
In this bonus episode, the guys spend more time with the incomparable Kim Congdon. She is full of conversation starters like: who in the studio is the most on the spectrum? Kim also wonders what it's like to freefall to your death. | Bobby tries to show off his rapping skills and Kim takes the mic to try and battle him. | Jay plays the new club song by Sebastian Maniscalco and Steve Aoki and it gets a positive response in the room. | A discussion about reality television reveals that Kim once tried out to be on Bad Girls Club. Then Jay tries to make her a fan of his favorite show, Baddies. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
Loading summary
A
The Sprite Berry Blast is here. A crispy blue Sprite with a dollop of cold foam. It's very, very good. One of many new drinks now at McDonald's.
B
When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sound sensors, belts, and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place. So nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
C
And now the Bonfire with Big J
D
Okerson and Robert Kelly.
C
Everybody ready to laugh now? Happy Monday, everybody. Welcome to a bonus episode of the Bonfire podcast.
E
Hey, Crackle crackle. Everybody please enjoy this never before aired episode of the Bonfire.
F
All right.
E
We were having a little hero pow wow on this side of the table.
C
Yeah, you really cut everybody else out. I started reading a commercial. You guys got lost in hero talk. Well, you know, and by the way, if it sounds like we're just saying they were talking and calling it hero talk, they were actually having conversations about like, you know, the way your adrenaline pumps when you're. When you're chopping through the water to get to your. Your latest.
E
Listen, buying a couple retarded gu guys tomatoes is a little different than saving lives.
C
I didn't buy them tomatoes. I bought them everything they ate. I gave them my tomatoes. It was to one guy who I thought was a homeless bum.
E
They should recreate that movie Roar with
F
a bunch of different species.
E
Yeah.
C
You have Christine sitting here going like, you can't have these with these. You can't have the autistic with the.
F
That's what they do in the love on the spectrum. I'm like, you guys are doing terrible matchups here. You can't put a Down syndrome with an autism. That makes no sense at all.
C
Is that a possible real fact? I saw something that was like critiquing Rogan the other day about his factoids, but he said 1 in 12 men in California are autistic.
E
Yeah, I heard that too.
C
Is that fucking possible?
E
Yeah, Anything Rogan says, Do you think
F
anyone in this room is autistic?
E
Yes.
C
What?
F
What?
C
Why didn't you say anything?
E
You mean the guy that can't make eye contact?
F
Honest. Oh, who's most to least autistic in the room? Let's do it. Let's do a scale.
C
So Lou's probably pretty up there.
E
Louis Asperger's. Yeah, he's self diagnosed.
F
Yeah.
C
Something goes Asperger.
E
Yeah.
C
So losing Asperger.
F
So we got.
E
You're gonna go right to Jacob after
F
that, the star of the show. So, number one. What gives you that idea, though?
C
Jacob's number one. What, that? Oh, that you're number one on that.
F
Yeah. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. I thought we were doing a bit. I thought it was like a rhetorical.
G
That's crazy.
F
What?
G
1 in 12 boys are roughly 1 in 31 overall children in California.
F
That can't be right.
G
It's like, what study is this? What are you diagnosing? Like, what's. What constitutes.
F
How many of them are bi? Bisexuality rates.
C
That's crazy.
F
I don't feel like that's right.
G
Yeah, it feels wrong.
C
But it's cdc.
F
But this cdc, they're always honest.
E
Different levels of autism.
G
Department of Health and Human Services.
F
I always trust a man that made a website.
C
Me too. I'll always take that. Or a documentary.
F
Hey, we might as well be living off the fucking Bible. What are we doing here?
C
One in 31 children affect. That's crazy. Those numbers are weird. But there are a lot more doofballs in the world than I thought before. There's a lot of people. You know what I mean? You go into a store, you see a guy just doofballing around.
E
They all have podcasts.
G
I actually did notice it more when we moved to the suburbs. I was like, wow. I was like, I've been in New York for a long time. I think you don't notice. I was like, I've seen a lot more like, you know, teenagers with disabilities with their families just out and about in a way that I don't remember growing up.
F
Well, they used to hide them.
G
Maybe that's it.
F
No, they used to hide them.
C
They used to feel the correct shame you're supposed to feel. Keep your weirdo at home so I don't have to not stare at you.
F
Remember. Remember when you were a kid, you'd go in the neighborhood and you'd look up in the windows and there'd be a kid staring from the attic. That's where they all were.
C
Yeah, they were flowers in the attic. Now we've let them out in the yard.
E
Yeah, they fit. They. They went and tried to figure kids out and then put these stupid things out. Back in the day, it was just stupid. If you had ADHD and if you had dyslexia, you're a Fucking dumbass.
C
But there's a lot of weirdos.
F
If you were Puerto Rican, you were Haitian. It was like a whole thing.
E
If you were Dominican, you were black.
C
Yeah, the whole thing, it just seems like a strange. But it seems like those numbers probably are right.
E
Yeah, they just have the numbers. I don't know if it's any more.
C
But what do you think it is? Yeah. Do you think it's anything? Vaccines?
F
I think it's the. I think it's the iPads. I think it's like being on your phone and letting the thing that's literally called programming take over your brain.
C
Oh, no doubt. I think there's so much. Well, that's the thing. Christine says that there's no, like, teenagers don't fuck anymore. Like, those days are over. Everyone's just so, like, socially awkward and only knows how to like, talk shit through the.
E
I mean, those kids existed back in the day. They were just nerds. And then they created the iPad and the iPhone and now they're gazillionaires.
C
No, but the nerds had no outlet. There was no outlet for that kind of behavior. Now they can go be whoever they want online. And then they go, well, I'd rather go that. I got some girl who maybe. Who cares if she's giving me a face picture, fake picture. She's sending me nudes because I've told her I was this guy. And I'm talking shit like this. Well, this.
E
People now are having full fledged relationships with AI. Like these. These fucking nerdy people are these weird people.
C
Are you think that many people are doing that? Extreme rare, maybe.
E
Dude, tlc. There's. I saw this, this gay guy, it's like all over it.
C
They get like trash programming.
E
I know, but they have all these guys that are. And women who are having relationships with AI. There's one guy who's a gay guy having a relationship with his AI and he actually introduced his mom to his AI boyfriend. And the mom, this is the problem. The mom wasn't like, listen, stop, you fucking lunatic. She was like, hi. And he was like, hi, Jim's mom, or whatever the fuck, and had this like whole meeting at the table with his AI boyfriend that he's in love with me.
F
And my mom got into an AI argument because she tried to. Oh, no, chat. She tried to use ChatGPT therapy against me. She was like, my ChatGPT says that you're actually wrong. And I was like, okay, let's see what my chatgpt says about you. And then we can have a chat. GBT office.
C
ChatGPT says everything's a great idea.
F
Yes.
C
Which is probably maybe the worst thing in the world for Lewis. Yeah, this is what it goes. Goes. God, you are just an idea God, aren't you? You should open up the first ever Italian ice fucking sloppy Joe stand.
E
I bet you Lewis has a relationship with his ChatGPT.
F
Dude, if anyone ever got a hold of my ChatGPT questions, I'd be mortified.
C
Really.
F
Even the subjects are like, is it
C
bad if I blow hard enough? Will a penis pop out of my pussy?
F
Yeah, it's really, really bad. It's really.
E
Lewis used to be. How to write a book.
C
How to write a book. Here's my life story. Write a book.
E
Give me 45 minutes of material.
F
Dizziness when standing. Stolen luggage. Advice.
E
You ain't got advice.
F
This is when I was at the casino and I didn't want my business manager to know. Amex cash advanced.
C
Oh, that's actually a pretty thing. I'm saying, Christina, is the thing about the Gen Z, adults have never had partnered sex, making the least sexually active generation in history. But mental health concerns, that's also another thing too. Kids are getting medicated so much younger that they're fucking. Probably not even as horny.
E
Well, back in the day,
C
there's a lot of it too.
E
A kid who had adhd, they didn't know what it was. Now they medicate him right away.
C
Right. But that might also make your. You know, I take Lexapro and that was one of the things they said didn't happen for me. Think I didn't get too many side effects. But there was like, I don't know, it could. What up?
F
Your sex drive made me horny as hell.
C
Horny? Oh, I'm saying go either direction.
F
Yeah, it's like meth, you know, you see all those meth heads each other in the ass in alleyways. That's what's happening on Adderall.
E
If you look back at the 70s and 80s, people were. Every movie was. And they were young.
F
Well, because the kids were on Adderall. They were horny.
E
Kids don't fuck it now like kids. You can't. No, you can't just go. Kids are taught not to do that.
C
That's what they're saying.
F
Yeah, they got houses to save up for people. What are we saying here?
E
I was watching a movie. I was telling Jacob. I saw this movie with Rock Hudson. It was in the early 80s where he was a teacher, his wife was a teacher, and they were the Students, really? And he was like. She was like, it looks like you're enjoying your work too much. He was like, well, you got to whistle when you work. And then he just was going to the class and banging his high school student. High school.
C
That high school is gonna. The parents of that high school are gonna have quite a lawsuit on their hands when they realized that Rock Hudson had given all of their children aids. He's the first guy that came out, and then it had to become gay right away. Remember, that was like, Rock Hudson died from AIDS from back. All way back when. He goes, oh, my God. He goes. But he was doing gay stuff.
F
You know what must suck is fucking a celebrity, telling all your friends. Like, there was. There was definitely women that were like, I fuck Charlie Sheen. A month before, he said he had and told all their friends and, like, was like, don't tell anyone, but listen. And then that came out, and then you have to. You have to do the PR Train back. Hey, I got to show you my test results. I'm good. Like, you have to go back and go. I know. I. Charlie, it's got to be the other way.
C
Guess who got Raw Dog by Chaz Sheen.
E
That would suck. To get AIDS from Charlie Sheen on his other side of his career.
F
Oh, my God.
E
Like, during Wall Street. It'd be great.
C
That's so fucking funny. I can't believe that.
E
Have you ever had sex with famous people?
C
Me? No.
E
Never. Me neither.
C
I feel like you were gonna wait till we said something before you told us your story.
F
Yeah.
E
Who had sex with Rob Hudson?
F
I feel like you're ready to tell who gave you aids.
E
I've never had sex with a famous person ever.
C
Puck from the Real World.
E
That's a good one. He has AIDS knuckles.
C
That's one of my favorite things in a reality show ever. Was PA Pedro with aids.
E
Yeah.
C
On. Yeah. Getting mad at Puck was like, the gross guy on that season of the Real World, and he was just sticking his fingers. The peanut butter he was sticking. He would eat Pedro's peanut butter. His fingers, and just Pedro, this voice going, goes, puck. You put your fingers in my peanut butter. And you know, I have heads.
F
Oh, my God.
C
You know, I suffer from heads. And you're putting your finger on my peanut butter. I have the Puck. And then Puck's just blowing snot rockets all over himself.
F
He's like, I don't give a shit.
C
He didn't give a fuck.
F
He was actually kind of advanced. He's like, that's not how AIDS is spread. My God.
C
Freaking out over the wrong thing, man. AIDS is no longer a death sentence. Pedro.
E
I've had AIDS four times.
C
My friend Puck's still kicking, by the way. How funny is that?
F
Which one's Puck?
C
That one.
E
Skateboard.
F
That's crazy because he looks like the one with aids.
C
Oh, he had major drug problems for sure, but he's still alive. Jesse Camp's still alive somewhere, right? The guy who won MTV so wants to be a vj.
F
How's Pedro? Was he alive?
C
Pedro died shortly after the show, I believe.
F
Of aids?
E
Yeah.
F
Are you serious?
C
Yeah, it was. It was still the early 90s.
F
Oh, man. It sucks that people used to die from aids. That just sucks. I'm so glad we've.
C
Well, people used to die from.
E
We fixed it.
F
Like, it's done right. People don't die from AIDS at all anymore.
E
You can with somebody with aids if you just take prep.
C
Oh, no. You could die from complications from aids.
G
I think it's rare it even gets to AIDS anyway.
F
Yeah. Do people still get hiv?
C
I think that's what they get.
G
And then it doesn't turn into.
E
They treat that. Yeah. You don't get the full blown aids. You don't get the Philadelphia.
F
You know what? I still wouldn't be happy with it.
C
No. No. You know, by the way. But you'd be surprised how fast, if you got diagnosed with it, how fast you'd say a thing goes, you have hiv, goes, all right, well, it's actually not a big deal anymore. Like, if you're like, oh, my God, I'd rather die than get it. Still, though, you do have it.
F
HIV is turning to what? Like lip herpes Used to be where. It's like, it used to be a thing and now it's like, yeah, everyone's got a little of it.
C
That was hpv. Yeah. H was hpv.
F
I got that twice.
C
Yeah, you could. I mean, it's just. Well, now there's vaccine.
E
Don't I have that on my foot?
F
Yeah, I got HPV twice and it went away twice.
C
Kids won't get it anymore, though.
F
I do.
C
Vaccinated.
F
I get it like, I get it like a razor burn. A little flaresy, apparently.
C
Yeah. I'm having a little bit of a. Flares.
F
They keep going, like, something's wrong. And I called two weeks later, like, never mind. And I'm like, what? And they're like, it went away. I'm like, what was it? They're like, it's just a thing.
C
Stage 4 HPV. You put your fingers in my Peanut butter. Is this it?
G
No, it's really bad. It's only five seconds.
F
You put your fingers in my peanut butter.
C
In my peanut butter. That boy of yours, he killed your brother. You put your fingers in my peanut butter.
F
I loved. I was obsessed with the real world. I was obsessed with it. I actually, I. I was almost on bad girls club twice.
G
No.
F
Yeah. But then the second time, first time I applied myself, I made it to the second round and then nothing happened. And then the second time was after I started stand up and my manager said it was a bad ide.
E
Which one were you going to be on?
F
But I would have been so good.
E
So how many are there now?
G
Not baddies. Baddies.
E
Oh, baddies.
F
Baddies I can't handle because I can't have a concussion.
C
Yeah, you shouldn't do it.
F
Baddies, like, they'll beat the out of you.
C
Yes. Like to blood.
F
No, I know.
C
Like violent violence.
F
I'm a really good fighter and I would love to go on a reality show and just beat the out of people and be allowed to. That would be so fun.
G
Just infiltrate the auditions.
C
Yeah, just go to the audition.
G
I mean, you might get a little hurt, but it'll be so fun.
E
Do the Russian one.
F
Should I audition for baddies?
E
Yeah, do that. Do that in Puerto rico. Puerto Rico baddies.
F
Okay.
H
My name is Kimberly and I am
F
auditioning for the obadis audition for puerto rico. And in this audition, I'm going to tell you I will beat your ass if you give me some other attitude. And I don't care because I'm here to be a baddie.
C
You have to also. You also have to believe that you
F
can rap and I can rap. Give me a beat. Give me a beat.
H
I'm puerto rican. I like the t. I go to town it is a weekend I like to smoke I be so cheaping because I'm here. I'm Puerto Rican.
C
By the way, that is on par with the songs. Everyone's got a song. They're like, every. Every one of these girls comes out and does their song. They do like these live shows and they all come out and do their song. And it's always like, you shake that ass and wag your tits and wag your tits and shake your. And then the next girl comes out and she's like. It goes slap on that ass and suck up on my titty. Singing slap on my ass and suck up on my titty. It's. It's.
F
I want to hear you freestyle, Bobby.
E
I mean, I just beatbox and I got nothing.
F
Come on. Can we get. Can we get a good rap beat for Bobby?
E
That was a pretty good. That was a pretty good.
F
Give me something in my ear. I need a.
C
Some of your monitors.
G
What is.
F
What does Eminem say? I got no snare in my headphones. I got no snare for my headphones.
E
Turn it up.
C
He's looking around the room. He's drinking it all in these kaiser so saying the room right now. 5, 6, 7, 8.
E
I'm a hero not a zero come near me and your fear Roll the fists and the gloves that will hit you in the face I'm not a disgrace. Kim's to my left, DJs to my right that's why I'm out of sight. I bring it to the heat, back to the show and that's why Jacob starts to blow and he gets cold in the niceness house of the up.
C
You know what?
F
That was good. That was good. That was good.
C
That was terrible. And I thinking it really shines a light though on how good Kim's was and could be a baddie for sure.
G
Yes.
E
Let me try again. Ready? Let me try again. Give me the B.
F
That is me.
C
Here we go.
E
Ready?
F
That. That's a video.
E
Ready? Suck my dick. Suck my titties. Suck my dick and lick my titties. Suck my dick and put it in my ass. I'll tell you that I'm not crass. I'll suck your balls. Put them in my mouth.
C
None of these girls know what crass mean.
F
I need a new beat. I need a new beat. Drop me a beat. Drop me a beat. I'm taking over.
C
You want to see the baddies rap a little bit? You want to see what they bring the table?
F
Yeah, let's see what they do.
E
I want to hit Kim.
C
I'll get to the raps.
E
Kim. Kim. Thought of something?
C
Oh, yeah.
F
I'll hold it in. It'll burn inside me till it's ready to come out.
C
I mean, I want you to see how. I mean, I want to see how on par your rap was with these
G
girls to search for. So it's going to take a minute.
C
Okay, we'll give her a beat then.
F
Give me a beat.
C
Drop that beat then.
F
Oh, no, I need something original. Cuz that's. That'll with my. You know, I need a. Not even an original, but not something. So I mean, give me. Give me something AI made. I can't take another man's beat. Oh, my armpits kind of stink.
C
Affirmative action by Nas smell. Give her that beat.
E
Yeah, you got a hint. You got a little meaty going on there.
F
Yeah, man.
E
That's the way I like my Puerto Rican girls, though. A little stink.
C
Skip ahead.
F
Here we go.
C
Jacob, turn her snare up.
F
Turn my snare up. I got no snare. Five, six. Hold on. I gotta wait for the right time.
E
Here it comes.
F
I want a house. I want a house right now and I can't afford it. And I used to go out and aboard it. And I go in and out and I can't afford. I'm on a house.
C
Bought a house.
F
I think the drugs I just took just kicked in.
E
Did you have an abortion?
F
I don't know what I'm saying.
E
You aborted a baby to get a house?
C
Oh, my God.
F
I want a house with a mouse and a cows. I want a.
C
Rouse Last night on Skanks Rouse.
E
What the.
G
A roast.
C
Jason Rouse. He's a comic.
E
Oh, okay.
F
Yeah.
C
Comic. From a. You gotta understand the reference.
F
Shout out Jason Ross.
C
I don't have it. I'm not a rapper.
E
You don't have any freestyle in you?
C
No.
E
Come on. Come on.
F
You can't wear gloves like that. Not spit some bars.
C
My DJing. This is so I can do my. I got all the fingernails and stuff. So I can do the DJing. But what the fuck is I gonna say?
E
You want a house, I want a house.
C
That's all you need.
F
With Jason Rouse.
C
Jason Rouse moving in the house with Jason Rouse.
F
I'll check for Mouse. There is no Mouse. Everything's good at her house. By the way, I'll be her spouse.
C
What's that, Jacob?
F
Jason Clout.
H
There's no answer to you.
C
What'd you say?
F
I saw a picture of Sebastian Maniscalco is a DJ now.
C
Oh, no, he's not a dj.
E
What?
C
Steve Aoki, the dj, made a song involving Sebastian. And Sebastian genuinely not laughingly jumping around how excited he is about this club song. It just goes. It's just a club song. And then once in a while, Sebastian goes. Does your father know you dance like that? That's it. That's the whole song. But he is so stoked to be a part of it because Sebastian wants to jump in a club to his own voice. So for sure, that's great. Does your father know you dance like that?
E
Does your mother make a sauce?
C
You know you dance like that? Yeah. He's so into it.
F
Oh, he's having the time of his life.
C
I know. He's too old to be having the time of his life like that.
F
I'd like to see Sebastian having fun because he seems like someone that it's hard for him to let it out.
C
Well, I mean, he's just lived his dream. This is the dream that no one knew he had. Like, oh, he wants to be involved. Brett Ernst right now is rolling over in his grave. But he's not involved in a club song yet. He can't believe it. Do you know these fucking dumb Degos? Their dream is to be played while young people roller skate one day while fucking galaxy lights are on.
F
Jesus Christ.
C
Your father know you dance like that? Fuck me.
F
Comedians used to do heroin.
E
Yeah.
F
And now we're doing techno.
C
Well, it's the jump around. It's the confidence in one thing that takes you out of. I think again, if you're gonna be a comic, that people are like, this motherfucker is funny as shit. You can't show your other. You can't show your other skills. You can't show your other skills off at all. Of talent and art because it means you take something too seriously.
E
It'd be a shitty shit.
C
Something too seriously.
E
Yeah.
C
You two have not paid attention to me all day.
E
Sorry.
C
Jacob notices it. I've been talking the tops of heads.
F
You know what? I tried to lock back in and Bobby kept pushing the side talk. And I really tried to look, I'm looking straight at you.
C
Bananas, radioing.
E
She's grabbing stuff and she.
F
I, I. Bobby gave me a bag of drugs and I tried to move it out of my way and it all spilled into a pile in front of me.
C
But two times I tried. Two times at least that I've tried to look over and talk to you guys. While I was talking to you guys, Bobby went down on his phone and you and Kim started having a conversation microphone.
F
Hey, Jay, save someone.
E
We're heroes.
C
You're right. I pay my respects.
F
You really do.
C
I pay my respects.
F
You do. You're right.
C
I show my respects.
G
You're right.
C
To two heroes. These days, a free offer doesn't stay free for long. The hidden fee starts stacking up. Service fees, activation fees. Next thing you know, it's not free at all. But at Metro by T Mobile, you can get the new Samsung Galaxy A17.5G phone free and save with no activation fees. That's about $250 back in your pocket. What could you do with that? So many things. You could buy junk food or video games or maybe go buy a ticket to the theater. They say the theater is dying. Help them out. You got 250 extra dollars in your pocket. Get that more for your money feeling only at Metro. What are you waiting for? Find your local store. Just bring your number and sign up for the $40 period. Plan savings based on device discount and waived activation fee. Not available if you were with Metro or T Mobile in the past 180
E
days this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, for me, during the summer when things are nice and things are happening, I usually start to think I can do it by myself. For some people, summer is their favorite season, but for others like me, juggling everything is pretty demanding and it's tough and it can lead to feelings being overwhelmed and anxiety and counting down the minutes just waiting for get back to some type of structure. Whether you're someone who thrives or just survives in the summer, make sure to take care of yourself during the warm months. Therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform, can help you understand your needs, feel more confident setting boundaries and creating a vision of summer that can actually feel good. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and Preferences and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching for you. Feel confident knowing betterhelp. Their therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Support in therapy Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com bonfire. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com bonfire.
D
Your outdoor space is where you unwind and make memories, so make it count. Belgard pavers are designed to elevate your outdoors design forward and built to last. Learn more@belgard.com that's B E L G A R D.com all new drinks are
A
now at McDonald's, like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Sprite Berry Blast topped with cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Try them all now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine.
E
I went to Cuba last year, went through a hurricane and didn't speak Spanish and it really hit me. I speak one language. Most Americans only speak one language and everybody else speaks two or three. And I vowed that day to learn. Learn Spanish and I'm going to go back to Cuba and know how to get bread, say hello, check into my hotel, do all the stuff I wanted to do that I couldn't do last year. That's happening with Babel. If you're traveling this summer. Here is a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Even just 10 minutes a day. That's what I do with babbel can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. Lessons are quick, practical and built by more than 2, 200 language experts. And instead of memorizing random vocab, you're learning phrases you'll use. Ordering dinner, asking for directions or talking with locals. That's what you need. This is how you learn the language by speaking it. Now I can go into a store, I talk to the guys at the garage. I can actually have a conversation. Am I fluent yet? No, but I'm definitely getting better at Spanish. Babbel's awesome. If you've got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start. So you can actually use what you learn on the trip. Right now, Babel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babbel.com bonfire. That's Babbel B A B-B B E L.com bonfire for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply.
I
Out on the road it helps to have a partner like the love's rewards app. Download love's rewards and get great deals like a free loves coffee or fountain drink. Just buy any four, any size and get the fifth one free. Love's rewards. Save and earn at every turn. Terms apply. See website for 10 details.
E
What we were talking about at the break is that there was when joking around and saving people, but there is a time when you're saving. Like when I was saving that girl and she was saving that family that were you like, ah, I might die. And you're like, you got to make that choice. Like, well, I start.
F
You have to start going, I. I do good things for the world. What does this person do? Like I. I actually like. I give things to people and I don't film it and stuff. You know, like, I like do nice things that normal people would put on YouTube.
C
I gotta die for you.
F
Yeah. Does this person do that? We need to ask before I pull you up.
E
Well, there was a point where I was swimming back and I'm like, I don't think I'm gonna make it. And I was like, I'm gonna have to make a choice. Like I might have to let her go and let her die because I don't want to. It's either we both die or one of us dies and it's not gonna
C
be me starting heroics. Is pretty fucking funny. Starting heroics.
E
Yeah. Finishing is.
C
You guys, you lean out to go talk somebo a ledge, and you go, hey, man, you got some. Whoa, whoa. Never mind, never mind. That is freaking me out.
E
Do your thing, bro.
F
Twice I've been driving with headliners in the last 14 years on the road and seen a guy on a bridge, and the headliner's been like, we got to make it to the show. Twice that's happened to me twice, where I'm like, should we pull over? Because I'm like, I have that. I have the dog in me. I'll get out. I'll do the talk, sure. But twice the headliner's been like, I. I have a contracted weekend.
E
Oh, if I had a show that night, I wouldn't have saved this chick. I would be like, listen, somebody's got to do that.
C
I think if I saw the bridge person and I could. I would help, but I would feel like I don't. Like, I feel like I could understand his point too soon in the conversation. He's like, dude, I don't know. I got no one. No one loves me. And people are about to find out a bunch of bad about me. I go, oh, all right.
F
You eventually start going, well, let's wait for a truck that'll finish it. Don't throw yourself in front of the hobby.
E
I think you're going to get hurt on this, not killed.
F
That's a Buick, dude. Come on.
C
This bridge isn't high enough.
E
Yeah, let's get another bridge. If you're going to take care of
F
this, take a walk. We'll see how you feel on the next bridge.
C
The jumping to your death is, what a torturous way to kill yourself.
F
Because I hate heights.
C
Well, it's just the idea that, like, you know for sure when you land, you're dead if you do it. Yeah, you're street pizza, but you're dead for sure. And that's. And it's instantaneous. Your death will be a white light, hopefully. But I couldn't imagine what. The torture of the falling and thinking about that happening. I have.
F
There's moments.
C
90% of people, as they're going down, just be like, oh, I guess I could have done a payment plan.
F
Yeah, well, you know, there's that story.
C
Oh, I could move back in with my folks.
E
It would suck, too. If you jumped off a building. It's like an old building with an awning. You just bounce off the awning and land on your feet.
C
I think that happens a decent amount.
F
There's someone in the world that's landed on an awning and landed perfectly on their feet and kept walking. That had to have happened once.
C
I think Derosa may have a story.
E
Is that why he looks like that?
C
I think something. Derosa's family tried to kill themselves and jumped out of a window and landed on an awning. I'm pretty sure that happened.
E
Jesus, that's fucking.
F
Well, this is the thing. I looked up too. Remember that flight attendant? There was that plane crash where everyone died, but one flight attendant survived.
C
Unbreakable.
F
Yeah, Unbreakable. And she fell. I think they were saying from like. I think it was like 20, 15,000ft. And I went online and I asked the Internet, I'm like, how long do you free fall? And then it's like two minutes. Minutes.
C
Yeah.
F
So that's a lot. Imagine free falling. The double the amount of time Tony Hinchcliffe is staring at you.
C
You think your biggest fear is in front of crowds
F
that'll put you in a wheelchair.
E
Two minutes. It's got these things that you'd be like.
F
After a minute, you got to kind of get bored of the fear. Come on.
E
Did I. Did I turn the oven off?
C
Oh, they play one of my. One of my favorite songs they play. It's a funny song to play for the scene, but. Was that Crank? The first Crank movie with Jason Statham? When he's falling out of the plane, he's going to like, he has no parachute. And he realizes he's going to die and he's got time. So he calls his chick.
E
Yeah, yeah.
C
While he's falling, he's like, hey, I don't think I'm going to make it home tonight. He's just like. He was like flapping through the air, like, going to the ground while they play Miracles by Jefferson.
F
It's too much time.
C
Yeah. It's so much time. Oh, I got shit I got to do. Yeah. That's why I make one phone call. Christine. Throw all of my electronics in the bathtub.
F
You have time. In two minutes you can call, like, so many people.
C
Yeah, it's for a quick goodbye.
F
A quick goodbye.
C
Don't ask them any questions. It is what it is. I'm dying.
F
Two minutes. I'm doing a quick five way call. Oh, everyone pick up. Hey, guys, I'm midair. I got about 45 seconds. I love you all.
E
You know, it'd be somebody be like, wouldn't pick up. And somebody like, hang on for a second. You'd be like, listen, I don't got that Time.
C
Hang on for a second.
E
Hang on for one sec.
C
I gotta hang up with my doctor on the other line.
F
I'm so petty. I'd be tweeting people I hate. Here's a secret about this guy and
C
you go, and we'll never make it right.
H
Splat.
C
I'm angry with you. And we'll never make it right.
F
That's a to survive. Also imagine being her ex boyfriend.
E
Yeah. She survived 20, 000ft.
F
Yeah. I don't know if it's 20, 000. Yeah. Two miles. I don't know how many feet two miles is. How many feet is in one mile. Has GT 12,400. Her mom was on 12,000. 1200.
E
How did she survive? What did she hit?
F
I really want to know the answer. 10,000.
E
That's still a lot of feet.
F
So too. She fell 10,000ft and a plane is 25,000ft. So it's about half the height when it's all the way to the top.
C
2000 slam dunks.
F
You measure her fall in slam dunks.
E
It's so funny. That's one what broke her fall.
C
Fat ass. Dude. That's why they say get that BB her BBL.
F
Yeah.
E
Gotta have a fat wagon survive 20,000ft and just bounce onto his feet.
C
Oh, Dante for sure is a flotation device. He goes. Yeah, he goes. And under your seat, unless you're in seat 3A, you are the flotation device. All right, everybody grab on.
E
To me, it acted like a helicopter. Her seat acted like a helicopter.
C
She was strapped into a row of seats like a.
E
So it acted like a rudder.
F
Fucking spun all the way down and just got like.
C
Probably just didn't have that much speed.
F
That's kind of. At that point. That's kind of awesome.
C
Well, that is the thing when you try, even though it's not going to help at all, you'd be trying to get wide and hope that the wind like slows you down so you could land on your feet. I would start thinking. I go, I'm going to try to hit my feet and roll. I know I'm coming in hot at about 700 miles per hour like a. Like a missile. But I have a feeling if I just kind of hit my. My heels right, I could probably like roll into a thing. Who was asking me that on like, what would I do? It's. I think it's stand up live in Phoenix. You know, you're up on the second level there and there's like kind of stuff that the middle goes. Could you park. What would you do to parkour down. And I'm always like most of it. I'm always just like jump. Wish for the best. And I always. I always just say land and roll. No matter what I say. And then land and roll. You always have to land and roll.
F
Do you do?
C
I think so.
F
Tuck and roll, the hero. Tuck and roll. This is a Baddies video. And I swear to God I thought it was Skank Fest. This looks like goddamn comedy gym.
C
Very similar.
F
That's me on acid at Skank Fest.
C
Get to the other girls when they come out. They're all, here we go. Smiley's fat. But I think I would, you know.
F
You would. Let me see if I would.
C
They also just play their songs and they just say every third or fourth word with it.
F
Yeah.
E
Holy shit, she's big. Are those. Is that money or is that Whopper coupons?
C
All their songs, they just keep saying where the baddies at? What?
F
Those glasses are.
E
I want those.
C
She got knocked unconscious. The first. First episode.
E
Who's that?
C
Smiley. This was the episode where they're all saying goodbye. Bye now. The reunion's come.
E
Those glasses are.
F
God, you're really into this.
E
She's wearing glasses.
G
It's a family affair. We watch it every week.
E
Those look like welding glasses.
C
That's new news. New. She's coming out with her ass cheeks out.
F
She ain't.
C
Noodle ain't though.
E
Holy.
F
Would you.
C
Would.
E
I wouldn't. I don't like that hot ass.
C
Oh, everybody's get the next song. Goodbye. I'm. No, no, I'm leaving now.
E
Jacob's disgusted. But all that sweaty big ass.
F
Yeah. There's no way right now. Suck it. Jacob said suck it.
E
Yeah.
C
The songs are always just like my titties in your mouth, bitch. In your mouth, bitch. They just have. They just. They have four lines of rap and they all just take them and word them differently. Yeah, smack that bitch.
H
I'm the goat, he the boat I'm a float. Cause I'm a baddie with a baddie going on not depressed. I'm not saddy, I'm not saddy I'm a baddie in Puerto Rico I'll save your baby and your daddy.
C
I want to see the thing that comes out when Skanks comes out tonight. Last night I was making fun of our new theme song over at Skanks and she's like called it's the bout of Lewis. All the things are just Lewis things. And he goes, well, it's because I have more. Isms than you. So they put more stuff about me in the song.
E
What the fuck does that mean?
C
I go, no, it's because they deal with you directly and you are the one who gave feedback. I didn't listen to it until we played it. But whenever I was doing the song, I was like, I wear a hat, have a son, and my name is Lewis. Everything. Sometimes I smoke, sometimes I don't. I get fat. Then I'm thin. I'm Lewis.
F
Then there's Shay and whoever, but I'm Louis.
C
You gotta go. Something about a wallet chain and Jay. And it's Lewis. He's friends with Lewis.
E
I like him young. I like. I'm young. I like vacation.
F
Jamaica, Turks and Caicos. Lemon.
H
Lewis.
C
Lewis is getting his girlfriend young enough so he doesn't have to pay full price for their resort stays. Or he goes. This. He goes. Reservations for one and a half, please. That's the little kid.
F
The meals are cheap when they order chicken tenders, dude.
E
None of his girls can do rides.
F
None of them can say fogwa.
C
One and a half, please. One and a half here.
E
They have different wristbands at the resort.
G
Yeah.
C
Do you guys have like a word scramble or a maze? She could.
F
Do you guys have crayons?
C
My girl likes a crayon and his name is Lewis.
F
Welcome to Legion of Skanks.
C
Welcome to Legion of Skanks, everyone. That's the ballad of Lewis. We always like to start with the bout of lilies.
F
It ends with. Does anyone have crayons?
C
Oh, is this another one of the baddies bringing it out?
F
Come on, girl, get it out here.
E
They really jammed into these outfits.
C
Shake it, shake it. Yeah. She doesn't rap, actually. Sometimes you can just come out and twerk. 2 rap.
E
How do you wipe that?
F
I like that outfit. I would wear that outfit. That's a good Stank Fest outfit. I was just thinking that.
C
Get freaky. Stanky. Freaky.
F
I'm going off on Skank Fest.
E
This is freaky. You should invite somebody these girls down to Skank Fest.
C
Oh my God. I was judge the judge.
E
The. The. What is it? The Royal Rumble.
C
Let me tell you this. I would prefer over anything we could ever possibly have as the musician for the opening thing, just to have the baddies do a full concert,
G
I mean, that'd be.
F
Oh my God. Bringing the baddies to Skank Fest would be the ultimate.
E
Just seeing the shock on all the fans faces.
C
Well, you're going to see them come together as a group real quick when they go, I y'. All know saying other on the other ethnic people here. Are we the only black girls? This.
E
You notice that all these women have flat ass.
C
You know there's a bunch of look like jelly roll out here staring at us.
G
Oh, she had a Biggie performance. I was trying to find her. When she comes out in the red.
C
Use a stank ass bitch with your fat booty butt and your. And your. And all my. She's the worst human being in the world. Tommy Lee.
G
Tommy Lee.
E
Which one's that? The one in the red?
G
Yeah, she's. First of all, she's old. There's a couple girls that are on Bad Girls Club. They're like almost 40.
E
Yeah, it's wild.
G
Hey, I am 40.
F
She's young.
G
She's like, I'm 30. She's like, I'm not 40 yet. But she's like 38.
C
No, but she is a. She's just a terrible person.
F
I'm not 40 yet.
E
Why do. Why is she a terrible person?
C
She's just everything about her, like the way she. At least her public Persona in every way. She's a bad. Like she doesn't. She's not nice to anybody. She just. Look at the way she turn back. She talks. Usually the way she talks. It's really the how she talks.
F
Can I tell you, I love to beat the out of a. Like this though.
G
You know I love those. She walked it. She walked in and somebody tried to beat her up. And she goes, no, no names.
C
Yeah, that was pretty cool. She goes. She goes, I don't know this one. No, no names. Oh my God. It was really shut her down. She was like, come on, Tommy, let's go. She goes, I don't know this one. No, no names.
F
Can't be.
C
No, no names.
E
Humiliating to have sex with this. Yeah, man. Don't put that little dick back in your pants.
C
Seems like a person who would.
E
I ain't with that no name.
F
What do you want me to do with that little thing?
E
That's a no name dick. My.
C
Put that on your pants.
E
Just eat my. Eat my right now.
F
You want me to add that thing?
E
Hey, do me a favor. Lick the stink off my butt.
F
You want me to piddle? Pedal that.
C
She's been a problem all season because she'll bring. And what they hate her for is she's bringing outside chicks in. She's bringing like her actual friends to like roll up to the places to start fighting girls. Like, yo, you can't. It's like a TV show. It's like we're all here. We're supposed to fight each other. She's like, yeah, I don't want to fight, so I'm gonna bring my girls to beat up. They really have guys with guns. And the show's nuts.
F
You guys need to start watching it could have Been Love with Drew Ski.
C
Oh, yeah, I know.
F
It is the funniest, funniest reality dating show.
C
I can't believe he's, like, not embarrassed of getting pregnant. That big, morbidly obese.
F
He's not embarrassed of anything. You need to see the show. He doesn't give a fuck about anything. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
C
I believe you. I'll give it a shot because this is almost over.
E
Is that the one where he's auditioning people?
F
Yeah. And he's dating studs. Like dating lesbians.
E
Oh, I thought you meant he was dating dudes.
F
Pretty much, yeah. They're like dude girls.
G
Is this real? This is him. His.
F
That's his baby mama? Yeah, he got her pregnant season one
C
and she Bambi or something? Yeah, yeah, she's disgusting.
F
He got her pregnant season one, and now she pops in on season two.
C
And by the way, he got her pregnant. The. The viral video from the first season. This was them two on a boat and he's like telling her she's gross. Kind of.
E
Yeah, but this girl looks like Tracy Morgan.
F
No, he goes on dates. He wishes he goes on dates with these studs and they're like, really aggressive and he's like, calm down.
E
It's like she's like, four two. No offense, Jacob.
F
She's like, oh, my God. I'm five three. I'm scared. That's what it's going to look like for me.
E
Oh, when you're pregnant, you're going to look great.
F
Great. Really?
E
Yeah, you gotta look good pregnant.
F
Okay.
E
When are you getting pregnant? Soon.
C
Hopefully Petruski is.
F
We'll see if I get on the show. Yeah.
E
I want that house.
F
I want that mouse.
E
I need that mouse.
C
Yeah, I would watch this in a heartbeat too, but the baddies, they really. It just. They know what they're doing over there.
F
They're just.
C
Smart move, that guy.
A
Just.
G
Well, something like Natalie Nun girl has something figured out.
C
Yeah, you want to hate Natalie Nunn, but I mean, like, she's figured out a way to make like, killer money off a brand that wasn't even hers. Bad Girls Club wasn't her brand. Yeah, but she, like, took that model.
F
She made it her thing.
C
And once they made. Once they Banned Bad Girls Club, which I saw that coming to my.
E
She Jeff Rossed it.
C
She just got people to sign things.
E
Sorry, guys.
G
Oh, I love her too.
F
Someone's never getting on a roast ever again.
E
Yes, I'm.
F
Ever again, ever again for the first time.
E
The only time they ever asked me to do a roast was Ralphie May backed out. No, no. Some fat guy marked act out. And then it was to be the fat guy because I guess the comic had fat jokes. And then they got Ralphie May. And that's the one where Ralphie May ate his. Ate his dick.
F
I don't remember.
E
Ralphie took a hot one. So glad. Best decision I ever did next to doing comics.
F
Unleashed.
E
Yeah, Unleashed.
F
Is this the tour?
C
No, that's her new album, I guess.
E
Oh, wow.
C
They got albums this Friday already? Rich already. The EPs dropping with two singles with features. And the features are always other baddies.
E
Oh, God.
C
Oh, God. What?
E
Oh, God, These?
F
Yeah, I hate the show. My sister would watch it every night, and I'd be like, you can't, like, let that leak into your subconscious throughout. For the eight hours.
C
I had to worry about that with Isabella. When I said Isabelle first got into the cardi Bs and stuff, not from, like, the music, but, like, love and hip hop. Like, when she was on TV and, like, she was viral for, like, the first one, she told me that I was like, as funny as, like, why is everybody mad that she got her teeth fixed? And she's like, did you know my teeth? Did you know my old teeth? It was like, such a dumb. What a dumbass. And I remember asking Isabella before knowing who Cardi B was and it was before she was that famous. I go, you are laughing at this. Kind of also, like, what a dumb. Like, you don't want to be like this.
F
You're like, you know this is dumb, right?
C
Like, you know this is dumb. And she was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like Isabella loves all the same trash TV I love, but it's not like, these are the way to live. These girls are cool. She wants to watch the spectacle also, like, how ridiculous is this?
F
It's people watching at that point.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, like, that was. That was a big thing to make sure and ask that. Because I was like, you don't think this is like. Like, you wouldn't be doing this stuff.
F
She's like, no, you wouldn't be a baddie, would you?
E
That'd be so tragic for Jay.
F
You're not daddy's little baddie are you Daddy's little 16.
E
He just sees his daughter walk out.
H
My name is Isabella Okinson and I don't give a what my dad says I'm free, I'm independent and I don't give a if my dad dad has a comedy special. Black people rule,
C
man.
H
Black but white at the same time.
C
And cardi b really did blow up the term glow up. She really did blow up. Look how ugly she is.
E
We gotta wrap it up. We're gonna do that ad. Oh, yeah. Kim.
F
What?
E
What's up? Thanks for coming in. Good to see you.
F
Thank you guys for having me.
C
If you're in the New York area, check out our show tonight. Ten o'. Clock. I'll be there. The legion of skanks will all be there there. Ari Shafir, Louis J. Gomez, Big Jokerson 34 Life and the Kim Congdon takeover at Kim Congdon.com and for dates, she's all over the road. Check her out at Kim Congdon on socials again, make sure you check out Ari storytelling show the end, premiering April 16th. You can pre order right now at Ari Shafir.com only to the only to
E
the April 16th and then it's done.
C
Punch up that live Robert Kelly and
E
Big J this weekend. Go check him out. He's going to be the funny bone in Orlando Friday and Saturday night. We'll see you guys tomorrow on the bonfire.
D
Your outdoor space is where you unwind and make memories. So make it count. Belgard pavers are designed to elevate your outdoors. Design forward and built to last. Learn more@belgard.com that's B E L G A R D.com the new Strawberry Watermelon
A
Refresher is now at McDonald's. It's made with strawberries and a whole lot of whimsy. It's one of many new drinks now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine.
Date: June 1, 2026
Guest: Kim Congdon
Platform: SiriusXM Faction Talk
In this raucous and uncensored episode, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly are joined by comedian Kim Congdon for a wild ride through contemporary comedy, pop culture, reality TV, and offbeat heroics. True to The Bonfire’s reputation, the discussion flows freely between goofy anecdotes, cutting insights, and raunchy reality, peppered with hilarious impressions and quick-witted roasts. The episode is both a behind-the-scenes hangout and a critical lampooning of reality television and generational quirks, all while maintaining their irreplaceable chemistry.
[01:10 – 03:00; 25:29 – 27:56]
“I do good things for the world... before I pull you up, we need to ask: Does this person do that?” (25:46, Kim)
“There was a point where I was swimming back and I’m like, I don’t think I’m gonna make it. I’m gonna have to let her go and let her die…” (26:02, Robert Kelly)
“You guys, you lean out to go talk to somebody on a ledge, and you go, ‘Hey, man, whoa, whoa! Never mind, never mind. That’s freaking me out.’” (26:25, Jay)
[02:01 – 05:28]
“Is that fuckin’ possible? 1 in 12 men in California are autistic?” (02:14, Jay)
“There are a lot more doofballs in the world than I thought before... They all have podcasts.” (03:40, Kim / Jay)
[05:46 – 06:48]
“People now are having full-fledged relationships with AI... It’s all over TLC.” (05:46, Kim)
“If anyone ever got a hold of my ChatGPT questions, I’d be mortified.” (07:04, Kim)
[13:03 – 42:10]
“All their songs, they just keep saying ‘where the baddies at?’... They just have four lines of rap and they all just take them and word them differently.” (33:08, Jay)
“I’m a really good fighter and I would love to go on a reality show and just beat the shit out of people and be allowed to. That would be so fun.” (13:41, Kim)
“She walked in and somebody tried to beat her up. And she goes, ‘No, no names’... It was really shut her down.” (37:53, Kim)
[19:15 – 20:24; 41:02 – 41:58]
“Does your father know you dance like that? That’s it. That’s the whole song. But he is so stoked to be a part of it...” (19:15, Jay)
[41:27 – 42:22]
“You don’t want to be like this… You know this is dumb, right?” (41:56, Jay)
On Autism Stats:
“Me too. I’ll always take that—Or a documentary. Hey, we might as well be living off the fucking Bible.” — Jay [03:32]
On AI Relationships:
“These fucking nerdy people… There’s one guy who’s a gay guy having a relationship with his AI, and he actually introduced his mom to his AI boyfriend...” — Kim [06:04]
On Reality TV Raps:
“You shake that ass and wag your tits and wag your tits and shake your... Then the next girl comes out… ‘Slap on my ass and suck up on my titty!’” — Jay [14:32]
On Stupid Deaths:
“90% of people, as they’re going down, just be like, ‘Oh, I guess I could have done a payment plan.’” — Jay [27:52]
On Parenting & Pop Culture:
“You don’t want to be like this… You know this is dumb, right?” — Jay [41:56]
| Time | Segment | Highlights | |-------------|-----------------------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:10–03:00 | “Hero Talk” | Heroic tales, comic exaggeration, and life-or-death decision making | | 02:01–05:28 | Autism and Modern Social Quirks | Prevalence stats, generational differences, and social awkwardness | | 05:46–06:48 | AI Relationships/ChatGPT | Cultural weirdness of digital relationships, ChatGPT confessions | | 13:03–18:24 | Reality TV Auditions/Raps | Bad Girls Club/Baddies, Kim’s fake audition, impromptu rapping | | 25:29–27:56 | Heroism and Comedy | Morality, performing heroics vs. self-preservation | | 27:56–31:35 | Near-Death Stories & Survival | Jumping stories, plane incidents, dark observational humor | | 32:46–37:59 | Baddies Cast Deep Dive | Dissecting characters, notorious moments, celebrity crossover | | 41:27–42:22 | Parenting & Trash TV | Jay on fatherhood, teaching daughter about dumb reality TV |
This episode of The Bonfire delivers the unfiltered punch fans expect—moving fluidly from raunchy comedy and cutting ridicule of society’s quirks, to hilarious critiques on everything from AI and heroism, to parenting in the TikTok era. Kim Congdon shines as a guest with perfect comedic timing, and the chemistry between the hosts turns even the most absurd tangent into comedy gold.
To experience the wild ride of The Bonfire: tune in live, but if you miss it, this episode encapsulates exactly why real, raw comic conversations can’t be manufactured—just lived with friends and mic in hand.