Getting Tased with Dave Temple

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Getting Tased with Dave Temple

Date: August 28, 2025
Guests: Dave Temple
Host(s): Big Jay Oakerson (Robert Kelly on break)
Channel: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103

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Episode Overview

In this uproarious episode of The Bonfire, Big Jay Oakerson welcomes fellow comedian Dave Temple to the studio while Robert Kelly is away. The pair’s unfiltered, razor-sharp banter dives into tales from the wild world of pro wrestling, harsh realities of growing up in tough neighborhoods, moral gray areas in pop culture, and the unintentional comedy gold found in body cam arrest videos—culminating in a raucous discussion about people (and especially big women) getting tased. No subject is off-limits as Jay and Dave dissect everything from ‘90s dance movies to celebrity crimes, with frequent detours into the absurdity of daily life and stand-up comedy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. JCW Wrestling & Stephen Flow (00:01–04:06)

• Jay retells the hilarious entrance of wrestler Stephen Flow, “dressed in full grunge” and accompanied by a parody of Pearl Jam’s “Even Flow.”
  • “His walkout song, you’ve heard it, it’s gotta be Even Flow, right? It’s Even Flow. But it just says Stephen Flow… The verses are so funny. Just goes: ‘Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen…’” (00:50, Jay)
• Conversation veers toward the chaos at Juggalo events—people throwing random objects, including turkey legs, at wrestlers, and the random moments of slapstick schadenfreude.
  • Jay shares an anecdote about a beautiful girl at the event getting hit in the head with an errant water bottle from the crowd, drawing laughs and darkly comic self-awareness.
    • “Whenever a gorgeous girl is humiliated, I don’t know why it brings me such immediate happiness for a minute.” (04:59, Jay)

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2. The Harsh Fate of Former Bombshells (04:59–06:43)

• Dave recounts seeing a homeless woman with surprising “old-school track ass” at a subway station, leading to a riff on the fleeting status of the “fun girls” from youth.
  • “And then you realize, oh, this is what happens to hoes… By the time they’re 40, 50, they just die in the subway in Times Square.” (05:37, Dave)
• Jay shares a tour bus memory where a glamorous Jaegermeister model is ‘outed’ as the culprit who defied the cardinal “No shitting on the bus” rule, humbling her in front of crew and comics.
  • “Things have never been bad for you. Look at this, look at me. Now this fat guy knows you just took a dump on my bus.” (06:43, Jay)

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3. Neighborhood Pedophiles, Vigilantism & America’s Sex Offender Registry (07:00–13:15)

• The hosts riff on how kids used to identify “the pedophile house” in their neighborhood and how community awareness contrasts with today’s professional, yet sometimes amateurish, sting operations.
  • “We’re not even—there’s not a pedophile in sight and you’re getting yourself worked up.” (07:32, Dave)
  • Jay satirizes true-crime vigilantes who almost amateurishly hunt suspected predators.
  • “Meanwhile, [someone] can just go, ah, that guy flaked, he didn’t show up. Hey, I’m 14 and so horny. Jesus Christ, dude.” (09:09, Jay)
• Jay laments how sex offender lists make house hunting a disturbing exercise.
  • “You’ll never—won’t be able to buy a house anywhere.” (12:20, Jay)
  • Dave adds: “My wife and I, we sit out front… If we had that app, it’d be a problem.” (13:18)

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4. True Crime Body Cam Footage & Neighborhood Surveillance (13:29–15:38)

• Both comedians admit to obsessively watching police body cam videos (with Dave tracking them by date to see if he was around), admitting how seeing “body cam justice” satisfies voyeuristic urges.
  • “What I do now—I watch body cams in my neighborhood. And man, it’s a lot going on…” (13:49, Dave)
• Jay reflects on the unique frustration (but also satisfaction) of witnessing drama as a bystander, especially in New York.

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5. Black & White Representation: Movies, Music, and Dance (16:00–22:47)

• Tangent into the movie You Got Served sparks a broader discussion about how pop music/dance shaped their aspirations, even as older, out-of-place white guys.
  • “Why won't my friends work on a choreographed dancer team with me? …Wouldn’t that be fucking hilarious and stupid?” (16:44, Jay)
• Jay and Dave bond over nostalgia for Grease and family memories shaped by watching taped versions from TV that censored key scenes, leaving entire songs missing from their childhood viewings.
  • “I never saw ‘Greased Lightning’ ever!” (25:11, Jay)
  • “That’s funny that your childhood was like mine… watching a lot of movies just taped off of television.”* (24:25, Dave)

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6. Celebrity Crimes & The Morality of Pop Forgiveness (29:02–35:04)

• The hosts rattle off a list of celebrities who committed serious (and sometimes violent) crimes, marveling at how many are simply forgiven—depending, perhaps, on how annoying the victim is perceived to be.
  • “Mark Wahlberg…went to prison for just beating up two little Vietnamese people.” (32:12, Jay)
  • “That’s the same thing with Halle Berry. She’s fine as [hell], but everyone has put their hands on this…” (33:39, Dave)
  • The Chris Brown/Rihanna incident is debated from a “pop forgiveness” perspective, with a shade of barbed social commentary.
    • “Chris Brown, everyone just let that go. That must be a testament to how annoying Rihanna must have been.” (34:12, Jay)

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7. Tased! Body Cam Arrests, Boat Lawlessness, & Viral Clowns (36:09–43:55)

• The episode’s central amusement: people getting tased on body cam videos.
  • Dave shares about a “lake exchange” custody incident where a woman is tased during a boat arrest (38:56).
  • Jay then introduces the iconic “fat lady in bathing suit getting tased” video, noting the remarkable (and hilarious) shift in demeanor afterward.
    • “My hands are behind my back. I'm sorry, that was crazy what I just did.” (clip paraphrased, 41:19, described by Jay)
    • “Never seen someone's emotional turnaround—she puts her own hands behind her back, 'I'm a normal person. This is not me.' I believe her.” (41:19, Jay)
  • Extended riff on why every person in body cam footage is always wearing embarrassing clothes and acting the least presentable that day.
  • Jay and Dave explore the strangely consistent lawlessness on boats, with Jay’s advice: “If you’re dying on the ground, that’s what I would be: throw my laptop in the ocean, clear my search history and blow up my laptop in the ocean.” (43:21)

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8. Airplane Freakouts, First-Class Grievances, and Trans Flight Attendants (44:05–49:50)

• The trend of viral airplane freakout videos, many of which turn out to be fake, is dissected.
  • “Finding out that all those airplane freakout videos, 90% of them are fake… is a bummer.” (44:05, Jay)
• Dave recounts a personal brush with trouble on flights, joking his only first-class grievance is having a “grizzled” or “trans” flight attendant instead of “Emirates supermodels.”
  • “For a first class ticket, give the trans to the people back in gen pop. I don’t want you bringing over my grill-lined chicken…” (46:14, Jay)
  • “Not talking about Thai lady boy beautiful. We’re talking about built Ford tough.” (46:27, Dave)
  • Both riff on the unattainable perfection of flight attendants on airlines from the UAE, compared to U.S. airlines.
• Comedy about the expectations of first-class—how even the “plush” accommodations pale in comparison to home, and complaining about “being hit with the cart” or malfunctioning seats.

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9. Closing Banter & Upcoming Shows (52:00–53:30)

• Jay and Dave plug upcoming stand-up dates and podcasts, chiding their own audiences and keeping the humor as biting and irreverent as ever.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On amateur pedophile hunters:
  “Courtney Elizabeth can just go, ‘Ah, that guy flaked. He didn’t show up. Hey, I’m 14 and so horny.’ Jesus Christ, dude.” (09:09, Jay)
• On neighborhood wisdom:
  “Usually, we play between that driveway and that driveway. Don’t go near that house. Cause he’s a pedophile.” (10:00, Dave)
• On the rapid decline of 'fun girls':
  “You realize, oh, this is what happens to hoes…by the time they’re 40, 50, they just die in the subway in Times Square.” (05:37, Dave)
• On getting tased & instant remorse:
  “Never seen someone’s emotional turnaround…she was like, ‘That was crazy, I should not have done that. This is not me.’” (41:19, Jay)
• On first-class service:
  “For a first class ticket, give the trans to the people back in gen pop.” (46:14, Jay) “Not talking about Thai lady boy beautiful. We’re talking built Ford tough.” (46:27, Dave)

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TIMESTAMPS FOR KEY SEGMENTS

• Stephen Flow wrestling & Juggalo chaos: 00:01–04:06
• Bombshells to homelessness: 04:59–06:43
• Neighborhood pedophile stories: 07:00–13:15
• Body cam obsession & neighborhood crime: 13:29–15:38
• Dance movies & ‘Grease’ on VHS: 16:00–25:11
• Celebrity felony roundup: 29:02–35:04
• Body cam tasing, boats & lawlessness: 36:09–43:55
• Plane freakouts & first class tales: 44:05–49:50
• Show plugs & closing banter: 52:00–53:30

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Tone & Summary

The conversation is candid, deeply irreverent, and packed with the comics' signature blend of brutal honesty and off-the-cuff riffs. Jay and Dave riff fearlessly through topics taboo and trivial, with jagged, insightful wit and no pretense. Whether lampooning the absurdity of viral videos, reflecting on the oddities of their upbringing, or unearthing forgotten pop-culture crimes, their humor is part nostalgia, part social commentary, and always uncompromisingly sharp. This episode is a quintessential snapshot of The Bonfire: unpredictable, hilarious, and bluntly real—held together by the duo’s undeniable chemistry and mutual affection for life’s darkly comic absurdities.

Transcript

[A]

If you're alignment in charge of keeping the lights on, Grainger understands that you go to great lengths and sometimes heights to ensure the power is always flowing. Which is why you can count on Grainger for professional grade products and next day delivery. So you have everything you need to get the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. Did I tell you yet about Stephen Flo the wrestler? Yeah, I know about him. Oh, you already knew about him. Everybody keeps hitting me with that guy. Oh, really?

[B]

But you've.

[A]

I never talked to you about it yet. I think he. We saw him. We saw him wrestle just this weekend. So if it's not that.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

He wrestled at JCW wrestling. And his walkout song, you've heard it. It's gotta be Even Flow. Right? It's Even Flow. So it's a wrestler by the name of Stephen Flow. And he comes out dressed in full grunge, he's got like long hair. And he comes out to a version, a parody version of Even Flow. But it just says Stephen Flow. But the court, the. The verses are so funny. Just goes, Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven. Oh, we laughed, but I was in a lot of nostaloons. Uh, it's the bonfire faction talk, SiriusXM103. I'm Big J. Okerson. The great Robert Kelly is off New Hampshire probably at this point doing something, making sure his son's not gay with masculine activities, keeping him out of that. Louis Gomez, fear of musical theater for your boy. Karate and musical theater. The most balanced child ever. Louis J. Gomez's son sitting in Bobby's seat. You could check out his podcast, no need for Apologies that he does with Derek Gaines on Gas Digital Network and available wherever you listen, it is the hilarious, great Dave Temple in the house.

[B]

What up, what up, what up?

[A]

Thanks for coming in, dude.

[B]

Thanks for having me, man. Yeah, we're gonna say hello to each other, man. We'll spend the weekend together.

[A]

That's right, we are. We're doing the stress Factory together, everybody. So if you're in Jersey and you don't like black comedians, stay away from the show. If you like me, you have to like my black friends. Also, I'm talking to you skanks fans. If you like me, you have to like my black friends.

[B]

It's funny, though, with the audio, how long would it took for them to figure out I was black?

[A]

Is this Guy black.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I get that all the time.

[A]

Oh, is this. Yeah. Bring up Stephen Flow's entrance. This made me laugh so hard. So what's the thing? Does he, you know, mosh around? He just comes out looking like a guy who is in a Pearl Jam. That's it.

[B]

Is the guitar a weapon at least?

[A]

Maybe. Maybe sometimes he got his ass kicked super quick.

[B]

Yeah. He doesn't look like, you know.

[A]

Oh, here. Just like a skin. Yeah.

[B]

That'S a good friend that recorded that for man.

[A]

That Juggalo wrestling at the gathering of Juggalos is violent. Not only do you. It's the only wrestling I've seen. I've been to ECW when it was a thing back in the day in Philly and they used to throw shit at the ring. And there's the famous where they said don't throw chairs into the ring. Yeah, see, and everybody threw their chairs. One of the coolest videos ever. Yeah, but the gathering, the Juggalos, that was like at the end of the match when they were in the middle of the ring talking shit with the chairs or whatever that. That happened while these guys are wrestling. You could have a. A full Renaissance Fair turkey leg thrown in your face. I mean, they just. People just go into the trash cans and just pick up the first thing they can find and just zing it at the stage. One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. I felt terrible, but it was funny. Some jerk off guy kept reaching in the trash, pulling out like a bottle of something that's got something in it and just zinging it at the. At the wrestling ring and sometimes hitting the guys, sometimes not hitting the guys. And all that was noticeable, which is always noticeable at the gathering of the Juggalos. When you look through the smoke and see one really pretty fantastic person just.

[B]

In the sea of.

[A]

Yes. And there was a girl who. I mean, she just looked like she was probably one of the best looking girls there against the gate to the wrestling, you know, to the wrestling ring. What do you call like the barrier? Yeah, she's right. It's the barrier. And just like. I don't know if she was one of the wrestlers girlfriend. She didn't see if she was super into it, but she was there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Holding her place. And this guy who kept throwing stuff out of the trash, he just picked at one point like a. Like a bottle of water. Like this, like a fucking 14 inch bottle of water had something in it and just zings it and just lost it on the Throw. And I mean, peg this girl right directly in the side of the. I mean, she couldn't have been looking to the side more at that time to be like, hey. And I mean, just caught the whole thing. And I don't know what it is the equilibrium of the world that I feel, even though I feel bad of just whenever a gorgeous girl is humiliated, I don't know why it brings me such immediate happiness for a minute.

[B]

Because, you know, it can't be there forever. Dude, I saw that last night. I was coming out of the train to go do a spot, and as I'm walking out, it's like this vagrant woman, you know, homeless, with the pig, big ankles all swollen up, and she's struggling to get up the steps. So, you know, you gotta go around and get this. And as I'm approaching, her sweatpants are like falling off to reveal two of the biggest, most delicious ass cheeks. I mean, just like old school running track ass.

[A]

I didn't see this going positive.

[B]

And she had like a tramp stamp, you know, the old school print. So it's like, oh, this girl used to be like a bombshell. And she was probably a good time.

[A]

Got away from her.

[B]

Right, right. And then you realize, oh, this is what happens to hoes. Like, you know, like the real fun ones. The real fun ones, yeah. By the time they're 40, 50, they just die in the subway and Times Square.

[A]

Well, they were so fun at one point. They also became like the late night eating with someone they love. Man, this chick's great. She'll just order pizza with me at 3am she eats as many pieces as I do. This girl's great. Well, any. I mean, I had when I was on that Jagermeister music tour. I always tell that story of the Jagermeister. Girls came on the bus afterwards with the producer guys or the guys that worked in production and all pretty. One of the girls has to use the bathroom. Only person who went into the bathroom, we were there. And then like, you know, 45 minutes later or something, when the bus driver shows up, he just comes in the bus and he goes, who took a.

[B]

Shit in the back?

[A]

Cause you can't shit on tour buses. And it was just so obviously this smoking hot chick and it just evens everything out. Cause you can see her face, like, she just shrivels. And you're like, aha. Things have never been bad for you. Look at this, look at me. Now this fat guy knows you just took a dump on my bus.

[B]

Right, Right, right. Have you ever Seen an episode of Family Guy where they go to the cabin and immediately they discover the shit, and they're trying to figure out who it was.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it was Lois. And Lois is like, peter, I need you to take the fall from me. Like, I can't come back.

[A]

It just. I mean, anything like that. They. There was a gathering in Juggalos. They beat up a person they just decided was a pedophile and just beat the living shit out of them.

[B]

That is the go. That is the go word right there. Like, that is legit reason to pound someone. I was just at the DMV in Philly, and I had to talk to some goofball that sat next to me, and he brought that up. Like, yeah, man, you know, fucking pedophile. And you want to beat their fucking face in. And, like, I'm kind of messing with him. I'm like, you know, some people just want to beat faces in. Like, we're not even. There's not a pedophile in sight, and you're getting yourself worked up.

[A]

Well, I don't know what it's. Maybe someone doesn't have enough going on in their own life or whatever. And, like, by the way, a noble cause to go off. Like, I'm gonna go stop pedophiles for sure. But to have, like, a visceral reaction to the concept of just makes me think you got pedophiles when you were younger. When someone gets like that. I was on some podcast somewhere. Was it the drink? I forget what the fuck it was called. These guys out in the middle of nowhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. But it's like a popular show. And the guy on there was like, you know, show me he carries a gun. And he was like. Said something. I was like, how? I watched the pedophile hunt. He's like, I couldn't do that, man. I put a fucking bullet in the middle of every one of their heads. And I was like, well, most of them are retarded people who have been roped into this. So don't just go shooting willy nilly. You're gonna get in trouble for shooting a retarded guy that people bullied into coming the fuck a 14 year old because he doesn't know any better.

[B]

You opened my world up to that when we went to Indianapolis or Indian, and there were people there that were like, front row.

[A]

Courtney Elizabeth, dude, she's wild.

[B]

This was a guy. Remember there was a guy up front who had a hat with a revolver on it, like the picture, but it said, death to all Pedophiles. And I'm like, what the fuck does your hat. What's going on? The guy, he went like, yeah, it's my merch. And then like, even after the show, he came up and explained himself and he does pedophile hunts. He's like, yeah, if you want, you can come on one with me tomorrow.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, I'll go. Like, he was ready to go home and get on the computer tonight and rile someone up.

[A]

That's why I say it's so funny. Like, the amount of, like, police effort that goes into a long term sting operation to catch a pedophile. Just to, like, triangulate where he might be in the tri state area and get him. And what could his real name possibly be? And how do we, you know, reverse engineer, like, finding his name through his weird handles and encrypted whatever. And meanwhile, Courtney Elizabeth can just go, ah, that guy flaked. He didn't show up. Hey, I'm 14 and so horny. Jesus Christ, dude. That's the most discouraging thing of all of it. That it's like, it is that easy. The way the police do it makes you seem like they're catching the town pedophile. Like, the town pedophile. Every fourth house has one of these. What's happened is that. I mean, look, again, it's that thing of, like, you're just easier to be caught nowadays. But I mean, the Philadelphia Uncle Eddie, everyone knew Uncle Eddie. It's not that there wasn't other pedophiles in town or whatever. It was just like they seemed so few and far between. You knew the guy who was like the town pariah for that.

[B]

That's how I was when I was a kid. I never forget my first weekend ever to go visit my dad at his house. And my dad lived in West Oak Lane, right? So he comes to pick me up from Southwest Philly, takes me to West Oak Lane. He had a duplex. His sister and my cousin are living downstairs. Great. So I have a guy to take me outside, introduce me to all the other kids. And I lie to you. Not their first order of business. We're standing there like, all right. Usually we play between that driveway and that driveway. Don't go near that house. Cause he's a pedophile. And it's like there was a dude just, like in that basement window next to the staircase. And he's just out. He's just looking at us, right? All right. I never went to the house. I never got molested I don't even know whether that's true, but I went off of that fact.

[A]

You should have. You should just live your life by like, you know what? I'm gonna err on the side of caution and just not go to his house.

[B]

They figured it out.

[A]

No, there was that. It was like when you were a kid, it wasn't like, hey, we're taking down, you know, Freddy Krueger style, we're gonna burn up and kill the town pedophile. It was just like, hey, if you see this brown Impala with like, you know, pinstripes on it, don't get in it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, yeah, that guy's looking for kids.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And everyone knows about that, but he's never stopped. Uncle Eddie, I believe, even went down for like fucking tax shit.

[B]

I think the major Uncle Eddie. I don't know who Uncle Eddie is.

[A]

When I'm a little older than you. And that's what it was when I was a kid. They were like, in West Philly, this guy would come and the big thing was that he buys. He tries to buy your, like, underwear off of you. Wow. And they were saying, money to a kid. He was like, he'll give you like 50 bucks for your underwear. And I was just like, bummed out. I was like, where is this motherfucker? I'll fucking give my goddamn underwear. I got a few pairs of underwear I could part with.350 bucks. That's wealthy to a fucking 8 year old who walks to school every day.

[B]

Right? That's a down payment on a mongoose. Are you kidding?

[A]

If I would have even been, like, frazzled by the situation. 50 bucks for your underwear. I go, yeah. Do I have to take them off right here? I have a key to my. Hey, follow me in my house. I have a key. Hey, I have a key on a shoelace around my neck. If you want to come back to my place, make this more convenient for you. I was ripe for the picking. I was a latchkey kid, man. I was so. I would have been so easy to find. You'd better take me to wrestling and just pull your wiener out.

[B]

I guess they also knew not to go to certain neighborhoods. These kids were no good. It's like, we'll all say yes, but it's not going to be what you want.

[A]

I heard that if you're looking for a house and you actually look in the registered pedophile offenders, you'll never. You won't be able to buy a house anywhere. Oh, anything you pop anywhere you're looking.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Dave, I can have you come over here and type in your address. I got mine in the Citizens app. I paid for it because they got me the one day I looked, and I'm like, man, there's no activity where I'm at in Jersey because it's in Jersey in a neighborhood. And I'm like, damn, I missed turning the Citizens app on, though, and being like, oh, my God, someone just got murdered two blocks away, man.

[B]

I don't need that.

[A]

The excitement of that, though, is gone. So I was like, well, what is going on in my town? And then it goes, see your local pedophiles. But you gotta. You have to pay for the app or their blurry pictures. And they just got me. I was like, I'm paying for the app. I have to see who it is. And these guys are not good people. Yeah, surprise, surprise.

[B]

Anybody that you see, like, on the block or anything like that?

[A]

No, but, like, they tell you, like, the dis. They give you their address and the distance.

[B]

See, my wife and I, we sit out front. Like, we're on the front stoop smoking every day. Like, if we had that app, it'd be a problem. Like, I got upset.

[A]

You guys are that app.

[B]

I know. They probably think we are.

[A]

Mrs. Johnson's across the street bitching again. Incident.

[B]

Only minorities on our block, if I'm not mistaken. But, dude, I got obsessed with this one girl. That's why I know I don't need it. I sent you that. Remember that long group of videos that I sent you of body cam videos? And it was the white.

[A]

The lady getting crazier and crazier?

[B]

Yeah, man. And it's like, that's what I do now. I watch body cams in my neighborhood. And, man, it's a lot going on. It's a whole other world going on, you know? And you know what else I love to do? I love to look on my calendar to see where I was when these things happen, you know what I mean? It's always like, oh, wow, I just missed that. I went into the city to go do spots and then like, wow.

[A]

How about the craziest one? I mean, we left here two weeks ago while we were on air. The guy was fucking shooting up the football. NFL.

[B]

Oh, shit. You guys were on the air.

[A]

51St and 6th.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or 5th, right? 51st and 5th. And over in park. Right. It was kind of all around that area. But I mean, like, it's like, okay.

[B]

This may sound crazy. This. I don't fear that kind of stuff anymore when it happens in New York, like, people used to check on me when stuff would happen. Oh, my God. They're shooting on the train. And I've been saying this for a while, like. Like, the kid from home Al, I'm not that lucky. I have too much responsibility to. It's not just gonna end that way for me.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's too much to take care of.

[B]

Right, Right. Like, I would love to get randomly shot on the F train. Are you kidding me?

[A]

Who else is gonna pay all of this money with no return? Oh, no. Oh, no. Bills, bills, bills. Oh, shit.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Please don't kill me, sir. Yeah, that's pretty. But I. When I watch the body cam videos, the satisfaction those videos give me is I feel the pain in those videos of everybody who's driving by because I feel like I have so much of that in my life. Is the driving by a thing happening? And you're like, oh, but, oh, I have to keep driving. You can't pull over and get out to watch.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

So, like, seeing all that stuff has been just fucking great. You've seen the bait.

[B]

Uncomfortable.

[A]

It's a sleeveless summer for Dave, dude, It looks fantastic.

[B]

I've been cutting the shirts off the sleeves off of everything.

[A]

Looks like you're about to serve us.

[B]

Absolutely right.

[A]

But, like, oh, you know what? Clear the floor.

[B]

Look, do flips. I don't know what's happening. I feel like I'm aging backwards.

[A]

Yo, who brought Omarion to the studio?

[B]

Yeah, that did look like O.

[A]

Is that Omarion serving my ass right here? I didn't even notice.

[B]

Speaking of, I watched so many tubi movies, man.

[A]

Like, Omarion, he's got to do something. He. I will tell you, I have a unnatural. For my. For my race, age, interests, abilities. It's amazing how much I love the film you got served. I mean, if it's on. If it's on on a TV show, if I catch it on a channel, I'm leaving it on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I know exactly the dances I like the most. Oh, they do the Three Stooges thing where they're, like, being, like, little floppy things. I'm like, I want to do that with my friends.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Why won't my friends work on a choreographed dancer team with me? I brought it up as a joke on every show I've ever done broadcasting over the 14 years I've been broadcasting. I go, we should do, like. We should all learn, like, a choreographed dance. Like, wouldn't that be fucking Hilarious and stupid. I was, like, not learning a dance. I go, yeah, the idea sucks. Come on. These guys were killed. Christine, don't waste time in the preliminary rounds. Get to the fucking battle. Little Kim's titties are out. Steve Harvey's there.

[B]

For some reason, Harvey's got on a come on, player sweatsuit.

[A]

Come on, player, you got to get out there and dance with your voice.

[B]

I don't want none of these kids got guns in their book bags. But. But Steve Harvey.

[A]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Keep it on the dance floor. You gotta keep it on linoleum. Young player is the guy from Finding Neverland in this, I don't know, but I will tell you this. They also showcased a lot of white dancers, which made me think it was possible. That's him. He's a judge with Lil Kim. All right, Christine, I know you've catego. You've cataloged every single white dancer.

[B]

There are a lot of white dancers. Like, yeah, I know.

[A]

Different time, but they really do. They do that. I think only to show you how easy it is for Omarion and the kid from Immature to beat them.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Marquis Houston, which there's no way he didn't get molested, right?

[A]

Like, which one? Marcus.

[B]

Marcus Houston.

[A]

Too adorable. I'd say all three of them.

[B]

I mean, even when he started off.

[A]

At Immature, like, I'm gonna point a finger right now. Unjustified. Michael Bivens. Ricky Bell and Michael Bivens did something terrible to Immature. You heard it here first.

[B]

I remember I was young, so I didn't fully understand what immature was.

[A]

Oh, hey, nice pant leg up on Adidas pants.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We wonder where you got that from.

[A]

Probably from this film right here and.

[B]

The fresh white air force ones.

[A]

Oh, my God, dude.

[B]

Jay, you still dressed like this to go on stage?

[A]

Yes, if I could only spin on my head. Also. I believe I could spin on my head, Jacob. If I believed I could. The only reason I can't do it is because I don't believe I could. Chris, you know, I have shows to do. My hair's done. If I was wearing a hat, though, I'd give it a shot right now. Too many white guys.

[B]

Yeah, you need one of those. This is also the scullies with the slight brim.

[A]

Mm. I've been working on last night. I did some. A little in house work on my Born the Hand Jive dance from Travolta Lou, you'd be happy to know. Yeah. And I will tell you a dance. A dance routine. In a movie, even. All of these right here. It's this they're doing. This is it. This is the part I love.

[B]

He's a bicycle. Could you imagine seeing these guys, like, in the park?

[A]

They do the silly guy things. That's almost my point, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that it's the sum of its parts when it's all done together. Because dance moves way early in comedy. Christine Stop is going to keep distracting me. Way early in comedy. At the Laugh House, some guy caught me afterward. And at the time, you would do anything somebody wanted you to do that was like, oh, this? I'm in entertainment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Some guy wanted me to be in a video for. I think it was like, a local rapper or something like that. And, like, I don't know why he chose me for this, because he didn't have me doing anything in it that was, like, comical or funny. But I went to two. Only two rehearsals of real, like, dance studio with a bar on the thing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

To do dance moves. And it was two times in where I was like, this feels weird. It wasn't that. When it was all put together to be fine. But even watching that John Travolta scene last night, bring up that Born the hand jive, it all looked cool when I was a kid. Just the way he's, like, moving. But these. At the end of the day, he's really. He's doing this. Yeah. It's like, really. And all dancing. All dancing on its own. You look stupid as shit by yourself. Yeah. I mean, look what he's doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But when I was a kid, I was just like, travolta's killing it. Christine, get to where he kills it. Kills it. You were trying to dance like him or one of the extras. Excuse me, Lou.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No one danced like an extra. I bet he tries to.

[B]

Lou.

[A]

Oh. Oh, that's easy to do the lasso. Look at this cowboy. Oh, yeah. Is it easy, Lou? Could you do it?

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

You don't think Lou's practiced this? It's his favorite movie. I bet Lou knows every word in every dance. Yeah. This scene, by the way, the born the hand drive scene, when I watched it. Yes. Do you remember this scene?

[B]

Yes, I do, but I'm also recognizing that dance. There's a trend that's happening now with Connecticut tiktokers. They're doing a move like this where it's like, the last thing. It's this. But they change that move. It's that. The last thing you see before you slime in Brockton. You Know rockford. It's a weird trend that they're doing.

[A]

I don't know. This scene falls to weird pieces for me. They were a competing team of dancers. His friend just rips her away and throws this 40 year old Latino chick from another school. And then, by the way, he's so. He's like, hey, where did my longtime love go? Who I've been working so difficultly to get into my life? You know what? I'm gonna teabag this fucking old Hispanic lady for a second, get the trophy, and then I'll circle back with her.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

I got caught up in the moment, babe.

[A]

He's outside, still out of breath. He's like, why'd you leave? We won. What are you. You took off so fast. We took that. We took the thing. Everybody's old in this movie, but she really is like 50. Yeah, I said it fourth. I'll say it again. First concert ever went to Sean on a. The band playing in this scene. Because my mom wanted to fuck Chico. Christine couldn't believe that Sean and I was a show. Yeah, I had to show it to her. Had to. But even I said, I watch America.

[B]

He'S still not even checking for his girl. He's so into this. Oh, he's.

[A]

He's way past that. Tell you what, go back, Christine. To go back 10 seconds. If I could do this split move right here and pop back up, I'd quit comedy tomorrow. I could be the split. Split around the world. Yes. Right here. Come on. It was a big deal. Oh, you could tell I'm from the 90s. That was a big deal, kid. And play splits.

[B]

Yeah. And going to a party where they would give you the space to split.

[A]

You know, I always thought Sandy overreacted because she left so soon. But then he totally gets into it.

[B]

Yeah, I'll tell you what, but that's also a chick move on her part. I'm gonna leave the room to see how long it takes you to notice.

[A]

Yeah, but sometimes fate deals you the right hand. Because if she just. She walked out when he still seemed confused by what was happening. And then she was like, I'm leaving. Thank God they would have never got back together. There was no camera phones back in the fucking 50s. They were totally fine because she's gonna hear. So he goes, I don't know. I don't know. I looked for you, but there were so many people dancing around, I couldn't find you. If she would have stayed five more seconds, it would have been like, ah, fuck her.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Just fucking dry humping some fucking goofy abuela. Her name's Cha Cha. By the. There was no. No honor. No honor with these chicks with these gangs. By the way, that was Crater Face's girlfriend. Crater Face then went with Rizzo, who was mad at Kiniki. Kaniki's just fucking. Oh, he was fucking Crater Faces girl. And then she leaves him to go with Danny Zuko. Would you believe until I was my mid teens, I didn't even know the song Grease License Lightning existed. Because I always watch Grease on a tape my grandfather recorded for me off of tv. And the song says tit and shit. And they don't have the song in the. In the TV version. Didn't even know it was a song on the soundtrack. So I was probably like an early teenager.

[B]

It sound like a full version of the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Someone had it on VHS or something. And you watch it. I was like, greased Light. I'm like, where was this scene?

[B]

That was awesome.

[A]

They say shit and tit. That would have made my whole childhood better.

[B]

That's funny that your childhood was like mine too, where it was like. For some reason, we were watching a lot of movies just taped off of television.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of times. You see, my grandfather was great. He had a VHS with a thing he bought for it that was like a cord, a long cord that could basically pause and unpause. You know, you do on the radio. You just unpause your recording, start recording. He just had that. So you could sit there and watch tv, movies, and then push a button and it would stop recording. So all the movies we'd watch at some point would, like, fade to black and then be like, pop back on. It was like in the back on the movie.

[B]

Yeah, my grandmother used to do that. Like, she would just sit there and just edit it. But she would do it because she would get all the movies. That was her thing. I want them all for free, you know. Cut it out.

[A]

Yeah, he is. His whole collection was a lot of made for TV movies. But I never saw Grease, Greased Lightning ever. Grease.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

It's like one of the main parts of the movie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, not a part of your memory of it from childhood.

[B]

Just fell asleep to this movie, like Thursday.

[A]

I want to say, what a strange time, too. This is a time when you were only presented white people so much that even black women had to have crushes on white guy. Oh, yeah. Black teenagers of these times had crushes on white people just like anybody else. That's all you were given, right?

[B]

My mom, to this. I know about Frank Sinatra because my mom was such a huge fan of Frank Sinatra. And you're like, what? What Italian took you out? One summer.

[A]

You go to black grandma's house, and she has a Kenny Rogers picture on the wall. That was the time I met Kenny Rogers. What the fuck were you doing at a Kenny Rogers concert?

[B]

My daughter's like that now. My youngest daughter, she watched A Bronx Tale, and she has a crush on young Calosro to this day.

[A]

Cause he was willing to fuck.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I also didn't realize how, like, uniform the Italians were. When you watch that movie and he's wearing the same outfit as Rocky.

[A]

Yeah. When he's in high school, he's in New York.

[B]

And he has the same stupid leather. Leather hat and the leather jacket.

[A]

Yeah. Just bouncing a fucking. A racquetball. It really is his dumb look, right?

[B]

And they're all just aggressive and rapey.

[A]

You make her suck your dick, and when the truck is looking, you make her suck it. And if she does it willingly, she's a piece of shit. Guys. You know, running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need, and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo. That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing websites, literally every kind of software. And it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software, so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, Right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o odoo.com.

[B]

Oh, God. Yeah. Weird little hat.

[A]

Good movie, though. But yeah, that was. By the way, that is. It's one of my favorite songs, too. Knights and White Satin. That's the. Funny. That song's playing while they're beating the. Out of her brother and he's like, stay Down. He's like, I'm not gonna actually defend you, but, like, pretend I kicked your ass.

[B]

Which, all right. Even as a black man, I was on Collojito's side when he's like, yo, you, you. Like, I tried to help you. You of you know what you're doing.

[A]

But it is funny that it went that way. And again, there's no camera phones around. So she comes back at the end of the movie after she's mad. She goes, my brother told me what you did. He goes, your brother's cool, cuz he lied for you. You should still be mad about how it went down. My brother told me you tried to help him. He goes, no, he definitely still yelled the N word, though.

[B]

That is a weird thing that she overlooked. Like, within a few hours, like, it's just like, all right, yeah, we're going to start our relationship, but I know you.

[A]

That in you.

[B]

Yeah, that came out really quick.

[A]

Sure hope you don't get frustrated at my family's Thanksgiving because it's going to be all of them.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

This guy, you know, Koshero, ended up just having a. A horrible actual life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a major criminal. Like, he's involved in a murder.

[B]

Here's the thing. When I'm watching him, when I watch the movie over again with my daughter, you can see with the speech pattern, this guy's a meathead. Like, he's. He's like a little bit autistic and that they just caught him at a good time where it works. He's good looking.

[A]

He's dumb as shit.

[B]

Yeah. He's got quirky eyes. You know what I mean? You remember Corky from Life Goes On?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He's got the same, you know, empty look in his eyes.

[A]

He's also in the Sopranos and he's playing a dumb Italian also. Yeah, yeah, he does good at that. He does real good at dumbass. But yeah, his real life is involved in. But you can see there's so many celebrities. Christine, look at the list of celebrities who are involved in, like, violent crimes. It's always somebody stupid who is just like.

[B]

You see those eyes? You can't tell me that guy doesn't look like Calodro.

[A]

Damn, is that Courtney?

[B]

But that, Come on, that could easily be Calodro.

[A]

It looks disturbingly like Calogero. I wish somebody could superimpose a rocky hat on him right now. Oh, quirky aged bad. Who saw that coming? I thought he was gonna age like Brad Pitt. It's always stupid celebrities who it's the Ja Morant thing?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's a guy. It's like you could be sitting on top of the world with all the money and pussy and whatever you want, and then someone's like, you're a pussy, dude. You're not street anymore. And they're like, I'll go rob a store with you right now. Why? Yeah, just to prove you're still from the streets.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. I was victim to that. I still had that. That's why I had to cut all ties. Like, I had to. I don't even really go, like, if I go to Philly, I don't even leave downtown anymore.

[A]

The braggadocious nature. We all did the braggadocious nature. These all things that are so funny. And listen, you are the sum of like, you know who you are. Like, everything that, that happening in your life makes you who you are. But like, so much time in my life where I'd have been like, no, I like that we were broke growing up. It gave me character and made my family work hard together. Goes, nah. I would have been okay if I had like a little choo choo train that came through my entire house like silver spoons. Who gives a fuck? In hindsight, you only live once, man. That'd be awesome. Just grow up wealthy and rich. Yeah, but when you're young, you're like, these rich pussies don't even know what it's like. I'm fine with that.

[B]

Right. There's a kid in my neighborhood now who he's always zipping by on. He's got like one of those motorized scooters, but he's always on a scooter. Like nine or ten. He's on the scooter on his cell phone. He's always got like the late every colorway of Jordans and like flyest outfits. And he's like 9 or 10. And I'm like, yeah, it. That kid's pretty cool.

[A]

I want to hang out with him a little bit.

[B]

Like, where you going?

[A]

He's like, sup, Dave? Got a couple swinging around over at the park. Yeah, that's fantastic. Do you find a list? Christina Major? I mean, there was a crimes. Yeah, here, look. O.J. simpson, obviously. Phil Spector for sure. Danny Masterson. Oh, I guess rape is a violent crime. I was thinking of murder. I don't know why that really went past me. I go, by the way, when I saw his name, I was like, danny Manchester. He just raped two chicks. Oh, that's violent. Oh, that is Violent Sid Vicious.

[B]

Don King, like the boxing promoter Don King.

[A]

Yeah. That's so weird. I always forget Sid Vicious wasn't a murder suicide. I don't know why I always thought that was a murder suicide in the hotel room. He just killed her. Woke up out of a heroin haze and she was dead, dude. Mark Wahlberg wakes up every day at three in the morning to do his first of seven workouts of the day. Trying to run away from the idea that he went to prison for just beating up two little Vietnamese people. He sucks. Causing permanent blindness in one eye for one of them. Good.

[B]

That's crazy that they only got 45 days for that.

[A]

Yeah. Those Asian guys now need good vibrations because they can't see anything. They operate completely off vibration. Was he already Marky Mark when he did the beating? No, he went to jail for 45 days, got out, and his brother. Yeah, yeah. It is funny. They talk about too, like, hitting two white guys from the 80s. Talking about. He goes, my brother was a better rapper than me. Like, both of you were terrible.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Everyone was awful at it, but Mark Wahlberg reinvented himself as the. The thing. But I hate the. I hate the unexplainable, like, personality change without even, like, having any reflective on your look back. Like, he's just such a guy now. Comes down and goes, don't make jokes about a woman and don't do. You know, I mean, like, he's so, like, moral high ground and everything. It's like you punched a guy to blindness. You were a kid. But, like, relax, dude. Relax. Sean Penn. That's right. He beat up Madonna. Wow. We just let that go, huh? Madonna. That really is testament to how annoying Madonna's been through her career. That it's like someone. The popper one, dude, it's the same thing. Someone had to give her a pop.

[B]

It's the same thing with Holly Berry. She's fine as. But everyone has put their hands on this. Everyone, Every, like, everybody. And people with careers that had shit to lose. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, you should never hit a woman. But she shouldn't date. No men should be allowed near her. Right? Yeah. You can't tell me I'm not allowed to fight and then put me in a room with all of my enemies. That's so fun. Every guy guys is like, David Justice. That guy was America's sweetheart.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Even he had to put the screws to her. Chris Brown, everyone just let that go. That must be a testament to how annoying Rihanna must have been, because my daughter Was trying to get Chris Brown tickets right down to the Wire at MetLife. And I'm like. I go, you've forgiven him and stuff. She was like, you didn't go to jail for it. I'm like, I guess that's true.

[B]

I mean, I'm kind of on that side, dad. It's because he hasn't done it to anyone else, you know what I mean? There might have been a freak thing, because that's like the girl, remember Michelle Lee?

[A]

He's playing the God. He's praying the God that fucking. ASAP Rocky just fucking kicks her in the ribs once.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, you see?

[A]

So he can come out first thing Chris Brown says. See? Chris Brown comes in. You see what I mean?

[B]

Asap Rocky was not available for.

[A]

He beat the hell out of her.

[B]

Yeah, but see, that's the other thing too. If you see this concert footage of, like, you realize, like, he's way stronger than he looks like. I mean, he is, like, ninja strong. This guy is doing like one leg flips, landing in a push up and then jumping back up, like. Yeah. And he's been doing that shit since he was like, 17.

[A]

Theoretically, Rihanna just got served, but served a lot. She didn't know when to tap on that serving, you know what I mean?

[B]

Sweet, sweet chin music.

[A]

The first hours of that beating were mostly just almost hitting her with doing crazy flips like subway performers.

[B]

If you would have stood still, it had been fine.

[A]

Man, people let fucking domestic violence go quick, huh? They always have some kind of sub thing in their life, though, where there's somebody coming at them.

[B]

But here's the thing, you see a lot of body cam videos now where people call. Like the amount of body cam videos I see now where women call for domestic violence and then end up getting arrested themselves because, like, the cops are there and everyone has ring cameras and all kinds of stuff like that. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. You hit like, that shit's not flying anymore. So who knows how much of this shit was legit.

[A]

Do you ever see the best body cam one I saw recently? I saw it a while ago and I rewatched it. It is great. It popped back up again. It's all such white, trashy people. It's some super skinny, long hair Mohawk guy who comes in and goes, oh, man, it's crazy. My wife's in there. I came in and she was just having sex with her son and. And then her other son, who's got pink hair, is out there just freaking out. And it's just. And then they have to stop the son who wasn't fucking her from beating the mom up on the ground.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

And she's. Of course. And also I think we have had a conversation about this. What's great about body cam. I should start just making like picture and circling it on everything. One thing's for sure about when people end up on body cam. No one dressed for body cam that day. Nobody dressed for being involved in a have to go to a police station for when there's someone just sitting like a fat lady sitting there like a who farted shirt having to answer real questions about her son who just shot people in a mall. He did. No. What A big Marvin the Martian shirt or something. And like, you know you ran over that little girl back there. She goes, oh no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you guys mind if I could.

[B]

Shoes. To be that high out the house driving with fluffy slippers on is insane.

[A]

Oh, and there's. There's something great though. Black. A black mom or grandmother coming to pick up the grandkids or kids and just yelling at them in front of the cops is great. When the kids are like attitude before the cops get there. Or before the grandmother gets there.

[B]

Oh, I thought you meant like when they got to pick up the kids. Cuz the mom is getting arrested. And then.

[A]

Oh no, no, no.

[B]

Like is your grandma all right? She come down, she'll be here. And then grandma gets on the scene and then it's like she's yelling at the girl, no, mom, now you need to calm down. This is how you got in this situation to begin with.

[A]

And they go, and you're gonna take the kids back to your house. Grandma, she's like, I ain't got no home, but I'll sit with them.

[B]

I gotta be to work at 4:30. Grandma always has to be to work for the third shift in each fucking family.

[A]

I'll tell you what. Whenever they have to pull white kids out of terrible household situations.

[B]

Oh yes.

[A]

Those kids never want to leave. I don't know what it is. The little white kids are always like, are you taking my mom away? And it's like, yeah, well, we're gonna stop your father and mother from raping you. And they're like, but they love it.

[B]

Mom is hilarious. She's fun. What are you talking about?

[A]

But she always. Yeah, she picked me pick the movie. Every night we watch Small Price.

[B]

Did you see the one where the woman did not. She didn't relinquish the kids to their dad at the proper time. And she just, like, went to her boyfriend's lake house, and I guess these guys had a great attorney because the body cam is the cops on a boat sailing out into the lake where they are on the boat, like, hand those kids over, right?

[A]

And.

[B]

She'S like, no, this is crazy, right? A lake exchange, right? And, like, the boyfriend whose boat it is, he's just on, and he, like, even the cops are kind of getting. Hey, you can say something if you want. Like, can you help us out? And. Yeah, like, it's not a long video. It's like eight minutes and. But she gets tased.

[A]

I feel like you've already dipped into the world. Well, I showed you the best. White woman getting tased. And Christine, you know what it is you can show if Casey hasn't. The lady. The fat lady in the bathing suit. It's the beginning of the live stream. Easy. Fat woman, tased hotel. It'll be the first thing. It's great.

[B]

Thank God for keyword searches, right?

[A]

But I will say this is a tasing. That I've never seen someone's emotional turnaround. And because she's a problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's not letting him in the hotel room. Then she starts letting the hotel room and starts cursing at all of them. That's not. It starts. Oh, it is, but it's not good enough now. You know what? It's fine. Pause it. Pause right there. Pause right there.

[B]

It's got the big knockers out, too.

[A]

This is great. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, buddy. I've put in hours of chatting up a girl who's looked worse than this. So I'm not judging her. I'm saying when she comes in, she's off a rocker. They zipper. I mean, they. Three tasers they hit her with and one taser. When you see someone get tased. And I've seen giant muscular guys to small women, fat people, whatever it is, the general reaction is they're either able to take it because it doesn't hit them right, or they. It's a. It's a freeze. No, it's like a freeze up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And they, like, drop, because that's what it's supposed to do. This lady, almost like she's power. Like, what was Jamie Foxx's character in the Spider man movie? Like, it's juicing her up.

[B]

Oh, freeze. Yeah, it's juicing her up.

[A]

So she's like. It's one of the funniest things ever go. Because you play it and it's hard to hear. I've watched it so many times it's hard to hear. But how quickly in the YouTube video. That's a. That's a snippet, the YouTube video. How quickly she goes, my hands are behind my back. I'm sorry, that was crazy what I just did. You know what she's like. And by the way, you look around her room and you can see she. Her room is very normal. She had a laptop set up. She's in a bathing. I think she's literally off meds. And that thing's that. And she was like, I. My. My doctor was gone before I came on this trip. I wasn't able to get my meds. I have been a few days since I've taken them and I'm so sorry. That was crazy. I should not have done that. She's so. And they're like, okay, man. Like she was so she puts her own hands behind her back. I have a good job. I'm a normal person. This is not me. I believe her.

[B]

Yeah. I think that's what's happening in a lot of these things. Cause there's. I was watching one this morning of a nurse who was just stealing from Target before I headed to work. Like, she had the white jacket with the shit on. And you go like, yeah, you must be a sleeper cell at this point. Like, what is happening?

[A]

But I was saying, you seem to have found the people getting. That's a whole genre itself, the body cam. People getting arrested on boats. Yeah, people are on boats. They really think that is, like, laws don't apply. They really. They can't even believe they go, well, we have a problem. Because on this boat, I see that there's 12 year old kids drinking like, you know, Mike's Hard lemonades. And they're like, yeah, we're on a boat. Like, they don't seem to be surprised.

[B]

Okay, the open seas.

[A]

Do you want one? Yeah. They think as soon as you're in any water, it's international. Hey, honey, I'm gonna go out in this dinghy and fucking murder you.

[B]

And they'll say, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

Did you kill your wife?

[B]

I need to get my lawyer here. Like, your lawyer's getting out on a boat on Saturday afternoon. You're not that connected.

[A]

Hang on. The lawyer goes, honey, I gotta go to work. And then put zinc on his nose. Honey, I gotta go see a client. I'll be right back. Do you have my sun umbrella, by the way? That was the thing. That was, I thought, strange for how little the Juggalos give a fuck about health. Cleanliness clean. Like being clean. Shitting indoors, all these things. They don't care about. A surprising amount of sun umbrellas at the gathering of the Juggalos. Just like it's. It's a little hot. I don't want to get skin cancer. What? Shitheads. Yeah. The boat. The boat. Arrests are fucking fantastic. And I said they never. There was one I'm trying to find. I don't know if you'll find this Christine, but that's the bet. The one of them was like a couple. They were fighting over like, I guess like cheating or something. She was accusing him of cheating. And it's just a funny guy. Any guy just understands this in general. The cops were like. They were fighting over this and they had to confiscate both of their phones. And they're like, sir, we need to take your phone. He just throws it in the ocean. He's like, nah, that's the joke I always make is if you're dying on the ground, that's what I would be. I'd go throw my laptop in the ocean, clear my search history and blow up my laptop in the ocean.

[B]

Oh, God, that's horrible.

[A]

Boat life. I've also never been. That was always the bummer. That. That Cheaters episode where you get stabbed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fake, was it? Yeah. Fuck, I think a lot of that's fake too. Finding out that all those airplane freakout videos, 90% of them are fake, is a bummer. And then what makes me feel stupid is they go, you couldn't tell they were fake. And I'm like, no, it looks like somebody freaking out on an airplane. And then all of the fake ones have like led. Like light strips, like across. It's like Christmas lights. Is the light. I'm like, how the. Did I not notice that I'm so wrapped into this person having a moral argument about whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

About putting your feet up on the seat or whatever.

[B]

I began to spot it because it was. Everyone was in first class. Or at least the spacing was first class. Hey, you don't get that much leg room. I fly a lot now.

[A]

It makes the ones hit like thunder when they are real.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never had seen a freak out on an airplane in my life.

[B]

You know what's funny?

[A]

I've never even seen a major problem in an airport for all the air. You think I would have seen so many. I've seen people like myself being the person before, like arguing and like getting kind of like frustratingly loud. But like a real people need to come over.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And those are. Those are great body cam videos because those cops aren't really sure what their jurisdiction is either.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

They don't seem to know what they can do either. Yeah, I've seen they let people talk to them all kinds of ways.

[B]

The cops at the airport, and they're just sitting there, like, waiting for backup. And they're usually at a gate that's so far down. Terminal. Yeah. Doesn't get there for a while.

[A]

Some guys in their face going, just tell me why me and my family was kicked off the plane, motherfucker. And he's like, we'll speak with you in a moment. 5, 7, 8. We need a thousand more people here.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie to you. I am worried that I might get there, like. Cause I've been having a lot of flights. Like, even last last week, I took a red eye back from Phoenix, and I got to the airport hammer, like, I just got hammered at the Delta Lounge because it's a red eye.

[A]

You know what I mean? And you'll fall asleep, right?

[B]

That's the goal. But if I could imagine, after six doubles of tequila, if I get to the gate and anything is not going the way I want it to, it could get bad. Cause this happened to me recently. I didn't get upset about it, but I've been obsessing about it, even talking about it on stage. But I had a first class flight, and the flight attendant was trans. And I just feel like I don't have any problem with that. But. But for a first class ticket, give.

[A]

The trans to the people back in gen pop. I don't want you bringing over my. My grill lined. My confusingly grill lined chicken. I can see your wiener through your skirt.

[B]

The thing. Jay, we're not talking about, like, Thai lady boy beautiful. No, we're talking about built Ford American tough. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, didn't even change their name enough, right? It's like, her name's like Jeff Lynn.

[B]

Yeah. Like, Sean used to be a bodybuilder, okay? Like, Sean played D1 basketball. And now we're pretending Shannon is, you know, fine. But just.

[A]

What's her name? Markifer. Markifer. Put some effort in, man.

[B]

Fucking beard coming right? Stubble right through the foundation. You know what I mean? It's just like a state trooper with lipstick on.

[A]

You got to work it better, bitch.

[B]

And my thing is for $2,800 for that ticket, like. Like, you know, I want to kind of flirt with the stewardess a little bit, you know?

[A]

Like, let me Ask you this, though. What would you. Would you rather have? It's a guy to woman transition. Would you rather have them wearing the male uniform and have just like a ponytail back and you can tell that, like, in downtime, this thing really cuts loose, or would you rather have it just go full on, like, trying to be a woman?

[B]

I want. I want the full on. Trying to be a woman. Give me the experience. I feel like the first. Like, give me the Emirates experience, you know, where they bring all of these bad bitches through the TSA checkpoint. You know what I mean?

[A]

They're problematic. It really looks like they're trying to make. I believe they all come from a place where you can buy them individually, the ladies. And when they parade them through the fucking thing and they're all like, walking, like, with their fucking. The same haircut, it's like. Oh, it's like the. What's the Simply Irresistible video.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

Simply Irresistible.

[B]

Like that to me is they're so hot.

[A]

There's not an unattractive one. And weirdly, they all look identical. The same.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like the exact same makeup, hair.

[B]

And that's what I'm saying. Like, where is the discipline at in American business? We're just letting everybody get away with anything. Now.

[A]

The uae, that's so wild. Yeah, that's. Yeah. Well, I know on the American Airlines, it's a lot of tenures involved. So if you're actually in first class, you're bound to get a trans person's almost a bright upside. What you're gonna get mostly is the grizzled, like, heavyset lady who's been there forever. She was hot at one point, but she has tenure now. So she gets like, the flights. Like the long flights.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And stuff. That'll be the thing. So they're.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. Cause the trans person would at least flirt back, you know?

[A]

Hell yeah. Hell, yeah. They lady, you'd be like, you look really great in your outfit. She's like, son, I could be your grandmother. Okay.

[B]

This buff trans person will give you a hand job if you want.

[A]

Yeah. What do you want to do in the bathroom? Yeah, whatever you think's good. I don't think we'll both fit in the bathroom. I still hold my masculine shape. My shoulders are too broad. You probably don't run into this problem a lot with ladies.

[B]

They're the. There's an empty seat in the exit row in the back. Meet me at 27C.

[A]

This toilet seat's too small to fit. My butthole and dick into. I have to shit, then spin over to pee. God damn it. Yeah, they are beautiful. And they all. Yeah, that weird outfit they all wear. I've never been on those flights before. Have you ever flown those airlines?

[B]

No. But could you imagine you finally make it there?

[A]

Those are the planes, though, that also. They have like, you know, they're like, there's a first class, but for a couple tens of thousands of dollars more, you could have your own suite and shit. That's weird. I don't need that. The JetBlue Mint, where you can close the side. It's still wide open over here. Here. The door closes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That shuts out the world to me.

[B]

Me and Derek were going to try to take a. I'll hold my.

[A]

I'll hold my ball bag while I'm behind that thing while I'm sleeping. Like, I don't care. Don't look over, you creep. This is my room.

[B]

Derek and I were going to try out Spirit Airlines new fly first class section. Like, they have new wider seats in a first class section to try to, you know.

[A]

And they recline and shit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's like they basically just carved out a first class section of Spirit. We were like, oh, we should go check it out to see what it like, whether. Because it's like literally like a comfort plus seat. Like, it's probably like 250 bucks to fly to Chicago, but, like, supposed to get it.

[A]

But look at this guy. Spirit Airlines. Yeah. They have to do something. They've become a joke.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Never involved in the crashes, though, for all this shit they catch. They're never. It's Delta's upside down on a Runway and fucking United's dropping out of the sky. Which is a conspiracy I like to think about. Lou.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Look at this guy in this lounge. Is that Emirates?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A 381st class suite. It's so funny, all these things to. I always say that. They always go, how great is first class? I go, it'd be the worst seat in your house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Still, isn't that crazy how much they charge you for it? The shittiest seat in your house. It would be also any of the seats that recline with the electronics on airplanes. Drives me nuts, too, because it never. You look like an idiot. Because I don't. They're never. They're just. They're worked every day a thousand times, and any electronics like that just starts to go. So when you're trying to, like, lower it down and it starts setting you back up and you're like, I'm not an idiot. This thing's broke. No, you're. This thing sucks.

[B]

Yeah, you got it to do that. Damn it.

[A]

I got drilled by the cart in the elbow and head on my last flight. They didn't give a. Yeah, they didn't even give me like a Pardon me.

[B]

Yeah, I got to go window seat now just for that. I can't.

[A]

I was window, but it was the one where it's just one seat only and they came out, so. Look, granted it's a narrow aisle, but I mean, you know, give me a heads up before you just clunk into me. Yeah, sorry. Did I hit you with the nuts and Coke Zeros? Oh, you pieces of. Oh, my God, time is flying. Look at us shooting this shit with our body cam stuff. All that body cam stuff, huh? Dave Temple. No need for apologies. You know that's right. On the Gas Digital network. Everybody works for Louis. Available wherever you listen. Every time. Oh, how long before he comes for me for this live stream? You should just do it on Gas Digital, dude. For tour dates, make sure you go to M. Dave Temple. I am Dave Temple On Instagram, Bobby Kelly. You know where he's gonna be? Rochester, October 10th and 11th. After that, Tampa, Emmanuel, Pennsylvania. New Orleans and Skank for Skank Fest. For tickets and all tour dates go to. Punch up that live Robert Kelly go to his YouTube. YouTube.com Robert Kelly Comedy. Me and Dave are going to be Distress Factory this weekend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Appleton, Wisconsin. After that, Calgary, if I can get my passport. Pittsburgh. Portland, Oregon. That's right. I'm coming to all your bum ass cities with your liberal homeless problems. For tickets and all the tour dates go to bigj comedy.com we'll be right back, everybody. This is the bonfire.

[B]

Going up.

[A]

Prices keep going up. These days it feels like being on an elevator that only goes up, going up. But not at Metro. We're pushing the down button. We've lowered prices. Get one line of 5G data for $40 period. That's 20% lower. And you get a free Samsung 5G phone when you bring your number. Only at Metro. Five year guarantee on eligible plans, exclusion supply. See website for details. Not available. Fab Metro with T Mobile in the past six months, tax supplies.