J.O.I.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly – Episode: J.O.I.

Release Date: March 4, 2025

In this lively episode of The Bonfire hosted by Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, listeners are treated to an evening of unabashed humor, personal anecdotes, and engaging discussions that traverse the realms of comedy, entertainment, and even unexpected political ventures.

---

1. Opening Banter and Personal Stories (01:07 - 05:00)

The episode kicks off with Big Jay and Robert diving into their personal histories, particularly focusing on Robert's past connections in the entertainment industry.

Big Jay Oakerson (03:07): "Apologies for the music. You were saying?"

Robert shares a reminiscence about interacting with actress Eliza Dushku, highlighting humorous misunderstandings and playful banter between the two.

Robert Kelly (04:00): "No, I didn't do anything with her. And I'm just saying that you wouldn't."

Their exchange is marked by quick wit and playful teasing, setting a relaxed and humorous tone for the episode.

2. Discussion on Comedy Specials (15:20 - 19:26)

The conversation shifts to Big Jay's latest comedy special, which Robert praises highly.

Robert Kelly (15:20): "I watched the whole thing. It was like watching batting practice where you just knock balls out of the park over and over."

Big Jay expresses gratitude for the positive feedback, emphasizing the tightness and precision of his performance.

Big Jay Oakerson (15:31): "Thank you all."

3. Introducing Corinne Fisher’s Mayoral Run (21:12 - 27:02)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing Corinne Fisher's candidacy for mayor of New York City. Robert introduces himself as her campaign manager, urging listeners to support and donate to her campaign.

Robert Kelly (24:00): "Corinne Fisher, my comedy partner for over 15 years, is running for mayor of New York City."

The hosts humorously navigate the complexities of campaign donations, blending political commentary with their signature comedic style.

Big Jay Oakerson (25:04): "So the next guy doesn't get caught in this douche goo scheme."

4. J.O.I. Segment – Humorous Take on Controversial Content (35:00 - 58:25)

The centerpiece of the episode revolves around the playful and provocative topic of "Jerk Off Instruction" (J.O.I.) videos. Big Jay and Robert engage in a humorous yet edgy dialogue about the concept, incorporating guest appearances and fictional scenarios to entertain their audience.

Big Jay Oakerson (45:00): "I'd love to be friends with the mayor. Believe that."

This segment showcases their ability to tackle risqué subjects with humor, maintaining an engaging and entertaining atmosphere despite the controversial nature of the topic.

Robert Kelly (57:57): "Much in my mouth."

5. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Shows (60:00 - 64:42)

As the episode nears its end, Big Jay and Robert transition to promoting their upcoming shows and specials. They share tour dates and encourage listeners to attend their live performances.

Big Jay Oakerson (62:18): "We're gonna be doing an awesome show up there. Two nights, get some tickets for that."

Additionally, they briefly touch upon future content and tease upcoming discussions, ensuring listeners remain hooked and eager for more.

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Notable Quotes:

• Big Jay Oakerson (04:20): "You sound like someone who enjoys a good chuckle and a high five."

• Robert Kelly (15:22): "It's crazy because you're not a crowd work special. You're just being fucking hilarious."

• Big Jay Oakerson (24:31): "What's wrong with the United States?"

• Robert Kelly (41:07): "The reveal. And you guys are talking over the reveal."

---

Conclusion

This episode of The Bonfire masterfully blends personal storytelling, humor, and unexpected topics like political campaigns and J.O.I. videos. Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly maintain their trademark candidness and wit, ensuring that both longtime listeners and newcomers find the content engaging and entertaining. Whether they're reminiscing about past encounters, lauding each other's work, or delving into more provocative themes, the duo delivers a rich and dynamic listening experience.

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For those interested in catching The Bonfire live, subscribe to SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103, and consider subscribing to SiriusXM Podcasts+ for ad-free listening and early access to new episodes.

Transcript

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Christine]

Many years since I was here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

On.

[Christine]

The street I was passing my time away to the left and to the right Buildings towering to the sky it's out of sight in the dead of night Here I am again in the city with a fistful of dollars and baby, you better believe I'm back Back in the New York room I'm back, back in the New York room I'm back, back in the New York room Back in the New York Cruise in.

[Robert Kelly]

The new.

[Christine]

In the back of my Cadillac Wicked lady sitting by my side say, where are we?

[Robert Kelly]

Stop.

[Christine]

The third and 43 exit to the night it's gonna be ecstasy this place was meant for me Feel so good tonight who cares about tomorrow?

[Robert Kelly]

So.

[Christine]

Bab.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Bob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Apologies for the music. You were saying? You almost. Eliza Dushka in her prime.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait a second, I don't. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hi, everybody. We're back.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, what's happening? That's not what I said. I said not. Can I. I gotta get some dates. I said I was around her after True Lies. And then she went on to do stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

I did a child, I think. No, but I think she was.

[Jacob]

She did Dollhouse.

[Robert Kelly]

I think she was 18.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's 44 now.

[Robert Kelly]

She was. Okay, so. All right, let's do the math.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. She was born in 1980. There's an easier thing. Day before New Year's Eve.

[Robert Kelly]

Whoa, wait a minute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What year are we talking about? Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it was 98.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby went in 98.

[Robert Kelly]

98. Summer towards the end, when. Towards Christmas, towards. Towards New Year's of 99.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

Damn, dude, we did it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You statutory raped Eliza Dushko?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I didn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You heard it here first.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't do anything with her. And I'm. I'm just saying that you wouldn't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was coming on to you really hard.

[Robert Kelly]

We were hanging on a balcony together, and there was vibes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? Cuz, remember, I had hair. I wasn't like me now. You know what I mean? It was. What the. It was. It was. What do you guys. Why you whispering Is a. Is not. That's not. That's impolite, what you were whispering.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I think. You know what's funny? What Christine's got. She's great at finding footage of stuff, and I think there's video of you guys meeting, I believe.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This video when you and Eliza Dushka were meeting each other?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I think I told you this before. We did, like, a reading. We did, like, a script reading. And she was there, and I was hanging out, and she was. You know, we're just on the balcony, I hope, but I'm pretty sure. But. But I also met, you know, those cameras there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You didn't know there was cameras?

[Robert Kelly]

There were cameras there, yes. No, there was not cameras.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why. It's fine. You guys didn't really do anything.

[Robert Kelly]

We did not. We did not. We didn't do. I didn't do anything with her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, where are we at?

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't do anything with her.

[Lou]

It's almost loaded.

[Robert Kelly]

But she did go to the Boston Comics.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Christine found it.

[Robert Kelly]

We did go to Boston Comics. Come home.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I performed, and she was there. She was backstage. And I saw her again years later.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

She used to date Rick Fox. Celtics.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was Lakers, most famously.

[Robert Kelly]

He was on the Celtics, I believe, where she met him. And then went to the Lakers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he was in town to everybody. I think Christine said she had family members who wanted to. Rick. It's one of the only basketball names she ever knew. Right.

[Robert Kelly]

He became, like, an actor. Now he's like. He's in movies. That's what he does now. His acting teacher. My acting teacher was her acting teacher was his acting teacher.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, here it is.

[Robert Kelly]

What is this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is when you and Elijah Dushku met.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't judge Him. Just forgive him for they know not what they do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. All right. This is just you guys just doing a little acting together. Oh, look at Eliza. She's so cute. Oh, no, you look a lot like. Have you heard of Max, Katie, Famous Murder.

[Robert Kelly]

I had long hair back then. My hair was nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This was when you had long hair. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

At least we try to admit it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, look, sure, you guys are flirting a little bit, but I wouldn't say this is. This is above board so far.

[Robert Kelly]

This is not. This is last night at Eddie's Hair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Dushku.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Every man carries a circle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm guessing by her braces here that she's got to be 14 years old, maybe. No, 94.

[Robert Kelly]

No, not 94.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, you jumped ahead in the story pretty fast to get us to. When you happen to see her again a few years ago.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't. I didn't do anything with her. I'm just saying that we were hanging out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, this so far seems totally fine.

[Robert Kelly]

This is not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jump ahead a little bit, Christine. Maybe it gets weird.

[Robert Kelly]

It doesn't get. I didn't do this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now I. Oh, she. Okay, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Okay, I don't know about this. You're sticking your thumb in her mouth now?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm not sticking my thumb in her mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. God damn it, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

She had something on her lip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jay, that's a child.

[Robert Kelly]

I was wiping, buddy. I can't control what she does with my thumb.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She sucked your thumb?

[Robert Kelly]

I was wiping chocolate sauce off her lip.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

And then she mixed that. Oh, and then that. I. Then I put it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now, that time, the second time, you jammed it in her mouth.

[Robert Kelly]

That was me the second time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, douche goo. Oh, she likes it. She did like it. I do hear her liking it.

[Robert Kelly]

God, this scene is the best scene.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, nothing. Damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

18 in that movie, by the way, just to let you know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You checked it out.

[Robert Kelly]

I did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You looked.

[Robert Kelly]

She's 18. Yeah, I checked it out. Yeah, I checked it out. As soon as that movie came out, I was like, yeah, Liza Dushku, though, she is pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's fine now.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't like her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, listen. She's still pretty, but she looks now like that girl that plays Nurse Ratchet in that TV show. That lesbian who's getting older, too. You know I'm talking about.

[Jacob]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she's in all of the. Yeah, they just did a TV show of Nurse Ratchet. What's her name? She was in all the seasons of American Horror Story. The.

[Jacob]

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's. She's a lesbian. She's married to like an old lady. Sarah Paulson.

[Robert Kelly]

Now, she was in. I believe in. She was in Banshee too. Correct.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sarah Paulson.

[Robert Kelly]

No, Eliza Dushku.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was she. I don't know. But I'll tell you what, when you see her face now, it's just. It's not Eliza Dushko anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Was she in Banshee? I think she was, yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She wasn't Banshee for a while.

[Robert Kelly]

And in Banshee she gets. She gets tied up. The guy gets her and puts her in the basement and does some crazy stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She has some good scenes, but not naked.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't. I don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think if you're on Banshee, you're not getting naked. I've already forgotten your character.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you got naked every.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He gave you everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

He really did put it to sleep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, the Amish girl was just like. She goes, hey, do you guys think we can cram my pussy into this scene somehow? Well, I don't know. It's kind of like a driving scene. It's like. Yeah, but you know, maybe like you just catch my pussies out.

[Jacob]

Lily Simmons, huh? Lily Simmons.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Lily Simmons.

[Robert Kelly]

They fucked it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She looks like the depth daughter. But that Depp daughter. For me, she fucked up big time doing that Nosferatu movie for several reasons. One, it sucks shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Two, I still haven't seen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really focuses on how not that attractive she actually is. She has a big old ant head on a weird little body.

[Jacob]

It's a very tough look when the pulled back hair when you have a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fucking alien head like that for sure. Yeah, yeah. You see, she's like someone like put the magnets on the refrigerator of her face like the wrong way with the features of her gorgeous parents.

[Jacob]

Oh, God.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. She really is. She's got Christina Ricci forehead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's fucking. But Christina Ricci's face is a little softer, so she's prettier. She pulls that off, this girl looks like a fucking freaky. It looks like someone like. Like put Johnny Depp like in an oven too long or something.

[Jacob]

Looks like her hair starts in the mid, the middle of her head.

[Robert Kelly]

Why would she ever pull her hair back?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's gonna age odd as shit too.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that thing next to her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fuck all we know is in a relationship or something.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh. Her girlfriend's name is 070. Shake.

[Robert Kelly]

I really can't stand actors and actresses. I fucking hate them all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wish we just didn't know about the world as much as we have to know about it.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you, man. I'm so sick of fucking. I saw Alec Baldwin giving thanks to people today. It's like, what are you? You're Alec fucking Baldwin. Why are you thanking people in a movie? Just call them and thank them. Why are you telling us about it? They just want to. They just want to talk and have attention.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I guess so.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to see that. What is that thing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like it. Can you look up? What? 070, bro. What's the name? 070 Shake is. Please.

[Robert Kelly]

I really hope Hollywood slips into the ocean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's probably a really shitty musician would be my guess.

[Robert Kelly]

070 Shake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, what is it? Her real name is Danielle Balbuena. Oh, yick.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, let's give her a shot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

It might sound good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it up.

[Robert Kelly]

She might be good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, well, don't worry. She put her big ant head girlfriend in the video.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, she stinks. Is this it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me up. What the fuck is this music?

[Robert Kelly]

This makes you angry?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there's 10 seconds of the song left and I keep thinking it's gonna start.

[Robert Kelly]

She has gold surrounding all her teeth too. And she. She's dressed like. Like a gang member.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's a butch lesbian.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, for sure. Oh, this song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Johnny. This song sucks ass. Johnny Depp could only raise pieces of shit. There's just no chance. That's why that girl took a dump on his bed. She goes, hey, here's some more children for you. Blah, blah, blah. Is this his only child? I mean, he was destined to just make a fucking dumb piece of shit.

[Robert Kelly]

What sound did her shit make?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Blum, blum, blum, blum, blum. Three nice logs.

[Robert Kelly]

They're all fucking weirdos, man. Hollywood raises a bunch of weird ass children.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, that's. We looked up years ago. Like Tommy Hilfiger's son is like tatted head to toe and shitty rap music.

[Robert Kelly]

Magic Johnson's kid is in a leather dress.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a big fat lady.

[Robert Kelly]

Big fat lady.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Magic Johnson's son's a big fat lady now.

[Robert Kelly]

I think they're all messed up.

[Jacob]

I know he has a son also.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it's all because they're. No, that's. It's a son's name.

[Jacob]

King of the mountain for me is Will Smith and Jaded Pinkett Smith's kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh yeah, well, Willow Smith thinks she's a fucking professor. And Jaden Smith thinks he's a fucking.

[Robert Kelly]

Space alien, which is one with a castle on his head. Was that Jaden? What are you doing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was.

[Robert Kelly]

No, don't do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Please don't do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I got us these.

[Robert Kelly]

I know you did, but I can't watch you do that. Dude, please don't do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

You're licking. Jay got us these big. I don't know, they're roll on lollipops.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And you're sucking. Don't do that. Please don't do that. I can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to get the juice off.

[Robert Kelly]

I know that's. But it looks like you're. Don't. It looks like you're blowing a guy. Can you not. Please don't do that with your lips. Don't put both your lips on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I don't want to miss a drop.

[Robert Kelly]

I know you don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob unrelated story completely. But I've been dying to say this to you for days since I thought of it. I know you want to live this lavish life of an English gentleman or a Yellowstone like Rugged Man.

[Jacob]

It's a quandary.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're fighting your nature because what you come from is Jersey trash. Your family's business is canned champagne. So just remember that when you're buying your fucking shaving brushes. Always remember where you came from.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. How did you. How did you. How did you get into this? These two worlds from where you're from?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Too much canned champagne, my guess.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay, you got to stop sucking it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's really good.

[Robert Kelly]

I know it is, but you're sucking it. Just suck it like a man.

[Jacob]

Well, there's some rural. Rural parts of New Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

No, don't spit it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have to wet it or else it doesn't come.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't spit it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I let somebody triple my tongue and I do little twirls with it.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm a throw up dude. The fact that you have perfect technique is very concerning to me, brother.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, a lot of the secret is getting that pee hole. Suction. Never seen a guy eat candy before. Why are you guys all staring at each other so weird?

[Robert Kelly]

That's what. Don't put the whole thing in your mouth, Jay. No, no, no. Don't put the hook.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm painting my cheeks with it. Yeah, a real man doesn't miss a drop, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Your special came out this weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This week?

[Robert Kelly]

Last Wednesday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Last Thursday.

[Robert Kelly]

Last Thursday. And I watched the whole thing. Did you guys all watch it?

[Jacob]

I loved it.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody watched it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you all.

[Robert Kelly]

I Watched the whole thing. I watched it, the whole thing. Coming back from Philly Saturday night, driving home, and the cookie. Gotta stop. I can't, I can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm letting you talk.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but you're sucking on that thing. And you're looking me, you know, you're looking me right in the eyes a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're talking a lot of the. A lot of the critique I get about my broadcasting style interrupting and you don't listen and blah, blah. So I said, what I'm gonna start doing is when other people are talking, I'll occupy my mouth so I don't talk. And this is how I chose to do it. I want to do it in the most non distracting way so people can say what they have to say. And I sit and think I have to look at you so I can take in what you're saying. Bobby, please continue my special.

[Robert Kelly]

You're special. I can't. Okay, you're special. Now I know when it's a good special. Don't wink at me, man. You can't wink. No, no, you can't suck and wink. Okay, I can't watch it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, I can't answer while I have my. I'm trying to talk. So my wink is like a. It's like, it's. I like what you're saying.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, well, like what I'm saying, but you don't have to wink at me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, I won't wink.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't wink.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, go.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait. Don't furl your eyebrows either, man. Jay, snap out of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought if I closed my eyes it would be better for you.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's uncomfortable. And you're making a little 11 with a wrinkle in between your eyes, like you're really into it. Yeah, that. I don't like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't do that.

[Robert Kelly]

You're special.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't want me to be furrow browed about it. Is this better for you?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, keep it just like that. No, no, no, no. Do that. No tulips. Like that. Just like that. No, no, don't make passion face. No, no, no, no. Don't gag. Don't put.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My special. You were saying, buddy?

[Robert Kelly]

You're special. Now if I can make it from the beginning to the end, please. Sometimes you're like, oh, all right, let me take a break. I'll go take a pee. I watched it. Or I'll shut it off or make a phone call, whatever. Dude. I'm gonna tell you right now, I watched it from beginning to end all the way to my House didn't stop once when it was over. I was like, holy shit, it's over. Couldn't believe it was that. It seemed like that fast. And buddy, to walk out there and crush without having anything, you know, like to walk out there and just say, I'm gonna go be funny for an hour.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

In front of a crowd. I'm just going to be funny. Whatever happens, happens. It's crazy because you're not, you know, what a crowd work special, whatever. You're not doing a crowd special. You're going out there and being fucking hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

With these people. Right? For an hour. And it was a mate. You crushed like a headline set. It was like any special I watched where the guy prepared it for a couple years and put it together and ran the set over and over to where everything was precise and bang. That special was that tight. Cause sometimes these crowd work things, there can be moments like where what? Huh? Blah, blah, blah. Where it kind of lulls out. There was no lulls, bro.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it was a slamming home run from the second you walked out there and just started knocking. It was like watching batting practice where you just knocking balls out of the park over and over and over again. You murdered it. Hilarious, too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. Now you go ahead, Jacob. No, I'm joking.

[Jacob]

I do want to say.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good.

[Robert Kelly]

Follow that.

[Jacob]

No, I thought this was my favorite special of yours.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, thank you, man.

[Jacob]

Such a great hour. Yeah, I laughed.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, I've never watched anything you've done before. This.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This one got you this one. I told you eventually, if you keep watching, one of them is going to catch you. I appreciate it, guys. Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

It was. Man, it was such a. Because when you do the crowd work specials, there's always those moments of lulls or whatever because you don't know what the crowd's gonna do. First of all, smoking crowd, great club.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They were great. Denver. Everyone's facing forward, no phones.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Denver's great. It's awesome because it's weird. I'm gonna be there this weekend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice. Fill it up. Yeah. Is that where you're gonna be? Tell me about it. It's good, right? Is it better than you thought? You gotta get the juice on it, though. When you pull it down, you gotta suction, lip the hole so you get. Doesn't drip off when you get close. Here you go. And then. And then. Yes, yes, the way you would like it. Now get a little on your tonsils so you. So you taste everything. Tastes like green apple. Sweet today, huh? Huh.

[Robert Kelly]

I went too far.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, it's good how you train yourself.

[Robert Kelly]

These are fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These are more fun than I thought they were gonna be.

[Robert Kelly]

Really a lot of fun.

[Jacob]

You. Well, I mean, you had your photo shoot with them. We had a photo shoot with Bobby and Jay today. And.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

You brought props.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Roll on lollipops.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought these roll on lollipops would be nice to take a picture with. Well, I know. It was always so sexy. Christine brought it up. The guys we poster they did before the political days. The original poster was respectively. This is before they jumped into heavy politics. Wow. We talked about the. We talked about the Corinne's run for mayor. And I guess that's. There's a tax on that now that Christina Hutchinson messages you as. You guys laughed at this. So you have to give $100 now. So we have to give $100.

[Robert Kelly]

It's. I'll read you right now. Corinne Fisher for mayor. I got a. Yeah, I got a message from them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What's. What's the girl's name? Christine. Right. Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christina. Christina, but with seven Y's.

[Robert Kelly]

Christina Hutchinson.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's Christine Christinian.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Yeah. K, R, Y, S, T, Y, N, Y, K, R Y. Yeah. Apostrophe.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, here we go. You ready?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then another. Another. Why?

[Robert Kelly]

Apparently this show's very popular.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I forget that I forget something. We come in, we just talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

I feel like it's just us. And I forget people are listening.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tens to twenties of people's listening.

[Robert Kelly]

And. And every once in a while, one of those tens of twenties will come up to you and say something to you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Especially in our community. You don't think that maybe the new mayor of New York City might be listening to our little show?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would love to be friends with the mayor. Believe that.

[Robert Kelly]

I got. I got a mess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm behind this run. I just didn't know it was serious at first. But I'm way up with this now. I'm not gonna get a tax break because I'm not gonna work for any of these 4,500 nonprofits.

[Robert Kelly]

You're gonna get a tax break because you're moving to Jersey. Your business is going to be in Jersey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So that works.

[Robert Kelly]

Just go. You live in Jersey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We have to pay city tax still because we work here. I think that's how it works.

[Robert Kelly]

Unfortunately, I don't know, but you might if you're business.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Jacob knows my life. You still got to pay the city tax.

[Lou]

We won't be able to vote for the mayor if we.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We What?

[Lou]

Change our IDs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We what?

[Lou]

We won't be able to vote for the mayor if we change our ID or I won't.

[Robert Kelly]

We can. We can still donate. So basically. Hi, Bobby. Hope you're well. As you know, Korean is running for mayor of New York City. Corinne.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think you called her Korean.

[Robert Kelly]

She's not Korean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's not Korean.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you sure?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. In fact, look how wide her eyes are.

[Lou]

She's very round eyes.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I messed up. Sorry. Hi, Bobby. Hope you're doing well. As you know. Corinne.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait a second.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you think there was going to be a possibility that you were going to say that? We've all been saying it wrong and Korean is the way you say it.

[Robert Kelly]

Absolutely not. I was going with the funny. As a comedian who. Yes. Ands. And doesn't go. What? Yeah. No, I. Yeah. Sometimes Jay. I play along. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So hang on.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jake, am I getting this right?

[Robert Kelly]

Take your time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sometimes he gets it.

[Robert Kelly]

Corrine?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Ding is running for mayor of New York City. For real? Not as a bit. And I'm here to. I'm her campaign manager. We're working to get donations from folks so that we can expand our campaign staff and field team to help get the word out. Would you be comfortable donating $100 to our campaign? Every donation is campaign.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Campaign can pain.

[Robert Kelly]

Campaign. Can campaign. Oh, can cans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can pain.

[Robert Kelly]

Gotcha. Cans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mayoral campaign.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, you should definitely get campaign to.

[Jacob]

Sponsor in a second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Corrine's run for mayor. Yes, I sent her $100. Ask her if she'd be curious if she'd be interested in having a lobby of canned champagne and red wine.

[Robert Kelly]

Please campaign.

[Lou]

It's good for the pool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

No. So she wrote this whole thing and then she wrote this at the end. And if you have any questions about her platform, ask away. Which I think I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ask about lowering age of consent to 14.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So the next guy doesn't get caught in this douche goo scheme. Pay it forward, dude. You don't want another get wrapped up in that douche goo type shit. Make the age 14 and then everyone's fine in Hollywood.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. So I wrote, of course I will help. The link was not in the. In this to send money. Whatever you guys need. The link is above the message. IG separates.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It really fell down.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. She goes. But don't worry. But don't worry. One piece of my platform is to Is media literacy. Think it's a dig, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think she was taking a shot at you, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Taking a shot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think that was a shot.

[Robert Kelly]

And then she put.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now I want to give her $500.

[Robert Kelly]

You love taking shots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, I don't like taking shots. I like that they took a shot.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you're a shotter. You love taking shots. No, you took a shot at me in the beginning. You thought I said Korean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You did. You did say Korean.

[Robert Kelly]

Did I say Korean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Clearly you did.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what? Fuck you, Lou. I just don't like your confidence today. I don't like you with glasses.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You are flying high. What did that new edition Tripp do to you?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like the smart Lou that's in the studio right now with your quilted jacket. What are you shooting ducks this weekend?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Two tone jacket. I know it's picture day.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Yeah, whatever. Campaign finance board actually requires a fee from anyone. Anyone who talks about the candidate for 30 minutes or more on a podcast or radio program.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that.

[Robert Kelly]

I wrote. Am I in trouble?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, what are you panicking about with this girl?

[Robert Kelly]

Because women like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We didn't even say anything bad.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know what we said. I forgot what we said, but I know we talked for a while.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We argued over. We said both Corinne and Christine are hot. Which one's hotter? Was our conversation.

[Robert Kelly]

Then she wrote, lol, not doing role play for donations. Oh, so I think we did say something.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? That they'll do some role play?

[Robert Kelly]

I think we had him doing some stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, right back. If you could take a message for me.

[Lou]

I wonder who told them what you guys said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is there no donation amount? Is there no donation amount that would. Oh, wait, no, erase that. Erase all that. I got this.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What amount donation would let me receive tasteful nudes or slash Joi Video from either of you and just the letters Joi. They'll understand.

[Robert Kelly]

Would what amount? What amount? What.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What amount of donation.

[Robert Kelly]

What amount of donation would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would get Tasteful nudes.

[Robert Kelly]

Tasteful nudes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Sent my way.

[Robert Kelly]

Now. I mean, this is probably going to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get me in trouble or. No, this is politics.

[Robert Kelly]

Or.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A capital J, capital O. Capital I.

[Robert Kelly]

Capital J, capital O, O, capital I, Capital I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Video from either or both of you.

[Robert Kelly]

Video from either or both of you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. Can I just ask a quick question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Before I send it and then we'll ask questions?

[Robert Kelly]

You're going to send it first?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, of course.

[Robert Kelly]

So send it first and then.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, so. But.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I'll answer every question you have. But my question is, did you fire it away?

[Robert Kelly]

I did not fire it. But I do have a question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, but I understand that. But we have a whole show. We get iron out questions that text. Okay, just let's get it out.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna push it. But I. My question, if you just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you wax, send wax, we can move forward. Okay, but because we'd like to give them some money.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, so I'll push this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, okay.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but my question is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Go on. I don't send.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes. I don't know what J O I is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's jerk off instruction.

[Robert Kelly]

Fuck me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's where they will take turns telling you. One maybe will insult you while the other one tells you you're doing it wrong or something like that. So jerk off instruction.

[Robert Kelly]

This is now on text to the maybe new mayor's campaign manager. Yes, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I'm telling you right now, I've been in therapy for a long time. You have these challenges in life. You want to change your life. Hit certain goals, you want to achieve certain things. You need to have a conversation with somebody who's neutral, somebody who understands this and can help you achieve these goals. You know, you can't always go to your wife for stuff. You can't go to your friends because they don't understand that. Use it against you. You need therapy. Therapy can be the source of support for any area of life. There's nothing to be ashamed of. We're just better when we ask for help. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide, you can access diverse network of more than 30,000 therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easy to switch too. You don't like one, you can switch your therapist anytime, no extra cost. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.combonfire to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.combonfire. get some help and live a better life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The best things in life come when you don't settle. That's why switching to Metro is a great choice. Because at Metro, you don't just get great deals, you get even more of what you love. You shouldn't have to put up with the yada yada you find with other carriers. Things like hidden fees, contracts and underwhelming deals. That's why at Metro you can get great deals on 5G devices from top brands like Samsung. With no contracts, no credit checks, no exploding bills and nada yada yada. That's wireless without the gotcha. With more 5G phones to choose from and incredible deals, you'll never feel like you're accepting less than what you deserve. Stop by your neighborhood Metro store and learn about their amazing deals. Go to metrobyt mobile.com stores to find a location near you hey, we all know to consider our pits when it comes to odor, but what about the other odor zones?

[Robert Kelly]

We really do have a lot of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Zones we have to cover your stank zones.

[Robert Kelly]

Stank zones.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Missing that coverage keeps you from smelling and feeling your best. Best keep every zone covered with the ultimate odor defense player Dove Men plus Care Whole Body Dio which keeps you smelling fresh and feeling confident no matter what your day brings.

[Robert Kelly]

I love a whole body tackle Whole.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

Are you holding back on foreign travel plans this year because you are afraid of the language gap? Well, no need to mind the gap if you have Babbel this year. Speak like a whole new you with Babbel, the language learning app that gets you talking. Babbel's 10 Minute Lessons, created by over 200 experts, help you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. With a focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. I use it. I use it once a day. It pops up on my phone. I take a nice quick lesson and I tell you what, it's been helping me out because I want to travel to South America. I want to go back to Cuba and I don't want to be stuck sounding like a jackass going how do you say I want to speak Spanish? I want to speak Italian and Babel is helping me get there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We believe it's El Burro, not jackass elbow. You're being a real El burro.

[Robert Kelly]

Gracias J Amigo, let's get more of you talking in a new language this year. Babel is gifting our listeners this is crazy. 60% off [e-mail] bonfire get up to I'll say it again 60% off babel.com bonfire spelled b a b b e l.com bonfire babel.com bonfire rules and restrictions apply.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if you've seen some of the campaign videos that have been put out, but Christina Hutchinson, I think we watched on Skank. See if you could find her on her birthday. I think she shakes her tits and says, if you want to help me on my birthday, donate to Corinne Fisher. So I think you're okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, now. Oh, tell him from Jay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Erase that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, leave that. Leave that.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you send it already?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, now follow up.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And be a Joi video. Could be fully clothed.

[Robert Kelly]

Could.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think that's a nice medium.

[Robert Kelly]

Be fully clothed.

[Jacob]

Suck on our peckers right now.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Oh, God. Did that go through.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sucking our peckers right now.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, because.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't text.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't. Because I have it on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't put. Suck our cocks either.

[Robert Kelly]

I have it on. Voice thing. I was doing voice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

Joi could be fully closed. Okay. Yes. Okay. Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I have no political affiliations at all. I'm happy to throw 100 effort into Corinne Fisher for mayor.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you mean by 100 little effort?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I'm saying anytime I mention anything about mayor, I'll just say Corinne Fisher. I'm happy for her to win.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, there you go. We'll see what happens. But we have to donate. I think if we donate. I'm going to donate right now. I'm going to donate 100 bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, hang on.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, sir.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't donate just yet.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See where they land on the Joi instruction video first.

[Robert Kelly]

So wait for them to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is how politics works. You got to play ball. You scratch their back, they scratch your back.

[Jacob]

Jerk off instruction videos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, Jacob.

[Jacob]

They're commenting on what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. I've never watched one. I'm just familiar with what they are. In fact, bring up a jerk off.

[Jacob]

Instruction guy jerking off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have to believe it's always a picture of a girl. So I assume it's a girl either insulting you or telling you what to do.

[Jacob]

Or to her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

To yourself, probably. It seems like jerking off. Instructions. It's not. Fuck instructions.

[Jacob]

Yes, that's right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I think it's guys who get off of a girl telling them how to jerk off. Huh.

[Jacob]

So she's saying to the guy, you're. You're jerking yourself off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wrong, Jake. Bobby's gay. It's not uncomfortable talking to me like this, right? Go ahead, Jacob. You were saying?

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob? Look at him in the face. Jake. Nobody likes it. Jake. But you know what? You got to do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The girl tells you what she likes you to do.

[Jacob]

I got it. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Oh, that was juicy little buck at the end there. All right. What is this freak?

[Robert Kelly]

Is that her?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'll talk to this. Listen. What's this cartoon panther talking to me?

[Robert Kelly]

Is that Christine?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This lady's crazy looking.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that Chris? That's not her. Who is this?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. Who.

[Lou]

No, I can't find a video of Christina doing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is jerk off instruction. There's no video of Christina doing jerk off instruction. You're asking for a video?

[Robert Kelly]

But didn't you say that she was showing her boobs for us?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Showing her boobs.

[Robert Kelly]

She was shaking her boobs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, that. We have that video too. But this is what jerk off instructor. I just want you to be aware of what you asked them for.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, okay, I got it. He really want to sp me one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Last time, but Christine, do me a favor. Can we pick anyone but this one?

[Robert Kelly]

Because I can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know what? I take it back. Make it a big fat ugly lady. That'll be a funnier one. Christine, why did you write in jerk off instruction? Actually, you've been to the party. Just driving. Joi. What was. Is there. Are we ever up for evaluation of this goddamn building?

[Robert Kelly]

I just learned about it. And I know that you type in the abbreviation there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do that big fat one. There we go. Finally, Aunt Judy.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I bear of the jerk off. I can't do Bobby. I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby might leave dawn for this lady.

[Lou]

Yeah, Bobby loves her.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't mind her, but I know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't mind her.

[Robert Kelly]

I just don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't mind her. Dude, you take her out to eat by before you her.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like her antique furniture. That's all I. Oh, those are.

[Lou]

You want to lay on her boobs.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at those. Look at that. Look at the wind burn on them. Shits.

[Robert Kelly]

Nice afternoon. She probably has a house on the beach somewhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Lou]

She's definitely in the sun.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I could definitely.

[Lou]

Oh, oh, she's British.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That really a little bit low, but.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm going out with girls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, get to the part where she tells Bobby how to jerk off.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, do it. Oh, God. Oh, what's wrong with all you guys? Relax.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what's wrong with me. Her belly button ring is being pushed out by her belly.

[Robert Kelly]

I think that's a hernia. I believe that's an earring.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Her belly button. Her belly button's rejecting the ring.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you seeing her nipples hard for you?

[Robert Kelly]

I like those nipples they have. No, this doesn't talk enough.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Find someone fatter and talks more.

[Robert Kelly]

Why they always gonna show a penis getting whacked?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thick girl jerk off instructions. Squirting. Finally. There. Go to that one. Left down. Oh.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Over one.

[Lou]

Oh, God.

[Robert Kelly]

What is that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a thick girl jerk off instruction squirting. Why is it right there in the title?

[Robert Kelly]

Why do you have a problem with the tattoos, Christine?

[Lou]

She's. It's what Jay's stepdad said. You know, just, like, lose weight.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He told you to lose weight instead of getting tattoos? He was like, just get your body in shape. You're doing tattoos for the wrong reasons. He was right. But I kept getting him. Never lost weight.

[Robert Kelly]

Geez, those are my Mike Suarez. I can't look at this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wish she would start giving instructions already.

[Lou]

She has a chin tattoo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So what? Christine.

[Robert Kelly]

She's a what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's something in their culture. She does have a chin tattoo.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it says, man don't. I mean, it says, men don't protect you anymore. Across her stomach.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God. She's sucking on one of the things you were just sucking on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Lou]

Ah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But hers is going inside of her.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's going in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So she's not talking about jerking off. What is jerk off? Instruction videos.

[Lou]

Yeah, I thought it was like telling.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I thought they just sit there, the camera. They're like, yeah, pull your dick out. Jerk your dick off. Slap it around now.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, there she is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The ultimate jerk of instruction. Christina.

[Robert Kelly]

There we go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Yen. Yen. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

She's very pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're both very pretty. Here we go. Crank it.

[Eliza Dushku]

You okay? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It's tough.

[Eliza Dushku]

Today. February 19th is my birthday.

[Robert Kelly]

Happy birthday.

[Eliza Dushku]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a Pisces. I cry a lot.

[Eliza Dushku]

Every day. I want something from you, and I'm not afraid to ask you for it because I've been going to therapy. And if you don't already know, Corinne Fisher, my comedy partner for over 15 years, is running for mayor of New York City.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Pauses.

[Eliza Dushku]

If.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is a campaign manager. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

But everybody runs a different campaign.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're right. It's not a bit.

[Eliza Dushku]

I am her campaign manager. If you live in the United States, number one.

[Robert Kelly]

Number two, what's wrong with the United States?

[Eliza Dushku]

All I want for my birthday is for you to donate.

[Robert Kelly]

Pause that. What's wrong with the United States?

[Jacob]

You're not winning people over.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, it's the best country in the world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right? Right.

[Robert Kelly]

The only country in the world that you can run for mayor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I tell you what, it's one of the only places in the world for sure where you can watch jerk off instruction videos at work. That was. That's. But that's a pander. I think the problem is with something like that. It's a pander to people who don't vote. I mean, if you live in this country, like, that's just a very, like, great country.

[Robert Kelly]

I take it. I don't like that right out of the G. I'm gonna have to talk to her about that. If she's gonna get my money, I'm gonna love America. You better put a little flag on you, Christina.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For the record, I don't care how you feel about America, but I will take a jerk off instruction video from you and or Corinne fully clothed. Just tell me what to do. Tell me what you'd like to see. Picture I'm there with you and tell me what you'd like to see. You want me to flick it a little bit? You want to pinch it? You want me to tuck it behind and call myself a little girl?

[Robert Kelly]

Can I ask a question? Do you think I'm going to get another DM that we're going to owe $200 now from this from today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm just thinking about dropping a thail so I can just fire away the entire campaign.

[Robert Kelly]

You stop sucking it like that. Dude, buddy, don't put the Stop Juice. I know it's juice, but there's other ways to get the juice. You don't have to suck it out like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're right. I should probably warm the juice at the bottom up.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no. Do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you're right. Now flows.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Jacob]

That's your boyfriend.

[Robert Kelly]

That's your. That's the menu. You move into a house with him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? I just needed a batch of green apple juice.

[Robert Kelly]

Jay's gonna be blowing guys at the Bon Jovi rest stop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, there's no gas there. Might as well just suck off a guy while I wait for my Starbucks order.

[Robert Kelly]

All right, Here we go.

[Eliza Dushku]

10 bucks. 20 bucks. 50.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

1,000.

[Eliza Dushku]

100.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, she should 50.

[Eliza Dushku]

She should 1,000. Is that two people for money fun? No, it's very not. It's not fun. I hate it. Please donate. The link is in my bio. I love you. I love you. Hey, it's gonna be okay. Or it won't.

[Robert Kelly]

What? I'm. I'm gonna donate 100 bucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm giving 1,000.

[Robert Kelly]

You're gonna give a thousand? Yeah, I'm gonna give, but I went.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Unlimited making fun of it.

[Robert Kelly]

So wait, you give a thousand, you can make fun of it even if she's mayor?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

You can trash her even she's mayor.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm not trashing anything.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't we, why don't we give her 2000?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You think it's trashing someone to ask them for jerk off instruction videos? You think Mayor Adams wouldn't love if I asked him for that?

[Robert Kelly]

Buddy, first of all, if you, if you didn't ask, that means you didn't think she was pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, right.

[Robert Kelly]

Now that you're asking, you're actually asking. She's hot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see.

[Robert Kelly]

250.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You get 250.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm giving 100.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see, you have resident.

[Robert Kelly]

There's a thousand right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Contribution can be. It could be up to 900. It says can't even do a thousand.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go. Did you donate?

[Lou]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you just had balloons. What were the. The balloons for?

[Lou]

Let's see, that's just when you go to donate. Oh, wait, no, that's just her page. Page.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, okay. She just has a fun page.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sprinkles.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's see. Here's a problem with this donation page. You go to it and there's a million people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are they gonna know that it's me that made. I'm not making an anonymous donation.

[Robert Kelly]

No, you. They will know. You put your name in. You have to put your stuff in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, tell them, put in the notes. Big J Okerson. Joi.

[Jacob]

In the note section.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If there's a note where I can put J O I. By the way, it's over here. New York City resident with matching funds. Your put a thousand dollars contribution can be worth. Just type in the letters. Joi. My thousand dollars will become worth jerk off instruction videos from Corinne and Christina. What if you got the mayor?

[Robert Kelly]

What if you got them from the mayor after she became the man in a suit pant?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll accept audio of both of them sitting over me. And I'll just let you girls know. If not. You've talked enough on the Internet. I'm just going to make AI audio of you guys jerk off instructioning me.

[Robert Kelly]

You know hot that would be if she was just in a suit pant at the Gracie Mansion telling you how to jerk off with her boob hanging out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, damn, Lou, do we have enough audio that we can make Christine Evans jerk off instruction videos for the audiences I sure can. Yes, I'll write them. Yes, that's what I need. Yeah, I'll write them. And you have Christine say these things.

[Robert Kelly]

Anything you want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Will they put her laugh in? Is AI that good?

[Robert Kelly]

That's gonna. I'll just enter a real laugh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, Christine, you're finished.

[Lou]

Can you do it with Jay as well?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure, yeah, I can, actually. But you don't have to AI me. What do you want me to say? I'll give you jerk off instructions right now. Anyone out there listening? Little Big J okerson. Jerk off instruction time.

[Robert Kelly]

I'd like some.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Well, what's up, bro? You got a little alone time here?

[Robert Kelly]

What's up?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd say pick your favorite chair, but one where you can really lean back so your wiener looks bigger when you pull it out. Go on, pull that shit out. You grabbing it? It's not big enough to grab yet. All right, well, kind of take your three fingers and get under the helmet and just stretch it a few times. Really darn it out. There it goes. Now you can grab it with your fist. Pull a little bit. What?

[Robert Kelly]

Pull it straight.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It doesn't feel like it's that comfortable. Right. Now reach down. Grab. Pinch to the center of your ball bag with your forefinger and thumb. And really stretch that out a little bit, too. Let's get them things loosened up. All right. They land on the chair now. Yeah, that's good, right?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now this is gonna sound a little weird. Spit a little bit between your finger and other one. And your forefinger. Yeah, spit on that a little bit. Now rub it around the bottom of the helmet.

[Robert Kelly]

Bottom?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, underneath the helmet on the front of the back. Are you gonna take the instructions? This is called jerk off conversations.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now you should. You've created a natural lubricant.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now slam that shit but up. Hang on. Someone's gonna be home soon. Just work the helmet mostly. Squeeze the base. Work the helmet. Go. All right, where do you want to finish? On me or in me?

[Robert Kelly]

That was surprisingly good, Christine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

$1,000 for jerk off instructions.

[Lou]

There's nowhere to put a memo. There's no notes and there's no thousand dollars.

[Jacob]

You're just giving anonymous money.

[Lou]

I don't know if it goes in anonymous. What the next step is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Ask them if the contributions go anonymously because I want credit.

[Jacob]

I bet it's the next.

[Lou]

I don't get this. This is NYC resident with matching funds. Your 500 contribution could be worth 2500. But who's matching it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nobody. These are all lies. Their whole campaign's built on lies. Right.

[Lou]

Employed.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I see how much money she's raised?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you talking to Christina?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm talking to her right now, yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See? Ask if she can call the show, please.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Got some questions. Now listen, I don't any by politics, so I want to understand. I will just continue to donate money no matter what you use it towards if you make me different instructions. Because now I'm thinking I can donate more if you send me different kinds. Maybe sometimes you're insulting me. Maybe sometimes you're over complimenting how wonderful my penis looks today. You know, different thing, different.

[Robert Kelly]

How much would you do if she's watching your special Laughing, masturbating, talking about your penis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She doesn't have to masturbate. That's not what jerk off instruction's about, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

No, whatever. I don't know. I've never done jerk off instructions.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me either. But I can tell you that's not what it's about.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you just did a pretty good one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I gave jerk off instructions. Well, of course. I mean, I know how to do it, so of course I could tell people how to do it.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay, I just called the show. I just told her to call the show. Hopefully she. Wow, who's that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

A girl giving jerk off instructions. But I don't feel. I'll be honest with you, I'm looking at this girl, I don't think she knows how to jerk off.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna say right now, I think she does.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Turn it up. Let's see.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to make you feel better. Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I don't want to keep leaning in like. What are you saying? What are you, Billie Eilish? Speak up. Clean and cook and have everything ready.

[Robert Kelly]

For you to go to work in the morning. Oh my God. She doesn't have menopause better?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, she doesn't.

[Robert Kelly]

She's never got good hot flashes.

[Lou]

What you say she might not have her period?

[Robert Kelly]

She had a period. You can tell by her sunken eye sockets.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. She is also. I'll tell you what, every guy you said in this room, we think she hasn't appeared right in this picture. He goes, none of us would care. We'll do it anyway. Another one. Terrible instruction.

[Robert Kelly]

She's taking too many.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you know what? She's got little volcano titties.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like those at all.

[Robert Kelly]

She might not be legal. That was weird. Those are like. I haven't hit puberty yet. Titties where the nipple was the biggest part of the titty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, little, little noobs.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't like that. Get a nice big fat woman again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, I take all my instructions from big fat women.

[Robert Kelly]

Please get an aunt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. J O I B B W. Now you nailed it.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This girl's gonna talk that shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that real? No, that's fake.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's see. Nope, it's not instructions.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not instructions. That's just dirty talk. I don't like it. Get it off. It does nothing for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's not one instructional thing in one of these videos yet. Give me instructions. Oh, oh, I know that girl.

[Lou]

Do you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's Madison. Madison Morgan. She's the one that got yelled at by. That's the first episode of Sharp that I like. That guy Sharp.

[Lou]

Oh, she got yelled at by Sharp?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he was the one. Like you a dummy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This isn't Jericho Instruction.

[Robert Kelly]

That would look like he was a ham.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do need instructions, though. It seemed familiar. Christine, that girl's not fat enough.

[Robert Kelly]

Not. You want fat, but not too fat.

[Lou]

This chick's fat?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Ah, that's not bad. Oh, wait, wait, no, no. That looks like me as Cupid.

[Lou]

Oh, have you guys seen Lizzo?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Who I have seen. Let me tell you. Let me tell you that those epic dog. Let me tell you this, though. This girl. This girl's a trap. Yeah, this girl's a big time trap because she could take photographs of her face and probably mush even those titties up and take a good picture. She's not an ugly lady.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but she is when she.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But when she takes her clothes off, it does.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she looks like a prosciutto.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She looks like when you take like pumpkin out of a can and you just flop it down. It's the shape of the can still. Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that in her thing, though?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's built like cranberry sauce.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that down there in her thing?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She put a sticker over her. Her mushy pussy hair.

[Robert Kelly]

She has. She has little bows on her Ariel face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very cute face. But is she going to give me instructions or what? My is in my hand. Super soft. No one's told me what to do yet.

[Robert Kelly]

Grab it, grab it. Grab the end of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Oh, wait, look down at it. No, this girl's just herself.

[Robert Kelly]

Stupid.

[Lou]

None of this is maybe dominatrix J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no.

[Jacob]

Maybe you have it wrong. Maybe.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have it wrong? Maybe you could be wrong.

[Jacob]

About them.

[Robert Kelly]

You could be wrong.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But that's not your.

[Robert Kelly]

Are you wrong?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're telling you how to Are you wrong?

[Jacob]

Maybe because every video we watched is not what you're saying.

[Lou]

It's supposed to be webcamming. Like it's not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know. There's no instructions.

[Robert Kelly]

Can you type in the question and then put on Google and then type in porn at the end, please, Fem dom. Nope, Wait, I did that. Oh, God. That's disgusting.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was fisting herself.

[Robert Kelly]

That's disgusting. I never will unsee that. I'm never gonna eat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, seafood again. Maybe this one. This beautiful girl is telling me.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How to masturbate. Turn it up.

[Robert Kelly]

No, she's too slow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Speak up.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, God, she is doing it though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just hit him. There we go.

[Robert Kelly]

There we go. Now what?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Say something stupid.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on. What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now I'm using two hands.

[Robert Kelly]

You want me to vote? Thank you, God. Thank you, goddess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, Goddess.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you want me to vote for you? You're so welcome. Okay. No, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You missed the question.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you want me to what? I'll vote for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Subspace.

[Robert Kelly]

Jesus, those are perfect. It looks like a bum. It looks like a regular girl's bone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you what. I think that constant sound in the background's freaking me the out.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's a fan.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna have a seizure.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe it's white noise.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, sweetheart. Your tits are stupid.

[Robert Kelly]

She has a wedding ring on. This is freaking me out.

[Jacob]

Have a fan on the lowest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Setting your tits like you can put them away in a closet.

[Robert Kelly]

You take look like a midget's ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Get rid of this dumbass. I don't turn the lights back on until I find some. Somebody more appropriate. Thank you. Keep going.

[Robert Kelly]

I think they're busy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fatter, uglier, and with more instruction.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't you have Corinne's number or Christina's number?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's not answering you.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I. I don't have her phone number. I hit her up on the dm. So why don't you text her Christine, if you got it.

[Lou]

Is that her running the Instagram? That's her Instagram.

[Robert Kelly]

Christina. Christine. Christina, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have Corinne or Christina's number?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but I'm talking to Christina. I'm not talking to Corinne or Korean. I'm talking to Chris. Christina.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. So Christina's who I would have call.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Christina's campaign. Yeah, she's a campaign manager. You don't want the other mayor. The maybe soon to be mayor might be too busy to call it well.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not only just too busy, but you don't want. You want to have a filter for.

[Robert Kelly]

Her, keep her clean. You want a buffer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Buffer. Just live. Live tv.

[Robert Kelly]

Live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Live radio.

[Robert Kelly]

Radio and tv. We film some of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Screens.

[Robert Kelly]

What the hell?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know Christine. You could have texted her while we were watching. Christine jerk off instruction.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all right, Christine.

[Lou]

Sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

It's all right. You're doing two things at once right now.

[Lou]

Oh, that girl has a penis.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, a trans jerk off instruction. Yes. That one.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Click that one. Here we go. So I'll tell you what. She used to be a guy, which means she's gonna know how to give good instructions.

[Jacob]

Still.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What do you mean still?

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on. Go back a little.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't be not woke. Jacob, don't be like that. That's a beautiful woman right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, let's watch her.

[Lou]

Trump's back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Trump gets back on. And you can't acknowledge this is a beautiful woman. A giant penis with a giant penis.

[Robert Kelly]

Guys, can we settle down? My favorite pops come back when they unleash it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The reveal.

[Robert Kelly]

The reveal. And you guys are talking over the reveal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Looks like her balls have pearl earrings. It's just the sides of a. Can I just say a garter belt over her weird beer gut.

[Robert Kelly]

Can I just say something? I don't like her Popeye gut.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the gut's weird.

[Robert Kelly]

She really does have, like, a strong sailor's stomach.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It looks like when my skinny black friends when I was younger would Ethiopia in their belly for funny. That's what. That's what he has. She. She has.

[Robert Kelly]

She sounds Jack.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you happy you brought me into your world of lies.

[Robert Kelly]

Here we go. Here we go. Reveal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. I wish my soft dick was like that. I wish to God.

[Robert Kelly]

I wish yours was like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, it's hard. Never mind. I'm wrong. It's already hard.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, it's hard now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Robert Kelly]

What you say?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, instructions. Now get hard. Just thinking about sucking my dick.

[Jacob]

Australian.

[Lou]

Yep, she's talking to closeted gaze right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope. Does not suck in my big. No. Can you stop flexing your abs? It's making me jealous. Your stomach is what I want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I want your body, miss.

[Lou]

I mean, trans women are way better at this than CIS women.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

At least she's talking. Yeah, Christine. Now type in trans jerk off instruction. Now the world's gonna be open to us.

[Jacob]

She's got the best instructions so far. She's awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But now we find the trans girl we want to give us Good jerk off instructions. No, this. This woman's teaching.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she's teaching, but I don't like that she's in a gamer chair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like the fact she's in a gamer chair either. That was bought with the purpose of Call of Dutying. Not showing your girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she's yelling at 12 year old. All the boys on that thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, give me the screen again. That where I can select my own jerk off instruction, please.

[Robert Kelly]

Her choice of panties. Very guy like, by the way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened? Computer froze.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh no.

[Lou]

I'm frozen right now.

[Robert Kelly]

We just got.

[Lou]

I'll come back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great. We completely froze up because we're watching trans jerk off instruction.

[Robert Kelly]

Or it's the new mayor shutting us down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh no, we need Corinne Fisher to bring back. We need to Corinne. That's the platform she's running on bringing back trans jerk off instruction. But we'll just say joi so we don't freak people out campaign. You know what you deserved yourself another little bit of green apple.

[Robert Kelly]

Please don't let. Oh God. It's the grossest thing. Hang on. The only thing that actually makes it feel better is when I do it too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You gotta squeeze in the middle of it, get after it. You think you can't take enough, but then if you put your right at the end, if you put your hand on the back of your own head, it helps. For some reason I just got too.

[Robert Kelly]

Much in my mouth.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No such thing. Protein's protein, dog.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's getting better. The more you do it, the better it gets. I think you're on to something, Jay. Look at Jake and dance better now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'll have one of these waiting for you every day we do the show. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, chat a bait.

[Lou]

Get on your knees.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Finally. Finally.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Stop. Reveal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This chick with a penis is learning.

[Robert Kelly]

How to slow down with the reveal. Don't go past the reveal, Christine. Well, you get a little. I don't want to just go right to it.

[Lou]

Beginning of the video.

[Robert Kelly]

I want a little support. Surprise. And wait a minute. Is that's a skirt. That's a girl.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Let's hear what she's saying. It's probably just a girl. Bobby, you know what? Kiss her first and see if it kisses like a girl before you find.

[Robert Kelly]

Out she kisses soft. What's that? What's going on down there?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's her and girls.

[Robert Kelly]

Wait a minute. You don't know that. That could just be a big labia.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That could be big fat labia. I'll tell you What? That labia would be scary.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry. Did my laby fall into your mouth?

[Robert Kelly]

And.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, this reveal is taking forever.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. Speed it up a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you worried that right now you are getting a little hard?

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm not.

[Lou]

Oh, Bobby's coming right now.

[Robert Kelly]

All right. Right now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great news. The reveal's coming.

[Robert Kelly]

I love that she's rubbing her vagina.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope.

[Robert Kelly]

She is. She's rubbing her lips. And.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Although her balls are tight. No, that little three finger whack off's doing nothing for me. Christine, get past this.

[Robert Kelly]

This is not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This one sucks. Do you even know what me and Bobby want? Yeah, you want a disgusting, sloppy pig yelling it at us.

[Lou]

That's what I was trying to find you. Oh, wait, I'm put Dom.

[Robert Kelly]

No. Dominant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dominant boy.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't put boy because sissy boy is going to have a little tiny sissy put.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dominic. Yeah, Dominic. Jerk off instructions.

[Lou]

Trans mommy Dom wants to talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nope, nope.

[Lou]

J.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not that one.

[Lou]

Trans Goth mommy Dom.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no, I don't like that one either. Whatever that one is by a trans girl.

[Lou]

Joi.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I want a really ugly one. Okay, let me.

[Robert Kelly]

Let's talk about this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, now we're talking. Now we're cooking with gas.

[Robert Kelly]

Here we go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, you swore they wouldn't have this, but they do.

[Robert Kelly]

What's that one?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Man? First hour flew by when you're talking about fat jerk off instruction.

[Lou]

I think we broke pork.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, Christine, those are sponsors.

[Lou]

Farts on microphone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, have you ever been on pornhub? The bottom four are always sponsored ads that don't even do with anything you looked up. Could we. Okay. All right.

[Robert Kelly]

We're off a week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right.

[Robert Kelly]

She's off her game.

[Lou]

I didn't know that.

[Robert Kelly]

Just click something.

[Lou]

Come Eating instructions.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I vote two yeses to Bobby's one. No. I don't know why that works out. Yes. Come meeting instruction Jacob. Yes. Okay, that's Jacob. Yes. Black Lou. There's nothing you want to see more than coming instructions. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

What the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, you want to see?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to see Bobby Lee giving come eating instructions.

[Lou]

Holy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, that looks like Suarez. You love it, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

I know. She's eating a boob like a melon.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This isn't a trans, though.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's not a trans. We don't know that.

[Lou]

Really good trans.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, can you make me big disgusting fat girl tits?

[Robert Kelly]

I hate that.

[Jacob]

Oh, you need to break anyway.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we need to take a break.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, there's no Address. Wow. You gotta finish.

[Robert Kelly]

We don't have ad reads.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there's no address. We don't ever have to take a break, guys. We could ride it out till 4:30. We could go till 6:30 and just.

[Jacob]

We still have to break a little.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou]

In this room has had sex with a girl this size.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me.

[Robert Kelly]

What are you crazy? How many times you want to add them up? I told you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. God damn it. I have.

[Robert Kelly]

I must have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine. Did you raise your hand too?

[Lou]

I did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good. Everybody in this room. Not you, Jacob.

[Jacob]

No, I didn't raise my hand.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Only guys that size. Nice jerk off instruction, Jacob. All right, we'll be right back. I think we all. Do you guys want to masturbate in front of each other on the break?

[Robert Kelly]

That sounds good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But don't look at each other. Just look at the jerk off. Instruction Porn. The fat trans Big J will be.

[Robert Kelly]

At Helium in Indianapolis this weekend, February 27th through March 1st. Then he's going to Magoobies in Baltimore, March 6th through the March 8th. After that, he'll be in Niagara Falls with me, Bobby K. We're gonna be doing an awesome show up there. Two nights, get some tickets for that. Then Nashville. I'll be there with you too. Atlanta, Austin. For tickets, all of the tour dates, please go to bigj.Comedy.com and check out his new special, Them is out now on YouTube.com bigjokerson it is amazing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Hilarious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the Comedy works in Denver February 27th through March 1st. Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut up in Mohegan Sun. Comics Roadhouse, right? It's Mohegan Sun.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Mohegan sun. Easy gig.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

March 6th through the 8th. After that, Seattle, Niagara Falls. Me and Bobby come to you together. And then of course, Tampa Bay. We're gonna be giving his favorite place.

[Robert Kelly]

In the world, instructional jerk off up in Niagara Falls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. In lieu of a meet and greet, we'll be doing Joi Live. Jois Live. Afternoon Joi. We should sell tickets for an afternoon Joi. I love that idea. Make sure you check out Bobby's new YouTube channel at YouTube.com Robert Kelly comedy. And of course, course, all of his dates. Punchup Live Robert Kelly. And every Tuesday night, you know you can catch him. Dude, it's a staple. It's a New York staple. Bobby Kelly, the Fat Black pussycat. Every Tuesday at 7pm we'll be right back.

[Lowe's Representative]

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[Robert Kelly]

You don't wake up dreaming of McDonald's fries. You wake up dreaming of McDonald's hash browns. McDonald's breakfast comes first.