LeMaire Lee & Marcus King

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Episode: LeMaire Lee & Marcus King
Release Date: January 23, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly engage in their trademark blend of humor, candid conversation, and guest interactions. The episode features appearances by comedians Lamare Lee and Marcus King, providing a mix of personal anecdotes, comedic insights, and engaging banter that fans of the show will find both entertaining and relatable.

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Opening Banter and Personal Anecdotes

The episode kicks off with Jay and Bobby discussing their morning routines and attire, particularly focusing on their outfits for welcoming the day's guest, Marcus King.

• Jay Oakerson [01:20]: "Buddy, I have a shirt that I would have worn my assimilation shirt."

This light-hearted exchange delves into themes of personal identity and the humorous struggles of preparing for podcast guests. The hosts joke about wearing country-themed shirts to match Marcus King's background, highlighting their camaraderie and the playful tension that often arises in their conversations.

Discussion on Weight and Fitness Struggles

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Jay and Bobby's personal battles with weight, fitness routines, and the societal perceptions associated with them.

• Bobby Kelly [05:36]: "You are too old. You're too responsible."

• Jay Oakerson [07:22]: "My dad always would take my car and make sure that it was always full. He was a piece of shit."

These moments offer a raw and humorous look into their lives, discussing uncomfortable topics like weight loss, gym experiences, and the impact of family dynamics on personal health. The candidness with which they approach these subjects provides listeners with both laughs and a sense of connection.

Underwear Woes and Fashion Fumbles

Continuing with the theme of personal struggles, Jay and Bobby delve into humorous anecdotes about underwear issues, highlighting the relatable yet often overlooked challenges faced by many.

• Jay Oakerson [22:35]: "But Bobby's got so many goddamn backend deals working. It's contract time. And I'm like, hey, Bobby, what do you do with the contract?"

• Bobby Kelly [21:08]: "Well, I'll tell you the other one that hurts too..."

These segments are filled with witty exchanges and exaggerated scenarios that amplify everyday discomforts into comedic gold, showcasing the hosts' ability to find humor in the mundane.

Guest Introduction: Lamare Lee and Marcus King

Approximately midway through the episode, hosts introduce their special guests, Lamare Lee and Marcus King, bringing fresh energy and diverse perspectives to the conversation.

• Bobby Kelly [37:23]: "You can follow him at lamare Lee on all socials and for tour dates, go to lamarelee.fun."

• Jay Oakerson [38:12]: "I want to bite his cheeks every time I see his face. He is the most adorable comedian on the market."

The introduction sets the stage for engaging interactions, as Lamare and Marcus join the hosts to share their experiences in the comedy scene, discuss upcoming performances, and participate in the show's signature humor-filled dialogues.

Comedic Stories and Shared Experiences

With the guests onboard, the conversation shifts to shared experiences in the comedy industry, personal stories from the road, and humorous mishaps that occur during tours.

• Jay Oakerson [45:33]: "When I was my prime... when I worked with the six retarded guys..."

• Bobby Kelly [46:22]: "He's too fat for a snakes. Get leather jacket."

These anecdotes not only provide laughter but also offer insights into the challenges and camaraderie that come with touring and performing. The guests contribute their unique stories, further enriching the discussion.

Discussions on Fashion and Self-Image

The episode continues with an exploration of fashion choices and their impact on self-image, particularly focusing on how weight fluctuations influence clothing preferences.

• Bobby Kelly [49:24]: "I lost a little weight. And I'm like, I should probably get some leather pants or at least start looking."

• Jay Oakerson [52:25]: "He goes, you look like a snake eating a snake. Pull up a picture of that."

Through humorous critiques and self-deprecating humor, the hosts and guests examine societal standards of attractiveness and the personal frustrations that come with trying to meet these ideals.

Closing Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode nears its end, the hosts and guests discuss upcoming performances, tour dates, and future collaborations, wrapping up with heartfelt and humorous farewells.

• Marcus King [41:40]: "Good to see you, man."

• Bobby Kelly [56:13]: "Someone's excited. They just solved sickle cell anemia."

These final segments reinforce the sense of community and mutual support among comedians, leaving listeners with anticipation for future episodes and events.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jay Oakerson [02:31]: "Buddy, you could have just sent out, hey, bro, we should wear our country stuff today. Marcus King's coming in."

• Bobby Kelly [07:14]: "I've heard of that shit. He was probably cheating on her mother."

• Jay Oakerson [17:22]: "It's 100."

• Bobby Kelly [35:04]: "It was like vomit on his sweater already, though."

• Lamare Lee [53:18]: "A little bit."

These quotes encapsulate the essence of the episode, highlighting the blend of humor, personal storytelling, and candid conversations that define The Bonfire.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly successfully combines humor with heartfelt discussions, offering listeners an entertaining glimpse into the lives of comedians. With engaging guests like Lamare Lee and Marcus King, the episode balances hilarious anecdotes with relatable struggles, making it a must-listen for fans of comedy and candid conversations.

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Additional Information

• Subscribe: Listen live every Monday through Thursday at 5 PM Eastern/2 PM Pacific on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk, Channel 103.
• Ad-Free Experience: Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to enjoy new episodes without ads and access them a week early.
• Follow Guests:
  • Lamare Lee: lamarelee.fun
  • Marcus King: marcus kingofficial.com

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to capture the key points, discussions, insights, and conclusions of the episode while omitting advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per user instructions.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Oakerson]

Amazing deals on activewear, for all the.

[Christine]

Ways you move are at Nordstrom Rack stores now.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Oh, I love these new Nikes. I always score at Rack.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stock up on new gear from the best brands in the game, starting at just $40.

[Christine]

Great brands, great prices.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's why you rack.

[Marcus King]

And now the bonfire with Big J.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Your mic's not on. Wow, that was disrespectful.

[Jay Oakerson]

You disrespect me in front of Paco.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right in front of Paco.

[Jay Oakerson]

You disrespect me in front of the Filipino boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

You disrespect me flat Filipino face.

[Jay Oakerson]

How did I disrespect you? Tardiness will not be accepted. Oh, really? There's Lou going to gear six right out of the gate. Hack.

[Bobby Kelly]

This guy's got no vices anymore to. He's gonna stretch your ass out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Buddy. I didn't know it was assimilation day.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

What do I mean? You dress like a cowboy. We have a cowboy coming in. A country singer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is this just like a cowboy?

[Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, I have a shirt. I would have wore my assimilation shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? I don't understand. You're saying assimilate. I know what the word means, but.

[Jay Oakerson]

You'Re assimilating because you have no.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, look, I got my gloves on.

[Jay Oakerson]

You got Marcus King shirt on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Marcus King is coming in today.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have a shirt that when he walks in. Yeah, I know. I guarantee he's gonna go, hey, man, I like that shirt, Jay. That's a great shirt. Maybe I have a new shirt, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? When you think of that? This is not new at all. This is my moon tower.

[Jay Oakerson]

Country Austin.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wear a jelly rolls, country rolls roast, country.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nashville. I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's kind of go with the vibe, what I'm feeling like on that day, for whatever reason.

[Jay Oakerson]

Buddy, you could have just sent out, hey, bro, we should wear our country stuff today. Marcus King's coming in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, on a funnier note. Ooh.

[Jay Oakerson]

On a funnier note. Are you saying that that's not funny? Because I don't think it's funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the situation is not funny because you feel like I hurt you.

[Jay Oakerson]

You didn't hurt me. You confused me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't confuse you.

[Jay Oakerson]

You confused me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you knew Marcus King was coming in today.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but I didn't know we were assimilating.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not assimilating anything. This is a shirt I have.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not a shirt you have. It's a shirt you wear when you assimilate.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do I have to assimilate when you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go to country places for country things with country people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is Jelly rolling a country thing?

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, a roast? No, he's a country hanging out with.

[Bobby Kelly]

Cole Hower and Kid Rock and stuff.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, country, country, country.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it sounds like Wigger. Wigger, Wigger. If you ask this guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Woo. Thank God you saved that. Thank God you. You came in with a button at.

[Bobby Kelly]

The end of that look.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's up, buddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it a nice shirt? Sure, I guess.

[Jay Oakerson]

Whatever, dude. I ha. I have a brand new shirt that I bought over the summer.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

That I've been waiting to wear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I tell you gentlemen that there was a time when if I sat down wearing this shirt, though, these buttons weren't staying closed.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

No way.

[Bobby Kelly]

100%.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm acting. Oh, I'm literally being sarcastic right now. What are you, Dutch? Is this possible? Is this even possible? Are you watching CNN before the show? What's going on, dude?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you get my special treat?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what that means.

[Jay Oakerson]

My thing that I asked you to get me.

[Bobby Kelly]

You asked me to get you something?

[Christine]

Christine, I forgot Baloo had him. He saved the day.

[Jay Oakerson]

Zins. We're talking about Zins here, buddy. I left a little late, got in the car, took the wrong exit, got into traffic. Call Christina. My. I'm gonna be probably on time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Take the wrong exit. I'm asking that because. Are you following GPS a lot?

[Jay Oakerson]

Sunlight was coming through. I look down, I'm on. I'm on like two miles on the gas tank. I gotta get gas. I'm 24 miles away. I'm not gonna make it. I got. So I say, hey, Siri, get me gas, which is another map. I use Google Map. So then I go over to Google Map. It says, two and a half miles away, gas station, blah, blah, blah. Sun's hitting my eyes. I think it's saying, take a right. I Just go right. I get on another parkway. There's the sawmill. Then there's the spraying. I go in. Sprain book takes me. I don't even know where I went. I wind up in Valhalla. Not even near the gas stations.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was going to Valhalla, the ancient place of death.

[Jay Oakerson]

I did. I went through a portal. And there I saw Thor, and he granted me gas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Valhalla, the Vikings heaven.

[Jay Oakerson]

I w up.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a real wrong exit for sure. And then Icarus pointed me back to the path.

[Jay Oakerson]

Icarus. Suck my Icarus. Buddy. I. I'm.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say something?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're too old. You're too responsible.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

To get down to leaving for work and being in a position where you're two miles left of gas.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'll tell you. Can I say something to you? Don't ever say that to me again. Cause I'm never late. I'm always on time. I got stabbed. I got fucking attacked by an. I'm. Say that word. I'm going to say a person. No, I'm going to say a person with issues.

[Bobby Kelly]

The color of Haitian people.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. He was the color of Dominican people.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Let's do it. Dude, I want to see you get Anthony Kumia fired. What does this person do to you?

[Jay Oakerson]

You talk to Mike Fenoya today? Just get him to say. Get him to say something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just reel him in, dude. You can get him, dude. The Boston will come out.

[Jay Oakerson]

You will get him, Dud.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Boston will flow through him eventually.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, you look over. It's the same thing, buddy. No gas. I actually, for the first time in my life, went to zero.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not. I'm not at all.

[Jay Oakerson]

I feel like you're attacking me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Attacking you for. You weren't late. You got your own time.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was right on time.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were right on time. But I'm saying. But you were here before the show started. That's all that matters. The things I had to do and listen, we cover each other. If that can't be the case. Sometimes that's not an issue either. I'm saying I can't believe you were in a position of on the way to work, leaving a little bit late. And you're. I feel like you'd be the. You know, I got two miles left. I'm filling up tonight, not deal with this tomorrow.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, dawn said a long time ago to me, I think years ago, which really affected me and kind of hurt my feelings. She goes, you know, my dad always would take my car and make sure that it Was always full. He would go in and check my car, and if it wasn't full, he'd take it down and make sure it was full.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've heard of that shit. He was probably cheating on her mother. That's like, real. That's make up for something.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that. You know, you might be right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I think her dad was cheating on her mother.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she was.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should tell that to her whenever she goes, you know, my father would always make sure there was gas in my car. Yeah, he was cheating on your mom. So he wanted to make sure. What he would do is he would say, oh, I'm gonna go fill up so and so's car.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Then he'd go fuck somebody and come back with a full tank of gas for the door. That was his penance. His. His guilt.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He'd get you. He needed a full tank of gas to go to the French Club to bang one of those old waitresses.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, exactly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

So whenever she starts stroking herself off about her dumb dad, you let her know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's a piece of shit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Piece of shit who was cheating on your mother and using you to make himself feel better.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I enjoy your petrol.

[Jay Oakerson]

She always fills the tanks. I. I try.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's cheating on you now. I hope so.

[Jay Oakerson]

How happy would I be?

[Bobby Kelly]

Great. Now she's seeing somebody else.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm like, listen, we're not leaving each other, but let me know. I'd be a pig on the road. No, I, I usually. I, I never. I will switch. Like, I'll take the truck. I'll check the truck. I didn't even look because I was so late. It was. It was. And then I spilled. I spilled protein shake on my hoodie. My brand new Kahlon's hoodie. You ever been to Kowloons?

[Bobby Kelly]

What is it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, it's the best Chinese restaurant on planet Earth. It's Polynesian. Chinese.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, it's the way I looked at Paco for that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like, he's Polynesian. He's just. You do have a Polynesian rock face.

[Bobby Kelly]

Paco, would you mind doing a hula dance while we talk this next part.

[Jay Oakerson]

Little hula dance for us. Stand up and do it. Can we just see your belly just a little bit? Yeah, make it go in and out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, Damn, dude, you are such a male slut.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pocket. Can you scrape in between your balls and your thighs and get some toy for us?

[Bobby Kelly]

These guys look just like Paco.

[Jay Oakerson]

Not one Hawaiian is in full shape in real life. Yeah, they're all. They're all Kind of in shape.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. These are all the guys are going off to usc.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, these are all the guys that are fighting pigs and getting coconuts.

[Bobby Kelly]

Isn't Hawaii just like a training ground for USC college football? The whole team's like Hakamakawea, and we go wakahui and banga. Waga wiki.

[Jay Oakerson]

Khalouds is the best. Dude, next time you're in Boston, the same.

[Bobby Kelly]

That wasn't Polynesian Chinese food. The what? The hooky Lao was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but not as good.

[Bobby Kelly]

This place is better.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the Kowloons is the best. Kowloons is the best Chinese food in Boston. One of the best places.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's in Saugus, Massachusetts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nick's comedy stock. Nick's Comedy Club was where me burb Dame. We all started in that club.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So was it Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday? They'd have a show there, and we'd all go to Kalons and do shows every night.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you said, have you ever been there? And when I said, no, like, how is that possible? It's in Saugus, Massachusetts. It's not even in Boston.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, that's what you do when you're actually telling something about somebody. You go, how?

[Bobby Kelly]

How?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's called dramatic effect. It's storytelling, Jay. I'm trying to get better at it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, did you ever go to Alpha's? Bobby, did you ever go to Alpha's Pizza House? My old neighborhood in West Philly. It's been shut down for about 35 years. No. No. How have you never run into Alpha's Pizza House on Haverford Avenue, buddy?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Bobby Kelly]

It was owned by the family of a kid who went to school with me. This is not ringing a bell for you.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's. Dude, it's fucking nuts. How did this happen?

[Bobby Kelly]

This is like a crazy place.

[Jay Oakerson]

Buddy. It is the best. We do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Next time you go to Boston, basic Americana, Chinese.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, well, it's Polynesian Chinese, which is different. You guys in New York sour, they have Chinese food.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't you guys in New York? This isn't my place.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why are we. Why are you so combative today?

[Bobby Kelly]

Am I combative today?

[Jay Oakerson]

I am. I.

[Bobby Kelly]

You snapped at me.

[Jay Oakerson]

I did not snap.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, don't ever say I'm late. I'm never late. I didn't even say you were late.

[Jay Oakerson]

You were about to say I was late.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wasn't say you were late. I was saying, how's this that you should. You take this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry. Hey, you know what? We all make mistakes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I caught up my mouth. I feel like you're gonna make Christine want to get Chinese food for dinner also.

[Christine]

Jay, you've been in New York longer than you were in Philly and Jersey.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Christine]

You've been in New York longer than you were in Philly and Jersey.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you, Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that?

[Jay Oakerson]

That means you're a New Yorker. You're not a Philly guy. You're a New Yorker, too. So when I say you guys, it's you guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay?

[Jay Oakerson]

You're a good guy, but you've been.

[Christine]

Yeah, you should say us guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

Nobody says us guys. That's gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Us guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

Us guys. Us boys have been here. Jay. Us boys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, can you buy some Calhoun merch, please, so when everybody asks me again, I can just lie and say I was there so they don't condemn me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look at. Look at the front, man. Look how great that is.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looks like a casino.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's so big and so awesome. And the comedy club, we should go there next time you're there. If you go in, like, a day early, maybe I'll come in and we'll just go see if we get up at Nick's and just go fuck around.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's still a comedy place.

[Jay Oakerson]

Still a comedy place.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jay Oakerson]

Upstairs in the colons. Little tiny. Little tiny stage. It's so fucking weird.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, Nick's comedy stop was, like, legendary place for Boston guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

Knicks downtown was the. The place next downtown was the Knicks. This is the offshoot Nicks that we made our bones at before we kind of got in downtown. You went here and you did, like, open mics were here. So we. We would. Wednesday nights, Sunday nights, we'd all be down here, and we'd come Friday nights. We try to get on and host and all that.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was Dan Cook?

[Jay Oakerson]

He was.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he a dreamboat then?

[Jay Oakerson]

He. No, he wasn't. He became a dreamboat, I think.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did he get styled or did he choose all those things? Because, like, he worked the times perfectly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he. There was a.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was the Maroon 5 of comedy. I mean, he just fought the time.

[Jay Oakerson]

When I first met him, he. It was like this little nerd that became this cool dude. Yeah, yeah. It was a. I think it was a plan when I first met him. Dude, he was. I wish I had this photo. I'll look for this photo. I have a photo of him with Farah Fawcett. Almost like, what was. The Hardy Boys. Remember their hair?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure. Feathered.

[Jay Oakerson]

He had feathered hair?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Parker Stevenson, he had feathered hair, and he did a photo shoot of him coming out of the water with his jeans undone with just the top of his bush. Fat coming out. Dude, I have this photo somewhere. God damn it. I want to release this photo. Yeah, he became a good looking dude. But if you look at his first thing, he was a nerdy dude with a tank top.

[Bobby Kelly]

The fall off has just been. It's got to be crushing, dude, because he was. And again, it's such a telling thing of how long I've been in. When I first got into comedy, that's what he said. He was like the dude. You know what I mean? And I said, I just remember I was opening form at Carolines and he was just like, there's a line of the hottest ass begging to him.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, bro, you don't even know.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then there he is there with his girlfriend. Yeah, I mean that picture is brutes.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's that?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's brutal.

[Jacob]

With Kelsey.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh God. Who's that? Who's she with?

[Bobby Kelly]

Dane.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's Dane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I got those. Wow.

[Christine]

Her other old boyfriend.

[Jay Oakerson]

Holy lord.

[Bobby Kelly]

It says the 45 year old funnyman. Is he live at his age if he's saying 45.

[Jacob]

Old photo. She's 19 in this photo.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

So 19.

[Christine]

Jacob, you know her exact age. I'm sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

How would you know?

[Jacob]

I think Kelsey's 26.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, so hang on. So hang on.

[Christine]

Six.

[Jacob]

No, no, that's what it's posted.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that's fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

So that's seven years later. So he's 52.

[Jay Oakerson]

52, yeah, 52. He was two years younger than me, but he did at some point he wouldn't. They don't lie about their age in Hollywood. They don't tell you their age. You know what I mean? It's like how old do you. I don't tell people too much.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's too many ways to find it now.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, but it's just the line's.

[Bobby Kelly]

A waste of time.

[Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck, man? You know? Although there is a photo of. I told. I don't know if I told this story to you. We went to Maui once and we were boogie boarding. Yeah, we were both fat, but he was fat. And there was. This is. This is right after his. A big tour. He was on fire and we went to Maui and we were boogie boarding and at one point his boogie board, we caught a wave together. His boogie board went on top of mine and we rode a wave in together and it was just us screaming like, yay. Oh my God, you were wet. And tmz, somebody was there and Took a photo, and there's a photo of him, but fat and. Buddy, this photo is terrible. What's up, baby?

[Lamare Lee]

I just want to say. I just want to get in quiet.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sit your ass down, Lamar.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sit your fucking ass down. What's up, buddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna show everybody. It's our good friend Lamare Lee that's.

[Jay Oakerson]

A chair of confidence. We like to take your confidence away when you sit walking a little. Little confident.

[Lamare Lee]

We like sweaty.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's up, buddy?

[Lamare Lee]

How are you guys?

[Bobby Kelly]

Your dreads are popping on fire, dude.

[Lamare Lee]

They're very bad right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

In from Austin, Texas, via ilf.

[Lamare Lee]

Dude, you got the Texas shirt on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, I'm prepared. What?

[Jay Oakerson]

I would have worn mine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I just woke up with a vibe today that, like, Marcus King's coming in.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, let me.

[Lamare Lee]

Oh, Marcus King's coming in? Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fuck, yeah, he's coming in. He's like. And Bobby's now worried that he's gonna think my shirt's really cool because I just put on whatever.

[Jay Oakerson]

You didn't put on whatever. You chose it?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I saw it in the closet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. This would be great to wear when country people were coming in.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't overthink that. Like, here's the thing. Maybe that was like, a tickle in the back of my head saying that, like, oh, you know what? You know, oh, there's. Marcus is coming in. He's country, and maybe I'll wear my country.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

But no, I think I just grabbed it. I was like, yeah, why don't I wear this today?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, why not? Look like I don't assimilate to what he likes.

[Bobby Kelly]

But what do you mean by assimilation? Are you implying that the shirt is not mine?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's yours, but it's not your thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. You wear the same thing every day, 365 days a year. Except when somebody country's coming in or you go into a country.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's true.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's 100.

[Lamare Lee]

What if he's always wearing that under the hoodie?

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't even know what I wear under those hoodies.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I do. It's a tank top.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's country western all the time.

[Jay Oakerson]

I. I was just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look, I didn't wear my championship belt buckle, my rodeo belt buckle. But that's for a multitude of reasons. One, it will start making my underbelly bleed. Fat people can't win rodeos, or it's a wrap. You're gonna get hurt.

[Jay Oakerson]

I told you I got that rock. It said rock and Diamonds. And I've got fat. And I had a. One night I was just. I was bleeding under my stomach because the R was just sticking into my gut.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Cutting my stomach open.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you ever get a full out? The word rock upside down in your belly. Now a belt. As I said, the belt. The belt pain on a fat guy. The sad part is you don't even feel it at one point. Later in the day, you'll feel a little bit of maybe almost like a burn, dude. Like a. Like a burn. Yeah, yeah.

[Lamare Lee]

What's the sweat getting there?

[Bobby Kelly]

And you go. You go. Oh, it goes. Maybe it's a little raw in there. And then it's. When you take the belt off and it all. It's like a. I say it's like a toothy blow job. You find out later when those scrapes raise when you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I used to get it when I flew. And you sit down and then when you get up, it's like bone pain right where the belt buckle was. It's like. It's such a. Inner hurting. Bone pain. And it. You have to kind of rub it to get it out.

[Lamare Lee]

Yeah, it's a fat branding.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's a burn. Fat branding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Burning feelings.

[Lamare Lee]

Belt buckle.

[Bobby Kelly]

It hurts. But you. You were on and off fat growing up, Bobby. You get thin and then fat. Did you have recurring problems? It's so weird, the problems I don't have now, but when I was definitely weighed less as a kid at times, but my fat issues were so fat. The underarm red rub was one of the most intense pains you'd feel in your. I went at that and it ended up. A coach ended up calling it one day crotch rot.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's the worst.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is just your inner thighs, I guess, being wet. And this is when underwear was all. When you were a kid, you were tighty whities until you figured out boxers which weren't helpful, and then boxer briefs that were made of cotton, which weren't helpful because they become baggy eventually anyway. And a little fat boy's thighs rubbing together. That pain. I remember forgetting being a little boy when I was like 18, I did a bus trip thing. It was like a radio bus trip to go down with my. Went with my girlfriend to go see Metallica Corn System of A down in Maryland. And the bus is parked like a mile away from the thing in the summer. And just that rub when it's so humiliated. My girlfriend, by the way, was like, cute and tiny. And the embarrassment I felt for her when she had, like, watching me like, stumble back to this bus at the end of the concert because my legs were just. And then later. And then later has to get in a bed with me and watch me, like, cream my inner thighs because they're just blotched.

[Jay Oakerson]

But before the cream.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fucking hard.

[Jay Oakerson]

Before the cream, you did baby powder, which made it look like your balls had a yeast infection.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

By the end of the night, it did.

[Bobby Kelly]

It looked like fucking crusty AIDS lesions.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it was fucking gross.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just powdering a red psoriasis scrape.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude.

[Lamare Lee]

There's like, I get like the bubbles. Like, I don't. You know, there's like. I get. I have oily skin, so it's kind of like blistery. Like when they rub, it just blisters. It's brutal.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's brutal.

[Jay Oakerson]

Fat. The. The. The. Your underwear elastic at the end of the night when you would take your underwear off and there would just be that red fucking line of.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know what I mean? Like, it's like you take it off and it's just a red line for like a couple hours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I'll tell you the other one that hurts too. In certain brands will do this with your underwear. You know how they say, like, you get bacon neck because your neck starts to sweat and then like, the shirt gets like, the bacon neck?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And they. Some shirts promise that won't happen to you. Bacon.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Bacon. They call it bacon because it looks.

[Jacob]

No, but the what shirt promises no bacon neck.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, there's Christine. Look that up. No bacon neck shirt for sure. It might even be like a Hanes.

[Jay Oakerson]

This is not your world.

[Bobby Kelly]

But Hanes commercials will say buy a bacon neck.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Don't worry, fat guys, we got you.

[Lamare Lee]

It's fat day on the bonfire. Jacob, suck it up, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

So bacon neck. What will happen on certain shittier, not necessarily inexpensive brands of underwear, but I'll say it out loud and suck on this. Kim Kardashian skims underwear presents. Bacon elastic at the top of the underwear. The elastic starts getting, like, wavy and you're like, is this. Am I doing this somehow? They're my size.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're stretching it out with sweat and gut.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gut.

[Christine]

The official underwear of the NBA.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can't. You can't steam something with your stomach four days in a row? Yeah. Yeah, dude, I tell you what. T shirt doesn't do that. True. Classic.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you wear V necks.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wear. But I can't. Bacon neck of V. No, the crew necks don't. Don't bake a neck. Guaranteed. Say that 100% guaranteed2cultics.com. The shirt for fat guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

The shirt when I watched them put them on those commercials. It's in my algorithm. Don't worry. You say it enough, Bob, you've done your job. First you play a seashore. You shill.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got so fat, I had to change my socks because my socks.

[Bobby Kelly]

You had to get ones that were longer?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, because I would take my socks off and the imprint of the sock would be on my ankle and foot.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's terrifying.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that was bad. I remember one time dawn came in the room and I was like, my feet feel wet. She came in and she pushed on my shin, and her finger imprint state stayed in my shin.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ew.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's like, you got to go see the doctor. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're holding shape.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm holding. I was holding. I was holding water. I was like. I was like a stress doll. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're holding shape.

[Jacob]

Bobby, what age were you for your first.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sixth grade? When my mother left my evil stepfather.

[Bobby Kelly]

You finally got to eat.

[Jay Oakerson]

When we moved into the. When we moved into the house and I was alone a lot, I started. I was Started just chowing food. That's when I really made food, my friend.

[Jacob]

Was there a long period to the next one?

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Well, no, because I got fat. And then my sixth grade teacher, Mr. DePersio, who was in shape, Italian guy, loved jogging, kind of saw that I was getting fucked up, took me under his wing. But he was a marathon guy, so he got me to start running. So I started running. And we were at this sixth grade Olympics, and I was a little fat Bobby, and he came up to me, he goes, kelly, it was the 440. It's once around the track. And I want. He goes, I want you to win, Kelly. I want you to win this for me, Kelly. And I was like, okay, Mr. D. Up against a real thin little black dude who was fast as shit came in, and his name was Eddie. And I remember I ran. I could feel my tits bouncing. And I ran and I won the 440. And he's like, you did it, Kelly. You did it. And I won it by a. By a hair. And then I started running marathons. I run a mile marathon. I forget what they call that. Then I ran a five mile marathon.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mile. Marathon's called a mile. It's not a marathon.

[Jacob]

That's crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, there's no such thing. You say potato, I say potato.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I love both.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I love both.

[Bobby Kelly]

Good day. I did a marathon from my house to the corner to get the mail Then I marathoned home.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was a mini. Mini math.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it was.

[Jay Oakerson]

They think they call it a mini math. No, it's a mini math.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mini. Mayor said six miles. I go.

[Jay Oakerson]

I did a. A five mile, which is some 5k 5.5k sounds cooler. I like a 5k.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I remember. Who needs marathons?

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember one point I had to take a stick and like hold it in my hand and squeeze it cuz it hurts so much.

[Lamare Lee]

Oh, 5k. Like.

[Jacob]

No, it's less than five miles.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby, do me a favor. Can you get. Can you get one of those little oval stickers and put on the back of your car that says one one mile, one mile.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure, I'll get one and I'll get a five because I did a five too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now a 5K is an actual thing, but just a one mile the circle. When everyone else has like the 13, whatever or the 26, you're gonna have one.

[Jay Oakerson]

Have you ever ran a mile?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Oh, I guess. Yeah. High school, I guess. We had to.

[Christine]

Straight through.

[Bobby Kelly]

Straight through.

[Jay Oakerson]

Straight through? Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not a chance. No.

[Christine]

We were doing two minutes on like one minute. Like two minutes run, one minute walk.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not even, I'm not even very. I'm not even particularly fat running. Paco, you play basketball with me this week. I'm not necessarily particularly slow, like in the movements, but I'm distance. There's no.

[Lamare Lee]

Did you guys play today?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. No, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, distance is a. I don't. I hate.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Endurance running is the worst sport.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I know. I'm envious. When I see like, when it's like Ralph. They used to SDR show with Ralph runs every morning. Frankenstein, you could tell us. You could tell his rude because he leaves the prince in the concrete.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lamare Lee]

He's too tall to be running. All that impact, dude, I bet it's a.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's just. Honestly, I don't enjoy the action. I could play basketball for hours. Be happy to play basketball for us. I enjoy doing it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's also not straight through. You know, there is like break and hold and check the ball and all that stuff. So you do get to kind of stop the action here and there. But like. And I have fun doing it. So I'll do that for as long as we can. We have fun running. I do not fucking enjoy it. I mean, I'm telling you, if you're like, you have to run for five straight minutes. It's like the most excruciating.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like, I mean, I can't it's because it's mentally boring.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I hate it if I'm listening to some things. I'm not really listening to it. I'm focusing that I'm, like, running.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Then you have to concentrate on your breathing. You're going to cramp up. It's running.

[Bobby Kelly]

Blow me.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I hate when I see these guys running around the city.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, clothesline them. And then, Larry, I'm going to ride a bicycle that's got two poles coming out of it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, Runs a lot. Michelle Wolf is a big runner.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What's she running from? Her freckly shadow. Trying to outrun her freckles. Not going to happen, Ginge.

[Jay Oakerson]

Her father's disappointment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wherever you go. Wherever you go, there they are.

[Lamare Lee]

I didn't know you could run in a hijab.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can't.

[Bobby Kelly]

I forgot she's a Muslim now. Man, any religion is going to let you cover all those freckles up. I get it. If I was freckled, I'd only show you my eyes, too.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have rap beef with Mo's death now, I hope. I'm just kidding. I love Michelle.

[Jay Oakerson]

I.

[Lamare Lee]

He's trapped in Africa.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That was my first one. That was my first fight.

[Bobby Kelly]

Welcome to Nadia Yada Island. Next on Nadia Yada Island.

[Jay Oakerson]

I knew I deserved so much more, so I left. I finally switched to Metro and got what I was looking for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get one line for only $25 a month with Autopay. Just bring your phone to Metro and experience all the data you want on the largest 5G network. That's nada. Yada yada. Only at Metro by T Mobile.

[Christine]

First month is $30. Bring your number and ID offer not available if with T Mobile or with.

[Bobby Kelly]

Metro in the past 180 days.

[Jay Oakerson]

ABC Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Jay Oakerson]

So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Door, you looked back at me and.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gave me a double bird.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Jay Oakerson]

The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each.

[Bobby Kelly]

Other like rational adults?

[Jay Oakerson]

If you watch the news lately, that's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Are you still quoting 30 year old movies?

[Bobby Kelly]

Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days?

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're stuck in the past.

[Jay Oakerson]

Discover is accepted at 99 of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn [e-mail] credit card based on the February 2024 Nelson Report.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now you say you'll learn a new language each year, but few actually follow through with this. Babel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think. Babbel's 10 minute lessons created by over 200 experts, helps you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. Como estas? I'm only on week one with focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. It's been very, very easy. I've done it when I've been in the car. I've listened to it in the car, when I've taken long drives and it has been very, very helpful. I'm going to pick up this Spanish before you know it so I can finally talk to my own daughter. Listen, let's get more of you talking in a new language right now because Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off [e-mail] bonfire and you get up to 60% off babel.com bonf spelled b a b b e l.com bonfire babel.com bonfire rules and restrictions may apply.

[Jay Oakerson]

My first fat was six. Got out of it pretty quick. Second fat. My second fat was after I got sober when I got out of rehab.

[Jacob]

13.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know. 15, 16. Around 16.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were boring and fat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I got fat out of rehab and then I got in shape again. Yeah, I always got in shape for chicks, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then what else would you do?

[Jacob]

That's why you do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's it. Then I got. Then I got my girlfriend and I wound up shredded for her. And then I got fat with her. We both got fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ew.

[Jay Oakerson]

But she got fatter, which sucked. I remember the la. I knew the relationship was over. We got. We're both tubs of and we both got a large pizza, two large tuna melts, and a liter of coke. And we sat under a tree on a hot day and just ate them and then fell asleep like hippos. And I remember I woke up and I looked in her eye and there was just a fly on it. Do you understand? This is over. This is fucking done.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do understand, though, really. Feeling like you're supposed to be with a person who's agreed to get tuna and pizza with you. I mean, hot tuna and pizza is a weird combo.

[Lamare Lee]

That's a crazy combination.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know, but that was when tuna melts, like, at first were introduced into my. I didn't know you could melt cheese on a tuna. It was fascinating. For months.

[Jacob]

What was your longest. Sorry.

[Christine]

We consistently get tuna and cheesesteak. Cheesesteak stromboli and tuna hoagies.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's different. It's different.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tuna melt was just eye opening for me. I didn't owe you. Tuna was just cold. That's it. Then when she was like, you want a tuna melt? And I was. I remember she said it. Fat too. You want to mouth. I was like, yeah, I don't know what the that is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby showed me a fat thing in Montreal while you had just gotten your. Your surgery was still a secret. We were having and I. We were going to have breakfast most mornings together.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

Down at an expectation. And you were always.

[Jay Oakerson]

Makes me laugh.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were just acting like you were dieting. You were just acting like you were.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because I was embarrassed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. I get it.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I didn't know if the surgery was gonna take, like, what if my stomach ripped open?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I thought you meant it wasn't gonna take. Like your stomach wouldn't accept it and just grew back.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you think your body's against you?

[Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know what was gonna happen, Bobby. I didn't know it was gonna happen.

[Bobby Kelly]

We just did an X ray, Bobby. Your stomach is completely back to its normal shape.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, but I didn't know too, that all my friends were gonna fucking. You know, I didn't know ozempic was coming out either.

[Lamare Lee]

That was brutal.

[Bobby Kelly]

That sucks such dick to know that you could have not made permanent changes to your inner body.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, they offered me Ozempic years before.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it was the diabetic thing, of course. But I didn't want to do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

But also when you first just like, hear. You're like, it's. It's guinea pig stuff.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, yeah, she was.

[Bobby Kelly]

It turned half the country on. The president. People were afraid to try new medicine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. The doctor was like, you should try this new thing. It's. It helps with pre diabetes.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you're like, why? So you can microchip me and have the government control me and make me a Manchurian Candidate? You. I listen to Dave Smith.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember, I goes. I said to her, I go all day. I talked to my doctor like she was a coach. I was like, give me one more shot. Give me one more shot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me try.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let me try it. Let me try it. Let me try it the regular way before I start injecting myself with something that's crazy. And. And then they took the. The. The. The part out of the thing that was Ozempic that made you lose weight, and they just made it that thing two months after I got my surgery.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is so funny.

[Lamare Lee]

I think Ozempic on men is gay. Ozempic and plastic surgery is gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I took Ozempic before.

[Lamare Lee]

I'm sorry. I'm staying on business if I have to.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, you're looking at a gay guy in a fucking country shirt right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I take Mounjaro.

[Jay Oakerson]

Listen, listen. It's the same fucking thing, Manjaro. Ozempic, faggola Olympics game until it's totally butch.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look how good this country western shirt looks.

[Lamare Lee]

Is that from Moon Tower? Is that what a moon tower ones?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

What's the longest in between fats that you went?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, the longest in between. I. Probably when I'm. When I moved to New York, I was on point, and I stayed on point for a while because I kind of had to.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't like. You got at a point, which. I don't know, maybe you called it a fat. But you were in shape when I met you. Yep. You were small.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know if you were, like, muscly necessarily, but you were like a slim guy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Slim guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

And. And then we started doing. I started doing some colleges with you, and I started seeing your sexy ass pictures, but the same. But you were there. You were wearing kango hat at this point. More, though, not hair out.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it was Puerto Rican bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And you had, like, that line.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, Puerto Rican bob.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we were going around and. And you were a college sensation. The. They presented you with awards.

[Jay Oakerson]

NACA comic of the year.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was 20 years old. I was 20, 21 years old. And I'm going up there, I'm like, these college kids will love me. And they did not enjoy my racist jokes, my sexist pornographic humor. And then Bobby was. I mean, he was baby, voicing them. And I'm telling you, I'm telling you, they were going. They came up. I mean, they had three people at a school, three hot chicks. Bring him like a plaque. They made like, to present because you are like this school's college comic of the year. And I was like, what am I. How am I this up so bad? Every place we went, they liked me less.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, well, you know, I went.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wasn't doing good. I would call myself fat a bunch and I would get them, but then I'd be like, you know, with porn and blah, blah, blah. And they'd be like, I don't want to hear this. What difference does it make what color people are like? No, I'm not saying it makes it. I'm just doing a. You know what? Bobby Kelly, everybody, He's here. And Bobby's pictures, he had like that. That was the knee up and where he's going, he's going. He's got his knee up on a thing and he's got. He's got the Kango hat on and open shirt. Dude, he looks so good.

[Jay Oakerson]

You should introduce our guest.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's true.

[Jay Oakerson]

You take it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, I. Wait, I guess it's coming in or I guess it's here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no. Did we introduce him with it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. Well, no, I didn't give a whole thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, you yell at me for it.

[Lamare Lee]

It's okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, it's first. I mean, you have to say his name first in this one now. Bobby. Yeah, audible here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

This one. Because all of his things are his name, right? If you say the name first and I get caught in this a lot. I do it a lot. I it up. It's hard, right? I've done this before. The. From the Tim Butterly show. The hilarious. That's stupid. You gotta. You gotta forego it. We have a great guest here. And I did say this already. The hilarious lamare Lee is joining us here. Remember, I said the whole Austin via.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, we're gonna give his little website.

[Lamare Lee]

This is now my biggest credit.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can follow him at lamare Lee on all socials and for tour dates, go to lamarelee. Dot fun. L E M A I R E Lee.

[Jay Oakerson]

I want to bite his cheeks every time I see his face. He is the most adorable comedian on the market. Right?

[Lamare Lee]

Having a hoop.

[Jay Oakerson]

I just want a. I want one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you. I want.

[Christine]

I want you to like, get a bear costume.

[Jay Oakerson]

Black Lou, I love you, but you're not. You're not like. You're not huggable. I walked in. Listen, dude, I walk in, you get a pound and you have that vibe. Look at him. Look at his little hands. I want to bite him. I love him. Love him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it. Oh, is he coming now? He's.

[Christine]

He's here early.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, should we.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, if he walks in and comments on your shirt right away, I want an apology.

[Bobby Kelly]

From who?

[Jay Oakerson]

You?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why would I apologize for a man like my Shirt.

[Jay Oakerson]

I could have got my shirt. You could have my new shirt. My new one.

[Bobby Kelly]

You could have done this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you know what?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't understand why this is what my responsibility was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because we're a team.

[Bobby Kelly]

We are a team.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're a team.

[Bobby Kelly]

We are.

[Jay Oakerson]

And if I was going to wear my shirt, I'd be like, Jay, I'm going to wear my shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob Black Lou tried to convince him to wear country western, and Jacob said, absolutely not. And I don't understand why that is. Why not, Jacob?

[Jacob]

It's not a costume for me. You put on your costume because you want to look. Because you want to look like us. Yeah, but you're not.

[Lamare Lee]

You got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're trying to look like you wanted.

[Jacob]

To look like me and Marcus, and you're not me.

[Lamare Lee]

I'm a cowboy now.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have.

[Jacob]

I respect Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have country land.

[Bobby Kelly]

Lemaire also does live in Austin, Texas.

[Lamare Lee]

I'm a cowboy. I'm either a queer or steer.

[Bobby Kelly]

You only have two choices. We learned that from that one movie. All these steers and queers come from Texas.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Full Metal Jacket. Full Metal Jacket. Hell, yeah. Jacob. This is no costume.

[Jacob]

Putting on your costume doesn't make you one of us.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many times do I have to wear this shirt before? It's a shirt I wear.

[Jacob]

I love that you wear it, and you look great.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

You wear it twice. Every time. You have a country thing, you wear it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wore it several times this year. I wore it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where to? Where?

[Jacob]

Well, Marcus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it Marcus King's appearance last?

[Jay Oakerson]

Country?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that country? That's right here in New York City.

[Jay Oakerson]

Throw up. Go ahead.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jelly rolls.

[Jay Oakerson]

Country.

[Bobby Kelly]

Country.

[Jay Oakerson]

Where was it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, in Nashville.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. There you go. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Is that a country place?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, it's not Detroit.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that? Is that a country place, dude? To give.

[Lamare Lee]

To give credence to Jaden. I'm sorry. Jacob's costume theory. Cowboys, country western, people, we don't have. Have colored fingernails, and we don't wear fingerless gloves.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, not some cowboys.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. None.

[Bobby Kelly]

None.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's not one.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fingerless gloves are really good when you're doing ranch work.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, they're not. They hurt your tip of your fingers.

[Jacob]

We don't show.

[Jay Oakerson]

There he lives. What's up, man?

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me get up. Let me get up. What's up, brother?

[Lamare Lee]

Marcus.

[Marcus King]

Good to see you, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

How are you, buddy?

[Lamare Lee]

Oh, yeah, it's fat day on the bonfire.

[Jay Oakerson]

He said your fingers must be freezing. I told you, they're not country. They're not cowboys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, who's cowboy. I'm not a cowboy. I'm from Philadelphia.

[Lamare Lee]

I've become a cowboy, dude. I've. I've abandoned all that Philly. I'm a cowboy now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you wearing cowboy boots? Cuz that's the thing I can't pull off.

[Lamare Lee]

I'm more of a bolo tie, man. Bolo tie, Hawaiian shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you want to sit down that low? That feels crazy.

[Marcus King]

I went really low.

[Bobby Kelly]

How did that happen?

[Jay Oakerson]

The chair.

[Marcus King]

It's not great for the self esteem.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have to fix that. We do that. We want our guests beneath us.

[Bobby Kelly]

Insane looking. Oh, everybody. He's going to be performing at the Blue Note tonight through Sunday.

[Lamare Lee]

Wow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Historic. Right across the street from the Comedy Center.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right across from the Comedy Cellar. Yeah, you got to make sure you pop over there at one point. Everybody. It is the living legend, Marcus King, everybody. Hey, welcome back to the show.

[Marcus King]

Hey, man, thanks for having me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Me. What's up, buddy? How you doing, dude?

[Marcus King]

It's the best way to catch up with you guys, you know, Just got to come do it on air.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Marcus King]

You guys work so much. We all do. So, you know, we'll just get on. On the radio and say what's up?

[Jay Oakerson]

God damn, you're cool. You're adorable and you're cool. Me and Jay, just us.

[Marcus King]

I don't know, man. I think you guys look great.

[Bobby Kelly]

That lair really could go as Halloween as burnt Marcus King.

[Lamare Lee]

Dr. Marcus King.

[Bobby Kelly]

They both have the sweetest faces.

[Jay Oakerson]

They really do, man. Just. You could both work for Santa. Yeah, we could.

[Marcus King]

We both do have that, like cherub face thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, cherub. That's it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. Sadly, you missed jelly rolls roast, so I wore the shirt again for you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you. I was gonna wear my shirt if I. If I thought I didn't know we were wearing the shirts.

[Bobby Kelly]

And Jacob didn't want to wear his country shirt because he calls it that. He said it's a costume that he wears. He's not really like that, so he didn't want to insult you by wearing his costume. Cowboy shirt.

[Jay Oakerson]

Shots. Fire. Jacob. I live it.

[Jacob]

I don't have to put on a costume.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't live cowboy life in Astoria, Queens, Jacob. True.

[Jacob]

So I don't fake it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just because you try to lasso rats does not make you a cowboy.

[Lamare Lee]

There's no cowboys in Florida either, right? Cowboys don't go to Florida.

[Marcus King]

There's some down there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, there's some cowboys in Florida.

[Lamare Lee]

I thought those were rednecks.

[Marcus King]

Rednecks, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like the emphasis on necks. Rednecks when you get to. When you get to inland Florida, it's a strange bunch. Yeah, you get to be a strange. You'd see a strange bunch down there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you decide to live in Florida, not near the water, the only thing Florida's value is it's pretty strange.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, as soon as you go in into the middle, it's all farm and.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. The outside, the coast is where you want to be in Florida. You know, Epstein, stuff like that. You know, money making opportunities.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wonder what they should make that like a vacation place. Like a tourist attraction where you could go and see where the young girls were held, get a massage.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and Christine were talking the other day about those things. Like how many of those. Because it happened so much. They were so brazen. The Epstein like set up there was like, hey, tell your. They weren't even doing like, hey, we found this girl that'll do this. When that girl comes over, they go, tell all of your friends, by the way, I'm paying $200. Maybe he wants to jack me off. And they send them back out into the world. There has to be a large portion of those girls that were like, like, I don't know. It was 200 bucks.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'm sure it was more than 200 bucks, but yeah, yeah.

[Lamare Lee]

Where are they? Have any of those people come out?

[Bobby Kelly]

They're not gonna come defend probably. I don't see that happening.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if it's 200 bucks. I know an Asian woman, middle aged. Anyone that would do it for 200 bucks.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I would say that is. That's the Philly guy. Uncle Eddie Savitz, if you remember. That was the funniest thing is when he did get arrested and put away and when he died, people lamented that. The people that you would say were his victims were like, nah. Cause it's just Philly lunkheads. So they're like, dude, it was the best. You go over there, just take a dump. And everyone would laugh. Steve hung a piss on his chest. And then we get 200 bucks and get out of there.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't know what that was. What was it, Uncle?

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Marcus King]

There was a. There was a group of guys in my high school and that we'd all be outside smoking cigarettes at the Starbucks and talking about, you know, whatever. And they're like, yeah, this guy just pays us to come over and take showers. And he just watches. And I never got. I never got the call.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's what I felt with Uncle Eddie. I'd Go. I'd wear underwear three days in a row because they were like, he'll buy your underwear. And I'm like, oh. And it's got to be. He's not looking for new underwear. Clearly. Or just go buy a pack. You know what I mean? He wants to. He wants it with my.

[Jay Oakerson]

He wants your bacon elastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's my bacon with?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he wants you. A sweaty rubber band elastic that you steamed into a weird drawer.

[Marcus King]

Were you rocking back then, Jay?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tidy whities for sure.

[Marcus King]

Tighty whities.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. A little boy. I didn't overthink it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I miss tighty whities. I like a tighty whitey.

[Marcus King]

I feel like you can find them anymore.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can. Yeah. You can find. How about. How about a weird middle of his life decision? Joe DeRosa. And we found this out the hard way. I wish Christine was in here for this. He came to stay. When? After he moved to la, he came. Oh, he came back to New York to just, like, stay at our house for a couple days and, like, do New York. And when he was there, he came out of our. Our room. We had him in our other spare room. He came out of the room in T shirt and his underwear, but his underwear. I thought he was joking. I thought he was doing the weird science move where he was wearing, like, the thong from the girl. Because he can't. He's wearing, I mean, almost satin, like a real soft. Nice.

[Jay Oakerson]

He went European.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's crazy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like, not even with, like, the. The crisscross, like a masculine. They're panties. And he goes, oh, yeah. I switched back to, like, briefs. And I can't go back now. I'm like, you should go back. If you presented that to a woman, you look like a goddamn fool, Christine.

[Jay Oakerson]

Not true.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was just. It is true. Do you remember when DeRosa came out of the guest room and he stayed our house and we found out he'd moved back to tiny little briefs.

[Jay Oakerson]

Here's the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

He looks like a little. You see your little bird bouncing around.

[Jay Oakerson]

In a good way on guys like. Like Derosa. Yes. But when I was at my prime.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

When I worked. When I worked with the six retarded guys and I lived in the house, I was different color, like bikini.

[Bobby Kelly]

I promise you, bikini underwear.

[Jay Oakerson]

And they liked it so much when they got their clothing voucher, all the retarded guys went and got bikini underwear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, well, you changed the mind of retarded people is not an impressive thing to say.

[Lamare Lee]

Didn't one of those guys suck you too?

[Jay Oakerson]

No. What?

[Lamare Lee]

No, I thought that was a suck story before.

[Jay Oakerson]

A suck story?

[Lamare Lee]

One of those guys sucked you before.

[Jay Oakerson]

What the fuck are you. No, no, no, no. You're messing that up my first week there. Because they don't. They don't have. They don't, you know, they don't know gay or straight. They just know sex. So I was so hot that my first. I used to live there, spend the night and wake them up in the morning. I kind of watched them, you know, make sure they didn't kill each other. And the first night there, I heard and I ran into this guy's room thinking he was having a problem. He was choking, he was jerking off to me. And he was going, bob, Bob. And I walked in, I went, hey. And he went, get out of here, Bob, Bob, Bob. And I actually.

[Bobby Kelly]

You weren't the jerk off. The thought of you. Not actually.

[Jay Oakerson]

You look, I was smoking hot, so.

[Marcus King]

I got you, checking you out. But then you woke up and he wasn't feeling that. He was. He's more interested in sleeping, Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you know what? I never thought of that. When he saw the real thing, could have had the real thing, saw the.

[Marcus King]

Fear in your eyes.

[Jay Oakerson]

He could have grabbed. I mean, he had. He did have that strength. He could have just grabbed me and threw me in the back. Oh, yeah, he had that r word strength.

[Bobby Kelly]

He could have ankle and neck, grabbed you and ripped you in half.

[Marcus King]

Then he would have finished the job.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Just suck me off in peace.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Bobby, if you started rocking, and I'm telling you this, you could. There was a small period of time.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

When the Burt Reynolds Playgirl came out, where you could have pulled off in like the early. Early to late 80s. It's like mid-80s. A guy, if you were slim enough, could probably pull off the briefs and no girl would even think twice about it. Those days are if. Those days are if you are wearing briefs now and presented to almost. I will say almost any woman in America. For sure they are. If you're fucking that girl still, she's. It's in spite of that.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, because I bought.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's like, well, the guy does wear pretty gay underwear.

[Jay Oakerson]

But like on one of my skinnies, I went out and bought swim trunks. But the bikini swim trunks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because I told you, when I get thin, the thinner I get, the gayer my fashion gets.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude.

[Marcus King]

Bobby, I've never related to anything so much. I mean, we all already look like just different stages of ozempic, but the thinner I get, my clothing choices get so gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, because it's like.

[Marcus King]

It's like I was googling leather pants the other day.

[Bobby Kelly]

I lost.

[Marcus King]

I lost like 10 pounds. And I'm like, I should probably get some leather pants or at least start looking.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's something about it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you mega comfortable in front of your. Your what, wife? That you can, like, you walk around. They don't give a. Any position. Like, I wear Christine. I'll spin kick my door if Christine walks in when I'm putting on socks, naked socks. My first move like this, and she want me go, you're looking at a monster.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm in the shower. Dawn came in today. I'm in the shower. I turn and face the wall like Blair Witch. I do not want to see my ding ding at its worst.

[Bobby Kelly]

I pull the curtains out. I go, what. What do you need? She's like, I'm just getting my face from. I go get it and I stare at her. I'm like. Because then I think she's gonna, like, peek in. So I just watch her do the whole movement. I go, now go. You got it. Don't put it on in here.

[Jay Oakerson]

When Dawn. I bought those. I bought blue, red, yellow, and black. And we were going to our trip to Aruba. We would go every year. And I go, I'm rocking these in Aruba. I'm so. She's like, you're not bringing those to Aruba. I go, fuck you. They look great on me. I'm wearing these. Aruba. It's mostly. We were going in June. It's like, mostly Europeans. Fuck off. I'm wearing them. We get to Aruba. They're not. They're not in my bag. She didn't. She took them out of my bag. Of course I found them. I found them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like a couple years ago, I found.

[Marcus King]

Them at Bern Chrysher's house.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have the yellow ones. I had the yellow ones. And I'm like. Because I lost a little weight. I go, I'm putting these on. They don't fit. I couldn't get them on my knees.

[Marcus King]

Bob, I'm sure you have a stack of clothes. And I have them. I keep them just about eye level in my closet.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yep.

[Marcus King]

Just like the pants and all the. That I want to wear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're gonna get into it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Oh, I just found my. I had a.

[Marcus King]

With tags on.

[Jay Oakerson]

I bought a snakeskin leather jacket.

[Marcus King]

Yeah, you did.

[Jay Oakerson]

When I. One of my skinnies, I was in the Wilson store. Remember Wilson Leather?

[Bobby Kelly]

Were you gonna go to a disco at Nick Cage or something?

[Jay Oakerson]

I was with. I was with. I was with Patrice, and I suggested this, and I was like. I grabbed the snakeskin leather jacket. I'm like, dude, I want to get this. He's like, like, you should just like that. You should. I was like, really? He's like, yeah, get it. I was like, all right. I bought it. And I remember. Yeah, which one is it? I think it's one of those. It's one to the left right there. The second one to the second. Now that one right there. I got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Jay Oakerson]

But it had a zipper. And I remember I got it. I wore it once, and then the next time I wore it, I had gotten fat again. I went back up again, and. But she. He's. I walked into the cellar with it on, zipped up, and he goes. He goes, you look like a snake eating a snake. Pull up a picture of that.

[Marcus King]

That anaconda in Thailand.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, you see the outline of the horse? Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He goes, bobby, because you can't wear that anymore, man. You're too fat for a snakes. Get. Leather jacket.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's bad, dude. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Still have it. Still have it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I say, well, going back, I. Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why I should become a trophy wife one day.

[Jay Oakerson]

You just. You. In case. They hire me for Yellowstone as a trophy wife, but they. Yeah, you just keep. I keep a couple items where it's like. You know what I mean? Like, Quinn did it, too. He. I remember he lost a lot of weight, and he bought a purple suit. Oh, why? Because I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is he finally gonna do Showtime with the Apollo? His last credit.

[Jay Oakerson]

He never did.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, y'all. I ain't scared of y'all.

[Jay Oakerson]

Kick it any. Anyways, I have the luck of being.

[Lamare Lee]

A fat black guy, and we can wear anything we can get away with.

[Bobby Kelly]

You think that's luck?

[Lamare Lee]

A little bit.

[Bobby Kelly]

Someone's excited. They just solved sickle cell anemia.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're talking to Jay like he hasn't dressed like a fat black guy his whole life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yo, excuse me, son.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. It is a weird thing to. You got to find your. Your thing when you're fat. Fat, there is a look you can find, you know.

[Marcus King]

Like a couple size 54 suits. I've also got that end of the spectrum.

[Jay Oakerson]

You got to keep the fact just in case. No, you got to keep the fact.

[Marcus King]

Throwing all that out before, and then.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know, there's nothing worse when there's a wet. You are. You go to a wedding, and the pants that you have, they don't fit.

[Marcus King]

And you've Been in that exact situation.

[Jay Oakerson]

You gotta go to a run to a store and get fitted for some fat pants for a dumb wedding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I'll tell you what has happens up on the road when I fucked up and went to fight one or two times that they lost my luggage. Traveling it is easy because you don't have to say, where's the nearest this that you go? Dxl, please.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Siri, you know where I want to go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sir? To the closest dxl.

[Marcus King]

Man, I will.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not be trying things on today. I'm gonna grab things I know are my size and get the fuck out of here.

[Marcus King]

So much trauma from when I was a kid trying on clothes that never fit. Like, I walk into a. Like a fitting room and I'm sweating already and I'm just nervous, and I just. I just say fuck it, and I go home and buy it online.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, there's nothing looks worse, by the way, than trying on pants and just having your socks on. The whole look. It never looks good when I'm trying on shit. I'm like, I look terrible in this.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm so glad that, that they finally gave men stretchy jeans, because that was a girl thing. For years we had the, the, the. The Hard wrangler. Yeah, Levi's that would.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dungarees.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, dungarees. They couldn't even move. You railroaders. Yeah, Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

For years, it was to stop sharp steel and bullets.

[Marcus King]

Yeah, you John Henry's, you had to.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wear your jeans and work out just to sweat them on. Right?

[Marcus King]

And I was like this tall, but also that wide. So I had, like, you know, that much cuff and that hard denim material from the Kmart.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, the cuff would be three inches away from your pants because every. Every flip was another, like, square of denim.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you. You could never find a 5228 for.

[Marcus King]

Pants for a romper.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you SpongeBob? Are you buying pants for a real SpongeBob?

[Lamare Lee]

It's wild to buy pants online as a fat guy. That's like fat bravery right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I gotta tell you something. If there was no Christine in my world, it would never happen.

[Lamare Lee]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because it's now exclusively that way. I like to buy stuff, but if not, I would have just a pile of 17 pairs of pants in a bag that I'll never wear because I put them on once. They go, nope, nope. Everything wrong.

[Jay Oakerson]

I just. Now I just throw shit out. I just throw it on the ground. Get it out of my life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you throw it on the ground, then you Just assume it goes somewhere. Yeah, straight to hell for all I care.

[Jay Oakerson]

But the stretchy jean, as soon as they were like, you know what? It's not gay to wear stretchy jeans. So happy, dude, because the stretchy jeans.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, hang on, what you're saying here, because I own some jeans that have a little stretch.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, these. These are.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're calling. You're saying the word stretchy jeans that were just for girls. That means it's sticking to your leg, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, look at these.

[Bobby Kelly]

These are true.

[Jay Oakerson]

Classic. Look at these guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

But Bobby's got so many goddamn back end deals working. It's contract time. And I'm like, hey, Bobby, what do you do with the contract? He's like, whatever we figure out, we'll figure it out. Whatever we do. And then Bobby turns around, he's got goldenpalace.com on this. There you go, Bobby. There's your stretchy jeans. No, I know what you mean. They're stretching the right place, but they don't show your camel toe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. They don't hug your calf. They finally made them to where they look like a regular jean. But you can squat down and pick up a nickel if you got to.

[Marcus King]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know what I mean? I remember I left a 20 on the ground one day. I dropped a 20. I was like, that's for God. Wanted somebody else to have that.

[Bobby Kelly]

When me, you and Ari were in Detroit, you. You dropped your phone and been over to pick it up. You made a pre. Bend over noise when you went. When you went down, your eyes started coming out like. Do you remember when. Do you remember when Orange Schwarzenegger got blown out into the atmosphere of Mars on Total Recall and his tongue and eyes were coming out at the end of the movie before they turned the reactor on when he looked like a stress doll.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, exactly. I do remember that.

[Bobby Kelly]

That happened. And then you went back and I said bobby three times. And then when the blood came back to your head, you looked at me and smiled. And then when you went on stage, me and Ari had a long talk about who's gonna be the brave person to tell you, you gotta do something.

[Christine]

They thought that was gonna be their last time with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

We really. I felt like the movie bucket list. Let's take Bobby on one.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's so funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you're like, you guys are going back to the hotel. Me and T Shirt Kevin are gonna go get boxes of spaghetti at M M's joint. We're like, hey, man, not only. It's too late anyway. Do what you're gonna do, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Not only did I get a box of spaghetti there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I know.

[Jay Oakerson]

I went back by myself and got one to take back to the room. Like I was gonna take it on the plane.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, because you couldn't. Because in front of T shirt Kevin, you couldn't do what you want to do, which was listen to lose yourself and pace while eating spaghetti with chopsticks, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was that good?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not, though.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was.

[Marcus King]

Almost went last time I was in Detroit, and I. I love.

[Jay Oakerson]

I love cold spaghetti. I like it. Yeah, well, it's hot when you get it, but it's that shitty.

[Bobby Kelly]

The menu is so small.

[Jay Oakerson]

Spaghetti your mom used to make, you know, kind of like.

[Marcus King]

Like skyline chili kind of.

[Lamare Lee]

Skyline's pretty good, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's pretty good.

[Lamare Lee]

Yeah. I like chili on my mom's spaghetti.

[Bobby Kelly]

Spaghetti is. It's a merch store.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's a merch store. I bought a couple fortnite, though. He's so adorable.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mom's spaghetti. It's just funny also because he's supporting this place. Mom's spaghetti. It's like. I think that it was just a lyric.

[Marcus King]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know what I mean? Look at all this. My mom's famous spaghetti or something. And the idea is that, like, they're trailer people, so it's shitty spaghetti. Except for Taurus Bobby, who gets one extra for his room.

[Marcus King]

Yeah, it was like vomit on his sweater already, though. Isn't it supposed to conjure images of vomit on your sweater already?

[Bobby Kelly]

By the way, it looks like they're using his image illegally in his own stuff. I swear to God, Eminem's been here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it's just like him. It's like. It's like the Slim Shady video, but he's just like. They put him on a table.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is he so much smaller than everybody else in the thing? I don't know. Man's perspective shot.

[Jay Oakerson]

Isn't that his album cover? Lover?

[Bobby Kelly]

Garlic bread, $1. Christine, let me tell you something. There's no way the garlic bread is. Is better than your garlic bread.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not. I'm telling you, it was. It was pretty goddamn good. The garlic bread, the. The spaghetti.

[Marcus King]

First of all, it was just like white bread, butter, and garlic powder, which would explain the price.

[Bobby Kelly]

Also, let me tell you something. Regardless of what he said back in the day, serving vegetarian vegetable balls is gayer than Elton John for sure. Without a doubt.

[Jay Oakerson]

What is a vegetable ball?

[Lamare Lee]

Rabbit, yo.

[Bobby Kelly]

In case you can't eat meat.

[Jay Oakerson]

Veggie bowls all right, we gotta take a break real quick.

[Bobby Kelly]

Read some commercials.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're gonna do some commercials.

[Bobby Kelly]

We back. We got Lamare Lee and Marcus King in the mother.

[Jay Oakerson]

Marcus King's gonna be the Blue Note in New York tonight, January 5th through January 19th. After that, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho, Australia. For tickets and all other tour dates go to marcus kingofficial.com make sure you check out. Oops, sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, make sure you check out his new album, mood Swings, wherever you listen. And of course, make sure you follow at Lamare Lee on socials. And for all of us, tour dates. Lamare Lee.

[Lamare Lee]

I'm headlining in Philly Hilly on this Thursday. Please come if you hear this.

[Bobby Kelly]

This Thursday?

[Lamare Lee]

Yeah, this Thursday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hell yeah. Nice helium in Philadelphia. Dude, he's coming home.

[Lamare Lee]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Write it in now. You've already said it. Good job.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's okay. It's okay. I think she needs her face to the glass.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm going on shiprocked, guys. Don't worry, I'll be on. Ship rocked.

[Jay Oakerson]

We'll be right back.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Walmart plus. It's Walmart plus free delivery, which saves members time. Plus money. Yep. Plus an included Paramount plus subscription to stream movies, shows, sports and that can't miss documentary. Plus Burger King savings. That's right. Members get 25% off Burger King digital orders every day of the week. Walmart Plus. It's Walmart plus become a [e-mail] $35 order minimum. Paramount plus essential plan only. Separate registration required. Valid and participating usbks in the bk app or bk.com for members 25% off one time per calendar day. Terms apply. See Walmart plus terms and conditions.

[Bobby Kelly]

Skipping cold and flu season is plan A, but if you do get sick, be prepared for plan B with Kleenex lotion tissues. Kleenex lotion tissues moisturize skin, helping prevent.

[Jay Oakerson]

The added discomfort of red, irritated skin.

[Bobby Kelly]

On top of your cold and flu symptoms. So this cold and flu season, grab Kleenex lotion tissues.

[Jay Oakerson]

Visit kleenex.com to learn more and buy now.

[Bobby Kelly]

For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex.