Jacob Loves Guys

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly Episode Title: Jacob Loves Guys
Release Date: April 8, 2025
Hosted By: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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1. Introduction and Crew Dynamics

Timestamp: 01:07 - 02:10

The episode kicks off with Bobby Kelly expressing his longing for Robert Kelly’s presence on the show. He remarks, “You left and I miss you, man. I love doing the show with you” (01:07). The conversation delves into the dynamics of the crew, especially focusing on the tensions that arose when Dan departed. Big Jay Oakerson reflects on the departure, stating, “When Dan left, we got to see. There was a minor mutiny. There was tension in the room for months and months. Close to a year” (01:38). However, over time, team members like Lou have mended fences, reinforcing the unity of the group.

2. Jacob’s Personal Struggles and Relationships

Timestamp: 01:36 - 03:00

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Jacob, a member of the crew who has been exhibiting concerning behavior. Bobby shares his confusion and lack of understanding regarding Jacob’s actions, especially his intense attachment to Tim. “Jacob fucking snapped... He loves Tim to where it's uncomfortable” (02:25). Big Jay adds, “Like when Jacob loves. He loves hard” (02:50). This intense affection has led to strained relationships, with Jacob reportedly telling Bobby, “why don't you go with your Paul Versi and your best friend Mike Calte, your Florida buddy” in a confrontational tone (03:28).

3. The Sitcom: "Jacob Loves Guys"

Timestamp: 05:22 - 17:00

In a creative twist, Big Jay and Bobby brainstorm the idea of turning Jacob’s predicament into a sitcom titled “Jacob Loves Guys.” Bobby enthusiastically proposes, “Jacob Loves Guys. 1987 early 90s sitcom” (05:22), and Big Jay humorously responds, “Jacob, you can't jack off guys on a TV show, you fucking weirdo” (05:31). They proceed to outline a pilot episode, featuring a fictional interaction between Jacob and Tim in a comedy club setting. The dialogue is rich with humor and improvisation, capturing the essence of their comedic style:

Sample Script Excerpt:

• Jacob (slouched on the couch): “You look like someone just told you Die Hard's not a Christmas movie.”
• Tim (sipping water): “I told you last week. I'm moving to Austin. Got that writing gig, remember?” (12:02)

The segment culminates in their commitment to perform live scenes from the sitcom, aiming to pitch it to NBC. Bobby announces, “Stay tuned everybody. We're going to be performing the hit show that's coming to NBC 8:00 on Thursdays. Jacob Loves Guys” (06:12).

4. Story Wars and Double Points Debate

Timestamp: 20:31 - 25:22

The conversation shifts to the podcast’s interactive segment, Story Wars, where listeners participate in storytelling games. Big Jay and Bobby debate the removal of “double points,” a feature that previously rewarded players more generously. Bobby passionately defends the feature, stating, “I earned double points power” (22:16), while Big Jay expresses concerns about its overuse leading to audience fatigue. They discuss reinstating double points due to listener demand, humorously incorporating fictional scenarios and audience reactions:

• Big Jay: “Everyone seems to have been like, I will check out completely of this show if you take double points away from the people who win the game” (25:00).

The segment highlights the hosts' playful banter and their dedication to engaging with their audience's preferences.

5. Celebrity Commentary and Satire

Timestamp: 30:00 - 43:44

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to satirical and often harsh critiques of various celebrities, including Rosie O'Donnell and Megan Kelly. The hosts employ biting humor and exaggerated insults to comment on the appearances and actions of these public figures.

Notable Exchanges:

• Bobby Kelly: “Rosie O'Donnell is putting makeup over that some bitch though” (43:38).
• Big Jay Oakerson: “Rosie O'Donnell is a stunning fox” (later retracted for comedic effect) (45:32).

The discussion extends to Megan Kelly, with Bobby sarcastically praising her appearance: “She looks like the Punisher skull if you look at her” (42:56). These segments showcase the hosts' irreverent humor and willingness to tackle controversial topics through satire.

6. Promotion of Live Shows and Specials

Timestamp: 06:12 - 20:31

Throughout the episode, Big Jay and Bobby intersperse their conversation with promotions of upcoming live shows, special tapings, and their respective comedy specials. Highlights include:

• Robert Kelly’s Stand-Up and Specials:

  • “Very exciting. Yeah. Go down and get the app. Download the app for your phone” (06:35)
  • Promotion of his special premiering on Punch Up Live (07:30).

• Big Jay Oakerson’s Appearances:

  • “Robert Kelly is going to be his Annie's in Nashville” (06:12)
  • Upcoming shows in Nashville, Austin, Tulsa, and Denver (06:12).

• Live Studio Taping:

  • Announcement of a special live taping from Nashville on April 8th, inviting listeners to attend (18:04).

These promotional segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation, maintaining the episode's flow while keeping listeners informed about upcoming events.

7. Humorous Interludes and Improvisation

Timestamp: 35:07 - 44:44

The latter part of the episode is characterized by improvised humor and interactive exchanges, including mock-scripted scenes from the sitcom “Jacob Loves Guys.” The hosts engage in playful insults, exaggerated character portrayals, and spontaneous comedic moments.

Example Exchanges:

• Christine: “You don't think turkey neck's hot?”
• Bobby Kelly: “She's an old Irish hag right now” (38:02).
• Big Jay Oakerson: “Look at that herpe on her lip” (43:38).

These segments emphasize the hosts' chemistry and their ability to entertain through quick-witted banter and character work.

8. Closing Remarks and Final Promotions

Timestamp: 47:00 - End

As the episode winds down, the hosts reiterate promotions for upcoming live shows and comedy specials. Bobby emphasizes downloading the Punch Up Live app and tuning into his live special from the Village Underground. Big Jay encourages listeners to check out his special on YouTube and Rogan's podcast.

Final Highlights:

• Bobby Kelly: “Robert Kelly go this Friday night, punch up dot. Go down download the app punch up dot live” (47:10).
• Big Jay Oakerson: “Watch my special one's coming out” (48:19).

The episode concludes with a mix of humor, promotional content, and a brief teaser for future episodes of “Jacob Loves Guys,” maintaining the lively and engaging atmosphere that listeners of The Bonfire expect.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Bobby Kelly:

  • “You know, you left and I miss you, man. I, you know, I love doing the show with you” (01:07)
  • “I think Jacob loves guys. I think Jacob loves guy” (04:08)
  • “She looked at me and I looked at her and she went, hey. And I went, hey. And then we just went on our way” (37:21)

• Big Jay Oakerson:

  • “When Dan left, we got to see. There was a minor mutiny. There was tension in the room for months and months. Close to a year” (01:38)
  • “Like when Jacob loves. He loves hard” (02:50)
  • “Jacob loves guys” (16:10)

• Christine:

  • “I don't want digital Tim. I want real life Tim” (14:37)
  • “I love them” (16:12)
  • “You're a tranny” (Possible during the Rosie segment)

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bonfire offers a blend of personal anecdotes, creative brainstorming, interactive segments, and unabashed humor. Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly navigate through complex interpersonal dynamics, satirical takes on celebrity culture, and promotional content with their signature candidness and comedic flair. The introduction of their new sitcom concept, “Jacob Loves Guys,” alongside lively discussions on Story Wars and celebrity critiques, provides a rich and entertaining experience for listeners, both regulars and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

It's starting to sound like spring, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'S not official till you've lit up.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. You know, you left and I miss you, man. I, you know, I love doing the show with you. I really do. When you leave, it's fun. We can pull it out. It's fun. It's, you know, sure, Tim was great. I loved him. But just, you know, one of the things is just you're here, but we also. I know that you. When you're here. I didn't understand what happened to this crew when, you know, when you leave. I would say especially not. Not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We got to see together happened when Dan left.

[Bobby Kelly]

When Dan left.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When Dan left, we got to see. There was a minor mutiny. There was tension in the room for months and months. Close to a year.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I feel like Lou and Lou have come around like, hey, man, this is it. We're. This is. We're together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're on the team, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

And now I. I felt like everybody was that way until I certainly am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine seems to be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And I found out that there was one person in the room that's really not.

[Christine]

Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you, an owl?

[Christine]

Christine, who, who, who.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you?

[Christine]

Huh?

[Jacob]

Everybody knows it's not me.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. No. Christine is love.

[Christine]

Christine said Lou and lose. Yeah, well, I assumed you were going to her next.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Wrong. Huh? Yeah, well, I mean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And this isn't because you hate Japanese people.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love Japanese people. I've been to Japan. I'm the only one in the room that's been To Japan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't question that.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I mean, let me tell you something. Jacob fucking snapped.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah, he broke him.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just didn't realize it. But then he snapped. No, he snapped, man. Like he, he really, really loves Tim and I love Tim. We all love Tim.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he loves Tim to where it's a uncomfortable. It's an uncomfortable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like when Jacob loves. He loves hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

He loves hard. But I didn't understand how much he loved. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His man crushes are something else.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's nuts. And I, you know, I talked to you over the weekend. I was explaining it to you like I just came out of the blue and he threatene me. You were a little shocked he threatened me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Because you know, it's usually like this, Jacob like, you know, little, hey, I went to the thing and this happened and I'm afraid of rats and it's cold.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, papa's home.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And, and not afraid of rats anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he snapped. He. I think he literally said to me at one point, why don't you go with your Paul Versi and your best friend Mike Calte, your Florida buddy. In that tone. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He certainly doesn't respect those friends.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which I respect Jacob, I respect your lack of respect for Bobby's friends.

[Christine]

Thank you. Well, he's trying to throw me on the bus. On the air. He got a hit back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I just didn't realize that what you would. And Jay, we talked about with Jay that this isn't just Tim Barley. This is Shane, this is Dan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And this is, this is a thing. I didn't know I was standing. I was stepping on a landmine because what you told me is one of his guys.

[Christine]

You wanted me to just sit here and take it. That's what he wanted. That's what he's telling you right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't take it. He thought you would find more humor in it, but it's hitting you on a real soul level because it's these guys that you have unnatural love for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I didn't know Jacob likes guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd argue Jacob loves guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think Jacob loves guys. I think Jacob loves guy. And I didn't know that Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He watches youtubes of guys Guys. He gets obsessed with guys that are in here. Guys, guys, guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he loves Dan and he left him Shane. Shane skyrocketed and now Tim Buddily. And I didn't understand that he loves guys so much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you? Certain guys he have the bad news. Does he know what Tim Buttery's doing?

[Christine]

Yeah, he announced it. He said on the air he's going.

[Bobby Kelly]

To, he's going to Austin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's making the all going to Austin.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you know what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right where Jacob's favorite boot store is going there.

[Christine]

I don't like it that much. Austin's.

[Bobby Kelly]

But here's Jay. Here's the thing about homeless. We, it reminded me of some type of almost like a, a TV show back in the day. We could pitch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob Loves Guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob Loves Guys. 1987 early 90s sitcom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. And, oh, maybe we get a young Gina Davis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Jacob, you can't jack off guys on a TV show, you fucking weirdo.

[Bobby Kelly]

But when we come back, we actually wrote a sitcom called Jacob Loves Guys. And we'll be, we'll be performing this. We'll be performing this. When we come back, an episode, a scene from the hit sitcom on NBC.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do they call this in the thing? This is our, this is our pilot. What's up? Yeah, pilot. Pitch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pitch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sizzle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sizzle, Pitch. Pilot.

[Christine]

Want to see if you. It gets picked up, then it goes to series.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Sizzle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So stay tuned everybody. We're going to be performing the hit show that's coming to NBC 8:00 on Thursdays. Jacob Loves Guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves Guys. In case you're wondering though, Robert Kelly is going to be his Annie's in Nashville. Wednesday, April 9th. That's next Wednesday, the Comedy Mothership in Austin, April 18th and 19th. For tickets and all tour dates, visit Punch Up Live, Robert Kelly and Bobby special live in the Village Underground Premiering on Punch Up. Live this Friday, April 4th at 8pm Eastern. Very exciting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Go down and get the app. Download the app for your phone. It's free. It's for consumers now. It's for you guys. Download the app and you can watch all the specials, all the clips right on your phone. Or you can cast it as Christine taught me right to your TV from the app, from your phone. This Friday night live from the Village Underground will be premiering right there on Punch Up. And Big J is going to be in Nashville, the Comedy Festival April 6th through the 9th. Helium Atlanta April 10th through the 12th. And after that, he's gonna be in Austin, Tulsa, Denver for tickets and all the tour dates. BigJComedy.com and don't forget his new special they they is premiering on 420, but them is out right now on YouTube.com big@bigj Okerson you. You hear that here. Not you heard it once on rogan 3 hours. Didn't mention it just one time right at the end. So we'll mention it right here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Terrible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bad. It's bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Bobby every so every Tuesday night 7pm fat black pussycat Lounge. The comedy seller.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, so check it out. Go download that punchup live app is for you guys watch all that comedy this Friday night. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Lou, I'm gonna have you play this song when we come back in. Now baby girl with the quick nut. Cause you're the one and you shouldn't be mad I won't tell your mama if you don't tell your dad I know he'll be disgusted when he sees your pussy busted. Won't your mama be so mad and she knows I got that ass I'm a freaking heat a dog with that warning My appetite is sex. Cause me so let me see if I remember the last one too. Ah suck it to me I love what great usage A full metal jacket A funny full metal jacket desperate even. Call me perverted but you'll say I'm a dog When I leave you fucked and deserted I'll play with your heart just like it's a game I'll be blowing your mind while you're blowing my brain I'm just like that man they call Georgie Pudding pie I fuck all the girls and I make them cry Cole and a two life three year old I want you to play they meant so much to me While you're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Blowing me in Nashville so h me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So h so damn I can't believe I have to finish you.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not going to take a lot, trust me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well this is why one guy's opinion. There's episodes coming out. It's in history if you had to say it three times or out buddy, it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean you said we're going to go to this guy. We went to the guy. I mean you just going to take.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The hit the if the guy's wrong though history means nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what you blow me? Well, it was a big deal. We're still going to find.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or maybe you blow me or maybe no one blows anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're still. Whatever. We're going to have fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean we're going to have fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's going to be a fun time. I got to go. Negative dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Punch up, apologies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Suck up. Don't suck down glass half. What Glass half full in your eye.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Half mouth half full of So I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Didn'T understand this weekend that you told me that Jacob likes guys, and I didn't understand his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob loves guys. That's right. Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

I love them.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't understand was like it all started tumbling into making sense to me when you were like, hey, bear. You actually stop me and go, hey, dude, Jacob. Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

You got me with this with the 70s open.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait till you hear the theme song. We spent a little time on this.

[Christine]

Sorry. All in the family. The little teaser there. I liked it.

[Bobby Kelly]

So we have a. We have a sitcom that we Further ado without Further ado, starring Big J Okason as Tim Butterly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Jacob, playing Jacob himself, we have the narrator, Black Lou. And of course, DJ Lou is on the laugh track because that's what we did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, it's live. Studio audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

Live studios is here right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You ever explained it?

[Christine]

This wasn't in the meeting this morning.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it was not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, that wouldn't work.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was in the secret side meeting we were having all weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, it's the no Jacob thread.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was the. Okay, here we go. He's looking angry. He's feeling shy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And we know why.

[Bobby Kelly]

Know why? Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

Those ass chee.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Christine]

Yes. I love it when a guy compliments my vibe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Interior. Comedy club, Green room night, Queens, New York City. The show just ended. The green room is mostly empty except for Jacob slouched on the couch, arms crossed, looking like someone just stole his favorite action figure. Tim walks in, sipping from a bottle of water. What's with the face, Jacob? You look like someone just told you Die Hard's not a Christmas movie.

[Christine]

You really leaving?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, man. I told you last week. I'm moving to Austin. Got that writin gig, remember?

[Christine]

Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do it. And Die Hard is absolutely a Christmas movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What, you thought I was gonna stay here forever just to watch you cry when the diner runs out of fries?

[Christine]

No, I just thought, I don't know, that maybe you'd change your mind or the universe would stop you or, like, your car would explode.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yo, you wanted my car to explode.

[Christine]

Not with you in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, relax. Jesus. Look, I get it. When Dan and Shane left, you were the same way.

[Christine]

I was not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You just emotionally collapsed in a Wendy's parking lot and tried to fight a trash can.

[Christine]

Yeah, that sounds like me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Point is, it sucked. But you got over it. And, hey, you made new friends like Bobby and You still have Jay.

[Christine]

I don't want new friends. I hate people. And Jay is slowly transitioning into a middle aged lesbian. I like Bobby, but Bobby is not Dan. You're the only. You're one of the only people. I don't want the throat punch on sight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ah, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

[Christine]

Don't make this sentimental, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm just saying maybe there's more to this. Like, maybe you have feelings.

[Christine]

What the hell is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Strong feelings.

[Christine]

What the hell's that supposed to mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe, just maybe you might like guys.

[Christine]

No, I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, no judgment. It's 2025, man. You can cry over your boy leaving and still be straight. Or at least bi curious.

[Christine]

I'm not bi curious. I'm just friend sad. There's a difference.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, okay. Friend sad. Got it.

[Christine]

Double sided.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stay in character.

[Christine]

I just don't want you to go. Who's gonna make fun of my outfits or finish my fries when I pretend I'm on a diet?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You mean when you say you're on a diet with a cheeseburger in your mouth?

[Christine]

Yes, that's our thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll still talk, man. Call, text, FaceTime.

[Christine]

I don't want digital Tim. I want real life Tim. I want Wednesday night wingman Tim. I want accidentally brought the same shoes Tim.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're literally crying like a five year old whose balloon floated away.

[Christine]

I miss you and you're not even gone yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, now I kind of believe you're straight. This is way too dramatic to be romantic.

[Christine]

I'm straight, Tim. I just have a. I just have a lot of feelings and I don't know what to do with them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I love you too.

[Christine]

Don't say that unless you mean it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean it, man.

[Christine]

Can I have a juice box?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

I don't know. It just feels like a juice box moment.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll get you a juice box, buddy.

[Christine]

Thanks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tim exits to find a juice box. Jacob curls up on the couch like a heartbroken toddler.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not gay.

[Christine]

I just. I'm just emotionally attached to a guy who smells like cedar wooden, always carries gum. Totally straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's looking angry.

[Christine]

He's feeling shy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we know why. We know why. Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

Those ass cheeks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On next week's episode, Bobby and Jay tell the world Jacob's secret that Jacob likes guys. Does Jacob jump out of the windows of Sirius xm or does he confront his demon? Find out Thursday night at 8. Only on NBC.

[Christine]

Nicely. That was great, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean Jay. What a tim bottle dude.

[Christine]

He's a good sight reader. I'm a terrible. I feel like I didn't do your words justice and you're. This was a good script, Bobby Lou.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When we do episodes of Jacob Loves, guys get loose with the laughs and the. Oh yeah, non stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I gotta say too, you gotta wait for the laughs, guys. One thing comedians don't do is wait for the laughs. Say the line, let the laughs happen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, I see what happened there. Yeah, you were doing like you were addressing everybody but you stared directly Jacobs. I was gonna you by saying like I paced myself completely accordingly.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't look at you once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not once.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I had to address everybody and you. But I stayed right at Jacob's right. Right face. Yes.

[Christine]

It's a real sitcom, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I want another episode. I want to see if you kill yourself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, we'll see. Maybe he'll kill himself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe the episode where, where Tim or a Shane or Dan has to talk you off of a ledge of serious. While me and Bobby are down here. Just, you know, we're hanging out with.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, having chick fil a downstairs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're having chick fil a while Jacob's wobbly legged on top of the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

All of a sudd shoe falls down in between us and we're like, Shane.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Comes up, tell you you're gay, bro, suicide's gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bro, suicide's gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Suicide so gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Dan promises to take you to a shitty mediocre lunch restaurant if you don't kill yourself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's right. This is exciting news. We're doing a special special taping of the Bonfire live from Nashville on Tuesday, April 8th. We're just doing a studio show but we were able to have audience. So if you want to come in.

[Bobby Kelly]

And watch what we did in la. Yes, we had a big studio audience in la. Live show, live show, studio audience. You get to come in. It's going to be great. We're going to have a bunch of surprise people we don't even know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Or none.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or none. It's just me and Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It could just be me and. But listen, let's not throw out the possibility that this could just end up being me and Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe we'll. We'll write another episode of Jacob Loves Guys and we'll let the studio audience.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In fact, I think we should definitely have a more communal effort episode of Jacob Loves Guys come out. I think we could really make some masterful work here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think you're right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This was Bobby on the fly. And it was killer. Absolutely killer.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Lou and yes, on the fly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby was busy this weekend. Everything was very good. But when we. Now that I see, I see the.

[Bobby Kelly]

You see what we're doing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is it? I feel the connective tissue. I feel everything is working.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch the pilot episode of any show. It's. It's there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's there.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the second episode, the next one's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gonna be a banger, dude. In the background, there might be two other people playing me blowing Bobby in Nashville now. Tuesday, April 8 well, I've already sucked them off. Come find out. If you're in the Nashville area on April 8, visit SiriusXM.com the Bonfire Nashville before 5pm Eastern on April 4. That's. Damn it. So many days before they got a net. Let us know. Well, let us know for your chance to attend the show. There's no purchase necessary to enter or win. You just have to be a resident of the continental US and at least 18 to win. What? Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to be a resident of the continental U.S. what if we do it to rally up illegals and at the end we just put them in a box?

[Bobby Kelly]

We can't get a bunch of ms.13s from Venezuela in the studio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're gonna eat our pets. They're gonna eat our pets.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not the ones who eat the pets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

SiriusXM.com SiriusXM.com the bonfire,/the bonfire Nashville again. SiriusXM.com the bonfire Nashville. If you want to come be a part of the live studio audience that day. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that every day? We're doing that every day. Just one day.

[Christine]

Tuesday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, just Tuesday. So Monday we're doing regular show. Tuesday we're doing live. And then Wednesday, regular show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All three shows. Live. Live audience on Tuesday, live audience.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, yes. And then, and then Tuesday. And then Wednesday we're doing. I'm doing my show at 7 at Zany's. And then right after that, we do story wars. As a story warrior, I will be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you, we've been debating. We have to give at least the reigning story warriors, like, at least double points exception because we announced that we weren't doing double points anymore and there's been an audience mutiny, I mean, to a problematic level because you can't write any DMs going like, fucked up, dude. I was a fan of the show. Yeah, that's fucked up. You can't take it Away. It means that much.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't take it away because I earned it. I earned. I earned. I'm a story warrior. I earned. I earned double points. Part of the. Part of the. The. The will to win was to get the ability to go double points.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know it feels great too, when you do it.

[Jacob]

There are no more double points or just no more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Always double points, Always fanfare for double points. But if you have won the game story wars before, you now earn the privilege of being able yourself to get the fanfare. When you say double, tell them why.

[Bobby Kelly]

They took it away because there is a good reason.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Felipe Esparza, Aaron Berg, they flew too close to the sun. They went up there and they started just hurling double points in the fanfare. And it got for everybody. It just got to be where we were. Like, all right, you're taking. Getting carried away. The idea, the fun is like you get one or two in yourself or we can even throw it to you. Hey, you've won the game before, so you happen to know why is it different for the second half of the game? And then Bobby gets a double and the fanfare, and you feel like I kind of one or two times, but the people went and it's going to kill the bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can agree. I understand it because I've. I've gone nuts with pivins. The power of the pivin, the power of double points can consume you. And I understand that because I've been consumed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've been consumed.

[Bobby Kelly]

But now that I know, I know that I know how to deal with the power and I earn that power and I want my double points power. Especially in Nashville.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, especially because that's. You haven't done a road show yet of story wars where the people like the fans, full of fans exclusively, and they. And they love double boys.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'm. I've done the show twice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now I'm a. I'm a warrior. I'm a story warrior. And I feel like I. I should be grandfathered in and you should trust me with double points.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I trust you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't trust me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I trust you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at me. Do you trust me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I trust you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, then there you go. Christine, do you trust me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, she doesn't. That was not trust.

[Bobby Kelly]

She doesn't trust me. No, she went. She went and looked at you.

[Jacob]

I just don't have double points power because you don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course you don't have double points power.

[Jacob]

I can't do anything in this situation.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a story Warrior. I won last minute.

[Jacob]

I think it should be granted for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Christine]

She benefited from the pivins when you went pivoting.

[Bobby Kelly]

I went pivoting crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because you got her out of debt. You got her out of pivin debt.

[Christine]

It's intoxicating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was in pivin prison.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think I've learned my lesson from the pivins and the pivin. Listen, the pivin was intoxicating because it's power, and I don't. I don't have that much power anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And with that power comes responsibility.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Jay was good with the power, and. But Jay taught me how to deal with the power, and I feel like I know what to do. You do double points. I feel. I feel like I know what to do, you know? Thank you. Thank you, man. I appreciate it, but I'm. I'm getting double points.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think we have to figure out a way. We have to leave the ability because. Or we're going to lose our. It appears our entire audience, everybody at the show, very large fan base, but everyone seems to have been like, I will check out completely of this show if you take double points away from the people who win the game.

[Jacob]

When is that called?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Only a week ago. One episode, we said it. We were like, yeah, we're not doing the double points things anymore. And then people were like, what? And then the audience, you know, here's the thing. At the stand, did you decide that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was at a Louis power move.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was that it was me and Lewis together.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you both were like, this is getting stupid. Why was it stupid?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not stupid. It was just. It's the show. We know how long the show goes. Not everybody does. So when Felipe came in and was hitting, he did in every language. It was hilarious in that regard. But it dragged it out a bit where it's. I'm worried about if that happens a bunch with story warriors. Like, everyone doesn't know that last week somebody could have done that same kind of bit of keep saying double points over and over and over and over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then it'll become like, run on and annoying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's over. We were just trying to think ahead of the game. But if the people have spoken, if you want the story warriors to have double points, then God damn it, then I like.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like Paco. Double points.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

The gimp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. Double points. Gimp. I'm bringing him back. He's coming back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love double points. Gimp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was one of my favorites.

[Jacob]

Just told The Sudeikis thing completely and just had him dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd you say?

[Jacob]

So just steal the Sudeikis bitch completely and just have him come out and dance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what he was doing, but gimped, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, is she explaining the sh. The.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She explained the bit to me and told me it was stolen from something else.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that was very passive aggressive.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She goes, why don't you just steal the Sedus thing and have him dance?

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you said I did.

[Jacob]

Oh, I thought the whole thing was nixed.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's no double points, G. I gotta.

[Jacob]

Watch more Story wars, guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm out of touch on Story Wars. You're chiming in with being out of touch. That's the wacky part.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, who you typing? Tim, you DMing Tim, you DM in one of your guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, I didn't mean that thing. I felt. Jacob loves guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know why Jacob loves guys?

[Bobby Kelly]

Look how happy he is that he has a theme song. He really is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's going to go into his Japanese restaurant. Hey, I don't know if you heard this jingle. This is my little jingle they made for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I get. Can I just read? I like to read the audience the show's breakdown of the week of potential things. Yeah, the best things in life come when you don't settle. That's why switching to Metro is a great choice. Because at Metro, you don't just get great deals, you get even more of what you love. You shouldn't have to put up with the yada yada you find with other carriers. Things like hidden fees, contracts, and underwhelming deals. That's why at Metro, you can get great deals on 5G devices from top brands like Samsung. With no contracts, no credit checks, no exploding bills, and nada, yada yada. That's wireless without the Gotcha with more 5G phones to choose from and incredible deals, you'll never feel like you're accepting less than what you deserve. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store and learn about their amazing deals. Go to metroby t mobile.com stores to find a location near you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Imagine being out at the lake, having a fantastic day. The grills on, the family's there, the dogs barking. It's beautiful. But guess what? Now imagine you smell. You got body odor that stinks. Well, Dove Men plus Care Whole body Dio helps keep your BO from ruining the good days. From pits to privates to feet, you can feel confident with 72 hour protection in all your odor zones. Dove Men Whole Body Dio goes on instantly dry with an aluminum free vitamin E infused formula with whole body freshness and care. Dove Men plus Care Whole body do get everywhere. Everywhere care even down there. Find it on Amazon or at Target. Today the last thing you want to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hear when you need your auto insurance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which is why with USA auto insurance you'll get great service that is easy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And reliable all at the touch of a button. Get a quote today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Restrictions apply.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, let me ask you a question. Do you plan your vacation location based on local language? With Babbel language no longer has to be that barrier that keeps you in places that maybe you don't want to go because you've been there before. It expands your Horizons. Babbel's quick 10 minute lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts gets you to begin speaking your new language in just three weeks or whatever pace you want to choose. Babel's tips and tools are inspired by the real life stuff you actually need when communicating. I love Babel. It's right on my phone. It has reminders that pop up because sometimes I forget. So before I go to bed I'll throw my babble on and I'll take my little lesson and before you know it I am going to be speaking Spanish and I will move down to Cuba and smoke cigars and be on the beach and leave everybody in my family. You got to try Babel. Let's get more you talking in a new language. Swahili. You want Swahili? I got Swahili. Naku penda. That means I love you baby. What about this? Busu uso wanga. That means kisma face. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off [e-mail] bonfire get up to 60% [e-mail] bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com bonfire babel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just laid out well Big J and Bobby's weekends always the top.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay on Rogan's podcast. Bobby's mad. We know why now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you didn't promote your own shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's testosterone Jacob and Butterly Kiss AI video. How we haven't watched that yet is that's so great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to know how they did that Short king.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We coming five five to five ten. That's very exciting for the short kings in this room. I bet. And I heard a girl today on one of those slut podcasts I listened to where they said, like, short kings are becoming a thing again. They're having a little renaissance for the short kings.

[Bobby Kelly]

I found out that I'm a short king.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't know. Five. It's under 510.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big personality, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, brother.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good personality.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't love guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ricky Velez called Bobby a short king. That is one of the subjects.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did call me a short king, and it took me everything in the. My power not to go into sixth gear. Old fucking Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I really. I don't know why it made me angry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe because he's so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's a Puerto Rican who looks Jewish fighting an Italian who looks Puerto Rican.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he's wearing a skirt. Here's the thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's also wearing a skirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I. I mean, you know, it was weird because I was like. It really offended me, and it never bothers me. I don't mind being called. I've never been called short. I'm kind of like good height for a man, I always thought.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But what's your height?

[Bobby Kelly]

Five, eight and a quarter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's short. If you throw the quarter. If you throw the quarter. And that's always the thing, by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that the thing where you're throwing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

In tiny measurements in there?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was debating right before I told you that whether I throw the quarter in, and I threw it in, and as soon as I said it, I saw your eyebrows go up and you're.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, I do my measurement down to the eighth.

[Christine]

Bobby, can I say something about the testosterone? Because I watched.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I want to. I want to just give these all. I just want to give the rundown of all of our things where Bobby says, ostro and Jacob and butterly kiss. Short king week is coming. Ricky Velez calls Bobby short king. Kanye does interview in black Klansman outfit. Boring. This guy get a new gimmick, bruh. Mer also a creep. Question mark. That's true. Good question mark. From impractical jokers. Coach pulls female players ponytail. That was good. Linda Hoga crying again today.

[Bobby Kelly]

She cried again. Did she have that black shit on her face? Because that's what I'm more interested.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Botox. Botox bruises.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what that is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's gross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chad Hanks new music video is out. I believe it's some sort of countryish kind of thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it's. No.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought her new boyfriend was putting cigars out on her face.

[Christine]

Why make a video like with Botox?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, your voice is high.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She said she was feeling emotional.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus, your voice went right through me.

[Christine]

You have to make it right there with giant Botox marks on your face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she's not stable. I mean she's out of her fucking tree.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's probably start smoking cigarettes. So that voice isn't that high and it doesn't go through my earlobes. Why make a video?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Rosie O'Donnell self deports to Ireland slash. Conor McGregor.

[Christine]

That's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Conor McGregor trash. Rosie O'Donnell. It was such a roasting. He just called her a fat pig.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's not wrong.

[Bobby Kelly]

And she went, yeah, that's that fat pig landed in this part of the Ireland. The other part flipped into the UK. She really just laid into her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rosie O'Donnell is. I mean she has become as ugly an older person as you could possibly be.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just don't understand how a face skin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I'm saying again, I know I'm going way back, many, many years back, but a young Rosie O'Donnell I didn't think was an ugly person.

[Bobby Kelly]

She was cute when she was chubby. Cute when she first came out Comedy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Spotlight, her show Backwards Kango hat. She had like a little thing about it. It was kind of cute.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fat Irish girl. Yeah, yeah, she was all right. And she.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would as a young comic myself if she was a young comic to send the same time. I would have for sure if she wanted the. I'd have sure I would have got.

[Bobby Kelly]

A something off her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then she just now looks like a gnarled up. I mean she's all chewed up in the face and her teeth are all like little and she has asshole mouth. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she is Irish too. They Irish girls fall off quick in their 50s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know they, they're adorable in their 20s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And she got that Jay Lennon 30s. I didn't really notice that too much.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then you realize later in life she has no upper lip. She has no lips.

[Christine]

I don't know if she was a looker.

[Bobby Kelly]

She doesn't look her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But she wasn't. I wouldn't say she was a looker.

[Bobby Kelly]

We didn't say she was a looker.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never. Look, I'm just saying right there, she's cute enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cute little fan next to Madonna. Yeah, I'm at.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Madonna's far prettier. I'm saying, I'm not saying that.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're just saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jacob's never had. See here's the thing. Jacob has always been like, in shape. He was never a fat guy or something. But he also. With that. With that. He didn't ever had that. He had the self confidence, though, within him to still be like, well, I'm not just going to a bunch of fat chicks and. And less than girls that I'm not quite attracted to a lot for the sake of fucking. Well, that's not how I'm thinking. I'm saying to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he all. He also likes. Holy. He also likes guys. Jay, you have to be in shape.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't be out of shape and be into guys.

[Christine]

What does that. Who she look like? What guy does she look like?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're all of them. She looks like Dennis Leary, Elon Musk. She's horrendous looking. But go back to the thing her and Jay, she.

[Bobby Kelly]

The problem with her that bugs me is that she's not funny anymore. She went on a talk show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Her face bugs me more than that. I don't give a shit about her talk.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she went on a talk show in Ireland. Now she's living there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

And she didn't even try to be asked about Conor McGregor going to the White House. She didn't have one. Fuck. She just looked at him. Seriously, I think it's a travesty whatever the fuck she said. And it's a real sign of America. Where's America at?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, say something funny, bitch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, what's a real sign of where America's at?

[Bobby Kelly]

Conor McGregor being at the White House and running to be president of Ireland. Did you know he's running? He wants to be president of Ireland.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I didn't know there was a president of Ireland.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would assume it was a king in a castle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't he hit chicks, Conor McGregor?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, in Ireland you can look at those faces.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's over.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very hittable face. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whack a chicken island.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, you gotta punch her a couple times before you find out she's a girl. Oh, shite. You're a lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

You went right into English.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know how to do accents.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did. The shite was good shite. Shite was good shite.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're a woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Christine]

That's not bad.

[Jacob]

That's a funny headline. Not a hope in hell.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not a hope in How Irish President roundley reject Conor McGar's place. Okay, so he's.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's. He's not gonna be president of Ireland. But they brought it up and she just, just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She had some thoughts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Do you have the video of her? Yeah, right there. Look at her.

[Jacob]

I have the full video. The video that you sent. The link's broken. It doesn't work anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

So I don't know where. It's a kind of a longer interview.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, she came back just to do the Late Late Show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who is it?

[Jacob]

No, this is the Late Late show in Ireland.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is Ireland.

[Jacob]

It's Ireland.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is their late night show. She went on it. I don't know why she's wearing a jacket.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's dressed like an.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like a.

[Bobby Kelly]

And yeah, yeah, it's an outdoor coat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Rosie O'Donnell. Why don't you dress like Elvis? Costella. Weirdo.

[Lou]

We came over here after my mom died in 73. I like her glasses, cousins for a while and stayed in touch. All not for her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, No. I don't like the face it's on.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I met her at the airport, Westchester Airport.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened? I challenged you to an eating contest. Hot dog eating contest.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looked at me and I looked at her and she went, hey. And I went, hey. And then we just went on our way. She was at the Westchester airport.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know why she knew you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. She went, hey. She must. Oh, I think she knew me from Louis. The show Louie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of people, famous people watch Louie and I was one of the regulars on it. So I got a lot of clout.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

From actors and people less famous people had to watch Louis jack off on their eye, huh? Deafening silence.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought it was funny.

[Christine]

I gave it a laugh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they got a little something loving.

[Lou]

And they're watching right now. So Paula and Margaret, thank you so much, love. So they're wonderful, wonderful women.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's an old Irish woman now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is she putting accent on now? Thank you, loves.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's an old Irish hag right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. I wish Sean Connery was alive to slap her across her fucking face. Or sometimes you gotta hit a woman.

[Jacob]

This is the most replayed, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Slap her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, this is it, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Slap her in her fucking face.

[Lou]

It's a teenage boy and it's heartbreaking. I think too, she was asking what.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The look she was going for was. What was the other question? Answer to what look are you going for, Rosie? A teenage boy.

[Lou]

In America. And they're slowly waking. They're slowly waking to realize the cuts that he's making are not only going to affect the plays, keyboards in Oasis that they are afraid of and despise. When as Jane Fonda said recently.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fucking loser.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look, she's gonna spit her teeth out at some point.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you just shut the fuck up and be fun? It's entertainment. And now you made it fun. Yeah, but now you make it into news. Now you make it into some tragic shit where people have to either hate you or like you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was funny before. She was. How funny is that? I think that's what happened. What kind of happened to Fez? I feel like when he was Fez, like I think when she came out of the closet. It's going to be this cure all for everything. And then you're sort of a miserable. Then she's like more miserable than ever. So she can't stay funny. Do you know what I mean? She thought when she came out it was going to be like. But it didn't. Whatever. That whatever coming out was didn't cure her. It's because.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's because she thinks people give a fuck what she says. And that's the problem. You can't. You're too cool to be funny. You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like just now you're trying to be important versus funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not important. And you're going to get people to be like, shut the fuck up. And you should.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're one of a bazillion lesbians. No one gives a shit. Just be funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because she was funny when I liked Rosie. When she had stand up spotlight. I liked her when she first started.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like her exclusively because she had an attraction to Tom Cruise. Once I found out that was false, I hated her.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was another.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because that's what we shared together. We both thought he was the cutie patootie.

[Christine]

Cutie patootie. That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at Jacob's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was such a cutie.

[Christine]

That line. Man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was such a cutie. He was such a cutie patootie. Remember when she came out and she was kind of like. What? I still can't think he's attractive. Like, shut the up. Shut the up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that wasn't. I can still find him attractive. Like. Yeah. Could you say that when your puke is in his ball bag because you're by a wiener that you hate?

[Bobby Kelly]

How can you hate wiener? Right, Jacob?

[Christine]

You'd think she. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

I love them. You think she tried to retain some sort of humor?

[Bobby Kelly]

God, it makes me so happy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The bumpers are my favorite thing.

[Christine]

The bumpers are the best.

[Bobby Kelly]

I made another opening for for season two of Jacob loves. Oh, can we hear it?

[Christine]

We don't even know if it got picked up.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's getting picked up. This is if he dates a black man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's looking angry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's feeling shy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we know why. Jacob loves guys.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

I love them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I like that Season two got some money behind it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Season two. The production got a little better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Jigalo's guys. Now featuring sleeping on your stomach with that sore. Yikes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Someone had to help with that rat problem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at her weird. Damn, she aged like ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she aged bad and serious. There was. She was doing videos over the whatever and she had herpes on her lip, which was just so weird. If I had a herpe on my lip, the last thing I would do is make a video for social media until I took care of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if it really called for it though?

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What if everyone really. She really had to get some words out that day.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet it might be important.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got a herp.

[Bobby Kelly]

It might be important what she was saying might be important.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A little makeup over that some bitch though.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, how about shut your face and just go enjoy your millions at your beach house and have fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she's probably doing fine, right? I mean she's. She whimsically moved to Ireland.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh God. This is. I mean this is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, dude. Your girlfriend Maggie.

[Bobby Kelly]

I God love Megan.

[Jacob]

Megan Kelly. Grossed out by Rosie O'Donnell describing her MAGA associated herpes cold sore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, here it goes. Look at her. Stop her. Stop real quick. Look at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

This girl Megan. And now watch what we're about to see.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you're saying for looks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch this. Right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let me tell you something. Megyn Kelly is got her own thing going on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's called gorgeous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gorgeous.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, baby.

[Christine]

Well, when we we saw her back before you went live in la, I thought she was really cute in person.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's gorgeous. Yeah, she's pretty, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gorgeous.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, gorgeous.

[Christine]

She does it for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

She does it for me too. I'm with you, Jacob.

[Christine]

Well, you, you, you let her know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob like Jacob likes it because she looks like a guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she puts on makeup.

[Bobby Kelly]

She looks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She puts on makeup. She puts on makeup. She looks like the punisher skull if you look at her. I mean like the angle of her face. She's Punisher sky skull.

[Bobby Kelly]

We could pick apart anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I though?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you do this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A lot of real estate, but she knows eyes too.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up oh, that movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Far apart.

[Bobby Kelly]

Play it well.

[Lou]

Hey, everybody. It's Friday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop. How about that? What about that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's different, dude. Rosie O'Donnell looks like the. Looks like a corpse they pulled out of water.

[Bobby Kelly]

That looks like something you'd catch in the Mariana Trench. She's a fishing net. Yes, it's terrible.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. And you go, what is this creature?

[Christine]

But she's worked in the entertainment industry, you know, lighting. Yeah, she does, you know, I mean, makeup some. Do something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She really has to tell you how much she hates stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that herpe on her lip. I mean, come on. You don't have to make a video today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where's the herp?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right there. Oh, no. Go play it again.

[Jacob]

Oh, is it down here?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's down there. That's it right there. There's probably two of them.

[Lou]

Look what I have on my lip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, there it is. It's up.

[Lou]

Everybody's been saying you have herpes. You have herpes. All this time and I never had a cold sore in my life, actually. And now I have a cold sore. And it makes me think that perhaps this weird pimple that had a tiny little head was a cold sore too. And so I talked to my doctor today and I did a video tell a health.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The skin on her chin and lower cheek is freaking me the. Does that just happen to you?

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's so scary. It's. The neck is so scary. It's the worst.

[Bobby Kelly]

Alan got it fixed, though. Ellen had that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, just know I will get it. Christine. Just know that if. Just know that it will be.

[Jacob]

You'll never see that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'll be the reason that you're out on your ass. And I'll be happy to tell everybody. I'll go, look at this. Look at this upshot. Look at Christina. I could pull her cheek skin three inches off her face.

[Christine]

You don't think turkey neck's hot?

[Jacob]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? You don't like that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like the rolling hairs hills of Rosie ODonnell's chest?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She has. She has three. It's a three fold thing happening on her lower cheek. Christine, point to her lower cheek on the screen.

[Jacob]

It's the age.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All that look when she talks.

[Bobby Kelly]

I play it. I want to see it roll.

[Lou]

They said that it's not a cold sword.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, here's what the problem with these people are. It's like you're a professional actress. You're a professional. You've been movies. You know how cameras work. Stop looking at yourself. Stop looking at you on the video. Look at the camera, the little dot, and talk to me, the person watching it. I hate that all these celebrity fucking douchebags still look at themselves talking while they're doing the video. Just look at you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you told me she was not looking at herself talking or in the mirror that day or anytime in this past few weeks, I would believe you. By the way she looks. Why is she letting that happen? You're right. I take it back. Megyn Kelly is a stunning fox.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, what is that? Apologies treated with neck lift. How much does it cost?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whatever it is, it's worth it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everything I got. Take everything I have.

[Christine]

That's the first thing. I think we both. We noticed that Corey Feldman finally aged.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His neck hitting him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kirstie Alley, too, when her. When her chin went into her chest.

[Jacob]

Neck doesn't lie.

[Bobby Kelly]

The neck does not lie. And if you look, Ellen got the surgery because there was a couple of years where her neck was turkey. It looked like a. The back of somebody's knee. And then she got a fish. She was wearing scarves. It was disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fungold.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think you get it from eating, maybe. I think. I'm pretty sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you think it's that, but you think it's because your neck's always resting on a woman's asshole?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, exactly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I never even thought about that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Ellen's neck was disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you think being in the damp, dark moisture of a woman's ass crack with your neck while you're munching her box.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Possibly does that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I think that's what happens.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Okay. All right. I like what you're saying. Let me end this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, man, she hot. This is the first chapter of our saga. It was filed on Friday, this past Friday. So buckle in because, you know, the MAGA people caused her to have herpes as she's oppositional to Donald Trump. Megyn Kelly here on Sirius xm, one of our, you know, brothers, sisters, colleagues here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, not to mention, call her daddy. She's had a big interview, too. What was her big interview? She did.

[Bobby Kelly]

She had. What's her name? The comic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mozzarella.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not Mozzarella.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Little Mozzarella.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not little Mozzarella. The woman comic. No, she's not her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Paul Poundstone.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she's. No, not her. She's not a lesbian. She is a lesbian.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Michelle Bouteau.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, blonde girl, had her own show on E. Chelsea Handler.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chelsea Handler had a big.

[Jacob]

I just talked. She did Chapel Road, and that's like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Chapel Roan. That's what I'm thinking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know. We gotta wrap, we gotta rap. I know it's seven minute break. Go see Robert Kelly go to Punch Up Live. Slash just go to the seventh show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robert Kelly go this Friday night, punch up dot. Go down download the app punch up dot live. And this Friday night, 8:00, you can watch my live from the Village Underground speaker special. And then you can go there and watch my other special too. All my stuff unedited up there on Punch Up Live. And the ninth I will be at with you and everybody in Nashville. There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll see you tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, Big J. Go check out his special.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watch my special one's coming out.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll be back tomorrow YouTube.com bigjohn and check him out on Rogan. If he can do the three hours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can make it to the end of it. You can hear me promote myself special.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. And don't forget, Jacob loves guys. Jacob loves guys.

[Christine]

I love them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hi, it's Martha Stewart.

[Christine]

You know, I spend a lot of.

[Bobby Kelly]

Time thinking about dirt at 3am at all hours of the day.

[Christine]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

What people don't know is that not all dirt is the same. You need dirt with the right kind of nutrients.

[Christine]

Miracle Gro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Organic raised bed and garden soil is so dense, so full of nutrient rich, high quality ingredients.

[Christine]

Miracle Gro is simply the best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look around. You can find cars like these on autotrader. New cars, used cars, electric cars, maybe even flying cars. Okay, no flying cars.

[Bobby Kelly]

But as soon as they get invented, they'll be on autotrader.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just you wait. Auto trader.