Ghengis Bob

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: "Ghengis Bob"

Release Date: March 25, 2025

In the "Ghengis Bob" episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly engage in their signature blend of humor, candid conversations, and relatable anecdotes. This episode delves into a variety of topics ranging from personal appearances and family life to concert experiences and humorous debates about everyday appliances. The dynamic between the hosts, along with occasional contributions from Christine and Jacob, creates an engaging and entertaining listening experience for fans and newcomers alike.

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1. St. Patrick’s Day and Heritage Jokes

The episode kicks off with Bobby and Big Jay celebrating St. Patrick's Day, blending jokes about heritage and appearance.

• Bobby Kelly (00:31): "Even if you look Puerto Rican like me and you look nothing like Irish, somebody fuck somebody from down South."
• Big Jay Oakerson (01:25): "I just passed it on. I said, no, no, this is Robert Patrick Kelly day."

Their playful banter highlights the camaraderie between the hosts as they navigate cultural identity with humor.

2. Mustaches and Personal Appearances

A significant portion of the episode revolves around discussing Bobby's various mustache styles and personas.

• Big Jay Oakerson (02:15): "That hits. You thought it was gonna be milk, and then it was orange juice."
• Bobby Kelly (03:08): "I feel like I know what I'd name it, but I would like to see."

The hosts humorously critique Bobby's past looks, leading to the playful nickname "Genghis Bob."

• Big Jay Oakerson (06:05): "That is Mongolian Bob."
• Bobby Kelly (06:09): "Genghis Bob."

3. Concerts and Ticketing Struggles

Bobby and Jay share their frustrations and strategies related to securing concert tickets, particularly for high-demand shows.

• Bobby Kelly (12:36): "But we didn't."
• Big Jay Oakerson (16:08): "That's what you said."

They recount missed opportunities and the challenges of coordinating with agents, emphasizing the unpredictability of ticket sales.

4. Family and Home Life: Backyard Gardening and Parenting

The conversation shifts to Bobby's experiences with parenting and backyard gardening, adorned with their trademark humor.

• Bobby Kelly (26:05): "I'm a 1 percenter of the Chinglings, buddy."
• Big Jay Oakerson (25:15): "Everyone's sexually frustrated up in that tiny house."

They discuss the antics of raising children and the humorous side of maintaining a household, including debates about bidet usage.

5. Home Gym and Equipment Discussion

The hosts delve into their aspirations and current efforts to set up home gyms, highlighting their different approaches and preferences.

• Big Jay Oakerson (60:10): "I have to figure out this setup."
• Bobby Kelly (60:03): "I got the adjustables. I got two sets of them."

Their dialogue explores the practicality versus the idealism of building a home workout space, interspersed with jokes about fitness routines.

6. Bathroom Humor: Bidet Debate and Fart Stories

A hilarious segment unfolds as Big Jay and Bobby debate the merits and techniques of using a bidet, further enriched by their candid discussions about bodily functions.

• Big Jay Oakerson (45:57): "I've been wailing my asshole with that bidet."
• Bobby Kelly (47:25): "When you sexy. And you wipe with dry paper, you're smudging the poop."

This section is filled with humorous advice and personal anecdotes, making light of an everyday household appliance.

7. Guest Interaction: Farah Abraham’s Message

The hosts discuss their interaction with guest Farah Abraham, highlighting miscommunications and humorous takes on her feedback.

• Bobby Kelly (43:33): "She wrote epic. The trip."
• Big Jay Oakerson (44:00): "She had to take ketamine."

They reflect on the content of her message, blending sincerity with their comedic insights.

8. Upcoming Shows and Wrap-Up

Towards the end, Big Jay and Bobby promote their upcoming performances, sharing details about venues and encouraging listener attendance.

• Bobby Kelly (63:03): "We're gonna be hanging out. We're gonna be doing the Seneca Niagara Falls Casino and Resort."
• Big Jay Oakerson (64:11): "You get to see SOME of us."

Their enthusiasm for upcoming tours underscores the community-focused aspect of their podcast, inviting fans to join in the fun.

Notable Quotes

• Bobby Kelly (02:15): "It tastes like. I was gonna have milk, but it was orange juice. I don't like it."
• Big Jay Oakerson (06:05): "That is Mongolian Bob."
• Bobby Kelly (47:25): "You're smudging the peanut butter when you use dry paper."

Conclusion

The "Gengis Bob" episode showcases Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly's effortless ability to blend humor with everyday topics. From playful critiques of personal style to the challenges of concert ticketing and the funny side of home life, the hosts offer listeners an engaging and relatable experience. Their interactions with guests and each other add layers of depth and laughter, making this episode a standout in The Bonfire series. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the show, "Gengis Bob" provides a delightful mix of comedy, stories, and authentic conversations that resonate with a broad audience.

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Subscribe to The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly:

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Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, guys, it's spring cleaning time. And let's start with your mop, because that overgrown winter hair isn't doing you any favors. At Sport Clips Haircuts. They've got pro stylists who know men's hair, TVs playing sports 24, 7, and a place built for guys to get a great cut without the hassle. I think women are allowed, but why would you, if we're being honest, no appointments, no stress. Sports, dudes, haircuts, a fresh cut in a place that's made for you. So shake off the winter scruff and step into spring looking fresh, because they have got you covered. Sport Clips. It's a game changer. And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Well, I guess being Irish gets you a couple perks on St. Patty's Day, because my boy Big J just gave me headphone rights.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just passed it on. I said, no, no, this is. This is Robert Patrick Kelly day.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love you, man. God bless you and God bless the Irish. Happy St Patty's Day. Even if you look Puerto Rican like me and you look nothing like Irish, somebody fuck somebody from down South.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When you're handsome. When you're handsome against the grain of your race or religion.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Be that Jewish. And then, like, you know, Irish like Justin, you take a big. A lot of pride in that. Justin's really. It means so much to Justin Silver, the Beastmaster, that he's Jewish, although he believes he looks very Italian.

[Bobby Kelly]

100%.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't even know he's Jewish till right now. I'm not gonna be friends with him anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's so Jewish.

[Bobby Kelly]

It tastes like. I was gonna have milk, but it was orange juice. I don't like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ooh, that hits.

[Bobby Kelly]

That hits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That hits. You thought it was gonna be milk, and then it was orange juice. Dude, that's gonna make you spit it out, Justin. Oh, my Lord, yes. And you look Puerto Rican. I do. Although you are. But you love that you leaned into it. You used to. I mean, the thinness of your mustache was Mindboggling. It was so thin, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually go to the hospital to get that done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was. I mean, it looks like. It was like. It was like sewn in. It was. It just dusted his upper lip. I mean, laid there.

[Christine]

Bobby, are you full? I have full Irish.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to Irish Sicilian. I have a little Sicilian in me. I'm gonna send you a photo right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look how fucking thin that is. Motherfuck, that's thin. Oh, geez.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Jacob]

That was the COVID for that video.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened, Bobby? Did you eat your mustache?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I'm gonna. I'm gonna send Christine this one. I'll send it to the. The bonfire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this the thinnest it's ever been?

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, I found this one. This is a new. You know how I've been through, you know, Sexy Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Puerto Rican Bobby. Yes, we've been through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I feel there's a lot of overlap in those two though.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a lot of different. You know, there's Lifeguard Bobby, there's Shades Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shades Kelly. Influencer Bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Influencer Bob, Bobby, Strings. Buddy. I found. I found a version of me that I didn't know existed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

And wait till you see. I would love for you to name this one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel like I know what I'd name it, but I would like to see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wonder if we fall in the same place.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just sent it to Christine. It's in the chat. It is. I. Oh my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus Christ. Christine gave the laugh of a fucking 70 year smoker.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't wait. I've been holding onto this photo for you all weekend. This came up on my feed and I was like. I thought it was. I thought it was. Somebody made something. This is a version of me that I. I was. For a very short time. I didn't. I forgot about this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the era of this? The years?

[Bobby Kelly]

This has to be in between. This is in between 2000.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is before Max is a Bobby. I knew.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is Bobby. Yeah. This before Max, I think. Before me and Don got married. Still dating, but serious. Because anytime I was fat, I was serious, you know? Yeah. When I wasn't serious with Don, I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys would take a break and you'd be fucking doing one arm pull ups in the garage. The Clubber Lang.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I think when we lived on 43rd Street. And probably a few years into that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where I became this version, which I would love for you to name because I. I forgot about this. Bob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a crazy version of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this motorcycle jacket on a Vespa Bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, this is not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a funny one.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is not. English.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

English Bob. Dude, you're wearing a fucking. The dope leather jacket. Like you had those nice leather jackets and then with the stripes down the side. And then you come up with your knees touching on a. On a scoot, telling everyone it was the best idea. By the way, I'm a susceptible dope. If I had the money, he'd have got me to get one in a second. I was so jealous. I was like, man, that's the way to do it. I could be zipping in here from Queens on my Vespin. Bob's like, see, dude, park right on the. Right on the sidewalk. Holy. Oh, my God.

[Christine]

Swarthy Bob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what. Yeah, I don't know if it's Captain Bob Sparrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Captain Bob Fats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. That's Bob the Merciless. Yeah, that's what it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's Mongolian Bob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is. Oh, yeah, Genghis Bob.

[Jacob]

Should I do a caption on this one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can throw a. Throw a caption on that one. Why not? For sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Genghis Bob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Genghis Bob's a pretty great one. Dude. Someone's. And someone's gonna put a. Someone's gonna put a. Definitely a Japanese battle helmet on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I don't know how I got. Look at that. You're talking about my mustache, of course. And you're talking about the thing. I mean, I don't remember this. This era of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your eyebrow control.

[Christine]

Is that a shogun going into battle? Eyebrow raise.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Jacob]

It's the. The Rock eyebrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's definitely giving a people's eyebrow by design. That's on purpose.

[Bobby Kelly]

I look like the Rock's third cousin that still lives in Samoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God, you really do. That's Pebble.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pebble. That's stone.

[Jacob]

This. Is this around the same time you did that Gisha character?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

He called me Pebble. This is Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You look like a guy who comes out of a Chinese restaurant holding an. A fucking cleaver in the middle of a knife fight. You just come out of their thing and you give him a little bit of a run for his money, whoever the hero is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, this is the one where I went. There's a famous. I think a video out there. Maybe when we were out there, Hard Rock doing Obie and Anthony show, and we were Halloween and Colin had a grass skirt on. And I was like, is that your Comedy Central contract? And he went, you look like something you'd get at a gift shop on the way out of Honolulu. I think this was that era.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This has to be that error for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

But this is where he might have got Sister Ping, is what you're thinking. Yeah, which is when I played the. Who's a real person, by the way? Sister Ping. If you look it up, one of my favorite.

[Jacob]

It's like. It's like the Sister Ping. And this guy is like RuPaul when.

[Bobby Kelly]

He'S in another drag when he's not doing the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you look like you have a headquarters. You look like you have a headquarters inside a volcano.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, you understand how much I was saving this for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Such a good picture, by the way. You don't even look bad. You just look very specific.

[Jacob]

It's just like this is like you, like, orchestrated this look. And I don't know if you're being.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Funny or like you are the guy. Like, you're like, when this shows up. And then you start talking and it's you. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where is this guy, Bobby? But I don't remember him. Like, I remember all my Puerto Rican Bob, Sexy Bob, Shades Kelly. I remember my versions. I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Centuries long feud, feudal Japan. It looks. You could be a Highlander. You could be a Highlander. And this is as modern as you could get. You found your look back in the pirate times.

[Bobby Kelly]

This goddamn music he's playing is killing me. It's so funny. God damn. I don't remember. Like, hey, I want to talk to Don. Be like, don, what were you thinking?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because she was thinking you were leaving the fight Zorro every day.

[Jacob]

Well, you also weren't always making that expression when you looked like this, dude, you have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's corn mustache. You have corn. You should have played in corn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dawn won't let me leave the house. Like, I was wearing all blue one day. And she's like, you can't leave.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bring up Got the Life video and tell me that Bobby shouldn't be in corn.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know how she let me do that. Like, how?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's always. They say the woman's move is they dress you like a jerk off. So. And they go, no, you look good. Christine goes, Christine tells me, still, I really like the wallet chain look on you. And all people do is make fun of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I think she loves that look. Bobby, you have Jonathan Davis got the life mustache.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where, where, where? I like those moves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

WC dude, where is he? I mean, you definitely have Do a picture. Do Jonathan Davis. Got the life picture. You'll see Bobby's got corn. Corn facial hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. Dude, I said, that photo came up, and I was like, I thought somebody made it of me. And it was actually. I'm like, oh, that is me. And I was getting glimpses, like, flashbacks, like I had amnesia. And it was like, these times are coming back of battles. Battles. I had.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, you were a great warrior. Christine, back that up a little bit before the chorus.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think those are the times.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Here it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

When Lewis hated me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Back it up a little more. Good. That's good dope. See the lyrics, dude. It's right there for you. I wish you could see his mustache better. Oh, yeah. Lead singer, dude. J.D. i call him J.D. cause we toured together.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What does he call you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big J. Bob saved me.

[Bobby Kelly]

They all. They all have versions of my look. The drummer has my goatee.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not the drummer anymore, that guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because my friend is the drummer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's your friend?

[Christine]

Ray Luzier.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ray Luzier.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he's. He's a drummer of this band.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Drummer from Corn forever now. Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

What happened?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Actually, not forever since I. My first tour was his first tour with him. He just left one day.

[Bobby Kelly]

What a dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just left. I. I've talked to the, like, lead singer about this before. He was like, yeah, dude, he really left one day. And we didn't talk to him for, like, four years. Even before it was like. Even some sort of like, hey, guys, I'm out of the band, if you didn't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, I know you've made two albums.

[Bobby Kelly]

But there it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do look like him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, there it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

If he got stung by a. A. A whole lot of bees.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, he would have that look, too, because he had some sort of a blood issue where he would blimp up.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you call me? Genghis Bob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Genghis Bob.

[Christine]

It's perfect.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got to see. Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bob the Life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, Corn Bob. We gotta give Bob a corn name.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I had. I didn't have any grays in my beard yet. Damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's. That's the Brow from korn. You don't remember Brow? He was great, dude. He played keyboards for two albums. Brow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Brow. That's my move. That's my signature move.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get yourself a corn. I'm so excited for Corn System of a Down. Are you going to that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. Am I. I Don't know. You're my concert guy. I don't buy tickets anymore because you say, don't do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I was buying stupid things. And then I told you, I'm going to buy Jack White and you said, don't, and then you never did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody forgot about Jack White.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You did. I told you two weeks later.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, we whiffed on Jack.

[Bobby Kelly]

White, but I was about to buy the ticket.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, we are. We're more upset with the fact that Josh Adamyers went and didn't tell anybody that he was going.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because. Well, he's not a dick. That's a Josh. That's called being Joshed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He got Joshed.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what he does. We went to Marcus, Marcus King, remember? And the next night he's like, dude, come back tomorrow. And he was like. He never called. I was like, dude, call me. I'll come with you. I'm here. We're at the Comedy Cellar. Never. He hasn't called me since.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, denied.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. We got Joshed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got Josh. Damn, dude. You know, you played in corn. Briefly.

[Jacob]

We went to a great concert together.

[Bobby Kelly]

You went to a what?

[Jacob]

A great concert together. Me and Josh. The four hour concert that Jacob was too old for last year.

[Christine]

I believe you. You were tired, too, and Josh said the same thing. Great concert. Little long.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Four hours. A little long.

[Bobby Kelly]

Four hours. A little long. That. What was the Cure? One was three hours. That was nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was three, but it felt like seven.

[Bobby Kelly]

It felt like. Yeah, it felt like days.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This.

[Jacob]

So it's like, you know, it's like going to a day at a festival, even.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a bunch of different acts.

[Jacob]

Yeah. So, you know, it's 10 different acts doing two songs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She got to see Peter Frampton. Do you feel like we do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which rules.

[Jacob]

Michael McDonald.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, wow.

[Jacob]

Cher.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. When was this?

[Christine]

I saw that. You must have been so happy last Thursday.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many hamburgers did he eat during the concert?

[Jacob]

No hamburgers, but we did have Peanut M M's and Sour Patch Kids and Diet Cokes and Waters. We really lived it up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Two lesbians having a fun time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She does not mention his two hot dogs on the way in.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had two hot dogs?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no. I would say Josh. Dude, Josh. We went to Terminal 5 to watch a show and he got the grossest hot dogs from the place right outside. But he just, like. He has to get something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Because his metabolism is just churning. He has chimpanzee muscles that never Shut off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not wrong. You're not wrong. His bicep goes from fucking neck to elbow.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's nuts. His.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His, his body is wild, but he's. But he doesn't have the killer instinct of Genghis Ba. That thing is great. That guy definitely has a knife on his side at all times.

[Bobby Kelly]

That shot for like a. A solid second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That guy's wife.

[Bobby Kelly]

That. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That guy dominates his wife.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a different. That was a different era for Dawn. You didn't take. No. When you came home with that look.

[Christine]

I know since you guys brought up the tickets. Concerts. I was going to bring it up off here, but, you know, we're talking. You guys have a. Your connection. You think you can put in a word for Oasis tickets?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Connections. The wrong word for it. No connection. We have agencies.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That will get you face value tickets when possible.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you can say, you can make that one agent because even though we're at the same agency, his agent gets him tickets. My agent gets me in B rooms around the country.

[Jacob]

And also for Oasis, you gotta get in line.

[Christine]

They're only doing two shows and I didn't even know they went on sale. It was impossible.

[Jacob]

It was impossible. But yeah, damn it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, you'll get to Oasis, buddy.

[Christine]

It's a tough ticket.

[Jacob]

It's a tough ticket.

[Christine]

I mean, it's a tough one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no such thing as a tough ticket.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you said that, but we didn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go to Jack White.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was going to buy the tickets, right. I had my finger on the button and I remember you going, I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Taking blame for this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. But let me just blame you for a second and then not take it. Okay, Let me blame you and then you don't have to take it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fine. Okay, I will. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Christine, you can use.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I see that Genghis Bob up there. I know that guy lives inside of you still. I don't want no. I don't know with that guy. Damn, dude. Holy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude. You're the founding member of the Satan's MC.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a 1 percenter of the Chinglings, buddy. I had my finger on the button. I go, I hear you going, never. Don't do it. You don't buy tickets. I'll get the tickets. And I literally said, don, stop. I really want to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See?

[Bobby Kelly]

I go, well, wait. I go, Jay said, he get tickets. She goes, I'll buy the tickets right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We all wanted to go and you said, don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got It. We got it. It's good. And when I. I can't bug you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're also overselling my. I got it. I got it. It's good. It's just. I'll get him through. We'll see if we can get a hookup and then if not, we'll just go through.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop, stop, stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go through.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's go back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not. We'll see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not that we'll see. We'll get them for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what you said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we didn't.

[Jacob]

We just completely forgot about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody. You could have. Listen, I was like, it's not. Until you said it was in February. It wasn't. It was. Or no, you said it. It was in November when you talked about it. And then it was not in November, it was in February. And then just no one brought it up again. That's all. So everybody forgot. This is a conversation. If you would have said, jay, the concert's coming up. And I went, shit, dude. Nothing came through. And I couldn't buy them or anything. That's not what happened. We all just forgot.

[Bobby Kelly]

But in the future.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Should I not buy the tickets?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I have to remind you about the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. But you could also tell Matt Frost to do the exact same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, I'm East Coast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I talk to Matt Frost?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I straighten this shit out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Christine]

I'm fascinated by that. He's your agent.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's on the phone.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's west coast and he's East Coast. I never. I've never asked Matt for anything like that.

[Jacob]

Nothing to do. It has nothing to do with the agents. The agency give her Matt Frost number. The agencies bought tickets and they have X amount tickets they can resell at face value to their clients.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? What? Are you looking at me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have Matt's number.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I have to only email him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've lived with him.

[Bobby Kelly]

He told me not. I've never lived with Matt. I stayed at his house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Call Adam. Wait, wrong place. Call Justin. Tell him I need Matt Frost on the horn immediately. You think I can get this guy? You think you'd hide him away?

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, I don't have his number.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna curse him out, the way he's treating you.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's not treatment, Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've shown loyalty to this guy. I Love Matt through 55 different jobs he's had.

[Bobby Kelly]

But here's the thing. It's not that he wouldn't get me the stuff, but he was ready. He only had two jobs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're backpedaling. I'm not. 11 jobs. At times I've known him.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's had New York Comedy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mm.

[Bobby Kelly]

New York Entertainment, then bought New York Entertainment. New York Entertainment bought New York and Tammy from Barry Katz. That was his company. Then he went to Paradigm, and then he went to caa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's four jobs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, you said two. It's already double what you said, but it's also less. I was using. I was using hyperbole for the sake of.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I don't even know what hyperbole means, but I was using it, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I learned it recently, and I think I used it right, and I like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if you did hyperbole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. I'm exaggerating.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it? You can just exaggerate?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I could have.

[Bobby Kelly]

What does it mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Exaggerating statements? Not meant to be taken literally. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Well, I'm hyperbolizing about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, not sure if that's a thing. Let's look up. Can you hyperbolize?

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe I'm hyperbolizing about Matt Frost, me not having his number. Is it a thing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you're using it wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you sure?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's not exaggerating. You're lying. You're using Fallacy Smart. We are so fucking smart here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I just wish that the tickets would have came to fruition.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, good use.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I also wish that.

[Jacob]

Yeah, somebody. I wish I had put Jack White concert in my calendar like I do with most of the concerts I want to go to. Well, next, completely forget about it until it already happens.

[Bobby Kelly]

So next time I have to sell you and then make sure she knows. Yeah, so that she'll remind you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

But we'll never get to see Jack White again because he'll never tour again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why do you believe that's the case?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because he said that at his last show, he goes, this is the last time I'll ever do it again, so if you don't get tickets, you're done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He didn't say that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Said it to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're using hyperbole.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hyperbolize. Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not bad. Look at us, dude. We together worked that out. We're like those dumb siamese twins on Sesame Street. We worked it out together. Slowly but surely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, all right. Well, I would like to go to the. I would like to go to the concert with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's some. Can I tell you all the ones that are coming up?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got to tell me. You're down for. All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'LL tell you what you're down for. Ready? I'll hold this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

April 3rd.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. This is up and this is down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thursday, April 3rd, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Deftones, Mars Volta. At the Garden.

[Bobby Kelly]

At the Garden.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. On a Thursday, I go see them because that. You said they're great. Okay, great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, Christine, you have the thing in front of you, all the stuff.

[Jacob]

That's the only one I have for April. And then coming up in May is Manson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Oh, yeah, Manson.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've always wanted to see Manson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gotta see Manson.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you say that he's back. Like it's a. It's awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Until a Monday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thumbs up. Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's on a Monday, right after work.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, we got two thumbs up. One, two.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What else? Christine, let's not forget.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, oh, I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

July. I know this one. July 25th. Friday night, Toto, Men at work, Christopher Cross, PNC Arena. Wow. Thumbs down. Whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's why. Here's why. What is July 1st?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

What'd you say? June 1st?

[Jacob]

June 25th.

[Bobby Kelly]

June 25th.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said July 25th.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I will be away. I won't be here that Friday. I'll be gone Friday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Then you're gonna have a really sad weekend of fomo.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because the next night. Yeah, Jones Beach, Pantera, Jones Beach. Thumbs up on that one.

[Bobby Kelly]

So wait, I'm waiting for my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're going to be gone Friday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a second for Toto. But no, go back. Go back to Friday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Toto. Friday, January 25, Toto, PNC Men at work also. And Christopher Crosser there. All right, now it's a thumbs up now. Saturday, Saturday, Pantera, Amana Marth at Jones Beach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is Josh going?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If he's in town, I'm sure, yeah. Thumbs up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then. Is it August? Is that corn?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the date?

[Jacob]

28Th.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the Thursday, right? August 28th. Corn system of a. Down. MetLife Stadium.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna be here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why are we gonna be.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the 28th. It's the last week of August. It's the last week of the summer. It's the last week of Sunday. I mean, last week is summer. Yeah, but we're up in the. Dude, you can't come back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gotta bring Max down. The sea Corn system of it down. I don't. Don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't say it like that. Because then I'm a weak spot. I know I'm weak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you're not a weak.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'M weak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're weak.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're not weak.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just said I'm weak. No, you said you're weak.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't say that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he say it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If I did, it was a mistake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or a 40 inch. 40 inch lip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry. So no. Yes. Corn.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll go. Yeah. Is Josh going?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

100%. Then you're out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't have enough money for food.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Metlife. That's gonna be good on the floor of that corn. System of a down.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would like to go to that.

[Jacob]

Nine Chenilles is the following Tuesday. Barclays.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then nine is.

[Jacob]

They're amazing. I'm so excited. I'm only.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, it's the sea. It's concert season. You got to make these tough decisions. I say go to all of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Signage nails is going to be insane. The barfing center.

[Bobby Kelly]

If everybody was back, if we weren't up in country. If they weren't up there. I gotta find it. Because like I told you before, Max is getting to the age now. He made friends up where he's at. I'm coming home now he's out. And he was. That he was hanging out downtown.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These are also his prime.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry to say this is prime Jack years. And he doesn't want to have his parents six feet away from him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone's sexually frustrated up in that tiny house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, there's not even a door. We have sleeping lofts. It's a curtain. I can just hear him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sounds like a squirrel trying to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You said you're gonna throw an inflatable hot tub up there. That thing is gonna be lousy with load.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's gonna be egg drop soup. That got it out of hair. Don's gonna get out of there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Until they make space. Like Spaetzle. Spaetzle. What are you making funnel cake in there?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Well, he's. He said, do we have to go up for the whole summer? So I think from now on until he's older, he's not going to want to go up there for the two.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Months and then he's always going to want to go without you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Plus, we got the new dude. I'm psyched for that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I can't wait till he goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dad, can I kill a girl up in New Hampshire?

[Bobby Kelly]

I do not want that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pop. If you. I'm just this hypothetically. If you buried a body up there, I'm speaking the Genghis Bob right now. If you buried a body up way back where we Hike.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Speaking of hiking and tell you something funny. I was in a Lowe's Hardware yesterday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Picking up a few things and I saw an old lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, you were picking up stuff?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What were you picking up? I'm so proud of you, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Door stops a shop vac.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, I'm so proud that you're becoming a man.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now pretty soon you're going to have to get rid of some of this accoutrements.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Christine says it looks awesome and chicks love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine doesn't like, she doesn't want you to be with chicks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm starting to realize. By the way, I've told everybody this advice before and I've never thought about it myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are the dashing and dress clothes every day?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. People, she, she is excited when you walk out like that because she's safe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I was like, I'm getting my. I'm getting a third nose piercing. She goes, yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you get a bigger chain to nothing. Oh man, I love those. I love the color pink. What is that color? Is that a new color, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What's that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's make it for a couple weeks.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that one though?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is ballerina pink. It's not. It doesn't pop like black pussy pink.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine. Haj, maybe.

[Christine]

Do you have to find the a nail salon in Jersey? Are you gonna go back?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, I gotta find a nail salon in Jersey. Yeah, no doubt.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't wait.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But walking around, look. Well, it is funny also asking people for things at Lowe's with pink nails. I never overthought that until this moment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, you know where the hammers are? I need a. I need a. I need a miter saw and a hammer. Your little fingernails flipping in the wind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bought the toolbox.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta put. You got a toolbox? Did you buy tools?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have tools.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you get the little mini screwdriver kit? I don't order right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll get it for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not yet, but we got the toolbox. Shop vac. Pretty excited about the shop vac.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shop vacuum.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What else I got. I got me and Christine both work gloves. I just passed the work gloves.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you cut your fingers off yours?

[Christine]

Solid purchase.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't think I didn't think about it. Yeah, our work gloves are pretty great.

[Christine]

You're gonna love the shop vacation.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm excited for shop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you get leather work gloves or did you get the canvas one with the leather on it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think canvas with leather on it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, Good choice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're good. They're good for everything. From gardening. The mechanic work, it says, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you do a lot of both of those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't do either, but, man, could you imagine if I started yet? I'm thinking about getting into some light gardening. Of all the things I could have chose to go masculine with, that was the one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, tomatoes get. Do a tomato.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know about even growing a new thing. I just want so bad. This, our yard, it's so big and so trashed that it's like. I just want to get that, like, done. I want it to be done. So I want to learn how to like, buddy or.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the. The. The easy way into being man. Gardening tomato plants. Get a bunch of tomato plants, you put them in the soil, right? Get some sticks, they go climb up it. All of a sudden the tomatoes grow. No problem. You have to do shit. Just water them every little bit. And then you walk out on a day, grab a tomato, slice it up, put it in a salad like a man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is making me smile, thinking about pulling a tomato right out of my yard. Black Lou says no, I love the idea, but you also have to remember birds and squirrels. He's going to have to cage it in some kind of way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's the thing. Tomatoes, you really don't. But like, I would think strawberries, they eat those. Those are hard to keep. Like, my. The squirrels ate the strawberries, but the cucumbers, zucchinis, and tomatoes, they didn't really mess with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn. Black Lou just came in. Shit, right on your picnic. Because it happened to me last year. We try to do the same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

You try to do tomatoes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, I was gonna make my famous once a year gravy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's what you do. Ready? Here's what you do. And I solve it right now because I solved it because I wanted strawberries. You go get the little fence, right? Get your work gloves on. You bang it in to the ground, right? And then you put the tomatoes in there. And then you put a little bird netting over the top, and they don't get in. And there you go. The squirrels can't get in, the birds don't get in. You grow your tomatoes. And then July, right? Go out, grab a tomato. Little cherry tomatoes, too. Pop them right in your mouth. Like treats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My favorite. Once a year gravy, dude, make it ready?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, make it.

[Christine]

You're gonna plant the spring plant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My first day off, I'm gonna make A nice gravy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude. Zucchinis we had. Cucumbers are the best. Those are good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why is everything so phallic with you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because, man.

[Christine]

Can I tell you something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just grow Christina garden of dildos.

[Bobby Kelly]

You come back. They're all. They're all half. They're all halved.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Just. They're all under the bed in half. And she goes, squirrel's got zone. Squirrel Black Lil was red. Squirrels got zone.

[Christine]

Tell you something that'll set you apart in your backyard that you're gonna love. My parents have that in the New Jersey hummingbird feeders. When you have hummingbirds that look like they're just hovering.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's crazy.

[Christine]

It's insane.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a problem with the height. They're beautiful bird feeders and hummingbird feeders. Here's the problem. You're right. Bears.

[Christine]

I've never had a bear problem with.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because you live in Queens.

[Christine]

The only bear over there in New Jersey. Oh, But I mean, that's not as. No, it was a suburb. I don't know why you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there a lot of hummingbirds out there? You'll get hummingbirds if you leave a bird feeder out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the one you get. Here's the one you get the one that goes on the window. Get one that. Suction cups on the window. Like, that's just nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I don't want that happening.

[Bobby Kelly]

That looks like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That looks like. That's like a problem.

[Christine]

Not like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

That looks like pan's labyrinth. You don't want that.

[Christine]

You're gonna love them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He goes, hey, do you want to back your backyard look like a goddamn horror movie? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't want that.

[Jacob]

Should we get chickens?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't get chickens. Chickens. Your neighbors are gonna hate you. Oh, what is it? What's the rooster go? No, no, that's.

[Christine]

If you get a rooster.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's a rooster do? I get it ready to go? What's that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That sounds like the Cadbury, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. Every morning in here. That they'll hate your face. You don't want that.

[Jacob]

That's a rooster.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You need a rooster to make eggs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine]

No. You.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh? Doesn't the rooster have to chickens to make an egg?

[Christine]

No, they're just chicken.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're chicken, period.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You don't want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Christine would just shit out one of her eggs.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'd be like if we were cooking Christine's periods.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I got you now. Sorry. I'm dumb.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought you Need. Don't you need a rooster, though? With the chickens? Are you sure?

[Christine]

No.

[Jacob]

If you're breeding, you do chickens, right?

[Christine]

If you're. You just buy the chickens.

[Bobby Kelly]

So if you want. What's that? Pigeons. How they follow New York. That's not a pigeon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't just want chickens in my backyard.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't have chickens.

[Christine]

Hummingbirds. You're gonna love them. It's not like that. They're just beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

You get the one that sticks on your window in the kitchen, and you put the little syrup in it, and the hummingbird will come up to your window and they can't see you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why can't they see you? Yes, Lou. Anything else you want to destroy? Just want to let you know, bird seed. Bird seed attracts rodents. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Squirrels.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just to let you know. Well, this is. This is a syrup you just said, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

The syrup. Yeah, the syrup.

[Christine]

Such a downer issue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want rod. Rodents. I don't want.

[Christine]

You don't have them.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not gonna get rodents if you get the hummingbird window 1.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the hell is this?

[Jacob]

Chicken coop.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a chicken coop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get the out of here. Yeah, making a goddamn chicken coop.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Bobby Kelly]

Well, who steals bees?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was duped.

[Bobby Kelly]

I shoot you in the leg.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is big time. Follow and listen on Apple podcasts.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

When I worked on the farm up in New York, when I worked in the juvie farm, when I got into trouble and they made me work on the farm for the summer, I will go out every morning and get two eggs out of the chicken coop and make fresh eggs. That's insane, dude.

[Christine]

I can definitely see you putting your hand underneath the chicken, Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, to get the eggs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And when they don't. And when they don't produce, I grab it and cut its fucking head off and then do some sort of a Santeria thing in the yard, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe you get chickens.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not getting chickens. Christine wants chickens.

[Christine]

You should definitely want chickens.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine's gonna turn into a fuck.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you gonna do with chickens when we're not home?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's gonna get her own. She's gonna become an influencer. I bet it. She's gonna. She's gonna start going, hey, it's Chrissy. I'm here with the chicken coop. Jay didn't want me to get a boot. He's away for two weeks, so she doesn't know. Doesn't hurt him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chrissy's coop does sound good, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chrissy's coop. Oh, my hoops gone.

[Jacob]

Oh, that's so cute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you please.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna be a trad wife influencer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Will you get that Instagram handle right now? Chrissy's coop.

[Jacob]

Chrissy's coop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chrissy's. Hey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chrissy's coop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey. Yeah, hey, guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just out here in the. Just out here in the shallow burbs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Jay doesn't. Jay doesn't want the eggs from the coop. But you know what? I'm gonna make an egg salad sandwich standing. He's not even gonna know the difference. He goes boom, boom, boom. Now we're inside. Now you take the eggs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shh.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's still sleeping. He doesn't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, how about this? It's right, everyone. Do we deserve a little. A little pat on our back? We made the. We made the gossip magazine rounds.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We got in from our gripping interview with Farah Abraham, who reached out to me today. Actually, she reached out to me too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I. Is this bad that I read what she wrote?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think so. She didn't. I mean, it wouldn't be bad if. Which she wrote to me, very sweet. I can't wait to taste you again. Oh, that's not what she wrote to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she wrote was epic. The trip. I said, you know, it was cool having you on. That was epic. I can't wait to do an hour plus long show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who reached out first?

[Bobby Kelly]

Her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd you say?

[Bobby Kelly]

She did a thing with the. The post. The repost.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She post.

[Bobby Kelly]

I said, she posted. I retweeted. Then I said, so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you wrote. You wrote first. Stop staring at it like it's gonna change history. Keep staring. You're trying to.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm trying to read. I'm trying to because I get confused. Who's. Who's. This is me. This is me. Ready? I don't angelic face me. Because when you give the angelic face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, you're stalling and trying to think right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you're giving me angelic face. And it brings me back to my childhood. One of my. My. My aunt would look at me like you did something wrong. Tell the truth. Don't do that. It's cause you did something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You did some.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby. Genghis Bob's coming back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As Bob is gonna come back. We're gonna bring it out of him. That was the most. That was the most audible swallow I've ever heard in all of radio. Did you hear that? He went. So let me take a look at this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope you. Because I fucked up on my text. It doesn't make sense. I hope you stand up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that's what you wrote.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was wrong. When hope you stand up. Supposed to be hope your stand up show went well, but it's. I wrote hope you stand up period. Because I'm stupid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope you stand up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope you stand up. Show went well. Thanks for coming on. Lot of fun. That's what I wrote first, no. Second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. She posted the thing. She. She accepted the post collaboration.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then you wrote to her?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it came to me. I thought that was from her. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'll say. Yeah. I'm on radio. Nobody knows. Nobody knows nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You reached out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody knows nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Bobby reached out first.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, go look. Go over there and look. Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, come over. I'll stab you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go film.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, come over here. Jacob, I dare you to come over here. Come here. Jacob, come over here. Come here. Get back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why can't you just look at your phone just over your shoulder?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to look at my phone. All right, you want to look over. You want to look over my phone? Jacob, come over here. You want to look over my phone? You want to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to. You want to put me down Here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is what you want.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want. She got the thing right? And then she. This thing came out. She. She. She hearted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which was to back to me, right? This was from him. Hearted to me. I wrote.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There you go. You don't say anything else. I wrote.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not.

[Christine]

She.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. This was from you, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou posted it. Us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Us. The show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The show.

[Bobby Kelly]

She hearted to me. My thing. Personally hearted, right? You see the heart.

[Christine]

I see the heart.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's from her to me. Me to. From us to her. Her to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No heart. Everybody got the heart.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her. Us to her, right? Her to me.

[Christine]

All right, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I. What? Oh, my God. Then I wrote, I hope you stand up, period.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way, heart isn't saying, like, let's have a conversation now. She's just saying like, oh, all right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, so I was like, okay. I wrote, I hope you stand up, you period.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on a second. Show went well. Thanks for coming on. A lot of fun. She hearted again. Yeah, great. That's. That was it. I got the first thing. Hope your show went well because it's the thing. And then I was like, you had a lot of fun. Blah, blah, blah. She hired it again. Then she wrote back this. Okay, this is from her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So many words.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you want to read this or you want me to read it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Jacob, read it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't be afraid of that, Mike.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, sensually, please.

[Christine]

Was epic and can't wait to do our plus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop. Like her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that wasn't like her at all.

[Christine]

Well, what do you want me to do?

[Bobby Kelly]

This is time to work on your character.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Works like a bubbly fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on. Funnily fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fair Abraham, dude. Fair Abraham.

[Bobby Kelly]

Farrow it up.

[Christine]

Was epic and can't wait to do our long hour plus long shows. My crowd was sad. It. My crowd was sad. It ended so soon. Was amazing. Can't wait to get production productions edit up online and looking forward to going to the skank to the quote skank fest comedy festival and going after organizing a full tour all year. I pre. I appreciate you and your team.

[Bobby Kelly]

My team. Because it came from us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The original thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She wrote A similar thing to me, but I didn't reach out first.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't reach out first. We, as a show reached out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where's this picture we saw Genghis Bob? Where's the picture of Thirsty Bomb?

[Christine]

She said she posted her entire special.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I hate Sherlock Okurson. Thirsty Bob, Sherlock Ogason is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She reached out to me, too. Let me see. So I wrote.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, she. Well, she reached out. Original. We put it out. She came back. I said, thanks for coming on. Blah, blah, blah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We thought this thing was gonna get us a little tread, some. Some traction from the dookie story. Turns out everyone was stoked on the fact that she said in passing that she takes ketamine. We didn't explore that at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

We were right to the poop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She had to take ketamine. Go. My friend Finoy does that. So the poop. Did it. Did it feel just amazing when you were done?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was so weird. She did. She mentioned a few things that were very interesting. Seriously. We had her. She was doing some of her jokes, which we should have had her do more of, which was great from her set. And then we did. We really blew over the ketamine and her daughter. We were really trying to get to that poop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We blitzed right by the dog. Well, the thing is, you don't talk to somebody about their daughter and then about their poop video. Do you know what I mean? You gotta pick one per. Per visit. And we could dig heavy into the being a mom next time. We've cleared the poop thing up. Yeah, we got to the bottom. I'm happy I know all that now. That was the thing. To one person.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was. She shouldn't have showed that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He shouldn't have put out there and shared with the rest of the world. It was now the smallest part of me super happy that he did, because I would have never gotten to see that. That poop video.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should do a poop video. We should do a poof video. Because if it did that for her, where she's at. Yeah, if we had it just me and you side by side, just walk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Up the camera like, ooh. And just go, ooh. And just watch it just come out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are the two sounds it would make, too. I was the first, you were the second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell me. Oh, another debate I need to have right here with the crew. I'm happy this came up. Speaking of, because I have just been wailing my asshole with that bidet, and I will say it's only twice now. I've used it. Me and Christina in a debate. She believes you wipe, then bidet, and then go back in for the wipe. So I just bidet. But I will say this. I still have to do a decent amount of wiping afterwards.

[Bobby Kelly]

You need to change your diet. In reality, we're not supposed to wipe at all. You understand? Like dogs do dogs wipe? No. They shit, pinch it, and their assholes are clean most of the time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lick your dog's asshole after it shits.

[Bobby Kelly]

When. When don't I fuck are you talking about, dude? That's my thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine would lick our dog's ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, a dog can take a shit and come right back up in the house and jump on the couch. Nobody cares. Right you are. If you're shitting where you have to wipe so much, that means your diet's a little off, but it might be from the stuff you're taking that your poop isn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did have a bit of a dry log today, which tends to catch the sides more.

[Christine]

Does the water go in?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Let's see. Yeah, let's see when I have a real nice, delicious movement. I'm starting to learn the remote control, though. The heated seat is nice because I sat down and it wasn't on and I was, ooh, it was chilly. And then you just push the button and I was like, ooh, what about the warm ass right there?

[Bobby Kelly]

Water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

When that water. Now, don't get it too hot because you'll get addicted to that. You want to keep it right in the middle because you don't want to go, because there's nowhere to go. It can't get hotter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It really wets up my whole ass, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will say you wet up, but you have the dryer, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I'm not using the dryer.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. Here's what I do. You get on poopy. You. You a hundred percent do not wipe first. That is disgusting. Because you're spreading peanut butter.

[Christine]

She's giving, you know, more than all of Japan.

[Jacob]

No, I just am so surprised.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're fucking talking to Genghis Bob.

[Christine]

The point is to let the bidet do the work. You're working.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're still doing Christine, when you wipe up a spill. Right. If you took a wet. A dry paper towel and wiped up the peanut butter on the counter. Right. There's still going to be peanut butter. Correct. If you got a wet paper towel and cleaned it with water, it's. It's off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love how condescending he's being.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's Gone. Same thing with your.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn it.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you sexy. And you wipe with dry paper, you're smudging the poop.

[Christine]

You're making it worse.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're smudging the peanut butter. When you use the water, you're cleaning it all off. And then at the end, you use the dry paper towel as a. I would say a test swipe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He has never looked sexier to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you dab it. Clean it off. And you'll look. You'd be like, oh, nothing there. We're good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The way he just talked to her. And after the first six sentences, he'd go, blah, blah, blah, blah. Correct. And then she would have to go, yeah. He goes. And then you do. If you smudged it around, it would smear it. Right, Right. Man, that was good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I'm too far away to push her face against that window.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I had to use words.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay, that was a good. You did. You did. You did a verbal face glassing.

[Jacob]

Verbal face glassing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Verbal face glassing. Dude, that was fantastic. I know she didn't get mushed, but she feels mushed.

[Jacob]

I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Correct. Yeah, we all can agree on that. That's basic information that everyone knows. That was good, dude. I say we dye that mustache and get Genghis Bob back. Dude, let's get that thing darkened up.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should all do a Genghis Bob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would do a Genghis Bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's all come in with Genghis Bob. You too, Christine. No. Just take a month off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, just take one month off.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You and Don could both just not go to the salon.

[Jacob]

I would never. I'd sooner die.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's so weird that if we ran out of electricity and everything was done, that our girls. Our girls would look like us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dawn and Christine would look like hipster guys in two weeks.

[Jacob]

Tweezers work.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, all that's gone. You have nothing.

[Jacob]

Large tweezers gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because they're gone. They went in the fucking nuke tweezers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Survived the fucking zombie apocalypse.

[Jacob]

Gonna get used to mustaches.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No one's gonna leave the house with tweezers if zombies come. Correct. Correct.

[Jacob]

I would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nuclear. Nuclear bomb hit. You see the mushroom club coming. No one's gonna grab tweezers. Am I right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Right. Christine, what do you think they're gonna make the planes with when we don't have enough steel? We're gonna have to use our tweezers and scissors and razors to make the planes to attack the aliens that are attacking us. Right? Am I right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Capiche? Capiche?

[Bobby Kelly]

Capiche. Capiche. Capiche. Capiche.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anyways, Christine, I'm gonna start throwing capiche around the house a little bit. I'm liking that. I've never said that word before in my life, but I'm liking this.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta put your. You gotta put your fingers together with your thumb. Two fingers in the thumb. Capiche?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm gonna be home in 45 minutes. Dinner should be ready. Capiche? Capiche.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tonight, Don's making boiled dinner. So tomorrow. Yeah, we got a double show tomorrow. I film. I'm sorry, what is boiled dinner? Irish buddy, it's St. Patty's Day. Boiled cabbage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure, sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Potatoes.

[Christine]

We're getting it tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you got. And, and the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dude, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

Corned beef.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please don't lay cabbage farts, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not only am I going to have cabbage, corned beef and potatoes, I'm going to eat a lot of it. And then tomorrow when we come in, pre show, look out. I'm gonna be like Bobby Brown.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's a bummer.

[Jacob]

It is really good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have. No, because when we have. When we had a slow cooker, we would make corned beef and cabbage. Great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't wait.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We don't have. Our kitchen is literally upside down.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna have 8:00 tonight. Walk in, sit down. Corned beef, cabbage, potatoes and carrots. And tomorrow when I come in here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on. Dude, that was crazy. I mean, comedic timing wise, fantastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a whole new day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can't get. You can't get mad at the timing. The timing was world class. And I hate a fart as much as the next guy. And Bobby, you should be ashamed of yourself. But also, come on. He rose the arms up. Yeah, the arms rose up. The timing, it was right at the end of the sentence. It was a real exclamation point. It caught on microphone, I believe, a little bit. The dull thud.

[Bobby Kelly]

Black looks like he's gonna rob a bank.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've also. Come on, everybody. I've never seen Bobby happier. Also, I mean, he's. See how happy this guy is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me tell you something, dude. When I found out Bobby Brown was fighting on stage. Did you see that video?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please bring up this video. Bobby Brown on the. When he was on the New Edition, when he was back on tour and he did the reunion at the show that Lou went to see. Apparently on stage. He had such bad gas.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Someone's getting mad at him.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were getting mad at him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's his name? Watch the video. The rest of the band.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ralph Tresvant.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were hate. They were so. They hated so bad. Ricky. Oh my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ricky Bell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I was mad at his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody fucking wants to hear Ricky Bell. Shut the fuck up. Ricky Bell.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is hilarious. He's just go. Yeah, I was just farting the whole time up there and he was getting mad at me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The only motherfucker who could tell. The only person. The only person who could tell Bobby Brown what to do is Ralph Tresvet. Everybody else in that band better shut the up. That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the way I feel here. Only one can tell me something. You, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody else, I'm Ralph Tresvan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tomorrow you're gonna have to deal with my toots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, just smell them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you get it, Christine?

[Jacob]

No, it's not coming.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's in the chat. 1616. Yeah, pink it too, by the way. I want it pinked pink. Pink it. Yeah, there you go, right there. Oh, this is it, dude. Look at this. Bobby Brown has better food. How was it?

[Jacob]

Did you eat any of it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had some rice and beans.

[Jacob]

Oh, boy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you know, I was lighting up on stage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God, Bobby, thank God. On stage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, every step, like I almost thought I was gonna. It was reckless.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ricky kept turning to me going.

[Jacob]

I saw you guys laughing together on stage, you and Rick. Was that one of the moments?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's really gross.

[Bobby Kelly]

Every little step there. Accidents on stage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's his wife now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He aged. Just like a.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks like me in a wig.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, she's pretty. Whoa, you don't think so?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. Oh, you were complimenting yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought you were taking her down.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I was not taking her down. I was taking her. Taking me up. You piece of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've always wished I could pull off kango hat.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you can't. Your hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't mess my hair up.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the gayest thing I've ever heard you say.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really? You've heard me say some pretty gay stuff. That's true. Bobby. I can't. I have a nail appointment that day. That's gayer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, would you prefer an arrow pointing up or down in my dick hair? Yeah, that's gayer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on one second. I gotta cut the last mitten finger off. You believe that? So during the concert, he was just tooting his ass off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's crazy. Also, it's like. Like I've never farted on stage, like, doing comedy or anything ever, because, like one. I think I've kind of shut that off. But two, I would just also be like, I don't know. It's just like, on stage, you're supposed to feel as, like, cool as you can feel, I guess. You know, everyone's looking at you and shit. So laying out a fart while. Especially if I was dance. Doing a dance routine and singing one of my hits.

[Bobby Kelly]

But nobody can hear you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, there I told you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was at the Comedy Connection in Rhode Island. I farted. I had such bad gas, and I was letting him rip. And the guy in the front row, the. His wife turned to him in the middle of my set and punched him in the shoulder. Like, really, like, stop it. She blamed him for my farts. And I've never felt happier in my life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Brown is good to Good. Good to go solo.

[Christine]

I think Jay is bringing up a good point. It shows that Bobby Brown is over it. He's mailing it in at this point because it's not like I'm on stage. Look how sexy I am.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Performing for everyone. It's like gas. I'm just gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's like, if I need this money, I have to go do this show. And he doesn't care if his underwear is dirty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, Jacob, I'm not at that point because I've changed my whole protein diet. I got new protein. If you notice, I have not tooted in here.

[Christine]

I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not in a long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course, now it's overreacting. This fart was 25 minutes ago. @ this point. Yeah, but it takes time to hit us. If it's still in this room, I'd be blown away. Bobby, if it's still room, you should be. You should be studied.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. No, it's gone. It wasn't even. It wasn't even a. It wasn't even a smelly one. Wasn't even a smell. Did you smell it? No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, when Bobby gets up, go stand next to him, though. When he stands up, see if he releases it. You think it's just being under wraps right now?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think maybe it filtered through this? Herman Millar, I am.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am warning you as a friend.

[Christine]

What can I do?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you can do. I don't know.

[Christine]

Okay, I'm warned. What options do we have now that we're warned?

[Bobby Kelly]

Take it. Take a rest day.

[Jacob]

A long day, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's a double.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two shows of fart.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but I'm not going to last two shows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I bet you could.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, I'm going to eat a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much is beef you throwing Down.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to throw some corned beef. But the thing is, the cabbage is what? When I eat steamed vegetables, like steamed carrots or any. Any stew. A stew affects my body in a very beautiful way, but in a bad way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like packaged sausage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like stewed vegetables. For some reason, the stew part of it, when you just get them in that thing and that watery carrot and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wet vegetables really work your ass all over.

[Bobby Kelly]

And the cabbage is really. It makes it bad. Okay, so tomorrow. And plus, I. I have a protein shake before I go to bed tonight, which is not. Should I. Maybe I won't do that.

[Christine]

That might be too much protein shake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why the hell would you. Why would you do that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I'm working out. When I get home tonight, I'm doing this new regiment where before I go to bed, I do a five minute weight workout on the muscle group that I did that day or the day before. And then I do a 30 minute incline progressive treadmill because I got this brand new treadmill for the house. And I get my heart rate up to like 137. And I, you know, to lose weight because I got to. I'm trying to lose more weight before the summer. So, you know, so I take it. I take it. After I do that, I take a protein shake. Because if you go to bed and your body's like trying to repair muscle and you don't have food, it will actually store fat. And what about the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna have the corned beef. Yeah.

[Christine]

That's your protein.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know. But I. I usually have a little protein shake after. I'll eat and then do the workout and then I get a protein shake before I go to bed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just eating more. All right, that's a good option.

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll eat more.

[Christine]

Good option here.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I would say maybe I'll drink the corned beef juice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd love to. Oh, God, I'd love to do a workout at my house if somebody would order the equipment.

[Jacob]

You said you were gonna do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did say I would call.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you want me to order it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you getting?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just like a bench press and stuff like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get the tonal. You'll love it. You'll love it.

[Christine]

Floor mats. The rubberized floor mats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean? For the gym?

[Christine]

For the gym.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's done.

[Christine]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We had it done already. The whole floor is. Is the fleck blue fleck mats.

[Christine]

I like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I'm getting. Sounds like you rogue dumbbells, five to 75 with a rack.

[Christine]

The ones that switch when you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no. I'm getting, like the. I'm getting the rack.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna tell you something right now. I got the adjustables. I got two sets of them. Them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wish I got the rack.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It's nice just to grab a weight. Just start doing. And they're also like. You know, they're locked in. They're not like.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like a rubber. The rubber. Rubber.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep. Rubber with the metal in between. And then gonna do.

[Bobby Kelly]

You need a good bench.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got a great bench. You got decline, incline, rogue combo bench. So it's gotta. You get to do. Christine can do squats off of that.

[Christine]

So what are you missing? That she wanted that. You wanted her to order all of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have none of that equipment.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't get any.

[Christine]

You said it like you had it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's on the list. Oh, but we have to now.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you get it, what are you gonna do with it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lift weights with it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you really. We should start working out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Weights has never been my issue. Lifting.

[Bobby Kelly]

We know weight has never been your issue.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You mother f. You mother f. You turned on me. God damn it. I tried to direct you everywhere else. That's everything we're getting right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, that's sick. Now, does that decline, too?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's a lot. That's crazy. You don't have to spend that much money, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, let's not talk about that to people.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, they're gonna look it up. I mean, I'm not. Dude, I got my weight bench off of Wayfair.

[Christine]

Jesus. I'm not talking you out of that beauty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay, look at those welds.

[Christine]

You need that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I love that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now you know what it is? Can I tell you why? No. Bullshit.

[Bobby Kelly]

The bench.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You look at welds, I'll tell you why. Why? Look at that. My step pop is the one who sent me this stuff to get this. He's like, in this world. So I remember going to pick up our York, driving the New York, Pennsylvania to go get the plates and the benches and, like, you know, it's about the weld. The welds are really good. These welds are never going to break. Yeah. Real big on the welds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Did you get those? Are you getting the welds? The plates?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said, he. Me and him went back and forth to figure out this setup.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's a That's a professional setup.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like a one person's professional setup, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a. That's all. I mean, I got my weight bench. My. I have two of them. I have one. I got Wayfair. That was Walmart. Sorry, Walmart.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then I got the other one off Facebook, Marketplace.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my Christ almighty. Oh, Steve. Those aren't for working out. Those are for having sex with gay cowboys in your backyard. Oh, Bobby. You see? No, I got the one for lifting weights.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just ask you a question, Bobby?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You bought the one to ride the. Of a black cowboy.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? So you're not doing that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. I was just going to try to fill out my chest and arms a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. Because the most expensive thing on my thing was the black cowboy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was the hardest thing to get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is on Facebook, Marketplace.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even in Katona, that was the hardest thing to get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd have to assume. I'd have to assume.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, we're going to take a break.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think we had to take a break. But great news. No ads, so we didn't really ruin anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, there you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll be. Oh, we should talk about this weekend coming up, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got a. A very insane weekend coming up. We got a me and you are doing shows together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we're doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

To have fun, to hang out, have a good time and see you guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watch fun body cam videos all day. And hang out.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're gonna be hanging out. We're gonna be doing the Seneca Niagara Falls Casino and Resort. Me and Jay are going up there. Little Paco's coming. He's gonna open.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. If you give us me and bobby. Com combined $1,000.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can spend a magical night with Paco.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Magical night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is a decent proposal. I'm into decent proposals.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And that comes with snacks and liquids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of your choice and a meet and greet with me and Bobby when you're done.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you get to keep whatever Paco wears for underwear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's correct.

[Bobby Kelly]

You take it. We'll sign it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But let the blood dry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let the blood dry. So make sure you check that out. It's this weekend, so please come down and see us. It's going to be a blast. And we do not want to be in front of just old people with oxygen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please show up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which would be funny, too, if we only had eight people show up and they don't know who we are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, don't do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, don't do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna be up there. Bring it all dudes. Sexy. Yeah, I think it's animal friendly. Whatever. Just fill those seats up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fill them up. This weekend, Friday and Saturday night, Seneca Theater. And then I'm gonna be in Tampa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, guys, Tampa, Nashville.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the one. Forget everything else.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nashville zanies. Wednesday the 7th. I got a 7 o'clock show and then I'm doing your show with you and Lewis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Story wars.

[Bobby Kelly]

Story wars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Make a night of it. Same building. Yeah, same building. Everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Same building, same place, so. And maybe you'll pop on the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look, who knows. Everyone's sitting around. Maybe make sure you check that out. No, for me. I'm all over the place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell you where you are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna be Nashville. That's the same thing. Oh, Atlanta. First time in a long time. Austin, Texas. Tulsa, Oklahoma. BigJ comedy.com and of course, first half of the special. Them out. Christine, go to it on YouTube. What number are we at? How are we doing?

[Bobby Kelly]

YouTube.com Big J Okerson. Subscribe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Second part coming out. 4:20.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get on it now. Because if you subscribe to it and you hit their bell and you like it, it's gonna remind you so you don't have to think about it. Just come right to your YouTube thing and your email.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, we're getting there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you at a million?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not yet.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it at?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

9? 10.

[Bobby Kelly]

My God. Are you excited?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope it hits a million.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gonna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, it's gonna hit a million.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I'm saying I hope it hits it. What if it just stopped at 9? 11?

[Jacob]

I think the first.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

People love. People love double points. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, like, I love double points.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. Unfortunately. Well, conversation another time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Goodbye. All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll be back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Mario's Bistro. The special tonight is the beef carpaccio. With the Venmo debit card, you can turn the basketball game tickets your friends paid you back for into a romantic dinner that you can earn up to 5% cash back on. Use your Venmo balance to pay for the things you love to do. Visit Venmo Me Debit to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. pursuant to license by MasterCard International Incorporated. Terms apply. DOSH Cashback Terms apply.

[Steve Buscemi]

Hi, this is Steve Buscemi. You know, the actor. Well, now I'm an actor and podcast host from Piece of Work Entertainment and Campside Media. In association with Olive Productions comes Big Time, an Apple original podcast. Each episode follows the story of one misfit with big dreams who isn't afraid to bend a few rules or take a shortcut to get there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, who steals bees?

[Christine]

I was duped.

[Bobby Kelly]

I shoot you in the leg.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is big time. Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts.