Jabbawockeez with Tim Butterly

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: Jabbawockeez with Tim Butterly

Introduction and Show Kickoff The episode begins with Big Jay Oakerson enthusiastically introducing the show and giving a shout-out to Robert Kelly, who is currently on a well-deserved vacation with his family in Aruba. Jay humorously references a notorious incident in Aruba, setting a light-hearted and irreverent tone for the episode.

Big Jay Oakerson [00:47]: "And now the bonfire faction talk. SiriusXM103. I'm Big J Oakerson. Robert Kelly on a much deserved vacay with the family out in Aruba. He'll tell you where he's at. That's a good place to murder. Apparently he got away with that one completely. Huh?"

Roxanne Shantae’s Unique Show Appearance The hosts delve into Roxanne Shantae's appearance on their show, highlighting her unconventional approach. Instead of discussing music, Roxanne shares personal anecdotes about eating old food found in her car, leading into humorous rhymes about her stomach issues. This segment showcases the hosts' ability to find comedy in unexpected places.

Big Jay Oakerson [02:08]: "She was supposed to go and talk about a song that she's gonna play and then play the song. But I love her. She's, you know. What do you say? Grandmothered in. One of the first ladies of hip hop ever, Roxanne Shantae."

Aruba Incident and Associated Stories Jay recounts the infamous case of Natalee Holloway's disappearance in Aruba, mentioning that the perpetrator, Vandersloot, never faced consequences. This leads to a discussion about an agent's unfortunate turn towards criminal behavior, intertwining personal anecdotes with dark humor.

Big Jay Oakerson [04:04]: "He killed her in Aruba, but he never got in trouble for that one."

Introducing Tim Butterly and Upcoming Shows The conversation shifts to promoting Tim Butterly's upcoming performances at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Wilmington, North Carolina. Jay shares positive experiences from previous visits, encouraging listeners to attend and enjoy the vibrant comedy scene.

Big Jay Oakerson [05:32]: "Tim's gonna be at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Wilmington, North Carolina. It was great. Such a fun club. June 27th and 28th."

Public Arguments and Relationship Dynamics Christine joins the conversation to discuss personal experiences with public arguments and relationship conflicts. They share entertaining anecdotes about fights occurring during events, highlighting the challenges of maintaining composure in public settings.

Christine [22:06]: "He's just being funny, Tim."

Jabbawockeez Performances at Universal Studios A significant portion of the episode reviews the Jabbawockeez performances at Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights. The hosts express admiration for the group's synchronized dance moves and overall showmanship, comparing different performances and team dynamics.

Big Jay Oakerson [27:16]: "They're so good. To this day, I will tell you Jabbawockies' rule."

Kiss Concert Experience The hosts reminisce about attending a Kiss concert, describing the high-energy performances and theatrical elements that make the band legendary. They share memorable moments, including interactions with Paul Stanley and the group's enduring sex appeal despite aging.

Big Jay Oakerson [37:01]: "We saw their final tour, and it wasn't as good as that one that."

Robert Kelly [38:19]: "Someone compiled a lot of it. And you can really lose your mind."

Humorous Banter on Plastic Surgery and Body Image A humorous segment unfolds as the hosts discuss plastic surgery, body image issues, and personal insecurities. They joke about various procedures like liposuction and Botox, blending self-deprecation with sharp wit.

Big Jay Oakerson [53:49]: "Fuck. Right this moment, it would be. Honestly, gotta be skin removal. Skin removal for my stomach for sure."

Public Fights and Safety Concerns The conversation takes a darker turn as the hosts discuss the concept of engaging in public fights. They explore hypothetical scenarios of defending oneself and loved ones, balancing humor with reflections on personal boundaries and the legality of their actions.

Big Jay Oakerson [49:40]: "If someone should make a statue of a taller black guy going like with his arm back up the slapper."

Closing Remarks and Show Wrap-Up As the episode nears its end, Big Jay and Robert Kelly recap upcoming events and shows, promoting their performances and encouraging listeners to attend. They maintain their signature humor, transitioning smoothly from serious topics back to lighter, promotional content.

Big Jay Oakerson [60:57]: "They get back inside the house. I was just out in the pool completely nude and fat."

Robert Kelly [63:13]: "It's just one way a little lottery play for many Oregonians can add up to a lot of good, good the Oregon Lottery."

Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson [02:08]: "Grandmothered in. One of the first ladies of hip hop ever, Roxanne Shantae."
• Christine [22:06]: "He's just being funny, Tim."
• Big Jay Oakerson [37:01]: "We saw their final tour, and it wasn't as good as that one that."
• Big Jay Oakerson [53:49]: "Honestly, gotta be skin removal. Skin removal for my stomach for sure."

Conclusion This episode of The Bonfire is a rollercoaster of humor, personal stories, and engaging discussions. From entertaining performances by the Jabbawockeez and Kiss to candid conversations about relationships and self-image, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver their trademark blunt humor and unfiltered honesty. Tim Butterly's promotional segments add an extra layer of spontaneity, making this episode a must-listen for fans seeking both laughs and relatable insights.

Transcript

[Oregon Lottery Representative]

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[USAA Representative]

How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi vehicle discount Safe driver discount New vehicle discount Storage discount Legacy. How many discounts will you stack up?

[Big J Okerson]

Tap the banner or visit usaa.com autodiscounts restrictions apply.

[USAA Representative]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Robert Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly Plaza. Donna hold the best of all.

[Big J Okerson]

Let him hear. Let him hear all the microphone jostling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Y We're keeping the tradition over here. We follow shout out to LL Cool J's Rock the Bells radio. Hello Cool J's Rock the Bells radio. Radio. You can hit that all day. My drive in on a Wednesday is Woo. Wednesdays with RZA and mathematics laying down them fucking B sides.

[USAA Representative]

Windows up.

[Big J Okerson]

It's nice. Yeah, yeah. Let everybody keep it in the car just for me. And then it goes right into. And every day, doesn't matter what's on before it. In my ride at 4pm I pick up Roxanne Shantae have a nice day show with Roxanne Shantae. And Roxanne Shantae comes in. I think she's just supposed to go and talk about a song that she's gonna play and then play the song. But I love her. She's, you know. What do you say? Grandmothered in. One of the first ladies of hip hop ever, Roxanne Shantae. When she was just a kid.

[USAA Representative]

What would I know her for?

[Big J Okerson]

The song Roxanne Shantae. I'm Roxanne. But it's like it's before your time for sure. It's before my time, really. I was a little kid for it. It was like before Run dmc. Even.

[USAA Representative]

So I'm not even catching it at like the roller skating rink.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, I don't think so. I don't think so. You know who Roxanne Shantae is, Lou, right? Nah, she's not from Teaneck. That's true. Well, you know, I don't know if that's true. She Might be from Teaneck. She's from east coast for sure. No, she's from New York. She's from somewhere in New York. I want to see the. It's a Bronx or Queens for sure, because that's where it all started. But she comes on and begins.

[USAA Representative]

You could be the leading Shantae. Roxanne Shantae, historian.

[Big J Okerson]

It's very possible. 1969, she was born. Now, Roxanne Shantae, I love her because she comes on and doesn't talk about the music almost at all. She goes in, for the past two days, I've been following the saga. She goes, y' all, I'm an open book. And I ate some old food I found in my car. And then she starts rhyming. She's like.

[USAA Representative]

She's talking about diarrhea. That's our thing. What the hell?

[Big J Okerson]

Not diarrhea even. She doesn't talk about diarrhea. She's just talking about, like. She comes on and talks, but this is her running thing. She goes, my stomach upset. She goes. And then she started.

[USAA Representative]

She's getting softcore diarrhea.

[Big J Okerson]

She started rhyming. She was like. She goes, I ate some bad chicken. It went. Now it is sticking to my fucking ribbons. And now I'm all shitting. And people are like, damn, she's fantastic, everybody. It's the bonfire faction talk. SiriusXM103. I'm Big J Okerson. Robert Kelly on a much deserved vacay with the family out in Aruba. He'll tell you where he's at. That's a good place to murder. Apparently he got away with that one completely. Huh?

[USAA Representative]

Which one was that?

[Big J Okerson]

Vandersloot. Mmm.

[USAA Representative]

Jordan.

[Big J Okerson]

Natalee Holloway.

[USAA Representative]

Oh, right.

[Big J Okerson]

He killed her in Aruba, but he never got in trouble for that one.

[USAA Representative]

I mean, international waters, you know.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they just really. It's like a good place, I guess, to fucking kill somebody and not get caught for it.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, Very laid back law enforcement, I suppose.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I always pointed out I feel terrible because I'm sure he doesn't love that it goes out there, but there's an agent in the world, what is he? I forget what he is now. What company. I know. Shouldn't say it anyway. Shouldn't say it anyway. But at one point, he was one of my agents and his brother, his direct blood related brother, is. Is in entertainment.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Isn't that weird?

[USAA Representative]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

He's not a murderer, to the best of my knowledge. Sweetheart of a guy, but changed his.

[Christine]

Name a little bit by the Way.

[Big J Okerson]

Only in recent years.

[Christine]

Only recently, but did change his name a little bit.

[USAA Representative]

Van Der.

[Big J Okerson]

Van. I'm the Van der.

[USAA Representative]

He admitted to it. I don't remember that.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I mean, to somebody on hidden camera, it was great. He's murder bragging, sitting in for Bobby. We'll get back to this Aruba murder shit soon. Sitting in for Bobby is losing him soon. In just a week or so, he's going to be living amongst the steers and queers. As R. Lee Ermey once told me, in the great state of Tejas, taking it down to Austin, it is the hilarious Timothy Butter.

[USAA Representative]

Wow, thank you. What a welcome introduction.

[Big J Okerson]

Tim's gonna be at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Wilmington, North Carolina. It was great. Such a fun club. June 27th and 28th. Yeah, Christine went with me there before. That's a really fun one.

[Christine]

They also filmed Dawson's Creek there. So not at the comedy club, but in Will.

[USAA Representative]

Me and a bunch of other middle aged white perverts going there just hoping to feel something.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. See you still smell Katie. What's her face's ass cheeks on the.

[USAA Representative]

Dock, sniffing the beach.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want to wait. And you can check out, of course, the Tim Butterley show on [e-mail] timbutterley Kiss me. Yeah. Roxanne Shantay. Poor Roxanne Shantae. I would suggest, if I could say anything as a fellow co host coworker. Don't eat old food in your car. She said. Christine just heard it. She said that she'll eat old sushi in her car because she grew up with some childhood trauma. And so she's something about food. If she leaves it in the car, she has to go, she has to kill.

[Christine]

I thought she was just talking about like sad fat car eating.

[Big J Okerson]

Possible.

[Christine]

But she said eating old food you found under your car seat.

[Big J Okerson]

No, she was talking. You didn't can tell she was saying that. No, you really didn't understand.

[Christine]

I was on my phone, I was half paying.

[Big J Okerson]

I was laughing my ass off in the car. Was laughing because she came on just like I told you. When they go, and next up is Roxanne Shantae show. I go, oh, Christine, listen. I go, she's the best. She's supposed to talk about music. And she just comes on and be like, y' all, I crashed my car yesterday. This was the other day. She goes, I crashed my car. She goes, I hit that skid. And it don't matter what they tell you in your life, you hit that skid. What are you supposed to do? Not hit the brake and the boy and the guy next to her go. And you hit the back, I hit the break.

[Christine]

She might be your new Wendy.

[Big J Okerson]

Roxanne Shantay. I don't know what the hell she's talking about over there, but I could listen to it all day long. And then she just plays whatever they make her play for sure. Because it'll be like, all right, y' all, I'm gonna go see if I could boo Boo. On this next break, keeping off a crisscross jump. This is completely awkward. This is the Bee Gees with a night fever.

[USAA Representative]

Y' all want to hear some Salisbury Hill?

[Big J Okerson]

What's going. What is this donut situation that keeps showing up? Thank you. Someone just left donuts in the break room. Yeah. For someone's birthday. You think?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

Already cut in half. Dude, I knew the corporate gig sucks the life out of you.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, Black Lou cut those in half, right?

[USAA Representative]

No, those were already cut in half. They were cut in half and stale before anyone was even notified that they were in the break room.

[Big J Okerson]

That is a fucking fat person trying to pretend they're not fat. Who cut them in half? I'll just have a half. I'll have a half. If you go to, like, a bagel display and there's a fucking half bagel back on the display, you're like, fuck you. You already touched it. First of all, for sure.

[USAA Representative]

First of all, I want to. I don't want half of anything. I want my own thing. I'm like a toddler.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I'll eat half of it if that's what I want. Yeah, but I don't want you to have the other half.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, fuck that. No, that's someone in my experience, that's someone who made a decision for everybody and understood how unpopular would be and is just comfortable doing it anyway. The person who's standing there with the plastic knife over a baked good in the. In the company kitchen, knowing that they were about to do the worst thing a co worker could ever do, and they just come to terms with it, and it changes who you are forever. There's no coming back.

[Big J Okerson]

There's no coming back from that.

[USAA Representative]

I don't know who did that. They work here. Obviously, it could be a lovely person is your wife.

[Big J Okerson]

And you said you were a chubby kid growing up. For sure, your wife was always thin, right?

[USAA Representative]

Until she had kids. Then she was fat for a little bit. And now she's not fat anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

But, I mean, does she have to, like, is she like an overeater? Like, she doesn't strike me as a.

[USAA Representative]

No, no. She's like a wild snacker. You know what I mean? She grazes during the day.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm almost asking more of a thing. And black Lou, you might have it because you're married. Also, the idea, me and Christine's like, the sharing food stuff always is. There's such a calculated thing behind. It's not just like, I'll have someone, you have some. It looks like that if you're third party. It was like me and Christina are just friendly sharing the thing, but there's a real calculation going on to each time it gets passed back and forth.

[USAA Representative]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Or if we were sharing a pizza, you know, it's like you just want to see if they're gonna leave a little bit. You know, it's like, maybe I can have a little bit.

[USAA Representative]

You know, My running joke with MJ is that if I come back to the table with like a fountain soda, I always start, hey, I asked him to put an extra sip there. She's already. For enough times. I've already lost the first chunk of anything I've ever ordered. Cuz she didn't want some, but she wants to have some of mine.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. What's the place? There's a place we ordered from in Jersey. They have a platter called the My girlfriend's not hungry. And it's like three, like, it's like three chicken fingers and three mozzarellas. It's like all the stuff that, like, if you got them, she'd be like, well, I mean, I'll have my food. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[USAA Representative]

You throw that at her distractor.

[Big J Okerson]

That's pretty hilarious. You guys said you did a. A podcast from the black woman statue in Times Square, which is just hilarious.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, we just got done. We did that there.

[Big J Okerson]

My girlfriend's not hungry. 25 bucks. Oh, it's hilarious. It's just so I'm wrong about that.

[Christine]

No, this is a different place, but this one, it's add extra french fries to your entree and fried chicken wings or French.

[Big J Okerson]

You get two more wings or two more cheese sticks. Yeah, that's pretty hilarious. My girlfriend's not hungry.

[USAA Representative]

There's nothing worth. You've been. You've been playing your plate perfectly. You're getting near perfect bites every time with a perfect combination of each ingredient. You know what I mean? Even if it's just like French fries first, you know, the chicken second, you get to the end and the ratio's off, and then you've got a couple of bites of just one thing at a time. It's just like I had a. I had a really good thing going. And I'm ending on a huge disappointment.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh. Christine also has a belief that if she plates the food that she's deserving of some extra. I mean, grips a fry. French fries.

[USAA Representative]

I opened the bag. You just fucking sat there.

[Christine]

Oh, I have to taste test, make sure everything's warm enough so you have to heat it up.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't have to do that with fistfuls of French fries. Your hands are covered in salt and grease. When you're done, it's fucking ass 9.

[USAA Representative]

That's why I tell the kids when I want their food. I gotta make sure it's not poison.

[Big J Okerson]

Give me all your candy. I wanna make sure it's not poison. Where's Jacob? Are you getting any last licks Philly things in before you leave, or are you just having a good fucking riddance?

[USAA Representative]

No, man. I'm looking at a fucking mushroom cloud in the re. Rear view mirror. I can't wait to get the fuck out.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

Oh, for sure, man. My time has come.

[Big J Okerson]

Got a crush cup. What's your. You got to get all your favorite food in.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, yeah, I have. I have a pizza planned out. I have. Maybe I'll sneak in a fucking, you know, cheesesteak. But aside from that, man, I can't get out of here fast enough.

[Big J Okerson]

What would you go to? Cheesesteak bait?

[USAA Representative]

Look, I don't know. I want to get to in the weeds for your listeners. But the first answer, obviously, whatever fucking piece of shit place is around the corner. Yeah, yeah. But the real answer, Steve's princess takes.

[Big J Okerson]

Nice. Nice. I like.

[USAA Representative]

Still a little bit racist.

[Big J Okerson]

They are over there.

[USAA Representative]

It's just a little bit tastefully.

[Big J Okerson]

I think Geno's dropped a little of their racism at least, like in not blaring.

[USAA Representative]

They put on a brave face, but they folded instantly.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, it wasn't that instant I went down there. I don't get to go down there too much. And I was down there at least two, if not three times that I was down there where they were still 24 7. I mean, cranking patriotic music with the sign that said, like, order in English.

[USAA Representative]

English only, please.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, order in English or go fuck your mother. It was crazy.

[USAA Representative]

I don't. I think that's less.

[Big J Okerson]

Kill Mumia Abu Jamal. They always have a cause, dude. Their first cause was Mumia Abu Jamal. It was that he did kill Daniel Faulkner, the police officer. And so their big thing Was like, always Daniel Faulkner. Fuck Mumia Abu Jamal. And then it became English, you fucking dingbat.

[USAA Representative]

You think that's more or less. More or less racist than when a business has, like, no tall tees, no work boots sign?

[Big J Okerson]

I love that, though. There is a place. It makes me laugh when they're just. All they want to say is like, let's keep it easy on the black people, huh? See if you could find Christine. I bet you look it up if someone's taking a picture. Chilkoot Charlie's outdoor sign or sign on the door or something. It was. I used to have a picture of it. It was. It might as well just say, no. Black people now. There's just not a lot of black people in Alaska. They're military.

[USAA Representative]

There's more and more. Oh, yeah, look it up. Look at. What was it black guys in Alaska or something?

[Big J Okerson]

Like, well, it's a military.

[USAA Representative]

These are dudes that are moving up there to try to like, kind of run the streets, get Eskimo pussy. Oh, for sure. This act. This absolutely exists. There's like a whole YouTube video about it.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[USAA Representative]

I mean, you don't have to look it up. You can take my word for it. But yeah, they're up there. Seriously, they're, you know, getting into it.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, black thugs are moving up there to like, yes, start. Really?

[USAA Representative]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

What a hilarious place to remember what.

[USAA Representative]

They called the video. Alaska's craziest hood. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I want to. I can't wait to see a. A drug lord pull up with, like a cow skin fur jacket riding a moose.

[USAA Representative]

They're doing the corner takeovers of the snowmobiles instead.

[Big J Okerson]

Look, there they are. That's the bros. What's up, yo? I'm gonna get a grill for my moose. Y' all gotta know the outside point of view, right? The whole rest of the 49 states, they don't know that. They're just like me. That is here, right? Do y' all ever feel isolated or, like, left out of the US or not in the US I feel out of the music scene. Yes. We get left out. We're not. We get left out of the music scene. Yeah, we different. Like, we different.

[USAA Representative]

You know what's so funny is I said, look up black guys in Alaska, and I was wrong. It's actually Alaska's most dangerous. But yeah, we just did a brand new episode of Tim Butterly show in front of the black lady statue in Times Square.

[Big J Okerson]

How great was that?

[USAA Representative]

It's fucking cool.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't seen it in person yet.

[USAA Representative]

Oh, My God. First of all, it's bigger than you think. Yeah, she's more pissed off than you think. And tourists are not as respectful as you would expect.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't think they were gonna be.

[USAA Representative]

There was a lot of. Well, I thought there's so much foot traffic, you know, stepping out of line there would be pretty egregious.

[Big J Okerson]

But, I mean, I haven't seen a black person yet that thinks it rules.

[USAA Representative]

We saw a lady that looked exactly like her stand in front of her in the same pos.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. But the first person, she was being hilarious.

[USAA Representative]

What you think?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know.

[USAA Representative]

She. She had the same look on her face.

[Big J Okerson]

What if she was the model? She goes, my name's Muse.

[USAA Representative]

Do you know. What do you know about the model? The. The artist?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, I could tell you by looking at the statue a little bit about her. I can tell you this.

[USAA Representative]

First of all, she got no damn time. Second of all, that is not in her job description.

[Big J Okerson]

She's a grown ass woman. I can tell you that. She don't need no man.

[USAA Representative]

She's really not here for your foolishness. No, the artist did, like, a nationwide casting call, and she's an amalgamation of all the ladies that he talked to. She's not even a real black lady.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, if you mush all the colors together, it becomes black. If you mush all colors together, it just becomes. If you mush all black women together, it just becomes a fat, pissed off black lady in Times Square.

[USAA Representative]

You pound the clay long enough, it gets soft, man.

[Big J Okerson]

First of all, she ain't got no time for this.

[USAA Representative]

So the first person we saw take a picture was two white, possibly European tourists. And the guy ate her pussy. We got a picture of him.

[Big J Okerson]

Where were they from?

[USAA Representative]

They looked kind of European in the way that their shorts, you know, kind of met their knee in a weird way and looked at them.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure. Well, I went to get my hair cut this morning. There was the guy that was in the chair before.

[USAA Representative]

What kind of place do you go to? Have you ever talked about this? Where do you get your haircut?

[Big J Okerson]

Barbershop.

[USAA Representative]

Just regular ass. No, I'd like it to be. Place.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. No, I'd like it to be. Yeah. It's got to be women working there. There is a woman who works there.

[USAA Representative]

She do your hair?

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[USAA Representative]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I go to.

[USAA Representative]

So a guy does your hair Guy. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

A Hispanic guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You think? With the straight razor stuff and all that?

[USAA Representative]

Yeah. Okay. It's making more sense now.

[Big J Okerson]

When I had long hair I'd go to a salon.

[USAA Representative]

Did you ever get a keratin treatment? You really doll yourself up.

[Big J Okerson]

I may have gotten a keratin treatment. I don't remember exactly.

[USAA Representative]

You'd remember, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I think you'd remember. What the fuck was I saying?

[USAA Representative]

I'm sorry. You went to the barbershop today? This morning.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. And the guy who was in the chair before me, you know, just watched him get his haircut. He was getting a pretty, pretty extreme haircut. He was getting. Not extreme, but it was just a very, like. It was very hateful at the barbershop. It was very like poofed up in the front and combed back and faded on the side.

[USAA Representative]

Like a high and tight pompadour.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, a high and tight pompadour. That's exactly what it was. Yeah, exactly. He had a crybaby. He had a fucking. A young Elvis. And then they took the apron off of him. And his shorts were so short.

[USAA Representative]

Like that guy right there that I'm.

[Big J Okerson]

Looking at, like that guy's hair to the right, but even fluffed up more.

[USAA Representative]

Like a guy wearing suspenders in a picture of a wedding at a barn is the haircut we're looking at right now. Yeah. And the beard that goes with it, obviously. Duh.

[Big J Okerson]

The guys didn't have a beard at all. But he had that haircut and then just the shortest shorts. I mean, too short. It was, it was beyond. I was like, this guy might be gay. I'm like, this guy's from somewhere else.

[USAA Representative]

This guy needs like obnoxiously old fashioned clothes. Not Ken shorts.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes, sure, I get it. Oh, yeah. If he was wearing. Yeah. Some kind of a fashion. Exactly. A long sleeve button down with some khaki shorts, I would accept it. Now, shorter than that, though. These things were crazy. But, but he wasn't giving off a gay vibe.

[USAA Representative]

It's not gay anymore. Now it's like kind of masculine.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it?

[USAA Representative]

Yeah. Well, when I do it, it is.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Bill Clinton and Al Gore did it, so I guess maybe you're right.

[USAA Representative]

I'm, I'm. I'm tempted to go that short. The, you know, the.

[Big J Okerson]

You're a pretty short shorts guy.

[USAA Representative]

I know, but I'm not fucking gym class in 19, you know, 61 shorts.

[Big J Okerson]

No booty shorts.

[USAA Representative]

I know. I want them so bad. I might get Bill Clinton's running shorts. I know there's an Etsy store that has them.

[Big J Okerson]

Why do they want to have their legs showing like that?

[USAA Representative]

Well, because these guys are part of an international pedophile ring, and it's just like they do what they want, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, oh, okay. News flash, J. Oh, I get it now. They're both having McDonald's cups in their hands. By the way, it's pretty dope.

[USAA Representative]

Drenched in sweat.

[Big J Okerson]

They're really. It's like Bill Clinton and Al Gore in booty shorts and sweaty shirts. I guess the picture. It's been around for years. It must be since the administration. I'm guessing this was. But they're both crushing McDonald's and have real. Bitch, we did it. Looks on their faces like we earned this McDonald's.

[USAA Representative]

Well, this might not be working out. This might just be like a weekend in Myrtle Beach.

[Big J Okerson]

See you guys just got back from scissoring. Christ almighty.

[USAA Representative]

Sexy as hell, though. Bill got gams on him. Look at those thighs.

[Big J Okerson]

I know, but they really. He's got that heavy tan, and you really see the freckles.

[USAA Representative]

He's built like a bottom.

[Big J Okerson]

Heavy thigh freckles and pasty legs, Lou. Is that your bane of your existence? When you get naked, you're gonna be pasty. Yeah, I plan on it. It's just I'm always pasty. You never tan up ever? No. When I get some sun, my freckles come out. So just shit on top of shit? That's no way to look at it, my friend. I don't think that's true. Get a little color this summer lay out. I don't think so. I'll get you some carrot oil.

[USAA Representative]

What about, like, getting really into SPF and, like, cosmetics and going really pale, Everything like that? That'd be terrifying.

[Big J Okerson]

Just really hot and getting a real Dr. Moreau Sheen about you.

[USAA Representative]

You can wear some white linen with it, too, and just spook everybody you encounter.

[Big J Okerson]

My girlfriend's black, so it's a real contrast.

[USAA Representative]

Ooh, wow. It could be difficult to take a picture of both of you at the same time.

[Big J Okerson]

Man. I bet. And no disrespect, when you look down at your wiener going in, it's so cool looking. I've only been there a few times in my life, but I remember how cool looking it looks.

[USAA Representative]

It's like the manufacturing video that you see of them assembling ice cream sandwiches on the line.

[Big J Okerson]

It looks like a negative of black Lou fucking his wife. Everything's the opposite.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah. Is that cool? We were kind of looking for an answer on that. Is that awesome?

[Big J Okerson]

It's fun. Yeah. That's why Black Lou's into the white chick. You fuck a black chick? What? You don't even know where her pussy ends and your dick starts.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah. Bored.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, boring.

[USAA Representative]

I don't even know what to focus on right now. I guess I'll just think about video games till this is over.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. The only reason I know who's the difference between me and Christine is she has a hairy asshole. Not me. I keep mine.

[USAA Representative]

I never get lost in the ceiling mirror.

[Big J Okerson]

Fangled up, he goes. What are you. Are you floating? Oh, God.

[USAA Representative]

Wow. Gross.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's gross, man.

[USAA Representative]

Christine. What's the problem? What the hell? What are you doing?

[Christine]

He's just being funny, Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh. Oh, yeah. No, her asshole's not here. I don't think I haven't seen her asshole in a long time, but I don't. I don't recall it being hairy. It may have been Harry once or twice, and I probably would have made a joke about it. And then I'm sure it was addressed forever since then because I cut deep.

[USAA Representative]

True.

[Big J Okerson]

What is. Now, I see on the topic sheet here the Los couple fight. Who brought. Who put that on the list? I did. I heard about it. Where'd you hear about it? That's why I was curious to know. I forgot where. I'm always looking at a bunch of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a couple that I. I have to assume broke up. It was. It was hanging in the balance. This couple. I don't know. Well, my backs to the audience pretty good. Lewis looked back at some point and noticed this is on Monday, that this couple was kind of like. This girl was not happy with the guy. Was it. The guy was such a fan. He was so sweet. This guy meant so well, and he meant. And so the girl. Lewis pointed that out. So we started talking to them. And it's funny, I. My instinct with crowd stuff like that always is to, like, try to, like, build the guy up and be like, you know, he's sorry about that. You know, he's just drunk and whatever. He was hammered and trying to do that and make me feel okay. Lewis is much more of like the, you know, dump him, dump her, dude or whatever, you know, just going at that. And then we talked to her. We brought her over to the table for a minute and talked to her. And the guy was way too involved. And then when she went back to sit at her table, she was really just not enjoying herself at all. And the guy just kind of kept going. While the guy was going, they put. And thank God there's evidence of this that will save his life. Probably. They took his. He left his phone on the table. Open. And they. I think they put a story that was like. They said, I hate black people. And then the next story they posted said, seriously? And then they gave him his phone back. And then five minutes later, we're like, dude, we did this thing. Or take that down. And he was just like, dude, it's all good. And we're like, nah, dude, you're just hammered. Like, you really should take that down. He's like, dude, Ari, Shafir's the man. And it's like, okay, buddy. Yeah. And they were telling the girl, like, sweetheart, you need to get him. Take his phone. And they're like, I know, yeah. Like, I know you hate. And then it just was all coming out in the wash. Dude, it was so fucking funny. Just how it was like. Like some girl came back from the bathroom and was like, yeah, she's. Or we found out she's supposed to move here in, like, two weeks to live with them. And they've only seen each other like 10 times. She lives in Florida and he lives in. She's moving from Florida to Jersey. We've already said how that's. She is not going to enjoy that transition.

[USAA Representative]

No one will ever enjoy moving to New Jersey.

[Big J Okerson]

Not for. I enjoy very much moving to New Jersey. Well, you're already here, but. True. But I'm not from. If you're in. If you're a Florida person, you like Florida, you're not going to like Jersey, right?

[USAA Representative]

You already don't like the people that. From Jersey that move to Florida.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, exactly. You hate them. And now you're moving to fucking ground zero. So, yeah, fuck it. So she was just. And then in the bathroom, some girl came back and said, yeah, he lives with his grandmother. Like, she's gonna move in with him and his grandmother.

[USAA Representative]

He's gonna be cheap rent.

[Big J Okerson]

And it was just always sounding worse. And then she eventually just stormed off and he just sat there for about three minutes and it was like, ah, I gotta go get her. I got. And they just vanished into the night.

[USAA Representative]

Have you ever gotten into a big public domestic thing?

[Big J Okerson]

Never. That the people would really see, like, me, like, having it out. Nothing like that. Cause I've never been drunk like that where I can get that away from me. Me and Christina fought in being fighting in public many times, and most notably was the Universal Studios where we went to. And then the breakup, because we were. We shouldn't have gone, but we barely bought the tickets and we had our friend Michelle going with us. It was. Yeah, it was horror Halloween, Horror nights. And we Went. But just the mood break. Never not fighting in between everything. But the thing was always like. The first thing that just always struck me that makes me laugh is the Jabbawockies. We went to the Jabberwocky show starting now. And they came out and started like fucking dancing. And Bodak Yellow was playing and I was like, all right.

[USAA Representative]

That's how good they are.

[Big J Okerson]

They're so good. To this day, I will tell you Jabberwocky's rule. And then like, you get on a ride, you know, and he goes, everyone, hands inside the thing. And you're grunt faced. Like, it's like fucking, we shouldn't even have come this. You just gotta get out and it opens like. And you go, let's fucking go, man. I need something to drink. My fucking mouth's dry. Stupid fucking thing.

[USAA Representative]

The mindset I get into is I keep hoping one of the rides is gonna crack her. Like, the mood's over. We're fine. They're just like, ah, damn it, dude, we're still walking fast.

[Big J Okerson]

Walking fast.

[USAA Representative]

We're still stomping a little.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, what do you want to do things like. You want to do the Dragon Boat?

[USAA Representative]

I guess, yeah, fine.

[Big J Okerson]

You love the Dragon Boat. There's no way to not enjoy it. We went on the virtual reality. Is it VR? I guess technically, whatever The Transformers ride, one of them was just. It's one of those things. You're sitting still, but crazy shit's happening all around you.

[USAA Representative]

Is the chair moving at least?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, nice. But like very little. It's almost in place. It's like the screens around you make you feel like you're going. And just like. I mean, the childlike wonder on our faces for 13, whatever, you know, 35 seconds to a minute, you're just like, wow. Like, wow, I'm in Springfield.

[USAA Representative]

This is the Simpsons.

[Big J Okerson]

The Jabberwockies, dude. They don't around. Is this their Halloween Horror Night show? Yeah, buddy, this was. And how long? It's not even that long. It's like 20 minutes. But I loved it so much. Much.

[Christine]

But Bodak Yellow was just playing before the show. We're both like, oh, this song's kind of good.

[Big J Okerson]

Song Thumping song is.

[Christine]

All right, all right.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't dance now. I make money mood.

[USAA Representative]

So, dude, so at what point does your mood start to shift? Like, are you are you're giving it up? You're giving them a chance right out of the gate?

[Christine]

Oh, yeah. As long you're not looking at each other. You just look straight ahead yeah, right?

[USAA Representative]

Yeah.

[Christine]

We were in a fight when we went.

[Big J Okerson]

And you have to do this, and you have to go. You have to go get. You go. It's great, right? These guys are actually really, really good. Stay it with straight face tone. These guys are.

[USAA Representative]

This is worth coming alone.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Well, I'd watch actually a whole hour of these guys. I wish they had a residency somewhere. I'd go.

[USAA Representative]

I wish the whole thing was this.

[Christine]

Jay wants to be a Jabbawy.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm. I think there's. That. That line's too long. You want to go see the Jabbawkis again?

[USAA Representative]

Big jab, walkie ochre.

[Big J Okerson]

On my heart of hearts, dude. I want to jab a walkie dance so bad. There's something in me that feels good. I want to be good at it. Yeah, you're right. I don't want to just jab walking dance. I want to be a jabba. I want to be the good like them. I don't need to hit any now. This is early in the show.

[USAA Representative]

That's what I'm saying. If I'm. If I'm in the middle of a domestic dispute and I'm seeing this, I'm like, I hope this gets good, man. I really need something.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it. What year is this?

[Christine]

2021. Which I think is too soon.

[Robert Kelly]

This is a while ago.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a while ago. Let's go back to. Let's take it back to 2000. What do you say? 1819? 2018.

[USAA Representative]

Pre pandemic Halloween Horror Nights.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. 29. 2019. Maybe that was our show.

[Christine]

2022.

[Big J Okerson]

Click it, because I'm gonna prove that the Jabbawkis were awesomer than that. That was. We. What? Are they getting old? Oh, here we go. Oh, now we're cooking with gas.

[USAA Representative]

Okay, this is much, much better. Yeah, they're in T shirts in the other one. I like the. The UV jackets.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[USAA Representative]

They're all synced up. They're not just doing every night.

[Big J Okerson]

These Koreans bring it.

[USAA Representative]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

This is one million times better. That might have been, like, a traveling squad or something from the other one. Like a B team.

[Big J Okerson]

I was so in.

[USAA Representative]

You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it might have been. That might have been a fucking. That might have been a matinee with.

[USAA Representative]

The Blue Man Group, and I found out that there's actually, like, 15 teams of them. So it's like you're not seeing the guys from the IBM commercial.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

Or the intel commercial.

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck.

[Christine]

That was just them.

[USAA Representative]

These are the guys that thought Blue Man Group was so cool. That they like, got out of like art school or whatever and moved to where the Blue man group are to learn how to. Blue Man Group. And you're just like, fuck, dude. It's like $110 a day. I'm just seeing guys that at one point. Blue Man Crew. Ye. God damn it, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, the thing about the jab walkies, you don't have to go, are these the original Jabberwockies? And who gives a fuck? And they go, how are you gonna tell if not take their masks off and see a bunch of Korean guys? That'll work out for you.

[Christine]

Also, the original jabberwockies are like 55.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

So it's definitely not.

[Big J Okerson]

If you were looking for the Korean guy who killed your sister and they were all wearing Jabberwocky masks and you took all their masks off, you're not gonna be any closer or you're gonna blame the first guy whose mask you take off. This is him. I'm certain of it. I'm certain of it. Yeah. Good public, everybody. Have you noticed that everywhere you go it seems like prices are going up? They keep saying it. The grocery store, your cars, your appliances, everything is through the roof right now. Wouldn't it be nice if prices would go down? Well, at Metro, they've got your back. They've lowered their prices and are giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered. And you also get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required and no activation fees. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, Visit metro by t-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number. Not available. If currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on eligible plan exclusions Apply details at metro by t-mobile.com Guys, you know, running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo? That's what Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing, websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software so you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs you'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com this.

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[Big J Okerson]

What was the other one we said we had?

[Christine]

We were fighting on the way to Kiss, but we kind of. It went away pretty fast. They came down from the ceiling place.

[Robert Kelly]

Awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

They go from the backstage. You wanted the best, you got the best. Yeah. Is that what's. Is there a whole speech to that or something? Like from something. Do they say where they're from from there? Yeah, exactly. There's that entire Detroit Rock City. I think they came from Detroit Rock City kids. And then I was like, you know, we looked at each other with all that. I guess we're supposed to stand up now for Kiss. My first time ever seeing Kiss live in my life. And they just go. They start coming down from the fucking. The ceiling. They get lowered from the ceiling. They just start doing Detroit Rock City, dude. I was like, dude. Childlike excitement there, too. I'm like, yo, this is huge.

[USAA Representative]

Have you ever heard there's a. There's the album of Paul Stanley. Stage banter. It's called, like, people, let me get this off my chest or something like that.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

It might be on YouTube.

[Big J Okerson]

I want that.

[USAA Representative]

It's just 57 minutes of him just being like, cincinnati, who likes alcohol?

[Big J Okerson]

I know a decent Paul Stanley because there is. And I think he rules. And it was always sold as him being, like, the lady killer. You know, he got all the girls. But when he gives his speech, you can even go back to when he's young. His voice never changed. If he was not in kids, he was gonna be in musical theater because he goes. He's like. And I know New York City likes to party.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, exactly, dude. Someone compiled a lot of it. And you can really lose your mind.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, a real pinkies up accent on this guy.

[USAA Representative]

Well, you know, it puts butts in seats, Jay.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys like to kiss guys?

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, I'm not doing enough. Who here likes to party on stage?

[Big J Okerson]

Is this it? Yeah. Play it.

[USAA Representative]

You just skip around, give some.

[Big J Okerson]

Stanley. Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Who gives a tonight? Not me.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't care.

[Robert Kelly]

No, not me.

[USAA Representative]

For a starter.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, just in case you didn't realize, on a night like this, it gets pretty damn hot.

[Big J Okerson]

I tell you, I got this feeling. I got this feeling it's going to be a. Another hot night. Rock and roll. Can I tell you something that does nothing for you? Well, I will tell you the. The bummer if there was one bummer. Well, there's a couple bummers. Always. When we saw Marilyn Manson the other week, because again, I'll say it a thousand times, looks great. He sounds great.

[USAA Representative]

You've seen him a bunch of times.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, since like the 90s. Yes, like the late 90s. And it was awesome.

[USAA Representative]

And he's like a huge influence. This is one of your main guys, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Love him. Yes. Like music and show, I just thought were fucking awesome always. But he. And I guess he always sort of did this a little bit. But you could hide it better when you're younger and doing such cool theatrics on stage. But him just going, he gave like a little speech that was awesome. It's like, because, you know, they tried. He almost got canceled hard. He did get canceled and he was like, they tried to take me away from you and they failed. And they try to take you away from me and they fucking failed. And then he's good. The next song is gonna be called Disposable Teens. And he goes. Because we showed them we are not disposable. What? It doesn't even follow the story.

[USAA Representative]

Whatever, man. I got to the bit.

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't matter. Shit.

[USAA Representative]

Did it work?

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, it did work. Undeniably it worked, but it wasn't great in that regard. Like, it was this one, the one we went to.

[USAA Representative]

36, 000 people go, what.

[Big J Okerson]

You give a little kiss coming up from the ceiling. Dude, you can't fight during this. Oh, this is your video, Christine. I mean, you're just bickering over whatever horseshit. Who knows what it was that day, what we're bickering over. And then, oh, there's so much going on. You're like, you know, you can't even waste time. Like, this is a bazillion dollar show they put on.

[Christine]

It was one of the most amazing concerts I've ever been to. And they're, like, fucking 70 years old.

[Big J Okerson]

We saw their final tour, and it wasn't as good as that one that.

[Christine]

Well, it was also the first time seeing them, I think.

[USAA Representative]

Are they still oozing sex appeal as old men?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[USAA Representative]

Love that for them.

[Christine]

Simmons, like, kind of hit on me a little bit.

[USAA Representative]

Flicked his tongue at you, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he said. Oh, yeah. No, he did. That's right. He did flick his tongue.

[USAA Representative]

Hairy ass women at tonight.

[Big J Okerson]

I like a lady with a nice hairy asshole. I could market that.

[USAA Representative]

The best domestic story I have. It wasn't mine, but I was a party to it, and it was. We do for Debbie, we do a yearly, like, breakfast at Shady Maple in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. It's an enormous smorgasbord. It's like the biggest buffet in the country.

[Big J Okerson]

Debbie's what? You said you do it for Debbie.

[USAA Representative]

For dad meat.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, dad Meat. I thought you said it was someone's name. And I'm going, is that your grandma?

[USAA Representative]

Is she okay? No. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Is it your grandmother?

[USAA Representative]

So we just. We do this thing, and every year, we've given away a Retard of the Year award. And it's usually just to make fun of a guy who, like, came from really far away. You know what I mean? Give him a golden helmet, you know, it's. It's a nice time. And this year, there was some competition for it, and we were, like, scrambling to, like, figure out who it should be. And so we just, like, we gave. At the very end, we gave four dudes 60 seconds to just plead their case. Why are you retarded here? And this a friend of the show, this guy, Chris Trainor, he was talking about how him and his boys drove out to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, to be there as hours, right? And my girl. My girl came with us, dude. And, like, just before we get here, like, an hour 45 into driving, we get into an argument, and we pull over and, you know, we're going back and forth, and she's pissed. And I'm just like, well, I don't care, man. I'm here to hang out with my boys. And at this point, we've been at the buffet for, I would say, 2 hours and 45 minutes maybe. We've been there all morning. We're actually getting ready to leave. And he goes. And we get in this big fight, and she's like yelling at me in front of my boys. And I'm like, shut the up. Like, you know, you're out of line. And so we get. So I'm expecting him to tell me he like told her to get out of the car or like just drop me off and go home. He goes, so we pulled him in the parking lot. And she goes, I'm not coming in. And I said, fine. And I said to him, has she been in the car the entire time? He left her in the car for three hours to eat at a buffet with a bunch of seriously like brain damaged fat guys. Three hours in the car by herself. And then, and then before leaving.

[Big J Okerson]

If she was a dog, it would be illegal.

[USAA Representative]

The fire department was breaking the window.

[Big J Okerson]

When we got back in the car. Sorry. If I don't find the owner, I gotta bust the window out.

[USAA Representative]

So we wrap up, everyone's leaving. He decides to really take his time checking out the gift shop in the pizza. I think I left before he did.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, shit.

[USAA Representative]

Could you imagine three, three hours? No. No. But like, maybe not by any human lock, but spite can be a heck of a thing, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it is funny to fuck up your own time to out of spite to be angry later. I mean, like, I sat in that hot car for three fucking hours. You didn't have to. That is true. Yeah. But I really want to be angry. But she's in there about it.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, she's charging a heavy attack in there. She's gonna let the button go when you get back.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no.

[USAA Representative]

Fight the fight. The secondary fight is just.

[Big J Okerson]

It would.

[USAA Representative]

It would terrify me to my core.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, I'm surprised with even like ex boyfriends or guys. You, I guess you never like dated too many people too seriously with how much how you drank to have like a public drunken fight with friends. You must have. Yeah, with friends, like real big like a bar, screaming at each other.

[Christine]

No, me and I had one friend where we would fight kind of like in the car on the way home. We'd like say horrible things to each other and then her girlfriend would start crying because she'd be in the middle of us generally.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, dude. Yelling at one half of a dyke couple's gotta be great. Although as a girl, it's actually kind of dangerous because they can both jump you. And it's all girls still, you know what I mean?

[USAA Representative]

Yeah. And boy law doesn't apply. We can't get involved in help.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

Have you ever fantasized about more than one woman attacking her? And you're Forced to act.

[Christine]

That's a.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no. She knew and I knew where you were going, but I knew she was going to exactly what happened. She was going to agree and then no. I often fantasize about a woman. Just one. Christine sighs Coming and just beating the ever loving shit out of her just in a fistfight. Just a fair fist fight just to get her back for all of the things she's done that I can't get her for. But no but in reality, like I said, that is. Dude, I've. I've never hit a chick ever in my life. I've never like swung on a chick or anything. No, I know it's not an accomplishment. I'm just saying. But how fast if my chick was getting like jumped or even just beat up in a one on one fight, honestly that I would like, I wouldn't think twice but like probably not a punch because it just wouldn't be what my thought would go but like a throat grab throw on the floor. Like I'd scare the fuck out of a girl to stop them from fighting. Chris.

[USAA Representative]

I'd probably have to psych myself up. I'd have. She'd probably have to get a little bit beat up first before I actually because it's. I mean, you know now dude, practice already. You know I've never killed a man.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. It's.

[USAA Representative]

I know. Pull the trigger. It's not so simple.

[Big J Okerson]

That's almost what I'm saying. I don't think I come in there like with wild punches, but I mean I'd be happy to like grab a girl by her ponytail and like manhandle her head.

[USAA Representative]

You're gonna yoink just like.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, probably. I couldn't see kicking and punching because you just don't need to. You can throw them where they are not going to want to come back.

[USAA Representative]

Who shove towards the ground. That's also not punching a.

[Big J Okerson]

Stay down. Yeah, that's right. Now also I would have no problem. Here's the thing. Christine's just not. She ain't the person. But like I would absolutely hold a chick. While Christine went to work on Pro wrestling style 100. Yes. I'd hold her in a full nelson like this and leave her face. Give her chin out.

[USAA Representative]

I'd lift her up so MJ can come off the top rope. Any woman in the world.

[Big J Okerson]

Legion of Doom. Dude.

[Christine]

Jay thinks I'm like a huge.

[Big J Okerson]

She is. It's insane.

[USAA Representative]

No, he said has. I'm just, I'm Just playing, y' all. These are just jokes.

[Christine]

So I fantasize that, like, who have.

[Big J Okerson]

You been talking to?

[Christine]

I fantasize that, like, her girl's gonna, like, attack him, and I have to fight her. You have to save and, like, prove that I can beat a bitch down.

[Big J Okerson]

Ladies, ladies, you've heard it. She's seen so many women shitty with me. She's done absolutely nothing.

[Christine]

Shitty with you is different than attacking. And the one time I saw you, you know, I didn't know you were gonna get pulled off stage. It all happened so fast.

[Big J Okerson]

You could have gotten involved. Yeah. I didn't want you involved in that. But.

[USAA Representative]

But you're saying women have done enough. They've gotten aggressive enough with you that maybe if she stepped in with, like, a finger in the face.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine made me have to circle the block to spit in a woman's face to get out of my car, spit in a woman's face. Because she wouldn't say anything or. Or make any move. When this woman. That was. That was another. Hit my car, right? Yeah. Crossing in front. It was another one of those. I'm letting someone go, and then, like, they're like, in their phone or whatever, so I start going, and then they start walking. And then when I hit the brakes hard, so I don't hit them, they, like, hit the. You know, they're just pieces of.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, I'm walking here.

[Christine]

Yeah, poor thing. You don't have a girlfriend that's ready to fight at all times.

[Big J Okerson]

That was big enough for me right there. Christine did nothing. So what, did you leave it?

[USAA Representative]

Did you leave it a look? Or did you communicate that you wanted her to get out and beat this girl's ass?

[Big J Okerson]

I stared at Christine. She did nothing. She just watched the girl walk off. And then when she looked back over at me, I was like, you're not gonna do anything? And she was like, no. And I was like, well, I can't. And I just. I circled the block, guesstimated about where she would be walking on that. On the Avenue, on First Avenue, and I saw her, and I double parked the guard and got out and walked over to her. And she was like. She's like, oh, my God, really? And I just hung a fucking lug in her face. If I can't fight you, I'm gonna spit at you. I've learned that in my life. I'm gonna spit in your face. I shouldn't because. Well, the retaliation.

[USAA Representative]

That's assault.

[Big J Okerson]

The retaliation. It's not even that. The retaliation for that is. Oh, it is? No, no, it is for sure. I'm just saying, like, the retaliation going up and punching somebody in the stomach or slapping them is gonna get less of a visceral response from the wrong person than spitting in their face. If you spit my face, I think I come at you much quicker than if you tried to, like, grab me.

[USAA Representative]

Really? You know, I'm worried. I hope I do the same thing, but I'm worried. I go, oh, real nice. And then it's over. Once you hit real nice, it's like, sorry, man. Checkmate.

[Big J Okerson]

Check it out. Real nice.

[USAA Representative]

Real nice. Oh, cool, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I guess this is nice.

[USAA Representative]

You're real tough.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, Mr. Cool Guy. Okay, nice. Oh, all right. I. Lou, I know in your drunken days, you've had yourself a nice public battle or two. You've had yourself a couple of nice pub fights. Did you. Was that a thing going back before? Forget what. What we know of you? Were you always a public, like, fight with your chick? No, this. Just that one. Really? Yeah. So were you were able to better at masking it? Because that's what I'm saying. I've been in arguments with Christine in public, tons. We've gone to events where we weren't really talking to each other, but publicly. You wouldn't be like, oh, they're going through a thing. You'd be like, they're fine. You know, it would seem.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm good at.

[Big J Okerson]

I was good at hiding it until. You can't hide it. Black, low. You'll get tossed. I've seen you get tossed before. Yeah, I love getting tossed.

[USAA Representative]

Love it.

[Big J Okerson]

But no, I don't really have that luxury because all my girlfriends have been white and, like, fighting a white girl in public and then fucking cops show up and, like, no, there's just. No. Now, you're wrong. You were just dating in the wrong era, dude. You could. Now. Now, that white woman, all the white women come at her for coming at you. It's how it would go, dude. You're a victim of society's whatever, blah, blah, blah.

[USAA Representative]

It does depend on the woman like you. If. If black Lou is gonna get aggressive with a white lady, her ponytail better be pulled back really tight. Yes, and very shiny.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you're right. Maybe some Lululemons. It can't be. It can't be. Local place, brand leggings. It's got to be, like, the good.

[USAA Representative]

Shit, not a sundress, you know?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no. Exactly. And by the way, the. She's got whatever her stretch pants are. There's A pocket for her phone and one of those odd form fitting zip up windbreaker tops. Why is it so tight? It's not going to break wind at all.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, good for you.

[Big J Okerson]

So never, never, never been in a public fight. No. But when you get home, you super black it up. I ain't gonna let you run your mouth. She goes, I bet you wouldn't say that to the statue.

[USAA Representative]

Don't you ever get cute with me.

[Big J Okerson]

You wouldn't say it to the statue. If someone should make a statue of a taller black guy going like with his arm back up the slapper. He goes, I also. This is an amalgamation of a bunch of black dude models that. I got a bigger statue of a guy slapping her. Christine, why don't you know how to Photoshop that immediately?

[USAA Representative]

And then what do they build behind him? Because now we're establishing kind of a food chain.

[Big J Okerson]

Then a cop with his gun out fired bullet already.

[USAA Representative]

Then three trans protesters behind the cop. There's a gorilla somewhere.

[Big J Okerson]

Somewhere in there. Man walks out of the ocean. I think there's fish. What's out of the ocean? Gorilla person Cop? No, trans activist cop. Oh, fuck. New Darwinism. That's the new Darwin. God damn it. That is so funny. Speaking of gigantic women in Times Square, Lizzo's lost weight. She looked kind of good. I was looking at my. You don't mean that, Lou. I was looking at myself, lower body naked today and thinking of all the surgeries I'd like to get to correct the problems that I've done in my life. And I'm look, I'm gonna look into these things still.

[USAA Representative]

What's at the top of your list?

[Big J Okerson]

Fuck. Right this moment, it would be. Honestly, gotta be skin removal. Skin removal for my stomach for sure. And then the fucking gunt inner thigh. Shit. Because as I lost weight, that's what looks kind of like. It doesn't look great.

[USAA Representative]

What do they do for that? Do they just tuck that?

[Big J Okerson]

They just suck it out and fucking. Yeah. Take some skin off probably.

[USAA Representative]

And then you get the C section scar on the belly.

[Big J Okerson]

That's fine.

[USAA Representative]

You get a cool tattoo to cover it up though.

[Big J Okerson]

I could. I'll get some flowers to go across.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, I saw that too.

[Big J Okerson]

Or a. Or the angel coming out. Like Asia Argento. I would get a phoenix rising out of my dick to cover up my C section scar. Christine, you look into what skin lipo. Oh my God, she did it. Shut up. Lizzo wants to. Nuh, dude. She's only. She's as wide as it.

[Christine]

She's Lost a lot of weight. She looks.

[Big J Okerson]

She has lost a lot of weight.

[USAA Representative]

There's also a little guy eating her pussy right now.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the thing. This is the problem with weight loss, and I'm living it right now. When I was like, dude, you look fucking great. What they mean is, you look great for what you were. And there's no other way to look at it. Because if you were a person who was in shape and I showed up looking like this one day, you'd be like, is. Are you okay?

[USAA Representative]

Good, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Like, what the fuck's happened to you? So it's where you came from? Do you know what I mean? And she is so that she looks great from where she came from. You shouldn't still wear a fucking two piece bathing suit.

[Christine]

But she's always worn stuff like that.

[Big J Okerson]

I know. I think her mindset needs to change. She's gotten thinner, but she should feel like she's fatter.

[USAA Representative]

You know how she had that, like, fat discoloration on her undercarriage that we constantly photograph because she was spreading her legs on stage? Does that go away? Or is she dealing with like a. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Maybe they could bleach that. Maybe they could bleach it.

[USAA Representative]

Are you getting anything bleached as part of your regimen? Is this on your docket?

[Big J Okerson]

I'd probably bleach. Christine, look up the price of pedisuction. Liposuction. Here's what I want to know. Liposuction, skin removal, inner thigh and upper dick. Liposuction, please. And, you know, wherever they got a cut and tuck and pin, that's one.

[USAA Representative]

Of the things I miss most about being fat, was that big pad above the wiener.

[Big J Okerson]

You like that?

[USAA Representative]

Well, I don't know if I liked it at the time, but it's definitely something that, you know, goes away and you don't have anymore. And you get. Sometimes you think about it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Fat pad above the wiener.

[USAA Representative]

Fat pad above the wiener. And seeing that thing just get round and soft. I don't know if I ever once had a positive feeling about it, but, like, bro, that's, you know.

[Big J Okerson]

But you miss it more than anything.

[USAA Representative]

Change, man. You gain things and you lose things.

[Big J Okerson]

He goes, I don't know. I hate it when I had it, but I miss it more than anything. It's like war. Hey, man, all you think about is getting out of there. And then once you're out, all you think about is getting back in.

[USAA Representative]

Rotate back to the dick.

[Big J Okerson]

Damn. I can't believe that Lizzo. Okay. Liposuction can vary depending on location. Can cost them a thousand to twenty thousand or more with an average around 4700. Skin removal can add to the overall cost from 4000 to 10,000 or more. Motherfuck.

[USAA Representative]

How much to get a skin like that?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I do abdominal. Right there. That's the one. Eight grand. The 15 grand abdominal skin removal.

[USAA Representative]

Can you get fillers for your butthole? Give yourself kind of like a kissy thing down there and put lipstick on it. Can I get ball hole fillers?

[Big J Okerson]

Can I get my balls pumped up? Full body liposuction. That's too much.

[USAA Representative]

They just go in through your feet.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you just make all my skin stick to my muscles. Just get everything out from in between it.

[Christine]

There is. Oh, yeah. People get their. They get it botoxed.

[USAA Representative]

Ooh, anal Botox for bottoming.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[USAA Representative]

Well, I'm gonna say is it cheaper if I'm not doing that part.

[Big J Okerson]

Analysis. I top because I don't have insurance.

[USAA Representative]

How much is that?

[Christine]

900 bucks.

[USAA Representative]

I'm saving up to bottom. It's 900 bucks. I mean, you know, I could take me a couple months. Maybe they have a payment plan.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, look up. Best plastic surgeon. Best cosmetic surgeon in North Jersey. We're going to solve this today. Who's going to make my dick bigger and my thighs and belly smaller? What are you making faces at?

[Christine]

You don't need to get plastic surgery.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Just because you can't afford it? That's all right.

[USAA Representative]

Broke, hate, nasty.

[Christine]

I can afford it. You would pay for it if I wanted it.

[Big J Okerson]

No, not with that attitude. Not with that attitude. I don't need it. I do. You haven't seen my inner thighs.

[Christine]

Yes, I have.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you haven't. You haven't seen my above dick.

[Christine]

I've seen you naked when you get out of the shower.

[Big J Okerson]

I try to avoid that at all costs.

[USAA Representative]

You run, you cover.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you don't.

[USAA Representative]

Do you go hand over the boobs and vagina?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, my boobs, my pussy.

[USAA Representative]

You got a towel around the tits when you get out of the shower?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't. In my heart I would, but I never do. No, it's always. I said this before too. It's. It's. I've never been T shirt in a pool because it draws more attention to be a T shirt in the pool than it does just to be another fat guy in the pool. You just got to get over it yourself. No one else gives a really brave.

[USAA Representative]

I never crossed that bridge, man. I had to change my whole life Instead of getting out of the T shirt in the pool.

[Big J Okerson]

You did T shirt in the pool?

[USAA Representative]

I did T shirt in the pool.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You can't do it. I can't do it. Now there's great excuses. What was you could say, like, for some things you wear those guards, like the sweat. There's like swim shirts. You can wear T shirts. Yeah, right. But you're like, I also. That's gayer than just being fat. Yeah, absolutely, dude.

[USAA Representative]

I probably had massive body issues because I was getting fucked with by my older brother and his friends while I was fat and we had an above ground pool in the backyard. So, you know, constantly just getting your fucking swim trunks stolen. And while you're in there and your row homes, your neighbors are on top of each other and. Yeah. So one day they pulled my trunks off and threw them on the roof. And then everyone went back inside the house. I was just out in the pool completely nude and fat. And I had to, by the way, no ladder.

[Big J Okerson]

It looks like you're. Someone just left a baby after one of those underwater births is left in.

[USAA Representative]

There just floating on the top of the water. No ladder. So it was like two hands on the edge of the pool. Lift your fat little shiny boy butt out.

[Big J Okerson]

How is that?

[USAA Representative]

And then your knee up on the side and then climb up. We had a little deck.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, it was a deck. A deck around it.

[USAA Representative]

And yeah, I had to do the fucking, you know, what was it? What's that statue where she's clamshelling her pussy or whatever. I had to do that and like waddle over to the house.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I always know the move, too. That's why I say getting out of a pool with no ladder. As a kid, any pool, you had to essentially beat yourself.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah. Belly on the floor.

[Big J Okerson]

Like you get up enough to get your upper body on the concrete and then roll sort of out. And then you bring a nice wave of what, a little tsunami of water with you to get sucked back in with the current.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah. And then you're stuck between. What's the move? Do I stay on my belly and kind of rotate 90 degrees after I get one leg up and then do, you know, rock back onto my knees or do I throw myself on and instead of rotating 90 degrees, kind of roll my hips over too and make it look like kind of a move to get out of the pool?

[Big J Okerson]

I would just continue to roll to the grass because I don't want my knees on the hard concrete. I'll just continuously roll. I would beach myself and then Roll until I felt soft.

[USAA Representative]

Yeah, I had a birth of Venus scoot across the yard and those, those flying people there was my neighbors in their second floor bedroom windows looking out at me and laughing and going, kensington in Kensington.

[Big J Okerson]

No, the last. Yeah. You guys have any meth? No. Who's the fat kid in your pool? We can sell tickets to that. Yeah. Kenzie. Oh, Kensington. Oh, we gotta take some break. Tim Butterly. He's gonna beat the Dead Pro Comedy club in Wilmington, North Carolina, June 27th and 28th. For tickets and all of his tour dates, go to TimButterly.com and make sure you check out Tim Butterly show on YouTube at YouTube.YouTube.com timbutterley I'm gonna be somewhere this weekend. Maybe you'll find out if you're in that place. But next weekend I'm gonna be at Governors in Levittown, Long Island, New York. That's the sixth and the seventh. Friday and Saturday, one show Friday, two show Saturday. After that, San Diego, Charlotte, Tacoma, all on deck for tickets and all tour dates go to bigjaycomeddy.com we also got a couple story wars going on the road. We have. I think they're already starting. Sold out. But the mothership next in two weeks, I believe. Yeah, the 11th. We're gonna be doing that right before I go to San Diego. We're also gonna be coming back out to LA to the Comedy Store in August. So look for those things coming near you. Also keep watching the specials. Why not them day? They're just sitting there on YouTube. You're a jerk off not to. And blah blah, blah. Robert Kelly. He's got some gigs coming up this summer. The dojo of comedy in Mars Plains, New Jersey, Portland, Maine, and Rochester, New York. For tickets and all of his tour dates, punch up live Robert Kelly. And of course, you can catch Bobby every Tuesday. The fat Black pussycat. That's a Comedy Cellar at the Village Underground. Nope. At the Comedy Cellar. Fat Back Pussycat at the Comedy Cellar. Too many words. We're gonna take a break. I want to rest my voice. Bonfire.

[Oregon Lottery Representative]

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