New Year's In The Jungle

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode Title: New Year's In The Jungle
Original Air Date: January 27, 2026
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Location: SiriusXM Faction Talk, NYC

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Overview

In this lively New Year’s episode, comedians Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly reunite after their holiday break to trade hilarious and brutally honest stories about their recent vacations, especially Bobby’s chaotic family trip to Costa Rica. The two riff on everything from international medical tourism rumors to jungle mishaps, family dynamics on the road, gift-giving disasters, and the eternal misadventures of their friends and fellow comics. The show is packed with irreverent humor, personal anecdotes, and their signature banter about life, love, and the comedy scene.

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Major Topics & Key Discussion Points

1. Returning from Break & Vacation Debrief

• [01:06] Jay and Bobby return from a long holiday break.
• They discuss vacation tolerance (“Three days, I’m good. Nine days, gotta get back to my life.” – Jay [01:36]).
• Bobby's trip was packed with family, adventures, and "doing nothing" compared to Jay’s more laid-back approach.

2. Costa Rica Adventures & Family Antics

• [02:04] Bobby details his family vacation and traveling with another family, the Kaltas.
  • Activities included:
    • Surfing lessons (Bobby’s first attempt; video antics with bad camera work)
    • Jungle zip-lining and hiking (including hanging bridges over the rainforest)
    • Marlin fishing expedition with frustratingly slow stakes but eventual triumph
    • Wildlife encounters: monkeys, raccoons ("coati mundi"), a spider in the house, and a lizard falling asleep on Bobby's back
  • Quote: "I screamed like a little girl... it was a three-foot lizard sleeping on my back!" – Bobby [47:05]
• Jay jokes about the dangers and discomforts, mocking Bobby’s ability to wander into trouble and survive:
  • “You Mr. Magoo your way through this vacation without getting murdered. It’s crazy.” – Jay [46:33]

3. Travel With Other Families

• [16:07] Bobby talks about the challenges and quirks of traveling with another family.
  • The Kaltas prefer familiarity (finding Starbucks everywhere, less adventurous) vs. Bobby’s desire for exploration.
  • “They like to just take Tampa and put it wherever they are.” – Jay [16:28]

4. Comic Friends’ Antics Abroad

• [03:13] Story of Ralph Sutton, Gas Digital co-founder, and his “swinging single” adventures in Costa Rica, including rumors about medical tourism.
  • Jay and Bobby riff on single guys vacationing for hookups vs. their own family-focused trips.
  • “I was happy with what I got, but I do like the fact this guy is down there swinging his dick at his age.” – Jay [03:35]

5. Sex, Gender Tourism Rumors & Hilarious Detours

• Jokes about Costa Rica as a hotspot for cheap hair plugs and sex-change surgeries.
• The hosts discuss the prevalence of transgender people in Brazil and Thailand compared to Costa Rica with tongue-in-cheek speculation.
  • “It’s only three grand down there. Hair plugs and a sex change operation.” – Jay [07:17]
  • “Costa Rica’s not there yet. You go to Thailand for real ladyboys.” – Jay [13:43]

6. Wild Animal Encounters

• [22:20 & 47:05] Bobby’s spider and lizard stories.
  • Screens himself trying (and failing) to catch a huge spider with a Starbucks cup: “The spider was very fast!” [23:38]
  • Later, wakes up from a nap to find a lizard using him as a mattress: “I let it sit there for 15 minutes!” [48:10]
• Encounters with “Costa Rican raccoons” (coati mundi) and monkeys.
  • Discussion about not feeding monkeys and their aggressive behavior.

7. Marlin Fishing Victory

• [36:01] After a slow and boring fishing trip, the big catch:
  • “We went from the most boring, worst thing ever to the best thing ever in a second... a 250 lb marlin!” – Bobby [37:23]
• Explains the process (photos, styrofoam replicas, catch & release):
  • “No one’s got a real marlin up on their wall. It’s all replicas now.” [18:10]
• The experience brings the family together and provides a highlight for the trip.

8. Vacation Aftermath, Bonfire Planning & Miami Dreams

• Jay and Bobby dream up escaping winter blues by moving “The Bonfire” temporarily to Miami or Las Vegas.
  • “Let’s snowbird, come back up in May. We leave in November.” – Jay [40:20]
• Jokes about whether the show could afford to bring the whole staff or just do a “bromantic” two-bedroom Airbnb.

9. Gift-Giving Disasters & Family Dynamics

• Bobby laments his poor track record as a gift-giver, buying Christmas presents from Facebook ads and Marshalls.
  • “Every Christmas present I got Dawn, except for Costa Rica, she hated.” [53:41]
• Stories about buying Dawn a fuzzy headband that ended up as a dog toy, and a custom Patriots hoodie for Max that was “garbage.”
• Discussion about joint bank accounts, oversharing financial info, and the pitfalls of shopping for spouses.
  • “As soon as I buy something, ding, it comes up on her phone.” [58:03]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Vacation Fatigue:
  • “Three days, I’m good. Nine days, gotta get back to my life.” – Jay [01:36]
• Comic Single Life:
  • “I do like the fact this guy is down there swinging his dick at his age.” – Jay [03:35]
• Medical Tourism Running Gag:
  • “Hair plugs and a sex change for three grand!” – Jay [07:17]
• Costa Rican Wildlife:
  • “I screamed like a little girl… it was a three-foot lizard sleeping on my back!” – Bobby [47:05]
  • “The spider was very fast!” – Bobby [23:38]
• On Travel Partners:
  • “They like to take Tampa and put it wherever they are.” – Jay [16:28]
• Family Vacation Woes:
  • “You Mr. Magoo your way through this vacation without getting murdered. It’s crazy.” – Jay [46:33]
• Fishing Triumph:
  • “We went from the most boring, worst thing ever to the best thing ever in a second… a 250 lb marlin!” – Bobby [37:23]
• Gift Failures:
  • “Every Christmas present I got Dawn, except for Costa Rica, she hated.” – Bobby [53:41]
• Financial Oversight:
  • “As soon as I buy something, ‘ding’, it comes up on her phone.” – Bobby [58:03]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:06] - Show kicks off; vacation fatigue, holidays recap
• [02:04] - Bobby’s Costa Rica family saga begins
• [03:13] - Ralph Sutton sighting and single-dude travel antics
• [13:43] - Jokes about international gender surgery destinations
• [16:07] - Family vacation planning and personality clashes
• [18:06] - Surfing and zip-lining misadventures
• [22:20] - The giant spider incident
• [36:01] - The marlin fishing story and big catch
• [40:20] - Miami-vs-Vegas snowbird dreams and remote studio debate
• [47:05] - The lizard on Bobby’s back story
• [53:41] - Christmas gifting disasters and family finance
• [58:03] - Joint bank account complaints and marriage logistics

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Tone & Style

Hilarious, brash, personal, and unfiltered. Jay and Bobby riff nonstop, roast each other, and share stories with vivid, often self-effacing honesty. They bring out the absurdity of both family life and singlehood, using their trademark comedic chemistry.

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Takeaway

"New Year's in the Jungle" is a classic Bonfire episode: a mix of wild travel tales, family absurdities, stand-up camaraderie, and comic improvisation. It’s as much about parents being out of their element as it is about the ongoing struggle to balance adventure, work, comedy, and marriage. Even the mundane—botched gifts and joint bank accounts—gets the Bonfire treatment, becoming memorable, laugh-out-loud content.

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For full episodes and more spontaneous banter, subscribe to The Bonfire on SiriusXM’s Faction Talk.

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Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Producer/Guest]

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[Robert Kelly]

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[Producer/Guest]

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[Robert Kelly]

Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by.

[Producer/Guest]

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[Big J Okerson]

And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a new year, everyone. January 5th.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Fifth. Fifth and we're back on the air.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, it was a long time.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a long break.

[Big J Okerson]

Long break, but perfect amount of time because I'm right. Like Saturday, I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I want to go. I gotta, I gotta get back. Do stuff. Do stuff.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I like when you vacation.

[Robert Kelly]

Three days.

[Big J Okerson]

I feel that way. Seven, eight days, I'm good. Ninth day, I'm like, I gotta get back to my life.

[Robert Kelly]

Seven days, no good. But I didn't have a stretch like that because in those the days we were off, I had all my podcasts still and like went to my mom's for Christmas Eve and like that.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, dude, I was out. I was done. I didn't, I didn't do. Oh yeah, I did. I did nothing except adventures, family and fun.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. You went to Costa Rica.

[Big J Okerson]

Costa Rica, baby.

[Robert Kelly]

How's Max or Maxine? Should I say now?

[Big J Okerson]

No, did not transition.

[Robert Kelly]

Why? Too expensive. Cheap brick.

[Big J Okerson]

He actually got more. Dude, man. He's into chicks. Big time.

[Robert Kelly]

He's a 12 year old, 13 year old boy almost.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but it's, it's, it's like skin the Point, like walking down the beach and I'm like, what are you looking at? He goes, he just looks at me because you know what I'm looking at. I was like, oh, I can't wait till you're fucking legal.

[Robert Kelly]

Why bring some. You're fuck him?

[Big J Okerson]

No, bring him back to the house.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that just sounded weird.

[Big J Okerson]

Why would I fuck my kid?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. You can't wait till he's legal. You say about girls you want to fuck with.

[Big J Okerson]

When he's 18, he's going to be bringing some legal chicks back to the house. Maybe me and him vacation like Ralph Sutton in Costa Rica.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, I hope they're fat chicks.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. I was the last.

[Robert Kelly]

I hope he brings home obese chicks, but they're comfortable with their bodies.

[Big J Okerson]

I hope so too. I love a big fat chick.

[Robert Kelly]

I hope he brings a big fat chick who wear like very skimpy clothing.

[Big J Okerson]

I was in Costa Rica last night ordering some pizza, exhausted, and I look and I see these two smoking chicks walk by. And then I see this tall oofy dude with I think clam diggers on just didn't go all the way down to his ankles.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

And I go, is that who I think it is?

[Robert Kelly]

Ralph Sutton.

[Big J Okerson]

Ralph fucking Sutton in Costa rica, walking.

[Robert Kelly]

With two Lewis's partner in guest digital, my former co host of SDR show 2bim bets.

[Big J Okerson]

And I couldn't be happier for him.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you want that?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't want it. I'm happy with what I got.

[Robert Kelly]

But not even that. No, no, no.

[Big J Okerson]

I do like the fact that this guy is down there swinging his dick at his age.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but it's. The situations are always weird.

[Big J Okerson]

Listen, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, but I'm saying. Would you be with those. Would you at your age, forget. The family's not an issue.

[Big J Okerson]

Family's gone.

[Robert Kelly]

Family's gone.

[Big J Okerson]

They're dead.

[Robert Kelly]

You. They've. They met a untimely demise.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's see. You know what?

[Robert Kelly]

It was gory.

[Big J Okerson]

How about this?

[Robert Kelly]

Let's not relive it.

[Big J Okerson]

She met somebody else. No, no, she's dead, okay? She's dead.

[Robert Kelly]

She fell in like a wood chipper. And then Max and his grief dove right in behind her.

[Big J Okerson]

Max tried to save her. Okay, good.

[Robert Kelly]

Max tried to. No, no, it was more like he cried and then just fell in himself.

[Big J Okerson]

What about this?

[Robert Kelly]

Like, remember the guy? Remember how the Indian killed himself? The Last Mohicans?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He was just like, I have nothing. Like, I'm broken, so I'm useless like a horse.

[Big J Okerson]

Sure.

[Robert Kelly]

And he just Falls. Lets himself fall off the thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll do that. And then Max goes with her, tries to save her.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, Max just tries to save her. No, he just dives in in pure grief.

[Big J Okerson]

He drives. Yeah, but I'd rather have him be.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he's not.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't.

[Robert Kelly]

There's only room for one hero in the family, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that's true. But it might be in his blood. I think it might be in his blood.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Heroics, I think so. Are they really? No. Ralph's thing again, I. My difficulty is separating the thing. So if I was a single swinging guy myself, I would bring somebody to those kind of things. I don't know who these people were. Maybe they are this.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, he went down there with his brother. Cause they're twins.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

So he was down there chilling.

[Robert Kelly]

It's their birthday.

[Big J Okerson]

Birthday. One's born on this day, the other one's born on that day.

[Robert Kelly]

Different decades. Different.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, like 1259. The other one's born at fucking 100 or it's 103, 101 or some shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Right?

[Big J Okerson]

So it's. It's a.

[Robert Kelly]

We mean 1159. There he is right there, 1205.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at his long arms just dangling by his knees. And these two hot chicks.

[Robert Kelly]

But I'm saying they're like, what are we doing? They're like. I don't know those two. But the ones he brings are like borderline. Like they're go. It's like a. It's like Brazilian prostitutes from America where he's just bringing them to like, fuck. And they're like, they're gonna hang. But like when he goes to bed, inevitably at like 9, 10 o', clock, it's like they can go out, but like, they just got to be back before morning, respectfully.

[Big J Okerson]

Right.

[Robert Kelly]

And that to me is like the fact that chicks are coming to these things, like, to come to be. I'll go for the experience. Yeah. I guess I'll fuck these guys is what I don't know about the. I don't know who these girls are, so I don't want to put that on them. I just think historically, because I've gone on the cruise ships with Ralph and stuff, and he always fucks it up.

[Big J Okerson]

Always fucks up the girls.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he doesn't. He just fucks up with whoever he brings. And then it's like a weird.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, I don't think he brought these girls. I think he met these girls down.

[Robert Kelly]

There in Costa Rica.

[Big J Okerson]

I think he met these Chicks down in Costa Rica, because you gotta see.

[Robert Kelly]

How much money they making over there at Gas Digital. I ain't seen it.

[Big J Okerson]

Fucking Louis is going on a fucking. Another trip bringing everybody down. Yeah, I think he met them down there. I think him and his brother went on vacation together and met these chicks and they were just walking around the open air food truck market looking, you know, in Tamarindo, looking for something to do at around 9 o'. Clock.

[Robert Kelly]

Somebody told you?

[Big J Okerson]

I think so. I didn't really listen to him.

[Robert Kelly]

I said, that is a real specific story you told.

[Big J Okerson]

I sent him a photo, the video of me. And then I wrote something. I can't say on Sirius xm, but I say a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

I call them a word, three letter word, rhymes with tag. And I sent him the video because he walked right by me. Didn't. Didn't notice me.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But I was like, is that.

[Robert Kelly]

But also, why would you, you know, it's like that things like out of sight. I'm not going to bump into somebody.

[Big J Okerson]

I just didn't have the energy.

[Robert Kelly]

People I know getting a sex change operation for their son.

[Big J Okerson]

I was not getting a sex change.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, now you didn't because you ran out of money.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't run out of money. I had plenty of money to get it. It's only three grand down there. You can get hair plugs and a, A sex change operation.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, man, it's great. That's a bargain.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. But he just walked right by me and I, I just didn't have the. I didn't have the energy to go, hey, dude. Hey. What are you. I'm here. How long?

[Robert Kelly]

Yes, I'm here. I got it.

[Big J Okerson]

I sent him the video. He called me and then we had a little chat on the phone and we, you know, talked and he was like, I'm down here for my birthday. Me and my brother came down and he didn't mention, oh, we brought these girl. He was like, me, I. Me and my brother came down to. Just to hang out for a few days and we're going somewhere else tomorrow. So I assume that he met those girls, not bring them down. He didn't say that he was with them. He said it was just him and his bro.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Which I think is, you know, it's kind of cool.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I would love to, man. It's sad to think that I can never go anywhere tropical ever again and get fresh Snatchosaurus.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you do that a lot?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. Yeah, Yeah, I believe you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Was my tone Off.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I thought you were. Technically, yeah. I wasn't doubting you. I'm sorry. I've just never. I've never.

[Big J Okerson]

Emphasizing it.

[Robert Kelly]

I've never gone. I went to.

[Big J Okerson]

We gotta get a mojo back. I mean, my tone's off. You're getting fucking sensitive.

[Robert Kelly]

You know me. I went to, what was it, Trinidad and got robbed by a prostitute. So there was no magic there.

[Big J Okerson]

I went to Brazil twice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

As a hot young man.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but again, that wasn't like you weren't.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're buying there for nothing. Yeah, but pennies on the dollar, it's really not. I mean, I'm just buying her some rice and chicken.

[Producer/Guest]

Picking up chicks on the beach.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Yeah. I got some rice and beans and I got a little hand job for 20 bucks. What are you gonna do? Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

That's different, though, the transactional nature of it. I have a hard.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, even when I was on the road, I would pick, you know, go down to Florida, meet some chicks. I remember I met this dude when I was younger. I was in. At the Miami Improv in Coconut Grove, and I met this triathlete woman, and I went back to her hotel, and, God, she had to be like, 35. I was like 24 or 5 or whatever the. I was.

[Robert Kelly]

This.

[Big J Okerson]

This is in Florida.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

I went back to a room and.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that your tropical.

[Big J Okerson]

I used to meet chicks all the time, man, back in the day.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I never. I never went to Aruba and got to have a. Like, meet a girl. That'd be great. I'll never be able to do that again. I'll never be able to go like a Ralph and go to a tropical place or go somewhere out of the country.

[Robert Kelly]

I just never thought if I was going to tropical place, even with friends, like, the idea of getting chicks seem. I'm not saying it couldn't happen. I would just never assume, like, I'm gonna go out there and talk to some chick. I'm just. That's never my game.

[Producer/Guest]

I've never been like a. I'm gonna hang out in a bikini and just wait for the dates to come in. It's like, we're not really, like, hot beach people.

[Robert Kelly]

No, but the thing is, like, I.

[Big J Okerson]

Mean, we're not now. I mean, there was a time we were. Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

No, not me.

[Big J Okerson]

You've never been a hot beach person?

[Producer/Guest]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Not in California.

[Producer/Guest]

I mean, maybe in Jersey.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, because you were all. You wore a black dress to the beach.

[Producer/Guest]

No, I wear a bikini. It's just fine.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's not the thing. But a girl does have the benefit of, like. If a girl goes on a tropical vacation with a couple of her friends.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And she decides before she leaves, I do want to fuck somebody who wants to. Who wants to fuck me? You will find somebody who wants to fuck you.

[Big J Okerson]

A girl has the option.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes. Always.

[Robert Kelly]

If a guy goes to a vacation, you have to hope that a girl likes you back and is also likes you and is like. And I'm willing to fuck and I want to. You know.

[Big J Okerson]

But don't forget about the locals. You know, you can meet. There was so many hot Spanish girls down here.

[Robert Kelly]

It's amazing that you have all of your fingers and toes with the positions you'd be willing to go into for local pussy. Yeah. You know, you have to go deep into the jungle huts to really find the local chicks.

[Big J Okerson]

Nah, you go to. You go to. You can go out.

[Robert Kelly]

A girl with a plate in her lips.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not Nigeria. I'm not the Tutsi tribe. Dude. The Spanish girls in Costa Rica were nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, and I have, like, an affinity.

[Robert Kelly]

They used to have nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's. They don't have any transgender in Costa Rica.

[Robert Kelly]

None.

[Big J Okerson]

They have, like, 5%.

[Producer/Guest]

Is it like a transgender?

[Robert Kelly]

It's the place.

[Big J Okerson]

No. Is it?

[Robert Kelly]

No, but it's. No, but it's. Wait a minute.

[Big J Okerson]

Bring that up. There's not.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not the capital.

[Big J Okerson]

It's got to be Brazil. Brazil has more trans than.

[Robert Kelly]

But Costa Rica, I believe, is a place to go.

[Big J Okerson]

I bring that up. I don't believe any of that.

[Robert Kelly]

I assume that's why you and council were going.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I'd go at Norton. If I was going there, I wouldn't know.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought maybe you and Kelsey trying to live your Norton, like, fantasies.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, God, I would love it if he was into that. No, it's just.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a. It's not sad to me. I understand it, but I'll never. Like all my vacations now. I can't. I can't even do it.

[Robert Kelly]

You said this, though. I want you to know about other things in your life.

[Big J Okerson]

I can't do that. I can't go in, like, a tropical. I can't go to Aruba by myself. I can't go to a nice place by myself.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. But I think a few months back, it was like, you'll never be able to do this. I think it was like, go to a show, have it. It was road. It was road pussy. You don't come After a show and ever have a girl and you kind.

[Big J Okerson]

Of hit it off, I'll never ever be able to get road pussy ever again.

[Robert Kelly]

That's understood. Mmm.

[Big J Okerson]

If I go, say I go to Sarasota in a couple. Sarasota, Florida.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure, sure.

[Big J Okerson]

And there's, you know, hot girls down there. I'm there by myself, but I still can't get rope pussy. I can't.

[Robert Kelly]

So I don't understand why you're winking. Because you can.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh? I can't.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay. You're saying you can't, but I can't. Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you can't.

[Big J Okerson]

I would never in a million years. I can't. I can't do it. I'm married. I'm happily married.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I get it now. You can't.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Yes, I can't. You won't.

[Robert Kelly]

You. You have the ability to.

[Big J Okerson]

I could if I wanted to, but I'm not gonna. Because I love my wife.

[Robert Kelly]

You can't.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I can't.

[Robert Kelly]

Hang on. I don't want the fritz.

[Big J Okerson]

I love my wife.

[Robert Kelly]

We were in Costa Rica. Well, here's on the very day that you were supposed to get your boy's penis taken off to bring home your little girl.

[Big J Okerson]

This is a.

[Robert Kelly]

What happened?

[Big J Okerson]

This is a narration that you're throwing in there.

[Robert Kelly]

It's an emerging destination for gender affirming surgeries often referred to as sex change operations as part of its growing medical tourism industry. But it's not established or renowned as places like Thailand.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not as Thailand is the. If you're going to go meet trans girls, you're going to Thailand, you go to Brazil.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but Costa Rica is closer.

[Big J Okerson]

It's getting there, but it's not there yet.

[Robert Kelly]

It's not there yet. You saw free at firsthand.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not. I didn't see any trans down there. Like usually you'll like in Brazil. You saw a lot of trans girls when we went there. Like in know guys go to Thailand to meet lady boys. They call them lady boys.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm the biggest pickle eater. True that.

[Big J Okerson]

True that.

[Robert Kelly]

Can.

[Big J Okerson]

That's why you got sick.

[Robert Kelly]

We got pictures of good operations, male to female.

[Big J Okerson]

Who wants to see that?

[Robert Kelly]

The actual genitals.

[Big J Okerson]

Who wants to see that?

[Robert Kelly]

Me.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Why do you want to see that?

[Robert Kelly]

I'm curious. And then also the reverse of that too. Female to male. Do they ever do a great job? The pussy's always gonna be better.

[Big J Okerson]

Pussy's not gonna be. It's still a wallet.

[Robert Kelly]

The pussy's really like a clamshell yeah, dude, there's nothing.

[Big J Okerson]

Why would you want to take away the magic of the unicorn?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, what are you doing? Oh, come on, bro.

[Robert Kelly]

What? I want to see, though.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I can't.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, look at loose face.

[Big J Okerson]

Loose. Okay. It's terrible.

[Robert Kelly]

Thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. It's no good.

[Robert Kelly]

Do you have the female to male? This will be better.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not good. I think it's not good. It still looks like a Frankenstein. No, it's gonna be better. It's not good, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

I want to believe.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm telling you, Jay, I've seen it. It's not good.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you guys go on a little surgical tour down there in the overlook? Well, someone got their wiener turned into a sniz.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not good, dude. It's not. It's never. I mean, look. It is.

[Producer/Guest]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

Not the boobs. We don't want to see the boobs.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I want to see their wieners.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the wiener. Type in wiener. No, that's a boob. I don't want to see boobs.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to see a girl get hurt.

[Producer/Guest]

I'm trying to get here.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, finally. That. Now that finally that girl's a fat man.

[Big J Okerson]

Those boobs look like your boobs, Ralph. What a player piece of. He is. I love him.

[Robert Kelly]

I love him to death.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, when I first met him, he.

[Robert Kelly]

Wanted to have kids. And now I think he just, like, you know, sits in an apartment.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, he does have kids. He was with one in Costa Rica.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. I forgot. He raised his own.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he has his own farm.

[Robert Kelly]

I think. I'll take you. Hey, Gina. Hey, Gina. I think you're ripe enough to go on a trip. Ripe off the vine.

[Big J Okerson]

So, anyways, dude, we. This Costa Rican trip with the. It's always. Have you traveled with, like, another family? No, you got to be able to do it. You know what I mean? It's like.

[Robert Kelly]

Because I've never traveled with my own family.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, dude, it's. The cult is totally different than us. We like to do shit.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They like to just take Tampa and put it where they are. Yes. You and Kalta. I was thinking about this.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Would be perfect. Vacation partners.

[Robert Kelly]

He smoked pot.

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't smoke pot, but his son does, and he's fine with it. I think he takes gummies to go to sleep. So he's fine with weed.

[Robert Kelly]

Drink a little.

[Big J Okerson]

Love Starbucks. Has to find. He was at Starbucks more than he was at the house.

[Robert Kelly]

So does he drink a little?

[Big J Okerson]

He'll drink. Yeah. He'll drink a little bit. He doesn't get too crazy. Loves dinner. Starbucks every day.

[Robert Kelly]

Funny guy. Very funny.

[Big J Okerson]

Funny guy. Doesn't like to walk at all.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

And we'll do something, but you know, he'll just show up. Because dawn planned this whole trip.

[Robert Kelly]

I saw a picture of him sleeping on a boat.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. We went. So when we set out to do this, me and dawn, we. We always kind of do everything the first time and then chill the second time if we go somewhere. So she planned out this whole thing. And we asked them every step of the way. You know, I said she wanted to go to the jungle and do zip lining. She wanted to do the hanging bridges through the jungle. Don wants to do all this just.

[Robert Kelly]

To not have sex on a vacation.

[Big J Okerson]

I like just not to be around physical with me being so. To have me so tuck it out at the end of the night. I don't even ask for hand job of poker in the bum with my.

[Robert Kelly]

I respect her game.

[Big J Okerson]

So. So she, you know. Max was like, I want to go fishing. I was like, great. He's like, I want to do marlin fishing. I'm like, dude, that's insane. But it. Let's go. Because marlin fishing is a whole other game. And then you keep them. They wanted to go surfing. She wanted to keep them.

[Robert Kelly]

Marlin.

[Big J Okerson]

No, you can't keep them.

[Robert Kelly]

Then what are they doing when they're over the mantle?

[Big J Okerson]

That's a photo. I found this out. They. They bring it up on the thing. They take a photo of it. You send that photo to this company. They measure it, take a photo of it. They replicate it with Styrofoam. And that's all everybody's thinking. It's not a real fish.

[Robert Kelly]

No one's got a real marlin up on their wall.

[Big J Okerson]

I would say people before, you know, 1970. Before, you know, some.

[Robert Kelly]

Why'd you pick that date?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. Because 1970.

[Robert Kelly]

Think the industrial Revolution happened.

[Big J Okerson]

That's when people started complaining about killing fish. You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

Because I think before 1970s. This is so arbitrary. By the way. If it was 1850. That's before 1970.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. I think before then they just killed shit around 1968. 70.

[Robert Kelly]

Poaching.

[Big J Okerson]

They were like, hey man, we can't kill gorillas and elephants in fucking marlin anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

Is not completely illegal. But the Billfish Conservation act in the US banned the commercial sale and import of billfish.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Including marlin. To close domestic markets through recreational catch and release is still permit permitted. With strict size limits and some limited commercial fishing is allowed in Hawaii and Pacific territories for local use or export. So really you can.

[Big J Okerson]

I think in Hawaii they can do it because they're, you know, Hawaiians. It's like the Native Americans can.

[Robert Kelly]

They worship volcanoes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Because they do that. They need to kill that.

[Robert Kelly]

Because they're stupid, savage people that produce the Paco.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what you said. But you're right. I back you up on that.

[Robert Kelly]

You think Paco's part of the apocalypse, so. Apocalypse. Hello. Anybody ever notice that? Paco lips. Thank you, Jacob.

[Big J Okerson]

So every single day, Don had something for us to do. We went surfing the first day. Well, the second day we got there, we woke up, went surfing. All of us, except for Mike. Mike took videos. Terrible videotape like you, very similar to you. Takes a half a video and then the camera goes down or, you know, takes a photo instead of the video. You know, I literally was surfing. I got up on the board and rode a fucking wave in and at the end gave double fingers on the wave.

[Robert Kelly]

I saw that.

[Big J Okerson]

And look at. Ready. Look at that. I mean, dude, I'm surfing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, yes, it's a little baby wave.

[Robert Kelly]

Your positioning is the funniest thing I've ever seen. And the way you fell at the end was great.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that was my first time ever surfing.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't think I can get up.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at that.

[Producer/Guest]

I've never been able to get up.

[Big J Okerson]

I got up.

[Robert Kelly]

I think it's amazing.

[Big J Okerson]

And that was the first time I was out there for like two hours.

[Robert Kelly]

You have done more falling every time, right away.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, you fall when you get back in.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, I'm saying you. I don't think you get to fall right there. You falling it back in. It was land. You fell on one foot of water. Land.

[Big J Okerson]

I did ride the wave all the way in.

[Robert Kelly]

All the way to the beach. I would have done the same thing. I'm telling you, I've never stood on a skateboard or anything before.

[Big J Okerson]

So.

[Robert Kelly]

That sounds terrifying. In fact, on Fully Loaded Tour, when they did a surf lesson thing one day, me and Soder, that's when we almost got carried out into.

[Big J Okerson]

The Sodor was telling me that today.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, because you've already told your stories to everybody.

[Big J Okerson]

So anyways. No, I haven't. So I.

[Robert Kelly]

Social media, we went.

[Big J Okerson]

Hang on now. So we went to. Then we went. She booked a thing into the jungle for the zipline. But we had to drive like three and a half hours to a volcano in like. We rented like A bus, this dude, to drive us out there. We get out there, we're literally in the. It was like a cabana in the middle of a cocoa farm where they make chocolate. So when you're sitting out in the back. No, no. Cocaine, coconuts, right? And coffee. So, like, you know the cocoa plant, the big red where they make the chocolate, the beans, it's all around you. It's, like, crazy. And there's sloths, monkeys. It's like you're in the middle of the jungle. The rainforest. I loved it. The cult is. You know, they have a little problem with it, but it's fine. They dealt with it. Mike doesn't give a shit. I guess a bunch of worms were falling on their beds at night from the ceiling. Oh, yeah. That was a little weird. Well, the first night I was there, I. I was. Everybody's asleep. I'm out smoking a bat, enjoying myself.

[Robert Kelly]

You sent me this, buddy.

[Big J Okerson]

The biggest spider.

[Robert Kelly]

The noise you made is world class.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, the biggest spider ever was in the living room on the wall.

[Robert Kelly]

That was in your living room. I thought it was outside.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that was inside. That thing was inside.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, buddy. What do you. Why would you go to this place? Well, that exists there.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so funny because I started texting you guys.

[Robert Kelly]

That's where God cast those creatures to be. You're not supposed to go there.

[Big J Okerson]

The thing was. It looks small on the wall, but then when you get up close, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna catch this thing with my Starbucks cup. And.

[Robert Kelly]

And do what with it?

[Big J Okerson]

I was gonna put it. Oh, all right, let's play this.

[Robert Kelly]

Play it again. This is Bobby missing it with a cup. Why'd you leave water in the cup?

[Big J Okerson]

I was panicking.

[Robert Kelly]

You moved the cup slow because there was water in it. Now you say about other people being a bad camera person because this. The first time you try to get. You miss with the cup, and then it's off camera. All those other oohs and ows are off camera. It sounds like the spider's winning the spider. So we're hearing you get killed by a spider is what I would. I wouldn't even come back on camera if I were you.

[Big J Okerson]

The first shot was perfect for me to catch it. I just didn't know it was going to be so fast. The spider was very fast. If you look at the video, that spider's quick as shit. I was trying to ease up on it, and it's like, he knew I was coming. I mean, it's fast that. That Fight. That's by eight legs. It's fast as. I didn't put that into the equation.

[Robert Kelly]

It's from the jungle.

[Big J Okerson]

But, dude, it disappeared, so it was just.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have never slept. I agree with the celtas. I bet it, like, you made them leave Florida for, like, scarier. Florida. Florida.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't tell anybody about the spider.

[Robert Kelly]

What? Yeah, you did.

[Producer/Guest]

That's a good call.

[Big J Okerson]

I. I didn't tell anybody. I told.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have never slept in that place again.

[Big J Okerson]

It. It literally disappeared somewhere in the house. I couldn't find it, and I was texting you guys. You told me just to leave.

[Robert Kelly]

I think you should have left your family.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but. Oh, that was the jungle place right here. That was.

[Robert Kelly]

You should warn them. I should wake them up and warn them. But if they're kind of like, what? What? You're like, there's no time to waste, and you should just go.

[Big J Okerson]

Look how great that is, though.

[Producer/Guest]

Is there an animal in your lap?

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's my.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that a giant dragonfly that's biting your leg?

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's a kindle.

[Producer/Guest]

Oh, I thought this was.

[Big J Okerson]

That's my hat. That's my hat.

[Producer/Guest]

Look, you're just, like, petting a monkey.

[Big J Okerson]

That's my little bucket hat. When I go on vacation, I have a bunch of weird, stupid hats that I bring.

[Robert Kelly]

Where'd you whack off in the jungle?

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't whack off in the jungle, but I did think about it. Yeah. That spider. Was that me up? That spider was in the house somewhere for the rest of the trip.

[Robert Kelly]

Did we show Bobby at the picture?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this thing.

[Robert Kelly]

My siblings with Lewis and Dave.

[Producer/Guest]

I don't think so.

[Robert Kelly]

I thought I just saw it right there.

[Producer/Guest]

It's in this folder.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry to break the thing for two seconds, but have you seen this? This is the most disturbing picture. This has to become a shirt.

[Big J Okerson]

Why do you look like the.

[Robert Kelly]

Lewis is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Big J Okerson]

You look like their mother, though. I mean, if those two had a mom, it would be you and that blouse.

[Robert Kelly]

I have not laughed. I have not laughed that hard. And so I'm making a little Lewis face on my sister Shawna. And Dave on.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby is the DAV still has the same torso.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry. We'll put that. Oh, I guess we'll put it out. Like, we'll put it out on Wednesday.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. So, dude, we wound up. We wound up going to the jungle. Ziplining. I was. I was doing. I was overcome. I'm afraid of heights.

[Robert Kelly]

We went, well, not anymore. Now you got bit by that radioactive spider. Well, you have Costa Rican spider powers.

[Big J Okerson]

We were doing these zip lines, dude.

[Producer/Guest]

Look at this zipline.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's the hanging bridges over the jungle.

[Producer/Guest]

Oh, my God.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, now this is the problem with this. Max is not afraid of heights.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

So he would go out in the middle and start shaking it while I was on it.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that Max?

[Big J Okerson]

That's Max. So I'm not looking. I'm looking at my feet, Dawn. So Max was like, videotape me.

[Robert Kelly]

It's kind of a dick move what he's doing.

[Big J Okerson]

Also, it's a dick move.

[Robert Kelly]

You should have told him not to take his phone out.

[Big J Okerson]

Ones if he drops it that it's over 15 times.

[Robert Kelly]

So. But. Well, you have yours out.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. He told me to take a video of him not knowing that he was going to start shaking the bridge on me. Watch. He starts doing a little dancy poo, and we're like 150ft above the jungle, and it's just. It just wobbles. Yeah, it was. It was the scariest I've ever done.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it sounds like it.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at him.

[Robert Kelly]

He's walking like you're raising a bully.

[Big J Okerson]

He.

[Robert Kelly]

That's bully tactics.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but this is the problem with. I was so mad at him, but he was making me laugh. Have you ever, like, when you get tickled and you're like, stop, stop, stop. And you're angry?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But you're laughing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I've screed into somebody while I'm peeing, crying, and laughing.

[Big J Okerson]

I was laughing so hard and angry at the same time, which I think is the worst feeling in the world when you're fucking ragefully angry but laughing hysterically because they think that you're enjoying it. He thought I was enjoying it. And I'm like, I'm serious. Stop. Imagine this.

[Robert Kelly]

You're afraid of heights. That's a crazy thing to do.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude. This was crazy right here. And you do eight, nine zip lines through the jungle.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, wow. Look, I wouldn't do this.

[Big J Okerson]

This was one of those.

[Robert Kelly]

I would do the bridge. I wouldn't do this.

[Big J Okerson]

This was amazing, Jay. This was one of the funnest.

[Robert Kelly]

I just always. I'm just like. I'm like, I'm. No, it's a weight requirement thing on these things.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I hear you.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'm just like, no one gives that much of a fuck.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't get it on video, but one of them. I didn't make it to the end.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what I mean. And someone has to retrieve you.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't get retrieved.

[Robert Kelly]

They come across and just kick you in the ass and make you move forward.

[Big J Okerson]

I retrieved myself. Oh I just started hand over hand.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh God.

[Big J Okerson]

But it was only, it was only like 6ft but that's not too bad. But I did get to the end and I felt the momentum slowing down and he was like come on, let's go, let's go. And I didn't make a Shut up. God damn it. Gas, snacks, tolls. This trip is draining my wallet. Yeah, but we'll be with family. You're in a good mood.

[Producer/Guest]

What's your deal?

[Robert Kelly]

What's my deal? I saved at Metro with no activation.

[Big J Okerson]

Fees and I got 1 line of 5G for just $25 per month. Kept the phone I left love and.

[Robert Kelly]

A five year price guarantee on my.

[Producer/Guest]

Top text and data detour to Metro.

[Big J Okerson]

Get that more for your money feeling.

[Producer/Guest]

Only at Metro by T Mobile Just bring your number $30 first month at $25 after with autopay not available if with Metro or T Mobile in the.

[Big J Okerson]

Past 180 days this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guess what? This year I'm letting go of resentment. That's a big one because I got a lot of them. I hold them like tickets and then when you cross me, I stick it in your face. But I'm done. I'm letting it go. A new year is a new opportunity to feel lighter and you don't have to become a new person to do it. Signing up for therapy with BetterHelp can shine a light on what's been weighing you down and illuminate possibilities for the year ahead. BetterHelp handles the initial therapist matching work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to BetterHelp's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. And if your match isn't right, it just doesn't fit. Switching to a different therapist is easy. Let BetterHelp provide you an unbiased perspective on your life. You can't take steps into a lighter version of yourself without leaving behind what's been weighing you down. Therapy can help you clear space, sign up and get 10% off. Betterhelp.combonfire that's better h lp.combonfire A new year Colder Days this is the moment your winter wardrobe really has to deliver. If you're craving a winter reset, start with pieces truly made to last season. After season. Quint's brings together premium materials, thoughtful designs and enduring quality so you stay warm, look sharp and feel your best all season long. Their outerwear is especially impressive. Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for for craftsmanship and ethical production. I have this sweater. It is cashmere and there is a difference. This sweater is amazing. I put it on. It feels like I'm getting a hug at Quint. It's so inexpensive and it's so amazing. The quality is perfection. You have to pick up some stuff from Quint right now. They also have stuff for home, bath, kitchen or travel. Refresh your winter wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.combonfire for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quincy.combonfire free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.combonfire One out of five Americans have learned a language on their bucket list. If that's you, make 2025 the year you finally check it off with Babbel, the language app that makes grammar fun and is actually worth your time. Baba lets you practice real life conversations step by step without the stress. You'll build the confidence to speak up when it matters. From ordering a coffee to chatting with new friends abroad. I use it. And this is the fun part about it. It only takes a few minutes a day. Every day it pops up on my phone and I just start using it. And by the end of the day, I learn a new word, I learn a new phrase, I learned how to ask for things. And I love going to another. Nothing's worse than when I went to Cuba and they had a hurricane and I couldn't speak the language. I didn't know how to get coffee. Bread, say hello. What's going on? I was it was almost like just being helpless in another country. Now with Babel, I'm going back to Cuba with my son and I know how to speak the language. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babel.com/bonfire get up to 55 off at babel.com forward/bonfire spelled B-A B B E L.com forward/bonfire rules and restrictions apply. But the zipline dude was one. There's one zip line at the end. You do like eight or nine of them and oh, this thing sucked. This is called the Tarzan Jump. Yeah, you just jump off the side of this thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Love it.

[Big J Okerson]

And you would do this.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me see what happens.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know what the thing is.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm ready. I'm ready.

[Robert Kelly]

This guy's being super quick and fast with the knots. I don't like that.

[Big J Okerson]

And you.

[Robert Kelly]

He's like, yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Okay. I'm like, is that.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm facing it. Dawn. I don't need your pep talk right now. She's keep saying, face your fear. I'm like, shut the. Yes. I'm panicking right now. Okay. What now? Yeah. Yeah. Your mother's. Your mother. I hate you. Oh, God. I mean, you're just swinging over the jungle.

[Robert Kelly]

I love that. Yeah. I would do that.

[Big J Okerson]

You do that?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That. That was the scariest thing I did.

[Producer/Guest]

That reminds me. That slingshot thing in Vegas they have.

[Robert Kelly]

But it doesn't go anywhere near as high as that. It's not going anywhere near as high as a slingshot.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not as hard as that. But you go on. When you go out over the. See that cliff right there? You're out over the, like, open jungle.

[Robert Kelly]

Man, I hope you do something cool in front of your son instead of all this screaming.

[Big J Okerson]

But.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, there he. Oh, looks. You get the hang of it. Listen to you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I. I did.

[Robert Kelly]

I didn't know you Tarzan yelled like that.

[Big J Okerson]

But this. This was like the Kaltas on this day. They went to the hot tubs, right? They went.

[Robert Kelly]

Because Calta, like me, is worried that there is weight limits on these things.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he's going to be Mike Calta in the middle of a zip line while two little Costa Rican lady boys are kicking him in his ass cheeks. Moving forward.

[Big J Okerson]

I just want to ruin the forest.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I just hear trees snapping like Kongs coming through. But no, that's what I love about Cult. He'll do. He'll do. He'll just be like, I'm out. And they went and did something else, which was great.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

But then we went marlin fishing, which was. You go, like, way out. It's the most boring trip you'll ever take.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Everybody's sleeping. And all they do is they. They never stop. They just drag lures to bring the marlin up. The marlin are down. They have to see something on the top to come up. Once they see the marlin, the guy up top, and they. Then they throw a real bait out, and the marlin will eat that fish, and then hopefully you catch it. But it was hours of nothing. At one point, I'm. Mike's sleeping. Max is sleeping Joey sleeping. And then it was just like. I was like, this is a waste of a lot of money. This kind of sucks.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry if I went on whale watching. Just saw nothing.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. It's like.

[Robert Kelly]

They're like, sorry, no whales today.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. But they keep coming up going, hey, man, it's fishing. You never know. I'm like, I get it. You're getting my money. You already got the money? Yeah, we got it. I got it. This is gonna blow. And then they brought out this amazing fresh wahoo salad. They feed you. That's my wahoo salad. It's like wahoo fish, but they make it like tuna fish with, like, mayonnaise. You know, like a wahoo fish.

[Robert Kelly]

No, it's.

[Big J Okerson]

It's just a fish. It's like tuna. Same thing as tuna.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

But they. They made this, like, a tuna salad with plantain chips. Mike woke up, we were fucking eating the tuna salad, the wahoo salad. And then the dude starts flipping out, and a fucking. He's like, marlin throws the thing out. Marlon grabs it. We caught a marlin you brought on the boat. 250 pound. Look at this right there. 200.

[Robert Kelly]

You bring it onto the boat?

[Big J Okerson]

No, we didn't bring it.

[Robert Kelly]

You just hold it right there.

[Big J Okerson]

I told him, I'm not. I'm not frame. I don't. I don't want it. So they hold it right there. They measure it. I think it was, like, over 100 inches or something like that. Look at that thing. And Max. Max reeled it in. Then Joey had to take over, and then I took over, and. I mean, I can't believe we. Like, catching a marlin is nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't even want to touch it.

[Big J Okerson]

It's so fucking wild.

[Robert Kelly]

It looks it.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a beautiful fish. Look at the size of it. Look at that thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Who's that? Who's that? It's beating up.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the. I forget his name, but he's the. He's the crew dude.

[Robert Kelly]

A white guy with dreadlocks?

[Big J Okerson]

No, it's a. Definitely a Costa Rican guy with dreadlocks. I felt bad because he's holding the. The beak of the fish, and at one point it just said, fuck you, and snapped and smashed his hand against the boat. And he got his. He got his hand hurt a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

But, yeah, look at the size of that.

[Robert Kelly]

You got your money, though?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, do we got our money's worth? There's nothing. We were fucking flipping out. We went from boring worst thing ever to the best thing Ever in like a second.

[Robert Kelly]

I love being on a boat, but boat people bug me.

[Big J Okerson]

What do you mean?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know anyone I've dealt with. When you're getting a boat or getting on a boat, they stink.

[Big J Okerson]

Why? Because they're too.

[Robert Kelly]

The guy who's crispy, tan and has a lot of like.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

[Robert Kelly]

They're always half rules, too.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

They're always like, this is how they just feed their needs. Or this is how they just feed their addiction to the surf. It's just by dealing with you in some shop.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. This guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Or dealing with you on some. You know, whether. Like, what do I mean? Like a. A marina. You know, I mean, some marina workers just annoyed with you.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, they kind of treat you like children. You know what I mean?

[Robert Kelly]

I've rented the wave runners and that. The tan who runs me is always just kind of like. Yep. So things here. That's there, that's. That. You fall off. Whatever. Have fun. You probably are a land lover most of the time out here just hobbying it, but I live the salt life, man.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, as soon as we caught the fish. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Salt life makes me sick to my stomach. Anyone who lives salt life. You see it?

[Big J Okerson]

There it is right there.

[Robert Kelly]

Just grumpy and wintry.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at. Come out of the water. Watch this. Look at that thing. That was crazy.

[Producer/Guest]

So after you. You release them, they're just like, fine? Like, they just go back in the water? Yeah, yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It's just a big old hook in their mouth.

[Robert Kelly]

Hear me out. I was talking to Fenoy today about this. I'm learning as I get older. I hate winter. I don't like it at all. I thought I did. Let's do winter season. Let's get a place in Vegas and we'll do Vegas in the series. XM Studios there. For winter season?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean. Yeah, why not? Why not like Florida? Why don't we go to Florida?

[Robert Kelly]

There's no Sirus XM Studios there.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, they could get one.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, no, there is Miami.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's go to Miami. Miami's so much better.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want worms and stuff to fall in my bed.

[Big J Okerson]

No, that's Costa Rica. That's the jungle. Miami. Miami's like Cuba.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's like the Cuban jump.

[Producer/Guest]

You don't want the rain or the humidity.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I don't want lizards. I don't want any of that.

[Big J Okerson]

We get out of here.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, in Miami, there's gotta be actually probably lizards out.

[Big J Okerson]

And, dude, Vegas is so cheesy, huh? We get sick of Vegas in a week.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't want to kick it on the strip. There's gonna be somewhere where it's not. I want to be somewhere where it's 70 something degrees.

[Big J Okerson]

Miami in the winter, it's like 80, 80, 75, 85 degrees every day.

[Producer/Guest]

The desert can get cold too.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the desert is.

[Robert Kelly]

Desert gets cold at night, gets cold, it gets coldish. It's not like it is right now. Where your ears and nose hurt.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but Miami has like history. It's real.

[Robert Kelly]

Nipples are being very reactionary to the cold now too. I don't like it. They hurt.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Vegas is like fake. Everything's fake. Vegas is like three days and I want to get.

[Robert Kelly]

I need it for. I just need it for two months.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's go to Miami, dude. We go to Miami, we get a condo with a pool.

[Robert Kelly]

Just fucking snowbird.

[Big J Okerson]

We snowbird, come back up in like maybe. Yeah, come back up in May. We leave in what, November?

[Robert Kelly]

He'll be like, sorry, ladies, it's work, let's do it. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, you mean just me and you?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Christine has to go. Why? Because she's the producer of our show.

[Robert Kelly]

Everybody's the producers of the show.

[Big J Okerson]

We're gonna take everybody.

[Robert Kelly]

How the fuck are we gonna pay for that?

[Big J Okerson]

So it's just me and you down there?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And they stay here?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we gotta be here in the studio, working remote.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, so me and you just get like a two bedroom. Yeah, we get like an Airbnb or we get like a condo.

[Robert Kelly]

We can figure it out when the time comes. I said whatever does. I think we have. We get a bedrooms on different floors.

[Big J Okerson]

We get a condo with like different floors and they have the pool. That way we can, you know, socialize a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

Have a congregate.

[Big J Okerson]

Congregate near the studio?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. How far is that from Palm Beach? Because I'm thinking about trying to get a massage from a 16 year old girl and I heard that is the place to look.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, I don't know about that part of it, but.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no. I have this friend back from Jewish camp named Jeff and he says that it's really. Any girl there would whack you up for $200.

[Big J Okerson]

200? That's a lot.

[Robert Kelly]

I remember Jeff from back at yeshiva. Back at yeshiva I met this boy named Jeff. So that's it, Marlon. Most exciting thing of the week, huh?

[Big J Okerson]

No, it was exciting. It was great.

[Robert Kelly]

And then Max got that fucking. I knew it. He got the operation. You were gonna slow wait till the very end to tell me and Max did it. No, we had, he finally did it.

[Big J Okerson]

We had New Year's Eve on the beach.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we got to work on Max's smile.

[Big J Okerson]

We went, yeah, he does looks like.

[Robert Kelly]

Christine with novocaine in her mouth.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that was after three times yelling at him to stop sucking in his cheeks.

[Robert Kelly]

Whatever the answer.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, he was trying to, he was making. Yeah, he was doing my thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you have to teach him a gray area.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I, I, I, I was like, smile in this photo. And he did that. That, that forced my dad just yelled at me to smile. Photo. We did New Year's Eve on the beach, on a restaurant. As soon as it was 12:01, Mike was like, all right, we're gone, let's go. And Dom was like, we want to go. She's like, I want to go walk on the beach. They had a bonfire. All the locals were on the beach. Everybody was partying. So we were like, all right, you guys go, we'll meet you back at the house. And Mike was like, how? I go, we'll walk. He's like, that's like 25 minutes. I go, yeah, well, that's fine. So he was like, all right. Like he didn't understand.

[Robert Kelly]

How far was the walk? Would you say it's 25 minutes, but that's give that in like distance, would you say?

[Big J Okerson]

I would say a mile and a half, maybe two miles. Not even. Not even. It's not that far out of town.

[Robert Kelly]

Two miles is more than a 25 minute walk.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. Maybe it's a mile and a half. I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

It was.

[Big J Okerson]

I know I did it a couple times. It was only like 25 minutes. 20 minutes? Minutes walk.

[Robert Kelly]

Okay.

[Big J Okerson]

And everybody's out on the street. So we stayed on the beach, went to the bonfire. The dude who was kind of running the house for us was there with his family. We met them. Then we walked down fireworks and we went downtown and it was nice. Then we walked.

[Robert Kelly]

Every second of this trip, you're tempting your family being taken into human trafficking.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no.

[Robert Kelly]

You love it. I wandered into a hut with some guy. He was a medicine man. I don't know.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I thought it was going to be a little more crime is. No, not in d. We didn't feel in danger of one second until I get you. No.

[Robert Kelly]

There'S no danger in Costa Rica.

[Big J Okerson]

No, there is. There is places. But I think on the.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, you probably doesn't happen around you because they know when there's A problem. You're a problem solver.

[Big J Okerson]

I am a problem solver. So they left a day early. They left on Wednesday, New Year's Day.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

No, they left on Thursday. So they got up, got all the shit. They were gone. Don was like, I'm. I'm renting. I want to rent a car. I want to go discover more places. I want to go to other beaches. I want to go see this place. So I was like, let's go. I'm into that. Rented a car. Car rental guy were like, hey, we want to go to Flamingo Beach. That was up north. Want to go to Playa Grande, which is a little south than that.

[Robert Kelly]

All their cousins that get murdered and killed. Robbed.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, no, it was just like, fan. Really beautiful white sand beaches where we were staying in Tamarindo. It's kind of, like, touristy. There's a lot of surf classes. There's a lot of tourists.

[Robert Kelly]

Ralph.

[Big J Okerson]

Ralph, right. A lot of Ralph's walking around.

[Robert Kelly]

Ralph.

[Big J Okerson]

There's horses on the beach, and they're on the beach. I don't. I didn't really like it that much. You know what I mean? Too touristy for me. So she was like, I want to go to these other beaches. So I was like, great. The guy who was running the beach, he was like, you. You need. I mean, who rented the car? He's like, if you're going to go to Flamingo beach, he said, go to this beach. It's in between Playa Grande and Flamingo Beach. Go here first, then go to Flamingo for lunch and wind up for sunset at Playa Grande. That sounds great. And it's that little map right there. I forget the name of the beach. Music. It's a local beach. It's where, you know, most of the locals go. And so we drive up. It's like 30 minutes away from where we're at. And we get to the beach, and it's definitely local. Like, it's terrifying. Well, it's New Year's Day, and it's, you know, everybody's off, nobody's working, fights. So it's like a lot of families, you know, six to 55 people groups, you know, and they're kind of in their little spot, you know, you got like six guys up in a tree sleeping and.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

You know, people cooking up some type of meat.

[Robert Kelly]

Classic.

[Big J Okerson]

And we just killed it.

[Robert Kelly]

Whatever they're eating, we just killed it.

[Big J Okerson]

We nestled in between a couple families.

[Robert Kelly]

Nope, that chicken's dead.

[Big J Okerson]

And crazy gringo.

[Robert Kelly]

Local gringos.

[Big J Okerson]

We, like, in the shade we nestled up there and you know, it was definitely. And there was no surfers there. It's. The waves were big.

[Robert Kelly]

It was before you realized that you.

[Big J Okerson]

Had the itch for the surf, so. No, I had the itch point, Bob. So. So we. I lie down, I fall immediately asleep. I'm lying there for like, you know, 20 minutes. All of a sudden, it was weird. Don and Max took off to go talk to jet ski guys.

[Robert Kelly]

Sleep on a local beach in Costa Rica.

[Big J Okerson]

Absolutely. I was exhausted. What. What is wrong with that?

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. You like Mr. Magoo your way through this vacation without getting murdered. It's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

So I'm. I'm lying there and all of a sudden I felt something on my back, my lower back. And I thought Don and Max were throwing like a coconut on my back. And I. I was like, you're not getting me that. I know they're with me. So I just lied there with this coconut leaf or whatever it was on my back. So then around 15 minutes in, I felt something just grab my back with claws. So I jump, I scream like a little girl. It was a three foot lizard.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

That was just sleeping on my back.

[Robert Kelly]

Shut up.

[Big J Okerson]

I swear. I got the photo.

[Robert Kelly]

Come on.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, the video. I took video of it.

[Robert Kelly]

Where? Oh, how'd you get video?

[Big J Okerson]

Hang on. Because after it was on my back. No, that's the beach I was on. Hang on. Scroll down. It's. It's. Where the. Is it? I said it to you. Yeah, I sent it to you. Oh, is. No, that's the see through frog. Nope, that's the house we stayed in. How beautiful is that, though? Here, go back to the thing. I keep going back. It's.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, my crush.

[Big J Okerson]

I think it's. I think it's over to. Did I say.

[Producer/Guest]

Look at the text.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll find it. So I. Dude, I looked over. I just started laughing hysterically because. Because I screamed so loud and nobody responded, right? Nobody. I looked around because I'm a bit of a screamer. I'm a. I'm a screamer.

[Robert Kelly]

You're a wolf crier.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a. I'm a ice cream. And especially after that, I saw this fucking lizard on my back.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know. This sounds like you're. Like. Everything was so great. There's a lizard on my back. There was a fucking. A tarantula from outer space in the living room that we never found again. It's just living in there also.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, you.

[Robert Kelly]

You climbing all over your food and shit.

[Big J Okerson]

You have A point. I'll reset it to you, Christine. It was the lizard freaked me out. Absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

Three foot lizard.

[Producer/Guest]

Oh, I see it.

[Big J Okerson]

You see it, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that freaked me out because I just let it sit there for like. Did you leave? No.

[Robert Kelly]

Aggressively. The beach after that?

[Big J Okerson]

No, I would have.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have started a fight with the family and everything. Let's go. This place is fucking stupid. We gotta start vacationing. A place to make more sense.

[Producer/Guest]

This right here?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Okay, so that. Ready?

[Robert Kelly]

It's off your back at this point.

[Big J Okerson]

You see it? It's right. See it? You'll see it move. See it right there. That's it. That thing was on my back. That is wild. For like 15 minutes, just sitting there. Oh, cute.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't touch me.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Robert Kelly]

Don't touch me. Because you have something now. Costa Rican lizard disease.

[Producer/Guest]

And then I actually just noticed this too. Where were these guys?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this was going up into the jungle. So we put. We pulled over on the highway and these things were everywhere and I went out.

[Robert Kelly]

What are they?

[Big J Okerson]

Can't comma. I don't. They're basically raccoons.

[Robert Kelly]

Karma chameleons.

[Big J Okerson]

No, I got the take up.

[Robert Kelly]

Sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

I found out. We were like, oh, they're little monkey things. That's a sloth, by the way, in the tree. We.

[Robert Kelly]

Probably. It's a local.

[Big J Okerson]

That's like a. That's like a rat. That's a raccoon, basically. A raccoon. They're raccoons.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that you're just gonna call them because you don't learn the name.

[Big J Okerson]

Hang on.

[Robert Kelly]

Costa Rican raccoons. This is a. Leave it. That's what the Costa Rican cartoons.

[Big J Okerson]

That's what the guy told me they were. He's like, basically. Oh, I can't believe I got the hiccups, man. He was like, basically, they like your raccoons. And I'm like, well, I just fed it. I don't feed my raccoons. It jumped up on my leg.

[Robert Kelly]

Now we're almost an hour into the show. I have a question. Did you make the regs sit through every adventure you had with your family before you got to the heroic story, or did you just get right to the fucking good part? You thinking, why are you drinking your water?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no. I was trying to get rid of. I was trying to think of. Well, you're my friend.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You're my partner.

[Robert Kelly]

You just came in there, fired all cylinders. Like, guys, I'm a hero. Here's what happened. Bing, bang, boom.

[Big J Okerson]

No, no, no, no, no. I. I I. Not all of it. I mean, I am going over a lot more of it. Because you listen.

[Robert Kelly]

That's true. The sleepy Celtics.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't. You don't do a voice. You don't get another guy to do a voice. You're not the.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, I do my own voices, thank you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. What is it called? A cat? A cult. What is it?

[Producer/Guest]

Coda Mundi.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Coda Mundy's. They're all over the highway, and if you get out of the car, they'll come right up to you and just start begging for food.

[Robert Kelly]

Really?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I would scream and kick it.

[Big J Okerson]

Why?

[Robert Kelly]

Why?

[Big J Okerson]

There was this face.

[Robert Kelly]

No, they're not.

[Big J Okerson]

Look at the little. They hang from the.

[Robert Kelly]

It's been sent to kill you.

[Producer/Guest]

Are they like. Raccoons are mean?

[Big J Okerson]

No, they came up. They just, you know, came over gently that. It climbed up on my leg like that.

[Robert Kelly]

I beat it with a shoe to death now.

[Big J Okerson]

They were adorable. Nope, they're adorable, man.

[Robert Kelly]

They're not, though.

[Big J Okerson]

Look how cute that is.

[Robert Kelly]

They're monster animals. They climb trees and have little fangs and claws.

[Big J Okerson]

You need to vacation with cops. Because he stayed in the bus.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I would take a big. I would go to Hawaii and go see a movie in an AMC theater every night. That's the person I am.

[Big J Okerson]

Starbucks and movies.

[Robert Kelly]

Starbucks and AMC movie theaters and a Cheesecake Factory. If they got it.

[Producer/Guest]

Go in the hotel room, close all the blinds and watch Hulu.

[Robert Kelly]

Close the blinds and watch a YouTube.

[Big J Okerson]

They did get. I had a thing of a little baby of bananas. And I took them out, a couple out. And once they saw me with the bananas, they did get a little aggressive.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you're in your mind. Like, you do everything wrong.

[Big J Okerson]

Kalta got bit by one.

[Robert Kelly]

You're like, hey, these are shark waters. You go, that's okay. I'm gonna cut my finger and then jump in the water real quick.

[Producer/Guest]

Lewis had. That. Was. That Costa Rica. Him and James had, like, a bunch of monkeys crawling all over their bel.

[Robert Kelly]

He was feeding, and it was him and Jenna.

[Producer/Guest]

Greece.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You're not supposed to feed him.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Like our. We had, like, 30 monkeys every morning come out, and monkeys. The howler monkeys, they. They get aggressive like the males if you. You're not supposed to look at them because that's a sign of disrespect or dominance. And you're not supposed to go. If you. And you're not supposed to feed them because they'll.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know if you turned this part on the regs, but I Would assume if you did. Lewis at this point has made the black joke that I have been not saying because I know how to work with a company.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, we were 75 black jokes in by this.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, I know. You went there and had all your fun.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Now you're giving me the aura frame version of it all.

[Big J Okerson]

Do we have any ads today? No, they shut us off right after the holidays.

[Robert Kelly]

That's it, dude. Holidays are over. Happy New Year.

[Big J Okerson]

Happy New Year. Yeah, those were a little creepy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, Stephen Singer, by the way, I got Christine her second whole earrings. She asked for said she wanted second holy ring. So I got her some Steven Singer's.

[Big J Okerson]

That's beautiful.

[Robert Kelly]

Steven Singer.

[Big J Okerson]

Steven Singer. I gotta get done something.

[Robert Kelly]

Every Stephen Singer, he's a.

[Big J Okerson]

Every Christmas present I got Dawn. Except for Costa Rica, she hated.

[Robert Kelly]

Really? Really?

[Big J Okerson]

I fucked up, though. I did a few of them off of Facebook. You know those ads on Facebook? Yeah, I got a couple of them off of that.

[Robert Kelly]

What?

[Big J Okerson]

And then I got a couple of.

[Robert Kelly]

Temu glasses and shit.

[Big J Okerson]

I got her one thing. She wanted ugg earmuffs. And I couldn't find them. So I was at Marshall's and I found this fur. It looked like like mink that goes over your head and ears. So I was like, oh, this is kind of sexy. And I got her.

[Robert Kelly]

She's an old bag.

[Big J Okerson]

I got her that. I thought, I just, you know, what.

[Robert Kelly]

Is she, a golden girl?

[Producer/Guest]

I just bought one of those because I saw a girl wearing one and I thought it was cute. And I bought one off the street.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I got one of Marshalls to real puppies.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a red sticker. It was in the shoe aisle. And I got it and I was like, oh, this? She'll like this.

[Producer/Guest]

Did you not Google ugg earmuffs?

[Big J Okerson]

What was the day before Christmas? So I thought, you know, this is kind of sexy. I, I, you know, and literally I gave it to her. She opened it, and then five seconds later she gave it to Doodles. And Doodles was, Doodles was just. It's. It's in, it's in Doodles toy box. Now into the dog is so funny.

[Robert Kelly]

That's hilarious.

[Big J Okerson]

She ate it. I got Max. They had this Patriots hoodie and Patriots sweatpants on Facebook. And it looked like, you know that rubber sticker thing where it like comes off the shirt. I was like, oh, these are great. I got him one. I got him the pants. And you can, you can customize it, put Max on it. And it came and it was just the cheapest Material.

[Robert Kelly]

Put Max on his pants.

[Big J Okerson]

No, on the. On the arm, it says number 12. It says Max on the sleeve, and it has the patriot. It's all black. I was like, but it looked like rubber stamp. It looked like it like 3D. But when it showed up, it was just a decal and it was just garbage. It was the worst. And dawn, like, I. When I opened, horrible Christmas shot. Oh, dude, this year I failed. Yeah, I failed miserably. Everything I got, I got. Yeah, everything I got. Dawn was. Because if I. She doesn't. She's. I'm like, let me get you some diamonds. Let me give you something nice. Let me get a nice pair. She's like, I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it. So what she does the day, like the week of Christmas, we go into a store at the mall, and she'll touch all these things, and I just walk behind her and I grab them all, and then I'll grab a few other things.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a weird. It's a weird thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, it all stems back to the first Christmas.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she touches tap to touch it, and you get it.

[Big J Okerson]

She touches it. I buy it, and then I wrap it and I wrap it in a certain way. She doesn't know, you know, she's a little surprised to it. But it all goes back to every.

[Robert Kelly]

Time she opens a present. She goes, oh, that's right. Oh, yeah, that.

[Big J Okerson]

Our first Christmas together, when I bought my first gift pretty much for, you know, a girlfriend that I cared about, and I got her. I went into this store in the mall, and I didn't understand women's clothes. I don't understand what women like. I just saw blue velour sweatsuit with flowers on it, like on the breast. I. I was like, oh, that's nice. So I bought it, and she opened it at her mother's house in front of her parents, and she's like, I'll never wear this.

[Robert Kelly]

Right away. I said that to you?

[Big J Okerson]

She went, I'll never wear this. She started laughing. What the fuck? This is velour.

[Robert Kelly]

Like, you got her sweatsuit.

[Big J Okerson]

It was baby blue sweatsuit with flowers.

[Robert Kelly]

And then Juicy sweatsuit.

[Big J Okerson]

It was an old lady store. I found out it was, like, for old. I think they sold pens, too, and, like, little notebooks.

[Robert Kelly]

I've. I mean, I said like a jacket. Maybe a jacket or something. I would never buy clothes for a woman ever. Where I'd be like, I thought you'd like these clothes.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, dude, I Learned my lesson from that. So now she'll go in and just touch things, and I'll buy those, and then I'll buy Rogue something I like.

[Robert Kelly]

Your mistake is. Yeah, you got to stop getting married. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But no, I'm saying you're doing all like the. I say, let me get you a dime in this. Let me get you that. You're making the mistake by saying, let me. She's saying, no, no, no. And then you're getting her a fucking used record or whatever the fuck you're getting.

[Big J Okerson]

When I buy it, we have a joint bank account. As soon as I buy something. Ting.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

It comes up on her phone.

[Robert Kelly]

Get a different account. Stand your own. Dude, we have.

[Big J Okerson]

We have joint accounts. Dude, my account is her account. I'm the breadwinner. I make all the money. She knows if I drop 2500 on something, she's gonna. What the Are you buying?

[Robert Kelly]

I make all the money. She might have more money than me. She doesn't spend any money.

[Big J Okerson]

But she has her own bank account. And she doesn't know when you buy something, do you?

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I know.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe she does, I guess. No, I don't think so.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, Don knows when I buy something.

[Robert Kelly]

Would, you know, like, if you, like. Yeah. You don't, like. Like my AmEx card or something? Doesn't really come to you.

[Producer/Guest]

No, I don't mean.

[Big J Okerson]

You have a money manager, huh? Yeah. You have a money manager.

[Producer/Guest]

I do have access to all of his. Like, I can see.

[Big J Okerson]

You can see it, but it doesn't. Dawn is my money manager. Like, dawn controls. I hand her a check. She does it all. So it's like, if I spent that money, if I bought a 2500 earrings, she'd be like, what do you. I don't want that. She gets, like, mad at me buying something.

[Robert Kelly]

I would hate that if, like. Yeah, if every time I spent money. Christine, like, solid.

[Producer/Guest]

Because I would hate that if Jay could see every time I spent money.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, I'm just saying, like, I'll even.

[Producer/Guest]

Tell him, like, I remember I wanted.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I'm saying for the reason of, like, just that. So then what's the point of, like, if she just grazes over it and sees I bought something for, you know, or something obvious? Like, this seems weird.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, I mean, it is what it is. I mean, it's just.

[Robert Kelly]

That would ruin Christmas for sure.

[Big J Okerson]

We have a joint bank account. I mean, we're married. It's like, it's.

[Robert Kelly]

No, I think she has. She is what she has is access to all my car to use them and stuff.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, but, I mean, my cards are her car. She's on my business card. Everything is us.

[Robert Kelly]

So Christine's got her own account.

[Big J Okerson]

If I. If, like. If I bought, like I did, like in. In Costa Rica, I bought this beautiful necklace this artist made, and she liked that. But every gift I got it for Christmas was a dud.

[Producer/Guest]

What else did you get? It was awful. Do you want me to send these to the house right now?

[Big J Okerson]

What color? No, I'll buy them. Send me the link. I'll get them.

[Robert Kelly]

You couldn't find this. You couldn't find these.

[Producer/Guest]

He said it was the day before.

[Big J Okerson]

It was a day before. She was like, I want. She literally said, I want Uggs. Ugg earmuffs.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't you buy her a brooch with that fucking goofy hat hair thing you got her?

[Big J Okerson]

I know. Well, it's doodles now and she loves it.

[Robert Kelly]

You're dressing her up like a fucking old lady.

[Big J Okerson]

But here's the thing. The vacation was fucking amazing.

[Robert Kelly]

Sure.

[Big J Okerson]

And the last day we went to this beach.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, we gotta take a break. It's Great story. It's 57. We gotta take a break.

[Big J Okerson]

So when we come back, I have. I have a. It got crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, I was gonna bring up subjects. I guess we'll do that thing. All right, Robert Kelly, I guess we'll do your thing.

[Big J Okerson]

It went. It went nuts.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

It went haywire.

[Big J Okerson]

It got. It got real.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, maybe I just. I'll ask Soder and Lewis and Joe List all about it.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, man.

[Robert Kelly]

What do you want me to do, Robert Kelly?

[Big J Okerson]

What do you want me to do?

[Robert Kelly]

I want you to do McCurdy's Comedy Theater in Sarasota. And if you want to go to those shows, get your tickets and see all of his tour to at Punch up DOT Live. Slash. Robert Kelly, I want to.

[Big J Okerson]

I know what I want you to do. I want you to do not be so sensitive to me doing the podcast before this. I'm sorry.

[Robert Kelly]

It's just major news for us.

[Big J Okerson]

You're. You're alive, though. You're getting the story first. I know nobody has heard this.

[Robert Kelly]

I should be more hurt. I should be more hurt by the social media that you gave it all away to. I guess Facebook's paying you a pretty penny.

[Big J Okerson]

If I didn't give it away to social media, it wouldn't have been a story. Now it's a story.

[Robert Kelly]

No. No.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Told the whole story on social media.

[Big J Okerson]

Big J is going to be at the pictures, videos, the tickets and all of the tour dates go to bigj comedy.com and of course his specials YouTube.com big jokerson we will be right back.

[Robert Kelly]

Live streaming again too, this week with.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm a Hero. Yeah, I'm a hero.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, maybe.

[Big J Okerson]

No, not maybe. Okay, it's the bonfire with Big G Okerson and hero Bob Kelly. We've all been there. You hold on to a coupon but forget about it and suddenly it's expired.

[Robert Kelly]

Expired in 2012.

[Big J Okerson]

Dang it. Fortunately, by switching to Geico, you could save about 900 on car insurance without ever touching a coupon. It feels good to save big. It feels good to Geico.

[Producer/Guest]

Did you know 39% of teen drivers admit to texting while driving? Even scarier, those who text are more likely to speed and run red lights. Shockingly, 94% know it's dangerous, but do it anyway. As a parent, you can't always be in the car, but you can stay connected to their safety with Greenlight Infinity's driving reports. Monitor their driving habits, see if they're using their phone, speeding and more. These reports provide real data for meaningful conversations about safety. Plus, with weekly updates, you can track their progress over time. Help keep your teens safe. Sign up for Greenlight [e-mail] podcast.