Hotel Shame

Summary

Summary of "Hotel Shame" Episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode Title: Hotel Shame
Release Date: March 18, 2025
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Channel: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Introduction

In the "Hotel Shame" episode of The Bonfire, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dive into their most embarrassing and shameful experiences while staying in hotels. The conversation is filled with candid stories, humorous exchanges, and relatable mishaps that many travelers have likely encountered.

Big Jay's Embarrassing Hotel Incident ([18:10] - [43:24])

Big Jay starts by recounting a particularly humiliating experience during a weekend stay at Mohegan Sun. Determined to maintain his healthy eating habits, he ordered a salad with salmon, carrots, and spinach. However, discovering there was no microwave available in his suite, Big Jay improvised by using a hairdryer to heat his cold meal in the bathroom. This unconventional method led to significant embarrassment when he saw himself attempting to warm his food in such an odd setup.

Notable Quotes:

• Big J Oakerson [43:18]: "I felt uncool when I looked in the mirror and saw myself holding a hairdryer trying to heat up carrot juice."
• Big J Oakerson [46:33]: "I use prison techniques to heat up salmon."

Key Points:

• Health Goals on the Road: Big Jay aimed to stick to a healthy diet while traveling for shows.
• Improvisational Cooking: Lacking a microwave, he resorted to heating his food with a hairdryer in the bathroom.
• Feelings of Shame: Seeing himself in this awkward situation caused him to feel ashamed and embarrassed.

Robert Kelly's Reactions and Shared Experiences ([33:15] - [56:37])

Robert Kelly responds to Big Jay’s story with his own humorous take, sharing similar experiences and providing a supportive yet teasing dynamic. He pokes fun at Big Jay's predicament while relating it to his own hotel room mishaps, demonstrating their strong camaraderie.

Notable Quotes:

• Robert Kelly [42:30]: "You’re as smart as a black guy wearing sunglasses inside, but…"
• Robert Kelly [57:18]: "He blew the hair bits of a thousand people into your fucking salmon."

Key Points:

• Mutual Support: Robert offers sympathy while also making light-hearted jokes about Big Jay's situation.
• Shared Embarrassment: Both hosts acknowledge the awkwardness of their hotel room antics, reinforcing their bond through shared experiences.

Unconventional Cooking Techniques in Hotels ([44:40] - [58:40])

The discussion shifts to various unconventional methods of cooking or heating food in hotel rooms. They compare Big Jay's hairdryer technique with other improvised solutions, highlighting the lengths to which they went to avoid unhealthy eating habits while on tour.

Notable Quotes:

• Big J Oakerson [46:27]: "I use prison techniques to heat up salmon."
• Robert Kelly [58:37]: "Hairdryer salmon is just gross."

Key Points:

• Comparison to DIY Cooking: The hosts explore different makeshift cooking methods, such as using a coffee maker to heat broth or employing other household items.
• Humorous Outcomes: Each method leads to funny and sometimes disastrous results, underscoring the absurdity of their solutions.

Reflections on the Incident and Moving Forward ([58:40] - [63:03])

In the closing segments, Big Jay and Robert reflect on the embarrassment they felt and discuss what they learned from these experiences. They emphasize the importance of finding better solutions and avoiding similar situations in the future, all while maintaining their humorous banter.

Notable Quotes:

• Big J Oakerson [56:43]: "I can afford it… but I didn’t…"
• Robert Kelly [63:01]: "You shouldn’t have done that."

Key Points:

• Lessons Learned: Both hosts acknowledge their mistakes and express a desire to handle similar situations more effectively in the future.
• Continued Humor: Despite the embarrassment, they keep the conversation light-hearted, ensuring listeners are entertained while also connecting on a personal level.

Conclusion

"Hotel Shame" offers a humorous and honest look into the awkward and sometimes ridiculous challenges of maintaining personal habits while traveling. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly expertly blend storytelling with comedic chemistry, providing listeners with relatable content that’s both entertaining and endearing.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Big J Oakerson [43:18]: "I felt uncool when I looked in the mirror and saw myself holding a hairdryer trying to heat up carrot juice."
• Robert Kelly [42:30]: "You’re as smart as a black guy wearing sunglasses inside, but…"
• Big J Oakerson [46:33]: "I use prison techniques to heat up salmon."
• Robert Kelly [58:37]: "Hairdryer salmon is just gross."

Note: Advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content segments have been excluded from this summary as per the instructions.

Transcript

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[Big J Okerson]

And now the Bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

Pray for a savior. Pray for the devil.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is that so fun? You know, why is that fun?

[Robert Kelly]

To claiming to know each other.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is that?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, with three friends who are out of breath very quick and don't really take hard shots at each other, it's pretty fun.

[Big J Okerson]

That's pretty fun.

[Robert Kelly]

If we were there, a bunch of boot wearing, throwing spin kicks, we'd hate it.

[Big J Okerson]

Backfizz.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you. Oh, I gotta find that video. Is. It might be on Josh's Instagram. Ian Finance was doing the Comedy Jam and singing like a Nirvana song, and he came out in a dress and he starts doing these crazy spin kicks and he just, I mean, perfectly spin kicks Josh right in the ribs. So he's like, you know, he's doing the kicks and then he just turns and you just go, oh, it's really hilarious. Do you know, the lead singer of this band told me, wanted me to go with him to the. The biggest bookstore in the country in Portland. Portland, Oregon. He was very excited about it. Just a nerd. The lead singer of this band is just a nerd.

[Big J Okerson]

And you said readings Gay.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't go.

[Big J Okerson]

You didn't go?

[Robert Kelly]

I did not go.

[Big J Okerson]

Really? No.

[Ian Finance]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

You couldn't get. I'm sure they had a coffee shop. You get a little ice, something.

[Robert Kelly]

It would have been weird, but he liked me because the first night of that Mayhem Fest tour, they asked me to come in early and just perform for the bands and everybody, the crew at the hotel, which was a bad idea, but they set me up to do it and I was doing it. And then some guy just started, like, heckling from the audience and I was like hammering him pretty good. And then he went over and unplugged my microphone from the wall. And then my manager at the time went over and kind of yelled at him for that and plugged it back in and I made fun of that guy until he left. Like he walked out like what people and people were like laughing at him when he left. Didn't know. And about like a week into the tour, Randy Blythe, the lead singer of Lamb of God, was like, yo, I heard you trashed my guitarist the other day. And he was like, fucking beautiful, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Good.

[Robert Kelly]

Good form.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is it that musicians remember the Skank Fest band that came into the Cigar Lounge? They walk.

[Christine]

They were the battle of the band winners.

[Robert Kelly]

Wild Plains.

[Christine]

Yeah, Wild Plains got a little excited.

[Big J Okerson]

They came into the Cigar Lounge and took had where the band energy and found out what. Where the comedian's energy is all about. And we started just smashing them.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, they probably loved it.

[Big J Okerson]

No, not the. Not the lead singer or the drummer.

[Robert Kelly]

Not the two guys particularly are the biggest fans.

[Christine]

Maybe it wasn't them.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it wasn't Wild Plains.

[Christine]

Like I don't think it was icp.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. They came in the. One of the guys came in just with this energy of we're here now, handsome fellas. And you could see all the comm Joe List. Everybody in there was just staring at them like, we're going to let this go for like. Like you never see those guys. These guys, E. I don't know. They all look the same now. Yeah. Who's the one they sang. They did the Skank Fest last year.

[Ian Finance]

Was it last year?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was them. Yeah. From Long island or something like that. New York.

[Christine]

No, they were two years ago.

[Big J Okerson]

That was two years ago then. Not last year. Two years ago. I get all the Skank Fests jumbled up now too. So many of them. What was the one we.

[Robert Kelly]

Except the ones I like south and New York.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, New York was fun. That was great. Just to take a cab to Skankfest.

[Robert Kelly]

It was so nice.

[Big J Okerson]

So nice. It was right there. Dude. You went to Magoobies this weekend?

[Robert Kelly]

I did.

[Big J Okerson]

In your new truck?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And it's so funny because when I got my first pickup truck, my first ranger, the first year it came out, I got that truck because it left to 2011. They stopped making it in America. 2019, they brought it back and I waited for this truck and I got it, drove it down there and it was getting down there. I was so excited to be in a truck. You're above everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Great.

[Big J Okerson]

Felt like a man.

[Robert Kelly]

I found the step, by the way.

[Big J Okerson]

You found the step. It was great. I parked out front behind another truck, which I felt cool. Friday night.

[Robert Kelly]

I did that too.

[Big J Okerson]

You did?

[Robert Kelly]

Behind. It's. You're doing that with Andrew, the owner's truck.

[Big J Okerson]

I parked behind his truck. We did the same. Listen to me, dude. Your first truck. My first truck. But I don't know if you did this, because Friday night, the Friday night after the second show. Great show. Bachelor party in the parking lot. I pull up. They're the only ones left in the parking lot. Them and me. And I'm pulling up in my car. And I pull up to them. I just start trashing. I'm riffing. I'm giving them a sideshow.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Free. I'm killing Murder.

[Robert Kelly]

That feels good.

[Big J Okerson]

Drove away and wasn't paying attention and smashed into the pole in the middle of the parking lot and totaled my truck.

[Robert Kelly]

They all saw.

[Big J Okerson]

I just heard.

[Robert Kelly]

You didn't total it.

[Big J Okerson]

Totaled it. I heard. What the fuck? Are you all right, man? And then the guy ran over to my truck. It was Andrew. Ran out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I was just sitting there, and I went, is it bad? And he went, yeah, man, it's real fucking bad. And I went, just let me sit here.

[Robert Kelly]

Just leave me be. I'm gonna pretend I'm dead until everybody leave it.

[Big J Okerson]

I sat there and I heard these guys just making fun of me, just giggling. And I'm just singing my.

[Robert Kelly]

If you just destroyed. Destroyed on stage in the audio out in the parking lot, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

It was.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell you what. Now, you've had that truck since you were big at your biggest.

[Big J Okerson]

I had that truck when I was my biggest. I was very big when I had that truck.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Because I will say this. I parked out there only Saturday and left right away. Cause I was driving back Saturday night home. The other nights. I left it in front of the hotel and walked a little bit. It's not far a walk. You would walk now.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I don't stay at that hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that makes total sense. Also, I can see you not staying at that hotel.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't stay at that hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

That hotel. This time I was outside smoking at night. It is now a fat black prostitute drop off.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you can see the other, like, the older black lady sit outside. She definitely has a gun. Sitting outside in a town and country just smoking. Smoking Newports. Waiting for them to come out with their butt cheeks hanging out. But let me tell you something. That was somewhere weirdly heartwarming when the girls came. When the prostitutes came out. And they were as fat as all hell and wearing absolutely nothing almost. And they came out and their excitement that they couldn't believe that a Chili's was attached to this hotel. They were like, yo, does a Chili? They were almost like, is this. Did we die in that hotel room? This must be heaven.

[Big J Okerson]

It is kind of nice to have a Chili's. That's one of the things that almost draws me back to that hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

The Chili's. The Chili's is one of the things makes me want to leave it.

[Big J Okerson]

I love Chili's, Man.

[Robert Kelly]

The prostitutes make me want to stay. Come for the Chili. Stay for the prostitutes.

[Big J Okerson]

Come on. Dude. Best theme song ever. Chili's baby back ribs.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know how all these prostitutes get into this hotel. It's impossible to get into as a person who's staying there as a customer. You have to ring the bell at night. And they are not hanging out at the front desk. They are doing other stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

You're in the back sleeping and they.

[Robert Kelly]

Wander out eventually to let you. And God forbid you were like, if I could just get to my hotel, I'll be safe from these hooligans chasing me. They are gonna murder you in a vestibule because they are not responding to that thing. You have to push the. But your key won't open it. Even. Even your key.

[Big J Okerson]

The key doesn't open the front door.

[Robert Kelly]

No. Because they assume you'll get killed in the lobby and then the murderer will use your key.

[Big J Okerson]

So they. It's like a prison.

[Robert Kelly]

Then everyone's in danger.

[Big J Okerson]

You have to get buzzed in like a guard.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep. Yeah. Absolutely.

[Christine]

What happened to the mall hotel?

[Big J Okerson]

That's why I stay there.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe I could probably ask for it.

[Big J Okerson]

All you have to do is ask for it.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. I just. Honestly.

[Christine]

Nice to be close.

[Robert Kelly]

I kind of like just walking over that hill. No way. And just being right at the place.

[Big J Okerson]

Buddy. That fucking area is the worst area. It's so industrial.

[Robert Kelly]

That's a mile from a Wawa.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you know? Dude?

[Christine]

Which is by the mall?

[Big J Okerson]

Hotel. The. The. They used to put you at the Crown. Was it Crown Royal or something?

[Robert Kelly]

Plaza.

[Big J Okerson]

Crown Plaza Hotel. And I went in there.

[Robert Kelly]

Best beds in hotels.

[Big J Okerson]

That one is the worst. As soon as you walk in. I think there's an indoor pool somewhere in the lobby or some. Weird. So the whole hostel smells like pool.

[Robert Kelly]

That smell to me just makes me think of old man nuts. I'll tell you what the muscle memory of that is.

[Big J Okerson]

Old man nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

It's old man nuts. No. It is when I would go. That smell. Indoor pool was at the Jewish community center. Where I took all my swimming lessons and stuff when I was a kid. And going in the locker room as a child, you're faced with a lot of old man just drying off their ball bags and really flopping their wangs around. And I'm equating that with the smell of indoor, you know, heavy chlorine. Indoor pool. So that's what I assume old men balls smell like.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that and child rape.

[Robert Kelly]

And child rape.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. I stayed at that hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

I blocked that part out, though.

[Big J Okerson]

I stayed at that hotel, and I get up to my room, I'm miserable at that hotel. Cause of the smell. And it's all fucked up and I hate it.

[Robert Kelly]

The Chili's one?

[Big J Okerson]

No, the Crown Plaza.

[Robert Kelly]

Crown Plaza. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And that's where you split everybody up. And I get into the bed and there's blood in my sheets.

[Robert Kelly]

I wish I could say that didn't happen to me like four times in my life. That's nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

Blood. I called down to the front desk. I go, there's blood in my sheets. And he goes, you want another room? I was like, no, I do not want another room. I called Andrew. I go, I'm fucking putting myself. There's another hotel at the mall. $25 more. I'm fucking putting myself. He goes, please, I'm so sorry. Blah, blah. He put me in the hotel. I'll never put comics there again. Blah, blah. And then as I'm packing my stuff up, I forgot that I ordered Chinese spareribs. It was spare of sauce. From my fatness.

[Robert Kelly]

From you.

[Big J Okerson]

I had spare ribs on my knuckle or something. Some sauce on my knuckle. And when I grabbed the sheet to pull it down, the spare rib sauce got in, but it was too late. I was already checking out. And I didn't have the heart to tell him it was just old Fat Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Just me again. Just me blowing it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Fat Bobby with sauce on his knuckles.

[Robert Kelly]

The hotel that we stayed in, my wedding night had blood stains on the floor in several rooms. I think it eventually got shut down for violence happening there. Oh, Jacob. Is your tuberculosis back you longer? Hey, Huckleberry. That was a while. Yeah. Wacky, shitty hotel. I don't know how we didn't overthink that.

[Big J Okerson]

I did something. I was at Roadhouse this weekend, which I love. The. The sky Tower there is probably one of my favorite places to go.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that where you stay?

[Big J Okerson]

I stand this. They have the earth, the sky, and the. The other one, which is way fancy water.

[Robert Kelly]

Aqua.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's. I don't Know what the fuck it's called? It's like that. They have the high end and then the sky is the middle. Like business class. And then the charcoal and then the shit one. Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Charcoal tower.

[Big J Okerson]

And they give me. They give me a. They give me a suite. And it's really nice. I love it. Sweet.

[Robert Kelly]

Meaning living room. Bedroom.

[Big J Okerson]

Living room, bedroom. Big. Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Grand piano.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no piano. Grand piano.

[Robert Kelly]

They give you the.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Look, there it is. Nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice. Did you have a big tub?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't tub ever in a. I don't. I think tubs are stupid.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe. And I know tubbing in a hotel is gross, but if I have a big, huge hotel tub, I will tub in a heartbeat.

[Big J Okerson]

You cannot. Tub. Dude, tub.

[Robert Kelly]

I tub.

[Big J Okerson]

You think that lady who barely cleaned your room is scrubbing the jizz out of that tub?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't, but I'm just leaving my jizz in there, too. So if I'm in a tub, eventually I'm going to smack it. You know what I mean? I got my computer there. I can only watch a movie or two.

[Big J Okerson]

It's fine. I never tub. I hate tubs. I don't like tubs. And I have fear of when I used to go into tubs and I was fat. Just that.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, when you get suctioned to the tub.

[Big J Okerson]

No, when the drain is draining because you're too fat and the water's draining out.

[Robert Kelly]

You brought the water too high.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, well, not too high. It's just my body went into it. There's only three inches in the pool. In the tub.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm saying. But. Yeah, exactly. But your displacement is now made it that it's. It's draining on its own.

[Big J Okerson]

You fat. You're too fat. And then you get out and there's an inch left. It's not.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, you have a great tub body now. You should get in again.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want to try. I don't. I like a shower.

[Robert Kelly]

I like your new body.

[Big J Okerson]

I like a bench. I like to sit down.

[Robert Kelly]

That's weirder. Sitting in a shower is weird to me.

[Big J Okerson]

Sitting down in a shower is my favorite.

[Robert Kelly]

Think about it. With my nuts just platformed underneath me.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it's my favorite. When your nuts are hanging underneath and.

[Robert Kelly]

You get the shower, hang them off the bench.

[Big J Okerson]

Hang. Oh, yeah. You can't sit on your nuts. You hang them.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't sit on them. I thought you opened your legs and you just have them resting on the bench in front of you.

[Big J Okerson]

I have them hang. Hanging off the bench. In front of me. Dangling.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Like it's another person.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's a big, clear window on the shower.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I have the big clear.

[Robert Kelly]

Those. I'm nervous about that. My new shower is. They're all clear. Like, they're all just clear doors. I hate that.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, you can get. I found this company, puts a thing over the glass, the fogger, and you hit a button and it fogs it up.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That's nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

[Big J Okerson]

I like the big. I have huge glass in my shower.

[Robert Kelly]

What if Christina's to run to the bathroom? She just sees me, like in a. In an aquarium, just showering.

[Christine]

To be fair, the shower kind of fogs itself up.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm making a sign that says don't feed the animals to put on a little gumball machine with some food in it.

[Ian Finance]

You can buy a film that. That blurs everything.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Bobby just said that.

[Ian Finance]

Where do you go? He said it was a button.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he was getting high tech. Yeah. No, it's the same thing. It's a film, though.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a film that goes over the glass, and then you can push a button and it automatically fogs it out.

[Robert Kelly]

It's the stuff that. Yeah, but why not leave? I would have just leave. It always fogged anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would you want us? Well, you. Yeah, I don't know if I.

[Big J Okerson]

What do you. What if you have a. You know, if I have a babysitter over who's showering, I want to.

[Robert Kelly]

That's right. You got to have a way to disable the thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the.

[Robert Kelly]

The fog.

[Big J Okerson]

How am I going to see him and tell.

[Robert Kelly]

What you do is you tell the babysitter, hey, hit that button and it fogs. Now, you're not gonna see that's fogged on the inside. It doesn't fog. Do you. So don't be weird. In case I have to come in and brush my teeth, I won't be able to see you. And then you just stare at the babysitter. This fictitious babysitter.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm actually filling up right now.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. The problem is your babysitters were. You never had hot babysitters for Max, did you? Dawn's always kind of been home.

[Big J Okerson]

One.

[Robert Kelly]

Who?

[Big J Okerson]

Spanish girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. How old?

[Big J Okerson]

19. 19. And she. I didn't even know she was hot until my barbecue, I think you were at. And she came to watch Max and then went in. She had to go somewhere. Got all dolled up, came out, looked like fucking JLo.

[Robert Kelly]

Mr. Kelly, can you tell I'm wearing a butt plug in these jeans.

[Big J Okerson]

She walked up to me and I was just like, who the. It's her. And then Lewis goes, tell your babysitter I'll give her $5,000 to watch James. She comes into the city. Dude, I did something so embarrassing this weekend. I'm ashamed of myself.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, wait. I just want to tell you that Isabella one time, my genius ex.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Who liked to make friends with every low life and every situation, any situation she went into, she found the lowlifes and made them her best friends. And these ones were. Wait, hang on. Trying to think. It was the her. It was Isabella's Girl Scouts leader. What are you smiling at Lou for?

[Big J Okerson]

Because I was going to move my microphone and Lou is such a pro.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, he turned you off.

[Big J Okerson]

He turned me off. So I didn't make the noise. Interrupt your story. And then you interrupted your story.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. So this lady, this lady who was Isabella's. She. She was Isabella's Girl Scout troop leader. She was a big fat white lady who had, I believe, an abusive black husband and a couple of kids that were all up. And then one kid that she adopted because her friend went to jail. So she adopted her friend's kid. That girl was 15 years old. And she watched Isabella once when Isabella was little. And then, I think weeks later got expelled from school because she was skipping school to go get gang banged by Everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Robert Kelly]

Like 20 people in the house and her just letting people run trains on her. I know.

[Big J Okerson]

How old?

[Robert Kelly]

Too young. Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't get excited about it.

[Big J Okerson]

I wasn't getting excited.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a head shaker. It's not a boner.

[Big J Okerson]

I was concerned.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you go like this.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

15, how's that happen?

[Big J Okerson]

Come on. That is too young.

[Robert Kelly]

If she was 18 or 19, then you could say you're filling up a little bit. Once she turns 22, 23, then you're fine.

[Big J Okerson]

A whole different story. 15 is too young to get gang bang. Gang banged.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. I blame the music. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut off your story this weekend. You were just embarrassing.

[Big J Okerson]

I did something not embarrassing. It was humiliating. And I felt. I. I feel like I felt shitty about it. I didn't even tell Dawn I did it.

[Robert Kelly]

You feel shitty about it?

[Big J Okerson]

I feel. I'm humiliated, okay? I feel bad being where I'm at in my life and all the things I've achieved.

[Robert Kelly]

This happened at Comics.

[Big J Okerson]

This happened at Mohegan sun in a suite on Thursday night. Okay, Thursday night.

[Robert Kelly]

The one show night.

[Big J Okerson]

The one show night you didn't hang.

[Robert Kelly]

Out for karaoke and male strippers.

[Big J Okerson]

It was before the show.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it was after the show. You're right. It was after the show. It was late night. And I feel terrible. I just want to know, what do you think? What do you think it is?

[Robert Kelly]

You feel terrible?

[Big J Okerson]

I feel. I feel humiliated and I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed. I feel ashamed.

[Robert Kelly]

Humiliation implies. Just so I can make a confident guess, humiliation implies that people are aware of this, somebody else is aware of this. That. Because to be humiliated, that has to be the case.

[Big J Okerson]

And ashamed. I'm ashamed. I was not caught. I caught myself after.

[Robert Kelly]

So this is just ashamed. This is just ashamed.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm ashamed.

[Robert Kelly]

You're ashamed in a room late night. I mean, I'm gonna go to the. I'm gonna try to build some tent poles here and work in between.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Or these goal posts. You. Matt, you masturbated to something that you're upset by. Okay. Not there?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Ian Finance]

Your family's in the room with you?

[Big J Okerson]

My family's not there yet. They came Friday night. I'm alone in your room. I got there Thursday afternoon around 2:30. This happened after the show. Probably, I don't know, 11, maybe a little later or something like that.

[Robert Kelly]

So nothing. Are you fully dressed in this moment?

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe later than that. I was fully dressed.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, so this is.

[Big J Okerson]

I was fully dressed.

[Robert Kelly]

It's food. You did something Food?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

What is it?

[Robert Kelly]

You got an entire Frank Pepe's pizza.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd be proud of myself. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not. No, No, I did not get. That was not it. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse.

[Robert Kelly]

You spend $150 on minibar.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's worse. It's so. It's so bad. I'm almost. Have you ever done anything that you're ashamed of?

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Like I'm talking, Dude. This is some down and dirty shit that I. I felt bad about all weekend and I didn't. I had to. It's almost like I wanted to come in here and talk to you about it because I know that you'd maybe understand.

[Robert Kelly]

I probably will.

[Big J Okerson]

Mm.

[Christine]

Christine, did you get your fat Bobby McDonald's order?

[Big J Okerson]

No. No.

[Robert Kelly]

More. Worse?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it's worse. I think it's worse. I think it's. It's probably one of the worst things I've ever done.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you eat a puppy?

[Big J Okerson]

Did you eat a man?

[Robert Kelly]

Did you eat Danny Braff?

[Big J Okerson]

No, Danny wasn't There.

[Robert Kelly]

Danny's so shaky. I bet he's tender as fucks. Like a scared veal.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And he's always wet, always moist. So damp you can just pull stuff off with bread.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh my God.

[Big J Okerson]

Piece of non bread and just pull off his stomach and eat it.

[Robert Kelly]

This does not roll off the tongue, Danny. Have you tried Danny Braff? Falls off the bone. Falling off the bone.

[Big J Okerson]

The fat is the best part. What do you think, Jacob?

[Ian Finance]

I remember you saying one time the most humiliating thing you ate was a. Like a quart of noodles. Like a lot of noodles. Is it noodle related Chinese food?

[Big J Okerson]

It's not.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's not food there. I was. Good guess.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not the food. The food was actually healthy.

[Robert Kelly]

You ate through your.

[Christine]

You ate out of the trash.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you try to see if you can get the same vitamins in if you your ass with carrots? I'm just guessing. You've given me nothing to work with other than there's food involved. Oh no. You were dressed.

[Ian Finance]

Did you yourself?

[Big J Okerson]

I did not shit myself.

[Robert Kelly]

You practice blowjobs on a cucumber?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I've. I've done that. Banana but not cucumber.

[Robert Kelly]

How far did you get it?

[Big J Okerson]

I got it. I got it pretty far down. But I was teaching another. I was teaching a woman how to blow a guy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's so odd that if I. If we all right now had a banana and we're having a who could take more that banana down their throat contest. Even though it's the gayest to win. I want to win.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to see how far I can go.

[Big J Okerson]

Not only would I want to win, I want to want to do the best, sexiest job.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want to just put it down. I would do a few things before and then put it down.

[Robert Kelly]

You have to. I would get it down all the way. Just be holding it by like that, the thin part of the stem and that's. I'd have my eyes closed and then I would open them right on you, Jacob. And that's what put me over the edge. Guy can't open his eyes with a cock down his throat.

[Ian Finance]

I would want to watch DJ Lou the most because you know, he'd be the most uncomfortable.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. But the most.

[Robert Kelly]

But the most experienced.

[Big J Okerson]

Most experienced at it. And you definitely raise. His ass would go up a little bit as the banana. As it went further down his bum would go up on the other backpack, back end.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

You're gay. Get away from me. Well, I. Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

What's up Try one more guess.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure, go ahead. It's. Now I want to. It's not sex. It's definitely food. Yeah, it's healthy. It was healthy food. I am ashamed of what I did. I feel disgusted by it.

[Ian Finance]

Oh, healthy food.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you fell asleep eating. No, you slept on it.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I did not.

[Robert Kelly]

You hook up with a burger on your chest.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. All right. Okay, okay, okay.

[Big J Okerson]

I did not fall asleep on it, but I am.

[Robert Kelly]

The food was healthy.

[Big J Okerson]

While I was doing it, I'm like, this is wrong. Like, I shouldn't. This is. You're not in the. You're. You're better than this. You're better than this.

[Robert Kelly]

The food was healthy.

[Ian Finance]

That's throwing me off big time.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

Something excessive with healthy food.

[Robert Kelly]

He didn't say excessive.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't say excessive.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's about like. It's how he did.

[Big J Okerson]

Was just.

[Ian Finance]

Did you put it somewhere?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, did you mainline mayonnaise?

[Ian Finance]

You put food somewhere?

[Big J Okerson]

No. I mean, yeah. I mean, I did something with the food.

[Ian Finance]

Now we're getting somewhere.

[Big J Okerson]

You snorted it. No, I didn't snort food.

[Ian Finance]

Put something in your. In your bum.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Ian Finance]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Why is it. No, I didn't put food.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a mix is a mixing of something. That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not a mixing. I'm just ashamed. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be ashamed of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe if you ate your favorite meal, threw it up, and then wanted to experience it again, so you ate it back down.

[Big J Okerson]

I Now, I didn't do that, but I have thought of that in the past.

[Robert Kelly]

I bet that puke tastes as good as it did the first time. Just looks nasty.

[Big J Okerson]

It's got ice cream in it.

[Robert Kelly]

I know that's not true because I drank a blended. Well, I took a sip of a blended turkey sandwich once, and, I mean, it was instant vomit.

[Big J Okerson]

It's disgusting. But I learned, and I love turkey sandwiches. Danny Braff taught me a trick that when you do throw up and you throw up all the stuff, and when the bile's coming out, just bile. If you get applesauce and eat that, the bile will taste like applesauce instead of puke. So it makes it taste sweeter, so it doesn't gross you out.

[Robert Kelly]

Is he a fucking bulimic? Where do you get that information from?

[Big J Okerson]

He's a Jewish mother. You should get applesauce, Danny.

[Robert Kelly]

Throwing up is part of life, Danny.

[Big J Okerson]

If you just buy. He'll have applesauce. It makes it sweeter.

[Robert Kelly]

It makes your bile sweet. This family deals with a lot of fluids.

[Big J Okerson]

When he threw it up off the hook, he was just in the parking lot puking. I got him a chair and he smiled.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, applesauce.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes. And he goes, I need applesauce. And I was like, what? He goes, if I get applesauce, it's just bile and it will taste better. So Don went and got him a bunch of applesauce, and he was just eating applesauce, going.

[Robert Kelly]

Nothing you did this weekend was as humiliated. That was humiliating. You're ashamed, Danny. Having to have dawn go get him, Get a grown man applesauce so he can continue throwing up, but it'll be sweeter tasting is. That's humiliating.

[Big J Okerson]

It's bad.

[Robert Kelly]

The fact that dawn knows that about just seeing him in that kind of weakness.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she didn't like it either.

[Robert Kelly]

I do not want dawn to see me experience that kind of weakness.

[Big J Okerson]

Dawn dropped the applesauce off like it was like aids. And he just dropped it next to him and walked away and then went back in.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the worst. If dawn was like, can I get you anything? I'd be like, get away.

[Big J Okerson]

The most embarrassing part is when he went and lied in the grass next to his puke just to feel the cool blades of the grass on his fucking head.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, by that point. I get it. You're already in it now.

[Christine]

He was. He was just throwing up because. Or was he.

[Big J Okerson]

He got. He got food poisoning. And he was. I mean, vomiting a lot of food, and then he wouldn't stop vomiting, but it was.

[Robert Kelly]

Why did he get the branzino from the Tampa side splitters?

[Big J Okerson]

Branzino.

[Robert Kelly]

Why did he get branzino?

[Ian Finance]

I can't think what it is.

[Robert Kelly]

I'll tell you exactly what it was. It was the food off the hook. Captain Brian's off the hook that killed Danny Braff. He's probably poisoning the stuff. He's an unscrupulous piece of.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I don't really eat at the clubs.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, well, not that club with that monster out there.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Ian Finance]

I can't think what you did.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, do you want me to tell you what I got? So I got a meal. I'm working out, you know, during the day, and I felt fantastic. And I'm eating healthy on the road. I try to eat. I'll try to get one meal and I'll make it last because I can't eat a lot. So I got a salad with oil and vinegar, salt and pepper. My favorite.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine's face. She makes you, when you tell the story, can't make you feel good.

[Big J Okerson]

That's her face.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it all. You know, it's funny. I don't look at her during the show ever.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

When you see. Is she always looking at you like, come on now.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She always looks at me.

[Robert Kelly]

That's uncomfortable.

[Big J Okerson]

It's either that or his face. Yeah, I mean, which one do you want? Jacobs? Meh. Or Christine's? Whatever.

[Robert Kelly]

If there's ever a mutiny here, the next crew's gonna come in. I'm gonna put first thing on the list. Pleasant faces, man. Yeah. Big smiles, everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

Or glass? Everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

Put it behind a tube.

[Big J Okerson]

So I ordered a salad and I ordered. I ordered salmon.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Big piece of salmon over. Hang on. Yeah, thanks.

[Robert Kelly]

God bless you.

[Ian Finance]

Very healthy so far.

[Big J Okerson]

Salmon doing well.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you eat a whole salmon? Because that's a big thing.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a big piece of salmon. Like this big. Big piece. Thick too. Well done. Over. Over carrots with spinach.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob approved.

[Big J Okerson]

And a lot of butter. Well, I like the.

[Robert Kelly]

He doesn't like that. But. But he's making an effort.

[Big J Okerson]

Butter is okay, right? I like butter. I'm good with butter.

[Robert Kelly]

I agree. It's great.

[Big J Okerson]

So I ate. I could only a little bit. So I worked out. I killed it in the gym, came up, ate my salad, ate like a quarter of the salmon and a bunch of the carrots and some spinach. And then I put it in the fridge. Right. And then I came up later to eat it. I was hungry and instead of going eating pizza and shit food, I took the salmon out. But the salmon was in the fridge and I. It was in one of those metal. You know, the metal tops.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

With the plate and has the hole in the top. The metal, the. The delivery.

[Robert Kelly]

The tin.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the tin with the hole. It has a hole on the top for the steam to come out. Yeah. Of the metal.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Room service.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

The covers on the COVID Oh, Room service. Room service cover.

[Big J Okerson]

Room service cover.

[Robert Kelly]

Got you.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Big J Okerson]

And the green, the the. The carrots and the spinach with the butter and the salmon Were cold. So it all.

[Robert Kelly]

Of course.

[Big J Okerson]

What's the word?

[Robert Kelly]

Coagulated.

[Big J Okerson]

Coagulated.

[Robert Kelly]

Congealed also.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. I believe works congealed or coagulated together. And I had to heat it up. So I brought it into the bathroom and I used a hairdryer to heat up my food.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Why was there a zombie apocalypse happening in Connecticut this weekend?

[Ian Finance]

Let me stop you right there. I think that's very manly.

[Robert Kelly]

You do?

[Ian Finance]

Yeah. He improvised.

[Big J Okerson]

It's resourceful. Yes.

[Ian Finance]

He's gonna last in the woods. We're not.

[Big J Okerson]

I use the hairdryer to go through the hole to heat up my salmon and my carrots and my spinach.

[Robert Kelly]

At best.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's going to be luke cold.

[Ian Finance]

No. He created his own air fryer. He made a convection oven. He's me MacGyver.

[Robert Kelly]

I promise you that food, when he ate it is cold and wet. Or else he would be telling it. He wouldn't say, I'm ashamed. He would have come to us and been like, guys, guess who fucking figured it out. A way to eat healthy and heat up food if you don't have a microwave in the room. And that's not what he did.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not the point.

[Robert Kelly]

He was like, he's like, what have I tried to do? I just loosened up some jellied. That's all he wanted to do.

[Ian Finance]

I don't think you want to heat the whole thing.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm headlining the room. I'm 30 years in the business. I have a house. I have a tiny house. I have a child. I am doing well. I'm doing the. I'm doing very well. Yeah, I feel, I feel. I mean, I'm doing great. I'm in a suite. I can afford another piece of salmon.

[Robert Kelly]

A piece of salmon is how I would have played.

[Big J Okerson]

I can afford it. And I went into the bathroom as a 54 year old. Father, husband and friend. Radio guy, Stand up comedian. Dare I say one of the funniest.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely inarguable.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm in a room 30 years into my career and I'm thinking, would Matt Rife do this?

[Robert Kelly]

Not a chance.

[Big J Okerson]

Would, would, would even. Would Dane Cook do this?

[Robert Kelly]

No. He would have a naked lady fucking build a fire in the middle of the room. And then, and then when the security came to complain about it, they were like, oh, shit, Matt Rife. And then they would sign stuff for them.

[Big J Okerson]

I heated it up with, that's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

But also, Bobby, there's just other solutions. Like you could have. You're working there this weekend. So they Kind of give you that, like, thing. You could have went. There was definitely a microwave on premises. You could have gotten to.

[Big J Okerson]

Buddy, there are so many other options that I could have done. I could have just ordered another piece of salmon. I could have done anything.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's not crazy.

[Christine]

Sometimes they'll send a microwave to the room if you request.

[Robert Kelly]

Also, you can absolutely. 1000%. Thank you. Christine, get a microwave sent to your room. In any room, as I believe, refrigerator.

[Big J Okerson]

I am. I am in a suite. Do you understand that?

[Christine]

Should have had a microwave, to be honest.

[Big J Okerson]

First of all, I didn't really check.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm starting to think. Christine, call somebody. Get Mohegan sun on the line. Ask them if their suites have standard microwave ovens.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't really check. I probably should have checked, like, fully, but I don't think there was. There might have been in a closet.

[Robert Kelly]

Always.

[Ian Finance]

I mean, there's. They're hidden, but sometimes.

[Robert Kelly]

Sometimes out. No. Sometimes just.

[Big J Okerson]

I was in the bathroom next to my shit, my razor, my toothpaste, and all my sundries with salmon.

[Robert Kelly]

That's even weird to bring salmon into a bathroom. I don't like that setup at all.

[Big J Okerson]

I told you, it's.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm ashamed Christine's getting to the bottom of this.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm ashamed.

[Ian Finance]

My take on this. First of all, yeah, maybe you could have gone for the microwave. But all I'm thinking is, why didn't I think of that? What a hot air. If I. I'm in a pinch, I'm gonna use a hairdryer.

[Robert Kelly]

What pinch are you.

[Ian Finance]

Well, he wasn't in a.

[Robert Kelly]

He wasn't in a pinch.

[Ian Finance]

That's the problem.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't use a hair dryer when you're out trying to survive in the woods eating salmon you just killed with a spear.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm literally getting paid a lot of money.

[Ian Finance]

It shows your intuition.

[Big J Okerson]

I have cash in my pocket.

[Robert Kelly]

I want Christine's. She's getting to the bottom of this.

[Big J Okerson]

I just won 150 on a slot machine.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. That could have been your salmon money for the whole weekend.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm sitting there. I'm wearing a Rolex.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm wearing. Not just the Rolex. I'm wearing the most complicated Rolex. That Rolex makes the sky dweller blackface. Okay, I'm in. Standing there in my brand new Nikes.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me see it. Are you wearing it now?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, probably.

[Ian Finance]

Nobody's saying it's not low rent.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not the blackface that bothers me. It's the big red lips. On it.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, nice.

[Robert Kelly]

Just make sure everybody in the room got it.

[Big J Okerson]

We got it.

[Robert Kelly]

You guys get it. Okay.

[Ian Finance]

It's low rent, but it shows ingenuity.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not. It's. But it. I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

You should be ashamed.

[Big J Okerson]

I should be ashamed because I don't know any other comedian except for one. One. There's only one other comedian that I know would be on my side for this.

[Robert Kelly]

Rich Voss.

[Big J Okerson]

Bingo.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But he would be like, I bring my own oven.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I have my own George Foreman. Just stick it on the phone.

[Robert Kelly]

And I bring my own salmon, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

He brings a George Foreman on the road with him. No, I swear to God. I went to his room, and when we did the Cellar in Las Vegas, I went to his room to pick him up and he goes, you wanna. You want a turkey burger? I'm like. I go, you got room service? He goes, no, I'm making turkey burgers. He had a mini George Foreman in his room.

[Robert Kelly]

It's one of my favorite.

[Big J Okerson]

Making turkey burgers.

[Ian Finance]

That's one of my favorites.

[Robert Kelly]

It's one of my favorite Sebastian jokes when he was talking about how like Vegas is now versus how it was back in the day. He's back in the tuxedos and the Rat Pack and everything. He was nice to see people coming in with a cooler. Schlitz Malt Liquor, George Foreman Grill. You're gonna cook chicken in your room.

[Big J Okerson]

You're gonna cook a whole burger turkey.

[Robert Kelly]

Burger in your room. What a weirdo.

[Big J Okerson]

It did make me feel. Because, you know, there's a. I'm proud.

[Robert Kelly]

To say I've never cooked once in any place I've ever stayed, with the exception of the condo in Edmonton when I brought people to open.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And they're. You know, Fenoy is a very like, well, you know, we gotta make breakfast. I'm like, I just won't eat until we go somewhere.

[Big J Okerson]

I know.

[Robert Kelly]

But like, he. So I've got. I've made breakfast at that place. I've never cooked in anywhere where there's cooking available on the road. Steve O. Cooked me a full vegan meal once in a hotel room that was interesting.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't cook either, dude. I go out to eat and. Look, dude, when I do this gig, I. I'm room service man. This is a. Like, this gig is a staycation. I invite the family. They got a Dave and Buster's. They got all the fun shit. They got the Cigar Lounge there.

[Robert Kelly]

A DMB in Mohegan Sun.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not a dmv, but it's like a mini one. Gotcha Arcade. They have the arcade under the stairs for the little kids that Max used to go to.

[Robert Kelly]

Any fun music playing? Because I'll tell you, last time I was in Mohegan sun, right across the hallway, out in the open. Three Dog Night. That was so awesome. Mama told me not to.

[Big J Okerson]

I was in the. Three times ago, I was in the elevator with Vince Neil and he was playing in the open pit over by the club.

[Robert Kelly]

Solo.

[Big J Okerson]

Solo Vince Neil.

[Robert Kelly]

Solo Neil.

[Big J Okerson]

It was. It was insane.

[Robert Kelly]

Remember he fell off the stage and couldn't do it anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

He was a little pot belly. Vince Neil was playing. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It was awful.

[Big J Okerson]

And. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Did I ever show you those videos of Vince Neil? We went through those, right? Where it's phonetically.

[Ian Finance]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Breaks down. We did it on the show.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was doing that at. At Mohegan Sun. Out in the Open.

[Robert Kelly]

The out in the Open show.

[Big J Okerson]

Out in the open.

[Robert Kelly]

That's crazy. That's the weirdest spot because they have theaters where you're like, I thought Three Dog Night would be in the three. They said Three Dog Night was playing. I was like, that's dope. And I'm like, where? And they're like, that's what you're hearing over the heck. Oh, that's always just music playing over the speaker. Three Dogs Night's just here across the hall playing while people are gambling 15ft away, not giving a shit about three dog nights.

[Big J Okerson]

35 Asian people playing baccarat. No idea. I hated. I hate. I heated up that salmon and I look and at one point, I have the. The hair dryer in the hole, heating it up, and I feel like it's getting hot. And then I look and I'm. But the bad part. I was in front of a mirror. So I looked up into the mirror and I saw me using a hairdryer.

[Robert Kelly]

To heat up salmon.

[Big J Okerson]

Heat up carrots.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Spinach and salmon.

[Robert Kelly]

I wouldn't judge you at all if you. No, you threw it out, right? No, you ate it.

[Ian Finance]

After all that work, you eat it.

[Robert Kelly]

You ate hair dryer salmon. You shouldn't have done that.

[Ian Finance]

No, you eat it.

[Robert Kelly]

No, don't listen to Jacob.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't waste food. I had some of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't. I don't know what salmon.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you are afraid to take a fucking. A hotel tub. You're blowing the fucking hair bits of a thousand people into your fucking salmon.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't sign my contract yet. I was. I didn't sign the contract yet for the show.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. You're worried.

[Big J Okerson]

I was worried. I didn't sign the contract.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know what the hell's happening.

[Robert Kelly]

I wish you would have called me, and I'm like, bobby, sign the contract and order a burger. Dude, this is crazy. This is crazy what you're doing, buddy.

[Ian Finance]

Work.

[Big J Okerson]

I. It did work. And here you go. It heated. Listen, he's right, though. It was cold. But the. The. The. The butter. The butter heated.

[Robert Kelly]

The goop. The goop. Went down to goop. Went down to fluid again. But you ate cold fish.

[Big J Okerson]

I ate cold salmon and cold carrots with spinach, but the butter was warm.

[Ian Finance]

That's good.

[Big J Okerson]

And I took a couple bites out of it. But I.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I call Christine's pussy. Cold salmon and carrots. Yeah, that cold, dead salmon.

[Big J Okerson]

But. But it does have warm butter consistency.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. And spinach coming out the back.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah. But I immediately felt ashamed, and I immediately thought, like, I can never tell anybody that. And then I thought of you. I thought of you walking in and going, hey, buddy, you all right? You okay? And just me. Yeah. Why? I'm just hungry. Why are you doing that? Like, slowly grabbing the hairdryer and putting it down.

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, you. Something wrong? You're not feeling good? I can go get you some new fish if you want.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I was just gonna heat up this fish.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, I could listen. No, I understand that, but, like, you know what? Save this one. Yeah. Oh, Christine, did you find out about the microwaves there?

[Christine]

I requested a callback. What? It's calling a casino. It's awful.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think they have. I don't think they had it.

[Robert Kelly]

You hope.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope to God.

[Robert Kelly]

And you hope we forget before they call.

[Big J Okerson]

I so hope you're high enough that you forget.

[Robert Kelly]

It's possible.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's very possible.

[Big J Okerson]

It was. It was terrible. When and for the rest of the weekend, I was like, throw out the food. Just order new food.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I would not put my family through that.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't.

[Big J Okerson]

I was like, max, get whatever you want.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Your dad ate some bad fish.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I feel like I was in prison. I did some prison because there is a guy. I don't know if you've seen the guy on Instagram who goes into hotel rooms and cooks whole meals in the sink. Have you seen this guy? He'll go in and he'll cook like. He'll cook like, chicken cutlet in the hotel room.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, dude. He pounds it out. He breads it he puts it. And he cooks the whole meal in the sink. He cooks pasta, boils pasta, and then he.

[Robert Kelly]

I watch a lady. I watch in. I don't know if it's the same one all the time, but I watch Asian ladies cook things in walks over open fires somewhere in Indonesia, I guess, or something.

[Big J Okerson]

This guy cooks everything in the sink. Like, he'll make. He'll mix the. He'll use the sink as a bowl. So he uses the sink as the bowl, and he'll make. Like he made. I think he made chicken cutlet. Oh, this guy. This is him. Look what he does. He has, like a. So he makes. This is what I felt like. This is exactly what I felt like. So then he takes the bullion cubes, places them all, and then he fills the sink up with hot water, uses a. What is that? A sous vide. Sous vide thing in the sink. So he's making soup. Then he's taking raw meat, putting it in the sink. He's cooking onions on some device.

[Robert Kelly]

He.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he's making. He's making. He's making pho Inside the sink.

[Ian Finance]

That's what he's doing.

[Robert Kelly]

He's making.

[Big J Okerson]

He's making like, a fa. In this hotel sink now. He's cutting onions up. He's putting it in the sink. The suit. Oh, he put it in the toilet. Oh, he's flushing it. Thank God. Oh, God. That made me sick.

[Robert Kelly]

Everyone panicked. So hard.

[Big J Okerson]

Now he's throwing. Oh, he's making.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Ian Finance]

He's making French onion soup.

[Big J Okerson]

He's making French onion soup in the. Sick of the hotel.

[Ian Finance]

That's an animal.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that's gnarly.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, that's. That's what I felt like. I felt like this guy.

[Robert Kelly]

You should have. And this guy shouldn't feel good.

[Big J Okerson]

This is what I felt like.

[Robert Kelly]

I believe you.

[Big J Okerson]

Like I should. He just made French onion soup in the sink of a hotel.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy should not feel good.

[Big J Okerson]

This is what I felt like.

[Christine]

People that do it, like, they're like, dorm room cooking.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, this. This is prison food cooking. This is what I did this weekend. I use prison techniques to heat up salmon.

[Christine]

So you felt, like, cool when you did it?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I felt shame.

[Christine]

I feel cool for a little bit. Turn to shame.

[Big J Okerson]

This one. I felt uncool when I looked in the mirror and I saw myself holding a hairdryer trying to heat up carrot juice. And I felt really bad when I started eating it.

[Robert Kelly]

Butter.

[Big J Okerson]

When. When I. In my brain. The salmon's 30 bucks. I could have just ordered the $30 salmon and got it again.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

And throwing it away. I'm headlining. I'm not featuring like for you in Niagara Falls in a couple weeks at the Seneca Hotel when I.

[Robert Kelly]

But I mean, I'm middling and I'd still get another piece of salmon. I probably wouldn't order hotel salmon.

[Big J Okerson]

I felt bad. I'll never do it again.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you know, can I share to keep from crying? You see what it did to my son? Give me the Lou. I said, you see? We did the mouse song.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this guy. What is this guy doing it right here?

[Christine]

Yeah, it's a whole thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it a thing? Did I just stumble? Oh, so he's using. This is exactly what I did, genius. This guy is. That's exactly what I did. Yeah, he's heating the food up.

[Robert Kelly]

You're as smart as a black guy wearing sunglasses inside, but.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it. It. He. It did work.

[Ian Finance]

You made a convection oven.

[Big J Okerson]

I made a convection.

[Ian Finance]

What's wrong with this?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, so heated up his wings. He doesn't care if they're cold either. He was just trying to melt his hot sauce.

[Big J Okerson]

It did work.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I share with you? I'll show you a humiliating thing for my life. I mean, it's gonna be hilarious. Now. It's so long ago.

[Big J Okerson]

I wonder if anybody who listening has thought of some has done something in a hotel room humiliating like that.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I mean, well, you're saying it's humility. Humiliates on the thing. You're just ashamed of it. I'm ashamed in a hotel room. That's too vague of a question. That's too vague of a question. Everyone call something in a hotel room that you're ashamed of.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Everything. Prostitution, drugs, what people have not done that was humiliating. We also don't have a call screener today. Oh, yeah. So we need one.

[Big J Okerson]

All our fans are awesome.

[Robert Kelly]

Our old friend Wayne found the screenshot he had of the text from the Craigslist ad. So you remember my old story. The girl put the picture of me, a naked picture of me up on Craigslist and dudes looking for dudes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I would always say she gave, but I forget what she wrote exactly. But he.

[Big J Okerson]

It's one of the most exciting moments of my life to go on the Internet. When I got the phone call, dude, you gotta go on the Internet. Blah, blah, blah. Type this in and big J, flag it. And I just went, ran. I remember running to my computer and it was just not going fast enough. And when it came up, I remember it Came up like this, like that. And I was like, oh, my God. It was like seeing Jesus when you. And I was just like, this is the best thing I've ever seen on the Internet at the time.

[Christine]

Does he not have a screenshot of the picture?

[Robert Kelly]

He might.

[Big J Okerson]

He does. It's out there. He probably just doesn't want you to know he has it because you ask him to maybe get rid of it.

[Christine]

Use it against him one day.

[Big J Okerson]

Like Steve Byrne asked me to get rid of his SNL audition tape.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I don't think he's going to use it.

[Big J Okerson]

That I still have somewhere that I can never, ever reveal.

[Robert Kelly]

This is so great. The header of the ad is just comic Big J Okerson, who. I guess I was 27 at the time. Damn. 20 years ago. Wow. She wrote this great. I just lost £300. And let me tell you how.

[Charlie Heller]

300.

[Big J Okerson]

Such a great number. What a shit number. That's so much weight. That's a whole fat person. You lost the whole fat person and in the photo you're still chubby.

[Robert Kelly]

This is great. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So she. This is. I think this is a different thing. Think it's just like a. Her slamming me because it doesn't have the picture or anything. It's an actual ad she wrote, but she. She's writing this as herself. I just lost £300. And let me tell you how I recently broke up with comedian Big J Okerson. Let me give you his credits just in case. HBO's bad boys of comedy, Spike TV's movies on tap, Comedy Central's Premium Blend performs all over the city. You can't miss him. Capital can't, because I'm fat. He recently told me he used to get it up the ass. That's the best part. I know her. He recently told me he used to get it up the ass, boy. See the ass. So, boys, he's all yours. Enjoy. This is in or around Middle Village, Queens.

[Big J Okerson]

I think that is the one with the ad. I think.

[Robert Kelly]

Is it? I thought she wrote it as me. No, I think because it got a bunch of responses.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. I mean, I was so focused on the photo of your red ding a ling. Your little pointy half. Half filled dingling.

[Robert Kelly]

My little shaved, durable.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. I remember.

[Robert Kelly]

Shaved your.

[Big J Okerson]

I remember it was half full, just sticking straight out like a dog that.

[Robert Kelly]

Smelled the box that wasn't half full at all. That was. You know what? It must have been. It actually had to have been, because I don't think I would have let her take a picture. At its absolute worst.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't. Here's the thing with your. It wasn't a. It wasn't a bad picture.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, it was.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't a bad picture of a. But knowing that. That what was left to fill the rest of it up wasn't much. Like, it was close and it was red for. I think it was red, right? Was it. You just banged or something? It was. It was. It looked like it just got out of the gym or something.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't remember how it worked. We definitely just.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was. It was working.

[Robert Kelly]

And then we. And then it was getting out of the shower. She got out of the shower and took a picture. It was all. This particular hotel stay was. It all fell apart in every possible way. That's why I took a picture of her opening her towel. And then when I showed Patrice trying to, like, get him impressed that I was fucking this skinny chick, and he said she looked like Buffalo Bob or Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs when he tucked his wiener. I can never unsee that. I could never. She was flat. She was flat chested and just. It was. She was cute as hell. But I mean, like, she. It was just so funny. Yeah. And Patrice just said she looked like that. And I was like, oh, man. I'm like that. I mean, that's really disturbing how much it looked like that.

[Big J Okerson]

Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

So that happened. And then because I took. I took the picture of her, she was like, you got to let me have a picture of you now. Like that. And I was like, yeah, snap it. So it must have. I must have felt something.

[Big J Okerson]

You. You could tell you felt good because you were leaning.

[Robert Kelly]

No, that was. That's to stretch out the fat.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you were. You were leaning. You were leaning up on the thing and you were kind of like, push forward a little bit and your little ding a ling.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Was sticking straight out like it just did a nice little aerobic workout.

[Robert Kelly]

My little dingling.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I remember the helmet was red and the shaft was a little red. I remember looking at it be like, wow, that's fucking. This is one of the most special moments of my life.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I couldn't even tell you for sure if we had just fucked with. There must have been something where I was allowed that picture to even be in. Because here's the thing. I'm insecure that I wouldn't have wanted her to have a picture that would like. She'd be like, what did she take it with?

[Big J Okerson]

A camera?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, these were flip Phone insulated. Fucking the original.

[Big J Okerson]

It wasn't that bad, though. I remember it was a pretty good photo.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh. I mean, it was clear enough.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, it sucks that they really advanced that technology that much.

[Robert Kelly]

Now I know. Now you can see my ween in 4k. I think you got a hair. Getting ready to come in on the middle of that shift, bub.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God. I want to see that photo so much.

[Robert Kelly]

I hope it's gone.

[Big J Okerson]

I wanted to come back in circulation. I want Banksy. Banksy to make, like, a thing on a deli. Out of it. On the side of a deli. I wanted to become famous.

[Robert Kelly]

And then, like a. Like I say, a red balloon coming off my silhouette wiener.

[Big J Okerson]

Just a little girl holding a red balloon underneath it.

[Robert Kelly]

Then my wiener. My silhouette wiener. Why not? Oh, my God. Is this an ad read? Are we back in the game?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. We're back in.

[Robert Kelly]

How many reads do we have today? Let me sit up straight. I'm sitting here taking this job not seriously. Wow.

[Big J Okerson]

That's awesome.

[Robert Kelly]

One per hour.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You have time. You don't. You can. You think they're waiting for us?

[Robert Kelly]

Just like that. We're back.

[Big J Okerson]

Get those. Those signatures on that thing before. Don't give them anything. They're gonna eat us. Ease us back into it.

[Robert Kelly]

I have so many things I want to show you.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm excited, but I'm glad I got it off my chest. Now, the thing is, do I tell dawn about it, or I just keep it a secret? Like, you know, don't talk about gay stuff at a park.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Treat it like. Yeah. Treat it like you went cruising and you were just doing it to see if you had those feelings, and you found out you didn't.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't.

[Robert Kelly]

You found out you don't have those feelings. You don't want to heat up food with. With a hairdryer. Hair dryers anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Even though Jacob has never fawned over you as much as he has over the. He's very impressed with this.

[Big J Okerson]

I understand him being impressed. If the. You know, if we were in a dire situation. I was not. I am in probably the best situation I've been in a long time. I feel great. I had.

[Robert Kelly]

And yet you heated up your food like a fucking hobo. A hobo or a meth addict in a. Locked in a casino bedroom.

[Big J Okerson]

In a suite. In the bathroom.

[Robert Kelly]

In a suite that definitely has microwaves. If we could just get them to call Christine back.

[Big J Okerson]

Why wouldn't I take the hairdryer into the living room? Why Did I bring the salmon into the bathroom?

[Robert Kelly]

That is the stranger thing to spend. First of all, lighting in bathroom. Harsh.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Harsh and ugly. And you see your face, veins and all that shit. And I can, in the future.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I will never do it again. But in hindsight, I should have brought the hair dryer to the salmon, not the salmon to the hairdryer. That's what made me. Just because I was in front of a mirror next to soap, Q tips, razor. You know, I'm in a place where food shouldn't be.

[Robert Kelly]

If I were you, I would have used your cigar lighter and cooked the whole plate underneath. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I could have done that.

[Robert Kelly]

So you. Hair dry from the top fucking. You're searing the bottom now. And now Jacob. No. You're not gonna tell me how brilliant my ID is now?

[Ian Finance]

It's not as effective. Bobby created a convection oven with blowing the whole. The air through the top of the.

[Robert Kelly]

Not as effective to make the surface in the bottom hot too.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's what I. Here's what I did though. You're making a Sterno under underneath, which I do think is. All right.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

You're making a buffet Sterno underneath now.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm not. No, not a Sterno. Because I'm telling you that that cigar lighter.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That. That torch is going to get that plate hot. It's going to start cooking.

[Big J Okerson]

But here's the thing. What I did and I did. I didn't. I left the. I should have had a little air coming out of the metal.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So that. Because I did blow out the hair dryer. It did want to. Because I. It heated up too much.

[Robert Kelly]

You blew it out.

[Big J Okerson]

I blew it out.

[Robert Kelly]

So here is for next time. What you do is you use that top that's got the little circles in it for the steam to come out.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

Flip that over as the bottom. Torch that on the bottom, let that metal get real hot. Now you're cooking your salmon again.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right.

[Robert Kelly]

If you decide ever again to prepare bathroom meals, should you ever decide again. You want to get into bathroom cuisine.

[Big J Okerson]

It's funny because bathroom cuisine is a thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. But it shouldn't be salmon.

[Big J Okerson]

It shouldn't be a thing. But it is a thing. It's weird that people cook meals in these hotel room bathrooms all the fucking time.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I like the guy. My favorite cooking things and all the ideas I want to try, should I start saving them? Which is pretty gay. But cooking with Kyle is a guy. I see. I don't know if it's on Facebook or Instagram. But cooking with Kyle just. It's always like flash cut stuff and it's like ground beef. Put a stick of cheese inside that ground beef, slap it with an asparagus, put a fucking sword through it, attached to an onion. Heat up for five seconds, you're done. That's not him. That's not him at all.

[Big J Okerson]

That guy's famous.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know who the hell that is.

[Big J Okerson]

I think that guy's famous. I wonder, though, if I could. If I could be.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy's got long hair. You've seen him before.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, If I could become famous for.

[Robert Kelly]

Bathroom cooking while this guy. This is my. Dude.

[Big J Okerson]

What is this? Oh, he's just. That's like a kitchen thing, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Turn it up. Yeah, no, it's kitchen. But it's all.

[Ian Finance]

Now we have a pound of roast beef. This is thick sliced deli roast beef.

[Big J Okerson]

That looks good.

[Ian Finance]

A nice layer of this meat down on top of our cheese.

[Robert Kelly]

Now we're gonna grab some more thundering.

[Ian Finance]

Longhorn burger and brisket seasoning from Fire and Smoke Society.

[Big J Okerson]

That looks pretty good.

[Robert Kelly]

He's just. But he makes. Makes basic shit. But it looks delicious.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he's not heating up salmon.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Fucking onion strings. Like he's making. Look at Jacob's face.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't like it. Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby, stop trying to get back in Jacob's good graces by saying that you would try this. You would. Look at that. An old. A little packet of Jews.

[Big J Okerson]

I did make soup. Soup and a coffee. Coffee maker one time, too.

[Robert Kelly]

Just got the hot water.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I put the soup through the coffee maker.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope, I can't do that.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think I just put it in the back. I put. It was cold soup, so I just put it in the back of the coffee where you put the water and it filtered it through the heater and heated it up and went through the coffee.

[Robert Kelly]

But just the broth.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, just the broth. Yeah, yeah, just broth. What are you looking at me like that for?

[Christine]

No, I've done that with, like, lattes.

[Big J Okerson]

You can do that? Yeah, yeah. You can put a latte through it.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I feel bad for the next person who made a cup of coffee and it tasted like chicken noodle soup.

[Christine]

Yeah, I've run. I don't always remember, but I will, like, run a water through afterwards if I do remember.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, shit.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

You gotta take a break.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God.

[Robert Kelly]

I got some fun stuff to show you when we come back.

[Big J Okerson]

Awesome. All right, well, we're back. We Got Big J will be at the Seneca Niagara Falls Resort with me. He's. He's headlining on Friday night, the 21st. The 2nd. What is this? No, what is this?

[Robert Kelly]

That.

[Christine]

It's the second.

[Robert Kelly]

22Nd.

[Big J Okerson]

The. The 20. What is this?

[Christine]

22Nd.

[Big J Okerson]

22Nd. He's featuring. He's middling.

[Robert Kelly]

Middling.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm featuring on the 21st and he's headlining on that day. So come out, get the tickets, fill it up. We don't want to be out there with a bunch of old ladies who are going to walk out during our set because we'd like to stay for two nights after that. He's going to be in Nashville.

[Robert Kelly]

We're going to be cooking fish in our hotel room.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I'm going to be in Nashville with you, I think, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

You're doing a whole week there. Atlanta, Austin, Tulsa for tickets and all the tour dates go to bigjaycomedy.com and most of all, them is out right now. His new special on YouTube. YouTube, slash @big J Okerson. Go check it out.

[Robert Kelly]

Bobby Kelly's going to be at Laughs Comedy club in Seattle, March 14th and 15th. After that, of course, our Niagara Falls gig. Then Tampa Bay, Austin, Texas. And you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night, 7pm the fat black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar for tickets and all tour dates. Punchup Live, Robert Kelly. And check out his YouTube channel, Robert Kelly Comedy. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

[Charlie Heller]

What is your calling? Maybe it's something you love to do, a goal you want to achieve, a skill you want to learn, or a difference you want to make. You know it's part of who you are and part of the life you want. But do you know how you'll get there? The military can help you pursue your calling with countless opportunities to help you build a future filled with purpose. You have a calling. We have an answer. Learn [e-mail] auto insurance can all seem.

[Big J Okerson]

The same until it comes time to use it.

[Robert Kelly]

So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage. Switch to USA Auto insurance and you could start saving money in no time.

[Big J Okerson]

Get a quote Today restrictions apply.

[Robert Kelly]

USA.