
Comedian Dusty Slay is back again and Bobby reveals that he did not like him when they first met because of his salesmanship. Dusty was opening for Bob and wanted to supplement his income by selling merch. A few headlining comics are rumored to lowball the money to the other comedians on their shows. Dusty comes from the Nashville scene with Nate Bargatze's gang, so he hasn't heard one of their favorite old stories about comedy court. In the early days, Jay did a few shows with Bobby and had to be the driver and opener. Bob assaults him while he's sleeping and then ultimately stiffs him on the cut of the money! The Comedy Cellar comedians hold a full court hearing at the back table to determine who was at fault. Go to DustySlay.com for tour dates and info! He has a new Netflix special out now called "Wet Heat." *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @...
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Big J
And now the bonfire with Big J. Oke. Robert Kelly.
Robert Kelly
Got to be Slay's in the house. One of our favorites. One of my favorites. One of Jay's favorites. We love you.
Dusty Slay
Absolutely. Dusty Slay's new special, Wet Heat, streaming right now on Netflix. He's gonna be at the Comedy Store In Los Angeles August 5th, Huntsville, Alabama, August 8th. After that, Atlanta, Madison, Milwaukee, Nashville. For tickets and all of his tour dates, visit dustyslay.com Dusty, good to have you back, buddy.
Robert Kelly
And I really did not like you the first time I met you.
Dusty Slay
What?
Big J
Well, I know we had a weird.
Robert Kelly
Interaction because, well, it was at the improv, and I didn't know Dusty at all. And I just show up and he's got a suitcase the size of my body at the time. And he's just like, you mind if.
Dusty Slay
I sell a bigger suitcase or a smaller suitcase?
Robert Kelly
It was Fat Bobby not, but my body at the time.
Big J
You know, the thing was, I was. I was headlining Thursday and Sunday. He was headline, and then I was featuring Friday and Saturday.
Robert Kelly
It was almost like they were kind of putting him in my spot just to have. He was like, you know, I was like, who the is this dude? Plus, you look at him and he's. He's kind of a. He's a different fella. He's got the long hair.
Big J
And I had a lot of merch. I would.
Robert Kelly
A lot.
Big J
Yeah, it'd probably be off putting if the feature had so much merch like I did.
Robert Kelly
He had a massive suitcase, and he goes, hey, man, you mind if I sell my merch? I was like, you. You brought that Louis Vuitton luggage up the. The fighters? Yeah, sell it.
Dusty Slay
Were you selling merch?
Robert Kelly
No, I. I had. Did I have something?
Big J
I don't think you did.
Robert Kelly
I don't know.
Dusty Slay
But that's why I always tell I don't teach you to sell market. I'm like, I don't tell anything, please.
Robert Kelly
But it was. It was just a. It was just like, oh, me and I've been On the road and there's a bunch and do you mind if I sell my bracelet? And then I met him. I'm like, yeah, dude, sell your.
Dusty Slay
Well, it's funny. You have a name. You have a look. You have a name that's like fit for fame, you know, I mean, it's like. It seems like. So I can see when you don't know somebody and that all those things come the right away and it's featuring for you have a little like, who the is this guy? What was probably energy and you just.
Big J
Broke your ribs or something.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Big J
Skiing or.
Robert Kelly
No, that was. That was. That. That's when I did the snow tubing accident. At your heaviest, I was at my head one. At my heaviest, came down the mountain.
Dusty Slay
You're not supposed to catch air when you're your heaviest man.
Robert Kelly
How do you catch air? I mean, I. I went past the snow and I met.
Dusty Slay
So you had grass again.
Robert Kelly
I told you, I had that. My act. I go. I changed seasons. I went back into spring and I was so. My ribs. It was just a. I flew. That was just. And then I just look over and. You mind if I sell merch? And then the suitcase was as big as him. But then he went up and I watched his set and I was like, you know what? He's very funny. So I'm like, okay, where was it? It was at the Tempe Improv.
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. He went up and murdered.
Big J
Yeah. It was great.
Robert Kelly
And I was like, all right, fucking sell your merch.
Big J
But yeah, we.
Dusty Slay
Yeah, he came off stage and went, I will be selling my merch.
Robert Kelly
He walked up and he went, they want my merch. Actually, the fans actually came out and said, we'd like his merch. Whatever you have, move it aside.
Dusty Slay
Chanting Dusty's merch at the end of your set.
Robert Kelly
I'm so glad I didn't bring merch. You know what I mean?
Dusty Slay
You got dominated.
Robert Kelly
Oh, just come on. Yeah, we got no more money, Bob. Sorry.
Big J
Yeah. When you. Only when I was featuring, it's like, there's no money in featuring, so you just. You gotta sell merch.
Robert Kelly
Well. Or you could become a headliner.
Big J
Right? Well, that's what you told me.
Robert Kelly
That's what you told me. I did tell him, why don't you become a headliner? And then you don't have to ask.
Dusty Slay
But you're absolutely right, though. It is interesting, but it's not a path that a lot of comedians take anymore. Like regular featuring for those couple years. People are skipping over that because they can find Online numbers and if you're putting asses in seats, they don't give a. Yeah, it doesn't matter like who what the talent is ultimately at least a one shot for that.
Big J
Oh yeah.
Dusty Slay
That was different times. So you've been doing it long enough. Like I said, I. I remember like I just had like my chunk of years that I would headline here and there four times a year. Maybe a club at one point he got to. But I was David Tell's feature friend. I just like. And if not them, if I had a lull of like a couple months where I wasn't gonna be with a Tell or something, I'd be like, yeah sure, I'll come to Florida and feature for Bobby Slayton or Pablo Friends. I just went anywhere.
Robert Kelly
I always thought I was doing a disservice to a middler. Letting him sell all his shirts and who and hurrah. It's like, dude, go become. Blow me the off the stage. So I know you.
Dusty Slay
I get it. I get your point for sure.
Robert Kelly
Let me make it. It's just. I always thought it was just like go become the. So then you don't have to act. You just sell your shit. If I let you sell this, you'll stay here for longer than you should have because you're making money. I had a guy one weekend. You know, you have those ebbs and flows in your career. I was making whatever, okay money. And. And he wound up with his merch. And he came up and told me with his merch. And then he took his merch money and went gambled. He made like $13,000 that weekend. And I was like, I didn't make that much. I was so mad.
Big J
That guy seems like he's crushing it.
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
But they also gave him the club give him these two free tickets. So any. If you bought merch from him, you'd get two free tickets to come back to the club. So I was like, man. So I always thought the club gave.
Dusty Slay
A deal to help him out.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
But he was. He was definitely. He was. He was a funny. Like he was not gonna be.
Dusty Slay
Also won't be. It depends. Yeah. I mean you can get past people giving a. About that as long as you get funny eventually. But I do get the making money thing of it. To me. To me, I didn't have the stand there with it. You got to sell it the stuff. You got to be there with it. And I just didn't have the thing. It was especially like if I was. If I was headlining at the lowest Level, it's getting small guarantees. The place was half empty. I was like, if I go out there and like, also I go, I know you've already spent too much money on me today. Could you do $20 for this shirt? I don't think it's gonna wash. Well, you know, like.
Big J
Oh, yeah.
Dusty Slay
I just had all that kind of feeling of it. I was like, what am I doing? Like, I didn't. Giving it all away.
Big J
Yeah. I think I just had to. It was. I don't know. It was good. Sometimes the bad show, you felt like the show was bad, and then you go out like, go, hey, great show. And it really change your whole opinion about.
Robert Kelly
But sometimes you thought you had a good show and someone comes out and goes, yuck. As they're walking by.
Dusty Slay
Your merch.
Big J
Yeah, merch.
Robert Kelly
Merch. Why would you sell me?
Big J
That could happen too.
Robert Kelly
Well, it's funny, the guy. I told this comic, like. Like I said you were funny. I watched your set and I'm like, yeah, he's great. But there's been comics in the middle who aren't funny at all. They're okay. And they're selling shirts and all kinds of.
Big J
They got a long merch pitch and part of it goes to charity.
Robert Kelly
And I'm like, dude, you're my.
Dusty Slay
My rent or something. Joke. Yeah.
Robert Kelly
And they go into the bit and they do that. So I was like, dude, why don't you not. Don't do that. You're making yourself have to do that bit every night at the end. It's your comedy. Do something different. Drop the stupid T shirt bit. Forget about the merch. You can sell your shit. It doesn't matter. So he went out the next night and he. He did this whole other joke that was not that good, but then he held up a T shirt for that joke. He just changed the fucking merch.
Big J
Oh, yeah, dude, that's the funniest.
Robert Kelly
You missed the point. Stupid.
Dusty Slay
Anyway, the. Oh, that's funny as hell. That's really, like. Yeah, I know. So I have certain people who me.
Robert Kelly
And Dusty just touch feet and we immediately felt weird. We both kicked our feet out and we touched and we both ripped our feet back pretty fast.
Big J
What's up, brother?
Robert Kelly
How you doing this? No, gazies.
Dusty Slay
This show is known. Show is known for Meet cutes.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, yeah. I've touched a few people on the show. It's by accident.
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I. You know, you say the thing about trying to get somebody some money, like to have them feed you for you. And then like, the guy I made. You said he made $13,000. That's always my favorite, that. We brought a female comic who I watched. I think I've told you this before. It was me and Dave Smith. We're going to Providence, and we brought a female comic who I just saw. She's like. She has a kid, single mom. She's going through it. She was showing, like. You know, that's like, I kind of saw on her social media, like, with the show she was doing, and I was like, damn, man. I. I like this girl. Let me hook her up. I'll have her host that weekend. You know, she's gonna have to stay in a hotel room with me. And Dave's already. Me and him in a hotel room. You know, me and him will split a bed or whatever, but just get a couple bucks. I'm making nothing to headline this thing, but she'll get a couple hundred bucks for it. And I brought her, and she was going nutty all weekend. I mean, just, like, behavior was wacky as shit. Kept farting a lot in front of us, which I found was funny, to make sure, I guess we wouldn't, like, try to have sex with her.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, that is. That's. That's definitely, like, a bear spray for.
Dusty Slay
Right. But I said, by third fart. By third fart. I went. Nobody was trying anything anyway, but, like, message taken.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
No one's gonna try to hook up. You could stop that, please. I don't like that at all. And then Dave kept farting.
Robert Kelly
Want you to fuck him either?
Dusty Slay
Oh, is that all you got to do? So the last night of the shows, after the show, she was, like, gone. We couldn't find her. And we're, like, looking around. It's a casino hotel, and we're looking around it. And then someone said they found her because she was kicked out of backstage of Boys to Men were performing there.
Big J
Jeez.
Dusty Slay
And she was, like, removed from backstage. And then I caught up with her, and I was like, where were you at? And she's like, oh, I went to go, like, gamble a little bit and everything. And I was like. I didn't even think when she said that. I was just like, that's kind of weird to gamble when it's like, you seem to be having a lot of money issues. And then when we were in the car driving home, I was like, well, look, at least you got a couple bucks this weekend. I hope it helps out a little bit. She goes, oh, that money's gone.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
And I was like, in my mind, I was like, to be. I'm giving her all the benefits of that. I go, I know. It's like, bills and diapers and stuff, right? It's already accounted for. She's like, no, no, I lost that at video poker. She's farting in the car. Yeah, I was at video poker.
Big J
And then you realize why she's in the money spot.
Dusty Slay
Yeah. You're like. I guess.
Big J
You're like, oh, it's not just help. You need something. You need some direction.
Dusty Slay
Yeah, no shit. That's such a weird thing. Just keep farting until someone goes, enough. I promise I won't do anything to.
Robert Kelly
You, to the guy. The two guys on Legion of Skanks. Hey, it's enough.
Dusty Slay
She also knew us. It was a thing. It was like, you don't really have to sell that message. Everyone's fine.
Robert Kelly
Hey, guys.
Dusty Slay
No one thought this was a fuck trip.
Robert Kelly
I remember I had. I had Starbro sell merch for me, which was the worst ever, because I can't sell merch either. I hate it. I hate. There's nothing worse than not selling merch when you have merch and people just walk by, go, hey, man, great show. Hey. And they don't buy a thing.
Dusty Slay
The cell is impressive. When I did the Mayhem Fest with the bands, I would, at the end of my set, just go, hey, I'm gonna be over there with my cd if you guys want to buy it or the thing. You know, the small two, three people come over, trickle over. I was going between the bands anyway. But when the guy who owned the festival, big personality guy, get up there and he'd go. When I get off stage, he. You know, he goes, we got. The bands are all gonna start coming up here in a minute. Go, before it's too late. Before you can't get him anymore. You should get this guy. And a line would form just arbitrarily.
Big J
Yeah, it's gotta be shirts, too. Like on the road, CDs, people. They don't. I mean, not now, but even then.
Robert Kelly
It felt like Rick Voss still sell CDs.
Big J
CD was. CD was like, I'm selling my art.
Dusty Slay
Yeah. T shirt.
Big J
You felt like you're selling out. But when I would work with these guys, I would open for these guys on the road and I would have CDs, and I felt like I would do better than them. And they would sell way more shirts than me. And when I would sell nothing.
Dusty Slay
So shirts makes much more sense.
Big J
You gotta get the shirt. And then I go do the no sell sell. Where I go, hey, you buy this if you want to. You don't have to buy anything. I'll be out there.
Dusty Slay
But definitely come up and say hi and sign my mailing list. I need your data.
Big J
Yeah. Make eye contact with me.
Robert Kelly
I would always look up and there'd be people trying to buy shirts. And I just look for Starburst. And he'd just be talking to some fat ginger trying to get pussy. That's all he's trying to do is get pussy.
Dusty Slay
I'm so bad.
Robert Kelly
Dumplings in pussy.
Dusty Slay
Christine, one time I brought. After Hurricane Sandy, I just had the remaining box of my CDs. 2013 or something. And you went to Providence with me. And I go, hey, I'll bring these. Let me just get rid of these, will you? Like, you're a girl. Go out there and, like, we'll stand. Just sell these things at the end. Christine's a girl, and she walked out sometimes. Well, she's a woman now. 40.
Robert Kelly
Yeah. She's a hag.
Dusty Slay
What a geese.
Robert Kelly
Oh, God. You can't get stranded with her on an island. She'd be a different person in a month.
Dusty Slay
Oh, we definitely. I mean, she's 40 years old, so we can't procreate and start a new society or anything.
Robert Kelly
You want a coconut, J? This is our kid now.
Dusty Slay
Oh, my God. Christina and I with that. What do you have, like, a week's worth of meds only. Sounds terrifying. It sounds terrifying.
Robert Kelly
I'll take dial in life.
Dusty Slay
Oh, no.
Robert Kelly
You guys would get fat and then skinny again because you'd be off your mounjaro.
Dusty Slay
We went out to outside afterwards, like, so I'm like, I'll even be out there. I'll go outside with you, smoke a cigarette and, like, just. But you be like, the. Let them know. It's like, CDs. $10 for CDs for $5. Whatever it was. I mean, she went out there and stood there and she goes, hey, CDs. I don't. I go, no, you got it projected. She goes, I can't. And she just put them on the floor. And then panic, walked away. She just put them on the floor in front of the door and panic. And then the door closed, like, all, like, moved the box. She goes, I can't. And then I was like, what's wrong? She goes, I can't do it either. I'm like, wow, that was a meltdown. I'm just not good at it. I don't. You had. That was. Are you all right? It was weird.
Robert Kelly
The best merch I ever Sold. When I toured with Dane in the arena and he would have, like, a concert.
Dusty Slay
Dane Cook, he's a comic from the 90s.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, he was you. Except a little more interesting.
Dusty Slay
A lot of people say Dusty Slay is the modern day.
Big J
That's my inspiration.
Dusty Slay
So it says that on your shirt. Dash.
Robert Kelly
Dane Cook, he had those, like, five merch counters just full with soup. Dude, the merch money this kid made was crazy. And I would. I would put my little cd, my little. Just the tip. And I would always have, like, a case of those each show. And I would go find, like I said, which is the best merch with you? Like this one. And I'd sit there and I sell them all.
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And I say the thing that would, like, I did think about, though, and making, like, Legion of Skanks logo and stuff like that is like, you do. A sellable logo is a cool thing to be able to have. Yeah, a good logo is good. Legion of Skanks is like a good tattooable shirt, hat kind of logo, which is a.
Robert Kelly
You want to be famous.
Dusty Slay
And Dane Cook's like, you need a stupid Sufi. Say what you will. Like, just the outline of that on a shirt, like, would look pretty cool at a time.
Robert Kelly
I would say you need a. A people and a. And a catchphrase or some type of thing.
Big J
We're having a good time, you know, and you gotta have a mer. I think you gotta have merch that's, like, cool. And that people will wear. Even they don't.
Robert Kelly
What's your best?
Big J
Like the show.
Robert Kelly
What's your best?
Big J
I have a shirt that says we're.
Robert Kelly
Having a good time and that sells the most.
Big J
I think so. Yeah. Because it's no picture on it at all. No, Just has that in my name. It's got some bright colors.
Robert Kelly
Anybody could wear it.
Big J
You could wear it and just. You don't even know. It's comedy. You're just like.
Robert Kelly
You could get that for somebody who.
Big J
Had a good time.
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I've just had your show.
Robert Kelly
They are having a good time.
Dusty Slay
That's right.
Robert Kelly
They are exactly damn good.
Dusty Slay
I'm. Because I'm fat for the. When I was fatter even I had all my, like, hoodies just, like, made, you know? And that's not like, from a amazing company. I mean, just like, shipped in bulk and then shirts made and those ones I've made. It's so funny when people said, like, dude, are you selling that? Because I, like, the reading is gay and just like, the dumb. I get that. I'm like, oh, I want a shirt that just says this. And people want that as merchant. Like, not even one of my jokes.
Robert Kelly
It's funny.
Dusty Slay
It says slut. And they're like, dude, where do you get the slut shirt at?
Robert Kelly
You know, it's funny because anybody can wear. Doesn't have to be your fan.
Dusty Slay
Well, that's it.
Robert Kelly
If you find the perfect merch.
Dusty Slay
That's what I thought about sk.
Robert Kelly
It's everybody. Everybody can. Dude. Skank stuff. Skank fest. Everybody wants that shirt when I wear it.
Dusty Slay
Skank fest. For sure. But I'm saying just a shirt that's just a flat out, like the circle, like the face logo is our biggest seller thing. Leaps and bounds. It's just basic and yeah. Easiest thing. But I don't sell anything on the road at all. So if they get it, they get it online, which is.
Robert Kelly
I just can't do it. I can't. I can't. I. I don't want to go out.
Dusty Slay
There with somebody like I did with. With Ari before.
Robert Kelly
You know what I sold one year that was actually in the wintertime, I sold beanies because people need hats. A lot of times they leave the house without a beanie and then they realize, oh, that'd be cool to have that.
Dusty Slay
Sure. In the winter time. It's great.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, like. Like stuff you need.
Big J
It's not cool to be a salesman, right? Nobody want. It's like, cool to be a comic, but nobody wants to be a salesman. Yeah, that's. But I had to. I was like, I gotta make this work.
Dusty Slay
But you don't people to ask you questions either where they go, is this cotton poly blend or is it like.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
Yes.
Big J
They go, yes.
Dusty Slay
With a little bit of polyester.
Big J
They would go, is this unise? I go, yeah.
Robert Kelly
I guess she should have been like a you.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Why are you asking that?
Dusty Slay
Isn't every T shirt unisex?
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Big J
Do you have these in women's sizes? I go, I don't know. I have smalls. Is that what you're asking?
Robert Kelly
But you're doing theaters now.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
So you, like. We looked at your dates and I was saying it's always great when you read somebody. Like, me and Jay are like, hey, we'll be there the fourth, the fifth, and the sixth, and the seventh.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
Dusty Slay is going to be in Arkata the fifth, and then he's going.
Dusty Slay
With the same, if not more people. We'll just get it all handled in that one shot.
Robert Kelly
But when you. When you do a thing, I like.
Dusty Slay
To stretch Them out with a low ceiling.
Robert Kelly
I like where they can still smoke.
Dusty Slay
I only play flexes with indoor smoking still.
Big J
That's where it's at, though. That's where it's at. Casino. Some off the. Off the off Vegas casinos. They can still smoke in the showroom.
Dusty Slay
In the showrooms. No.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
So you. You're at the theaters now. That's. That's way better to sell merch because they have usually somebody there doing it for you. It's up before the show, people can buy it, and then you do your meet and greet and you're on the other end of the meet and greet.
Dusty Slay
Right?
Big J
Yeah. Now. Yeah. I mean, I have just reached the point where I do have someone that sells my merch. So it is good you let your.
Robert Kelly
Middlers sell their merch.
Dusty Slay
Yes.
Robert Kelly
Really?
Big J
Yeah. But it's usually my friends.
Robert Kelly
Okay.
Big J
I don't really get paired up with people randomly.
Robert Kelly
You have your friends, you still have.
Dusty Slay
Them go out and sell their own. Yeah, that's the good.
Big J
So I go make some money so I don't have to pay you as much.
Dusty Slay
That's the problem. They ever expose what you're making people start eating that shit. Yeah, he's like, you know, so much only pay.
Robert Kelly
So what's his name? Theo Vaughn.
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Someone said he was paying like low, but I don't even know what that means necessarily.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, I'll tell you. Huh? I said Nick Cannon. Lou. I mean, dude, I thought dame was paying low.
Dusty Slay
Dude, that was the best. Nick Cannon, Pete. Peter Davidson, when he was young and he was going out opening for Nick Cannon a little bit. He came back, he told us before we even saw like his cribs or anything. He was telling us the funniest, that we didn't believe that they have a functioning staffed candy store at their home. Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey. Time we're still together, staff candy store. Which we had hours of laughs about that just complaining. He goes, why are we overstocked on Red Hots? He goes, cause you're allergic to them, Mr. Cannon. I told you, the only person who shops at the store. The store in your house.
Robert Kelly
Is that what you bought? Radio Shack? You bought an electronic store's house?
Dusty Slay
I need an RF cable. We're out of those.
Robert Kelly
What a dumb investment. Yeah, I just bought Radio Shack. Why?
Big J
He has a candy store that he buys candy from in his own house.
Dusty Slay
Gotta stock it. He has to walk through the back with a pencil. He goes, okay, I think lemon heads were good for the year. No more lemon heads.
Robert Kelly
Does he have one of those sliding ladders he. He has to climb up on to get to the top.
Dusty Slay
You can find a video of it for sure. It's out there. It's pretty great. But he was telling us about all that, and just like the inordinate amount of money this guy has and spends. Yeah, guys, you know, running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need, and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo. That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing websites, literally every kind of software, and it's all on one platform. So it works together, and it's quality software, so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it. Right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com. that's o d o o dot com. Odoo dot com. And then it was like he would do a weekend with him at a place, and he goes, it's cool, man. I get to get experience. I mean, everything's like. His whole life is, like, first class. He goes, and I get 200 bucks.
Big J
Oh, yeah.
Dusty Slay
And we'd be like 200 bucks a show. It's like 200, but it's like, no toes. Like 100 bucks a night. It was, like, really grotesquely bad. We were like, what the. And he's pretty. I think he does a lot of, like, the. Man, you get some crazy experience. Now, listen, Nick Cannon was saying his name. Way young Destiny Middle has just got an upgrade.
Robert Kelly
Called him 300 bucks a night. He just made a note.
Dusty Slay
You had to go, that's crazy, man. What ass you pulling those numbers out of?
Robert Kelly
Make it $300 a night. You remember when I got taken to court? I got taken to a comedy court. I think it was the first comedy court ever.
Dusty Slay
Oh, buddy. It was. It was. I was so young, and you could appreciate.
Big J
You got taken to back.
Robert Kelly
Back at the. Com, the comedy seller. Back Table back in the day when it was, you know, Norton, Patrice Voss, Keith and Little Kev and, And Jay and me and Colin Apollo. I. I took the outskirts.
Dusty Slay
People were the Bill Burrs and St. The people that were like sort of getting in like with the circle of like every night being there. And.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
So one night they found out I was taking little, Little Big J on the road with me.
Dusty Slay
Colleges was our first one. It was our first one we ever did. Yeah, you came to town and me and Kevin Hart were hanging out together at the time. And so Keith Robinson was mentoring us, kind of bring us around Bobby. And Bobby offered Kev a weekend with him. He goes, hey, you want to blah, blah, blah, you know, go with me to these three colleges? You know, I'll take care of you. And he couldn't do it. Could you imagine that?
Robert Kelly
I did that with Kevin Hart and that piece of shit's never put me in a thing.
Dusty Slay
Well, here's the thing. He turned you down then also and said. He said before he was anything, before he was in the cellar, he said no to your gig. But he goes, hey, Jay's dumb and fat and has a car and he'll do it. And then. So I got it through Kev to you and you were like, yeah, sure. And I drove from South Jersey, still living down there. And I picked you up in New York because you were here visiting. You were just here to do gigs. Yeah, I know you lived in LA still. And I picked you up and we drove first night like really far up like Canada almost Erie or some shit. And then we drove and then we drove back down to New York City and stopped for. To sleep a couple hours at Bobby's apartment.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
With his now wife at the time. Fiance, I think. And they were up there and no, I was.
Robert Kelly
She wasn't my family. I was definitely cheating on her back then.
Dusty Slay
Okay. But nice place. And I. It was one bedroom, so Bobby and his chick obviously went in the room. And I was just like, I'll just watch TV and like sleep in the chair or whatever. And I again, substantially fatter than I am even now. Big wolf snoring. Hard driving Bobby, who had not been fat like that yet, nuts. He's not having sympathy for me. He's having your. My night up.
Robert Kelly
I was having. I needed to get sleep because we had to leave the next day.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
And this tub of was in the other room. I think he was sit sleeping, which is. I was just lie down, you fat. So. And get a pillow.
Dusty Slay
This is 20 something years ago. It was like 25 years ago.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, I went out and threw something. I threw an.
Dusty Slay
No. So he got out. I know exactly what it was.
Big J
It's hard to block out a snore.
Robert Kelly
No, it's hard to block once you hear it.
Big J
Yeah, I don't.
Dusty Slay
I don't even know if I knew I snored yet. Yeah, I was 20.
Robert Kelly
My wife was 2. I was like, this kid, she's like, he's big.
Big J
It's okay. He's.
Robert Kelly
He can't control it. I'm like, yeah, you can wake the up. Wake up, let me fall asleep. Then she's like, just let him. Maybe see if he.
Dusty Slay
Yeah, she definitely.
Big J
Yeah, yeah.
Robert Kelly
See if he wants a sandwich. See if he wants to have something to eat.
Dusty Slay
Shove something in his mouth. Did you bring up a picture to show how fat I was?
Robert Kelly
Was.
Dusty Slay
Who does that to people?
Robert Kelly
That leather thing on his wrist, that was actually to hold his fat in. Wow.
Dusty Slay
I was seeping.
Robert Kelly
He got that from the circus.
Dusty Slay
Wow.
Big J
I have never seen this.
Dusty Slay
I was leaking from. I was leaking from the wrists.
Big J
Wow.
Dusty Slay
So look at that.
Robert Kelly
Look at that fat mitt. You have old catcher's mid hands.
Dusty Slay
I thought I was doing all right. These black people love me.
Robert Kelly
That was the guy I took on the road, and that was the guy that was snoring on my.
Dusty Slay
That was the guy and snoring. But. But personality never was. P. Diddy's bad boys of comedy. It was a very nice boy.
Robert Kelly
One of the nicest.
Dusty Slay
And Bobby, though, comes out at the time. Not a father yet. One of the meanest. And he came out while his wife in a robe is trying to stop him. I kind of start hearing the commotion and then wake up to feel. He threw a fun size pack of peanut MMs at my head and it perfectly boxed my ear. So I woke up so ringing. And I was like. You couldn't hear for a second.
Big J
Yeah. This is why Kevin Hart didn't want to do the game.
Robert Kelly
In fairness, certainly that's the. In fairness. I thought he was gonna instinctually wake up and catch it in his mouth.
Dusty Slay
He did. Someone to tell him that. It's like awakenings. When they threw them the ball, they would catch it.
Robert Kelly
I thought he was gonna. And get it. And I was just gonna wake him up with a snack. I thought it was just a treat.
Dusty Slay
He's like, wake up. Here's Eminem's. My wife's gonna make you a middle of the night sandwich.
Robert Kelly
She's still mad at me if I bring that up. She's like, you're. That was really. She's still.
Dusty Slay
Well, here's the thing is she also watched me be like. She watched rage build up in me of like A dude, a 22 year old, like, dude. And then saw me go like, he's one of the dogs, man. He's one of the guys at the table. Like, I gotta. He's taking me on the road. We still have two more gigs to do.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
You know what a problem that fucking big boy would have been as he's just sitting on my chest, finger plopping my wife, eating my Mizuna style. Yeah. Yeah.
Big J
Well, how were the shows?
Dusty Slay
Well. Well, I did not do very well. Colleges were never really my speeds. I was always going dirtier, even when I shouldn't have and was younger and didn't really know how to pass it at all.
Robert Kelly
I killed Bobby.
Dusty Slay
Murdered the guy, by the way. The reason he might as well tell you he was cheating on his wife at that time is because this guy was going to colleges and there was a line that wanted autographs, a line that wanted pictures, and a line that was. Already had their panties off.
Big J
That's why you don't sell merch. Yeah, yeah. I never had that problem. I was like, I needed to draw them in with something. It had to be shirts.
Dusty Slay
So the shows, I was not. I was underperforming, let's say. And Bobby is murdering. And now I'm just a fat guy on his way. But I was driving. He didn't have a car here. Cause he was just visiting. So then we drive like up now we go to Connecticut, like this direction to far hours. We do that show and then we drive through the night to go to like way down to Maryland. And then I. Again, now I'm uncomfortable. I'm like, this guy's. My fat is bothering this guy. I'm aware of that. Hyper self aware.
Robert Kelly
It's just because this is what bugged me about Jay. We stopped.
Dusty Slay
I'm like, I also asked about Dane Cook every five seconds.
Robert Kelly
That was terrible. Kept trying to get me to teach him the Sufi. I'm like, I don't do it.
Dusty Slay
Bobby snapped at one point because I was in the middle of my 15th time going like, the guy's just got something. I don't know. So when you see another show, it's not going good. Like he's a guy that can come out and like, really? And Bobby's like, it's a formula, dude. He's got a formula.
Robert Kelly
I did that. I did say that you popped on Me. So, yeah. And then we went. You know, I finally. I was eating healthy at the time because I was in the show.
Dusty Slay
Oh, it was not. That's on the way back. What you're talking about on the way out. What happened was I'm. I know my fat's bothering him. So I'm trying my best to, like, we're in. The car's not big. And Bobby took a shift to driving for a little bit so I could sleep. It was going through the night. And then when I woke up to him going, like, yo, dude, dude, dude. And I'm like, what? And then I realized, like, I'm like, mouth open, drool sucking on his shoulder, basically, in the car, and he's like. The. Is AC wet on his shirt, and it's like, oh, my God. I'm like, I'm up so bad. Then on the. On the way home. Yeah, we're gonna drive. We're driving all the way back now. Which, by the way, that's the funniest thing. Is past where I lived in South Jersey to drive me two hours up to drop Bobby off at Matt Frost house. And then for me to turn back, drive down the thing. What?
Robert Kelly
No, it's at my apartment. You dropped me off at my apartment. I lived there.
Dusty Slay
Oh, you're right. Yeah. You were there.
Big J
I'm guessing they didn't let you crash on the chair for a little bit.
Dusty Slay
No, no.
Robert Kelly
It's two hours.
US Cellular Advertiser
Yeah, you're right.
Dusty Slay
You're right. So, yeah. You weren't visiting. You were there already.
Robert Kelly
I was there already. I just had moved back.
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Robert Kelly
And we were driving, and I was. I was eating healthy, trying to stay healthy. I was in shape, and I finally broke. I was like, let's go. Where we go?
Dusty Slay
He goes, jay's fat? No. Went to Wendy's. I know why you think it's Taco Bell. This is what made you furious. We pull into the drive through, and Bobby's like, oh, good. And Josh Adam Myers treats me like this today still. He goes, let's order McDonald's. You're like, dude, I don't want. It's so bad. But it's like, well, I. What do you mean? You're my fat guy. You'll eat McDonald's, and then I can eat McDonald's tonight.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
It infuriated me, his order, because I thought he was just gonna order, like, nine hamburgers, fries, and nuggets. And then he orders the taco salad. I wanted to punch him in the face. How did you get this way?
Dusty Slay
And then made him. And then. And then when we went out, we went out, we got in the car and we parked so we could eat. And Bobby's got his burger and chicken sandwich, whatever. Nuggets. I was like, I'll have some of your nuggets. And then I go. And we sit down, we park the car, take all the food out. And then I go. And Bobby's like, what's wrong, dude? I go, they just didn't give sour cream. And like, sour cream's like the thing in Mexican food for me at all. So then we had to. It's closed. Like, so it's only drive through. So we had to re. Wait in the late night. Everyone's in the line, drive through aisle to get.
Robert Kelly
Get fato sour cream on a salad.
Dusty Slay
So Bobby's laughing at me.
Big J
And you hate to do it, but you're like, I gotta.
Dusty Slay
I need. This is a wasted meal.
Big J
Yeah. I should have got a burger and chicken sandwich.
Dusty Slay
It's crazy.
Robert Kelly
Didn't try walking up to the window.
Dusty Slay
The line that the driver threw was packed.
Robert Kelly
It bugged me so bad.
Dusty Slay
Then. Then we. We drove back and we went home. And Bobby.
Robert Kelly
I was back out on the road and got a phone call.
Dusty Slay
He was on the road and got.
Robert Kelly
A phone call because from the tape, from the table. And I just. I listen when you got. You could hear the atmosphere in the background of. You know, you're screaming. Yeah, Bob. Bob, I think it was Patrice, Bobby. And they put me. They put me.
Dusty Slay
The worst gonna happen to my angle of that. When I got to the Cellar, they say that they go. Because it's almost a punchline. No one knows you. They go, what did Bobby. He goes, how was the weekend with Bobby? And I'm wrong. You weren't back on the road just to quick get this thing. No. You were still living in la. Throwing the thing in my ear was another time.
Robert Kelly
Okay.
Dusty Slay
That was definitely a time when you lived here, for sure. But they had the rest of the Haywire, the Three Cities, and everything is exactly what's happening. And I'm sitting at the Cellar, and I think it was great. I'm like. That went actually really good. You know, I did okay on the shows, but we had a good time. We laughed a bunch.
Robert Kelly
That was fun.
Dusty Slay
How was the weekend with Bobby? It was great. Such a good time ago. What'd he pay you? I went, 300. And they went, oh, 300 a show. That's pretty good. And I'm not mad. I'm just correcting them. Yeah, no, no, no, no, it was. It was 300 total. And they were like, a hundred dollars a show. And they called Bobby.
Robert Kelly
Hang on one second. You saw him? I had to feed that.
Big J
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Robert Kelly
It's actually.
Big J
So food was included.
Robert Kelly
Food and gas. Okay, that's 500 a show. Five to 700 a show. Go ahead.
Dusty Slay
And I was like. And I'm going. They're like, that's crazy. Like, that's so low. And I'm like, oh, it's fine. I mean, the experience was good. It's colleges. I'm gonna. And they're like. They're just not letting it go. No, that's up. And they're goosing me. But I'm not getting goosed. I'm then like, we're calling Bobby right now. And I'm like, I'm begging him. In the background. Bobby hears me going, bobby, I'm not complaining about. This isn't.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
I'm not doing this. And they're like, that's fucking crazy. And they put him on trial right there. Patrice was my lawyer. Keith was Bobby's lawyer.
Robert Kelly
I wish I had Patrice.
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Patrice won. And then they drew the tables. Used to be able to draw on them with chalk.
Robert Kelly
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
And they just drew a front page of the paper with Bobby behind bars.
Big J
Oh, yeah.
Dusty Slay
For ripping up then Bobby. So we hung up. And this is like, not like everyone had a cell phone necessarily, because I went home the next day, and I got a call on my house phone at my mom's house that I lived at at 22 with from Bobby. And he just goes, you don't tell people what you make, dude.
Robert Kelly
Dirty rat.
Big J
I feel like you had the right attitude, though, right? Nobody has that attitude now, where they're like, this is good experience for me. I don't mind the money.
Robert Kelly
Makes money for years.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
One of the most difficult things, when you're with people who keep informing you that they're not making a lot of money, the thing is, like, you know, featuring. It's only like a hundred dollars a show. So it's like, you know, the weekend. By the time I drive, sometimes someone. I'm not talking about somebody I bring.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
Somebody just did it and got the gig. And they go, I drove here from Kentucky. You know, it's Ohio. It's just like, the miles. It's like, you know, I wish they paid more for featuring. You're like, I'm sorry to hear that, man. I don't know what. Stop telling me that.
Big J
I know.
Dusty Slay
It's like, no.
Robert Kelly
I have, like, Danny and Joe, the guys I take on the road, I give them good money or the club will pay them and I'll give them extra. But they would do it for nothing. They just want to do stand up, and they can't do stand up on Fridays and Saturdays.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
Where's the money now? Happens young. Where is the money? Is a young. Young comedians now.
Robert Kelly
I think funny. I think funny. Comics, though, like, we never gave a. I mean, we made. I made food at the Cellar. Money.
Dusty Slay
No, of course. Comics, though. You're saying the thing is, like, if you can get in the world of live performance coming off of just Internet stuff.
Robert Kelly
Stuff.
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And you've made lots of money from your Internet stuff. You know, like, I'm gonna go live. You're like, well, I'm not gonna go do a 1200 guarantee weekend. And the Providence Comedy Connection, they're like, why would I do that?
Robert Kelly
I have a question for you real quick. Your special name.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
What, where and why? Because it doesn't sound. It sounds a little erotic.
Big J
I like that. That it sounds that way. You know, you don't know if it's like a 90s kind of sitcom on USA or like a little Sex and a little Murder.
Dusty Slay
Maybe like those dramedies.
Big J
Yeah. Like Miami Buddy Cop film.
Dusty Slay
Burn Notice.
Robert Kelly
Sounds like a lesbian cop show.
Big J
That's what I'm saying. That's what I like. I like people to go, oh, what's this all about?
Dusty Slay
That's a show is Dusty tubing his toes into salacious waters.
Big J
But it's just. It's just a weather joke. You know, you go to Phoenix and it's real hot, and they go, yeah, but it's a dry heat, you know, and they. They act like their heat's better than my heat, you know? So I say, well, I like a wet heat.
Dusty Slay
Soaking wet heat.
Big J
Yeah. That's the kind of heat I like.
Robert Kelly
And the special. And Netflix.
Dusty Slay
Second one, right?
Robert Kelly
Yeah, second one on Netflix. I mean, this is pretty great, bro.
Big J
Thank you. Yeah.
Robert Kelly
You like that? Well, it feels good doing it with them.
Big J
Yeah. I mean, you know, I feel like that's. That's the spot to be right now, you know, it's like if you. You know, it's a good spot for.
Dusty Slay
You, and because it's. You're clean, like, it's. It's a probably very low notes, which is a big deal.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
When you're making something, you want low notes.
Robert Kelly
Yeah, you're right. I mean, you. You. You probably get no notes.
Big J
Well, I just make the special, and then Pitch it to them.
Dusty Slay
Oh, okay, so it wasn't Netflix produced, but. Right, okay, yeah, that's good.
Big J
So I get to own them.
Robert Kelly
Oh.
Dusty Slay
Which is awesome.
Robert Kelly
You own the special?
Dusty Slay
Yeah, they're just leased. They're leased to Netflix.
Big J
Yeah.
Robert Kelly
And then you can put it on Punch Up Live.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
Butch's Bobby is a 80%. The new special Wet. He is streaming right now on Netflix.
Big J
Yeah, I think I follow it. Punch up.
Dusty Slay
And Dusty's gonna be at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles August 5th. Ooh, are you really?
Big J
Yeah, yeah. Did a stand up on the spot show there recently and got a. Got a booking out.
Robert Kelly
Guess who else is gonna be there on the 5th? Guess who else.
Dusty Slay
Story Wars.
Big J
Oh, amazing.
Robert Kelly
You've done Story Wars.
Big J
I have done Story Wars.
Dusty Slay
You did Nashville.
Robert Kelly
Do it again.
Dusty Slay
Yeah, maybe I'll talk. Yeah, I'll let you know because we're doing a three of them out there the Monday and Tuesday.
Big J
Okay.
Dusty Slay
So please.
Robert Kelly
Pays $100.
Dusty Slay
All right.
Big J
Food too, though, right?
Dusty Slay
Oh, well, just a taco salad from. From Wendy's. Which. Do they even make that anymore? Oh, that chili was just chopped up. Burger. I really just had a burger. Just in parts. He's going to be at the Comedy Store In Los Angeles, August 5th. Huntsville, Alabama, August 8th. After that, Atlanta, Madison, Wisconsin. Milwaukee, Nashville, Tennessee. For tickets and all of his tour dates go to dustyslay.com you know what time it is. Enjoy the pre record tomorrow. I'll catch. We're off next week.
Robert Kelly
We're off next week. So. Yeah, I'm going to miss you. I'm going to be up fishing, hanging out with the fam. I'm gonna be doing my Patreon. Patreon.com Robert Kelly. I'll be doing some live shows from up the tiny house. Maybe demonstrating my new birthday present for Don.
Dusty Slay
Yes.
Robert Kelly
On myself.
Dusty Slay
Oh, sorry. Okay, so we'll catch you guys in a week or so. Enjoy the new pre record tomorrow. A bunch of fun.
Big J
Yeah.
Dusty Slay
Best ofs.
Robert Kelly
Yep.
Dusty Slay
Absolutely.
Robert Kelly
So fun. Check out Dusty Slay.
Big J
All right.
Robert Kelly
Wet heat. That does sound dirty when we say it.
Dusty Slay
Sloppy, sloppy. Wet heat.
Robert Kelly
If you could hear love, what would it sound like?
Dusty Slay
Son, can we talk about your drinking? Yeah, Dad, I think we should.
Robert Kelly
Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like. More at rethinkthedrink.
US Cellular Advertiser
Com.
Dusty Slay
An OHA initiative.
Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: "Having A Good Time with Dusty Slay"
Release Date: August 7, 2025
In this lively and engaging episode of The Bonfire hosted by Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, the comedians delve deep into the intricacies of the comedy scene, focusing particularly on the challenges and humorous anecdotes surrounding merch sales and touring. The episode features a special guest appearance by fellow comedian Dusty Slay, whose candid stories and witty commentary add a rich layer to the conversation.
The episode kicks off with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly warmly welcoming Dusty Slay, highlighting his new Netflix special, "Wet Heat". Dusty shares his upcoming tour dates, spreading excitement among listeners.
Robert recounts his initial encounter with Dusty, which was less than favorable. Dusty arrived at an improv show with an oversized suitcase, intent on selling his merch. This led to an amusing exchange about merch sales and personal appearances.
Robert Kelly: "And I really did not like you the first time I met you."
(01:00)
Big Jay Oakerson: "And he goes, hey, man, you mind if I sell my merch?"
(01:47)
Dusty humorously negotiates with Robert about selling merch, leading to a realization of Dusty's genuine comedic talent after watching his set.
The conversation shifts to the challenges comedians face when selling merchandise, especially for those who are featured acts. Robert expresses his frustrations with middling performers dominating merch sales, often earning more than the headliners.
Dusty shares a story about a female comic who struggled with selling merch and ended up gambling away her earnings, highlighting the pitfalls of relying solely on merch sales for income.
Big Jay and Dusty discuss effective strategies for selling merch, emphasizing the importance of creating relatable and wearable designs. They compare their approaches, with Dusty opting for simple, logo-centric designs and Big Jay experimenting with various slogans.
Big Jay Oakerson: "I have a shirt that says we're having a good time and that sells the most."
(15:40)
Dusty Slay: "Legion of Skanks is like a good tattooable shirt, hat kind of logo."
(15:19)
They also touch upon the dynamics of having someone else manage merch sales, making it easier for comedians to focus on performing.
Robert and Dusty reminisce about their touring days, sharing hilarious and sometimes uncomfortable experiences. Robert narrates a memorable incident involving snoring during a trip with Bobby Slayton, leading to chaos and laughter.
They also discuss the financial aspects of touring, particularly the low earnings from gigs and the pressures of maintaining performance quality as featured acts.
The hosts and Dusty delve into the broader challenges within the comedy industry, including the decline of traditional featuring gigs in favor of online comedy performances. They debate the sustainability of live touring as a primary income source for comedians.
Dusty Slay: "It's like, you know, featuring is only like a hundred dollars a show."
(35:07)
Robert Kelly: "Dane Cook, he had those five merch counters just full with soup."
(14:24)
The camaraderie between the hosts and Dusty shines through as they share personal stories, including Robert's early days in comedy, interactions with big names like Kevin Hart, and the dynamics of living and touring together. Their chemistry brings warmth and authenticity to the discussion.
Robert Kelly: "I took you on the road when you were way over your head."
(23:30)
Dusty Slay: "We went up like Canada almost Erie or some shit."
(24:38)
As the episode wraps up, Dusty promotes his tour dates and upcoming performances, encouraging listeners to attend his shows.
Robert also hints at future content and personal projects, maintaining the show's forward-looking energy.
Robert Kelly: "I always thought I was doing a disservice to a middler."
(05:00)
Dusty Slay: "Nobody was trying anything anyway, but... message taken."
(07:09)
Big Jay Oakerson: "I have a shirt that says we're having a good time and that sells the most."
(15:40)
Dusty Slay: "Legion of Skanks is like a good tattooable shirt, hat kind of logo."
(15:19)
This episode of The Bonfire offers a candid and humorous exploration of the behind-the-scenes realities of the comedy world. Through engaging storytelling and sharp wit, Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, and Dusty Slay provide valuable insights into the challenges of merch sales, the dynamics of touring, and the evolving landscape of stand-up comedy. Whether you're a comedy enthusiast or an aspiring comedian, this episode delivers both laughs and meaningful reflections on the art of making people laugh.
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