Garold w/Greg Stone & Anthony DeVito

Summary

Podcast Title: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: Garold w/Greg Stone & Anthony DeVito
Release Date: May 28, 2025
Host/Authors: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk Channel
Description: The Bonfire is a live daily show featuring veteran stand-up comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly. Known for their blunt humor and unfiltered honesty, Jay and Bobby engage listeners in candid conversations about life, comedy, pop culture, entertainment, and sports, with regular guest appearances adding spontaneity to the show.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, titled "Garold w/Greg Stone & Anthony DeVito," hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly are joined by comedians Greg Stone and Anthony DeVito. The conversation delves into the complexities of relationships, sexuality, and personal struggles, all delivered with the show's trademark humor and candidness.

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Key Discussions and Insights

1. Navigating Sexuality and Relationships

Timestamp: [01:10]
Big Jay introduces the main topic by addressing misunderstandings and assumptions in relationships, particularly focusing on sexuality.

• Robert Kelly emphasizes the importance of legal innocence, stating, “I say the guy died innocent in the court of law. No convictions on anything.” ([01:10])

• Greg Stone counters with a stance on belief and legal definitions of innocence, highlighting the complexity of public perception versus legal outcomes. “I believe in this country and I... if you're proven innocent in a court of law, you're innocent.” ([01:20])

The hosts explore the nuances of relationship dynamics, especially regarding monogamy and the challenges of maintaining fidelity.

• Greg Stone shares personal insights: “Marriage is not love fucking. It's meeting somebody that gets you. You get them and then you become best friends.” ([06:53])

• Robert Kelly adds humorously contentious views on relationship boundaries: “You should be allowed to get your wiener sucked on the road.” ([07:10])

2. The Struggles of Infidelity and Communication

The conversation shifts to the difficulties in communicating desires and boundaries within a marriage.

• Big Jay Oakerson discusses his own experiences with couples therapy: “I was like, we need to talk about this... I went, I just threw this joke out of the car.” ([08:14])

• Greg Stone offers advice on clarity and honesty: “You should go back to her and be like, did you mean that? Because if she's... don’t you want to it up and have a leave, right?” ([08:35])

The dialogue highlights the tension between personal desires and marital commitments, often explored through comedic exaggeration.

3. Humor and Coping Mechanisms

Using humor as a coping mechanism, the hosts navigate through sensitive topics, balancing explicit jokes with relatable scenarios.

• Big Jay Oakerson humorously refers to himself as a “sexual adventurer,” blending self-deprecation with candid admissions about his struggles. ([41:50])

• Robert Kelly shares his approach to managing his sex drive: “I find myself jerking off at night to get more sleep.” ([37:11])

These discussions underscore the hosts' ability to tackle personal and taboo subjects with a humorous twist, making the conversation engaging and thought-provoking.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Robert Kelly: “I say the guy died innocent in the court of law. No convictions on anything.” ([01:10])

• Greg Stone: “Marriage is not love fucking. It's meeting somebody that gets you. You get them and then you become best friends.” ([06:53])

• Big Jay Oakerson: “I would rather take a pill to get rid of my sex drive than take a pill to have more sex drive.” ([40:30])

• Robert Kelly: “I've been asking myself that question a lot. What is the reward? If you know one of those people like, you paralyze from like the waist down, your dick never works again. What's your life's rewards now?” ([40:30])

• Greg Stone: “I think that's why a lot of guys who get married wind up doing gay. Because you don’t have to meet a chick at a bar and have to talk to her. These dudes got it, right. It’s just...” ([31:07])

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Concluding Thoughts

Throughout the episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly alongside their guests, Greg Stone and Anthony DeVito, offer a raw and unfiltered look into the intricacies of modern relationships and personal sexuality. Their candidness, paired with sharp wit, provides listeners with both laughter and meaningful reflections on topics that are often considered taboo.

The episode stands out for its ability to blend humor with serious discussions, making it both entertaining and relatable for audiences navigating similar personal challenges.

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Note: This summary focuses on the core content of the episode, omitting advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to provide a clear and concise overview for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

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[Benicio Del Toro]

Focus Features and Indian Paintbrush present the Phoenician Scheme. It's my most important project of my lifetime. Meet Zsa Jsa Gorda. We keep getting assassinated. Unsuccessfully so far. He's the most bold, most elusive, most wanted man on the planet. Help yourself to a hangar neck.

[Greg Stone]

You're very kind.

[Benicio Del Toro]

Starring Benicio Del Toro, Mia Thrapleton, Michael Cera, Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson and Jeffrey Wright. The Phoenician scheme, rated PG13, may be inappropriate for children under 13 in theaters everywhere. June 6th.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry, Bobby. I say the guy died innocent in the court of law. No convictions on anything.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

So I know you're pissed at Michael Jackson.

[Greg Stone]

I'm not pissed.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you're pissed.

[Greg Stone]

No, look, man, you know what? I believe in this country and I.

[Robert Kelly]

Believe in his laws, okay?

[Greg Stone]

And if you're proven innocent in a court of law, you're innocent.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, there was doves released to prove that he didn't do anything. God.

[Greg Stone]

Didn't he dance on a car too to prove it?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. At the end he came out and did his move. I'll tell you what, even though I think Michael Jackson probably did plenty of pedophile stuff, I subscribed to that. If he walked out of jail, though, and they said he was innocent, even if I was like, damn, really? When he get on that thing and started fudgeing, I'd have been like, oh, shit. I'd have been way into it.

[Greg Stone]

Even if you were one of the kids he molested.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Greg Stone]

I love that.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, oh, there he goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Walking out of pedophile charges is the way to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely. You know, by the way, when he does it. Yeah. If you want to. If you're one of the victims, you still go. Yeah, you go. You go, son of a bitch. He goes. That's how he got me. You see the moves? He goes, son of a bitch. Just when I think I'm out, he gets me right Back in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They try to throw the book at him. He just leads forward, goes right over his head.

[Greg Stone]

And that. It's funny that that's not his voice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean?

[Greg Stone]

It's that he's.

[Robert Kelly]

You've latched on to this.

[Greg Stone]

He has a, like, dude voice, like a regular. Yo, what's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I saw video about this.

[Robert Kelly]

There's people that have talked more masculine, but it's not.

[Greg Stone]

I wouldn't say he's not.

[Robert Kelly]

He.

[Greg Stone]

He's more like, yo. Like, he had the thing where we.

[Robert Kelly]

Turn to a 70s street guy.

[Greg Stone]

There's a guy. He was in the studio, Jack, Acting.

[Robert Kelly]

All crazy, now I'm the king.

[Greg Stone]

He was in the studio and he was sitting there talking. And. And these people left. He's. I thought those were never gonna leave.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And the guy was like, what?

[Robert Kelly]

That's right. He didn't understand it's a barbecue.

[Greg Stone]

Because he was like, hey. He was like, hey, guys. All right. And then they left. He goes, I don't think those are ever gonna leave.

[Robert Kelly]

Yo, give me that blinky glove. I can't be. Gotta get out of here.

[Greg Stone]

I ain't gonna get no kid dick with this voice.

[Robert Kelly]

This is some bullshit.

[Greg Stone]

I need to lighten this motherfucker up. You can't be like, yo, open your asshole for me, son.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Hey, you like candy, Jack? I'm getting this motherfucking ride.

[Greg Stone]

Why don't you stick your Rolo in my mouth? Let me suck on it for a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, player.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, put this in your mouth and call it licorice.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on. I'm not gonna molest you. That's for perverts.

[Greg Stone]

Wait, what you call it? Molest you?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not gonna molest you.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, this is supposed to be his real voice right here. Listen.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna dance all over you.

[Greg Stone]

So you be bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't move over for no one.

[Greg Stone]

Call me the King of Pops. That's him right there. That's not. He's not like, hey, I'm not going in. I'm gonna get you my house. And you can ride my giraffe now.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on, Jack.

[Greg Stone]

No, I got cake upstairs. It's a whole fridge full of cake.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm here to get me some kids. He Bubbles.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't worry about him. That's just Bubbles.

[Robert Kelly]

What y' all want? Juice.

[Greg Stone]

You guys like a motherfucking Rubik's Cube? I know about a game called Simon, motherfucker.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Macaulay, shut the fuck up.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, Cockbach and Macaulay, why don't you back off, motherfucker. And get that little crispy little motherfucker in here.

[Robert Kelly]

Which one of you little sexy motherfuckers wants to meet a real dinosaur?

[Greg Stone]

Which motherfucker? You guys want rides? I got rides.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You ain't never been on a loopy loop, have you?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You ever get your penis touched in a house of Maris? Yeah. Try to run, you end up running yourself.

[Greg Stone]

I got a balloon machine in the corner if you suck my balloon.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I love about llamas? They watch everything, say nothing.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, unlike your nosy mother in the room next door. I hear the cup on the wall.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm about to send family off to a oneway helicopter ride to Mount Everest. What do you. That was. That's what he did in that Finding Neverland documentary.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, what?

[Greg Stone]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. A one way helicopter ride to Mount Everest.

[Robert Kelly]

He would go. He would go, hey, I'm sending you guys tomorrow. I'm sending you. I'm sending you all like the Grand Canyon in my like helicopter. And he would send like the brother, sister and. And the parents like the grand can and just like leave them there in a helicopter. And then he. And he'd be, we have all day now. Oh, I'm sorry. That was a bad impression. He ain't got nothing but another fucking time.

[Greg Stone]

Let me tell you something. I got a Stouffer's pizza in the oven. As soon as that done, we're gonna be sucking some dick.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When they arrive, absolutely smoothest get effect.

[Greg Stone]

Everybody put on these Japanese sweatpants.

[Robert Kelly]

Punjab. Put on some Parliament Funkadelli.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, we're gonna go for a magic ride. Right into my butthole, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Isn't that Wade Robson? The kid? He into having wonderful talents.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me kiss you.

[Greg Stone]

Well, we said this yesterday. What if. What if. If you kids and they gave you. If you got a. If Jacob could get height, he'd have to kids would he do it? Like what. What would you want? He wants height. What would you want? Like if you could have anything physically that loves me. Your wife doesn't love you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're friends.

[Greg Stone]

What? Dude, can I just say something?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I'm. I'm gonna give you a little tip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My best friend.

[Greg Stone]

I'm gonna tell you. Y.

[Robert Kelly]

You guys get along, right?

[Greg Stone]

That's what marriage. That's what marriage is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Marriage is not love fucking. It's meeting somebody that gets you. You get them and then you become best friends.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Greg Stone]

She's always got your back. She wants nothing to do with your body. She doesn't want anything to do with your ding ding anymore. Those days are over.

[Robert Kelly]

But you should be allowed to get your wiener sucked on the road.

[Greg Stone]

You can't. By other men.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So funny you should add that.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

What? Wait a minute. Stop. Greg, I'm kidding.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not. What's the caveat? I'd like to hear it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me and my wife are couples therapy. And I was like, like, can I fuck other women? She was like, no. And I was like, what about underage people? Not into underage people. I don't know where this joke is going, but I went, I just threw this joke out of the car. I just oversold the ending. I've also never been called underage people.

[Robert Kelly]

People.

[Greg Stone]

Well, he's saying it the proper way. If you're in the, if you're in the community, you know, they're not called kids. They're underage people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

People of any sex or gender.

[Greg Stone]

Underage people.

[Robert Kelly]

I think if you call them.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, I mean, listen, don't be offensive by calling them kids. Yeah, that's disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm so sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, they're just young, underage as a bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I went, what about men? And my wife went, okay, so you do men. And that's when the training began.

[Greg Stone]

You started training?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I was going to change my mind. I got to rewire that thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, can I give you some. I feel me and you are non confrontational. Yeah, In a similar way.

[Greg Stone]

What me and what the are you saying? Why don't you go, what theito?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I dare you, bro?

[Greg Stone]

He, hey, this fucking guy don't know what the fuck is he talking about.

[Robert Kelly]

You guys are confrontational.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, because we're lighter. Yeah, we're like two feathers in the night. We're Knife feathers. That's our gang, the Night Feathers. You guys are the fucking heavy pillows.

[Robert Kelly]

Deciding on when or how far you want to take this either somehow AI or go ahead and have actual sex with another man. Tell her how much you loved it. You are. And you actually think it's probably what your life is now and you're living a lie being with her, and then she'll leave you, and then you don't have to feel guilty about that, and then you can go back to having sex with women.

[Greg Stone]

DeVito's laughing because he knows, he knows Greg better than both of us and he's laughing of how close fucking another guy is to this guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I don't believe I, I, I don't believe it. I, you know, I don't believe in sexuality. I believe in Coming. Anything that will make me come.

[Greg Stone]

I'm gonna throw up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll come any which way, brother.

[Greg Stone]

What do you.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob has a mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob has a mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If Jacob could keep it closed.

[Greg Stone]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe you'll come.

[Greg Stone]

You wanna. You'll a guy's mouth as long as he just keeps a secret.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You know, as long as he doesn't open the envelope.

[Greg Stone]

Can I ask you a question?

[Robert Kelly]

Really? Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

So you. You don't care. You'll go have sex with a dude and as long as it's. As long as he's not yapping everybody. So it's not all over the place?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. On paper I'd have sex with a dude, but I've looked and I've gotten pretty close. And I went, I can't do it. You did, but pretty close. It's like there's a waiter who's always trying to fuck me. And I just was like, I can't do it, brother.

[Greg Stone]

At a comedy club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Or at a Chick fil A.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or at a Cheesecake Factory Fridays I used to work at. He still hangs around.

[Greg Stone]

So at a comedy club, the waiter wants to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Every day he goes, when you're ready. And I go, maybe tomorrow.

[Greg Stone]

So. But so he knows that you're in the midst.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah. I don't stop talking about this.

[Greg Stone]

He could smell it like a pheromone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Plus I'm yelling it all the time.

[Greg Stone]

What are you yelling?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but the kind of guys I probably would just wouldn't me, you know?

[Greg Stone]

So you want hot guys ripped? Why don't you just. Why don't you just get an older man to teach you the ways?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because why would. That's not fun.

[Greg Stone]

Like Luke Skywalker.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Better than the things I'm jerking off.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, but you gotta be taught by an older, wiser man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you that older, wiser man? Is that where we're going?

[Greg Stone]

What I'm saying?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pitching himself.

[Robert Kelly]

If you think you can.

[Greg Stone]

I'm actually hard pitching myself. I've been hard this whole conversation.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I believe it's called erect pitching.

[Robert Kelly]

If you can get attracted to and come a guy and your chick says she doesn't give a about that. I mean, problem solved. I guess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I also. I also. I will. I don't know if I should even say this because whatever. But my wife, one day, so we were having this conversation, I was like, we need to talk about this. Right? And she was like, if you want to have sex with other people, you can. And I said, I don't want to have sex with Other people. I want to have sex with guys. I love you. And if we. I want to. If this is a problem for you, we need to work on this problem. Because I want you to enjoy this as well. I don't want to just fuck other women. I want to fuck you. But what I should have said was, cool, man. I'm out. Fuck that, dog. You know you rule, bro.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell yeah, dog.

[Greg Stone]

This motherfucker's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but she said it once, and I don't know if it's enough for me to be like, I don't. I need her to sign a paper. Paper. It's like, remember you said this. Write that down.

[Greg Stone]

Can I say something? As long as she's not gonna leave you, right? She's not like, did you.

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta.

[Greg Stone]

You should go back to her and be like, did you mean that? Because if she's. Because I don't want you to leave me. If I went and just got my fix somewhere else and came back and you got mad. But what you don't know won't hurt you. I'm cool with that.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Greg Stone]

You gotta find out. You don't want to it up and have a leave, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, because I love her more than anything on earth, and she also has my children, which are the things I love.

[Robert Kelly]

If you love her, hit her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a move.

[Greg Stone]

No, no, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, my uncle, he's bringing up a point. Hitting women.

[Greg Stone]

What if that. What if that turned your wife on me?

[Robert Kelly]

You thought about guys and not about hitting women. You're doing everything backwards, man.

[Greg Stone]

Is it. Is it hitting women, then guys?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Once you hit a woman, the word's gonna spread. You hit women, so you have to start guys.

[Greg Stone]

Once you start guys, you get a sitcom on Netflix.

[Robert Kelly]

True that.

[Greg Stone]

You got a special.

[Robert Kelly]

What Corey Holcomb tells me is true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is why I'm so pro trans. Because we need to get the surgery to be so good that that's the loophole for me. It's like, technically it was a man and now this beautiful woman. Like, that's the way for us to.

[Robert Kelly]

Be cheating on our wives.

[Greg Stone]

Wait a minute. So you want a vagina in the woman or you want the penis still there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want the trans surgery to be so good that technically their DNA says man. But this is a beast.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a vagina, but you want the vagina.

[Greg Stone]

You don't want the penis and the balls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would, like, look, if there was a vag and also a penis, that'd be great. But I need the Vagina. You don't want to go somewhere.

[Greg Stone]

What about the balls?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The car's gotta park in the garage.

[Greg Stone]

What about the balls?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I never thought about the balls.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you the garage for the penis?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're the garage.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but they have a vagina also.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They have a vagina. I want to stick my penis in their vagina.

[Greg Stone]

But he wants the penis.

[Robert Kelly]

But there's a penis there.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, but that's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I'm saying. I want the double, double penis.

[Robert Kelly]

But what's the penis?

[Greg Stone]

The penis is for extra credit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's extra fun.

[Greg Stone]

No, the penis is the hood for the opening of the garage. So if it rains. So that comes over your pubes. So if anything, if it rains out, it covers your. You know what I'm saying? It's a two car garage.

[Robert Kelly]

So you want. You want the penis there for view. You want to see the penis, but you don't want to do anything with that other penis. You want to fuck the pussy that is below this penis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to have sex with the vagina.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But hey, man, if there's a penis there, I'll try that thing out. We'll see what's going on there. I'll do anything in your butt. No, I'll say this. I tried the butt stuff. I'm very pro, but I don't like it. It hurts.

[Greg Stone]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

It hurts?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's like. It's not. It's not what you think it's gonna be, you know?

[Greg Stone]

What do you mean? What'd you think it was gonna be?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, good luck for seven years.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm coming. But it's like there's something in my ass. That's how it feels.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you found your prostate, though? Did you find it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think so.

[Greg Stone]

So what happens?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You.

[Greg Stone]

You thought you're gonna be like some hot chicken. Oh, yeah. But you really just turned an old Jewish lady. Yes, there's something in my ass.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought I was gonna. Soup is cold.

[Greg Stone]

Yes, it says.

[Robert Kelly]

Oof.

[Greg Stone]

It's uncomfortable.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Lord.

[Greg Stone]

It's too big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Greg Stone]

What size. What size thing did you put in your ass?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Little guy. Little fella.

[Greg Stone]

Little fella?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, a little guy. Little pink guy.

[Greg Stone]

What'd you do with that little fella?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I gave it back to my wife.

[Greg Stone]

Now she has warts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I strung it into our best pen.

[Greg Stone]

And you wonder why I threw it away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said be free. I tied it to an old dog and threw a steak down the street.

[Greg Stone]

You tied to a pigeon's foot? Write a note on it and send it to another G. Greg, I feel.

[Robert Kelly]

Like you got a lot of loophole road things here that are good. That are good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I think so. I gotta like really get into my wife and be like, hey, are you really, Are you cool or are you cool? You know?

[Robert Kelly]

And she's gonna be like, why? And that's the other thing too. It has, you have to get over really quick in their head. If they say yes, they're saying yes to it. Just being a, a storm of every weekend that's coming through when you're like, you realize here you're agreeing to listen. Sometimes it'll be twice in a month and it would be a mind blow, right? But possibly once every six months.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The reality. Never, never ever. The reality is I've, I've been, it's never been offered to me. Maybe like £60 ago when I was doing open mics, I had some chances, but now my wife looks at me and she goes, yeah, go try it. See what you get. Yeah, but you could pay for it.

[Robert Kelly]

And that's gonna bite you. That's gonna bite her in the ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My wife would rather me have a full on relationship with someone else than waste money and spend money. My wife is very frugal. She doesn't want that money going out. She's like, do not spend any money. You can get it for free. If you get it for free, you could have it.

[Robert Kelly]

She's like, I'll go to dinner on a Groupon with you and your new girlfriend.

[Greg Stone]

So why don't you try with the waiter?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have sex with the waiter.

[Greg Stone]

Well, let him have sex with you. Do you do nothing except come?

[Robert Kelly]

That's not how that works. He'd be getting his ass fucked. What do you guys. Do you understand how gay sex works?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, buddy. There's different levels of gay, bro.

[Robert Kelly]

So you're thinking he's gonna Greg's ass so much that Greg's gonna come from nothing.

[Greg Stone]

Just, you gotta understand, you don't know that. You don't know the gay community. You're coming at it from one gay perspective. There's different levels of gay. You could be. I don't take it in the butt. I just get it. Yeah, I'm that gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, you can my dick.

[Greg Stone]

You can, you can. No tip. You can suck this. I'll cuddle with you, watch maybe a Netflix show and then I gotta go back to my fans. Yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a level of gay. That's called, that's called alpha.

[Robert Kelly]

Gay cuddling and watching Netflix afterwards.

[Greg Stone]

Well, you let. You don't cuddle. They cuddle on you. Like, he'll lie there like a man, be like. And he'll have the remote. You can't give the remote. So I think you have to have the remote. And you pick the show. Like, he can't pick the show. Like, yeah, we're gonna watch. We're gonna watch this Spectrum, Tom Segura's new show right now. And he. You hold her or him, and then, then you go like this. I gotta go and just get up and leave.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But, you know, shit's creek. This is the movie. Four season.

[Greg Stone]

I love such a great show, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The move is.

[Greg Stone]

What his name? Michael. Michael, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, that's his name, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

I can't remember right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The move is, I get this gay guy. I go, hey, listen, I'll have sex with you if you can get a woman involved. We do a three way, right? And then I spend the night, you know, Benny Hill, trying to run away from him and have sex with the other girl. He's sliding away.

[Greg Stone]

You gotta wear that hat, the one on your head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I think like a big old golden hat.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, you get a golden hat. Boss hog hat, maybe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, like a Twinkie hat.

[Greg Stone]

So let me ask questions.

[Robert Kelly]

So he's saying. He's saying the waiter's offering himself and a girl.

[Greg Stone]

No, he's not. He's adding the girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think I could make that happen.

[Greg Stone]

No, you can't. I'm gonna tell you this. This is what you gotta do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna see through you.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, he's gonna see through you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's okay.

[Robert Kelly]

He's cool, man.

[Greg Stone]

You do this, you go, yo, bro, tonight's the night after you're done.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's go back my ass in front of my wife.

[Greg Stone]

But no, no, no, no, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she paints us.

[Greg Stone]

It's art. 30 seconds.

[Robert Kelly]

Hold still.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, we. For 30 seconds, then we change position.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

No, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see. But here's the problem real quickly. But all I said is the issue is that I take this guy home and then I get there and I go, ah, I don't think I could do it. And now I've done to this. Now I'm done to this, man. We go to his home.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. You said take him home. Are you nuts? You don't want your kids seeing you fucking doing weird shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I take him on the 7 train and we wait for everyone to get off. No, see, I take him home or to his home.

[Greg Stone]

You go to his house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I go to his home.

[Greg Stone]

Not gonna bang him in that room with the figurines, Bobby. You know what?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like that. I don't like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A fucking joke out.

[Greg Stone]

I apologize. And I didn't mean to say figurines go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I take him home after his home, and then I look at his dick and I go, fuck. I can't do it right now. I've done to him what my wife has been doing to me. And I don't.

[Greg Stone]

You got it wrong. You don't look at his dick. You take your dick out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But if I'm there. No, because why would I. Why don't you guys. Why don't you guys role play this? If you're in Disney World, you gotta go on Space Mountain. If I got a dick there, I gotta ride what he needs to.

[Robert Kelly]

If there's gonna be a dick in the room, he's gonna put it in his ass. I understand the logic of what he's saying. I don't agree with it. I shouldn't say I don't agree with it. It's not my thing particularly. But I understand what you're saying. If you're gonna. It's the same thing I said about. I've always argued that when someone says, could you be with a thing? It's like, oh, yeah, but if they had like the littlest. Littlest, like tiny little dick. I'm like, well, it's the. If I'm going. If I'm going for it, give me the big old flopping crate. That it's crazy that there's a beautiful looking woman with this monster. That's the. The. The show of it. You want to see if you're going for it purely sexually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

That would be the thing.

[Greg Stone]

We had a girl, a transgender girl in here, and we were drawing her and she was beautiful. She was nice. We were a little disappointed with the cock size. Let's say it was cool, but it wasn't worth drawing.

[Robert Kelly]

Then we had one with a 10 inch in here. And she never shut the crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's got the dick to back it up.

[Greg Stone]

I mean, that's her. Look at. She's beautiful, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Now let me ask you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Greg Stone]

Let me ask you a question. So here's the scenario.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay?

[Greg Stone]

You go back on the seventh train to his apartment. Not a house, by the way, he's a waiter.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's got many.

[Robert Kelly]

Be sexier.

[Greg Stone]

Bobby, you go back. Yeah, we go back to. Hey, here.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey.

[Greg Stone]

What? Just give him a name.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Gerald.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, Gerald.

[Robert Kelly]

How could you make his family name Bobby? Just go with the role. Just go with it.

[Greg Stone]

You made his name the gayest name ever. Gerald. What just happened?

[Robert Kelly]

It's getting sexy.

[Greg Stone]

I thought I was having a stroke. The tea was kicking in.

[Robert Kelly]

Gerald walks in.

[Wes Anderson]

Greg meets Gerald dreaming of a modern oasis. At Allmodern, we offer the best of modern furniture and decor all in one place. Hand vetted for quality and delivered for free in days. Discover outdoor dining, sets, sofas and more in every style of modern from Scandi to mid century. That's modern made simple. Shop [e-mail] from director Wes Anderson, Focus.

[Benicio Del Toro]

Features and Indian Paintbrush present the Phoenician Scheme it's my most important project of my lifetime. Meet Jean. Jean Gordon. I keep getting assassinated unsuccessfully. So far, he's the most bold, most elusive, most wanted man on the planet. Help yourself to a hanger neck. You're very kind. Starring Benicio Del Toro, Mia Thrapleton, Michael Cera, Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson and Jeffrey Wright. The Phoenician scheme, rated PG13. May be inappropriate for children under 13. In theaters everywhere. June 6. Pacifico is a Mexican lager brood to be discovered. It's like fresh tracks on a powder day like that uncharted trail a stone's throw away like the perfect wave on a sunny day. Pacifico. Find your own way. 21 plus drink responsibly. Imported by Crown Import, Chicago, Illinois.

[Robert Kelly]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint.

[Robert Kelly]

You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, one judgment.

[Robert Kelly]

Anyway.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] go.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, Gary, what's happening?

[Robert Kelly]

Wait, I'm getting.

[Greg Stone]

No, you're g. I'm gonna be Gary.

[Robert Kelly]

He's Greg.

[Greg Stone]

I want to be Greg because I gotta tell Greg what to do.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you're being Greg. That's Gary. Apologies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Greg.

[Robert Kelly]

Greg. This evening Greg Stone will be playing the role of Geralt.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, what's up, Gerald? How you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not so bad now that you is here.

[Greg Stone]

Ah, you know what? You make me happy.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you guys know Gerald was black?

[Greg Stone]

Is Gar black? Because I gotta approach this totally different.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I am pretend black.

[Robert Kelly]

Black.

[Greg Stone]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

He's a flamboyant gay who is went so over flamboyance that it hit black.

[Greg Stone]

I got it. I got it. So he's so gay.

[Robert Kelly]

I've witnessed this before. I don't like it. I've noticed that. I'm not a fan, but please, Gerald.

[Greg Stone]

He's so gay. He's black.

[Robert Kelly]

I. Buddy. Oh, yeah. Oh, that winds me up big time. I don't like that.

[Greg Stone]

All right, let's start over. Hey. Hey, what's up? Hey, Gary.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, what's happening?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, just waiting some tables waiting for you.

[Greg Stone]

Wow. I mean, you're so Eminem. I love it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

All right.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, what are you doing tonight?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was gonna go back home. Alone?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, well, listen, I talked to my wife. Look at me.

[Robert Kelly]

Come here.

[Greg Stone]

Come here for a second. I want to say something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If I get too close, I can't talk into the microphone.

[Greg Stone]

That's all right. Bring it over here.

[Robert Kelly]

Microphone will go with you.

[Greg Stone]

I think I want to go back to your apartment tonight with you for a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lucky day.

[Greg Stone]

Lucky day. But listen, I'm going to tell you right now, this is the first time I'm around with this stuff. I want you to do some stuff to me, and I'm going to see what happens after that. Are you good with that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. All right. You boot me under those like a little dog.

[Robert Kelly]

You got booped after.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boot me, you're done. Boop me.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell you what I think I'd feel. I don't know why.

[Greg Stone]

Why is he adorable as a gay black man?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's who I'm supposed to be.

[Robert Kelly]

Up, Bobby. Something about the boop would have melted me into having sex with you right there. The boot, it was a human. It was a very. When you booped, it broke the tension where you were like, I guess I'll try gay stuff. I saw how you could rope somebody into that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so warm. The boot did.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah. You need the little boop at the end, cuz then he knows. Hey, I said what I had to say. It got a little tense.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Boop.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna fuck my ass and then we'll see. Maybe I'll fuck your ass and boop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There was a thousand guardian angels keeping me from kissing you right there. Holding on to me with all my strength. 1000. Who are supportive of my wife.

[Robert Kelly]

You are a heartthrob. What? A heartthrob.

[Greg Stone]

A thousand. A thousand guardian angels for him. Sucking my dick. It's still alive on the Bonfire. Crackle, crackle, motherfuckers. Oh my God. God damn it. Listen, bro, I'm saying that you should. You should keep it to yourself. Never tell anybody and go say, hey, man, I just want to check this out. Is that cool? He'll go home.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

He'll give you a little nut and you see what you do.

[Robert Kelly]

He's good. I want to see everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I gotta say this.

[Greg Stone]

I know Geralt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you know Gary and if you know Greg, it's gonna be on a.

[Robert Kelly]

Podcast the next day. Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Gay. And I'm sure Garold is just Greg. It's just another word for gay Greg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From the video. Look so familiar.

[Robert Kelly]

When you fell asleep, Gary took money out of your pocket to go take some studio time for his raps. I also need to. Yo, hey, Jay. Dizzy. I got that studio money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let Garyl go one more time. This needs to be said. I always feel like this needs to be said. There is a garage.

[Robert Kelly]

There is no Gerald.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There is no Gerald. See, Jay, you said it's not your. I do want you to know that it's also not my thing.

[Greg Stone]

But I just pictured Gary singing a song late night in the studio with his money and his cell phone.

[Robert Kelly]

They call me Garroy.

[Greg Stone]

But he's smelling. He has Greg's shirt and he smells it for inspiration.

[Robert Kelly]

You must.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm ready now. So it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Turn my levels up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, sorry baby.

[Greg Stone]

I'll pay you back someday, I swear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I believe that it's more there is. All of the countries have been discovered. The only true adventurers now are sexually the only real fear I have left.

[Greg Stone]

Wait a minute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I used to do things I don't want to do.

[Greg Stone]

Are you calling yourself Christopher Columbus of sex?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The goddamn right I am.

[Robert Kelly]

By the way, I think much more like you. But just so you know, we do have plenty of uncharted and discovered sea deep sea but so there is adventure left in the world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get on a boat.

[Greg Stone]

I'm pretty sure I agree.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So diseases that need to be cured. There's a bunch of stuff.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, there's a lot of other stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Between.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Local I can a guy I.

[Robert Kelly]

Know you're like well I can't be Indiana Jones. I guess I'll get butt.

[Greg Stone]

Dude, they just discovered a new ocean.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, there's no more archaeology so I guess I'll just butt guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't discover that ocean.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah Darnold.

[Greg Stone]

There's a fifth ocean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How's that possible?

[Greg Stone]

They just the ocean around Antarctica.

[Robert Kelly]

They calling near Milwaukee.

[Greg Stone]

What? What'd you call.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know about geography.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, the. Around Antarctica, they. They called it the Southern Ocean. I believe it's called the fifth ocean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So they just decided it was the ocean? They didn't find it. It was already there.

[Robert Kelly]

It was there, but it wasn't all of these things. This is what. How slowed down science and things like Southern ocean astronomy and stuff has become. They just. Pluto's not a planet now. Yeah, maybe they made it one again. They made it one again, which is even stupider. That's how fickle it is. It's not real. So is this. Fifth ocean is not a real thing. It's just a part of an ocean. We already know. It's really all one ocean anyway.

[Greg Stone]

Well, because. No, they had to make it an ocean because all these other oceans came in and met.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

So they just made that an ocean around it. Around.

[Robert Kelly]

You said I would j date.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah, you said, I want a third bedroom. Hey, your wife walked into the second bedroom, cornered off and said, that's your fucking third bedroom. That's what happened.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, having a rich voss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was great.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, can I ask you a question? Have you tried the dating apps and saying, hey, I'm married, I have a pass. I think you'd have success.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got it. Well, here's the thing. I'm not doing anything until I get this Ozempic cooking. Once I get that, the world is.

[Robert Kelly]

Going, baby, the world's gonna be yours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I also gotta talk to my wife. I gotta be like, hey, is this cool? Because we've been having sex again. So now I don't know if all of this stuff has been retracted.

[Greg Stone]

Wait a minute. You've been fucking. You said you don't fuck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, we don't, but it was a bit and we went so far. I didn't want to break character.

[Greg Stone]

I fucking booped you, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know, but it was great.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't give the fucking boop out sake. I don't start Christine again until there's a contract of what. What things are like, moving forward.

[Greg Stone]

What the. Dude, I booped you, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know, but wasn't it fun?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, it was fun, but I don't boop dudes. Just booping, guys. I thought you needed the boop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Give that boot back.

[Robert Kelly]

Get that boot back. You didn't tell me you guys were having sex again. I'm disappointed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I almost kissed you, but the guardian angels. I'm not wearing my silk.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, me and Christina. See, you said, now you don't know if everything's retracted. Because you have no paperwork.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I do not start having sex Christina again unless we have some real terms laid out. For sure.

[Greg Stone]

What do you mean?

[Robert Kelly]

I hold out until you want a prenup or something. I'm not talking about marriage.

[Greg Stone]

Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm talking about fucking again. We don't start fucking again until I know. Yeah, the opposite of marriage.

[Greg Stone]

So what do you need in writing? What do you want?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. Just. I don't want to live in fear. Like Greg over here where he's like, things that were said maybe aren't. Aren't meant anymore. You need to keep your. Not show your hands so much.

[Greg Stone]

I think that's why a lot of guys who get married wind up doing gay. Because you. It's. It's almost like, you know, these guys who go into cruising and suck each.

[Robert Kelly]

Other off, you know, you could just cheat with girls though, too, right?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, but it's harder to cheat with girls because girls.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Greg Stone]

Girls want a commitment. Girls want to fucking, you know, go to dinner.

[Robert Kelly]

20S.

[Greg Stone]

You don't want. Yeah, man. You don't want to have to meet a chick at a bar and have to talk to tour. These dudes got it, right. It's just. They go to the woods and they jump back in their Honda Civic, wipe their chin off and go back to their family.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Way more fun.

[Anthony DeVito]

It's much cleaner. You don't have to, like, tell them they're great afterwards.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Would you prefer I dudes. No.

[Anthony DeVito]

I found out you were guys. I'd be like, really?

[Greg Stone]

Okay.

[Anthony DeVito]

I think it really. Like.

[Greg Stone]

Let me ask this.

[Anthony DeVito]

Like, would you leave something to me?

[Greg Stone]

What if he was just.

[Robert Kelly]

Greg, I'm your guard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We gotta do what we gotta do. I'll be your huckleberry.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm your guard. Arnold.

[Anthony DeVito]

Jay, you have to lead. So we're dying in the house.

[Greg Stone]

Christine, let me ask you a question. What if he thought he was just getting his dick sack behind a Best Buy at the Palisades Mall by a dude? Would that make.

[Robert Kelly]

The Willowbrook Mall's closed.

[Anthony DeVito]

I'd be like, oh, my God, the man's insatiable. He needs to go to therapy for his sex addiction.

[Greg Stone]

You think that would be a sex addiction? That's not on you.

[Anthony DeVito]

Dick suck behind a.

[Greg Stone]

But you should be sucking his dick every time he wants it, right?

[Anthony DeVito]

He doesn't want me to suck his dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What about Garnel?

[Greg Stone]

Stop for a second. That's the saddest, the sad thing I've ever heard in my life. But I'm Pretty sure Don feels the same way.

[Robert Kelly]

Really? Do you want your sister Lisa to suck your dick?

[Greg Stone]

Whoa.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you.

[Greg Stone]

Why do you think your sister Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine's my sister Lisa.

[Greg Stone]

I mean, I guess not.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, There you go.

[Greg Stone]

No, I don't want to do it again.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you're not going to have your sister suck your dick without having some sort of a contract first. Right?

[Greg Stone]

But I, I, I don't. I would love dawn to suck my dick.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I would like her to try to do better at it, but I would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like her to try paying her. I was thinking, like, what if I just pay her?

[Greg Stone]

What do you mean? If I just bought her a house. What more do I got?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got to get a money. You got actual cash?

[Greg Stone]

50 bucks. Vacuum cleaning.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. I get that. But they don't see that. You have to. They have to see the cash.

[Robert Kelly]

He's not wrong. They are not. Christine has the least appreciation for the things that are the most, like the transactional things she's not involved in. When she pays for something with my credit card, I do feel like that's. She's a little more like it's tangible.

[Greg Stone]

So if I give Don, like, 400 cash.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And start at 50, because maybe you don't got to go all the way up to 400.

[Robert Kelly]

That is crazy. Yeah. That is nuts. I want to start at 400.

[Greg Stone]

I wanted to, I wanted to do it good. I want to treat it well.

[Robert Kelly]

Just so you know, for a hundred dollars, you could probably get a good blow job somewhere. Where?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where?

[Greg Stone]

Where? I'll pay for blow jobs for the room.

[Robert Kelly]

Just a blow job.

[Greg Stone]

I'm gonna get Jacob a blowjob every Saturday night so he doesn't do laundry by himself with old Mexican ladies. Ladies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So if I show you the plug.

[Greg Stone]

It's true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paying for blow jobs for the room is way better than calamari for the table.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Not wrong there.

[Greg Stone]

Blow jobs. Look under your seat, everybody. You got a blow job, you get a blow job, you get a blow job.

[Robert Kelly]

Asterisk. Unless it's calamari or rabiata. Am I right? Am I right? A little bit of rugat and a man of God.

[Greg Stone]

You got the little peppercinos on the side, right?

[Robert Kelly]

A little scabbage and a babadooch. I'm rooting for you, Greg. I think you're gonna get out there and fuck guys or girls or whatever it is. But if you'd rap. But you think if your wife was like, you can go out, free pass to fuck women, whatever women you want. Out of like sight.

[Greg Stone]

Say.

[Robert Kelly]

Now it's not even a conversation about fucking guys anymore. Are you being driven to fucking guys because of just the possibility of fucking someone besides your wife?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The original, the original idea of fucking guys guys was that I had in my head, my brain said no. And if my brain says no, I say, you don't control me. I control you.

[Greg Stone]

It sounds like he wrote it. Doesn't it sound like he wrote a hit song of the 80s? The original thought behind Guys was behind the music. You control me, I don't control you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, so anyway, this is Guys by Greg Stone.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey brain, you're not going to tell me I can't suck a guy off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because there was something in there that was like. No, in a way that was so.

[Robert Kelly]

Angry and scared that I was like, it's heterosexuality.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that what that is? Yes, I think it's homophobia and being a real stuck up.

[Greg Stone]

No, it's, you don't have to suck.

[Robert Kelly]

A guy's cop to prove you're not a homophobic man. I just believe you. I believe you because I want to believe you.

[Anthony DeVito]

I do get just like wildly impressed that you guys don't just cheat. Like I'm, I'm like, wow, that's really good of you.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on. Very good of you.

[Greg Stone]

Hang on.

[Anthony DeVito]

That's so good.

[Greg Stone]

I'm wildly impressed that you fucking don't catch us, you ditzy broads. Why don't you look at our phones? No, I'm kidding. We don't. I know, buddy. I'm joking. We do not cheat. We are good men.

[Anthony DeVito]

Phones and don't check our phones are a bad place.

[Greg Stone]

I, I'm getting so horny lately that it's getting uncomfortable. Yeah, man, I'm really horny lately.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's all that animal magnetism, so it's so hard.

[Anthony DeVito]

It's your teeth.

[Greg Stone]

I just start sucking Greg's thumb.

[Robert Kelly]

It's just if you guys just maybe just have a little bit of pleasure mixed in with, with this pain in his life, right?

[Greg Stone]

Do you not mind? You don't have sex that much anymore. Do you mind it? Do you? Let me ask you a question because I don't know this about you. And I'll tell you what I, I master when I go on the road, that's when I pleasure myself. I make love to myself and I enjoy it. When I'm home, I don't. Because I have a son. I just don't want to be caught and have him have that over me, you know what I mean? Do you masturbate at home or do you wait till you go on the road?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Road.

[Robert Kelly]

On the road. If I do.

[Greg Stone]

But you don't, you're not into it. It's not a thing anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Not much. I end up, like, getting tired before it happens. Jerking off during the day seems weird now. So it would be like if I was back in a room at night and it's like, oh, to get tired almost and stuff. But half the time I'm getting tired. So I'm like, you're using it as like, I'm already watching. Yeah, I'm playing Candy Crush and watching some YouTube video, true crime that Christine would ever want to watch. That's most of what it is.

[Greg Stone]

So you're jerking off to get to sleep. To get more sleep.

[Robert Kelly]

Not all. No, I'm saying sometimes I just jerk off to jerk off. I'm saying I almost think though, in my mind I'm like, I do it at night because then I'll be tired.

[Greg Stone]

Afterwards because I'm getting horny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Like, I'm looking at girls like, man, I wish. I'm almost having this thing where I'd love to just go talk to that girl right now and see what's what.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But if I was getting that horny, I can go try to who?

[Greg Stone]

Oh, yeah, you get to anybody you want.

[Robert Kelly]

If I was. But I'm saying I also just, like, don't like. My will of not getting, like, in a late night drunken hang is much more than like, maybe there's pussy there. Does that make sense?

[Greg Stone]

It makes sense.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm not. I don't have a hunt in me at all.

[Greg Stone]

I don't have a hunt.

[Robert Kelly]

So I don't have. But I mean, like, if I was in a situation where it's like, if I'm attracted to the girl and like, she was really, like, laying it pretty hard.

[Greg Stone]

Like, it would have to fall into your lap, like out of a tornado. Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It needs to be so present.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, I could have like a here's things. Sometimes I go out and I meet people and it can just happen like that, I guess. But it's also. My audience is 97% dudes.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, so it's. It's not even that rare. The rare time that there are hot chicks there. Sometimes they are coming the. Because it's just like the only reason, you know, I mean, like, they're my auditor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

97%. They got free tickets from the club.

[Robert Kelly]

So it's way harder.

[Greg Stone]

So they definitely tell you something.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna tell you something. Honestly, I mean, this. I feel like when I was the unknown in any of those things and I'd go out and meet people, I hooked up more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Because it wasn't my audience. Like, you just get. Because they were like, girls came to a comedy show and you happen to be the cop. Much more girls came in groups when it was a bachelorette party or blah, blah. They don't do that now because they know what they're coming.

[Greg Stone]

I did a. One of those, those pop up shows. What are they called?

[Robert Kelly]

Don't tell open mics.

[Greg Stone]

I did a don't tell in White Plains. I love that company, but they're so cool. But they always do it in a different place, right? This time they did it in a museum in White Plains on Friday night. Just popped down 20 minutes from my house in this art museum. And they put all the chairs and it fills up and there was some smokers. There was some. And you could always tell when one of them is kind of. Because they're looking at you. They can't take their eyes off of you. And when you. I mean. And I was like, fuck that one right there. If I had any game left in me, I would. I'd go up last. I hang out to the end and as soon as she walked, I'd be like, what's up? And I. And then let's go. Wind up in my car. All right, I gotta go. But I have nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pablo Francisco.

[Robert Kelly]

It's like sitting next to.

[Greg Stone]

I just. I. All I wanted to do.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, you're in good hands.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In a world where I'm getting my dick sucked.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that, sir?

[Greg Stone]

What's that, sir? I was like. I think about was d. Bought these little new, like, ice creams that like only 60 calories. The ice cream sandwiches. I was like, I just want to go home and have a couple of those and watch.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, see, that's really. That's age too. My sex drive is still there completely.

[Greg Stone]

But like, you know, mine's been coming back since I got on the tea.

[Robert Kelly]

Since you're on the junk.

[Greg Stone]

Since I'm on the junk, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

My sex drive's never been down, but it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I.

[Robert Kelly]

But I'm not. Like I said, I'm not like hungry like the wolf.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anthony and I were talking about this before. It's like, I would rather take a pill to get rid of my sex drive than take a pill to have more sex drive. I would love to just cut that shit off. Just like you said. Write a screenplay. Well, spend time with my children.

[Robert Kelly]

I've asked myself that question a lot. That kills me. I go, I don't know, like, what is the reward? If you know one of those people like, you paralyze from like the waist down, your dick never works again. Like, what's your life's rewards now? What is it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ice cream.

[Robert Kelly]

Just ice cream.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

New jokes.

[Greg Stone]

Not ice cream. But you. You have. I. We talked about this a couple weeks ago. It. It's. It. It really hit me that I'm never going to do, like, crazy anymore. Like, I'm never going to have those ass eating moments again.

[Robert Kelly]

You can.

[Greg Stone]

I won't.

[Robert Kelly]

I won't kill Dawn.

[Greg Stone]

I can't kill dawn, though. I love her.

[Robert Kelly]

I love her, Bobby. I watch so much True Crime, dude, I can tell you exactly what to do.

[Greg Stone]

Jay. I am not killing my wife and I'm not going to discuss it on the radio. So when it does happen, Evadono, you.

[Robert Kelly]

Just need to get rid of the teeth and the fingertips. Because by the time they find the body in the full state of decompo. We say decompos in industry term and that's Spanish too little decompo. Then you're. By the time they get, it's too late to identify and you took off her fingers and her petite. Just listen.

[Greg Stone]

She's my best friend and I don't want to kill my best friend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Greg Stone]

I love dawn and I don't want to kill killer. I just want to get the pass like old gay Lord McPhee over here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's restricted and I hate gay. I'm just Christopher Columbus. I'm an adventurer.

[Greg Stone]

You discovered new.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a sexual adventurer.

[Robert Kelly]

But I do find that strange.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gay belittles what I do.

[Greg Stone]

It's not gay.

[Robert Kelly]

It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't be reductive.

[Greg Stone]

You do quests.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a quester. A gay person would enjoy it and that takes away from how hard it is.

[Greg Stone]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not enjoying it and stick your face in a man's dick. That, my friend, is impressive.

[Greg Stone]

That's a quest. It's a quest.

[Robert Kelly]

It's called surviving in jail.

[Greg Stone]

Well, let me tell you this. Anthony DeVito and Greg Stone have a podcast. If you want more of this quest, please go check out their podcast. No, Whatever. There it is. Welcome to talk town. Wherever you get podcasts, make sure these are my two of my favorite adventures.

[Robert Kelly]

Having sex with guys.

[Greg Stone]

Gay Stone has a special nobody presented streaming only on YouTube right now. Make sure you check out his his.

[Robert Kelly]

For kids birthday parties and his bukhaki sesh.

[Greg Stone]

And Big J's gonna be a governor's 11 town. The sixth and the seventh after that. San Diego, Charlotte, Tacoma, bigJ, comedy.com and YouTube.com@bigJ Okerson. If you watch his specials this week.

[Robert Kelly]

Weekend Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Parks casino. Thursday, Philly, Oregon steaks. Because G sticks. That's in this Thursday, May 22, one show only. Ben Salem, Pa. The Parks Casino, Philly. Show the out. He's also gonna be the dojo of comedy in Mars Plains, New Jersey. Portland, Maine, Rochester on deck. For tickets and all tour dates go to Punchup Live. Robert Kelly.

[Greg Stone]

I'm pretty much done for the summer. I'm excited. Done for the summer.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you doing Garnold?

[Greg Stone]

I'm trying to. Yeah, I was trying.

[Robert Kelly]

Is this your Garnel?

[Greg Stone]

I was trying. Yo, sup, man? I'll suck you a dick tonight.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, hell yes.

[Greg Stone]

Yo, check it out. Crackle, crackle yourself when you listen to this.

[Robert Kelly]

This is Garnold. And I like getting two things done. My butthole licked and my sucked.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, I'll get those drinks to your table when I do.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, why don't you suck this fart out my butt while I jack all this?

[Greg Stone]

Does the same set every sick of them.

[Robert Kelly]

I've been seeing it.

[Greg Stone]

I've been seeing it. We get it.

[Robert Kelly]

I've been seen it.

[Greg Stone]

Helicopters.

[Robert Kelly]

You just crossed the line.

[Greg Stone]

I crossed the line. I did. We'll see you guys.

[Robert Kelly]

I will catch you guys tomorrow. Right here on the bonfire.

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