Jacob's Excitement w/Tim Butterly

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jacob's Excitement w/ Tim Butterly | The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode Overview In this episode of The Bonfire hosted by Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, the duo engages in their trademark blend of humor, candid conversations, and playful banter. The episode features discussions ranging from music and personal relationships to upcoming guest appearances, all delivered with their characteristic bluntness and comedic flair.

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1. Opening Banter and Music Discussions (01:09 - 02:04)

The episode kicks off with Big Jay and Bobby diving into a casual discussion about their favorite bands. They express nostalgia and amusement over bands like Royal Blood and Greta Van Fleet, poking fun at their two-member setups.

• Bobby Kelly [01:40]: "Royal Blood. Two people listen to this. Turn it up, Lou. Two people. Bassist and drummer. I mean, come on, let's go."

• Big Jay Oakerson [02:02]: "Extremely stone to that."

This segment showcases their lighthearted approach to critiquing the modern music scene, setting a relaxed tone for the episode.

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2. Personal Music Tastes and Relationships (02:05 - 05:15)

Bobby shares his eclectic taste in music, reminiscing about his R&B preferences from the '80s and contrasting them with contemporary genres. The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes about past relationships and the humorous challenges they've faced.

• Bobby Kelly [02:18]: "Mine's, like, from the 80s. It's, you know, maybe a little. Yeah. R B, man."

• Big Jay Oakerson [02:15]: "Well, I mean, is it like this, or do you listen to other stuff?"

Their storytelling includes Bobby's experience with a past relationship that led to an unexpected and comical consequence—contracting crabs.

• Bobby Kelly [05:15]: "And then we made this crazy love to this music all night. And it was like a fucking movie. And then I got crabs, which sucked. That ruined it."

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3. Introducing Guest Host Tim Butterly and On-Air Tensions (09:00 - 19:17)

The conversation takes a turn when Jacob attempts to introduce the guest host, Tim Butterly. This segment is ripe with humorous accusations and playful teasing about Jacob's enthusiasm for Tim.

• Bobby Kelly [09:00]: "What are you pointing to him for?"

• Big Jay Oakerson [10:00]: "Why would you say that?"

Bobby accuses Jacob of having a crush on Tim, leading to a series of comedic exchanges filled with mock accusations and exaggerated emotions.

• Bobby Kelly [12:18]: "Tim excited your guest hosting tonight. Exclamation point."

• Big Jay Oakerson [17:53]: "Honestly, Jacob, if a grown man talks to you in this tone, you have to at least try to punch him in the face."

This playful tension highlights the chemistry between the hosts and adds an engaging dynamic to the episode.

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4. Honey Butter and The Outdoor Boys Anecdotes (22:32 - 29:04)

Shifting gears, the hosts delve into a humorous debate about honey butter, distinguishing between their homemade version and the commercial offerings at places like Texas Roadhouse.

• Bobby Kelly [27:44]: "He did so much crazy, man. This guy's unbelievable."

• Big Jay Oakerson [28:44]: "I found him from the solo ones where he's just like, I'm going out in the snow with no tent, no nothing."

They also discuss The Outdoor Boys, a YouTube channel that captures survivalist adventures, blending their appreciation for quirky content with their comedic insights.

• Bobby Kelly [28:56]: "It feels good."

• Big Jay Oakerson [29:04]: "I don't want to make it."

Their banter showcases their ability to find humor in everyday topics, making the conversation relatable and entertaining.

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5. Relationship Dynamics and Personal Reflections (30:26 - 44:38)

The hosts open up about their personal lives, discussing past relationships, parenting challenges, and the complexities of maintaining a sense of humor amidst personal struggles.

• Bobby Kelly [34:05]: "He came in, dude. He came in."

• Big Jay Oakerson [35:20]: "Did he keep up the stone Ajax? He's like, what are. What are all these magical devices?"

Bobby shares heartfelt moments about his relationship with his son, Max, juxtaposed with comedic frustrations about emotional disconnects.

• Bobby Kelly [50:10]: "I realized it's because this is beautiful. But also in my Life. I've never done it. I never had a father."

• Big Jay Oakerson [55:27]: "How embarrassing would it be to have the second smallest penis. That would really suck, man."

This segment balances humor with vulnerability, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on a deeper level.

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6. Role-Playing and Relationship Humor (44:38 - 60:15)

Continuing their candid conversations, Big Jay and Bobby delve into the topic of role-playing within relationships. They humorously recount attempts at role-playing scenarios that didn't quite go as planned.

• Bobby Kelly [62:21]: "But she couldn't act. She's like, I can't act. I'm like, stop being insecure."

• Big Jay Oakerson [64:17]: "We've tried."

Their exploration of role-playing serves as both a comedic element and a commentary on the complexities of maintaining intimacy and communication in relationships.

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7. Concluding Remarks and Promotions (60:15 - End)

As the episode nears its end, the hosts transition into promotional segments, highlighting upcoming specials, guest appearances, and personal projects. They encourage listeners to attend performances and check out their latest content.

• Big Jay Oakerson [66:01]: "This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us."

• Bobby Kelly [69:04]: "Charge up her laser."

Additionally, they briefly mention medical products like Cosentyx, maintaining the episode's blend of humor and promotion.

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Notable Quotes

• Bobby Kelly [05:15]:
  "And then we made this crazy love to this music all night. And it was like a fucking movie. And then I got crabs, which sucked. That ruined it."

• Big Jay Oakerson [02:02]:
  "Extremely stone to that."

• Bobby Kelly [12:18]:
  "Tim excited your guest hosting tonight. Exclamation point."

• Big Jay Oakerson [17:53]:
  "Honestly, Jacob, if a grown man talks to you in this tone, you have to at least try to punch him in the face."

• Bobby Kelly [27:44]:
  "He did so much crazy, man. This guy's unbelievable."

• Bobby Kelly [50:10]:
  "I realized it's because this is beautiful. But also in my Life. I've never done it. I never had a father."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bonfire encapsulates Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly's unique ability to blend humor with personal storytelling. From lighthearted music critiques to deeper discussions about relationships and personal challenges, the hosts provide an engaging and entertaining experience for their listeners. Their playful interactions and candid conversations with Tim Butterly add layers of humor and relatability, making this episode a standout installment in their ongoing series.

Listeners looking for a mix of comedy, personal anecdotes, and irreverent humor will find this episode both entertaining and insightful. The hosts' chemistry and willingness to delve into personal topics while maintaining a comedic edge make The Bonfire a must-listen for fans of candid and humorous podcast content.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big J Okerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. I love. I love this band so much. Sucks that they're. I don't know where they are. They're gone, right? They're just done. Oh, they're still around. Yeah, but they're not. Not doing it. They were, like, hot. They were. Yeah. Nobody cares anymore. Nobody cares anymore. It's like that other band, that Led Zeppelin ripoff band that. What was that called? Greta Van Fleet. Greta Van Fleek. There was a. I like that band, too. Who's this?

[Big J Okerson]

What's this band?

[Bobby Kelly]

Royal Blood. Two. Two people listen to this. Turn it up, Lou. Two people. Bassist and drummer. I mean, come on, let's go.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Yeah, I can rock out to. I could put a dent in a couch. Extremely stone to that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put a dent in the couch?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean? Sex?

[Big J Okerson]

Sink in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I thought he was banging and.

[Big J Okerson]

You sex the music?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, apparently, because my music, Big J, Christine, everybody else here tells me that my music is terrible music.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I mean, is it like this, or do you listen to other stuff?

[Bobby Kelly]

Mine's, like, from the 80s. It's, you know, maybe a little. Yeah. R B, man. What do you want from the 80s? What do you want me to do? I wasn't born in the 90s with metal, goth and fucking gloves. Oh, right.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. These people think R B during Sex Is reprehensible. I wish I. Well, I think it is great sex music. I just don't think that I've ever been anywhere near the level to try to pull it off. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was. I was. I mean, of course not now. If you look at me now, you're like. You can't. I don't know if you're looking at me now. Christina going, you can't. Fuck this. I get it. But if you looked at me back then, you'd be like, oh, I understand how this guy to. You know that.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the hips aren't there anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, no, I mean, I can't. I can't to this now either. I'd have to like Billy Joel, Weird Al. Yeah. Like Bon Jovi or some, you know, ballads.

[Big J Okerson]

Only.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Adele. I'd have to. Some type of slower music. I. I don't really fuck to music. One time, I did have sex to music. The second black girl I ever dated. Black. Lou, what's up? Yeah, Second black girl I ever was with. Met her at a sober nightclub back in, I think the. What was it, the late 80s, early 90s. Sober nightclubs were a thing, which was crazy because it was just like a regular nightclub.

[Big J Okerson]

So they'd get like, only soda. This sounds like heaven.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was so weird. We'd all go to these meetings on Fridays and Saturday nights and, you know, talk about higher power and, you know, being sober and accountability and all that stuff. And then we just go to this fucking shitty nightclub and just try to.

[Big J Okerson]

Sober grind, suck each other off and.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fucking Gran Torinos and shit, you know what I mean? We used to go to this club, and I remember I met this black girl and she took me back to her place, and I finally figured out the difference between black girls and white girls. Black girls, they know they're gonna. You. You know what I mean? White girls, you have to con them into. You have to give them the excuse that they need so that they're not a. The next day a black girl is like, I'm gonna. You. You know, because I. That we have to do.

[Big J Okerson]

This is for me, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's the thing. Like, when you were. I was. I was with her, and I started kissing her, and then I started rubbing her boobs. And then. And then I started.

[Big J Okerson]

What was that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, I started rubbing her boobs. It's pretty cool.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so awesome, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's really awesome. I haven't done it in a long time.

[Big J Okerson]

Were they like big?

[Bobby Kelly]

They were medium, which is perfect.

[Big J Okerson]

I Guess that could be cool, too. But go on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I started, you know, we. Did you French kiss? We made out. I kissed her neck, did her booby. You know, first, second, third. Then I did her. Then I. Then I rubbed the. I grazed the vagine. And then I was just passing through. Just passing through. Then I started rubbing it. Picked her up like a six.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's where that is. I mean, well, I'm already there.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then she went. She went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Because I was rubbing her pants at that pace. And she went. She went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop. And I was like, what? She goes, I'm you. We're. Chill out, baby.

[Big J Okerson]

Pack your bags. The war is over.

[Bobby Kelly]

She went, chill out, baby. She went over to the radio and put on a station that I think only black people get, because I've never heard this music since. It was such. It was such sexy.

[Big J Okerson]

Like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was this, but more drippy. Fuck. Something. Yeah. Like. Yeah, Lou, you got it. And she undressed me. She walked over me, undressed me. Standing.

[Big J Okerson]

Standing up or standing up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unbuttoned my little nightclub shirt that I had on, Took my. She took my jacket, my shoulder pads off. She undid my Z. Cavariach. Took my pants off, took my Puerto Rican fence climbers off, folded my clothes as she's doing it. And then we slowly kissed for, like, what seemed like an eternity. And then we made this crazy love to this music all night. And it was. It was like a fucking movie. And then I got crabs, which sucked. That ruined it. Whoa. I got a hot case of crabs.

[Big J Okerson]

What a tail.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but that's. That's the only time you took off.

[Big J Okerson]

Your suit, your clothes. Like when Iron Man's suit comes off of him as he's walking in. And then under all that, it's just, you know. Let's make this quick, Jarvis.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, she was. I mean, I don't really bang like my wife. We don't bang the music. Do you bang the music?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Well, we live in a small house, so we need some sort of COVID so the children don't hear her screaming.

[Bobby Kelly]

And does she scream?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she screams. She hits me.

[Bobby Kelly]

She hits you?

[Big J Okerson]

That kind of stuff? Yeah, she's really aggressive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you ask. Is this okay?

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't, like, tell her to stop. You know what I mean? It's not a boundary I've drawn. So she'll try that kind of stuff from time to time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, right. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I mean? So I have to mask her aggression. By putting on fucking Wilco or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wilco? Fuck it up.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, right, dude? Yeah. The six minute guitar solo from Impossible Joke Germany, while you're right on the cusp of busting. That's not so bad, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't. The music. I don't have it, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Hit it. Oh, come on. Yeah, there it is. Oh, man, I'm so close. Is this good for you? Are you still. Is this feel. Feel good? Is that too much? Ow.

[Bobby Kelly]

This sounds like something lesbians would too.

[Big J Okerson]

No, dude, you're not terrible. No idea what you're talking about.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is terrible. This is hippie.

[Big J Okerson]

No, dude, this is hippie music.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, this is terrible. I could never fuck to this.

[Big J Okerson]

That's on you, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is not on me. Jacob, could you to this?

[Jacob]

The solo's throwing me off because it's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can't even get a groove going.

[Big J Okerson]

You lock in. You sync up with the solo. Dude, come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

How can you sync up with the solo?

[Jacob]

I don't know where it's going.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on, let me hear it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, yeah, I get. I mean, repetition helps there. Rote memorization, you know, Committing the entire thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure. Let me hear it a little louder though. Now, now. This is terrible.

[Big J Okerson]

No, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you had the drums, I could do it. If you add that, I can do it. Yeah, this is bad. I could never to this. I.

[Big J Okerson]

Between me and you.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you pointing to him for?

[Big J Okerson]

I believe Jacob has a note for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have a note?

[Jacob]

I don't have a. I was just gonna say one. He's such a rat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. You have a note for me?

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that?

[Jacob]

Because I knew you were gonna get to it. I just said you were gonna introduce the guest.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm gonna introduce the guest.

[Jacob]

That's why I didn't say anything. So he ratted me for no reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you?

[Jacob]

Because I had faith in you and you didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

We. We're gonna get to the guest. But I didn't say it. Here's the problem.

[Big J Okerson]

I could do it. You need me to do it. I'm filling in for Jay. I'm co host today.

[Jacob]

Bobby. I'm not the guilty here.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a rat.

[Jacob]

I'm not a rat.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a piece of. I didn't say anything, everybody. Of course. This is why you don't even need to introduce him because he's so. He's one of the best co hosts we have on. He's always our go to anytime his name is brought up. Everybody Is happy. Tim Butterly filling in for Big J, who's out doing Rogan right now. He's promoting his stuff. He's also doing. What else is he doing out there? Story work. Story wars out there. He's going to do Rogan. Hopefully Rogan goes as well as. We hope it goes where he throws a lot of jokes out there. Rogan doesn't get them, and he goes, well, all right, and then we can talk about it.

[Big J Okerson]

Why would you say that?

[Bobby Kelly]

We have a show. Oh, that's good. Tim is going to be in Ontario, Canada, in Kitchener, Delhi, shelburne, and Toronto, April 3rd through the 6th. After that, he'll be in South Bend, Indiana, April 11th through the 12th. Get [e-mail] One of my favorite people who I've met in the last year.

[Big J Okerson]

I think I know what a great new friend to have.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I love you, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I love you, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not as much.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

What I found out. Not as much as. As. Jacob, I want to tell you. The. The. The crush that this guy has on you makes me sick to my stomach.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob, do you like me, buddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

Not. It's. It. Weird thing, man. It's weird. Yesterday. Okay, I'm gonna tell you. Did you hear it yesterday? You're a rat.

[Jacob]

The rat.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a rat. You're. Buddy, yesterday.

[Big J Okerson]

This place falls apart when Jay's not here, by the way. Everyone's at each other's throats.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. No.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob's the straightest guy in the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm very. I'm very happy with Christine. I love Lou and I love Lou. Here's the thing, Jacob, yesterday, he goes, hey, man, I'm gonna text Tim and. And see what he wants if he has any things to talk about or whatever. I go. I go, what the. I go, what the. Does that mean? Why don't you. Shouldn't I. As the. As my show. Shouldn't I know what the. You're going to talk about with.

[Jacob]

Why wouldn't I tell you?

[Bobby Kelly]

I go. I go, put me. I go. Put me on that text.

[Jacob]

I would have.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was so mad when I said, put me on that text. He went. I swear to God. He went like this. He went, all right, I'll put you on. Yeah, you can be on that. And then when he texts you, I'm going to read the text, if you don't mind. Tim, this text.

[Big J Okerson]

The text to me?

[Bobby Kelly]

To you?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I read that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not a group text. It's a text. He wanted to just be you and him on this text he wanted. I cockblock. This romance.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob and I text each other every holiday. I promise you that.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wanted. He wants more. Also saying he wants more. I can fuck to this, by the way. This is my jam. Okay, ready? This is his. Tim excited your guest hosting tonight. Exclamation point. I wrote, are you Jacob?

[Jacob]

Oh, you know, I took.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then Tim, what I thought.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And then he thought you were saying, are you Jacob? Like you don't have his number.

[Jacob]

That's how I took it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no. I wrote, Arya excited, exclamation point.

[Jacob]

That was funnier. And I didn't get your jokes.

[Big J Okerson]

You could use the comma.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course you didn't get your. You didn't get it because you're so excited. Bobby didn't have your number.

[Jacob]

No, I know he has my number. I thought because it's a new group, maybe it didn't show up. That was my take.

[Big J Okerson]

He was also, like, kind of half reading it because he was skipping at full speed through Queens.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tim's coming in. Tim's coming in. Tim's filling in for Jay. He's so.

[Big J Okerson]

I have to catch my trolley. Tim Butterly's coming to town.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. The fact that he just wanted to call you, touch base, see what your thoughts were, that made me feel so good. And then. And then. And then call me and be like, hey, I talked to Tim. Did you? Did you talk to Tim? Okay, this is weird, because we got someone sent in. There's footage, this audio of you and Tim at Skankfest last year having a conversation. What?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I didn't even know.

[Big J Okerson]

God, Here we go.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no AI. It's not AI at all. This is not bullshit. Somebody recorded you talking to Tim. Here we go.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God. Oh, go.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, what's going on, fellas? What's happening?

[Jacob]

That was gangsters.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I don't understand. This is crazy, man. Since when do you text the guest host?

[Jacob]

Every guest.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Yes, I do. That's. I've had Paul, Verzi, Yanis. I don't know you.

[Jacob]

You know, I know you're gonna go with Paul, buddy. People. I know. I. I always do.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've never. You've never texted any of the guests.

[Jacob]

True.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you've never wrote to them. Hey, I'm so excited you're on.

[Jacob]

Yes, I have.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you haven't. Show me a text. They're on your phone. I mean, not since Shane. I get it.

[Jacob]

Saying, it's been a while.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, I don't know what you're Saying, did he have a. Did he have a falling out or did he have a breakup? No, no breakup. Just.

[Big J Okerson]

Shane doesn't live in the city anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not really coming in. And I just haven't seen Jacob this excited since then. So this is. This is your new Shane affair?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, man.

[Jacob]

I mean, come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, man, I. I get it. Let me tell you something about Tim.

[Jacob]

Let's not go.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get it. I've. I went over his house, I did his podcast. I met his family. I was. I felt like I was lit up for a day and a half. And then when it went away, I realized it was because I was away from Tim. Oh, I get it.

[Jacob]

So what's the.

[Bobby Kelly]

I get it.

[Big J Okerson]

So what do we. Are we.

[Jacob]

What are we arguing about?

[Bobby Kelly]

What are we arguing about?

[Jacob]

What are we arguing about?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you what. He's mine.

[Jacob]

He's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is. I'm the host. Back off, bitch. That's what I'm arguing about. Back off.

[Jacob]

I did that for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you did that. Fuck it, dude. You didn't want me on the text.

[Jacob]

Not true.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said I didn't knock you out. Oh, my God.

[Jacob]

Like I wasn't going to tell you. It was going to be our secret.

[Bobby Kelly]

What he wanted to talk about, you said to me. I'm going to text. I want to text Tim and see if he has any stuff for the show. Shut your face. It's for you.

[Jacob]

Go vape. Bobby. You need to. Need to huff on your vape. Your. Your weekly. Your new weekly thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you. Why don't you take a buddy of peach?

[Big J Okerson]

We got him hooked on vapes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you did.

[Jacob]

Complete.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you did. It's you, dude. You did do it.

[Jacob]

Fruity vape. That stinks up the whole place.

[Bobby Kelly]

He does Vape. Don't get mad at me with your little.

[Jacob]

Oh, I walked in and it stinks of raspberry. Your scent. Your scent.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where was. Where was this guy last week when we did the game show?

[Jacob]

Listen, don't get touched.

[Big J Okerson]

We got Bobby. We took him down in the basement, got him hooked on the frozen white grape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that was a good one. Here's the.

[Jacob]

He didn't say it was you. He said, I went to. This is his. I went to Seattle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't get tough now because I'm telling.

[Jacob]

You what he said.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're getting tough.

[Jacob]

When did you take up vaping, Bobby? I went to Seattle and every other store is a vape shop, so I have to take up vaping.

[Bobby Kelly]

What could I Do. It was actually Tim, it was your basement.

[Jacob]

The story when you had the vape.

[Big J Okerson]

He was vaping constantly as a bit and they got stuck.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was really good. That grape was fantastic.

[Jacob]

Jacob, you can't catch. You're not vaping now, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know you're getting angry now. You're getting angry and you're lashing out because I, I'm affecting your, your, your effect. I'm affecting your relationship. I get it. I understand. Buddy. Listen to me.

[Jacob]

We survived this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna tell you this. You might not survive this. We might not. Listen to me. I'm telling you right now. You, you've never ever has have with any guest host that's ever. Come on said, hey, I'm going to text them and see what, what, what, what they got going on, what they want to talk about. Never. And I'll tell you why I know this. You've never, you've never called me and said that. You called me and said, hey, I'm going to text him. And it was so shocking to me because it's never been done. I was like, why? And you were like, I don't know. Just see what he wants to talk about. I go, well I was like, this is weird. I go, put me on that, put me on that text rat. Cause I wanted to see the tone of it. And then when you put the exclamation when you wrote I'm excited. What guy goes to another guy. I'm excited to see you with an exclamation point.

[Jacob]

Shut up, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, just admit you admit you have a crush on Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

Honestly, Jacob, if a grown man talks to you in this tone, you have to at least try to punch him in the face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, dude, just admit you have a.

[Jacob]

Crush me to a push up contest. And said he could do 56.

[Bobby Kelly]

55. Don't lie.

[Jacob]

55. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean who won?

[Jacob]

No, you chicken. He chickened out. Chicken you are.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, let's back up.

[Jacob]

Let's back up to this chicken.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at. Let's Jacob Rul.

[Jacob]

I do impressions. Yeah, here's another animal sound.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob.

[Big J Okerson]

Jacob. I didn't know you were such a big strong man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't we play you guys talking at skank fest again? Why don't you do that P. Diddy impression?

[Jacob]

That's you and Paul Verze.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's you. That's you. That's you doing a band worker with Butterly.

[Jacob]

I don't call Paul because I don't want to. And I'm not getting in between you two.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, don't throw Paul under the bus because I found out about your love for Tim Buttery.

[Jacob]

You brought up Paul.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're getting.

[Jacob]

You brought up your love.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're getting angry because we discovered your lust for Butterly, and I would just. All I want you to do is admit it.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Admit it.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what? No. Get off his fucking back, man. He's the only guy that texts me on every holiday. I got a Happy Thanksgiving. I got a happy belated Christmas, Columbus.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's been grooming you for years. This old man's been grooming you, Butterly, for a long time.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm an old man myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

I guarantee you're going to get an invite back to the Queen's apartment tonight. Hey, you want to come back and see my bands? Want to watch. Want to watch some sumo eating? I think we. I think we really went past the fact that Jacob's a Jewish man that texted Tim happy belated Christmas.

[Jacob]

I missed it by a day or two.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

I said happy whenever Hanukkah was.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he thinks the Jews are the problem of the world. He loves Palestine. And you didn't try anything, huh?

[Jacob]

I didn't forget. I did say happy Merry Christmas, Shane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you did. I guess. I don't. I don't think he did it. I don't think he did it to me.

[Jacob]

Yes, I did. I called you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't give me an exclamation point.

[Jacob]

I talked to you. Yes, I did. I'm sure I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe I'm a little jealous.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're being left out in the cold.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe I'm a little jealous of your love for Tim and your enthusiasm for Tim Buddily. I get it. I understand it.

[Jacob]

Funny guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

But why don't you? Why don't you. Why don't you.

[Jacob]

Why don't you keep real talent?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you keep it back? Why don't you just tone down your crush a little bit? How's that?

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, good. Because it's got a good eye, too.

[Jacob]

That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob's got a great eye.

[Jacob]

I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Impeccable taste.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do know talent. And you. I know you know talent. You know a nice ass when you see it, Fruit eater.

[Big J Okerson]

Anyways, is that your contribution to tight ass part?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got a nice tight ass.

[Big J Okerson]

Now, that's straight.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're like a. You're this weird, sexy nerd. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like you could clean up great if you. If you.

[Big J Okerson]

But that would be gay. I'm close enough that it would be gay if I did.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you cleaned up and got some type of hair gel and took the glasses off.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Got rid of the mustache. Yeah, right. And then if I got prom.

[Big J Okerson]

Prom queen makeover, I think I could really.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever done that? Have you ever been sexy, Timmy?

[Big J Okerson]

No. No. I'm within spitting distance of like conventionally attractive. And if I tried to manually cross that bridge, it would just be. It would be over for me. My personality would crumble.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you never got into an outfit that put you into that.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, yeah, I try to dazzle my fashion, obviously, but I've never. I've never even knocked on the door being hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's funny because I have a photo.

[Big J Okerson]

But you started hot and now you're weird looking like me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, here's the thing is that I have many versions of me. Last week we found a version that I didn't know existed that I forgot existed. It was tadpole and leather pants. No, it's actually worse than that. Christine, you have that photo. Bring it up for Tim. It's called Jay. Affectionately named me Genghis Bob. And I don't remember. That was. I don't know what year.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the most dangerous facial hair I've ever seen in my life. That's crazy. Looks like a biohazard symbol.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. Why. But I don't remember being this guy. That's the weirdest part. I remember a lot of my phases.

[Big J Okerson]

And the facial expression itself, it's saying, you sure you want to go there, kid?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And. But dad, we found. I found a new one. Black Lou found a new one. He sent it in the thing. Did you get it? No, she didn't get it. And this is when I was first.

[Big J Okerson]

Comment's food, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chew. We gotta go through some of the new comments. You gotta go through some of the new comments. Go through some of them. Did someone just write creep?

[Big J Okerson]

Anton Legay. Oh, boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Number one.

[Big J Okerson]

He's Raiders fan number one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah, that's great.

[Big J Okerson]

Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So wait, was that the new one or is there another one?

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a. There's another version of Brand new shiny Pokemon. Well, this is what I'm talking about. I did step over to the other side a couple times before in my life.

[Big J Okerson]

You overextended yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I didn't. I actually pulled it off. I pulled it off. We'll be the joy and it was my premium. My premium blend days Comedy Central trying to be famous. Trying to get a gala, maybe a sitcom based on. Yeah, yeah. Based on my. My life, you know, and when your whole act was based on.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. You do 18 minutes about how crazy your living room is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You know, all my, you know, I. I'm a. There he is right there. I mean, I call that Dominican Bob phase.

[Big J Okerson]

What the hell?

[Jacob]

What year was it?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's got to be 98. That's 98.

[Big J Okerson]

I've never seen this vast of a skull change.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's crazy, right?

[Big J Okerson]

That's nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, zoom in a little more. I mean, look how. I mean, that's a good looking.

[Jacob]

That's hot Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. I mean that's. That's one of my hot phases.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Dominican Bobby. That's when I first moved to New York.

[Big J Okerson]

That's premium blend and ultra manicured goatee.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, look, look at that. Look at the lips. Look at the bum chip.

[Big J Okerson]

It honestly looks like a pussy. Your face looks like a pussy. That's nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's great. Look at the eyes. I mean it just goes right through you. And the hair is. I mean, you can't fuck with the hair.

[Big J Okerson]

How did you let this slip away? Can I ask?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think God let it slip away. Time.

[Big J Okerson]

You blame everybody, but we're inside. What switch stared deep into the coffee cup when I asked that?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's. I don't know, dude. I think that when I get as I give up addictions. When I gave up drugs, I went to cigarettes. When I gave up cigarettes, I went to sex. And that was sex. Smoking and sex. So when I gave up.

[Big J Okerson]

You're addicted to being the coolest guy in the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's. I mean that's. That's movie star Bob. That's Marlon Brando Kelly right there. Wait, that's me.

[Big J Okerson]

That's you.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's me back in Boston.

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you. What do you mean it's not. That's a hundred percent me. What? That's last night. That's leading. That's leading role, leading man Bob right there. I mean, I mean, dude, I mean, it's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

That looks like one of the Lawrence brothers with fetal alcohol syndrome.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, I'm a good looking guy right there. Oh, for sure.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, you still are.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, man. I mean, I've given you nine compliments. You haven't given me any. You just receiving put me in a fucking tough spot. I. What a compliment spot. I mean, I know all that is.

[Big J Okerson]

Mom and dad Are screaming at each other. I just sat down at the dinner table. I don't know what to do with myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me tell you something. It's. It's dad, and it's.

[Jacob]

Give him a compliment.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're the mom, by the way. I'm the dad.

[Big J Okerson]

Mom and mom.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we're both moms. Both queens.

[Big J Okerson]

My fucking lesbian moms are beating the fuck out of each other, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? We really just fawned over you as soon as you walked in. And I'm gonna be honest, Jacob. I'll be honest, because you're not honest when you said, I'm going to text him.

[Jacob]

This is insane.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was a little like you. He's mine. It was a smidget of it all comes out. And then when you went, I'm so excited to see you. I was like that.

[Jacob]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're. You're an. You're just an.

[Big J Okerson]

You did prompt him to call me. He called me. He's just like, hey, man, what's going on? Just wanted to see, like, what are you, like, talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wanted. I wanted to see. I wanted to see if j. I wanted to see if Jacob called you, like. No, Jacob just got off the phone with me. We were talking for, like, an hour about sumos. You did send me that thing last night.

[Jacob]

Great.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wound up watching it. Glad I fell asleep.

[Big J Okerson]

Would you watch the series? Are you watching actual sumo wrestling?

[Jacob]

Actually.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, dude. Let's go.

[Jacob]

Awesome.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's into sumo wrestling. And. But you said it to me last night. You like, I watch sumo wrestling. I'm into it. And I watch them eat. And you're like. I was like, send me the videos. You're like, you're not going to be into it. I was like, dude, I watch narrow boats.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I watch, like, canal boat guys for hours on YouTube. Just a guy on a narrow boat going through the canals of London.

[Big J Okerson]

How fast does a narrow boat go?

[Bobby Kelly]

It goes maybe 10 miles an hour.

[Big J Okerson]

It's kind of moving.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's nuts. I get addicted to these. My favorite one right now is the outdoor boys. Have you seen them?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. I love outdoor boys.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like the outdoor boys?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, dude. He goes out in the snow with his little sons, and they eat camp bread and honey butter all. I mean, it's honey butter, man. Every time he gets to that jar of honey butter, I seriously pop. It's nuts. I go nuts on my couch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is not. Why is honey bun not a thing? Why is honey butter not in the store? Why is it not made? Why cannot. Why Do I have to make it?

[Big J Okerson]

There's a gap in the market. Yeah, Bob Kelly's honey butter, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nuts with that other face on the butter. The Gangas. Bob's face on the butter.

[Jacob]

Did you.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is the. This guy's a Mormon.

[Big J Okerson]

If you launched a butter dude, people would go nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

You would be spit roasted, Bobby. Genghis Bob's butter. Genghis Bob's honey Butter. I'm in. Dude, we should do this honey butter. So he, yeah, he goes out. He's a Mormon, used to be a lawyer. Then he started doing this YouTube page. He's one of the only people that does not have sponsors, doesn't have commercials, does not accept money from outside thing. He just does it. He makes all his money from the YouTube watches or whatever the fuck they give him. I don't know how he does it, but do that. And he. But he goes out with his sons into the middle of nowhere and. But the sad part about it, I don't. If you watch it lately, his sons are getting old and they can't go with him anymore. So he has to go out by himself. And it's kind of boring.

[Big J Okerson]

I found him from the solo ones where he's just like, I'm going out in the snow with no tent, no nothing. And he just like burns shit and then buries it and lays on top of it and he's just like, yeah, it's pretty cold, dude. This feels good.

[Bobby Kelly]

It feels good.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's get into the butter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, get into the honey butter. It's all about the honey butter. Yeah, because he'll take the honey butter and he puts it in the fire because it's frozen. And then he pours it on homemade bread that he made out of a.

[Big J Okerson]

Ziploc, slurps it and he's dipping the bread in the jar. That's. I think that's what really gets me. I don't give a about survival. I just want to watch that guy slurp butter.

[Bobby Kelly]

The honey butter is my favorite part of it. Have you ever had honey butter?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I've been to brunch before. Yeah, of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never had it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, man. You can make it at home.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't want to make it. I don't want to make it at home. I almost did my vape. God damn it.

[Jacob]

I realized. I watched yesterday. YouTube knows me just what you're saying. The same vein of Taiwan, Thailand guy, he made a home out of a hollowed out tree. I thought it was just going to be Putting like a. Some sort of bamboo bed in there. He built like a picket fence, a camp of an oven inside the tree.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Full door. Like you would move to this, this tree if you. It was a fully functional home. And I mean, I would have been dead in half an hour. You could, like, I couldn't survive. I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

These guys, I watch all these guys. I've watched them for years and I've, I've. That's kind of where I got the comedy camp thing from.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where I, you know, where me and Ari and Joe would just go out and be out there in the middle of nowhere.

[Big J Okerson]

Comedy camp started with honey butter and then he built it around.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Donnie. But Donnie dust is weird.

[Jacob]

He's going to outlive everyone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you're talking about a guy, he did nine tours of duty in Afghanistan and he knows. He just walks out and makes a rock into a weapon and then murders something and eats it. You know what I mean? You can't compare yourself to that. But you could go out. I think I want to go out in the next couple years by myself and be out there with just a tarp and a knife and a little bit of rope. A little. And honey butter. I mean, if long ago. With honey butter. Yeah. This guy's the best. I love this guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Stone age.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nah, he's. He's go. Yeah, pretty much the stone age. He'll go out, get a rock, make it into an ax or an arrow, and then kill something and then eat it. This show is sponsored by Better Help. I love therapy. I was always scared of it. I'm telling you right now, if you have goals in life, if you. Not just people with problems or issues they have to deal with, if you want to achieve things, if you want to get somewhere in life and have focus, therapy can help you. BetterHelp is one of the best therapy things. Why? Because it's completely online right now. It's online. You don't have to go in person. You don't have to wait in a lobby, maybe see somebody you know, which is uncomfortable. You can go and you can go whenever you want. And here's the greatest part. You can change the therapist. If the therapist is not working out, you can actually switch it up at no extra cost. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient and now it's within reach. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com bonfire to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com bonfire the best things in life come when you don't settle. That's why switching to Metro is a great choice. Because at Metro you don't just get great deals, you get even more of what you love. You shouldn't have to put up with the yada yada you find with other carriers. Things like hidden fees, contracts and underwhelming deals. That's why at Metro you can get great deals on 5G devices from top brands like Samsung. With no contracts, no credit checks, no exploding bills and nada, yada yada. That's wireless without the gotcha. With more 5G phones to choose from and incredible deals, you'll never feel like you're accepting less than what you deserve. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store and learn about their amazing deals. Go to metrobyt mobile.com stores to find a location near you Imagine being out at the lake having a fantastic day. The grill's on, the family's there, the dogs barking. It's beautiful. But guess what? Now imagine your smell. You got body odor that stinks well. Dove Men plus Care Whole Body Dio helps keep your BO from ruining the good days. From pits to privates to feed, you can feel confident with 72 hour protection in all your odor zones. Dove Men Whole Body Dio goes on instantly dry with an aluminum free vitamin E infused formula with whole body freshness and care. Dove Men plus Care Whole Body Dio get everywhere everywhere care even down there. Find it on Amazon or at Target today. Hey, let me ask you a question. Do you plan your vacation location based on local language? With Babbel, language no longer has to be that barrier that keeps you in places that maybe you don't want to go because you've been there before. It expands your Horizons. Babbel's quick 10 minute lessons, handcrafted by over 200 language experts gets you to begin speaking your new language in just three weeks or whatever pace you want to choose. Babbel's tips and tools are inspired by the real life stuff you actually need need when communicating. I I love Babel. It's right on my phone. It has reminders that pop up because sometimes I forget. So before I go to bed I'll throw my babble on and I'll take my little lesson and before you know it I am going to be speaking Spanish and I will move down to Cuba and smoke cigars and be on the beach and leave everybody in my family. You got to try Babel. Let's get more. You talking in a new language. Swahili. You want Swahili? I got Swahili. Naku penda. That means I love you, baby. What about this? Busu uso wenga. That means kiss my face. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off subscriptions at babbel.com bonfire. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com bonFire spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com bonfire babel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. He came in the studio. He was my guy. He was my. He's my.

[Big J Okerson]

He came in.

[Bobby Kelly]

He came in, dude. He came in. I. We contacted him.

[Big J Okerson]

Did he keep up the stone Ajax? He's like, what are. What are all these magical devices?

[Bobby Kelly]

Funny you say that, because I brought him on the subway and he was flipping out, bumping into people, like, whoa. Sorry, I didn't know. Oh, man. And I had to pay for his thing because he was like, how do I get through this? And I was like, it was. It was wild. I brought him down to the subway, Stella. He went to one of the shows.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he was. He. He ate wings. He was like, these are amazing. I'm like, yeah, he pulled a spear.

[Big J Okerson]

On one of the black comics.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he just hit. I made this for you. This is a peace offering. Yeah, he came in shadow.

[Big J Okerson]

People make laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was so funny, though, because Christine and Jay were both calling him a. A queer. They were like this loser. And then he. We got him in. He's like, hey, what's up? Like, hey, man, how you doing? He did nine. The. The craziest part about this guy did nine tours in. In Iraq and Afghanistan, and he's a interrogator. And I was like, did you have to, like, waterboard people? Did you have. He goes, you don't do any of that. You need to talk to them, make them like you and give them skittles, and then they'll tell you.

[Big J Okerson]

You pull their fingernails off, and then they start yapping.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then you. Them. But, yeah, he was telling me. He did so much crazy, man. This guy's unbelievable.

[Jacob]

He's got stashes. I remember he's ready for when the world collapses. He's got. He knows exactly where his.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got his go bag. Well, he's got eight caves all over Colorado in the woods that he has stashed supplies and weapons and all kinds of stuff. So when stuff Goes down. Him and his family just go to these places and he has stuff ready to go. I mean, this guy could literally go out into the woods with nothing. He goes out there with nothing and then makes all the shit. The arrows, the bow, the axe, the knife. He actually sent me a obsidian knife that he made.

[Big J Okerson]

Did he take you out and show you anything?

[Bobby Kelly]

He actually offered to take me out to go out on a. He does this thing with a.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's how to hit animals with big rocks. It's probably not as complicated as I thought it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm afraid to go out there with him, though, because what if I want to leave? Like, I get too cold in the middle of the night. I'm like, hey, Donnie, say Donnie.

[Jacob]

Letting him down. I'm cold.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, we are cold. That's the point.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but, Don, I. Listen, can you take me back to the car?

[Big J Okerson]

What do you mean? What are you talking about? We just got here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know, but I'm just a little. The first night, I'm starving. I'm hungry, and you haven't killed anything yet. And I really need to eat.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, I gotta be honest. You could stand to be hungry for a while.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, well, listen, I understand that, but I need to eat every three hours.

[Big J Okerson]

You think we didn't feel uncomfortable sitting by the Burn Pits in Afghanistan every night? It gets uncomfortable out there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, I love your.

[Big J Okerson]

Slurp down some of this honey butter and go back to bed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God, I want honey butter so bad. Can somebody go run and get honey butter? I've. I've tried to make it, but I. It's hard to make because you have to. There is a. You can't do too much butter, and you can't do too much honey. Oh, it's just shitty honey or shitty butter. But, like, lots of restaurants have it. I've never had it. Never went to a restaurant that had honey butter in my life. Name one.

[Big J Okerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. I swear to God.

[Big J Okerson]

You've never sat down on a brunch sprout with mini crescents?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if you know this about me. I'm not gonna lie about honey butter marmalade. I will lie about other things. My love for you. That I'm jealous of Jacob. I'll lie about that. But I will not lie about honey butter. I swear, But I won't do that. I will not do that. No, I've never had it. I've never had honey butter.

[Big J Okerson]

Fair enough, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I also don't go to hipster places like you. You Tim, I go to regular, you know, blue collar.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, pancake house. Get the out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

I've seen the tiny bag you wear on the hipster. Get the out. You got the over the shoulder. You got the black millionaire CEO tiny bag.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is actually Facebook Marketplace.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Look at that thing, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You get up at 3am every day to dunk your face in ice water.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know why you're gonna attack me. Is this. Is this something that Jacob's getting you into? I don't like it, Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll try to create an opening for you. Jake, you could dive in any second here.

[Jacob]

48 hour go bag that he spent a lot of money on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. You were in a leather. Look at you. You're jumping in, aren't you? You piece of. Oh, my God. Jacob, you're gonna get it. You're on the list. Yes. Black L. What's up? Texas Roadhouse.

[Big J Okerson]

A place that you were talking about their amazing buns. Big hipster restaurant.

[Bobby Kelly]

Honey butter. They don't have honey butter. Honey cinnamon butter. It's not honey butter. Is that different? It's not honey.

[Big J Okerson]

It's honey cinnamon butter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Honey. The honey bunny we're talking about is like mainly honey with butter on top. And then you melt it and it's. It's like a. It's like honey, but with a little butter. That's like just butter with some honey in it.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, you think I'm gonna argue fat semantics with you right now? You're out of your goddamn mind, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. Am I crazy? Honey butter that he. We talking about is not the stuff at Texas Roadhouse.

[Big J Okerson]

It absolutely is. It's just as much fat content as possible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you bring up honey butter on the outdoor boys? It is not the same, Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

I will guarantee it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will die on this battlefield.

[Big J Okerson]

You might.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is not. It is not butter. If it's too much butter. If it's whipped butter. It's not the honey butter. The honey.

[Big J Okerson]

It's easier to mix with the honey.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, because you can't. No.

[Big J Okerson]

You take a fork, you whisk them together.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you gotta be able to pour the honey butter on the bread.

[Big J Okerson]

He puts it over the fire, and it all gets very viscous and runs.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it does not. It's mainly honey. Watch. Look at it. Here you go. This is. We're looking at. This is the outdoor boys, if you want to check it out. My favorite YouTube.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Bobby's gonna describe a video of butter right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not like I haven't done it before. It's not like I haven't done it before, Tim. And I don't like your attitude. I'm not feeling it. You know what, Jacob? You can have them. How's that? I'm done with them. I don't want them anymore. Play it. Play it, Play it. Sorry, hang on one sec. I don't know where that audio is coming from. Not me. Oh, God. There it is. There it is right there.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a little jar of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. That's honey, mostly, that he's putting on the fire. Right. Because he has to heat up because it's frozen.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. And so it gets completely liquefied.

[Bobby Kelly]

Liquefied? The. The butter is on the top. Mostly honey, I would say, right? Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably 50. 50.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not 50. 50.

[Big J Okerson]

50.

[Bobby Kelly]

50 is not 50. 50. And he's just agreeing with you.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not backing that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love.

[Big J Okerson]

Wait, is Noah agreeing with you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he. He's.

[Big J Okerson]

Of course he knows what he's talking about.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Jacob would agree with me if it wasn't you. Look inside. Yeah, it's mostly honey.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, 100%. All right, here it goes. Ready? He's making the bread, which I love.

[Big J Okerson]

Blackley, could you run to the store and grab us a jar of honey?

[Bobby Kelly]

Honey and then some butter.

[Big J Okerson]

Two different styles butter. I think whipped and unwed.

[Bobby Kelly]

It shakes it. You can't do that with.

[Big J Okerson]

You can't do that with melted butter. You're fucking crazy. What are you talking about?

[Bobby Kelly]

Excuse me one second.

[Big J Okerson]

Go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Slow down.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Texas Roadhouse. Their honey butter isn't. Is butter. There's no bring up Texas Roadhouse butter. It's. You can't shake it. It's regular hard butter.

[Big J Okerson]

If you microwaved it for 30 seconds, it would be identical.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, so you go into the kitchen and go, hey, can I use your microwave for a sec?

[Big J Okerson]

The only difference is the temperature.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not. You can't microwave the butter from that. This will not get hard. This is mostly honey.

[Big J Okerson]

You just said it was frozen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because it's honey, Bobby.

[Jacob]

He put honey on the bottom in the jar, and then he poured honey on top. And then he closed it, and when he got to the campfire, it was frozen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Frozen because he's in Alaska.

[Jacob]

And then he put it on the fire and it melted. Everything melted.

[Big J Okerson]

Everything melted.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then he shook it.

[Jacob]

So that's honey and butter.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you're. That's. Look at. That's not the same thing.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's cinnamon honey. But that's. Cinnamon. Honey butter. It's kind of a different thing.

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I'm. I'm sorry, Tim. I'm over here, Tim.

[Big J Okerson]

But if you melted it, it would be the same thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tim, it's not the same thing. You know that. It's not the same thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure. Is it the same thing as something at like a. A hipster brunch place, though, where you imagine me. Is that the same thing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tip the. The honey butter is what I would imagine you having. Not that.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's garbage. That's garbage.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. It tastes really good, though. I'll take that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does taste good. But they changed their bun, so it's not.

[Big J Okerson]

But it would melt down the same exact way. And it's fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think so. I'd like to actually do this. Can we get a. Can we get some butter in here and make this happen?

[Jacob]

But I think the difference there is it's whipped. It's whipped and it has cinnamon. That's like a difference.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

You whipped, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, Jacob, at some point you got to stand up for yourself, man. I can't watch this all day. This is crazy.

[Jacob]

He gets this way when he's away from my Calta too long song. Make out with his best friend. And he says he's my best friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Jacob]

He did a whole show defending him. First of all, my best friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, number one best friend.

[Jacob]

My number one best friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Michel, you're just mad at us because we called you Hannah Gatsby yesterday. You dressed like a lesbian.

[Jacob]

You're mad she dressed like me.

[Bobby Kelly]

You dressed. You dressed. You dressed manly today for Tim. I tell you that. You untucked your shirt. I threw this off.

[Jacob]

I just threw.

[Big J Okerson]

Just like eye clothes.

[Jacob]

I just threw this on.

[Bobby Kelly]

He threw it on.

[Big J Okerson]

He's got a tape measure on his belt. Oh, that. Yeah.

[Jacob]

I hate this photo because my belt.

[Bobby Kelly]

You hate this photo? Cuz you look like below the.

[Jacob]

My.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, little lesbian stomach is sticking out. That's why I don't have a stomach. Jacob's getting feisty. I'm actually. You're turning me off.

[Jacob]

You told me when I took it. Suck in your stomach and like, there's nothing to do there.

[Big J Okerson]

Your belt didn't get the memo?

[Jacob]

No. Why? That was posted. Somebody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Somebody.

[Jacob]

Lewis could have told me. Pick up your belt. It makes me mental. No, I do look a lot like her. Oh, for sake. We have the same shirt. Wearing the same shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

And hers.

[Jacob]

She's got the sleeves rolled up and untucked.

[Bobby Kelly]

At least, at least, at least. Her belt's in the right place.

[Jacob]

I didn't know because I guess it's funnier to not tell me.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is ridiculous.

[Jacob]

It sucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

It really sucks that you guys are the same person.

[Jacob]

Republic like me.

[Bobby Kelly]

So anyways, that is like a very.

[Big J Okerson]

Teenager out of now a wedding outfit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Timmy, You. You. Last time I was on your show, we were talking about all this conspiracy stuff that you talk about.

[Big J Okerson]

About.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're talking about what's her name, that.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, the first lady of France who's actually born a man and is the biological father of the president that she's married to. Yes, Brigitte Macron.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she's actually a man.

[Big J Okerson]

But she's actually born a man, so.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she was actually grooming him back in the day because he.

[Big J Okerson]

Right. And this is not a conspiracy. This is all a matter of fact.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is a fact.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, unfortunately. I hate this. I wish this wasn't true.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why do you wish it wasn't true?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I just hate living in the world where that's happening, you know, I mean, but it's none of my business, so I can go on with my life. But that's what it is. That was born a man and what might have been the father of the man she's married to.

[Bobby Kelly]

But what. But why did. Don't they have kid. They have no kids.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, lots of people have kids. You know what I mean?

[Bobby Kelly]

But do they have a kid?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. That's not my business. You know, I don't, I don't like to get kids involved.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, but. But did they. Because if they adopted the kid, then that is a sure tell sign. Now this is supposed to be a man. Yes, that's a man.

[Big J Okerson]

That's a man.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that's the President. That's the President of France and that's his wife and she is, I think 30 years.

[Big J Okerson]

They got together when she was 40 and he was 15 and she was a teacher at his high school.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

And she was born a man, so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, gross.

[Big J Okerson]

Double gross.

[Bobby Kelly]

But is she still a man? Do they know that? Does she still have a wee wee?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, well, you know, that's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that. Did she get the operation? Did she become. Did she transition is what I'm saying?

[Big J Okerson]

Good. That's a really good question.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did she keep the good bones?

[Big J Okerson]

So she's had a long standing relationship with a top like cosmetic surgeon in France who is actually known. Known as like one of the, like foremost, like gender reassignment surgeons, like especially in the face and stuff. So I don't Know it's not my business what anyone does with their private parts, but the public parts are pretty up, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? But it's funny because. But they saying there's this big. They're saying that it's not true. Like I looked into it after I.

[Big J Okerson]

Left your show, but they're not saying that it's not true. True. They're saying every detail around it is wrong. But they won't say that she was born a woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

And does she come out and say it at all? Does she defend herself?

[Big J Okerson]

No, this is all like behind the scenes legal battle. Lawyers sending the letters to journalists and stuff like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really.

[Big J Okerson]

And Candace Owens, who was kind of a putz, but you know, you got to get your info somewhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is this where you get your info from on this?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, but. Okay, so not only only is she trans. She's his dad.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Wait a minute. Stop, stop. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's the. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Timmy.

[Big J Okerson]

I think there's no way I'm remembering that right. But I'm pretty sure that's the gist of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. She's the. His dad?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Biological, right?

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

So he had sex with a woman, had a son, became a woman and became his. His wife.

[Big J Okerson]

That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on, dude, that can't be legal. Not even France. I mean, can't be.

[Big J Okerson]

Brother, when you're in the upper crust, you know, the laws don't apply to you. They don't even. They don't have any vision on you, man. You can do whatever the you want. You made enough money, you could become a woman and Mary. Max. Yeah. You work really hard, dude. Yeah, really.

[Bobby Kelly]

Max wouldn't listen. Max. Max is not into me. I remember now I was telling Jacob the other day, I was in bed with him, you know, at night he'll go to sleep and most of the time Donald go down and lie down with him and you know, read with him and stuff. I went in and I read with him and he falls asleep. And at one point he fell asleep and then he put his arm over me and he kind of pulled me into him, you know, to hold me. And I. Beautiful. I fucking lit up. I was just like, like I've never felt a high, a drug, alcohol, a moment in this business, any show, any accolade has ever filled me up up that much. I mean, I literally was just smiling like I couldn't believe it. And I realized it's because this is beautiful. But also in my Life. I've never done it. I never had a father. I never had a man to hold that loved me and that I, you know, so it was. And I actually turned to him and I. I put my forehead on his forehead and I was like, I. I'm so proud of you. I. I'm so proud to be your father. And Max, I want to tell you I love you so much. And he looked at me again, goes, dad, this is gay. And I was like, damn, that's the.

[Big J Okerson]

Last time it's ever going to happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

A little bit. It's a little gay. All right, sorry. I thought we were going to have some type of moment, some Hallmark moment, but, you know, I am living my fatherless childhood through you right now. You've got a great life. You don't really know pain.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And yeah, this is gay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah. I had a monstrous childhood, too. And my kids have no idea what it's like. And when I try to explain, I'm like, this actually rules. They go, no, this is normal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You know what I mean? This isn't remarkable at all. I'm like, no, actually we kind of overcame some odds here. They do not get it at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

So. Because you today.

[Big J Okerson]

So they think I'm gay?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they think it's gay to love them and be like, the things that hat that he does. And I see him and sometimes I just start crying because he's just hanging out, doing something cool. And I'm just like, I never had. No way, man. Dude. When I used to take him to movies, like, like kid movies. And they're always sad. There's always some trap. Tragic that happens. I think I took him to one. What's the one with the carnival where the girl makes a carnival in her house with her mom and dad and then her mom gets cancer. Like the first eight minutes of the movie has to go away and she's just gone. Doesn't ring a bell. And then I'm just crying in the theater and Max is looking at me like, oh, boy. And he's like covering my eyes. He's like, dad, can you stop? I'm like, but this. The mom is gone.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he's not a crier, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not a cry criers. He's not a cry. He cries a little bit. Like he cried the other night. He got in trouble at school and he cried.

[Big J Okerson]

What are you in trouble for?

[Bobby Kelly]

He. That's it right there. Wonder Park. I cried, buddy. I'm a crier.

[Big J Okerson]

These look like toilet paper commercial animals.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was Blubbering in the theater. And the mother had to go away and the park started. All the stuff was. She took down all the stuff they used to make together. And then. And Max is looking at me like, you stop. And I'm like, the mom's good. Cancer. Why is it going? Dude, I can't. I can't. I mean, Lou, do you cry at any of these kid things?

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't yet, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I cr. This one, me up. This one, me up. Yeah, that's the mom. And they're doing all this stuff. Now. Cut to the. When the mom, she has to leave, she has a bandana on her head. It's like, oh, God. They never mention the cancer, but you know she's got cancer because she lost all her hair. Look it. She's gonna take her away to do some, like, study treatment.

[Big J Okerson]

Is the rest of the movie kind of, like, upbeat? And this is the only sad part?

[Bobby Kelly]

Nah, man, it gets sadder. And then it picked. Look at the mom. Look, she's running. I can't shut it off. Why would you put kids through this? I know. And they don't tell you. It's supposed to be Wonder Park. I thought it was going to be this fun thing. Watch this. The whole thing. She starts taking this carnival in her mind.

[Big J Okerson]

Max, he's looking the gayest, most boring movie ever. He's like, dad, this sucks. Let's go home.

[Bobby Kelly]

He hates it, dude. He hated it. He fell asleep halfway through. I'm sitting there just wiping my nose.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you coming home soon?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

[Jacob]

Wait.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. You do have to make movies specifically for the children who lose their parents to, like, horrific tragedies. Tragedies, like, they do exist. They do need stuff for them.

[Bobby Kelly]

But what's the percentage of that?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know, man. That's why no one else has heard of this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me tell you this.

[Big J Okerson]

This movie was actually for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I stopped. I stopped watching. I. I, like today I actually went to. I went to watch Righteous Gemstones. From the beginning, every single show I watch is sad and depressing. Everything I'm watching on TV has. I can't take it anymore because I'm. I fell into some weird depression today. It had happened like that. Like, I was, hey, what's up? And then I just was in bed with the covers on, and I was like, I don't know if I. I just gonna lie here because I, I. All these fucking shows that are on TV is so sad and fucked up. I'm watching that 1923, every fucking scene. She got. She's in the. She gets the train. She gets mugged at the train station. She gets on the train, has no money. They give her a job on the train to get food. The guy finger fucks her in the cart while she's pouring his tea. She beats him up to protect herself. They arrest her for assaulting a guy. It's like, I can't live like that. I need a hero. I need some happiness.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. They're turning. They're turning America into fucking Monstropolis. And they just need us all sad so they can extract out all of our resources. That's another White Lotus. They got the brothers jacking each other off. That's a fucking nightmare.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert on White Lotus. The fucking rich boys jacked each other off. Dude. You tell me, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Your guess is as good as mine.

[Bobby Kelly]

They just did it.

[Big J Okerson]

And I wonder how much more common incest is than it's obviously talked about. Well, you would think watching this. It's a pretty prevalent thing. I have a bunch of brothers and a sister and it's like, bro, I've never even been nice to each other. Penises off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I hate you, but I'm gonna lick you.

[Big J Okerson]

Five star hotel. That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? Let's. Let's make up for today. Hey man, jerk me off. Let's see what happens.

[Jacob]

They. They. Hollywood cannot write heroes anymore. They don't write them. They're all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know man. It's just sad. It was just depressing. Every show I was watching. 000. And everybody's just. It's a show about.

[Big J Okerson]

It's drugs.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's drugs. But it's. It's the mafia, the Italian mafia and the cartels. Which. I kind of mix those two finally. And then the rich white people and. But everybody's dying in that. It's like the father's dead. The kid has an ear. He can't hear the. I mean everybody's dying. It's like I need some happiness. And I finally put on the righteous gemstones and it's the funniest thing ever. But. And then I'm sitting there and it's the. I watched the third season first and what's his name? The. The uncle. What's his name?

[Big J Okerson]

Uncle Baby Billy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Uncle Baby Billy. Who's my favorite?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

His dick is. His dick is just out. I'm like, yeah, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it made me sad because my dick is nowhere near. How awesome is that?

[Big J Okerson]

Hang you're not swanging like Walton.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got. Walton got his dick is exactly what I thought.

[Big J Okerson]

Walton Gaggins.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gaggins is right. But even though one nut is, I think, is bigger, a little tiny nut on the back end, which I didn't like. I don't even know if I could do that. I'd have to turn down a roll. If they were like, yeah, we want to put your righteous dumps on your main character. Character. But there's one scene where your dick's hanging out. I'd be like, I politely pass on this role.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you, but no, thank you, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'Re gonna pay you. You're gonna make millions, and we're gonna have you in the rest of the. Every season from now on. You're gonna be famous. I'm sorry, but thank you very much. I'm gonna go back to the bonfire where my ding ding will never be shown. Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But what if. What if it was so remarkably small that, like, that became, like, a thing? And you were the only guy, you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Know, willing to do that, like, in Hangover.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, maybe that happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember the Asian guy? What's his name? Dr. Kim. Dr. Kim. Ken Jong. Kang Jong. That's the. That's the reason why he became famous. His dick was so small, they thought it was fake, but it was his real dick. And they were like, you're famous. He's been famous ever since.

[Big J Okerson]

How embarrassing would it be to have the second smallest penis? That would really suck, man. Well, because you're not making a name for yourself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can't even. You need the smallest look at it. I mean, zoom in on that. If you can't can. It's crazy. It's a micro penis. He has a micro penis. And it made him famous. It made him famous.

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, man, that's all it takes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe I should try it. Yeah, maybe I should take a picture of my. And put it out there.

[Big J Okerson]

Get it to your agent.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't have an agent. Fired them, too. Anyways, dude, I. I was. The reason why I was bringing that up because you said you have a bad childhood. But I. I called your mother a cunt today.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, by the way, let's take. Let's take two steps back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So you and Jacob, you're saying. Yeah, I'm excited. Tim's coming in today. Bobby called me under false pretenses, by the way, and I missed this call. And when I called him back, he goes, yo. And then I guess I heard his brake slam, and he goes, your mother's a Cunt. And I was just like, what?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my go to. In a car accident.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's my. Everybody has their go to when they get about to die guy. Mine is your mother's a. And the car in front of me stopped on the sawmill, and I went, hey. And you went, hey. And I went, your mother's a. Yep. And my bag flew. My backpack flew into the bottom of the passenger seat, which means I can't get anything out of my bag for the rest of the ride.

[Big J Okerson]

For half a second, I went, is this the real Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

But I felt terrible.

[Big J Okerson]

Is this the day I find out that he's an absolute.

[Bobby Kelly]

I apologized immensely.

[Big J Okerson]

It was fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you went, my mother is a cunt.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which I felt better.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was your mother really?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, she. She. Yeah, she was taken by the opioid epidemic. She died. No, it just really, like, got a hold of her and, like, ruined my life. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. So I had a pretty rough childhood, too, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Geez, man.

[Big J Okerson]

You know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you fought? Was your father around?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, my dad's the best guy ever, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Your dad's the best guy, but there's.

[Big J Okerson]

No making up for that, you know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad was. My dad was a drug.

[Big J Okerson]

Drug addict.

[Bobby Kelly]

My real dad.

[Big J Okerson]

The lamest ever. Isn't that so gay? Don't you look your children in the eyes and you go, wow, man. Could you imagine wanting something else more than this? That's crazy to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's nuts that I could. I can't imagine that my father. My real father knows that he has a grandson out there and he doesn't want to meet him. Yeah. What a. And how cool Max is. Like, he's. You know, he's on my social media. I know people have sent you stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I talked to his brother, and it's. It's crazy to me that he's not. I want to meet this kid. It doesn't. And. And I also think about, like, I couldn't imagine, no matter what would happen, that I would want to leave.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, his life.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't care if I caught Don banging somebody. I'd be like, I'm still staying until he's gone, and I'm gonna watch. I'm gonna watch you bang.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, duh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Of course that's going in the bank, you know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. It's going to the bank. I'm gonna put my room next.

[Big J Okerson]

And maybe the humiliation I feel from that actually does something for me, too, you know?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Actually, Maybe this is what we've been missing this whole time and we can really work things out now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just been a cuck. Yeah. And my penis doesn't cut it for you. And then I really get. I really get aroused watching you get it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like.

[Big J Okerson]

I like it how it looks uncomfortable for you in a way, but that you seem to enjoy that more. Yeah. That's pretty good, baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love hearing you go, ow, ow. Last time I heard you did when you stubbed your toe. I don't think my wife does make sex when we. I mean, noise when we have sex. I don't remember.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't remember going, there's no music to cover it up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think there's any. I've never heard her go, oh, yeah. I've only heard. I've heard. I've heard breath.

[Jacob]

Whimpering.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, more of a.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys ever talk to each other during sex?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a good.

[Big J Okerson]

Not even just dirty talk. Just checking in.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've made her. You know what I've done? I've made her laugh. I've made. I've made her. I. I've used to. I. Every once in a while, I would just be stupid and make her. I like her. And then making her really hysterically laugh and doing something stupid so she squeezes it extra hard. No, just be like, yo, you be putting it in good, would you, woman? And she's like, what?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you slave voice for.

[Bobby Kelly]

You made that slave voice voice that wasn't slave voice. I've been awful hot out there on the field. I like a woman from Boston. White women from Boston is hard to get.

[Big J Okerson]

That woman. And M is dumpling.

[Bobby Kelly]

She tried to do. She tried to do role playing once, but she just sucks at acting. She just stinks.

[Big J Okerson]

What was her scenario?

[Bobby Kelly]

We had a nurse scenario and we did a massage scenario. The massage one she didn't want to do because she worked at a salon. She did. I'm like, but you're an esthetician. It's not even the same ballpark. I want, you know, massage. I want you to be a Chinese lady. Yeah. I want you to be a middle aged Asian woman with bad toes. You know what I mean?

[Big J Okerson]

And I want to hear your tiny flip flops hitting the linoleum while I take my penis out of my towel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't want you to pop zits. I want you to slowly get to my. And put a finger in and go, okay. It's okay. And then I open my ass and present to you like a Gay man.

[Big J Okerson]

And then we finish and I put you back in the shipping container.

[Bobby Kelly]

But yeah, she wouldn't do that. And then she did a nurse, sexy.

[Big J Okerson]

Nurse or like light blue scrubs nurse.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did like a regular nurse. It sucked.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, stressed out.

[Bobby Kelly]

She came in like, hello, Mr. Kelly. I'm like, ugh.

[Jacob]

You weren't ready to act. I mean, yeah, but I know you can get into character. So.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I. I like role playing. And when I was single and I was dating, there was a couple girls who I really connected with sexually, not. Not personally. And it's sad because a lot of the times I connected with a girl sexually, it wasn't personally. We couldn't hang out. Like, as soon as we were done, it's like we annoyed each other. But sexually, we were meant to be together. And a couple of the girls, we did some good, good. Some good sex. I could have filmed it. I could have filmed it, like, good. And they stayed in character. They made choices. Oh, God, man. When they make their own little. Little business, you know what I mean? They bring a. Maybe a cup into the room and they're gonna drink while they, you know. Anyways. Is that your deck?

[Jacob]

One way acting must have been. I know. You were like, my stomach. Something's wrong. Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, she was supposed to come in and give me a. A table, you know, a shower, bed shower. You know what I mean? And you know, I was supposed to be sick.

[Big J Okerson]

Hose you down. Like a marine mammal.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, like an elephant. Like a baby elephant.

[Jacob]

You were paralyzed.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was supposed to be not paralyzed, but I couldn't move. I was very sick. And she came in and then she just turned back into herself too quick. She's like, I can't act. I'm like, stop being insecure. It's not. You're not getting apart. You're not in the business. I'm not. I'm not introducing you to my manager. It's just. Just take a breath. Yeah. Living. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

And back from one. Let's go.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, have you ever done that stuff? You have to tell me.

[Big J Okerson]

I've experimented. Some stuff, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it. I like it. But we don't do that anymore.

[Big J Okerson]

Not characters or anything like that, but definitely some boundary pushing, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like what?

[Big J Okerson]

Well, definitely some, like, maybe non consensual stuff. We've tried.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't like it very much.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, she. She raped you?

[Big J Okerson]

Kind of. Well, I don't know if I would use those words specifically. You know, rape's a pretty serious accusation.

[Bobby Kelly]

She blackmailed you?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Well, Yeah, I guess it was a little bit more direct than that, though. Probably somewhere in the middle of those two. But, man, oh, man, that was really embarrassing for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

You didn't like it?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it felt weird pretending a girl could overpower me. I really wasn't comfortable with that aspect at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I don't like that either. I don't like, like, when a girl gets physical, when she starts slapping you, because I really have to restrain. Just.

[Big J Okerson]

It's like, one. One would do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. One and everything.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, my wife told me this week was that my wife revealed to me that in moments of contention, she imagines punching me in the face.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had my wife say the same thing. She's going through menopause, and I saw her neck get red, and I was like, what does it feel like? She goes, well, my spine.

[Big J Okerson]

Charge up her laser.

[Bobby Kelly]

She goes, my spine gets really hot, and it goes up into my head and my chest, and then it goes into my brain. And I want to rip your spine out of your body and stabilize. Step on it when you speak. And I'm like, okay. And I slowly backed out of the room. And there you go.

[Big J Okerson]

Whoa. Have you ever imagined hitting her.

[Bobby Kelly]

This morning? What are you talking about? Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm brand new to it. I imagine punching myself, my wife, in the face for the very first time two nights ago, and I was just like. It was like staring into the crystal ball in Lord of the Rings, where you got to pull yourself. I was in the Palantir, dude. That was fucking crazy. Crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

The devastation I would cause.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's. I've. I've. I've had to walk out of the room. Let's say leave them. Leave the house. But I could never hit her. My wife could probably take me, too, you know, I mean, you're a pretty tough guy. You know all kinds of martial arts. I talk tough, but I'm pretty sure Don would just hit me in the nuts and then, you know, fight dirty. Yeah, she has. She had four brothers. She had three. Three older brothers that were like, six. Four that used to beat her up all the time. Time. I. That would suck for me in front of my son to hit my wife and then her to beat the. Out of me. Yeah. She takes it. She takes it and then kicks my ass.

[Big J Okerson]

She does, like, the cool Asian guy. Thumb on the, like, bloody lip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Doing the. Come here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come here. I'm like, what? And then Max, she goes, max, let's go. And Max just leaves with her. I never see them again. That she just gives me the house. She's so alpha. Alpha. All right, listen, we got to take a break. We have a very special guest. Everybody loves him. Everybody, I guess, in here loves him, especially me and Jacob. Big J is out in Austin. He's doing he's doing the Story wars out in Austin and he's also doing Rogan. But make sure you check out his special them. He's very close to a million, I think 20,000 left. If not there, YouTube.com special/@big J Okerson. Make sure you check and they is that's them. They. The next special is coming out on 420 at the same website. And Tim Butterly, he's going to be all over the place. He's going to be in Ontario, Canada, in Kitchener, Delhi, Shelburne, Toronto, April 3rd through the 6th. After that, he'll be in South Bend, Indiana, April 11th through the 12th. For tickets and all other info, Tim Butterly.com and subscribe to the Tim Butterly show at YouTube.com Tim Butterly, one of our favorite people here. I love him so much. Hilarious. And go to my website, Punchup Live, Robert Kelly, for my special and all my other stuff. I'm going to be at the zanies in Nashville April 9, and we're doing Bonfire out there in Nashville that week, too. And I'm doing Story wars that night. So pack that rope up. Go get the tickets@zanny's.com or Punchup Live. RobertKelly we'll be right back with more Bonfire in just a second. Psoriatic arthritis symptoms can be unpredictable. I had joint pain and I couldn't move like I used to. I needed relief. I got Cosentyx. It helped me move better.

[Big J Okerson]

Cosentyx Secular is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ability to fight them may occur like.

[Big J Okerson]

Tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections.

[Bobby Kelly]

Some were fatal.

[Big J Okerson]

Tell your doctor if you have an.

[Bobby Kelly]

Infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills.

[Big J Okerson]

Muscle aches or cough, had a vaccine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Or planned to, or if inflammatory bowel.

[Big J Okerson]

Disease symptoms develop, develop or worsen, serious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com Ask your dermatologist about Cosentyx, the wrongs we must right the fights we must win. The future we must secure together for our nation. This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us. We are Marines. We were made for this.