Hot Barbeque w/Luis J Gomez & Zac Amico

Summary

Summary of "Hot Barbeque" Episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Released on February 5, 2025

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delivered a lively and unfiltered episode titled "Hot Barbeque," featuring guests Luis J Gomez and Zac Amico. The hosts delved into a myriad of topics ranging from personal mishaps on the road to the intricacies of stand-up comedy, all while maintaining their signature blunt and candid style.

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1. Live Show Dynamics and Robert Kelly's Absence (01:09 - 03:02)

The episode kicked off with an unexpected turn as Robert Kelly had to leave the pre-recorded session due to sudden health issues. Big Jay humorously recounted the situation:

Robert Kelly [01:09]: "His insides were leaking out of his butthole."

Despite the awkwardness, Jay adeptly transitioned to the live show format, assuring listeners of upcoming guests and maintaining the show's momentum. He shared insights into their collaborative history, highlighting their long-standing partnership through various shows like Story Wars and Legion of Skanks.

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2. Driving Disasters and Car Accidents (03:40 - 12:10)

A significant portion of the episode was dedicated to humorous yet relatable stories about vehicular mishaps. Robert detailed a particularly outrageous incident involving Lewis attempting to purchase a car in Queens, leading to a confrontation where the seller brandished a samurai sword:

Robert Kelly [07:24]: "He brings a sword on a car deal? That's madness."

Big Jay chimed in with his own experiences, including a failed bed purchase that collapsed within two days:

Big Jay Oakerson [05:20]: "I got out of it."

The hosts exchanged tales of totaled cars, defective furniture, and the challenges of maintaining vehicle integrity, all laced with their trademark humor and sarcasm.

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3. Furniture Fiascos and Deal Hunting (05:10 - 07:23)

The conversation seamlessly transitioned from cars to furniture, where both hosts shared anecdotes about bad purchases. Big Jay recounted buying a bed with storage and a built-in bookshelf, only for it to deteriorate rapidly:

Big Jay Oakerson [05:10]: "It really fucked right through it the second day."

Robert echoed similar frustrations, emphasizing the pitfalls of chasing deals without considering quality:

Robert Kelly [05:21]: "I've definitely made... it worse."

Their discussions highlighted the universal struggle of balancing cost and quality, providing listeners with humorous yet cautionary tales.

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4. Stand-Up Comedy and Interactions with Other Comedians (13:00 - 25:18)

A deep dive into the world of stand-up comedy saw the hosts and guests reminiscing about interactions with fellow comedians, including memorable experiences with Dave Attell. Robert shared a story about his first new car being damaged during a road gig with Attell:

Robert Kelly [13:41]: "He was smoking a cigarette... and just shredding it."

The conversation also touched upon the challenges comedians face on stage, the nerves associated with live performances, and the dynamics of opening for more established acts. They offered humorous takes on learning curves, audience reactions, and the resilience required in the comedy circuit.

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5. Comedy Classes and Career Insights (40:00 - 50:04)

Transitioning to a more meta-discussion, the hosts explored the subject of comedy education and career development. They debated the efficacy of comedy classes, sharing personal experiences and critiquing various instructors. Robert expressed skepticism towards formal comedy training programs:

Robert Kelly [48:47]: "I hope to God whoever's at the head of this pyramid scheme is raping everybody."

Meanwhile, Louis and Jay entertained the idea of infiltrating comedy classes to observe and poke fun at the instructional methods, blending satire with genuine curiosity about the profession's pathways.

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6. Promotions and Closing Remarks (58:00 - 59:59)

As the episode neared its conclusion, the hosts seamlessly integrated promotions for upcoming shows and podcasts. Shannon Lee advertised her new podcast Casuals, while Big Jay and Robert highlighted their own projects and collaborations. The episode wrapped up with playful banter about future content and maintaining engagement with their audience.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Robert Kelly [01:09]: "His insides were leaking out of his butthole."
• Big Jay Oakerson [05:20]: "I got out of it."
• Robert Kelly [07:24]: "He brings a sword on a car deal? That's madness."
• Robert Kelly [13:41]: "He was smoking a cigarette... and just shredding it."
• Robert Kelly [48:47]: "I hope to God whoever's at the head of this pyramid scheme is raping everybody."

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Conclusion

The "Hot Barbeque" episode epitomized The Bonfire's essence—an unfiltered, humorous exploration of everyday challenges faced by comedians and individuals alike. Through candid storytelling and sharp wit, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, along with their guests, offered listeners a blend of laughter, relatability, and behind-the-scenes glimpses into the world of stand-up comedy and personal misadventures.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

[Robert Kelly]

My friends still laugh at me to this day.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Louis J. Gomez]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Big J Okerson]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Time. Some of us value it, but not all of us. Bonfire Faction Talk Series XM103 I'm Big J Okerson. We've lost Robert Kelly today. He was here for the pre record and. How do you say this politely. His insides were leaking out of his butthole. He'd lost £15 in studio. We had to get him out of here before I got it or anybody else. Also, you'll hear on the pre record, throughout the course of the show he kept talking about is ass and shitting problems all night and throwing up and then kept offering me things with his fingers. It was strange. He's probably driving home right now listening to this. He's probably going, I actually feel better now. I know that feeling. I should have stayed. Now I'm not there. They're all gonna talk shit about me. But I said, bobby, go home buddy. You feel terrible. I'll do the live show. There's gonna be a breezer because we have a lot of guests coming in. We have not just the great Shannon and Zack Amico from the Lewis and Zach show, but also Lewis is coming in. Easy peasy. Me and this guy are attached to hip broadcasting most of the time. We do two other shows together. Story Wars, Legion of Skanks for 13 plus years now. It'll be nice and easy and the show's getting close to showtime. I'm like, yeah, she's probably gonna be here any second now. I wait till the last minute downstairs. I come upstairs to see Shannon and Zack sitting with the faces of. You already know the answer to this. Where's Lewis? Late. Yes. No one knows, actually.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't like that you had to call your fattest and baldest friend separately.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Replace Bob.

[Big J Okerson]

This will get sentence in the door.

[Robert Kelly]

And a nice feminine side. Shannon will take over that. Shannon Lee is here with us. The great Zak Amico. We're waiting on Louis. He'll get here when he decides to get here. I just like Christine. Do me a favor. Can you? And maybe Black Lou and Jacob, if you get a chance. Also, can you blow up his phone constantly with texts saying, like, hey, kind of need you on the show. What's your eta? But everyone do it separately. Like, keep hitting him with different things.

[Big J Okerson]

Why do they keep asking me what I want to eat?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, we do zoom episodes for Legion of Skanks at home every week, and Lewis is always running a little late for it. It's fine. I've planned for that almost in my head. So I start getting on about a 2:35 versus 2:30 when we're supposed to be on. So when I start getting on there, and sometimes I'm gonna be like, I'll be on 2:36 by the time I'm turning everything on at 2. Whenever Lewis is sitting in front of that computer, my phone starts going batshit crazy from Alex. And he's yelling at everyone that texted me. I'm like, where the fuck were you? What do you think his answer is when he comes in here now? I totaled my new car. Did you know this wasn't on this show? Jacob, did you know Lewis tried to buy a new car in Queens and the guy pulled a sword on him? No way. Him and the guy got into such a thing that the man eventually brandished a samurai sword. It was fucking crazy. Which, by the way, the guy's a jerk off. That guy was clearly an unhinged lunatic. And we looked up his Yelp reviews, and the Yelp reviews were terrible on this guy. This guy's a maniac. He says the craziest shit. He wants to kick you out, he wants you to leave, and he's just a bad guy to work with. And he changed the deal in the middle. Not one of those, say, brandish sword, if that ever happened before, that have been the thing. Lewis still drove a lunatic to his brink.

[Big J Okerson]

In Lewis's defense. Lewis and I both love a deal. We love a bargain. Okay, have I bought a bed at a place called Furniture? Yes. How long did it last? Two days.

[Robert Kelly]

Two days.

[Big J Okerson]

Two days. I got out of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I've made. I definitely. I never even thought about that when I was younger. It's like, we have to go for a couch. The first place in the window that said couches. I'm like, I go here. It didn't even think about it. Those big just, like, storerooms full of shitty couch furniture is a great name. Yeah. If you go to a place called. Yeah. It's like, did I buy a bed.

[Big J Okerson]

From a man with a diamond tooth?

[Robert Kelly]

No. I'll tell you what. That's a comfy bed.

[Big J Okerson]

Without seeing it. Seeing it in a book only. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have done that.

[Big J Okerson]

Did I pay cash? Yes. Yes, I did.

[Robert Kelly]

Did he. Did he ask if you wanted a receipt and you swore up and down you do not want a receipt. I need no proof of purchase here.

[Big J Okerson]

He offered me $200 off if I would pay cash.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice. What was the bed?

[Big J Okerson]

It was. It had all storage underneath, and the headboard was a bookshelf. It was beautiful. And second day with it. Fucked right through it really. Called the furniture place. Three days later they came, and it essentially had to rebuild it with a second bed. And then the guy said, you know, these guys don't work for free. I'm expecting you to tip everybody at least a hundred dollars.

[Robert Kelly]

A hundred dollars for refixing my fat fucked bed? Yeah, fuck that shit.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, well, what were you doing on a bed? And I was, like, sleeping. He's like, nah, I know. You were doing something else. And I'm like, is the bed not made for that?

[Robert Kelly]

No, it is funny how I look. I'm looking at some furniture now, and I still look at those things all the time. There's some couches. You don't even look. It's like, weight limit 300. It's a weight capacity of up to 350 pounds. You're, like, in one spot, I hope. 350 pounds. Distribute throughout couch. No, that's not gonna work out. There's no way. We've lost, like, three couches at Gas Digital. Some big people that sit on the couches in there, and they've just collapsed underneath people's weight. It's happened, like, on somebody. Yeah. No, not. God bless.

[Shannon Lee]

I'll tell you who.

[Robert Kelly]

Go on. It's Mike Suarez. Oh, it was on air. Oh, poor mush. Well, that happened to a guy at my special taping at Skank Fest. The guy just. Chair just sunk in the middle, and I saw that happening My only. It's definitely happened more than once in my life. But the only one I remember was because I caught it so wonderfully at the right time outside the Comedy Cellar. Those flimsy little, like, thin, metal, like, border chairs with, like, wood slats. And I sat in it one time, and I felt. I sat in it. It felt like ice cream was melting under my ass. And I knew, and I had to process everything. I go, why am I still moving? Does this chair have this kind of function up? This is me taking it down. And I was able to, like, catch myself in a squat and stand back up, inform. Nobody. Let the next fat person deal with that, could you?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

One look at.

[Big J Okerson]

This was Jay's head at the time. Oh, no, my chair's falling. Oh. And I sat on my ice cream.

[Robert Kelly]

My ice cream. Jacob, you've never even once thought about that in your life. But also, if it happened to you, if you broke a chair, no one looks over, like, whoa. But, like, if they make fat jokes, they're joking. It's like, well, that must have been a really shitty chair. Me and Zach, the blame is always gonna fall on. It's. It was us that was the problem, for sure, not shoddy workmanship. Lewis, you all right, buddy?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

I know you were late. Sometimes you come in hot when you're late.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

It depends on the reason.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, I am hot because I was eating hot sauce on my halal chicken, my street meat, just now. I'm. See, I'm sweating.

[Robert Kelly]

You're late from street meat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm late for street.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not a good reason.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was starving. I needed to eat something. I'm sorry. And the guy took forever. Look, I don't think he should be in this country.

[Robert Kelly]

The guy himself.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I was like, you know what, sir?

[Robert Kelly]

I think if you just give his name to 311, they get him out now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I think we can get him deported.

[Robert Kelly]

That easy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez is here. Lewis, Zach, and Shannon here promoting the Lewis and Zach show, everybody, live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at noonish, I'm guessing. That's great. Noonish at the guest digital network. Listen to your episodes wherever you get your podcast. I was saying it's so funny. Like your. Your producer slash, like, performer thing. Like the crossover. Those are so funny. I'm like, when we do the pre records on Wednesday. Yeah, I was saying it's funny. It's like we say 2:30, it's gonna be about 235, because of your travel. I go. And if Lewis is in front of his computer, 2:35. If I'm not on there at 2:35, 30, I go, Alex is blowing up my phone. Like, where are you? We're trying to do a show here. I've been fucking home.

[Louis J. Gomez]

To be fair, Jay, you're never on before me.

[Robert Kelly]

Correct.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ever.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I removed myself from being able to go. And we're still sitting here waiting for him. I'd rather. You're right. I'd rather Alex give me a call that I will ignore because I'm already signing off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is what she does. She goes, she was like, it rang twice and he deaded it. So he'll be right on. Yeah, every time.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I did it every time. Because I'm gonna yell at her for something that's not her fault. Yeah, she's go, jay, are we gonna be doing this thing or What? Like, I'm 30 seconds behind what we said, you motherfuck. Did you drive it in your new car?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, well, it's used.

[Robert Kelly]

New used car.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I drive in on my. My new used car and I parked illegally, praying that I'm not going to get a ticket. And at 6 o'clock I have to type in the meter because that's when. The meter. That's when you're allowed to park there free. But I'm just hoping that the meter maid's not gonna come.

[Robert Kelly]

It's possible.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Maybe.

[Robert Kelly]

You live on the fringe, dude. With that car on the fringe, you. You've been driving the shortest amount of time of any of my friends who drive. And you've been like in the most like. Not drama is the wrong word, but like situations of driving, they're called car accidents. Yeah, well, they're not all accidents.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, the situationship that I have with driving, I have a little bit of a situation with accidents.

[Robert Kelly]

You and accidents are on and off. But was it all accident? It was. Well, I guess they're accidents. It wasn't all like, other people accidents, just like stuff.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it's all fender benders for the most part.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You know, and then one total.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But that was a fender bender. I totaled my Audi with a fender bender.

[Robert Kelly]

Where'd your fender bend into your engine?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but is that like Uma Thurman getting out of the coffin with the one inch?

[Robert Kelly]

Like, you just fender bendered the car. I think I hit a steel deer, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel like at the bonus level.

[Robert Kelly]

In Street Fighter, he honed it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The Audi. The Audi has a lot of pickup. I'LL tell you that much. And I just. I was like, right into the back of a GMC truck. Had a goddamn scratch on the GMZ truck. My entire front end bent in. I was like, that's not going to be that bad. They were like, no, sir, this is over. You can no longer have a nice car.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not a fender bender. That's a total.

[Louis J. Gomez]

My fender was bent.

[Robert Kelly]

To be fair, amongst other things.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There was some other things. You know, both headlights were smashed in and, you know.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's tough, man.

[Big J Okerson]

You got your fun out of that Audi, though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did. It was four years, you know, that's all you need.

[Robert Kelly]

How many. How many accidents that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That I was personally in or how many that somebody else was in with my car? Because the first accident was my son's mother.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She just pulled out and just fucking a taxi just sideswiped the entire front.

[Robert Kelly]

More than one woman?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, no. My other ex girlfriend, Natalie Cuomo, would. She grinded my. My tires.

[Robert Kelly]

The.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, the brakes. No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Hubcaps.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not a hubcap, Zach. The rims. Thank you very much. Sorry. We gotta get the Staten island whore. No.

[Robert Kelly]

Caps.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, so.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, you should get hubcaps on your car, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, no, the.

[Big J Okerson]

They were a bad rim job from Natalie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They were all chewed up.

[Robert Kelly]

She rim rashed you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

She rim rashed me.

[Robert Kelly]

I did that. You know, when I got to be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fair, I also did it to myself like, a hundred times.

[Robert Kelly]

The first new car that I got while I was with Christine was a Ford Explorer. And I couldn't wait. The first thing was when we were still doing Creek in the Cave for Legion of Skanks. And I drove there one day, found a sweet parking spot real close, and just heard that. The first day, like, our first day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, it's bright.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it was like, first week for sure. And you got out and you go, damn. It was forever. It's forever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I got the. I got the wheel plan now, so if I get. If I do that, I can just bring it in and they will fix them or replace them.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, that was. And then the first week, I got my. My maroon Hyundai Santa Fe I used to have. When I got that years ago, I picked up Dave Attell for a road gig.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was a real chick magnet, that car.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, we brought it in. That fucking red Hyundai tape player attached to a fucking CD player. But that car, the first week I had it, I picked up Dave Attell to go on the road. And it's just like, you know, a cloth Interior car. And I mean, the first hour we're in that car, he was smoking a cigarette. He laughed, and he just rides his cigarette right along the top of it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have too much respect for David. Tell to be mad, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

I acted inside. I was crying. Like, this is the first time I've ever been able to afford a new car. Even though it was like, you know, a $12,000 Hyundai. I was like, this is a big deal to me, this car. And it just. He shreds. And he says right away to his defense. Completely actually, to his defense. And he would have done this. He goes, ah, geez, that's probably expensive. He goes, probably gotta do the whole thing, huh? I goes, all right, let me know how much that costs when we get back. I'm sorry. And I was like, no problem.

[Louis J. Gomez]

David.

[Robert Kelly]

Tell. Who gives a shit, dude? That thing died from mileage with David. Tail burns right in the roof from this fucking week. I got it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, shit.

[Robert Kelly]

And then there was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If I would have done that to Jay's car, he would have fist fought me. We would have been rolling around. We would have fought up against the car like the end of Roger 5.

[Robert Kelly]

Sue me for what? My new Hyundai. It's all fucked up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ah, shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Sue me for what? Then the other new car I had, that was when Craig Gass fucked girls in it and got dirt all over the inside and they robbed my car. I didn't have new luck. And then one I got. That was the best, dude. When I was in dc, Christine, you were with me, right? That was new car.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I parked at the. The DC used to have. They used to put you in a boutique hotel across the street from, like, the Improv? Pretty much. And they had. It's so funny. It was $40 a night valet parking, which was excruciating to me, especially when I'd be going in there to open for somebody, which I was. You know, you're getting a couple hundred bucks. Like you've now spent $200 in parking off the bat, so that would suck. And we go there, I paid it. And we go upstairs. The next day, the guy who parked the car, who took it for valet goes. He goes, hey, man, when you brought your car in, was there like a little crack in the windshield or anything? And I went, no, there was no little cracks anywhere. It's literally a brand new car. It's brand new. I go, so there was no cracks at all. He goes, oh, well, then come with me. And I go with him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Here's David Talbot with A hammer.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, when you brought this in, you had four tires.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, let me tell you how crazy this thing is to have a little crack in the windshield. I was like, no. He goes, let's go. Now. What's funny is this hotel, one of the few things I liked about it was the windows opened far so you could smoke cigarettes out the window. Not to go downstairs every time or.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Commit suicide or kill yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

When the guy goes, come with me. I go downstairs, the windshield is pulverized and there's smashed glass all over the hood of the car. I mean, like, this is the guy who parked the car. He goes, hey, when you came in, was there a little. Was your car bashed to smithereens? Because I was a little tired. I don't remember. Come with me. Then somebody had thrown someone drunk, like, threw like a rocks glass out of one of the windows of the hotel. And I went right down, just bashed my windshield apart. I didn't even know how to start to handle that. And people go, safelight, man. It's a company that comes and they safely replace. Safely replace. And they come right on the spot and do it right there for you for like 200 bucks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I was like, windshield repair?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I was like, no. Yeah. I was like, really? They go, yeah, they put it on. They gave me the paperwork, looked good as new. I left that. Two days later, I left to come back to New York. Out on the highway, and I hear like, what the hell? He just sealed it wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

He's learn how to whistle.

[Robert Kelly]

He just sealed it wrong. And it just. Again, that was the first week I got the car. Never fixed that from the time I had the car. Something fucking happens immediately.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's a little rattling in the Acura. I don't know what it is.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't want to know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't. I don't know what it could possibly be. When there's somebody sitting in the seat, there's no rattling. When there's nobody in the seat, there's a little. And I'm just like, what the fuck is that sound? I don't even know how to describe it to the shop. Like, hey, there's a rattling sound. Come for a ride with me, sir.

[Robert Kelly]

Have you hammered sit there? Have you hammer fisted the passenger seat? Just at a pure. God damn it. Why? Because that's what happens to me whenever I'm driving a car, my car, here and there, every car I've ever had. And someone explains to me as they go, it's generally, there's a rock Just in your wheel. But when you're driving against like a wall on a highway, you know, you're close to the median or something, you hear it and it's like. And when I hear that, dude, I literally want to cry and yell at God. I'm like, I don't want to deal with a problem right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I hate it. Before I ever get that repaired, I will die. It's never gonna happen. I don't even know the first step of getting repaired.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a wonky seat. He goes, how so? He goes, I don't know. It's just wonky.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's a rattling on the right hand side of my car. Sir, can you tell me what that is? What? Here's the thing. I think it takes a big man to admit that he's a bad driver. And I will tell you right now, I'm just a bad driver.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, that's. That should have gotten more.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All guys want to act like they're good drivers and that they can fight.

[Robert Kelly]

You were defensive over that for a bit. Maybe you've gotten so good at fighting.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You don't need a defensive driving course. Legally, they required me by a judge.

[Robert Kelly]

You probably could take a class that would get your insurance down.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, we'll see. It's gonna. Well, now that I've told the car, we're gonna see where the insurance is at after March, then it's. My new insurance is coming in.

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta go to that. I never even thought that was a thing. Like, what was the guy from major league that would do the commercials for insurance and he's like, hey, if you stay out of accidents for a whole year, we'll knock your insurance down 40 bucks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I was in an accident for two years, Jay. Two years, no accident. That's a big deal.

[Robert Kelly]

Until the one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Until the one that totaled it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but now all those little fender benders were leading up to the biggie. Dude, you had to train.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, I had a bunch of little dings and dents from just like backing into things. Also, my car has a. It had. Or it had a break on it where like if you bash into something, it stops. And that just failed. That's not my fault.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I had that Audi's fault. We had a wig out.

[Big J Okerson]

It died the death of a thousand fucking. That thing. It worked to death. That thing died like a fucking Chinese rail work.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't stop no more. Look forward.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was an Audi, but my fender was an innie.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I didn't know how bad it was when you Came down to do. We did story wars in Philadelphia. You were like, I thought you were kidding. And then you showed the picture. You're like, God. You know, it's so embarrassing pulling into the lot, but the lot is blocked directly by the line of people.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they cut the line off. So it's before the lot and after the lot. It's just lines of fence.

[Robert Kelly]

And they just see Lewis pull in with a car that was. Bashed us in the front, and they're all taking pictures, laying on his hood like it was them they hit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know when, like, Hulk in the Avengers movies would smash the fronts of cars? That's what it looked like.

[Robert Kelly]

Lewis took that down from New York.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did, but how was that totaled?

[Robert Kelly]

Because it's. Because repairing it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I know, but I. Because I'm an ignorant woman.

[Robert Kelly]

If it drives, it's perfect.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we talking about total. I drove it, asshole. This is me to my insurance person.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like the same way when they told me so. When Kurt Metzger got my car stolen way back when, they told me that was totaled. They just kept saying it was totaled, but it wasn't. I was like, so what? They smashed it up? It was in an accident. And they were like, no, it's just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

A total piece of shit.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it wasn't that they were about fixing it. It was more like. I think the cop ended up kind of telling me was like, it was the emotional thing that you would do by getting this back. That, like, we're almost doing you a favor by, you know, it's $1,200 car. So he was like, we're doing you a favor by totaling us. But it was just like, I told you. The guy, like, stabbed through my headshots on the dashboard.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When I totaled the car, and I was getting my stuff out of it, I was just so mad. I took a knife and I started stabbing the seats.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it is totaled. I guess it doesn't matter.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, they were gonna auction it off, but then I did more damage to it for the next guy.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no one gets it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Everything's stupid. I scraped the key along the side of the door. Another key, but the knife. I had like, a. You know, a pocket knife, and that's great.

[Robert Kelly]

What if you found a great hidden compartment? Bobby said he found the safe in his old apartment one time, which makes me think when I move, should I have some metal detector go see if there's some safe in this house somewhere?

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's gonna be a safe. It's probably very Unlikely.

[Robert Kelly]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And a metal detector is gonna, like, detect all the pipes in the house.

[Robert Kelly]

Smash a thousand walls. Christine safe hammer. Ah, fuck. Just another goddamn pipe. Christine's safe. Dude, we're talking about the cars going. I watched a. I watched all that, like, body cam and true crime shit. You watched a lot of that, too? Shannon, you love. Did you see? This was the craziest on so many levels. It was a. A guy running. They'll. They'll kick you out of Sirius for that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

For touching Shannon against her will. Yeah, she's my girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Only here. Okay, then do it then. Do what you please. Dude, serious does not step in if it's your bitch. I've learned that. And don't worry, guys, these cameras don't work because they fired the video department, which I thought my friend Paco, who I pay to film it, turns out these are cameras. All these 4K, $10,000 a piece. I was told no one here to run them, if you were wondering.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was.

[Robert Kelly]

I had a feeling you were. But it was a body cam of a guy running from the cops. It wasn't even that big of a deal, whatever his problem was, I think. And then he gets off an exit and the cop goes, d. Son of a. I think just lost a tire. And he's going.

[Shannon Lee]

And it was.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, it was not a tire. It's a fucking car seat with a baby in it covered with a blanket. And, I mean, it flies out of the back window of the car.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, I saw it.

[Robert Kelly]

Bounces all along the highway.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Then the guy. The guy apparently called this baby is unkillable. He calls his wife, the guy in the car and all the information he gave her, he goes, hey, I dropped off Kyle at over by exit, whatever. And so you might want to go grab him or whatever. And she's like, what? And the cops all go there and realize what happened. Do they? Fuck. You saw this. They find this car seat upright with a blanket over it. And she picks the car and the baby's like, yeah. She's like, oh, baby, you're okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. She's like, hysterically crying.

[Robert Kelly]

The baby had bruises.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Bruising. That's it.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a great ad for that car seat.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I said. I was like, what is that? Graco? What is that? That's gotta be a hell of a brand.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That baby is unbreakable.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, no shit. Beware of that baby now. It has powers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hold on. Give me that baby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. He goes, yeah. One day you're just stoned and go. When you have the baby in the bath, you go. Just dip his head under water a little bit. Breathe. Breathe if you can. Oh, no, wait. Wasn't water the only thing that can kill? Unbreakable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Puddle the easiest way to kill him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Mr. Glass was all bones and the Horde was all in his own head. I don't know, they. Shyamalan twisted me right out knowing if anything was real in that movie or not. Yeah, Shyamalan's lost his shit. You heard it here first.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Doesn't his wife make movies now or something?

[Robert Kelly]

His daughter, I think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

His daughter.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Something else. Sham Gums. She did that show Servant, which was pretty good, but he. That last one he did Trap. It wasn't even a twist. Josh Barnett? Yeah. There was no twist. Is that the wrong name?

[Big J Okerson]

Josh Hartnett.

[Robert Kelly]

Hartnett, that's. He was just on the show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Josh Barnett's a fighter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he was on Lewis and Zach last week. Really? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice. He's still fighting?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well, he does like pro wrestling now, but he also just does some MMA fights.

[Robert Kelly]

It is cool to know fighters. Unless they're not good and lose a lot. Yeah, I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ixnay on the icky all game.

[Robert Kelly]

This is a live show. Louis edit. It's too late for this. It does. I'll tell you.

[Big J Okerson]

I have a picture with Mickey. I'm doing the CM Punk hands. I look so confident, which is my new famous friend.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, it's gotta be brutal. It's the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Also, it's because I've trained with Mickey. You would think that he's like a Terminator. He's so good.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Except when he's up against other guys.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so. I used to. I used to text him before fights because I thought it was so cool to know a fight I'd be friendly with.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Convince yourself that you're bad luck.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm the bad luck. So then I stop and I would just go after the fights, I would go, well, as a buddy, let me give him like the. And I mean, I would send him girlfriend shit, like, still the toughest guy I know and just squeezing your tits together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you come home and cry in your ds? So I was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're still a champion to me, baby.

[Robert Kelly]

And then I just started staying out of it altogether. And none of it helped.

[Big J Okerson]

There had to be the day after he lost the fight where he just picked up his phone to. No notifications.

[Robert Kelly]

No, buddy, you don't understand. I think it was me. I think it's me that's caused this problem. I don't know how, but I feel like I am. I'm sports superstitious. So somehow. Somehow my good luck call hurts.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have a Mickey Gall voodoo doll that I throw down the stairs every day, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

The last one was I was on the road. I think Louisville it was. And I was watching. I ordered it in the green room. And just the timing of his fight, I had to go on towards the end of the first round, and it was just both of them feeling each other out, you know what I mean? Nikki threw some good shots. The guy threw a few. And I was like, they're like, jay, we need you on, like, a minute. And I was like, all right. And I was like, all right, let me watch this last minute of this round, and then I'll go on stage and rewind it and watch the rest when I get off. And it's just like, out of nowhere, just a flurry just drops him against the cage. I was like, oh, Jesus, it's rough. It's tough.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have to act like you didn't see it. I didn't watch. Well, did you fight this weekend? Cool.

[Robert Kelly]

There was one, me and Christine went out to that cousin Vinny's place in Point Pleasant, and that was the night of Uncle Vinny's. Uncle Vinny's, Yeah. And we went to Rock Generation. Yeah. Apologies, apologies. Um, but me and Christina, there was time before the fight, so let's go over and watch. I think Mickey's fighting around the corner. There was a bar that was showing the fight. It was him versus Junior Brown. And I was a loss. It was, like, the bloodiest. Like, he was massacred completely, like, in that fight. And you just gotta, like, go like, oh, that's rough. Hey, man. Hey. I'm performing at the Stress Factory, if you wanna come hang out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Our worst night is like a bomb. Like, yeah, you know, I'll get him on the 10 o'clock show. Fighting so much higher.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, do you need ice or any? No, no, no, no, no. I'm fine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, if you lose in the ufc, you have to contemplate a new career.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Literally one bad night, you're like, is this going to be what I do for the rest of my life? Two or three bad nights, you're like, oh, I have to come up with a new thing completely. I've invested everything in my entire life into becoming a UFC fighter.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. And five bad nights, you go, oh, think I think I have to murder my family because the devil keeps telling Me to.

[Robert Kelly]

If you have to have any moment in your career where it. To this. I mean, it's such a setup for failure. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I will never have those type of stakes in my life.

[Robert Kelly]

It all comes down to this. Or we'll get it on the next taping. Like, there's no, you know, I mean, there's nothing you're gonna do. I mean, I guess Rogan and them did it live, but like, stakes are low and that. Cause like the idea of that audience that would be there, that's gonna like, it's gonna go bad for them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, dude, if I couldn't, I couldn't do a live special.

[Robert Kelly]

I would. I said I want to do a live crowd work one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would. I would fucking melt.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I would.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I know I would. I would be so nervous.

[Robert Kelly]

Once you're still getting nervous on St. I still have. I try to fake like I'm not, but the first like two or three shows when I do on like the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like Burt's Tour or something, like that was 15,000 people. That was nerve wracking.

[Robert Kelly]

Right before I go, you go. It's like, nope. And by the way, by the time you get to like the second weekend of it, like, you just realize it is like a rhythm to it. That's fine. But like those first few, you're like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When I opened for Shane, I did a stadium show with Shane.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And I wasn't even nervous about it because like, it's big crowds, they're just easier. But James McCann, his. His opener. Yeah, he went up first and he's so funny and so likable. And I'm like, dude. Because I'm just like a curmudgeon and I'm. I have really dirty jokes and he's just like killing with this fun Australian accent. He's like, oh, hey. And there is.

[Robert Kelly]

If you remember, that's also the guy who. They completely. The whole stadium booed him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, that wasn't him. It was a different guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Australian. Both Australians.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I don't think the guy was. That was a Philly guy. The other guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, was it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was. I thought it was another Australian, James McCann. He's so funny.

[Robert Kelly]

I've never seen. Christine said he was funny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very funny radio. But then I got. I got nervous because I was like, fuck, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If I eat a dick after this guy, it's going to be brutal.

[Robert Kelly]

Following somebody kill with the opposite of what you do is difficult. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Funny jokes, relatable stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Good all around writing and maybe like a polished act.

[Big J Okerson]

There's been a few times where I've seen somebody kill right before me and I'm like, I think I'm gonna kill myself before I do this. I remember one time waiting to go up and the girl's closer was this is my impression of Taylor Swift as a chicken and murder. And I went, well, I don't think they're gonna like me.

[Robert Kelly]

When living with cancer, it's important to be informed and know what to expect. But finding the right information can feel overwhelming. That's why understandcancertogether.com is here to help.

[Big J Okerson]

We've gathered practical information and resources based.

[Robert Kelly]

On where you are in your cancer journey so that you can focus on the important conversations and decisions of today.

[Big J Okerson]

Understand CancerTogether.com helping you navigate life with.

[Robert Kelly]

Cancer one moment at a time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you like the words food, football and 40% off, then Instacart has the perfect big game deal for you right now. On the Instacart app you can get $10 off a $25 order of eligible game day essentials like CH dips, Sips and chicken strips. So what are you waiting for? Free snacks with your order? Because yeah, Instacart has those too. Fees, taxes and terms apply. Eligible items only while supplies Last expires on February 9th.

[Shannon Lee]

Hi, I'm Katie Nolan from the Internet and Cable TV. Or as your mom called me, that sports gal from Celebrity Jeopardy. I have a new podcast called Casuals. It's a podcast for people who like sports a normal amount. No stats or spreadsheets, nary an X or O to be found, just laid back casual banter about home runs, hockey fights and good old fashioned drama. Casuals is a twice a week hang with me and my friends from across comedy, sports and entertainment where we talk about all the funny, weird, interesting stuff happening in and around the world of sports. Think of it as all the best things about sports with none of the homework. So whether you're a die hard fan or vaguely sports curious, Casuals is the podcast for you. You can find casuals on the SiriusXM app, Pandora or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to smash that follow button. That way you'll never miss an episode. Just try it. You can always un smash it.

[Big J Okerson]

And then once at Governors there was a girl with a ukulele hosting and heard this was her closer. My boyfriend's black and I'm gonna be in trouble and all these drunk whores go.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have jumped in on that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's good dude.

[Robert Kelly]

The second she Said my boyfriend's black and I'm gonna be in trouble. How have I never thought of that in my. All my years of comedy in existence.

[Big J Okerson]

Had there been a boyfriend's black and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna pay his rent.

[Robert Kelly]

And I gotta drive him to quote, unquote, work? Hana, Hannah.

[Big J Okerson]

If there had been a gun on the bar, you would have heard. Ladies, gentlemen, ZACH Amico and 400 pounds hit the floor.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, following someone who kills with, like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Horseshit, that's the worst. But James McCann wasn't horseshit. He was really good.

[Robert Kelly]

But you don't understand that. But what's funny is remembering, though, when you would open with, like, the stuff I said when I was like, I was getting down to my underwear. Opening for people before and definitely doing, like, performative things that involve, like, singing and dancing or something just over the top to get them to laugh. When that starts happening to. Especially when you're a not confident headliner, like a new. It's. It's worse when you're, like, headlining, like, BNC rooms because there's someone who. That's their whole life featuring for you. And they are masters of that, like, bullshit joke that kills a local guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Because I do this a lot. I don't bring. If I'm flying, I typically don't bring somebody. I let the local guys open, which I like. Meeting new comics, it's like. And honestly, like, they love it. There's, like, on the road, all the comics are such fans of Legion of Skanks and the whole gas Digital universe. So it's kind of fun to meet these guys. They're super pumped about it. But these guys, they've been doing the same 25 minutes. They're like. They're building out their first act, and they're doing the same 25 to that crowd. They have all the local references.

[Robert Kelly]

They fucking Just level the local goddamn reference. Ooh, the bane of my existence. Take that shit down to Biscayne Avenue. That shit does happen down that bisc. Dude, whenever I'm in Miami, I brought Fenoy and Butterly this time. To not have an opener go up there and be like. But, you know when the Cubans are getting involved and they just. Damn it. It's fucking brutal. But I had a guy one time I saw that show. You had the Cuban comedian murder before you go up with the local humor. That was also. The West Palm Improv is also done. Like, they. They're. I know they're rebuilding somewhere, but they're. They want to run shows in the meantime, so they Put them in the Jewish community Center. That's like one of those theaters that's memberships. So like local old Jews just have it. You can go to whatever show is this theater. That was 80% of the audience, and I think Jacob and his family and a few. It was like genuinely. It was probably about like 30% my audience and a bunch of these people who just came. So that crossover was also strange, you know what I mean? Because some people were really into it and some people were like, oh, we should have looked up what this was like for a while. But yeah, didn't matter. Old, young, Jewish, my audience, their audience. Cuban guy got up there and just murders. He mentioned the highway, the specific highway and kill. I think he also. I think he also has. I think his routine is also like. I know I look white, but I. Right. It's like a lot of. Like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like a dance at one point. Oh, it's so fun though. What fun is that, buddy?

[Robert Kelly]

If I could just only dance on stage.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fuck.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, hey, you guys ever see a move like this? El Gordo. El Gordo. Yeah. Is El Gordo. Yay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Latinos are garbage.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't get beaten by a buffet. You know how I go crazy at the buffet. Biggie Gordo. Yay.

[Big J Okerson]

What are my gorditas at tonight?

[Robert Kelly]

Mucho gorditos.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they, you know, I was watching.

[Robert Kelly]

The beginning of Fluffy special the other day, or just the trailer for it. I'm like, how's that? Kind of lost weight yet. There's so many things you can do now. And he's so rich. How's he not done any of them? Yeah, strange audience brings him cakes. Really? His fans bring him cakes and cookies. Is that true? Okay, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Imagine having an audience you could trust to eat what they brought you.

[Robert Kelly]

Also. That's just a strange thing. Like. Like feeders, like those feeder people who get like fat women and just keep feeding them food. That's a great fetish.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's got to stay fat. He's fluffy. That's his whole thing.

[Robert Kelly]

But you could stay fluffy and not be like the same fat he's been.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but that's the dude. He's a famous. We don't understand. He has mall kiosks during Christmas time in Latin areas. They have the Fluffy store.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

At the mall, like the same way that you'll see a guy like massaging ladies hands and shit at the mall always. They have the Fluffy store.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll always regret not thinking of them. Of the logo first, though. He's got the fat. The fat Jordan, That's a good one. When someone does a fat already been done logo, it makes me laugh. Steve O. Steve O's got the fat mud flap. Girl, that's hilarious to me. Anything you add fat to makes it funny. And I should have thought of it before Fluffy. Although if my life was constantly calling myself Fluffy would upset me. I went with big.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fluffy is more likable.

[Robert Kelly]

Far more likable. But his comedy is also much more likable.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, you. I remember when I first heard of you, I thought. I thought Big Joe. I thought he looked like the guy on the bounty paper towel. Paper towel roll.

[Robert Kelly]

Big Paul Bunyan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I would tell people that when I was selling comedy club tickets. I was like, dude, he's big. He's got an axe. You don't even know, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

So he wears suspenders. Thick ass suspenders, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fucking plaid, red shirt.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you remember the guy?

[Big J Okerson]

Beard, hat with ears on it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You know, this is the thing we can get into too. I was talking to Black Lou outside before. We're thinking of having Black Lou infiltrate a comedy class somewhere. We're going to put him in a comedy class. Got to figure out which one I want to send them to. Who's the comedy class teacher? I want to laugh at their teachers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are they still doing comedy classes? Not in New York City.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No doubt. Absolutely.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's see.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's see what's coming because I want to infiltrate. I got to see who's giving.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Somebody actually bought Manhattan Comedy School dot com.

[Zach Amico]

No, that's Andy Engel is Manhattan Comedy School dot com.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you remember him, Louis? Were you around for him?

[Zach Amico]

Did you ever.

[Robert Kelly]

Andy Engel was the bringers of Caroline's when I first started. You had to bring 10 people and. And give him $50. $25. $25 and you'd get a tape of your set. It wasn't. That's disgusting. Yeah, that's a crazy ask of people.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's pretty wild. Yeah. I took Buddy Flip's comedy class.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. What was it? He just let me sit in for free because I was promoting the New York Comedy club at the time. Right, right. You know, I learned some things.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you though?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

How to do cocaine.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that what he showed you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I did a lot of cocaine above the New York comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

With Buddy Flip?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, with Ozzy Baez, who was the old manager.

[Robert Kelly]

Dead.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dead. Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Good thing you did the coke first. You know what? I don't think I'm gonna do this Buddy Flip.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Does he still got a comedy class?

[Zach Amico]

It says the deal's expired. So this was a Groupon.

[Robert Kelly]

Groupon. What if someone bought? Well, I didn't. I don't give a shit about comedy, but I'm not gonna turn down a Groupon. No, no, don't look at Buddy Flick. Look at who's doing them in general.

[Zach Amico]

I just looked up comedy class, New York City. See what's here.

[Big J Okerson]

My comedy teacher was Dante.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

You were. You, you were with me?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I came.

[Big J Okerson]

You came for the, the showcase.

[Robert Kelly]

But Dante was teaching the class.

[Big J Okerson]

Dante came and did like a day with us. Dante was my teacher. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dante's like, be really intimidated.

[Robert Kelly]

Make him laugh or else tell them they can laugh or I could do things to you.

[Zach Amico]

This site is. It said it was originally the Caroline's comedy class.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

That's what's going on with them.

[Robert Kelly]

With who?

[Zach Amico]

NYC Funniest stand up comedy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, so is it. Let me see the picture. Is it a.

[Zach Amico]

That's why I'm trying to find picture of the teachers.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it Diane Smith?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's so funny. All the people that are in comedy classes were always like, just like people in their mid-40s, mid-50s. You're like, what do you think's gonna happen here? You think it's just going to all of a sudden start happening for you?

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, Ben Rosenfold. I know Ben Feld is teaching that one. Do you like Ben? I mean, I'm saying, do you know him enough to like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't really remember his act or anything.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, fine. So he's on the table, Lou.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's on the table.

[Robert Kelly]

He's on the table.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anyway, look, if you're running a comedy class, you deserve to be shamed. So it doesn't matter.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't say this, don't say this one's name. Louis. But this is the one whose niece I hooked up with. And that was the. Dave Smith went to her house with me. Do you remember this girl? You have to remember this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, you gotta give me more info on it.

[Robert Kelly]

Drug. Cocaine. She did cocaine.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do we have a special name for her?

[Robert Kelly]

No. Me and Dave though.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you remember the name I'm thinking of, though?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Who worked at Caroline's.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, maybe. Maybe it is the same person. What do we call her?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hep C. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Okay, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

We're all caught up.

[Robert Kelly]

We're all caught up. Yes. We did call our fc.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We did call her fc. What a nickname for her.

[Robert Kelly]

That boy. I was a tragic chick. Yeah, but that was my. That was My insecurity, that was one of my best insecurity comes through in a split second. Moment is Dave Smith was with me. And I was like, you know, this girl, like, fucking is wild, dude. Like, she wants to hook up. And I go, if you come over there with me, she'll probably blow both of us. And then so she started hooking up with me. And then I said, I go, hey. I goes, should Dave stay or you want David? She goes, I'm down. And then I was like, wait, wait, it's just that easy. I thought you really liked me or something, you crazy whore.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I had almost the same story happened. I was hooking up with this chick, and then I made a joke. Yeah, I made a joke. We were staying in New York. I was like, oh, me and Dave should double team you tonight. And I was like, I had hooked up with this girl maybe five times, and she was cute, and she was like, oh, that'd be hot. And I was like, you come on, Dave, say no. See, why would you do that? Let's go fuck this girl together, Dave. And then Dave didn't even fuck her. He just let her suck his dick while I put my little dick in her. And then he just pulled out and shot it onto my sheets. Oh, I hate him.

[Robert Kelly]

I have also had sex with women that Dave has been like, I'll allow them to suck my dick. Why do we keep this piece of shit around? He's changing our fucking ratios up too much.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Fuck me, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Me and Lewis were just two steps to get to Dave's enormous cock.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And what a whore. She just wants his big dick in her mouth. You get nothing out of it, you pig.

[Robert Kelly]

She goes, I've never had my mouth so full. It's delicious.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's like, oh, it makes my jaw hurt. I love it.

[Robert Kelly]

Ah, that's like a feet. I can't believe I've accomplished this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She has to unhinge her jaw like a snake to get Dave's big old in her mouth.

[Robert Kelly]

Dave's big fat dick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dave, God bless his children.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. Ow. Lou, I'm not sending you to this one. I just smashed my finger in the thing.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, so it looks like the so no sent me this. This is from the South Orange Maplewood Adult School.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy's trying to stay. This guy's trying to stay at home. I don't like Maplewood. They killed my manager there. My manager was burned. I can't really walk through the streets of Maplewood. Yeah, the streets are hot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They killed my manager there.

[Big J Okerson]

I wish a Maple wood.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, shit. Do you know the instructor, though? Wait, let's see. I want to see Christine. You gotta go through the instructors. That's what's important.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Jay August, please.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me see who that is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, wait, isn't there. No, there's Vince August I'm thinking of. He was a lawyer. Comedian, Judge.

[Robert Kelly]

Judge, right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, he was a lawyer at one time.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, but I think he was like Vince August. Yeah, he was.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, wait, maybe it's Jay August. Is Judge August.

[Robert Kelly]

It could be Judge August.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Could be.

[Robert Kelly]

By the way, he claims he's so good at comedy, it's not even funny. I like that. So it's a little funny. Write up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There we go.

[Zach Amico]

I think this is him.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He got 181 followers on Instagram. At least.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, all right. So, Lou, he could probably tell you how to get to at least 100 followers. Was that Zach in one of the flyers? No, I thought I saw Zach go up one more. Nope. No, it was Rich Duggan.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it was Richie Duggan.

[Big J Okerson]

You're gonna get that sometimes.

[Zach Amico]

Is this him? I think that's him, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Jay August.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He looks like old Jay Okerson, the.

[Robert Kelly]

Funniest comic in New Jersey. Impossible, okay? Impossible challenge is out. Let me tell you something.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I live in New Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

But here's the thing about.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're about to live in New Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine, do me a favor. Bring up some J. August comedy, please. Lou. The only problem with the Jay August is this guy's already got a career. He's just trying to make ends meet. No one puts as their header funniest comic in New Jersey. That's valueless statement to make. So Jay August is, while it would be fun, I don't expect it. What I want is somebody who's like, I know this business, and let me show you the ins and outs. A DF Swedler, perhaps? What is this, Gotham Writers Workshop? No, not writers. I want the one where at the end of it, they have you perform. And I want to write Black Lou, the blackest def jam set anyone's ever seen. It's going to be bad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What if he just goes with it and then straight passes all of us?

[Robert Kelly]

In comedy, I like it. Straight pro Trump. Straight pro Trump. And we got to get you a saying of somehow ain't a bee like that. That's not too bad.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I have one. I've really wanted to use it.

[Robert Kelly]

Go ahead.

[Big J Okerson]

Hot barbecue.

[Robert Kelly]

Hot barbecue.

[Big J Okerson]

And every punchline. Hot barbecue.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't mind that.

[Big J Okerson]

You can come out to the Bum Bum Hot barbecue. Hot barbecue merch.

[Robert Kelly]

Hot barbecue's not hot.

[Big J Okerson]

Go into hot barbecue. Sell hot barbecue sauce.

[Robert Kelly]

It means nothing and it gets people excited. Like hamburger barbecue. Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like hamburger hot barbecue.

[Robert Kelly]

But I like Zach's putting the snap on it. Hot barbecue.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he comes out.

[Robert Kelly]

Ladies and gentlemen, can I hear your hot barbecue call? Hot barbecue. Okay, that's good. That's good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Anytime a joke doesn't get a big laugh, you gotta go hot barbecue.

[Robert Kelly]

You go look at these fine ass fat white in the front row. Hot barbecue loot.

[Big J Okerson]

You can have hot barbecue titty so.

[Robert Kelly]

Big your nipples resting on your knees. How about a cute. You can mix up the way you say barbecue comedy. Saw classes. I'm always ready to send you to Rick Chrome and Veronica Mosey. That's hilarious in its own right. That's not bad. Who else we got?

[Zach Amico]

Do we already look at Gotham?

[Robert Kelly]

Isn't that. Did we look at Gotham?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Why don't we. Why don't we host our own stand up comedy class, Jay? Sure, that'd be fun.

[Robert Kelly]

We could do comedy writing boot camp. Ooh, wait, A comedy. Wait, all right, I have to read these because all these different classes that are possible. Can you go to the one below this? Because that was the one that got me excited the most. Comedy Career Intensive. They're gonna tell you how to attack the entire career in one intensive. Let's see. It's geared towards those comics looking to break away from the pack of new comedians and are serious about becoming a pro. These are such money gouge bullshit things. All right, you already took a class. You probably think you learned everything you know to start comedy. But I didn't tell you about the career part.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Now you're ready for the career intensity.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Only $600.

[Robert Kelly]

I hope to God whoever's at the head of this pyramid scheme is raping everybody. I really hope it's like in. What's it. What was the guy the. Keith. What's his face? Keith Ranieri. Nexium. I hope it's Nexium. Cult style shit at the bottom of this because this is forcing people to give you money for nothing. I want to read it. Please note this class is open to any comic that has completed the Level 1 stand up comedy class or submitted a tape of a performance and have at least one year of experience. What? We should definitely get the carnival where.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You have to win a small prize first to trade it in for.

[Big J Okerson]

It Sounds like the day in middle school where they separated the boys and the girls for health and the Guys have to take a class and the girls just all. It's a whiteboard that says fuck a booker.

[Robert Kelly]

Booker. Fuck him good. And don't be an asshole when he stops fucking you. This I, I man. I tell you what, Louis. What I would like to do is definitely, I would like to send in a tape to see if I don't have to take the lift. Level one. That'd be nice. Just to find out if I pass through level one, huh?

[Zach Amico]

You want to skip?

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very entitled.

[Robert Kelly]

I think I'm. No, no. We're sending Black Luth through the fucking gauntlet of these classes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Boot camp.

[Robert Kelly]

Boot camp.

[Louis J. Gomez]

First you got to go to boot camp.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what? I'm jumping ahead. Let's get before the career intensive. Let's see what you got to jump into. First of all, are you even funny, Lou? Cause I'll be honest with you, I don't fucking know. Now Lou's very funny. Has he ever been interested in doing stand up? No. Right? No. No. Do you think you have what it takes to be a comic? You don't. Correct.

[Big J Okerson]

Not at all.

[Robert Kelly]

He does not. Would you like to brush up on your public speaking skills? Sure. Anyone's happy with that? Okay. Whether you're just starting to break out of the comedy scene or professional wanting to learn more about the industry, Gotham Comedy Club has the tools to help you with the art of stand up comedy. Now I'll let you know the owner is a tool. Who broke Sue Costello. Keep that in mind. Always.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude. Her and her Twitter is Facebook. No, her Twitter. I follow her on Twitter. We follow each other. She posts minute by minute.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. Also on Twitter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

On Twitter. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, it's my favorite thing. Now I gotta tell you, Bobby Kelly steers clear of this subject every time I try to bring it up. Because he says you're summoning her like Candyman and she's gonna be on you and tell you that you're one of the were hurting her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dude, it's. It's wild.

[Robert Kelly]

I. I follow her.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I always liked Sue. Yeah, she's hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Suprise. Suprise.

[Big J Okerson]

Does her Twitter name have a court case?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. You know what's funny? I'll say this about Sue. I'm gonna say something nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's her own lawyer.

[Robert Kelly]

That court case is front of her mind all day.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It kind of leads her path as she moves through life. It's a great follow. Yeah, I've never followed the Twitter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, look. Look at her tweets.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I'll tell you what. What's his name? Donnell Rawlings mentioned her name in a positive light three hours ago. Three hours? Yeah, but there's gonna be. Oh, see, go to Facebook. Louis, you're wasting your time over here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Facebook's way better. Her Facebook is world class. It's. I look at it every day. It's part of my. It's in my life as world star hip hop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you read it in her shitty Boston accent?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. Every time. Two people out loud, usually. Oh, my God. It just. She tells you. By the way, if you get in her way, dude, she will fucking end you.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, can we please take the everything else out of it? The fact that this is a professional entertainer. I just fell over on the bus.

[Robert Kelly]

With all my overpriced groceries. I'm still happier than those in power. What? What? Get home. A creep was leering at me this morning while I waited for the train. I've been out for hours, just got on the train, going back the way I came and he's sitting in the car. I walked on. What are the chances of that? Now what's the best part? This isn't. That's a bad example of her thing. You scroll up. Don't worry, it's coming.

[Big J Okerson]

Can I say what's worse than that?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That was four hours ago. That means she has to take a bus and a train to get groceries. Oh, Jesus.

[Robert Kelly]

But the thing is her deal, she talks about all this and now she's taken over the world and everyone's gonna see and her new projects gonna be the biggest thing. And then the best part is the real laughs. The comments. It'll be like one or two being like rooting for you. Get him, girl. And then like a vacuum cleaner advertisement or something. It's so funny.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's a boyfriend.

[Robert Kelly]

I was born this way. This guy is. I don't know. Maybe I do believe that people who hurt when they were alive are around us, in love now. She's losing it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It'S by the way. And there it is. It's always. She's involved in whatever news story is happening. Watching a documentary about the 1% done by a Johnson and Johnson air. I told a story at on their penthouses in nyc. Hired by Nantucket Film Festival. I have two friends that are billionaires. You want all. You want what you, you, what? They all want my humanity because it's priceless. And every day it's that he goes, you'll never buy my integrity. You'll never get me to shut up. And silence me, but no one's listening.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What if she's. What if she's telling the truth, Jay? What if she's actually has all of this information on everybody?

[Robert Kelly]

She is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You think she's.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I think she's telling the truth.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Think she has two billionaire friends.

[Robert Kelly]

I think all this is very, very real, and it's happening. I'm not questioning that. Don't put me in that category, Louis. That's asking for a war that I don't want. I'm saying I believe very, very much the things she's saying. Absolutely.

[Big J Okerson]

What two billionaires do you think she means? The two stars of the boxing movie she was in?

[Robert Kelly]

That's right. Sue Costello was in the Fighter. She was actually a pretty big.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah, she was.

[Robert Kelly]

She was one of the junkies.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you think she means the two stars of that film?

[Robert Kelly]

It's very possible she meant those two billionaires. Morning, sugar muffins. Look, it's happening. People will look over my whole career soon. Had a zoom call this morning, and the woman said, sue, I could watch you on Tough Crowd and think, how does she do that? None of these are, by the way. That's also a lot of things she likes to point out. Compliments she gets that aren't that great of a compliment. It goes. I don't know if you saw, but Colin Quinn recently said on television that Sue Costello did a good job that one time. So look out, cbs. No, I hate the.

[Big J Okerson]

The Boston. The phonetically spelled Boston accent.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's about it.

[Big J Okerson]

The guy who started Kinkos.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, they called him pubehead in high school.

[Big J Okerson]

That sounds racist.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my God. They caught it. They caught him up because he had kinky hair. That's what I mean. He's getting his revenge by owning everybody. She's, like, on a mission. She's on a. She's on a mission to. But. But to nobody. That's got to be bizarre.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Now that's the not being. If you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you did assault her at one point in your life, though, you're like, she's gonna tell everyone it was boss.

[Robert Kelly]

Boss. She's getting some traction on this last one. No, no, no, no, no. Stuff it down. Stuff it down. Step it down.

[Big J Okerson]

It says here on Sue's Facebook that you fucked her against her will.

[Robert Kelly]

But that show was, like, the early aughts. Like, why not just continue on? She's. This is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I think she's actually crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

She holds onto the Costello and this lawsuit like I held onto the leisure skank scripts. I'm like, no, it's gonna be a thing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's perfect the way it is.

[Robert Kelly]

Doesn't even need tweaking. What, you want to give us to professional writers? Suck my dick, hbo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's so funny. That's just the best moment ever is when. What's his name? From Billions?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What's his name? Fuck.

[Robert Kelly]

Jesus. Craig Koppelman. Brian Koppelman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Koppelman was like. He was like, hey, guys, if you want to do this, you know the way we did it. We got up at every day before work, 6am to 8am we wrote five days a week. On the weekends, we spent a few hours together. And literally, I just watched Jay checking out of the conversation during his Braveheart speech. I watched Jay, like, look at his watch. He was like, I'm not doing that by.

[Robert Kelly]

The best part was he invited us in. I think I produced. I go, Brian Koppelman, who wrote Rounders, he's written all this stuff. You know, he's a producer. He does comedy. I've become friendly with him. I go, he's willing to talk with us because I told him that we're writing this thing. He wants to, like, kind of sit and talk with us. And he took us to an office where he had, like. He was showing us a new show he was working on. Maybe it was Billions. Who know, but he was. No, that was too long ago. But it was like. He had note cards, like. Like. Like a grid of, like, note cards he put up. He goes, I work with note cards. You can do it on a whiteboard or something. But every day, he's just going through every day. This is the process. And then we. Bro. And then we sit here for seven hours and. And. And kind of, you know, put the work in, and then we get something to eat. You know, it's just like when we get paid. Yeah. I was just like, yeah, dude, I think we're just gonna write this line by line the way we've been doing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We. We wrote it. We didn't, like, do character descriptions. We sort of just introducing. We were writing a script called Legion of Skanks. We are not creative, and it was.

[Robert Kelly]

A tv, but we knew that name was gonna pop somewhere.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we knew it was gonna be.

[Robert Kelly]

Something like an autobiographical movie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it was just gonna be a TV pilot, basically.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It was always Sony in Philadelphia.

[Robert Kelly]

Essentially.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Always sending Philadelphia in New York.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We. And we performed it on. On Legion of Skanks. We did a table read, which was funny.

[Robert Kelly]

That was very fun.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I put it in chat gbt and it reformatted the first scene. Did you see that? I sent it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, really? Oh, yes, I did. A while back. Did a little while.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, not that long ago. A few weeks.

[Robert Kelly]

I did read it. I did read it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Christine J. August comedy please.

[Zach Amico]

He's impossible. There's a guy that is not him.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Zach Amico]

I can't. And there's a black guy, but this is him.

[Big J Okerson]

That looks like a memorial.

[Zach Amico]

Death dates this said clip, but it's like not playing. There we go.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, wait, wait. Let's do when we come back. I know. We gotta take a break. We gotta do commercials. Oh, yes. Lou, Meet your new professor, everybody. The Lewis and Zach show happens live Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Friday at noon Eastern time on the guest digital network. Listen to episodes wherever you get your podcast. And of course Lewis is going to be at rumors in Winnipeg February 7th and 8th. After that he'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah, South Bend, Indiana, Raleigh and Philadelphia. For tickets and all tour dates, go to Lewis of Skanks. That's L u I s lewisofskanks.com and make sure you follow Zach Amico. Zach is not funny. Z A C. Zach is not funny on social media for all of Zach Amico's tour dates. And of course Shannon. She's here. She's just quiet. She does the thing is podcast on Gas Digital with Mike Figgs. Make sure you check that out. Gas Digital. Moving and shaking. Making moves. Punch up that live Robert Kelly. Punch up that live Big J comedy. Big J Okerson. It's one of those two Big J comedy. I got a lot of stuff going on. Check it out everybody. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

[Shannon Lee]

Hi, I'm Katie Nolan from the Internet and cable tv. Or as your mom called me, that sports gal from Celebrity Jeopardy. I have a new podcast called Casuals. It's a podcast for people who like sports a normal amount. No stats or spreadsheets, nary an X or O to be found. Just laid back casual banter about home runs, hockey fights and good old fashioned drama. Casuals is a twice a week hang with me and my friends from across comedy, sports and entertainment where we talk about all the funny, weird, interesting stuff happening in and around the world of sports. Think of it as all the best things about sports with none of the homework. So whether you're a die hard fan or vaguely sports curious, Casuals is the podcast for you. You can find casuals on the SiriusXM app Pandora or wherever you get your podcast. And don't forget to smash that follow button. That way you'll never miss an episode. Just try it. You can always un smash it.