Heartbroken by Dan Soder

Summary

The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: “Heartbroken by Dan Soder”

Date: June 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire brings together the show’s signature style: fast-paced, raw, and irreverent humor from Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, plus the rotating crew—Jacob, Black Lou, DJ Lou, Christine, and special guest Dan Soder (calling in). The main thread is a saga of heartbreak: Dan Soder, once a show regular, stands up the crew for a long-anticipated lunch, sparking playful bitterness and a string of jokes. On the side, the hosts riff about pop culture, singer cameos, comedy business, food, and childhood memories in their trademark loose, unfiltered style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter, Music, and Will Smith’s Return

• Big Jay’s Familiarity with Hip-Hop: The crew jokes about Jay knowing all the words to a song few others know, tying it back to his days driving comedians from Philly to NYC.
  • Jay: “I think there’s a respect shown if a white guy knows 90% of the song.” (02:00)
• Will Smith in Philly: Bobby brings up a recent Will Smith street event, joking about Smith’s weight and generational shift in audience:
  • Bobby, on Smith performing to young crowds: “That must suck… you start doing your shit and nobody reacts.” (07:46)

2. Jay’s High-Speed Encounter with a Cybertruck

• Jay tells a story about dodging flying furniture from a Cybertruck, painting a vivid and absurdist picture of near-disaster.
  • “First time I’ve ever seen it used as a truck... before all that furniture came flying out. I had to weave around it. It was crazy.” (02:58)

3. No-Research News & Retro Sports Jokes

• Bobby’s News Misfires: Bobby admits he never checks dates, prompting Jay to rib him with references to Michael Jordan switching to baseball and the Charlotte Bobcats drafting Kwame Brown.
  • “Listen, when I bring stuff to the show, I don’t research.” – Bobby (06:46)
  • “Your news is a little backed up, Bobby.” – Jay (07:27)

4. The SiriusXM Fly Smorgasbord & Warm Juice Saga

• SiriusXM Office Treats: The team sends Black Lou to report on a mysterious food spread for an office party (“DJ set with food for employees” [20:28]), fixating on the distribution of warm juice and poultry-based delicacies.
  • Lou: “I actually stole that juice” (10:06)
  • Jay: “Only let Lou—a guy named Black Lou—take one juice.” (09:20)
  • Black Lou lists the offerings: “Barbecue… banana pudding… fried chicken sliders… broccoli kebab skewers… and a lot of juices.” (10:13–10:44)
• Riffing on Racial Stereotypes: Bros spar playfully about the politics of getting “blacker” for knowing songs/food and the oddity of food assignments at SiriusXM.
  • “That’s the blackest action he could have pulled off, he stole juice from SiriusXM Fly. That’s pretty badass.” – Jay to Black Lou (10:07)

5. Fast Food Rivalry: Whopper vs. Quarter Pounder

• Jay and Bobby launch a passionate, tongue-in-cheek debate on chain burger supremacy:
  • Jay: “The Whopper—best burger.” (23:16)
  • Bobby: “The Whopper sucks.” (23:39)
  • Christine and crew chime in, revealing fast food loyalties and childhood nostalgia.
  • “The smell is on your hands for like a day.” – DJ Lou (24:56)
  • “Your childhood sucked.” – Bobby to DJ Lou (24:33)
  • Jay: “I love it.” (24:58)
• Commercials and Cultural Blame: Later, Jacob describes a Burger King ad that places blame on the “King,” reflecting on the targeting of a “straight white male being blamed.” (34:20)

6. Heartbreak: Dan Soder Stands Up the Crew

• The Build-Up:
  • Jacob recounts a lunch planned with Dan at Oceana—an upgrade from their normal Ted’s Montana chats. Dan stands them up, citing travel snafus.
  • “He just forgot.” – Jacob (13:08)
  • “When Dan’s not there, it’s all business, no laughs.” – Bobby (15:17)
• Riffing on Rejection:
  • The crew details the sad lunch: empty tables, cheap orders, rain falling, and a waiter who “hated us.” (14:45)
  • DJ Lou: “It was more of a team building exercise. We talked about taxes… and death, literally.” (15:38)
  • “Did you guys have to look for the cheapest thing on the menu?” (14:19)
• Longing & Group Chats:
  • Group texts, “Ladies Who Lunch,” and joke memes flourish. When Dan finally calls in, the roasting intensifies.
  • Jay: “Even after years, Dan, you’re still bringing the good stuff—not showing up, making them pay. You haven’t been on the show in years and you’re still breaking their hearts.” (37:04)
• Dan’s (Thin) Defense & Remorse:
  • Dan admits he “forgot to put it in the calendar,” and promises, “I’ll be there July 1st at Oceana.” (43:28)
  • “I’m like nine out of ten [on remembering]. There’s one time it didn’t happen.” (40:59)
• Venmo Reparations:
  • The crew demands Dan Venmo the bill. “Are you going to do them a solid and Venmo them?” – Bobby (39:36)
  • Dan: “We’re going to have Eric the manager from Oceana call you and put it on your card.” (39:47)
  • Jay: “I want you to be satisfied on the day.” (62:14)

7. Nostalgic Childhood Trauma & Comic Dads

• Jay and Soder swap dismal but affectionate stories about absentee or checked-out dads—riffs on blue-collar life, alcoholism, and comedy careers.
  • Dan: “You know, the alcoholism does make it go down easier... he’s a slave to the bottle.” (47:29)
  • Jay: “My dad just wasn’t interested.” (47:40)
  • “If you ever make anything of yourself, I’ll come back in your life.” – Bobby, channeling Jay’s dad (48:17)

8. Wrestling, Celebrity Weirdness, and Facelifts

• Wrestling Nostalgia:
  • Soder and Jay review the Hulk Hogan doc and Bret Hart’s autobiography. Soder lampoons Bret’s self-seriousness:
    • “I was 18 years old wrestling Hogan. I knew about more right there than he did his whole life.” – quoting Bret (50:54)
  • The team lampoons listening to audiobooks as “stolen valor.”
    • Jay: “Anyone who calls listening to audiobooks ‘reading,’ that’s stolen valor.” (51:38)
    • Dan: “Lewis stares out with his fingers, follows along on the line.” (51:44)
• Corey Feldman and Hollywood Has-Beens:
  • Musings about Corey Feldman’s quirks and Jerry O’Connell’s changing “plastic face.”
    • “He was a sassy black woman for about a decade.” – Jay (54:45)
    • “Now he’s becoming a 45-year-old fat white woman.” (55:05)
• Facelifts and Faded Rockers:
  • Jay describes Vince Neil’s old facelift and Bobby riffs on the effects:
    • “You got to take care of the rest of your body too, you know? Like when girls get fake tits but then they just become fat.” – Bobby (56:11)
    • “Fake tits on a girl getting fatter… is better than what her real tits would be doing.” – Jay (56:23)
  • Soder’s tip: “He amassed a 148 tab at Dos Caminos, back in 2010.” (57:39)

9. Knicks Parade & NYC Local Life

• Brief tangent on the New York Knicks making the playoffs/finals, with complaints about bandwagon fans.
  • “The comedians I know are not Knicks fans. Jumping on being Knicks fans is driving me crazy.” – Jay (60:03)
• Quick riffs on school releases, parade logistics, and local quirks.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On heartbreak and the lost lunch:
  • "When Dan’s not there, it’s all business, no laughs." – Bobby Kelly (15:17)
  • "You guys had a business love, Danny." – Big Jay (15:31)
  • “Dan, you’re still bringing the good stuff—not showing up, making them pay.” – Big Jay (37:04)
• On “Ladies Who Lunch”:
  • “I even texted our group, I said, ‘can’t wait to gab.’” – Jacob (13:08)
  • “What’s the name of the group?” “I don’t want to tell you.” (13:21)
• On SiriusXM warm juice:
  • “Only let Lou—a guy named Black Lou—take one juice.” – Jay (09:20)
• Banter about Whoppers and Quarter Pounders:
  • “The Whopper—best burger.” – Jay (23:16)
  • “The Whopper sucks.” – Bobby (23:39)
• On father figures in comedy:
  • “If you ever make anything of yourself, I’ll come back in your life.” – Bobby, as Jay’s dad (48:17)
  • “When he asked me if I needed him to manage me after I did Comic View… was the funniest thing in the world.” – Jay (48:29)

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Important Timestamps

• [02:58] – Jay’s Cybertruck & Highway Furniture story
• [06:46] – Bobby admits his lack of news research
• [09:20] – The warm juice saga begins
• [13:08–15:38] – Recounting Dan’s Oceana no-show & the sad, rainy lunch
• [23:16–24:58] – Burger King vs. McDonald’s burger feud
• [37:04] – Dan Soder finally calls in to confront the crew
• [39:36–62:14] – Extended banter: group hurt, Venmo reparations, and rescheduling
• [47:29–49:12] – Comic dads, rough childhoods, and career management
• [50:28–51:38] – Hulk Hogan doc, wrestling “reading” via audiobooks
• [54:49–55:05] – Corey Feldman and Jerry O’Connell’s shifting personas
• [56:03–58:03] – Vince Neil, facelifts, and tips at Dos Caminos
• [60:03–61:37] – Knicks bandwagon parade, NYC school tangents

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Language and Tone

• Irreverent, fast-paced, and self-effacing: The show’s trademark is its ability to pivot quickly from sincere to absurd, mixing in personal barbs and collective commiseration.
• Blunt honesty: Deep camaraderie allows for jabs about race, weight, money, and emotional vulnerability—matched only by the clear affection and support among the crew.

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Final Notes for the Listener

If you missed this episode: Expect a blend of real-life warmth and sharp-tongued take-downs. The “heartbroken” title isn’t just about Dan Soder skipping lunch, but about the ragtag crew’s willingness to turn even mild betrayals into a source of hilarity, therapy, and bonding. Not to mention: you’ll never look at a Whopper or a warm juice the same way again.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Host/Announcer]

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[Bobby Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hello. Where the G's at? Fresh out the jet to the jets. Where the G's?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know that song? It just hit me that you know all these words and every little nuance of all these songs. It's just years of driving black comedians from Philly to New York to do spots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, turn it up blue for a second. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Okay, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who knows that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why would you know any of that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the best part. Oh, oh, oh.

[DJ Lou]

Whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just make sure that it has me mouthing it over the song, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny. Black Lugos. It's okay. It's all right. You.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? I think there's a respect shown if a white guy knows 90% of the song.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think you're the only person in the room that knows the song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fresh out the jet to the jacks. Where the G's at? What you know about that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you see. You see Will Smith in Philly?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. What did he do?

[Bobby Kelly]

He sang the Phil died. Huh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's sitting to come home.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was outside, huge crowd and he sang one of his songs. But he's chubby now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is he really?

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a little chubbier.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not just did. It was like another roots thing, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they did something outside Pen's Landing and he sang. He was singing his songs, but he's, you know, he's definitely bring it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

While you bring that up, can I tell you. What I saw today, that was crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not it. He was out in the street.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I tell you the thing the

[Bobby Kelly]

streets of Philly can say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The things that I saw.

[Black Lou]

That was crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not Roots picnic. It's not something affiliate, they called it on my way here on the local roads by my house.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was following a cyber truck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For the first time I've ever seen a cyber truck with the back opened and furniture in the back. A lot of furniture in the back. And I'm like, weird. It's the first time I've ever seen it used as, like, a truck for hauling something. We were two miles. That's why I was almost late today. Two miles into the highway before all that furniture came flying out of the. I mean, smashing onto the ground. I had to weave. I had to weave around it. It was crazy. You pulled up, like, weaved. I had to. I would have been smashed by a bed frame and end tables.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mid century furniture.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No modern shit.

[Black Lou]

It's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was metal and wood and it just. And all of it smashing. He had to pull over probably 200 yards up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if that's good, but, man, I'm almost happy. I had to do the weave move because I would have been fucking behind that for a long time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What a dildo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't strap any of it down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, none of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guess he just thought that it was a cybertruck and it sticks to the. Oh, shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob shown DJ Lou a picture of his dick.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's going on, dude?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

DJ Lou doesn't like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's happening?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't enjoy it at all.

[DJ Lou]

Hey, I don't know. It didn't seem like it was an emergency, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was it?

[Bobby Kelly]

What was that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What ended up being. No, I want to hear from DJ Lou. What was it?

[DJ Lou]

In a quick glance, it seems like the computer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I didn't say the NW Okay, TI Said it. I just mouthed it. Black Lou will tell you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You mind it. You mouthed it with enthusiasm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did. I love the way they say it in that song.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do they say it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

N word.

[Jacob]

What?

[Dan Soder]

N word.

[Host/Announcer]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nward.

[Ad Voice]

What?

[Black Lou]

Nward.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Don't you know? I got a T bottle.

[Host/Announcer]

What?

[DJ Lou]

I might encounter computer problems.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why? We're not attached to the satellite anymore. Satellite gave up. Like the cameras.

[DJ Lou]

Yeah. It's cheaply made.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like the soap machine in the bathroom.

[DJ Lou]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

They just have pump soap now. You know, a company is going down when the Electronic soap thing doesn't work anymore, and they just have pump soap.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what is happening out there. All the. In the lobby, all the things say Sirius XM Fly, which is the R and B rap station. And I will tell you, they have a smorgasbord out there. And I mean, this Connect 4 and fruit juice, fruit punches. Did you see the fruit punches, Lou? Can you go out there, Lou, and tell us what they have with the smorgasbord is out there? You're fly. Yo, Lou, while you're out there, though, extra fly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, bring back a fruit punch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And also if you can find juices for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, just a couple juices and maybe

[Big Jay Oakerson]

a Game of Connect 4.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, a meat pie. If they have a meat pie.

[Host/Announcer]

Huh?

[Black Lou]

Oh, this is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is them dedicating a street to him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's him out there. But he wound up saying it's not

[Big Jay Oakerson]

the roots thing, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he. He looks a little. Doesn't he look a little heavy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see.

[Jacob]

Looks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at his shirt. Not that right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He still looks pretty good for his age.

[Bobby Kelly]

How old is he?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's got to be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but there's not. I mean, the crowd's not even your age.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Probably the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Christine]

He's singing his new song that he did. If it was like get jiggy with it, everybody would be like, oh, we were kids to this.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was. I think he sang. Listen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, if you did brand new funk, it would have brought the house down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nobody's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They started rapping and humping and something. The tipping and shaking and bumping to something.

[DJ Lou]

This was in 2025, was it? Yeah. This happened already?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I thought it was recent.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[DJ Lou]

No, so it says right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man. Right there. Where it says 2025. Real big on it.

[DJ Lou]

He already bombed in the streets. He's not going to do it twice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jesus, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, why would you. But I just saw this today. I'm sorry. I came up on my feed today and I was like, oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know they said he's taking a hot one out in Washington state. There's been a couple of confirmed cases now of COVID Can you bring up that news story? Dude, you see, they said on the West Coast.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what they said?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's coming now. It's probably going to be nothing. It's probably not going to be anything. Let's fucking not freak out about this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, when I bring stuff to the show, I don't research.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't care what year it's from.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because here's the thing. We wouldn't have had that little chuckle right now. It would have just been a goddamn in the out. And now we have a nice little chuckle.

[Dan Soder]

And.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I don't mind if I'm the butt of the joke. I'm fine at that if it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If cool. Let me do a few more.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, I just saw this today. I think he looks. I think Michael Jordan has become. Going to become a player coach for the Washington Wizards, which is a conflict because I believe he's also a partial owner of the Charlotte Bobcats. And the Charlotte Bobcats are going to have a great season with that new draft pick they picked up. They got number one in the draft, Kwame Brown. He's going to be everything they said. They said he's the next Jordan.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, Jordan. Jordan's not even doing. He's playing baseball. He just started playing baseball.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're right. Right. Well, no, that's the problem. Your news is a little backed up, Bobby.

[Jacob]

Oh, Sor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't know this, but he still plays basketball. He's just fat and playing for the Washington Wizards.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I thought he was playing baseball. I saw something today about him playing baseball.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now do you find it? Will Smith doing the brand new funk. They started bumping and funking and shaking and bumping and moving and rubbing and grabbing. That's his best song.

[Bobby Kelly]

That must suck, though, as a. As a singer to go out in your outside and just a random crowd that packs up just that you're there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you start doing your shit and nobody reacts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's what happened to Madonna in fucking Times Square.

[Christine]

That's what happened with Wu Tang. Or not Wu Tang with Method Man Redmond. Remember they went to the. It was like some young festival.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, but that's a different thing you have. There's video of that, right? Yeah, I've never seen video of that. But that's supposed to be pretty great. Yeah, but that's stupid. That's dumb. Young people not reacting to something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, this is you going home and getting like, I'm gonna go home and. And be there and everybody crowds around and then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Juice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. He got juice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Only one juice.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, I wasn't allowed to take any more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn. Here, Bobby, you're the one who put it out there for the juice.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you deserve it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Bobby, come on, damn it. You asked for the juice.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're blacker than me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but I. That is for a fact. True, but remember, you asked for the juice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right there yeah, but this. This. This. This is for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just promise with the gastric sleeve, I'm not sure if you're taking in enough calories a day.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the thing is, on the Manjaro, I don't know if you can actually get all this down. So I will keep it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God damn, I'm thirsty. Have some water, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take some of this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Share it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have your warm juice. You think they cold it up?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's actually freezing. Yeah, it is. Dude, it's ice cold. You got to take a sip of that. So cold, it doesn't feel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll take a whack.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so cold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it cold?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not cold at all. But I want to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's warm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I want to do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God damn it. Piss warm. God damn it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The trickery, huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Warm.

[Christine]

They're serving warm juice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's how they treat our black channels here. Hey, dad. But you only let Lou. They only live a guy named Black Lou take one Juice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a surplus of juice out there. What are they expecting? Who's coming?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the name of a new channel. Warm Juice is there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's going on out there?

[Black Lou]

They have. I mean, it's awesome out there.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Black Lou]

They have all kind of food drinks that you can ask for. Appetizers. Would you like to hear about?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, but for who? Who's this for? I'm not sure.

[Black Lou]

Who's gonna be in the fishbowl?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a fishbowl show coming.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, I think they're just vibing right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

So wait a minute. There's this food.

[Black Lou]

Tons more food than I've ever seen here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why can't you. Why couldn't you get any food?

[Black Lou]

Because it's for the people that are attending the event.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I gave him one. Warm juice.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, I actually stole that juice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he stole it.

[Black Lou]

Absolutely.

[Jacob]

It looks like a wise in the

[Big Jay Oakerson]

blackest action he could have pulled off, he stole juice from Sirius XM Fly. That's pretty badass, dude.

[Black Lou]

Can I tell you some of the food?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, please do it. Can we give you a nickname? Warm Juice?

[Black Lou]

Hell, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Barbecue.

[Dan Soder]

What?

[Black Lou]

I almost wanted to stay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Barbecue.

[Black Lou]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? And cheese.

[Black Lou]

Banana pudding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, there you go.

[Black Lou]

Fried chicken sliders.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that sounds good, though.

[Black Lou]

They had empanadas and Jamaican beef patties.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go. Okay, so we know.

[Black Lou]

And when. I thought that was cool. Broccoli kebab skewers for the vegans yes. And then pretty much every drink you could imagine. It's not the super black drinks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ciroc Thug Passion, Hennessy.

[Black Lou]

No, nothing hard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

They had juices. Just a lot of juices.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

High Noon St Odds. Crooked eye juice.

[Black Lou]

No say nods.

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn. Remember crooked eye juice. Damn, Bobby, you quit drinking Just. Just in time for all the cool black drinks came out. Do you know what I. Crooked eye juice ruled.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I never had? I never had like. Like bourbon on the rocks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think you're missing anything there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but I hang out with like all these men who, you know, they always have that tumbler with a ice cube in it and they pour a little bit of that 12 year old something in it and they sip it and it looks. I always drank it just straight out of the bottle, warm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bought a peanut butter whiskey.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That I. That I. I'm looking to have a fridge one day that makes those big circle cubes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then with that circle cube, I will have my peanut butter whiskey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sounds good. Like I've never. I never was able to have a like a man drink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I'm gonna put a cigarette out on a prostitute. Well, I feel that comes with it. It's very 1950s behavior. She's deserves it for being a. Thank you for servicing me, but here's me. Take this home with you. Take your medicine.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should put the ice ball in her butthole too. Until it melts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, and then I can put the ice ball in her butthole. That's a good thought.

[Bobby Kelly]

Till it melts, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Until it melts.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you can't leave until it melts. And then put the cigarette out on her butt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the game.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You either play it or don't either. You want to run with the big boys? I didn't think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to go down on me where I text message my friends with a ice ball in your butt somehow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now it's you, Jacob. You were doing it. Now you have an ice ball in your butt and you're sucking off Bobby. I don't know how it delved into

[Jacob]

that, but I'm here following up with him. Taking it like a man in prison yesterday. It's just follow. This is a follow through.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you took it like a man today when you got rejected by Dan. You got a nice hot one.

[Jacob]

I guess somebody told you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh no, they set up their own. The. The Dan lunch at a fancy restaurant. The Del Frisco's fish restaurant outside, which is Oceania, which is Very expensive, very fancy food. Finally upgraded and old Dan forgot.

[Jacob]

I even texted.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just forgot.

[Jacob]

I texted our group. I said can't wait. Can't wait to grab to gab.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is so fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you have shorthand with your Dan group.

[Jacob]

It's. It. Well, it goes with the name of the group.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the name of the group?

[Jacob]

I don't want to tell you.

[DJ Lou]

Ladies who lunch.

[Jacob]

It is. It's a good name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ladies who love.

[Jacob]

And there's a picture of a woman doing her nails. Just the nails. Yeah.

[DJ Lou]

It was. It was raining when we found out Dan wasn't coming. So it was particularly sad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did it start raining right when you found out he wasn't coming? That was Jacob's energy affected the weather.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everybody. Oh, everybody didn't eat this morning. Saving up for Dan's big fucking fish lunch.

[Bobby Kelly]

The best part, they still went and they had to pay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he's now bullied you guys into it. Did he say he would Venmo you all cash. You should have him do that like an uncle.

[Jacob]

No, nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Text and he should Venmo everybody. How much dinner, how much lunch costs?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, everybody's choices on the menu changed when they found out Dan wasn't coming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you call Dan?

[Bobby Kelly]

It just went from they were going to get all expensive shit and appetizer went to. Hey, Caesar salad, three please.

[Jacob]

There were no appetites to call in. Text.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dan asked him to call in.

[Bobby Kelly]

No appetizers. You guys. You guys. You guys had to look for the cheapest thing on the menu.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh my God. What'd you have? The cod appetizer.

[Jacob]

Lou got what I got edamame.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, do you guys have any side soups?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have like a pull apart bread or something?

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys had to eat extra bread just to fill up because Dan's not coming.

[Jacob]

We didn't get bread.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They charge for it.

[Jacob]

The waiter wasn't that nice to us either.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because you came and have water.

[Jacob]

We didn't bring out that aura to him.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guess he found out Dan wasn't coming.

[Jacob]

I think you might be right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There he goes up. Look at these sad. Sex brought the rain. Oh, what a on and on and

[Bobby Kelly]

you guys have nothing to talk about when Dan's out there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where. Where is Dan?

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys wind up talking business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Danny.

[Jacob]

We talked a little shop. I told some depressing stories about the restaurant I worked in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Danny, that's so funny. There were no laughs at the this lunch, Danny. Not one laugh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Danny.

[Jacob]

It was a serious more of A serious.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys had a business. Love, Danny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I miss you.

[DJ Lou]

You guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I miss you, Danny.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny. You gotta pay for your.

[DJ Lou]

It was more of a team building exercise. We talked about taxes and death. Literally.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stranded the fish.

[Dan Soder]

Please.

[Jacob]

Branded our post jobs where we would end up.

[Dan Soder]

Right.

[DJ Lou]

What are we gonna do after radio

[Jacob]

depressing things we were gonna have to do after here.

[DJ Lou]

Oh, going to be a mailman. Jacob is going to get into T stocks. Something.

[Jacob]

No choice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know how to do stocks?

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Christine]

Well, how my uncles did that.

[Jacob]

I took a class and I didn't understand a word they were talking about.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you're in.

[Jacob]

No, I mean I have to do it on my own. This was my brilliant idea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's black glue going to do? Just keep slanging that dick.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah.

[Black Lou]

I'm actually going to be a stay at home dad. She already told me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Black Lou]

She'll go back to work and I can stay home.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I would do that now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

White girls.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would leave it all now if Don was like, I'm gonna go to work.

[Black Lou]

I would miss you guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come it out. If I could call Dan, get him back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Jacob]

I have another one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I'm sorry. Dan wouldn't show up. Dan has finally left everybody on this show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He could probably call in though to apologize. He's gonna call, right?

[DJ Lou]

He said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He said for sure he'll call it.

[Christine]

He's not answering.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he's gonna act like he doesn't see the call.

[Dan Soder]

Call.

[Christine]

He's gonna act like he doesn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta call. No, listen, you gotta call twice with Dan because he has that. That he did some therapy thing.

[Jacob]

We.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't get disturbed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He screens you.

[Bobby Kelly]

He screens the calls. So you gotta call twice and he'll pick up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Therapy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Look at Jacob. You sad, huh? How excited were you when you went to the restaurant that he's here. Upgraded is here.

[Jacob]

People. Things happen to people in life.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you guys were upgraded from Ted Montana's to Oceana. I mean, this is a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys can afford it. You guys could have afforded Ted Montanas.

[DJ Lou]

Right?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He dragged you guys out to the Four Seasons and never showed up.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys actually could have got full

[Jacob]

excuse.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All the share of stuffed mushrooms. Appetizer.

[Jacob]

No, no appetizers. We just got one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course you can't afford it. It's like 17 for now. That's a meal at Ted Montana's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine just looked back and gave this. It's ringing. He wants no parts.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's ringing. He doesn't Want to deal with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He knows what it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was his excuse? But can I just say something? Jay, he probably had a fantastic excuse. What was he.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I thought you were saying he had a fantastic time.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

By himself, eating a sub with Myrtle. What was the excuse? He probably had something like he has. Like he's on set or he's. He has a.

[Jacob]

He got in late today from. He just. Flight. Got in late from where? I don't remember. I didn't eat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he remember the lunch?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who flies in on a Wednesday?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, Jacob, what did he say? Hang on one second, Jay.

[Jacob]

I mean late.

[Bobby Kelly]

He didn't remember the lunch?

[Jacob]

I don't know. I don't think maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he. So he forgot all about you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He totally forgot it.

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Jacob]

Just this one time. Never before, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you think this is the one time forget. This is the beginning.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. So he decides a place that you guys deserve more than a fancy seafood restaurant. What's he trying to do? What is he, Me and Bobby treating you guys like that?

[Jacob]

I'm a Ted's Montana guy anyways.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we know.

[Christine]

Closed down because nobody likes it.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I don't know if that was the reason.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was the reason. No. You know, it closed down because they didn't make any money. They didn't make any money because nobody likes it.

[Jacob]

Well, we went in there usually around 3 o'. Clock. Which lunch service? Well, but it's. Lunch service is over. I always in my head pictured it slammed during the lunch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you think the waitresses were in the weeds all day until you guys showed up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They were so happy. They couldn't be like, oh, man, we finally got a break.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, how busy was the Oceana place?

[Jacob]

Empty.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was empty.

[Jacob]

So a handful of people.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you guys were there just by yourself?

[DJ Lou]

Our waiter took a lunch break in the middle of serving us.

[Guest/Additional Comedian]

He hated us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the ladies who love or laugh. Ladies who laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, we got to go downstairs on the way out and find that waiter and give him an extra 20.

[Jacob]

I mean, he literally shoved Lewis's arm out of the way to get some. What are you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can we find out what's going to happen in the fishbowl? We know what's happening in the fishbowl, so we can see if we can pilfer anybody.

[DJ Lou]

Texted Liam. He said, number one, TI will be back tomorrow because he canceled today. So he. He's going to ask for us. And right now, don't ask for TI.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We've made fun of his comedy a lot so what?

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's get him on.

[Jacob]

We have already asked for him. We can't say he's not gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not gonna show up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We can't say no. We were told we were gonna get seven tickets to Youngblood, and then they gave me and Bobby two tickets and 17 empty seats next to us.

[Jacob]

Well, they didn't show up. They didn't show up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a lot of warm juices left over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm telling you what it is, dude. Liam. Liam doesn't want you guys. He doesn't want to set precedent that you guys think you can get tickets from him. He thinks you guys are worthless.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like Dan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't think that. Like Dan. I fought for you. He like Dan. Forget you guys. You guys are always being left out of the proverbial Oceania.

[DJ Lou]

He said in the fishbowl right now, he doesn't know it's no one famous. It's just a DJ set with food for employees. Not really sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell him I'll forgive him for everything if he steals me one of DJ who kids necklaces. All's forgiven. Ask him why there was 75 empty seats next to me and Bobby at Youngblood and why you guys couldn't go. In fact, I feel like Youngblood would have really been happier if you guys went, so we didn't have to see that. Complete dead zone of audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And just two old guys hopping up and down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me and Bobby hopping, but I wasn't hopping. I was just going tiptoes and back down. If I'm not. If I'm being completely honest with everybody.

[Christine]

You're bouncing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I be honest, too? I was just bouncing the phone, and

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby didn't jump at all. He simply bounced.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was just bouncing. I was fluencing my phone. I have a bad knee, and I have plantar fasciitis. I didn't want to ruin the concert.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you ever see that thing that influencers do where it's like they learned, like, if they hold, like, a toilet seat, like, up and, like, out of a window, they can act like they're on a plane or something. It looks like a plane window. It's, like, the weirdest shit. The stuff people were going through for that. I was the biggest sucker SAP for all that. Like, was it, like, 90% of airplane dispute things, like airplane fights are fake videos.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a fake plane.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can, like, rent the plane. Like a fake, and you could tell. And the way they tell, by the way, I'm Annoyed. In my mind, I'm like, well, these ghetto people would be on a plane that has Christmas lights as their lights. I don't know why, I just believed it. And it's like, no, it's not a real plane. Yeah, but they're all like. So many of them are.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you can tell because this room, there's so much room to film. Like, there's a lot of space.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Burger King crown guy was real.

[Bobby Kelly]

The what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Burger King crown guy. The guy that kept yelling the N word and freaking out. That was very real. My question more for that guy is not that it was real, is that how did he get to his seat? How do you let it go? The Burger King hat. Like this guy, that wasn't the first thing he. That wasn't the first problem he made that airport when he got in his seat.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think, you think there was a problem before he got on the plane?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I feel like everybody. That guy crossed paths was just. When he goes, finally, they're like, you know what? I'm not even gonna say anything. It's not my problem anymore. It becomes the next person's problem.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where do you get a Burger King hat at the airport? They don't have Burger Kings at airports.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course they do.

[Bobby Kelly]

They do. I thought it was all McDonald's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, there's plenty of Burger Kings.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never seen a Burger King. I know. You get the crowns. I've gotten the crowns.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Recently?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not recently, but I used to go get the. They have the French toast sticks. They used to have the French toast sticks and I used to go there

[Big Jay Oakerson]

and French toast sticks were good.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were so good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a far more taste wise Burger king breakfast than McDonald's breakfast by far.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, Way better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The croissant sandwiches, better. Way better than McDonald's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do, though. The king is the English muffin, the egg McMuffin. I don't, I don't like the biscuits

[Big Jay Oakerson]

too dry for us.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like the, the Egg McMuff sausage. Egg McMuffin with cheese is my favorite breakfast sandwich.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And fight me. Best fast food. And I'm not talking. We're talking about fast food. A place has a drive through window. The Whopper. Best burger.

[Christine]

Oh, Bobby's gonna fight you. Wait, kiss or fight?

[DJ Lou]

Oh, okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was a fight.

[Christine]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought you were coming over for the biggest hug in the world. I was like, I thought you just realized that we were soulmates. You don't mean that, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Whopper is. Sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're insane. It's Flame broiled.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. It's actually not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, it is. Where are those lines from?

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I think they're airbrushed in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They can't. That would take too much time. It's not even cost effective.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a robot airbrush.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that would. Why do you get an airbrush robot? You could just fucking grill them some bitches up. It's flame broiled. It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Whopper is the worst of the

[Big Jay Oakerson]

worst you could have your way.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. The Quarter Pounder annihilates the Whopper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Raise your hand if the Quarter Pounder annihilates the Whopper. What would you rather have? If I was going to buy a real. A Whopper or a Quarter Pounder.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you could keep rephrasing the question, hoping that people are going to start raising their hands that aren't you like a Whopper.

[DJ Lou]

I prefer a Big Mac.

[Guest/Additional Comedian]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not even the goddamn question.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not the question.

[DJ Lou]

Well, I will take a Whopper over what?

[Bobby Kelly]

You would take a Whopper of a Quarter Pounder with cheese.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[DJ Lou]

Reminds me of childhood.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, your childhood sucked, so.

[DJ Lou]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

The happy times white trash childhood you

[DJ Lou]

had with a Burger King hat on

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whopper is so much better than a quarter pound.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, I'm not gonna dispute the Burger King hat is the greatest thing to ever put on your head. And you can size it. I love it. But a Whopper. Look at it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Different kinds. I don't want these Whoppers. I want a regular old Whopper.

[Bobby Kelly]

A Whopper sucks.

[DJ Lou]

The smell is on your hands for like a day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whopper.

[DJ Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like a Whopper. It's the worst.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the smell. When you drive by Burger King sometimes. But good Burger King, they pump that smell out. You smell it.

[DJ Lou]

That chemical.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I'm pretty sure that if you get a quarter pound with cheese, it's microwaved. It's not microwaved at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not a quarter pound of cheese.

[Jacob]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. The little burger, it's not even frozen. The Quarter Pounder, they make that fresh in the back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're out of your goddamn mind.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's frozen.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Whopper sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

It.

[Ad Voice]

Look at.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks gray.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, there's no grill at. Grill?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's right there in the commercial.

[Bobby Kelly]

They don't have a grill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We talking about flame, bro. It's their whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was. It's Flame broiled in like Nebraska in a factory.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have it your way.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they freeze it and they send it there and then they microwave it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You wish that was true.

[Bobby Kelly]

100.

[Jacob]

Nope.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no. There's no grill. You think they're gonna trust a. Oh, no. They make Wapa Burger King employee with a grill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They make Whoppers for your dog. Now.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wap Hopper.

[Jacob]

I imagine it's as bad for your dog as the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How dare you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you don't think the old dog biscuit at Burger King is healthy for a dog? Your dog will die within six months of some tumor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I will tell you what. Also, McDonald's had better toys overall in their Happy Meals. But when Burger King got a promotion, their thing was better.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll agree with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Al fan puppets.

[Bobby Kelly]

I agree with that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Game changing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, because they had to because their burgers sucked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're wrong about that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you do a double Quarter Pounder with cheese or Quarter Pounder, which is

[Big Jay Oakerson]

what someone who's given up does now.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's somebody who knows a burger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A double Quarter pounder.

[Bobby Kelly]

Double Quarter Pounder is nuts. Crazy. I mean, it is a little crazy, but it is to call me. Damn, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now the Whoppers.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Whopper's sting strong.

[DJ Lou]

Strong.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, you'd rather take a Whopper or a Quarter pounder with cheese?

[Christine]

Whopper 100.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know she's a size queen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you guys are trash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little itty bitty Quarter Pounder. Christine's a Whopper gal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, we gotta get. I want to get a Whopper in here and a quarter pound of cheese. I want to do a taste test.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on. Christine. I'm sorry I made that joke about it. Christine's got her. I might talk to HR outfit on today.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she really does very business today. I was telling her when I walked up, I go, who are you? Like, she looks fantastic. Like, she showed up today in power mode.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Skinny Steen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. I. I would be like. I get mad when Don says, I'm gonna take a shower. I'm like, who are you? Like, where are you going to. What the are you doing? Why are you shaving your legs?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If Christine's. If the way she dressed today is to somebody, it's gonna be somebody doing better than me. So God bless her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, at least it looks better than you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was trying to catch a. A corporate. That's not hard. The hard would be success. Maybe, but she'll catch it. So catching. Catch a lawyer with that outfit for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she. I showed up today and I was Stunned.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And not just like an old grizzled lawyer that will like take her. No, like a handsome older gentleman. Like a Clooney. The Clooney of that law firm.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like the older guy in suits.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, not the younger guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No idea. But yeah, probably.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks real good, but she also has a nice tan going. She got the tan so she has her shoulders out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And she had her hair up too earlier, which is a power move.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean any respectable sugar daddy will provide her a place where she could tan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you a sugar daddy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I guess so. Non sexual sugar daddy. It's called something.

[Christine]

I'm sugar.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that what you called it?

[Jacob]

Sugar?

[Black Lou]

Cuz.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cuz it had too much sugar in it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, for me, during the summer when things are nice and things are happening, I usually think I can do it by myself. For some people, summer is their favorite season. But for others like me, juggling everything is pretty demanding and it's tough and it can lead to feelings being overwhelmed and anxiety and counting down the minutes just waiting for get back to some type of structure. Whether you're someone who thrives or just survives in the summer, make sure to take care of yourself during the warm months. Therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform can help you understand your needs, feel more confident setting boundari and creating a vision of summer that can actually feel good. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and Preferences and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching for you. Feel confident knowing betterhelp. Their therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy, sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/bonfire. That's B E T T E R H E L P.com/bonfire. I went to Cuba last year, went through a hurricane and didn't speak Spanish and it really hit me. I speak one language. Most Americans only speak one language and everybody else speaks two or three. And I vowed that day to learn Spanish and I'm going to go back to Cuba and know how to get bread, say hello, check into my hotel, do all the stuff I wanted to do that I couldn't do last year. That's happening with Babbel. If you're traveling this summer, here is a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Even just 10 minutes a day. That's what I do with Babbel can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. Lessons are quick, practical and built by more than 200 language experts. And instead of memorizing random vocab, you're learning phrases you'll use. Ordering dinner, asking for directions, or talking with locals. That's what you need. This is how you learn the language by speaking it. Now I can go into a store, I talk to the guys at the garage. I can actually have a conversation. Am I fluent yet? No. But I'm definitely getting better at Spanish. Babel's awesome. If you've got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on the trip. Right now, Babel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babbel.com bon bonfire that's Babbel. B-A-B-B-E-L.com bonfire for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply.

[Guest/Additional Comedian]

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[Host/Announcer]

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[Hannah (Ad Voice)]

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[Jacob]

Did you see these? I'm watching with the Knicks playoffs, the finals and then now the World Cup. They're showing this new Burger King commercial and I, I can't understand why they've been doing this. It looks like you feel bad because

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoppers are what fuels the Knicks.

[Jacob]

Well, no, no, no, but the commercial, the whole theme of the commercial is Burger King was run badly. And we're, we're apologizing to our, our customers. And the, the reason it was run badly was the, the Burger King, the mascot. They put all the blame for the misfortune on a white guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On him, straight white male being blamed

[Jacob]

for no kings man alone in his apartment like this. And they just fire him. He goes, now you, you, the, the customers are, are in charge. You're the president of this company.

[Black Lou]

Oh God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, more Whoppers. More of the same.

[Jacob]

But you just see the Burger King is miserable. Like he's about to kill himself.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the way of the world right now.

[Jacob]

It's a terrible. I don't know who thought about this. What advertising firm came up with this. It's awful.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll say this. You know what? I meant to get Burger King tonight. I'll tell you why. I might have to take a whack of their fish. The filet of fish I feel is going to be better to their fit. But their fish sandwich looks like it is better.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but do they have the long fish sandwich?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that would be weird. They have the long chicken sandwich.

[Bobby Kelly]

The long chicken sandwich.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I Did like, it's the best.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's really good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The mayonnaise melts into the skin. It melts into the skin. Jacob.

[Christine]

I do have to say, me and Jacob both do love Burger King. Bonded over it. But the last, like, three times we've had, it sucks. It's. We're like, did something happen at Burger King?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it did. You know what happened, actually, you matured and you have. Taste buds are better because you have better food now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not what's happening.

[Jacob]

I'll say the Burger King, you did it. Apparently.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also, I'd like to blame the Burger King, but I'm not going to blame on that. And I'm sorry to say this, but we have enough people here who understand and know Jersey in this room to get what's happening here. Some reason the area that I live in, late night food goes to sleep at 10pm 11 latest. So if you got to do fast food, even the fast food places, a lot of them. You're calling, it's coming from Patterson, New Jersey.

[DJ Lou]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They don't give a over there. So they're gonna leave out the best ingredient, love over at the Patterson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you saying that. Are you saying, like, in certain areas they make better whoppers?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the reason for that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

White people. They. Or, you know, like. Or teenagers who have to sort of give a shit or something like that, but they. Buddy, it's always. That was one of my oldest things in the world. You see a Wawa with a black staff. Stay the fuck away now. Forget it. It's not even about the black staff. Doesn't matter what the staff color is. You get a Wawa. At this point, I'm convinced outside of the Philadelphia or close to Philadelphia. Jacob, drink that louder.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could you imagine? Just made me thirsty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck was that?

[Jacob]

Escape a cave.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know you get dehydrated when your friend burned you.

[Jacob]

You know, 99% of the time I. I hit the cough button and I didn't. And I got burned on this one. I apologize.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've been burned twice today, kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude, you are dusted. No, you've been burned more than that because Dan doesn't want to call. Oh, he's calling.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he's calling. Line two.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Daniel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Danny. What's up, buddy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're on the bonfire.

[Dan Soder]

What's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I legally have to tell you. You're on the bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hi, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, buddy. We were just having a really good hard laugh at you sending these guys to Oceana and then not showing up. And making them pay. Yeah, it made me laugh. I just want to tell you, you haven't been on the show in years and you're still bringing the good stuff. I mean, the sad on Jacob's face

[Dan Soder]

today, that would be a psycho if that was a setup for a bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

DJ Lou and Black Lou, I mean, are giving him like the. They're doing like the. You just gotta let him go, man. You got to let. He's like, no, next time we'll be there for the fish.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dan, the best part is that you went from Ted Montanas to Oceana and you didn't show up. And, you know, they already had all their choices picked out on the menu and they had to rearrange what they were going to get because you weren't there to pay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dude, they got. They got edamame.

[Dan Soder]

They went from. They went from entree to apps real.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, buddy. They got edamame inside salads. They said that people were not happy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob actually wanted just bread.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Also, don't blame me, Ted. We were all a Ted's Montana family, and then that son of a closed that restaurant and died. Yeah, he ran out on us.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, he worked.

[Jacob]

He worked it until he died.

[Dan Soder]

We were. We rocked. We rocked Ted's Montana until it died.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, DJ Lou and Black Lou never liked Ted Montana. And Jacob loves you so much. He just wanted to be around you

[Jacob]

no matter what you were.

[Guest/Additional Comedian]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Dan, nobody liked Ted Montana. They just thought you liked it.

[Dan Soder]

No, I thought, oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wanted to see you like it

[Dan Soder]

goes through the train. That's the only reason I like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you don't understand, Dan. You're dealing with a stalker. I'm trying to warn you before it gets real.

[Dan Soder]

Wait, what's with a what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob is a stalker. He's gets very sad if you're not around. And he gets ornery. Yeah, he's not in a great mood today because he thought he was going to see your face. Well, your glow, he calls it.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's so kind. I didn't know that it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He needs you every couple of months just to not kill himself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He also needs to really appreciate that he also has to distract you and get it. Get a new lock of hair because the one he took from you before is dying.

[Dan Soder]

Cut them off, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cut some real hair, not the other hair from the top.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, give him some of that donor.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you know what, that space wig stuff.

[Christine]

No, no, no.

[Dan Soder]

You get second hand or nothing. I'm not giving you og Crop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, Danny, you gonna. Are you. Can you do them a solid and Venmo them?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would you be willing to Venmo these guys the money they paid for Ocean today?

[Dan Soder]

Let me just say we're gonna have. We're gonna have Eric, the manager from Oceana, call you and put it on your card.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, listen, dude, there's nothing worse. And take it from me, when you're with somebody famous that pays for everything and they forget their credit card and you have to pick up the tab at some Brazilian steakhouse.

[Dan Soder]

How about, my dumbass was out at lunch with Tim Dillon in la, and I go, let's split this stupidest thing I've ever said.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God, Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was like, my entree needs an entree.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was actually talking to him.

[Dan Soder]

He was like, he ordered a sushi. I think it was all, like, illegal fish or something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, is it the kind of fish, if they cut it one way, it's delicious, the other way, you die. You cut it wrong, you die.

[Dan Soder]

No, hey, just to let you know, if you have any metal on you, you might have a seizure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're ready to go. Damn, dude. Jacob's in a funk.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was just talking to Tim Dylan.

[Dan Soder]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. I up in my. You know, I didn't know I was gonna get in when I did, and I blew it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, did you forget? Did you forget or did you just.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I didn't put it. I didn't put it in my calendar. I up.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're in a calendar.

[Dan Soder]

First off, I'm like nine out of 10. There's one time it didn't happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's funny, dude. That's funny. Jacob, not. Jacob not only has a calendar. Every day we watch him open, it's a tactile calendar that he opens up and scratches a red X onto the day. And then over one of the days, it says, real big Ted Montanas are somewhere.

[Dan Soder]

That's so funny. It's all Dan trivia.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has a reminder that goes off every day.

[Dan Soder]

You know, that is actually his favorite episode of south park was Kanye, but then switched to Creme Fresh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I thought it was gonna be. I thought it was gonna be a bunch of things to say. Like, new episode soda drops. Like, oh, just the fucking. He's got your whole schedule. Dan's in Winnipeg this weekend.

[Hannah (Ad Voice)]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, he knows your calendar. Like, Colin knows my calendar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he just knows where you. Oh, Dan actually won't be around for that.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I think he's actually having a lovely Time right now in Sacramento.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I challenged. You weren't on a plane at all today. Who the fuck flies on a Wednesday? That's not real. That is a weird gig.

[Dan Soder]

I stayed out in San Francisco a couple days after I taped my special

[Big Jay Oakerson]

for the same reason Justin always used to stay in la. A couple extra days.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, just have two days.

[Bobby Kelly]

You walking dogs?

[Dan Soder]

Except my gay stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just do indie stuff.

[Dan Soder]

My gay stuff is with. It was with Homeless Pimp and Brendan Sagalo.

[Bobby Kelly]

It sounds like gay stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is gay stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

So. So let me ask you a question. So you weren't. You know, Jacob was looking forward to this for weeks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you did. You weren't. You weren't yesterday going, I get to go home tomorrow and go meet the boys for the ladies lunch?

[Dan Soder]

No, I forgot to put it in my calendar or else I would have seen it.

[Bobby Kelly]

How does it make you feel, Jacob?

[Jacob]

I'm okay. Like I said, this is the first time it's happened.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that vein in your head?

[Jacob]

There's no vein.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why are you clenching your fists?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, man. You know what's funny is I'm gonna wake up. I'm gonna wake up tonight. Jacob's gonna have a nice knife in his teeth, and he's gonna be tying my hand behind my head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like, Jacob's giving us, like, the cut. Jacob's giving us the cut It. The cut it. Hands where he's like, stop. Don't make him upset with me.

[Dan Soder]

Guys, guys. He won't do his solo. His voice memo podcast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't say it. I didn't. I wasn't saying it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you guys reschedule?

[Dan Soder]

I'm sorry I lay you down, Jacob. I promise I'll be there on July 1st at Oceana.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna redo Oceana?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's great.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, I told him to find a restaurant. I'm not putting effort into it.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, he didn't find it. We found it for him. Yeah, we made him upgrade. Yeah, we were like.

[Dan Soder]

We walked over to it when Ted Montana was closed.

[Bobby Kelly]

We told you.

[Dan Soder]

Correct.

[Bobby Kelly]

We told you to go to the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We suggested that place before while you were still at Ted Montana. You have Del Friscos and Ocean.

[Jacob]

We don't. We don't need it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you do need it.

[Jacob]

Until. And then we went there, and it wasn't open. It was completely boarded up.

[Dan Soder]

And then, by the way. And then also, guys, what they're leaving out is we went to Del Frisco, so they gave us the dinner menu. And I was like, I love you guys. I'm not buying you 75 doll.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn you. You put a number on it. Damn.

[Dan Soder]

I don't know, Bobby, but it was mp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys went in there, saw menus, and walked out. Did you have to almost think about not leaving because you're like, well, they already poured water. I already lift. I already lift up the water. Cup up

[Dan Soder]

water. And I was like, they poured the water. And I was like, dude, no thanks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should put your hand over it. So they poured water over your hand. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just saw the menu.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's where you go, That's. Hey, guys, they have a porterhouse for four. Do you guys just want to just split a steak?

[Dan Soder]

How do you guys feel about. How you about feeling each grabbing a piece of that shrimp cocktail?

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, you guys mind if I order for everybody?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How about when shrimp cocktails market price? You cocktail should have a price.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God. But we went in and I was like, yeah, guys, I think we gotta go to Oceana.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God damn. Well, that makes me laugh so hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you know.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

How much was the story?

[Dan Soder]

You kept watching every headlight, Jacob, thinking,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

hey, champ, I promise you. Sorry, I had to go. I. I was hanging out with Linda today. I forgot it was our day, but, dude.

[Dan Soder]

So what's really funny about that, Jay, is we were just up in Lakeport filming, like, because, you know, I want to put it out when I put out the special. I want to put out something on YouTube. And I went up to Lakeport and I was getting a coffee at the Starbucks, and this guy just walked up, he goes, oh, you want to talk shit about Lake county, then show back up. I was like, oh, what's up? Wow, okay. And he was like, no, dude, I listen to the podcast. I was like, oh, thank God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's a real. Coming at you. Damn. I wish that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but. Yeah, but I was taking him around, and I was like, that's where my dad took me to get pussy. That's where my dad took me to get pussy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what he was showing you.

[Dan Soder]

I was showing them around. I was showing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your dad would take you and then he would fuck a chick while you played video games. Nice.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Or we'd go swimming at blue lakes and shit. And I'd be like, you know, that was like, hey, we'll go swimming. But really, I'm getting. I'm. Get some trim.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's hilarious. Hey, swim in a lake by yourself. Like Jason Voorhees. I'm Gonna be playing. This

[Dan Soder]

glob will grab you when you lay out on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, go in that pile of dead bodies probably.

[Dan Soder]

And you know what? Nothing, nothing supernaturally horrific can go wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

Trish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if I get thirsty? You're in a lake, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. I always forget Dan had a drink. Yeah, I'd rather take my childhood over Dan's sad childhood.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you get the party.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got beaten. I'd rather take that and watching my dad.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, Bobby got. Bobby got and sucked, and I just got pruny fingers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were doing great. Yeah, yeah, Me and soda both. I didn't have, as there was no alcoholic in mind, but we both had deadbeat dads.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, I know. You know what, though? It does it. Honestly, the alcoholism does make it go down easier for me because I go, oh, he's a slave to the bottle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, my dad. My dad just wasn't interested.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, your character. Hard bath. I've hung out with the kids.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you remember Cold Sober?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were you on the show when I showed the picture? I know Bobby's seeing. We looked at kind of that one where I'm wearing a little, like, velvet tuxedo and he's next to me, my dad, and he's looking at me.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm such a little boy. And he's looking. I mean, his face couldn't be more like, hey, champ, I did the best I could, but I'm gonna get out of here. Looks like he's getting ready to tell,

[Dan Soder]

you know this coupon. Yeah, Coupon's expiring in about a week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's like, just so you know, bud, just go, bird, go, birds. Don't hook up with a black chick.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you ever make anything. Advice, if you ever make anything of yourself, I'll come back in your life. Yeah, it depends on how good you do.

[Dan Soder]

Honestly. You sell, you go clean 4 out of 5 at the Columbus Funny Bone. I'll pop back. Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When he asked me if I needed him to manage me after I did Comic View was the funniest thing in the world. I'm like, manage me, Great.

[Dan Soder]

That's such a. I forgot your dad Bobby bouchered you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly like you need family to help you out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you tell him that you were already managed by P. Diddy? You couldn't do. That's contract. That'd be breaking a contract.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was far before P. Diddy. I would have loved to tell him. I can't, dad. I'm involved with P. Diddy. No, I just did Comic Daddy, Comic view paid me 150 bucks, and it was on TV. And then he was like, well, I mean, you're gonna. You're gonna need a manager now, and it should probably be somebody family who's close to you. Do what?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is your dad still in the management business? I might.

[Dan Soder]

I might.

[Bobby Kelly]

I might look him up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Go Go Management. Gary Okerson.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if your dad managed me and he skyrocketed my career?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God. Bobby becomes number bullet. I'm just working stadiums the way Shane does.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm hanging out with. I'm hanging out with Seinfeld, Nate and your dad.

[Jacob]

I don't know.

[Dan Soder]

You know, dad just gave me the secret.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's so funny. Yeah, he's there. He's there. He happened to be the Kevin Hart rose because he's managing the Rock. Oh, hey, bud. I know you're on this.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, you know your dad, Jay, I can understand why your dad left you. Your mana wasn't strong enough for him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He requires a stronger mana.

[Dan Soder]

Your dad could only lead people who have mana, brother.

[Black Lou]

My.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you see the thing, Dan? The thing you did with Will Sasso? Have you seen that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was probably one of the funniest things on the Internet I've ever seen. Them going toe to toe with wrestler voices.

[Dan Soder]

That was that Joe dude. His casual Hulk Hogan is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. Him just doing the whole Kogan, having a conversation, going, no, no, you gotta understand something here, brother. It's so goddamn funny, it still makes me laugh. Now, now, hold on a second, brother.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd you think of the Hulk Hogan documentary?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, dude, it got me riled up. Dude. Episode one will make you want to run through a wall. You're like, dude, this is. It's just the best. It was like him putting. Also, we all have to agree, Bret Hart is the funniest person in all four episodes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, Bret Hart. Just generally speaking. Brett listening to Bret Hart's audiobook, Louis said made him have a nightmare one night. That guy is the most pretentious, dildo y sounding guy in the history of wrestling.

[Dan Soder]

So funny. It's so funny. And the way that he talked about it where he's like, I was. I was 18 years old wrestling Hogan. I knew about more right there than he did his whole life the whole time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then he does. That's funny. Lewis was saying, the book is just talking about, like, it has got to be as you get older, hearing the guy talk about Stu Hart's gym And you're like, you're too many myths and fantasies and years away from it to tell it right. Because I've always. Like, my friends would come down and he would regularly break their legs. Like if you came down to the dungeon, you were gonna say, no, no, that didn't happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just love that Lewis. Lewis has audiobooks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love the.

[Christine]

He.

[Bobby Kelly]

He reads books. Audio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He calls it reading. Yeah, Anyone who calls listening audiobooks reading, I call them a piece of. I hate that. That's stolen valor.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but what you guys also don't know is that Lewis stares out and with his fingers follows along on the line.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has an app that has a ball on top of each word.

[Dan Soder]

He goes like. It was at that moment I knew that the dungeon was the place.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. The ball bounces over each syllable. Yes. I walked forward to middle earth.

[Dan Soder]

Banana.

[Black Lou]

Now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then he had a bad. Nah.

[Dan Soder]

No. So goddamn funny. Sorry guys. I need a song to sing along with you. I can't get through the big words.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never listened to a book on tape. It sounds like a nightmare.

[DJ Lou]

Well, it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Dan Soder]

Oh yeah, dude. I mean, except if you're. By the way, I'm glad I'm on the phone. Did you see Felt dog had a medical emergency on a plane?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah. But wasn't just like he had to fart or something. It was like something it ended up being not a big deal. Yeah, right. Food. Oh, but he thought. He thinks food poison. You know, it's funny, he's a guy that when you go, you just have some food poison. He goes, who was it? It's like, no, no, that just means like something was bad in the food. He goes, no, my food was poisoned. You just said it. Uh huh. You know, you just fucked up, right? You know, you just unfucked up and now.

[Dan Soder]

And now I know you're part of the wolf pack.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's so funny, dude. Yeah, he was said to be. He was feeling very sick on the flight. Was checked out by a doctor who was on board. It might be pancreatitis or gallstones. And he's like, murder. Or was it murder? Oh yeah, he's doing all these stand by me things. That's a funny thing too. Josh Ademire said he had Wil Wheaton, I think, on his podcast. And he Will Wheaton. He tried to get. He tried to get him to talk, you know, about Corey Feldman. Like, what a lunatic, right? And he. But they have to do all this stuff together. She was like, nah, he's like the. He's the best, isn't he? He's just like the sweetest guy. And like, he's so. He just like, cares so much and they always find like, nice ways to be. Like, he's just a. He's a. We have to just do this thing with. It's not a big deal. Like, they're.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I know, I know. Yeah. No, he just, he doesn't hurt anybody, you know, and he just. God bless him, he's trying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But Jerry o' Connell's enough of a fucking plastic face too, that it's like. I don't know if he really. If he's doing like, I'm just getting through it with Corey Feldman or if he's just like, he's great. He's such a card.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's probably just a Hollywood shill.

[Dan Soder]

It's probably Hollywood or. But I also feel like it could be Hollywood cte and he just has like, you know, brain damage.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's on the cusp of not making it. He's like holding on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, he was a sassy black woman for about a good decade.

[Dan Soder]

Bobby's right. He's got his foot in the door and he's going like, now, hold on a second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, now he's becoming. I said he was a sassy black woman for a while. Now he's becoming like a 45 year old fat white woman. You know, I mean, he's being like. Now that's his thing where he's like. Exactly. He's just trying to hang on. He's just hanging in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's just showing up anywhere. He can show up next to somebody.

[Jacob]

Buddy, his face looks odd. Am I wrong?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's. They have the best pictures of him right here. But in real life. Oh, yeah, he's getting carrot top proportions. Yeah, he's getting tops.

[Dan Soder]

Damn. There has to be like, at what point, which one do you wake up from that you go like, oh, you guys did it. You did too much. Like, you know, like, you wake up and you're like. Like your facial surgery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, a carrot top for sure.

[Dan Soder]

No, but I'm saying, like a couple of those were probably trying to be corrective. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Probably.

[Dan Soder]

Like there was one that he woke up and he was like, oh, guys, do another one. You got to correct it too much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's. You know, in hindsight you have to think about. You remember years ago when they had the VH1 of showing Vince Neil get his facelift. We talk about, he got a facelift and now reception. But that was so long ago when Vince Neil got his facelift. It was so long ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That, like, you realize now that he's still performing. Like, he's probably done so much damage around that facelift. Like, he wasn't. That he wasn't old.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but when you get a facelift, you got to take care of the rest of your body too, you know? It's almost like when girls get fake tits, but then they just become fat. Then they're just goofy tits. They're not like. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what, though. Fake tits. Fake tits on a girl is getting fatter. Probably is better than what her real tits would be doing.

[Guest/Additional Comedian]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But fake tits on a chicken who's like, hot. They look great, but when they. Then they be, everything around it becomes dumpy. They just look weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, and the tick gets fat. So one's bigger than the other.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at him post facelift. He was so happy. And then everything around.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, I waited on him post facelift. Dos Caminos, it was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He never done smiling. If he frowned, it would rip his eyebrows away from his hairline.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you, like, walked up and you're like, yo, what the.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has the cowardly lion mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll have a water. I'll have a water.

[Dan Soder]

Put them up on margarita

[Big Jay Oakerson]

water, please.

[Dan Soder]

Water. If I only had a drink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How the man. A phase was like, it's a young age to get a facelift whenever he did it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If he's just like, he gave up

[Jacob]

drinking because he killed that. His friend in a car accident.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. He did kill his friend in that car accident.

[Black Lou]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then he drank again.

[Jacob]

It was a whole thing. I. That was his penance, I guess.

[Dan Soder]

Well, I'll tell you what, Jacob. He amassed a 148 tab at Dos Caminos back in 2010.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what'd he break you off? What'd he break you off with with that tip, Dude. Tell us what he broke you off with.

[Dan Soder]

It was good. It was a good. It was like a 30 tip. Tip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. All right. Was Janine Linden Mueller with him?

[Dan Soder]

No. I wish, dude. She was already a full on problem. But I mean, he was at Dos Camino, but far.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if it was after or before the facelift, but the facelift wasn't the thing that ever shook me most. It was really like that sex video he made showing his little pud. Like, the fact that Vince Neil had a little pud was like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was that After Tommy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was after Tommy Lee's monster hog, first of all. Yes. And then also Bret Michaels had a pretty solid fucking piece. And that one. One with Pam Anderson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So, yeah. Sucks. Yeah. You killed that guy.

[Christine]

That's in my hometown where you killed the guy.

[Jacob]

Yep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Right down Redondo.

[Black Lou]

Is there still.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there, like, a white bicycle there?

[Christine]

No, but you drive. You drive by. You're like, that's accident.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do they have a white painted flower?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah,

[Dan Soder]

a little bucket of flowers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was my most depressing drive to work the other day. I saw two in full intact, dead deer on the side of the road. And then, like, one. Like two of those. Like. Like, my child was murdered here on the side of the road graves. Like, God damn it.

[Dan Soder]

God. You had a parade. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It was the most sad drive. Like, oh, someone. It all ends at some point, doesn't it, huh?

[Dan Soder]

Circle like you're having a Jim Morrison flashback on your drive to work.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you go by Oceana. If you go by Oceana's tonight, there's actually a cross out in front that the boys left for you.

[Dan Soder]

That's a memorial for what could have been.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that waiter didn't get a. He didn't get a nice tip like you did from Vince, Neil, let me tell you that. I bet it was the exact amount

[Big Jay Oakerson]

they're supposed to leave now, Dan, I assume, living in the city as you do, that Katie was dragged off and taken away as people looted your apartment building after the next one.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Honestly, I was wondering where she was all today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she'll make her way back. The city will calm down after the parade.

[Dan Soder]

When are you.

[DJ Lou]

Tomorrow.

[Dan Soder]

Tomorrow morning.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you gonna go to it down?

[Dan Soder]

It's at the tip of it. No. Fuck, no. All the way. All the way at the bottom of the island.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dude, the fucking. Man. The comedians that I know are not Knicks fans. Jumping on. Being Knicks fans is driving.

[Black Lou]

I hate it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who is it?

[Dan Soder]

The only one that did it funny was Ari. Ari did it as a bit and posted it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Norton was funny. Norton was a funny, funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Norton was being bitchy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was a funny thing. No, I mean, like, people really. It's like. It's like putting on a bunch of Nick's gear and going out to watch in the park.

[Dan Soder]

Like, what the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get the. Out of here.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah. No way, bro.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't respect it, bro. I don't respect.

[Dan Soder]

For one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's way downtown.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they're having.

[Christine]

They are having a kids parade on The Upper west side at four.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, good for Nick's kids fans.

[Dan Soder]

Whoa. All right. Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the hell's going on? What's going on down at the downtown one?

[Christine]

Because they said that the kids couldn't have off school for the parade.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big booty hoes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's gonna suck for us, getting

[Big Jay Oakerson]

in the kids parade.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that uptown? Yeah, when that school lets out. When we come in on Tuesday on 50th. It's a nightmare.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, so they're gonna have the kids parade. It's on the Upper West.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Yeah. I take my watch off from where to where? When that school lets out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. When that B4F9 school, whatever they fucking call it, it PS PS 96, PS 69.

[Dan Soder]

You're getting lucky. If you're catching a PS, you're probably going to get a school for the Academic Design of Winged Integrity.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God. Those are the ones. They'll rape you first.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, those are all the ones where it's like justice of the peace, sir. Good Marsh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Dan Soder]

Andy Millinakis University High School.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never mind, guys. Everything's going to be fine. It was us. Today it's at the Children's Museum of Manhattan State steps led by Amy Schumer, Jessica Seinfeld. So everything's fine. We're all fine.

[Dan Soder]

That's hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's done.

[Dan Soder]

That's hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My favorite New York. Nick Schumer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mine is Gabby Bryan.

[Dan Soder]

I don't know. Amy. Amy did put up 20 and 6 for three seasons, so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's true. That is true. 20 and 6. Yeah. Good for them.

[Dan Soder]

Good for them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we have to take a break. Oh, dude, he's not okay. He's almost bled out. So.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, send him your Venmo. He'll send you over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let him just take care.

[Bobby Kelly]

And make sure you put the tip in there, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, let him get you.

[Jacob]

Listen.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I will.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to get. I want to get you back to even. I want you to be satisfied on the day.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He'll send you the 350.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much did you pay for that water, Nana Mame?

[Jacob]

I don't remember. We. We just split it, the three of us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And a bag of soup crackers. Black Lou says $10.

[Dan Soder]

$100.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

100 smackers for soup crackers Lou. What did you get a lot? Twin lobster tails.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was gonna get that. He was gonna. And they had to switch it up to lobster bisque.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you guys have done the Oceano dinner already?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they tried to. They tried to Right.

[DJ Lou]

We did it once before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, after he found out that he was. You guys weren't getting tomahawk steaks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys are grubs.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, we like our cup of pickles that make all of them sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think we don't feed these fucks? We love you, Daniel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love you, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're on the road. You want to promote anything?

[Dan Soder]

Before you go, I'll be at New York Comedy Club in Stamford, Connecticut. July, I think it's 16th through the 18th.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Danceodor.com for tickets, noise, and make sure you check out his podcast, Soda and the regs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, I guess. Are we there Monday? We're there Monday.

[DJ Lou]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the reg. Body Brain Coffee presents the regs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Body Brain. Body Brain Creamer. Don't forget the creamer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Body Brain Coffee and Creamer presents the regs. Buzzer by Skank Fest.

[Christine]

Story wars.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Four people and everyone gets an equal half of the show, right?

[Dan Soder]

No, absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We love you, Daniel.

[Dan Soder]

Love you guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Talk to you soon, buddy. Bobbykelly.com well, Robert Kelly.

[Dan Soder]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Punch up dot. Live Robert Kelly comedy. He's going to be at Governor's in Levittown this weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

One show each.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One show each night?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Friday, one show, Saturday, one show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's only one show. I always forget that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you sure it's two? I did one and two. Yeah, but they didn't add a show. That was with the weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's just one show and one show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One show a night, Everybody. That's awesome. 19th and 20th. 20th. And then the comedy mothership in Austin, July 3rd through the 5th. After that, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, one night only, two shows. July 25th. Then Saratoga Springs and Brooklyn, New York. For tickets and all tour dates go to Punch up that live Robert Kelly comedy. And every Tuesday night at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Cellar at 7pm Big J is going to be

[Bobby Kelly]

at Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo this weekend. The 19th and the 20th. Did they add a show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two shows in a night.

[Bobby Kelly]

Two shows a night?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I have to do a phoner tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then he's going to be the Comedy zone in Harrisburg, Penn 10th through the 12th. After that, he's going to be in Win that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sold out Friday and Saturday. They added Sunday. That does feel good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it feels good to you, but

[Big Jay Oakerson]

the Helium and Buffalo. I have to do a phoner tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Feels good to you. All the rest of us comics are like, all right, whatever, Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got a bag of phoner.

[DJ Lou]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

God bless you, dude. And you're going to be in Winnipeg. You're excited about that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's the Great Outdoors Fest, I think it's called.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's. It's not at the club?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. I can't go there. Since they kicked out Rich for making fun of natives. I can't be trusted not to do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's gonna be a rich man in Long Island. For tickets to tour dates, go to bigj.Comedy.com and YouTube.com bigjokerson for his live shows and his standup specials. We'll be right back. It's the bonus you love summer.

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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