Dan called you.

[Felipe Esparza]

You have a look of a comic that was about to headline. When you show, you show up. There's two headliners.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Oh, dude.

[Felipe Esparza]

Roger.

[Big J Okerson]

Paul, I'm still gonna get the money though, right? Like, the money will still be the same.

[Robert Kelly]

This looks like when you found out you were feature for me.

[Big J Okerson]

Middling.

[Robert Kelly]

You're middling up in Niagara Falls, buddy.

[Felipe Esparza]

What? Just please.

[Robert Kelly]

What the. Dude, what. What is going through the saddest eyes? I see little J on his stomach back in Philly on a hot day with no AC and a little bit of snacks left, but a lot of TV to go.

[Felipe Esparza]

Like, a look of when a comic lady takes off with a magician. Com.

[Big J Okerson]

What the, Dude, I don't know, but you have to let people caption this picture.

[Robert Kelly]

This is when.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

When you said, hey, I'm thinking, I got in the house. Do you want to come with me? And Christine said, yeah, buddy. This is the saddest, everyone.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's so sad.

[Robert Kelly]

But that's a different photo every shot.

[Big J Okerson]

This is a rejected pile.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course it's rejected.

[Felipe Esparza]

What do you think?

[Robert Kelly]

We're. We're doing ads for a funeral home? These.

[Jacob]

These are the. There's pain behind the smile.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, there is pain behind.

[Big J Okerson]

Are there any good ones?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we got a couple good ones.

[Jacob]

We got a few.

[Robert Kelly]

But, I mean, the first few, dude, was saddest I've ever seen.

[Jacob]

It was depressing.

[Robert Kelly]

It made. I had to take a break, dude. I had to go pray. Well, I did say. I'm like, I know Jay just hates taking pictures in that studio setting. Like, you ended up loosening him up a bit. Oh, yeah. I mean, jerking you off really helped.

[Big J Okerson]

It did.

[Robert Kelly]

Jerking you off and taking it on the face.

[Big J Okerson]

Getting the poison out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Really, Jacob, I'd like to show you that the only other person wearing a blanket over their lap is a lady. You're dressing late. What is that, please?

[Robert Kelly]

You have Joe Koi teeth in this one. I don't. Go back to that one. I mean, dude, go back to the teeth one. Right there. Right there. Look, dude. Holy shit. Look at my new choppers.

[Felipe Esparza]

Joy Boy Hackers.

[Robert Kelly]

Go back to the other one. Go back to the choppers. Where's the choppers, dude? What the. Right here. Well, not that it's been a while. It was the other one. There it is right there. Go to that one. Hey, check these suckers out. I just got these brand new babies. I got a new house, a new truck, and new choppers. My name's Jerry. Big Jerry Ogle.

[Felipe Esparza]

He looked like that guy from the cooking channel, Fieri. Guy Fierro.

[Big J Okerson]

Guy Fuego, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

You.

[Felipe Esparza]

You don't do a Takis commercial for Frito Lay.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man. Wow. I mean, you loosen up a little bit, but they go back to sad again. You go right back to sad.

[Big J Okerson]

Take any of these.

[Felipe Esparza]

Well, you should have kept that one. The one looking to the left.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, go. Look at. There you go.

[Felipe Esparza]

This that one.

[Robert Kelly]

That one's good. Now go back to the run right after it. He goes right back to his childhood right there. Zoom in on that sad puss.

[Felipe Esparza]

My dad was eaten by a bear when I was good. We're camping now.

[Robert Kelly]

Mom's upstairs with another cop.

[Felipe Esparza]

My dad said, I want to buy you some candlestairs.

[Big J Okerson]

She's in another room.

[Felipe Esparza]

This is the day my dad went to go buy candles and never came back.

[Robert Kelly]

And you do see the three lighters in your pocket, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

You know how much it sucks to not have a lighter when you need it, buddy?

[Robert Kelly]

Michael, what is that one? Go back to that one. What are you thinking about? Not that one. Next one. Right there. What are you. What are you thinking about?

[Felipe Esparza]

Should I fuck this big black chick or not?

[Robert Kelly]

Is that. Should I eat the whole ham or should I eat half of it now and half later?

[Big J Okerson]

Save some for now.

[Felipe Esparza]

Carrot salad or no carrots.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, your. Your first few photos are the saddest things. I. I almost cried. Dawn walked in. She goes, what's wrong? You go look. And she was like, what's wrong with him? What's wrong?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, buddy, you have to let people capture. It'll be funny.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that first. First one. The first one is sadness.

[Felipe Esparza]

You're all sad.

[Jacob]

I had to go through it. I started that one at my desk in my apartment for like five minutes in silence.

[Big J Okerson]

You what?

[Jacob]

Just. I just stared at it in silence for five minutes in my apartment. Like, just sad about life.

[Felipe Esparza]

What were you wearing?

[Big J Okerson]

Because of me?

[Jacob]

So sad.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, buddy, you made everybody.

[Jacob]

There's so much pain in that face, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at that thing. It's like. Zoom in again. God, how long. How long is this rock cruise?

[Big J Okerson]

They just took west side Story off Broadway.

[Jacob]

But I also called Christine and Bobby and said, go open. Open photo one.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I called Jacob. I was like, dude, is Jay all right? Like, we captured something on these fucking.

[Felipe Esparza]

That one should be, like, in black and white with the Pogues. It was Christmas Eve. This is my drunken time.

[Big J Okerson]

This is my cast picture for M. Butterfly.

[Felipe Esparza]

Another one.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay's Solo is the exact name. It's just. You're just a set now. Go to. Go to Black Lou took solos. This guy should be in. This guy should be modeling everything. Look at this. Adorable.

[Big J Okerson]

What does Black Lou need solos for? I don't do his own show.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know, dude.

[Jacob]

It's my favorite. The Black Luc show.

[Big J Okerson]

What the.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. He just jumped in and took.

[Big J Okerson]

That's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Why is he. You gotta go to Black Lou Solo, though.

[Big J Okerson]

Just got some free professional pictures.

[Felipe Esparza]

He only got 10 bucks.

[Robert Kelly]

Look how cute he is. Yeah, he's like, doing like a Sears and robot catalog.

[Felipe Esparza]

Sears this Friday on Fox show.

[Robert Kelly]

Remember that one?

[Big J Okerson]

That was old as hell.

[Robert Kelly]

That's old. That was before.

[Big J Okerson]

That's like a strawberry thing.

[Robert Kelly]

That was before the whiz.

[Big J Okerson]

Nobody be the whiz in these.

[Robert Kelly]

You just did like you did Elvis. Look, they look like you're not used to your teeth yet on those ones. Yeah, okay, well, go zoom in on that one. Zoom in. Hey. Hey, now. Hey, I'm Big J. Welcome to the Bun. Now, this is Bobby Kelly. He replaced Dan Soda. But everything's good, baby. Baby, don't worry about it.

[Big J Okerson]

Everything's going to be hor.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, this is DJ Lou. He's good on the board now. And then we got my Memphis mafia down there, Jacob and Christine. I'm a. I'm a. I love that woman.

[Big J Okerson]

More makeup on.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, but. I mean. I mean, I really took a good photo. Yeah, but black Lou. Holy black. I mean, black Lew's beat me as far. He stepped in and took six slamming shots. We could have. I say we manage him and get him work.

[Big J Okerson]

Just make him a picture.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, make him. Make him do, like, clothes for, like, Target.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's do it.

[Jacob]

Like, I was there when he.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at that.

[Jacob]

Before you guys got there. Oh, can I just jump in now?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I was there. You weren't. I was there. And then she goes, all right, who was next? And he goes, I'm. I'm actually jumped in and I'm looking at the photos. I'm like, God damn, this guy's good looking. And then you popped in and gave us your whole sad childhood through your eyes.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, God, yeah, I want people to experience me. Well, we have to put that as a conversation test competition or a caption contest.

[Robert Kelly]

Caption contest winner will get.

[Big J Okerson]

What does the winner get? A picture. You get the intellectual property that is that picture.

[Robert Kelly]

You'll get a signed, sad photo of Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

One signed sad pic. If we could do that. If we could print that out. I'll do. I'll send a signed pic to whoever wins the caption contest.

[Robert Kelly]

And you'll write a sad poem on it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, and I will also write a sad poem on it. No doubt.

[Robert Kelly]

We got to take a break.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right. Felipe's new special, Raging fool, streaming right now on Netflix.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, what's going on? I'm Robert Kelly.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm Big J. Okerson. Do you want to listen to episodes of the Bonfire ad free and a whole week early?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, the Bonfire is a member of Sirius XM's podcast.

[Big J Okerson]

Plus, if you get a Sirius XM podcast plus subscription. It opens you up to all kinds of benefits on so many SiriusXM shows and podcasts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. So what are you waiting for?

[Big J Okerson]

Subscribe to Sirius XM podcast plus right now or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus right now.