Karen T. Chomper with Mike Finoia

Summary

The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: "Karen T. Chomper with Mike Finoia"

Date: October 22, 2025 | Guest: Mike Finoia

Episode Overview

In this raucous, banter-filled episode of The Bonfire, Jay and Bobby—joined by comedian Mike Finoia—deep-dive into the etiquette and absurdities of concert-going, especially in the jam band scene. With the trademark irreverence and brutally honest humor the show is known for, they poke fun at themselves and each other for their quirks, anxieties, and strong opinions on everything from therapy to concert behavior, hippies, and the unshakable allure of caramel. On the way, the hosts touch on personal boundaries, group dynamics, and how everyone has a "Karen" somewhere inside them.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. D'Angelo, Abs, and Nostalgia

[00:51–04:30]

• The crew launches into an irreverent, comic exploration of D'Angelo's sexualized music videos and supposed death.
  • Jay insists D’Angelo is dead, to Bobby’s disbelief, with Feeney and Jacob providing color commentary.
• They riff on the hyper-sexual imagery, body insecurities, and their own “winter coats.”
• Notable Quote:
  • Jay: "Maybe that's what love sounds like—helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking." [00:19]

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2. Hookers, Blowjobs, and Price Negotiations

[05:38–07:58]

• Mike, Bobby, and Jay swap stories about the economics and dangers of paying for sex in New Jersey.
• They laugh over the infamously cheap $20–$40 blowjobs; Bobby admits to learning lessons quickly.
• Feeney claims never to have paid for sex, only being paid to do things—“I've been paid to do a lot of stuff.” [07:23]

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3. The Therapist Alan and New York Comedy Gossip

[08:02–09:49, 40:00+]

• Mike Finoia recounts the uncomfortable moment a stranger at a show brings up "Alan," the New York comedian’s therapist, sparking suspicion of leaked secrets.
  • Mike tells the man off: "You're just trying to be cooler than you are." [09:49]
• Discussion expands to comedians’ shared use of therapists, boundaries, and perceived therapist-client confidentiality.
• Bobby and Jay riff on therapist office decor (“art from patients”), the interchangeability of therapy advice, and the comedy circuit’s therapy pipeline.
• Memorable Quote:
  • "Alan gives his notes away." – Bobby [40:10]
  • "That's illegal. It's a—" – Jay [42:57]

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4. Concert Etiquette: The Chomper, the Spinner, and the Wook

[10:16–25:44, 33:34–36:41]

Concert Annoyances:

• Mike details his frustration at jam band concerts (e.g., Grateful Dead, Phish) with “chompers”—people who talk through songs.
  • He confronts talkers: "Hey guys, listen. Kind of ruining my fucking night right now. Why do you got to talk directly into my face?" [11:53]
• They break down insider concert lingo:
  • Chomper: Talks through entire concert.
  • Spinner: Dances in wild circles, oblivious to surroundings.
  • Wook: Derogatory term for especially scruffy jam band fans.

Hypocrisy and "Concert Karen":

• Feeney is dubbed “Karen T. Chomper” (a “concert Karen”) for policing etiquette.
  • “Mike's a Karen. Mike's a Karen. He's a concert Karen.” – Bobby [18:20]
• They roast Feeney for being the person who polices line-cutters, insists on quiet—despite once being a “party guy” himself.

Self-Awareness & Role Reversal:

• Jay and Bobby admit to being talkers—“chompers”—at concerts, exposing hypocrisy in Feeney's judgment.
  • “You have to be the guy you hated 20 years ago at these concerts.” – Bobby [12:40]
• Christine and Jacob tease Mike for also being chatty at concerts.
• Feeney rationalizes: "I'm not a chomper, man. See, I practice what I preach." [41:10]

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5. The Joy and Judgment of Hippie Dancing

[25:00–34:00]

• The crew watches and critiques videos of "spinners" and hippie dancers at shows, alternately horrified and delighted.
  • “I can't handle this. Get me away from all this.” – Mike [25:45]
  • "People do in real life? Like, outside of this concert?” – Jacob [30:53]
• They mock the clothing and scents of concertgoers (“They all smell like the vitamin aisle at Whole Foods” – Feeney [25:12]), but end up defending the uninhibited joy.
• Mike tries (awkwardly) to demonstrate his air guitar and lip-bite dance move for the crew.
• The group agrees: the jam band scene is wild, sometimes beautiful, but often comedic gold for observers.

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6. Therapy Culture & Comedian Neuroses

[42:00–54:00]

• Reflecting on therapy, each comic admits to being neurotic or “addicted,” whether to caramel, conversation, or avoiding confrontation.
• Jay shares the tale of his infamous painting (“three faces: angry, happy, sad”) being placed outside the therapist’s bathroom as a non-too-subtle slight.
• Bobby jokes about using rides home to recruit new therapists for Alan, treating referrals like sponsorships.
• The consensus: therapy is a “white guy thing” in comedy (“Good Will Hunting, man. It’s that movie’s fault.” – Feeney [48:06])—but has its virtues.

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7. Therapist’s Office & The Demon Dogs

[53:05–54:50]

• Jay regales the group with stories of his old therapist’s office, guarded by two massive, terrifying dogs (“the dogs of fate”) that would unnerve any patient.
• The hosts launch into a loving roast of chow chows and mastiffs—whether they are adorable teddy bears or “violent killer monsters.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mike Feeney, on “chomping”:
  • “Sorry, man. I'm chomping. (Which is, like, talking at a concert.)” [12:25]
  • "I don't take it. I'm above the lingo." [12:31]
• Jay and Bobby on “Concert Karen” energy:
  • “Mike's a Karen. He's a concert Karen.” – Bobby [18:20]
  • Jay, teasing Mike: “You have to be the guy you hated 20 years ago.” [12:40]
• On therapy culture:
  • “Alan gives his notes away.” – Bobby [40:10]
  • “If it’s not up next time, I’m off. The next time he came, it was right in front of the shitter. It was.” – Jay on his therapeutic artwork [50:56]
• On jam bands and dancing:
  • “Do you mind a spinner more or a chomper?” – Jay [33:42]
  • “All these people smell like the vitamin aisle at Whole Foods.” – Mike [25:12]
  • “They just got to go flow.” – Mike [33:35]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment/Topic | | ------- | ------------------------------------------------ | | 00:51–04:30 | D'Angelo—Music Video Abs, Sexuality, Immortality | | 05:38–07:58 | Paying for sex—NJ blowjob prices, tragic stories | | 08:02–09:49 | Encounter with "Alan"—Therapist confidentiality | | 10:16–15:24 | Chomping and concert etiquette, air-guitar moves | | 18:20–25:00 | "Concert Karen": policing lines, talking, concerts | | 25:00–34:00 | Hippie dancers, spinners, the joy and horror of jam band culture | | 33:35–36:41 | More on spinners, chomping, line-cutting, hypocrisy | | 40:00–54:50 | Therapy gossip, artwork, caramel addiction, dog terror | | 54:50–60:00 | Chow chow jokes, therapist stories, concert wrap up |

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Tone and Language

The episode brims with playful, sometimes cutting sarcasm. The trio’s camaraderie keeps the show buoyant even when making fun of themselves, each other, or entire subcultures. There’s an easy acceptance of personal flaws and hang-ups, mixed with rapid-fire jokes and observational gags. Swearing, ribbing, and outlandish analogies are plentiful, true to the Bonfire vibe.

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For New Listeners

Karen T. Chomper with Mike Finoia is quintessential Bonfire: irreverent, deeply self-aware, and full of inside jokes about comedy, therapy, and the never-ending battle between wanting to be part of the crowd and wanting to police it. It’s a comic look at growing older in the world of music and comedy—and just how little we change, even as our roles evolve from party animal to concert Karen.

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Quick Reference

• "Chomper": Talker at concerts ruining the vibe.
• "Wook": Stereotypical jam band hippy.
• "Spinner": Flailing dancer.
• Alan: The not-so-anonymous therapist to the NYC comedy world.
• Karen T. Chomper: Mike Feeney’s alter ego as a hall-monitor of art and etiquette.

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End of summary.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Bobby Kelly]

Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Mike Feeney]

Call 877-41-America and get a quote today. And now, the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Man, d' Angelo is one smooth brother. He's gonna be around for a long, long time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that d' Angelo is immortal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He. He died.

[Bobby Kelly]

He. No, no, no. Like I know. You're saying the career has gone, by the way, so the music lives on. He's healthy and wealthy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mike told us he died of cancer today. He's dead? Oh, yeah. He's dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Mike Finoy is swooping in with terrible news. Rip Any other my heroes? The guy from Moody Blues died, too. You want to kick that one up my ass while we're at it?

[Mike Feeney]

Dan Blues Dead.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Jim Moody.

[Mike Feeney]

Jim Moody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at those.

[Jacob]

This is bad, y'.

[Bobby Kelly]

All.

[Jacob]

Lord, this is bad.

[Mike Feeney]

That's what lives forever, his abs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I said he was getting his suck during this, but they're wrong. Either that or she has the shortest head or he has the longest dick.

[Mike Feeney]

She's in another room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's. What's that thing on his inner thigh? Is that a tattoo?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it's like a microphone or something. Like a chord, right?

[Mike Feeney]

What a great song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Great? What great?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, the song that this was, Where His Stomach's out, is a terrible song.

[Mike Feeney]

I like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's so silky.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, is that. Is it Black Me Up, Lou? Is that. Is that coconut oil? What's on there? That's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gotta be baby oil.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Baby oil? Oh, they like the baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Diddy style.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Diddy style. God damn.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's gross.

[Bobby Kelly]

He must be getting his dick sucked.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that. He just loves his dick. Oh, he's going down.

[Jacob]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What a little rabbit trail down to his big stamenka.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gotta be honest, though. His happy trail's off to the left of his belly button.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's just because his cock goes the other way, so the hair can only grow on one side.

[Mike Feeney]

Maybe it's getting tugged on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ooh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did he show his butt.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, it's funny he ended up getting fat, but who cares? He was like this at one point.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. You know, underneath your fat. Is that. It's okay. That's a winter coat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at the waist.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never felt whatever the good he feels filming this video.

[Mike Feeney]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Where I'm like, let everybody see every curve of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Although, in order for me to show you all of the things he's showing you, I'd have to lift stuff.

[Mike Feeney]

There'd be a girl blowing me and three girls pulling my backpack.

[Bobby Kelly]

I have to say things like this. Like, hold that up there. There it is. Now, wait a second. If you guys can just push. Let me lay down and push this to this. To the sides. Yeah, there. There you go. There's that. You didn't think you were going to see that, did you?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That did look like he was getting it sucked. That little clip. You wish right there. Go back a little bit. It did look like somebody was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sora. Make Bobby Kelly sucking d' Angelo's dick in the how does it Feel Video. Does it work like that? Can I just yell it out?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep, it's in the Sora.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it opening your phone? Sora, dude. Make me suck in d' Angelo's dick. Dude. Dead. It's the bonfire. D' Angelo's dead.

[Mike Feeney]

What a loss.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, yeah, those two songs for sure.

[Mike Feeney]

What's he done Late? Like, does he do anything anymore?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, now you're right. Good riddance to bad garbage. What's this fucking asshole done since getting his dick sucked in this video? Piece of shit. No. Rude. Rest in peace, d'. Angelo. Angelo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that. Why'd you say my name?

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, hold my hand in case my.

[Mike Feeney]

Boner hits your best.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What just happened?

[Mike Feeney]

He's got a Ken doll.

[Jacob]

Yeah, he looks like it's a doll because he's. He's so cut. He has like, doll proportions.

[Mike Feeney]

Jacobs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jacobs. This.

[Mike Feeney]

He's got a rubber band holding his hips onto his legs.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

For offering an undercover female police.

[Mike Feeney]

That's a fun word.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is. It could. Couldn't have a sillier word. His body's fascinating.

[Mike Feeney]

He just said he was fascinating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's very zesty of me.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, that's fascinating. Fascinating the way his waist is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Zesty. Your new F word, huh? You're using zesty a lot, and I'm thinking that's what that's be replacing in your head. It's. It's like I feel the placeholder.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I. I don't want to say the.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Word. The word. So Zesty is at your gay replacement?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I just, you know. Zesty.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Don't let them in on my. Don't let them in.

[Mike Feeney]

He was arrested after allegedly offering an undercover female police $40 for oral sex.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not a lot.

[Mike Feeney]

That's really not a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

That says more than more about d'. Angelo.

[Mike Feeney]

D'.

[Bobby Kelly]

Angelo. You can't get a couple hundred dollar blowjob.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He probably was. Probably was. 200. He negotiated.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's been a while since them songs. That was the 90s. 40$. Oh, we should have found her. I forgot that girl. That girl was offering $40 looking for a blow job. $40.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's the most you haven't played paid for a blowjob?

[Bobby Kelly]

For just a blowjob. The mo. I mean I've. I've done it so few times. I think for a blow job maybe when I paid for a blow job like twice. And like, I mean, 20 bucks.

[Mike Feeney]

It's good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a great deal.

[Mike Feeney]

That's half a d' Angelo Blow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he wasn't doing it in fucking like through Camden, New Jersey.

[Mike Feeney]

You don't know that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's true.

[Mike Feeney]

You don't know that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's funny. It's the most dangerous. You got to go to the most dangerous. Cheap, Cheap Blowjobs.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the only place in my life I've encountered like prostitutes at all.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think when I first saw them I was like, oh wow, I got to do this. A great idea. And then after two of them leave your car, eventually you're like, oh, nope, nope, nope, nope. It's gross. Learned all these lessons pretty young, which was nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not me.

[Mike Feeney]

Fascinating body.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You never did that?

[Mike Feeney]

No. Ever once paid for. Never. Never once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Mike Feeney]

Never once.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's been paid to do.

[Mike Feeney]

I've been paid to do a lot of stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How much does it cost?

[Mike Feeney]

Well, hand stuff is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I'm in the mouth stuff.

[Mike Feeney]

Mouth stuff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't want you yapping while you're jerking me off. Oh, you're talking about the day I.

[Mike Feeney]

Do sign language while I blow you though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's fine.

[Mike Feeney]

So as long as that's okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would you give me. You punching up my jokes?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. 40 buc. I would give you a D' Angelo special.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

By the way, Mike Fenoy is hanging out with us. The Bonfire faction talk series XM 103 Big Jokers and Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

40 bucks. 40 bucks. Nice.

[Mike Feeney]

You. That's friend deal for me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not just any guy.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, you Recommended me to Alan, the therapist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Don't tell him we have this conversation.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't talk to him anymore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you done?

[Mike Feeney]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Mike Feeney]

I had a weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened?

[Mike Feeney]

I never got to tell him the weird thing that happened. I told him at the Sphere, some guy goes, you're a comedian in New York?

[Bobby Kelly]

I go, yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

He goes, yeah. You see Alan, don't you? And I go, what? And he goes, I've heard stories. And I was like, excuse me. At the Dead at the Sphere, the guy brings up Alan and that he's heard stories. And I go, can I talk to you in the lobby?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You did not.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes, I did. And I was like, who the fuck. What are you talking about? You know, stories from my therapist about me. And he's like, well, no, I write for Esquire magazine. And I did a piece on him and he told me that all the comics in New York go to him. And I'm like, so at a concert at, in Las Vegas, years later you find out I'm a comic, and you just say you've heard stories.

[Bobby Kelly]

By the way, Mike was on asking. None of this happened. None of this. This is Mike. Mike was just talking to a mop in a corner. Mike. Okay. And he goes, sorry, guys, I just straightened that guy out. Yeah, okay.

[Mike Feeney]

It was. I said, I'm gonna get Alan on the phone right now and we're gonna going to figure this out. And he was like, please don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

He's like, I, I didn't mean anything by it. And I'm like, it's a pretty up thing to do. Like, I'm at a concert, I could be tripping my balls off. And right now you're bringing up my therapist by name like the is wrong with you? I mean, and he apologized.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing. If somebody did that to me, I would have just took a picture with him. I, I, I don't have, I don't have the, I don't have the ability to. I'm like, three days, Three days later, I'd be like, that guy right there. Right there. If he was like, you're a comic. You do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take a picture. We'll send it to Alan. I would have sent it down. Hey, I'm with this guy. Such a spineless asshole.

[Mike Feeney]

No, and I looked him up. He's the writer for Esquire magazine. But he did. He interviewed you. He interviewed List. They've interviewed a million.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he's not, he didn't. Alan didn't tell him anything.

[Mike Feeney]

No, he afterwards said, I did not mean that. I. He goes, I heard stories. Meaning. And I was like, you know, I know what you're doing. You're just trying to be cooler than you are. So you go, oh, I'm just trying. I'm like, oh, I heard stories. Like, I'm gonna go, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So funny how aggressive Mike is at hippie shit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's very aggressive for dead. If you, dude, if he did that.

[Bobby Kelly]

At Anthrax, I mean, you're like tight, like wound. Personality is such a funny thing to be such into like, like jam music.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, I did something this weekend. I went to a concert, a jam concert. These two kids are talking and they're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Talking, dude, I'm trying to enjoy jam music. I haven't been at my therapist a long time cuz he's riding me out.

[Mike Feeney]

I've had it. I had it. People suck, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're harsh in my melon. You're harsh in my.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You really, you really. For a guy who likes all this hippie stuff.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't like hippie stuff. I like two bands.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's all of it. They are all the hippie stuff.

[Mike Feeney]

I like bands, I hate the hippies. Yeah, but, oh my God, they annoyed me. You be proud of me for how I act.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you dance?

[Mike Feeney]

No, I, I, I nod my head and play air guitar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How does that work?

[Mike Feeney]

I go, I bite my lip. I hit my buddy. I'm like, this is sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

No talking.

[Mike Feeney]

Two kids in front of me. Two kids in front of me the whole show.

[Bobby Kelly]

What those kids are doing, by the way, is they're going, this guy, air guitar and lip biting behind me. He's making me sick to my stomach.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, man, chill out.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm not bothering anybody. These kids are talking, but when they're talking to each other, they can't hear because we're at a loud concert. So they're leaning behind each other's heads, directly into my face. They're talking their talk like this. And I told my buddy, I go, I'm giving him two more songs. And he talked through both songs. And I go, hey guys, guys, listen. Talk, but talk that way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you put your hands, put your hands on their shoulders?

[Mike Feeney]

I did. I go, hey guys, listen. Kind of ruining my fucking night right now. I'm like, why do you got to talk directly into my face?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just trying to find out with some fucking 18 minute jams.

[Mike Feeney]

I need this.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I don't do this, I'll murder everyone.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm trying to grow Dreadlocks.

[Mike Feeney]

One kid apologized. He goes, sorry, man. I'm chomping. Which is like talking at a concert.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

I go, you're not. I go, don't be cute. Just shut up.

[Bobby Kelly]

You said he's giving you the lingo, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't take it. I'm above the lingo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait a minute, dude, you know what the lingo is? Yeah, you could.

[Mike Feeney]

Don't. Dude, I don't want to be a chomper, bro. And I went. And I went, come on. Just.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to be.

[Mike Feeney]

I go, you're ruining the song.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to be the guy you hated 20 years ago at these concerts.

[Mike Feeney]

I was. Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You'd be like, man, I'm just trying to hang out my friends and be on drugs then. And then adult you. You got to come back like old Biff. Go back to the future. And you go, hey, shut up. Watch the music. Should appreciate music more.

[Mike Feeney]

We don't all get to do this every night.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were you ever a chomper at a concert?

[Jacob]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

I hate talking. No, you like here and there. You chat little bit with your chomp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Say chomp.

[Mike Feeney]

I hate it.

[Christine]

If you and J concert together, you're talking the whole time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who? What?

[Christine]

If you and Jared a concert together, you're talking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Feeney]

No, not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not.

[Christine]

Lean over me to make comments to him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was at a concert with you, and. Yeah, you do.

[Mike Feeney]

Not the whole time. A lot of it, Jay. Not the whole time. A lot of it.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Not till you get right next to him. You don't have to lean over anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not till Jay in the ear. Not till Jay threw us up with that keyboard player from the dj, Told this other be.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, yeah, totally. When he gave Trackar. We about to stand in the lobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

While J. I sit down the end of the thing with Dylan. I was with J. Me and Jay having the great. I'm like, this is awesome. And then I'm with Dylan. How this happened?

[Bobby Kelly]

DJ track star wanted to hang out for a few.

[Mike Feeney]

DJ Traxar got all our seats.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He got all our seats. He didn't. There wasn't even a seat. We had to make a seat.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told him. I told him we'd figure it out.

[Mike Feeney]

He goes, mike, Mike, spit your gum out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Spit your gum out, track star. You want a piece of gum? Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, give me your wallet. Give me your wallet. You want anything?

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to try on Bobby's Rolex?

[Mike Feeney]

You cold, Mike, give me your hoodie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How. How about this? This is the worst part. We got booted Down. And guess who The DJ went up and then guess who else sneaked up?

[Bobby Kelly]

J.

[Mike Feeney]

A M. Josh. Adam Myers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me.

[Mike Feeney]

His. Yeah, his. His celeb. His celeb dar went off.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even though Josh doing a little crowd work this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Me and you look at each other like, what did we do? What the did we do?

[Mike Feeney]

Dylan's like, I don't even like old rap. What do we do?

[Christine]

Older rap.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't like old rap.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go away.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, but you guys sound like the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Two old men in the Muppet Show. While Josh is singing your faces.

[Mike Feeney]

I was like, bob, you want to go play pool somewhere?

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you make?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You were on the left side, I was on the right side. I know we were having a great concert. Jay. You were yapping with Jay because you guys knew all this stuff. Jay would lean into me. This is this that he was telling me all this stuff. And then all of a sudden, I'm just at the end sitting next to Dylan, who keeps looking at me like, you like me? And I'm like, where's Josh? He's right next to Jay. Sucked my seat up and then made a seat. Took your seat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Booted Christine. It's nice.

[Mike Feeney]

You want a water, man?

[Bobby Kelly]

You want a water?

[Mike Feeney]

I owe everybody everything.

[Bobby Kelly]

I owe everybody a water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys, I got the waters.

[Mike Feeney]

I got waters.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, remember that last concert? I got the waters.

[Mike Feeney]

Water's on me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You remember the concert?

[Bobby Kelly]

We got burgers and everything at that concert still. And he got waters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I bought. I bought the burgers. And he goes, I got the waters.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't worry, I'll get the waters. Oh, we got the. I got the burgers and fries and sodas, and I appreciate that.

[Mike Feeney]

There's something to wash down.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Mike Feeney]

You wash down the burger.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean, Simon, how much money do you make a year? They're my favorite drops.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is so funny that that was so planned out in his head. I understand, Jay. Jay's this guy wants. He put Jay in a spot. Hey, you got a seat. Jay had to say, yes, that's him. But Josh muscling his way down to fame.

[Mike Feeney]

Do you know that? I know. Jelly roll. Do you want to know?

[Bobby Kelly]

But do you know. What's this? Oh, this is the guy. This is the guy that accosted Mike.

[Mike Feeney]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a guy who Mike yelled at at a Grateful Dead concert.

[Mike Feeney]

His dad was there, and his dad, the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know about my guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So weird, though. His dad goes, can I talk to you outside in the hallway? What is this, high school?

[Mike Feeney]

No, dude, I wasn't gonna do it, and I wasn't gonna be.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's going on? You talking a bunch of.

[Mike Feeney]

I wasn't gonna be against the lockers. No, no. I just. I wasn't gonna be a chomper.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you make him your famous iron? Did you make your famous ironing board? Grilled cheese sandwich.

[Mike Feeney]

I kicked him a Hacky Sack and he didn't catch it. And I was like, dead to me. Get out of your hack.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were you really gonna call Alan?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What were you gonna say to Alan?

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's this? What?

[Mike Feeney]

Why are you telling this guy stories about me? Because I knew that doing. But it just bothered me that he was doing it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Mike Feeney]

Why are you doing that?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because we all. Here's the thing. That's right. He's doing. He's all. We all talk about Alan on all the podcasts. So everybody knows about Alan.

[Mike Feeney]

I know, but he goes. I heard. I know. You go see him. I heard stories.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to know. I want to know what you told Alan with that put you on.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, I told Alan a lot of stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

All the gay.

[Mike Feeney]

Most of the gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Most of the gay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What was the gay that you kept out?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the illegal stuff.

[Mike Feeney]

The stuff did not in America stuff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

The stuff that I've done overseas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that why you built a path to get to that gay cruising spot easier?

[Mike Feeney]

Like, whoopsie, honey, I put tree.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You put trees in your back so you don't get seen.

[Jacob]

That's it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Getting sucked off by an old man in Connecticut.

[Bobby Kelly]

Constantly and furious at fish and grapefruit concerts is so.

[Mike Feeney]

Can I tell you. Can I tell you, though? I look at other people and I make sure other people are annoyed by these two people, and I go, I'm giving them a chance. Maybe they're just talking right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

You become the representative of a bunch of old people who shouldn't be there.

[Mike Feeney]

Yes, exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mike's a Karen. Mike's a Karen. He's a concert Karen.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're a concert Karen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I'm fucking not. I want to listen to the music. I'm there for the goddamn music.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You sell that in Karen right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I paid my hard earned money. I paid my hard earned money. This is who you're trying to control. Look at this. Look at this. This is the people. He goes. He goes. Can you guys, for five seconds, just focus on the music? These guys worked hard. Two of them are classically trained, and you guys are up here wasting it on a bunch of mind bending drugs, you hippies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sir, sir, can I see you outside?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I see you outside?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would like to talk to you outside about this, madam.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe a bra. Have some class.

[Mike Feeney]

You're spilling IPA all over my kill shots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Karen's a Karen. It's fucking nuts.

[Mike Feeney]

All right, fine. I'm a concert Karen.

[Christine]

Watch the live streams.

[Mike Feeney]

I think that's where. Yeah, absolutely. That's where it is. You know who I am? I'm a guy that, like, if some. One of these looks like, cuts everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's a wook?

[Jacob]

It's these.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're called looks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Mike Feeney]

It's the derogatory term for hippies.

[Bobby Kelly]

I learned it from. From Mikey, but that's a well known thing.

[Mike Feeney]

So if a wook, like, wanders, like, tries to, like, cut the line to get beers, I'm the guy that's like, oh, you see the line? Fucking getting.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. Which, by the way. No, no, no.

[Mike Feeney]

You're a Karen, I'm a vig. That's a low risk at this concert.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should. I would think they'd be like, hey, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that. No, no, I'm with Mike on this. I'm just saying you're not supposed to do that. At that concert, you let the guy cut in because you go, like, man, he must need it more than me, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what I'm saying. No, at that concert, you think people would be like, brother gave him a hug and go, you know what?

[Bobby Kelly]

You going to headlock him?

[Mike Feeney]

I'm headlocking people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Apologize to the lady.

[Mike Feeney]

That's it. You stepped on her bare feet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Does the music, like, affect you at all?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, man, but it's like, it also. So is there, like. Like, we're all still humans? Like, act like it, but can't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But does the. Shouldn't the music get in you and make you love?

[Mike Feeney]

I'm on mushrooms. And I go, people are bothered. Like, these people are like, I thought.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mushrooms made you love.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, they do.

[Bobby Kelly]

His friends outside of Fenway park with a hospital bed. Holy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's how I think DJ Lou would dance.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I tell you something? That guy can move, dude. Minou. Minutia's cutting it up. Is this.

[Mike Feeney]

Is this a fish concert, Christine?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

Serious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Minutia's bald. And I mean, throwing down footwork.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why is it just a gurney in.

[Mike Feeney]

The background, by the way, Mike, someone's definitely gonna die.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is outside of Fenway Park. And, Mike, let me tell you something. This is where you should watch the concerts from now on.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You belong with these guys. This is where you got this is where you should be. Out here. Not complaining. Low, small lines. What.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What is this? Is this dead dancing?

[Mike Feeney]

This is fish, I guess. Oh, yeah, it is. I could hear it now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is.

[Mike Feeney]

This is fish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is how you dance.

[Mike Feeney]

No, these are outside.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. I recognize this. Minute 22 of the song.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, this is Fenway 09 19. I. No, I told you, Bobby. I air guitar. I bite my lip and I pay close attention.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I see it?

[Christine]

You can do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here, let me see. Stand up and do it. I just want to see what you do. Can you play some of the A song loud.

[Mike Feeney]

Here it is. I mean, I'll hear this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, let me hear you.

[Mike Feeney]

I gotta get into it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at these guys. These people are certain there's no blacks here?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, Mike's gonna do his thing and.

[Mike Feeney]

I go on like this on the seat in front of me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa, whoa. You touched the guy's seat in front of you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that? Whoa, whoa.

[Mike Feeney]

You wanted to see it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if I enjoy that.

[Christine]

That's funny. Is him and Andy do the same thing.

[Jacob]

You guys should start an airplane.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's identical. That's Andy's move today. Is that like a move?

[Mike Feeney]

I don't incriminate in anybody's space. I'm not chomping. You know what I mean.

[Bobby Kelly]

You just said you were on a guy's on a guy' chair.

[Mike Feeney]

No, the back of the chair. Everyone's standing up, looking that way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You chomp when it still.

[Bobby Kelly]

If I look back and saw someone's foot up on my chair, I'm coming out of hip dip mode. Also, Chris just. I'm like.

[Mike Feeney]

Hey, buddy, let me ask you a.

[Bobby Kelly]

Question in case I. What if I sit back down? I don't want your dirty ass.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just called you a chomper.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a chomper.

[Christine]

100 is a chomper. He's a chomper and a hippocrate.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm a hippie.

[Bobby Kelly]

Crit, guaranteed chomper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mike's a carrot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Feeney]

Fine, Fine.

[Christine]

Did you get drawn into this stupid.

[Bobby Kelly]

One of dumb idiots.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Alan told him to do it.

[Mike Feeney]

Breaking balls, mainly.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then.

[Mike Feeney]

And then I just got wrapped into it. I like it.

[Bobby Kelly]

That girl. That girl at the bottom of the steps is not going to accomplish anything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you get into it to get some. Like some easy snatch? Some stank at the beginning, some stank posts?

[Mike Feeney]

It was, dude, it was. I still love it. I go all the time, but I just hate.

[Bobby Kelly]

But do you know I Just want you to know something, Mike. You love it. You know who else loves it? You see that? You see that thing that keeps going head back and forward and now is. And now it's kissing something that kind of looks like it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

That guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You like what they like? You guys have the same thoughts on art.

[Mike Feeney]

Thoughts on art.

[Jacob]

Is that what goes on at a fish? They're all dancing in the concession area.

[Mike Feeney]

Those are. Those are. Those are called.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those are chomping.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, the subdoms are chomping. Those are spinners. They can't handle. They can't handle the rules, man. They just got to go flow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you mind a spinner? More a chomper or a spinner.

[Mike Feeney]

God. You know what I should do? I should just wear a GoPro next time I go to a show. And you'll see I'm zipping in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How are we going to see.

[Mike Feeney]

Get out of the way because we're.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Going to you playing air guitar. How are we going to see anything? It's just going to be going back and forth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can we. Impractical joke. You like where we talking to your the whole time while you're in there?

[Mike Feeney]

Totally as.

[Bobby Kelly]

Here you go. Because I want to see you. I just want to be able to hear you when you inevitably stop. Eric. To snap on someone for doing something. Does your elbow. Does your elbow have a ticket for scene 18? Because I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Will you stop?

[Bobby Kelly]

Damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Stop spilling your beer on my Birkenstock, please.

[Mike Feeney]

Whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys, can I talk to you? Can I talk to you?

[Mike Feeney]

You know what? Somebody's got to do it. Somebody's got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Excuse me. These are new. New balances. It's all in the webbing now. Nah, it doesn't. Stop trying to napkin my feet. This guy.

[Jacob]

It's amazing that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, great. 10th Street.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now. Now.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't snap on these people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is this it?

[Mike Feeney]

These aren't the people I'm snapping on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sort of you are. These are people I would snap on. Hey, look where you're going face. Stop spinning.

[Mike Feeney]

No, this is nice.

[Bobby Kelly]

Open your eyes. Open your eyes while you spin. No.

[Mike Feeney]

Look how happy that guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

God, that guy.

[Mike Feeney]

Purple pants.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hate them.

[Mike Feeney]

Women don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they all smell, right?

[Mike Feeney]

Some of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Every one of them. Every one of them. Like a pile of fertilizer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Smell. Because they don't shower. They don't believe in chemicals under their pits.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. They smell like the vitamin aisle at Whole Foods. Like the first five minutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not one of them. Not one person is wearing any recognizable name brand footwear.

[Christine]

That dude, I don't think they're wearing shoes.

[Mike Feeney]

That dude's deep.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

These. These guys all shower in a puddle.

[Christine]

If there's a puddle, there's definitely Birkenstocks.

[Mike Feeney]

This, this right here, these are people I love. Why? They don't bother me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They bother me.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm not sitting.

[Christine]

Look at this with them.

[Mike Feeney]

No, no, no. This is the floor. And I stay away from the floor because I can't handle this. I can't handle this.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't handle it?

[Mike Feeney]

No. I freaked. I'm like, get me away from all this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The show is sponsored by Better Help Mental Health. And being healthy is very important. Not only is it important for yourself, it's important for your relationships. My relationship with family members over the years has gotten so much better and it makes me happy. My son has a better life because of therapy, because I talked to somebody, because I got the st out. He can have a healthier life, too. World Mental Health Day is October this year, and BetterHelp is shining the spotlight on therapists. People who truly make the world a better place. Because the right therapist can change everything. I know this because I got one. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct. They're fully licensed in the U.S. go in there, you get matched up with a therapist that is right for you and focuses on your therapy goals. And if you're not happy with your match, just switch to a different therapist at any time. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/bonfire. That's B-E-T-T-E-R H E-L-P.com bonfire.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Big Jay Oakerson]

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[Mike Feeney]

I need to be around the people that I'm with.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't want to be With. You don't want to be in the People Mushroom Forest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, not at.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't.

[Mike Feeney]

This is too much for me, dude. I can't do this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why do they. Why are they spinning then?

[Mike Feeney]

They're acid.

[Christine]

How could you not spin, Bobby?

[Mike Feeney]

That guy's like, just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God, yes.

[Mike Feeney]

He's in love.

[Christine]

He's doing ballet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Those guys walk around. This guy just walk around kissing people's girlfriends.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This band is for just people who can't dance.

[Jacob]

People do in real life. Like, outside of this concert.

[Bobby Kelly]

Other guy was dancing his ass off.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't know. I've always wondered.

[Jacob]

Outside of this concert.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't know. They go right back to their parents base until the next tour starts. There's some beautiful women in it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Horseshit.

[Mike Feeney]

Whatever, dude. It's great. But here's the thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that guy. Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

He just shot. Great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just shot to the stars, I'd say.

[Christine]

Dancing around on drugs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I ask a question? But can I ask you a question?

[Mike Feeney]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So this, the dance that they're doing is just coming from pure feeling, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What they're feeling is shooting out of their legs and arms.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. Like, look at that guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's feeling a circle.

[Mike Feeney]

Good old time, right?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Crying.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, probably.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why is he crying?

[Mike Feeney]

Cause the spirits in him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's beautiful. Bob yelled at him, by the way. Focus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back.

[Mike Feeney]

I just yelled at him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's crying at that girl's armpits.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go back. Focus on that guy. Right. This guy right there. Dude. At one point. Yeah. His spin around is becoming. So he's going like this. He starts going like. Starts going through an emotional breakdown. Follow him. Specifically.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He just got yelled at by a guy named Mike.

[Bobby Kelly]

Put your shirt on. What do you think?

[Mike Feeney]

We're in your living room.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch his harsh stomps.

[Mike Feeney]

They're picking up the groove. That's why.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the same song?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah. This is the Grateful Dead.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the same.

[Mike Feeney]

No, it's not Dead and Company, but.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'S the same song over and over.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean.

[Mike Feeney]

What do you mean? We're only listening to one song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But it sounds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Never mind. He started opening up.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, there it is. Oh, he's doing some hip stuff. Yeah, he.

[Bobby Kelly]

By the way, when it came back in the frame, he was punching the sky like this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good.

[Christine]

It's not how the music's going, though.

[Mike Feeney]

Doesn't matter, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, this guy's just in socks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Socks are all dirty. Probably on the bottom of his feet.

[Mike Feeney]

When I was younger, I would be down in this. Not now.

[Bobby Kelly]

We saw this woman just bumped into this guy and then he blew her away and she spun out of frame. They just like an improv.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should try this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch. Watch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Mike, you should try this next time you get angry.

[Mike Feeney]

Angry is dance like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Watch this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See if they blow away from you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, maybe this works. Here, watch, watch like this. Watch the guy in. In the overalls.

[Mike Feeney]

Which purple guy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which one?

[Bobby Kelly]

The one right in front, dead center.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at her. He sends her away with a blow. And then she goes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got to try that. You don't need to confront people anymore. Just blow them away next time.

[Mike Feeney]

He had lot bur breath.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah, she's making her way back, though. She's finding her way in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have overall?

[Mike Feeney]

No, I don't have overalls.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you go like this?

[Mike Feeney]

I go like this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's your outfit?

[Mike Feeney]

I go like this. I'm comfortable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't have, like, a tie, dyed or something?

[Mike Feeney]

I got Grateful Dead shirt on right now, but it. Okay, I love the grateful that. I just don't like. Dude, here's the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't understand. You guys have all gone to concerts. The 30 of the crowd are people that have not talked to each other in a long time, and they're getting hammered and they're yelling about their kids and their addition. They're putting on the house and this and that. And I'm. I don't want to hear it. Yeah, somebody's got to say something. So I'm like, oh, guys, do you know if I can get a recording of your conversation? Because the concert's ruining it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you have funny. You have funny, mean sayings.

[Bobby Kelly]

Every third person in this audience is Ian Finance.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have your phone, like, with things to say to people in case, like, certain situations?

[Mike Feeney]

No, I just go with my heart. Sometimes I just look at them and I'm like, come on.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you're terrified.

[Jacob]

The.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, this kid's been looking at his hand for.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, your shark eyes right now are scary.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, see, I wanna.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wanna stop this trashing right now because I don't want you to tap me on the shoulder and take me to the hallway.

[Mike Feeney]

But I don't with it. This is great. No, I only said the hallway thing because that guy was bringing up, like. And I was on mushrooms, and that was weird. I mean, he goes, hey, man, I know about your therapist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you went, he told you that I did gay stuff?

[Mike Feeney]

He goes, he mentioned my dad?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

And then he goes, no, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Were you nervous that he. That he was talking about stuff you did?

[Mike Feeney]

No, I was almost like, good. I'm gonna take down Alan, I'm gonna sue him, and I'm gonna expose. No, I'm kidding. I just wanted to. I knew what the guy was doing, and I just wanted to call him on his.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That'd be fun if you did that. And we all drank and used drugs and you killed all of us.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's.

[Mike Feeney]

That's Alan's fault, not mine.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to psycho rage this fear grateful that his fear ends in tragedy Today when most wound up up fan when $30 for a hoodie.

[Mike Feeney]

What did you call.

[Bobby Kelly]

What you call him?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What? Karen was he again?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Karen T. Chomper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Karen T. Chomper. It's just so funny, because to address somebody in public at a concert, it does take a lot for it to happen in a movie. I let a lot go.

[Mike Feeney]

You know what I mean?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never mind.

[Mike Feeney]

Four songs, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You gave them four.

[Mike Feeney]

I gave them four songs.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, listen, I.

[Mike Feeney]

My two more songs of talking, and I'm gonna say something.

[Bobby Kelly]

My behavior is like would be like yours, but you want to be there.

[Mike Feeney]

What are you talking? Like, I want to be in it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I would be like that. No, I'm saying. No, no. I mean, like, you want to be at this concert, like, and watch me. Like, I would be annoyed with everything because I'd be like, this sucks. And then now these two guys keep talking in my face.

[Mike Feeney]

Okay, but if we were at any con. If we were at tool and those two guys were doing that in front of us, talking, talking, talking the whole time, dude, at some point, you wouldn't go, like, hey, man. Like, you guys could go talk, like, anywhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I'd wait for when one of those. The heavy parts of the song come in. And when I put my arm around both of them, headbutt, headbutt, I straighten both of them out. That's how I handle it. But I'm not listening to hippie music. I'm listening to sad kill your parents stuff.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, I like sad kill your parents.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stuff, too, but you can't bring tool energy to fish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, or dad Fish.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to be fish. You know, you're in your late 40s, so you got to start just throwing around outside by the bricks with the other old man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You gotta start. You gotta start going like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You can't be around this. We hate this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, guys. Guys. I know. He's been talking the last two songs.

[Mike Feeney]

I gotta go in gurney alley and spin with the spinners.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you gave him two songs and you.

[Mike Feeney]

Four songs total.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So in your brain, you're like, four songs. So three hours later, you were like.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, three hours later I was like, you guys having fun with it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Mike Feeney]

I go, hey, man, you got. You're kind of ruining it for everybody behind you. You're talking directly into my face.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What'd they say?

[Mike Feeney]

Sorry to chomp, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And what's the other guy say?

[Mike Feeney]

He turned and kind of, like, gave me, like. And I was like, sure, puff yourself up. I'm saying this as nice as possible. You're the guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Family, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

I was like, you think this ends here at the Capitol Theater in Port Chester? No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Know you have such good lines ready to go, dude, it's.

[Mike Feeney]

Just shut the up and let me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen to Shakedown Skidoo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I love that. This is how Mike doesn't turn green.

[Mike Feeney]

That's what I do.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You play bass?

[Bobby Kelly]

I do air base. No.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, he's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, I have a pick. He's finger picking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Jake, can you make it long neck bass, please?

[Mike Feeney]

Upright. Can you do an upright and spin it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Boom. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There'S no.

[Mike Feeney]

I just don't. I don't. I don't like it. I don't like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't like it either.

[Mike Feeney]

I don't.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I say that, I mean music. This music.

[Mike Feeney]

When we were at. When we went to see Tool at Barclays, and there was, like, a whole row of. Who was it? Remember, it was like, deroza, you, me, Christine Lewis, Josh Fisher. Crin. Fisher Derosa. No, Josh. Bunch of people.

[Bobby Kelly]

People.

[Mike Feeney]

Andy Fiore.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why can't I go to that?

[Mike Feeney]

There was a dude standing over here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was like, yo, is that. Is that Louis?

[Mike Feeney]

And that's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that.

[Mike Feeney]

And I'm like, yep, yep. And he's like, oh, my God, dude, that's awesome. So you guys all are, like, here at the. And I was like, yeah, yeah. He's like, man, that's great. You know, I listened to. And I was like, dude, I'm on a lot of acid right now. Can you, like, just stop talking to me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So acid.

[Mike Feeney]

Because I wasn't on acid. I just wanted to be left alone. And I was kind of hoping, like, that's me going like, hey, buddy. Like, not right now. I go, maybe during the set break, we could talk more. You know, I just want to watch the show. But then I turned and watched the show, and. And my head is like, you're a fucking asshole.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes, yes.

[Mike Feeney]

You're a horrible piece of shit. But all I want to do is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You need to go back to Alan.

[Mike Feeney]

No. Hey, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, that's great. Hey, is that, that's so cool you guys gave him a concert. My man, I'm on drugs. I'm feeling great right now, so why don't you fucking back off? I'm trying to be high and get loose. Great.

[Mike Feeney]

You made me miss the grudge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, can I ask you? What? Can I ask you another question?

[Bobby Kelly]

What strain of weed is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It? Doesn't make sense. It just doesn't make sense to be on drugs. I thought I might. I guess I'm wrong. I thought when you went to these concerts and you took a lot of these mushroom psychedelic drugs, that it makes you go to some Happyville.

[Mike Feeney]

No, it makes me an honest town. I'm an honest town.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mike can't go onto that twirly floor because he's gonna go there like he's doing like, like hate rock mosh dance. He's gonna go in there with his fist punching and kicks.

[Mike Feeney]

It's be like American Gladiators. I'm just laying people out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you now with this Allen thing, did you give the guy an interview? You. Is that how he knew you?

[Mike Feeney]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So you didn't even give an in to you?

[Mike Feeney]

No, I didn't. Never met him before.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he just knew you were a con?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because Alan comics, books, to anyone who.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Asks, how did he know you went to therapy?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because Alan gives his notes away.

[Mike Feeney]

He said, you're a comic in New York.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Alan doesn't go to Ales. He gives me the notes I release.

[Mike Feeney]

He goes, you must go to Al.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a. There's a party in between. So he doesn't get in trouble.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's a great Reddit page. It's called Psychos of Comedy.

[Mike Feeney]

The copay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm sorry.

[Mike Feeney]

He goes, oh, so you go to Alan. I've heard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because the way you were dancing. Yeah, probably the way you're yelling at everybody.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I got there late. I left the Cellar to go to the show. Do you know I got there mid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show, this guy you says you go to therapy and then you fucking. You snapped on him. You snapped on him.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, but I, I. And you know what, though? I don't regret what I did. Shouldn't you don't say that shit. You don't say that shit during, During Brown Eyed Women.

[Bobby Kelly]

You fucking told me that if I.

[Christine]

Talk to my fucking therapist, I'd lose it too. I'd like be, be like, I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. I just don't know if I would take him in the hallway.

[Mike Feeney]

Well, I didn't want to talk during this guy's up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sker. Dude, I'm not a chomp chomper, man.

[Mike Feeney]

See, I practice what I preach song.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's probably at concerts when you're not with Jay.

[Mike Feeney]

All right, I apologize.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You do. You are a chomper.

[Mike Feeney]

No, I'm not, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've been to a concert with you.

[Mike Feeney]

You chomp.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do. I didn't say I was. The only time you don't chomp is when Josh gets you your t ticket and you have to go home.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm by myself. I got nobody to talk to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's the only time you don't have.

[Mike Feeney]

Nobody to talk to. I go, hey, guys, did you see that guy that just left me here? I'm your friends now.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys mind my chomp.

[Mike Feeney]

You want to chomp it up during.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys want to chomp in between bands? Because it looks like my friend's friend left me up here.

[Mike Feeney]

I ain't going to chomp with myself.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get Chop alone doing a psycho.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did. I had to leave him up there. I just didn't want to chomp.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I just came to Deftones by myself, listen to some sexy rock alone.

[Christine]

I mean, Allan has to be writing a book about all you people, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

You people. What does that mean, White?

[Mike Feeney]

It's called the Clown Whisper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The what?

[Christine]

It's got to be coming. Him and his wife. Right? All. Like the entire community is just giving them all the secrets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Think it's so gross that he does an Esquire magazine article. I think it's so gross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so gross. I'm so gross. So mad that I bought caramels because I've been fighting having one since the show started.

[Bobby Kelly]

Have one. Fill your mouth with thick caramel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't. It's because I don't want to drink and no, I don't want to try.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can have a caramel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, stop. My mouth is watering. Stop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Caramel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't. I don't think it's. I don't think it's that crazy. He's not going to tell people.

[Mike Feeney]

What you said.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can't. That's illegal. It's a. I think it's weird that.

[Bobby Kelly]

It'S the announcement that it's. He sees everyone. Look, you know what I mean? Like, what if there's a. There's a conflict of interest? What if you're beefing with one of the other people? You think.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't think I've talked about Dan in my.

[Bobby Kelly]

There you go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Dan used to come in before me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd be like, what'd you say? Oh, that's what I mean. What'd you say about me? He'd be like, I just talked about you last week.

[Mike Feeney]

I've been in the waiting room room, and I can hear conversations. And I go, alan, you got to put something on in the lobby, dude. I can hear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not anymore. You moved to a new place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know Rachel Feinstein? I heard through the walls. Raped four people herself.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I didn't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's in actually the article that the. The.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is in the article. I know.

[Mike Feeney]

It's crazy that she threw change on him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Can I just.

[Mike Feeney]

That's a joke of hers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jacob]

I just want to point out the caramels. Buff Bobby is fighting not to eat. He's got the box out with one of them on top of the box with the wrapper. How much more temptation could you possibly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But you guys don't know this. I started.

[Bobby Kelly]

You are. You'd be a serial killer. Look at you. You're really playing with your. You really want to open it. You want to seduce it.

[Jacob]

I don't want a caramel. I'm gonna put it right in front.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you didn't see the progression of it, though, as we were doing this whole thing. Thing with Karen Chomper, Karen T. Chopper, we. I took it out, opened it, took the one out, put it back in, took it back out. And then I opened up one flap. And then I opened up another flap. Why do you do that to yourself? Because I'm a addict.

[Jacob]

Jacob is the best part.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't just keep saying you're an act. You're gonna have to feed that baby right there. Take it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I look at Jay with a fire, open it up. You. You want me to be an addict?

[Mike Feeney]

You got two packs of nicotine toothpick sticks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yep. And I got a body brain coffee.

[Mike Feeney]

Rocking my brain, a vitamin water, and.

[Bobby Kelly]

A two thirds open caramel.

[Jacob]

Bobby has said Bobby has long form addictions. And then his short form. The toothpicks are the short.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm a professional addict.

[Jacob]

Current short forms.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I try not to do one. Yes, sir.

[Bobby Kelly]

Eat the caramel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

We want to see what's going.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't.

[Jacob]

I'll eat one with.

[Mike Feeney]

With you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Mike Feeney]

Let's go. We'll do shots. All right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's one.

[Mike Feeney]

Will you eat one? You gave me one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you got one?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Ready?

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby Black little Have one. Black Lou is reaching out for one. Okay.

[Mike Feeney]

A little ASMR for the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, oh. Pick it up. Off the ground, Black Lou. Is that what you play? Is that the game we play now? Bobby, you want to talk to HR about that? Black Lou? Bobby threw food on the ground for you like a dog. Oh, that hit Jason.

[Jacob]

Must be amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, what's it like?

[Mike Feeney]

One pill makes you larger.

[Jacob]

Poppy's eyes are rolling in the back of his head.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

And I feel like Jesus, son. And I guess. But I just don't know. But I just don't know.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, man. Hey, man. Bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at Mike chomp again. This guy's trying to enjoy his high. Why you chomping, Mike? Guarantee chomper over here. Can I see you going again?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hallway, bro.

[Jacob]

When that caramel hits your veins.

[Mike Feeney]

I've heard stories, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Man. Like a guaranteed job. We're trying to ruin your caramel buzz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Man. That was good, bro.

[Mike Feeney]

It's delicious.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It really is good caramel. It's Chinese. It's chines caramel.

[Bobby Kelly]

I believe you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So good.

[Bobby Kelly]

I saw you buy the Chinese caramel box.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm letting it melt in the back here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm letting it fill my cavity hole in your heart. I. I just have a dead tooth that I fill caramel with it every day so food doesn't get in it. That's so funny.

[Mike Feeney]

I went to.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think. Can I just say something real quick? I think that. I think it's actually cool that he sees comics because he knows our business and he knows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he a comic?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but he's been doing comics. He did Richard Lewis back in the day. He's been doing comics for years. So he knows the business. He knows the ins and the outs. He's. He's heard it before. So when you do bring up all the bullshit, if that's what you're dealing with.

[Bobby Kelly]

So does he have those conversations where he. He talks like comics? He goes, netflix isn't what it was. You know, It's. It's a different thing now. Now they're mostly leasing the specials.

[Mike Feeney]

If you're telling a story that's too long, he lights you. He's like, let's go. Wrap it up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know the business he did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He used to have a clock right next to me to the left. And every once in a while, I see his eyes dart to the clock. So I would come in and always have a coffee and put my coffee in front of the clock, throw it in his face. I would throw it in his face and then suck his dick and be like, is this what you want?

[Bobby Kelly]

Whoa. I'll take you one further only. Do I not even think I believe in therapy? I think they don't believe in it either.

[Mike Feeney]

Therapists.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's because Jay blew up. He grew up with a pair of black friends that don't go to therapy. Therapy. Jay's Philly black.

[Bobby Kelly]

We keep inside and die from cancer. Like d'. Angelo.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, like you're supposed to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're supposed to like men. Brown sugar.

[Mike Feeney]

That's the brunch.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm having a stroke.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I don't care, so won't you listen?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It really is totally. Therapy is a white guy thing.

[Mike Feeney]

Goodwill hunting, man. It's that movie's fault.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Otherwise I'd be smoking butts with a mustache, dying of cancer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd be drinking, smoking joints with JL Free front.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I mean, it's just like the most obvious. Like, they're just. They have to go.

[Mike Feeney]

It is an easy thing to fake.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're afraid.

[Mike Feeney]

They go, and how did that make you feel? And how did that make you feel?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you're afraid.

[Mike Feeney]

Alan did. He was. He. He was great. He helped me out a bunch. But I'm not going to come.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's bragging about it.

[Jacob]

Until he ratted you out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Actually, there's actually a photo of you on the wall, and I never knew why.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, there's really. Next to the photos of you on the wall.

[Bobby Kelly]

He says, my craziest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's just a photo of you and there's a question mark.

[Bobby Kelly]

Unresolved. Unfixable.

[Mike Feeney]

They go talk to the mic doll.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got. I've been mad at him a lot, though.

[Mike Feeney]

I fell asleep once.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, fell asleep once. He fell asleep on you. That's funny.

[Mike Feeney]

I heard a little Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's when you. You turned up the knob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, your writing's getting lazy. He's just in.

[Mike Feeney]

And that's when my grandfather sucked my toes. And he's like, whoa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, wait. What was that make you feel? How you did that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, did you put your avails in last week? Maybe she's mad because you forgot your avails last week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Mike Feeney]

Did you write thank you very much or just thank you? She's not a good woman.

[Bobby Kelly]

The New York comedy club franchise is up and coming.

[Mike Feeney]

Have you ever tried the Strip? He's just talking people down.

[Bobby Kelly]

I believe. I believe the lottery is still once a year.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I told you. He got me to paint one year because I used to go to art school and we were talking about it. I was like, you should start painting again. And he said it like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I sell a starter pack for $500.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, you should. I want you to paint. I want you to get back. So I went and got my French easel out of the storage, and I got. I bought all new paints. I bought a canvas, and I made him a painting.

[Mike Feeney]

And that was hanging up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jesus Christ.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was three faces. My face. Angry, happy and sad.

[Mike Feeney]

I've seen that, right? It's hanging up in there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, here's the problem. It wasn't. It wasn't hanging.

[Bobby Kelly]

Humiliating.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It wasn't hanging up.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just made him an ashtray.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was. It wasn't hanging up.

[Mike Feeney]

I wrote him a song.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I gave it to him for Christmas. And I. So here's the thing. Now he has all the other artwork.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry, Bobby, but I'm married.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm Jewish.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All the other artwork is from people. Patients have given it to him.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I gave it to him. Like, I'm waiting for it to come in and be on the wall for a year. It's not. He doesn't hang it up. We get into an argument a year later, and I go. I go, you fucking always say that. You with me? You know what? Where's my painting? You made me get into that. Break my easel out. Where the is it? If it's not up next time I off. Hey, the next time he came, it was right in front of the shitter. It was.

[Mike Feeney]

I'm like. I look at three bobbies before I go piss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know where it is now, though. In the new office.

[Mike Feeney]

Wow, that's hilarious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

He told you to paint and you painted three versions of you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I so want to get. If it was you. If it was you, it'd just be one version. Just angry.

[Bobby Kelly]

To do all kinds of things. All of your therapies would be good if you do things he needs. Also, I know you're into woodworking. I'd like you to make me a coffee table. Stain it, but, like, something more natural, teak looking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so funny.

[Mike Feeney]

You know what's good therapy? Raking leaves.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I should give you that. If he gives it.

[Mike Feeney]

Hey, what do.

[Bobby Kelly]

You guys should kill my wife.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna give it to you because it looks like you.

[Mike Feeney]

The pa. Yeah, I love it, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Give it to me. It does look like you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, would any of you guys be willing to kill my wife? You can have sex with her first, if you'd like. Or after.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His. His wife.

[Mike Feeney]

Anybody looking for extra credit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

His wife doesn't do it anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

She does the girl call?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She used to be the. She does. She used to do the therapy next door.

[Mike Feeney]

I didn't know that she was next door.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell Mama Lefka, what's all of your problems, Yamanika.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he used to have the good office with the window and all the that. Then she put him in the other office, which was depressing and sad. I hated it. But my wife went to her.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, God, twice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And dawn was like, I'm good. I'm good. I don't need this.

[Mike Feeney]

I gave you a ride home once from the seller, and on the end of the ride, you go, dude, you need therapy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Here's Alan's number.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

And I thought about it on the way home. I'm like, does Bobby get commission?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Did you get Commission?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I own 10% of Allen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby's very smart.

[Mike Feeney]

5.

[Bobby Kelly]

True.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Classic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby buys in ground level of things he loves.

[Mike Feeney]

Right? Cast. Yeah, yeah, totally.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everything at ground level, he gets in it. He goes, you know what?

[Mike Feeney]

I'm gonna get rides home from comics and make them feel crazy and then give them your card.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, Bobby. I did.

[Mike Feeney]

I listened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby sponsored like a nascar. All these loaded up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, here's the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Home Depot.

[Mike Feeney]

Bobby goes, here's what your comedy needs. Pennzoil.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If. But, you know, look, I went to a therapist for a while, and I. He sucked. He just wasn't my guy guy. He used to have two huge dogs that look like lions.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That would sit on either side of him like a emperor.

[Mike Feeney]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And during. They would just go.

[Bobby Kelly]

These are the dogs of fate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They would just go like this.

[Mike Feeney]

Love and fear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All I would hear, they would just go like this.

[Bobby Kelly]

The dogs of fate.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he'd be like, you're fine.

[Mike Feeney]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're fine. And then one would get up and walk to. To me, and I would sit, terrified. He'd. He'd smell my knuckles and then just go back and sit down. It was like. Remember in Ghostbusters with the two.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Like Cerberus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was the dogs that look like lions. It was. They were terrifying.

[Mike Feeney]

I liked him.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was that called, those dogs? Like, lines.

[Christine]

They had them in our Tibetan Mastiff.

[Mike Feeney]

Those are cool.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, they were chows or something.

[Christine]

Oh, Chow Chicken House.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Something like that.

[Mike Feeney]

Those dogs you got to shave down in the summer because they get the lion.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dogs are nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So aggressive. I don't know what the. Anybody would. I was terrified anyways of.

[Mike Feeney]

Of those dogs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, look at this monster thing. Ate blue skin What a terrible awful monster this thing is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're aggressive.

[Mike Feeney]

Look at that thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they're mean.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, they're mean. Really, buddy.

[Christine]

Vicious Chow chows in the neighborhood.

[Mike Feeney]

Imagine getting. Imagine getting eaten alive by that adorable thing. Teddy bear killing you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's those things. Christine, you brought up the cutest one. They're not little. Not chow chows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, what a monster.

[Mike Feeney]

Stop. You door.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big. Look, they're so scary. Look at that thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, look at that terrifying monster slobber.

[Mike Feeney]

On me to death.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm telling you, dude, that thing was like a lion. He had two of them and they were.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, that looks like you. Voss's roast.

[Mike Feeney]

It was just a chow chow with a lion Halloween costume head on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look, go back. Go back up. Look how big that thing is. Go to that lady, that obese. Buddy, they're huge.

[Mike Feeney]

He had two of those.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He had two of these things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look how they're the best ever. Bobby, I'm so sorry you had to deal with these two big monsters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I wish they though that.

[Mike Feeney]

Look at them now.

[Christine]

I want two chow chows.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope you get them. I hope they bite both you and Jay in your sleep.

[Mike Feeney]

Cuz this dog's your mother. This dog's your father.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope you wake up, give her a treat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope they both. I hope they both grab your necks in the middle of night and don't let you get up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at those big fat feet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at that thing. Is that thing growling at you was terrifying and it looked like that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, totally.

[Christine]

What's a growl growl for?

[Mike Feeney]

I don't want to growls. A rainbow comes out gentle.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's being with this lady. She's tenderly touching under its chin. And it's giving her so much trust.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's a puppy face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God. You have really demonized the nicest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christine, will you please.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jiminy Cricket is a rapist. Anything else? Any terrible else you want to tell me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Will you please bring up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, look at it. It's a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's a little.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it almost licked that girl to death.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can you please bring up angry Chow chow? Please, please.

[Mike Feeney]

They love me till I died.

[Bobby Kelly]

My heart swelled up so big from love, it exploded.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Those stupid dogs like the dead and fish.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, that's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Without a doubt. They definitely love having bandanas around their neck. Which comes with that.

[Mike Feeney]

That's right. And a hemp collar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is that a thing having bandanas?

[Bobby Kelly]

Wouldn't it be great if these two chow chows in this video devour look.

[Mike Feeney]

This kid's got a wrist guard on. See, when the camera goes off, that dog gets savage. Very violent babies.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Michael, look at his face.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's like. The kid's like. He goes, okay, we got the shot yet?

[Mike Feeney]

Look, look, look, look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Play this. This is what I heard every therapy session. Ready?

[Mike Feeney]

You owe us money, Bobby.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, listen.

[Bobby Kelly]

A guy going, oh, come on, buddy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what it did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that Jim Florentine? A dog? Oh, oh, wait a second. Can I have the thing? You're trying to give me a no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, listen, listen. This is exactly what it did.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would just do that voice back there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it goes like this right there. It goes like this at the end. The cowardly, like.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh, look, look, it's scarlet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wait, watch, Listen. Yeah, dude. And he would sit there and go like this. But he had. He had a bow tie on. He always had a bow tie. And he'd go, you're fine, you're fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I swear to God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

You mean the therapist? Therapist? I thought you meant the dog. Bobby, this thing couldn't have been cuter. What you're describing me, the dog. First of all, it sang putting on the rips.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The dog.

[Mike Feeney]

There was extremely little bones on it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Both dogs had Oshkosh bagashes on things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like the Berenstain bears of dogs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That thing's. Look at that thing. That's violent.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stop saying that and point these pictures.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Look at this one. Christine, stop bringing up the cutest you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's time to play. Let's see what this monster does next.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I hope it eats a baby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope so too.

[Mike Feeney]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no.

[Mike Feeney]

I bet it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, look at him. Oh, look at him with that ball.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can I hit Christine?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Mike Feeney]

That thing shits her. She kisses dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, look at it go with that ball. It's the most adorable thing ever.

[Mike Feeney]

Look, he's got his poo dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's upside down for it might have.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not have been a chow chow. It might have been a Chinese chow.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think it was violent. The thing I was saying.

[Mike Feeney]

Doberman's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I thought it was the thing I was saying.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What did you. Let me see what you were saying. What were you saying?

[Mike Feeney]

This kid's like, please get me away from. What were you demon hellhounds?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tibetan asked if. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. And that was the chow. Oh, wait, wait, wait. What's the one up the top to the left?

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that? That's what I'm saying. It's a bad mess. That's when the. When the hair's all out.

[Mike Feeney]

I Mean, what the did you had?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It might have been that thing.

[Christine]

Why two people are have them in New York City?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. But there's two of these in our building when we lived in Hell's Kitchen. Two of them like that. Max and Apollo. Yeah, great names. A little bit shorter. Didn't live.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If they name him Fred and Sal.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want something really crazy separated, remember something crazy separated. And they're. They're brother and sister, right? Yeah, brother and sister. But don't live in the same house. Just happen to live in the same building. And that was weird.

[Mike Feeney]

Wait, the dogs?

[Bobby Kelly]

The dogs are brother and sister, but adopted by two different families. Just happen to live in the same building.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But there's only one place you can get these things, so it's not that weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know where.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Probably at the Mastiff Clinic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God. Are they getting ready to have sex with this Asian guy?

[Mike Feeney]

Jesus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you know the dumps that these dogs take? And you have in New York to have one of these, you have to go outside and just pick up a hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's definitely. It steams.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Guarantee. You put the bag on your hand, you pick it up and it just breaks because it's so heavy. You have to pick up another one.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, you got a double bag.

[Jacob]

Oh.

[Mike Feeney]

And then when you throw it in the trash, your hand has like a little bit of moist, a little bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of shit mist because of the steam from the hotness. It gets through, you pick it up and you get hard.

[Jacob]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What happened? Smell your hand. What happened?

[Mike Feeney]

Close your eyes and picture a caramel.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You try to put it in your butt. Freeze it.

[Mike Feeney]

Freeze.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You put it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guys, we have to take a break or I'm gonna come. If we don't take a break, I'm gonna come.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I think it's best for us just to play it safe. Get out of here. Let you know that Mike Fenoy is on tour with Ron White throughout the rest of the year, including stops in Buffalo, Ontario, Atlantic City and more. For all dates, merch and more go to Mike Finoya. F I N o I a mikefenoia.com follow mike@ Mike Fenoya and his podcast Are we Old? On all social media? Bobby Kelly. This weekend is going to be in poor Charlotte bassani Comedy Theater, Florida, this weekend, October 17th and 18th. After that, Tampa, Emmaus, Pennsylvania, New Orleans for Skank Fest. For tickets and all tour dates, go to Punchup Live. Robert Kelly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And go to bigjaycomedy.com because this weekend he's going to be in DC at the DC Improv 16th through the 18th. After that, he's going to be in Pasadena, Austin, Tampa, New Orleans for skank festival Best just go to his website and go to YouTube.com bigjokerson and Big J's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Double with the glasses down there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Double apple.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're chomping.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm trying to hear the song album. Listen, man, I'm sorry, bro. I gotta read these.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah, you're gonna be sorry about two seconds them out. Take a look.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Piece of bigJ comedy dot com.

[Bobby Kelly]

Goddamn responsibility. I'm sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We'll be right back.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the boss fire.

[Nikki or Bri]

Hey, everyone, it's Nikki and Bri. And we're here to let you know that we have a podcast, the Nikki and Bri Show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Nikki or Bri]

And we've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. We're serving up real deal conversations that go beyond the cameras. Think Motherhood confessions, Sisterhood vibes, Boss business energy and tv Live tea. Need a laugh? We got you craving inspo. We got inspiration and affirmations on deck. Want a little cry or a big? Heck yes. That's our jam. Whether we're breaking down pop culture, sharing parenting wins or fails, unpacking personal growth, or just riffing on everyday chaos, nothing is off limits. Plus, we welcome incredible guests, play our favorite games and do what only sisters can. Keep it 100 while raising a glass together. So pop a bottle, hit play and come hang with us. Listen to the Nikki and Bri Show. Wherever you get your podcast, try angel.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stuff for your tushy. It's made by Angels Soft and strong. Budget friendly. The choice is simple. A roll that feels like paradise and always at a heavenly pride. Angel soft. Angel soft. Soft and strong.

[Nikki or Bri]

So it pick up a pack today.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Angel soft, soft and strong.