
Bobby's crush Kelly Clarkson surprises him with a gift that has a deeply personal message on it. | Jay is in the market for a spinning wrist knife. | Singer Tate McRae is dating a hockey hero and the guys criticize her stage performance. | Bob has a spiritual vision just like the Native American Indians and Jay isn't buying it. | Jacob dated a fiery hippie who used crystals instead of deodorant. | Jay uses his creative talent once again to sketch the female anatomy. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
Loading summary
Bobby Kelly
If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
Big Jay Oakerson
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone. Paying Big Wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan, taxes and fees extra.
Bobby Kelly
See full terms@mint mobile.com
Big Jay Oakerson
and now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. You know I'm all about Rock the Bells radio.
Bobby Kelly
I don't know what it was on, but I heard his new one of his new songs and I liked it a lot.
Big Jay Oakerson
You know, I like the R O X A N N E. The S H A N T E. Roxanne Shantay and what's the show? Have a nice day. You guys are racist.
Bobby Kelly
We're not racist. We just don't have a fight. We're not autistic with music.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's not music. That's the intro to her show.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, sorry.
Big Jay Oakerson
The R O X A N N E. And yes, you know that that is me. She's so excited. Can black look, if somebody find the Roxanne Shantae Introdor show, it's definitely on something I like. She goes for it.
Bobby Kelly
This is the Oompa Loompas.
Big Jay Oakerson
We are right. I was always. It was Oeo. Oh, but then I've always heard people, the old rumor was that O all we owe, we owe her.
Bobby Kelly
Is this the Oompa Loompa song thing or is that the Monkeys? The Flying Monkeys.
Big Jay Oakerson
Monkeys.
Bobby Kelly
It's the Flying Monkeys.
Big Jay Oakerson
Flying Monkeys, right. You're racist. Is it all we owe, we owe her or just oh, we owe. Oh, I don't know.
Bobby Kelly
That's a good question.
Big Jay Oakerson
People used to say that. They used to go, oh, he's saying they're saying all we owe. We owe her. Maybe we owe. We owe her. Oh, we owe. We owe Her. Oh, we. Who knows? This is a question for LL Cool J over at Rock the Bells radio. You guys don't listen to Rock the Bells cause you're all super white. But I listen to Rock the Bells all the time. Woo. Wednesdays we all just shook our heads. Roxanne, Shantae, have a nice day. DJ Epps on the weekend the Saturday night drive. Come on, Chuck. Chill out, Chuck. Chill out. Jacob.
Jacob
I know none of these people.
Big Jay Oakerson
Racism, dude on Black History Month. Black you hearing all this? They don't know who Chuck Chillout is.
Bobby Kelly
He doesn't.
Big Jay Oakerson
You know. Kid from Kid and Play survived the heart trans emergency heart transplant and he's back out performing.
Bobby Kelly
He's got a new song, right?
Big Jay Oakerson
He's out performing.
Bobby Kelly
I know he's got. I saw him on doing something. Yeah, yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
They were doing like a freestyle thing or some him verse play or something like that.
Bobby Kelly
Something like that. Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. He looks great. The guy hasn't performed more since he's had the. He hasn't performed in the last 20 years as much as he's performed since his heart transplant. Emergency heart transplant. Kid from Kid and Play. Isn't that wild?
Bobby Kelly
Be funny if he had to get it from the other guy.
Big Jay Oakerson
He went and he said, I'm either
Bobby Kelly
you, you or him.
Big Jay Oakerson
Play Kid or play Lives God's taken one. God needs somebody doing dance splits up in heaven.
Bobby Kelly
House party four.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think there was a house party for. They may have gotten the four.
Bobby Kelly
Kid or Play.
Big Jay Oakerson
Kid or play. Kid or play Play is going to live longer than Kid. My guess would be he just seems naturally in better health. Well, always the better looking guy too. Poor Kid. He did all right though. Was he ever married? Let's see if Kid was ever married because he is a. A weird looking guy for sure.
Bobby Kelly
What is he?
Big Jay Oakerson
He's like half black? Halfway for sure. Yeah, it's gotta be. Yeah, no one's got that many freckles unless you're Morgan Freeman.
Bobby Kelly
He doesn't have freckles. He's arisen. Morgan Freeman's a risen little moles.
Big Jay Oakerson
Kim Turner. Let's take a look.
Bobby Kelly
Those are gross.
Big Jay Oakerson
Let's take a peek. Oh, that's not her. Kimberly Turner, right? A kid's wife. Boom. Yeah, there she is. Children. What is she? We go up a little bit. See right there. They married 2004. They're still married. She's a real estate agent. They have a kid. God, he did it all. All right. Good for him. Good for him. There they are in a little video here. Let's See what this little video is so I can see how pretty she is. And she best be pretty. Oh, she's pretty.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, she's pretty. Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, he did good.
Bobby Kelly
He's got a white guy neck.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, he does, for sure.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
I mean he did good. Kid did good for himself. She's pretty.
Jacob
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Out there on the floor. I mean, they're aging now, but I mean, she's a pretty woman. I bet they're.
Bobby Kelly
I bet they have pretty kids.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, they're a quarter white. Huh?
Bobby Kelly
That's not what I meant.
Big Jay Oakerson
And they're good dancers. Could you imagine that? A white guy with a big old black dick.
Bobby Kelly
Oof. Just a.
Big Jay Oakerson
Do you think kids got a big old huge fat dick or you think that's where his white comes in? He's got an average dick.
Bobby Kelly
I think he's got a regular white guy dick.
Big Jay Oakerson
An average dick. That would be the curse, wouldn't it?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Damn. Damn.
Bobby Kelly
It would look weird though, with a big black eyed dick. But it's white.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jacob, would you like to have a much bigger dick, but you have to have black guy hair? But on everything else in us still your regular white but black guy hair, but you have to keep it George Jefferson style. Like just horseshoe
Jacob
hair is important to me.
Big Jay Oakerson
But you have a monster.
Jacob
Yeah, I think I take that. Why not?
Bobby Kelly
Do we know that Jacob doesn't have a monster?
Jacob
There's no way we forget about it.
Big Jay Oakerson
You think that would be his energy every day if he had a monster?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. It might be draining him.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, it's possible. It could be a burden dragging that log around.
Bobby Kelly
The reason why he's just a lump of shit is because he has a huge mule he's dragging around every day.
Big Jay Oakerson
Now I get. Yes, I thought, and I may be
Bobby Kelly
wrong about this, but this has been something among the black community for a while.
Big Jay Oakerson
I thought Jewish men were known to have big. They can. Like they were white Jamaicans. They can. They can.
Bobby Kelly
Okay. It's not known as like black eyes.
Big Jay Oakerson
Not usually of Jacob's stature or my stature.
Jacob
Also has a monster piece.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. All my nephews, Howard Stern would always say about his dad, say his dad had a big, big, huge fat cop.
Jacob
Well, let me explain.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. How do you know your uncle has a monster dick?
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, how does he know? He also. He also knows what ice cream costs. Not tell anybody afterwards. It was too. It wasn't good.
Bobby Kelly
You see your uncle's.
Jacob
I've seen it, yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Why?
Jacob
I mean, just peeing next to him next.
Bobby Kelly
Do you look. Do you looked over.
Jacob
You're gonna look at your uncle's penis.
Big Jay Oakerson
Did it taste as good as it looked?
Jacob
Huh?
Bobby Kelly
What it tastes like
Big Jay Oakerson
you said North Korea. I. Is this the Roxanne Shantae? Yeah. Give me a taste. Dude. She lays it out. Yeah. Let me know if this is right now. This is just a promo. You gotta do the intro.
Bobby Kelly
Did we ever do one of these?
Big Jay Oakerson
And it's Shantae with sh. That might help the search. Man. Lou's not black at all.
Bobby Kelly
You're the blackest person in this room. You dress the black.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's one of the godmothers, the originators of hip hop. You gotta show your love. Wow. It's E. And have a nice day. Damn. Damn. Oh, you could probably do. You know what? There's an easy way to do it. Isn't this on the app? This will be on the app. Isn't this what the app is for? Right here, this moment? This is so great. If I make this work right now. Bobby. And understand as someone, I think technology is terrifying. So if I'm able to pull up roxanne Shantae's intro. SiriusXM app right now.
Bobby Kelly
Right.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm amazing.
Bobby Kelly
You're amazing. But that makes the app amazing also.
Big Jay Oakerson
The app will be good also. Yes. Agreed.
Bobby Kelly
So two amazings.
Big Jay Oakerson
Agreed. Now it's not loading up. Necessarily. Says that I'm offline.
Bobby Kelly
We don't have Internet in this studio.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it says I'm offline. That's kind of weird.
Bobby Kelly
I've been trying to get Internet in this studio for two years and all I get is. It's hard to get. I go to Starbucks and get fucking blazing speed Internet.
Big Jay Oakerson
Nice day. Let's do a search for that.
Bobby Kelly
I can't get it. A multi billion dollar company. You can't get Internet.
Big Jay Oakerson
Mm.
Bobby Kelly
Everybody's on their phones right now.
Big Jay Oakerson
It says I'm offline. While I was trying to do the thing.
Bobby Kelly
Well.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, you have the app. You have your things working. Have a nice day. The show's called does it both.
Bobby Kelly
Does it bother you while they're looking for that? Does it bother you when you come in and Jacob's playing the practicing drum? Paradiddles.
Big Jay Oakerson
It is done. So we will say something about it.
Bobby Kelly
I know. And I've never said anything about it because I walk in and he's. He's.
Big Jay Oakerson
He.
Bobby Kelly
The. His determination on his commitment, whatever it is that he's. He carries a drumming pad and his drumsticks in studio.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Nobody practices as much for nothing.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
You're practicing for practice. You're practicing. So we see you practice.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, dude, no.
Jacob
My kid is in another state. What can I do?
Big Jay Oakerson
You know, apartment.
Bobby Kelly
Do it when you're home.
Big Jay Oakerson
Drum at home.
Jacob
Oh, I do.
Bobby Kelly
You know, when you're alone all day long at night, do that.
Jacob
That's what I do.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. No, but when we walk in, you're doing it when you come here.
Big Jay Oakerson
You could just be present here instead of. You could do your paradiddles for the other 22 hours a day.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, dude, I, I, I don't know.
Jacob
Something's gonna.
Bobby Kelly
It bugs me when I walk in
Jacob
make you happy today?
Bobby Kelly
Well, it just bugs me because you, you like you. And we come in, you don't put it right away. You always do a couple paradiddles as I walk by.
Big Jay Oakerson
You go, you give them a couple tastes. You give them what you're working with
Jacob
most of the time. You're not.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, I know.
Jacob
You just don't walk in.
Big Jay Oakerson
Listen, I know as soon as you see us walk in, you banging a couple of 16th notes.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, you gave me a couple today as I walked by you.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, you go, hey, guys. Sorry, I was just whiplashing. What did you guys. Oh, you guys are early. I was whiplashing.
Jacob
I like to throw in a measure or two.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, a little bit. Little. Some little taste.
Bobby Kelly
What is that?
Big Jay Oakerson
Little taste for the good stuff.
Bobby Kelly
Maybe that'll save your life. When out on the train, they'll try to stab you on your drum pad.
Big Jay Oakerson
That'd be awesome, dude. Like Bernie Getz. And you kill a guy with your drumstick. Two drumsticks sticking out of assholes. Damn, dude.
Bobby Kelly
Are you gonna take those vigilante if somebody tries to mug you, you're gonna take your drumsticks out and do a little, little beat on the train chair.
Jacob
No, I have actual weapons on me.
Bobby Kelly
You do?
Jacob
Well, you know, I have to do
Bobby Kelly
your drumsticks shoot out of your arms like that.
Jacob
You have to carry a blade.
Big Jay Oakerson
You always got to carry a blade.
Bobby Kelly
Is your drumstick a drumstick? Slash knife.
Big Jay Oakerson
I did tell you guys they do make the things that come out of your sleeve with the knife on it. Yeah, I want it so bad.
Bobby Kelly
And what are you gonna do with it?
Big Jay Oakerson
Huh?
Bobby Kelly
What are you gonna do with it?
Big Jay Oakerson
What am I not gonna do with it? I'm gonna take back the night first.
Jacob
I think those only work in the movies. Like why the knife go right through your hand? And then you'll feel like such an asshole like that.
Big Jay Oakerson
The one I saw comes out and it spins Also, God bless you, Black Lou. Can you please look up retractable wrist knives, please?
Bobby Kelly
I guarantee in the. In the lesson on how to use them, it's going to say you can't wear mittens.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, maybe you have to wear a whole.
Jacob
Get up.
Big Jay Oakerson
Here we go. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
So what goes around your waist?
Big Jay Oakerson
Dude, more than enough. You got to keep a kip to an air compressor on your back.
Bobby Kelly
You could have. You could have a whole thing on.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dude, dude, it's fine.
Bobby Kelly
Just get an automatic knife.
Big Jay Oakerson
Everything's fine.
Jacob
I do want you to walk around like this.
Bobby Kelly
That's just shooting out.
Big Jay Oakerson
Throw. Oh, no. Yeah. This is delivering throwing knives. No, I don't want that. That is gonna go through my hand. That's crazy what that guy's doing. He's doing his fucking nuts. He's gonna shoot like webs. He's gonna shoot knives. That's crazy. That'll go right through your hand.
Bobby Kelly
He has to catch the shoots out.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's out of control. That's not what I was talking about.
Bobby Kelly
Automatic wrist knife. I like that. Yeah, that's what it's called. Automatic wrist knife. I mean, it does look cool, but it's going to be wild if you can't wear it in the winter. It's going to get stuck on your puffy.
Big Jay Oakerson
There you go. Now we're cooking. And type in one that spins. Yes, you.
Bobby Kelly
Why do you want it to spin?
Big Jay Oakerson
You should have seen. Was so cool. When it spins, it comes down and just starts spinning in your palm.
Bobby Kelly
You have to catch it, dude.
Big Jay Oakerson
Eventually you catch it. Oh, we need a vpn. Dude, These sites are illegal. Look at that. Son of a. Right there.
Bobby Kelly
We can bring up a woman on camera, but not a spinning wrist knife.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, well, you can't kill anybody with a woman. Oh, yeah? Look at this, Bobby. Come on.
Bobby Kelly
So this is a knife, but how does it attach to your wrist Straps? You're gonna wear strap.
Big Jay Oakerson
I mean, constant straps around my wrists and forearm.
Bobby Kelly
It's just a couple more minutes of putting things on in the morning.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, my God. Dude, this is gonna be great.
Jacob
You're going to slice your hand off.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, dude.
Big Jay Oakerson
Connected to your. Says you.
Bobby Kelly
Dude, dude, that's gonna go right into your mitten, bro.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, look, it's not coming out.
Bobby Kelly
It's coming out.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, no, because look, it's where you put the. It's. The hand has to go back to the string.
Jacob
No, there's a string.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's on a ring. The string is connected to a ring that it won't come out. Until you pull your hand back like that.
Jacob
Okay. And let me ask you something.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes.
Jacob
The blade comes out. The blade comes out.
Bobby Kelly
Do you.
Jacob
You have to keep your hand like this. No, because that. The blade is right where your hand's gonna be.
Big Jay Oakerson
You have to.
Bobby Kelly
You're not slicing somebody. He's stabbing somebody.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Jacob
You keep your hand, but like this.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, like that for sure.
Jacob
If you put your hand in.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, Jacob, look. Come on. Your hand could be like even here. Your hand could be like this. It could be here.
Jacob
Look at the size of that. If this guy.
Big Jay Oakerson
If you make a pun, if you make a. If you make a fist like that, do your punches have a knife on the end of it? This is a perfect weapon. Then don't get it, Jacob. I'm beat the of you in our knife fight.
Bobby Kelly
First of all, it's really cool.
Jacob
So stupid.
Big Jay Oakerson
You bring one of your stupid knives to this knife fight and see how fast I kill you.
Bobby Kelly
He's going to shoot his out and you can shoot yours out and push it into his heart and then squeeze his tit and shake it.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm going to choke you while I have a blade through your throat.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm going to just. I'm going to be shushing you with my finger while my blade is through your throat like that. You're going to be shushing your mouth. Go into the long good night. Accept the long good night.
Bobby Kelly
J. I like it. You know how great it would be to open up your Amazon boxes with that?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes. Everything. Yes, exactly. Oh, I should know where I got it. You're like wolverine, but from the wrist.
Bobby Kelly
And go to your house for dinner and be like, do you want your roast beef thinly sliced or do you want a thick slice?
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm saying it can't function underwater. Guys, terrible news there.
Jacob
I think it's better as a wolverine style on the outside of your. Your. Your hand. Not. You don't want it palm side.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, I disagree.
Jacob
Wolverine claws. Because then your hand can agree to disagree.
Big Jay Oakerson
Agree to disagree.
Bobby Kelly
But they make a better one that actually spins that comes out. But not with the ring. With rope, it spins. All you have to do is cut your rope and you're not gonna be able to use that thing type of
Big Jay Oakerson
the one that spins by chance. Hidden blade spins.
Jacob
Aren't most of them also like momentum style? Like you whip your arm out and
Bobby Kelly
that they have one that shoots out with a spring like the.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes.
Bobby Kelly
The Mac was it. The mech was a little knives that you push the button. What are those called?
Big Jay Oakerson
Also One of them spins.
Bobby Kelly
Micro. Microtech. I have a microtech knife that you just push the button. I have it in New Hampshire, not New York, because they're illegal in New York. Wink, wink. And you push a button and it shoots up, but it also retracts. You push the button and it sucks it back in.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, mine does that. Yeah, that one I have a switchblade does that. It's too big.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, I have a little baby one.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, mine's like this big. The handle's so big. Yeah, it's cool, though. But it's also a very difficult mechanism. The retract, especially to push it up and have it come out, is not that bad. The retract is like. You really have to almost like grab it with two hands.
Bobby Kelly
Well, the person's dead, so you have the time.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, yeah. At that point they'll be very dead. There. Is that the spit? Is that the spin? Yes, yes, hello. Now we're cooking with gas.
Jacob
See, this one's okay because.
Big Jay Oakerson
Click it.
Jacob
The handle of the knife is where your palm would be.
Big Jay Oakerson
Look at the spin.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, that's nice.
Big Jay Oakerson
Come on, dude.
Bobby Kelly
And I like the wrist thing is a little better.
Big Jay Oakerson
You guys can have it. Do I? I'm having it.
Bobby Kelly
Why can't we get it?
Big Jay Oakerson
Because I called it. You have to get different things.
Bobby Kelly
Why can't we get the spin?
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know. When Dan was here, he got the Rambo knife and then I couldn't get it.
Bobby Kelly
Well, fucking.
Big Jay Oakerson
So I found this, my spinning knife. Oh, you guys are gonna be so jealous when I wear this every single day.
Bobby Kelly
But it goes back in, though. How great is that?
Big Jay Oakerson
It's gonna look really weird when I have a tank top on.
Jacob
Oh, how does it deploy?
Big Jay Oakerson
Huh?
Jacob
How does it deploy?
Big Jay Oakerson
Sheer will.
Bobby Kelly
You have to connect to your will.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, sheer will.
Bobby Kelly
Do you have to go?
Big Jay Oakerson
I guess you go. You go. Now's the time. And your body sends a signal.
Bobby Kelly
Do you have to go to the mountains of, like, Japan and be taught to focus your sheer will by a small Japanese man?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes.
Bobby Kelly
Okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes, you do.
Bobby Kelly
All right.
Big Jay Oakerson
If you're gonna laugh off the temple work, Bobby, you're not gonna know how to use this knife.
Bobby Kelly
I'm not. I'm not laughing off. I just. I don't want one now.
Big Jay Oakerson
Everyone's gotta do a 10,000 hours of temple work.
Bobby Kelly
I. I don't have time to do my temple work. I don't have time to do it.
Big Jay Oakerson
Why? Max can babysit himself now.
Bobby Kelly
You told me I can't get one anyway. So it's useless.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, look, it's durable. You can stab steel with it.
Bobby Kelly
It goes back in. Correct.
Big Jay Oakerson
And then it spins and it shoots back in. Look.
Bobby Kelly
But wait a minute.
Big Jay Oakerson
Look right there. That's the funnest thing ever to shoot it back in. It shoots back in after you twirl it. And show people you don't fuck around.
Bobby Kelly
So you could go to, like, a restaurant. The guy's like, I'm not letting you in. And you can just shoot it out.
Big Jay Oakerson
And you go, oh, really? You go, oh, I guess I'll do it. You put your arms out to your side like, oh, I guess I'll just accept that. And then two spinning blades come out and he gets the message. All of a sudden, oh, you know what? Actually, we just had a cancellation.
Bobby Kelly
Right, Exactly.
Big Jay Oakerson
Magically, there's a cancellation.
Bobby Kelly
He actually moves the stanchion right out of the way and lets you in.
Big Jay Oakerson
Because he's aware that you now have spitting knives on your wrists. You don't give a. Dude, you found those in the world.
Bobby Kelly
But they go back in. Oh, thank you.
Big Jay Oakerson
And they go back in. Yes, please. Nothing by the bathroom you'll say as you wish. This thing's resistant to fire. Jacob, I don't like stools. A knife that's just into fire and water. Can you believe it? Two elements really was.
Bobby Kelly
It was. It was just a lighter. It wasn't really fire.
Big Jay Oakerson
What are you talking about? I think it's fire resistant. And it spins.
Bobby Kelly
He just put a lighter on it for two seconds. I'm pretty sure it's not fire resistant.
Big Jay Oakerson
Where do I get this? My heely showed up. By the way, did your heelys get to your house yet?
Bobby Kelly
I didn't get any Heelys.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dude, why did she not get you Heelys?
Bobby Kelly
I don't know.
Big Jay Oakerson
Because I got the Heelys.
Bobby Kelly
She didn't get me heely.
Big Jay Oakerson
I gotta learn how to Healy, pronto.
Bobby Kelly
You're gonna heal you by yourself? No, I didn't get my Heelys.
Big Jay Oakerson
We have to get your healing. But they're ordered.
Bobby Kelly
I don't think so.
Big Jay Oakerson
She ordered them at the same time.
Bobby Kelly
Really? Yeah. Did she order them to my old house? Because if she ordered to some Asian lady right now on Heelys, it's possible.
Big Jay Oakerson
Listen, I don't want to insult Christine when she's not here. I like looking at her in the face when I make her feel small.
Bobby Kelly
Because you're a man, you're a gentleman,
Big Jay Oakerson
so it doesn't feel. When she's not here, you have honor. That's Right. So when it's here. I don't know. I don't know. She may have made that mistake. But she's human. She's only human woman.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, but if she sent them to the other old address, that's nuts.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's possible she'll make it right. If she did right.
Bobby Kelly
Okay, that's probably my fault.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay, you know what? Now I just heard her voice again. And you're right. Her. Dude, what did she do this time? She blew it, probably.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, did I? Oh, I did.
Big Jay Oakerson
How to Healy. That's a thing. Okay, watch that real quick, if you wouldn't mind.
Bobby Kelly
Well, you got to learn. You can't just heal. You thought you were just going to Healy?
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, I didn't know there was going to be a video where I could learn how to healy.
Bobby Kelly
Well, there's a video on anything. You can learn how to do anything. Pick anything. We can learn how to do it.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm an old man. I guess I trickled down that stuff, though, to fenoia. Fenoia is like an older man than me. I'm still my personality. He's not even age. But me blowing Mike away with the information.
Bobby Kelly
I thought you finished that sentence.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, I messed up.
Bobby Kelly
You guys just in the road, me blowing Mike.
Big Jay Oakerson
We weren't snowed in. No, I blew him away with the information. He was like, yeah, I just got to find a CVS at some point because I got to get toothpaste and something else and whatever. And I was like, buddy, you don't go anywhere. I go Uber Eats does, like, Walgreens and CVS and all that stuff. He was like, no.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
I was like, yeah. He's like. I mean, he's like, anything. I go, anything except a prescription. And you can get prescriptions delivered? Technically, yeah.
Bobby Kelly
You can get supermarket food delivered.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. But he was blown away by the concept. And then he just couldn't believe it. He was like, toothpaste came right to me.
Bobby Kelly
Really? He brought me toothpaste. The.
Big Jay Oakerson
I was like, I order toothpaste. Sometimes I get a candle from my smoky room.
Bobby Kelly
Maybe a can of tuna fish.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I've been scared my last several weeks. My daytime weed smoking has taken place primarily, almost outside.
Bobby Kelly
Really?
Big Jay Oakerson
And then my nighttime. I'll do it inside, dude.
Bobby Kelly
It sucks outside.
Big Jay Oakerson
They scared me. Nobody scared me that. I don't want to get booted out of hotels again.
Bobby Kelly
They you out?
Big Jay Oakerson
No, I still do it. I don't give a. But I just.
Bobby Kelly
You out of your daytime smoke a little bit.
Big Jay Oakerson
They may have bitched me out of that a little bit.
Bobby Kelly
Well, as soon as it gets nice out again, you'll fucking do it. Fucking kick me out. You just don't want to walk through slushy snow across a highway in the freezing cold.
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't want to do that again. I didn't like.
Bobby Kelly
That sucks.
Big Jay Oakerson
I didn't like that at all one bit.
Bobby Kelly
I hate. I hate this weather. I'm done. I'm done. I don't know if I can. Even walking across the street to get food today.
Jacob
I hate it.
Bobby Kelly
When we had to walk back, I was like, fuck this.
Big Jay Oakerson
Nothing good. The bottom of my shoes are always wet.
Jacob
Can I use the Miami studio? Let me know.
Bobby Kelly
Let's just go.
Jacob
It would kill me, but I'll do it for you.
Bobby Kelly
It would kill you.
Jacob
Really?
Bobby Kelly
Would it kill you? Would it kill you? Or would you jump up and joy and scream?
Big Jay Oakerson
I think that was. You see.
Jacob
Joy for the first time on my
Big Jay Oakerson
face for the very first time.
Bobby Kelly
Very first time.
Big Jay Oakerson
Joey Logano. Winning was pretty joyful.
Jacob
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's the only thing that brought you happiness in years.
Bobby Kelly
Don't forget that gymnast. What was that? Gymnast.
Jacob
Come on. Trinity.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, Trinity. There you go.
Big Jay Oakerson
Soccer.
Bobby Kelly
Girl soccer.
Jacob
Sunday, the U.S. men's team hockey. Winning the Olympics.
Bobby Kelly
That was great too.
Jacob
You would have seen joy. For maybe the third time in my
Bobby Kelly
life, I. I flipped out too. You can't help it. They brought the whole country together for a couple minutes.
Jacob
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Wasn't it great to be an American again?
Jacob
It was the best. Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
I was asleep on a plane, but I heard it was great.
Bobby Kelly
It was great. Fantastic. Good for them.
Jacob
Those guys should get medals.
Bobby Kelly
Should they get medals?
Big Jay Oakerson
90 for scoring two points in three hours.
Bobby Kelly
I mean.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jesse. For the rest of their life.
Bobby Kelly
Lou, it's more than that. They lost teeth.
Jacob
I mean, look, a hot 25 year old should. I'm pretty sure them when they're 90.
Bobby Kelly
I'm pretty sure they're getting that right now.
Jacob
Oh, they are?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, they're getting it right now.
Jacob
One of them.
Bobby Kelly
They get to the women's hockey team.
Jacob
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
They made a bet.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, my God. No one's got teeth. Everyone gives great blow jobs.
Jacob
Jack Hughes is dating a pop star. Something with a T. I can't remember the name.
Bobby Kelly
Taylor Swift.
Jacob
Taylor.
Bobby Kelly
Taylor Sheridan Thomason. No, Taylor Sheridan.
Jacob
Tate McCray. Jim told me. Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Who's that? He's a devil star. Tate McCray. She's hot. I don't know why. She's famous.
Bobby Kelly
She.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, I do know why. She sings songs. Not good. She's not A good singer, right? But she just like, she grinds her camel toe and everything. There it is there. She's giving you her talent right there, Bobby. Yes, right there.
Bobby Kelly
I'll tell you what, that is. A talent.
Jacob
She's better be taking care of your man.
Big Jay Oakerson
Every performance you see of her, Bobby, I've seen her on a couple things now, just like award shows and stuff. Her performances are just like, want to watch me wet and writhing around the girl. It's not really singing anything. She's just like, she was a dancer first and then they just like they made her like a pop star, you know which I want to see it.
Bobby Kelly
Can I see it?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Is it worth Dude, Tate McCray coming on stage.
Bobby Kelly
This show is sponsored by Better Help. Favorite person in my life, my grandmother Nana, as I called it, was always there for me and she worked so hard. She had 13 of us in a house at one point and took care of every single, single one of us. Women deserve to be celebrated. But we should also recognize that many women carry emotional weight at work, in relationships and families, and in the roles they play for others. Whatever you're navigating, career expectations, parenting, caregiving or More therapy with BetterHelp can help you check in with yourself, unpack what's feeling heavy and build healthier pathways forward. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform and handles the initial therapist matching for you. Just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to BetterHelp's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. You can also feel comfortable knowing Better Help. Therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US Your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com bonfire. That's better. H E L P.com bonfire guys, you
Big Jay Oakerson
know, running a business is complicated. There's dozens of software programs that you need and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo. That's what Odoo has. All the software business owners need. We're talking sales, CRM, manufacturing, websites, literally every kind of software and it's all on one platform. So it works together and it's quality software. So you're not sacrificing. It's simply a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. You'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mini mash of disconnected programs you're currently using. So the question is, why spend more on software programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting odoo.com that's o d o o.com odoo.com a
Bobby Kelly
thoughtfully built wardrobe comes down to pieces that mix well and last. That's where quince shines. Premium fabrics considered design and everyday essentials that feel effortless to wear and dependable even as the seasons change. Quince has the everyday essential you'll love with quality that lasts Lightweight cashmere sweaters, short sleeve Mongolian cashmere polos, linen bottoms and shorts. These are all the versatile pieces that makes a wardrobe actually work season to season. I love it. I just got an awesome jacket. It's casual but dressy. I can wear it to the clubs, on stage. I can wear it out to dinner with my wife if we go somewhere fanc. And you know what? It's wintertime, springtime, summertime. I love quints. I love the sweaters. The cashmere sweater I got is so soft right now. Go to quints.combonfire for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling. For clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com bonfire for free shipping and 365 day quints.com bonfire why do most people want to learn a new language? It's probably not about memorizing grammar tables or topping a leaderboard. It's because we want to speak it out loud in the real world with real people. Babbel gets you there fast. Learning a language with Babel is all about small steps and big wins and progress. You can actually track and feel. Their bite sized lessons fit easily into your daily routine and are also easy to remember. Just 10 minutes a day is enough to start seeing real results. I use it. I have it on my phone anytime I have a free moment. When I'm flying or I'm in an airport, I'm just hanging out waiting for something to go on. I'll throw on my babble and it has helped me so much just to say hello and hi and have conversations with people. I'm going back to Cuba with my Son, I'm going back to Costa Rica. It made it so much easier that I was using Babel every day so I could get things done and feel more comfortable speaking the language of Spanish. Here is a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babel subscription at babel.com forward/bonfire. Get up to 60% off at babel.com forward slash bonfire. Spell B, A, B, B, E, L.com forward slash bonfire. Rules and restrictions may apply.
Jacob
Well, she's dating an American hero now.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, that's fine.
Jacob
She should feel grateful.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think her face is also just left of nailing it. It. She's hot, though. Undeniably hot.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, she's kind of cute.
Big Jay Oakerson
She's cute, but she's a little goofy. She's got a little doof in her face.
Bobby Kelly
She's got a little doof.
Jacob
Might be beneath him now.
Bobby Kelly
This is her. What is this at?
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know. This is probably the beginning. Gets towards the end, one of the ends of any of these dances where it just evolves into grinding her snatch on the ground.
Bobby Kelly
There it is right here.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. I don't know if she puts the microphone to her face at all.
Bobby Kelly
Why is she covering her little stomach with that thing?
Jacob
Yeah, I'm worried about that. This deserves better.
Big Jay Oakerson
This outfit isn't what I was talking about, but normally she's a real ski skank type in live like an award show thing. Yeah, that might be it. This might be the one where she really smashes her box into the ground.
Jacob
Jacob, your average buck bunny is.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, this is 10. This is where she's a real pig slut.
Jacob
Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. You see what I'm saying?
Jacob
Oh, my.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, she does have one of those British camel toes.
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know if she's British. British? I don't think she's British. No, she's some dumb American bitch. What is she, Canadian? You think, Lou?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Isn't that what you call black people secretly? So they don't know you're talking about them?
Bobby Kelly
No, that's me, Jay.
Big Jay Oakerson
Oh, all right. Yeah.
Jacob
Canadian.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. Yeah. Bobby won't go see the next Friday movie with me because there's so many Canadians there. Doesn't make any sense when you say it out loud. Everyone knows you're what you're saying.
Bobby Kelly
Look at these guys. Jesus Christ.
Big Jay Oakerson
I know, but their dicks are not out, so I'm not interested. I only care if I can know how big their dicks are or not.
Bobby Kelly
It Sucks that all those guys are shredded. Except for that third guy that sucks. He's like, ah, me watch
Big Jay Oakerson
now. Black fuel for taking the care. There you go. Camel toe. Moose knuckle, big kick.
Jacob
Damn.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, she's a dancer. She got the dancing, not the singing part.
Jacob
Holy.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, she splits, gash a lot limber. Yeah, I know. It's wide enough, though, so her lips don't expand beyond the borders of the panties.
Bobby Kelly
You think she puts on a goalie outfit and he shoots his rope right at her face and she tries to catch it like a puck.
Jacob
America destroys everything Canadian.
Big Jay Oakerson
This is Canadian. She's Canadian. Yes, it's official. Oh, yeah. But her music sucks. Nuts. Yeah, but it's also not for me. This is for a little girl, but I don't know if the performance is for a little girl because it's mostly about like, hey, look at my. But who knows?
Bobby Kelly
Look at that one dude in the back with a little belly.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's so funny. One of my foot. One of my foot put downs with Isabella when she was younger. Was not listening to Keshe. I mean, I don't think she needs to hear this. Oh, yeah, this is. This just devolves into her. Getting sand in her. Yeah, see? All right, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. Relax, Jacob. Come on, just relax. But. All right, pop. Just pop, dude, pop.
Bobby Kelly
Let's go.
Big Jay Oakerson
Look at that moose knuckle, though. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa.
Bobby Kelly
That was pretty good.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, her pussy's really slurping up those stupid shorts. Jacob's gonna download the album. Classic Jacob.
Bobby Kelly
You think she has to wear those big. Those big little shorts so her pussy keeps sucking up little G strings.
Big Jay Oakerson
I do think that she has to do it because her pussy is sucking up the G strings. You can see that her pussy is definitely sucking things up. And the more she dances, I gotta be honest with you, the more it gets up there. I don't know how dancing works, but apparently it really makes your clothes get swallowed up into your snatch hole.
Bobby Kelly
If you have a big snatch.
Big Jay Oakerson
If you have a big, beaten out, beefy Canadian snatch. She's probably been riding bison since she was 13. She is Canadian. Tapping trees and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet she's a big pussy.
Bobby Kelly
This music stinks. I don't even know what she's singing about.
Big Jay Oakerson
Can tell you this. I bet she has a big pussy. And I'm gonna say this. I bet her pussy always smells like a little bit of ass. Go on. You have questions for me?
Bobby Kelly
Well, I. Do. You think that the.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think she's not a Strong wiper.
Bobby Kelly
You think the ass juice from her dancing and then not a strong wiper drips into her vagina and mixes the vagina juice and makes a funky vagina ass juice?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. I can't even add to that because. Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Bobby. I believe that she is not a strong wiper. She feels herself a little bit, so she thinks it's done. She thinks she has clean breaks, right. She probably even says things like, guys, I barely have to wipe. But she does have to wipe. She thinks she doesn't because no one tells her her ass stinks because she's doing flipsy flops and.
Bobby Kelly
But her ass smells. She has a little bit of poop, a little bit of KitKat stuck in there.
Big Jay Oakerson
Sour. You just get a little bit of sour. It smells almost like. Not workout armpit, but it's the. Just the lower part of the. Do you mind if I draw, Chip?
Jacob
Please.
Bobby Kelly
We all love when you draw. I. I actually had a fan was wondering, is there any way we can purchase your drawings?
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know. I could be commissioned, I guess. Okay, so here we go. I'm doing a little clit hood here.
Bobby Kelly
She hasn't actually. Is it getting to her? That's up the top. Is it dripping down the sides and going around it like a little puddle?
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know. And then they got a little. This little tonsil thing in the back.
Bobby Kelly
What's the tonsil thing?
Big Jay Oakerson
I don't know. You like looking to really look down a barrel. He's like a tonsil in there.
Jacob
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
It does look like some type of Mariana Trench fish mouth.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And this is like a mouse.
Bobby Kelly
A mouse and a mouse.
Big Jay Oakerson
And I'm telling you, Bobby.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, right.
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm gonna really highlight the area right here. Drawing the arrow. Smells like ass.
Bobby Kelly
Okay, now I'm looking at. I'm looking at. It looks like she's sitting down.
Big Jay Oakerson
It would be sitting down for sure, first of all. Okay. You know, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. There's a. Some bush up here a little bit.
Bobby Kelly
I know. I see it.
Big Jay Oakerson
But this is. This is legs going out here. Everybody can smell my dirty. And maybe this leg's going back up there. So you can see. Now you see a little more, right? Yeah. Let me see.
Jacob
Even when she's not here, she's here.
Bobby Kelly
Okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
You see the part that I would say smells like ass right?
Bobby Kelly
Now can I ask a question?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Because it's coming from the she. She's not a Strong wiper. A little poop's coming out. And now it's going up into her vagina. How is it. How is it getting up in there?
Big Jay Oakerson
It's not. Well, she's sitting down now. During the day, she's walking around, so. Bobby, the. Do you mind if I draw?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, please.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay. Is it okay? Okay. Okay. What's happening here? Now I gotta draw the situation from. From the top. Okay.
Bobby Kelly
You drew the. Dude. Okay, can I just say something? I've seen so many. The inside of vaginas and I've never. I've never realized there is a. It's a tonsil.
Big Jay Oakerson
There's a little tonsil, right?
Bobby Kelly
That's so funny. Do you guys see the tonsil right here? A little tonsil. Jacob, I know it's been a while, but right here, See the little tonsil right in there? The little tonsil? It's a little tonsil. When she sings, do you think that vibrates like her. Opens like a throat.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay, Bobby.
Bobby Kelly
Like a punching bag.
Big Jay Oakerson
Now you'll see here. This is a behind view.
Bobby Kelly
Okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
I need something put behind it so I could. So you can see the dark here. Okay.
Bobby Kelly
Okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
Now you see the. The fluid from. From not great. Wiping is dripping. While she's standing, dancing, doing. Whatever she's doing. Would be coming down from the.
Bobby Kelly
From the.
Big Jay Oakerson
Making a little. And I'm going to show you the little mark right here again.
Bobby Kelly
Like a sweat river.
Big Jay Oakerson
This into her vagina right here.
Bobby Kelly
Into the very bottom of vagina.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes. Smells like ass. This is Tate McCray. I should make sure I don't. People think I'm talking about them.
Jacob
The eye that you two have, the ability you have. Both of you have to draw so well.
Big Jay Oakerson
You see now.
Bobby Kelly
Oh. First of all, I love that you've. Your attention to detail is nuts. Because you drew a vagina sitting down and then you drew a vagina standing up, which is a different.
Big Jay Oakerson
We weren't understanding exactly what I was saying. Where is the ass smell coming from? When I pointed to something that would be going up. I agree that can be confusing. I'm just letting you know.
Bobby Kelly
But what you did was. Was, is you drew different angles of a vagina and the different views that it has.
Big Jay Oakerson
This.
Bobby Kelly
The first one is sitting down, legs spread apart, vagina open a little bit. But then you drew standing up, just a still vagina from back. From the behind, which just looks like a hamburger. A little bit.
Big Jay Oakerson
A little bit like a burger. A little Homer Simpson mouth and her asshole.
Bobby Kelly
So it. So what you're saying is it drips down from here while she's standing right into the back seam.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, it's not going. It's not going inside. She's not getting an infection. It's just like the taint is coming down. Yeah, it's just riding. It's riding right to the edge of.
Bobby Kelly
And what is this? When it mixes with the vagina juice and the ass juice, what does that smell again?
Big Jay Oakerson
What does that smell like, the vagina and the ashes? Oh, I mean, like, it smells like. It's like. Like spicy. Like it snaps you in the face with it a little bit, you know? I mean, like a musky. Maybe not musky when someone's armpit smells like it hits you, you know, I mean, like that spice, it's, like, got a spiciness to it almost.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, like a.
Jacob
Like a.
Bobby Kelly
Like a. Some type of sour. Some, like, Indian food or something.
Big Jay Oakerson
Curdled.
Bobby Kelly
Curdled.
Big Jay Oakerson
Some curdled dairy of some sort.
Jacob
Alcoholic puss.
Bobby Kelly
Right. What?
Jacob
Beautiful redhead girl. I used to know a woman. She's beautiful back in the acting days. And, well, you have to say.
Bobby Kelly
You have to say beautiful for a redhead. No, she was very pretty for a redhead.
Jacob
I like redheads.
Bobby Kelly
Okay, but for a redhead, for the rest of the world, beautiful for a redhead.
Big Jay Oakerson
You're also not allowed to judge anybody. Now, why, if you love redheads?
Jacob
But she would. She did not use regular deodorant. She used the crystals, and I couldn't. It hit me, like, five feet away. Yeah, crystals. You have to wet this crystal and wipe it on, and it doesn't work
Big Jay Oakerson
at all if you don't want to smell America, you have to open yourself up to cancers.
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Jacob
I don't know what this crystal was, but it came out.
Big Jay Oakerson
Cancer is just gonna take you down.
Bobby Kelly
I can tell you what it is. It's called mental illness is what it is. You were in love with me.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think it's called dumb bitch.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Crystals do nothing.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes, well, that's called the mindless ramblings of a dumb ginger.
Jacob
But she would actually say. She goes, oh, oh, I forgot to put the crystal off.
Bobby Kelly
Speaking of crystals, can I say something to you without you. You attacking me or judging me?
Big Jay Oakerson
Of course.
Bobby Kelly
I think in a past life. I'm opening up to you now, dude.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay.
Bobby Kelly
I think in a past life, I might be. I might have been induced Indian. American Indian. Native American Indian.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay.
Bobby Kelly
I've been.
Big Jay Oakerson
And this is mostly based off the fact that you just started watching a show with Indians in it.
Bobby Kelly
That's a coincidence.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay.
Bobby Kelly
I'M gonna take a book. No, that's a coincidence. I'm gonna tell you. I had a couple things happen to me this weekend that I didn't, didn't know if I was going to tell you, but I think I need to tell you.
Big Jay Oakerson
Do you see a dead animal and it's soul jumped into you?
Bobby Kelly
No.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay. Did you kill something with a bow?
Bobby Kelly
I've been having visions.
Big Jay Oakerson
Really?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Big Jay Oakerson
Of what?
Bobby Kelly
I was sleeping two nights in a row.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's called a dream.
Bobby Kelly
Nope. See this? I, you gotta. Not, not. You gotta hear me and go with me a little bit, Jay. Okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
Vision. Not a dream. Vision. While you were sleeping. You had a vision while he was. You saw something while you were sleeping.
Bobby Kelly
Now you're going.
Big Jay Oakerson
Listen, I won't call it a dream.
Bobby Kelly
This is what you, this is what you're doing. You're going down the route. Wait, let. You're going down the J route. Let me, let me, I'm gonna, I was. Okay, I'm gonna tell you this. I was sleeping on the couch and I was awakened by the car being started. I heard my car being started and I heard the engine on. And then the next night, I was awakened by a flashlight in the backyard up in New Hampshire. Now, when you see a light up in New Hampshire, it's not a good thing, like, because there's nobody up there.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. That's definitely your killer, right?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. If you see lights coming down the driveway at night in Hampshire.
Big Jay Oakerson
No. The militia's found you and they're gonna do what they have to do. Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
You're about to be murdered. When you say you. And I woke up to having lights like behind the house there, like, almost like. And I woke up and 100%, I, I, it happened. Now when I got up, I. So much so that I got out of bed and went downstairs and I checked the doors and I checked it, you know, everything. And I wound up going over to the safe. Jacob, what's good? Why are you laughing? Are you laughing?
Jacob
No, I, I appreciate the music. DJ list. Okay.
Big Jay Oakerson
He's laughing.
Jacob
I'm not.
Bobby Kelly
And I got down, I went and got my gun, my.380 out, and I was actually like, opened the door. I was like, oh my God, somebody's here. And the next day, with my car starting, I, I, it woke me up from. It really happened. Now when I got up and checked, the car was not on. It wasn't, it didn't, it wasn't running. And when I got up and checked around, there was nobody in the back but I had a vision that it really happened.
Jacob
Has this. What does native American got to do with it? Was there because. On the seat of the car.
Bobby Kelly
Because. No, because it's a vision,
Jacob
but it wasn't.
Bobby Kelly
Well, Native Americans. Native Americans have visions. Thank you, Jay. First of all, Jay, you're intense, staring at me and listening to me right now. I can't tell you how much I appreciate, because I was. I didn't want to tell you this. I was. I was afraid to tell you this. You know what I mean? I could tell Jay. I could tell Jacob and. And Lou, and they'd be like, oh. And they'd blow it off, and as soon as I left, be like, what the wrong with him? You're right now listening to me.
Jacob
I want to understand. But I'm.
Bobby Kelly
I'm trying to make you understand is that regular white people don't have visions. What's wrong?
Big Jay Oakerson
Sorry. I was almost biting my finger off trying to laugh at what you were saying. I'm sorry. I'll get back. I'll get back to it.
Bobby Kelly
I mean, I'm. I'm just saying. I'm just trying to say. I'm just opening up here, and look at. This is vulnerable for me, man. I don't want to say this out loud. You think I should just bury this and just. I should just not talk about this? I should just pretend it never happened, and I don't want to do that. I want to. I want to.
Jacob
You should tell somebody.
Bobby Kelly
I want to tell you guys this. I want to tell you this, Jay. I'm pretty sure that I'm having visions, like, you know, seeing something, like some. Some. Some other.
Jacob
But there's no. What is connecting you to your ancestors because.
Big Jay Oakerson
Because
Bobby Kelly
regular white people don't have visions. It's a vision. That's a native American thing. Visions.
Jacob
I'm calling dreams.
Bobby Kelly
No, it's not. I'm telling you it's not a dream. I have dreams. This happened, like. And I. I. I heard it. Like, I was awake. It woke me up.
Jacob
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
And I saw it. I saw the lights. I was there, but I wasn't. You know what I mean? And then I. I woke up, and I heard my car start, and I was awake when I heard that, and I heard the engine, and then I went over, and it was not on. But it was a vision. It was something. I don't know what it means. I. I don't know, because I'm not in touch with that part of me. Maybe I need to get in touch with that part. Maybe I need to see somebody, a shaman or go to, you know, the Navajo nation and sit down in a hut and sweat it out. I don't know.
Jacob
I would want to be there for you to do that.
Bobby Kelly
I'm just saying that this. I'm having Native American visions. What's wrong?
Big Jay Oakerson
I'm hitting bone.
Bobby Kelly
Jesus Christ, Jay. You know what? Forget it. Forget. I'm not. I don't want to. I don't want. I'm a. You know. Forget it. Forget it. No, no, no, no. It's okay. No, no, it's okay. It's okay. No, I shouldn't. Oh, I should have kept it to myself. I should have kept it to myself. I apologize. I apologize.
Big Jay Oakerson
Us.
Bobby Kelly
Because I opened up this thing that you guys don't understand. And I don't blame you. I don't blame you.
Big Jay Oakerson
Jay understand it either.
Bobby Kelly
I do understand that it was you. Is a vision.
Jacob
Christopher Walken had visions.
Bobby Kelly
What do you mean? In the dead zone, he had visions.
Big Jay Oakerson
If you touch me, can you see how I'm gonna die?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Big Jay Oakerson
I knew it. Aids.
Bobby Kelly
No. Stromboli. Ah, stromboli.
Big Jay Oakerson
Major stromboli accident.
Bobby Kelly
It's a stromboli accident, dude. Christ. Not the stromboli.
Big Jay Oakerson
Is this. Is there so much salt in it that I imploded? Yeah, it sucked so much fluid out of me, my body turned inside out.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. You just woke up me. Christine tell you your ankles are blown out?
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, God.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, can I tell you something? I've definitely had visions that I've died from Stromboli.
Bobby Kelly
Me, too.
Big Jay Oakerson
In fact, most people who meet me say you're probably going to die from stromboli or something like that. And then you go, stromboli. They go, whatever. Calzone, pizza, Taco Bell, whatever it is, he's dying from it.
Bobby Kelly
Stromboli.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah. I take my prep now. Now I take prep. It's got much called Manjaro. That's my prep. So I don'. Get fat. Aids. It's all an analogy.
Bobby Kelly
I that really good analogy. That really did happen, though. I did have. I woke up. I swear to God, I woke up two nights in a row.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dream.
Bobby Kelly
I woke, but it. What it was, you know. You know you're dreaming, right? But then you wake up and you're up.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's the same. It's. But it's the one, Bobby, that, like, I've had this a lot. I don't even know I'm falling asleep you're watching tv, you're falling asleep. And then you start having a dream when you're barely asleep. And have you not had this at all? You're falling to me. It's. I'm always, like, falling off the thing. It's like my legs, like, kind of on the edge of the couch. And I feel a thing. I mean, I brace like. Like I was getting pushed out of an airplane or something. How much I brace and it's like, all right, that's a dream.
Bobby Kelly
Well, this was. I'm sleeping and I. I woke up, I was up because I heard the car start and then I heard the engine on. It fucked me up so bad. I got out of bed in the middle of the night, went downstairs, went outside to see if the car was on.
Big Jay Oakerson
You had a waking dream.
Bobby Kelly
And then the next night I had another one. That was the second night. The first night was the dream where I was up. I felt like some. Somebody was outside. I woke up and saw flashlights in the back. And I was like, somebody's here. And I flipped out.
Jacob
I'm not doubting your vision. I'm doubting. I don't understand this connection you feel like to the Native American community.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's because he's watching the show.
Bobby Kelly
No, that's not because I'm watching the show. And how could you? You're a white man.
Big Jay Oakerson
That is true. Colonizer.
Jacob
Yeah. You're a Boston white guy. That's worse.
Big Jay Oakerson
In this life, it's America, though.
Bobby Kelly
In this life, I was.
Big Jay Oakerson
You be.
Jacob
You came back a colonizer.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah.
Jacob
Like the worst colonizer ever.
Big Jay Oakerson
You came back.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, maybe I look at the last.
Big Jay Oakerson
Before that, he was Dances with Dick.
Bobby Kelly
Ah, that's gonna show up on the Internet. That's gonna be Chachi. BT some fat fingered just jumped on his phone right now.
Big Jay Oakerson
Bob Kelly dances with dicks in a past life, though. Dances.
Bobby Kelly
I, I know. I would. We know that. I was in the. I was. I was in the Old West. I had a psychic tell me that I've always connected with the 1800s. And before I was in, you know, I, I.
Big Jay Oakerson
You like pissing in a pot next to your bed?
Bobby Kelly
No, I, I just love the. That time of America, the 1800s is a fi. I just love that. I would love.
Big Jay Oakerson
We never see Dawn. She's dressed as a chambermaid when you go home.
Jacob
I would love the AI of you being the crying Indian when you see the garbage.
Bobby Kelly
First of all, first of all, not Indian. He was Italian. Piece of. Was a Sicilian. It was just a crying gimmick.
Big Jay Oakerson
Was that Indian? Not an Indian guy. Is that true?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, he's just Italian.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's not an Indian guy.
Bobby Kelly
No, they never used Indians in anything. We use Jewish people and Italian people.
Big Jay Oakerson
Well, we killed most of them. Now we have to play them.
Bobby Kelly
Well, now they use in. They use Indians now, but some of them are Mexican.
Jacob
Well, I've told you, I've said this before when I watched old episodes of Airwolf and they were fighting. I like Islamic. Islamic terrorists. But they were all. You watch the credits and there's all. Their last names are. Martinez.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, they're all Spanish.
Jacob
They're all Spanish.
Bobby Kelly
Well, if you. If you watch the old Westerns and the Indian chief comes up. It's just a guy with a Jewish accent. Why do you come here for you attack my. My event.
Big Jay Oakerson
That is so great. I forgot. Fisher Stevens played the super Indian guy in Short Circuit.
Bobby Kelly
Fisher Stevens. I'm so. I'm sitting here, hot. I've been hot, hot since I got in here. And I look over at Jacob and he doesn't have his blankets. And on. And I realize Christine's not here to protect us from Jacob's heat button.
Jacob
My blanket on.
Big Jay Oakerson
It's up there.
Bobby Kelly
It's hot.
Big Jay Oakerson
I know we have to go to
Bobby Kelly
commercial break, but before we do, put that thing down.
Big Jay Oakerson
Can I give.
Bobby Kelly
Freezing cold.
Big Jay Oakerson
Can I get Bobby something? Yeah, that he has here.
Bobby Kelly
What?
Big Jay Oakerson
Who got this for him?
Jacob
Liam. Liam.
Big Jay Oakerson
Liam. Very sweet. Because you refused to come see.
Bobby Kelly
I didn't refuse.
Big Jay Oakerson
You refused.
Bobby Kelly
I did not.
Big Jay Oakerson
You chose family, Bobby.
Bobby Kelly
I chose. I mean, the opposite of what you. That's exactly what I should do.
Jacob
Liam, on his own, ran across the street to get this.
Big Jay Oakerson
You chose the past instead of the future, but yet this was. This was picked up for you. And. Go on. On. What do you see there? What do you see there? You want me to read it for you? No, It's a lot of words.
Bobby Kelly
It's in her. Her and her. It's in her. Her. It's in her handwriting. This is her from her handwriting.
Big Jay Oakerson
It is, yeah.
Bobby Kelly
It says, robert Dream big.
Big Jay Oakerson
What's it on?
Bobby Kelly
It's on a Kelly Clarkson show mug.
Big Jay Oakerson
They're now defunct.
Bobby Kelly
And it says her name, Kelly Clarkson, signed.
Big Jay Oakerson
What's it say again?
Bobby Kelly
Robert Dream big.
Big Jay Oakerson
You should get that tattooed on you, like the.
Bobby Kelly
With the mug part.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, no.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, just. Sorry.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, just. Right, just listen.
Bobby Kelly
Robert, dream big.
Big Jay Oakerson
What she said to you. Not even.
Bobby Kelly
Robert, just dream big.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dream big. And make it very prominent on your body.
Bobby Kelly
Body, like on my forearm.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think you should get on your forearm and going down, make it like.
Bobby Kelly
Because this is to me, maybe just
Big Jay Oakerson
DB like the acronym.
Bobby Kelly
Because this is what she said to me.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's what she said to you. This was for you. But it says Robert on there.
Bobby Kelly
But what if it's a scenario like a Jotarosa where he thought George Collin wrote.
Big Jay Oakerson
No. Do you think that could be the case?
Bobby Kelly
And then he feel like.
Big Jay Oakerson
I wasn't even thinking that could possibly be the case.
Bobby Kelly
You know, that he says that to everybody. That's what he said.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay. No, I don't think this is a that situation. I think that was directly to you. And I think you should not ask money more questions before you get that forearm tattoo.
Bobby Kelly
Okay, but let me ask a question, though. But what if she wrote this on everybody's thing?
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay. Then I can answer you with one question.
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Big Jay Oakerson
A picture of the Death Star covers everything.
Bobby Kelly
Okay. I don't know if I want to get that. I don't. I'm not a big Star Wars. Yes.
Big Jay Oakerson
Okay, but, Joe, is.
Bobby Kelly
Is this weird that I had visions of a car starting and people coming with the. I had visions this weekend and connection. And now I have this. I was dreaming big Jay. I was doing which. When did she sign? This Friday.
Big Jay Oakerson
Big Bob, you had. You dreamed of a home invasion.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, big dreams.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's not what she means. She doesn't mean have big crazy dreams of terrifying your family with running around, answering your paranoid delusions. Dawn, wake up. Max, wake up. There's people outside with flashlights.
Jacob
Car starting. Start.
Bobby Kelly
Go, go, go. The flashlight is Kelly looking for me. Her love. Looking for my love.
Big Jay Oakerson
All I know is.
Bobby Kelly
And the car starting. Get the out of here. Dude, this isn't your life.
Big Jay Oakerson
I have a feeling.
Bobby Kelly
Find me.
Big Jay Oakerson
I have a feeling. She's very familiar with your work. Yes, and that's why she wants you to dream big.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, God.
Big Jay Oakerson
She wants you to dream big.
Bobby Kelly
Thank you so much, man. I appreciate it.
Big Jay Oakerson
I know.
Bobby Kelly
I'm not thanking you. I'm thanking Liam. Okay, Liam, I really appreciate this. This means the world to me. And I'm gonna drink my coffee out of this every day because I'm manifesting this woman into my life.
Big Jay Oakerson
How did she know those were the words Bobby needed to hear? Dream big.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, thank you, Kelly.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dream big, daddy.
Bobby Kelly
Thank you. Oh, if she wrote daddy, I'd lose it right now.
Jacob
You can't drink.
Big Jay Oakerson
No, you don't. Don't drink out of that.
Bobby Kelly
I'm drinking out of this.
Jacob
So then you're gonna have to wash it and Then it's gonna fade.
Bobby Kelly
Why do I have to wash it?
Big Jay Oakerson
Because you're gonna have your lips all over it.
Jacob
Filthy handprints of are all over.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yes, we do get a tattoo of the mug with the writing on your forearm.
Bobby Kelly
Such a perfect. With the mug.
Big Jay Oakerson
With the mug. Mug.
Bobby Kelly
Maybe I should get this near my heart.
Big Jay Oakerson
I think you should. Your heart. The important thing, though, is you get that personalized message to you. Dream big. She could have wrote anything, but I'm.
Bobby Kelly
We got to make sure she's. This is what she writes, Bobby.
Big Jay Oakerson
There's no way that she just thoughtlessly writes dream big is something to say and just cast off everybody who bothers her for an autograph. There's not a chance that's the case that she wasn't turned completely away with her lower body reaching back like this. We got to reaching back like this to sign something almost breaking her back because she didn't want to engage any more than she had to. Just enough shoulder. And look at this twist. Bobby Jacob. Look at his twist. Turning backwards to go. What's his name?
Bobby Kelly
No, don't fucking ruin. She didn't say that.
Big Jay Oakerson
That's not what happened at all.
Bobby Kelly
She called me Robert.
Big Jay Oakerson
Yeah, I know. She gave you the one she slept with, too. She slept with that.
Bobby Kelly
She called me Robert because that's how Liam knows me. Not as Bobby. What's his name? Robert, I think.
Big Jay Oakerson
Robert patrick Kelly.
Bobby Kelly
All right, we're gonna take a break.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dream big. Big.
Bobby Kelly
Big j is going to be in San Antonio this February. This Friday, this Friday and Saturday night. I was trying to get that before you said that. 27th to 28th. This Friday and Saturday, San Francisco. After that, Jacksonville, Madison for all tickets and tour dates. BigJ.Comedy.com YouTube.com Big Jokerson first live shows in a special. Go check it out. Get your tickets now.
Big Jay Oakerson
And Bobby Kelly is going to be at the comedy vault in batavia, Illinois, this weekend. Friday, Saturday. After that, comics roadhouse in connecticut, Mohegan sun, Cleveland, Ohio, Long island, New York, and so much more. For tickets and all those tour dates go to punch up live Robert Kelly. Check out his YouTube obert Kelly comedy.
Bobby Kelly
Your new home is now ready.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dr. Horton, America's builder has new homes
Bobby Kelly
that are ready today with new construction
Jacob
communities in Ellensburg and throughout the Greater Seattle area.
Big Jay Oakerson
Dr. Horton has the right home for
Bobby Kelly
you at Dr. Horton.
Big Jay Oakerson
We're still building with flexible living spaces, smart home technology and two and three car garages. More communities and more homes available every day. Find your new home in Ellensburg now. Ready@drhorton.com Dr. Horton America's builder and Equal Housing Opportunity Builder A cancer diagnosis can turn life upside down. If you or a loved one drank alcohol and was later diagnosed with cancer,
Bobby Kelly
you may have legal options and could
Big Jay Oakerson
be eligible for compensation.
Bobby Kelly
Get a free confidential claim review today. It only takes a few minutes. Visit cancerclaims.info Again cancerclaims.info Prefer to call? Dial 866-986-2429 again 866-986-2429 Attorney Advertising.
Episode: "Kelly's Gift to Bobby"
Date: March 6, 2026
Platform: SiriusXM Faction Talk, Channel 103
In this lively installment of "The Bonfire," Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly dive into their signature brand of raucous, uncensored comedy, riffing on pop culture, hip-hop nostalgia, outlandish weapons, Heelys (yes, those roller shoes), and the oddities of everyday life. The episode's title pivots around a heartfelt (and hilarious) moment where Bobby receives a personalized mug from the Kelly Clarkson show, leading to a memorable conversation about manifesting dreams big and small.
Throughout the show, the duo is joined by regulars Jacob and Lou, whose banter further enriches the playful chaos.
As always, The Bonfire swings from absurd hypothetical debates to earnest moments, with the hosts fearlessly sharing personal stories, unfiltered opinions, and no small amount of inside jokes and sarcasm.
The episode is unfiltered, raucous, and absurd—heavy on sarcasm, inside jokes, and wild digressions. Both Jay and Bobby toggle masterfully between earnestness and irreverence, skewering themselves and each other with warmth. Even Bobby’s more genuine story of “visions” is met with affectionate mockery. The crew’s chemistry—especially their comfort roasting regulars like Jacob—is on full display.
This episode is a quintessential Bonfire experience: expect explicit language, edgy humor, and a whirlwind pace. It’s best enjoyed by those who appreciate the hosts’ ability to veer from pop culture and stand-up comedy to profane anatomical dissertations, then back to moments of real-life sentimentality without missing a beat.
If you love the mix of vulnerable honesty, NSFW improv, and relentless riffing, this is an essential listen.