Mewling Quim with Mike Finoia

Summary

Episode Summary: "Mewling Quim with Mike Finoia"

Podcast: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Date: April 29, 2026
Guest: Mike Finoia

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Overview

In this lively and characteristically candid episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly (with guest Mike Finoia) delve deep into the ins and outs of New York comedy club culture. It's a night-in-the-life story minutely analyzed: Jay and Bobby reminisce and roast about an evening spent with other comedians at the Comedy Cellar, dissecting awkward encounters, comedic politics, fashion for fat guys, friendship insecurities, and New York hang dynamics. The trio's classic ball-busting is on full display, peppered with a recurring bit about Jay's unexpected timidity ("jellyfish," "amoeba," "spineless") when faced with a real confrontation. Expect hilarious tangents, playful self-deprecation, and a window into the old-school vs new-school divide in the comedy world.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Night Out at the Comedy Clubs

• Hitting the Hang: Jay and Bobby narrate their “Monday night hang”—popping into the Comedy Cellar and Olive Tree Café, seeing familiar faces, and absorbing the unique energy of the Village on 4/20.
• Parkscene: Observing "degenerates" and "lightsaber fights" at Washington Square Park, leading to jokes about cleaning up the city's problems with "a little mustard gas" (03:10), and a humorous encounter with an “otherworldly" costumed man (“a Dr. Seuss constable”).
  • “This guy, he had four different bodies to make one body.” – Bobby (04:20)
• Fat Guy Fashion: Extended riff on the sartorial challenges (“equator,” belts, suspenders, back braces, fat-guy shirts), mingling personal stories and detailed visual humor.
  • “I love new fat terms, by the way.” – Jay (05:55)

2. Physical Comedy & Competition

• Christine and the crew spar over who’s athletic. A mini "Olympics" in studio: splits, jumping to reach the ceiling, and jokes about yoga prowess (17:00–24:00).
  • “I could probably pull my body weight up easier than you could...” – Christine (16:54)
  • “Jay is in his chair...Mike is assisting him so he doesn’t kill himself spreading his legs. I could almost say, like, Jean Claude Van Damme” – Bobby (17:20)
• Playful exchange about real-life athletic feats vs. podcast bravado, with Bobby claiming dominance in everything but perhaps swimming.

3. Comedy Cellar Politics & Awkwardness

• The Confrontation That Wasn’t (Main Narrative Arc): Jay regales everyone with how he harbors lingering resentment toward the Comedy Cellar management, especially Gnome, over being left out of a club history book and other slights.
• Bobby’s Accusation: Bobby calls out Jay’s "spinelessness" when, faced with Gnome, he immediately becomes affable, contradicting his tough talk from moments earlier.
  • “Buddy, maybe you don’t have to move because you don’t have to be afraid of it. Because it’s just a spineless jellyfish of a thing.” – Jay, mocking himself (02:00)
• Their friendship dynamic gets skewered: Bobby pushes Jay into interactions ("You going to make me be uncomfortable?"), then mocks him for being a “mewling quim” (a phrase referencing someone who complains or gossips, as in Avengers).
• Notable encounter: Running into Aziz Ansari and Todd Barry. Bobby insists on social niceties and drags Aziz into conversation against his will, while Jay is self-conscious about past awkwardness.
  • “I force Aziz to come out of his elite shell.” – Jay (38:32)
  • “I was lighting up inside with joy and laughter, knowing this moment was coming.” – Bobby (49:15)

4. Backstage Life & Comedian Social Navigating

• Authenticity vs. Schmoozing: Jokes and real-talk about how comics (especially Jay) shift personas around bigger industry players—e.g., Michael Cox, Booker for The Tonight Show.
  • “Jay has stock stories…like he’s got his couch material ready in case he’s on Carson.” – Lou (33:37)
• Taking Shine, Losing Nerve: The crew teases Jay for melting in front of authority, and Bobby openly accuses himself of “stealing people's shine” – living off others' charisma rather than facing conflicts head-on (40:56).

5. Fat Guy Camaraderie, Comedy Stereotypes, and Elsewhere

• Anecdotes and affectionate roasting about “the hang” culture dying out—due to health scares, generational divides, and comics becoming “old guys” or “company men.”
• Status check on personal relationships in the club, including Jay's ongoing issues with Esty and Gnome; also, digressions about Neil and Kevin Brennan, and cameos by Aziz, Todd Barry, and more.

6. Notable Quotes & Moment Highlights

• Jay’s Spinelessness:
  • “He’s a tea spiller. That’s what—he’s a muling quim. He loves…Oh, and then you know what? And then you know what? And face with the man, ‘Hey, how you doing?’” (49:54)
• On Comedy Club Relationships:
  • “I gave him anecdotes.” – Bobby (49:45)
  • “He actually did do that. I kind of did…‘this is the way I always drink. I need Bobby to back up; this is the way I have my drinks.’” – Jay (54:55)
• Calling Out Aziz’s Social Awkwardness:
  • “Every time Aziz comes over and awkwardly will look at this. Don’t say. Doesn’t say hi…Three steps, I go, Aziz, get over and say hi! What’s wrong with you?” – Jay (37:48)
• Self-Deprecation About Club Standings:
  • “If I didn't slow down, I would be two and a half blocks ahead of her.” – Bobby, about walking with Christine (41:49)

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Major Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:05 | Show begins. Studio banter about tonight’s guest and fat guy self-deprecation. | | 10:00 | In-depth fat guy fashion riff (belts, suspenders, back braces, “equator”). | | 17:00 | In-studio athletic contests: splits, jump challenges, yoga debates with Christine. | | 31:36 | Jay and Bobby recount their Comedy Cellar night; industry politics, Jay's social anxiety. | | 37:30 | Topic shift: Aziz Ansari’s awkwardness, forced friendliness, and comedy "elite." | | 42:00 | Comedy Cellar behind-the-scenes: Relationship with Gnome; Bobby’s club grievances. | | 49:00 | The confrontation that wasn’t: Bobby exposes Jay’s spinelessness; “mewling quim” riff. | | 54:00 | Post-confrontation laughs, chips sharing with Gnome, Todd Barry’s confusion. | | 60:00 | Wrap up and outro with plugs for Mike Finoia’s tour and new show. |

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “If you’re gonna be a fat, be the fat fuck who shows up in a very fun multicolored floral shirt.” – Bobby (10:17)
• “It's not even about being a man. He's not a person. That's crazy, Mike.” – Jay, mocking his own lack of backbone (56:30)
• “I force Aziz to come out of his elite shell...It makes me feel so good forcing him to be social.” – Jay (38:04)
• “I take people's shine. Like predator would take their skulls and you collect them. Do you live off that?” – Lou (40:52)
• “Jay's only tough on a podcast. Seriously? Yeah, seriously. My kryptonite is the living, breathing world, Michael.” – Bobby (52:03)

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Character Notes & Dynamic

• Jay Oakerson: Brash, self-deprecating, but becomes sheepish in direct confrontations—especially with Comedy Cellar management.
• Bobby Kelly: Master ball-buster, pushes Jay for comic effect but also exposes their own foibles; mediates between bravado and reality.
• Mike Finoia: Good-natured guest, observer, joins in commentary and athletic stunts, adds to camaraderie.
• Lou and Christine (Producers): Stir the pot, provide logistical support, and are subject to playful roasting by the hosts.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• The true comedy “hang” is a dying art, but still full of oddball moments and brutal honesty.
• The pressure to be authentic vs. the need to schmooze is greater than ever in showbiz circles.
• Jay and Bobby’s friendship revolves around relentless teasing, public exposure of each other’s flaws, and an unfiltered lens on comedian egos.
• Even the “toughest” personalities turn into “mewling quims” (cowardly, gossipy, or sycophantic) in the face of real-life confrontation.
• The inner workings of the Comedy Cellar—its hierarchy and the insecurities of even veteran comics—remain endlessly fertile ground for stories and satire.

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For more off-the-cuff comedy and behind-the-scenes tales, subscribe to The Bonfire on SiriusXM. Don’t miss Mike Finoia’s tour and Grateful Dead Channel debut!

Transcript

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Okerson]

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[Lou]

And now the bonfire with Big J

[Jay Okerson]

Okerson and Robert Kelly. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Okerson]

Make me hot. Lou,

[Bobby Kelly]

if you think we have a guest, he hasn't joined the show yet.

[Jay Okerson]

He's on his phone. He's texting somebody.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's busy. We're on the air. Michael.

[Jay Okerson]

Hey, Mike Fenoy's in studio. And I'm glad he's in studio.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why.

[Lou]

Why. Why wouldn't he be?

[Jay Okerson]

You like. You like. You like Jay, right?

[Lou]

I mean, I love him.

[Jay Okerson]

You love him?

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

You think you know him?

[Lou]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, you do.

[Lou]

I mean, why? I bet you I don't know him as much as I think I do.

[Jay Okerson]

Well, I. I feel the same way.

[Lou]

You know what I mean?

[Jay Okerson]

Did you really.

[Bobby Kelly]

Were you really shocked by this behavior?

[Jay Okerson]

You know what?

[Lou]

I.

[Jay Okerson]

Let me tell you something. What you're standing. Standing next to right now. What you're sitting next to. Yeah, you're sitting next to.

[Lou]

Am I going to want to move?

[Jay Okerson]

Buddy, maybe you don't have to move because you don't have to be afraid of it because it's a just a spineless jellyfish of a thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

An amoeba.

[Jay Okerson]

He's an amoeba. He's. He's actually the thing in that new movie Hail Mary that was eating the sun. Just wait.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can give you. I can give you a little. Little precursor to the story here. Sure. Why don't you in that? Me and Bobby decided I was off skanks yesterday, so on a Monday when I don't have anything, I'm like, oh, well, that'll be a night. Go bang around a comedy club for a second, say hi, show my Face. See some people.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. Monday nights, you know, if he doesn't have anything, say, hey, what are you doing? I'm going down to hang. I'm like, yeah, come with me.

[Bobby Kelly]

We go for an hour. We go for an hour.

[Jay Okerson]

We go for an hour. We hang out, we bust balls. We get a little snack at New

[Lou]

Joke Night with Will Sylvan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, we go to the olive tree. We're OGs.

[Jay Okerson]

It's a very fluid thing. It's just to go down and be OGs. We drive down, we take 5th Ave. Little traffic. He plays songs.

[Bobby Kelly]

People. That's people outside, people seeing us.

[Jay Okerson]

He plays songs that get stuck in your head because he rearranges the songs sometimes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, sometimes I'll rearrange him.

[Jay Okerson]

And then we. We had a great night. We went to.

[Bobby Kelly]

We.

[Jay Okerson]

We parked over by Washington Square park. It was 4:20.

[Lou]

Yes, it was.

[Jay Okerson]

The park was packed with degenerates. If they could have just used a little mustard gas, they would have took a lot of the problems in New York City away.

[Bobby Kelly]

The problems would have been handled right in that park. They were lightsaber fighting. But I will say also, there was a black guy with reckless abandon doing crazy backflips off a ledge without thinking or caring who was walking behind at all. I mean, he almost made double foot contact with this other big black guy's face.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But everyone handled it really calm and cool and collected because of weed.

[Lou]

It is a performance enhancing drug.

[Jay Okerson]

And we did see the Saturday Night Live character. Miss. Ms. Pat was actually in the pit too, yesterday.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, no. What the fuck was that thing? Yeah, Jake, I made Bobby film it. I don't know, it was just like a fat guy with just like a big mustache. Again, I'm always taken back by the, like the person who goes the other direction. Like, I'll never look cool in any way, so let me be a fucking look. Like a fucking figment of someone's imagination. Like somebody just was designed by a boy's dream.

[Lou]

Oh, man.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, dude, I got it right here.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should have like big bird legs or something. Like everything was wrong with this guy.

[Jay Okerson]

This guy, he had four different bodies to make one body. Here it is right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

I really love this guy.

[Lou]

Oh, my God. Yeah, he looks like a. Like a constable in like a Dr. Seuss book.

[Bobby Kelly]

He definitely like talks like, with a whimsical like, hello, welcome, everybody.

[Jay Okerson]

Look at him in the crowd. He just sticks out in the crowd.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, my God, what a unfortunate.

[Lou]

Yeah, he looks like a character in like Yellow Submarine from the Beatles.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he does like a Joyce. Good Beatles drawing.

[Jay Okerson]

He actually looks like the sub is

[Bobby Kelly]

the same shape as the sub. He is a yellow submarine. Well, he's got that unfortunate thing where he wears pants that show you that at some point his legs stop and somewhere right around upper thigh, gut circle just begins to start.

[Lou]

That's what my great grandfather's body looked like. But taller and Italian. Not so well.

[Jay Okerson]

He had to make the uncomfortable choice that a lot of fat guys make, that we have to make. We all get. Is it under the belly or over the belly with the pain?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, you're wrong. Show that guy again. You're wrong about the senator, Christine. You're wrong about that Bobby, because the guy. Absolutely. Real quick.

[Jay Okerson]

I hate when you say I'm wrong. It hurts me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, I have trauma. You shouldn't though.

[Jay Okerson]

I just do.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's just conversation.

[Jay Okerson]

If I was somebody, to be honest with people, it's just conversational fun. No, no, that's over the belt. That's over the belly button.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, it's definitely over the belt. I'm not arguing that. I'm saying the difference. You said he has the choice. I'm saying there's a build.

[Jay Okerson]

I get you like.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're right. Here's the thing. Where's your equator? Where is your belt equator now? Mine my. That thing that happens, that circle that starts coming out.

[Jay Okerson]

I love new fat terms by the way.

[Bobby Kelly]

That circle that comes up for me is, I mean, that far from my dick. So there's like a little. There's a God given line here that I could put my belts at and call that my waist.

[Jay Okerson]

This poor guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Even though there's another thing happening over here, that guy's circle starts too low. You couldn't wear pants that low. So he has no choice but to go high because his equator's too low.

[Jay Okerson]

He has a planet around his waist. Yeah.

[Lou]

Or he's got northern and southern hemisphere.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, I'm wrong about it. His equator has to be high. If it goes. If he went to the under the belly equator, he's on his legs.

[Lou]

If you're him. If you're him. Are you ever tucking in a shirt? Untuck your shirt.

[Jay Okerson]

I would. No, you can't tuck in a shirt because it's going to immediately become untucked as soon as you move. You'd have to get a shirt that attaches to your socks.

[Lou]

Yeah, you're suspenders, like on his socks.

[Bobby Kelly]

His equator, he's not very sturdy. It's not a Defined equator. His equator moves through the day.

[Jay Okerson]

I mean this guy. Well, I was, he's like, look at that guy. And I was like, that guy. Nope, nope. He does. Nope.

[Lou]

He does this when Pete. When he thinks people aren't looking.

[Bobby Kelly]

He does like a. Oh yeah, absolutely.

[Lou]

Two handed. Like, like adjustment.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh yeah. A real farley. A real farley toe.

[Jay Okerson]

Real quick, fat guy's wearing suspenders. Suspenders? Yeah, he's wearing suspenders.

[Bobby Kelly]

I appreciate the best leather comfortable thing because the, the pants are an inch looser than your actual.

[Jay Okerson]

Why did you tell me that when I was fat as.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I could not. I couldn't stand by and watch you wear suspenders every day. Watch? My friend Cool Bobby used to get sucked off in stairwells. Now it's like build a butcher. Yeah. Not even. No, not even. You're gonna look at, I don't know, like John Wayne Gacy or something. It's crazy.

[Jay Okerson]

Fats Domino.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou]

Is that cultural appropriation when skinny rip dudes like wear suspenders because it's a fat guy thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Looks so cool on them.

[Jay Okerson]

Used to be a man before, I think it was a country because a belt was like a sophistication, like a rich person thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you remember Bill?

[Jay Okerson]

I mean they didn't have belts, they had rope.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you remember Bill Michaels?

[Jay Okerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a comedian. He's probably dead, but if. He might be very much alive. But if I had to guess from what I saw. But he lost a bunch of weight too actually. But he was a guy at his heaviest. He used to run a bunch of like bringer shows. He's one of those guys at Stan up New York. Yeah, but he wore the complete Home Depot. The complete. No, that's not him. The complete Home Depot. Like suspender rig.

[Jay Okerson]

The iron worker suspender.

[Lou]

Yeah, like onesies. Like, like almost like. No, no, like a construction worker onesie.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not a onesie. It was, it was still a thing, but it's like. It was just heavy Velcro around the waist. And then he was in a union.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, but it's like a back brace. My dad used to have to wear one of those.

[Lou]

It's pretty single handedly carrying the industry.

[Jay Okerson]

Did you say call me big Fat Bobby?

[Lou]

BFB Big.

[Jay Okerson]

I remember when Joe Rogan called me a big. A fat chubby person or something like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

You should call him fat too.

[Jay Okerson]

I was listening to the show and I was like, oh, Bobby, he's a big fat person now. I was like, oh God. Whoa.

[Lou]

Like a girdle.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is that.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I guess like. Yes, like that. That's what he wore. Wow. All the time. Yeah.

[Lou]

That's like some John Goodman.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Christine]

Oh, my God, he's so fat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He is so fat.

[Jay Okerson]

Did he wear that under his shirt or. Oh, you have to wear that over your shirt.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, over shirt. Yeah. Jesus.

[Jay Okerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that's what he perform comedy.

[Jay Okerson]

Like put advertising on the front.

[Lou]

You fat.

[Jay Okerson]

Like a donut company.

[Bobby Kelly]

He would also wear. Again, there's the other big thing.

[Lou]

Insert.

[Jay Okerson]

It's been fat people should do. They should advertise food.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

On their clothes.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's been kind of nice in losing some weight that like I like my biohazard like orange hoodie or my red body. Like I like those. Like a little. Putting a little bit of color into it. Because I always. But Bill Michaels at his heaviest, it was always like that. Like an orange shirt. They give you a couple choices in the fat guy stores. You can go understated or they will be like, do you want to dress like a heavy D in the boys?

[Lou]

Like a bright yellow?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like so bright. It's like all like. It's like, do you want to be the loudest or the most understandable? It's basic or highlighter.

[Jay Okerson]

Are you committing to this or are you not?

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what it is.

[Jay Okerson]

It's like, are you committed? Are you good? You committed to being a fat. We'll try this on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because if you're gonna be a fat, be the fat fuck who shows up in a very fun multicolored floral shirt.

[Jay Okerson]

I love fat fucks that are fun.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

Dress fun. Fuck yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Everybody does.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. I hate a fat fuck that tries to dress thin.

[Lou]

What about like the bowling shirt or like the. The Hawaiian shirt? Like the short sleeve?

[Bobby Kelly]

Like two different things.

[Lou]

Yeah. Well, I'm thinking short sleeve button ups.

[Jay Okerson]

I did.

[Lou]

The bowling shirt are good for a fat dude.

[Jay Okerson]

The bowling shirt. What a bowling shirt does is hide your side fat from the front and then your stomach reveals how fat you are from the side.

[Lou]

You turn sideways and it's just.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

Because it's usually like a black line down the side. That kind of thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lou]

That's true with like, you know, flames.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nothing worse. Still a problem even with losing weight. When I see pictures of me sitting on a stool from the side, it's still like where my back is and where my front of shirt is. Seems impossible. If I'm built like that. I don't know how. I don't have like a 70 inch waist because it looks like this from the side. It's like a complete try. It's nuts.

[Jay Okerson]

That's because we mushed down into a hamburger when we sit, maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because when every time they show me from the front now, I'm like, oh, that's not bad. Well, it's like, this is kind of fine.

[Jay Okerson]

When we do the videos here, when Paco does the videos, I always see that. I feel good. But then I watch the video and this is all mushed down, and I.

[Bobby Kelly]

I tell him, sorry, what.

[Lou]

What the.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was up. It's funny. Yeah. Funny how Paco says that.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. Funny how you.

[Bobby Kelly]

He uses a thing called fat cam on you, which I don't like.

[Jay Okerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

He beefs you up.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, yeah. He uses the fat cam filter.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fat cam filters you, and then sometimes he makes me a bunny.

[Jay Okerson]

Well, I looked over at you one day, and you were standing up. And I'm like, why is he standing up? And I figured it out, of course. Straightened you the out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, Paco gets those cameras in here, dude. You'd be surprised how much of the show I'm leaning back over here with the thing. Give us some profile. Maybe making my chest a little big. I'm like. So anyway, Kim Congdon. What was that you were saying?

[Lou]

You're wearing your Bill Mitchell harness or whatever the Michaels. What the hell is his name?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't find Bill Michaels? Come on.

[Lou]

Wait, so why. Why is Jay a squid?

[Jay Okerson]

Well, here's the thing. Yeah, that's right. He couldn't. He actually couldn't wear suspenders because they'd slide off his.

[Bobby Kelly]

I would have boneless shoulders.

[Lou]

His Derosas.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

Derosa has more spine than this guy. What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Jay Okerson]

I'm telling you right now, absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Derosa would not have done this.

[Lou]

Oh, come on. Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Derosa wouldn't. I don't know if derosa would have done the opposite of what I did. We'll get to that in a second. He wouldn't done the opposite, but he would have been like. He would just discussed it. He would have been like, no, but, you know, blah, blah, blah. He would have like. He would have had some sort of discussion about it.

[Jay Okerson]

He would have a discussion about it, and he. And there's but the potential that he would have gotten to another argument about it. High, high potential. Let me tell you something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why they got to start at the preface, Remember? So we walk over to the seller.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

We go in. We go in.

[Jay Okerson]

And we usually go to the Cellar, by the way. We don't go anywhere. Let's go to The Cellar. Because we're, you know.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, geez.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, geez. Oh, yeah. I walked in.

[Lou]

Are you trying to bring back the hang?

[Jay Okerson]

Well, we went back last night. No, no, no. You can't bring that.

[Lou]

You go get it.

[Jay Okerson]

No, there's a stroke, There's a heart attack. There's a hearing aid. There's a tranny. It's done, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's done.

[Jay Okerson]

It's done. The hang is done. There's no hang.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's like a little guy there. When we got there.

[Jay Okerson]

Hilarious kid. I walked in and he was sitting down at the end of Very nice. I just stood over him and stared at his face. And he just looked up and then just got up and moved.

[Lou]

Things were going under the table.

[Bobby Kelly]

Things were going pretty fun. We were having a little flirtatious banter with that same waitress we get every time. Marin. She's very nice.

[Jay Okerson]

Is it Marin?

[Bobby Kelly]

I want to say, Marin, I don't think it is. I think I'm right.

[Jay Okerson]

You fucked me last night, too. What? Fucking dick move. He did. Can I tell him that real quick? So me?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no. Because at the end, people might think you deserve for how much you beat me up on this.

[Lou]

What a great night you guys had.

[Jay Okerson]

We had. It was a great 48 minutes.

[Bobby Kelly]

We have a great. Every time me and Bobby do this, we do this for an hour and we fucking. I just go. I just don't. I just. Mondays, I don't go home right after work. It just feels weird to do it. Yeah. It's the day I put on, like. Like, do you see Tuesdays? I wear, like, sweats and shit. But, like, I'm dressing for the day. It's the first day of the week. I'm like, I just don't want to go right home. And same thing on Wednesdays. I'm just used to doing something afterwards. It's like, I want to do something. Even if I just go, hey, let's go down, smoke a cigar. I'll smoke two cigarettes outside of the vu. And then I'll get my car, go home, just do something.

[Lou]

You got your going out wallet chain?

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. We literally have the same. Where it's like, okay, let's get out of here. And we're both like, let's go. And we walk. We get in.

[Bobby Kelly]

No one's ever said staying for a few minutes. Actually, this works. It's good.

[Jay Okerson]

No one's ever said, where you going? They just say, bye. That's it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. No one even asked.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

He goes, take care, guys. I'm like, yeah, I'll see you in another year and a half, I guess. I never come here. Fawn over me, would you? So then. Very fun. Some of what's cool about going there is I'll see people I haven't seen in months or years sometimes. Well, we did.

[Jay Okerson]

We did hop over a fence, which was wild.

[Bobby Kelly]

We hopped over a fence, which is pretty. And by the way, we both did really good at it.

[Jay Okerson]

We both. Because they shut the park off legs.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, it was a walk over. It was an undertaker move, but.

[Jay Okerson]

And we watched five people do it before us and we just, you know, kind of figured it out.

[Bobby Kelly]

We did it better than other people, though.

[Lou]

Way better. Like one of those, like cop fences. Like the, the plastic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they metal. The metal like gate that connect.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, they, they block in the park. There's only exit in and they want everybody funneled in.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it's right to the end, straight poles down. So you can get foot a little between those poles. And me and Bobby both able to do that step over.

[Jay Okerson]

I have video of it because I'm the fluencer. So I got video of it. I will take care of it. I took care of it.

[Lou]

That's really great that you were able to do that.

[Christine]

It's not really hopping offense.

[Jay Okerson]

Christine. No one asked.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, this is why you don't come. This is why you're not invited.

[Jay Okerson]

Nobody wants to invite you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No one needs this.

[Jay Okerson]

They're high stanchions.

[Christine]

They are high stand.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, it's crowd. It's. It's controlling a whole crowd of high people from going that way.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, if you were in boots and jeans, my going out wallet chain like I was, you wouldn't have been able to do it that easy.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. If you had a zen in your pocket, an iPhone. I had my, my, my badge from Sirius. I had a pen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you pipe the fuck down?

[Christine]

Fence hopping contest, 100%.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine. I will beat you in everything athletic in the world. I don't know why you doubt that. I promise. Everything athletic. I would be you.

[Jay Okerson]

I sent you a video. You can watch it and then describe. You would not be able to hop over this fence the way we did. The way we did.

[Bobby Kelly]

Reckless abandon.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, almost like we're parkour.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine, what do you think athletically? Maybe there's something. I'm not thinking of planking. Can you plank longer distance running? Probably.

[Christine]

Probably running no

[Bobby Kelly]

distance running. We talking about more flexible than you. Your body's amazing.

[Jay Okerson]

He's very flexible. Christine.

[Christine]

I could probably pull My body weight up easier than you could pull your body weight up. I've hopped in.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't pull your body weight, though, so it doesn't matter.

[Christine]

No, I can't do a pull up, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, can you do this?

[Jay Okerson]

Whoa. She hasn't done that in a long time. There's no need for her to do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I need more support behind me. Mike.

[Lou]

I got you.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are we seeing?

[Christine]

I don't know what you're doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

This.

[Lou]

I could be a hero.

[Bobby Kelly]

Could you do this? Yeah, but I'm not gonna.

[Jay Okerson]

Jay is in his chair. Mike is assisting him so he doesn't kill himself spreading his legs. I could almost say, like Jacques Claude Van Damme.

[Bobby Kelly]

Almost like Jean Claude Van Bloodsport.

[Jay Okerson]

It's not bent knees. Those knees are not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Get up on the table and grab this leg. Pull it towards you. Put it behind your head. Oh, my God. I feel the tension in my ball bag.

[Christine]

Scene.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lou]

Ready? I'm gonna push you closer to the desk. Stretch it out.

[Jay Okerson]

Jacob. Grab his other leg. Grab that leg. Grab that leg.

[Bobby Kelly]

Swimming. All right, that's all of it. That's all of it.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's all happened.

[Jay Okerson]

He just did a full split on the bonfire. A full split? I would call that a sitting full split.

[Bobby Kelly]

So I think yo guy got you beat. What else is next? You said. What was the other things?

[Lou]

Folding laundry, swimming.

[Bobby Kelly]

In what way? Like speed.

[Christine]

I think I.

[Bobby Kelly]

Maybe you might be.

[Christine]

I'm a stronger swimmer than you. I just grew up by the beach. You didn't.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, here we go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you can do the Jeff Cavalier contest. What's that? She always goes ones we did, but

[Christine]

nobody can do that.

[Jay Okerson]

No, no, that's not true. I saved somebody in the ocean. I'm the best swimmer in the room.

[Christine]

That's not part of the.

[Jay Okerson]

I saved a life, but that's not part of the test. You wouldn't save anybody. You wouldn't be able to get past the riptide and back in with a life through the riptide.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. Let's focus on this. Let's go with Christine a little bit more, I think.

[Jay Okerson]

Christine, I apologize. Fuck you.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Okerson]

Back to you.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no. Here she goes.

[Christine]

Your videos.

[Jay Okerson]

Chris is so good.

[Christine]

Your videos aren't sending to me, and I really want to get them. Can I see your phone really quick and just send them to you?

[Jay Okerson]

Cannot touch my phone.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you fucking crazy?

[Jay Okerson]

Nuts? I would never let a woman do

[Lou]

that by an influence machine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I'd kill dawn and. And tell Bobby something accidental happened. If she took my phone.

[Jay Okerson]

I'm not having Christine have on me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come over here, crazy. Let me see your phone. Give me your phone.

[Jay Okerson]

My photos. Are you nuts?

[Bobby Kelly]

What have you See if you got 27 missed calls from Modi.

[Jay Okerson]

I do.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Jay Okerson]

I do know what he wants.

[Lou]

Big fan.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. Whoa. I. Was that my phone? Was that my phone, by the way?

[Lou]

Taking a break.

[Bobby Kelly]

She put everyone in the room down because we did a lot of the exercises in the room. The man test.

[Lou]

The man test.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which. And there's a female version of them.

[Lou]

Yeah, the female test.

[Jay Okerson]

What are you doing?

[Bobby Kelly]

Less. Really? Is it the girl? The girl version. The female test?

[Lou]

Yes, the woman test.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, it's called.

[Lou]

It's not a man test.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Why do you think it's called the quiz? She does think she could beat you in athletics. And by the way, she's not going to come home tonight feeling any different because she's going to see Florence in the machine. She's going to feel empowered. I'm probably gonna have to crack her in the face a second.

[Lou]

She walks through the door, you go on a flow.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna have to bring her back to reality. When she gets back in here, she's

[Jay Okerson]

trying to get in my Google Drive.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm like, hey, what the is wrong with you? You don't know what's in there. You know me and Bobby send back and forth to each other, for Christ's sakes.

[Jay Okerson]

God damn it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Aggressive gay porn. Were you wondering?

[Lou]

I'm a listener.

[Bobby Kelly]

First time, long time.

[Lou]

Crackle, crackle.

[Bobby Kelly]

First time. Do you think.

[Lou]

Do you think she's not listening? Is there anything like in a sports off between you and Christine that you would be intimidated like, that you would go into the event going like, she might have me on this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is there anything swimming for speed? Probably. She probably just does swim more than me in her life because she grew

[Jay Okerson]

up at the beach. I don't know if you heard that.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's also. Yeah, she's also lighter. She's also like lighter than me. And propel herself easier in running. I just think like my strides.

[Lou]

So you think in human propulsion she might take you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, in her. Yeah, I think on the ground, though. I think feet on the ground. I dust her ass.

[Lou]

High jump. You think you could jump higher than.

[Jay Okerson]

No, she can't jump. Jump. You can't jump. Jump. Show me a jump.

[Bobby Kelly]

Her jump's ass.

[Jay Okerson]

Touch the ceiling. Touch the ceiling.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's too low, Bobby. Oh, my gosh.

[Lou]

Ghost was holding your ankles.

[Jay Okerson]

Can you? Yeah, of course. Did you did you hear the weight?

[Lou]

She somehow went down when she went up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby left. Can you.

[Jay Okerson]

The only reason why I don't want to do it.

[Lou]

Oh, he's doing a whimsical pants.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hold up.

[Jay Okerson]

I don't want my stomach to fly.

[Lou]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right. Good call, Lou. You film his face. I'll be on belly cam.

[Jay Okerson]

Ready?

[Bobby Kelly]

Belly cam.

[Lou]

Hey, I wonder if I can.

[Bobby Kelly]

That was a crazy amount of effort you put into it though.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, dude. That's what I gotta do. I'm a short king.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you touch it, Black Louis? Yeah.

[Lou]

You cannot touch the ceiling while taking. While making content.

[Bobby Kelly]

We'll have to see.

[Jay Okerson]

Easy, Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, you're up. You really need me to do this?

[Jay Okerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Because it's so easy.

[Jay Okerson]

It's not easy.

[Lou]

You're gonna do it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really? All right. Fucking white chocolate does have those little

[Jay Okerson]

tight bumps and all that sexiness.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you little Cadbury cream egg. Okay there.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. You go to those cream pies.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

Everybody can do it. Except for.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you get a piece, Mike?

[Lou]

I'm gonna try Mike.

[Jay Okerson]

And definitely I'm a girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

Though.

[Christine]

We have different stances.

[Bobby Kelly]

Christine. You should look stubble.

[Jay Okerson]

He did it like. It's nonchalant.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can you, Christine. Can you for the love of God, try that again and not make dj? Lou, Me and you could do this, but I mean, this is nonsensical for me and you to do it. We're adult sized men. Yeah, that's what I mean. We're adult sized men. I could jump up and tell you what's up there. You guys wanna know what's happening inside? There's a body. Cousin Bruce's body's up there. He was trying to get into the ducts.

[Jay Okerson]

Christine, you can't touch the seat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Muscleman.

[Lou]

Up top.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Jay Okerson]

I hate when people give up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you think now for sure that I can defeat Christine in almost everything? Athletic.

[Jay Okerson]

I never doubt it. In a minute you could defeat her in everything.

[Christine]

Well, now it's up to almost. I mean, down to almost everything.

[Jay Okerson]

What do you mean almost everything? Swimming. Almost swimming. Whatever. Because you grew up in California.

[Christine]

Don't act like you're better at yoga.

[Jay Okerson]

Jay would be better in your yoga. I'll tell you why.

[Christine]

No, he's not.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, he is.

[Bobby Kelly]

A yoga competition.

[Lou]

I don't know. We've done a lot of yoga.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, my yoga is pretty great.

[Lou]

Remember the will we.

[Bobby Kelly]

You've done your.

[Christine]

You've done your novice yoga.

[Jay Okerson]

Whoa.

[Bobby Kelly]

Excuse me.

[Jay Okerson]

Wow. Shots fired. Mike. He's a guest for Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Excuse me. I mean there's like.

[Jay Okerson]

I apologize.

[Lou]

I'm gonna cancel that edible arrangement I'm sending to her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that dude. Novice yoga. She said. What difficult yoga do you think you do? You said you do those same moves or just called different things. For chicks they're called different things.

[Christine]

But DGP yoga is beginner yoga.

[Bobby Kelly]

What yoga do you do that's more intense than that?

[Lou]

Do you hear this?

[Jay Okerson]

It's not.

[Lou]

I hope DDP's not listening.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lou]

No.

[Jay Okerson]

Almost as many as Jacob Jew lives as he saved.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

You hear about that on Thursday?

[Lou]

Yrg.

[Jay Okerson]

Yoga for regular guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have no idea the sacrifice Jacob made for no. For absolutely no recognition for it either. It's goddamn amazing. I'll be honest. It's one of the most masculine things I heard anybody say they would do. You'll hear on Thursday. I don't even want us to spoil. Suck it. We could though. We could talk about it right now.

[Jay Okerson]

No, we can't. I know what you're doing, Jay.

[Lou]

I'm being.

[Jay Okerson]

He's edging out of.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am telling you that I know anything Christine thinks you do athletically. Throw further. Run faster.

[Jay Okerson]

Christine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jump higher.

[Jay Okerson]

You're better than her. Done.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you. Everyone agrees with that. Let's go around the room. You agree with that now you're forgetting

[Jay Okerson]

ice skating and roller skating. Oh yeah. You can't do shit. You can't even skate.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's because I don't know how to skate.

[Christine]

I know, but that's like a big

[Jay Okerson]

thing you can't do.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but what? We have an ice skating race.

[Lou]

Skiing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Okerson]

I definitely win. It's the Olympics, asshole.

[Bobby Kelly]

She gives you that. Summer sports.

[Jay Okerson]

It's called speed.

[Bobby Kelly]

Only summer sports. You bitch.

[Jay Okerson]

You can't roll over the Olympics of swimming. Where I also beat up by the beach.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. You can't roller. Leave the winter sports to the Japs. I say you can't roller skate. I don't know how to do things with wheels under my feet.

[Lou]

Skateboarding.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no.

[Lou]

What about skis?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'll tell you what I'll dust. I'll dust their ass in a bike ride.

[Christine]

No, no, no.

[Lou]

It's because you got an electric bike.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is that?

[Jay Okerson]

He would dust your ass.

[Christine]

Because we used to go bike riding together and you weren't faster than me.

[Bobby Kelly]

We never raced bikes.

[Jay Okerson]

He was always in front of you and had to hold up and wait for you.

[Christine]

Yes, you're right.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Christine]

That is what happened.

[Lou]

You think in a 40 yard dash.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not what happened. But I will tell you this when we walk anywhere together. If I didn't slow down, I would be two and a half blocks ahead of her.

[Lou]

That's how I am with my wife.

[Jay Okerson]

This is gonna take four and a half hours to upload to Google Drive. Can I just beam it to your phone?

[Christine]

That's what we tried and it didn't work. We tried to do the airdrop.

[Jay Okerson]

No, we didn't try airdrop. You went into my phone, started searching stuff. I said get off of it.

[Lou]

All of a sudden Jay's even better at airdrops.

[Christine]

I don't know why it's taking two hours.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did she open up? She didn't open up that weird folder that says Jay's weekend pornography he makes?

[Jay Okerson]

No, I have that under tax. 2023.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you.

[Christine]

And that was to get them on the computer. If we get them to my gay

[Bobby Kelly]

sex, what are we even talking about anymore?

[Jay Okerson]

We're going to be talking about good subject change last night. All right, let me tell you something about this guy, Michael.

[Lou]

Bring it.

[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Okerson]

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[Bobby Kelly]

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[Jay Okerson]

Jay comes across as a, you know, confident, doesn't take any. We'll tell you a thing or two about a thing or two.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will.

[Jay Okerson]

No, you know, I don't, I don't nobody with me. I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

But if you do cross me or

[Jay Okerson]

on the street cross me, you're done. I'm gonna let you have it and let you know it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, let me say. So we're walking, we go and we get our coot. First of all, outside, bump into two people. Bobby goes, says hi to both of them. Isabel Hagan, I know her. She's a comedian. She said she was running a set. She's doing the Tonight Show.

[Jay Okerson]

Mr. Cox from.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I didn't know. This guy goes, Bobby goes, says hi to both of them, the guy and the girl. And he goes, hey, you know Jay, where he goes, of course. And we shake hands and then I talk about everything. I talked to her and Bobby's talking to the guy for. I had no idea that was Michael Cox. That's the guy who books a Tonight Show.

[Jay Okerson]

Books the Tonight Show.

[Bobby Kelly]

What the fuck do you mean he knows who I am.

[Jay Okerson]

He knows you, buddy.

[Christine]

Yeah, he books everything.

[Jay Okerson]

Everybody knows you. You're in the business.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, so I won't put on a fucking suit. So I can't do comedy.

[Jay Okerson]

You can do. I wore a leather jacket.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, I won't say fucking because I won't not say twat instead of cunt.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, no, you tell it like it is. Don't you?

[Bobby Kelly]

I really do.

[Jay Okerson]

I know you do.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I won't be told by anybody.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

To change. No, I'm genuine.

[Jay Okerson]

You're genuine? Authentic.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's what I say.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want. I don't even care. Don't try. Michael Cox. It's nice to meet you, dude. But I'll be. I'm not interested in doing your show because it's just not my thing. I'll say it right to his face. So we go into the cellar.

[Jay Okerson]

Didn't though. Talk to him for probably 20 minutes. Yabbering like they were best friends. Yeah. Didn't get a word. I had to talk to what's her name because he was just smoothing it up with a guy.

[Lou]

Smitten.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, my God. It was like they knew each other since college.

[Lou]

Like, that isn't it.

[Jay Okerson]

It's. It's.

[Lou]

It's happened a couple times around me.

[Jay Okerson]

It's kind of gross, but it's happened to me. But I'm like, all right. You know, he kind of leans in and he does little stuff and he squints his eyes and he. He gets cute. Fan. Nah, that's like.

[Lou]

He laughs at unfunny stuff.

[Jay Okerson]

Like, it's hilarious.

[Lou]

I didn't know he turned suburban.

[Jay Okerson]

Jay has stock stories. Yeah. For these moments.

[Lou]

I know.

[Jay Okerson]

He's like, ah, it's like that time. And you're like, I heard this one before.

[Lou]

And then he looks at you for, like, assurance that the story. He's like, you know, you were there.

[Jay Okerson]

Well, he'll bring in Bobby.

[Lou]

Bobby.

[Jay Okerson]

I'm telling. He'll say, bobby, Bobby doesn't want you in the story. But be like, remember that Bobby anyways, and push you back out.

[Lou]

Airport Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do that a lot.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, he does.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is one. I don't know how much this Bobby's kidding or making up, because I don't remember this. I'm a little shell shocked.

[Jay Okerson]

It's all.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I will tell you. I will tell you that at one point of that I did go, bobby, I'm telling him the thing about the thing. I had no idea who I was talking to. To.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told him something.

[Christine]

Known him for a long time.

[Jay Okerson]

He'll go. He'll go, bobby, tell him the thing about. Go back to what you're doing. I go over there, stay over there. But I'm doing this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Bobby, like, started to turn towards his thing. I go, no, I got it from here, buddy.

[Jay Okerson]

Mike. He always has a going to the couch with Carson set available For a new conversation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Okerson]

You understand what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Lou]

He's got his couch material.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've been here all night.

[Jay Okerson]

Smooth. Smooth J. The little smoo that he is, he's got it going on. But I let him do his thing.

[Lou]

Start with flu in here.

[Bobby Kelly]

So much going on. I just smoked a joint. I was getting ready to go do my shots. I was in a good place.

[Jay Okerson]

Yep.

[Bobby Kelly]

We walk in, we walk into the club or the restaurant. Olive Tree. Right away, Bobby, company boy has to run over and go get on his knee to kiss Gnome's ring.

[Jay Okerson]

I'm a 1% owner of Comedy Star.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know.

[Lou]

And then I know they're gonna say, 1%, hombre.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. You take off two weeks to go to the company retreat.

[Jay Okerson]

I have to go to the. I have to do Trust, Trust with

[Bobby Kelly]

Liz and SD he goes over, starts. He pays his respects to Noam. I go to the back table, start talking to that kid. What's the name? Little tiny guy. He was.

[Lou]

He was Adam something, I think.

[Jay Okerson]

Great dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Real.

[Lou]

Very funny.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Yeah. Where I was bullshitting with him for a little while.

[Jay Okerson]

Literally, anybody on earth could rape that man. Man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Guy, sure.

[Lou]

A puppy could.

[Jay Okerson]

I mean, yeah. Anything. An ant could have its way with that kid.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

I almost did it just because I could last.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Just show me goes. This is the fear issue. I notice you're walking around not in fear, but you should be afraid. This could happen every day.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Because I'm saving you down the road I'm gonna finish. And I'm not saving any Jews with this.

[Jay Okerson]

I sat with Noam because me and. No, it's a friend. I've. He's my friend. Family. We have.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pays respects.

[Jay Okerson]

We have. We have vacations together. We've. We've done stuff together. He's a friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. The Jewish Don Lawn.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Lawn Goldstein.

[Jay Okerson]

I sit down, I talk to him. We talk business a little bit. Then we always go into, like, you know, personal stuff like that. And then I walked over, I go, waitress.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, I'm gonna go order food. Comp me.

[Jay Okerson]

I don't have to ask.

[Lou]

Put it on my tab.

[Jay Okerson]

The waitresses all know you think, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, they do, but they. So I don't get a check again. I see a few people. Kevin Brennan. I haven't seen him in a while.

[Jay Okerson]

Kevin Brennan was not there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not Kevin Brennan. Neil Brennan came in. Yeah.

[Lou]

That's two different people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Neil Brennan came out. I haven't seen him in such a long time.

[Jay Okerson]

Thank God.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I went in for a nice, heavy handshake of, dude, good to see. And I forgot he's. I guess germs would kill him. It looks like. It looks like germs would kill him. So maybe that's the reason. But he gave the fist, and I was like, oh, it's been for such a long time, and this is such an awkward way to do it. And that's all we did. Now we kind of parted ways. Aziz came over and talked. Oh. So Todd Barry came and sat down next to me, and we started shooting shit a little bit. And Aziz came over, started talking to Todd for a minute. And then me and Bobby were just kind of like, sitting there talking a little bit. And then Aziz started to walk away and Bob, which I was okay with, because in my mind, I go, me and Azeez were on a tour together, and that was about as much as we talked on the tour also. I tried a few times, but me and him just are. We just don't hit it off, I guess, whatever, organically. And he starts walking away, and Bobby goes, aziz, Aziz, come here. And he makes. You don't fucking say hi when you come. He goes, hey, I thought you were

[Jay Okerson]

in the middle of something.

[Lou]

Now go get your fucking shine box.

[Jay Okerson]

I do this to him every time. Cause every time Aziz comes over and awkwardly will look at this. Don't say. Doesn't say hi. Yeah.

[Lou]

No.

[Jay Okerson]

Doesn't say. He awkwardly looks at the lineup and then looks around, and then he walks away. And every time I let him walk maybe three steps, I go, aziz, get over and say hi. What's wrong with you? How you doing? Where you going? He's like, oh, I don't know. Just. I was just, you know, coming in.

[Lou]

That's.

[Jay Okerson]

That's your.

[Lou]

That's your prepared.

[Jay Okerson]

It makes me couch. It makes me feel so good forcing him to be social.

[Bobby Kelly]

It should make you feel good because I'll tell you why. What he does, he goes. He goes, oh, I know you're the middle something. He's.

[Jay Okerson]

I got go over to the Vu.

[Bobby Kelly]

He goes, but I'll. I'll come back around. And then son of a. Came back to sit with Bobby.

[Jay Okerson]

Really? Yeah. I'll force you to be a social person.

[Bobby Kelly]

He came back and sex to Bobby started telling me. He goes, I live in London. He's just giving the whole stuff. I was like, holy shit, Bobby.

[Jay Okerson]

I force Aziz to come out of his elite shell.

[Bobby Kelly]

He screamed down the street for Jimmy Fallon. When he caught up to him, I thought Jimmy Fallon was going to have security tackle him or at very least be like, hey, man, chill out.

[Jay Okerson]

Out.

[Bobby Kelly]

He turned around and he goes, hey. And just. It was just.

[Jay Okerson]

We hugged.

[Bobby Kelly]

Me and Christine were so angry that they were being rewarded for his behavior. That was weeks ago, buddy.

[Jay Okerson]

They ran away from me. Like they were embarrassed.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was.

[Lou]

He's the pope of chili town.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not like, I was embarrassed of you. I was humiliated by your behavior. And then when it was rewarded, I go, that's not going to help him.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like when Lewis does something crazy and wins.

[Jay Okerson]

You're like, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't learn, dude.

[Jay Okerson]

Me and Jimmy a palsy wowzy. Oh, shit. I'll force you to be my friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

And Aziz, I fought, and he. He always shakes out of it and will come back from wherever he is and. And just ignore the table.

[Lou]

It's like a verbal noogie.

[Jay Okerson]

But he came back. He talked.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm being a bad friend to you, and I'm gonna stop doing this.

[Jay Okerson]

What's up, buddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna stop. Because you say you're friends with people.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And your personality is so great for that. The in person, whatever. If they even know you a little bit, you're gonna get, like, longtime friendship behavior because of your assertiveness in it. Yeah. These people. And then in that you can get phone numbers and contact and everything. And friendship in that these people leave and they forget about you almost entirely and they don't want to deal with you anymore. And then I now. But you're living in the world, going like, captain America is my friend.

[Jay Okerson]

No. No. Well, I fucked that up. Cause of you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm giving you credit here in a second. You say, captain America's my friend. This one's my friend. This one's my friend. And then I challenge you, and you go, I have their number right now. And then you start getting chest out. I have to go, like, I'll text them right now. And then I don't go, I believe you, buddy. You don't have to do that. Which is what a friend would do.

[Jay Okerson]

Friend would do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I go text them. Then you do, and then they block your number because they didn't actually want to be friends. But you would have lived in a world like, I'm making you wear dark tint glasses because I take people's shine. I steal people's shine is what I do.

[Jay Okerson]

I bought these from Anthony Ayden. These are my.

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh?

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. You don't have to make me. I wear them from the Jacques Marie's.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the dark Tint, though. You've gone dark tint. You've gone dark tint. Because I've taken the sparkle out of your eyes.

[Jay Okerson]

Influencer wants to get a plug in. He gets a plug in.

[Lou]

Let's stay on this for a minute.

[Jay Okerson]

You're the shot.

[Lou]

You take people's shine. Like predator would take their skulls and you collect them.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lou]

And you take people's shine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Lou]

Do you live off that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you.

[Lou]

Do you get off on that?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, buddy. I'm like doctor Sleep. I'm the shy steel. People shining you.

[Jay Okerson]

Do you know what it is, though?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm Rose the Hat Mike.

[Jay Okerson]

I'll tell you what it is, and I learned it last night, is because I have a backbone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Okerson]

And he's an amoeba.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, wait a second. You understand before we jump too far ahead.

[Jay Okerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it crazy? Didn't it. Every time I see Aziz, I'm like, this poor guy got canceled for the biggest horseshit thing.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Remember that?

[Lou]

That was stupid.

[Christine]

He's fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Jay Okerson]

You're amazing.

[Bobby Kelly]

He came out and he. You're amazing.

[Jay Okerson]

Do you understand?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he didn't do anything.

[Lou]

He didn't do anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

He gave her. He offered.

[Jay Okerson]

He had a bad date, guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

He offered her white wine. He offered her white wine.

[Jay Okerson]

What he's doing.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's the beginning of her rape story.

[Jay Okerson]

Bring up a news topic from seven years ago during the Me too situation.

[Bobby Kelly]

I believe all women call me crazy.

[Jay Okerson]

To divert away from this spineless jellyfish.

[Lou]

He's the.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby doesn't believe all women.

[Lou]

His alter ego, the shadow, steals the shine.

[Jay Okerson]

Why don't you go? So anyways, we're at the Comedy Cellar. I just talked to my close friend Gnome, and we sit down at the back table. We're getting food.

[Bobby Kelly]

Disease things happen.

[Jay Okerson]

Disease, things happen. Todd.

[Bobby Kelly]

And now I start talking to Todd Barry. Catching up with Todd Barry.

[Jay Okerson]

It's been a couple years, and I overhear what they're talking about, and I stay out of it intentionally because who

[Lou]

cares about his cat?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no.

[Jay Okerson]

I would have stayed out of that one, too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Todd Barry. We were having good conversations, but whatever. I told him he should come do story wars. It's not Legion of Skanks. It's always my pitch. It's not Legion of Skanks, and you'll love it. And then, by the way, I did it again. I was saying that while Bobby's talking to Aze, and I reach across the table and I go, bobby, I'm talking about story wars. How much you love story wars. He goes, Dude, Story wars is great. He goes, every time I play, go, that's enough though.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I go back into it. I go, I just need you for a second.

[Jay Okerson]

Dude, for a second, I. I was kind of trailing out on the conversation. I need to get. Okay, I'm back. Go.

[Lou]

He goes, go back in the car.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, basic example.

[Jay Okerson]

And then when I come back, Boring Indian.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then when I. And then when I come back, I have to go, no time, no offense. And I have to go, todd, what the hell was I talking about? What was I saying again? Yeah, so Todd and me are talking, and he eventually goes. He goes, hey, you don't work here anymore at all. Huh? He goes, do you have a problem with this place? And I start just with like the, oh, I gotta get in this whole thing. And I do the. I go, nah, I'm just like, busy, you know, I usually do Legion of Skanks Monday and I do Story Wars Tuesdays. I'm just not really around anymore. I'm gone every week. And he's like, yeah. He goes, I thought you had, like a problem with them or something. And I was like, you're bringing it up. I go, they. Yeah. I go, that fucking book. What book? Oh, they're making the book. And then I sit there and give him the 15 minute dissertation. He's interested, by the way. Don't let's not make it seem like he wasn't interested.

[Jay Okerson]

Why would he not be interested? With the amount of energy and facial expressions and fucking anger.

[Bobby Kelly]

A couple times in the story, I see gnome wandering around, and I'll go, no one's right about you. Hang on a second. And then I would just do whatever. I'd go over, I'd make Bobby say something for a minute and then I come and I'd go, that's all good. Gnome walked away. I'd go, we're good now. Bobby.

[Lou]

Bobby, show him that dance you do.

[Jay Okerson]

That's good. All right, stop. Enough.

[Lou]

Bobby, pat your head and rub your

[Bobby Kelly]

belly at the same time.

[Lou]

Stop it. Gnome's gone.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, that joke at the beginning of Raw. And then the bear come out and start taking a dookie.

[Lou]

All right, shut up. No more.

[Jay Okerson]

That's enough. I gotta get back to my story.

[Lou]

Can I ask a quick question?

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Lou]

In the time that, you know, I know you don't go there a lot, blah, blah, blah. Have you and Gnome had any like, hey, how are you?

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Lou]

Or do you kind of avoid yourself?

[Bobby Kelly]

Great. You should ask that. He's been on the show. He zoomed on the show. And he came on the show. I think he apologized profusely both times.

[Jay Okerson]

And he's also said to me, please tell Jay I love him. I want him to work the club. I hope he's, you know, I, I, I think he's one of the funniest guys ever. I want him at the Cellar. And I've told him this. Jay Okerson, genius. I said this. I said this.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's a real quote.

[Jay Okerson]

That's a quote. And I. I've said this on the show, and the last time I said it on the show, he went on, I think, for an hour and tore apart the seller.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, and gnome. Really, though, we're gonna be honest. I really went elbow deep on sd, if I'm being honest.

[Jay Okerson]

But he did talk. Gnome was in there, the seller, blah, blah, blah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, some of my favorite jokes I've ever made. I go, esty and Leslie Jones sit back behind home, behind a home plate of the Yankees games. Which one do you think brought the ugly person? So which one? What you think? They both walk around going embarrassed. They're like, oh, geez, I'm with Leslie Jones. I'm with this little crazy.

[Jay Okerson]

He went off so much where he called me later. He goes, yo, dude, that. Did that bother you? That I was just. Oh, I mean, where I was like, nah, dude, you try to be funny. Trying to be funny on the radio, but it is my friend.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm genuine, dude.

[Jay Okerson]

It is my club. Oh, you're genuine. You can't be faded. No, you can't. You can't fade this guy. There's only one way to fade, Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hang on. So I start giving Todd the story, and no one will walk kind of near us. And I'd be like, all right, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, we're back. And I go on this, and Todd's even making a face. He goes, that sucks. He goes, yeah. Then they wrote in the book, and I gave him the. I told the book that I love this club, and I'm not going to talk shit about it. And then they talk shit about me.

[Jay Okerson]

Mike, he gets as mad as when it happened. Every time it comes. He gets gets as mad as when it happened. After the apology, after the second apology, after the third, he gets mad. And I hear him talking. I'm staying out of it because I hear him going. And then he's.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like, I never learned not to bring it up, dude. It's like feldog, dude. The guy keeps showing up everywhere and performing like he doesn't know he's bad. Did you see he's with alien ant farm on the Internet? No, dude, he came out and did smooth criminal with alien Ant Farm. Jesus Christ.

[Lou]

Are you serious?

[Bobby Kelly]

And he just dances around.

[Jay Okerson]

Focus. He's our guest best focus, Michael. Don't bring it up. Christine. Well, we have a second.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you have to show them.

[Christine]

We can wait.

[Jay Okerson]

You can wait. We can wait. Get back to it, Jeff.

[Bobby Kelly]

Excuse me, you're my producer.

[Jay Okerson]

Apparently she can produce better than you.

[Lou]

That was athletic.

[Christine]

As

[Bobby Kelly]

that was not athletic. I could defeat Christine. Let's do an athletic contest right now, this second. No, no push ups.

[Christine]

Bobby has a direction. He's trying to come.

[Jay Okerson]

Wow. Oh, you really are.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let's do raised push ups a little

[Lou]

hard when she did that.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, we'll get it to you. You can have that as a dessert.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? Yoga position. You think you do better than me?

[Jay Okerson]

Hey, all of them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, Earth, let's do one now.

[Jay Okerson]

Earthworm. Get back to the story.

[Bobby Kelly]

So the waitress comes up. I order my shots. I get. I got the seller sauces, which I have in my house when you come over later. So I have the buffalo wing sauce. The buffalo and the blue cheese. You put whatever.

[Jay Okerson]

Michael, look at when he does it. He's just trying to get. You go with the story.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were two orders of hummus without pesto and stuff. So I'm talking and I'm going heavy on time. And I tell him, no, I finished the story to him. I go. So that's where it's like. It's not that I. I don't come here ever. It's like, I've come here, but I'm just like. I'm like. I'm like. I'm just kind of like this place. Like, they don't. It was just so disrespectful. I'm like, if they don't with me, I don't give a. I don't with them. Really? Like that.

[Jay Okerson]

That.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then gnome walked up to the table and he goes. He goes, oh, my God, I'm so happy you're here. Is this real? Are you really here? I'm so happy you're here. And then he goes. I go, yeah. I go, I'm off tonight. So I came through. And he goes. He goes, I'm really so happy you're here. He goes, I was. What do you say? He would start. He goes, if you came here, I would start buying you whatever you're having right now every night. I go. I go, okay. And he goes. Because I always I don't know why, man. I just feel like. I feel like you hate my guts. And I went, what?

[Jay Okerson]

I looked at Todd Barry's face. Michael Todd went, what the is happening? What's happening? I just got a fucking. A fucking cannonball.

[Bobby Kelly]

Todd Barry was baffled, baffled.

[Jay Okerson]

I was lighting up inside with joy

[Bobby Kelly]

and laughter, knowing this moment was coming.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh my.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, I start giving him other time. I go, what? Why do you think I came to do Bobby's show? I was on the new thing the other. I'm just crazy.

[Jay Okerson]

He started giving his comedy seller resume in the last month. Why would you think that? That. Ah. And Gnome literally sat down and said, I got everything. He's. No, I. I bought it all. I already got it. It's fine.

[Bobby Kelly]

I gave him anecdotes.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh my God, these two lovebirds.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what happened back there, man.

[Lou]

What happened?

[Jay Okerson]

I'll tell you what happened. He.

[Lou]

What was going through your head?

[Jay Okerson]

He's a mushy amoeba that talks a lot of. Has no back up. I'll tell you what he loves to do. He's a tea spiller. That's what. He's a muling quim. He loves. He love that was athletic. He loves doing. Oh, and then you know what? And then you know what? And face with the man. Hey, how you doing?

[Lou]

He turned into a five year comic

[Jay Okerson]

that just got passed. Oh my.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you would have tried to. I would have stood up, hugged him.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh my. Oh my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know what the hell happened back there.

[Jay Okerson]

He has no idea what he walked into. He has no idea his name was his club, his legacy was being besmudged by this earthworm in his own club. At the table it is.

[Lou]

I would have loved to talk very monotone pussy.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, he did. In his head.

[Bobby Kelly]

He definitely did.

[Christine]

I mean, was he just like, did he. Could you read his expression? Was he completely confused by what was happening?

[Jay Okerson]

I looked at when he. Listen to me. I was nervous when Gnome came over. Cause I was hearing this. And I know Jay, Jay, Jay doesn't take shit from nowhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Bob, you're not thinking of what it is, though. I'll tell you what it is. And I know this about myself. That's why I try to say this. And I. Whenever somebody goes, I hate on air arguments. The audience doesn't. Which is a lie. Whenever they go, the audience. The audience loves on air arguments. Yeah, but they go, they hate. Nobody wants to argue on air. Everything confrontational in my life, I need to happen on Air. I don't know why. There's a reason for sure, but I will go at it intently. If the same night somebody. If we ended the thing on an angry thing on the show, the same night the person calls me, I go, I'm just doing radio, man.

[Jay Okerson]

Good. You know, I'm going to go to. I'm gonna have Gnome have microphones and a recorder at the table.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Okerson]

All the time. So next time he shows up, I'm gonna cast.

[Lou]

Now, Gnome, you did fuck up.

[Jay Okerson]

You know, Jay wants you to know,

[Bobby Kelly]

if we were podcasting I fucked this shit up, you probably would have gotten physical.

[Jay Okerson]

Jay's only tough on a podcast. Seriously?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, seriously.

[Lou]

Your kryptonite is real life.

[Jay Okerson]

Ready? Let me.

[Bobby Kelly]

My kryptonite is the living, breathing world, Michael.

[Jay Okerson]

When Gnome was walking over my heart, I was like, ah, I'm gonna have to deal with my friend over here and my friend over here. I'm gonna. This is gonna be a confrontation because he's gonna say something. Jay's gonna go, you know what, dude? I don't fucking work here. I was just telling Todd, you know, you don't. You show me no respect. Estes an asshole, and you should change that. And no one was gonna. What are you fucking. It was gonna be this thing that I was gonna have to break up. Thank God. Jay is just a fucking dandy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I did it for you.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, my gosh.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't want you to be uncomfortable.

[Jay Okerson]

No, you did not. Let me tell you something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why did I think of that last night? Why did I think of my excuse being. I didn't want Bobby to have to be uncomfortable? The is wrong with me. If I would have thought a little bit quicker, I could have just been like, yeah, Bobby, it's like your friend. What? I'm gonna sit there and make you be in a weird situation if you weren't there, dude, I'd have. You mean lit him up at the

[Jay Okerson]

table where Patrice asked Manny, hey, you got wooden teeth. You mean that table?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Okerson]

At the table where I saw somebody mcc cry one night?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Okerson]

Where I've seen grown men cry. Yeah. The meanest table in the world.

[Lou]

I've seen some Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

The Bobby Kelly trial table.

[Jay Okerson]

Yes. You mean that table, buddy. I was waiting for it, and I was like, oh, my God. Jay's gonna. JJ's gonna do it. This is it. But whatever. I'm here. It's happening. Oh, my God. If you could have saw these two lovebirds. But Jay sat down and watch him play music.

[Lou]

No, I got video okay, you go. What was that game?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You started. You sat down to watch play music, and we were walking out, so I was like, oh, I. I'm. I guess we're sitting here for a second. And I sat with Bobby. I didn't know he was filming me. This is. This is.

[Lou]

I gotta see this.

[Jay Okerson]

The fluencer is always filming.

[Lou]

He goes, oh, yeah. You know any wallflowers,

[Jay Okerson]

Mike? Mike, do you know one headlight. Look, look, I got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I see it.

[Jay Okerson]

There it is right there. Give me over here, Mike. We're sitting there watching Gnome jam with his band. And look, watch this.

[Lou]

Ready?

[Jay Okerson]

You watch this. Look who's sitting right there, yapping away, watching Gnome. Oh, he loves it. You. What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Made me sit there.

[Jay Okerson]

I did not. No one makes you do anything, Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're. You.

[Jay Okerson]

You do what you want.

[Bobby Kelly]

You lured me into that.

[Jay Okerson]

I didn't lure you. I didn't have snacks.

[Lou]

Did you leave with a couple T shirts?

[Bobby Kelly]

I go, can I get a coffee

[Lou]

cup for the new house? Which, by the way, you got to come over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. So, guys, do you have any stuff I want to wear if I do a TV thing? I think I want to really show the comments. I want to rep the cellar. One of those old school ones.

[Jay Okerson]

They talked like old friends. We just sat there and they talked about his drinks. He's like, nah, this is my drink all the time. I have to have three of these, and I have one of these, and that's my thing for the night.

[Lou]

Bobby, you know how I like to have those drinks. Now go back over.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Bobby, please.

[Jay Okerson]

He actually did do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I kind of did. I go, this is the way I always drink. I need Bobby to back up. This is the way I have my drinks.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then. All right, Bobby, I'm talking to Noam, if you don't mind.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah. I'm the conductor in his little. He's Frank Sinatra. I'm the black guy that he brings over. This is the guy right here. Without him.

[Lou]

All right, go back, Honey boy.

[Jay Okerson]

J. Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Did Barry talk to you? Like, what just happened?

[Jay Okerson]

No. Well, let me tell you something, Todd. Barry's face, I've never seen it. I've seen him confused.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I made. I made his leave so quick after that, so there's no time to. I left before Todd. Barry can go. What the hell was that?

[Jay Okerson]

Now I understand. The pink gloves Gnome and Jay was sharing my chips out of my wing basket.

[Bobby Kelly]

We were. And we Had a little. And we had a little lady in the trailer. We had a little fight in the blue cheese.

[Lou]

Oh, he played a little knock hockey with him.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, Yeah. I was looking down. They were both eating my chips.

[Bobby Kelly]

We had some knuckle hockey that you were both going in for his little saucy chips. Everyone loves the buffalo covered chips.

[Jay Okerson]

That is amazing. You're living with a coward.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have a chance. She knows.

[Jay Okerson]

She knows now.

[Lou]

Walking out, were you just like. Your ears are ringing. You're like, what the.

[Jay Okerson]

I hit him as soon as we walked out.

[Bobby Kelly]

It didn't matter. We walked outside. He goes, goes, what the was that? And then the whole. He kept calling me an amoeba. Spineless toad. I think we got. What's that thing? It's like a frog toady.

[Lou]

If you're a toad, you tadpole.

[Jay Okerson]

As soon as we walked out, I was like, y.

[Bobby Kelly]

The whole walk back to the car and then the whole drive back to his truck.

[Jay Okerson]

If I Met this J 2 and a half years ago, you'd be sitting in this seat.

[Bobby Kelly]

He just said, no, I'm okay.

[Jay Okerson]

You're not working with that.

[Lou]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Kelly]

I only work with real people. This show will be called I go, bobby, you got to get me on the air, dude. I'm mad.

[Lou]

Real show would be called the wet Firework.

[Jay Okerson]

It's not even about being a man. He's not a person. That's crazy, Mike. If it was.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, the pitch.

[Lou]

I mean, my dog's probably had a hundred times.

[Bobby Kelly]

My dog was probably barking back in Wayne when she heard the. The high pitch of the end of my. What?

[Jay Okerson]

Buddy, where are you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Getting crazy information from my lips to your ears.

[Jay Okerson]

The monitors. The monitors went. Had feedback. I want to pay for your drinks. No, I know these are my things, buddy.

[Bobby Kelly]

He.

[Jay Okerson]

You know that lean in Jay does when he's really interested, when he pretends, I guess, to be really interested. He did a lean. His j. Cute face lean in when every time gnome talked. There it is right there.

[Lou]

I can't believe this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, also, I was leaning in so. Because we were having a couple giggles and how we were kept bumping knuckles with the. With the potato chips.

[Lou]

How did it end with you and gnome?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you go, like, French kiss?

[Lou]

Is it a French kiss?

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, buddy.

[Lou]

Did you tie a cherry stem and

[Bobby Kelly]

give it to him? I turned my ring around. It's got the hands in the heart. I'm taking it out the clatter ring.

[Jay Okerson]

You guys are dating now.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm taking now.

[Jay Okerson]

He's taken by the seller.

[Bobby Kelly]

I turned my. I turned my heart ring around.

[Lou]

He gave you his capo.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am his.

[Jay Okerson]

He should have did that special at the new theater at the. Yeah.

[Lou]

Oh, my God. I'd be honored.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah. Oh, they did the whole. When you going to put in spots again? Probably in the summer. Crazy in the summer.

[Christine]

Is it still the same?

[Jay Okerson]

How's Esther doing? Is she all right?

[Bobby Kelly]

I should have asked.

[Jay Okerson]

I would love to go to a Yankee game.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell her I hope she's in good health.

[Jay Okerson]

Baseball?

[Lou]

Unreal.

[Jay Okerson]

Cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell her if a plane ever shoots Leslie Jones down, that I'll go to the games with her.

[Lou]

Was Liz. Did Liz see this?

[Jay Okerson]

Let me tell you something, because I

[Lou]

could see her just.

[Jay Okerson]

I saw Liz walk over to the table, look at the table, and she disrespects her.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's. She's ashamed of me for sure.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, 100.

[Bobby Kelly]

I am. I wasn't even there.

[Jay Okerson]

Everybody. Todd. How can you have Todd Barry be like, you're not a man?

[Bobby Kelly]

Todd Barry thinks I'm not a man. He thinks I'm all. If nothing else, he thinks I'm all talk.

[Jay Okerson]

He talks so much right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I swear to you, when Gnome would do like the walk by to like go to the bar or something and I would stop telling story for a second, I go, wait, he's right behind you. I'd be like, fucking jerk off over here. And then I kind of follow his eyes back. As he went back over, he's like, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Todd, I can get back to the story. And I go back and I mean, I gave it to him in as dramatic as you could.

[Jay Okerson]

And they printed the letter. Letter?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they gave them the whole letter, which had a bunch of lies that I do all my self defense of the letter itself. I go. And then she said, I said this. I would never say that. She says, I did this, which is not me.

[Lou]

You're lucky Todd Berry didn't step in on your behalf and go, actually, no, I just heard the whole story.

[Jay Okerson]

I gotta tell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Super.

[Jay Okerson]

I was watching it like a play.

[Lou]

I mean, seriously. He was a Greek tragedy.

[Jay Okerson]

He was doing a monologue to Todd Barry with such emotion and.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is hard to keep Bob's attention. He prefers musicals.

[Jay Okerson]

It was. You could turn into a musical at the end.

[Bobby Kelly]

I could what?

[Jay Okerson]

I would never be.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you talking about?

[Lou]

It turned into Annie at the end.

[Jay Okerson]

That's what you did. You. I never.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is my comedy home. You're like my comedy dad.

[Lou]

I belong here.

[Jay Okerson]

He was through a war.

[Bobby Kelly]

He goes, no, I Mean, we talking about my blood. My blood and sweat is in these walls, man.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lou]

My spit is on this microphone.

[Bobby Kelly]

I bleed the seller.

[Jay Okerson]

Oh, you unbelievable. A coward.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm a coward. Son of a. Am I blind or is this super fuzzy?

[Christine]

It's fuzzy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Christine]

The screen went fuzzy again.

[Lou]

That's stroke fuzzy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Mikey Fanoy is going to be at the brokerage in Long island on May 8th 9th. For tickets and all of his tour dates go to punch up DOT live. Mike Finoya, F I N O I A. And of course, the big news. Mike's new show, Saturday night shakedown, premiering May 16th on the Grateful Dead channel right here on SiriusXM. Not her. Christine's thinks that all radio channels are women. Channel her on Sirius.

[Lou]

God, and look how she spelled fanoia.

[Bobby Kelly]

You see? Did I just jump right into confrontation? Yeah, with any girl.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, with any girl. On a microphone.

[Bobby Kelly]

On a microphone. Microphone.

[Jay Okerson]

At a show outside. Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob, what are you looking at?

[Jay Okerson]

J.J. you got a problem with me? Okay, we're going to break. So the microphone's gonna be off.

[Bobby Kelly]

So the microphone's still on right now, and I don't like the way he's looking at me.

[Jay Okerson]

Yeah, but he's gonna be off soon. He's gonna slap you in the face.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, well, we'll be right back then. I guess we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens.

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[Jay Okerson]

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[Jay Okerson]

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[Christine]

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