Locked Out of Armenian Heaven

Summary

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The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode: "Locked Out of Armenian Heaven"

Date: November 7, 2025
Podcast Host: SiriusXM

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Episode Overview

In this wild and unfiltered episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly unleash their signature brand of comedy and blunt honesty on the absurdities of SiriusXM office life, run-ins with celebrity security, and delve into topics ranging from home improvement embarrassments to relationship realities. The show's spontaneous energy is heightened by attempts to encounter Kim Kardashian during her visit to the studio—much to the chagrin of building security and the delight (and frustration) of the entire Bonfire crew.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

SiriusXM Office Drama and Celebrity Security Madness

• Lobby Lockdowns & Employee Frustrations ([00:52] - [03:16])

  • Jay and Bobby open with a hilarious, exasperated rant about being denied access to their own workplace due to celebrity lockdown protocols for Kim Kardashian’s visit.
  • Jay jokes about escalating the situation:

    "If I have to get turned away from my own lobby... I’ll be out of my head."
    — Jay ([01:03])

• Scheming to See Kim Kardashian ([03:16] - [04:47])

  • The crew devises schemes to get past security to glimpse Kim, including sacrificing Christine, riffing on sexism, race, and their workplace standing.

  • "Why can’t Christine go? Try to—I just want to see if they send her away."
    — Jay ([02:30])

• Actual Attempt and Security Shutout ([11:30] - [13:28])

  • Jay and Bobby, with Christine, try to get closer, but they're stopped at multiple checkpoints by vigilant security.

    "Me and Bobby just walked down there, chests out. We're turned away at both."
    — Jay ([12:05])

  • The crew riffs on the indignity of being turned away by “a small white lady and a little black lady with braids like Rudy Huxtable.”

Office Inequality, Comedy Industry, and SiriusXM Gripes

• Inequality Between Podcast & Radio Shows ([18:07] - [18:23])
  • The hosts vent about SiriusXM prioritizing podcast studios versus theirs:

    "SiriusXM treats podcasts with the utmost respect... This is a radio program. We get nothing."
    — Jay ([18:12])

Relationship and Sex Talk with the Crew

• Lou’s Halloween Getaway and Relationship Realities ([27:17] - [31:04])

  • Lou shares details about his upcoming Halloween trip to the Catskills and his relationship.

    "We're approaching a year now and it’s kind of slowed down.”
    — Lou ([29:36])

  • The conversation turns to long-term relationship sex frequency, with honest admissions and supportive ribbing.

• Parental Humor and Personal Stories ([30:20] - [32:31])

  • Bobby and Jay hilariously contrast their parental experiences and home leisure, including naked hot-tubbing and the fear of traumatizing children.

DIY embarrassments and Man Talk

• Jay’s Tool Kit Fiasco & Home Repairs ([18:41] - [21:14])
  • Jay recounts his misadventures with a 7000-piece tool kit and futility with home repair tutorials.

  • "I opened it one time upside down and then every piece of the ratchet thing came out..."
    — Jay ([18:43])

Leaf-Peeping, Boathouse Debates, and New England Love

• Fall Foliage and Regional Rivalries ([33:01] - [37:40])
  • The crew debates classic New England lakes, especially over the “iconic” red boathouse. Bobby insists it’s Squam Lake; Christine fact-checks him, and hilarity ensues.

  • "Lou, are you taking me to court right now?"
    — Jay ([33:47])

  • The segment spirals as Bobby is proven wrong, defended ardently (but futilely) by Black Lou.

Sci-Fi Speculation & World-Ending Comedy

• Asteroid Atlas and the Alien Apocalypse ([39:26] - [44:49])

  • The team hypothesizes about a massive asteroid possibly being an alien craft, riffing on space invasions and humanity's inability to handle even building security, let alone extraterrestrials.

  • "We are about to become space slaves."
    — Jay ([41:45])

  • "I will never work with the Chinese... Even if there’s aliens attacking us... it’s just the one line I won’t cross."
    — Jay ([42:04])

• Hopeful Take on Sexy Aliens ([44:22] - [44:49])

  • Jay and Bobby fantasize about the aliens being “hot chicks.”

  • "What if they're just hot chicks? ... Like Amazon women on the moon."
    — Jay ([44:24])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Office Lockdown

  "Go out there and look at her. Please. What do you mean, though?... I'm gonna do it. I have to be on air, but I'm gonna go walk down there."
  — Jay ([01:49])

• Conflict with Security

  “A small white lady told me your way in one hallway. And then a little black lady with braids like Rudy Huxtable sent me away in the other one."
  — Jay ([12:12])

• On Being Treated Like a Nobody

  "Treat your employees better, SiriusXM... it’s insane to work at a place where ... some insignificant twit is sending you away."
  — Jay ([13:11])

• Relationship Realness

  "We used to [have sex] like rabbits in the first couple months, but we’re approaching a year now and it’s kind of slowed down."
  — Lou ([29:36])

• Resourceful DIY Despair

  "I need two standard size ratchet things ... Why did I get a 700 piece set?"
  — Jay ([19:15])

• On Musical Knowledge Gaps

  “I’ve seen a rainbow yesterday but I really don’t know how ... the bounce of the words after that. I’ve never...” — Jay ([14:56])

• On the Imminent ‘Alien’ Threat

  "If it picks up speed again, that means something’s steering it. ... We are about to become space slaves."
  — Jay ([40:03], [41:45])

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Detailed Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|---------------------| | [00:52–03:16] | Rant about being denied lobby access & Kim Kardashian’s visit | | [03:16–04:47] | Scheming to circumvent security, office power dynamics | | [11:30–13:28] | Actual attempt to see Kim, security interactions | | [18:07–18:23] | SiriusXM podcast vs. radio show inequality rant | | [18:41–21:14] | Jay’s home repair/tool kit disaster stories | | [27:17–31:04] | Lou’s Halloween Catskills trip & discussion on sex in long-term relationships | | [33:01–37:40] | The Squam Lake vs. Winnipesaukee boathouse debate | | [39:26–44:49] | Sci-fi asteroid speculation, global end-times satire | | [44:22–44:49] | Sexy aliens riff, sci-fi sexual fantasy | | [47:09–47:41] | Tour dates & plugs |

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Episode Tone and Style

Classic Bonfire: irreverent, self-deprecating, and combative, with rapid-fire riffs and a no-holds-barred approach to workplace indignities, fame, personal vulnerability, and the looming end of the world. Jay and Bobby’s dynamic is warm and brotherly—sniping at each other, the crew, and the world with love and acid wit. The episode is a whirlwind of situational comedy, banter, and honest moments about life after fame, aging, and friendship.

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Great for listeners who enjoy:

• Candid, behind-the-scenes comedy
• Quick-witted banter and running jokes
• Honest talk about relationships, work irritation, and manhood
• The sense that they’re listening in on a close comedy family

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

To realize the future America needs, we understand what's needed from us to face each threat head on. We've earned our place in the fight for our nation's future. We are marines.

[C]

We were made for this. And now the bonfire with Big J.

[D]

Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[C]

I hate this company.

[B]

Why?

[C]

You know what I hate? The way it's organized in this building, on this floor. Really insane.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

If I have to get turned away from my own lobby by some. One more time, tell me I can't go through my own lobby, I'll be out of my head.

[B]

Jacob just. Jacob's fingers just went to the keyboard.

[C]

I mean, unreal, dude.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Go the other way.

[B]

What?

[C]

Go the other way. No, we just said we were employees. Go. That's. Oh, the. Is. We work here. I can't walk through the lobby.

[B]

You're supposed to wear your badge.

[C]

Somebody on the horn.

[B]

You're supposed to wear your badge on the outside.

[E]

It says the lobby's closed to employees.

[C]

Really batshit crazy. Now, please tell me what's going on.

[F]

Jesus is in the fishbowl.

[C]

Christine's Jesus. Armenian Jesus?

[F]

Yes.

[C]

Kim Kardashian.

[B]

Kim Kardashian.

[E]

Right now?

[F]

Yes. I walk past her on 30 right now.

[B]

She's here right now.

[C]

Go out there and look at her. Please. What do you mean, though? I'm gonna do it. I have to be on air, but I'm gonna go. Walk down there.

[B]

Go down. Go down with him, Christine. See if she recognizes you. Yeah.

[G]

Do some Armenian signs.

[B]

Show your Armenian face.

[C]

Everybody focused. We're on the wrong argument here. I want to go out there and tell them. I. Tell me that I can't be there in a place that I work.

[B]

Go.

[C]

Yes. That's what I want to do.

[B]

You have a camera right here.

[C]

I know, but we're on air.

[B]

Yeah, but we can get you on the phone. Call on the phone, and we'll have you on air.

[F]

Can.

[C]

Okay, okay. Call.

[B]

Call on the phone. Call him on the phone right now.

[C]

Jacob. What? I'm about to go get fired. Shut up.

[B]

I don't want you to do this, dude.

[F]

I just want you to stay in the studio.

[B]

Listen, listen. Call you.

[C]

I want Christine. Why can't Christine go? Try to. I just want to see if they send her away. She's not going to argue.

[B]

Are you going to send her now?

[C]

My first thing was, I said, go down and look at Kim Kardashian.

[B]

You know what?

[C]

If they stop you from doing that, then I'll say something. Okay, Christine. Instead, I'd be happy to go down there and just get into the whole.

[B]

Why don't we sacrifice Christine first?

[C]

See if that happens, she'll be in no trouble. She could just listen. She works. If she's wandering down. If they go, you can't. Right. Then I'll get involved.

[B]

You'll go down and slap.

[C]

But I can just go down now. I'm not gonna slap anybody right away. I'm probably gonna slap anybody at all. Let's be honest. But it's probably won't come to slapping. Let's hope a slap fight. All right, you know what? I changed my mind. I do want to get to a slap fight with several employees here, but only slaps. Everyone just coming open palms. That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. It really kicks you in the nuts because you're coming in, you got the card, you're ready to do your show. You're an employee. It's a popular show. Probably, I dare I say, one of the best shows on the channel right now.

[C]

Best show on the channel.

[B]

And as you're walking up.

[C]

Best show on SiriusXM.

[B]

Best show on SiriusXM. I would say that that's what people say.

[C]

What's happening? Funnier.

[B]

That's what we've said.

[C]

Go on.

[B]

We've said it. Yeah, dude, go do it.

[C]

Because people have said it. I'll go. Six people.

[B]

I'll go with.

[C]

I'll go with six people.

[F]

Radio. Andy is interviewing her.

[C]

Good.

[B]

What?

[C]

Oh, I can't walk through a lobby because that's insane. Oh, that's what I should do, actually. I just say. I just want to see Andy. Yeah, just say fawn over Andy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is a good, like, gay. Like, Like.

[F]

Oh.

[G]

Ooh.

[C]

Andy Cohen. I'm just gonna keep saying Andy Cohen. I'll never acknowledge Kim Kardashian, but wasn't.

[F]

The lobby closed for, like, a. Was it not a. It was a boy band.

[E]

It was closed.

[F]

A member that broke and they broke up.

[C]

The guy from One Direction.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[F]

Yeah, the and they closed the whole lobby.

[C]

The fourth of fifth most important guy in one direction.

[B]

They wouldn't let Jay go the bathroom.

[F]

I didn't know who he was. I was like, that's who you're closing.

[B]

They stopped Jay from going the bathroom. You can't come down here. And he. He had to go to the bathroom somewhere else.

[C]

They sent me around the co. You can't go through. Why?

[F]

Me too.

[C]

What am I. Yeah. No. We should fight back, dude.

[B]

Yeah, Jacob, get some balls.

[C]

We gotta rise up. I wish the show was live right now. They're never gonna know why we got fired today.

[B]

They're gonna enjoy the whole week. They're gonna have to not gonna be on on Monday.

[F]

Christine, she looked right at me. What does that mean?

[E]

I need to. I'm locked out of my email, so I need to get back in. Were we like notified about this? It was going to be closer. You just like show up and it's locked down because it's just a little weird.

[C]

You show up and they send you away. Christine, go look at Kim Kardashian.

[E]

I don't want to go out there if they're gonna make a big deal out of it.

[F]

Well, you can go black.

[C]

Lou, I would send you, but you're black. I don't want you just getting. They're looking for a reason to fire you. I feel like you can go up to 37.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Just turn around.

[C]

Yeah. A girl. You can't just fire a white chick.

[F]

You can look from 37.

[B]

It is. It's 20, 25. We should send black.

[C]

Yeah. You know what? Actually, black, blue. I changed my mind. You're probably the smartest person. In fact, if you could also put on a wig and say your black trans would be fantastic.

[B]

Yeah. It's not 19.

[C]

Yeah. Go roping them fine ass sisters with metal detectors. Our last line of defense between death of Kim Kardashian. That's insane.

[B]

What did she say to you though? Did she. Was she polite about it?

[C]

Just matter of factly go that way. Go that way.

[B]

How do you spell that?

[C]

G, O dash, D, A W, A Y. Go that way, that way, that way. There's no D. There's no T.

[F]

You.

[B]

Should have said that back to her.

[C]

O. I should give her the whole speech. Let me tell you something, sister. Give it to me, Lou.

[B]

I don't understand why you hate on me. We don't understand show love.

[C]

It don't cost nothing to show a. Don't cost nothing. Show a some love.

[B]

You Just got wobble dab.

[C]

Don't take nothing to show me some love. Damn. I think they would treat me different if they heard about that great new song game. Where does the N word fit? So I think. Is it. Is it? What's his name? Absurd moron. Now that's what I call music. To put the n word into volume 23. That really tickled Me by Zellic Great job. Absurd moron. Always fun. Shit. Who's going down there?

[B]

I. It's got to be you because you have all the energy.

[F]

Yeah, I already saw her, so it doesn't matter.

[C]

Jacob feels like I have the wrong energy and he's right.

[B]

And I have. I love small talk. So I'm. I might. Well, I might have small talking to her. I'll get her to like me.

[C]

Okay, Bobby, maybe you're the temperament to go down there. You're not gonna bump into her. They're in the thing. Probably they're already in the fucking box tube.

[B]

I'm the one that everybody wants to get fired.

[C]

No. So that's not true.

[B]

Let's roll the dice.

[C]

No, but you're the pleasant. But you're pleasant enough. I'll get he. Listen, what's the mission, Bobby? And you'll get to this eventually. This is the difference of our ages. Slash, when we had children.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Right now you've got the. I have to help raise Max. I do. Still. I have to be here for him. I can't be talking to him through glass.

[B]

Yeah. You have no consequences. What are you gonna leave?

[C]

Isabelle's 23.

[B]

Yeah. What are you gonna leave Christine?

[C]

She's living life.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You know, I mean, it's like at this point, I'm like, let's throw it off. I. I don't have to raise her anymore. She's fine.

[B]

No, you're good.

[C]

She's 23 years old.

[B]

You have enough money in the bank to last the rest of your life.

[C]

Because I got killed in the lobby of SiriusXM by armed security. I didn't believe they had.

[B]

That would suck.

[C]

Is it just these two hoes? Red dots on my chest. Hey, where. Real funny, guys. Laser pointers.

[B]

Happy Halloween.

[C]

Oh, what, are your cats gonna come kiss me now?

[F]

There were just dudes on 35 talking into their sleeves.

[C]

Were there?

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Those are the first ones I want to get in the face of.

[B]

I say you get on your phone, call the line. We have you on the phone. We can hear it. We can hear the disrespect. At least we'll have it Live on air. Almost.

[C]

Now here's the thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do I go bathroom route? I'm just. To me. I want to do the horseshoe.

[B]

You do the horseshoe.

[C]

But do I start the horseshoe by bathroom? Because it might. We might never make it past bathroom before. I might. I think this I feeling if maybe if we go along glass wall, perhaps we have a better. Like an easier barrier of entry. Perhaps.

[B]

You go glass wall and if they stop you, then you come back around. Now there you are again. But you got the bathroom to recover.

[C]

But what needs to happen is I need to be. I need to sit in the chair in the lobby.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Play one round of my color blocks game.

[B]

Great.

[C]

And then come back here.

[B]

It sounds good.

[C]

I don't want to be bothered by anybody here. And I'm going to do this. I'm going to hold this the whole time.

[F]

Jay, you're not getting in there.

[C]

What do you mean?

[B]

You can do it. You got it.

[F]

Forward command is going to take you down before you get anything.

[C]

Who's going to do What?

[B]

Forward Commander Seal Team 6 is Jen.

[C]

Wits on the phone? I went Wits on the phone.

[G]

Let's talk security. If you go to the left by the window.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

You go that route, you're gonna run into the audience and the fishbowl and the door that gets to Kim. So I think that's gonna be heavily secured. If you want to get a first point of entry, you should go right by the bathrooms and see how. Not saving God.

[C]

That's also the least trained guy. Right. So when I. When I act like I'm like. I'll be like, what was it? This boy's life. I'll be like, oh, gee, I'm so scared. And then I dry gulch them. I fucking hit him in the. Give him the dry gulch. Oh, gee, oh, gee, Mr. I'm so scared. Dry gulch.

[B]

Right. And then you go past.

[C]

Yeah, here it is, Bobby, look. I'll be like, oh, gee, gee, I'm so scared. Dry gulch. And before you know it, I'm French kissing Kim Kardash. You know, there you go.

[B]

And then drag her back in this place.

[C]

You don't have to. When we have a fucking celebrity in the building, act like you've been to the party before. We don't have to make everyone who works here feel like a fucking jerk off.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because this girl who's famous for literally blowing and fucking Ray J. Which, by the way, God bless her heart, I've jerked off to that so many times because I've drank The Kool Aid that she's famous. So it's crazy that this famous person now is fucking Ray J.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And you get to see her pussy and loads all over and all.

[B]

But when she was fucking him, she wasn't famous. It was just a chick.

[C]

Correct.

[E]

Right.

[C]

So now the go back on it. So I have to acknowledge her fame has a major value.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Why can I not walk through the lobby?

[B]

You can.

[C]

I can't walk through the lobby.

[E]

I think specifically with her. She was robbed at gunpoint by her own people. And since then got to work for her, has crazy security herself. I think a lot of this is.

[C]

So if I come into your building, change everything if everyone works there. No, he said no heads up of nothing. They go, when you get here, we'll make you feel like a yeah. Oh, and who are you going to have tell people? Oh, two dipshits also are going to tell me in the lobby, how good.

[B]

Did you feel before you came up.

[C]

Walking on sunshine for my sunglasses.

[B]

One little thing.

[C]

It's all takes. All right, I think we're ready. Let's go do that for Kim Kardashian. Kim. Kristine's so happy.

[F]

She wants to see Kim so bad. Well, literally. Jay, Bobby and Christine left the room.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

They are trying to sneak into the Kim Kardashian event.

[F]

Oh, no, they're back. Bobby's back.

[B]

Jake is punched in the face.

[F]

Jacob, what can I do?

[B]

I mean, Jacob. Jake, shut the door. Shut the door. They don't know we're in here. Did they see you come in?

[C]

It's too late for Christine. She belongs to the people now. Let me tell you something.

[B]

That was such a.

[C]

Me and Bobby just walked down there, chests out. We're turned away at both. Exactly.

[B]

Not only were we turned away, a.

[C]

Small white lady told me your way in one hallway. And then a little black lady with braids like Rudy Huxtable sent me away in the other one.

[B]

We didn't even make it. We walked in the direction of the hallway and this white lady came out.

[C]

She saw my face.

[B]

She went, you have to go that way. And told us to go that way. And the little black lady looked at us like, what the fuck are you doing? It's not happening.

[C]

Nice.

[F]

Well, that's the one that watched you in the fishbowl. Simulate head.

[B]

So she knows us.

[F]

So she knows you.

[B]

She likes the one in the braids.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Rudy Huxtable.

[C]

What did she say? She saw us do what?

[B]

That was the one that was source with Marcus King. Yeah.

[C]

She killed It.

[F]

Yeah, when she watched you blow Bobby in the fishbowl.

[C]

Nobody blew anyone.

[B]

Well, let me carried away. Felt good.

[C]

Our penises weren't out. Listen, I'll die on that hill. My penis wasn't out.

[B]

It was my penis. You blew me or did I blow you?

[C]

Bob was blowing me. Yeah, but no one's penis was out.

[B]

It was me blowing you again. You never blow me.

[C]

Yo, treat your employees better. SiriusXM no to note to the big dogs, huh? That's insane that I've being to work at a place where they're directing me or like some insignificant twit is sending you away. I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

[B]

Two of them. I felt more.

[C]

Four.

[B]

Now I feel more rage from the white lady that came out with the bangs because she, she did. We didn't get two feet out of the studio before she felt our vibe.

[C]

And she was like, you, what do you think? I'm gonna have Bobby suck me off again? Relax, it's not our day in the bowl.

[B]

I didn't suck you off. I mean, it was like, you know.

[C]

What do you think I'm gonna explode over Bobby's beautiful, beautiful face again?

[B]

It wasn't calm.

[C]

It's your day in the fishbowl, but I gotta be able to walk by face.

[B]

I didn't blow him. I didn't blow him.

[C]

I hate everybody here.

[B]

I didn't sack everybody's dick. Anybody's dick. I'm not a vampire yet. 40 years sucking your dick.

[C]

Bobby, great news. You're a vampire. I forgot to tell you.

[B]

You're gonna wake up in the middle of the night and be at your window. Let me in.

[C]

What if something tragic ever happens, God forbid, to Max and Dawn? Bobby's he's like, I'm a vampire. The next day. I'm a vampire now. What?

[B]

Bobby, it's 12 in the afternoon. How are you a vampire?

[C]

I'm one of those new fangled ones.

[B]

Well, I'm going to be a vampire, so I want to get into the shape of a vampire. I gotta get my dick sucking skills in.

[C]

Yeah, dude. Damn, you're right.

[B]

Christine, can I ask you a question? When we. When we did it, do you think you could do better than when we did? No. You don't?

[E]

No, I think they have. Oh.

[F]

Oh.

[E]

I thought you meant getting by the security.

[B]

No. Yes.

[E]

I could 100% do it better than you. You guys don't know how it goes. I feel like Jay knows how it goes better than he does, but he was doing it poorly on purpose just.

[C]

To mess with me on my life. I seen a rainbow yesterday but I really don't know how. Like the bounce of the words after that. I've never. You think I'd taken the song Waterfalls a lot?

[B]

Yes, waterfalls.

[C]

I mean, there's not a more girl song in the world.

[E]

I feel like that there's a time where you couldn't escape it. It was in every gross, of course.

[C]

But I didn't learn the words of the rap. Yeah.

[B]

I wasn't hitting rewind, rewind, rewind.

[C]

I remember.

[E]

Didn't think you were going to do.

[C]

Listen, I know the first words of even the creep. The 22nd of loneliness. That's it. And then it goes me something something way way I keep something something till the something pushes me I love my man with all. No one's asking you he's cheating on me.

[B]

No.

[C]

Singers are over here, sir. Singers over. Cut her mic. Cut her mic.

[B]

No, I can't do it now.

[C]

Cut her mic. Do it.

[B]

She's right there.

[C]

She was right there. Not when she's. Nope.

[E]

Why?

[B]

No, let her do it.

[C]

No. Now she pays the price.

[E]

Let her be free, Jay.

[C]

I didn't get vengeance on the fucking staff here. I didn't get vengeance on the gay black. What am I doing here? I didn't get vengeance on Christine who made me look like a fool by turning down my money to rap a song that I now tried twice in the same room. Put that song up. Blue Dutch one is sick and we.

[B]

Don'T talk.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep something till the. Ooh, it's me again.

[B]

Oh, this is a good song.

[C]

It's me again.

[B]

Oh, look at her. Look at her. She wants it.

[C]

Christine, hump the air and sing the song.

[F]

She wants to sing so bad. Now it's.

[C]

Her mic is cut off. Her microphone is cut off.

[B]

He won't put her mic back on. This is so sad.

[C]

And if you start singing off microphone, I'm putting you outside the room. No, you can't do that.

[F]

You think you can look down from 37? They might.

[C]

Really? Let's go up on 37. Show our wieners.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Let's let them know they should have thought of everything.

[B]

Here's the thing, though. We're going to show our wieners, and then we're still not going to get in trouble.

[C]

You guys were up there staring, like, with our wieners out.

[B]

What?

[C]

What?

[B]

We watched the video. There was no wieners out.

[C]

We had our wieners. We put our Wieners through the thing. We had them out. It's not showing up for some reason. Is that what that is? I thought you had a weird belt buckle. I thought you had a novelty size zipper.

[B]

I thought that was a keychain of an ear.

[C]

No, no, it's not that.

[F]

I actually want to see the there be life in the camera control room for the first time. Oh, I mean, you never see.

[B]

Wait a minute. Can I ask you a question?

[C]

They're trying to lie to make Kim Kardashian. This is a functioning satellite company.

[B]

Did we have to tape our own Marcus King Video? No, they taped us.

[C]

No, they sent those two ladies who didn't enjoy us.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I remember that.

[C]

She wouldn't look over at us at all.

[B]

Oh, she hated us from the get go.

[F]

It was podcast month.

[B]

Oh, that's what we get.

[C]

Probably.

[B]

Yeah, we get podcast month.

[C]

Yeah, but we're not really a podcast. We're a radio show.

[B]

Yeah, we're not a fucking podcast.

[C]

Yeah, we're racial. I don't know if you know that. SiriusXM treats podcasts with the utmost respect. They give them giant, beautiful studios with fake plants and cameras that work. This is a radio program.

[B]

We get nothing.

[C]

We get the oldest equipment, these fucking gas digital cameras.

[B]

Yeah, we get small waters, little tiny sip waters.

[C]

Very, very abrasive Kleenex.

[B]

We only get baked lays. We don't get regular snacks.

[F]

Yeah, those are 4K camera.

[C]

I know, I'm gonna break one fucking bro. I hate this place.

[B]

But just take it. We should just take all the cameras. They'll never know.

[C]

Are these simple screws, like bolt screw. I don't know if you know this, Bobby, but I have a 7,000 piece tool set in my house. I opened it one time upside down, and then every piece of the ratchet thing came out. I just reclosed it.

[B]

You didn't. You didn't put the ratchets back?

[C]

I did a lot of them, but it's like I have to handle that other time. It was the most frazzling I've ever been a part of. Why did I get a 700 piece set?

[B]

Well, you might get a. You might get a Chevy truck from the 70s.

[C]

I just opened it the wrong way. I went. I went. I opened it. I saw it happening. I went.

[B]

I went, oh, oh.

[C]

And I flipped it over and it was an eighth inch, a quarter inch, seventh inch, sixth ever. Like I was looking at it like. And you have to look at them all in the light because it's on the metal. You're like, hey, I'm freaking out. I don't need any of these. I need one. I need two standard size ratchet things.

[B]

Yeah, that's for like an engine that says if you're gonna do car work.

[C]

It's in my algorithm, though. It isn't in my algorithm, though.

[F]

Now.

[C]

Now I know all kinds of cars. Cool things like how to hammer in a. An anchor.

[B]

Oh, an anchor. Or like a wall to hang in to put a screw in the wall and. Yeah, that's good. That's good to know.

[C]

You hammered in with a screw in it. You don't try to just hammer the thing in. Yeah, that's why they always break.

[B]

Or you just use the screw and hammer it and then push it in after that and then screw it in.

[C]

Well, you don't want to ruin the head of your screw you're going to use. So you get it in, right, with that screw. Take that screw out and you can put a. Then you put the screw size you need.

[B]

Yeah, there you go, man talk with Jay. That's very nice.

[C]

Also, I said the word caulk out loud. I think I have to caulk my shower. And I saw a thing about melting down the front of your caulk thing, squeezing it down to be flat, and then cutting a little triangle, and then it somehow lays perfectly. Now I can't see how it's going to work. It makes me feel like the caulk's going to come out like fucking icing flowers on a cake.

[B]

But that'd be pretty if you had icing flower caulk in your shower. No one's ever done that.

[C]

No one's ever done that.

[B]

It just says happy birthday on your tiles.

[C]

I guess with home repair stuff, though, I just started feeling in my mind like if it sucks, you can go like, no, I did it like that. Yeah, yeah. Because this thing's not really hanging. It's loose. It's loose in the wall. He goes, yeah, it's like a dang.

[B]

You have to. You have to scrape off the other, though. You know that. You have to take off the old. You can't just put new on older cock.

[C]

I'll handle the way I want to handle.

[F]

I'm the king of caulk.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You have to scrape the old off and put new on. You can't just put it over old.

[C]

Oh, why? That guy's not gonna get hard if he smells old.

[B]

Oh, we're talking about two different things, are we? Yeah.

[C]

Oh, are we?

[B]

What else you do yeah, you have to just.

[C]

I thought you just kind of go right over it.

[B]

No, there's. There's a tool that you scrape off the old bad caulk, but I feel like everything.

[C]

Isn't all the tiles gonna fall out, then?

[B]

No, they're actually put in with, like, some type of cement. So the caulking just keeps it so the water doesn't get between the tiles on the bottom and around the edges, there's a tool you get. You scrape off the old, and then you apply the new.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you can get.

[C]

Usually.

[B]

What color did you get? What color do you like?

[C]

Huh?

[B]

What color do you like, really?

[C]

Anything? I mean, yellow for my butt. Come on, Jacob. No one gets mad if you make fun of Asian people. Wieners.

[F]

I'm smelling dried. Come.

[B]

Yeah, there it is.

[C]

That's a.

[B]

That's the remover.

[C]

I saw a guy, instead of breaking a faucet thing, he was unscrewing. He tied strings around, like, the whole thing and then got a p. A piece of pipe, and, like, levered it to turn the hole.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Pretty cool stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He was changing the. Where the whatchamacallit toilet goes into the wall.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

These aren't things that I have plans of doing or need to be done right now, but for some reason, my algorithm has hit do you strings?

[B]

Because you looked at one thing, and now it's like, oh, you want to start fixing shit?

[C]

There was something about putting. If you have a bad, like, screw hole or something, use a rub. Put a rubber band over the hole.

[B]

Yeah, you can do that, or you can get. You can get glue, get sawdust, and mix it together, and then put it in there, and then it makes, like, a wood.

[C]

Finally, something to do with all my sawdust. So probably my favorite kind of joke.

[B]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, I've been thinking about this. My. My cousin, my distant cousin who I grew up with and I loved for a long time, sent me a birthday present, and I never called him back. And it's weighing on me. I'm gonna reach out. I'm gonna call him. I'm gonna talk to him. Just say hi. Thanks. But you know what? The longer you wait, the more difficult it gets. And it just takes a little courage to make that call, just to say hi. Someone you haven't seen in a while. Reaching out for therapy can feel difficult, too. It's very similar to that, but it can be worth it. It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? Why haven't I taken my mental health a little more serious because it seems daunting, but it's not. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the U.S. betterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals this month. Don't wait. Reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp can make it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Bonfire. That's better. H E L P.com Bonfire everybody.

[C]

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[C]

Quints.com bonfire Lou, I see this thing on the sheet. I don't know if it was on this show, if we got into it this week already, but you already had a Halloween getaway or you're going on one.

[G]

I'm going on one on Halloween.

[C]

Okay, so then this is a good thing to talk about now since it's the last day of the week.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Where are you going?

[G]

I'm going to the beautiful Catskill Mountains.

[C]

Why is she green? Doing a Halloween extravaganza?

[G]

No, we rented an Airbnb.

[C]

Why is Mort Saul still alive?

[G]

We rented an Airbnb on the. Some kind of river.

[C]

Give me one more second. I have one more of these old timey references. Here is Pat Roberts or Pat Cooper. Is Pat Cooper doing a good look?

[G]

Yeah. So it says on Airbnb, it says magical Halloween getaway.

[C]

What does that mean?

[B]

That means they're gonna have spiders. They're going to have Halloween stuff. The town I've been to Woodstock, right?

[G]

Yeah.

[F]

There.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

Woodstock is a. Is such a cool little hippie town. I do a lot of fishing. All my hiking that I've done with like, Ari and Joe and Versi is up right near that town. And. And during the holiday seasons, they. The town gets all into it. So that's going to be a less romantic time. You dressing up?

[G]

No, she doesn't like that.

[C]

You doing the whole weekend.

[B]

She hates Christianity.

[G]

Yes.

[C]

No, she loves Christianity. She hates paganism. Oh, I know.

[B]

Kellogg's not really Christian.

[C]

So you're doing a Halloween getaway. So she wants to be Halloween themed. She likes the idea of Halloween. Just not dressing up.

[G]

She likes scary movies.

[C]

Are you gonna watch scary movies?

[G]

Yes. She made me watch so many of them.

[B]

You know what you should do while she's watching the movie? You should go outside and jerk off through the window.

[G]

That's scary.

[B]

It's gonna be scary for everybody. Horrifying.

[C]

Leave a little ectoplasm on the window. I like the audience to know that I turned around and winked at Jacob when I said that for some reason.

[B]

You should come in your hand and slime her.

[C]

So you're going to go to this place and fucking watch scary movies? Hopefully.

[G]

Fuck, yeah.

[C]

And Vega. Hopefully. Why she hasn't let you yet? We did think she was pretty.

[B]

You guys haven't fucked yet.

[C]

We do think she's too pretty for you. So that wouldn't blow my mind.

[G]

That's usually the case with me.

[C]

Has she never had sex with you yet? Because now I respect her more.

[B]

She's never done it.

[C]

She's making him.

[B]

She's making him. Wait till the cat skills.

[C]

Oh, I hope that's it. She wants to you like an older white gentleman in the cat skills.

[G]

To be honest, we used to like rabbits in the first couple months, but we're approaching a year now and it's kind of slowed down.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Well, you can't like rabbits all the time. That's too fast. Yeah, it's not even a good way to.

[B]

That's not a good way to.

[C]

I can it slowed down to. What would you say now? Once a week?

[G]

Yes. Maybe. Maybe sometimes less.

[C]

We're in a drought a year in.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

That'S pretty normal, I guess. And if you're fucking on vacation time, if you're going away and you look, I'm at the point where we go away and we don't bang right when you should, you know? I mean, like we've been to Aruba and it's like I'm tired.

[C]

I respect it.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Right.

[B]

That shouldn't matter, Jacob. I should teach my son how to bang.

[C]

It turns me on. It turns me on. It turns me on more if I know Max is around.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I let him watch Christina.

[C]

J. Yo, that gets me wound up.

[G]

Here's our place.

[B]

Oh, that's beautiful. Oh, that's nice. You're gonna bang right on that couch right there. Pretty expensive, was it 500 bucks a night, huh? Of four. Wow.

[C]

Evil lives there.

[E]

It's a pretty cool place.

[B]

Oh, it's great for evil water. How many bedrooms? It's like three bedroom.

[G]

There's a lot.

[B]

Oh, you got a. You got a little hammock you're never going to use because people don't use hammocks ever.

[C]

Oh, that river's nice.

[B]

Oh, can I. Can I come up and fly fish?

[G]

Sure.

[E]

What do you mean?

[C]

Say no.

[B]

Why? Oh, dude, we're not.

[E]

We're not.

[G]

Come on over.

[C]

Oh, dude, can I come up and just. Can I come up and do other stuff? Just other stuff around? Oh, can I join this cockroach band that you have on here on the veranda?

[B]

Wow, that's nice. Oh, it is really nice. That's really nice. I want the name of that. I'm going to bring Don up there.

[C]

Not let her. Dude. Let her know. Dude, Let your chick know we're all coming.

[B]

Yeah, let us all go up there. You have a jacuzzi hot tub. You have a hot tub.

[G]

You got sauna.

[C]

That hot tub's going to be gross.

[B]

I'll. I'll fly fish all day. The outside shower.

[C]

Dude, that's awesome. Dude. I'll sunbathe outside, but, like, I'll cover my dick with, like, a rag. A small rag, A teeny tiny rag. I'm gonna cover my dick with a half egg from one of those grocery store things you buy when you walk out for 50 cents.

[B]

Have you. Have you gotten naked in your backyard?

[C]

Not at once. No. It's a lie. Christine was out of town. I got butt naked in the hot tub and watched. Not bad. Girls Club. What is it? Love is their lockup.

[B]

No, you did.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, in the hot tub. Let my bag float around. And then I just got bummed out because I feel like the jets weren't working right and I got out and there's only me. Like, being sad, naked and cold.

[B]

I walk around naked up in the tiny house.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. At night only.

[C]

Ew.

[B]

I walk out on the deck sometimes.

[C]

Why? Your son is there?

[B]

No, he's asleep when they're in bed.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. What if he wakes up to pee and is traumatized by his father? Stretching out outside with his dork at.

[B]

The window, he sees how little it can get.

[C]

Dad, it's not even winter. It's summer out there. Why your balls so tight? That is nice.

[B]

That is really nice. And right now it's gonna look so good up there.

[C]

Might as well, fuck in that hot tub, because everyone does.

[B]

Are you a leaf peeper? Do you like leaves? Do you like the changing of the leaves?

[G]

I wouldn't keep.

[C]

Oh, is that what it's called? I thought he was talking about keeping. I thought, I think, like, looking at other people's cabin windows through the trees. Leaf peeping.

[B]

That's what they call them.

[E]

A leaf tour in LA with the naked pool people.

[B]

Oh, that was great. That was fantastic.

[C]

That was big. They put on, like, a real.

[E]

It was like a naked family.

[C]

They just put on a show for it. I like when they put on a show and there's, like, an ending of the show. Yeah. They walked around naked. Dick, puss, tits. Everything talked, congregated, showered, called it a day.

[B]

That was nice. And he had. The guy had a respectable piece.

[C]

He did. We saw it from across a canyon.

[B]

Yeah. What's that? Where is that? That looks like my place up there.

[E]

New England.

[C]

That's leaf.

[B]

See that? Go back up. Go back up. That right there, that's my lake. That's my lake. That's Squam Lake.

[E]

That's Lake Winnipesaukee.

[B]

No, it isn't. It's not. It's Squam Lake 100%. That's Little. That's the channel between Little Squam and Big Squam. You have to go buy that house article.

[E]

It's wrong.

[B]

Well, it's absolutely. Lou, am I right?

[C]

You are absolutely right.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

This picture makes me miss it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Bobby.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[C]

That 100% was too real. 100% for what you're doing right now.

[B]

Lou. Lou, are you taking me to court right now?

[C]

Oh, I mean, then I'm taking you to court. But I just have a few questions, okay?

[B]

Yes, Jay?

[C]

Why would the article say it's Lake Winnipesaukee and be wrong about this? Also, is there more of a chance that a lot of these lakes have a tiny red boathouse?

[B]

Jay, it's an iconic red boathouse that's on the channel from Little Squam to Big Swamp. It's one of the pictures that when you go up there for the first couple times, that's the one you. Oh, my God. I gotta take that picture. That picture right there is of Little Squam going to Big Squam. Can you bring up. Can you bring up Red Boathouse, Little Squam or Big Squam, please?

[C]

There it is.

[B]

What's the house called?

[C]

That's how we saw it.

[B]

It's called Little Red Boathouse.

[C]

Is it?

[B]

No, I Mean, that's what we call it.

[C]

Okay. Okay, that's fine. Little red house.

[B]

And bang.

[C]

And I. Listen, I have a picture. I want it to be right. I want you to be right.

[B]

I am right.

[C]

I know you are.

[B]

Look at it. See, it's the exact different house.

[C]

That is not even kind of the same.

[B]

Not even the house. It's a different house.

[C]

It's a different house. It's a substantially bigger house.

[B]

Lou. What the.

[C]

It's got black on it. It's an actual house. Where? This is a garage of sorts.

[B]

Lou, I wouldn't have went full force if you didn't back me up.

[C]

That is a house.

[F]

And one's a boat garage.

[C]

Now, that is a. That is a house right there on squat. And that looks really cool and nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The other thing is someone's boat garage. Jacob. Thank you. I believe is what it is called on a lake. That is actually a much prettier scene.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Colors for the leaf peepers. Yeah. But, yeah, this is.

[B]

Well, one's during the summer, in the. In the fall. If you see that house, it looks very similar.

[C]

Oh. If you see it from a different angle and you're colorblind. Yeah. For sure. If you assume every red house just proves you're in the same place you were the other time you saw a red house.

[F]

He said it with such conviction.

[B]

I really did. And black Lou was like, that's it.

[C]

He did.

[B]

I was like, God damn.

[C]

Black Lou blacked you up hard.

[B]

And I felt so confident going into the. The trial. I had all my Stu ready, and I'm guilty.

[C]

I can't believe for lunch I have to go out there and walk by girl kid and play. I'm out of girl black duos, by the way. I've now got to find black dude duos and call them girl that Girl tubs and Tubs. You see what I mean? Because there's no crocking. There's no Crockett. When they're both black women. Tubs and Tubs, both thin, attractive women, though.

[B]

We got it.

[C]

They weren't fat.

[B]

We got it. We got it. It was a good one.

[C]

Listen, I'll always. I gotta call it how I sees it. Fair is fair.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Neither of those girls were fat.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me see that picture again. Christine. Yeah.

[C]

Memorize it.

[B]

That looks like.

[C]

Memorize it so you don't humiliate yourself ever again.

[B]

I didn't know Christine was gonna be.

[C]

Oh, he's like, everybody. That's the iconic picture. That's the iconic picture. Everyone's got to take this particular picture of. Not Squam Lake at Squam la, everybody.

[B]

Has that dumb picture of that boathouse.

[C]

Right. By the way he's looking, he's for people listening. He is gleaming at Black Lou looking for backup. And Black Lou is just pretending to look at everything. But Bobby, he's looking on. He's on his phone. He's looking down at the computer. No, I had to make sure we were right. I still think we are. I think it's just a different angle of the house.

[B]

It's absolutely not the same house.

[C]

Are you in your mind a green.

[E]

Roof versus a black roof?

[C]

The way the sun is reflecting on.

[E]

The roof, the windows are different.

[B]

It might be a different angle. He might be right. That. Oh, I'm sorry. They put the addition on the new house.

[C]

Yeah. Also I happen to notice the other one doesn't have a pier hanging right off of it like this.

[B]

No, they took that down with the hurricane.

[C]

When the hurricane.

[B]

When the hurricane.

[C]

I like. This was such a bad lie. You freaked out on finishing the sentence. What happened to the thing? There was. There was a rain. A rain? What?

[B]

Yeah, dude. See now if you look real close. Shut up, Jacob.

[C]

They got rid of the. They got rid of the marina and added a second floor.

[B]

They built the second big part on. They added a second boathouse onto it. And then that's when they changed the roofs and because the windows. They change. Not the windows. The windows are the same. They just made them longer and different shapes.

[E]

Nope, the windows. There's 12 spaces in those windows and there's four in these because they added.

[B]

Even double because they added the new 12 space windows. If you're going to do it, you're going to do it right, Christine now.

[C]

By the way, they both are, I believe. Jacob, did we just bore you to almost fall asleep? That was crazy. That was crazy. Jacob. You went like this. I looked over the time and you went like that.

[F]

I know.

[C]

No, and you popped up.

[B]

You popped up. Oh, I'm sorry. This isn't exciting enough for you? Boathouse talk, isn't it?

[F]

I would admit it.

[C]

Kratom's taking him down. Dude, that was. That was a genuine head. Went back fall asleep.

[E]

Jacob nodded.

[C]

He nodded.

[F]

They're both boathouses.

[C]

Is this show almost over? I feel terrible about myself now. Seven minutes.

[E]

It's like therapy all over again.

[C]

Yeah, this is to be right back to therapy. When I bored that lady to sleep. I'm worried about showing my daughter I love her enough.

[B]

There's nothing worse now, listen, I want to say something before we go. We might not be here next week.

[F]

That's right.

[C]

What?

[B]

Yes, we might not be here, bro.

[C]

Because of what I've. What I'm about to do to Kim Kardashian.

[B]

No, that we might not be here for a couple reasons. Then I forgot about that.

[C]

What? We're fired.

[B]

Dude, the fucking. We're gonna find out. We've already found out.

[F]

Oh, yeah, We've already found.

[B]

We've already found out.

[C]

I didn't know what you were talking about.

[B]

If three. I. What is it called again?

[C]

Atlas.

[B]

Atlas is a spaceship with life or it's just an asteroid.

[C]

We're gonna know soon.

[B]

We're gonna know Wednesday night when it comes around the sun. Supposedly, as it comes in, it picks up speed, but as it comes out, if it picks up speed again, that means something. Steering it.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

So they'll know what it is. Right now it's behind the sun. We can't see it.

[E]

Is it not in the, like, sun's orbit yet? Is that.

[B]

No, it's in the sun.

[C]

It's taking this long for us to figure this out because I will say that seems like. What if we're not going to get, like, high intelligent life from my foot. That sounds like it's a. Like an alien family on a vacation. It's like taking them a long time. No, it'll be more fun if we take a long time.

[B]

Right? They just go in the. The scenic route. Yeah, that's what I mean.

[C]

Like, they're coming in, like, a long time. It goes. Hey, we've been tracking this fucking Studebaker, the space Studebaker, for a while.

[B]

It's the size of Manhattan.

[C]

Really?

[B]

The size of Manhattan.

[C]

Oh, nice. I like that. That means when it comes over us, we'll get to do the thing like Independence Day, where it shadows us completely.

[B]

Shadows everything.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And yeah, we'll know by, I think, Thursday morning or Thursday at some point if it is actually acting in a. Behavior of that somebody's actually controlling it.

[C]

I'm gonna go on the roof of this building, if we're allowed, and go.

[B]

That's funny. We're not even allowed to die in this building. On the roof.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, guys, the building.

[F]

You're not allowed up.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, guys, the building's going down. We were just hit by a plane. We have to get out. Andy Cohen and Kim Kardashian first. You sit here and try to hold the studio together.

[B]

Yeah, it's coming in. Came in last night. The show's on now. So we'll know. We'll know way more on today of what it is. So we might be.

[C]

So let's give them so just in case it's a thing, everyone. It's been great doing the show all these years. Bobby, you've been an asset to this show. Love doing it as long as you've been here. I love you so much.

[B]

I love you, man.

[C]

Make sure you kiss your families. And then if you can, if you could figure it out how to do it on your own, kiss your own ass goodbye because we are about to become space slaves. I can only assume all we have.

[B]

To actually join with China and the other countries and we actually come together as a world to fight these people or these creatures or whatever they are.

[C]

I've said this before, and I'll say it again, Bobby, and I'm gonna ask you to stop bringing it up. I will never work with the Chinese.

[B]

Why?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Even if there's aliens attacking us?

[C]

Aliens attacking us is just the one line I won't cross. You have to stand your ground or my people won't respect me.

[B]

Well, after the war, we can separate again.

[C]

No, no, no. Then we're all going to be like, oh, but we did work together that one time. And it's like, nah, that man.

[B]

What, dude, what are you talking about?

[F]

You.

[C]

You with the Chinese.

[B]

You know how it is. You've been divorced. You can still work together but not be together.

[C]

No, no. They'll be vindictive when I talk behind their backs, too.

[B]

Well, God bless you. God bless the world. I'm not gonna say America. I'm gonna say the world.

[C]

God bless America. There's some other places they could wipe off.

[B]

What if they only wipe us out and they keep everything else?

[F]

I don't understand, like, what a comet is a rock.

[C]

Good luck. Having any good music ever.

[B]

A comic is a lot of things, but yeah.

[F]

So why does it look like a transparent organism with blinking lights inside?

[B]

Well, it's a fun rock. They call them fun rocks.

[F]

What could that be?

[B]

Well, it's the angle. The angle of the angle of the. We probably already talked about this with the guests on Wednesday.

[C]

It's the party bus of UFOs.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be funny. If they're just a bunch of goofballs. It's just a bachelorette party of aliens. It comes down and just makes a loud noise, playing loud music.

[C]

That'd be fucking great. If there's assholes, they just get off the bus.

[B]

What's up, like, sup?

[C]

Send us your sluts.

[B]

We're here for your slut.

[C]

We're here for your sluts. Do they all just have two tits?

[B]

Okay, whatever.

[C]

Fine. Send them.

[B]

You guys have iced tea? We heard about this. Iced tea.

[C]

Hey, any girls have a fat. Any guys have a fat bitch that could fit this weird pronged?

[B]

Has teeth. All their dick have teeth.

[C]

Dude, I'd love to be in a space fight with somebody.

[B]

It'd be great.

[C]

Well, here's the thing. We're not prepared for a space force. So they're just going to take volunteers, like Independence Day. So I could be like. We can come in there like. Like Bill Burke and be like, our number one crack pilot. Do you do it?

[B]

Dude, I drive a helicopter, dude. It's the same thing as a fighter jet, dude.

[C]

Load some missiles up in this.

[B]

Dude, I've been to Saudi, dude. I know how this shit works. Damn, dude. Well, so there you go.

[C]

Aliens. I hope if there are aliens, they're sexy.

[B]

No, what if they're just hot chicks? That'd be great.

[C]

Like Amazon women on the moon.

[B]

And they came here because all their men died and they haven't had dicks in centuries.

[D]

I love it.

[C]

Biped and bypassed.

[B]

They just run off and grab our dicks and suck them.

[C]

That means two legs and two biped. By puss.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know why I try to talk science to this guy. All right, that's my fault. Jacob, you don't say you know anything about science, so I don't know why I keep trying to lay it on you.

[B]

Go back to sleep. Jake. Yeah, Jacob.

[C]

Do me a favor. Go take your siesta. Yeah, finish your siesta.

[B]

Take a little nap.

[C]

We'll be over here. Oh, I can't believe I caught him falling asleep. The only thing we're gonna emotionally crush.

[B]

Me, we're gonna regret. And Christine will regret it the most. She never got to sing that song ever again.

[C]

That's right. Oh, you died. Never doing. And sitting there idly while me and Bobby massacred it. I've seen a rainbow, Some potato. Good days.

[B]

I hope they're fans of TLC and the show and they came here to hear that song and they actually kill her because she didn't sing it. And they keep us. They take us with them.

[C]

Can we try to go through the lobby now? And go. You don't understand. I have to meet her.

[F]

It might be wrapped by now, so you might have clearance to go.

[C]

Just so you know, whenever I walk.

[F]

Through the lobby again, I'm gonna clearance now.

[C]

Whenever I go through the lobby again, I'm gonna walk tall. Like I'm doing it against their will. I'm walking tall. So I'm going like, what? What?

[B]

All right, we'll see you guys. Big J, he's going to be this weekend. You're at the Comedy Mothership this weekend?

[C]

Yeah, this weekend.

[B]

I mean, of course it's sold out.

[C]

It's the best club, I think. I mean, comedy. Maybe some loose tickets.

[B]

Comedy mothership in Austin this weekend, Friday, October 31st through Sunday, November 2nd. He'll be. I can't wait for you to play this club. He's going to be at side splitters in Tampa. I was there all weekend. Standing ovations, whatever. You know they're going to flip out and you're going to flip out.

[C]

They promote my shows while I promoted it. Nice.

[B]

They promoted it. Mike's excited to have you on the show. It's already sold out. They did they add the Sunday. I was telling everybody in line, come back and see Jay.

[C]

They are adding a Sunday.

[B]

I say the. I, I said Sunday show. Go to the Sunday show. So in my, my little line outside as everybody, I was like, you gotta come back and see Jay. Gotta come back and see Jay. Funniest guy walking right now.

[C]

If you come to one of the other shows, come back to Sunday. So it's not for nothing.

[B]

Calm down, fill it up. And then after that, he's gonna be New Orleans for Skank Fest for tickets and all the tour dates go to bigjay comedy.com YouTube.com bigjayokerson for his live shows and his them they special double specials up there right now. And then his double album, Them they is available pre order right now. There's only 500 of them. And they have a signed dick face guy photo on there. And that's at bigjcomedy.com yeah, Robert Kelly's.

[C]

Gonna be at the Emmaus theater in Emmaus, Pennsylvania, Saturday, November 1, and at Comics Come Home at the TD Garden in Boston, November 8. After that, New Orleans for Skank Fest, Providence, Rhode Island, Point Pleasant, New Jersey for tickets and all other tour dates go to Punch up Live Robert Kelly. Check out that YouTube page, YouTube.com Obert Kelly comedy. Oh, for my live streams and stuff. I'm going to figure out a schedule for it, but I don't know if we're to be able to do this one this week or last week. We didn't do one. So they'll be back though, when I can and then, yeah. Enjoy your last few days on earth, I guess.

[B]

Well, might be over right now. This might be the last thing you ever heard.

[D]

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. They go perfectly with music, podcasts, and welcome back to the show. Even nature sounds. Oh, and the thing where someone crinkles tissue and whispers at you.

[E]

Hello.

[D]

Look, I'm not here to judge what you listen to. I'm here to judge you for not eating Reese's while you listen to it. Reese's? Ashley, go back to the nature sounds. Nice. Yeah, that's really nice.

[B]

Hi.

[F]

Hi.

[B]

It's Jason. Yeah, my name is Jason.

[D]

Sure.

[B]

And I do a podcast called Smart List.

[G]

And here's the good.

[B]

My name is Sean.

[C]

We're gonna do it by yourself or.

[B]

Yeah. No other people? I got a couple of Ding dongs.

[G]

To do it with me sometimes, but.

[B]

I'm gonna bring these fools out on the stage at the Hollywood Bowl, November 15th. You guys, please show up. It would be so awkward if it was empty. Where can they get [e-mail] live? Please buy a ticket. You can go now. God's sake, you can go now.

[D]

Bye.

[F]

Bye.