Grandma Crawling On The Ceiling

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: Grandma Crawling On The Ceiling
Date: July 21, 2026
Host: SiriusXM Faction Talk
Summary by Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire is a raucous and candid deep-dive into Big Jay and Bobby's recent adventures and their typically hilarious commentary on horror movies, pop culture, friendship, AI, and more. The conversation centers around their horror movie theater outing—specifically, Bobby’s terror at “demon grandma” scenes—and spirals into riffs about robots, family pranks, fighting demons, and the quirks of being middle-aged dads and touring comics. Their trademark back-and-forth is in full swing, blending blunt honesty, wild storytelling, and playful mockery.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Buddy Date at the Movies

• The D-Box Experience:
  • Jay and Bobby recap their “date” at a Cinemark 4D/D-Box theater, seeing a horror movie together.
  • Bobby feels Jay took on the “manly” host role, orchestrating snacks, seating, and even paying for dinner.
  • Memorable bit: Jay describes Bobby's “everyman” charm in public, specifically at a Brazilian steakhouse, where Bobby gets exceptional treatment from the staff due to his outgoing nature.
    • “He was so impressive… several times they slid the entire steak off the skewer thing to give it to him.” (Jay, [06:36])
• D-Box Horror:
  • Bobby struggled with the moving seats:
    • “To add the seat to lull you where it needs to… into the scare, was an unfair advantage. I did not like the seat." (Bobby, [27:27])
  • Jay gleefully cranks the D-Box action to 10, amping up Bobby’s discomfort.
  • Vivid descriptions of how the seats heighten jump scares and general movie terror.

2. Middle-Aged Friendship & Comedy Life

• Touring & Podcasting Schedules:
  • Recaps of how their schedules and priorities as older comics have shifted.
  • Discussing habits, quirks, and the value of downtime—Bobby’s struggle with being alone, Jay’s reserved public persona compared to Bobby’s gregariousness.

3. Robots, AI, and Dystopia

• America’s Got Talent Robots:
  • They riff on a routine from AGT featuring dancing robots—amazed but also creeped out.
    • “The routine… sucks… No one cares about his dumb dancing. We care about where are these fucking robots from?” (Jay, [13:01])
  • Bobby’s fixation on how programmable and potentially dangerous robots might be.
  • Frank, the producer, chimes in with worries about AI learning and batteries being the weak link.
  • Frequent comparisons to “Terminator”, “Avatar” mechs, and Matrix-style dystopias.

4. Demon Movies & Childhood Trauma

• "Grandma Crawling on the Ceiling":
  • The main theme comes from Bobby’s horror at demon scenes involving old women (especially on ceilings).
  • Reliving terrifying scenes from “Exorcist III” and “Legion.”
    • “This is what I hate about demon movies… old lady demons on the ceiling. Ceiling.” (Bobby, [29:14])
  • Jay and Bobby agree: If a demon-infested grandma crawls into the daylight, they’re not stopping the car.
  • Extended riff on how pop culture has ruined daytime safety for horror—“I like a nighttime demon…” (Bobby, [39:44])
  • Bobby’s childhood trauma: His sister would prank him by mimicking possessed characters for years after seeing “The Exorcist.”
    • “She would swing around and roll her eyes back so they were white and go, ‘The Satan’s here and will get you, Bobby!’” (Bobby, [48:55])

5. Rule Changes & Complaints: Evil Dead Movie Lore

• Lore Inconsistencies:
  • New horror movies change the “rules” of demonic possession (“now you can just kiss someone and give them the demon!”).
  • Bobby feels strongly: “Once you’re a demon, you don’t get undemoned.” (Bobby, [43:43])
  • Discussion about how horror films don't always make sense, and the boys question their own strategies for a demonic apocalypse (kill or run, but don’t try witchcraft).

6. Real Life, Family, and Organ Donation

• Family Stories:
  • Bobby’s family history: His sister needed a kidney transplant; the neighbor Neil ended up donating, which led to awkward post-surgery dynamics.
  • “My sister didn’t want to take Neil’s kidney. She was like, ‘I don’t want his kidney.’” (Bobby, [52:16])
  • Comedy in tragedy: Jay jokes about future rights to his organ: “He’d be like, hey, you’re killing my kidney.” (Jay, [53:51])
• Bobby Alone:
  • Bobby hates being home alone:
    • “I put out a spread for myself… bought outfits from Target… bought a full-length mirror. I don’t know why.” (Bobby, [58:48], [59:07])
  • Discussion on how their families shape their daily lives and comic material.

7. Fighting, Mush Luck, and the UFC

• Jay’s “Mush” Curse:
  • Jay laments his bad luck—every fighter he cheers for loses badly:
    • “He is massacring King Green... takes a shot to the stomach and goes down. One second left in the round.” (Jay, [56:31])
• Recapping Recent UFC Cards:
  • The disappointment of Conor McGregor’s anticlimactic injury and how post-fight interviews can be cringeworthy.

8. Friendship Failings—Jay the Bad Emergency Contact

• Bobby’s Emergency:
  • Bobby needed Jay’s help, but Jay—true to form—missed Bobby’s urgent calls and forgot to call back.
  • “If you have Jay as the emergency contact, take it off.” (Bobby, [64:32])

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On demon movies: "This is what I hate about demon movies. They always have the...on the ceiling, which I fucking hate. Old demons. Old lady demons on the ceiling." —Bobby Kelly ([29:14])

• On being out in public: “I've never...his willingness to engage is beyond comparison. Bobby was so impressive in this place to him that several times they slid the entire steak off the skewer thing to give it to him.” —Big Jay Oakerson ([06:36])

• On AI/Robots: “They just did jump, flip, flip...they all jumped like fuck...like superheroes from dead stop and landed.” —Jay ([13:13])

• On Bobby’s loneliness: “I truly don’t like being alone in the house… as soon as they left, I went and made love to myself. And then as soon as I was done, I just felt like, ugh, what now?” —Bobby Kelly ([57:45])

• On unreliable friends: “If you have Jay as the emergency contact, take it off. Take it off.” —Bobby Kelly ([64:32])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------| | 01:12 | Start of the show, music/DJ banter and Voss’s new attitude| | 04:46 | Buddy Date at the movies (steakhouse/dinner story) | | 11:19 | Conversation shifts to AI, robots, and dystopia | | 27:11 | The D-Box horror movie experience | | 29:14 | “Grandma crawling on the ceiling” and demon scenes | | 48:55 | Bobby’s childhood trauma with “The Exorcist” | | 52:16 | Kidney transplant, Neil’s awkward involvement | | 57:45 | Bobby’s weekend alone—Target, mirror, snacks | | 64:29 | Jay’s failure as an emergency contact |

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Final Notes

Tone: The episode is classic Bonfire—wildly funny, self-deprecating, and deeply honest. Jay and Bobby’s longtime chemistry makes even their darkest or most mundane stories wickedly entertaining. Whether discussing nightmarish demons, everyday annoyances, or the heartbreak of UFC letdown, the show brings relentless laughs and a strong sense of friendship.

For New Listeners:

• Expect brutally honest, hilarious, and occasionally gross stories.
• Deep dives into pop culture, horror movies, and middle-aged comic life.
• Friendship is at the core—whether helping each other through horror movies or failing emergency contacts.

Missed the Show?
This summary gets you all the laughs, stories, and memorable banter without needing to sit through Bobby’s Target haul or Jay’s horror movie trauma!

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(End of summary)

Transcript

[Stephen Dubner]

Hey there. It's Stephen Dubner, host of Freakonomics Radio. And we have just made a new show, a TV talk show. It's called Better in Person. We have the kind of guests you don't see on every other show, and we have the kind of conversations you don't hear anywhere.

[Frank]

I'm like, yes, chef.

[Bobby Kelly]

Be one with the pork.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

You have the opportunity to make this little corner of the world into your ideal world, your dream world.

[Stephen Dubner]

You can watch Better In Person on the Freakonomics YouTube channel. You'll find a new episode there every week.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is how a conversation works.

[Ad Voice]

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[Bobby Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Jay]

DJ Lou must have been DJing kinsaneer this weekend. Rock set. This is DJ song. Was this from Voss's party DJ spin list?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I. I did pay attention to what he played, though.

[Jay]

What did he play?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sebastian Steve Aoki song. Thinking that because comedians were there, they

[Jay]

would want to hear really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sebastian going, your mother know you dance like that?

[Jay]

Does your father know you dance?

[Bobby Kelly]

I like. Ross is making very positive. He really switched up his Instagram. It's all positive. I'm very proud of him.

[Jay]

She's about sobriety now.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's about enjoying life and being grateful and loving, you know, family and has he's. He switched the whole thing up and death to Palestine? Nope. No, no, it's all done. He's all about being positive and life and it's. I'm very proud of him that he's chosen, you know, a new. As an influencer. He's chosen.

[Jay]

I feel like, you know, that he has bad medical news, the way you're behaving.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you know what?

[Stephen Dubner]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what happened over this weekend, which they should never do with any of us. Voss, Colin, Me, Norton or Keith is ever put a black and white photo up on social media.

[Jay]

Oh, God, Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because it is. I'm like, is he dead? What happened? Keith had a black and white ad up. I'm like, oh, fuck.

[Jay]

Oh, I saw the black and white ad and people were like, rest in peace, Keith.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. You can't do black and white at our age on to promote a show, it has to be vibrant colors. We're still alive, Keith. Yeah, dude.

[Jay]

Can't pull that joke twice in two months. Are getting worried. He's alive, everybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's alive. Dude, I saw that black and white photo. I was like, God damn it.

[Jay]

Kevin Hart told me.

[Bobby Kelly]

So there it is. Look at that. That looks like a. He's dead. And I'll take with me the memory. Look at the glow around him, too. It's. He looks like he's in black heaven.

[Jay]

It's because he's shaking. It's hard to get a still picture of Keith. He's twitching around. There's a. There's a hum around him.

[Bobby Kelly]

It sucks.

[Jay]

They would call that a hum.

[Bobby Kelly]

They sucks to be at his age where a mock turtlenet in a suit is proper attire on stage.

[Jay]

Yeah. Keith is going to be performing at the Fat Black Cat Lounge, the comedy

[Bobby Kelly]

cellars, 7pm he's there tomorrow night. He's taking over my night.

[Jay]

Tomorrow night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tomorrow night at 7am what are you doing? I'm doing double podcast because next week we're off.

[Jay]

You're doing dp.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got a Double P. Double P it. I got to do Double P. I got to do double podcasts. I got an early one with some serious guests and the second one with some funny guests. I got serious and then funny.

[Jay]

And I'll take.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, player. I had a good time. Don't think about me in a bad way because I'm up here right now with Patrice. It's so hot. Louie Anderson. And we're having a lot of laughs. And you know what? There's up in heaven and it's good pussy Money.

[Ad Voice]

Bank.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bank money. Good concept.

[Jay]

Could we. Before we even get into our weekends, we had a. Before the weekend, buddy. Date.

[Bobby Kelly]

We did have a date. And what. You know what bothered me about the date? Didn't bother me. Didn't bother me. But I acknowledged it after I left. I was the girl. You're very. You're very. You're very manly when you hang out with you.

[Jay]

How so?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, dude. You just have a very. I got it. You know what I mean? I showed up a little late. Like a girl. I'm sorry.

[Jay]

You looked beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you. I appreciate that. You had my cup. Wait, you're like. And I didn't know how to use the machine. And you're like, no, you Came over and you push this and push that.

[Jay]

Like, how do you get ice? And I'm like, you dingbat, let me show you.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you handed me a popcorn. You had popcorn for me. And we sat down. You found the seats. And you're like, you sit there. You're here. And then we sat down. And after we go, you want to take a walk in the mall? And we walked in the mall and

[Jay]

walked around and spun you around the mall a couple times.

[Stephen Dubner]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then we. You said, hey, let's go. Let's get some food. And you took me to. Took me to dinner. And you. You wouldn't. You refused to let me pay. You go, I got the money.

[Jay]

There's no way you should. By the way, if I didn't treat for that, I feel the restaurant should have given us our meals for free. Bobby Kelly becomes the mayor of any restaurant he's in.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's right.

[Jay]

I've never. His willingness to engage is beyond comparison.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am just fantastic in public. I just. I'm the everyday guy. I relate to people. I, you know, workers, I just relate to.

[Jay]

He likes getting to know people.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do.

[Jay]

I love learning about different people and cultures.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm telling you, man. And it pays off because, I mean, the guy was cutting me. Everybody else got a little sliver. How to use your tongs.

[Jay]

Bobby was so impressive in this place to him that several times they slid the entire steak off the skewer thing to give it to him. And I mean that more than once that happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He was just like, yeah, just take it. I was like, hey, thanks, pal.

[Jay]

Multiple things. I asked for multiple things. Butter, a couple things that I ordered. Bread, a couple different things. They. They just didn't bring.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope.

[Jay]

Refill on the potatoes. They didn't do that. Right. When I asked very sweetly, by the way, I asked. Bobby would get the same person over, and at this point, he doesn't even have to be sweet anymore. He'd give you like a kid, come here. He goes, the guy over here, he's waiting for the potatoes. And I think, can we get that stuff? And also, can you bring. He also ordered the thing. Can we get that? And I mean, like, it comes immediately what was happening to me at one point. I don't know what their problem was with me, but the guy came over and every time he came with something I didn't want. You want chicken thigh? No. Do you guys have the. The parmesan crusted pork? He goes, oh, yeah, we have that. Because we have that. He goes, you Want that? I went, yeah. And then he'd leave, and he would come back, like, a minute later with, like, garlic steak.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And I go. I didn't say anything, but I was just like, why did he keep going? And then I go, do you guys have the sausages today? He's like, oh, you want sausages? Yeah. Yeah. Hang on. And then you come back with, like, skirt steak. And I'm like, are you mad at me? And then Bobby would go, can the kid get some sausage in the parmesan? And they brought it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's immediate.

[Jay]

Yeah, they brought it out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

They changed their pork at Fogo de Chow, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

They give you some kind of weird, like, fatty rind of the pork. Now. It used to be, like, a thick, like, dense piece of, like, lean meat with the parmesan on it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the thing is, Jay, you don't. You don't. You turn it off in public completely. I don't. I. I keep my volume up. Wherever I go, It's. It's where it's up. You. You go. You come in here, you wham. Right up to 10, you go on a podcast.

[Stephen Dubner]

Bang.

[Bobby Kelly]

You go on stage, it's up. As soon as you come off, whoop. You turn it off.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your vibe stinks in public.

[Jay]

I'm not. Not funny still. I just. I'm funny to you. I just. I just want to, like. I want to go like, hey, look at. Look at the world. Let's laugh at the world together. And Bobby's like, buddy, I'm out here in the world making stories. And I go, all right, well, don't involve me. And then Bobby goes, jay over here wants to blah, blah, blah. I don't want to though this how Bobby. We've had this relationship in a strange way, even if we weren't, like, as close and our comedy ages were so different. And I would go on the road opening for you a bunch of. And I mean, Bobby got me. He used to. He knew how broke I was. He took a nice advantage of the fact that I was a young father who was broke, because Bobby was making enough money, especially with the colleges at that time, he can entertain himself with making me do hilarious fat things. So we'd walk around a mall, and he'd be like, try on these pants. And he was going to see me in, like. Like, country western dungarees. And then we went to a mall, and he goes, I guess I'll give you 20 bucks to go get on the mechanical bull.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember that.

[Jay]

I almost fell Getting on it. I hur. When I fell off of it, it hit me in the face. It swung on him. And the guy, I think he gave. And then he told me he gave the guy extra money to zing me off of it really quick. And then I would go home. And then he put his cum rag on my door. Yeah, Bobby bullied me a little bit. I did at one point. He showed me, I think, that trip. That same trip is when you showed me the magic of laptop. You're like, look at this dude pornography right here in my thing. Now get the fuck out of here and go watch Girls Gone Wild. Infomercials.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I did that to Keith, too. Keith had no idea. I still think he doesn't. But I was in. I was in a hotel room in, I think, Miami. I was online talking to a chick in Hawaii, and Keith was in the room. He's like, who.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Who?

[Bobby Kelly]

You what? I'm like, she's in Hawaii talking dirty to me right now on. In this chat room. He's like, what do you mean? What's a who? How do you know she's in Hawaii? I go, because she told me she's in from Hawaii. All these people are from different places of the world. Everybody's somewhere else. I go, he's like, how do. How do you. But how do they communicate?

[Jay]

Oh, no. This is how Terminator starts.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he just sat there for an hour watching me talk to this.

[Jay]

The machines are coming, by the way. The machines are coming, man. I mean, watching those. Those robot things, like, do spin kicks and what didn't even look like it was that hard because it's pure metal. It hurt the shit out of that fucking kid with that spin kick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, China is not fucking around.

[Jay]

America's Got Talent had a guy come out and he does a whole dance routine with them, and they do the routine, but they also, like. They act individually when they were done. Like when they're done and waiting to get judged. Some of them were like, you know, like, putting hands on hips, and some of them were like, just like, kind of like. Like, you know, acting like they were breathing heavier, just turning their heads different ways. They just, like. It was like four, whatever individual people.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. It's all program, though. That's all program. That's a guy program.

[Jay]

It's learning.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude, it will someday.

[Jay]

Once AI do the AGT one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Once you once. Once. Like the robot you can buy now for 20 grand. For the first couple years, somebody has to program it, but once it learns the Process of your house and the steps.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then they'll just be by themselves.

[Jay]

Simon Cowell is the catalyst. By putting these things through, they're going to get a Vegas residency. And that's where it starts. Dude, from the Luxor out, doesn't the LU look like Terminator headquarters? It's a pyramid with a light on top of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

China's making like Mech warriors, dude. You know that like in. In. What was that fucking movie with the blue people?

[Jay]

Avatar.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, an avatar. Those things that they use in to fight. China's making those, right?

[Jay]

I was hoping. I was hoping. I'm like, what's China up to? Just making hot, soft pussy haired chicks. Oh, no. Terminators.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Fantastic. Look at this. Just turn it up. You don't have to like start the whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was this America's Got Talent?

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a Chinese guy on stage with. What is it? Ten robots, eight robots.

[Jay]

The routine, if I gotta be honest, sucks because he's trying to show off that he dances with them. But no one gives a shit about that. No one fucking cares about his dumb dancing. We care about. Where are these fucking robots from? They just did jump, flip, flip. Yeah, they all jumped like fuck. They just did full flips like superheroes from Dead Stop and landed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bugs me. They can dance better than me.

[Jay]

No, don't say that. Dude, you could nail this. We could learn this dance together.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wouldn't be able to do the flip thing.

[Jay]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

We can't do the jump flip?

[Jay]

Bobby, me and you both could do a jump flip if we believed we could. The problem is we'll bail last second and we'll clunk our heads. But if we just go, I can do this, you do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think so.

[Jay]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I'm willing to try if you're willing to try this summer.

[Jay]

Absolutely. Here's where we start. Trampoline. Trampoline. Just to show yourself you can do the motions. Here's a problem with get to after it, after the thing. I just want to show them where they're just kind of like chilling good now. Yeah, they all just kind of come

[Frank]

hang out differently and like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's all program though. That's not like a personality.

[Jay]

Oh, yeah, you're right. It's not impressive at all. I'd never change. I take it back. This isn't even sort of scary.

[Frank]

Isn't the program like AI that becomes better?

[Jay]

Yeah, I'm starting to think it's like.

[Bobby Kelly]

You mean AI learns from AI of Itself.

[Jay]

But isn't the AI? Eventually, yeah, but the AI, the program is like show gratitude. Do you know what I'm saying? It learns that shit now?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but it's. These are all programmed to do certain things. Like they're all like pre programmed to do these movements at the end.

[Jay]

I don't know if that's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's true because you can't see.

[Jay]

Oh, well, really? Because they asked him to do this.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean go back? Go back.

[Jay]

They ask if one of them can do something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he says kung fu and it does it.

[Jay]

That's insane. Why do you say it like that's not great? He goes, yeah, he said kung fu. And then the robot did kung fu. But he goes, it's simple.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but it's like saying, siri, do this and it does it. It just doesn't do kung fu. And here's the thing, Jay. The battery on that Tthing is what, 38 minutes? I don't know, it's. It's the batteries. The problem with all this shit is that they haven't figured out batteries yet from the sun.

[Jay]

We're going to be their batteries. Don't you watch a combination of post apocalyptic films?

[Frank]

They're gonna march into our homes and rip us out of them.

[Jay]

We're plugged into the Matrix. In the Matrix, Terminator's happening.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know how many solar panels you need on something to charge it? You. You ever see somebody figure it out

[Frank]

better than we have?

[Jay]

Figure it out. China's already figured out dancing robots, dude.

[Frank]

Now here learn all the knowledge of mankind.

[Bobby Kelly]

They literally have a device that.

[Jay]

Give me your leotards.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now they can shut down all this stuff with a. A shot of a.

[Frank]

Try to shut it down and it wouldn't shut down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where from who? From the Internet. Exactly.

[Jay]

If you want to dance, first of

[Bobby Kelly]

all, you know, I take that for real Z's. No, they could shut all this down.

[Frank]

I'm going to find it. They couldn't shut it down, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

They could shut it down. I'm telling you.

[Jay]

Have you seen Bob Fosse?

[Frank]

Oh, I mean the Michael Jackson.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not disagreeing. We are headed in a bad direction with AI and robots. When you're. Once you combine those two and it can just learn and become better than us.

[Frank]

I mean like seven years.

[Bobby Kelly]

The computer that actually I think it was called Deep Blue or something that played Kasparov. Kasparov won the first time. Now the computer that plays against the masters, a man will never ever beat this computer again in chest because it just keeps getting better. It's so much better than man's brain now that a man will never beat it. So it is evolving. Vast. But I mean, we're gonna fuck these things before we. They kill us. At least we get to fuck em. We get to come in them and be like, dude, I cummed in your fucking aunt.

[Jay]

I'll be back. And I'll be fabulous. Man, I could do dancing Terminator all day long. It may be my new favorite character ever. Bald Ball heel kick. Ball heel kick.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Damn it. I'm so fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Would you. I mean, it's going to be. And before they attack us, you're going to be able to get a robot to live in your house and do shit. Would you do that?

[Ad Voice]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You wouldn't get a robot in your house.

[Jay]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

To do dishes and laundry. I got one too.

[Jay]

Hey, you really fed me that one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but this one. This one's not going to talk back.

[Jay]

This one doesn't either.

[Frank]

Excuse myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but it's never going to go like this. What do you want for dinner? I don't care. What about this? No. What about that?

[Stephen Dubner]

No.

[Jay]

She does the laundry. Make sure there's a. The people show up. Clean the board stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we really do have two robots to live with us.

[Jay]

I was gonna. I started calling her Roomba, but she was like, it's not cool. And I'm like, you're right, it's not cool. But this in Roomba, I go, can you also make beep noises when you come into a room? I'm in. I'm mapping.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you use the robot I bought you?

[Frank]

I took it out of the box so you wouldn't be mad when you came over that it was still in the box.

[Jay]

We set it up so you didn't think we didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

You fucking finagled me.

[Frank]

And then you said that you were gonna set it up for us and then you didn't, so we were waiting for you.

[Jay]

Oh, that's right. It is. It's fucking your fault.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my fault.

[Frank]

You said you're gonna help anything.

[Jay]

Your fault.

[Bobby Kelly]

So when I come over next time. Christine.

[Jay]

Damn, I completely forgot. It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can be here. You can be here right now. Push a button and it will clean the whole top floor.

[Frank]

I would love that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just push a button. It cleans everything.

[Frank]

I find it overwhelming.

[Bobby Kelly]

And. And it mops. It mops and then vacuums. Or vacuums and then mops.

[Jay]

Probably won't though.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does. I've used it. I'VE used it. I love mine. It's fantastic. It does the whole top floor.

[Jay]

What if it falls in love with my dog?

[Bobby Kelly]

It can't. It's programmed.

[Jay]

What if it makes a plan with the dog to kill me and Christine?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Your dog's never gonna allow that.

[Jay]

And the only thing, and I'll be honest with you, the old pool vacuum, they could probably get that on board too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you have a robot pool vacuum?

[Jay]

That thing's pissed off. That thing get eaten up by animals. So that thing's probably pissed.

[Bobby Kelly]

The only problem with the dog is if the do shits on the floor and then the vacuum comes out, it spreads it like peanut butter.

[Frank]

I heard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it makes a nice layer of all over.

[Frank]

Just.

[Bobby Kelly]

It just spreads it and keeps spreading

[Jay]

it like peanut butter.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is. No, this is. You're.

[Frank]

You're from live science.com.

[Bobby Kelly]

okay. It's not real. Okay, hang on one sec. It was told to shut down and it didn't. But what I'm saying is the battery on it is going to die. He's going to take powering itself from

[Jay]

the sun after it takes over mit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's not going to take over anything. Once the batteries are amazing in these things and they can charge from the sun in like 20 seconds, then we'll be killed.

[Jay]

20 years.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think in 20 years the amount of that we're going to have is

[Jay]

going to rise up against us.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's going to be. No, we're going to be too old. I mean, dude, they're going to have flying cars.

[Jay]

I would hate to be killed by my Ram truck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Imagine going up on my Ram truck,

[Jay]

gets angry at me. Or it's. It turns into a. A robot and fights another robot and loses and I'm inside of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Transformers.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Oh, is that a thing already?

[Bobby Kelly]

Cops have a device now that can just shut your car off.

[Frank]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They can shut your car off? They just hit. Cuz your whole thing is electronic.

[Jay]

Oh, a new car. A car?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Not an old car, but yeah. A new car. They can just go boom and it. And your car just shuts down.

[Jay]

But will it shut down other cars too?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know that.

[Frank]

You got aim right?

[Jay]

That seems good. Aim that right. A bunch of people. Hey, here we going through windshields and you're trying to get one car send the beam.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're, we're definitely. But I'm. I'm looking forward to it. We're gonna have a lot of fun before my like Max is we're not really. Max is. Max is. His kids are.

[Jay]

Well, no, that's not true. You're training him for to fight Terminators.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, the Terminators are gonna fight Maximus Kelly. Maximus.

[Jay]

I need a partner for my swing dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

I really did name him, right for the apocalypse. Maximus Kelly.

[Jay]

We must have Maximus Kelly. He's trying to make dancing illegal. Like John Lithgow in that movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they have the damn, man.

[Jay]

None of us do good voices. I'm doing my best though. You are sort of getting its Terminator. But he's super into dancing, right?

[Stephen Dubner]

Close enough.

[Jay]

I'm sending the message, right, like it's Terminator, but he's super in the dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not everybody. When you get it right, it's kind of annoying. You know what I mean?

[Jay]

One, two, three, paa.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta get a little deeper. One, two, three.

[Jay]

Where are my toe shoes?

[Bobby Kelly]

Scratch like that. One, two, three, plie, plie, plie. There you go, toe shoes, there you go. You got it, dude. Tutus do they have right now? I heard that the drones that Iran is using against us to blow our shit up is like $40 drones.

[Jay]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they're winning. They got like thousands of them in Cuba right now, just off the coast of Miami. Just thousands of drones that could just launch over and fucking kill a bunch of people. That's what's going to happen. Yeah. 40 in Cuba. Yeah. They're not expensive drones. Like we have like one of our planes is what fucking, you know, $80 billion. Whatever it is. It's just crazy. But they're just going to use fucking DJI drones with bombs on. That's what they're using the. In cray. Russia's using them. It's good technology, flying them over and

[Jay]

cameras on a good gimbal.

[Bobby Kelly]

It really is.

[Jay]

So wait, they're. They're on the edge of Cuba to come kill us here?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they're saying that they have a 40,000 drones in Cuba right now that could fly over.

[Jay]

We have a deal with Iran.

[Bobby Kelly]

We don't. It's gone.

[Jay]

I thought we like Cuba too.

[Bobby Kelly]

We don't. It's not happening. They want to take. I think Trump wants to take all the communist places. Like he wants regime change in. In Cuba and he wants one in Iran.

[Jay]

I think Trump just plays Risk. Yeah, he just plays a board game. Risk.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would love it if Cuba was, I mean, was part of the U.S. well, that we could. Not part of the U.S. but that we could go there and hang out. It's beautiful.

[Jay]

I know. I Wish they would just get regular HBO and Netflix. I know, dude, you know what? In practice, the idea of the rest of the world being America in every way except visually and food would be perfect if I can go there. And it was like, okay, I'm gonna go to England, but it's like, I'm gonna stay at this hotel for sure that I know is the place. Oh, you know what? I don't feel like going to a fancy restaurant. There's Cheesecake Factory right over there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Do you know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Comfort. I need that kind of comfort. And then also like, oh, my God, that was really great. Shake Shack. Now let's go on a gondola. Let's go see the Vatican and Coliseum. Now that I've just had a sick ass cheese stick and some cheese fries.

[Bobby Kelly]

All those people that came to America for the World cup of flipping out. How awesome.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

America is like the amount of food, all the.

[Jay]

We have air conditioning.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're loving America and they got to go back to their little, you know, city.

[Jay]

Black people with face tattoos, they never have that in their countries.

[Frank]

Yeah. Chris Vegas said it was a psyop and ruined it for me. I'm like, I bet it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everything's a fucking psyop. Jesus Christ. They just. They just fucked me because they said, you got psyops, you need eight hours of sleep. Right. And now this new thing on the Internet is the whole eight hours of sleep was from the mattress company back in the day because they wanted to sell more mattresses and they wanted you to sleep more. So they did this, this whole thing and. And now in reality, it was all a psyop of some bullshit. And you only need if you wake up at three in the morning. Most like Mozart made most of his music at 3. He would wake up in the middle of the night and do his stuff. Most artists will wake up at three in the morning and stay up for two hours. That's the most creative time. And then go back to bed and you know, for a couple hours. You don't need to sleep eight hours straight. So that's in my fucking head. So last night I was up, I woke up at three in the morning and I was like, oh, this is creative hour. And I just went and fucking ate a old fucking protein brownie and just sat there and did nothing. I had no creative flow at all.

[Jay]

That's creative. Yeah, that though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Well, yeah, it's great.

[Jay]

And I make that a meme.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then I googled. I actually chat GPT all this Bullshit. It's all bullshit. This mattress company didn't say that. It's all garbage.

[Jay]

You're supposed to get eight good hours of sleep.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're supposed to get as much sleep as you possibly can.

[Jay]

Doctors have said it. I don't believe it was mattress companies that I took their word on that for. I always believe that. It's had to do with REM cycles and deepness of sleep and all that kind of stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the more. The more cycles of sleep you can go through, the better for your body to recover. Supposedly, is what it is.

[Jay]

Yeah, dude, but you don't need to go through. Big mattress was coming for you. Here we go again, dude. Connect the dots. Follow the money.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was like, this is great. I stay. I wake up at three in the morning. It's not a crazy.

[Jay]

Follow that money. Follow the money.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we went to the. We went to the theater. I met you at the theater. We got in to the. What was it called? What kind of theater is in Cinemark. Cinemark Theater that has seats.

[Jay]

They had the interactive. Do they call them different things, different places, 4D. Whatever. They're D box. Maybe there's better ones. It's kind of like what I think the sphere, I was told has. They move. Yeah, they move left, right, front, like forward and back. They were, you know, and they shake they Joe ear around.

[Bobby Kelly]

They go with the movie.

[Jay]

Yeah. If. If someone's driving on a winding road, like, you'll go on the turns, they'll like turn you that direction. Like where, you know, like. Like tilt you that direction so you feel like you're doing it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just it. I feel. I feel like for a horror movie, it's unfair.

[Jay]

It was awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's unfair for a horror movie. The horror movie itself is terrifying. To add the seat to lull you where it needs to l. And then to have to incorporate that seat into the scare was an unfair advantage. I did not like the seat. I did not like the fucking seat.

[Jay]

What? The seat, by the way. I cranked it up to 10 and ripped the knob off on his D box.

[Bobby Kelly]

He really did. I go, what's this button for? And he just leaned over.

[Jay]

Just crank it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He goes, you got to have it to the top.

[Jay]

You got to crank it all the way, dude. Got to feel it.

[Bobby Kelly]

So, yeah, like, you're sitting in the car and all of a sudden the seat is just moving right and left with the car. It's. It's so you forward.

[Jay]

I didn't see coming. That'll push you forward. A little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

The forward was. The forward was. When. Before a jump scare. It would kind of. It would. It would relax you.

[Jay]

Well, if I said the screen was, like, moving in, it would, like, move in like. Like you're leaning forward.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was. It was not. I didn't think was neat at all. I thought it was terrifying. The fact that the seat jolted at the jump scare. The craziest parts of that movie. The seat would go ballistic and fuck me up. And fuck me up.

[Jay]

Was very, very fun movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if it was fun at all.

[Jay]

It was. There was a few other people in the theater. Very few. We were the only one sitting in the D box seats, which I assume they called the D bag seats because. But Bobby was. I mean, he did it all. Everything you wanted to do. Threw popcorn, jumped up, threatened to leave, got up, walked somewhere, and I thought he was leaving and just, like, about faced and came back. It was that part with the.

[Bobby Kelly]

When the grandma was. This is what I hate about demon movies. They always have the. On the ceiling, which I fucking hate. Old demons. Old lady demons on the ceiling. Ceiling.

[Jay]

What's the original one that got you? We all know it. The one from Exorcist 3.

[Bobby Kelly]

Exorcist 3. But also the real bad one that I didn't like was the one with. What was his name?

[Jay]

John C. Reilly.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they were in a diner. It's a. They're in a diner. And out in the West, Brad Pitt. And the lady was talking to an old lady, and she was so pleasant and nice, and then she just turned into a legion. That's it. Legion. Fuck. This old lady is. It's the worst. It's the worst demon.

[Jay]

Oh, I kind of remember this. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's so. Look at her. Oh. Oh, fuck. Oh, she just bites the guy's neck.

[Jay]

It's too much cgi.

[Bobby Kelly]

She turns into the demon, and then she flips.

[Frank]

Ah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he throws a fucking pan at her head. A nice skillet.

[Jay]

Oh, my God. That was Rock from TV's Rock.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Charles S. Dutton.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then she goes. She jumps on the ceiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay]

Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like that.

[Jay]

Bobby. It's so.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like it.

[Jay]

It's so cgi.

[Frank]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, it's a little silly. It's up.

[Jay]

Dude, show them Exorcist. Exorcist 3.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like when they can crawl on the ceiling. Here's the problem. Because they walk into a room and they're always like, where'd it go. And I'm like, it's on the fucking ceiling, man.

[Jay]

Yeah, but here's. Here's something that you just never were told, as were black people. They can't hear you in the screen. They're not going to look up because that doesn't move the story forward. It's entertainment, you see.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but I have to say it.

[Jay]

I've said it a million times. Rambo could have just taken that ride to the edge of town, thanked that police officer and went about his day. Nope. No, he had to make it a whole thing.

[Frank]

Yeah. That's way creepier.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the Exorcist 3, which is way scarier than 2. 2 sucked, too. Sucked. But she's on the ceiling. This. This me up because I was watching this by myself at night, thinking it was gonna suck like two. And when this old lady walked across the ceiling and the. Oh, off.

[Jay]

It's right there when she turns her head around.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's. He has no idea. He's a boss. Oh, it. The devil. The devil, man. Easy. What? He'll hear you. I know. The devil. Jesus Christ compels you. Jesus Christ compels you. Jesus Christ compels you. I'm safe.

[Jay]

Bobby, stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus.

[Frank]

The power of Christ compels you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Really.

[Jay]

Do you think Jesus Sanchez compels you? Jesus Sanchez compels you.

[Bobby Kelly]

The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compelled you there. Power Christ fails you.

[Jay]

Two after credit scenes.

[Bobby Kelly]

This show is sponsored by betterhelp. Everybody deals with stigma. Everybody has, you know, things that build up. You know, I got in a fight with a friend and I didn't call them. They didn't call me to where we didn't talk for months because it got so overwhelming. I was going to lose a friend over it. But you know what you do do what I did, go to BetterHelp and talk to somebody. You talk to somebody about it and you get a little direction and you get it out. And then I repaired this friendship. It wasn't even as big as I thought it was. I just built it up in my head that it was going to be crazy. Even in 2026, stigma can get in the way of a lot of things, like getting support for your mental health. Maybe you've encouraged friends to consider therapy while avoiding taking the first steps yourself because you're busy, worried what others would think, or telling yourself you should handle it on your. But therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform, can be a space to Slow down and talk through what's been building up before it feels unmanageable. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences. And BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Their industry leading match fulfillment rate means BetterHelp typically gets it right the first time. Feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists are work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] bonfire. That's B E T T E R help.com bonfire.

[Stephen Dubner]

Hey there, it's Stephen Dubner, host of Freakonomics Radio, and we have just made a new show, a TV talk show. It's called Better in Person. We have the kind of guests you don't see on every other show, and we have the kind of conversations you don't hear anywhere.

[Frank]

Frank. I'm like, yes, chef.

[Bobby Kelly]

Be one with the pork.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

You have the opportunity to make this little corner of the world into your ideal world, your dream world.

[Stephen Dubner]

You can watch Better in Person on the Freakonomics YouTube channel. You'll find a new episode there every week.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is how a conversation works.

[Ad Voice]

Latte for Keenan.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

That's me. Hey.

[Ad Voice]

You're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ad Voice]

Buying a car online on autotrader.

[Jay]

Really? But unlike other sites, you can start online, test drive with a local dealer, then finish online or at the dealership.

[Ad Voice]

Cool. Enjoy.

[Jay]

Buy your car online on autotrader. Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

I have three trips planned down to South America. I'm going back to Cuba with my son, and I'm going to learn how to communicate with these people in their language, which empowers you, which makes you feel fantastic. It's never too late to learn a new language by using Babbel. If you're traveling this summer. Here. Here's a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Babbel is built for real life, not vocab lists, not verb charts. But it's the real conversation. Practice just 10 minutes a day with Babbel. It can help you start having a real conversation in as little as three weeks. Lessons are quick. They have 200 language experts. It's awesome telling you right now I can talk to people. The guy that works in my house, he's. He's Spanish. He comes in and I see him sometimes struggling with me to say things to me. Now I can talk to him in Spanish. He can talk to me. A little bit. I don't know it all, but I know some. And I know how to be polite. I can talk to people around the city. It's amazing. Learn a new language with Babbel. What language do you want to learn? They've got it. If you got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learned on your trip. Right now, Babel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babbel.com bomb bonfire. That's Babbel. B-A-B-B-E-L.com bonfire for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply.

[Ad Voice]

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[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal, so there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Ad Voice]

of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy.

[Jay]

See terms A during credits and then a way after credits after the whole thing. Although the credits were pretty short. Yeah, that's the brutal nature of the after credit scene in a Marvel movie. Like you're a piece of shit to go through. It's like, all right, once you think you're through all of it. And they go, now here's all those same people that were in the Japan team. Starts like all Japanese. Come on. No way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, and then we have to go to New Zealand.

[Jay]

Yeah. Then a lot of thank yous for a Marvel. Lot of thank yous.

[Bobby Kelly]

A bunch of people that died making this fucking thing.

[Jay]

Absolutely. A lot of people that died. And then the music.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Jay]

Then locations.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Then thank yous to all the production companies.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then the. And then the after credit.

[Jay]

Thor, by the way, when an after credit scene is just that, it's just like they show like a light turn off in a room or something and it's just simply like maybe they're alive. Like go yourself. You got to do a scene, man. Something has to happen. Real or real tease for the next one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the, the first one wasn't that good on this one. The last one was pretty good. The last, the last.

[Jay]

The first one was actually. Probably moves the story along.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was that too?

[Jay]

That was the grandma driving down the road and then someone picks her up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but that. I saw that. I kept saying that that means the story, the whole movie. Where's the grandma? Where's the grandma?

[Jay]

No, everybody did say that a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

I kept going, where's the grandma? Look out for the grandma.

[Jay]

By the time there were. By the time the. That after scene came, Bobby threw caution to the wind and was like, well, we're all know we're almost out of here. Then when the scene started, it was just a picture of a road. And Bobby went the grandma? The grandma?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a grandma.

[Jay]

He let everybody know.

[Bobby Kelly]

I let her know he's a fucking grandma. Cuz she hasn't been seen for 20 minutes. At the end of the movie, you don't just let a demon go. You don't even know you cut both her legs off. Spoiler alert. You don't just.

[Jay]

One was already missing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you don't just run out. You know what I mean? You got to get. Hey guys, cops. There's a grandma with no legs. There's a demon too. You might want to find her.

[Jay]

Oh, I don't think the cops are buying demon stories at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, there's a grandma that's fucking crazy with no legs somewhere find her.

[Jay]

It would be great if they as the cops would have found the grandma who was, I mean, right in plain sight crawling down a street during the day. But no one seems to. The situations stay pretty isolated, it seems.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't like that they had date a lot of daytime demon stuff. I don't like it.

[Jay]

No, they're around in the daytime too.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but I like a nighttime demon. I like. I like the Original Evil Dead 1 2. It's all kind of at night. That's when I learned the. You could kind of go out in the day and feel a little safety. And then when the sun went down and it might go down quicker, the day might go faster because the demons can actually make the day go. The sun come right up and down, which is their choice. But I don't like when it's a Regular day. I don't want. If I was driving at the end and I saw some lady with no legs crawling, I'm not stopped. I'm not stopping. And if I am stopping, I'm stopping far away. And if I see her eyes all up, I'm not.

[Jay]

Yeah, the eyes in the face are gonna. Once you. You're not asking any more questions. When you. Once you see a demon face.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I see a demon, I'm out.

[Jay]

I don't know if I. Maybe I try to run it over.

[Bobby Kelly]

If it's a demon.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fuck, yeah, you run it over.

[Jay]

But here's the thing. You could just leave it and assume that it's gonna get the next person. If you engage in running it over, it might transfer to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not stopping for anybody crawling down the road with no legs, by the way.

[Jay]

Ever. Ever. Well, you'd be a bad platoon mate.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I mean, look, if I'm in war, two scenarios, dude. If I'm out on vacation, driving to a gig, and I see some old lady crawling on the road with no legs, I'm not stopping. I will stop at the next place and call the police and say, hey, I just drove by an old lady crawling up the road. She has no legs.

[Jay]

You'd stop if it was a black child?

[Bobby Kelly]

I would not stop if it was a. An infant crime.

[Jay]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay]

Says the hero. Where'd our hero go, buddy? I'm the hero go.

[Bobby Kelly]

The hero's in the car saving everybody else in the car from becoming a fucking demon.

[Jay]

I feel like you're only here. You're an aquatic hero. Your heroics only take place offshore.

[Bobby Kelly]

And here's another thing that I didn't like about this movie is that you didn't enjoy it. I know, I. Listen, it scared the out of me. It. It has a lot of great, scary, really good gore. Good gore.

[Jay]

Great gore. I mean, I'm not a fan of.

[Bobby Kelly]

They go for it, but I. They.

[Jay]

The gore was good, but it's very over the top. It's, like, so silly. It's over.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's over the top. But I didn't understand because, number one, you didn't have to be killed to have the thing come into you. Right?

[Jay]

They seem to have changed the lore a bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

They changed the lore on Evil Dead to where I liked when the thing was coming through the woods.

[Jay]

That was the initial.

[Bobby Kelly]

They had one, but they. I thought they had to do that with all of the people that became demons.

[Jay]

There was some heavy inconsistency, it seemed from past Evil Dead in the contagiousness of being one of these things.

[Bobby Kelly]

They had one where you can spoil alert. You can actually kiss the demon and get the demon, which. And then you could fight the demon, which Evil Dead never had. Once the demons in you, there's no fighting it. You're the demon, and you're dead.

[Jay]

It's your accent, right? You don't think there's a D at the end of demon?

[Bobby Kelly]

Demon.

[Jay]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Demon.

[Jay]

I have no issue with you saying demon. I love it. Yeah, I just didn't know if you were for sure. There's no on the end.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my Boston accent. I say a couple things. A little weird.

[Jay]

There's no idea. There's no, uh, in yesterday. Yes, but that's how I say it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yesterday.

[Jay]

Yesterday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yesterday. Yeah, I say, yeah, exactly.

[Jay]

Something early on a show I heard myself at the end. I did a little trail off on it that I probably always do, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

But like the fact that you could. I didn't like that you could kiss somebody and give them the demon. That's stupid. Who's kissing a demon, dude?

[Jay]

Well, if you're emotionally attached to the person that was a demon before Don

[Bobby Kelly]

became a demon, I would lope. Not even a second even. She's like, bobby, I love you. Her head would come off.

[Jay]

Bobby, you're looking for any excuse.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would kill Max.

[Jay]

You go, if dawn came home with a unibrow, I would lop her head off.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I, there's no, there's nobody I love that I love Max. I love dawn the most. Out of any, any of them become a demon, you're dead. You're gone. Because once you're a demon, you don't get undemond.

[Frank]

You're not gonna try a little witchcraft?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not. You're dead. You're dead.

[Jay]

You won't put him in a basement for a little bit and try to figure out an incantation of some sort,

[Bobby Kelly]

but you want me to fucking roll the dice?

[Frank]

I mean, you should at least try.

[Jay]

Well, I mean, at least enjoy the mystery for a couple days. Trying to figure out where the Book of the Dead is. You can read the spell.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I had a basement like that that you could lock with a padlock. Yeah, but I have Casa de Max. There's no door. The demon's coming up.

[Jay]

Well, listen, the demon's gonna have to be in Costa Max for a couple days while you sort things out. Max is gonna have to go up and have to sleep on the couch for a couple days.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not gonna. There's no door. He can just come up.

[Frank]

You can put him in the bedroom.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Lock him in his.

[Jay]

You don't have a dog gate for demon. For doodles.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay]

No dog gate.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. The doodles is dead too, by the way. Doodles becomes a demon. Like this dog in this movie. First of all, I didn't like that the dog became a demon.

[Jay]

Yeah. The way they got to. That was fucking wild. That was the craziest. Where people, I think, are saying that he went too far in the movie. That was one. That was a wild scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. To explain it. So people know.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Spoiler alert, everybody.

[Stephen Dubner]

Yeah.

[Jay]

He. When one of the characters slowly turning, which is another thing too. It's like a slow turn into one of the deadites.

[Bobby Kelly]

The original one. The first you just become.

[Jay]

Gets in you and you become it.

[Bobby Kelly]

The first guy just became it, Right. The second guy just became it, Right.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

The set. The. The third guy.

[Frank]

The.

[Bobby Kelly]

The father. Yeah. Was fight. You could fight it off.

[Jay]

He was fighting it for a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't like that.

[Jay]

But then you die. I think the character dies, and then you kind of like. Like vampire stuff. It's like. Then you die and you come right back. You're a vampire. But anyway, they wouldn't let him in the house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, he couldn't get in the house.

[Jay]

The father. Where they were sitting at the dinner table and he was just getting weird. Weirder and weirder. And then he just grabs the family dog by like a.

[Frank]

A.

[Jay]

Like a headlock. And this takes a fork and just stabs it to death. To death in the face with a fork. And then they. But it was all on a big thing. Double spoiler alert. It's because the dog's coming back. Is evil dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

But here's the thing. They took time to bury the dog.

[Jay]

That was insane. You do know you're dealing with demons now? And the fact that they had a scene like, you two go deal with the demon corpses. We're gonna go bury the dog. That was crazy.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's the thing. If I'm with somebody and the father stabs a dog at the dinner table, I'm out.

[Jay]

You're definitely not gonna stay to like you guys. This is a family thing. Clearly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

And I'm not really. I'm not built for this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm. I go, hey, can I. I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. I'm gone.

[Jay]

At that point, you had 20 minutes of time to decide, like, to get out of there before it starts Getting over demony God. Well, they went taking the father anywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

The daylight came up and they buried the dog. Had some ceremony off. I'm not going to that. I'm in the car, gone. And then they were taking the key

[Jay]

and say something for Doodles.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Doodles is not Doodles. No, I don't say to Doodles anymore.

[Jay]

Doodles is playing fetch with Jimi Hendrix.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Doodles is gone. I don't say anything. I killed them all, dude. I kill them all. And then I move somewhere. I go somewhere where nobody knows I am. And you can blame me for the deaths. I don't care. I'm gone.

[Jay]

You're going to be a pariah. People are going to be upset with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

They'll be upset with me. That's fine. They don't understand the real story.

[Jay]

How are you going to prove that your family turned into dead?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not. I'm not.

[Jay]

I'm not going to try to prove it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to go become an Eskimo at the top of the world.

[Jay]

It's a racist term.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going to go become a Native American Eskimo.

[Jay]

No, no, no.

[Frank]

I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay]

I don't know. Inuits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I'm gonna go become an Inuit. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go in the middle of nowhere. I will.

[Jay]

If you become one. I think you could say it, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I was at your house and you became a demon and I don't know if you know this, I. The reason why the demon thing me. I might have told you this before. When the Exorcist came out, we. My what? My mom and her husband Billy, the bad guy went and saw the Exorcist. They put me and my sister in Smokey and the Bandit. Smokey and the Bandit was a shorter movie, so we got out early. I snuck into the Exorcist with my sister who loved horror, loved all that stupid shit. Hung out with a bunch of fucking weird gay lesbian people and went to Rocky Horror Picture Show. She was. I was not. I was a good Catholic boy that believed in Jesus. I was an altar boy. I believed in all this shit. So then I was terrified, fucked up. And then for the next, I would say two years. Every time I came home to the house, the apartment we lived in, there was a back staircase, almost like, look, a mini Exorcist staircase that I would have to come up. And she would sit at the top and as I would come up, she would swing around and roll her eyes back so they were White and go, the Satan's here and we'll get you. Bobby and I would run out of the house, and not once or twice, maybe 45 minutes to an hour and a half, she would do this and then come back out. I'm sorry. Come in. I'm kidding. And I'd be like, stop. Seriously. And then I come back in and I'd walk up three or four stairs. Lisa, Lisa, it's okay. You're fine. Lisa, don't. And then she'd swing around. Satan is here. Now Satan is going. And I'd run out of the fucking house.

[Jay]

Your fault.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why my fault? My fault. I'm the victim.

[Jay]

Yeah, but I mean, you should have just realized, buddy. How old were you?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was in second grade. So little. Now what? Now what now what now what have you done?

[Jay]

Did you do anything to your sister? Have you hurt her for this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Have I hurt her?

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Frank]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

My sister hurt me most of my life.

[Jay]

Why don't you hurt her now?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I mean, I think God did. He gave her bad kidneys.

[Jay]

Is that true?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she had. She had. She just three years ago had her second kidney, man.

[Jay]

Dude, I would love if you denied her. That'd be if she goes, bobby, I'm gonna need one of your kidneys.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna go, oh, I wish I could, sis, but it turns out they need them in the underworld.

[Jay]

And then just crawl away on the ceiling.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I suck. Sorry, sis. Gonna have to find your kidney somewhere else. These kidneys are safe for Satan.

[Jay]

I need these for Max so he

[Bobby Kelly]

can fight the machines. You know about that? My sister. Nobody in the family could give her a kidney. We're all different. Wrong blood types. We all had to go in. My. My mother called me and said, your sister has kidney disease. She needs a kidney or she's going to die. And I was like, whatever she needs, I got her. And then my mother was like, well, you have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday to see if you. To see if you get a kidney. I was like, I. I can give her rides, like, to dialysis. I can't. Like, I'm. I'm just starting a comedy career. Like, I'm doing good.

[Jay]

You probably get some writing done while she's in dialysis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, nobody. I had to go in, and when I came out, I literally went, yeah. They gave me my. They were like, you're not a match. I was like, fucking yes. And my mom was like, you did.

[Jay]

You asked first what you needed to be. Did you in there, like, please don't Be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't. I asked. I just said, can. Am I a match? And they were like, no. And I went, yes. And my mother's. You can do it. I go, no, no, no, no. It's the other excitement.

[Jay]

You can do it. Oh, Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank God. No, she actually got the neighbor Neil. We have a neighbor next to my mom Neil. He's like a single guy.

[Jay]

Sounds like it, right? I was named my character on Z Rock.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, exactly. He looks like a Neil. And I never liked the guy. I never really liked him. Like, we don't get along. He's very. He. He. I don't. He doesn't have a wife. He never had kids. He was always really. He had a basketball hoop. It's just weird to me and my mother, you know, my mother was always friendly and heels, you know, be feeling. You know, Neil lives alone. He does, you know, be nice to Neil. I'm like, I don't have to be nice. I don't. There's something up. And Neil's like, I'll do it. And Neil gave my sister the kidney, and my sister didn't want to take it. My sister was like, I don't want his kidney. And she was like, well, you're gonna die. You need a kidney. I don't want his kidney. Yeah, it's crazy. She didn't want Neil's kidney. I was like, lisa, I agree with you. I. I. Weird.

[Jay]

It is weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to take Neil, because now you're kind of.

[Jay]

But anytime. If I had someone else's that was around body part inside of me, I would never stop thinking about. Like, I even said before, if I had to go get, like, immediate open heart surgery, and they're like, where they put a stent in or something like that. You know, when things like that happen, I go, I would never, in my mind stop. Like, I think I would feel it. I would make myself convinced. I feel it. I go, that's that weird little. And then someone would go, dude, it's like, microscopic. I go, now. Now I feel a tube inside my heart. For some reason, my unc.

[Bobby Kelly]

Uncle had liver disease, and my other uncle gave him a piece of his liver. Your liver will grow back. A liver will grow back. So he gave him a piece of his liver to give him a new liver. But my uncle Sean always has one over on him. You know what I mean? It's always like, dude, shut the f. I gave you a. I gave you life.

[Jay]

I gave you a liver.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

So your wife should suck my dick.

[Frank]

You really want a liver from someone you're never going to see again?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, so I remember.

[Jay]

Yeah, give it something very anal. You don't want to see the person again. I can't believe what you've just done.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had a joke on my act about it because I think, like, even in the hospital bed, like, Neil was in the next bed. And she was like, forgive like him. And I was laughing. And then they became friends, which bugged me because him and my sister started going out, going to like, lunch. And one day, like, did he have to sign.

[Jay]

Did he get signed over visitation rights to his kidney?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, they became, hey, I'd like to

[Jay]

take my kidney out, dude. What if he saw her just drinking a ton? He'd be like, hey, the are you doing? You're killing my kidney.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he, he. They actually, I was like eight months a year later. She was going to the movies with him and she's like, going to the movies with Neil. Do you want to come? I'm like, no, I don't. I don't want to hang out with Neil. And she was like, you know, you should be nicer to him. He gave me a kidney. He's really, you know, this is. I don't understand what you're. I go, look, I just, I don't. There's a vibe. We don't vibe. And she came back and she was pissed off. I'm like, what's wrong? She said Neil tried to make a pass at her at the theater.

[Jay]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guess he's liked her the whole time.

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And she was. And I. That's what I said. I go, I go. In one respect, I was mad, like, neil, that's my sister. But as a guy, I was like, how old's Neil? I go, you got to respect his long game name. I mean, you know what I mean?

[Jay]

How old's Neil?

[Bobby Kelly]

Neil was old. He was older at the time. He was, I don't know, in his 40s or 50s.

[Jay]

How old was she?

[Bobby Kelly]

She had to be in her 20s or something like that. 20. Late 20s.

[Frank]

She got a kidney in her 20s?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. She got sick early, man. She had kidney disease. She had to get another one, a couple. Because he only lasts 16 years.

[Jay]

But that was my body shot.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that was. They don't the. The kidney. When you get a kidney transplant, but it only lasts for 15 seconds, 17 years or something like that, you have to get a whole new one. So she actually got a brand new one.

[Jay]

Dude, speaking of a kidney shot, I gotta stop Doing it again. I am. I mean, I'm a mush on another level. I don't even know if he knows I'm a mush.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, we all know you're a mush.

[Jay]

Yeah. But, you know, I was. You know, we became friends with Mickey Gall some years ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I love Mickey.

[Jay]

He's great. And Mickey's a great dude. And as a first fighter that I was, like, had an investment in, I'm worried about the ghost. I'm worried about him on my end knowing me because. Or at least I shouldn't reach out to him before his fights, because Mickey Gaul would do that. Go, you're gonna fucking kill it tonight, man. And then I would just watch him get handled over and over again, and it would crush me. I'd get so sad, like, oh, I like this guy. Terrence McKinney. Has his parents come see me when I'm out in Spokane or Tacoma. One of the two Washington state ones. That's where he's from. And he's messaged me before and back and forth, and he's a sweet gu. And before I saw that he was on the main card and I was like, dude, kick ass tonight. When you. When I watch the fight. But it's one round. He is massacring King Green. He's massacre. For the entire 4 minutes and 57 seconds of the round. He is handling him. I mean, he's bloodied up his face. The other guy, Terrence McKinney, looks fine. Takes a shot to the fucking stomach and goes down. One second left in the round. Fights over. At 459 of the first round, Terence McKinney loses like. Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

One second, man.

[Jay]

Come on, man. Damn it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta not. You gotta not talk to people.

[Jay]

I gotta talk to people.

[Stephen Dubner]

Yeah.

[Jay]

Patty Pimblett was awesome. And then Conor McGregor. I mean, what do you do? He should even attempt to come back. It's. It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was at my house by myself. I made steaks. I made a salad. I planned the whole night. And I was sitting there watching.

[Jay]

You know, just when you say you're by yourself, don't. You don't have to tell people you made steaks.

[Bobby Kelly]

I made three. I made three steaks.

[Jay]

Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay]

We just went to a Brazilian steakhouse two days before.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I know you love beef. I know I have a baby belly. I do. I only little. I've been eating steak all. Listen to me. I've been eating steak and protein shakes all weekend. Shut up, Jacob. Jacob knows. I told Jacob what happened to me.

[Jay]

Anyways, guys, I've taken to the protein shake, though. By the way, I drink a protein shake every day, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't even know if I should say this on air.

[Jay]

What happened?

[Bobby Kelly]

I.

[Jay]

You came while you were shooting?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I did. First of all, I, I really, truly don't like being alone in the house.

[Jay]

Really?

[Frank]

No.

[Jay]

I don't know what it's like.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, dude. I, I, I, they left. They left and. Was it Saturday? They left Saturday in the morning. And then, you know, as soon as they left, I went and made love to myself. And then as soon as I was done, I just felt like, ugh, what now? And I was like, all right, well, I'll, I'll make anything. I know. I went, I did a lot of stuff around the house. I watered the flowers, I cleaned the garage. I did a lot of guy stick

[Jay]

around video games again a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't even think of that. I was like, I'm going to watch the fights. I'll watch the fights.

[Jay]

Yeah, that's great. That's a great thing to have. Be up when you're home by yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had. Don left me three steaks. I had salad and I made a nice salad. And then I went to Target and I got snacks, I got chips, I got healthy Doritos, if that's a thing. I went.

[Jay]

You put out a spread for yourself?

[Bobby Kelly]

I put out a spread for myself. I went to Target by myself. It was very uncomfortable. Weird and uncomfortable because it's just women alone, middle aged women alone and women with kids. And then, and then me and just me. I bought a full length mirror. I don't know why.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was on sale. You can't put me in any store. I just buy. I bought a whole. I bought outfits from Target. I bought a lot of outfits.

[Jay]

A lot of outfits.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bought three full outfits. I bought three outfits.

[Jay]

Short sets. What are you, Jazzy Jeff?

[Bobby Kelly]

I bought these nice pants.

[Frank]

Nice?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay]

You want nice pants?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, nice for target.

[Jay]

Was that 15 bucks?

[Bobby Kelly]

I believe it was 19 bucks on sale.

[Jay]

And dungarees or slacks?

[Bobby Kelly]

They were golf pants.

[Jay]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. And I almost bought a hat. I'm glad I put that back. And then I bought, I bought some protein stuff. And then I went home with my full length mirror. I don't know where I'm putting this. And I made a nice. I cooked the steaks. I had the fights on. I ate this coke off your giant mirror.

[Frank]

Fashion show in front of your mirror.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did try on the outfits when

[Jay]

I Got home, I thought it was get back in the coke while the family was gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

The pants didn't fit.

[Jay]

If you're by yourself for two days, you just start doing coke again.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's the thing, is there's nothing to do. There's no. There's no. You know, it's. There's nothing.

[Jay]

Jerk off in your house again.

[Bobby Kelly]

I jerked off. It was done. I was over.

[Jay]

Do it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to do it again. I don't know. It was just. I didn't. I was gonna watch the fights. I was gonna.

[Jay]

Fights is great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was gonna do the fight. I. I sat down, I cooked my steaks. I was eating the steaks. Patty pimlet came on, dude. I literally jumped Adam. I was like, what a fucking fight. The way he came out, it was like the headlining card. I was so excited. He is such a interesting, fun fighter, and he's so having so much fun. And the guy he fought was perfect. Just stoic, Eastern European, you know, just villain. Choked him out in 58 seconds. It was awesome. It was great. And then the Conor McGregor fight's coming, and I couldn't be more excited. I. I had my second snacks ready to go. I had my drink ready to go. And then that happened 50 seconds into the fight. It was. It was the most disappointing fight I've ever watched in my life.

[Jay]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then it was. And Max. Max.

[Jay]

So boring. I mean. I mean, boring is the wrong word. It's just like, what a. Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was nothing. It was like all this build up and all this. And. And now people are saying he was injured before he went in.

[Jay]

I don't know that maybe there's some truth to that. But then they're also showing plenty of evidence that he wasn't hurt at all. He's saying he wasn't hurt at all, but he's. I think what was crazy, I thought his face, from the entire walk down to getting into the cage to when they were announcing his name, when he went and did the stare down, like everything, he looked like he was just like nervous or drunk or something. He didn't look right at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel like he knew something. And I always said it. When you. When you see these guys bring their families, they're done.

[Jay]

Sean Strickland said, though, if someone. If he knew he had a knee injury, he goes, you wouldn't. He goes, just, no fighter would open with a wild kick. You'd protect the knee for. You wouldn't just try to do something that could definitely Injure it or if

[Bobby Kelly]

you want to get out of it quick. I mean, are you going to.

[Jay]

Yeah, but I don't know if you want to get it. Maybe he did because he said apparently Max. Did Max Holloway say that? He said he told him never. He's like keep going. Yeah, he said Max Holloway told him. He's like just go. Just like fight. He's like stuck. I think Max Holloway was doing like the dude. Something's wrong with him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Something wrong with him. It was something wrong with him out of the get go and was. It was anti climax and I didn't. Max Holloway just sucks on the mic too. He did that. I was so mad he did that. I guess I made him weak in the knees. But he did the joke in the law. He did it before. He did it before and then he did it again.

[Jay]

Press conference.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did it before. It was. I think it was in the.

[Jay]

I don't know, in the ring after the fight.

[Stephen Dubner]

And then.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, then he did it after. Again. He did it again. It's like, dude, the jokes he wrote.

[Jay]

It's his joke.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but that, that's because he did it in the ring and he, he probably said it backstage. Oh yeah, that made me think. It's just like in one of.

[Jay]

Dan St. Germain wrote it. Gave it to him two weeks ago. He bought that from Dan.

[Bobby Kelly]

He literally did it. Maybe I made him weak in the knees and he went, haha. He laughed and nobody left. Nobody. It's just that except for Jacob.

[Jay]

Jacob loves it. Jacob loves joint humor though. He loves joint humor.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not like. And then Sunday I was home all day by myself. I didn't like that. And then Sunday night by myself, I went to the cigar lounge. Nobody was there.

[Jay]

Sounds awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't. I don't. I love my family. I love them around. I love them around the annoyance that they give me. Dad, Dad. B, B, Dad, Dad. I, I. When it's happening, I'm kind of like, I need a break. But not have. I felt like a divorced husband. It kind of sucked. It just. I didn't like your ear pierced.

[Jay]

I didn't stick about taking a drive around looking at some honeys in a convertible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Something happened today that was really bad.

[Jay]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was really bad, man. And I called you and. And you fucking let me down as usual.

[Jay]

Sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude, it's fucking bad.

[Jay]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not good. Like everybody who. If you have Jay as the emergency contact, take it off. Take it off?

[Jay]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or change your number to when it comes up on Jay's. Phone, and it says Mike Fenoy. That's the only way he's gonna pick up the phone.

[Jay]

If you ask Mike Fanoy, Mike Finoyo would be nodding right along with you on this one.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. It's. It's fucking bad.

[Jay]

Michael gets to the point where he starts texting me, and I told him. I was like, please don't do this. It makes me feel bad if I'm busy because he'll text after a while, like, hey, it's. Are we not friends anymore? Or something like that. You're like, come on, man, don't say that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but I don't. I deliberately don't call you all the time because I. I know. I call you when I need you. You or I need to talk to you so you know that. Oh, Bobby's calling. When you call, you don't call unless you have something to say to me. You want to talk about something.

[Jay]

You talked for over an hour on the phone on Friday.

[Bobby Kelly]

I needed you today. And you said, but you got your hour a week, you said. You said. You said, I'll call you. I called you once and I called you right back again to let you know that's my need you. If I call you once and you don't pick up, I usually don't call back if it's nothing. If I call you right back again, that's I need you. And you said, what?

[Jay]

No idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said, I'll call you back in five minutes.

[Jay]

Oh, I think that was gonna be an after the bathroom, and I just didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know you didn't. I know you didn't.

[Jay]

Pothead stuff, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, it's bad.

[Jay]

What'd you need me for?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you after the break. It was an emergency. It was an emergency.

[Jay]

What's that, Black Lou? You want me and Bobby to pull our wieners out so you can pound them and then shoot, jizz them all over your head? Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Jay]

If that's your jam. Punchup. Live Robert Kelly is where you go for tickets to all the shows. He's going to be in portsmouth, New Hampshire, July 25th. Two shows, one night. After that, Saratoga Springs, September 11th and 12th. And then Brooklyn, New York, on September 26th for tickets and all of his tour dates. One more time, punch up that live Robert Kelly. Check him out at YouTube @robert kelly Comedy. And of course, every Tuesday night, not this one, but normally every Tuesday night at 7pm The Fat Black pussy get lounge at the comedy cell. You can see him live.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Big J Okerson is going to be in Winnipeg for the Great Outdoors Festival July 19th and the Funny Bone in Richmond, Virginia, July 21st, 4th through the 25th. After that, he'll be in Long Island, Royal Oak, Michigan, Albany, Virginia beach for tickets and tour dates. BigJ comedy.com YouTube.com BigJayOakson don't forget to check out his podcast, the one of the funnest shows ever, Story Wars. Make sure you go there. Follow him there if you don't. And of course, the Skanks, which is one of the most popular podcasts in the world, so make sure you check them out there.

[Jay]

Ykwd. Don't forget ykwd. Yeah, the original the OG the OG podcast, baby. We'll be right back with what happens.

[Bobby Kelly]

What happened to me this morning when I needed you. It's the bonfire.

[Stephen Dubner]

Hey there, it's Stephen Dubner, host of Freakonomics Radio, and we have just made a new show, a TV talk show. It's called Better In Person. We have the kind of guests you don't see on every other show, and we have the kind of conversations you don't hear anywhere.

[Frank]

I'm like, yes, Chef.

[Bobby Kelly]

Be one with the pork.

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[Stephen Dubner]

You can watch Better in Person on the Freakonomics YouTube channel. You'll find a new episode there every week.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is how a conversation works.

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