Jay's Thigh Rescue Stick

Summary

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The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: Jay's Thigh Rescue Stick
Date: January 2, 2026
Host: SiriusXM Faction Talk (Channel 103)
Featuring: Big Jay Oakerson, Robert Kelly, Christine Evans, Jacob, and crew

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers classic Bonfire energy as Big Jay and Bobby, joined by Christine and Jacob, dive into a hilarious and irreverent look at everything from basketball, car mishaps, language revelations, office mishaps, and the confessional saga of Jay’s “Mega Babe” Thigh Rescue Stick. The show, true to form, mixes off-the-cuff comedy, behind-the-scenes banter, and autobiographical "humiliation stories," all peppered with inside jokes and listener-friendly explanations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. NBA & The "Ugliest Players" Debate

— [01:43 – 06:56]

• The show opens with Bobby and Christine dissecting a recent Sixers vs. Celtics game, marveling at Tyrese Maxey’s clutch performance and rookie Vijay Edgecombe’s nerve-wracking free throws.
• A meandering, comedic roast of NBA players’ looks ensues: Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Bill Walton, Sam Cassell, and others provide ripe fodder.
• Christine delivers a deadpan zinger on Joakim Noah:
  • “He looks like a Puerto Rican with autism.” (06:25)
• The group riffs about player aesthetics, settling that Larry Bird is “one of the ugliest people ever. On Earth.” – Bobby [05:43]
• Discussion touches on how team colors "never look good on white players" (Bobby, 04:49), injecting the duo’s patented blend of sports fandom and affectionate mockery.

2. Bonfire Studio Drama: Sleepy Jacob & Headphone Antics

— [09:19 – 23:32]

• The Bonfire crew grills Jacob for allegedly nodding off during a previous pre-record, sparking a ten-minute, escalating bit about his studio habits.
• Jacob enters defensively, accused of "slamming" his laptop (“You act like I slammed it and it makes a noise,” Jacob, 11:01). The team reenacts the 'crime,' triggering more playful scolding.
• Christine jokes, “That's why you're not married—because this argument, you’d kill somebody,” (18:23) as the crew likens Jacob to a “wife of the bonfire” [23:41].
• Jay confesses studio stressors, including being barred from the SiriusXM lobby due to Kim Kardashian and Andy Cohen’s appearance [14:47].
• Bobby’s testosterone complaints and blood-enthused hypochondria emerge:
  • “My blood's... I have too much blood. And it's boiling.” (19:13)

3. Language Mishaps: Spigot vs. Spicket

— [24:41 – 31:47]

• Jay recounts being floored by the real spelling and meaning of “spigot”—not “spicket” as he (and the team) always believed.
  • “It’s S-P-I-G-O-T. Spigot. Weird, right?” (27:07)
• The group bemoans how slang and mispronunciations (like “conversate”) creep into dictionaries (“They just keep dumbing down the English language,” Christine, 31:21).
• As ever, the riff blends genuine confusion with comic bravado, highlighting the mundane ways language evolves (or “devolves”).

4. Riffing on Regional Accents and Identity

— [34:08 – 39:16]

• Christine and Bobby debate Boston vs. Philly accents and the oddity of Black Bostonians with thick Boston accents.
  • “You know what I love the best? A Boston accent on a black dude.” – Christine [37:22]
• A surreal “what if white people went back to Africa?” scenario unfolds, poking at history, stereotypes, and mall-chain humor (Banana Republic, Cracker Barrel, Abercrombie & Fitch in Africa) [34:31 – 35:45].
  • Jay: “Wouldn’t that be the ultimate if white people all went to Africa? Like, we just dominated Africa. ...We've been thinking about it all wrong." (34:33)

5. Car Mishaps & Sentimental Vehicle Stories

— [39:21 – 51:12]

• Both Jay and Bobby share tales of their beloved trucks suffering cosmetic disasters.
  • Jay: “It was just these scrapes across the door, back panel, handle, and all this stuff...” (40:39)
• Bobby’s story: Smashed his new Ford Ranger in front of fans after killing at Magoobies, followed by humiliation and a streetwise lesson in car repair (42:49 onward).
• Reflections on emotional attachment to first "real" cars and the trauma of losing them (hurricane disasters, parking lot fiascos, and cheap or creative fixes with “a guy who’ll do it for cash”).

6. Jay’s “Mega Babe” Thigh Rescue Stick Confession

— [52:33 – 58:09]

• Jay shares his accidental discovery—and enthusiastic endorsement—of "Mega Babe Thigh Rescue Stick," a women’s anti-chafing product, after recurring painful inner-thigh cysts.
  • “I looked down at it... Mega Babe. This is for ladies. Exclusively. And I’ve used it every day since!” – Jay [54:37]
• The group howls at the prospect of Jay carrying the feminine pink stick, deciding he should get the matching keychain and purse.
  • “Why do you love it? Because you’re a mega babe.” – Christine [54:56]
• Even after discovering there’s a "Mega Man" stick, Jay refuses to switch: “If it’s the same thing, please continue to order me Mega Babe.” (55:53)
• They riff on tucked-away rituals, stigma about using women’s products, and how “thigh rescue” got him through the year.
• Bobby: “What is a cyst?” Jay: “Dead skin underneath.” (58:28)
• Bonus: Extended tangent on the weirdness of cyst colors, the “pimple popper” videos, and Jay’s shared tailbone woes with black people (“Turns out me and black people have pylor cyst in our lower tailbone.” – Jay, 59:47)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On NBA Beauty:
  • "Larry Bird had bangs... He looks like some type of prehistoric bird." – Christine, [05:14 & 05:32]
  • "Is he [Joakim Noah] right there? Boy, you may have the ugliest team in basketball right now." – Bobby [04:27]
• Studio Scuffles:
  • "Anytime you have a kid, you got to get a basketball hoop for some reason." – Bobby [45:31]
  • "We're gonna call you the wife of the bonfire." – Bobby [23:41]
• Language Revelations:
  • “How have I not known–how have NONE of us known this?” – Jay on "spigot" [29:36]
• Car Catastrophes:
  • “I smashed into the telephone pole...I heard more laughter than I heard all [night].” – Bobby [42:49]
  • "Someone threw a glass out, bashed my window to pieces...Had SafeLite come out. It had a whistle sound until Hurricane Sandy just took that car out of my life." – Jay [49:22]
• Mega Babe Saga:
  • “I have this Thigh Rescue Stick…And you know what? I’ve used it every day since. I’m not gonna stop using it.” – Jay [54:37]
  • “Because you’re a mega babe.” – Christine [54:56]
  • “Does that keychain hold a mini stick?...Oh my god. Get me that.” – Jay [57:02]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:43 – 06:56]: NBA game breakdown, ugly players, Tyrese Maxey, rookie jitters
• [09:19 – 23:32]: Jacob's sleep/napping bit, headphone slamming, studio banter
• [24:41 – 31:47]: Spigot vs. spicket language comedy
• [34:08 – 39:16]: Boston accents, hypothetical "white people in Africa"
• [39:21 – 51:12]: Car mishaps, sentimental stories, lessons
• [52:33 – 58:09]: Jay’s confession: Mega Babe Thigh Rescue Stick, chafing talk, feminine products
• [58:10 – 60:01+]: Cyst saga, pimple popper chat, the “pylor cyst” brotherhood

---

Summary Tone & Style

The episode is loose, riff-heavy, irreverent, and filled with affectionate insults, confessions, and layered inside jokes. Jay and Bobby’s dynamic is equal-parts roast and confession booth; Christine holds her own with acerbic one-liners, and Jacob’s discomfort in “Bonfire Court” provides recurring comic relief. The show jumps from sports to bodies to personal foibles in a continuous, high-paced swirl, maintaining the signature “hang” tone that’s the hallmark of The Bonfire.

---

For listeners and fans: This episode is a quintessential Bonfire experience—part sports radio, part group therapy, part roast. It’s unfiltered, unexpectedly sweet, and never fails to turn personal embarrassment into comedic gold.

Transcript

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

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[Bobby Kelly]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. In Boston, no less. Oh, hang on. Break down, break down. Here they come. Down. Whoo. In TD Garden where Bobby will be performing.

[Christine]

Not anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

November 8th on the sad floor.

[Christine]

Oh, shut up. It was one point.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're a rookie phenom.

[Christine]

Nah.

[Bobby Kelly]

A Tyrese Maxi ice water running through his veins. Record breaking rookie performance by Vijay Edgecomb. Tyrese Maxey, like an assassin, says we're down by how much? 11 points with three and a half minutes left. Let me go slice off three three pointers real quick and make a face like that's what I'm supposed to do.

[Christine]

It was crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to slice these three. Three pointers. They just went back and he was like, play defense now. A was it now? Do you have to. You watch the game?

[Christine]

I watched the end of the game.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had to watch the Boston feed because I didn't have a photo feed.

[Christine]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They moved off of YouTube TV, NBA, the League Pass.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I didn't even know that I had to go buy it. Now it's on prime. So I have it on Prime. Prime's interface sucks. So you used to be able to pick on YouTube, TV Sixers feed or the other team's feedback. Now it's back to how it used to be where like you're gonna get the feed you're gonna get. And it was Boston that night. Yeah, yeah. Show the full game.

[Christine]

No, I don't want to see it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Final three and a half minutes. You thought that game was over for sure. But did you see, you have to admit, just as watching a game was it pretty adorable. Over here. Bobby, don't, don't. That's bad stuff. You don't want to see all that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. Oh. You hear the squeaks?

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was good, though. He had a dunk there. Nice. Yeah. They were up. Listen, four minutes. Yeah. Here we go. This is where it really goes into high gear. Slice. I mean, the thing is these guys are here and they're ready to play. That was a fun game. The rookie kid at the end, if.

[Christine]

You don't point at me.

[Bobby Kelly]

The rookie. I'm very handy.

[Christine]

The rookie kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, I don't do my hands. Now, the rookie kid, B.J. edgecombe. Yeah. Got fouled at the very end. See, if they show this in the thing here, they will go to the very end. Like the last second of the game when the Celtics don't score. He was the line to shoot two free throws. If you recall, right here. He misses them both. They're up by a point and he missed them both. He could have put them up by three and then they played good defense. Now if you get past this, we.

[Christine]

Don'T need to get past.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. The very, very end of the game.

[Christine]

No, we don't need to do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. But is this adorable? Do you see his face when he goes over? They show VJ Crew to go to the edge of the thing and they. Could you imagine this 20 year old kid if missing those free throws was what cost him the game on his first game. That would have sucked. He makes such an adorable face, like, oh, thank God. Like he really.

[Christine]

How do you miss that?

[Bobby Kelly]

They're going to show. You'll see his face. They show him like, oh, why is.

[Christine]

Mike Feeney playing for the Boston Celtics?

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at. Is he right there? Boy, you may have the ugliest team in basketball right now. That Peyton Pritchard guy looks like a pig in a, in a uniform. The worst colors. What the. Now on, like his skin.

[Christine]

Yeah. Celtics have the best colors.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not true.

[Christine]

They have the best logo.

[Bobby Kelly]

They got a good logo.

[Christine]

They got a good logo.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've always liked that logo. I mean, and they do have, when they do the black and green they are cool colors. It's not good colors on a white player ever.

[Christine]

Never.

[Bobby Kelly]

And unfortunately known for such.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Iconic white players. Yeah.

[Christine]

Larry Bird with the white uniform look like Kevin McHale. Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ugliest playing in the ugliest uniform.

[Christine]

Did Larry Bird. Bird, did he. He was probably the ugliest player to ever play the game. No, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's some dudes Larry Bird had.

[Christine]

Had bangs.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's. He wasn't on an attractive guy.

[Christine]

But there's been.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's been some ugly.

[Christine]

I mean, Bill Walton was ugly. But Larry Bird. Zoom in on that. Atrocious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's later. That's later in his career.

[Christine]

But he looked like a bird, which was nuts when he first came out.

[Bobby Kelly]

He did.

[Christine]

I mean he really. He looks like some type of prehistoric bird.

[Bobby Kelly]

When he was in his younger years playing with the mustache and everything. Like, he definitely looked better. He got. He's one of the ugliest people ever.

[Christine]

I mean, on Earth.

[Bobby Kelly]

On earth.

[Christine]

Not just basketball.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no. God did not look upon him.

[Christine]

No. He gave him one thing and one thing only.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many certain names appear more frequently There's. In such discussions. I like. AI won't say someone's ugly, but they go. People say these people are ugly. Sam Cassell is in fact ugly. George. George Mira San was a giant. So that's not really fair. Joe Kim Noah is kind of ugly. For Jesus Christ is ugly. Joachim. Noah's. I think Christine would fuck Joe Kim Noah.

[Christine]

Let me see.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if that's a. No, it's not bad.

[Christine]

Not bad. He looks like a Puerto Rican with autism.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I mean he's not.

[Christine]

He's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I wouldn't think of him as very fishy eyes. His eyes are far apart, without a doubt.

[Christine]

Very far apart.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not a good looking guy by any stretch, but Sam Cassell is flat out fucking ugly.

[Christine]

Larry Bird is Larry Bird ugly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bol bowl is ugly as shit.

[Christine]

Let me see.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's Manute Bowl's son.

[Christine]

Well, Manute Ball wasn't a looker either.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Yeah, for sure.

[Jacob]

I mean, Bo.

[Christine]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Crazy.

[Christine]

That's the last thing you want to.

[Bobby Kelly]

See in a. Yeah.

[Christine]

And you could. You go in the jungle and he comes out, you're fucking.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, it's a guy. It looks like a female host of channel here on Urban View Show.

[Christine]

She looks like one of those.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Urban View Channel Show.

[Christine]

She looks like one of those. You know, the ladies have the. The rings around their neck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, yes. An African lady. Draymond Green is so.

[Christine]

He's not bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's fine.

[Christine]

He's all right.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a terrible like, that's what I'm saying. That's a weird that he ends up on that list.

[Christine]

He's not the bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Again, not a looker. But I mean there's people here that are freaky looking. Anthony Davis isn't a bad looking guy. He committed to a unibrow.

[Christine]

Let me see.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Oh, it's unibrow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He's not ugly at all. He committed to a stupid look. That's gross.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

It makes him stand out.

[Christine]

He looks like you see key and peel when they do the fake players.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yes, he does.

[Christine]

Oh my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

He really the fargacious Jackson.

[Christine]

He does have a crazy uni brown. Nobody.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he does it. He like he makes it a unibrow. Like he grows it in and has it styled. It's insane.

[Christine]

But his, his. But can I say something? The middle of his face is bigger than the top and the bottom, which is freaking me out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You know like he like the top of his head stopped growing and the bottom of his head stopped growing, but the middle just grew into a seven footer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. No. And the beard has done him wonders. Also. The beard does help him a lot.

[Christine]

Helps him a lot. Without the beard.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got a. I mean a real bottom of a strawberry chin.

[Christine]

Yeah, I think. But I still think Larry Bird's not on that list.

[Bobby Kelly]

Worry Bobby. He's ugly. This is just a few names. Kevin McHale's substantially uglier than.

[Christine]

Not Larry Bird.

[Bobby Kelly]

Larry Bird.

[Christine]

No way. Kevin McHale was not. He looked like a. Like a 1950s man. Kevin McHale.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not the actor.

[Christine]

Not the actor. There he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looks like.

[Christine]

He looks like a guy. He doesn't look bad.

[Jacob]

What?

[Christine]

Well, all right, well, that picture. But he's not as ugly as Larry Bird.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. They're both.

[Christine]

Larry Bird takes the cake, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

John Stockton look like a fucking dude that would suck to hang out with. He's a real fucking by the book guy. It looked like everything, right? Hey, man, I know she were going about two miles over the speed limit. You know there's cops around here. All right. John Stockton.

[Christine]

I think Danny Age is probably one of the best looking players.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't mean that.

[Christine]

Danny Ainge good looking guy. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy.

[Christine]

Oh, you know, else is ugly. Robert Parrish. No, not Red Parrish. Patrick Ewing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Christine]

Patrick Ewing was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

He made black people say Racist things. Where's Jacob? Is he getting nappy needs upstairs?

[Christine]

Is he taking a nap somewhere?

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he catching up on his Z's? What the fuck was that earlier? We did full disclosure. Did a pre record today.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Jacob started the night off during the show. Started the night off. And he knows he did because he didn't argue back a lot. He first started to say, no, he didn't, but then he had to say, yeah, he did.

[Christine]

Apparently he does it a lot, which I didn't know who said that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I'm not saying you're wrong. Does he do it a lot you said. Was that you, DJ Lou?

[Christine]

No, but I'm making the face like I said it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You are making a face like you said it. Must have said it.

[Christine]

Apparently he does it. He's done it before.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I've never seen it personally, but it might be.

[Christine]

It might be his neck. He might be just.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was his neck. It fell backwards when he fell asleep and jerked up.

[Christine]

He might have been. He might have been checking, you know, stretching his neck. It is warm in here. Maybe he warmed himself to sleep.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'd love to see Jacob right now. Where? You know what?

[Christine]

Here he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Perfect speaker.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do me a favor, Christine.

[Christine]

Hey.

[Bobby Kelly]

For Jacob Studio. Jacob. I want him for the rest of. I want for the rest of the year to wear a nightcap.

[Christine]

I don't think Jacob. Wait a minute. Dude, that was. What's going on? Jacob's mad. Jacob's coming in the studio hot. Hey. Hey, Rip.

[Bobby Kelly]

You slammed your computer.

[Jacob]

Why'd you put it down?

[Christine]

No, Jacob.

[Jacob]

You guys exaggerate everything. I just placed it down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop.

[Christine]

Jay, you hear?

[Jacob]

I'm gonna do it again. Listen, listen.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

That's way too loud.

[Christine]

It's loud.

[Jacob]

I don't know what else to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, one. Put it. Okay, let me ask you a question. Why are you being sarcastic towards us about it?

[Jacob]

Because you act like I slammed it and it makes a noise.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, put your headphones on. Anytime you put your headphones on.

[Christine]

Put your headphones on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put your headphones on.

[Christine]

Going to do it the way you did it.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're right there. The headphones are right there where they exist.

[Jacob]

No, no, I'm not putting those pig headphones on.

[Christine]

Whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, good. I move. Bobby, Bobby, you're doing the right move.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cuz he's going to go like this if you go, here's how I did it. He's going to go.

[Christine]

Yeah, he's going to go like very gentle. Right.

[Jacob]

I've been through like they're upstairs. I get it. It's so loud. You win. I, I over slammed it.

[Christine]

That's not how we win.

[Jacob]

I learned my lesson.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not how we go on Amazon for Nightcap. Jacob needs to get a studio sleep or he's not okay. Yeah, you can't come in. Drop the thing. We make jokes about it and then be shitty towards us about it. That's a wacky way to behave.

[Christine]

Okay, well, let's find out. Something happened. What happened to you? What happened? Do you want my whistle?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm about two minutes.

[Christine]

You want my whistle?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I think Jacob might have to go in the studio or the office for the show. I'm gonna start getting annoyed in a second. I don't know why he's being shitty.

[Christine]

What happened? Jackie, what happened?

[Bobby Kelly]

You said okay, whatever. It's just.

[Jacob]

I didn't say whatever. You added that.

[Christine]

Jacob, what happened?

[Jacob]

Nothing. I'm just dealing with something and I.

[Christine]

You're dealing with something outside.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take it upstairs. Take it upstairs to the office.

[Jacob]

I didn't do anything. If you're dealing with something, making this.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you're dealing with something, go deal with it. That's what I'm saying.

[Jacob]

It's done. I'm trying to get set up and do the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good Lord, Jacob, what do you prefer for a sleeping cap? Teal or red?

[Christine]

Red. Get red.

[Bobby Kelly]

A red sleeping cap for Jacob.

[Christine]

Jacob, do you like phone?

[Jacob]

And I said I have to get.

[Bobby Kelly]

In because no one cares. Now going to be a. Jacob, pick your sleeping cap.

[Jacob]

Well, let me see the other colors.

[Christine]

Oh, that one's nice, Jacob. Blue.

[Jacob]

Blue's nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

That one looks like a criminal.

[Christine]

I like.

[Bobby Kelly]

To be honest, I don't. This sleeping cap's too big. This is a ridiculous.

[Christine]

Oh, that red one's nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm looking for a more scrooge. Like one that is. Screw a bonnet. A bonnet would be funnier. But no, like this. I'm not going to wear a bonnet. Yeah, you're not a black woman.

[Christine]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

That might have been the first one there.

[Jacob]

I don't mind that.

[Christine]

I think the first one was the one.

[Bobby Kelly]

That one there.

[Jacob]

I'm not tired.

[Christine]

But no, you need stripes. You need old school stripes. Yeah, you need the stripes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good God.

[Christine]

There you go. And get him the candle holder too.

[Jacob]

Turns out I do have to leave and come back because I forgot my headphones.

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Christine]

All right, go ahead. We're gonna talk about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, please go grab your headphones. So then Bobby can karate chop your Computer through the table when you get back. Oh, he's gonna eat crow when he gets those headphones.

[Christine]

Don't walk. Walk like me. Not like you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. I think Jacob's gonna fucking shadow box all down the hallway. Tell me, what should we do? I'm gonna piss in his bag.

[Christine]

In Jacob's defense, I was playing the headphone slam sound effects when he sat down.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but when he put the thing down, I mean, you heard it.

[Christine]

Okay, I'm just making sure. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, because this is the.

[Christine]

Last time he was. He was. He was loud. I'm doing a sound effect of that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, that was the last loud. That's the thing he was saying he didn't do either.

[Christine]

Right, right. Deja vu. And I'm like, oh, shit, I'm making this worse. I don't understand. Look at.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you working radio all these years, not understand how radio works? Hey, let me come in all shitty.

[Christine]

I don't understand. You come in and the first thing you should be you should do is then when you do something, you get called on it. You should go, I'm sorry, something happened in the hallway. And then we are on your side.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, if he was contrarian to be funny, it's funny and we go with it. The thing is, when you go, no, you slam down. He's like. He's like, bitchy.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't deal with bitchy. Yeah, well, I have a hard time with bitchy.

[Christine]

I don't like bitchy either.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, no one backed me up when I demanded him out of the studio. Way to go, assholes.

[Christine]

Well, can I tell you why nobody wanted him here?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I tell you why nobody in this room wanted him?

[Christine]

Can I tell you why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Christine]

Because my whistle's working.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Christine]

My stress whistle is working.

[Bobby Kelly]

Whistle's not working. I came in here, you know, you're gonna hear on Thursday. I came in hot today to the studio in general because I guess Kim Kardashian and Andy Cohen were doing a thing in the fishbowl. So I'm not allowed to walk through the lobby. I'm a piece of. Who can't walk through the lobby of where I work?

[Christine]

Twice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Twice you were turned away. Warning, Roy Reach. Oh, sorry, man. This will be my tea.

[Christine]

Is your tea making you go nuts?

[Bobby Kelly]

This might be my tea.

[Christine]

You got to bring your tea down. What are you at 1100 now?

[Bobby Kelly]

Probably. I think I'm 18. Hondo, what's up?

[Christine]

You need to get the blood.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just got reminded to get rid of blood.

[Christine]

Yeah. Oh, dude, you have to pump your blood. No, no, no. I talked to a doctor this weekend. Just bring your tea down to 500. You don't need to be. You don't need to be. 900, 800. You don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Christine]

Your glooping gleepins, Too high.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hemoglobin.

[Christine]

Your heaving globins are too high because you brought. You did too much tea. If you bring your tea down, do less and micro dose it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

So do. Do three on. Do three on. How many you doing? Five or ten? What are you doing?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what these numbers are.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

You're saying he is. He is gonna split it, but for now, he does have to give blood. Even if he changes it going forward?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

By the way, every time I say it. Every time I say it, it's making me feel like inside, like something weird's happening. I'm like, yo, I have too much blood.

[Christine]

All your shit's coagulating.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have to get rid of this blood.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

They called him to follow up about giving blood.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but she said it. I was like, whatever. I'm not giving blood. And I go, maybe if I get around to. If I see a place, I'll donate. And then she sent me an email going, hey, did you get a chance to give blood, by the way, as we're saying? And I feel my blood. Yeah, dude, in my body, I feel my blood, and it's very cold.

[Christine]

We should have just got white rice and cut your finger open and had the grav, buddy. You got to do it. You got to do it now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Donate blood.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can somebody come here and take blood? Look at service and someone gonna come take some blood from me.

[Christine]

Yeah, you got to give you blood, dude. That's not a joke.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll do it in the fishbowl.

[Christine]

Yeah, you got to do it. And here's the thing. If you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I also have a hyperactive thyroid that's gonna put me in a coma. I don't have time to go to a doctor. Bobby. I'm moving and shaking.

[Christine]

My. My gleeping glupins were up high, too. And she was like. She gave me the option give blood, or you can just bring your dose down. And I just brought my dose down, and my glue and gleepins went down. So if you just bring your dose down a little bit, go to 500, 550. That's all you need to be at. You don't need to be at 900. Jesus Christ. It's like. It's like Halloween in here. The energy. Oh, that was nice. You learned.

[Jacob]

No, that's how I usually have it.

[Christine]

But you did today.

[Jacob]

You didn't because my headphones were upstairs.

[Christine]

Put your headphones.

[Bobby Kelly]

But perhaps. Maybe it made a really loud sound when you dropped it.

[Jacob]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Okay. Bobby, I'm gonna need a whistle.

[Christine]

Warning. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Can you pass my whistle over to Jay, please?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

There you go. You can hold on to it.

[Jacob]

I was looking.

[Bobby Kelly]

Show Jacob how he placed the computer down.

[Christine]

Just really quick. I'm going to show you. You have your headphones on. Can you turn them up just a little bit, Jacob, So you hear it?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

No. Soft cloth. Right. Are you ready?

[Jacob]

No.

[Christine]

That's what you did.

[Jacob]

I didn't.

[Christine]

That's what you did. I'll do it. I'll do it another way. Watch this. Watch this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep.

[Christine]

How's that?

[Jacob]

I went like this. Since we're nitpicking.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. You did it. You did not. Oh, my God. That's why you're not married. Because this argument. You'd kill somebody you lit. You have to know. Take it from a Mary J. Breathe. Whistle. In with your nose, out through your mouth. You gotta be in with your. Slower on the exhale. You gotta know when you're wrong. Look, you did this. You did that.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

It's recorded.

[Christine]

We have it.

[Jacob]

We need the dbs analyzed.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

It's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Jacob]

It's.

[Christine]

It's.

[Jacob]

I need the db. Listen.

[Christine]

Listen, listen. I'll listen. You did this. You walked in.

[Jacob]

I can get a DB reading on it after the show.

[Christine]

A DB reading for tomorrow. Oh, Jay, you all right? J. He's got to get more blood.

[Jacob]

So can we just be a family now?

[Christine]

We're. Yeah, we're a family.

[Bobby Kelly]

Blood. My blood's. I have too much blood. And it's boiling.

[Christine]

Oh, thank God for my. My anxiety whistle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my.

[Christine]

It's over here if you need it, Jake. I'm gonna leave right in the middle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my Lord. We have no say over this show anymore. Crazy, crazy Jacobs. It's Jacob's show. Slamming around, taking naps whenever he wants. Willy nilly. Naps.

[Christine]

Jake and the boys.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn, dude.

[Christine]

Yeah, you did take a hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you have information about the owners here? How do you have this? Kind of like this wonderful. Imagine a beautiful leeway here.

[Christine]

Who's the owner of the company?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he's the only one of us to saw Kim Kardashian today. Because Jacob's got pole What' of the company's name? Bill? Sirius.

[Christine]

No, that's it. Bill? Serious Bill? He's Bill Sirus's son. He just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you Bill Sirus's son?

[Christine]

Because you got to make it on your own, kid. I can't give you a leg up. You got to do it on your own.

[Bobby Kelly]

This guy plays by his own set of rules.

[Christine]

But I will protect you if anything happens.

[Jacob]

Definitely not his son.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, we do know for sure. Jacob doesn't understand how he puts his computer down. And for sure if he thinks the show is not being fun enough, he'll just kick out. He'll just put them tootsies up, take a nap.

[Christine]

Hey, these guys are talking about aliens. Give me a sec.

[Jacob]

I definitely wasn't tired. I would admit it.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's strange. You weren't tired. Well, probably not. You fell asleep.

[Christine]

Jay didn't. Jay wasn't allowed in the lobby.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Well, that's the funny thing. When you nod, you're not tired. You're totally wide awake and then you're just out.

[Jacob]

I just wasn't.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

That's nodding.

[Jacob]

I wasn't.

[Christine]

Hey, hey, Christine, why don't you do that TLC bit?

[Bobby Kelly]

I wonder if all the cameras weren't non operational, we would have had a great footage of it. But we don't have footage of it. It's just me watching it happen. From he's falling asleep again. Being eyes open to them slowly closing and you head dropping back and then popping up. I was silent during it because I couldn't believe it was happening.

[Christine]

You might have been just stretching your neck, right?

[Jacob]

I did put my neck back and I did close my eyes. I wasn't nodding.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was a slow eye close. Were you trying to seduce me? You like this?

[Jacob]

I. I admit to everything you saw. I just wasn't nodding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, you haven't admitted that you've slammed the computer down yet.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Just.

[Christine]

Can you do me a favor?

[Jacob]

Two different things now, Jacob.

[Christine]

Wow, he is good. He's good. He's good. Jacob, can you do me a favor?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Right now you're in. You're in Bonfire Court.

[Bobby Kelly]

Drink coffee.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Did you come in hot? You came in hot. Now that's an excuse.

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Christine]

And you maybe have placed your. You put your computer down way too hard to let us know it made a sound. It didn't make a sound. It made an abrupt sound.

[Bobby Kelly]

It made a clunk. But also, you come in hot. Kind of stink face coming to your thing while we're doing a comedy show that's already in session.

[Christine]

You Gotta think about these things, Jacob.

[Jacob]

I did when I was outside. No, I always think about the show. In fact, I said, I have to get off this call because I'm gonna eat shit in a major way when I walk through that door.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, when you come in making a stank face.

[Jacob]

If you came in smiling, was gonna stop that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You came smiling and sat down. And by the way, if you clunk the computer, down we go. Jesus Christ. You'd be, oh, sorry, fellas. And nobody would have thought anything of this.

[Christine]

I have an idea.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah?

[Christine]

Let's make them come in again.

[Bobby Kelly]

Start from scratch.

[Christine]

Start from scratch, Jacob, let's start it over. Ready?

[Bobby Kelly]

From the lobby, you come in. Not the lobby here. I want you out. I want you go put your jacket on. Coming from 49th Street, Black Lou, will you film him, please? His entire step of the way. I want him starting from right before Oceana.

[Christine]

Go to the train.

[Jacob]

I can't fake happiness. It's got to be real.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

I can't fake it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice. Well, you're going to have to not come in the studio until you're feeling happy, because it throws the show off and then you're kind of shitty about.

[Jacob]

Gone right back into the show. I was waiting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but we're not machines. So when we come in and you're coming in stinky and throw the thing down, I'm.

[Christine]

I'm a machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is on.

[Christine]

This is. I am crazy.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is what it's like having a teenage boy.

[Christine]

I'm aij.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you.

[Christine]

I'm not real.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're generated. That must be why you can handle this.

[Christine]

No, this is what's like having a wife.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Jesus. That's crazy. Yeah, well, I wouldn't say.

[Jacob]

I apologize it threw off.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wouldn't say things exactly that. No, I mean, I wouldn't say that came with a stank face and put my computer down real hard at the table. I wouldn't say that's exactly. Exactly what happened.

[Christine]

Well, here's what happens. Ready with your wife. What's wrong? Nothing. Well, you just slammed your computer down. No, I didn't. I just put it down.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, we're gonna call you the wife of the bonfire.

[Christine]

Jacob's the wife of the bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob Batat, wife of the bonfire. Christine's the queen of the bonfire. You're the wife of the bonfire.

[Christine]

What's up, honey? What's for Brett, what's for dinner tonight?

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, do my laundry with the bonfire.

[Christine]

Hey, do me a favor. Don't dry my shirts hang. Dry them every time you dry them, they shrink up.

[Jacob]

Well, if anything, I did throw you off. I apologize.

[Christine]

Oh, well, there you go. That's a start. Okay, I know. Jay. Jay. It doesn't feel right because he's apologizing with a little tone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

There's a little caveat.

[Jacob]

I thought that was genuine.

[Christine]

He's saying, whatever I did do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't. But if you thought I did something because you're sick in the head. He knows I apologize.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not what he does. He knows not what he do. He knows not what he do.

[Christine]

I love that you're making Jay so mad. He's becoming calm.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm trying to become calm.

[Christine]

He's going through anger.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had a big weekend of revelations come to me this weekend. A lot of things I didn't know about myself. Sometimes I get thrown for a real loop when I think I know things and I don't know things. The first one that shot me for a fucking loop was. What do you call word that starts with. What do you call the word starts with an S? What you would call, like the. In the kitchen runs the water. The water comes out of it.

[Christine]

It's like a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Starts with S. Spigot. Right. Which you would spell. How spick it?

[Christine]

S, P, I, C, K, E, T. Maybe Spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, me too. Me too.

[Christine]

Wait a minute.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

It's not called the spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm worried if you didn't know this, also, that we're gonna have to, like, end the show early today. Between Jacob and the whole thing, I don't know if we're prepared to handle this.

[Christine]

I would call it a spicket, and that's how I'd spell it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Spicket.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

S, P, I, C, K, E, T. Yeah.

[Jacob]

The what part of your.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're like spigot in the kitchen.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, the sink water comes out of the spigot.

[Jacob]

The faucet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Faucet, for sure. That's the other word.

[Christine]

Faucet. I would say probably a faucet is more acceptable than a spigot. A spigot is probably an older term, maybe from our generation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Turns out, Bobby, it's not a term at all.

[Christine]

Spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Spigot's not even a thing.

[Christine]

Is that what you call somebody who lives up above 125th Street?

[Bobby Kelly]

That is. Yeah. That's what I call a gay Hispanic.

[Christine]

A spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Any thoughts on this? Black low. What did you. Did you already know the answer to this? Yeah. Growing up, we called the Spigot. Well, spigot as well, but it was.

[Christine]

S, P, I, K, E, T, T.

[Bobby Kelly]

E. Almost like spiket. Wrong. Also, this was all shocking to me, too. Jacob, you know the answer to this?

[Jacob]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

What this word actually is.

[Christine]

I was gonna say spout.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, Spigot. Let's. Let's all agree that we're working with that. Like that word, basically.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know, Christine, did you look it up already?

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

I looked it up. I'm sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you know this, though?

[Christine]

No, no, no, not at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my head up.

[Christine]

What the is this?

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at what the word is and what the spelling is.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Tell me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pull it up, please.

[Christine]

Spic. It.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's.

[Jacob]

Oh, it's the first one, I believe.

[Christine]

Oh, it's French.

[Bobby Kelly]

Water from the spigot. But it's not spigot.

[Christine]

It's spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's S, P, I, G, O, T. Spigot. Spigot.

[Christine]

Spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Spigot.

[Christine]

Spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Weird, right?

[Christine]

That's fucking weird.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

How did you come across western Pennsylvania spigot?

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. But it's. They're saying that other word wrong.

[Christine]

It's not spigot, it's spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the idea there. It's a dialect thing. It's just people saying spigot, but it's. They're saying the word S P. I got.

[Christine]

Where is the origins?

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Find it.

[Christine]

The origins must be spigot. Must be French.

[Bobby Kelly]

The meaning of spigot is spigot. That's pretty funny. It's a common variant, but it's a misspelling.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Yeah. So it's added to the dictionary now. Spigot. But it is derivative.

[Christine]

Where's the origins?

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

That's what I'm finding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gay, Hispanic. But it was different time. It's from a different time.

[Christine]

You think I'm calling that from now on?

[Bobby Kelly]

Absolutely. I hope you do.

[Jacob]

Oh, well, it means outdoor water faucet.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Faucet.

[Christine]

I speak. It would be an outdoor water faucet. And a gay Puerto Rican.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also a gay Puerto Rican or Peruvian. Any really. Any kind of Hispanic. Anything. It could really be any kind of.

[Christine]

You could literally yell if you were that type of. Get those spigots out of here.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Come on. But no one's. No one else is dancing. Yeah, you're right. Let a few stay.

[Jacob]

No.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. This has been my.

[Christine]

How did you come up.

[Bobby Kelly]

These have been my revelations of the day.

[Christine]

Where did you. What? What in God's green earth made you look up the spelling of spigot?

[Bobby Kelly]

I Forget who? Someone said it at the comedy club. And I cockily fired, like. I mean, I really, like, came with, like, a real Bob Kelly. No, I was like, oh, my God, I feel bad for you for how stupid you are thinking it's this.

[Christine]

Can I say something, though?

[Bobby Kelly]

You think there's a G in this word? Like, I am about to. I'm gonna pull back because I'm embarrassed for you.

[Christine]

Was it the middler?

[Bobby Kelly]

Looked it up? No, no. It may have been a friend of Shayna's or something. Like the Shayna Rabani featured for me. It may have been a friend of hers that said it, but it was just. Whatever it was. I was just like, it doesn't matter. My life has been before and after this. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's. It's. I don't even remember. Like, it's crazy. How have I not known How. None of us known this?

[Christine]

Well, because we're not nerds. Who the fuck would.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're right.

[Christine]

The person that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're right. That's the answer. Whoever knows that's a fucking nerd.

[Christine]

Nerd. The fact. The fact that he corrected you and he went, it's spigot. And you went, what?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, he didn't correct me.

[Christine]

What happened?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it was. I think I overheard this discussion. Spigot, spigot, spigot. And I was like, this is a dumb argument.

[Christine]

You jumped in. Yeah. You jumped in to weigh in and say, look.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And I was like, you and I feel. And I was like. I took. I jumped immediately on the wrong side of the argument.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

They were arguing, and it was either or.

[Bobby Kelly]

It wasn't a heavy argument. It was a conversation of. And I'm like, this is false. Like, who's. You're listening to bad information right now. I should step it. I can't mind my own business because this is. Information is going to spread. And then I didn't do my part right.

[Christine]

Because people were going. Calling a spigot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Christine]

And that's just nuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they look like morons.

[Christine]

I still think it's stupid. I'm not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even though I know it's wrong, I'm still gonna say spigot.

[Christine]

I'm not kind of spigot.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

To be fair. It's spicket now, too. Like, they're both right.

[Christine]

Well, it's. Right now.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

You can't say, like, oh, you're pronouncing that wrong. Like, it's in language.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but it's like, it's saying, like, it's like Southern. It's like Southern idiots, though. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, it's just saying we'll spell it different because you can't say it right, you slack jaw hillbilly.

[Jacob]

So many of you are saying it wrong. We're just going to make it a word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. I'm not accepting that as the right thing. They've done that with other words I don't want to be part of. Like they spelled it different because I'm stupid. I don't want to be one of the stupids.

[Christine]

Is that this?

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Yep, there it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'll tell you this. Yeah, they put. They added conversate. Now that is disgusting.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Used to correct people and say it's converse. And now they just made conversate a word.

[Christine]

So they just did dumbing down the English language.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Well, we do write the language.

[Bobby Kelly]

We gonna conversate. Yo, we trying to conversate.

[Christine]

Conversate is not a word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it was a big day. They tried to find out. They go, are we genuinely. We're not gonna ever be able to have black people go back to Africa. They won't put it in the dictionary. So wait, they're staying like they're here. So I guess a stupid idea. They're never all gonna go back to Africa. I guess throw conversate in the dictionary.

[Christine]

That.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

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[Bobby Kelly]

So what are you waiting for?

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Don't sleep on these savings. Get to DSW asap. It's haul or nothing, people. Shop the DSW semi annual sale today.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't take nothing to show off.

[Christine]

So is roof. Roof?

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Jacob]

Yes?

[Christine]

Well, you said like rof.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Some people say roof.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yeah, man, check out that roof.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Accents.

[Christine]

Oh, all right.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Isn't it.

[Christine]

Some people say roof.

[Bobby Kelly]

I say roof, you say supposedly.

[Christine]

I mean, it's supposedly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope.

[Christine]

What is it supposed.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Supposed.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not going to get it. I accepted supposedly, Bobby. It's probably going to be in the dictionary now because they. They make sure that stupid people get their words in too.

[Christine]

I'll go back to Africa. I'll go back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, why don't you your ass back to Africa. I'll go back.

[Christine]

I will.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, wouldn't that be the ultimate if white people all went to Africa? Like, we just dominated Africa. I was like, you know what? Let's just. We've been. We've been thinking about it all wrong.

[Christine]

If we made.

[Bobby Kelly]

We should all go to Africa.

[Christine]

If we all went back and made it the.

[Bobby Kelly]

I say we go back. First of all, we freak everybody out. We go back. Like, we're going back and we start loading black people into the boats again. They're like, oh, fuck, dude, they're doing it again. And then we was like, no, you guys could have it. You could have America. We're coming this way. Right as they're loading black people into the boats for America, dude, they're offloading white people off of a boat right behind it into Africa.

[Christine]

We immediately build Africa. Disneyland.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Christine]

Africa. Cracker Barrel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Aber Bombay and Fitch. Hell, yeah, dude. We're all gonna wear, like. It's gonna be dope clothes made of, like, tiger fur and Abe Kwan Way and Fitch Abu Boy Abba Bobwe.

[Christine]

That would be great in America, the Banana Republic.

[Bobby Kelly]

But, like, actually, because we need it, because we're tigers. Like, the actual Banana Republic. Where are you going? To ban republic. Turtleneck. Turtleneck.

[Christine]

I don't think they have bananas in Africa. Huh? I think it's in. It's. That's a Southern thing, like South America. You need palm trees and shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, do me a favor, please, and do we have a dump button? Find out if they have bananas, if bananas are in Africa. If they aren't in Africa, can we dump this whole bit? Because then it means I don't like the reasons why I thought there were bananas in Africa.

[Christine]

I think there are. I think bananas are mainly black blue.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's bananas in Africa, dude. I know there's bananas in Africa. So just make sure you tell everybody where are bananas when you speak at my funeral. Dude, remember, there are bananas in Africa. It has nothing to do with anything else. It's just they grow.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

There might be more equator distance than, like.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I don't. Sorry, I was just making.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, this is the live show, buddy.

[Christine]

I was making an assumption. And you know when you do that, it makes an ass out of you and me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And I apologize. I've never gotten a banana in Africa. I've never got an African banana.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was gonna say you've never gone to Africa.

[Christine]

You don't know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do.

[Christine]

I was in Africa a couple months ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was in Africa.

[Christine]

Africa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put in the dictionary. It's okay now.

[Christine]

I was in Africa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Africa. Africa means Africa.

[Christine]

That's my accent, dude. We add ours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Africa.

[Christine]

I was in Africa. It's so funny. The Boston accent is the worst. It's got to be the worst. Worst in Philly.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's hard to pick the accents. The accents all have their own charm on the guys and sound grotesque on women.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Southern's great on girls.

[Christine]

I like it. I love a Boston accent on a girl. You know what I love the best? A Boston accent on a black dude. That's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I never even hear that.

[Christine]

Oh, buddy. It's so fun because when I go back to Boston, I'll watch the news, whatever, local news, and they'll always interview a black guy. He's like, now this guy came over here, and it's like, what the fuck is happening?

[Bobby Kelly]

That is a weird one.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Black guy. Sounds like a racist.

[Christine]

Christine. I take offense to that.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

You know how your people sound.

[Christine]

This fucking guy came over here. He was all dark and shit. He looked like me, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

This also will make you laugh. It sucked so much. And the timing was so perfect on this. This is my weekend of things that have happened. It was since I left now.

[Christine]

Want to say the first one? I didn't think it was going to be that. That was really good.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was a good one for sure. The other thing I just didn't want to harp on because I know it hurt a lot, but like, I know it was Wednesday when it happened, but the Sixers really did that humiliating defeat of the Celtics in TD guard on opening night.

[Christine]

Whatever, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was bad teams 100, by the way. Sixers.

[Christine]

Whatever.

[Bobby Kelly]

Two and out.

[Christine]

It's the beginning, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is the beginning.

[Christine]

It's the beginning.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not wrong.

[Christine]

So many games left.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not wrong.

[Christine]

Yeah, I mean, it's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Sixers have had two major comeback wins and they're 2, 0. That's unsustainable.

[Christine]

When they lost that game, it made me sick to my stomach because I knew we were coming back Monday.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you forgot about it after the weekend.

[Christine]

I forgot about it after the weekend because the Pats kicked ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Drake May, right? He's going to be your guy.

[Christine]

He's. He's doing great.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's going to be your guy.

[Christine]

Yeah, they're kicking ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy. Five games in a row.

[Christine]

They're killing it. And he was out last week. And the. The backup did great too.

[Bobby Kelly]

So they lost two games. First two games and then haven't lost yet since five in a row.

[Christine]

Kicking ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wild.

[Christine]

I can't say his name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Vrabel.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's a weird name.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a weird name.

[Christine]

It's a weird name. It's a great coach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. So that happened that six, but then thank God they won. That was the gods being on my side that night because Wednesday was a pretty chaotic day. I went. Remember I was almost late because I went to go do Norton's. I did Skanks pre record that I ran to do Norton's podcast. Yeah, Norton lives down in the area where I did Story wars that night. So I parked my car in a lot down by Norton, took an Uber up here after it and went back down to Story. Was picked my car up at like whatever it was 10 o' clock at night. I go. It's one of those underground lots. It's a very thin hallway, very Thin hallway. I got my truck. Truck. Oh, I went down there. The guy, first of all, I wish all the faith. When I parked in it, when I was going down, I'm like, man, this is thin. The guy kind of stopped me from going in.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I was like, I bet it's gonna be because the trucks. He just goes all full. And I went, okay, all right. So I started backing out, and he goes, how long, though? And once he saw it was gonna be, like, a good amount of time he could make money, he was like, yeah, all right. Bring it in. So I brought it in. When he brought it back out for me, I got in it. I was. I. I turned to go up the ramp.

[Christine]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, in my mind, I was already past, like, the everything. And then I just heard, oh, no. And I was like, oh. I got to the top of the ramp completely and got out of the car and looked at the side, and it was just these scrapes straight across the door, the back panel, the handle, and all this stuff. And then there's nothing you can do. This is not the. The place's fault at all. The guy sees me get out of the car and be like, oh, no, no. Like, pouring water on it, trying to wipe it with a. Because it was scrapes, right? And. But just the funniest moment of it was like, I'm sitting there and pouring water on it. I'm like, I don't know. This sucks, dude. This is so shitty. I'm going through. And then just looking down at him in the booth, and he just pushed the button that makes the gate close. And I was like, it was so infuriating he was doing it. But I'm like, he didn't do anything. This guy is not in fault in any way. There's no. The. There's nothing liable. In fact, they could probably get me on something if I fucked up something down there that I hit, who knows? But he was just like, bye.

[Christine]

Oh, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's like, you gotta deal with that. But while I was gone, Christine found a body shop placed at. Buffed it out good. So it's buffed out. It looks good, but it's still a little dent in it, which sucks. But, like, it looks good, though.

[Christine]

2019, they brought the Ford Ranger back, and I had to get on a list to get it. And I wound up. I had a hunt for it because I wanted this color. I wanted that car, and I got it. And that first three days I had it, I remember driving around just like I've always wanted A pickup truck. I have a four. I loved it. And I went to Magoobies and I parked right out front. I didn't want to fucking park next. I parked out front. And the last. That was the last show. Last show. Last show Friday night. I just killed. And I'm coming out in the bachelor party that was there was in the parking lot and there were fans. Bobby came up to my window. Bobby, thank you so much. You made our night so great. I'll never forget this, man. Big fan. Opie and Anthony. Ykwd, blah, blah, blah. I start busting the. I start doing a roast.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thanks for running through all your accolades they gave each one. You were really great on sex shows and rock and roll. A lot of people say you were the best part ever of Louis Law and Order.

[Christine]

Don't forget Law and Order. So, dude, I start, I. I'm, you know, I start, look at this guy. And I'm killing in the parking lot. I mean, annihilating. They're buckled over. And I'm like, all right. I went, all right, guys, see you later. They were like, all right, man, thank you so much. And I said, smashed into the telephone pole. And I just. I heard more laughter than I heard all. They just started cracking up. And I was just sitting there and the guy came over. He's like. He's trying not to laugh. He's like, bobby, dude, you all right, man? You're good. And I was like, is it bad? And he went, yeah, it's bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then, bye, everybody. Goodbye everyone.

[Christine]

Dude, I smashed into the pole and then Magoovies Andrew comes out. He's like, dude, it's. So I go, just let me sit here. I sat in my car with my head down and. And then finally I had to get out my. My passenger door cuz my door wouldn't open. And I sat in the parking lot when the tow truck guy came. These guys don't care at all. He couldn't get my door open, so he just ripped it open. And I saw the paint chip because he had to get in my car. And he just went, snap. And I just went, no. And then he just dragged my car, the tires and he dragged it away and I just. I had it. Oh, dude, it is the worst.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the timing of this was so funny of it happening Wednesday night, because when I got to Story Wars.

[Christine]

Did you put your lights on? Like a dark light, like in morning? Yeah, your car lights?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what it was.

[Christine]

Oh. Oh, man, that's not that bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it looks better than it is, but in front of the thing too. You can't tell. It looks like it's like shine, but like it's actually streak all across.

[Christine]

Oh, you got to get that fixed.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then they fixed it.

[Christine]

I have a guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

They did it. It's fixed.

[Christine]

Oh, it's all done. Oh, great. Okay, good.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a. Well, you see that dent right there?

[Christine]

Dude, I have a guy that will do it for cash. Yeah, I. Dude, I. We had a hurricane. Some storm came in one night and I went out and I tied my. My basketball hoop that Max never used. Because every. Anytime you have a kid, you got to get a basketball hoop for some reason. And I had this thing and I had sandbags on it. And I was like, I'm gonna go take care of. I unhooked it and did this. Then I was like, I gotta. I gotta take these sandbags off and get new Sam. I took the sandbags off not thinking that that was the only thing, and it just smashed. It was down on the front of my hood and just fucking leveled my hood to my second Ford Ranger. And it was my, you know, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mean, so getting Ford Rangers.

[Christine]

But I went in and. And I brought it to this guy and he just did cash.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice. I like that.

[Christine]

And bang. I paid him. Whatever it was, it was done in a week and it was perfect. Like it never happened. Yeah, they're magicians. Go and find a guy. Go, go. Can I do this for cash? And he'll. He'll do it. Get it fixed. You can't have that on your car.

[Jacob]

You can't go to your guy who's the big SNL fan anymore. You would have gone to.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I would have went there. If we. If that was the like last ditch thing. It was like that chart. What did the guy charge like 200 bucks for that? Yeah, it was like cheap.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Well, it was crazy. It was a crazy difference because he was like, I could left it out and get it to about 80. He's like, if you want to do 100, basically you have to replace this, bang this out, paint this. And the quote for that was 5,500. I mean, it was such a crazy difference.

[Christine]

You gotta find one of those guys.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

But he did it for 175 and he said it'll bang out the debt for 250.

[Christine]

Do it, do it, do it. Yeah, do it. Well, it depends, dude, because if. If it's steel, they can bang it out. If it's, I think aluminum, they can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Something.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Well, he already worked on it so I think he saw that whatever it is, like he can do it for that.

[Christine]

So that truck's true. You can't have a truck that pretty with lights.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And a dent in a scratch.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I have to get a. It said somebody chamber exchanging. We're changing the running boards, but I'm changing those anyway.

[Christine]

You're gonna change them into the ones that come out?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I, I think it's dumb to add mechanics to it. Possible.

[Christine]

Oh, it's there. It's just a unit that they screw on.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, I know but like the mechanic. Anything mechanical like that you're stepping on like that. I feel like when it goes bad it'll suck the mechanics up. But I'm gonna get metal ones. Yeah.

[Christine]

I want though. I want the running boards that go slip under.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And then they slip out. I like those.

[Bobby Kelly]

They look cool.

[Christine]

Did you see? Well no. You have something else too, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh yeah.

[Christine]

Oh God.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is my last thing of my weekend of what am I doing? Oh, I was saying the most funny about that was when I saw Lewis at Story wars that night. He came, said, I just got sideswiped again. Lewis is in so many accidents and different like fender benders and dings and all that kind of stuff.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I mentioned that. I go, man. He goes, this wasn't my fault. I go, no, I know. I like. And I saw the damage. It sucks. And I was like, no, I know it's not your fault. This one. It's like I can't believe just how many things you're in. Like car things. Like I really haven't been in an accident since I was a teenager. It's crazy. And then like an hour later ripped my right across my door today. I was like, whoa. That was like. It's like self fulfilling prophecy. Jesus Christ.

[Christine]

When I was driving down to Magoobies, I literally said aloud, I'm so happy. I love this car. I love it. And I've never said it again.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never emotional with how much I love this thing.

[Christine]

I loved it. I literally remember saying it loud like I. Because it was a moment for me. I've never had. I've never had. I, you know, I've had cool car. I've had cars that I. That I could get my whole life, you know. I never had a car. I used to buy 203, 300 cars when I was a, you know, 17, 18, 19, 20. I would just get a car and I had cars that I could just leave if it broke down. I could just Take the license plate off and walk from it, you know. But when I got that truck, it was the first car that I wanted. Did research on and went and got. So when I was.

[Bobby Kelly]

My Ford Explorer was that to me, the first world, like, oh, I want that car. And we got that car. Yeah.

[Christine]

There's a feeling of like, I'm doing. I'm doing it, man. I have a brand new 2019 Ford Ranger you can't get. I remember going, I love this car. I think I told Don, I go, don, I can't tell you how happy I am with this car. And then. And then just watching that guy go ping, ping. And just seeing Chip getting. I was like, well, you know, I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Told you the thing that was the. The week that I got that Explorer that I loved forever. Brought it to D.C. to open for Steve O. $40 a night parking, which I thought at the time was outlandish and upset that I had to pay it. Valet, outdoor valet lot, windows that open in the hotel. I've told the story before. Someone threw a glass out, bashed my window to pieces, windshield to pieces, had safe flight come out and change the windshield. And they did the gasket. They just did it wrong. And it had a whistle sound for the rest of the time. Until finally Hurricane Sandy just took that car out of my life. Anyway, so that's about a doomed car. That was a day I. The week I got it, someone smashed the windshield out. That never was the same again. And then a hurricane just swallowed it one day.

[Christine]

Yeah, I think I had it for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Under two years or like a year. Like a year and a half or something, right?

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Yeah, if that.

[Bobby Kelly]

If.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Yeah, I mean, you got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I maybe loved that car. I had a Bose stereo in it. The first, like, car I had, like, the stereo thumped ever in my life.

[Christine]

Everything else, when you. When you can look down and it says Bose, there's something like, oh, I gotta.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if people fully get that, especially if it took you for a long time to get those kind of things, like getting in that. Like, I think the truck. No, the. The. What is it? A Jeep. Always has that Macintosh stereo in there. And one of the screens for the Macintosh thing is they have like, the. The hurts, you know, like, things that go up. So we just put that on just to be like. It's pretty cool.

[Christine]

It's cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

It doesn't do anything. It means nothing.

[Christine]

It's a great car.

[Bobby Kelly]

It really looks cool.

[Christine]

Yeah. Did you see my new car?

[Bobby Kelly]

Car? Yeah, the truck. No, not a Car.

[Christine]

You see my new car I got this weekend?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I did your McLaren.

[Christine]

Did you like it?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's nice. I would have gone with different insides. Why does your body not let you lie?

[Christine]

Did you hear that? No. Stupid buffet. You know, people were actually congratulating me.

[Bobby Kelly]

That dawn purchased you. A McLaren doesn't have a job. People were dumb. People thought. There was people that actually. There was people that actually thought skanks was moving to tbs. People believe stuff.

[Christine]

I have messages from people going, telling me what to do to it. Like, dude, now you gotta get this and get that. And I was like, I didn't have the heart to go, bro. I didn't get a fucking McLaren.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should have. You should have had the heart to say that. You should be like, hey, stupid. Feel stupid.

[Christine]

I do. I'm buying him a clown. I'm just gonna do side splitters and do it. First of all, guys, the key that I didn't get it. I'm playing side splitters. I'm not doing the arena, you fucking maniac.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am the other thing I want to tell you. We could probably extend this conversation to when our guests come in too, because these guys may have. I feel like you. Bobby, might have. Jacob, I feel like you possibly, definitely will have a story like this.

[Christine]

If he can stay awake.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you could stay with us through the show.

[Christine]

If you can stay with us through the show and keep your attitude down a little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you can keep your eyes. Yeah, if you turn your attention up and your attitude down would be fantastic. But, Jacob, you may also, like me, have a story like this or a similar. Or maybe it's done on purpose. Mine's an accident.

[Christine]

Can we get Jake a pocketbook?

[Bobby Kelly]

Pocketbook, sure. Handbag for his birthday.

[Christine]

We'll get mom a pocketbook.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm gonna get a nice handbag. Stop. Stop being mean to us.

[Christine]

I'm gonna give him a coach.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I was at a pharmacy CVS a few weeks ago, and while I was waiting in line to get my prescription, I just, you know, you look overseas with the shelves right there. Some impulse buy things maybe. Yeah. I saw something that said, oh, also, I've dealt with. This is personal. This is not very attractive, but I'll get like once in a while, like if. Like a cyst. I think I have, like a cyst or something between my legs. Yeah, like on the inner thigh.

[Christine]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that'll pop up a couple times a year. And it hurts when it does. And every time it hurts and you go to the doctor, they can't take it out while it's like inflamed like that. When it's not inflamed the, you know, the other 360 days a year, it doesn't really bother you. Yeah, you don't think about it. But I was coming off of it just happening and I was like. So I was looking for different, you know, I'm always looking for ways to kind of make that better or feel better or get rid of it or something. And I saw a thing that said. All I saw was what this product does. And it says end thigh chafe rubbing and things like that. You know, it's like, it's great for skin. It's. It looks like a deodorant stick essentially. And you, you put it where you're leg meets your dick and balls area looked fantastic. And I bought it, I started using it and I love, works really, really good. My legs just, I don't know, I just don't feel any, like there's any concerns of thigh rubbing. It's been a whirlwind of a wonderful product in my life. And I was putting it on the other day in California and I looked down at it for the first time and I go, I've never noticed the name of the brand of this thing. Mega Babe. It's Mega Babe brand. It's some brand that's just. This is. It's not a thing where it's like, oh, it's a thing. Anyone can use it. This is for ladies. Exclusively in a Thigh Rescue anti friction stick by Megababe.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I'll tell you what it may, it made me laugh. Buckle over with laughter about how much I fucking have this Thigh Rescue Stick. And then you know what? I've used it every day since. I'm not going to stop using. In fact, I think I'm going to keep ordering it.

[Christine]

Do you know why? You know why you love it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Christine]

Because you're a mega babe.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a mega babe. But how do you go back now? And I was thinking, Bobby, in your pretty days, like, there's got to be feminine products you bought before, like flat out girl products. I used to, at one point I used to use, I'd use Girl deodorant. I use Girl deodorant plenty.

[Christine]

Please get him the, the Mega Bag. Mega bag case. Get him the keychain holder.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Christine]

So you can have it with you at all times.

[Jacob]

Looks like a pocketbook.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Any area that needs brightening?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but I, my Thigh Rescue. I want the unscented, please.

[Christine]

Oh, look, they have a guy brand.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope, that's a Mega Man.

[Christine]

That's Mega Man Fighter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a second. There is a brand. Mega Man.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Stick with me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

It's a product by Megababe.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's just so you don't look like a walking down the street with Mega Bag.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bet it's the same exact thing.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

I would guess.

[Christine]

Yeah, but it just doesn't look like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, do me a favor. If it's the same thing, please continue to order me Mega Babe.

[Christine]

Of course.

[Jacob]

All over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at that. Armpits, waistband, thighs. Feet. That's what it's. Huh?

[Christine]

Yeah, feet. You can shave it on your feet.

[Bobby Kelly]

The leaping bunny is a cruelty. It's cruelty free.

[Christine]

Nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

How about that cleaning? No. Aluminum talc parabens.

[Jacob]

That's good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Phthalates. And no animal derived ingredients. Let me tell you something. Mega Babe. Mega inner thigh. I'm not supporting Mega Man. I've never tried it.

[Christine]

You're going Mega Babe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mega Babe.

[Christine]

Mega Babe. Oh, they got a purple one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay, what's Mega Thigh Rescue? Why is it mega limited edition? Oh, it's just the.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

I think it might be a. The design.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, because the girls. Should I get a. Should I get the exclusive limited edition one?

[Christine]

Yes, you're into it. Get them all. Get the pocketbook. The mega bag. Pocketbook. The keychain.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not a pocketbook. It's a keychain.

[Christine]

Well, get that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait, does that keychain. Does it hold a mini stick?

[Christine]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that what it does?

[Christine]

Yeah. There's a keychain.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

I think it's just a keychain.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Give me one.

[Christine]

Dude, get them. Get two.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Thigh Rescue.

[Jacob]

Mini.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

Maybe it does.

[Christine]

It has a mini container.

[Bobby Kelly]

The silicone holder lets you take your mini everywhere. Oh, my God. Get me that.

[Christine]

It's the lid. It goes.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

The little one. So you can bring it with you when you're on the go.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. And go right on your pocketbook.

[Bobby Kelly]

That will. Let me tell you something. I will hang it off. I will hang it off of my pocketbook.

[Christine]

Of course you will.

[Bobby Kelly]

My little. My little shoulder bag.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will have that Mega Babe hanging off the zipper.

[Christine]

You'll hang your Mega Babe off your man bag and you'll be all set to go.

[Bobby Kelly]

And people go, what is that? I go, it's my thigh friction stick. Thigh Rescue. Oh, it's so good. Bobby. Bobby.

[Christine]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so good.

[Christine]

I have Irish legs, dude. My legs have never gotten fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Christine]

It's only my legs don't get fat. Like, to chafe my legs.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is nothing to do. This isn't really to do with fat, I guess. I guess the ultimate chafe thing.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was going more to try to make sure that cyst doesn't pop back up.

[Christine]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which can happen. I assume that happens from rub.

[Christine]

I thought the story was going in the way that you rubbed it on your cyst and it inflamed it more. No. And it became bigger. This is a happy story.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, cyst is. Cyst is down right now. It's not a problem right now at all. Probably because of megabay.

[Christine]

Megabave helps.

[Bobby Kelly]

A lot of it has something to do with Mega Babe. No, I just feel like that's what happens. Like, it's like when it gets, like, summertime or something like that. The rubbing will make it. That cyst come up and it just. I don't even think you could see it that much on the outside. It just flew. Hurts bad.

[Christine]

Sure it's not like an ingrown hair?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's a cyst.

[Christine]

It's a cyst.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I've gone to a place.

[Christine]

What is a cyst?

[Bobby Kelly]

Dead skin underneath. Yeah.

[Christine]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That's why. What's nasty about when you watch pimple popper stuff?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they bust a cyst on, like, a black guy, it comes out. It's like. It's black.

[Christine]

Oh, it's black.

[Bobby Kelly]

Side of cyst. It'll be black.

[Christine]

They don't have the same cysts as us.

[Bobby Kelly]

It depends how, like, new or old. Like the sit. You know? I mean, if it's been, like, sitting there for a while, it turns it. Because dead skin.

[Christine]

So it's not like black on black people and white on white people?

[Bobby Kelly]

It is. Yes.

[Christine]

Oh, it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no. It is. Yeah. Because it's skin.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Double check that. What's that? You want to jack off Bobby and then me.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Well, we probably should. Why? You see Jacob fading again?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to keep him up.

[Jacob]

I thought it was, like, a fluid sack assist.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's not fluid. It's like there's. They break it and there's stuff in it. But what's in it, I believe, is, like. It's pus, but it's like dead skin.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

There's skin cysts and pylors that have keratin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. That picks up pro. That's right.

[Christine]

Is that the same stuff that's in Canada?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is what I had on my ass, I believe.

[Christine]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

My upper ass. What is that on my tailbone? My coccyx you'd have a cyst on your. Mostly black people. Get it. And me.

[Christine]

Well, because you, you hung out with black people your whole life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Turns out me and black people have pylor cyst in our lower tailbone.

[Christine]

That's how much you internalize the black culture.

[Bobby Kelly]

Justin Silver one time took care of it for me for a whole weekend. He kept putting hot composts on my ass.

[Christine]

Yeah, because he's.

[Bobby Kelly]

He wanted to.

[Christine]

Of course he did. Yeah, he's been dying to do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I agree with you. He did want to. Yeah, it was his treat.

[Christine]

All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

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[Christine]

Required, gas, gifts, tolls. This holiday trip is draining my wallet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but we'll get to see all our family. You're festive.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

What's your deal?

[Bobby Kelly]

What's my deal? Holiday savings. At Metro. I got one line of 5G for just $25 per month. And I kept the phone I love and no activation fees. And a five year price guarantee on my talk text and data detour to Metro.

[Christine]

It is. Get that more for your money feeling.

[Ad Caller/Advertiser]

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