Holding Hands and Praying

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode Title: Holding Hands and Praying
Date: October 28, 2025
Host: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103

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Episode Overview

This episode of "The Bonfire" centers on the highs and lows of daily life, comedian-style venting, and the sincere absurdity of human encounters. Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly mix hilarious banter with genuine friendship as they riff on everything from family stresses to traveling comedy gigs, the oddities of prayer circles with strangers, and the tricky art of saying "no." The hosts are joined by their regular crew—Christine, Jacob, Black Lou, and DJ Lou—creating a dynamic, uncensored roundtable that veers from raucous belly laughs to moments of introspection.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening Riffs: Monday Blues and Comedy Life

[01:07 - 04:16]

• Bobby arrives in a bad mood, poking fun at both himself and others for the “Monday joy” some bring.
• Early banter revolves around the challenge of lightening up when life feels heavy, especially with family and on-the-road demands.
• Jay delights in using Puff Daddy’s “Bad Boys For Life” as a mood lifter, prompting impromptu dances and light-hearted mockery.

Memorable Quote:

• “Hey, they're not all winners, Jay. You know, it's Monday, baby.” — Robert Kelly [02:06]

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2. On Parenting, Marriage, and Comedian Burnout

[04:16 - 10:08]

• Bobby describes the whirlwind of family life—balancing the needs of his wife, Dawn, and their son, Max, with the pressures of club gigs.
• Jay and Bobby discuss comedy club politics, particularly Tampa’s Side Splitters versus the Improv, with praise for BT's club ("top four in the country" [04:59]).
• The hilarious struggle with family tones: Bobby’s minor grievance with Dawn’s voice and her reaction to crisis, particularly after their son sustains a concussion at school playing rugby.

Notable Exchange:

• “My wife's voice... she just has a tone. Everything is a tone. Oh, your happiness makes me sick.” — Robert Kelly [02:51]

• “Your son's masturbating in the basement.” — Big Jay Oakerson, playfully piling on [06:11]

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3. Roleplay Therapy: Dealing with Family Arguments

[10:23 - 17:00]

• The gang stages reenactments to help Bobby cope with marital squabbles, letting Jacob play the part of Dawn with comedic precision.
• Jay tests if humor and a change in approach could defuse arguments—“I want to see if I can put something in your mind that will change that while it’s happening.” [10:23]
• The segment morphs into improv therapy with zany asides about comedian Louis J. Gomez and parental miscommunication.

Standout Moment:

• Jacob, as Dawn: “I don’t know.” (Repeated with spot-on monotony, driving Bobby up the wall.) [11:17, 17:00]

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4. Tales from the Road: Farmer’s Markets and Prayer Circles

[19:41 - 31:30]

• Bobby recounts a surprisingly moving encounter at a Florida farmer’s market, where two strangers offer to pray for him and his son, Max, leading to an impromptu prayer circle amidst the mango stalls.
• Mike Calta, comic and friend, is bewildered by Bobby’s willingness to join prayer circles and overshare.
• Follow-up discussion about a similar event in Maine at 12:30am, as strangers surround Bobby and Max for a late-night prayer.

Quotes:

• “They want to hold a prayer circle in the middle of the farmer's market... and I just went, ‘yeah, sure, go ahead.’” — Robert Kelly [22:18]
• “Mike was so freaked the f*** out about it.” — Big Jay Oakerson [23:55]

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5. Is It All a Scam? Religion, Skepticism, and the American South

[31:30 - 38:03]

• Christine and the group dive into the suspicion surrounding public prayers: Is it a set up for theft, a scam, or genuine goodwill?
• Bobby insists the gestures were sincere, “old white people” style, not grifters or criminals.

Quote:

• “They do it door to door, too. No, these guys were old white people. They weren't robbers.” — Robert Kelly [30:57]

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6. AI Hilarity and Viral Videos

[50:01 - 53:40]

• Jay brings up AI-generated meme videos, from wild chiropractor fails to Hasidic Jews grabbing coins at football games, and the rise of bizarre, viral content.
• The group marvels at just how realistic (and ridiculous) this digital comedy is becoming.

Notable Line:

• “AI can be funny... That’s good use of AI. I don’t care about Lewis rollerblading around 9/11 that much…” — Big Jay Oakerson [51:23]

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7. Political Violence & Public Safety Fears

[54:02 - 58:00]

• Discussion turns to the No Kings rally in DC, heightened police presence, and recent news about a “sniper’s nest” found near Trump’s Mar-a-Lago arrival.
• They riff on the odd wording of “sniper’s nest” and the surge in political violence compared to years past, referencing the Paul Pelosi hammer incident.

Memorable Banter:

• “I think we have a sniper feeder in our tree because we’re hoping to get some snipers. No, one season’s back.” — Jay Oakerson [55:55]
• “A sniper’s not a bird, Jay.” — Robert Kelly [56:02]

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8. On Praying, Saying No, and Awkward Politeness

[38:09 - 44:34]

• Jay confesses he only prays in “major, major crisis,” while Bobby admits he can’t say no to strangers—even when it means holding hands with prayerful weirdos.
• The team jokes about the spectrum of small talk and confrontation avoidance, with Bobby dubbed “the king of small talk.”

Quote:

• “Here's the problem. I don't know how to say no... I have a hard time saying no.” — Robert Kelly [43:22]

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9. Small Town Vibes, Social Aspirations & Harmonizing White Guys

[44:05 - 48:10]

• Jay teases Bobby for his true desire to be a preppy, small-town “club” guy—sporting handlebar bikes, sweaters, and friendly local banter, like Colin Quinn does in New York.
• They riff on the horror of public harmonizing versus public prayer.

Quote:

• “This is actually worse than praying in public. Harmonizing in public is worse than praying. I'd rather hold hands.” — Robert Kelly [45:55]

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10. Comedy Plugs & Closing Prayer

[59:41 - End]

• Bobby jokes about a “Bonfire” prayer to end the show, wishing well for the crew (and a hot wife for Jacob).
• The hosts rattle off their upcoming stand-up dates (Bobby at Side Splitters Tampa, Jay at Ice House Pasadena), and toy with the idea of public prayer tours.
• Jay: “Should we kiss each other's necks while we're at it, too?” [59:44]
  Bobby: “If you want it. Lord Jesus Christ, please watch over everybody here in the Bonfire crew…” [59:47]

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Marital Frustration:
  “My wife's voice... she just has a tone. Everything is a tone. Oh, your happiness makes me sick.”
  — Robert Kelly [02:51]

• On Prayer Circles:
  “They want to hold a prayer circle in the middle of the farmer's market... and I just went, ‘yeah, sure, go ahead.’”
  — Robert Kelly [22:18]

• How to Say No:
  “Here's the problem. I don't know how to say no... I have a hard time saying no.”
  — Robert Kelly [43:22]

• AI Comedy:
  “AI can be funny... That’s good use of AI. I don’t care about Lewis rollerblading around 9/11 that much…”
  — Big Jay Oakerson [51:23]

• On Public Prayer:
  “This is actually worse than praying in public. Harmonizing in public is worse than praying. I'd rather hold hands.”
  — Robert Kelly [45:55]

• On Small Talk:
  “I love small talk. I am the king of small talk.”
  — Robert Kelly [44:34]

• A Closing Blessing:
  “Lord Jesus Christ, please watch over everybody here in the Bonfire crew. Jay, Christine, make their relationships be stronger with every day that goes by. Lou, keep him sober. Black Lou... Jacob. Please, God, find him some. A wife, something. Please, God, make this happen.”
  — Robert Kelly [59:47]

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Timestamped Highlights

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------|-------------| | Monday Mood Banter & Bad Boys Song | 01:07–04:16 | | Parenting & Club Comedy Drama | 04:16–10:08 | | Family Argument Roleplay & Therapy | 10:23–17:00 | | Prayer Circle Story & Market Encounter | 19:41–24:28 | | Is Public Prayer A Scam? Crew Debate | 31:30–38:03 | | AI Memes, Chiropractor Fails, and Humor | 50:01–53:40 | | Political Violence & “Sniper’s Nest” Chat | 54:02–58:00 | | Saying No & Small Talk Reflections | 38:09–44:34 | | Harmonizing vs. Praying in Public | 44:05–48:10 | | Closing Prayer & Upcoming Show Plugs | 59:41–End |

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Tone & Takeaways

• Language/Tone: Raw, unfiltered, and warmly antagonistic—the humor is blue-collar, irreverent, quick on its feet, and steeped in mutual affection.
• Vibe: Listeners are welcomed into a circle of close friends who swerve hilariously between emotional honesty and relentless ball-busting. There’s advice for managing moods, bits on modern life’s weirdness, and a recurring meditation on why friendliness (to strangers or prayerful weirdos) is both easy, and hard.
• Best for: Fans of stand-up comics, people who appreciate offbeat life advice, anyone who’s ever dodged—or joined—a street prayer.

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For more absurd laughs, tune into The Bonfire live on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103, every Monday through Thursday at 5pm Eastern/2pm Pacific.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

If you're.

[C]

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[B]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[C]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[B]

Man, say what you will, but I agree with you. Bobby Diddy can do no wrong in my eyes. Now, I stopped keeping up with him in about 2015. Has there been any new news?

[C]

No, he's pretty much doing the same stuff. Just, you know, making good music.

[B]

Ain't going nowhere.

[C]

Having great parties. No, he's not going anywhere.

[B]

Guy's a bad boy for life.

[C]

He's only going somewhere for, I think, a few months. But he'll be back.

[B]

No, he's going somewhere for four years.

[C]

Yeah. Serve time, baby. I want to hear that. I want to hear some beats.

[B]

I don't think that's happening.

[C]

What?

[B]

I think he's gonna go for four years.

[C]

I was just joking, Jay. I joke and then you go with me. And then we. I was.

[D]

What's the joke?

[B]

You just sang the wrong time.

[C]

I was just joking. It was a fucking joke.

[B]

I think you're calling mistakes jokes.

[C]

No, it wasn't a mistake. It was just a few months. It was a cute little joke. I thought you're going to. Yes, Sammy, but you're fucking investigating again.

[B]

What could I have done with that?

[C]

Well, just go with it. I don't know. Throw it up. You're a professional.

[B]

Yeah, a few months.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Black Lou, your thoughts.

[C]

Fuck you. Hey, they're not all winners, Jay. You know, it's Monday, baby, but if.

[B]

You didn't call it out, everyone would have thought we. You had. Maybe you had date.

[C]

I'm in a bad mood.

[B]

Well, I know I'm gonna give me the finger because I was fucking.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Happiness, your Monday joy is bugging me.

[B]

Going nowhere.

[C]

Huh?

[E]

Why are you in a bad.

[B]

Is it Jacob's shit again for a change?

[C]

No, it's not, Jake. Jacob's face doesn't help when he shows up. Hi, Bob.

[B]

It looks like he is upset with you when you first come in.

[C]

When he comes in.

[B]

I'm in a slightly less good mood since I came in this room and saw Jacob than I was, but I'm still in a good mood.

[C]

I feel like Jacob looks all the time.

[D]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[C]

Not that bad. Not that bad.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Not that bad. Don't be concerned.

[B]

That seems like I'm worried about you.

[C]

No, it was a. You know, you ever just wake up and it's like, ugh. You know, my. Her. My wife's voice was. She just has a tone. Everything is a tone. Oh, your happiness sicks me. Makes me sick.

[B]

I'm trying to cheer you up.

[C]

No, it doesn't.

[B]

It can't be stopped, y'.

[E]

All.

[B]

Cause it's bad boys for life.

[C]

Your shoulder dancing is not helping. It's helping.

[B]

Can't be stopped now because it's bad boys for life.

[C]

Big boy dancing helping. Ah, yeah.

[B]

We're almost getting Jacob bad boys for life.

[C]

Yeah, you got Jacob.

[B]

You got Jacob smiling. No way. We. And Christine was almost late going nowhere. Let's just cheer you up though. And can't be stopped now. Cuz it's bad boy for love. You weren't late. Almost, but you were stressed.

[F]

Yeah, I was stressed.

[B]

DJ Lou, I don't have to cheer you up, but it just does put you even in a better mood, doesn't it? We can't be stopped now. Yeah, you just dance with me, boys for life. These honkies don't know good music.

[C]

That's right.

[F]

The special coffee I brought you from New Orleans didn't help.

[C]

It cheered me up. And when you said it was for you and dawn, it bummed me out.

[B]

Oh yeah, that voice.

[F]

You guys love it.

[B]

Oh, the lady with the voice from your house. You have to share with her.

[C]

It's just. It's a. Let me tell you something. You know this.

[B]

You wanted to hit Dawn.

[C]

No, I didn't want to hit her. I love Dawn. I love her so much. But you know this from having a child now your child's older, it's like. It's just. It's just you, you. It's just things your whole day can go to in five seconds and then you're Worrying about this. You got to take care of that. And then this, and I'm back on the road. I gotta go down to Tampa. And then the club was like, hey, dude, plug the thing and all right. Dude, could you do something too? Could you. You know, a lot of. A lot of stuff.

[B]

Is it the owner of side splitters? I'm going there soon. Is it bad?

[C]

He's the best. BT's the best. But it's like, you know, I don't know what to tell you, you know.

[B]

Because I'm burning a bridge with the improv down there.

[C]

You should. This club is the best club in the world. It's one of my favorite clubs, world. Top four clubs in the country, I would say. It's. I'm telling you, gonna. How. How much is Jay gonna love this club?

[F]

I. I just really think you are. Even the way the room set up, it has that, like, cornered thing. Like comedy works.

[C]

Every single seat is. Is kind of like right at you. You are the focal point. And the ceilings are low as the stage isn't too big, it's not too high.

[B]

Will it support this move? Lou, hit that song again for me. Again. Look at that smile. Go nowhere we ain't going nowhere, big boy. Sh. Well, it can't be stopped now Cuz it's bad boys for life I wish I'd be in Tampa can you send me Hanging with Mike Halta? Yeah and that girl with the butthole tattoo Carmen can you give me.

[C]

Can you send me this video so I can play it in the morning?

[B]

Go nowhere we can't be stopped Even with Dawn's awful voice.

[C]

It's not her voice. It's her tone. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Your son's masturbating in the basement. Ooh, give me that again.

[F]

I mean, it's not sexy.

[B]

Yeah, there you go.

[C]

What's wrong with that tone? Do you understand tone like this, Christine. It's. It's like if you ask a question, and the. Her tone is like. Like. I mean, you asked it 55 times.

[B]

I mean, you did kiss her. You're asking if kissing her belly is sexy. It's not. It would be like her coming in and grabbing our tit from underneath. No, she's like a tit flap like this underneath.

[C]

She likes it. She like when she's had a belly her whole life. I told you. She's the bottom of the pyramid. She's never not had a belly. I like our little bum.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like you're getting bummed out again. Lou, hit the music. Please. Get it for me.

[C]

Because I'm trying to tell you what happened. You're not listening. You're just giving me shoulders.

[B]

Trying to cheer you up.

[C]

No, I don't want to be cheered up. I want you to be a friend right now.

[B]

Is this not being a friend?

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[D]

It kind of is.

[B]

We can't be stopped now. Bad boys for life.

[C]

I don't know why that works. I don't understand it. Go. Christine just did.

[D]

I do too.

[B]

We ate.

[F]

I don't know how.

[B]

You're not doing. Don't know where. We can't be stopped now, cuz it's bad boys for life. You don't have to move at all. Just the shoulders.

[F]

Yeah, it's good for you too.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Why is that good for you?

[F]

You're moving your body. Shoulder shrugs.

[B]

That's a workout.

[C]

I. Yeah.

[B]

What's going on?

[C]

Nothing, buddy.

[B]

Don's voice. Max. Something big with Max.

[C]

Not. He got a concussion today at school.

[B]

From what? Not learning his lesson.

[C]

He guess he was playing at recess. Playing rugby. I don't know what the hell that. Who's letting that go down.

[D]

Pick up rugby.

[B]

I've never even fucking heard of that.

[C]

Recess rugby and then back to class.

[B]

After some light rugby. A scrum.

[C]

And then I guess he went head to head with the kid and he got a concussion. No, no, it's Katona Jay.

[B]

Yeah, I just know. He said he went head to head, though, and he got a concuss. I thought maybe it was black because their heads are harder.

[C]

No, that's not true.

[B]

It's not?

[C]

No, I don't think so.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Ask Rock.

[B]

I've come to believe everything. Are their penises bigger still?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

100% bigger.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Max got a big piece, though. Yeah, he.

[B]

You know, it's gonna be at some point where you gotta stop telling us that.

[C]

I'm gonna show you it right now. I have a picture of it on my phone. Hi. Yeah, Yeah, I have a picture of it.

[B]

Hey, but this is a good point where we're gonna think, are you loving this kid or are you loving this kid? Ah, dude, Max has such a great dick. Dude.

[C]

I didn't say it like that. I just said he has a really nice.

[B]

Dude. The pink parts are pink. The peach parts of peach.

[C]

It is a good color.

[B]

Stop.

[C]

All right, well, we'll stop for cps.

[B]

Comes in here.

[C]

Yeah, he. Well, she. She called me. He called me and I'm like, what the. And then he's telling me all this Stuff that's happened. But, you know, you got to take it with a grain of salt when your kids telling you a story because you're like, dude, you know, you're sort of lying.

[B]

For sure.

[C]

Yeah. So then. And then she gets on the phone and she says. I'm like, what happened? She's like, he was playing rugby. Like, what he told you? It's like, whoa, shut. What the fuck is that? Like, what do you. You know, it was just like that. And then I kind of get aggressive and I get emotional hangovers. I hate when she gets me. When she gets me to be like, mad back because I have to apologize. I don't think she's ever apologized to me ever. So I was like, I'm sorry for having a tone.

[B]

Can we try something here?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, Jacob annoys the. To you probably more than Dawn.

[C]

Way less. Way less.

[B]

Maybe way less than Dawn.

[C]

I'd rather. I would love it. If me and Jacob were gay, I would move you into my house in two seconds. Now I get whatever dog you want.

[B]

I want to do a reenactment. I want to see if we could find. Because, Bobby, really, the thing is here, you need anecdotes. You need anecdotes. You're going to get you out of that.

[D]

Because you said.

[B]

Right, There you go. I got aggressive back. And then it's. You're jumping the gun, and then it starts going. Then the day starts taking a. Now, for the sake of argument here, can you have maybe the argument you were going to have with Dawn? With Jacob?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm gonna see if I can put something in your mind that will change that while it's happening, where it changes the way you approach it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I'm willing to. This is the good part about me. I'm willing to try change.

[B]

I don't even know if you have to do so much changing. I just wanna see if I could change your approach to how. Before you get to yelling and barking yourself, let's see if this helps. Go on, Jacob. What would you like Jacob to say as Dawn? What really gets under your fucking skin?

[E]

My voice also resembles dawn the most.

[B]

What does she do? Is dawn gonna be like, what's the thing? Don't say, Bobby, stop telling all your friends about our son's dick.

[C]

No, no, no. She doesn't know about that. And I wish you would stop bringing that up.

[B]

Stop writing sonnets for your friends about your son's dad.

[C]

All right, this is what I want you to say. I don't know. I Just say, I don't know. That's the tone.

[E]

I don't know.

[C]

All right, hang on. Wow. You got it.

[B]

Let's do the actual. Let's do the concussion fight. Yeah, I'll be Max. I'll be Max. At first.

[C]

I don't know. He. It's. What? He just. He told me. What?

[B]

Well, let me be Max first. Let's build to it.

[C]

I got to tell him what he's got to say, Jay.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were doing the scene.

[C]

No, I'm not doing the scene.

[B]

Well, we'll start playing the scene music.

[C]

Well, I'm a professional actor, and I don't perform until I hear action. You know, I mean. Okay, yeah, I know what I'm doing. You know what? I just snapped at you, and I apologize.

[B]

That's fine.

[C]

It's all right.

[E]

I don't know.

[C]

Shut up. I don't know. Fuck off. Not yet.

[B]

Are you guys doing the thing?

[C]

He's doing it, but he's. Shut up. I want to hit him.

[B]

You have to stop. You have to wait. You have to wait for your lines. You're doing good.

[E]

This is what he needs.

[B]

It might be what he needs.

[C]

All right. I don't know. Bring it down just a little. Oh, his face is. He just looked at me with disgust. Oh, wow. Okay, Jacob, you're good. It's. I don't know. He told. I know what he told you. He told me the same thing. So whatever. He's.

[F]

You know.

[C]

That's what you're going to say.

[D]

Ready?

[C]

Go ahead, Max.

[B]

Yeah? I played rugby.

[C]

Well, what happened?

[B]

I don't know. I was playing rugby, and then I went head to head with this black kid. And they have very hard heads.

[C]

No, no, no.

[B]

They have harder heads than us.

[C]

Now. You got to cut that. Just a kid. Just a regular kid, okay? There's no black kids, okay? That's the old school.

[B]

A child of color.

[C]

That was the old school. Just say a. Another kid.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[C]

Ready?

[B]

Got you.

[C]

Hey, what's up, Max?

[B]

I think I got a concussion.

[C]

Hang on, let me add this in. Hey, what's up, Max? I just got done with the regs dealing with Louis J. Gomez.

[B]

Oh, so you're probably already on one. Let me guess. Was he late and somehow mad at you? I guess. I'm trying to call you for it. Me and Lewis had a doozy this weekend, too, for a second. Sorry, sorry. Back in the character.

[D]

I made me want.

[C]

I'm. I'm. I'm talking to him after the show. He goes. He goes, walk me to the car and tell me. So I'm walking him, having the serious conversation about a special, and then he goes to his car. He goes, all right, dude, I'm in the middle of the thing. Like, I'm not even done. And he goes, all right, dude, I gotta. And he gets in his car.

[B]

I go, she wants you to entertain him on his way.

[C]

He want me to walk him to his car.

[B]

Okay, so let's not. All right, you know what?

[C]

It's like, I could have called you.

[B]

You know what? This is a little bonus. Now let's see how. If we could have changed the course of your day altogether.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, let's. I'll be Lewis. No, no, I can't be. I can't be Louis at all. It doesn't work like that. Jacob's got to be both.

[C]

Have Christine be Louis. She's in touch with who Lewis is. She knows exactly what we're talking about.

[B]

No, she does, but she doesn't see where he's wrong. She doesn't understand why you are complaining about that. You got some time with him before he had to go do something else.

[C]

Where he made me walk him to his car.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So I was radio for fucking eight.

[B]

Minutes, and then I had to go.

[C]

Back to where I originally was.

[B]

This is same as Lewis.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

She only thinks Lewis is wrong when it's, like, against her.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[D]

Yeah. But let's.

[B]

We should start this back at Lewis, though, getting the thing with Lewis. So who's gonna. I think Jacob will be Lewis.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Give him like a. I thought just a suggestion because DJ Lou drinks Body brain, that he could do Lewis, so I'm really okay doing Don. Right. And I feel.

[B]

Yeah. The thing about. The thing about him is I need him or else I can't run the. The thing I'm trying to do here. Yeah. So if you wouldn't mind, just, you.

[F]

Know.

[B]

Really, honest to God, just. Just go, blah, blah, blah, doggy. Blah, blah, blah, doggy. Blah, blah, blah, doggy.

[E]

Welcome into my car, doggy.

[C]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, perfect.

[F]

You got it.

[C]

No, ask me. Ask me a question, and then as I'm telling you the answer to it. Go. Walk me to the car, doggy. Tell me on the way. And then we get. When we get to your car, which is regs next week.

[E]

Welcome into my car.

[C]

All right, well, I think what we got to do is what time we got to make sure. I'm telling you, if you let me finish, we're gonna get there. We gotta make sure.

[E]

Sit in the car with me.

[C]

What?

[B]

No.

[E]

Sit in the car with me.

[C]

I don't. I gotta go. Let me finish what I was saying.

[E]

Let's talk. Let's sit in the car.

[C]

Whatever, dude. Jesus. Whatever. Goodbye. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.

[B]

Bobby.

[E]

Bobby's doing his therapy whistle.

[F]

Jay has one of those at home.

[B]

Look at that.

[F]

I feel.

[B]

It works.

[C]

I feel better.

[B]

Okay, now.

[E]

I don't know.

[B]

You get through. You get through the dawn thing, all right. Now, I'm. I'm Max, right?

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Okay, go ahead, ask me.

[C]

Hey, man. What's up, buddy? What's going on?

[B]

I got a concussion at school.

[C]

How?

[B]

I went head to head with this kid playing rugby.

[C]

What?

[B]

Yeah, Another kind of kid. And they were. And you know, like you've told me, you said, you know, this is behind closed doors talk. They have harder heads.

[C]

No, I never said. Okay, Max, just.

[B]

And you were right again. No, dad, looks like you were right and I was wrong again. I said everyone was equal.

[D]

No, but these other kids have hard heads.

[B]

Like dangerous.

[C]

Yeah. Don't say that.

[B]

Out. You want to talk to Mom?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Put on Mom.

[B]

Okay, hang on. Mom. Here. It's dad. Hello?

[C]

What happened?

[E]

I don't know. He told me the same thing.

[C]

I gotta stop. I gotta stop. That's too good.

[E]

I don't know.

[C]

No, fuck. Stop. Stop talking.

[E]

So what are you asking me?

[C]

Oh, my God. He's too good.

[E]

Oh, you heard him talk to your son.

[B]

Doesn't that feel good? If that's in your head when you get out, you can't be upset. Just me popping in behind Max while he's talking that shit.

[E]

I'm not a good Louis Gomez, I admit that. But I feel such. So locked in with.

[B]

You're a world class Dawn.

[C]

Yeah. You're a good. You really are. She was like, I don't know. He told.

[E]

I don't know.

[C]

Yeah, but he. I. He what?

[B]

He.

[C]

He told me, but I made. Did you talk to the principal?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You did?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

What do you say?

[E]

They got into a fight. They get. You got hit by the kid. What else you want me to tell you?

[C]

Is the other kid okay?

[E]

I don't know. I didn't ask.

[D]

Yeah, dad, they're fine.

[B]

Their heads are really hard.

[C]

Max, stop it.

[D]

Stop.

[C]

Max.

[B]

Everything sucks.

[E]

I wasn't there.

[C]

All right, fine. Why are you talking to me? What the fuck are you talking to me like that for?

[E]

Well, what are you asking me stupid questions for?

[C]

It's not a stupid question. It's a question. Then say, dad, don't swear at Mom.

[B]

Dad, don't swear at mom.

[E]

You see what you did?

[C]

Okay, dad, stop swearing, all right? Hey, Max, stop swearing, all right. Okay, I'm gonna go.

[B]

Dad, I'm gonna go kiss one of my friends.

[C]

What?

[B]

It's a guy.

[E]

No.

[C]

See what you did?

[E]

Bye.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

Hey, Jay, what's up? Then we come in with your fucking dumb shoulders going up and down.

[E]

I gotta go. Bye. I think I can hang on.

[F]

I just feel the music.

[C]

Play it louder.

[E]

I legit want one of those whistles. I feel it looks so therapeutic.

[C]

Wow, it does work. You have to do it with the shoulder dance.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyways, just trying to show you some love, dude. Let me tell you something.

[C]

I had such a great weekend too, dude.

[B]

Yeah, I had a fit.

[C]

Yeah, dude, I could. I wish Mike wasn't married and I wasn't married, I'd move in with him. We are two lazy, chubby dudes in a pod.

[B]

Yeah, you have to time your sleeps together because I bet the snoring in that house would be world, like, top.

[C]

Yeah, it's bad.

[B]

Like a room rock.

[C]

Oh, my God. Yeah, he. He actually has the wing of his house. Yeah, the CPAP wing. That's what we call it, the CPAP wing. And he has the whole thing. Like he. He has like a. You know, a jet fighter pack on his face.

[B]

Christ almighty.

[C]

Yeah, we. This is funny. Tell me what you think about this. We were in Punta Gor, I believe it's called Punta Gor. And it's south, two hours away from Tampa.

[B]

It sounds like a. Like a fat Mexican stripper.

[C]

Punta Gorda. And I'm walking around on Saturday, and there's this beautiful farmer's market. It's like 8:30 in the morning, and it's all over town. It's like everywhere you go, there's a little shop set up. And I'm saying, you know, good morning. Hello. Good morning. I mean, 85 times in 20 minutes did I say, good morning. Hello. Everybody's smiling. Everybody's. It's like. I'm like, this is so, like, amazing.

[E]

Go the West Coast. The west coast paradise, apparently.

[C]

Looks like it was such a beautiful place. And then I'm buying mango. I bought a little. I bought. And then I'm looking around, I'm like, oh, my God, this is the last episode of Peacemaker. It's like there's not one ounce of anybody except it's all white people. I look over, I'm literally on a bench drinking this Beautiful coffee that this guy makes.

[B]

White coffee.

[C]

And. And I have mango. I have dried mangoes.

[F]

A white guy gave you mangoes?

[C]

Yeah, white guy gave me mangoes. A white guy. Wait a minute. A white guy. A white guy gave me a Vietnamese shrimp summer roll.

[E]

Awful.

[C]

It was, it was, it was awesome. It was so awesome. And I'm sitting on a bench watching this one white dude sing folk music. I'm like, this is like, this is a multiverse right now.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[C]

All the dogs were like, really? Everybody had a dog. Mother Nature, they were all doodles. But not one dangerous looking dog.

[D]

Mother Nature.

[B]

And God will eventually reminds you a couple every couple years though, why you can't live there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm walking around destroying everything you own.

[C]

Mike comes through and now we're walking and this really bothered Mike, but I didn't care. But it's probably. I think it will bother you too. You think it's fucked up. But these two guys that kind of.

[B]

Look like unattended, retarded kids.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

That is my one thing. It's my one line. Unsupervised retarded kids, especially eating ice cream.

[C]

So Jacob's there, like guys, these two guys like Jacob, right?

[B]

Come up to me, God like Jacob.

[C]

And they, he just goes, hey, how are you? And he put his hands out. I shook his hands, you know, eye contact. Other guy shook my hand. He's like, hey, how you doing? He said, how you doing, Tommy? Great, man. And now, mind you, I've already gone through this whole thing where everybody's the nicest people in the world. So I'm just like, these guys are nice. And then he goes, he goes, hey, man, could I, could I say a prayer for you? And I just went, yeah, sure, go ahead. And he goes, anything you want me to pray before? You know, I go, yeah, say a prayer for my son. He's 12. He's a great kid, doing great. But, you know, it's, you know, I know that years coming up is going to be tough at that. 13, 14, I go, throw me in there if you want. And Mike is like, appalled. So they, but now here's what happened. They. We all hold hands in the, the farmer's market in the aisle, and they just start praying. They start praying, you know, Lord Jesus, please, I pray for. And they're going over their prayers.

[B]

Us.

[C]

They're just saying a prayer for Max and me and watch over Max and Robert and, you know, is Bobby in the.

[B]

Is Max in the circle also?

[C]

No, he's not there.

[B]

Christ, thank God you brought him up.

[C]

No, he wasn't there. It was just me.

[B]

But you brought him up to the prayer.

[C]

Guys, I just said, you want to say a prayer? Who do you want me to say a prayer for? I said, hey, say a prayer for my kid and look over him or whatever, you know, look, they throw me in there.

[B]

You will give anybody so much information. So my kid, because he's home right now by himself, and then they.

[C]

They start saying the prayer, and now they grab my hand, and they want to hold a prayer circle in the middle of the farmer's market.

[B]

Who's running this thing? Dane Cook.

[C]

And I don't like. Mike was walked by. He goes, you're a freaking maniac. He was so appalled by it.

[B]

Yeah, I would be, too, But I know you're. But I would also expect you to jump into this prayer circle for sure.

[F]

Bobby does love God.

[B]

I tell you that. Bobby likes getting in, and Bobby likes to get in on it. He will. Bobby jumps in on the thing. He's the guy who talked to the Uber driver. Sorry, what?

[F]

I'm like, it wasn't a con. Like, they didn't try to get money from you?

[B]

No.

[D]

Nope.

[C]

They just said a prayer, and they said, hey, thank you very much. Have a great day. I was like, all right, take care. Put a piece of mango in my mouth, and I walked away.

[B]

Talk about every reason to not move to this place. You're gonna be stopped for a little.

[D]

Street prayer.

[B]

Hold hands with a bunch of fucking weird strangers. Mike was right. You're wrong.

[C]

Mike was. But I Look at. Here's the thing.

[B]

I wish a jet ski would have pulled it and fanned out some water on top of all you guys.

[C]

But I'll tell you this later. Later that day, we went fishing, and guess who caught a big, fat bass?

[B]

You. Yeah.

[C]

Guess what Mike caught. Lugots. So the player.

[B]

Is that a dead informant for the moth?

[C]

No, that means nothing. Oh, he didn't catch nothing. And he just sat there sad. And, you know, the Lord Jesus Christ gave me a bass.

[B]

It really is the only sport where catching a fish or not catching a fish are the same exact. Boring. Full success and lack of success is the same exact. Can we go home now?

[C]

I love fishing.

[B]

I want to catch it. I watched a guy catch a bass.

[E]

He didn't see, you know how great it feels to hook one.

[B]

And I went on that thing with Bert. They went out and caught some, like, fish, some big fish. They pulled them in, and I think all the times they were like, you want to wrestle this thing? And I was like, no, you guys are doing great.

[C]

I love fishing. I love it. It's so relaxing just sitting there. Beautiful out. It was nice. It wasn't hot. It wasn't cold.

[B]

Did you cook the bass? No.

[C]

You don't? You. I'm a lip herder, dude. I hurt lips and put them back.

[E]

Catch and release.

[C]

Catch and release.

[B]

And you just hurt them like that?

[C]

Yeah, just a lip.

[B]

Just rip their lips apart.

[C]

Lip. Throw them back in.

[B]

What if it goes, like. Pulls their eye out or something happens? What do you do? Just put it back in?

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah, you just mangle it and put it back in.

[C]

No, an alligator will eat it or some bird will just grab. An eagle will take it. A lot of eagles. When you.

[E]

When you accidentally kill a fish and it does, if they swallow the hook.

[C]

Yep.

[E]

And you rip their guts out trying to take it out.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

You just say, well, some. An animal's gonna eat it.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

That's how you.

[C]

That's how you justify yourself.

[B]

I realize you guys use Native American ideals when you guys do all this.

[E]

I hate when it happens, but it. It does happen sometimes.

[C]

Listen, the prayer thing. I'm not. I don't. It doesn't. It's not. It's not like a. I don't think it's a bad thing. I mean, am I gonna sit there? Am I gonna sit there and pray with people? I don't care. They. They. I'm not gonna be like, hey, will you guys pray with me? I wasn't saying anything. I wasn't like, jesus Christ.

[B]

You're gonna change your route, though, sometimes, because maybe the guys are doing the prayer circle right now. I'll swing around this.

[C]

I know, but what would you say if the guy was like, let me pray for you.

[B]

Have fun.

[C]

Mike said the same thing.

[B]

I pray for you. I appreciate that.

[C]

What if he wanted to hold your hand and pray for you?

[B]

No.

[C]

Why wouldn't you? Why?

[B]

I just say the lines. He had to go. I go, I don't have time right now, man.

[C]

There's always time for God.

[B]

No. Yeah. He's everywhere. He's going to be where I'm going. I'm actually meeting with him. I'm going to be late.

[C]

You're meeting God right now?

[F]

I'm late for God.

[C]

You're meeting. Where are you meeting? Do you mind if we come?

[B]

Oh, no, you can't come.

[C]

Why can't we come? We love God.

[B]

Because it's very reservation heavy. It's a Del Frisco's.

[C]

You're meeting God for lunch at Del Frisco?

[B]

Del Frisco's. He likes the trio of dipping sauce.

[C]

Oh, you mean Del Frisco Grill? Yeah. Mike was so freaked the out about it.

[B]

Well, I wouldn't be freaked out about it because I know you're doing it to be funny. Unless you were emotional. Then I'm freaked out about it.

[C]

I. I just don't see the. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't. It's not a weird thing to me. You're just praying that good things happen.

[B]

It's not weird to you that people have outside prayer out of nowhere.

[C]

Did I feel it?

[F]

Were you, like, into it? Like, you were, like, taking in the.

[C]

Like.

[F]

It was like a genuine moment.

[B]

Nobody cannot wait to start wearing swami clothes.

[E]

Did they know you? They knew you're.

[C]

No, that's. That's the worst part. When he goes, hey, dude, I thought he was gonna be, like, coming to your show tonight. And he was like, can I say a prayer for you? And I was like, all right, dude.

[B]

Old Bobby. Old Bobby's gonna start bowing. The people, I thought they came up.

[E]

To you because they knew you.

[C]

No, they didn't know me.

[E]

So they just said, total strangers. Hey, how are you?

[C]

Well, again, this has happened to me before. This happened to me in Maine. Time for the prayer circle in Portland, Maine. These. This group of people, me and Max were hanging out. It was 12:30 at night. We left the hotel to go get a slice of pizza. They have an awesome pizza place open over there. We were at the. What is that club up there? You played it, right? Epics or. No, Empire. Empire. Great club. So me and Max, we go out every night. We went out, we're hanging out, eating pizza. I mean, having, like, the best dad. We're just looking at drunk kids, you know, 20 year olds just being fucking maniacs, laughing our asses off, just, you know, making fun of everybody walking by. And then a group of people walked by, all kind of. Little older, a little. Some young, you know, it was like. And they walked by us. Hey, how are you? And they just came over and they were like, hey, we're here. You know, we're. We're going around making sure people are okay and blah, blah, blah. And I was. They were like, oh. I was like, oh, that's cool.

[B]

You let them surround you and your boy.

[C]

But then they go, too late.

[B]

If they were good guys or bad.

[C]

Guys, they go, do you mind if we say a prayer for you? Guys. And I. I was like, but it's 12:30 at night. Everybody around us is even a. No, they're not good Catholics. Christians.

[B]

You met a cult Christians.

[C]

And then they.

[B]

They said, whatever the basis of their cult is.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

They said. I go, yeah, I'd say prayer. And they said a prayer. I did look over at maximum point, and he was just sitting there, like, looking at me like, what the.

[B]

Dad, what the are you into? Why are you making me. Protect me from this also, Bobby. Don't engage me with it. Protect me from it.

[C]

But here's. But here's the thing. I did it. I didn't ask. It's not like I'm asking the quota. They just caught us. They caught me.

[B]

Bobby's got a car full of those CDs from those times Square black dudes that hand you a cd. And big. This is my music. Is my music, though. Oh, you're going to take that cd and I can meet a donation.

[F]

If you Google that, like, just online, it says that it is a potential scam. I think most people that are asking people to pray on the street are trying to distract.

[C]

To rip them off somehow to get.

[F]

Money out of me or to rob somebody or they, you know, they'll have. They'll have, like, two people stand in a prayer circle with you, and then if you of stuff sitting down, somebody else, like, takes all that stuff.

[C]

No, these guys, they do it door to door, too. No, these guys were old white people. They weren't.

[B]

Oh, those are never scammers.

[C]

No, they're not. They're scammers. They're not robbers. They'd scam me out of my money.

[B]

Bernie Madoff.

[F]

Yeah, and it was 12:30 at night.

[C]

They're not going to steal my stupid main shirt that I have in a bag and my slice of pizza. That was late. Yeah, they were. They were walking around making sure people were all right. Was. It's like a community group thing that they formed Cult. I don't. I don't think so.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know. I mean, it was just a prayer. I don't care.

[E]

Religion is making a big comeback.

[B]

Nothing to sideswipe people in the middle of the night with prayer. Hey, I'm here to make sure you're okay.

[D]

Pray with me.

[B]

But.

[C]

But the prayer isn't like. It's just, hey, watch over May. Protect. May they be all right and, you know, make good things happen.

[B]

Sure hope they get home safe tonight.

[C]

That would be funny if at the end of the prayer, they said some weird shit. That made you go?

[B]

What?

[C]

Nothing.

[B]

Yeah, nothing.

[E]

The night one would.

[B]

The spirit of Satan will resurrect you.

[C]

What?

[B]

Have a great night, guys.

[C]

Hey, wait a minute. What'd you just say?

[B]

Your son's very special.

[C]

What? What are you talking about?

[B]

Hey, I have to blow in his nostril for a second.

[C]

What?

[B]

Max is never the same.

[C]

This show is sponsored by Better Help Mental Health. And being healthy is very important. Not only important for yourself, it's important for your relationships. My relationship with family members over the years has gotten so much better and it makes me happy. My son has a better life because of therapy, because I talked to somebody, because I got the stuff out. He can have a healthier life, too. World Mental Health Day is October this year. And BetterHelp is shining the spotlight on therapists. People who truly make the world a better place. Because the right therapist can change everything. Everything. I know this because I got one betterhelp therapist. Work according to a strict code of conduct. They're fully licensed in the us. Go in there, you get matched up with a therapist that is right for you and focuses on your therapy goals. And if you're not happy with your match, just switch to a different therapist at any time. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Bonfire. That's B E T T E R h e l p.com bonfire what are your holiday traditions?

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[B]

Now he causes concussions on the black kids. Sorry? The other kids.

[C]

Thank you. Thank you, Jeff. No, I don't care. Would you think that black little. Would you think that was weird?

[B]

Hell yeah. That's weird.

[D]

My hand either.

[C]

What?

[B]

Don't try to hold my hand either.

[C]

I know. That part freaked me out.

[B]

I'm glad you. I'm glad your boy didn't have to see that.

[F]

I'm glad Mike left you.

[C]

He walked by me and.

[B]

Where's Bobby? I left him down at the pier holding hands with guys, talking about God and his son.

[C]

Mike was so fucking weirded up by. He walked by me, goes, you're fucking crazy. And he just kept moving. Yeah, not. Well, you're right, it was a little weird, but it was just a prayer. Would you let it happen, Jacob?

[E]

Yeah, I would have done it.

[B]

Yep.

[F]

With the Christians to Jesus.

[E]

Well, I didn't. I just would have taken it like they're. They, they mean well, they're doing a nice thing for me.

[B]

Yeah. Jacob would convert to fucking Muslim if a fucking. Well, five foot two Girl asked him to. For five foot two. Hot chick asked you to.

[E]

Keep going.

[C]

More, please.

[B]

Just a little five foot two bombshell can get Jacob to be wearing robes and all kinds of. I would think we're doing a pilgrimage to the motherland.

[C]

I. I think it weirds them out a little bit when I go. When I. When they were like, hey, can we see a prayer for you? I was like, yeah, good. Do you think? And they were like, can they grab my hand? I was like, yeah, take my hand. And I was just, like, looking at him like, let's go.

[F]

What do you got in the Jehovah's Witness?

[C]

I was like. And I was like, thanks, fellas. Have a great day.

[B]

You would let people touch your face in front of your son?

[E]

I don't like holding hands, so that would have been a problem.

[C]

I don't mind. You can hold my hand. I don't care.

[F]

I don't mind holding hands. If that's like a pray if. Whatever prayer. Things happening, people, you know, funeral, whatever.

[C]

But that's.

[F]

We on the street with strangers.

[C]

Yeah. The nighttime one was a little weird, but this one was just in the middle of a farmer's market around. You know, in the morning.

[B]

They're all psychotic.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess. But I don't mind it. Throw a little prayer.

[F]

Go pray.

[C]

Go pray, baby. And we pray. What's that? Hammer song?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know what the background of that is? What is. What's the beat they're using in the background?

[C]

I don't know. What is it?

[E]

Hold on. Let me see if I can.

[C]

So it's salt and pepper. Do you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What is it? I have no idea.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, that's Purple Rain. No, Prince.

[B]

It's what it sounds like when doves cry.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I never heard that. That's crazy.

[B]

Why? I am so good at Rock and Roll Jeopardy. And nobody will challenge me.

[C]

I'll challenge you.

[B]

Since we pray.

[E]

Pray.

[C]

I pray.

[B]

Sexy ass Jacob.

[C]

Pray that one. Where the. The. What was that girl. The soccer player when he flipped out?

[E]

Trinity, Rod.

[C]

Trinity. Oh, it was the worst.

[B]

I should bring a prayer circle into Calta when I do Caltech.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You should. I should bring them with.

[C]

Yeah, he did. I have no memory anymore either. Dude, I can't.

[B]

He's not religious at all.

[C]

No, he's like you. You guys are the same person. You and culture are the same guy. He knows trivia. All that he has retains information like that from.

[B]

Refuses to acknowledge the Lord Christ.

[C]

Yeah, he's Italian.

[B]

Irish.

[C]

He. Yeah, he came up to me after and was a Paul. He was like, what the are you doing? I'm like, it was just a prayer. Don't get mad at me.

[B]

It was more than a prayer, Bobby. It was a hand holding session with strange men.

[C]

How do you get out of public? How do you get out of it?

[B]

Don't. How do you get out of it? Like this. Take both your hands and you go, oh, what are you guys doing? Don't fucking just touch me.

[C]

Yeah, but I don't. Here's the thing. What if.

[F]

If.

[B]

What if that was the prayer that saved you?

[C]

Yeah. What if that was. What if God did that and God saw that and.

[B]

Yeah, what if Satan put him in your path to prove a point? We could do hypotheticals all day long.

[C]

Let's do something.

[E]

You're zero prayer. You wouldn't. You've never. You wouldn't never pray. You don't pray.

[B]

I do not know pray. No, I never pray.

[C]

Never.

[B]

Oh, that's not true. In times of major, major crisis.

[C]

When was the last time you.

[B]

But I've never kept any kind of a promise.

[F]

You only talk to God when you need a favor.

[B]

Yeah, I shouldn't write that down. That's.

[C]

No, no, Jay, Jay, speak to God.

[B]

I need a friend, guy. I need a friend, buddy. I need a. Bobby, please.

[C]

I know.

[B]

No, you're with the writing process.

[D]

You're a writer, dude.

[B]

You know this.

[C]

I know, dude. I just only talk to God, Jay.

[B]

When I need a favor.

[C]

I'm sorry, Jay.

[B]

Well, I need a fit. And then I think then the guitar would be like. Jay, dude, I should get face tattoos. Bobby, please, I need. This is brainstorming right now, buddy.

[C]

I just want to. If I could just tell you something real quick.

[B]

Go on, it's fine. Block anyway. Go on.

[C]

Jelly Roll already made this song.

[B]

No, but not the way I just did it, Right?

[C]

Exactly the way.

[B]

Identical. You say identical. Okay, I'm gonna argue and say maybe I heard it. That may have influenced me a little bit.

[D]

You know what?

[B]

I'm not going to fucking have this thing jammed up in court forever. I'm just going to bow out gracefully and say, never mind. But yes, I also, in fact, only talk to God running favors.

[C]

What was the last time during the flood in Long island, did you talk to God when a rubber broke on the road? Please, Jesus, kill my jizz now.

[B]

No, I don't know. I've been praying, just like. Like talking to the ether, I guess.

[C]

But for what? What was it for?

[B]

I don't I don't know. Say I talk out loud to myself a lot. I'm alone.

[C]

Are you God?

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

Are you the God?

[B]

But I'm saying I'm talking to something, right? I'm talking to something.

[C]

Do you call him Jay?

[B]

No, no.

[C]

Jay, you gotta help me out of this jam, man.

[B]

No, I talk out loud to myself.

[C]

My third person. Can you show me an example?

[B]

No.

[C]

Just a little bit.

[B]

It's not going to be talking to myself. I'm not. No, I don't say like my name. But I'd be talking at myself like.

[C]

Like how, like, what the is this, man? You can't be doing this. You got to get you out. You got. This is stupid. Who cares what he says? It doesn't matter.

[D]

Sure, yeah, like that.

[E]

But that's not praying. That's just what I do, non stop. I mean, that's all I'll have hours long conversations about. But it's like a broken text.

[C]

Who is he gonna talk to? The rats?

[E]

Stuff I don't like.

[B]

No, I'm saying when no one's around. Yeah, I talk to myself. Yeah, for sure.

[C]

So when Christine's not there, you'll yap to yourself?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. In the car sometimes maybe you talk.

[C]

Maybe you're talking to God then.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Maybe.

[C]

Maybe he's listening.

[B]

Probably not, right?

[C]

No. Maybe.

[B]

Doubtful.

[C]

Yeah, the holding the hands thing, I just. Here's the problem. I don't know how to say no.

[B]

That's a good thing to know.

[C]

Yeah. Like I have a hard time saying no. Like if a guy.

[B]

Hey, you have full blown gay sex with me in the bathroom on the break. I guess I could tell you don't want to, right? But you will if I really want you to, won't you?

[C]

I mean, I don't. Yeah, I feel. I mean if. Yeah, okay.

[B]

But I want you to take it right in the tuchas.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

You'll do that.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

He hates saying no.

[E]

Don't you love Jay?

[C]

I love Jay.

[B]

You love. Don't you love me, baby? Don't you want to show me that you're gonna leave me with this hard on. You should pick.

[C]

First of all, you should pick something that would be harder to say no to.

[B]

Dude, it's really not cool. Just leave me with a heart on like this.

[F]

You just really want those Christians to like you.

[C]

Jay knows this though. I love small talk. I am the king of smart. I love chit chatting with a stranger in the elevator. I love you know, just walking around the farmer's market asking questions and talking to people. If anybody.

[B]

Hey, is this mango? Fresh from mango.

[C]

Yeah. When I was sitting on the bench, I was this guy next to me. Oh, what kind of dog is that? And I'll just. I love a small talk. I'm the king of it.

[B]

See, I. What I don't like is that you're over here on this side of the fence with us. But there's a part like everything inside of you. Yeah, that's clear. Trying to come out right now. Everything inside of you wants to have like riding a bike with handlebars, like out here. And like sweater.

[C]

It's called the cruise.

[B]

And a sweater where like the cuffs are like flipped over each other in front of you. Like, you know, a sweater on your shoulders.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like you want to be like a. Like a beach town jerk off.

[F]

Preppy.

[B]

Yeah, preppy.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Remember the guys who sang to Dan Aykroyd's ex girlfriend at the country club and Trading Places?

[C]

Nobody does. Yes, I do.

[B]

You do?

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Constance fry, Constance fry. Anytime.

[C]

That was. This was.

[B]

You want to be one of these guys. You want to do up to preppy.

[C]

This is. This is actually worse than praying in public. Harmonizing in public is worse than praying. I'd rather hold hands.

[E]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, God. White people are so.

[B]

Constance fry.

[C]

Constance fry.

[B]

Anytime you call Constance. Winter, spring or fall. Anyway, you want to be that. You want to wear a V neck sweater over a polo shirt.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And sing doo wop to stupid chicks.

[F]

I was picturing.

[C]

Who's that?

[F]

Just more this look.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

I would love to be able to tuck a button down shirt. My dream is to put a button down shirt, tuck it in and with the belt and not have anything flop over the. The edge of it.

[E]

Hey, nerd, put on a boat. What else is there?

[C]

Sorry, Jacob. I just described your.

[B]

All your outfits, your only rock and roll. Because that's the way you've leaned your life. You want to be this. I want to have a monogrammed blazer. You want to belong to a club.

[C]

I wouldn't mind being this. But there's different versions of this. Like down in southern west Florida, the.

[B]

Guy with the psychotic. Well, religious people.

[C]

There's the guy with the, you know, the fishing shirt and the slip on little shoes and the hat.

[B]

That's my Florida.

[C]

Yeah, I don't mind Body cam Florida. I don't mind that. I would. Yeah, I would like to. I would let my dream is to be what Colin Quinn Is in real life to just walk around and just talk like every. Hey, how you doing? What's going on? If you ever talked to Colin on the day when he's walking the streets, he talks to everybody he bumps into. And I'm like, do you know them? No, just met him. Like, he'll in the door, guys. He'll go in, talk to them, goes to the bakery. Hi, ladies. Hey, Colin.

[B]

He's the reporter for America Stories.

[C]

I would. I wouldn't mind being that guy. Just the town Colin Quinn.

[B]

No, I say that too many times. That's a weird thing. I wish I was Colin Quinn.

[C]

No, I wouldn't mind.

[B]

Dude. Single white female. We could probably set up a bit where you can. Single white female.

[F]

Do you want me to bring in the red sequin blazer?

[B]

Oh, yeah. For him.

[C]

Listen, no, I mean, I wouldn't mind being.

[B]

I'm gonna get you a Colin Quinn wigg. And I think you should start making him uncomfortable.

[C]

Keep going. I'll fucking come in here, I'll fucking know.

[B]

I think you should make him uncomfortable by constantly. By whenever you go to the cell or just dressing as Colin. Colin Quinn.

[C]

Wear a cashmere sweater and grow some stubble. Yeah, get a widow's peak. That never goes away. Guy's been going bald for 30 years.

[B]

Where is that widow's peak going?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Constance Fry. Did you. Nobody acknowledged the video I sent to the group. Did you? What? Did you. Did you laugh at it? Give it a good haha. Give it. Okay. Haha's acceptable for this. This made me like, Dylan showed me this. And it was just this kid. He means this so much. He just wants some love. Did you watch it, Jacob? This kid just wants some love.

[C]

I gave you a haha. Is that my haha or your haha?

[B]

It's a Lou's haha.

[C]

I think we both hot. Hot, right?

[B]

I'll tell you this. I don't know this Lou. I just bring. These are things I bring in from, like, I don't know where, but this can be chopped up. This is clips for sure. There's a point where whatever this kid says could be used in conversation. This may I enjoy this, but, man, I feel this kid. He just wants some love. Go ahead, play Christine. His guy's trying to. His hyping him up because he's trying to tell him he's trying to give him love. He's like, I'm trying to give you.

[C]

What is he. What is it?

[B]

Wobbledy dabbledy.

[C]

What is that?

[B]

Nothing. The greatest nonsense yeah, but at first he's like, he showed me some love. He's like, I'm trying, man. Give me one more time.

[C]

He just wants a hug.

[B]

Kid just wants some love.

[C]

All he needs is a prayer circle.

[B]

And what has caught me, all right, When I'm getting ready to be like, AI, I'm over. I don't care about all the stupid. Hey, look, it's you and your friends climbing a mountain or at a concert together. It's all stupid to me. It's not catching me. What has caught me all weekend is doing like religious feats and chiropractics, but with they're doing AI, where they're like throwing the person against. Have you seen any of these?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's like they're getting adjusted old lady's neck and then you just smash. I mean, it looks so real as whales are into a wall. And she goes careening. Oh, my God. Those have been funny as hell. And someone being like, miss, like through the power of Christ, you're going to walk. And it just like. She stands up at a wheelchair and just like goes eating shit down the stairs. And he's like, she didn't want it bad enough for the Lord. Wow, dude, those. Those are really funny. That's good use of AI. I don't care about Lewis rollerblading around 9 11. That much God damn wobble dabble, huh?

[E]

Somebody did him rollerblading around 9 11.

[B]

Rollblade home from 9 11. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Did you.

[B]

Do you type in chiropractics, AI?

[F]

Yeah, I did and it was not here. Let's try, right?

[B]

Chiropractor. AI, it's probably more like. Yeah, I mean, like here, that's a gorilla. There's like an old lady. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[F]

Just through the wall.

[B]

They have caught me all weekend. They made me laugh.

[C]

I tell you what, AI is that's pretty goddamn good. That looks like a real thing.

[B]

I mean.

[C]

Oh, my God, he picks her.

[B]

Do they. When they do the one, he just smashes her in the.

[C]

Oh, my God, there's a football that.

[B]

And I sent the other one I sent to Legion of Skanks that got me was. And these are probably so funny. If anyone gets mad at things like this, you. You look at a buffoon. There was one where it's the coin flip for football. It's like Jewish stuff they're doing now with like acidic Jews. You saw this, Lou, the coin flip. The guy flips the coin and it shows like a. Like a Hasidic Jewish guy comes over that like, grabs the coin out of the. Just type in the Hasidic grabbing coin. It'll be in there. These chiropractor ones have caught me a bunch, but God damn, dude, the Hasidic guy jumping and catching the coin is so fucking funny. There's people that'll get mad at it. It's. Yeah, here it is. That seems different. There's more than one.

[C]

I guess he gets tackled.

[B]

God damn it. That's funny as shit. So I was wrong. AI can be funny.

[C]

It's getting. That's just wild how it looks.

[B]

But it looks. It looks real until it doesn't.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And that's what's, like, kind of fun about it. Well, there's not. It's, like, ridiculous.

[C]

There was one before this app, Sora, became popular. Like, this old lady, like, feeding an alligator. And I was like, this lady's out of her mind. Like, this is crazy. It's all fake. Yeah, it's all.

[B]

Now you have to put AI in the thing, Right? I don't know your hashtag.

[C]

Do you really?

[B]

I think so.

[C]

I didn't know that. That.

[B]

Although if you think that a guy grabbed an old lady by the neck and bashed her face through a wall, you're kind of a dumbass.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then posted it.

[C]

It's getting pretty funny. The ones they made of us were really funny.

[B]

What was it? What were we doing?

[C]

They made. They made one of us all in the hoodie blankets. Really were just adorable.

[B]

Oh, really? I didn't see that one, though.

[C]

Hoodie blankets. And it was just us three. Me, you, Louis, on a couch, different color, hoodie blankets. And your teeth are so. Your smile is so brilliant. It's so adorable.

[B]

You know, this weekend I was down in D.C. yeah.

[C]

In the hood. How was ice?

[B]

I did shows, but really, I was there for the no Kings rally.

[C]

Oh, did that happen?

[B]

I don't know. We walked to the White House. The White House is only, like, three blocks away from the hotel. We walked to the White House to go see some chaos. Yeah, there was none. I just ended up taking videos of women with awful asses. A lot of awful asses at the White House.

[F]

So we didn't see it in New Orleans either. And it was supposed to be there, but it looks like Chicago was the big one.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of people out.

[F]

In Chicago because they're trying to bring in the National Guard.

[C]

Well, they were saying some of the news outlets were using old footage of old big rallies to say how big it was.

[F]

Yeah, maybe.

[C]

I mean, that.

[F]

That.

[C]

That could be a lie too, because I read that on the. That could be.

[B]

Of course. No, either way, yeah. Like showing pictures of other old crowds. But I'll tell you, at the White House, in the time that I was there, there was no. I thought the night before it, Friday night, when I was going back to the hotel, it was so, like, there was such a police presence and shit outside in DC that I was like, oh, I thought that was them getting ready for the no Kings thing. But then the next day when I went outside, all the cops. That's just. They do that at night.

[C]

Well, they're on heightened alert right now. They found a sniper's nest in a tree at one of Trump's where he.

[B]

Was with a sniper eggs in it.

[C]

No, Jay, it was no sniper eggs. It was for a man to climb up and take a shot at somebody. Oh, in the tree.

[B]

So why does he build a nest?

[C]

Well, they call it a sniper's nest.

[B]

Because he's sitting on eggs.

[C]

No, this.

[B]

I mean, it's not very nice when you're teaching somebody something to laugh at them with questions.

[C]

No, no, no, Jay, I apologize. I'm not laughing at you. I'm just laughing at the visual of some guy sitting on eggs. Yeah, that's crazy.

[B]

Look at that majestic sniper.

[F]

He could hit where he gets out of the jet.

[C]

Yeah, when he gets out of the jet.

[B]

I think we have a sniper feeder in our tree because we're hoping to get some snipers. No, One season's back.

[C]

A sniper's not a bird, Jay. A sniper is a man with a rifle that will kill somebody.

[B]

Agree to disagree.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Bobby, if you say so, bud, but whatever. You know what? Tell your. Tell your story your way. Where was it at in DC where was it Christine?

[C]

I forget. I think it was. No, I think it was somewhere else.

[A]

Right, West Palm.

[C]

West Palm. West Palm, where he gets off the plane for Mar a Lago. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, really?

[C]

Yeah. Somebody put a thing up in the tree to. That's crazy. That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. I'll tell you, political violence, man. It is.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Seeming.

[B]

It did go mate, by the way. I could be completely wrong about this. In America. It did go away for some time. Now it's back big, you know, even from like the.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What's the lady who heard her was that Pelosi? Like, her husband was beat to shit in their house.

[C]

That was weird because they had. The cops were there, the guy was holding a hammer. The husband was holding the guy hand with the hammer and he Was like, just relax. It's okay. It's okay. And they're like, sir. You know? And then the guy just snapped and started smashing him in the head with a hammer. And then the cops came in and grabbed him. But I don't know what happened to him. I don't know where he went, if he got arrested, why. Nobody knows why he was there. Like, I. I don't know.

[B]

To hit a guy in the head with a hammer.

[C]

Yeah, but that's just crazy. But.

[B]

And now he's done. If.

[C]

If a guy was in. If I was holding the guy's wrist. The guy was in my house with a hammer, and I was holding his wrist. As soon as I saw the cops, I would just run to the cops.

[B]

Yeah, but he was.

[C]

He was kind of calming him down. It was weird.

[B]

Life in prison without the old.

[C]

Yeah, he was.

[E]

What else are you gonna do but try and talk to a maniac with a hammer when you're in the 80s?

[C]

I don't know, Suck his dick?

[B]

To beat a guy's 80. The guy's 82.

[C]

Try that, Jacob. You ever try to just blow a guy and calm him down?

[E]

Get a hammer?

[B]

Well, he was 82 when he was getting clunked on the head.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

82 years old.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

What are you gonna do? But please tell him, please don't do this.

[C]

Just, you know, you do.

[B]

You put.

[C]

Grab. You grab the hammer hand, and then you put your hands down the front of his shorts, and you start crank. Just slightly cranking out and get into his ear at some point and go, listen, it's okay.

[B]

Not me, dude.

[C]

You like. You got a nice piece. I like this piece.

[A]

Look at me.

[C]

Don't look at the cops. Don't look.

[A]

Look at me.

[C]

It's okay. Just. It's okay. Put the hammer down and grab my stuff.

[B]

If it was me at 82 years old, that.

[C]

That calm you down? It did, didn't it?

[B]

If it was me at 82 years old, I'd fuck this guy up Still. Probably.

[C]

Yeah. You think so?

[B]

Probably me. Yeah. But that's just me in one punch him. No, I wouldn't put it on you guys because you guys might not be that badass, but, like, me, this guy.

[C]

Up you one, punch him and then show you a bicep to Christina. She's like, you didn't have to do that.

[B]

Yeah, that's a. Why'd you have to hurt the kid?

[C]

Why'd you hurt him? It's just a hammer.

[B]

I'm 82. Be impressed, you cunt. This guy's got butt chin.

[C]

I like it.

[B]

That guy get the drop on you?

[C]

I don't know. It's got weird. I'm going bald, but not hair.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Matthew McConaughey. McConaughey here. What the is his name?

[B]

McConaughey?

[C]

That guy.

[B]

Him.

[F]

He got life without parole on state charges, and then you get a 30.

[B]

Year sentence on federal charges first. What do we do first? You always want to go to federal prison, right? That's the good one.

[C]

I don't know. I wouldn't want to go to any.

[B]

Well, state prison is the. That's where you're going to get raped.

[C]

Yeah, Derek was telling us about that. Remember? He was telling us which one was good, which one was bad.

[B]

Oh, Derek Drescher.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Derek Kane's, like, never been to prison.

[C]

Not yet.

[B]

No. No, not ever. He's a man of the Lord.

[F]

He is.

[B]

Well, I'll say we pray.

[C]

Jake.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Why don't we all hold hands right now, and I'll take us out on a prayer.

[B]

Sure, sure. Should we kiss each other's necks while we're at it, too?

[C]

If you want it. Lord Jesus Christ, please watch over everybody here in the bonfire crew. Jay, Christine, make their relationships be stronger with every day that goes by. Lou, keep him sober. Black Lou. His family's a beautiful family. Keep them safe. Jacob. Please, God, find him some. A wife, something. Please, God, make this happen.

[F]

A hot wife for Jacob.

[C]

Also, in the name of Jesus, baby.

[B]

Jesus, tell people to go see Bobby and.

[C]

Oh, please, hang on for one second. God, please let them come see me in size footage this weekend. I'm there Friday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Come Thursday, because Thursday is looking weird.

[B]

I says we pray. Pray, and then emay is Pennsylvania this weekend. Or make sure you go to punchup live slash Robert Kelly this weekend.

[C]

I'm in Tampa. Next week. I'm. Yeah, right.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

It says you're in size players this weekend. I'm at Ice house in Pasadena this weekend.

[C]

Sounds fun.

[B]

Three shows, two nights. Jason Ellis gonna be on this with me, so who knows what's gonna happen?

[C]

You guys work out together?

[B]

We're probably gonna work together. You know what that leads to.

[E]

Mm.

[C]

The gauntlet.

[B]

It's the old him. It's the old him. I love Jason. I'm excited to hang with him all weekend.

[C]

He's great.

[B]

That's this Friday. And Saturday after that, I'm going to Austin. That's all sold out. Tampa. Close to sold out. Think we're gonna add a show there. New Orleans for Skankfest. Plenty of tickets left for that. Only Friday and Sunday Only Friday and Sunday. YouTube. We're hitting those live streams and them they available for pre order.

[F]

Smash that button.

[B]

Smash that subscribe button. We'll be right back.

[D]

It's the bonfire.

[A]

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What are your holiday traditions? Putting up a minimum of six trees? Decorating every room with a different theme. Whatever it is, here's one way to make those traditions extra special. Start the season with Etsy. On Etsy, you'll discover original pieces from small shops to help you celebrate your way. Shop Etsy for holiday decor that makes you feel seen. Special starts on Etsy.