Happy Birthday Queen Christine!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Happy Birthday Queen Christine!"

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: Happy Birthday Queen Christine!
Release Date: August 5, 2025
Channel: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Introduction and Birthday Celebrations

The episode kicks off with Bobby Kelly humorously addressing personal topics before moving into celebrating Christine Marie Evans's 40th birthday. Christine receives a playful yet brutally honest tribute from Bobby and Jay, filled with candid and edgy humor characteristic of the show.

• Bobby Kelly [00:00]: "If you could hear love, what would it sound like? Son, can we talk about your drinking?"
• Jay Oakerson [03:25]: "Christina's 40 and fabulous, but her personality aged like dog years."

Social Media and Influencer Commentary

The hosts delve into the dichotomy between being a comedian and an influencer. Bobby shares his mixed feelings about a friend's pool selfie, highlighting the tension between appreciating aesthetics and comedic disdain for superficiality.

• Bobby Kelly [03:45]: "I was on my Facebook today because, you know, I'm an influencer... As a comedian, it made me want to punch a wall."
• Jay Oakerson [05:01]: "She's not that beautiful."

Gift Giving and Unusual Presents

Bobby and Jay present Christine with a variety of humorous and unconventional gifts, including cupcakes and a spooky-themed book. The exchanges are filled with banter that underscores their camaraderie and playful teasing.

• Bobby Kelly [05:20]: "I got you a nice magnifying glass so you can read the things for..."
• Christine Evans [05:47]: "Spooky New England tales of haunting, strange happenings and other local lore. I love it."

Travel Tales and Family Life

The conversation shifts to Bobby's recent travels with his family, sharing anecdotes from their trip to Portland. He describes the challenges of balancing family life with performing stand-up shows, painting a vivid picture of life on the road.

• Bobby Kelly [15:03]: "It's a lot. We had a blast, though. Me and Max were walking around..."
• Jay Oakerson [17:11]: "We wonk to see a loose tit or anything. That's big."

Reflections on Celebrity Deaths

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing the untimely deaths of several celebrities, including Rob Shapiro, Ozzy Osbourne, Malcolm Jamal Warner, and Hulk Hogan. The hosts explore the emotional impact and the often-overlooked figures who pass away without widespread recognition.

• Jay Oakerson [19:10]: "We wonk to see a loose tit or anything. That's big."
• Bobby Kelly [20:53]: "Rob Shapiro died? Oh, my God. Wow."

Comedy, Shows, and Personal Anecdotes

The hosts share humorous stories from recent shows, including experiences at concerts like Pantera and reflections on comedy tours. They emphasize the blend of personal life with their professional pursuits, adding a relatable layer for listeners.

• Christine Evans [45:22]: "I said, he just got me a brand new car."
• Bobby Kelly [44:06]: "I do the Virus tour there. We did Jones Beats, which was fun."

Light-hearted Banter and Teasing

Towards the end, the conversation becomes more playful and ribbing, especially surrounding topics like puffy nipples and personal grooming. The hosts engage in good-natured teasing, maintaining the show's signature blunt humor.

• Bobby Kelly [55:03]: "Your boys Josh is... Did he go to the show Friday?"
• Jay Oakerson [59:10]: "Guys could have that."

Ad Reads and Commercials

Interspersed throughout the episode are advertisements for BetterHelp and Metro by T-Mobile, as well as a humorous mock commercial for Fruity Pebbles cereal, blending seamlessly with the hosts' banter.

• Bobby Kelly [33:02]: "This is an ad by BetterHelp..."
• Jay Oakerson [30:07]: "Pick up Pebbles cereal today. Yabba dabba doo."

Conclusion and Final Birthday Wishes

The episode wraps up with heartfelt yet humorous final birthday wishes to Christine, encapsulating the blend of genuine celebration and the show's characteristic humor.

• Bobby Kelly [62:30]: "Happy birthday to you? Happy birthday, dear Christine?"
• Jay Oakerson [63:08]: "We have a break in a minute."

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Key Takeaways:

1. Celebration of Christine Evans: The primary focus is on celebrating Christine's 40th birthday with playful and irreverent humor.
2. Balancing Personal and Professional Life: Bobby shares his experiences traveling with family while managing a comedy tour.
3. Reflections on Celebrity Deaths: An honest and humorous look at the deaths of various public figures, highlighting the transient nature of fame.
4. Humor in Everyday Life: The hosts use candid discussions and teasing to explore everyday topics, maintaining an engaging and entertaining flow.
5. Integration of Advertisements: Seamlessly blending promotional content with the show's natural dialogue.

This episode exemplifies The Bonfire's ability to mix personal anecdotes, humor, and genuine celebration, making it a relatable and entertaining listen for both regular fans and new listeners.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like? Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Hi.

[Christine Evans]

This is Cher. Today we wish a very special happy birthday to the queen of the bonfire, Christine Marie Evans. Now let's celebrate her by turning back time and playing our favorite Christine Drops over the years. Because she's the best in the biz and we love her. I'm a fucking washed up whore. Haven't done coke in almost a decade. But I guess I'll go fuck myself. I'm so good at Shakespeare. You want to go back to going down on me for an hour Every time we fuck, we would just like, jerk off next to each other on bears or hump each other's legs. My tight little ass is so wet waiting for you. I'd argue that part of my job is looking at black dick. I could have a black child. I am a genius. That's when they rape you to show you what a homo you are. I. I'm all for weird sex. You dump me. I'm trying to fuck. Justin, you're a Jew. I'm a dancer. Will you shit all over the apartment? Oh, so funny. I have my headphones on. I can't hear. I have music playing. One guy, like, couldn't stop trying to put it in my butt. I fuck fives and sixes. Didn't date him. I just blew him once. I mean, I've sucked way more black dick than Nazi dick, I can tell you that. You feel like you can't, like, help young women without having people, like, fuck them in the process.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. Jesus.

[Jay Oakerson]

You and fitting tribute.

[Bobby Kelly]

I could have went on for another five minutes.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, a fitting tribute. Christina said so much.

[Bobby Kelly]

So much. Just terrible things.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's the bonfire. It's Monday. The great Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hi, buddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hi. Jacob didn't care enough. So he's in Florida.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he didn't.

[Jay Oakerson]

But we have black. We have the lose here. Black Lou. DJ Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And us two sitting in, of course. It is the queen of the bonfire's birthday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Happy birthday.

[Jay Oakerson]

4. Oh, wow. Crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll put a W on the left side of my cheek and a W on the right side. I'll bend over. Wow.

[Jacob]

Filthy 40s.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now it hasn't hit her too hard. I feel like today I feel like she's doing all right. And that's because. My guess was because while she looks fantastic for 40. 40 and fabulous, I'd say.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I admit something right now that happened to me today?

[Jay Oakerson]

Wait, wait, can I finish saying this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, sure.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christina's 40 and fabulous, but her personality aged like dog years. So she's been. I think she's. I think so. She's 280. She's 280 years old in personality, but 40 in human years and looks fantastic. She's killing it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was on my Facebook today because, you know, I'm an influencer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have to find out what's going on.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course. And finger on the pulse.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was doing my little scroll, and all of a sudden, this smoking hot girl. I was like, wow, who's that? It was your ho.

[Jay Oakerson]

This team.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was this hoe right over here. I. I was like, oh, my God. It was just stupid pool selfie, which as an influencer, I admire. As a comedian, it made me want to punch a wall.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But as an influencer, I did. It was. You took this really nice selfie of yourself and you put it on your Facebook because we're friends. And I was like, wow, she looks. You look great. Thank you. You look good.

[Christine Evans]

I put it on insta too. Oh, well, Jay doesn't like any of my posts.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't follow. I genuinely didn't see it.

[Bobby Kelly]

As a comedian, I wanted to throw up in a. In a shoe, of course, and then drink it and throw up again and then in the shoe and then eat that and then puke again. But as an influencer, I was like, oh, my God, it was beautiful. But as a comedian, again, disgusting.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, yeah, yeah, but influencer. Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. Shock. I literally. I didn't know as you. Not that I don't. I think you're beautiful. I do think you're beautiful. But that was.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's not that beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, she. She looked great. You look great, Christine.

[Christine Evans]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. We have. We have treats today. Oh, we have. I Got you cupcakes for everybody for your birthday. Here you go. Oh, pass those over to Christine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine loves cupcakes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I got you.

[Jay Oakerson]

I say crush all six.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got a. No, she can't. And I got you. Me and Don and Max got you a bunch of presents for your birthday. So there you go. So you can open them up on the air, but open the wrap one last. Okay, there's one that's wrapped. Open that last. Yeah, there you go. What do you got there, Christine?

[Christine Evans]

Spooky New England tales of haunting, strange happenings and other local lore. I love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right? I love it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a book.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a book by the pool. And I know it's got a little witchcraft and a little spooky, because I know she's into that.

[Jay Oakerson]

She likes spooky things.

[Bobby Kelly]

She likes spooky things. She likes her men's spooky. She likes her backyard spooky. She likes her. Her Jersey sweaters a little spooky. Yeah, she likes. You know what else she likes? She likes spook spookies. She's into spooky penis.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, she's done more of that than Nazis, so that's what's important. At the end of the day, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Forgot that's a spooky too. I was talking about scary penises.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, okay. I thought I was trying to clean up what you said, and I the only one who said it. Then it turns out I was like, bobby, watch it. And then I thought you went for it, and I was like, oh, all right. Let me see if I can backpedal ass out of this one. And then I was the only one who said it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or did I trap you?

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob?

[Bobby Kelly]

What else you got?

[Jay Oakerson]

What do you want to give Christine for 40th birthday? Maybe a little online cyber sex sesh for there on the computer.

[Jacob]

I'm not gonna lie. That picture did it for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

The pool pick, Jacob, Am I crazy? That pool pick.

[Jacob]

I. I thought she looked hot.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gotta see this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, buddy. She looks great.

[Jacob]

Just looked like in. In charge. She looked cute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she looks like. She's a little like, fuck off. I got shit to do. But here's your photo, you bitches. Here's your thirst trap that you've been begging me for in the comments.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christ. Well, I gotta tell you this. I'm a little nervous.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? Look at all the comments she got. She's.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's putting lyrics up.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine Evans]

I don't only put lyrics up when I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. Sick. I don't understand. I saw the photo. I didn't look at. What? What are you saying?

[Jay Oakerson]

She put up lyrics. It's. It's a sign usually.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of what?

[Jay Oakerson]

Christine's brain's about to break again.

[Christine Evans]

That's not true. I put up lyrics. I don't even write. I only caption in lyrics be funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

If it wasn't lyrics, it was actually song she wrote when she looked at herself in that photo. What is the. What is the lyrics?

[Christine Evans]

Forever young.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why would you do that?

[Christine Evans]

Cuz I have. It's a very personal song to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Christine Evans]

Because I have lyrics to it. On my mom's grave.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, there you go. I'm going to back out of this one. Not going to make dead mom jokes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Mom's dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your mom. What else did I get you in there? What else you get? What was the other thing I gave you? We got you. No, no, no. What else? This is something else in there.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a mother daughter's massage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Keep going. Look at that. That's. That's for you. Jc. I think of you too.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I can't have that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you can't? You have Hollywood teeth.

[Jay Oakerson]

My Hollywood teeth. You'll come out.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't take them out to have a couple bites.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little saltwater taffy. That's the end.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's if you you forgot you just.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stuck on Dr. Kimowitz would have lose his with me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God. You can never have saltwater taffy again.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, really, I'll be okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Salt on the tabby is the end of the world. What else? Look at the little lobster candies. Jay can have some of those.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jay can have some of those lobster mints. That's a sign.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your breath I'm sure has been fine. But at 40 you're gonna get like your inside of your body starts dying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And there's only one few places for it to escape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's called coochin mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Tonsil aids. You get tonsil aids, the back of your tonsils start to die. And it fucks up your breath. It's all right. And your menopausal menopause burps are the worst.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then your body's gonna dry up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And then your actually dries up. And then it dies. But it comes back again. It comes back to life again. But like for days.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, oh, she's back. And then it dies again. But it dies worse.

[Christine Evans]

The original plan was to jump off the Hollywood sign on my 40th birthday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's do it.

[Christine Evans]

All this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's do it.

[Christine Evans]

I just find myself not in that place right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you got a pool.

[Christine Evans]

I got a pool.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to pull on a floppy hat.

[Christine Evans]

I have a pool and a puppy hat.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you look good. When you took that. Be honest with me right now. When you took the photo you like.

[Christine Evans]

This is going up J's thirst trap. And I was like, I'm posting a selfie for my birthday so everybody can wish me happy birthday.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got a little. You have a little Christy McNichol smirk. Little pinky Tuscadero smirk.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you look close, maybe she's even doing you giving you a Clarkson wink.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, a little bit, right? Look at. Zoom in on that. I want to be a lady that golfs. She looks good. You gotta go check this picture out. I mean, except for the stupid queer lyrics. God bless. Sorry about your mom. I mean, it looks.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry to hear about your mother, but that does suck. Posting lyrics.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you look good. Your hair looks good. The hat flapped down is good. The glasses.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what, though. It's not. These are Bob Dylan, they're not Kanye. Lyrics were coming up a lot before. If you put up the Hail Hitler lyrics, I guess that'd be more of a red flag to worry about. This might just be some old lyrics. Christine, you don't take us down memory lane of your thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we don't want to see that. You got one good photo on your Instagram, right? You're bumming the rest of us out. Yeah, I mean, the one with Billy Idol is fucking. I mean, just. You look like you have autism.

[Jay Oakerson]

You look ridiculous.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're like, huh.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're like a special needs kitty took care of.

[Christine Evans]

People call me. People say I'm so ugly on the Internet. And then people meet me in person. They're like, oh, you're actually, like, better looking than I thought you were.

[Jay Oakerson]

They say this all to you.

[Christine Evans]

No, not too into the better looking in person. Yes, I do get that.

[Bobby Kelly]

We all get that being mean on.

[Christine Evans]

The Internet is just daily occurrence.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, people walk up to me and go, oh, my God, dude, you're not as fat as I thought you were. Thanks. Appreciate it. God bless. Loser. Christine, you look great in that photo. You look great in life. What else did I get you? Come on, let's go with this.

[Christine Evans]

Well, this is a dress.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. What is it? What's it called?

[Christine Evans]

Hourglass.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's it called?

[Christine Evans]

May peace prevent. What is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Christine Evans]

Angel rocks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Read it. Keep reading. Turn it.

[Christine Evans]

Sorry. It's so dark in here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I'm sorry. The hourglass designed by Honey, wait, stop. Put that down. Open your other gift. Open that gift.

[Jay Oakerson]

Open your prize.

[Bobby Kelly]

Open the gift that's wrapped.

[Jay Oakerson]

Open your prize.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, this is perfect for the. The book.

[Christine Evans]

I know exactly what this is for.

[Bobby Kelly]

The book for the book.

[Christine Evans]

Doesn't make it lighter in here.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, magnifying glass. You can read.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got you a nice magnifying glass so you can read the things for.

[Jay Oakerson]

The show you could solve in house mysteries.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, you can solve it. Where did Jay's dick go?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you can. You can write murder.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like it, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's using it pristine because the show was called Murder, She Wrote. So you could write murder with that.

[Jacob]

Glass because, Christine, you're going to use that way more than you think. You're going to love that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, now I know Jacob's had multiple magnifying glasses around his house when he's looking at coordinates on a nautical map. Plotting your course for when you hit the high seas.

[Jacob]

The tops. No magnifying glasses.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like that magnifying glass, don't you?

[Christine Evans]

I like this hourglass thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't that crazy? It's a dress.

[Christine Evans]

Very cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a. It's a hat. It's a dress. It's a skirt. It's a scarf. It does all kinds of things.

[Christine Evans]

Could be an elegant hood.

[Bobby Kelly]

It could be an elegant hood.

[Christine Evans]

Infinity cow.

[Bobby Kelly]

An infinity cow. No offense. That's. It's not an insult.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not calling it. No, it's not an infinity cow. I'm not calling Christina an infinity cow, which would be a great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Which means a forever cow, which would.

[Bobby Kelly]

Be a great insult for a fat person. You fucking infinity cow.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're an infinity cow. No matter what. You're always going to be fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're always gonna be a fat fuck.

[Jay Oakerson]

You'll be a fat infinity cow.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like that? You could put that on your vagina and Jay could look inside of you. That'd be an interesting no. Is that gross? Is that bad?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, it's gonna. I know it's in there. It looks like. Do you remember when Shelley Duvall turned into that one room in the Shining, and it was a bunch of skeletons, covers in cobwebs, sitting in chairs, looking at a tv. That's what's inside of Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

A bunch of old dudes, just skeletons. Skeletons.

[Jay Oakerson]

Skeletons with cobwebs on them, just sitting there, just looking at a television.

[Bobby Kelly]

But once In a while.

[Jay Oakerson]

They jostle with her body movements.

[Bobby Kelly]

Happy birthday. You're welcome.

[Jay Oakerson]

40 years old.

[Bobby Kelly]

40.

[Jay Oakerson]

I happen to know that Black Lou and DJ Lou got you both dick pics, so I hope you like them. They can't take them back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I got you one of those, too. Not of me, of Max. It's in the.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's in the.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's in the bag. It's a Polaroid of his I made.

[Christine Evans]

You're sending me to jail for my birthday? No, no, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're just possessing it, which I guess is. 9, 10.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, now it is now. That it? I love a big dick, but it's in the toffee. I wrapped it in one of the toffees, so you have to eat the toffee.

[Jay Oakerson]

You got toffee, too? Yeah, can't have that either.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can have chocolate.

[Christine Evans]

You meant taffy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Taffy. Taffy, not toffee. Toffee's caramelly. Taffy is sweet.

[Jay Oakerson]

I can't really do either.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got chocolate.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got to throw it way in the back of my mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can have chocolate.

[Jay Oakerson]

We got cupcakes, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got you cupcakes. I got.

[Jay Oakerson]

Say no more. Everything's good. So you're back, I assume.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not Sunday.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sunday. Didn't sell out.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't sell out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

We sold out a couple of the shows. Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's only three shows, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Four.

[Jay Oakerson]

Four shows. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Two and two. I wish it was actually Friday. We just won. That would have been sweet. Just because I don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, it's Friday. Late's one of the hardest shows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Friday. Late night is one of the hardest.

[Jay Oakerson]

Shows taped up, Phil. I mean, that's, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you have to fill shows, it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was good, man. The club is amazing. You were right about the club. Lot of fun. Really cool. Above a Chinese restaurant.

[Jay Oakerson]

Local comics.

[Bobby Kelly]

Local comics were there. Yeah. The club owner was amazing. And the part of town that is in is weird and creepy and kind of ghetto, like you. You. I. We stayed down at the Canopy Hotel, which is down on the cobblestone by the water, which is all, you know, families and couples and ice cream and, you know, all this beautif. Amazing food everywhere. But then you go up to the club and it's on that. It looks like Jersey City.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is weird. You know, it's like, you know, the birds change down on, you know, the seagulls down at my hotel, and then there's crows up by the comedy. But, yeah, it was great. It was a Great time. It's just. Dude, I. I don't know about you, but traveling with. I don't know if you've ever traveled with your kid and wife. Back in the day, two gigs. It's like you got to live two different lives. You have to live the. All right, let's get breakfast. Where are we going to go? We had the dog. I had to walk the dog. But go over here, we'll walk over here, we'll ride a bike, we'll go to the beach. And then at night, you got to go do a show and. But they'll come to the show and then they're in the thing and blah, blah, blah. And then it was just a. It's a lot, you know. I don't think they understand, you know, When I do a show, I kind of work out. Chill and don't until the show. I give everything for the show. So. It was a lot of. A lot. We had a blast, though. Me and Max were walking around, he was waiting up for me every night, like sleeping on the bathroom floor.

[Jay Oakerson]

Weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

So that I would. When I came in, he would wake up. So anyway, let's go walk. So we walked every night at like 12, 12:30 around Portland. And it's a fucking nightmare, but in a beautiful way. Everybody's trashed. Going to clubs, food places open shitty karaoke, watching good people watch. So that's what we did. We went over and got pizza and sat on a bench and watched a bun of girls puke.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice. We wonk to see a loose tit or anything. That's big.

[Bobby Kelly]

No loose tit. Saw some bum, which was great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Little butt coming out of some Daisy dukes. But the best part was we were walking back and I'm very protective. And this guy was going to a cop car. You. You. I'll. You won't give me a ride home. You go yourself. You're all a bunch of ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Piece of white gentleman.

[Bobby Kelly]

White gentleman, of course. Right over there. And. And then we walk by. I'm like, max, just stay with me. And we walk by and there's nobody in the car. He's just yelling at a cop car.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which was. Max was like, there's nobody in there. You fight. He was like, you weirdo. So, yeah, it was good. Portland's a cool town. Really cool town.

[Jay Oakerson]

Couple.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. A couple girls wanted to hang out, but I couldn't do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

My kid Max.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and Max and Dawn, two girls were like, where you going? You're funny. Why don't you come drink with us? And I was like, I wanna so bad.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because if we skip the drinking just right here real quick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we not.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are we gonna here. So fantastic. We just here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, buddy, I would love to go if. If I was single. Yeah, I would just go get girls and whatever you want. Get whatever. Drink. Here's my mx. Boom. Drink. Do what you gotta do and let's go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just don't be too drunk to one of you suck my asshole while the other one works my balls while I whack off. What?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll suck his ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wait, what?

[Bobby Kelly]

He wants us to suck his asshole? I'll do it. You just work his balls.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was funny. Whatever. It smells weird down here. You want to switch?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a humid weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's humid. His balls smell like fucking blood and money. What's up?

[Jay Oakerson]

I want to tell you something. Looking at what the three big deaths came. Ozzy, Ozzy, Malcolm Jamar Warner.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Hulk Hogan.

[Jay Oakerson]

And Hulk Hogan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's funny? This couple concerts this weekend. Went to see Toto, Men at Work, Christopher Cross on Friday, Saturday, Pantera. And me and Dave Smith, you know, we get to hang out very much outside of skanks anymore. You know, he's out, he's got his family. He's way out in Jersey.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's living his life.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's living his life. Absolutely. And like, you know, it's funny when we get these cool moments sometimes. Like, just remember, like just shooting the shit and making each other laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And how are we. I mean, it's fucked up sort of. But it is hilarious that when Malcolm Jaw Warner died first and you're like, oh, here comes the rule thing. Then Ozzy goes. Suddenly we get the reports. Then comedian Rob Shapiro, who's Rick Shapiro's brother. He might not know Rick Shapiro either.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It wasn't Rob Shapiro that died.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, Rob died.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, Rick Shapiro is the one.

[Jay Oakerson]

The who's super sick but lives he lived.

[Bobby Kelly]

Rob Shapiro died?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

But here's the thing. I didn't know Rob or Rick Shapiro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Here's the problem with the timing of this. That happens.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're twins.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

But here's the problem with what happens there. Next morning, Hulk Hogan dies. And then you go, oh, no. I guess so Rob Shapiro's out of the big three conversation immediately. It sucks. You'd rather not be considered ever. Dude, how hard we were laughing at the concept of that. He goes, oh, man. You see that? It's like Rob Shapiro, Ozzy Osbourne Malcolm. Jamal Warner goes. Hulk Hogan just said he goes. Rob Shapiro's death, that's not important anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not even Rick Shapiro.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not even important anymore. You're not even Rick Shapiro. You're Rob Shapiro. But just such a funny like it immediately had takes place like. And you just start thinking to yourself like man, I hope no one famous dies around me. Or just so to be considered and then booted is way worse than not being considered at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're dying with some. Somebody famous around you is the worst because you're. You're the other guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. That was brutal. Same day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Same day.

[Jay Oakerson]

Farrah Fawcett first and then Michael Jackson later in the day, I believe. Or was it vice versa? Whichever it was, no one gave a fuck about Farrah Foster.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Only down the South. Oh, they gave him only a bunch of rednecks. Ku Klux Klan was like fire fucking.

[Jay Oakerson]

That instead of Michael Jackson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They have that poster on their wall.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then someone is like, really? You don't like. Annie, are you okay? Hey, sings Annie, are you okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what?

[Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's back in that little dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

They both fet 2:28am wow. And he died 2:26 p. 12 hours apart. Almost.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Christine Evans]

She had 12 hours.

[Bobby Kelly]

But if you die. Here's the deal. If me and you were on a plane with Shane and it went down.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean Shane and friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That's what sucks.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. No, I know that was really. I mean like. It's called the Tracy Morgan accident. There was a guy who died in the accident. But it's always going to be called the Tracy Morgan accident.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

The carry already out a bag of bones and Harris Stanton walked out of their stolen cigarette was still lit.

[Bobby Kelly]

All the other guys became millionaires except for the guy who died.

[Jay Oakerson]

And it's called the Tracy Morgan accident. Remember Tracy Morgan and those guys were in that accident. You mean the guy who died? Uncle Jimmy Mack.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's so funny.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, yeah, the celebrity's gonna get all the fucking burn on those things. But three celebrities going in a row. It's just so funny that like for a day. Yeah, for like half an evening, I was like, Rob Shapiro. That's the third. Huh. A comedian died. I mean, I know nobody knows him outside of a small circle of people that I know. But it's happening in threes. It's all made up anyway. Zillion people die every day.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So it's all made up. But then you realize you go Nope. Hulk Hogan pushes Rob Shapiro right in. And there's no fourth place. It happens in threes, and no one else gives a fuck about the other ones.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think God was like, I robbed? Nah, that's not good enough. Give me somebody else.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes. The world doesn't seem to be losing it over this Rob Shapiro thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like him. I'm a fan of Rob Shapiro. Apparently nobody else is.

[Jay Oakerson]

I called him home.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who else do we got? Hulk Hogan. You know what? Take him.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hulk Hogan. Yeah, that's good.

[Jay Oakerson]

Fifteen years too late, might I add. Could you imagine that? We were talking about that. What? His Hulk Hogan's last toe in the water of wrestling was to come out and get booed for five minutes straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's funny that they booed him at. Was it? WrestleMania, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Raw ever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. On Netflix. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they booed him. They gave him. And then now they're just up his.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are they?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they did a whole big thing. All the rest of came out. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I guess it's tonight. Tonight will be Raw.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they did it on Smackdown. Meta did it on smack. Triple H. They did a big event and he came out and they did a big A ten ring salute. And everybody's like, you know, up his ass now and they forget that. I think they booed him because he was with Trump, though. Right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, he had too much time to get, like, political. Slash, call it the guy that was fucking his daughter. The N word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Do you think he knew he was dying? He was like, fuck it, I'm going out. Guns ablazing.

[Jay Oakerson]

He told his son that killed his best friend. Not your fault, dude. That guy must have done something bad with God to end up in that coma that you smashed him into a tree with. Yeah, no, he's fucked up a whole bunch. Yeah, a whole bunch. The so funny. The scandal. The only thing that's the scandal that he was in, the biggest scandal is like the thing he was a victim of. That's the one. He was a victim there.

[Bobby Kelly]

The scandal.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the scandal.

[Bobby Kelly]

The scandal.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, I love scandals.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like. I know you love saying scary. Scandal, Scandal, Scandal. Yeah. You know Kalta was involved in that, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

And killing him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

And killing Hulk Hogan.

[Bobby Kelly]

And killing. No, it wasn't involved in it. They tried.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was one of his old employees or somebody.

[Bobby Kelly]

They tried to implicate him, and he wasn't him. He had nothing to do with it.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was somebody in. In his own. In Bubba. The Love Sponge's own. People don't know what we're talking about here. The Hulk Hogan scandal was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Scandal.

[Jay Oakerson]

Scandal scandals. I guess like scandals. It's the scandal talk with Bob and Jay, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should have scandal talk every Monday.

[Jay Oakerson]

All the scandals.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. If you guys have any scandals, send them into us Mondays at Scandal Bonfire.

[Jay Oakerson]

Calling with any of your scandals.

[Bobby Kelly]

Call in with any of your scandals. You guys know the number.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's. The scandal was Bubba Love Sponge's wife, who had like a. She was like a porn body type chick.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was a Tampa. Yeah. Hot chick. Fake titties. Yeah, I've seen him. She showed them to me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Very hot. I was at a bar. She just didn't know it was her. This is after the scandal.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was at a bar after my. Was it after my special? I think it was after my special. Heather Clem pulled her titties up right outside at a place. Yeah, they were nice boobs. Very nice.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she's big. Fake titties.

[Bobby Kelly]

Big fake titties.

[Jay Oakerson]

Heather Clam.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Great. That's when they went on Stern. But they have a relationship, I guess, where it's like she could. Other people, I guess, people he knows. And he's got security cameras in his house. And Hulk Hogan went over to plow this guy's wife. Yeah, he did. It got filmed, and then it got leaked to TMZ and all that. And then Gawker or whatever. And then he sued them. And he's not friends with Bubba the Love Sponge anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's funny, because how do you get security cam footage from the guy's house? Like, how do you get that? You have.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I have no idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at. Look at. Look at his tan line, though. His little tan light ass. He's got a white ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Super white ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her. He's got a big pecker, too. Hey.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. His wiener is big for sure. Oh. Oh, I know. That's from.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's that from? Is that from you? Is that from you, Lou?

[Jay Oakerson]

For me?

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's it from?

[Jay Oakerson]

Go on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's that from? She. Christine just got a beautiful. We're getting there.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, it's from Adam.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Christine's birthday from Jay's manager, management.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Very nice. Nice thought.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's very nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, she's got to carry that now. It's kind of awkward. He just made her. He gave her a taxing present.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is awkward.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Manager trying to My chick.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's awkward. But it's I. It's justifiable. But the fact that she's gonna walk with that whole bouquet back to the park car through Times Square is annoying.

[Jay Oakerson]

It will be a nightmare.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just send it to the house.

[Jay Oakerson]

It will be a long term nightmare.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gonna be. Yeah. You can't get coffee now. You're done. You can't have shit. You gotta go right back to the car.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's beautiful.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is beautiful. It is beautiful.

[Jay Oakerson]

Very, very nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

So, yeah, not as good as my presence, but whatever. I mean, those are gonna die. Mine are gonna last forever.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hulk Hogan sued a stupid website for a bazillion dollars, which they didn't have. So he got the couple bucks they did have and shut them down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Shut the whole website down. And I like Gawker too.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't remember it.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was cool like that.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was tmz, right? Sort of thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Something like that. But a cool site. You go to all kind. But yeah, it was 140 million and settled for 31 million. Still a lot of money.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a huge amount of money. And he was funny. He opened up a stupid restaurant.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he open up a restaurant?

[Jay Oakerson]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it called?

[Jay Oakerson]

Hogan's Place.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not in Tampa.

[Jay Oakerson]

Clearwater, I guess. I was gonna go and they were like, it's not really here. It's sort of in Clearwater.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, his son. His son's. Oh, yeah, just like Americana, like beach food.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is his son there?

[Jay Oakerson]

His son's deejaying. Jimmy the Mouth of the South Hart runs karaoke on Mondays and they watch. They watch wrestling on Mondays there with people.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's kind of cool.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's kind of cool, but it just seems like it's a weird spot.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's it called? Hogan. What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Hogan's Place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hogan's Hangout. I don't mind it. I'll do it. I want to fucking invest. I want to open one in Times Square.

[Jay Oakerson]

You want a franchise of Hogan's Hangout?

[Bobby Kelly]

Franchise those all over.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at the menu. It doesn't look, you know, dollar oysters.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, big. This would be in Aruba. Hogan's Hangout. You know how much those natives in Aruba love wrestling? They watch it. Like it. We watch football.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look how they get excited. You get excited for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

$1 oysters minimum. 10 oysters. You know you want more. Three Daughters, orange Creamsicle buckets. $25.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it called? Three Daughters.

[Jay Oakerson]

Three Daughters, Orange Creamsicle buckets.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many Daughters does he have?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I think it's one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why three daughters?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't even know what that is.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many friends of his daughter that he fucked?

[Jay Oakerson]

And they're gonna be watching Power slap live at 9pm.

[Bobby Kelly]

I heard they're gonna open up one in New York. Where?

[Jay Oakerson]

Hogan's Hangout. Yeah, I like it after Posthumously.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. He was about to on Jim and Sam. They said it's still opening, but I can't really trust Travis.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where was it gonna be? In Times Square.

[Bobby Kelly]

Real quick, Jim and Sam is done. Oh, did I say Jim? You said Jim and Sam over. I like them both. Jim's got a podcast. You want advice, go to that It's Sam show now. The Sam Robertson pals. I know, I listen. Hulk Hogan's 7 million New York bar will still open after wrestler's tragic death. Is it tragic though? How did it. Didn't he just die from being old?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, 71, but I mean old and destroyed by wrestling for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did he die from? We know the. The. The. The. The. What's his name? The. From the Cosby Show. Died from the wave hit him, took him out, right?

[Christine Evans]

The current.

[Bobby Kelly]

The current sucked him out. It's a tight. It's a tide. A tide pool, right? No, a title. What is it called? No, not a title. A whirlpool. Not a whirlpool. It's called the Rip Tide Riptide. So when the riptide came in, ripped him out, he tried to fight it and come back in, which you're not supposed to do. If you get sucked into a riptide, you're supposed to let it take you out into the ocean, lie on your back, relax, and then swim diagonally across the waves. Yeah, he tried to just fight it and that's what him up.

[Jay Oakerson]

Panicked.

[Bobby Kelly]

He panicked, tried to go back in straight. Didn't know he was in a riptide. And another guy almost died too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, he lost his father figure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the Cosby.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a tough thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're supposed to go diagonal crawls the waves with this. The riptide of the pippin.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's his wife's name?

[Jay Oakerson]

Camille.

[Bobby Kelly]

Camille. I told the boy. I told the boy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Claire.

[Bobby Kelly]

Claire.

[Jay Oakerson]

Theo went in the rips out of the rip sides. He's out there.

[Bobby Kelly]

So they don't have. They don't know why he died or how he died. Just. He died. There's no.

[Christine Evans]

There's no cardiac arrest.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think he had a fatal case of Hulkamania.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think he just ripped his shirt off?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh man, he is a real American. He died at 71 years old.

[Bobby Kelly]

71. Dude, that's not that far away.

[Jay Oakerson]

But while he was here at 71 years of fighting for the rights of every man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, women, NWA Hollywood. Hogan was kind of a dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

It's the eye of the tiger. What is this picture? Panda Express.

[Christine Evans]

He's opening Hogan's. The Hogan spot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, it's going to be called Slam. This one.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, Slam.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. Because it's different. It's 9,000 square foot. He said 9,000. It's gonna be right across from MSG. MSG slam. Yeah. What a dumb idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like Hogan's Hangout is so much cooler.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's gonna have ass food.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, all that's stupid. Those things have ass food.

[Jay Oakerson]

But why not try a little bit? Why does Jimmy Buffett lend his name? He's dead now. But why does Jimmy Buffett lend his name?

[Bobby Kelly]

He died too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Didn't he die? Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm kidding.

[Jay Oakerson]

He. Jimmy Buffett lends his name to all that shit. And then to Jimmy Buffett restaurant over here. Like we went as like a gag almost. Because you have to. Yeah, it's terrible.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's terrible food. Who's that? The diners dive drive in and dives.

[Jay Oakerson]

Guy Fieri.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guy Fieri's restaurant sucked. It sucked.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where'd you go?

[Bobby Kelly]

Times Square. Had it in Times Square.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, everybody was all excited.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was it like a thing that was like at burgers and whatever's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was all his that he been to and big portions and taco pizza. Yes. It sucked. It was so overrated.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, rest in peace, Hulk Hogan. Rest in peace, Ozzy Osborne. Rest in peace, Malcolm Jamal Warner. And mostly rest in peace, Rob Shapiro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Rob Shapiro. You know, Rob Shapiro. I always thought Rick was the crazy one and Rob was the normal one.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, there is no normal one, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, there's no. I found out there's no normal one. They were both kind of out there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, one just did the same exact thing, but wore sweaters. That's the difference. One more sweaters and one had. He wore pants so low you could see the top of his dick hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Rick. That's Rick had his dick hair out. The other ones.

[Jay Oakerson]

The other one were sweaters.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he came up tonight. Yeah, buddy.

[Jacob]

I didn't want to interrupt it, but I wanted to. To say that one. Iron maidens drummer, Nicko McBrain, I think he did it right. He has a. A barbecue rib joint in Florida.

[Jay Oakerson]

Does he?

[Jacob]

Yes. Nico's Rock and Roll Ribs.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta be careful saying that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nico's Rock and Roll Ribs. I bet it's not good.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I heard it's good. I mean, that's all they do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, you can't up barbecue, right? Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, maybe they make a good barbecue. I know, but I mean like when people do like this thing, like the. Like the big. Like Toby Keith's. I love this American Bar, whatever that was called. Like trash yeah. Shitty place of awful food.

[Bobby Kelly]

But what. What could you have for food that would be unique? Unless they open like, Bruce Lee's Diner.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was all dim sum.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have to be unique.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'd be a good idea.

[Jay Oakerson]

You gotta be good. Let me tell you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, let's do a Bruce Lee's dim sum.

[Jacob]

Dude, soy sauce.

[Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't have soy sauce. Because I'll tell you, we had at the Garden together again. And I was a PNC on Friday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And ordered it again somehow. And. And by the way, this. It's not an accident. It's not just us thinking the burgers great at these two places are great, especially pnc. It's not us just thinking that. Because when we were ordering, we were almost asking about some of the other stuff. And like, the lady even said, she goes, there's nothing better than the burger. Like, the burger is exceptionally good.

[Bobby Kelly]

The PNC burger was great, and I didn't want to like it. You would, like, try a bite. And I was like, no, I'm not sharing a burger.

[Jay Oakerson]

Take a bite of Josh's burger.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah. Was it Josh's burger? You gotta try this. I was like, no, I don't share suck my burger. But then I bit it and I was like, God damn it. That's a good burger.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a great burger.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think I went and snuck a burger. Did I sneak a burger?

[Jay Oakerson]

You didn't sneak. You just went and got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did I go and get it and.

[Jay Oakerson]

Then you, like, shared it around?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's my old. That's my old days when I used to sneak. I'll be right back. I go to the bathroom and just go get. I did that. I went to Dolly. Was it Dollywood? Is that what it called Dollywood?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I mean, that's her park. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went to Dollywood with the Calters. The Kelly's and the Calters went. And I snuck away. There was a clam shack open, and we walked by it when we first got to the park. And it was just opening. It wasn't open, but I just. I pinned it on my Google Maps. My Google Fat Maps.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they all went. Walked around. I go, I'll be right back. I go to the bathroom. I went and ordered clams and fries by myself and ate them in front of some ride.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's shameful.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like a fatso.

[Jay Oakerson]

Want to go to clams with you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because I wanted to be alone. You want to isolate.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did not want to share my clams I didn't want anybody to go give me a clam.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you worried that I wanted everybody else wouldn't get clams and then it would just be eating at your clams?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I was worried that if I got a clam. First of all, we already ate, okay?

[Jay Oakerson]

And that's important.

[Bobby Kelly]

We are. I forgot that part. We already ate.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And you shouldn't be doing this.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I was not supposed to go get a clam plate with fries by myself, but I did. I went back and I. And I did it. Now I'm. You know what? Now that I'm more in shape, I'm glad I did it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Got some clams.

[Bobby Kelly]

I still remember those clams.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they were good.

[Jay Oakerson]

Were they? Dollywood.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love them. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Landlocked place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Landlocked place. But fried clams, you can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Fried clams. Okay, now we're changing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was. I was not just eating clams.

[Jay Oakerson]

I thought you were eating clams.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did eat clams this weekend. I got steamers, okay. Which I forgot how to eat. You have to take the little foreskin off the Ding ding. And then dip it in the water and then dip it in the butter.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

You hold that little nipple at the. At the end.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you take the clam out and then you got to peel the little foreskin off the clam.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I don't. I just eat it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't. Because that's where all the salt and shit. The sand. I mean, you take the sand off, okay? So you got to peel that off. It's like a foreskin off the clam. And then you dip it. So you dip it, peel it, dip it, and then dip the butter and then stick it in your fat face. Oh, my God. They're so good.

[Jay Oakerson]

So good.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love clams. I love all kinds of clams.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll lick a clam.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm more of a flounder guy. Lap flounder.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, I had to move my microphone. So I gotta go over and high five Bobby a lap flounder.

[Bobby Kelly]

The hamburgers at. Now the hamburgers at PNC is way better than the msg.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes. They care a little more. It's better. But the MSG1 is pretty good.

[Bobby Kelly]

MSG1 is good, but I do both times. The next day, I shit out a cinder block.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Like, it came out, like.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's thick.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a. It's a. It's a heavy one.

[Jay Oakerson]

It thickens up your Insides.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, so. And it's salty. I mean, you take your socks off and your socks are still on.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I, can I give some concert review?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, please. Will you. Who are you with?

[Jay Oakerson]

First of all, first of all, I should send some of these videos to Christine to put up Nice. Because there's a cup. There's one. I got the mosh pit going crazy. A Pantera. Yes, you did. Yeah. Yes. Jacob, your thoughts?

[Jacob]

Jacob, honey, we were taking kind of a. We were taking kind of a. A poll. We're guessing what you got Christine for her birthday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What did Jay get you? Well, Rolex, we get. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, the concerts. Really? So we had like, we were set up. I wish that you had been able to come to Toto because we got like last minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Set up in one of their little suite areas and it was so cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

I saw videos.

[Christine Evans]

It was awesome. I just, I never, I never done that before.

[Bobby Kelly]

Didn't Men at Work come out and sing with him? The guy from Men at Work? Am I crazy?

[Jay Oakerson]

Toto? Yeah, just at the end.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, at the end. For Africa and Christopher Cross.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he came out. Yeah, they came out and sang. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

So it was really nice. And then Pantera was great one with Lewis and his sister and we all love Pantera. We're in the pit at Jones Beach. Jones beach is one of the best venues I've ever been to. Right on the water.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So that is Jones Bees's fun.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, just beautiful outdoor amp. It's just gorgeous.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Playing, doing comedy. There is fun too.

[Christine Evans]

I saw Oddball there and it, I mean, it's just really. There's a venue like that in San Diego too.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did the Virus tour there. We did Jones Beats, which was fun. Is Jacob's in Florida, right?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He says. Yeah, I mean, that's what he says he's at. I don't know for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I party. Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you know for sure? I don't know for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So did you get any presents though? Like a gifty or is that your gifty gift?

[Christine Evans]

I said, he just got me a brand new car.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he get you a brand new car?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I got a brand new Jeep.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you got your house.

[Christine Evans]

I got a house. I'm like a pool. I'm like, I'm pretty. I'm pretty.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I.

[Christine Evans]

What could I possibly ask for?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacuzzi?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, funny enough, I say the videos Christine really coming through. Funny enough I, I was. Look, she Yesterday I thought she was like hard handing me like forcing the card on me to show Me this bracelet she liked.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was she doing?

[Jay Oakerson]

She goes, like, look at this bracelet. This great. And, like, two times to me. And then when people came over, when people were around, she did, like, again, like, oh, my God, look at it. And, like, passing it in front of me to show people, like, oh, my God, look at this thing. And I was like, that's the same thing. I'm like, that's what she wants. And then later on, when she pointed it out again, I go, well, you want this thing, but what is it? So I can, like, get it. And she's like, no, no, no. I wasn't like, do it. I go, you were forcing. I'm being playful still about it, though. I'm like, you're forcing it pretty hard to my thing. So then after that, I spend the next hour aggressively trying to find this thing to get it right. And then she. You know, I eventually said to her, I was like, hey, look, I'm actually, you must tell me where that thing is, because I cannot find it. She goes, oh, I bought it for myself, so it's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm on too much tea to even deal with that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you want to break a hole in the wall?

[Bobby Kelly]

Smash. I want to grab this microphone. That's nuts.

[Christine Evans]

I wasn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

But that you. I can't yell at you, girl. That's your girl. You got to take care of it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Give her talking to.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, listen. What the fuck? Listen, you can't. First of all, stop playing with your lips so cute. And looking at me like, I've hit you before. This is freaking me out. She just got scared. Like, I fucking. You let me hit Christine every once in a while. Christine, you cannot show your man something that you love on your birthday and pass around in front of other people saying, how great is this? And then go buy it for yourself.

[Christine Evans]

Okay. There's not a world where I thought Jay was going to go on Poshmark and buy that bracelet. I mean, look, I was really showing. I wanted opinion.

[Jay Oakerson]

I went on Poshmark.

[Bobby Kelly]

You did?

[Christine Evans]

I didn't know. I didn't. I didn't know he was looking for it. And I told you when you said.

[Jay Oakerson]

I go, it's an Apple as a website, but for geese takes you to a gap.

[Bobby Kelly]

For a gap. Takes you to a gap.

[Jay Oakerson]

Takes you an app. Takes you to a Gap app.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's for the geese. No, I'm kidding.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm on it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, I don't know what it is scandal for, but it had a bunch of bracelets. Except that one. Because Christine has removed it from the items available list.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you bought it. You have. You can't do that. That is nuts. The fact that he. You. You presented it, then you showed it again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, she's emotionally 280 years old. Give her a break, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. All right. She is very old. She needs a. One of those.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got you, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of those. She needs a magnifying glass to read her dog aging.

[Jay Oakerson]

Her brain's aging dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy, though. If Don ever did that to me, I'd be.

[Jay Oakerson]

Would you walk forever?

[Bobby Kelly]

We came close this morning.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why? And it wasn't even over something like this. Smaller. No, because was it. She used the end of the toothpaste and change it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you know, when you go on the road. When I go on the road with the family, you know, and I'm. The show trip where it's a vacation, but I have to do shows.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nightmare.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is. It's tough, but I do it because, you know, whatever. You got to do it. That's what you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

Obligation.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do this and you pack, make sure the hotel's all right, whatever forms need to be filled out. I mean, you know, a lot of marriage for me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Then you shot the rest of the year, right? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And so we were leaving. She forgot the check in there. I go, you got everything? She's like, she's got the check in the hotel room, which bothers me. I hate that. I said, you know what it's like to me? It's like I just worked. I worked to make this money and no one gives a fuck about it. And now I gotta cancel the check and get a whole new check. Someone might have cashed the check. I gotta think. I don't want to think about the show. After I put the mic down, I'm done. And I get the check. I'm done. I check out. I want to go fucking live life again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now I gotta listen, in fairness to dawn, she thought there was a 80, 90 chance that you guys were gonna be living up in Portland, Maine.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you had non stop sellouts, you were gonna Billy Joel, MSG it.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was looking at Airbnbs for the month, which is true, but she forgot the check I got. And then yesterday when I was driving home, I forgot all my bags, my computer, my. My bag with the. My, My little side bag with all my, you know, serious scan, my card and all that, all my stuff. And I was like, it's like, I know it's my responsibility. I Know. But it's your responsibility to help me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm. I gotta. I drove back from Maine, I did four shows. I gotta pack, I gotta repack. I'm gonna take the kid fishing, then I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna drive five, four hours, four and a half hours, back to New York to work. You're gonna stay here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is this one of those situations that really only the back of your hand could solve?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, face to the glass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe this is a face to the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Glass situation, but it might be. It might be face to the glass or it might be. It might be back of the hand. Because face. Face of the glass is a. Is a lighter offense. I mean, there's a certain point where the back of the hand is. Is, you know, maybe needed. Maybe face of the glass.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, if the. If the lesson really has to stick. Face to the glass will buy you a couple weeks of a turned around attitude. Yeah, but you put five across their chops and then that'll change your tune for a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, right across the chops. And maybe the head hits something on the other side, like bounces off or something.

[Jay Oakerson]

I give Christine one that chops at 32, she didn't open her mouth. Kennel, 37 years old.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's fantastic.

[Jay Oakerson]

Five straight years.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So three years ago, you whacked her in the head again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I gotta give her a doink. A doink. There.

[Bobby Kelly]

The good old days when you get hit the dingbat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Until she stops writing lyrics. She stops texting lyrics. I got a dinger in the head. Ding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. We got no fight this morning. I was just. I'm not blaming her, but I'm. It's like, help me. I'm leaving. All you have to do is. Do you have everything? Did you get your thing? Do you have your backpack? Help me.

[Jay Oakerson]

They stayed up there.

[Bobby Kelly]

They stay up there. I come down here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sunday nights. And then I drive back Wednesday nights.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Pound wiener a lot in between.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, as soon as I got in last night.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then fell asleep. That's why.

[Jay Oakerson]

Butt cheeks on the couch.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't do a pound on the couch. We just got the West Elm couch, so I don't want to. Butt cheeks on the couch. I go right into the bed.

[Jay Oakerson]

Butt cheeks on top of the comforter.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go. Pants off, socks off.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Underwear.

[Jay Oakerson]

Treat yourself, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I make love to myself. Make love to myself. And then. And then I. I couldn't tell you.

[Jay Oakerson]

The last time I jerked off naked.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, dude, I get. And it's weird too, because there's a little crack. I can't. Because of the AC in the window. I can't pull the blind all the way down. So there is a little crack. So somebody over across the way, if they wanted to, really could see a middle. Middle aged gentleman taking care of himself.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pound sesh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Little pound sesh. And it was nice too, because I haven't masturbated all week.

[Jay Oakerson]

So. Your load was immense.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, low was immense. But the. The, the, the. The. The penis was. I mean, rock.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And yeah. Plus with those girls going, hey, let's hang out. I mean, that fantasy was in play. There was another girl in the crowd that had the fantasy and play.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then.

[Jacob]

Yeah, Bobby, question about your load.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Is it bigger now with the T? I mean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I shot and hit. I hit here. I hit my. My right underneath the crease in my arm. My. My form hit my forearm right under the elbow.

[Jacob]

Not the. Your arm.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're using the arm I'm using. And it shoots up and it hit my right under the crease of my elbow, which.

[Jacob]

Which is pretty distance. That's pretty impressive.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's distance. I'm going, I'm 54, dude. I think.

[Jacob]

I think that's what I'm saying.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's my 53 or 54. Yeah, it's pretty damn good.

[Jacob]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And then this morning before I was actually leaving and I was like, I gotta. I'm gonna go take care of business. And I went in, took care of business.

[Jay Oakerson]

TCB in a flash, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Remember your agent had that tattooed on his leg?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know he does.

[Jay Oakerson]

TCV in a flash, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Elvis, baby.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, good God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So the tea is definitely. And this the other one. I'm doing the peptides helping, too.

[Jay Oakerson]

What peptide you taking?

[Bobby Kelly]

Serial Sarah Lomo. Oh, Sarah Lemon. Sierra Lerner.

[Jay Oakerson]

That makes your nips big and your balls small.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't hope so.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's what I've heard.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the kind of fetish I want to stop. My only fan. It's called puff nips. Puff nips? Small balls. I need toners.

[Jay Oakerson]

Puffer nips can be ugly. Dare I say on a woman. Sometimes they're nice, but I've seen it be bad. A puffer nip where the areola was like, puffed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't. Isn't that. That's a young girl's tit, right? Isn't that like an undeveloped.

[Jay Oakerson]

It looks at the top of a cupcake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like volcano titties. Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

Just where the areola, for some reason, looks like. Like someone put, like a. Like a donut on top of your front.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like a nipple that was about to get hard but never finished. Yes, like an undone. Undone tit in between. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's like having half a werewolf face.

[Bobby Kelly]

And half a regular face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like. It is a weird boob and it doesn't get hard. You can suck on it and it's still the same, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Christy, have we vamped enough for you to pull a puffer title? Nipples.

[Christine Evans]

Sorry. I'm trying to get these videos.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll send them. We'll do it on the break. We have a break in a minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's buying a new bracelet for herself.

[Jay Oakerson]

You yourself a new bracelet.

[Bobby Kelly]

So infuriated at that. You know, you should do just a Buster Ball. Send her the money.

[Jay Oakerson]

I said I would do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Send it. How much is it, Christine?

[Christine Evans]

Like, originally or what? I get it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, originally. What'd you get it for?

[Christine Evans]

It's originally. 1800.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

For what, 24 carat?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hell, yeah. You pay. How much did you pay for the bracelet?

[Christine Evans]

400.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? How the did you do that?

[Christine Evans]

Stolen Apple pay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? No.

[Christine Evans]

What.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did you do. No, I know how you got it.

[Christine Evans]

Poshmark. I got used. I buy a lot of stuff used.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was somebody's anal beads.

[Bobby Kelly]

So does. So does. So does Jay use. Wow. Yeah. Your boy Josh is. Did he go to the show Friday?

[Jay Oakerson]

He went to. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You went to both?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, not both. There you go. Thank you, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go.

[Jay Oakerson]

They're weird, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it looks like ice cream cones now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Some girls can pull them off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where?

[Jay Oakerson]

That one, the third from the right. Second row. No, no. Yep. She's pulling it off, though, I think make it bigger, Chris, even.

[Bobby Kelly]

God, what are these called? Puffing nipples.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she's pulling it off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but she's. But is she illegal? They look like. They look like undeveloped girl. Like, are we looking at. Okay. Are we gonna get in trouble for this?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, that's legal somewhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you sure? For sure. I don't know if these illegal titties, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Mexico. It's legal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. No, it's not.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is it always. Is it always? Jacob stops.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta stop, bro. Serious.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bro.

[Jay Oakerson]

Finish.

[Bobby Kelly]

Enough. Thank you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man. Some of those are brutal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Ew.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't like these puffers. Those are.

[Jay Oakerson]

Those aren't even puffer nipples.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those aren't those? No, they're not. So it Looks so is. It's. It's got to be like some type of thing though, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

The areola is like off the tit.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what it is? It's like the tit didn't bake enough.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it looks like your tits wearing Lego hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they took the tit out of the oven too early.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right. Tit fell, didn't set.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like souffle tit didn't. Yeah, she was supposed to have way bigger tits than that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go back to that, Kristen. That's what it is. There's not enough tit to take up the space of the nips. Yeah, puffy nipples. Medically known as gyno gynecomastia or puffy nipple syndrome are characterized by an enlargement or protrusion of the nipple areola complex. This can occur in both males and females, often linked to hormonal fluctuations, excess breast tissue, or the presence of fat deposits. Christine, please show me a guy with puffy nipples that was all women. I didn't even know. Guys could have this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys could have that.

[Jay Oakerson]

A raised nip. Can we get areola? A raised areola on your nip? That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You want to get him?

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's do it. And then go shirtless to, like a concert.

[Jay Oakerson]

We get those suction cup things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, these are mo. You keep putting in porn, you piece of shit. Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

You slut.

[Jay Oakerson]

God. So he gets 40. She wants. All she wants to do is look up dicks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are just regular.

[Jay Oakerson]

Those are fine. I mean, I get why. If that was your one thing that you hate on your body. Hating it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think I have those, but no big deal.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let me see. No, your nips are good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, do I have good nips?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you do. A little tiny. I do good nips, too. We have similar nips. Little tiny ball.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that little ball.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have a little nipple ball. Get these guys out of here. They should be shamed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are stupid. The other ones. You know what I do like, though? I like. That's what I think Jacob's nips would look like.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob tates his nips.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have puffy.

[Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't. No, he doesn't. He's insecure. He thinks he does. He does.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, take your shirt off.

[Jacob]

I was ridiculed. I told you that, Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but those are people looking for something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, take your shirt off.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your nipples are fantastic. It's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, real quick doing. You're home, you're not in the office.

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on, let's.

[Jacob]

I'm not gonna do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, stop this craziness right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on, Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

Forever crank your own purple. Nurple yourself.

[Jacob]

Way worse. When I was a kid, I'll say that. When I was a teenager, I wouldn't take my shirt off.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's Christine's birthday, dude. You can't fucking wag nip for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, do it for Christine. Show you show your upper chest.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Jacob]

She's not into me.

[Jay Oakerson]

She showed you her upper chest earlier today in that picture, remember?

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, Is that true? Is he not your type?

[Jay Oakerson]

You're not in the crew. You're not in the. Jacob, Christine. Real nice. Way to hurt his feelings.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not into Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's fucked up.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's fucking crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't like that at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like it either, man. You know, just.

[Jacob]

You asked her and she went.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man. Christine, I didn't know you had. I didn't know your leg was that long to kick Jacob in the nuts all the way to Florida.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, I'm sure there's plenty of times where I would have. Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, did you get that? Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course he did.

[Christine Evans]

There's plenty of points in life. Not after working with him for a decade.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, Jacob. Jacob's now going to think about jerking off on the brake.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'd be funny. If we catch Jacob jerking off on Zoom.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hey, guys. I would just listen to Christine say that on loop. Is this a live ad read, Lou?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it is not. Oh, we don't have ads. No, but don't take it personally.

[Jay Oakerson]

We got dropped by dick pills. Damn. That's the last bash.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got dropped by dick pills. We got dropped by that. That other. What was that other thing, Jacob?

[Jay Oakerson]

The other dick pills.

[Bobby Kelly]

Debt relief. Oh, debt relief.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Debt relief and dick pills hates us.

[Bobby Kelly]

How can we get dropped by debt relief?

[Jacob]

I think we're the only ones. That's a good question. I think we're the only ones Wednesday that do have reeds, though. That's pretty cool.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's great.

[Jay Oakerson]

Suck on that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody else suck on that. SAM 2 Show Roberts, suck our dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sam owns the network.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, suck Roberts. You had a. Your own billboard in Times Square. Roberts. Suck it.

[Jay Oakerson]

We should take a break.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. We don't have a live read. Can we make one up? Can we just do one for our favorite show?

[Jay Oakerson]

Happy 40th birthday, Christy. I'm. Have a cupcake.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna do a live Christine Reid.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my 40th birthday to you?

[Jay Oakerson]

Hosting a blowbank?

[Bobby Kelly]

Happy birthday to you? Happy birthday, dear Christine?

[Jay Oakerson]

Happy birthday to you? Are you 1? Are you 2?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you 3? Are you 4? Are you 5? Are you 6?

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you 7?

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you 8? Are you 9?

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you 10?

[Bobby Kelly]

13? Are you? Footage.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think me and Bobby were both giving Lou, like, the cue to, like, fade us out into the commercial, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he just didn't. I never heard the Ru. 1. Are you two? I know, but did you hear that?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. We're doing, like, the fade hand job.

[Bobby Kelly]

We give you all kinds of. All right, let's do it again. Yeah. No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you five? Are you six? Are you seven? When life brings the blah? Add more yabba dabba doo with some tasty fruity Pebbles.

[Bobby Kelly]

Early morning meeting Blah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Someone brought the Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Run errands, Blah. Head to the store for Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo? Fruity Pebbles. Less blah. More, More yabba dabba doo. Pick up Pebbles cereal today. Yabba dabba doo. And the Flintstones and all related characters and elements copyright and trademark Hanna Barbera.