Gyat Damn!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: "Gyat Damn!"

Release Date: January 8, 2025
Platform: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Gyat Damn!", hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, alongside their friends Jacob and Christine Evans, delve into a whirlwind of comedic discussions spanning politics, personal anecdotes, and humorous debates. The conversation is characterized by its candid and unfiltered nature, offering listeners a blend of sharp wit and relatable humor.

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1. Political Commentary

Biden’s Presidency and Kamala Harris

A significant portion of the episode revolves around political satire, particularly targeting President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris. The hosts express skepticism about the feasibility of Biden stepping down to hand over the presidency to Harris, mocking the notion of a short-term female black president.

• Robert Kelly discusses the idea of Biden resigning, saying, "They want it. Yeah, they want him to step down. Let her be president. So there'll be the first female black president for a couple of seconds for two months." (07:28)

• Big Jay Oakerson humorously contemplates the potential impact Harris could have in such a brief tenure, noting, "What could a black woman president do in two months?" (07:48)

• The conversation extends to speculative changes in the White House under Harris's leadership, with Bobby quipping, "I wanted to decorate the whole White House like Scatman Crothers' bedroom in The Shining." (15:08)

Influence of Public Figures

The hosts critique the influence of prominent figures like Oprah, Beyoncé, Elon Musk, Dana White, and Joe Rogan, suggesting that these individuals shape public perception and political landscapes in ways that may not align with the average working-class person's experiences.

• Robert Kelly remarks on Musk's relatability: "He also sold all his houses and lives in a fucking apartment, and he's the richest guy on the planet. He went to Mars. He invented the fucking electric car." (21:38)

• Jacob adds, "Middle of this country, working-class people look up to them. They know what working class people don't relate to Oprah, who's a billionaire." (21:22)

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2. Comedy and Content Creation

Show Dynamics and Pivots

A recurring theme in the episode is the concept of "pivins," a humorous metric used among the hosts to rate or reward each other's contributions to the show. This playful system adds an interactive layer to their banter, fostering a sense of camaraderie and competition.

• Bobby Kelly explains, "Pivens are our own internal reward system. If you get a piven, it means you did something worthy." (34:07)

Content Collaboration and Production

The interaction with their producer, Paco, highlights the behind-the-scenes efforts to enhance the show's content, such as integrating karaoke versions of songs for their segments.

• Robert Kelly asks, "Will you be able to add a good version of that song loud and still have me and Bobby singing over it in post-production?" (04:24)

• Paco responds affirmatively, "Yes. We will get a copyright strike if we post it anywhere." (04:33)

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3. Personal Stories and Anecdotes

Experiences on the Road and Stand-Up Comedy

The hosts share amusing and often exaggerated stories from their lives, particularly focusing on their experiences touring and performing stand-up comedy. These anecdotes serve to humanize the hosts and provide listeners with entertaining insights into their professional and personal lives.

• Jacob recounts a humorous mishap involving a comedian, saying, "He was telling everybody about the movie and what it was going to be, and they just kept making shitty jokes about how much it was going to suck." (14:15)

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4. Humorous Debates and Discussions

Slang and Language

The hosts engage in light-hearted debates over modern slang terms, demonstrating their playful dynamic and willingness to explore contemporary language trends.

• Bobby Kelly challenges Jacob, "Is Gen Z slang for butt? What?" (10:06)
  Jacob clarifies, "It’s God damn. God damn." (10:39)

Cultural References and Pop Culture

References to pop culture figures and media, such as "Soul Plane" and various TV shows, are frequent, with the hosts dissecting and satirizing these elements with their signature humor.

• Bobby Kelly muses about creating a parody film: "We're gonna make the movie Airplane, but with black people. We'll call it Soul Plane." (14:08)

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5. Sexual Humor and Advice

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to explicit and comedic discussions about sexual topics, particularly focusing on masturbation techniques and the humorous challenges associated with them.

Masturbation Techniques and Hygiene

The hosts exchange exaggerated and humorous advice on masturbation, emphasizing cleanliness and technique in an over-the-top manner.

• Jacob shares his experience: "I had to send a picture of my load to my doctor because it came out black." (45:12)

• Bobby Kelly offers mock advice: "Why don't you just put a trash bag around your dick?" (49:18)

Cum Scroll and Hypothetical Products

The conversation veers into the creation of fictional products like the "Jacob leather Jizz scroll," a satirical take on grooming accessories, further highlighting the show's comedic nature.

• Bobby Kelly describes the product: "This leather scroll will keep all your jizz from hitting you and make cleaning easy, quick, and secure." (53:08)

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6. Interactive Segments and Listener Engagement

Throughout the episode, the hosts interact with their crew and occasionally address topics that resonate with their audience, maintaining an engaging and dynamic flow.

• Bobby Kelly encourages participation: "Have you ever used it?" (55:59)

• Jacob responds playfully, "I've jerked off with food hands." (44:16)

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7. Advertisements and Sponsorship Messages

While the majority of the transcript is focused on comedic content, there are segments dedicated to advertisements for various products and services. However, in line with the summary requirements, these sections are noted but not elaborated upon in detail.

• NetCredit offers personal loans or lines of credit, emphasizing quick approval processes.
• Babel promotes language learning with a discount code for listeners.

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Conclusion

"Gyat Damn!" encapsulates the essence of "The Bonfire" with its blend of sharp political satire, personal anecdotes, and unabashed sexual humor. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, alongside their friends Jacob and Christine Evans, create an environment where listeners can enjoy candid discussions and laugh through the complexities of modern life. The episode stands out for its unapologetic humor and the dynamic interplay between hosts, making it a memorable installment in the series.

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Notable Quotes

• Robert Kelly: "They want it. Yeah, they want him to step down. Let her be president." (07:28)
• Bobby Kelly: "We're gonna make the movie Airplane, but with black people. We'll call it Soul Plane." (14:08)
• Jacob: "I had to send a picture of my load to my doctor because it came out black." (45:12)
• Bobby Kelly: "This leather scroll will keep all your jizz from hitting you and make cleaning easy, quick, and secure." (53:08)

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Note: The summary focuses solely on the content-rich segments of the episode, excluding advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per the provided instructions.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

Your boyfriend took our money in. Dicks.

[Christine Evans]

From producer Issa Rae.

[Bobby Kelly]

How we gonna make $1,500 by 6? You bought this? Okay.

[Christine Evans]

On January 17th.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want a loan?

[Jacob]

Don't do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never seen a credit score this low. What if we combine our scores?

[Jacob]

Kinky.

[Christine Evans]

Palmer is having one of them days.

[Bobby Kelly]

First the rent and then Alomo's trying to kill us.

[Christine Evans]

SZA is having one of them days.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's showing cheat and steal on the same day. Alyssa, run. Damn. One of Them days. Directed by Lawrence Lamont.

[Christine Evans]

Exclusively in theaters January 17th. Rated R. Under $17. 90 minute without faring.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jacob]

High Five Casino has a giant selection of over 1200 games, including hundreds of exclusive games only found on High Five Casino. It's always free to play, and free coins are given out every four hours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ooh. Are you ready to have your own High Five moment? Well, visit High Five casino dot com. That's high. The number five casino dot com. No purchase necessary. Board were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. Maybe when I met you There was peace unknown I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb I was soft inside There was something going on Both of us. You do something to me that I can't explain hold me closer hold me closer and I feel no pain Every.

[Jacob]

Beat of my heart.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got something going on. Just me now. Bobby.

[Jacob]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tender love is blind it requires dedication all this love we feel needs no conversation we ride it together Ha, ha. Making love with each other Aha. Everyone. Islands in the stream that is what we are Christine, please. No one in between Lou. How can we be wrong? Sail away with me to another world and we rely on each other Ha, ha. From one lover to another Bobby Parton.

[Jacob]

I can't wait to live without you. If the love was gone Everything is nothing if you got no one.

[Bobby Kelly]

You asked to read it. Slowly losing all things sorry together but that won't happen to us and we got no doubt Too, too deep in love and we got no way out and the message is clear this could be the year for the real thing. Bobby, this is your moment.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a cowboy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No more will will you cry Baby, I will hurt you now we started and there' we ride it together.

[Jacob]

Sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Making love with each other My tits have fallen. Yeah. Oh, man.

[Jacob]

Listen, Kenny's part is way easier.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to do it again off the Dolly Parton?

[Jacob]

No, here's the deal. Cause I didn't know if you were doing the Kenny character or you were doing Jay. And I didn't know if I was supposed to do a Dolly character or if I was supposed to be Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you can't do Dolly.

[Jacob]

I know, but then I can't do Kenny. But then I put the boobs in and I felt something and I was like, should I do. Halfway through I switched it up and then you forgot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Reading is not your strong suit.

[Jacob]

Well, I mean, I was gonna add that in. I was gonna let the people assume that. But yes, reading is not my.

[Bobby Kelly]

But your effort, Bobby.

[Jacob]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

A Pivensworth. Oh, nice and early. I like starting the show in a good mood.

[Jacob]

Oh, my God, I'm so happy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Paco, quick question. Will you be able to add a good version of that song loud and still have me and Bobby singing over it on post production?

[Paco]

Yes. We will get a copyright strike if we post it anywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I can do that if the karaoke version.

[Paco]

Oh, no, the karaoke version, we could do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no, that's what I'm saying. But can we make sure that the music. We're gonna need the music put in post because it's only in our headphones.

[Paco]

Oh, yeah, definitely could do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you can make it so we have the background playing. It's going to be hard. Line it up to my words. Because if you try to line up with Bobby's words, you're going to be on the wrong part of the song. But Paco, you're saying this is a no brainer, easy thing to do.

[Paco]

100% easy to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jeremy Piven coming your way. Paka. It's okay. You're going to drop things.

[Jacob]

First of all, doesn't even know what's important. Doesn't even know really what it is. But look how excited he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's so excited. Do me a favor, okay?

[Jacob]

It's your first piv and congratulations.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got to keep this one. Always has to be to the side. This is our, if you recall, our loner, it's number one, our emotional support Piven. If you're lacking on pivens, and we see this is a rule that was made for Christine, you'll find out later in the week that Christine gets irate if she doesn't have a piven. And the problem is she not only has no pivens, she's actually in piven debt because she's done so much bad things before, the good things, that she's three Pivens deep. But if I see it start affecting her attitude, which I already can tell by her face and eyes, look how flushed out she got. God damn it. Her face is red and angry at me. Christine, here, if you'd like to sign. Bobby, the pen, please.

[Jacob]

Yes, sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you. If you want to sign in, you could once again borrow the emotional support pivot. Is that what you'd like?

[Christine]

Yes, I would like that. Wait, my debt doesn't clear at the beginning of every show?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Debts don't clear. Debts don't clear.

[Jacob]

Debts don't clear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Debts don't.

[Christine]

So everybody goes to zero. But if you're in debt, you're still in debt. You're still in debt.

[Jacob]

That's the way debt works.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'll tell you what, you should have known that, because I've explained it multiple times in front of you already. And I'm going to say for that reason, you're not getting the emotional support pivot right now. I mean, you just cost yourself the emotional support piven.

[Jacob]

J. Pen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Wait, are you. Is this going to ruin the. The rest of the show?

[Christine]

I don't know. Is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. Sign up. Sign the pivot out and eat your cheese and fruit plate. God damn it. You're getting. You're getting ornery over there.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Son of a. You're getting ornery.

[Jacob]

Get some. Some of that. Some tea. That will help your woman vibes. I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Period. T. Yeah, period. D, you know what he's talking about. You know what the Bobby's talking about?

[Jacob]

That flower that you guys put into tea. You have hormones work, right, Christine, you're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Acting like Kamala one over there. That's what I'm getting out of you. I'm getting a lot of Kamala attitude over there. Let me tell you something. It ain't happening. I saw a thing today on World Star Hip Hop, America's leading news source. They said that.

[Jacob]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

What did you say?

[Bobby Kelly]

Warsawhip.com. oh, it's a website. America's leading news source.

[Jacob]

It is. Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

All the news that's fit for black people. But I saw something today that was like, people are urging, is this a possibility even for Biden to step down and just give it to Kamala for the last few months.

[Jacob]

They want it. Yeah, they want him to step down. Let her be president. So there'll be the first female black president for a couple of seconds for two months. Months.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice one.

[Big J Okerson]

One loon that doesn't work for her anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

What could a black woman president do in two months? They can make things so bad. It's actually, well, one of the months, if it's her birthday, is going to be celebrated the entire month, that's for sure.

[Jacob]

I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if you understand how black women work, but if one of those was her birthday month, you're not going to get her to do any president work, dude, because her and the girls is hitting the town and she's Indian.

[Jacob]

So that's going to be a longer time. Their weddings are seven days.

[Bobby Kelly]

Absolutely. They have comedy shows to go talk loud in because they don't know who this white ass comedian is.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I think it's. I think they can't do that though. I think it's illegal.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not what world so hip hop said. Oh, I'm sorry, Christine, please. Great hoodie. Yeah, I have it. Christine got it for me.

[Jacob]

Oh, she's such a sweetie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, she had it made for me because I can't fit into the proportions of ones you buy.

[Christine]

No, no, because you can only win this one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Christine]

You can't buy it. And so I have to wait for the pop up to show up too?

[Bobby Kelly]

Turns up. You don't have to win it.

[Jacob]

You thought she made you a custom chubby hoodie.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did.

[Jacob]

She went down to the fabric district.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she actually did because you have to win this one. And by the way, with how many black guys Christine's fucked? I'm surprised she didn't win it. What does it take to win this thing? How many black guys you gotta fuck to win a world star? Hip hop, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

Commissioning.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah, Bobby. That should have been in your fucking gift packages to the fucking Brazilian girls. World star. Here's some toothpaste.

[Jacob]

I wish I had some pivots down in Cuba.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God. These things gotta be worth fuck knows what. You could probably buy a small village. You might be able to buy a fucking depth Jo. Johnny Depp Island.

[Jacob]

I get a whole pig for a pivot.

[Bobby Kelly]

We have TJ Miller coming in 30 minutes. He's gonna be here. Okay, okay, okay. That's. Tell you what, doesn't come out of the gate starting with a pivin, I'll tell you that.

[Jacob]

Why? Because he's late?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, yeah, I'm not gonna hold it against him. He's not in debt a piven, but it's not gonna start out with a pivot. I get so excited to See, tj, he's so fun to hang out with that normally. I'll just come in. I go, dude, oh, my God. Dude, get a piven. You gotta see how this feels. But now he's gonna have to earn a piven. Christine, could you please go through all the news of the day?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, let me see. Wait, let's go down. I'm gonna see the headlines of the day. All right, here. Got damn Asian chick, got some serious body. Okay, okay. Absolutely.

[Jacob]

Oh, my God, that's gross.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yacht damn.

[Jacob]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Christine]

That means butt, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

God damn. God damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's how black people say God.

[Jacob]

God damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not a hundred percent of my life. God damn. Is that what that's.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Is slang. Is Gen Z slang for butt?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

Hey, give her a pivot. You're wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look it up. How am I just taking your black Lou's opinion on this? Black blue has wet dreams about you.

[Big J Okerson]

Technically, she would get. She would be minus two pivins. She's minus three now, right?

[Jacob]

She's minus.

[Big J Okerson]

So she would be. If you give her one, she's minus two.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nah.

[Christine]

Could be short for God damn.

[Jacob]

It's God damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's goddamn.

[Jacob]

It's God damn. God damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what it is. Yeah. That's what that. That ad or that headline is absolutely saying God damn.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They came at you like they were schooling you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And they're wrong.

[Jacob]

Just saying, wow, look at somebody trying to sneak a pivot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that's what I was saying, trying to get a pivot over there. Christine, you didn't do a good job because Bobby said you were right, but you're not right.

[Jacob]

I didn't say she was right. I said she might be right.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not right.

[Christine]

I shouldn't know the young slang.

[Bobby Kelly]

Anyway, can I look at the rest of the news? It's fit for black people, please. Dude splits driver's window, then jumps on car hood. Trump declares war on school. De. Oh, Department of Education. Where is it? The thing we're looking for here? It's here somewhere. Oh, that's pretty funny. A guy who's holding a green screen with a girl to hold lighting for her. She's a hot chick. He just gets a boner in his fucking green screen suit. And she starts. It's pretty real. The guy's like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. She's like, it's all right. He's got a raging boner in it. It was past that. Aoc. Throwing some shade at Kamala Harris. Okay. No, that wasn't it. Grand Theft Auto India did. AI DL Jelly roll, Official store. Come on. What is it we're looking for here?

[Jacob]

You're looking for a Kamala Harris.

[Bobby Kelly]

It wasn't. God damn.

[Christine]

Here it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, there he goes. Do it for the plot. Can this happen? Great ads. I knew it. I knew it.

[Jacob]

It's only a four second.

[Christine]

You can't subscribe to World Star.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right? I would if I could.

[Jacob]

Or.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is my question.

[Jacob]

I'll start with you.

[Guest]

Joe Biden's been a phenomenal president. He's lived up to so many of the promises he's made. One promise left that he could fulfill being a transitional figure. He could resign the presidency in the next 30 days, make Kamala Harris the President of the United States. He would absolve.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. From being able to see black political people. I always feel like. I feel like black people that look at them and go like, you corny ass, fake ass motherfucker. That's not how you talk.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't believe it.

[Jacob]

I don't know. Black us up every time. Okay, there you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Every single time I say that, you're like, this guy talks like this only in these groups. 100. Yeah.

[Jacob]

If a bee stung him, he'd be like, exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

All hell's naus. Where's all this? God damn, sir. Where's all the Z's on the end of your hell and gnaw loading this idea.

[Big J Okerson]

I think this is his actual accent.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no. He's worked himself into having this, though. But every brother, stepbrother, cousin he has thinks he's corny as shit, right? They don't believe him. They're saying he forced himself, okay. Out of talking like that so he can be around these white folk.

[Jacob]

This is. This is so ridiculous because, number one, it would ruin Biden's presidency. The fact that he couldn't make the last two months. He doesn't have to do anything. He just have to hang in there for two months, which he can do. It's gonna ruin his presidency. It's gonna put an asterisk next to his shit just so she can be president for two months, which isn't even. She can't make anything one month.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember the birthday.

[Jacob]

But you know, she. You know what it is? I'll tell you what they wanted to do, they probably wanted to do. Pass a few things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And.

[Jacob]

And give a couple people some jobs before she fucking walks out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put some rims on Air Force One.

[Jacob]

No, I don't think they have rims. I don't think that's a thing, but yeah, dude. Hells yeah, I like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe some hydraulics in the plane. Okay, hear me out.

[Jacob]

Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jot this down, please. Movie idea.

[Jacob]

I need my pen.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're gonna make the movie Airplane, but with black people. We'll call it Soul Plane. Hear me out. Something, something. Malcolm X. That was the funniest. Do you remember this? You might. Were you in LA still when Kev did Soul Plane?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were. You weren't there.

[Jacob]

I think so. No, I think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Because there was dude Patrice one night and some other. And Keith at the Cellar when he got Soul playing. They came back and he was telling everybody about the movie and what it was going to be, and they just kept making shitty jokes about how much it was going to suck and the things about it and everything they said was absolutely in the movie. It's a terminal Malcolm X. And they're, like, laughing and Kev's just, like, not saying things. Like, all these things are in there for sure. Let me guess. Motherfucker pulls it with rims and hydraulics. Yes. Yes. Famous rapper's going to be involved somehow. Mm. Yes. So Kamala Harris could have two months in the presidency. Damn. I wanted to do it, though, now.

[Jacob]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wanted to decorate the whole White House like Scatman Crothers bedroom in the Shining. Just like fucking pictures of panthers and velvet, like Jesuses and stuff.

[Jacob]

She'd have to get rid of all of Biden's shit real quick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. I wanted to smell, like, fucking essential oils throughout the whole fucking place. An MC Light poster above her bed, unframed, just tacked up to the wall.

[Jacob]

She says speakers everywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She only fucks in the Lincoln Bedroom as a thank you for ending slavery.

[Jacob]

She puts a Jacuzzi in the bathroom.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Oval Office backdrop is Ciroc. It's just a fucking wall of Ciroc. She doesn't hate the product. She hates the man, not the product. You could hate P. Diddy. You don't have to hate Ciroc. It's still a fine vodka flavored vodka. Oh, it's so good to get underage girls to pass out with.

[Jacob]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I mean, when you assume all those things. Who made Zima? I bet that guy was a pedo.

[Jacob]

Jesus Christ. A Zale. Remember a Zale? I did it. I did a college with Jay Moore and what the is his name? Oh, God, my brain's frying.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, I'm just throwing names Rob Schneider?

[Jacob]

No, black guy got into a car accident at Walmart. Tracy Morgan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Requan.

[Jacob]

No, Tracy Morgan. Tracy Morgan showed up. It's. I think it's an hour and a half out of the city. Rented a stretch limousine for himself, and he showed up with a case of a Zale.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice.

[Jacob]

He gets out with two bottles of a Zale.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on.

[Christine]

What's up?

[Jacob]

We're gonna have a party. And they were like, you can't bring alcohol on campus. And they made him get back into his. So he sat in his limo by himself.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it? Azale.

[Jacob]

Azale.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's actually a thing?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it? Az. I'm just saying, it's like.

[Jacob]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never heard of it before. And I'm thinking Alize.

[Jacob]

Maybe it's Alize.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's probably Alize.

[Jacob]

It's a. It's a blue bluish Alize. Is it Alize? Whatever. I don't drink.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't take it away. I was. I just thought it was another thing. I was like, But I'm picking. I go, wait, I thought of something called Alize. And that does sound like a black drink.

[Jacob]

Alazale sounds like a black drink.

[Bobby Kelly]

Azale sounds like something like boating. People drink a Zale. It's a fine wine. Alize. Yeah, I never drank that at all, but Goldschlager for sure. That was just meant to finger a girl two years younger than you. Jesus Christ. But, yeah, it was weird. I never.

[Jacob]

Three years younger than me would be 53.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, I'm saying when you're a teenager, it's like, teenagers. I get teenage girl drunk. Shit. So weird. I said this before you. I didn't drink underage at all. At all.

[Jacob]

I was sober five years before I was legally able to do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I know. You went through it already. I didn't do. I didn't smoke weed till I was in my early 20s. Going to. And I went to Amsterdam.

[Jacob]

Well, you made up for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I've caught up.

[Jacob]

You've caught up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've done all right.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you've done good.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are we talking about? Weed. Have I done all right with it? What are we even talking about? Weed? I forget.

[Jacob]

That would be such a dick move, though. I think that's a dick move.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does he have the ability? I mean, he can do it, right?

[Jacob]

She didn't really get voted in. They just put her in, which was wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

She didn't get voted in by anybody.

[Jacob]

No, she actually got voted out. When she ran, they were like, what's? Her name? Gabby. Tulsa. Tulsa. Gabby fried her on stage, and the next day she was Tulsa. Whatever her name. Tulsa King.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who else?

[Jacob]

She pushed her out. I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hulk Hogan won. Get out of here. Kamala. He thought it was Kamala the giant. The Ugandan giant had a handprint on her stomach.

[Jacob]

She blew smoke in Kamala Harry showed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Up because they got Hulk Hogan. What we got? Come all you guys just put the moon on her face. Just come out with her tits out. Bone necklace.

[Jacob]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

That would have ruled. Damn, I love Kamala. You gone the giant.

[Jacob]

That was the best time of Russian. When you didn't have to be in shape to be a wrestler.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not at all. If you were fat, like, we'll paint you up, put a skirt on you, throw some wacky contacts on your face. Yeah. Kamal, the Ugandan giant.

[Jacob]

Yeah. He had a moon on his stomach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Absolutely. Someone actually already did the Kamala makeup on her. That's pretty great. No, go back. They had it on her face. Is TJ Here?

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Other people are like that. You have something on your forehead embarrassing me in front of everybody. Right there. There it is. You got it. Forehead boogie.

[Jacob]

Cala and Kamala.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's really funny.

[Jacob]

Kamala.

[Bobby Kelly]

One and the third Ugandan giant.

[Jacob]

I mean, Kamala Harris is kind of hot. The be.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is going to say it's scary. On the Republican side of this, too, though, that, like, the thing that worked. And they were saying this on. Might have been Fox News when I was watching that on election night, was saying, like, they just knew how to hit, like, white dudes, man. Like Dana White, Hulk Hogan. And it's like. Is the middle of this country that much of, like, rubs, though, that they're like. It goes, Hulk Hogan said a brother and the undertaker. You know, I'm saying they have that influencer thing as much as, like, Joe Rogan shouldn't influence your thing or any of this. Any of this at all. Howard Stern's talk with Kamala Harris shouldn't influence anything. It's actually. That might be the most influential thing of it. Because he can give. He could make her, like, likable. You know what I mean? Because it's not like there's no really. There was no really hard to go in.

[Jacob]

They gave Oprah a million dollars.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, her. Beyonce, too.

[Jacob]

Beyonce.

[Bobby Kelly]

They gave 10 million maybe, for Beyonce.

[Jacob]

They said Taylor Swift did nothing. Nothing. I mean, they. I mean, George Clooney. I mean, every actor in Hollywood was behind her.

[Bobby Kelly]

And do you know who didn't vote for Kamala, weirdly enough? With all that Beyonce money. All the single ladies.

[Christine]

Elon Musk, Joe Rogan, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please, Christine, Christine. I was taking my smiles back and forth in the room, huh?

[Jacob]

Paco's still laughing.

[Bobby Kelly]

All the single ladies. Let Paco's laugh die down, and then we'll go from there.

[Jacob]

Listen, Filipinos, they laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Laughing culture.

[Jacob]

They sing and they laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

They sing, they laugh. They rickshaw people around the towns. They do all kinds of stuff. Videotape, they edit, they climb trees, barefoot. Christine, you were saying you have Elon.

[Christine]

Musk, Dana White, and Joe Rogan. I mean, it's a real trifecta of people that dudes look up to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

Middle of the country, working class people look up to them. They know what working class people don't relate to Oprah, who's a billionaire, and they don't relate to Taylor Swift, who's a fucking gazillionaire.

[Christine]

Well, I mean, Elon Musk is the richest man in the world. Dana White, like, they're bazillion. I think they have more money than.

[Jacob]

But he also. He also sold all his houses and lives in a fucking apartment, and he's the richest guy on the planet. He went to Mars. He invented the fucking electric car. This is all stuff to help people.

[Bobby Kelly]

The common man relates to Joe Rogan, who sleeps in an infrared room and then wakes up and freezes himself, then thaws himself out, then freezes himself again, again, just to get the blood moving 15 different directions.

[Jacob]

Don't forget, he bought a comedy club for shits and giggles.

[Bobby Kelly]

He bought a comedy club for shits and gigs completely. He goes, you know what?

[Jacob]

Give the money to.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to have half of the comedy community move to this town to try to maybe one day get on stage.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you what, though, man. If you're handy, if you're handicapped and do comedy, get your ass to Austin, dude. Yeah.

[Jacob]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Everything's first level. Hey.

[Jacob]

Hey. Hello.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's 800 pound gorilla crew.

[Jacob]

Hey, what's up? Going well.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

Yeah, what's your name?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the company.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's the company.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I really thought, you know, whatever.

[Jacob]

You don't say, hey, it's the 800 pound gorilla crew.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, not if it was like four black people walking and that would have been. That would have gone off.

[Jacob]

Christ. That's not what I meant.

[Bobby Kelly]

But that's something. You were saying. You made it like I was saying something bad. I wasn't.

[Jacob]

I'm saying the staff from the 800 pound gorilla company is here. Welcome.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a mouthful.

[Jacob]

That was.

[Bobby Kelly]

The people, the persons of interest.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who work for a company that is named.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

800 pound gorilla that works for comedians. Yes.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why 800 pound gorilla seems to open things up to scrutiny.

[Jacob]

I don't know. Why is it 800? Do you guys know why it's called 800 lb gorilla?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't ignore.

[Jacob]

Excuse me.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't ignore an 800 lb gorilla. You can't ignore an 800 pound gorilla.

[Jacob]

Run from it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can run the other way from it.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Hey, run. I'd be scared of an 800 pound gorilla.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also, you guys just released a Patrice special. Could you maybe make the 800 pound gorilla word smaller on the screen, please? Because it just says Patrice O'Neill live. 800 pound gorilla.

[Jacob]

Yeah, that's kind of up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm like, name the special.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you should put the company that produced the thing. 800 pound gorilla.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jacob]

Ink. Ink.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's two white ladies, by the way.

[Jacob]

You should be a little more descriptive with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, absolutely. My apologies, please. Let's hear what we're going to do with Trump's transition here Again on those videos though, people flipping out about that, which are great. One of the ones I watched one guy who made a bunch of compilations. They were pretty great because he doesn't talk over them, he just plays them. But there were some goodies. The two lesbians that suggest that in the next three months they're going to get pregnant so they can get abortions before it's illegal everywhere. Pretty weird thought to go through.

[Jacob]

That's why.

[Christine]

Psychotic way to live.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that was like if they were.

[Christine]

I have a traumatic experience just because I can.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I'm gonna go put a dirty penis in me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're lesbians. But I'm gonna let some guy blow hot nut inside me and see hopefully if I get pregnant so then I can kill it.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna wait the last possible minute too, until it actually moves and I can see a little hand.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to name it first.

[Christine]

What a psychopath.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn, dude. That'd be a funny thing. I was involved in two abortions. That'd be great if I named him already. First. His name is Ben. Benjamin. No, we were going to go with Ben. We were going to try a new thing, but we'll never know now.

[Christine]

Ms. Pat said on some interview, she was like, oh, I have three babies and two ghosts here. Was it here?

[Bobby Kelly]

Two ghosts. Two ghosts.

[Jacob]

Welcome to Nada.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yada. Island Next on Nadia Yada Island. I knew I deserved so much more so I left.

[Christine Evans]

I finally switched to Metro and got.

[Bobby Kelly]

What I was looking for. Get one line for only $25 a month with Autopay. Just bring your phone to Metro and experience all the data you want on the largest 5G network. That's nada. Yada yada. Only at Metro by T Mobile. First month is $30. Bring your number and ID offer not available if with T Mobile or with.

[Christine]

Metro in the past 180 days, NetCredit.

[Christine Evans]

Is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offer by NetCredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit. Application subject to review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com partners netcredit Credit.

[Jacob]

To the people your boyfriend took our.

[Christine Evans]

Money in dips from producer Issa Rae.

[Jacob]

How we gonna make $1,500 by 6?

[Christine Evans]

You thought that's okay on January 17th you went alone.

[Jacob]

Don't do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never seen a credit score this low. What if we combine our scores?

[Christine Evans]

Kinky Palmer is having one of them days.

[Bobby Kelly]

First the rent and then our Lomo's.

[Jacob]

Trying to kill us.

[Christine Evans]

SZA is having one of them days.

[Bobby Kelly]

He showing cheat and steal on the same day. Alyssa run One of them days. Directed by Lawrence Lamont.

[Christine Evans]

Exclusively in theaters January 17th. Rated R. Under 17, 90 minute without ferret.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now, you say you'll learn a new language each year, but few actually follow through with this. Babel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think. Babel's 10 Minute Lessons, created by over 200 experts, helps you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. Como estas? I'm only on week one with focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. It's been very, very easy. I've done it when I've been in the car. I've listened to it in the car when I've taken long drives and it has been very, very helpful. I'm going to pick up this Spanish before you know it so I can finally talk to my own daughter. Listen, let's get more of you talking in a new language right now because Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off [e-mail] bon and you get up to 60% off babbel.com bonfire spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com bonfire babbel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. That's the best.

[Jacob]

She's so fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's see. Let's see if this guy can convince me to come all be president for two months. Cause I wouldn't mind seeing it.

[Jacob]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, sure. I'm completely weightless in this whole thing. If it was Trump was going to get two months before Kamala takes over, I would have been like, sure, dude. This. Let me tell you why I go to WorldStarHipHop for my news. Christine. If you get X out of this for one second, just. Just escape out of it to see what the title says. Do it for the plot. I'm with you, WorldStarhip. I don't really give a shit either way. Whatever's gonna make a fun story and hopefully not burn down wherever I live.

[Jacob]

Personally, I think. I think it's illegal to do it. I don't think they can legally do it.

[Christine]

Step down.

[Jacob]

I don't think they can. Yeah, he.

[Bobby Kelly]

If he's fine, he can argue that he's not fine. There's another, by the way, deeper. Page eight of World Star Hip Hop.

[Jacob]

Did you see him walking through the sand yesterday?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I saw on World Star Hip Hop.

[Jacob]

Bobby, she should take over.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's available for you from Worlds. Can you see? I didn't see it yet. I just saw the headline. Him All Star Hip Hop, America's news.

[Jacob]

Source market on sand is fucking the scariest thing ever. That he has the codes for the nukes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And he can't walk through sand.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What if he trips and fucking pushes his foot? Oh, it looks like his pants. Can I tell you something in fairness? That's how I walk in sand, too. And I hate it. That is how. All right, that's the weird when he, like shits his pants for a second is what I don't like.

[Jacob]

But why didn't they get wet sand? So at least he wouldn't sink into it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. Could you take this guy down closer to the beach?

[Christine]

He kind of gets it together.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he doesn't. He looks crazy.

[Jacob]

He's still walking. Like his feet are tied together.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where are we?

[Jacob]

Look at his wife. What a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who are you?

[Jacob]

At least she could have walked. Stupid, too.

[Christine]

Hold his hand.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but she could have slipped a couple times, like it looked hard.

[Christine]

Why is he on the beach?

[Jacob]

Because they're making a photo.

[Bobby Kelly]

They want you to know that he's not dead.

[Jacob]

Yeah, he's not dead, but he's tough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look. Oh myself.

[Jacob]

Look at the guy behind him with the binoculars just checking it out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God.

[Jacob]

Oh, she stinks. She's not even helping him. She hates him, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

That guy with the binoculars checking for snipers. But it could never possibly hit this target. Even you'll never catch his rhythm. It's not the same two steps in a row.

[Jacob]

Maybe that's why he's doing it. Maybe he's just.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's why you need a spotter to get you like the wind trajectories and all that, you know.

[Jacob]

She's mumbling to him right now. Get your together, Joe.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think a goddamn fool.

[Jacob]

You embarrassing me. You can't walk on sand.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can smell it. You yourself, didn't you back there.

[Jacob]

She's covering her nose right now. Did you poop, you old coot?

[Bobby Kelly]

Poor Joe Biden.

[Jacob]

Yeah, poor Joe Biden.

[Bobby Kelly]

Although everyone also. That is, they should be mad at. Right. If they lost. That's what everybody says. Be mad at Joe Biden.

[Jacob]

Why would you be mad at Joe Biden?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because he didn't. He said. I guess he said he was gonna step down after one term, but then he just didn't. He accepted the nomination.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but they.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what world star says. I'm gonna. Don't kill. Don't shoot the messenger. Dude, I just preached the word. I'm the Paul Revere for world star hip hop. Well, I get the word thing though. I don't know if you know this Asian girls got fat asses now. God damn.

[Jacob]

Well, if he had stepped down after the first term, she wouldn't have been. They wouldn't have got. She wouldn't have been in. They would have voted somebody else in, right? Yeah, they. They voted her out before.

[Bobby Kelly]

Said she was a bad candidate.

[Jacob]

She would. Yeah, she wouldn't have been voted in anyways. I don't think so. They would have put other people. They would have went through the primary and then they would have got somebody else in there. This is. This. She got in through that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. She wasn't getting. Besides that. No, for sure, dude. Once a week she has to spend eight hours getting hair put in.

[Jacob]

Because it's a. That's a real hair dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it now?

[Jacob]

It's a real hair dude. Yeah. That's not a. You think that's a weave? You think? No, she doesn't have a weave.

[Bobby Kelly]

She does.

[Jacob]

No, she doesn't. That's her real hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Doesn't happen. Black hair doesn't get that long.

[Jacob]

She's half Indian. That's her Indian. Part of her has. That's her real hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's half Indian.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

Yes. And she's not. What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Welcome. Indians aren't getting behind her. Why? Just black people had to.

[Jacob]

Well, Indians did get behind it, but she. You had to choose. You choose the Indian. Like Russell Peters chose the Indian side.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah, yeah. So she could probably become the prime minister of Canada.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Vance's wife is also Indian. Who?

[Bobby Kelly]

J.D.

[Christine]

Vance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ew.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Christine]

Indian. Hindu.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ew.

[Jacob]

Why is that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Ooh.

[Jacob]

You don't like it. What's wrong with you, dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I don't know anything about this. The guy who wrote a book and they made a Netflix movie, and then he's got a big face.

[Jacob]

He was actually in the military for a long time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, and he does kill babies.

[Jacob]

No, no, no. Maybe killer.

[Bobby Kelly]

He. Which war?

[Christine]

No, you don't kill babies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Vietnam.

[Jacob]

He was actually.

[Bobby Kelly]

How old is he? 80? 40.

[Jacob]

No, he's not. He's 40 something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

He's actually really intelligent, too. He went to college.

[Bobby Kelly]

His mom was an alcoholic who raped him. Nope, not him, though.

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a book. Movie. Francis McDormand. I don't know.

[Jacob]

Yeah, he made it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was she in it?

[Jacob]

Well, the book was real. The movie was real successful, too. So he ran with Trump, and then.

[Bobby Kelly]

People hate it because he got raped by his mom.

[Jacob]

Nope, didn't get raped by his mom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Nope. That wasn't the movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

I read the book.

[Jacob]

You read the book?

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, the book was darker.

[Jacob]

You don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was like American Psycho.

[Jacob]

You don't have to read. You're not reading.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know how to. Okay. Do I know how to read?

[Jacob]

You can read.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, you want to karaoke with me real quick?

[Jacob]

All right, let me rephrase that. Let me rephrase that. You don't. I don't know how to read, but I do read.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

You know how to read and don't read.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. You're so jealous. I could probably read a book in 55,000 times the time as you. Oh, yeah. The first one's a floater. Well, let's do it. There's girls in the room, and they love hearing about jewelry. Hit me. Louis.

[Jacob]

We're back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good.

[Jacob]

That was goddamn good. And you know what? Under pressure, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you.

[Jacob]

These two white girls were looking at you, judging.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know they were. And then I read it so good.

[Jacob]

You were real good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing gets girls wetter than dudes reading.

[Jacob]

I don't know if I'D say that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, just generally speaking.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not these two 800 pound gorillas.

[Jacob]

No, no, no. That's the name of the company.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but that.

[Jacob]

No, no, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said when they came in.

[Jacob]

No, they work at 800 pound gorilla, which is a company that produces album specials. They work with comedians.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I heard the opposite.

[Jacob]

No, they're Nashville company, very big.

[Bobby Kelly]

That seems like a pretty important correction. Bobby, thank you. You just got yourself a piven.

[Jacob]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got two pivots, two pivins today.

[Jacob]

I'm so sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's good. First hour. Two pivins. Those are good numbers.

[Jacob]

Those are great numbers. Hey, how many pivots you got, Jacob?

[Big J Okerson]

One from a previous show.

[Jacob]

No, resets. Yes, it resets every show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unless you're in pivot debt. Like Christine, who has to climb out. She has to climb out of that.

[Big J Okerson]

She just gave me like, please, you don't have any pivens. Like, you do.

[Jacob]

Wow.

[Christine]

I have negative three. You have none.

[Big J Okerson]

You're. You are negative three. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Jacob, I'm gonna tell you something.

[Big J Okerson]

Correct her and say negative two. But you're right. You are negative three. Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn, dude. Jacob, I'll tell you what. In Trump's America, I like the way you're taking a woman down a peg like that. You just got yourself a pivot.

[Jacob]

Congratulations.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pure misogyny.

[Jacob]

Congratulations.

[Bobby Kelly]

That pivot is. Is pure misogyny.

[Jacob]

Good for you. You are the king.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're gonna get so many more pivot drops.

[Jacob]

Did we lock you in a dumpster one time? I got out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go ahead. Oh, nice, dude. That was a pretty funny on the woke, people waking up and realizing Trump was a black. I think it was two black people talking, but it was on CNN or one of them. And the black woman does come out of like the. She's like, look, I believe that. What the. Don't you be looking at me like that. Like, she just snaps on the guy next to her just completely comes out of character, which is pretty great. I think all these white people act like this too. They're all animals themselves. That's what it is. They all look like a bunch of stuffed up nerds and then they go to fucking Epstein island and fuck children.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I agree.

[Bobby Kelly]

You told me that.

[Jacob]

I didn't tell you any of that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You did.

[Jacob]

I didn't say any of that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said you were on the plane logs. But you're not worried because you didn't do any of that.

[Jacob]

Don't say that in front of the 800 pound gorillas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa.

[Jacob]

Staff.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't understand English, dummy. 100 pound gorillas.

[Jacob]

No. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if Katie comes? Goes. Katie is home. Oh, they're talking. Oh, no, they're taking to the trees.

[Jacob]

All right, go ahead.

[Guest]

To oversee the January 6th transition.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Guest]

Of her own defeat. And it would make sure that it would dominate the news, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pause it. When a black guy's talking at a political thing, it's not a good look for a white guy to be laughing behind his hand while the guy's talking. That looks shitty.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Point where Democrats have to learn drama and transparency and doing things that the public want to see. Is the time. This is the moment for us to change the entire perspective of how Democrats.

[Jacob]

This is now jumped from an Internet meme to a Sunday morning. Jamal's out here, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Pause it. This is going to kill me until I say it. I have to ask it. And I'm. I think I know the answer. That first black guy that was talking, that's not the guy who worked for Daddy Warbucks who took care of Orphan Annie.

[Jacob]

That's not him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, that's not him.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

But that guy was Kamala Harris's father.

[Jacob]

Yes, that might be true.

[Bobby Kelly]

Black, half Indian. And that's why she loves 7up, because that guy was also the 7up guy. Punjab.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah, he was. God, what was that guy's name?

[Bobby Kelly]

Punjab.

[Jacob]

No, what was his name in life?

[Bobby Kelly]

The guy who played Punjab.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but he had a name.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that's what it always was.

[Jacob]

Was it Punjab?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

No, what was the actor's name in life?

[Bobby Kelly]

Punjab. No, no, you go. Punjab. The 7up guy. Yeah, but that's what everybody called him.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but he had a name.

[Christine]

Jeffrey Holder.

[Jacob]

There you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Christine thinks everyone deserves a name. Wow. What did the guy ever do for you so great that you couldn't just call him Punjab from Annie and seven Up Guy? I still call Godfrey. Godfrey. Seven UP guy behind his back. I shortened it to Godfrey when I see him, he won't like that. And he's big and tough, you know.

[Jacob]

Dame was a Sprite guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was. Yeah, the drawing. Remember that guy with the squiggly hair? No, dude, go to the old Sprite drawing. I bet it looks like. It looks like Dan Cook.

[Jacob]

Dude, you are on fire today. You have Coke energy right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry. I did Coke. I just smoked weed by myself. No one here smokes weed. No one's cool.

[Jacob]

Shut the up.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys want to smoke them with you 800 pound gorillas. Get these gorillas Stone and haven't trashed the place.

[Jacob]

These are fine young ladies that are here from 800 pound gorillas.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't name their company and decide to call them that.

[Jacob]

All right, play the rest of it. I thought you were gonna say, what about the Supreme Court. That's also out there.

[Guest]

Well, the Supreme Court might happen. I mean, but I think this is something.

[Jacob]

That guy is boring.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, look up right now. If you can get any sort of subscription to World Star Hip Hop. Is it even possible? Is there anything. There's got to be another site maybe that no people don't know about where you could pay for it.

[Jacob]

Oh, look.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it called White Star Hip Hop? That'd be pretty funny.

[Jacob]

Let's just.

[Bobby Kelly]

George Clonium Bradford. Yeah, it's the same things with the same color.

[Jacob]

Just them complimenting each other on their acting.

[Bobby Kelly]

I need the headlines to stay the same, though. If I can't watch a white website say God damn and take it seriously. You guys are being raised. I would say they're being racist.

[Jacob]

I think that was the end of it. Yeah, that would be wild. If they do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're not going to.

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's illegal, you said. But made up with no real.

[Jacob]

Yeah, that has no fact. I just said that. It has nothing. No fact at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think it's legal. I think it happened an hour ago. I don't know that either. But we're just saying whatever we want, right?

[Jacob]

Yeah, I think it's. I think it's happening right now. And she actually just changed everything. Was. She won, I think Trump.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about this? Trump dumps Melania, hooks up with Kamala Harris.

[Jacob]

Oh. Makes her vp.

[Bobby Kelly]

That would be fun.

[Jacob]

Well, they co headline. Oh, they could co headline the co president together.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do we say with the JD fans thing? His mom's a drunk and raped him.

[Jacob]

So half the White House would be like hip hop. The other half would be just gold and cheesy fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mind that. Dude, let Master P design that bitch. That'd be fun. Fucking gold sinks.

[Jacob]

Have it be like 50 cents house. The other half would be just shitty gold furniture and antiques.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's gotta be fun. The first time you take a dump in the White House when it's where you live.

[Jacob]

Mmm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like your first presidential dump.

[Jacob]

I wonder if you could take a dump in the White House. I wonder if there's a tour that you could take and take a shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. If you just like, hey, you just go there. They have to have a bathroom for You.

[Jacob]

They have to have a bathroom. And then you'd be like, I gotta go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that'd be great.

[Jacob]

You could shit in the president's bathroom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And you wait. You have to. One of your friends go in and take forever. So you go, I can't hold it anymore. I have to go. And the Oval Office.

[Jacob]

Yeah. It's Trump's bathroom. There's actually McDonald's fries and stuff in there. You could eat while you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that.

[Jacob]

It's gold paper towels.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that.

[Jacob]

Gold toilet paper.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't mind that at all.

[Jacob]

Corn mags.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

From the 70s, I would eat French.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fries from McDonald's while I took a shit. Unless it was one of the shits where I was masturbating too. Because I do not want fry fingers and salt all over my dick. Hmm.

[Jacob]

I don't mind that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've jerked off with just eight fast food hands.

[Jacob]

I've jerked off with food hands.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just eight. I ate, licked your fingers and then began the jerk.

[Jacob]

I ate and then jerked.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Jacob]

I don't know if there was sauce, but there was definitely. I didn't go. If I want to. If I'm going to eat and then you want me to go clean my hands and then jerk off and clean my hands again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why do you have to clean your hands again?

[Jacob]

I would just. Well, because after you jerk off, you clean your hands, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Wash them like in the sink?

[Jacob]

Yes. I wash my hands because there's jizz on them.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just wipe them off with what, toilet paper, tissue?

[Jacob]

Yeah, but if you wipe.

[Big J Okerson]

Wash your hands after you beat off.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

Why? Why? Why are you saying it like, where fucking wrong?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom. For sure.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you should wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, but you should wash your hands after you jerk off. There's jizz on your knuckles.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Jacob]

So.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but not anymore there's not. Because I wiped it off.

[Jacob]

No, but there's still. If you put peanut butter on your hand, wiped it off, and then wiped again, there'd still be some peanut butter.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm concerned now that you think that your cum has the consistency of peanut butter. You're talking about a fluid versus a thick paste. It's not peanut butter.

[Jacob]

It's more like yellow gelatin.

[Bobby Kelly]

But yes, exactly. I'm comfortable that I could wipe jello off my hands.

[Jacob]

You don't wash your hands after you masturbate?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Ever think about all the times you've kissed my hands?

[Jacob]

Hello, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what makes me laugh behind your back? That I always present to you like this. I go, he's doing it. He's kissing my hand again.

[Jacob]

You really. You do, you. I know you do. You're the most cleanest guy I know.

[Big J Okerson]

So if Justin Silver comes out over right after you've masturbated. Hey, Justin, what's up, buddy? You'll just shake his hand. High fiver. And that's it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And you don't see anything wrong with that?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. I don't know how many times these things happen. My jerk off times are few and far between, but my whole life has been this way. So, yes, everybody in here has touched my hands. Just wiped with come at some point.

[Jacob]

But one of us more than others.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure, yeah.

[Christine]

I mean, I touch his come.

[Jacob]

You've drank it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine drank it. How much do you think there is?

[Jacob]

All right, sorry. She sipped it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, drag it down.

[Jacob]

I'm not grossed out by j. C. Not all. Not at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

But also, that is the weirdest thing ever though, to. To the first person to just drink come.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop calling it drinking come. That's a. That's an extreme pornographic act. That's not even illegal in, I think, onshore porn site.

[Jacob]

All right, I'll change it. The first person to swallow come.

[Bobby Kelly]

There we go.

[Jacob]

Is, I mean, first person, but a dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Self correction.

[Christine]

What are you doing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Self correct, Bobby. Self correction.

[Jacob]

Thank you, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Calls for a pity.

[Jacob]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Christine]

I don't get one for defending your come.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can defend my come. You go, I'm fine with Jay's come. You didn't say you love Jay's come. That would have been buttering me up a little bit.

[Jacob]

You didn't say I love it. I love sipping it.

[Bobby Kelly]

But man, I bet. Bob, I feel like if Bobby's peanut butter cum comes out, it's going to hurt your dick hole. It hurt to come when you come.

[Jacob]

No, my cum is fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you go, oh my God, I'm about to come. Oh, God, it's so thick.

[Jacob]

I do make that sound. It's not because of it's thick. I do, I do.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's exactly blood on either side of your dick hole.

[Jacob]

No, my cum is regular.

[Bobby Kelly]

Question about Bobby's peanut butter cones.

[Paco]

Oh, well, just in general.

[Bobby Kelly]

How awkward are you on a payphone? That's not your fault. That's the microphone.

[Paco]

How often are you guys coming on your knuckles after jizzing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, more, I would say, more likely knuckles. Bobby, can I feel this? Because Paco's a young Man.

[Jacob]

Yeah. He doesn't understand that we're older than him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He doesn't get it. Paco's problem is making sure he doesn't hit it in his own eyes and hair and behind his thing. That's not Paco. We're older gentlemen.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

If it runs down my knuckles, I'm like, oh, good, I'm not dying yet. That's the last bastion. I'm not dying that. It makes it overhand and down knuckles.

[Jacob]

Yeah. We're not from the jungle eating bananas and sipping on coconut juice all day where a jizz just shoots over our shoulder. Like you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sometimes it comes out just like when Dr. Pimple Popper Lance's assist, and just like a bubble of cum just comes down on top and you can almost grab it like that and just get rid of that sometimes.

[Jacob]

Yeah. My cum comes out sad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

A dribble.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

At one point, it came out black. It was concerning. He showed us. But don't worry, it went back.

[Jacob]

It did go back. I was panicking that it wasn't going to go back, but it went back.

[Big J Okerson]

Favorite story of you. You shot a load on your arm and took a photo of it and sent it to your doctor.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I had to. It was black. You have a shot, black load.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, put it.

[Jacob]

I thought I was.

[Big J Okerson]

I thought it was medicinal. Put it in a cup or something. You just showed him a load on you, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

On him.

[Jacob]

Because I can't buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was like, look at this load on my leg or arm.

[Jacob]

It was my arm, but I can't.

[Big J Okerson]

It didn't dawn on you. Your doctor was like, what do you think?

[Jacob]

I come in Dixie cups?

[Bobby Kelly]

All your arms are weird spots.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but this was specifically.

[Jacob]

My arm was great. It shot up and hit my arm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Jacob]

I didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought you were jerking off and went, yeah, like, aimed it at your arm and laid a few across.

[Jacob]

I don't jerk off on my arm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, now I know.

[Jacob]

And it hit this arm.

[Big J Okerson]

Right, but that was specific.

[Bobby Kelly]

We don't want these conversations. I can't know that.

[Jacob]

What's that?

[Big J Okerson]

That was specifically to show your doctor.

[Jacob]

No, I jerked off.

[Big J Okerson]

He said, send me a picture of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He showed me and Josh the doctors of love.

[Jacob]

Oh, the second picture. Yes. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

I jerked. You know what? I didn't know you're going to see us either. I did jerk off black. And then he said, well, next time you masturbate, show me a picture. But I didn't think ahead of time. Oh, maybe I should Jerk off into a cup.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just said, wherever it goes, I'll take a picture.

[Big J Okerson]

Whatever it is. It landed on my arm. I'll just show. Send him a picture, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It would have been so.

[Jacob]

Yeah. How's he gonna jerk off, dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

If you can just send a picture.

[Jacob]

To him, how's he gonna come?

[Big J Okerson]

He was expecting a cup.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wish you could have absolutely sent him a picture of Josh's. Josh Ademire's face with your load all over it. He goes, look, it lands. Where it lands, dude. But this is what it looks like. It doesn't look like. Okay, Josh, I got to show this to a doctor. Get over here, please. I don't want to lose it. Oh, okay.

[Jacob]

Let me. So thick like peanut butt. Can I ask you. Can I ask you a question? When you come, it doesn't land on your hand. It lands. You don't get it on your knuckles.

[Paco]

So I.

[Jacob]

What are you looking at? Why are you looking up to the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sky thinking about his answer.

[Christine]

Close your masturbation tactics.

[Jacob]

Now what?

[Bobby Kelly]

I ma.

[Paco]

When I'm coming.

[Jacob]

When you have to shuffle back your uncircumcised foreskin for three minutes.

[Paco]

It's circumcised.

[Jacob]

Is it really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, it is.

[Jacob]

No, I wouldn't admit.

[Paco]

I'll show you.

[Jacob]

I will.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, Bobby. It's circumcised.

[Jacob]

I'm sorry.

[Paco]

I come into a trash can.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna throw up.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? When you master how far away is the trash can? Because that's a fun game. If it's across the room, I walk to it.

[Jacob]

Did your mother hate you as a child?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

Because you came on your bed once.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

You come in the trash can.

[Paco]

You have to, like, come on myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

It doesn't feel weird that you go, I'm about to come. Let me take a stroll.

[Paco]

My hands are on my ankles.

[Jacob]

That means you have to jerk off in front of the barrel. You have to jerk off in the bathroom in front of the barrel. You can never lie down and jerk off.

[Paco]

I lie down on my bed and, like, jack off. And then I'm like, oh, I'm gonna come. So I'll sit up and then, like, walk to the.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you have so much stuff you have to do.

[Jacob]

You have to break focus to walk to the bathroom.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm about to come. Keep thinking about sexy stuff, but not the sexiest. Sexiest now.

[Jacob]

So stupid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kind of.

[Jacob]

Why don't you just put a. A trash bag around your dick?

[Paco]

Well, sometimes I put a Kleenex on the tip.

[Bobby Kelly]

What about when you Empty the trash can. Everything, all the pieces of paper that are stuck inside. Like a shaving accident. You just got fresh load and a bunch of trash sticking to it on the side of your fucking barrel. There you go. Bobby, that was for you, buddy. I called it a barrel.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it just you or their roommates? You have roommates?

[Paco]

I have roommates.

[Jacob]

Do you come in the roommate's barrel?

[Paco]

No, in my own trash can. I have a trash can in my room.

[Jacob]

And that's your cum can?

[Paco]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

You have a cum can?

[Paco]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Is there a trash can and a cum can?

[Paco]

No, no, there's a trash can, but you put the trash bag in it. I'm not just going semen to plastic.

[Jacob]

Well, why don't you get a cum can just for your cum?

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I'm gonna say keep it in your bed. Hear me out.

[Jacob]

Keep it near your bed so you can just roll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, that'd be great. Just like a chock full of nuts can like old grease.

[Christine]

Well, I just love that this walk you do is like part of your excitement in life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God. Getting close to vampire up and then do a little shuffle over to a thing and then. And then aim like the whole thing. So much effort.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you have to aim in the trip. You have to bend down to the trash can. How big is your knees? You have to bend down and come.

[Christine]

Crashed over your trash can like a little troll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Paco, that would never be worth it.

[Jacob]

That is the gayest thing I've ever heard.

[Paco]

Dude, I just don't want a mess anywhere because like.

[Jacob]

Well, why don't you just listen?

[Paco]

I don't have to wash my hands.

[Jacob]

Then after that, why don't you just keep a barrel next to your bed and roll over and shoot it in the barrel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop. This is all terrible, terrible advice. Let's get the can out of the equation completely and let's go. Any kind of biodegradable paper I'll accept and then throw that into a. Maybe some tissue. You could throw it into the toilet. In the toilet and just flush it straight to hell.

[Jacob]

Why don't you just come into the toilet and flush it down?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh yeah. I say also, I used to do that. Let's add multiple rooms to this. I agree, Bobby. Good call. Let's get him. Let's get him. Really pacing around the house, jerking off with his pants around his ankles, trying to get to a receptacle.

[Jacob]

I got it, I got it. You remember when the banks used to have those little things, the tubes, the flume and you stick and it Sucks the money up. Get one of those for your room. And it sucks. And it sucks it right off your cock into the barrel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you know what? That's maybe true. Get an H VAC system and just plug into the wall. And then just the. The. The hose suck you off and then just take your jizz right to the.

[Jacob]

Why don't you come on the floor, get a roomba and it will clean up the come.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Paco]

Roombas only do dry stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

You are wrong, my friend. There's mops now.

[Jacob]

Yeah. This kid is so young. It's coming in a barrel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kids running around to go squat over a tiny trash can.

[Jacob]

That's the grossest.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I want to say Manchester United. It's one of those ones you win in a carnival when you're a kid this big. It's just tin.

[Jacob]

What do you do when you're on the road? What if you stay at somebody's house?

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever drink lookout trash can and you go to the bathroom and.

[Jacob]

You come in their trash can?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no.

[Paco]

In the toilet. You're sitting on the toilet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you drink off at people's houses a lot, Bobby?

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, one of the answers is right, the other one's wrong. The right answer will get you a piven. Have you. Do you like to jerk off? Have you jerked off many times at other people's houses? Yes. That's a piven.

[Jacob]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's okay. It's okay. It's there. It's there.

[Jacob]

Thank God.

[Paco]

Bobby?

[Jacob]

Yes?

[Paco]

Whose house is the last person runs house at?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh.

[Jacob]

Well, I jerked off in Cuba. That's somebody else's house.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. You're coming over my house tomorrow for an hour.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna jerk off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

In your barrel. I'm gonna jerk off in your bathroom. Into your barrel.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just would. I'd like to see you. I want you to jerk off in my guest room, but come into the toilet of my bedroom. Just. So at some point I just gott the door open and you just run by with your out and you're wean in your hand just running the bag. Sorry, guys, got in a second.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna. I'm just gonna. Gargoyle walk over to your barrel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Christine, did you put peanut butter in the toilet? No. Bobby came in there earlier.

[Jacob]

I'm gonna run to the barrel like a iguana. That's so weird, dude. That is crazy. You got to learn a new technique, son. You're going to get old someday and you're not going to make it to the bathroom.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna break a hip.

[Jacob]

Yeah, dude, you gotta. You're gonna. You're gonna have. This is what you do. Just get the paper towels, put it on your belly like a. Like a. Like a. Like a sheet of paper.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is Jacob's move. Jacob gives himself a landing pad.

[Jacob]

We should give him. Why don't you. Why don't we have a cum scroll made for Paco? We had a custom leather cum scroll made for Jacob where you light, you unscroll it. It's leather lies over your belly and it has point system. 10, 20, 30, 40 points. And if you hit it, you can actually play a game.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you can't lie because the load stains the leather.

[Jacob]

Yeah. And you roll it back up and then there you go.

[Paco]

What happens if you shoot beyond the 40?

[Jacob]

Then you swallow it like a man.

[Bobby Kelly]

No witnesses.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you never. You never. You never tasted your own jizz before.

[Bobby Kelly]

You pocket before you answer. We already answered. No one believes you. But there is. The thing is, it's always a loaded question when somebody ever changes a loaded question. Nice.

[Jacob]

Nice. You get a fucking piven for that.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Starting to think maybe through time, I'm gay. No, through time, yes. You may have your own stack of pivots you're able to give out here. This is a 50, 50 partnership of a show.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will say you should be able to divvy out your pivots the way you see fit. I don't like that you don't have a reward system. The problem is you were gone a lot in the last month or so. You were going a lot. And I had to really keep control over a crew that was turning into pure mutiny over here. They were turning on me. Each one of them headlined by goddamn Christine. She can't wait for you to get out of town. Just turn on me in front of our guest hosts and make me look like a goddamn fool. So that is why she's eating shit in piven land right now. But you should be able to fairly give Christine Piven.

[Jacob]

Christine's face. Yeah, she's thoroughly disgusting.

[Bobby Kelly]

The girl wants pivins. She wants pivens nice and.

[Jacob]

Well, maybe when we get some more pivins, when we get our new order of pivins.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we gotta get a new order of pivins coming in.

[Jacob]

There's his come scroll.

[Bobby Kelly]

There it is.

[Jacob]

Play the sound. Play the sound for it right here.

[Advertisement Voice]

This is starting out. This leather scroll will keep all your jizz from hitting you and make cleaning easy, quick and secure. Crafted with care and attention to detail, this leather scroll is not only functional, but also a work of art. The Italian leather is soft to the touch, yet durable enough to withstand the rigors of travel. And the toughest of jizz.

[Bobby Kelly]

Skee ball.

[Advertisement Voice]

And that's not with the leather Scroll. You also get a matching leather notebook, perfect for jotting down your thoughts and jizz. High scores on the go.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's beautiful.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so well made.

[Jacob]

It is.

[Advertisement Voice]

Whether you're traveling for business or pleasure, the Jacob leather Jizz scroll and notebook are the ultimate accessories for the discerning masturbator. And with their timeless design and superior quality, they make the perfect gift for anyone who loves to jerk off in style.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fantastic.

[Advertisement Voice]

So why settle for anything less than the best? Order your Jacob leather jizz scroll and notebook.

[Bobby Kelly]

Today you deserve the best.

[Advertisement Voice]

Let your masturbation be as beautiful as the scenery around you. Jacob's leather jizz scroll, brought to you by the good folks at the bonfire. Crackle, crackle. Jack offs.

[Jacob]

Have you ever used it?

[Big J Okerson]

It's so nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so nice.

[Jacob]

Hang on, Jacob.

[Big J Okerson]

The work is too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Question.

[Jacob]

It's a yes or no question.

[Big J Okerson]

I have it.

[Jacob]

And a piven is on the line.

[Bobby Kelly]

The right answer will get you a pivin. Have you masturbated and used the cum scroll yet? It doesn't. You don't know which answer is the right answer.

[Big J Okerson]

But I do. And I. I do know the answer. So to get a pivot.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lie would only hurt me.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not going to get a pivot. But you were still. It's a push. I knew you're not negative pivoting.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. That's more important.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is more important. You could be over there in Schittsville, dumbass.

[Big J Okerson]

Over here, I don't want to be in pristine.

[Jacob]

You got a 3 pivot deficit right now.

[Christine]

So I can at least get to zero and not have it carry over.

[Jacob]

Well, that angry face isn't going to get you a pivot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, get that vein out of the middle of your head. You want a pivot? Pivot doesn't like that. God. You know what? I used to regroup.

[Christine]

I watched Entourage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Christine]

I watched Entourage. Shouldn't that give me a piven?

[Jacob]

No, no. That actually gets you. You should also get a half a piven taken away from me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also when Christine gets. I know it's a Starbucks fruit and cheese plate thing, but watching Christine eat a nice brie cheese with apples during the show, I don't Know why it annoys the out of me watching anybody. A little French bistro food. Thank you.

[Jacob]

Watching anybody eat Brie should annoy you. Brie sucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Brie sucks. It comes, it's wrapped in wax. And real assholes will eat that wax. Christine knows if she eats that wax, man, I would rather fucking. I would rather kiss her cum hands than fucking.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, when I watched her putting the cheese on the cracker while we were talking, all I could think was, oh, Bobby stood online for two hours for that piece of cheese.

[Jacob]

That's right, I did. Two hours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God. I didn't realize. Sorry, Bobby, I didn't mean to just almost eat it. I'm gonna say a prayer over this cheese and cracker I have here because I realize now in other countries this is a blessing and the only thing that will keep you alive as you're stranded in a wet hallway with your Jewish friend who wants to go on a Paris dealing adventure through a hurricane.

[Jacob]

But first of all, we didn't get crackers.

[Bobby Kelly]

800 pounds. Girls are. Explain who Arisha is. He's a problem.

[Jacob]

He shits on floors.

[Christine]

Wait, Bobby, I have a question about Cuba.

[Jacob]

Yes, ma'am.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those old cars, is it Mexico?

[Christine]

The 50s style cars that were left there, are those old still there? It's like part of the Cuban decor.

[Jacob]

Yeah, the government actually refurbished them and keeps them going because the taxi drivers use them. So they make money off of the taxi drivers?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but they're hybrids.

[Jacob]

No, they're not hybrids at all. They still electric, but no, they're not elected.

[Bobby Kelly]

All Teslas.

[Jacob]

Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing at all. They're all diesel crank tank engines. They're.

[Christine]

It looks like you're back in time. When you look at pictures, the way.

[Jacob]

They used to make those. The way they used to make cars are amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you drive a car from the 50s, it still runs. You should be allowed to hit your wife. You should be able to bring the 50s back. Can make it still. You can make a 50 cars run. You should be able to treat her like it's the 50s. I don't. I have no mechanical skills. So Christine, you are safe and sound. No hands are going to be raised to you.

[Jacob]

You can hit your wife in Cuba.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, Christine, let's at least go see what all the hubbub's about. We'll be right back. Everybody. We have to take a break. It's the bonfire.

[Christine Evans]

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