
Jay claims that he is better than Christine at all athletics. Bob and Jay bragged about hopping over a small fence and made everyone in the studio prove that they could touch the ceiling. Christine claims that she can beat Jay in water sports, roller skating, and yoga. | Bobby accuses Jay of being spineless because he was nice to someone at the Comedy Cellar whom he previously bad-mouthed on the radio. Bob also insists that Jay ignores him in conversations with someone more important. Mike Finoia chose the right day to join the Bonfire where allegations are leveled and settled! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
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Bobby Kelly
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Jay Okerson
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Lou
And now the bonfire with Big J
Jay Okerson
Okerson and Robert Kelly. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Bobby Kelly
What?
Jay Okerson
Make me hot. Lou,
Bobby Kelly
if you think we have a guest, he hasn't joined the show yet.
Jay Okerson
He's on his phone. He's texting somebody.
Bobby Kelly
He's busy. We're on the air. Michael.
Jay Okerson
Hey, Mike Fenoy's in studio. And I'm glad he's in studio.
Bobby Kelly
Why.
Lou
Why. Why wouldn't he be?
Jay Okerson
You like. You like. You like Jay, right?
Lou
I mean, I love him.
Jay Okerson
You love him?
Lou
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
You think you know him?
Lou
Oh, hell, yeah.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, you do.
Lou
I mean, why? I bet you I don't know him as much as I think I do.
Jay Okerson
Well, I. I feel the same way.
Lou
You know what I mean?
Jay Okerson
Did you really.
Bobby Kelly
Were you really shocked by this behavior?
Jay Okerson
You know what?
Lou
I.
Jay Okerson
Let me tell you something. What you're standing. Standing next to right now. What you're sitting next to. Yeah, you're sitting next to.
Lou
Am I going to want to move?
Jay Okerson
Buddy, maybe you don't have to move because you don't have to be afraid of it because it's a just a spineless jellyfish of a thing.
Bobby Kelly
An amoeba.
Jay Okerson
He's an amoeba. He's. He's actually the thing in that new movie Hail Mary that was eating the sun. Just wait.
Bobby Kelly
I can give you. I can give you a little. Little precursor to the story here. Sure. Why don't you in that? Me and Bobby decided I was off skanks yesterday, so on a Monday when I don't have anything, I'm like, oh, well, that'll be a night. Go bang around a comedy club for a second, say hi, show my Face. See some people.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. Monday nights, you know, if he doesn't have anything, say, hey, what are you doing? I'm going down to hang. I'm like, yeah, come with me.
Bobby Kelly
We go for an hour. We go for an hour.
Jay Okerson
We go for an hour. We hang out, we bust balls. We get a little snack at New
Lou
Joke Night with Will Sylvan.
Bobby Kelly
Well, we go to the olive tree. We're OGs.
Jay Okerson
It's a very fluid thing. It's just to go down and be OGs. We drive down, we take 5th Ave. Little traffic. He plays songs.
Bobby Kelly
People. That's people outside, people seeing us.
Jay Okerson
He plays songs that get stuck in your head because he rearranges the songs sometimes.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, sometimes I'll rearrange him.
Jay Okerson
And then we. We had a great night. We went to.
Bobby Kelly
We.
Jay Okerson
We parked over by Washington Square park. It was 4:20.
Lou
Yes, it was.
Jay Okerson
The park was packed with degenerates. If they could have just used a little mustard gas, they would have took a lot of the problems in New York City away.
Bobby Kelly
The problems would have been handled right in that park. They were lightsaber fighting. But I will say also, there was a black guy with reckless abandon doing crazy backflips off a ledge without thinking or caring who was walking behind at all. I mean, he almost made double foot contact with this other big black guy's face.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
But everyone handled it really calm and cool and collected because of weed.
Lou
It is a performance enhancing drug.
Jay Okerson
And we did see the Saturday Night Live character. Miss. Ms. Pat was actually in the pit too, yesterday.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, no. What the fuck was that thing? Yeah, Jake, I made Bobby film it. I don't know, it was just like a fat guy with just like a big mustache. Again, I'm always taken back by the, like the person who goes the other direction. Like, I'll never look cool in any way, so let me be a fucking look. Like a fucking figment of someone's imagination. Like somebody just was designed by a boy's dream.
Lou
Oh, man.
Jay Okerson
Oh, dude, I got it right here.
Bobby Kelly
You should have like big bird legs or something. Like everything was wrong with this guy.
Jay Okerson
This guy, he had four different bodies to make one body. Here it is right there.
Bobby Kelly
I really love this guy.
Lou
Oh, my God. Yeah, he looks like a. Like a constable in like a Dr. Seuss book.
Bobby Kelly
He definitely like talks like, with a whimsical like, hello, welcome, everybody.
Jay Okerson
Look at him in the crowd. He just sticks out in the crowd.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, my God, what a unfortunate.
Lou
Yeah, he looks like a character in like Yellow Submarine from the Beatles.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, he does like a Joyce. Good Beatles drawing.
Jay Okerson
He actually looks like the sub is
Bobby Kelly
the same shape as the sub. He is a yellow submarine. Well, he's got that unfortunate thing where he wears pants that show you that at some point his legs stop and somewhere right around upper thigh, gut circle just begins to start.
Lou
That's what my great grandfather's body looked like. But taller and Italian. Not so well.
Jay Okerson
He had to make the uncomfortable choice that a lot of fat guys make, that we have to make. We all get. Is it under the belly or over the belly with the pain?
Bobby Kelly
No, no, you're wrong. Show that guy again. You're wrong about the senator, Christine. You're wrong about that Bobby, because the guy. Absolutely. Real quick.
Jay Okerson
I hate when you say I'm wrong. It hurts me.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, I have trauma. You shouldn't though.
Jay Okerson
I just do.
Bobby Kelly
It's just conversation.
Jay Okerson
If I was somebody, to be honest with people, it's just conversational fun. No, no, that's over the belt. That's over the belly button.
Bobby Kelly
No, no, it's definitely over the belt. I'm not arguing that. I'm saying the difference. You said he has the choice. I'm saying there's a build.
Jay Okerson
I get you like.
Bobby Kelly
You're right. Here's the thing. Where's your equator? Where is your belt equator now? Mine my. That thing that happens, that circle that starts coming out.
Jay Okerson
I love new fat terms by the way.
Bobby Kelly
That circle that comes up for me is, I mean, that far from my dick. So there's like a little. There's a God given line here that I could put my belts at and call that my waist.
Jay Okerson
This poor guy.
Bobby Kelly
Even though there's another thing happening over here, that guy's circle starts too low. You couldn't wear pants that low. So he has no choice but to go high because his equator's too low.
Jay Okerson
He has a planet around his waist. Yeah.
Lou
Or he's got northern and southern hemisphere.
Bobby Kelly
I'm sorry, I'm wrong about it. His equator has to be high. If it goes. If he went to the under the belly equator, he's on his legs.
Lou
If you're him. If you're him. Are you ever tucking in a shirt? Untuck your shirt.
Jay Okerson
I would. No, you can't tuck in a shirt because it's going to immediately become untucked as soon as you move. You'd have to get a shirt that attaches to your socks.
Lou
Yeah, you're suspenders, like on his socks.
Bobby Kelly
His equator, he's not very sturdy. It's not a Defined equator. His equator moves through the day.
Jay Okerson
I mean this guy. Well, I was, he's like, look at that guy. And I was like, that guy. Nope, nope. He does. Nope.
Lou
He does this when Pete. When he thinks people aren't looking.
Bobby Kelly
He does like a. Oh yeah, absolutely.
Lou
Two handed. Like, like adjustment.
Bobby Kelly
Oh yeah. A real farley. A real farley toe.
Jay Okerson
Real quick, fat guy's wearing suspenders. Suspenders? Yeah, he's wearing suspenders.
Bobby Kelly
I appreciate the best leather comfortable thing because the, the pants are an inch looser than your actual.
Jay Okerson
Why did you tell me that when I was fat as.
Bobby Kelly
Because I could not. I couldn't stand by and watch you wear suspenders every day. Watch? My friend Cool Bobby used to get sucked off in stairwells. Now it's like build a butcher. Yeah. Not even. No, not even. You're gonna look at, I don't know, like John Wayne Gacy or something. It's crazy.
Jay Okerson
Fats Domino.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Lou
Is that cultural appropriation when skinny rip dudes like wear suspenders because it's a fat guy thing.
Bobby Kelly
Looks so cool on them.
Jay Okerson
Used to be a man before, I think it was a country because a belt was like a sophistication, like a rich person thing.
Bobby Kelly
Do you remember Bill?
Jay Okerson
I mean they didn't have belts, they had rope.
Bobby Kelly
Do you remember Bill Michaels?
Jay Okerson
No.
Bobby Kelly
He's a comedian. He's probably dead, but if. He might be very much alive. But if I had to guess from what I saw. But he lost a bunch of weight too actually. But he was a guy at his heaviest. He used to run a bunch of like bringer shows. He's one of those guys at Stan up New York. Yeah, but he wore the complete Home Depot. The complete. No, that's not him. The complete Home Depot. Like suspender rig.
Jay Okerson
The iron worker suspender.
Lou
Yeah, like onesies. Like, like almost like. No, no, like a construction worker onesie.
Bobby Kelly
No, not a onesie. It was, it was still a thing, but it's like. It was just heavy Velcro around the waist. And then he was in a union.
Christine
Yeah, yeah, but it's like a back brace. My dad used to have to wear one of those.
Lou
It's pretty single handedly carrying the industry.
Jay Okerson
Did you say call me big Fat Bobby?
Lou
BFB Big.
Jay Okerson
I remember when Joe Rogan called me a big. A fat chubby person or something like that.
Bobby Kelly
You should call him fat too.
Jay Okerson
I was listening to the show and I was like, oh, Bobby, he's a big fat person now. I was like, oh God. Whoa.
Lou
Like a girdle.
Bobby Kelly
What is that.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
No, I guess like. Yes, like that. That's what he wore. Wow. All the time. Yeah.
Lou
That's like some John Goodman.
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Christine
Oh, my God, he's so fat.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Lou
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
He is so fat.
Jay Okerson
Did he wear that under his shirt or. Oh, you have to wear that over your shirt.
Bobby Kelly
Yes, over shirt. Yeah. Jesus.
Jay Okerson
Wow.
Bobby Kelly
And that's what he perform comedy.
Jay Okerson
Like put advertising on the front.
Lou
You fat.
Jay Okerson
Like a donut company.
Bobby Kelly
He would also wear. Again, there's the other big thing.
Lou
Insert.
Jay Okerson
It's been fat people should do. They should advertise food.
Lou
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
On their clothes.
Bobby Kelly
It's been kind of nice in losing some weight that like I like my biohazard like orange hoodie or my red body. Like I like those. Like a little. Putting a little bit of color into it. Because I always. But Bill Michaels at his heaviest, it was always like that. Like an orange shirt. They give you a couple choices in the fat guy stores. You can go understated or they will be like, do you want to dress like a heavy D in the boys?
Lou
Like a bright yellow?
Bobby Kelly
It's like so bright. It's like all like. It's like, do you want to be the loudest or the most understandable? It's basic or highlighter.
Jay Okerson
Are you committing to this or are you not?
Bobby Kelly
That's what it is.
Jay Okerson
It's like, are you committed? Are you good? You committed to being a fat. We'll try this on.
Bobby Kelly
Because if you're gonna be a fat, be the fat fuck who shows up in a very fun multicolored floral shirt.
Jay Okerson
I love fat fucks that are fun.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Dress fun. Fuck yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Everybody does.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. I hate a fat fuck that tries to dress thin.
Lou
What about like the bowling shirt or like the. The Hawaiian shirt? Like the short sleeve?
Bobby Kelly
Like two different things.
Lou
Yeah. Well, I'm thinking short sleeve button ups.
Jay Okerson
I did.
Lou
The bowling shirt are good for a fat dude.
Jay Okerson
The bowling shirt. What a bowling shirt does is hide your side fat from the front and then your stomach reveals how fat you are from the side.
Lou
You turn sideways and it's just.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Because it's usually like a black line down the side. That kind of thing.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, yeah.
Lou
That's true with like, you know, flames.
Bobby Kelly
Nothing worse. Still a problem even with losing weight. When I see pictures of me sitting on a stool from the side, it's still like where my back is and where my front of shirt is. Seems impossible. If I'm built like that. I don't know how. I don't have like a 70 inch waist because it looks like this from the side. It's like a complete try. It's nuts.
Jay Okerson
That's because we mushed down into a hamburger when we sit, maybe.
Bobby Kelly
Because when every time they show me from the front now, I'm like, oh, that's not bad. Well, it's like, this is kind of fine.
Jay Okerson
When we do the videos here, when Paco does the videos, I always see that. I feel good. But then I watch the video and this is all mushed down, and I.
Bobby Kelly
I tell him, sorry, what.
Lou
What the.
Bobby Kelly
That was up. It's funny. Yeah. Funny how Paco says that.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. Funny how you.
Bobby Kelly
He uses a thing called fat cam on you, which I don't like.
Jay Okerson
What?
Bobby Kelly
He beefs you up.
Jay Okerson
Oh, yeah. He uses the fat cam filter.
Bobby Kelly
Fat cam filters you, and then sometimes he makes me a bunny.
Jay Okerson
Well, I looked over at you one day, and you were standing up. And I'm like, why is he standing up? And I figured it out, of course. Straightened you the out.
Bobby Kelly
Listen, Paco gets those cameras in here, dude. You'd be surprised how much of the show I'm leaning back over here with the thing. Give us some profile. Maybe making my chest a little big. I'm like. So anyway, Kim Congdon. What was that you were saying?
Lou
You're wearing your Bill Mitchell harness or whatever the Michaels. What the hell is his name?
Bobby Kelly
You can't find Bill Michaels? Come on.
Lou
Wait, so why. Why is Jay a squid?
Jay Okerson
Well, here's the thing. Yeah, that's right. He couldn't. He actually couldn't wear suspenders because they'd slide off his.
Bobby Kelly
I would have boneless shoulders.
Lou
His Derosas.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
Derosa has more spine than this guy. What?
Bobby Kelly
Absolutely.
Jay Okerson
I'm telling you right now, absolutely.
Bobby Kelly
Derosa would not have done this.
Lou
Oh, come on. Come on.
Bobby Kelly
Derosa wouldn't. I don't know if derosa would have done the opposite of what I did. We'll get to that in a second. He wouldn't done the opposite, but he would have been like. He would just discussed it. He would have been like, no, but, you know, blah, blah, blah. He would have like. He would have had some sort of discussion about it.
Jay Okerson
He would have a discussion about it, and he. And there's but the potential that he would have gotten to another argument about it. High, high potential. Let me tell you something.
Bobby Kelly
Why they got to start at the preface, Remember? So we walk over to the seller.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
We go in. We go in.
Jay Okerson
And we usually go to the Cellar, by the way. We don't go anywhere. Let's go to The Cellar. Because we're, you know.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, geez.
Jay Okerson
Oh, geez. Oh, yeah. I walked in.
Lou
Are you trying to bring back the hang?
Jay Okerson
Well, we went back last night. No, no, no. You can't bring that.
Lou
You go get it.
Jay Okerson
No, there's a stroke, There's a heart attack. There's a hearing aid. There's a tranny. It's done, dude.
Bobby Kelly
It's done.
Jay Okerson
It's done. The hang is done. There's no hang.
Bobby Kelly
There's like a little guy there. When we got there.
Jay Okerson
Hilarious kid. I walked in and he was sitting down at the end of Very nice. I just stood over him and stared at his face. And he just looked up and then just got up and moved.
Lou
Things were going under the table.
Bobby Kelly
Things were going pretty fun. We were having a little flirtatious banter with that same waitress we get every time. Marin. She's very nice.
Jay Okerson
Is it Marin?
Bobby Kelly
I want to say, Marin, I don't think it is. I think I'm right.
Jay Okerson
You fucked me last night, too. What? Fucking dick move. He did. Can I tell him that real quick? So me?
Bobby Kelly
No, no, no. Because at the end, people might think you deserve for how much you beat me up on this.
Lou
What a great night you guys had.
Jay Okerson
We had. It was a great 48 minutes.
Bobby Kelly
We have a great. Every time me and Bobby do this, we do this for an hour and we fucking. I just go. I just don't. I just. Mondays, I don't go home right after work. It just feels weird to do it. Yeah. It's the day I put on, like. Like, do you see Tuesdays? I wear, like, sweats and shit. But, like, I'm dressing for the day. It's the first day of the week. I'm like, I just don't want to go right home. And same thing on Wednesdays. I'm just used to doing something afterwards. It's like, I want to do something. Even if I just go, hey, let's go down, smoke a cigar. I'll smoke two cigarettes outside of the vu. And then I'll get my car, go home, just do something.
Lou
You got your going out wallet chain?
Jay Okerson
Yeah. We literally have the same. Where it's like, okay, let's get out of here. And we're both like, let's go. And we walk. We get in.
Bobby Kelly
No one's ever said staying for a few minutes. Actually, this works. It's good.
Jay Okerson
No one's ever said, where you going? They just say, bye. That's it.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. No one even asked.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
He goes, take care, guys. I'm like, yeah, I'll see you in another year and a half, I guess. I never come here. Fawn over me, would you? So then. Very fun. Some of what's cool about going there is I'll see people I haven't seen in months or years sometimes. Well, we did.
Jay Okerson
We did hop over a fence, which was wild.
Bobby Kelly
We hopped over a fence, which is pretty. And by the way, we both did really good at it.
Jay Okerson
We both. Because they shut the park off legs.
Bobby Kelly
No, no, it was a walk over. It was an undertaker move, but.
Jay Okerson
And we watched five people do it before us and we just, you know, kind of figured it out.
Bobby Kelly
We did it better than other people, though.
Lou
Way better. Like one of those, like cop fences. Like the, the plastic.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, they metal. The metal like gate that connect.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, they, they block in the park. There's only exit in and they want everybody funneled in.
Bobby Kelly
So it's right to the end, straight poles down. So you can get foot a little between those poles. And me and Bobby both able to do that step over.
Jay Okerson
I have video of it because I'm the fluencer. So I got video of it. I will take care of it. I took care of it.
Lou
That's really great that you were able to do that.
Christine
It's not really hopping offense.
Jay Okerson
Christine. No one asked.
Bobby Kelly
Christine, this is why you don't come. This is why you're not invited.
Jay Okerson
Nobody wants to invite you.
Bobby Kelly
No one needs this.
Jay Okerson
They're high stanchions.
Christine
They are high stand.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, it's crowd. It's. It's controlling a whole crowd of high people from going that way.
Bobby Kelly
Christine, if you were in boots and jeans, my going out wallet chain like I was, you wouldn't have been able to do it that easy.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. If you had a zen in your pocket, an iPhone. I had my, my, my badge from Sirius. I had a pen.
Bobby Kelly
Why don't you pipe the fuck down?
Christine
Fence hopping contest, 100%.
Bobby Kelly
Christine. I will beat you in everything athletic in the world. I don't know why you doubt that. I promise. Everything athletic. I would be you.
Jay Okerson
I sent you a video. You can watch it and then describe. You would not be able to hop over this fence the way we did. The way we did.
Bobby Kelly
Reckless abandon.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, I mean, almost like we're parkour.
Bobby Kelly
Christine, what do you think athletically? Maybe there's something. I'm not thinking of planking. Can you plank longer distance running? Probably.
Christine
Probably running no
Bobby Kelly
distance running. We talking about more flexible than you. Your body's amazing.
Jay Okerson
He's very flexible. Christine.
Christine
I could probably pull My body weight up easier than you could pull your body weight up. I've hopped in.
Bobby Kelly
You can't pull your body weight, though, so it doesn't matter.
Christine
No, I can't do a pull up, but.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, can you do this?
Jay Okerson
Whoa. She hasn't done that in a long time. There's no need for her to do that.
Bobby Kelly
I need more support behind me. Mike.
Lou
I got you.
Bobby Kelly
What are we seeing?
Christine
I don't know what you're doing.
Bobby Kelly
This.
Lou
I could be a hero.
Bobby Kelly
Could you do this? Yeah, but I'm not gonna.
Jay Okerson
Jay is in his chair. Mike is assisting him so he doesn't kill himself spreading his legs. I could almost say, like Jacques Claude Van Damme.
Bobby Kelly
Almost like Jean Claude Van Bloodsport.
Jay Okerson
It's not bent knees. Those knees are not.
Bobby Kelly
Get up on the table and grab this leg. Pull it towards you. Put it behind your head. Oh, my God. I feel the tension in my ball bag.
Christine
Scene.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Lou
Ready? I'm gonna push you closer to the desk. Stretch it out.
Jay Okerson
Jacob. Grab his other leg. Grab that leg. Grab that leg.
Bobby Kelly
Swimming. All right, that's all of it. That's all of it.
Jay Okerson
Oh, my God.
Bobby Kelly
That's all happened.
Jay Okerson
He just did a full split on the bonfire. A full split? I would call that a sitting full split.
Bobby Kelly
So I think yo guy got you beat. What else is next? You said. What was the other things?
Lou
Folding laundry, swimming.
Bobby Kelly
In what way? Like speed.
Christine
I think I.
Bobby Kelly
Maybe you might be.
Christine
I'm a stronger swimmer than you. I just grew up by the beach. You didn't.
Jay Okerson
Oh, here we go.
Bobby Kelly
Well, you can do the Jeff Cavalier contest. What's that? She always goes ones we did, but
Christine
nobody can do that.
Jay Okerson
No, no, that's not true. I saved somebody in the ocean. I'm the best swimmer in the room.
Christine
That's not part of the.
Jay Okerson
I saved a life, but that's not part of the test. You wouldn't save anybody. You wouldn't be able to get past the riptide and back in with a life through the riptide.
Bobby Kelly
Right. Let's focus on this. Let's go with Christine a little bit more, I think.
Jay Okerson
Christine, I apologize. Fuck you.
Bobby Kelly
What?
Jay Okerson
Back to you.
Bobby Kelly
No, no. Here she goes.
Christine
Your videos.
Jay Okerson
Chris is so good.
Christine
Your videos aren't sending to me, and I really want to get them. Can I see your phone really quick and just send them to you?
Jay Okerson
Cannot touch my phone.
Bobby Kelly
What are you fucking crazy?
Jay Okerson
Nuts? I would never let a woman do
Lou
that by an influence machine.
Bobby Kelly
I. I'd kill dawn and. And tell Bobby something accidental happened. If she took my phone.
Jay Okerson
I'm not having Christine have on me.
Bobby Kelly
Come over here, crazy. Let me see your phone. Give me your phone.
Jay Okerson
My photos. Are you nuts?
Bobby Kelly
What have you See if you got 27 missed calls from Modi.
Jay Okerson
I do.
Bobby Kelly
I know.
Jay Okerson
I do know what he wants.
Lou
Big fan.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. Whoa. I. Was that my phone? Was that my phone, by the way?
Lou
Taking a break.
Bobby Kelly
She put everyone in the room down because we did a lot of the exercises in the room. The man test.
Lou
The man test.
Bobby Kelly
Which. And there's a female version of them.
Lou
Yeah, the female test.
Jay Okerson
What are you doing?
Bobby Kelly
Less. Really? Is it the girl? The girl version. The female test?
Lou
Yes, the woman test.
Bobby Kelly
No, no, it's called.
Lou
It's not a man test.
Bobby Kelly
No. Why do you think it's called the quiz? She does think she could beat you in athletics. And by the way, she's not going to come home tonight feeling any different because she's going to see Florence in the machine. She's going to feel empowered. I'm probably gonna have to crack her in the face a second.
Lou
She walks through the door, you go on a flow.
Bobby Kelly
I'm gonna have to bring her back to reality. When she gets back in here, she's
Jay Okerson
trying to get in my Google Drive.
Bobby Kelly
I'm like, hey, what the is wrong with you? You don't know what's in there. You know me and Bobby send back and forth to each other, for Christ's sakes.
Jay Okerson
God damn it.
Bobby Kelly
Aggressive gay porn. Were you wondering?
Lou
I'm a listener.
Bobby Kelly
First time, long time.
Lou
Crackle, crackle.
Bobby Kelly
First time. Do you think.
Lou
Do you think she's not listening? Is there anything like in a sports off between you and Christine that you would be intimidated like, that you would go into the event going like, she might have me on this.
Bobby Kelly
Is there anything swimming for speed? Probably. She probably just does swim more than me in her life because she grew
Jay Okerson
up at the beach. I don't know if you heard that.
Bobby Kelly
She's also. Yeah, she's also lighter. She's also like lighter than me. And propel herself easier in running. I just think like my strides.
Lou
So you think in human propulsion she might take you?
Bobby Kelly
Yes, in her. Yeah, I think on the ground, though. I think feet on the ground. I dust her ass.
Lou
High jump. You think you could jump higher than.
Jay Okerson
No, she can't jump. Jump. You can't jump. Jump. Show me a jump.
Bobby Kelly
Her jump's ass.
Jay Okerson
Touch the ceiling. Touch the ceiling.
Bobby Kelly
That's too low, Bobby. Oh, my gosh.
Lou
Ghost was holding your ankles.
Jay Okerson
Can you? Yeah, of course. Did you did you hear the weight?
Lou
She somehow went down when she went up.
Bobby Kelly
Bobby left. Can you.
Jay Okerson
The only reason why I don't want to do it.
Lou
Oh, he's doing a whimsical pants.
Bobby Kelly
Hold up.
Jay Okerson
I don't want my stomach to fly.
Lou
Come on.
Bobby Kelly
All right. Good call, Lou. You film his face. I'll be on belly cam.
Jay Okerson
Ready?
Bobby Kelly
Belly cam.
Lou
Hey, I wonder if I can.
Bobby Kelly
That was a crazy amount of effort you put into it though.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, dude. That's what I gotta do. I'm a short king.
Bobby Kelly
Can you touch it, Black Louis? Yeah.
Lou
You cannot touch the ceiling while taking. While making content.
Bobby Kelly
We'll have to see.
Jay Okerson
Easy, Jacob.
Bobby Kelly
Jacob, you're up. You really need me to do this?
Jay Okerson
Yes.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Because it's so easy.
Jay Okerson
It's not easy.
Lou
You're gonna do it.
Bobby Kelly
Really? All right. Fucking white chocolate does have those little
Jay Okerson
tight bumps and all that sexiness.
Bobby Kelly
Are you little Cadbury cream egg. Okay there.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. You go to those cream pies.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, yeah.
Jay Okerson
Everybody can do it. Except for.
Bobby Kelly
Did you get a piece, Mike?
Lou
I'm gonna try Mike.
Jay Okerson
And definitely I'm a girl.
Bobby Kelly
Though.
Christine
We have different stances.
Bobby Kelly
Christine. You should look stubble.
Jay Okerson
He did it like. It's nonchalant.
Bobby Kelly
Can you, Christine. Can you for the love of God, try that again and not make dj? Lou, Me and you could do this, but I mean, this is nonsensical for me and you to do it. We're adult sized men. Yeah, that's what I mean. We're adult sized men. I could jump up and tell you what's up there. You guys wanna know what's happening inside? There's a body. Cousin Bruce's body's up there. He was trying to get into the ducts.
Jay Okerson
Christine, you can't touch the seat.
Bobby Kelly
Muscleman.
Lou
Up top.
Bobby Kelly
Wow.
Jay Okerson
I hate when people give up.
Bobby Kelly
Do you think now for sure that I can defeat Christine in almost everything? Athletic.
Jay Okerson
I never doubt it. In a minute you could defeat her in everything.
Christine
Well, now it's up to almost. I mean, down to almost everything.
Jay Okerson
What do you mean almost everything? Swimming. Almost swimming. Whatever. Because you grew up in California.
Christine
Don't act like you're better at yoga.
Jay Okerson
Jay would be better in your yoga. I'll tell you why.
Christine
No, he's not.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, he is.
Bobby Kelly
A yoga competition.
Lou
I don't know. We've done a lot of yoga.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, my yoga is pretty great.
Lou
Remember the will we.
Bobby Kelly
You've done your.
Christine
You've done your novice yoga.
Jay Okerson
Whoa.
Bobby Kelly
Excuse me.
Jay Okerson
Wow. Shots fired. Mike. He's a guest for Christ.
Bobby Kelly
Excuse me. I mean there's like.
Jay Okerson
I apologize.
Lou
I'm gonna cancel that edible arrangement I'm sending to her.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, that dude. Novice yoga. She said. What difficult yoga do you think you do? You said you do those same moves or just called different things. For chicks they're called different things.
Christine
But DGP yoga is beginner yoga.
Bobby Kelly
What yoga do you do that's more intense than that?
Lou
Do you hear this?
Jay Okerson
It's not.
Lou
I hope DDP's not listening.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Lou
No.
Jay Okerson
Almost as many as Jacob Jew lives as he saved.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
You hear about that on Thursday?
Lou
Yrg.
Jay Okerson
Yoga for regular guys.
Bobby Kelly
You have no idea the sacrifice Jacob made for no. For absolutely no recognition for it either. It's goddamn amazing. I'll be honest. It's one of the most masculine things I heard anybody say they would do. You'll hear on Thursday. I don't even want us to spoil. Suck it. We could though. We could talk about it right now.
Jay Okerson
No, we can't. I know what you're doing, Jay.
Lou
I'm being.
Jay Okerson
He's edging out of.
Bobby Kelly
I am telling you that I know anything Christine thinks you do athletically. Throw further. Run faster.
Jay Okerson
Christine.
Bobby Kelly
Jump higher.
Jay Okerson
You're better than her. Done.
Bobby Kelly
Thank you. Everyone agrees with that. Let's go around the room. You agree with that now you're forgetting
Jay Okerson
ice skating and roller skating. Oh yeah. You can't do shit. You can't even skate.
Bobby Kelly
That's because I don't know how to skate.
Christine
I know, but that's like a big
Jay Okerson
thing you can't do.
Bobby Kelly
No, but what? We have an ice skating race.
Lou
Skiing.
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Jay Okerson
I definitely win. It's the Olympics, asshole.
Bobby Kelly
She gives you that. Summer sports.
Jay Okerson
It's called speed.
Bobby Kelly
Only summer sports. You bitch.
Jay Okerson
You can't roll over the Olympics of swimming. Where I also beat up by the beach.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, yeah. You can't roller. Leave the winter sports to the Japs. I say you can't roller skate. I don't know how to do things with wheels under my feet.
Lou
Skateboarding.
Bobby Kelly
No, no.
Lou
What about skis?
Bobby Kelly
I'll tell you what I'll dust. I'll dust their ass in a bike ride.
Christine
No, no, no.
Lou
It's because you got an electric bike.
Bobby Kelly
Why is that?
Jay Okerson
He would dust your ass.
Christine
Because we used to go bike riding together and you weren't faster than me.
Bobby Kelly
We never raced bikes.
Jay Okerson
He was always in front of you and had to hold up and wait for you.
Christine
Yes, you're right.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Christine
That is what happened.
Lou
You think in a 40 yard dash.
Bobby Kelly
That's not what happened. But I will tell you this when we walk anywhere together. If I didn't slow down, I would be two and a half blocks ahead of her.
Lou
That's how I am with my wife.
Jay Okerson
This is gonna take four and a half hours to upload to Google Drive. Can I just beam it to your phone?
Christine
That's what we tried and it didn't work. We tried to do the airdrop.
Jay Okerson
No, we didn't try airdrop. You went into my phone, started searching stuff. I said get off of it.
Lou
All of a sudden Jay's even better at airdrops.
Christine
I don't know why it's taking two hours.
Bobby Kelly
Did she open up? She didn't open up that weird folder that says Jay's weekend pornography he makes?
Jay Okerson
No, I have that under tax. 2023.
Bobby Kelly
Thank you.
Christine
And that was to get them on the computer. If we get them to my gay
Bobby Kelly
sex, what are we even talking about anymore?
Jay Okerson
We're going to be talking about good subject change last night. All right, let me tell you something about this guy, Michael.
Lou
Bring it.
Bobby Kelly
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Jay Okerson
Jay comes across as a, you know, confident, doesn't take any. We'll tell you a thing or two about a thing or two.
Bobby Kelly
I will.
Jay Okerson
No, you know, I don't, I don't nobody with me. I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice guy.
Bobby Kelly
But if you do cross me or
Jay Okerson
on the street cross me, you're done. I'm gonna let you have it and let you know it.
Bobby Kelly
Well, let me say. So we're walking, we go and we get our coot. First of all, outside, bump into two people. Bobby goes, says hi to both of them. Isabel Hagan, I know her. She's a comedian. She said she was running a set. She's doing the Tonight Show.
Jay Okerson
Mr. Cox from.
Bobby Kelly
Well, I didn't know. This guy goes, Bobby goes, says hi to both of them, the guy and the girl. And he goes, hey, you know Jay, where he goes, of course. And we shake hands and then I talk about everything. I talked to her and Bobby's talking to the guy for. I had no idea that was Michael Cox. That's the guy who books a Tonight Show.
Jay Okerson
Books the Tonight Show.
Bobby Kelly
What the fuck do you mean he knows who I am.
Jay Okerson
He knows you, buddy.
Christine
Yeah, he books everything.
Jay Okerson
Everybody knows you. You're in the business.
Bobby Kelly
Well, so I won't put on a fucking suit. So I can't do comedy.
Jay Okerson
You can do. I wore a leather jacket.
Bobby Kelly
You know, I won't say fucking because I won't not say twat instead of cunt.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, no, you tell it like it is. Don't you?
Bobby Kelly
I really do.
Jay Okerson
I know you do.
Bobby Kelly
And I won't be told by anybody.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
To change. No, I'm genuine.
Jay Okerson
You're genuine? Authentic.
Bobby Kelly
That's what I say.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
I don't want. I don't even care. Don't try. Michael Cox. It's nice to meet you, dude. But I'll be. I'm not interested in doing your show because it's just not my thing. I'll say it right to his face. So we go into the cellar.
Jay Okerson
Didn't though. Talk to him for probably 20 minutes. Yabbering like they were best friends. Yeah. Didn't get a word. I had to talk to what's her name because he was just smoothing it up with a guy.
Lou
Smitten.
Jay Okerson
Oh, my God. It was like they knew each other since college.
Lou
Like, that isn't it.
Jay Okerson
It's. It's.
Lou
It's happened a couple times around me.
Jay Okerson
It's kind of gross, but it's happened to me. But I'm like, all right. You know, he kind of leans in and he does little stuff and he squints his eyes and he. He gets cute. Fan. Nah, that's like.
Lou
He laughs at unfunny stuff.
Jay Okerson
Like, it's hilarious.
Lou
I didn't know he turned suburban.
Jay Okerson
Jay has stock stories. Yeah. For these moments.
Lou
I know.
Jay Okerson
He's like, ah, it's like that time. And you're like, I heard this one before.
Lou
And then he looks at you for, like, assurance that the story. He's like, you know, you were there.
Jay Okerson
Well, he'll bring in Bobby.
Lou
Bobby.
Jay Okerson
I'm telling. He'll say, bobby, Bobby doesn't want you in the story. But be like, remember that Bobby anyways, and push you back out.
Lou
Airport Jay.
Bobby Kelly
I do that a lot.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, he does.
Bobby Kelly
That is one. I don't know how much this Bobby's kidding or making up, because I don't remember this. I'm a little shell shocked.
Jay Okerson
It's all.
Bobby Kelly
But I will tell you. I will tell you that at one point of that I did go, bobby, I'm telling him the thing about the thing. I had no idea who I was talking to. To.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
I told him something.
Christine
Known him for a long time.
Jay Okerson
He'll go. He'll go, bobby, tell him the thing about. Go back to what you're doing. I go over there, stay over there. But I'm doing this.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Bobby, like, started to turn towards his thing. I go, no, I got it from here, buddy.
Jay Okerson
Mike. He always has a going to the couch with Carson set available For a new conversation.
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Jay Okerson
You understand what I'm saying? Yeah.
Lou
He's got his couch material.
Bobby Kelly
I've been here all night.
Jay Okerson
Smooth. Smooth J. The little smoo that he is, he's got it going on. But I let him do his thing.
Lou
Start with flu in here.
Bobby Kelly
So much going on. I just smoked a joint. I was getting ready to go do my shots. I was in a good place.
Jay Okerson
Yep.
Bobby Kelly
We walk in, we walk into the club or the restaurant. Olive Tree. Right away, Bobby, company boy has to run over and go get on his knee to kiss Gnome's ring.
Jay Okerson
I'm a 1% owner of Comedy Star.
Bobby Kelly
I know.
Lou
And then I know they're gonna say, 1%, hombre.
Bobby Kelly
I know. You take off two weeks to go to the company retreat.
Jay Okerson
I have to go to the. I have to do Trust, Trust with
Bobby Kelly
Liz and SD he goes over, starts. He pays his respects to Noam. I go to the back table, start talking to that kid. What's the name? Little tiny guy. He was.
Lou
He was Adam something, I think.
Jay Okerson
Great dude.
Bobby Kelly
Real.
Lou
Very funny.
Bobby Kelly
Yes. Yeah. Where I was bullshitting with him for a little while.
Jay Okerson
Literally, anybody on earth could rape that man. Man.
Bobby Kelly
Oh, yeah. Guy, sure.
Lou
A puppy could.
Jay Okerson
I mean, yeah. Anything. An ant could have its way with that kid.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Yeah.
Jay Okerson
I almost did it just because I could last.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Just show me goes. This is the fear issue. I notice you're walking around not in fear, but you should be afraid. This could happen every day.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Bobby Kelly
Because I'm saving you down the road I'm gonna finish. And I'm not saving any Jews with this.
Jay Okerson
I sat with Noam because me and. No, it's a friend. I've. He's my friend. Family. We have.
Bobby Kelly
Pays respects.
Jay Okerson
We have. We have vacations together. We've. We've done stuff together. He's a friend.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. The Jewish Don Lawn.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Lawn Goldstein.
Jay Okerson
I sit down, I talk to him. We talk business a little bit. Then we always go into, like, you know, personal stuff like that. And then I walked over, I go, waitress.
Bobby Kelly
Hey, I'm gonna go order food. Comp me.
Jay Okerson
I don't have to ask.
Lou
Put it on my tab.
Jay Okerson
The waitresses all know you think, right?
Bobby Kelly
No, they do, but they. So I don't get a check again. I see a few people. Kevin Brennan. I haven't seen him in a while.
Jay Okerson
Kevin Brennan was not there.
Bobby Kelly
Not Kevin Brennan. Neil Brennan came in. Yeah.
Lou
That's two different people.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Neil Brennan came out. I haven't seen him in such a long time.
Jay Okerson
Thank God.
Bobby Kelly
And I went in for a nice, heavy handshake of, dude, good to see. And I forgot he's. I guess germs would kill him. It looks like. It looks like germs would kill him. So maybe that's the reason. But he gave the fist, and I was like, oh, it's been for such a long time, and this is such an awkward way to do it. And that's all we did. Now we kind of parted ways. Aziz came over and talked. Oh. So Todd Barry came and sat down next to me, and we started shooting shit a little bit. And Aziz came over, started talking to Todd for a minute. And then me and Bobby were just kind of like, sitting there talking a little bit. And then Aziz started to walk away and Bob, which I was okay with, because in my mind, I go, me and Azeez were on a tour together, and that was about as much as we talked on the tour also. I tried a few times, but me and him just are. We just don't hit it off, I guess, whatever, organically. And he starts walking away, and Bobby goes, aziz, Aziz, come here. And he makes. You don't fucking say hi when you come. He goes, hey, I thought you were
Jay Okerson
in the middle of something.
Lou
Now go get your fucking shine box.
Jay Okerson
I do this to him every time. Cause every time Aziz comes over and awkwardly will look at this. Don't say. Doesn't say hi. Yeah.
Lou
No.
Jay Okerson
Doesn't say. He awkwardly looks at the lineup and then looks around, and then he walks away. And every time I let him walk maybe three steps, I go, aziz, get over and say hi. What's wrong with you? How you doing? Where you going? He's like, oh, I don't know. Just. I was just, you know, coming in.
Lou
That's.
Jay Okerson
That's your.
Lou
That's your prepared.
Jay Okerson
It makes me couch. It makes me feel so good forcing him to be social.
Bobby Kelly
It should make you feel good because I'll tell you why. What he does, he goes. He goes, oh, I know you're the middle something. He's.
Jay Okerson
I got go over to the Vu.
Bobby Kelly
He goes, but I'll. I'll come back around. And then son of a. Came back to sit with Bobby.
Jay Okerson
Really? Yeah. I'll force you to be a social person.
Bobby Kelly
He came back and sex to Bobby started telling me. He goes, I live in London. He's just giving the whole stuff. I was like, holy shit, Bobby.
Jay Okerson
I force Aziz to come out of his elite shell.
Bobby Kelly
He screamed down the street for Jimmy Fallon. When he caught up to him, I thought Jimmy Fallon was going to have security tackle him or at very least be like, hey, man, chill out.
Jay Okerson
Out.
Bobby Kelly
He turned around and he goes, hey. And just. It was just.
Jay Okerson
We hugged.
Bobby Kelly
Me and Christine were so angry that they were being rewarded for his behavior. That was weeks ago, buddy.
Jay Okerson
They ran away from me. Like they were embarrassed.
Bobby Kelly
I was.
Lou
He's the pope of chili town.
Bobby Kelly
Not like, I was embarrassed of you. I was humiliated by your behavior. And then when it was rewarded, I go, that's not going to help him.
Christine
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
It's like when Lewis does something crazy and wins.
Jay Okerson
You're like, yeah.
Bobby Kelly
You don't learn, dude.
Jay Okerson
Me and Jimmy a palsy wowzy. Oh, shit. I'll force you to be my friend.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
And Aziz, I fought, and he. He always shakes out of it and will come back from wherever he is and. And just ignore the table.
Lou
It's like a verbal noogie.
Jay Okerson
But he came back. He talked.
Bobby Kelly
I'm being a bad friend to you, and I'm gonna stop doing this.
Jay Okerson
What's up, buddy?
Bobby Kelly
I'm gonna stop. Because you say you're friends with people.
Christine
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
And your personality is so great for that. The in person, whatever. If they even know you a little bit, you're gonna get, like, longtime friendship behavior because of your assertiveness in it. Yeah. These people. And then in that you can get phone numbers and contact and everything. And friendship in that these people leave and they forget about you almost entirely and they don't want to deal with you anymore. And then I now. But you're living in the world, going like, captain America is my friend.
Jay Okerson
No. No. Well, I fucked that up. Cause of you.
Bobby Kelly
I'm giving you credit here in a second. You say, captain America's my friend. This one's my friend. This one's my friend. And then I challenge you, and you go, I have their number right now. And then you start getting chest out. I have to go, like, I'll text them right now. And then I don't go, I believe you, buddy. You don't have to do that. Which is what a friend would do.
Jay Okerson
Friend would do that.
Bobby Kelly
I go text them. Then you do, and then they block your number because they didn't actually want to be friends. But you would have lived in a world like, I'm making you wear dark tint glasses because I take people's shine. I steal people's shine is what I do.
Jay Okerson
I bought these from Anthony Ayden. These are my.
Bobby Kelly
Huh?
Jay Okerson
Yeah. You don't have to make me. I wear them from the Jacques Marie's.
Bobby Kelly
No, the dark Tint, though. You've gone dark tint. You've gone dark tint. Because I've taken the sparkle out of your eyes.
Jay Okerson
Influencer wants to get a plug in. He gets a plug in.
Lou
Let's stay on this for a minute.
Jay Okerson
You're the shot.
Lou
You take people's shine. Like predator would take their skulls and you collect them.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Lou
And you take people's shine.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Lou
Do you live off that?
Bobby Kelly
Do you.
Lou
Do you get off on that?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, buddy. I'm like doctor Sleep. I'm the shy steel. People shining you.
Jay Okerson
Do you know what it is, though?
Bobby Kelly
I'm Rose the Hat Mike.
Jay Okerson
I'll tell you what it is, and I learned it last night, is because I have a backbone.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah.
Jay Okerson
And he's an amoeba.
Bobby Kelly
Well, wait a second. You understand before we jump too far ahead.
Jay Okerson
Sure.
Bobby Kelly
Is it crazy? Didn't it. Every time I see Aziz, I'm like, this poor guy got canceled for the biggest horseshit thing.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
Remember that?
Lou
That was stupid.
Christine
He's fine.
Bobby Kelly
Wow.
Jay Okerson
You're amazing.
Bobby Kelly
He came out and he. You're amazing.
Jay Okerson
Do you understand?
Bobby Kelly
No, he didn't do anything.
Lou
He didn't do anything.
Bobby Kelly
He gave her. He offered.
Jay Okerson
He had a bad date, guys.
Bobby Kelly
He offered her white wine. He offered her white wine.
Jay Okerson
What he's doing.
Bobby Kelly
That's the beginning of her rape story.
Jay Okerson
Bring up a news topic from seven years ago during the Me too situation.
Bobby Kelly
I believe all women call me crazy.
Jay Okerson
To divert away from this spineless jellyfish.
Lou
He's the.
Bobby Kelly
Bobby doesn't believe all women.
Lou
His alter ego, the shadow, steals the shine.
Jay Okerson
Why don't you go? So anyways, we're at the Comedy Cellar. I just talked to my close friend Gnome, and we sit down at the back table. We're getting food.
Bobby Kelly
Disease things happen.
Jay Okerson
Disease, things happen. Todd.
Bobby Kelly
And now I start talking to Todd Barry. Catching up with Todd Barry.
Jay Okerson
It's been a couple years, and I overhear what they're talking about, and I stay out of it intentionally because who
Lou
cares about his cat?
Bobby Kelly
No, no, no.
Jay Okerson
I would have stayed out of that one, too.
Bobby Kelly
Todd Barry. We were having good conversations, but whatever. I told him he should come do story wars. It's not Legion of Skanks. It's always my pitch. It's not Legion of Skanks, and you'll love it. And then, by the way, I did it again. I was saying that while Bobby's talking to Aze, and I reach across the table and I go, bobby, I'm talking about story wars. How much you love story wars. He goes, Dude, Story wars is great. He goes, every time I play, go, that's enough though.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
And I go back into it. I go, I just need you for a second.
Jay Okerson
Dude, for a second, I. I was kind of trailing out on the conversation. I need to get. Okay, I'm back. Go.
Lou
He goes, go back in the car.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, basic example.
Jay Okerson
And then when I come back, Boring Indian.
Bobby Kelly
And then when I. And then when I come back, I have to go, no time, no offense. And I have to go, todd, what the hell was I talking about? What was I saying again? Yeah, so Todd and me are talking, and he eventually goes. He goes, hey, you don't work here anymore at all. Huh? He goes, do you have a problem with this place? And I start just with like the, oh, I gotta get in this whole thing. And I do the. I go, nah, I'm just like, busy, you know, I usually do Legion of Skanks Monday and I do Story Wars Tuesdays. I'm just not really around anymore. I'm gone every week. And he's like, yeah. He goes, I thought you had, like a problem with them or something. And I was like, you're bringing it up. I go, they. Yeah. I go, that fucking book. What book? Oh, they're making the book. And then I sit there and give him the 15 minute dissertation. He's interested, by the way. Don't let's not make it seem like he wasn't interested.
Jay Okerson
Why would he not be interested? With the amount of energy and facial expressions and fucking anger.
Bobby Kelly
A couple times in the story, I see gnome wandering around, and I'll go, no one's right about you. Hang on a second. And then I would just do whatever. I'd go over, I'd make Bobby say something for a minute and then I come and I'd go, that's all good. Gnome walked away. I'd go, we're good now. Bobby.
Lou
Bobby, show him that dance you do.
Jay Okerson
That's good. All right, stop. Enough.
Lou
Bobby, pat your head and rub your
Bobby Kelly
belly at the same time.
Lou
Stop it. Gnome's gone.
Bobby Kelly
Dude, that joke at the beginning of Raw. And then the bear come out and start taking a dookie.
Lou
All right, shut up. No more.
Jay Okerson
That's enough. I gotta get back to my story.
Lou
Can I ask a quick question?
Bobby Kelly
Sure.
Lou
In the time that, you know, I know you don't go there a lot, blah, blah, blah. Have you and Gnome had any like, hey, how are you?
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Lou
Or do you kind of avoid yourself?
Bobby Kelly
Great. You should ask that. He's been on the show. He zoomed on the show. And he came on the show. I think he apologized profusely both times.
Jay Okerson
And he's also said to me, please tell Jay I love him. I want him to work the club. I hope he's, you know, I, I, I think he's one of the funniest guys ever. I want him at the Cellar. And I've told him this. Jay Okerson, genius. I said this. I said this.
Bobby Kelly
That's a real quote.
Jay Okerson
That's a quote. And I. I've said this on the show, and the last time I said it on the show, he went on, I think, for an hour and tore apart the seller.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, and gnome. Really, though, we're gonna be honest. I really went elbow deep on sd, if I'm being honest.
Jay Okerson
But he did talk. Gnome was in there, the seller, blah, blah, blah.
Bobby Kelly
I mean, some of my favorite jokes I've ever made. I go, esty and Leslie Jones sit back behind home, behind a home plate of the Yankees games. Which one do you think brought the ugly person? So which one? What you think? They both walk around going embarrassed. They're like, oh, geez, I'm with Leslie Jones. I'm with this little crazy.
Jay Okerson
He went off so much where he called me later. He goes, yo, dude, that. Did that bother you? That I was just. Oh, I mean, where I was like, nah, dude, you try to be funny. Trying to be funny on the radio, but it is my friend.
Bobby Kelly
I'm genuine, dude.
Jay Okerson
It is my club. Oh, you're genuine. You can't be faded. No, you can't. You can't fade this guy. There's only one way to fade, Jay.
Bobby Kelly
Hang on. So I start giving Todd the story, and no one will walk kind of near us. And I'd be like, all right, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, we're back. And I go on this, and Todd's even making a face. He goes, that sucks. He goes, yeah. Then they wrote in the book, and I gave him the. I told the book that I love this club, and I'm not going to talk shit about it. And then they talk shit about me.
Jay Okerson
Mike, he gets as mad as when it happened. Every time it comes. He gets gets as mad as when it happened. After the apology, after the second apology, after the third, he gets mad. And I hear him talking. I'm staying out of it because I hear him going. And then he's.
Bobby Kelly
It's like, I never learned not to bring it up, dude. It's like feldog, dude. The guy keeps showing up everywhere and performing like he doesn't know he's bad. Did you see he's with alien ant farm on the Internet? No, dude, he came out and did smooth criminal with alien Ant Farm. Jesus Christ.
Lou
Are you serious?
Bobby Kelly
And he just dances around.
Jay Okerson
Focus. He's our guest best focus, Michael. Don't bring it up. Christine. Well, we have a second.
Bobby Kelly
No, you have to show them.
Christine
We can wait.
Jay Okerson
You can wait. We can wait. Get back to it, Jeff.
Bobby Kelly
Excuse me, you're my producer.
Jay Okerson
Apparently she can produce better than you.
Lou
That was athletic.
Christine
As
Bobby Kelly
that was not athletic. I could defeat Christine. Let's do an athletic contest right now, this second. No, no push ups.
Christine
Bobby has a direction. He's trying to come.
Jay Okerson
Wow. Oh, you really are.
Bobby Kelly
Let's do raised push ups a little
Lou
hard when she did that.
Jay Okerson
Oh, we'll get it to you. You can have that as a dessert.
Bobby Kelly
What? Yoga position. You think you do better than me?
Jay Okerson
Hey, all of them.
Bobby Kelly
Hey, Earth, let's do one now.
Jay Okerson
Earthworm. Get back to the story.
Bobby Kelly
So the waitress comes up. I order my shots. I get. I got the seller sauces, which I have in my house when you come over later. So I have the buffalo wing sauce. The buffalo and the blue cheese. You put whatever.
Jay Okerson
Michael, look at when he does it. He's just trying to get. You go with the story.
Bobby Kelly
You were two orders of hummus without pesto and stuff. So I'm talking and I'm going heavy on time. And I tell him, no, I finished the story to him. I go. So that's where it's like. It's not that I. I don't come here ever. It's like, I've come here, but I'm just like. I'm like. I'm like. I'm just kind of like this place. Like, they don't. It was just so disrespectful. I'm like, if they don't with me, I don't give a. I don't with them. Really? Like that.
Jay Okerson
That.
Bobby Kelly
And then gnome walked up to the table and he goes. He goes, oh, my God, I'm so happy you're here. Is this real? Are you really here? I'm so happy you're here. And then he goes. I go, yeah. I go, I'm off tonight. So I came through. And he goes. He goes, I'm really so happy you're here. He goes, I was. What do you say? He would start. He goes, if you came here, I would start buying you whatever you're having right now every night. I go. I go, okay. And he goes. Because I always I don't know why, man. I just feel like. I feel like you hate my guts. And I went, what?
Jay Okerson
I looked at Todd Barry's face. Michael Todd went, what the is happening? What's happening? I just got a fucking. A fucking cannonball.
Bobby Kelly
Todd Barry was baffled, baffled.
Jay Okerson
I was lighting up inside with joy
Bobby Kelly
and laughter, knowing this moment was coming.
Jay Okerson
Oh my.
Bobby Kelly
I mean, I start giving him other time. I go, what? Why do you think I came to do Bobby's show? I was on the new thing the other. I'm just crazy.
Jay Okerson
He started giving his comedy seller resume in the last month. Why would you think that? That. Ah. And Gnome literally sat down and said, I got everything. He's. No, I. I bought it all. I already got it. It's fine.
Bobby Kelly
I gave him anecdotes.
Jay Okerson
Oh my God, these two lovebirds.
Bobby Kelly
I don't know what happened back there, man.
Lou
What happened?
Jay Okerson
I'll tell you what happened. He.
Lou
What was going through your head?
Jay Okerson
He's a mushy amoeba that talks a lot of. Has no back up. I'll tell you what he loves to do. He's a tea spiller. That's what. He's a muling quim. He loves. He love that was athletic. He loves doing. Oh, and then you know what? And then you know what? And face with the man. Hey, how you doing?
Lou
He turned into a five year comic
Jay Okerson
that just got passed. Oh my.
Bobby Kelly
If you would have tried to. I would have stood up, hugged him.
Jay Okerson
Oh my. Oh my God.
Bobby Kelly
I don't know what the hell happened back there.
Jay Okerson
He has no idea what he walked into. He has no idea his name was his club, his legacy was being besmudged by this earthworm in his own club. At the table it is.
Lou
I would have loved to talk very monotone pussy.
Jay Okerson
Oh, he did. In his head.
Bobby Kelly
He definitely did.
Christine
I mean, was he just like, did he. Could you read his expression? Was he completely confused by what was happening?
Jay Okerson
I looked at when he. Listen to me. I was nervous when Gnome came over. Cause I was hearing this. And I know Jay, Jay, Jay doesn't take shit from nowhere.
Bobby Kelly
No, Bob, you're not thinking of what it is, though. I'll tell you what it is. And I know this about myself. That's why I try to say this. And I. Whenever somebody goes, I hate on air arguments. The audience doesn't. Which is a lie. Whenever they go, the audience. The audience loves on air arguments. Yeah, but they go, they hate. Nobody wants to argue on air. Everything confrontational in my life, I need to happen on Air. I don't know why. There's a reason for sure, but I will go at it intently. If the same night somebody. If we ended the thing on an angry thing on the show, the same night the person calls me, I go, I'm just doing radio, man.
Jay Okerson
Good. You know, I'm going to go to. I'm gonna have Gnome have microphones and a recorder at the table.
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Jay Okerson
All the time. So next time he shows up, I'm gonna cast.
Lou
Now, Gnome, you did fuck up.
Jay Okerson
You know, Jay wants you to know,
Bobby Kelly
if we were podcasting I fucked this shit up, you probably would have gotten physical.
Jay Okerson
Jay's only tough on a podcast. Seriously?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, seriously.
Lou
Your kryptonite is real life.
Jay Okerson
Ready? Let me.
Bobby Kelly
My kryptonite is the living, breathing world, Michael.
Jay Okerson
When Gnome was walking over my heart, I was like, ah, I'm gonna have to deal with my friend over here and my friend over here. I'm gonna. This is gonna be a confrontation because he's gonna say something. Jay's gonna go, you know what, dude? I don't fucking work here. I was just telling Todd, you know, you don't. You show me no respect. Estes an asshole, and you should change that. And no one was gonna. What are you fucking. It was gonna be this thing that I was gonna have to break up. Thank God. Jay is just a fucking dandy.
Bobby Kelly
No, I did it for you.
Jay Okerson
Oh, my gosh.
Bobby Kelly
I didn't want you to be uncomfortable.
Jay Okerson
No, you did not. Let me tell you something.
Bobby Kelly
Why did I think of that last night? Why did I think of my excuse being. I didn't want Bobby to have to be uncomfortable? The is wrong with me. If I would have thought a little bit quicker, I could have just been like, yeah, Bobby, it's like your friend. What? I'm gonna sit there and make you be in a weird situation if you weren't there, dude, I'd have. You mean lit him up at the
Jay Okerson
table where Patrice asked Manny, hey, you got wooden teeth. You mean that table?
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Jay Okerson
At the table where I saw somebody mcc cry one night?
Bobby Kelly
Yes.
Jay Okerson
Where I've seen grown men cry. Yeah. The meanest table in the world.
Lou
I've seen some Bobby.
Bobby Kelly
The Bobby Kelly trial table.
Jay Okerson
Yes. You mean that table, buddy. I was waiting for it, and I was like, oh, my God. Jay's gonna. JJ's gonna do it. This is it. But whatever. I'm here. It's happening. Oh, my God. If you could have saw these two lovebirds. But Jay sat down and watch him play music.
Lou
No, I got video okay, you go. What was that game?
Bobby Kelly
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You started. You sat down to watch play music, and we were walking out, so I was like, oh, I. I'm. I guess we're sitting here for a second. And I sat with Bobby. I didn't know he was filming me. This is. This is.
Lou
I gotta see this.
Jay Okerson
The fluencer is always filming.
Lou
He goes, oh, yeah. You know any wallflowers,
Jay Okerson
Mike? Mike, do you know one headlight. Look, look, I got it.
Bobby Kelly
I see it.
Jay Okerson
There it is right there. Give me over here, Mike. We're sitting there watching Gnome jam with his band. And look, watch this.
Lou
Ready?
Jay Okerson
You watch this. Look who's sitting right there, yapping away, watching Gnome. Oh, he loves it. You. What?
Bobby Kelly
Made me sit there.
Jay Okerson
I did not. No one makes you do anything, Jay.
Bobby Kelly
You're. You.
Jay Okerson
You do what you want.
Bobby Kelly
You lured me into that.
Jay Okerson
I didn't lure you. I didn't have snacks.
Lou
Did you leave with a couple T shirts?
Bobby Kelly
I go, can I get a coffee
Lou
cup for the new house? Which, by the way, you got to come over.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. So, guys, do you have any stuff I want to wear if I do a TV thing? I think I want to really show the comments. I want to rep the cellar. One of those old school ones.
Jay Okerson
They talked like old friends. We just sat there and they talked about his drinks. He's like, nah, this is my drink all the time. I have to have three of these, and I have one of these, and that's my thing for the night.
Lou
Bobby, you know how I like to have those drinks. Now go back over.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, Bobby, please.
Jay Okerson
He actually did do that.
Bobby Kelly
I kind of did. I go, this is the way I always drink. I need Bobby to back up. This is the way I have my drinks.
Jay Okerson
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly
And then. All right, Bobby, I'm talking to Noam, if you don't mind.
Jay Okerson
Yeah. I'm the conductor in his little. He's Frank Sinatra. I'm the black guy that he brings over. This is the guy right here. Without him.
Lou
All right, go back, Honey boy.
Jay Okerson
J. Dude.
Bobby Kelly
Yeah. Did Barry talk to you? Like, what just happened?
Jay Okerson
No. Well, let me tell you something, Todd. Barry's face, I've never seen it. I've seen him confused.
Bobby Kelly
No, I made. I made his leave so quick after that, so there's no time to. I left before Todd. Barry can go. What the hell was that?
Jay Okerson
Now I understand. The pink gloves Gnome and Jay was sharing my chips out of my wing basket.
Bobby Kelly
We were. And we Had a little. And we had a little lady in the trailer. We had a little fight in the blue cheese.
Lou
Oh, he played a little knock hockey with him.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, Yeah. I was looking down. They were both eating my chips.
Bobby Kelly
We had some knuckle hockey that you were both going in for his little saucy chips. Everyone loves the buffalo covered chips.
Jay Okerson
That is amazing. You're living with a coward.
Bobby Kelly
You have a chance. She knows.
Jay Okerson
She knows now.
Lou
Walking out, were you just like. Your ears are ringing. You're like, what the.
Jay Okerson
I hit him as soon as we walked out.
Bobby Kelly
It didn't matter. We walked outside. He goes, goes, what the was that? And then the whole. He kept calling me an amoeba. Spineless toad. I think we got. What's that thing? It's like a frog toady.
Lou
If you're a toad, you tadpole.
Jay Okerson
As soon as we walked out, I was like, y.
Bobby Kelly
The whole walk back to the car and then the whole drive back to his truck.
Jay Okerson
If I Met this J 2 and a half years ago, you'd be sitting in this seat.
Bobby Kelly
He just said, no, I'm okay.
Jay Okerson
You're not working with that.
Lou
Oh, my God.
Bobby Kelly
I only work with real people. This show will be called I go, bobby, you got to get me on the air, dude. I'm mad.
Lou
Real show would be called the wet Firework.
Jay Okerson
It's not even about being a man. He's not a person. That's crazy, Mike. If it was.
Bobby Kelly
I mean, the pitch.
Lou
I mean, my dog's probably had a hundred times.
Bobby Kelly
My dog was probably barking back in Wayne when she heard the. The high pitch of the end of my. What?
Jay Okerson
Buddy, where are you?
Bobby Kelly
Getting crazy information from my lips to your ears.
Jay Okerson
The monitors. The monitors went. Had feedback. I want to pay for your drinks. No, I know these are my things, buddy.
Bobby Kelly
He.
Jay Okerson
You know that lean in Jay does when he's really interested, when he pretends, I guess, to be really interested. He did a lean. His j. Cute face lean in when every time gnome talked. There it is right there.
Lou
I can't believe this.
Bobby Kelly
Well, also, I was leaning in so. Because we were having a couple giggles and how we were kept bumping knuckles with the. With the potato chips.
Lou
How did it end with you and gnome?
Bobby Kelly
Did you go, like, French kiss?
Lou
Is it a French kiss?
Jay Okerson
Oh, buddy.
Lou
Did you tie a cherry stem and
Bobby Kelly
give it to him? I turned my ring around. It's got the hands in the heart. I'm taking it out the clatter ring.
Jay Okerson
You guys are dating now.
Bobby Kelly
I'm taking now.
Jay Okerson
He's taken by the seller.
Bobby Kelly
I turned my. I turned my heart ring around.
Lou
He gave you his capo.
Bobby Kelly
I am his.
Jay Okerson
He should have did that special at the new theater at the. Yeah.
Lou
Oh, my God. I'd be honored.
Bobby Kelly
Ah. Oh, they did the whole. When you going to put in spots again? Probably in the summer. Crazy in the summer.
Christine
Is it still the same?
Jay Okerson
How's Esther doing? Is she all right?
Bobby Kelly
I should have asked.
Jay Okerson
I would love to go to a Yankee game.
Bobby Kelly
Tell her I hope she's in good health.
Jay Okerson
Baseball?
Lou
Unreal.
Jay Okerson
Cool.
Bobby Kelly
Tell her if a plane ever shoots Leslie Jones down, that I'll go to the games with her.
Lou
Was Liz. Did Liz see this?
Jay Okerson
Let me tell you something, because I
Lou
could see her just.
Jay Okerson
I saw Liz walk over to the table, look at the table, and she disrespects her.
Bobby Kelly
She's. She's ashamed of me for sure.
Jay Okerson
Oh, 100.
Bobby Kelly
I am. I wasn't even there.
Jay Okerson
Everybody. Todd. How can you have Todd Barry be like, you're not a man?
Bobby Kelly
Todd Barry thinks I'm not a man. He thinks I'm all. If nothing else, he thinks I'm all talk.
Jay Okerson
He talks so much right there.
Bobby Kelly
And I swear to you, when Gnome would do like the walk by to like go to the bar or something and I would stop telling story for a second, I go, wait, he's right behind you. I'd be like, fucking jerk off over here. And then I kind of follow his eyes back. As he went back over, he's like, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Todd, I can get back to the story. And I go back and I mean, I gave it to him in as dramatic as you could.
Jay Okerson
And they printed the letter. Letter?
Bobby Kelly
Yeah, they gave them the whole letter, which had a bunch of lies that I do all my self defense of the letter itself. I go. And then she said, I said this. I would never say that. She says, I did this, which is not me.
Lou
You're lucky Todd Berry didn't step in on your behalf and go, actually, no, I just heard the whole story.
Jay Okerson
I gotta tell.
Bobby Kelly
Super.
Jay Okerson
I was watching it like a play.
Lou
I mean, seriously. He was a Greek tragedy.
Jay Okerson
He was doing a monologue to Todd Barry with such emotion and.
Bobby Kelly
Which is hard to keep Bob's attention. He prefers musicals.
Jay Okerson
It was. You could turn into a musical at the end.
Bobby Kelly
I could what?
Jay Okerson
I would never be.
Bobby Kelly
What are you talking about?
Lou
It turned into Annie at the end.
Jay Okerson
That's what you did. You. I never.
Bobby Kelly
This is my comedy home. You're like my comedy dad.
Lou
I belong here.
Jay Okerson
He was through a war.
Bobby Kelly
He goes, no, I Mean, we talking about my blood. My blood and sweat is in these walls, man.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, yeah.
Lou
My spit is on this microphone.
Bobby Kelly
I bleed the seller.
Jay Okerson
Oh, you unbelievable. A coward.
Bobby Kelly
I'm a coward. Son of a. Am I blind or is this super fuzzy?
Christine
It's fuzzy.
Bobby Kelly
Okay.
Christine
The screen went fuzzy again.
Lou
That's stroke fuzzy.
Bobby Kelly
Mikey Fanoy is going to be at the brokerage in Long island on May 8th 9th. For tickets and all of his tour dates go to punch up DOT live. Mike Finoya, F I N O I A. And of course, the big news. Mike's new show, Saturday night shakedown, premiering May 16th on the Grateful Dead channel right here on SiriusXM. Not her. Christine's thinks that all radio channels are women. Channel her on Sirius.
Lou
God, and look how she spelled fanoia.
Bobby Kelly
You see? Did I just jump right into confrontation? Yeah, with any girl.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, with any girl. On a microphone.
Bobby Kelly
On a microphone. Microphone.
Jay Okerson
At a show outside. Nothing.
Bobby Kelly
Jacob, what are you looking at?
Jay Okerson
J.J. you got a problem with me? Okay, we're going to break. So the microphone's gonna be off.
Bobby Kelly
So the microphone's still on right now, and I don't like the way he's looking at me.
Jay Okerson
Yeah, but he's gonna be off soon. He's gonna slap you in the face.
Bobby Kelly
All right, well, we'll be right back then. I guess we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens.
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Podcast: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Date: April 29, 2026
Guest: Mike Finoia
In this lively and characteristically candid episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly (with guest Mike Finoia) delve deep into the ins and outs of New York comedy club culture. It's a night-in-the-life story minutely analyzed: Jay and Bobby reminisce and roast about an evening spent with other comedians at the Comedy Cellar, dissecting awkward encounters, comedic politics, fashion for fat guys, friendship insecurities, and New York hang dynamics. The trio's classic ball-busting is on full display, peppered with a recurring bit about Jay's unexpected timidity ("jellyfish," "amoeba," "spineless") when faced with a real confrontation. Expect hilarious tangents, playful self-deprecation, and a window into the old-school vs new-school divide in the comedy world.
| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:05 | Show begins. Studio banter about tonight’s guest and fat guy self-deprecation. | | 10:00 | In-depth fat guy fashion riff (belts, suspenders, back braces, “equator”). | | 17:00 | In-studio athletic contests: splits, jump challenges, yoga debates with Christine. | | 31:36 | Jay and Bobby recount their Comedy Cellar night; industry politics, Jay's social anxiety. | | 37:30 | Topic shift: Aziz Ansari’s awkwardness, forced friendliness, and comedy "elite." | | 42:00 | Comedy Cellar behind-the-scenes: Relationship with Gnome; Bobby’s club grievances. | | 49:00 | The confrontation that wasn’t: Bobby exposes Jay’s spinelessness; “mewling quim” riff. | | 54:00 | Post-confrontation laughs, chips sharing with Gnome, Todd Barry’s confusion. | | 60:00 | Wrap up and outro with plugs for Mike Finoia’s tour and new show. |
For more off-the-cuff comedy and behind-the-scenes tales, subscribe to The Bonfire on SiriusXM. Don’t miss Mike Finoia’s tour and Grateful Dead Channel debut!