Jammed Up with Ian Fidance

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Jammed Up with Ian Fidance"

Podcast Information

• Title: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
• Host/Author: SiriusXM
• Episode: Jammed Up with Ian Fidance
• Release Date: May 15, 2025
• Channel: SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103

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Introduction The episode "Jammed Up with Ian Fidance" kicks off with a series of humorous advertisements before seamlessly transitioning into the main content. Hosted by veteran comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, the show maintains its trademark blunt humor and unfiltered honesty throughout the lively discussion.

Meeting Ian Fidance The central theme of the episode revolves around an intriguing encounter with Ian Fidance, a member of the renowned band Barenaked Ladies. Bobby Kelly shares his initial nervousness upon meeting Ian, highlighting the awkward yet amusing nature of the interaction.

Bobby Kelly [03:29]: "The guy came up. Introduced himself and he was one of the singers of Barenaked Ladies, which was cool, but I feel like. Did I not give him enough?"

Discussion on Music Licensing and Royalties A significant portion of the conversation delves into the complexities of music licensing, particularly focusing on the hit song "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies. The hosts ponder whether the band receives ongoing royalties or a one-time fee for their songs, showcasing their genuine curiosity and humor.

Big Jay Oakerson [07:12]: "Now I know those Bare Naked Ladies."

Bobby Kelly [07:14]: "Do you think that they... Do you think that they made a one-time fee on that? Or they get... Or they get money forever."

Interactive Challenge: 30-Second Karaoke In a playful segment, Big Jay and Bobby attempt to sing "One Week" within strict 30-second intervals, adhering to radio station rules. This challenge leads to a cascade of humorous mishaps, showcasing the hosts' improvisational skills and comedic chemistry.

Big Jay Oakerson [06:22]: "Do me a favor, sing 30 seconds of it, because that's all I can compare it to."

Bobby Kelly [06:30]: "One little... Do me a favor, sing 30 seconds of it."

Humorous Anecdotes and Banter The episode takes a wild turn as the conversation shifts to risqué and absurd topics, including exaggerated stories about butt plugs and sexual escapades. This segment underscores the hosts' ability to maintain humor even in the most unexpected discussions.

Big Jay Oakerson [54:07]: "Butt plug challenge. I'm gonna get one that's got something coming off it. I would like a raccoon tail or something coming out of my pants."

Bobby Kelly [54:19]: "I call that one. You have a tail."

Guest Interactions and Personal Stories Throughout the episode, interactions with guests like Jacob and Christine add depth to the conversation. They share personal stories, often bordering on the absurd, which keeps the atmosphere light-hearted and engaging.

Jacob [34:11]: "My aunt lost her boob to breast cancer and then got a fake boob and showed me and was like, touch it. It feels weird."

Bobby Kelly [35:04]: "I saw my aunt's bush once."

Closing Remarks and Promotions As the episode nears its end, Big Jay and Bobby shift focus to promoting upcoming shows and specials. They humorously reflect on the day's antics while encouraging listeners to engage with their content.

Big Jay Oakerson [63:54]: "This whole show's been plugged."

Bobby Kelly [64:38]: "Steve's princess steaks."

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Notable Quotes

• Bobby Kelly [03:32]: "He introduced himself and he was one of the singers of Barenaked Ladies, which was cool..."
• Big Jay Oakerson [07:22]: "This is the question we have to ask when he wants to come back on the show."
• Bobby Kelly [12:10]: "It was dope what you did out there. I like that."
• Big Jay Oakerson [54:38]: "Now, Christine, what are these terrifying butt plugs you're showing us?"

Final Thoughts "Jammed Up with Ian Fidance" epitomizes The Bonfire's essence—combining sharp wit, candid conversations, and spontaneous humor. The episode seamlessly weaves through topics ranging from music industry insights to outrageous personal stories, ensuring an engaging experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Subscription Information Listeners can subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ for ad-free episodes and early access. Start a free trial on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

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Listeners' Takeaway Whether discussing the intricacies of music royalties or navigating bizarre comedic challenges, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver an unforgettable episode filled with laughter, camaraderie, and unexpected twists. "Jammed Up with Ian Fidance" is a testament to their enduring appeal and ability to entertain with unfiltered honesty.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

Pacifico is a Mexican lager brood to be discovered. It's like fresh tracks on a powder day like that uncharted trail a stone's throw away like the perfect wave on a sunny day. Pacifico, find your own way. 21 plus. Drink responsibly. Imported by Crown Import, Chicago, Illinois.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Christine]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3.

[Bobby Kelly]

Month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only.

[Christine]

Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Bobby Kelly]

See full [e-mail].

[Jacob]

And now the bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

With Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do me a favor. Hard cut that. Hard cut. We're only allowed 30 seconds of music on the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but is it 30 seconds and then stop and then another 30? Does it re. Ooh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it back on for 30 seconds, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

And the reason why we're playing this bonfire is not there's a reason behind it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Faction Talk, SiriusXM103. You can put it back on now. I think Big J Okerson, the great Robert Kelly is always sitting across from me. The whole crew is in this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, sweetie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're playing the song because we're out front having our little lunchtime Bobby, if you wouldn't mind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Blue, cut that off, please. Sorry. Yeah, go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, buddy. Appreciate that. I want to get in trouble. We're having a little meeting and I was approached by this interesting man and I was a little nervous.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We worked together, asked if.

[Bobby Kelly]

If he was like, have we worked together before? And I thought that was literally. Oh, that's my wife.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Took me a second to real. Does she not know you're on a radio show at this exact time? That's crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

She doesn't care about me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

She cares about the checks that they send to her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is how this is.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she doesn't care about how the pudding's made.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I got you.

[Bobby Kelly]

She cares about just me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can turn it back on again.

[Bobby Kelly]

So, yeah, the guy walked up, he's like. I was a little nervous. I didn't recognize.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I didn't recognize him at first either. And I was gonna be. He came over very brazen, in a sense That I was gonna be like, start making jokes to the crew around us like, hey, buddy, just walk right up and barge in. Hootie. I think he had his asshole essentially in Lou's face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Am I right? Is that where you were sitting?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that was his face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. Oh, you're right. It may have been Black Blue's face.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was in your face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He put his back to you to talk to Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's that?

[Christine]

He was in between you and me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Jacob was sitting there. Black Lou moves. Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you. If you took Lou and Lou and put them together, you make a Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's true. Physically, both Lou's together make a Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If we put you guys in that fly thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The thing that showed up in the third pod. A Jacob would be a Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

A Jacob would come out, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Blue. What are you trying to get his fucking. Turn the goddamn music off.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's wrong with you, dude?

[Jacob]

Sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Were you at the outdoor lunch spring meeting?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were you at the lunch meeting?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Didn't you hear the new music rules?

[Bobby Kelly]

I guess I wasn't listening hard enough. Shut it down. Well, anyways.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

The guy came up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Introduced himself and he was the one of the singers of Barenaked Ladies, which was cool, but I feel like. Did I not give him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think it was chicken to China, the Chinese chicken.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did I not give him enough?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't give enough because you didn't have any idea until I think we walked in here not a minute ago, that that was the guy from Bare Naked Ladies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he said he was from Bare Naked Ladies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did he say that?

[Bobby Kelly]

He said it to me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

He goes, I'm gonna. He goes, I'm gonna band. I'm gonna ban Bare Naked Ladies. We're doing a gig here. But I know you. And as soon as he said that, I panicked. Because I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because you thought you were going to have to get be quizzed on what he does.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, no, I immediately looked at you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hoping that you'd be like, I did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I did know.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then I looked at you and I. I go, hey, this is. He goes, I'm a big fan. You're a stand up comedian. I'm a big fan. Louie, blah, blah, blah. I love your comedy. I was like, oh, this is Big J. He's very funny guy. Do a radio show. Throw it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love your stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I say, I love your stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had that vibe. If you didn't say. Yeah, you had.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, listen, listen, I Do Love from the Bare Naked Le. I even threw him like. You're based out of Canada, right? Come on. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. By the way, we could play Hours upon Hours of Evelyn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we have zero problems there. Yeah, we can't get a problem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Zero problems there.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm. I like their music. I've never seen them live, but I don't. I feel like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're right. You like their music.

[Bobby Kelly]

I should have. Hang on one second. Before you do it. Before you do it. Before you make. Before you humiliate me to make yourself better.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Humiliate you?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm your partner. Yeah, I know you are.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm your partner, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I know your partner and I went too far. I judged you too quick. Go ahead. What were you gonna say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't remember. You're. You like their music?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I like their music.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chicken of China. The Chinese chicken.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's called One Week. Yeah, you knew that. I know you knew that. For One week. I Can't by the Bare Naked Ladies.

[Bobby Kelly]

How do you live with him, Christine? I can't. I can't deal with him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But now, by the way, I'm. Can I tell you something? Can I come clean?

[Bobby Kelly]

Come clean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't have the answer to this question. I don't have the answer. I can't even tell if you're right or wrong. Tell me one more Baredica lady song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, the hit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They.

[Bobby Kelly]

They just came out with a new album.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe they did. Did they?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they look it up. They just came out with a brand new album.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're probably right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Just came up with it. It's really good. Do the theme song, too. And they just. They were just on. They were just. Third show.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, the Big Bang Theory.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they do that song, man.

[Jacob]

They've.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They're probably loaded off that song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well. You think so? Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, that's like the Rembrandts with.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, One Week is their big hit, so. I like that song. One week and we're dip. That one we just played. Yeah, I like that song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone likes that song. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

One Little Slip is a good one too, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so you pulled up the list.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pull up nothing. Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How's One Little Slip go, buddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

One little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do me a favor, sing 30 seconds of it, because that's all I can compare it to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, the Big Bang Theory is a good one, man. I had. I had 10,000. How's it going?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm watching you. Look at your phone.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not looking at my phone. Dude, nobody knows anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is a Bang Theory theme song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a good song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How long is it? 20 seconds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Perfect.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now I know those Bare Naked Ladies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you think that they. Do you think that they made a one time fee on that? Or they get. Or they get money forever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is the question we have to ask when he wants to come back on the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because I did step up at the end. I pulled my together at the last minute, said, you guys should come on our show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I. But I panicked because I was gonna be like, hey, we're doing a show right now. I should have said, come up. I should have said, come up maybe, but I didn't want. I didn't want to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the problem, though. We were going to have to show right in front of him that none of us, to this moment still right now, currently know his name.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is why I panicked, because I was like, if they come up right now, Jay's going to know everything, and I'm just going to have to sit there and nod my head.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I would have been Made this face. I would have stared him and eventually went, it's been. That's been.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just said next time so I could brush up on my Bare Naked Ladies next scene. He's gonna be in town in a month. And of course, Big Jim, who is the professional that he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Said, who did you. Who's your connection? I know that. I got it. He took over, which was great because I. I panicked. I. I was like. This is. When he said Bare Naked Ladies. I was like, oh, my God. I know you. I just don't know you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Which one was it?

[Bobby Kelly]

It was that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Yes, yes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Is that the singer?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's one of the two singers. Yeah, the two in the middle. The one that Fat Nate. And it was Fat Nate and the other guy are the singers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it Fat Nate that I met?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Could you go to the. Put on the video, Christine? I just want to see which part of the song he sings.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't mean. I met the one in the. The one to the left. Dude, no, wait, I didn't meet that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you didn't.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's Fat Nate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's Fat Nate.

[Bobby Kelly]

We gotta call him that when he comes in too, right? God damn it, Dawn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can turn on. You can Turn it up. 10, 11, 12.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

13. It's him. It's like a guy playing guitar right now. That guy wanted him. It's him. Oh, so he's the rapper.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I met him. He didn't look like him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Drop the butt.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Drop The Santa is 25 years ago.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You are really judging him. 25 years.

[Bobby Kelly]

He probably know. He probably knows me.

[Christine]

That looks like none of them. The guys we.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go ahead. Lou. You can turn it back up.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not the guy I just met.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's exactly the guy you just met.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The finest of the flavors. Lou, please turn it off. I'm not going to get my ass jammed up in court.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here's what sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Is that I feel threatened. Genuine legal action.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're going to have my ass jammed up in court.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy. We got you, man. We got lawyers on our side.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You guys got to show. I don't have. I don't really. I really should have stayed much more connected to my Jewish side. Had I known that a corporation was going to fucking try to push all their weight down on top of me over my fair usage of songs I thought they owned.

[Bobby Kelly]

We just can't. We can't do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now. This is a live performance. Can we play? This is only 30 seconds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also use your instincts. Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. Radio instinct means it counts.

[Jacob]

Okay?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your instincts mean nothing to me if you don't have the song playing in the background. Jacob. Instinct us. Hang on. Instinct us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, there he is. You're right. It is him. He got old. What the.

[Christine]

Am I waiting for this or.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, you got it. This is it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I feel he's insistent.

[Christine]

This is okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Close your eyes. Jacob. Close your eyes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Close your eyes.

[Christine]

Telling me this is okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is fine.

[Christine]

Yes. I trust my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it back up, please. Black loop, please. Start counting from five seconds into a microphone, please. Quietly.

[Bobby Kelly]

We would have had them all up here. But here's the problem. He knew me. The rest of the guys could give a damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was the rest of the band. He's the guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I. But I. But I treated him like. I mean, I didn't give enough. I should have gave more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm telling you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was I. Was I. I was about to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She wasn't there. I was about to be weird to him because I was. You know what? Let's just be safe. Be good. Thank you, Lou.

[Christine]

I thought you handled it well.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did I? Cuz I. I got up at the end.

[Christine]

Didn't know who you did good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what you did do at the end though. Which I thought was interesting for a guy who is. Listen. They had a worldwide hit. This song was a hit everywhere. They could play this song in any country at any time, and the crowd's going to go nuts. Sure for it. You stood up and gave him like. You were like. Well, cuz you wanted to eat. Our food was coming.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I was hungry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We were trying to wrap up with Big Jim. I had a headache and. But you had a headache. And Bobby stood up and did the old. He goes, well, dude, it was great meeting you, my man. Just. He sent him off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which I thought was great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had to do it. No, no, no, no, Bobby. Yeah, it was sexy as.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was dope what you did out there. I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel like I pulled it together right at the end because I made a choice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You both together. Nothing you said, that's enough of the Bare Naked Ladies.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go, for now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hooked it up. Jim's gonna get him on. We can re. Establish things, get our stuff in order. Get my ducks in a row, come back in. Hey, scabba dabba dooba doo boop Scabba.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dooba dubba duba duba flavor. And I will say, if we gave a shit, we should really think about. We should really, really think for sure about learning the lyrics to that whole part at some point. So when he comes in, we could do it. We could impress him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he was. He was really nice, but the rest of the band was looking over like them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Them.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were right. Am I crazy? They were looking over like them. But that move at the end, I did. I saw that on a TV show and I used it.

[Christine]

I know the show Ballers, because that's what you were.

[Jacob]

Ballers.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it. Your instincts are right on that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, you're a ball.

[Christine]

You're the rock. You were the rock today down there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dwayne.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can do the eyebrow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude, that guy was all up in your shit. He knew you from Louis. Yeah, he did not know me at all. That was. I mean, you got a real thing. Christine, take those lyrics down, please. We can't have that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, if we want to still do the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. We will be kicked off the radio.

[Christine]

You can keep them up for 30 seconds, huh? Believe you can keep them up for their.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With the song? No, the problem is, if I look at the lyrics, inevitably I'm gonna start singing them. And I can't assume that I'll be done that in 30 seconds.

[Bobby Kelly]

And. And comedy wise, karaoke is not funny.

[Christine]

Go with your instincts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, my instincts are not. What's Valued here.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, your. Your instincts got us in trouble.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My instincts apparently got us in trouble.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fucking trouble. Because his fucking dumb instincts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now we're getting yelled at.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Christine]

We're getting the Bare Naked Ladies.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're getting the. You know, what God took away. But he gave us one door closed and another door opened. And now we're gonna get the Bare Naked Ladies or at least one of them.

[Christine]

You're not getting the song on tv. You're getting him in the studio.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

How does that sound to you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I have to tell you this right now. If he picks up a guitar and starts playing that song at 29 seconds, I'm gonna punch him in his fucking face. Jay, you can't at 29 seconds, dude. I'm gonna fucking karate chop his throat. Shut it down, dude. He's just gonna shut it the down.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's gonna get. 5, 4, 3. What's going on, guys?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Chickadee.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's he doing? Bobby, what's he doing?

[Christine]

Picture him staring at you getting into a crouching position.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, you got seven more seconds before I end your. You better speed through this. You better wrap that faster chicken. Let him get to 30 seconds. That song live in studio that will start tackling everybody who comes in here and performs live. Marcus King, don't think you're exempt, dude. You get 30 seconds of your song. If you keep going, I'm gonna stage dive into your drummers drums.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will spin kick Bruce Springsteen in the chest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If he tries to go for longer than 30.

[Bobby Kelly]

Try to get to born in the USA that part of the song. That's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's. That's a minute 30 in easy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Murder him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got a massive headache. I don't know what the hell happened.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not trying to fuck you. You don't keep saying that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think I got something. I think. I think the pressure of the pre show got to me. The pressure of the game.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Bobby brought up a great game, great game. And you're going to hear it tomorrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think when I perform. You give everything a lot out of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You give everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

It took a lot out of me and Jacob. Now I have no respect for when you do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You leave it all out there. As they say.

[Christine]

Someone who puts it all out there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

When they're on. When, when we hit the stage, I. I applaud what you did and I like that you. You give yourself a headache.

[Bobby Kelly]

You.

[Christine]

You're in pain for your craft.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gave all my electrolytes to that game and. And I. You Know. And it was hard because controlling for five men. Alpha men.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is not easy. It's not an easy thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no. It's like being a tiger tamer. I don't know how you do it. Dude, it's goddamn amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I think it sucked all the life out of me. And then when we went downstairs and then I. That when I met the. The co founder of Nickelback.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bare Naked Ladies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bare Naked Ladies can't spin.

[Christine]

Ed Robertson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ed Robinson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Great question. We know, dude. I was joking. I know. Robert, I. Dude, I call.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Way to kill the bit where we were joking around before we knew his name was Ed Robertson. Yeah, dude, we know Ed Robertson before.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, buddy, I know who he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, play along with the bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We all know Ed Robinson. Robinson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robinson.

[Christine]

Robertson.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robertson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's right. Robert's son.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robert's son.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like Bobby. Like Max.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, buddy. All his songs. Like 1000 miles to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope. 1. It's pit spin the Chickadee China saying. Sorry. Let's see if. I don't even know. I could read it in time. Get to the Chinese chicken park. Christine, I know you had the lyrics up there. We're allowed to have the lyrics up for more than.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we have the lyrics up for 30 seconds and the music up for 30 at the same time?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, well, well. Wait.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I don't like the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tell me with your instincts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Lou, if you could use your inst. Close your eyes, put your hands together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You had no idea that Jacob's instincts were gonna make you so busy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Excuse me, Jacob. Put your hands together, close your eyes and use your instincts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn off the lights. He needs to be sensory deprived.

[Christine]

You can do both for 30 seconds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you sure? Yes, but what about comedy? Is it going to be funny?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who is it speaking through you? Vishnu?

[Christine]

It's just instinct. I don't know where it comes from.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know where it comes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's pulling it from somewhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's radio instincts. It's coming from the antennas on top of the radios.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That'd be great if Jacob had my favorite Martian thing that came out of his head.

[Bobby Kelly]

If he had a little tiny Martian in his stomach.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Aquato, you should get a quado. It's been 29 seconds go. You could take us to the Chinese chicken part.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here we go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now. Can we. Oh, man. I think I'm gonna up. Bobby, you're gonna this up by for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can say it real quick. Chickadee Chicken references.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like them, but well dated references. No, it wasn't dated. At the time.

[Christine]

No. Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm just saying when it came out. You get the Chinese chicken part.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, right there. Chickadee. Chinese chickadee. China, the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain keeps ticking and watching X Files and no lights on with Dan's line.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you're queuing it. I just saw what he was doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't do this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You can.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have a headache, dude. I know, but my brain almost imploded.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're getting so much better at reading.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see.

[Christine]

You need electrolytes. They have it. That's a new thing downstairs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Jacob, can you please have a bowl of electrolytes?

[Christine]

You can push an electrolytes button. There's a drink you can add electrolytics.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you pass me some of your instincts to maybe help me with my headache?

[Christine]

It's visual, but I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob is now holding his fingers together, closing his eyes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's giving you the powers.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'm connecting to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you feel it? Are you feeling its instincts?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think I am.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it taking your headache away?

[Jacob]

My headache?

[Christine]

I'm taking it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob's gonna burden himself with your head.

[Christine]

Yeah. I'll take the headache for you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a good instinct.

[Bobby Kelly]

I feel bad.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you, Jacob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have the Chinese chicken part. Up Blue.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do. Here we go. 30 seconds. We literally done. We've done 40 minutes of this. 30 second intervals.

[Christine]

That's the line.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say something?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have a drumstick in your brain. Stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody in the room has to try it. Everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One at a time or at the same time?

[Bobby Kelly]

One at a time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Until you lose it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Until you lose it. Until you lose it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Until you lose it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Ready?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna be. Oh, Lou, no. We're gonna be jammed up, dude. Our asses are gonna be. I mean, with legality up the ass. We are walking a line here. Go ahead, give it to me. Should I go first?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chick. China. The Chinese ch. Chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain starts kicking. Watching X Files with no lights on with that maison I hope to smoke Imagine this one like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic Next thing I'm tantric like Snickers Guaranteed to satisfy like Urasawa. I make mad films, okay? I don't make films, but if I did, they have a samurai gonna get a set of. Oh, is that 30 seconds? Oh, it didn't get to the part where I was gonna whiff hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, let's start here. Starting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, I guess you can start it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Of course you can take me back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To K. I don't make films.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do we have to wait 30 seconds in between the 30 seconds? No, you can just go 30 seconds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was never brought to me into my attention. 30 second intervals.

[Bobby Kelly]

In the summertime spring meeting we had outside, did that come up at all? No.

[Christine]

If you can go back to it. Yeah, it didn't come up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, great.

[Christine]

I don't think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that's gotta mean there's no hard line on this.

[Christine]

Let's break. Let's be rule breakers.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like it. Jacob's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We, we, we.

[Bobby Kelly]

We got him on our team. He's ours. Go ahead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go ahead. Mad films. Okay, I don't make films, but if I didn't have a samurai. Gonna get a set of better clubs. Gonna find the kind of tiny tubs. Nope. Wow. That's where I lost it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna slam this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. I want to see you do it. I believe in you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back to the top.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine's stage momming the whole thing. So I'm looking over and she thought I was telling her to get down. She's mouthing all the words at the same time. It was distracting. As you were.

[Bobby Kelly]

You stage mom and Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Horrible. She was like.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I wasn't looking at him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I was looking at you because you're next to the screen.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it makes me happy. This certain music lights that woman up. She really does. Her little dimples come out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well. Not good music.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just like, not great music.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her song. That song yesterday you played, she loved.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was not a great song. I explained that to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay? I'm not getting into this again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know I was gonna. I was gonna get jammed up the ass for it. I didn't know my ass was gonna be so jammed about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you don't know about publishing. All right, ready? Bring it all the way to the top. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope, nope.

[Bobby Kelly]

Chicken part.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No chicken part.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right there, Chick. E Chi. All right, Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Leather, yellow leather. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Red.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather.

[Bobby Kelly]

Red leather, yellow, yellow. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Red leather, yellow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Red leather, yellow leather.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Red leather, yellow leather.

[Bobby Kelly]

Red leather, yellow, yellow, red. Yellow leather, leather.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You ready?

[Bobby Kelly]

Red.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now one. You're ready.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right here, right, Chick? Nope. Chyna and the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain stops sticking. Watching X Files with low lights on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I told you you weren't going to make it past where Don's Lamaison.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a Don Lamaison Damn right. That messed me up, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I knew it was gonna.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, Jacob, you're up.

[Christine]

I'm not gonna do well. I don't sight read. I'll try it though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're goddamn right. Go into your instincts.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What you're doing right now is you're relying on talent and will, but. Stop that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rely on your instincts.

[Christine]

I'm usually off book.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I just say something?

[Christine]

I'll do my best.

[Bobby Kelly]

I made you a little nervous. When I got past the drumsticks and the brain stopped sticking, you were like, oh, shit. This guy might have it.

[Christine]

2X Men.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah. For a second. But I had a sneaking suspicion if I was making side bets, I'd go, bobby doesn't make it past. We're Don's Lamaison.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I try it one more time?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. Go chicken. Chinese chicken. Have a drumstick. Then your brain starts ticking. Watch the next files with no lights on with then line meds. Fuck. It's that one. It's that one. You know me. You know me. You know me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don's on. Don's on. Don's on. Don the maison. Keep going.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wouldn't know if I wasn't reading it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don's the Maison. Don's Amazon. I hope to smoke a man in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The one and I hope the smoker man's in this one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Smoker man in this one. I hope I'm done.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is the naked lady. Bare naked ladies. Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. If I had a million Dollars. That's the one I was singing. If I had $10 million. I mean, let's be honest. They had a lot of good songs that, you know. And now that we're going to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Best friends with him, our guests knew immediately who it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he's a. He's from Younger. Dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's a bare naked lady.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's a bare naked lady. He's a little hipper than me. Ian's hipper than both of us. Let's just put it that way. Look at you.

[Jacob]

Hipper, hipper, hipper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And chip. I mean, disagreeing that you're hipper than me. Probably. Probably hipper than me.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a little hipper. I mean, dude, you're hip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Younger.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're younger. But look at him, dude, look, he's got silver. Like, he's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like body.

[Jacob]

I like music.

[Bobby Kelly]

Got a great body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's got a fantastic body.

[Jacob]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got a nice. I like his big nose. It's like a sexy big nose.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The guy stays slaying ass. So I. He must have at least a thick piece.

[Bobby Kelly]

Both asses. Yeah, he's slaying. He's slaying. All the genres, right? Yeah, yeah. And his mom's the best.

[Jacob]

Oh, that's nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

I met his mom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anyway, catch him on tour. Ian, it's good having you. We'll see you later.

[Jacob]

This is incredible. I gotta bottle this up and take it every day. This is nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, seriously, take off. Jay, listen, the thing is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Seriously, get out of here. Great job. You can see him on tour.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, take him out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Black. Look good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bye. Take care. Tell your mom I said what's up. I met you. I met his mom. I mean, adorable. Love her.

[Jacob]

Yeah, she's great.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did I. What?

[Jacob]

Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The old Jay?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no. That's from Philly. That's a different thing.

[Jacob]

Oh, like a fist bone?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, he's from Philly. He knows. I was asking if you plowed his mother.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was well aware. I was trying to get out of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was right. I do think I have a shot.

[Jacob]

Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, not plow, but make.

[Jacob]

No, no, stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could do worse than to have Bobby Kelly be your stepfather.

[Jacob]

He did bring nice bread from the bakery up the street because he was coming into my home because that's where our podcast studio is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And he brought us nice bread. It was very kind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You brought a bread?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I was. Anytime I walk by a bakery, like a real bakery, he has to go stop in. I do. No, I do. I stop in, I go in. I'll get some bread.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you float to it? You see? Like Pepe Le Pew. Yeah. When he smells the ladies, you float into the room.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we got it. That was.

[Jacob]

I was gonna say that, but I wanted to let you finish. The reason he brought the bread is because Paul Verze did it with him, and Paul did not bring anything. And I think you brought it to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Rub it in the street. I didn't. I didn't know what Paul was up to. I was coming, and I. They had a. A Bruto bread, which is nuts. You ever have Bruto bread?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it's like, you know, it's like this crispy ham inside of a bread. It's nuts. And it was a beautiful little bakery right up. He lives in Brooklyn and hipster. Really? Hipster part of town.

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jacob]

No, it's, like, very Hispanic and nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's very hip. Now that you're there.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I saw a lot more.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I saw that wink, how good that wink was. Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's so much.

[Jacob]

Yes. Perfect.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got to tell you, from. From being an older gentleman.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

My point of view.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was very hipster.

[Jacob]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have a lot of. A lot of young kids, a lot of little weird bars, a lot of little crazy restaurants, and. And, you know.

[Jacob]

Well, you think that's. You should go to, like, the real Williamsburg because I live right on the cusp of Bushwick. You should go to part by the water. That's like, where it's like. This is a hat store for 350 for a top hat. And then somehow stays in business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Just from Slash. Yeah, Slash comes by now. Bobby, I gotta talk about this prosciutto bread here. I see. What kind of prosciutto bread? Because I don't like the thick chunks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

The one on the right.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not the one, right? That one. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the one I got.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I don't love the thick chunks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, well, I didn't get it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't get it for you Don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got it for his mom, so stop making it about you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got the brijut for his mom?

[Bobby Kelly]

I got it.

[Jacob]

Well, you gave his mommy the brute for me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gave her the brijut. When I got there, I said, you can have this brachiute or that brachiute pick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And she said, both.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll take the bread.

[Jacob]

I'll take the one with the crumbs. And Bobby goes, so you want this dick?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, and then me and his mind went down to the studio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, now, real soon, the crumbs are your beaver dandruff his. Yeah, yeah. Bobby tried to turn it to you by just staring at you, but I was meant you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, I was just staring at him because I thought you meant his mom. And I didn't want to face you.

[Jacob]

That's why I was facing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was the crumbs dick joke. Dick was with the crumbs, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm with you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I was saying the crumbs were your.

[Bobby Kelly]

I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dick hair, dandruff.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was with you, buddy. I just thought you were talking about his mom's pussy crumbs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I was stone faced mean. Now my instincts are telling me to make buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To make Dick, dick hair, dandruff buddy something huge.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would have went. I would have went on both sides of it. I was just staring at him, that's all.

[Jacob]

My mom's got a nice beaver.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Can we just.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if my mom does, but I'll tell you, when I was young, she did tell you what. She had a thick beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

His mom gives away that beaver for prosciutto bread, too, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that.

[Jacob]

And she's a nice lady.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, pursuer bread is not cheap, know. Yeah. Was she gonna buy all her prosciutto bread herself? She's a lady.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Whenever I saw my mom naked when I was younger, she had a bush for sure. But she was young. Yeah, it was just a different time, man. Yeah, it was a different time. I mean, I was seeing her bush. She was still in her 40s, mid, late 20s.

[Jacob]

I don't think mom should shave. I think once you're your mom, you should just let it all go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But she was out there. She was putting herself out there in the world.

[Jacob]

Really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which means these guys were coming home to some. Some fur burger. Yeah, without a doubt.

[Bobby Kelly]

I saw my aunt's bush once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that was weird. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She wasn't my. She wasn't my relative. She was my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She wasn't like a. Oh, that's totally fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was my family friend, uncle's wife, dude.

[Jacob]

My aunt lost her boob to breast cancer and then got a fake boob and showed me and was like, touch it. It feels weird. And I was like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it was. Oh, it was like a fake tit. Like under. Like, under this.

[Jacob]

Like a memory that just got unlocked.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was. That was his first tattoo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was. It was a implant she had so she was like, feel. Because I'll tell you what, when people get implant.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

But she didn't have to make me feel the other one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She didn't. That was the weird part.

[Jacob]

While her bush was sticking out of her bikini.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. She doesn't have to make me feel them while she was 69ing me. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I could get my own milk at that point. Did you fool around with her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Something about. Something about a fake tit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute. Stop. Did you fool around with her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Jacob]

All right, well, I felt her boob because an adult told me to, so I did it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you do, you know, you're a good boy. You do the right thing. Yeah. And you don't tell her. Everyone gets it. Trouble now.

[Jacob]

You wait 30 years until you're on radio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is the moment. Yes, this. Today's show has been a real breakthrough, I think for Ian. Something about the removal of people's emotions to their tits when they get a new tit job. Because, I mean, our friend Michelle got a boob job, and now our friend Michelle got a boob job in her 40s. She got a reduction, but she had it done. They should have them shaped.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, she had them shaped up. She went from like a double D to like a full B and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I mean, she couldn't wait to hang these sons of out there in the world. And this is just like a mom party girl.

[Jacob]

Get any cosmetic surgery, you want to show it off. That's why so many trans men are like, I'm being shirtless forever. Like, isn't this what guys do? We're always shirtless. Right, guys?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're like, with our titty scars.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah. Cool it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I will say if I had a surgery, if there was that surgery surgery, when I'm picturing that one where they say they can, like, cut a tendon somewhere way behind your dick, and it just makes all this extra dick just flop out.

[Jacob]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Jacob]

What is your dick on a governor?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm certain it's not real. Yeah, I'm certain this is not real.

[Jacob]

Crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But my point just being, if I all of a sudden had a dick that dangled, like, heavy down to like, mid thigh, like a dangle, I would also. I would find reasons to get it.

[Bobby Kelly]

But would you get a dangle if it couldn't get up fully?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. So you. You want a dango that got up as big as it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. I mean, I just watched. I'm way behind, but I'm now made it to season three of White Lotus did you watch White Lotus?

[Christine]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They showed the father in the show. You watch it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Y.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The father in the show at one point with his family, he reaches wiener. He reaches back with a robe and in front of his family, they show his dick. And it is. As soon as I saw it, you're one of those ones where you're like. It's soft, but you're like, fuck, dude. The guy's got a big, thick fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

But is it real?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because it might not be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Baby Billy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was not real.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not real. And I thought it was a multiple.

[Jacob]

Mark Wahlberg had a prosthetic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Prosthetic. That was prosthetic.

[Jacob]

They're showing more and more wiener and less and less boobs. Did you guys see Sinners?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. They show wiener in it.

[Jacob]

No, but it was vampire. All vampire movies have boobs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

And they don't show boobs. And this woman's having sex and she's fully clothes. It's like, no, vampires take out boobs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You're supposed to have tits in a horror movie.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're supposed to see his little tea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, that's vampires particularly is always big on the. The dirty of it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I think in the Lost Boys, do you get Gertz's boobs at one point?

[Jacob]

I don't know, but I know Salma. Salma Hayek had him out in From Dust Till Dawn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Several girls had him out. Salma Hayek, famously.

[Jacob]

Salma Hayek, Desperado, sexual awakening. That movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good God, Jacob, support me on this. They've asked. I always said the hottest chick in the hot. It's like, moment in time. The prettiest girl I've ever seen. Salma hike in Desperado.

[Jacob]

Yes, Particularly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I said on the show before her walking down the street, everything was.

[Jacob]

They get in an accident.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stunning, coolest movie.

[Jacob]

Those guys with the guitars and the guns in them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not yet.

[Jacob]

Anthony Banders had gorgeous olive skin in it, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

You thought Tarantino was good in that?

[Jacob]

That.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Dude, that was the coolest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Industrial dawn.

[Christine]

Still dawn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're going back to the movies.

[Jacob]

Oh, I thought you meant in Desperado, because he was in Desperado too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Desperado. He was industrial.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who made this? Who was saying this the other day? The pitch for that is so funny that. The pitch for that. He goes, hey, I'm going to be the director. The Dave Smith, he was like, you know, I'm the director of this movie. And. But it wasn't. As Robert Rodriguez directed.

[Jacob]

It didn't Tarantino direct the first half and Rodriguez directed the seventh. That's why they're so like cartoonishly different.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But whatever it is, they were just like that. He's like, oh, you know what? And we're gonna have to have her come out and do like a sexy dance for the snake on somebody. And like, I mean, I'll just do it. I mean, I'm. I'll just jump in there and take care of that. So we have to worry about that at all. And then she's probably rubber snatching tits all over me or something.

[Jacob]

She probably put her foot in her mouth and drip tequila down it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm not gonna ask anybody else to do something. I know it's not sanitary. I'll do it. I'll take it. She.

[Bobby Kelly]

But she had a thing. She had an interview where a snake came up out and she flipped out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you see that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's an interview, she's doing an interview movie and some snake comes out and she literally has a panic attack and starts losing it. But then I was like, I go back to this movie where she has this pike around her and she's dancing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Jacob]

Maybe she can only be around snakes if she's dancing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, dude. It was, it was like, wow. Did you find it, Christine? Yeah. This is crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. But if a snake was presented to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch this, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I understand this though.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The snake, that snake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, look, just watch this. Watch. Watch how much she flips out though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Say listen, Bobby. Say listen. Don't say watch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, listen, listen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So everyone's jumping up on chairs, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to hear her. I got you.

[Jacob]

I mean, this sounds like it's school shooting footage.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, I will say, I will say about this. Her reaction to that is. Does not seem like she would have ever worked with a snake. So I agree with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. But she's in an interview with all these other actresses. There's thousands of people around out on a dock, on a lake. It's not going to be like a.

[Jacob]

Snake and not like Harvey Weinstein off camera. So she squeeze.

[Bobby Kelly]

She lost her mind on this. And then on this movie, she's walking around this massive.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wonder if it's. It's a fake. Snake's probably fake.

[Bobby Kelly]

Talking about fake. Maybe it's a fake snake, but it does not look fake.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It says it's real.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a weird.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And she had to under said she agreed to the role and underwent hypnotherapy to overcome her fear.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there you go.

[Bobby Kelly]

So she apparently needs to be.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But the movie Grown Ups. But that happened after. Because that was an interview for the movie Grown Ups. Dusto D was way before that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Way before that. So she had to get hypnotized to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get over a thing for a little.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bit and show her tits. She had to do a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, she doesn't show her tits in this.

[Jacob]

And in this. Do you think when she was getting hypnotized about the snake, they're like, okay, you will see. You will see the snake and not get scared. And then Quentin Tarantino was like, yeah, and you'll put your foot in my mouth too.

[Christine]

Hey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Also, hey, while you're in there. Hey.

[Jacob]

Well, you're in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

She doesn't show her tits in this movie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Jacob]

Yes, she does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, she doesn't.

[Jacob]

Why don't we watch for a minute?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're not allowed.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a 39. 29 seconds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, no, no, that's not the issue.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, we're not supposed to watch TV anyway. This is a movie. Dust till Dawn. I thought she showed her boobs.

[Christine]

She doesn't show her boobs.

[Jacob]

Anyways, I gotta take it home.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rewatch only Desperado.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's weird that you can be I. Do you believe in being hypnotized? That works?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, or I would not be smoking right now.

[Jacob]

Dude. The very first construction job I ever worked, our foreman's name was Mark the Shark. And he told us this joke. He goes, how's a hypnotist get his dick sucked like hell. He pretends to take his out and goes, you're getting very sleepy. And he just rubs his cockroach like. All right. Thank you again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the joke of a man with a heavy swing.

[Jacob]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He had a thick one for sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tits are out, by the way, dude.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Desperado.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Desperado.

[Jacob]

Oh, incredible.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? I said not. Not 30 seconds ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Wow. Sometimes you're wrong and sometimes you're right.

[Jacob]

Well, what is this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's not real.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's all on porn sites. So we get ads.

[Jacob]

Oh, wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now he's got a foot fetish. And he has her, does he?

[Jacob]

Are you guys Feet?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, never. I'm not. I'm not wigged out by feet necessarily. And if a girl. If a girl was putting her foot to my mouth and I was scoping it out, that it wasn't gross or anything, and I was very attracted to the girl, I'll suck it to, if that's what she's into. I couldn't give two shits.

[Jacob]

I do not like feet. But you know that girl at skanx that you called out and we left together?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure, sure.

[Jacob]

We were being intimate and I like blacked out and threw her foot in my mouth and was like sucking her toe and then I pulled it out. I go, what? What just happened? Like, I was so entranced by everything that I was like, I'll fudgeing, eat a foot. I don't care.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's from somewhere weird too. It's like war torn, just war torn feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she has hawka feet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, she's call of duty feet. I would, I hate feet. I would never put them in my mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you're an easy gag reflex, but you'd suck a woman's asshole. You let her suck your ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd lick an. Yeah, I'd lick an.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I guess no one sucks an asshole. You try to pull anything out of it.

[Jacob]

Oh Lord, I suck fall. I don't suck too much.

[Bobby Kelly]

See if something chip your tooth. Oh man. I don't like feet at all. I hate them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, g. I hate them.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like a foot. I don't like the way they. Cuz I've done it and it tastes like a foot. It's like, it's like musk. It's like gross.

[Jacob]

Whose feet are you sucking?

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, it's a foot, dude. What do you mean? No, tastes like a foot.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but if they're a clean person, they're not going to have a stinky foot. The foot's not going to smell like a hockey bag.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not going to take a shot a shower with the girl and then I'm. I'm with a girl all night and then we're around, she sticks her foot in my mouth. AA meeting and then a foot in my mouth. Gross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, feet stink. There's no way around it.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but could you imagine like getting hit in the head while you're like trying shoes on at a foot Locker as a kid? And then you're like a foot fetish guy. Imagine being a foot guy that must.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Suck foot feet while meaning nothing to me at all. Yeah, like sexually, I've always. If a girl leaves her socks on, I treat that with the same respect that I expect to be treated while I have my tank top on in a sexual situation.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a piece of though. I've done. We. I've. I've eaten a girl's armpit. It's disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's saying you did that in here. You did it in here.

[Jacob]

Bobby, I'm gonna wear your armpit like a sleep apnea mask. I'm into it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The deodorant doesn't like.

[Jacob]

No, no. I tell them, no deodorant. Do me a favor. Don't wear deodorants.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know who likes that, too? Norton likes a smelly chick. There's a. There's a certain musk.

[Jacob]

A chick, dude, the hardest I've come.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's just. That's not what stands out the way.

[Jacob]

A girl's armpit. While I jerked off, it was the best because I was, like, super into her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I had a girl eat my armpit and jerk me off. Ew.

[Jacob]

With your hair.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I jerked off a girl while she ate a different person's armpit. So we all had a similar story with slight differences.

[Jacob]

We're like Eskimo brothers with a head injury.

[Bobby Kelly]

But no. A girl taught me that. She's like, I want you to do this weird thing, but it's gonna make me come. And I ate her armpit out. She's like, lick my armpit like a. And then finger me. And she. I mean, she just squirted juice out of her. I was like, all right, I'll do that. Whatever you want.

[Jacob]

Wow. Yeah. But I dig it up. A soda and opening it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't like. I didn't like it, but it wasn't as bad as it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I've had. I mean, Christine hooked up with a girl who wanted to leave her. Gorgeous girl. She wanted to leave her socks and all the time. And then she eventually took her socks off one time and, like, her feet were fine.

[Jacob]

What kind of socks?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is funny when people just ankle socks.

[Jacob]

Oh, I thought it was like, knee highs or, like, hot socks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, they weren't hot socks.

[Jacob]

They were just, like, one's loose and the other's, like, missing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just love. Just low socks. But also. So I've never even thought that if a girl leaves her socks and I go, she. I never want to. Same thing with me. I'll take my tank top off if you are requesting it. If we're fucking around, you're like, no, no, I can't move forward if you're leaving your tank top on. I'll take it off. But you've now put me into a. I will be performing less comfortably. Unless you're not going to get 100% me, because I'm uncomfortable with that. So I leave. I treat a girl socks to say if they're Leaving their socks on. It's because it means something to them. They don't like their feet, and they're going to be overthinking that if they're out.

[Jacob]

Do you know the song and dance I have to do to distract someone while I take off all my rings and my necklaces? I say in their head, now, let.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It dang on, Chip a front tooth.

[Jacob]

And I got a marble red and a AA ring that I have on my necklace smacking someone in the nose. I'm like, oh, sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to put your fingers in the. Just to get them loosened up to get them.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

And if I have too much salt, I can't get my rings off. So I have to sit in the hotel room with my arms above my head. Like, have to go, just give me a minute. Give me a minute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang. I have to let the blood go out of my.

[Jacob]

Got to let the blood flow. Come home.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's hilarious. How many rings? Six rings. That's a lot of rings to have to take off. How many necklaces?

[Jacob]

Rings? One necklace with two pendants.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many cock rings?

[Jacob]

Three.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you really know?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever left jewelry in a chick's house?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jacob]

I'm very particular about my jewelry, but one time I had a threesome in D.C. and I left the jewelry on the. On their desk, and I had already said goodbye, and I left my glasses and jewelry on the desk because I was so nervous afterwards. And I army crawled to get it, and I tried to do it, like, silently. And as I reached up, they go, ian, are you still here? And I was like, oh, I didn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Want to bother you guys. Real question. Is a butt plug considered jewelry?

[Bobby Kelly]

If.

[Jacob]

If it has a diamond sparkle in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It, doesn't have that diamond. Could be costume jewelry with a fake thing, but real diamond.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it has to be like a jewel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They do have jewels.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I believe at this point, people will wear them out and about when they go out.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's something. If you have something like carved a nice saying into it, maybe like, you know, forever yours around the edge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you can get it whatever you want engraved. You can get the engraving to say whatever you want. Happy 50th, Mom. On pop pop. But, yeah, there you go.

[Jacob]

Rest in peace, cousin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a silicone jewel. It's got a jewel. But I think, no, I would not.

[Jacob]

I would not consider that jewelry. That's like. I wouldn't consider a hot dog a sandwich, really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But why would this. Could I make an argument for it.

[Jacob]

Then it's a hot dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Is it. But is it a hamburger sandwich? No, it's a hamburger.

[Jacob]

Hamburger.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I agree with that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I agree with it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'm gonna. But I'm gonna argue if the. A lot of people wear jewelry.

[Jacob]

Jewelry's on the outside. It's not on the inside. Jewelry is not on the inside, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The jewel part of that is on the outside. And also I want to consider something much like you're doing now. A lot of people who wear necklaces and chains, undershirt, they just have it on there because it means something to them. And still jewelry.

[Bobby Kelly]

And he has an earring in his nose. So some of it's in his body and some of it's changing my mind.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is in me. My nose ring is totally in me right now. I think it's considered jewelry.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A butt plug at this point. A ring is jewelry. No one sees it. It's jewelry.

[Bobby Kelly]

But those things are attached to you in a certain way. Oh, that's attached to you, but that's not attached. That's just in you. At any point, it can flop out of you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, if with a big fart or I guess if you through it, or.

[Jacob]

If you're running a race, maybe also.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you're running a race or a. A strong cough.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if you're being chased by people trying to rob you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe that's possible. I do worry about having a butt plug in if I coughed. You know, I cough a lot. I smoke pot and cigarettes.

[Jacob]

Do you wear butt plugs?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but I'm worried that if I did, I would definitely. You'd see the. The shot you'd see would come out in my pants. It'd be like a little thing sticking out. It would look like I took a wooden or something, but it's just that I farted out my butt plug because I coughed really hard.

[Bobby Kelly]

But no, you put a butt plug in. Doesn't it loosen up your elast elasticity?

[Jacob]

No, the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The clinches back up.

[Jacob]

The asshole clinches back up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what's holding it in.

[Bobby Kelly]

But. But when you hold the blood, when you keep putting it in, you keep putting in over time, the so elastic.

[Jacob]

I dated a porn star and she told me she only has anal sex on camera and she saves the pussy for love because the butthole expands and contracts and it does not get blown out and the pussy does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Something happens to the ass that prolapsing is.

[Jacob]

Well, that can.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's from getting bled in your ass a lot. Crazy. But. But This I would say. Bobby, look, the whole. It doesn't matter. You take a shit every day if you're regular.

[Bobby Kelly]

But the shake is way up your ass. You know, the is not near your. It's up in your intestines. And then when you have to go poo, you move slides down, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. That's right near the end.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but. But no, no but the hole is going over the shape. See the shaft? The bulb. The bulb is where the bulb goes where poop is. Your's gripping down a little baby part in the middle.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, we should do. We should get these. We wear them for the show and see who can make the whole show.

[Ryan Reynolds]

These are great Groupon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nickel chaser.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just not Christine. Just not Christine. And there's no way Black Lou's gonna do this. Everybody else in the show has to wear a butt plug for the whole show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, this is for sex.

[Christine]

What do you mean? They're walking. Walking around with a butt plug.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll get you a camouflage one.

[Christine]

For what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't. To be sexy.

[Jacob]

Yeah, because it's. Because it's hard to tell someone to wear a butt plug. And you two are the only ones in know it. It's like some sexual thing that no one else knows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've asked in shows before. Sometimes girls are just wearing but. Yeah, exactly. It's a couples. Yeah, exactly. It's like a couple in the guys. Like she's doing it because it's going to be hot later.

[Jacob]

It's not like a just in case butt plug. Maybe tonight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I think you go with a butt plug with a plan.

[Bobby Kelly]

For sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, Christine, what are these terrifying butt plugs you're showing us? Because.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, they're camo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this bulk.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was for Jacob.

[Christine]

But like they did a. They go to a board meeting with a butt plug in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Jacob]

And that's a wild pull to ask. But yes, real life. So Jacob, you could have someone wear it to work.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. So yes, the answer is you can wear your butt plug to your board meeting.

[Jacob]

Yeah, you could wear a butt plug in the house. You could wear a butt plug.

[Bobby Kelly]

Catch a mouse next time we have a zoom. We should. One of us should have a butt plug in and we have to guess by the face who has a butt plug.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You'll know. I think you'll know because the person.

[Jacob]

Whoever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Because whoever laughs like this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Their eyes open up a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

That'd be a great. The next crowd work special. You do. Everybody has to Wear butt plugs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they have to whoever people get kicked out as they pop out of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Their ass all butt plug crowd. Yes, exactly. If I make you laugh so hard your butt plugins out. You gotta go.

[Bobby Kelly]

You gotta go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow. Yeah. Sorry.

[Jacob]

I'm buying tickets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You left all. You gotta go. Now I'm gonna tell you, I might go if we get to pick our own butt plugs for this challenge we're gonna do, which I'm assuming is gonna happen next week. Butt plug challenge. I'm gonna get one that's got something coming off it. I would like a raccoon tail or something coming out of my pants.

[Jacob]

Now how are you gonna know everyone's wearing them and you're not just doing this to make Bobby the only one wearing them?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, it's funny. I'm so full of, like, integrity and game. I'm not a cheater in games at all that I. I didn't even think that somebody else. I'm. I'd be bummed to find out that it wasn't in there. I've said that with me and Lewis always when me and Lewis do gun in the butt challenge. You got to get it in there, man. You got to get it in there.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's kind of cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

You have a tail.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Look at this one. This is very hip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that is the. Ian, you're hip. Is that hip hop?

[Jacob]

Yeah, man. Me and all my friends wear the 24 inch raccoon butt club.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me think about it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Daddy O.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's like a new metal.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I think I'd like. Can I. Is there a long one with, like a devil point on the bottom? I'm not wearing cat ears. It's got nothing to do with the butt.

[Jacob]

But, Jay, they match.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it has everything to do with it. It matches your tail.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why don't you wear that one?

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're all getting to pick our own butt plugs.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna get one with, like, a chain wallet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I like. Maybe that has, like a devil tail on the end. Yeah, see if there's a devil tail butt plug. Christine, please. This will be fine. Jacob, what would you like?

[Christine]

There's like a Titanic butt plug. Something to do with the Titanic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wouldn't put anything up your butt that says Titanic. I would go for, like, dinghies.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but he's saying maybe you could get a Titanic theme.

[Christine]

I don't know what that is.

[Bobby Kelly]

How's this? We get a piece.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's mine.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Titanic. And they Made it into a butt plug. So it's actually from the Titanic and it's in your ass. What do you think about that, Jay?

[Jacob]

That's insane.

[Christine]

I wouldn't want that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Problem with this.

[Jacob]

That is so cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's awesome.

[Jacob]

Look at that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's my problem, Bobby.

[Jacob]

Look at that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm having a conversation with him and.

[Jacob]

I'm trying to ignore it because it's disgusting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is that disgusting? He wants Titanic in his butt.

[Jacob]

Now I'm picturing Jacob's butt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, nice. I bet. Here's the problem with this devil one, Christine. I feel like there's not enough give on that tail. And so I can't wear it in pants. I need it to butt plug. But have an immediate like give.

[Jacob]

No, you need a hole in your shorts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Maybe I maybe can put a huddle in my shorts. But then I.

[Jacob]

And while it's in you, you have to talk like little Nikki. My brother put a butt plug on my ass. My brother Cassius put this bump.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go, Jacob.

[Christine]

The heart of the ocean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob. Oh my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, if I'm horrible. Oh yeah. Okay. All right. So that's good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So Louis, man, look at this one.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you get, you get earrings with it too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now it's so Jacob, do you. Now if we're saying the outfits go together, I'll be wearing the raccoon and the. Or the devil horns and the tail. Are you going to wear the. My Heartwell nipple clamps? And I'm going to tell you what, the only thing saving you here, Jacob, is that you can't actively at the same time wear a butt plug and butt beads because it comes with both.

[Jacob]

If you try hard enough.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that the butt beads you want? It is the butt beads. The middle one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you put. So you put all that in your ass and then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean, if you don't have to go all.

[Jacob]

What if this is where that 86 year old woman was hiding the diamond the whole time?

[Bobby Kelly]

She never threw it overboard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She went oops.

[Jacob]

Oops. That's like a 86 years.

[Christine]

A bead is circular. This is a heart shape. This is like horizontal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, but it does grade up each time.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Christine]

Yeah, I see what you're saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like each time it's like a notch.

[Jacob]

Every time you grow and you're, you're, you're putting the mark on your.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you ever done butt beads?

[Jacob]

Not in me and someone else.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The beautiful relief, let me tell you.

[Jacob]

Do not yank them out like you're starting a lawnmower. That is not the way to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jacob]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the is that?

[Jacob]

That is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's black.

[Jacob]

Now, here's long weekend.

[Bobby Kelly]

We. We do this game for a year, and whoever can get to that wins.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So we're gonna wear butt plugs in show for entire year.

[Bobby Kelly]

We keep getting bigger and bigger. And then we go to that red one that you just pulled up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And at the end of the year, whoever can sit on that?

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's like year of the rat. And then after that, it's year the butt plug.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Jacob, great news. That's what they call Titanic. That's a Titanic butt plug.

[Jacob]

Well, it is about the size of an iceberg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did we find Christine? One for me. That's devil tail. That's a little more loose, please.

[Ryan Reynolds]

These are all devil tales.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They all seem like they.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know what you mean. Like shorter?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I can't tell. It looks like from the butt, like they're very stiff right away for about like 4 or 5 inches.

[Bobby Kelly]

That red one. What about the red one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That one particularly seems.

[Bobby Kelly]

That one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, that might be the one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think that that's different than you think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Huh? Do you think it's always curved like that? That might be the case.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that one because it knows where to stop, you know, like those ones. The other ones can slip further in, I think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Where's the one that's. That's knotted up there on the bottom?

[Jacob]

Oh, that's like a rope.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that guy right there. That might be the one.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a little flimsy, though. It's going to flop around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I need to flop around.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but, Jay, when you're sitting, it's not going to have give, you know, you're not going to be able to tuck it underneath your. Yourself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's my concern.

[Jacob]

All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much is it? $33. Perfect.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The heart of the ocean ones are the best.

[Christine]

It's the classiest, shall we say, without a doubt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lou, what do we do for you? There's got to be a Pearl Jam butt plug. Christine. Look it up. Definitely that exists.

[Jacob]

Pearl Jam it up your ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, that's what it's gonna say. Pearl Jam it up your ass till you're in full nirvana.

[Jacob]

Even flow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You could definitely get it in while you're listening to some Vetter. That's when you're your most relaxed.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I'm just getting pearl anal beads.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you type in the word jam?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't have Pearl Jam. I can't do it.

[Jacob]

What about grunge rock Anal beads? It's flannel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, some night. Look at 90s theme butt plug. Ooh, let's see. It's mostly just bands.

[Bobby Kelly]

We didn't do butt stuff in the 90s. It was invented in the 90s. What are you crazy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have so much to make up for now. What am I thinking for black? Oh, okay, hang on a second. One of us is getting the cheek clacker butt plugs. You see the butt plug that has the thing you can move and they'll go, oh, my God on either side.

[Jacob]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Order those. No matter where this bit goes.

[Jacob]

I call that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes. How great is that, huh?

[Jacob]

No way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But give me favorite and do me.

[Jacob]

Favorite with the tariffs and Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean this. Oh. Oh, it's a sticker.

[Bobby Kelly]

Love. He's just sitting back like. That's a good one. He's got the rope of face on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look. If they exist, a click clacker.

[Bobby Kelly]

But before we gotta go, you got a special out, right?

[Jacob]

Yeah. Wild happy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, we plugged butt plugs for.

[Jacob]

A half hour and I have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This whole show's been plugged.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where, where, where can we find.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's gonna be a comedy at the Carlson in Rochester this weekend, the 8th through the 10th. That is Thursday through Saturday. Am I correct? Yes. And then the Punchline in Philadelphia May 16th and 17th. Going home to Philly. Philly. Show up for that. Yeah, show the up. Where are you gonna go? Get a cheesesteak while you're out there.

[Jacob]

Steve's princess steaks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Steve sprints. Yeah, try that. Yeah, I'm going back to Oregon. That's my jam now off the boulevard.

[Bobby Kelly]

You up there for Friday, Saturday night. I love that guy up there. He's a good guy. Up in Rochester. Oh, yeah, Mark.

[Jacob]

Yeah, great guy, Mark.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After that, North Charleston, Atlanta, Ottawa, Charlotte, all on deck, plus many more. For tickets and all of his tour dates go to Ian Finance F I D A n c e ianfinance.com or at I animal6969 on all socials, make.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure you check out big J this weekend. He's going to be at a very special secret place. I can't tell you, but it might be mic drop comedy in San Diego. Might not be, but he's definitely going to be at the Liberty Funny bone in Cincinnati the 16th and the 17th. Definitely going to be a governor's in Levittown, New York, the 6th and the 7th, and then San Diego and Charlotte definitely in Tacoma. And for tickets and all this stuff, go to bigjaycomedy.com or Punchup Live, BigJ Okerson and then go check out his new special, they Plateaued, he said, which I don't. I mean it's over a million. No, really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought the second part.

[Bobby Kelly]

The second one, Big J. Go to YouTube.com bigjogison right now and get the other one. Over a million they them is available for free right now. Go and check it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you out of your mind playing this music so long, you psycho.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a fucking lunatic.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you want me to be so fucking that's why I have to put a butt plug in. So I'm gonna be so jammed up the ass with stuff because of you guys. My own goddamn crew. Bobby Kelly. Oh, also make sure you check out. Bennington's gonna be interviewing me at the stand next Thursday, 7pm you can get tickets at the stand NYC. Robert Kelly's gonna be at Mic Drop Comedy San Diego this weekend with you the 9th maybe maybe and Parks Casino in Ben Salem, Penn. May 22nd. After that, he's going to be the dojo of comedy in Morris Plains, New Jersey. Portland, Maine, Rochester, all on deck for tickets and all tour dates go to Punch Up Live.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robert, you know that I lived in Ben Salem, Pennsylvania for a little while. Yeah, it's weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm playing your parents and your mom moved there when you went to bad kids camp.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I went there and then I went to bad kids camp.

[Jacob]

I did laser tag in Ben Salem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We all this stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should go put butt plugs in our ass in Bend Salem.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the place to do it. It is butt plug capital of the world.

[Jacob]

Bend Over Salem.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what Bend Over Salem means.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At Strayer University we help students like you go from Is it possible To Anything is possible by offering access to up to 10 no cost gen Ed courses so you can reach your goals affordably and fast. Visit Strayer Edu to learn more. No cost Gen Ed is provided by Strayer University affiliate sophia. Eligibility rules apply. Connect with us for details. Strayer University is certified to operate in Virginia by CHEV and has many campuses, including at 2121 15th Street north in Arlington, Virginia.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey everybody, Conan O' Brien here with an ad about my podcast.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Conan O' Brien needs a friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've had so many fantastic conversations with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

People I truly admire.

[Bobby Kelly]

People like Michelle Obama, Bruce Springsteen, Maya Rudolph, Tom Hanks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

New episodes are out every Monday and we have a really good time, so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Subscribe and listen wherever you get your podcasts.