No Sense Of Justice

Summary

Podcast Summary: "No Sense Of Justice" – The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly

Episode Overview In the "No Sense Of Justice" episode of The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly, released on December 25, 2024, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into the chaotic and often frustrating experiences of navigating New York City's bustling streets. The episode is a candid exploration of everyday confrontations, personal anecdotes from the road, and humorous takes on urban living. Alongside their friends Christine and Black Lou, the duo engages in lively discussions, offering listeners a blend of comedy, storytelling, and relatable insights.

Key Topics Discussed

1. Urban Traffic and Road Rage

   • Navigating Traffic: The hosts share their struggles with New York City's infamous traffic congestion, highlighting personal anecdotes of being stuck and the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies running late.
   • Emotional Responses: They draw parallels between the feelings experienced during traffic jams and the stages of grief, emphasizing the importance of acceptance and finding ways to cope with inevitable delays.

2. Aggressive Behavior and Street Justice

   • Confrontations with Aggressive Individuals: Big Jay recounts incidents where aggressive drivers or pedestrians provoke confrontations, discussing the fine line between asserting oneself and escalating conflicts.
   • Physical Altercations: The conversation touches on past experiences with physical fights, exploring the motivations behind such actions and the consequences that follow.

3. Cultural and Social Observations

   • Use of Offensive Language: The hosts debate the appropriateness of using certain offensive terms in casual settings, reflecting on cultural sensitivities and personal boundaries.
   • Public Decorum: Discussions revolve around the etiquette of sharing public spaces, such as the proper use of umbrellas in crowded areas and respecting personal space.

4. Personal Relationships and Conflicts

   • Interactions with Friends and Family: The episode highlights interactions with friends like Christine and Black Lou, showcasing humorous disagreements and differing viewpoints on handling conflicts.
   • Support Systems: Emphasis is placed on the importance of having a support system to navigate stressful situations, whether it's dealing with aggressive individuals or maintaining personal well-being.

Notable Quotes and Insights

• On Traffic and Emotions:

  • Big Jay Oakerson at [06:15]: "Running late takes you through most of the feelings of the grief process. It really does... there’s no reroute now."

• On Aggressive Language Use:

  • Robert Kelly at [04:10]: "I don't see why not. Say it to yourself a little bit. I mean, it's so... he uses it perfectly."

• On Handling Confrontations:

  • Big Jay Oakerson at [10:24]: "I'm mush in the face."
  • Robert Kelly at [11:13]: "You were gonna get knocked out, but he wasn't ready."

• On Personal Safety and Justice:

  • Robert Kelly at [20:23]: "My shoulder will never be right again. I can’t put any pressure on it."

Stories and Anecdotes

1. Confrontation in Times Square:

   • Christine shares a harrowing experience where she was shoved and screamed at by a passerby while managing her umbrella and lighting a cigarette. This incident raises questions about personal responsibility and the escalation of minor confrontations.

2. Driving Challenges:

   • Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly recount multiple instances of dealing with aggressive drivers, including a notable story where Big Jay physically confronts individuals who vandalize his car. These stories emphasize the unpredictability of street interactions and the importance of self-defense.

3. Disagreements with Friends:

   • The interaction between the hosts and their friend Black Lou highlights playful yet intense debates about handling conflicts. Black Lou narrates a past altercation involving spatulas, showcasing the comedic side of their confrontations.

Insights and Takeaways

• Navigating Urban Life Requires Patience and Resilience: The hosts illustrate that living in a city as hectic as New York demands a high level of patience and the ability to manage stress effectively.

• Importance of Setting Boundaries: Whether it's dealing with aggressive individuals or managing personal relationships, establishing clear boundaries is crucial for maintaining one's peace of mind.

• Humor as a Coping Mechanism: Throughout the episode, humor serves as a tool for the hosts to navigate and alleviate the frustrations of daily urban challenges.

• Self-Reflection on Aggression: The conversations encourage listeners to reflect on their responses to provocations and consider more constructive ways to handle conflicts.

Conclusion In "No Sense Of Justice," The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly offers a raw and humorous take on the everyday struggles of urban living. Through a series of personal stories and spirited discussions, the hosts provide listeners with both laughter and relatable insights into managing stress, confrontations, and the relentless pace of city life. The episode underscores the value of resilience, humor, and clear boundaries in maintaining one's sanity amidst the chaos of the streets.

Transcript

[Big J Okerson]

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[Big J Okerson]

Ooh. Are you ready to have your own high five moment? Well, visit high five casino.com that's high the number five casino.com no purchase necessary board were prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly Black. Lou, I need you for a second. This is smooth. R and B. Unaggressive, sultry. Yes. When you sing along with the song, which I like to do in the car, crank it. Hitting falsetto. Is it okay if in those moments not on facetime, not putting this out to the world. Can I say the N word with the way he says it? It's so great. I mean, he nails it perfectly. Are the windows rolled up? No, but no one can. I'm not. Full volume. I'm not going full volume. Yeah, I don't see why not. Say it to yourself a little bit. I mean, it's so. It's such a he way he uses perfect. Oh, turn it up, Lou. You know I'm talking about Lou. You know the song? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Stay low. You can't say this. N words creeping. That's no fun. It sounds more racist because you're saying N words. Creeping. Sounds like you're saying like you're calling them that. This is more of a familiar saying. Dudes. Dudes are creeping around you. Stay low. Damn, I wish I was black. So many reasons. I want to jump higher. I want to look cool when I play basketball. Free use of the N word but in the cool ways. I don't have any need for the aggressive ways. Aggressive finger pointing inwards means not that. That's sure. Walk away from that for the rest of our life, but come on, stay loo. I'm glad Bobby wasn't here to hear that. Let's let make him sing along with It. And then you should get mad at him. Lou. Excuse me. Whoa, buddy. Okay, we're friends, but I mean, wow, that was Liberty. Bobby's stuck in traffic. It's raining. It's shitty in New York. He's in a tizzy. Tonight's the big Reg show at the Gramercy to capacity. I'm assuming he's probably panicking about the show he's got to put on. Lewis is probably up his ass. Dan, probably. Well, I don't know. If history shows us anything, Dan's probably already quit that show, so we'll find out, I guess. Tonight the regs happening. If you haven't got tickets yet, you're in the New York area and there are some tickets available, I believe. Actually, if there are, go check it out, buddy. The Regs tonight happening live at the Gramercy Theatre. If you can't get tickets to that, everybody just know. Right around the corner. The 17th of December. Correct? 17th of December, yeah. 17th December. We'll be performing. It's already sold out. But you already have your tickets, so get hyped. We got some fun shit coming. Lou just said we can all say the N word in this particular song. If we do it as a crew, they can't stop all of us. There's bound to be some black people in there. Yeah. No, I wouldn't pull this. I wouldn't do this like a crowded bar. I wouldn't do it. But in the car alone. It's such a. It's a good one. It's a particular good one. I did say it's something I found interesting. Black Lou, you'll find this interesting. I think we went to go see Raekwon, Ghostface and Giza. Raekwon particularly. And I don't know if it's something personal with him or whatever, but talk about the idea of knowing your audience and not putting them in a position to be necessarily mad at them. You remember the Kendrick Lamar thing? Famously, we had the girl come up and then everyone was mad, and he was almost like, whoa, baby. When he heard the crowd get shitty, he was kind of like, shitty about it. It's like, well, you set her up for that failure. Yes. Which is fucked up, you know? I mean, this is trying to think of the point I'm making here. It was, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Raekwon, which says ninja on stage. Every time the N word is said in his lyrics, and he's looking at that crowd, he's seeing a predominantly white crowd, Right? Not what they planned for, necessarily, but that's what? It ended up with a very white audience. And that white audience, he says. He says it so distinctly as ninja. Just be like, sing, but say this, don't say that. He doesn't want to look out and see a bunch of people doing the thing, you know, I mean, like, just yelling it out, which in its own way is like, kind of like it's dumb and corn. But also, if that's your thing, it's a smart way to do it. You put it in everyone else's head. No, we're not saying that. It doesn't matter, because then Ghostface comes right in and just lays it out heavy. Is he the only one that does it?

[Robert Kelly]

Wow, you replaced me quick.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Jizza. Jizza was. Oh, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you.

[Big J Okerson]

Hi. How are you, buddy?

[Robert Kelly]

Jumped right in. Hi, buddy. How you doing? Sorry I'm late.

[Big J Okerson]

It's okay. The traffic's nuts, dude. It took me 35 minutes to get up 6th Avenue from 29th street to 49th Street.

[Robert Kelly]

Shouldn't have walked.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh? Nothing. I did end up walking.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, sorry.

[Big J Okerson]

But I took about. Think about 10 blocks. 10 of the 20. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, sawmill. Sawmill was nuts. I mean, just. Yeah, just. And there's. Here's the thing. You want powerlessness, sawmill traffic. There's nowhere to go. There's no exit.

[Big J Okerson]

You just do lanes. Right?

[Robert Kelly]

You have to go through all the emotions. What the fucking what? All right. Gee, it's like somebody who died.

[Big J Okerson]

I tell you what, though, running late, though, that does take you through most of the feelings of, they say, the grief process. It really does, because it does. I don't know if we go through all of them, but it does end in full acceptance and it's liberating when you go. I can't do anything about it now. Like, there's no. Yeah, let me reroute. Let me try to take a back road. Like, I'm in it, we're eating, and I'm going to be late. And just let the world know.

[Robert Kelly]

That's it. And then, you know, once you get the. Don't worry about it from Christine, the old thumbs up on the text.

[Big J Okerson]

Be smooth sailing.

[Robert Kelly]

And then you put on a little Ario speed wagon. Heard it from a friend.

[Big J Okerson]

Take it on the run.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, that's a good one, too. I knew. I knew you're going to have another one.

[Big J Okerson]

Isn't that it? Isn't that same song?

[Robert Kelly]

No. What's the. Heard it from a friend who.

[Big J Okerson]

Heard it from a friend.

[Robert Kelly]

Heard it from another. You are messing around.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. Take it on the Run, baby.

[Robert Kelly]

I love those guys. Were they gay? Were they gay?

[Big J Okerson]

No, there's music. Four gays.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, thanks.

[Big J Okerson]

They.

[Robert Kelly]

Thanks.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah. A lot of wings. A lot of wings in their logos.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm gonna. I mean, dude, people gotta. I'm so. Umbrella etiquette.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, we don't even get me started on that.

[Robert Kelly]

We gotta, we gotta set. I mean, you can't cross the street when the light. You can't park here. We have rules. There's rules. We don't have to become a communist country. We don't have to be socialists. We can still be who we are, as have freedom. We have to have in the city. Umbrella etiquette. There needs to be umbrella etiquette. You cannot walk down the street on your phone. If you're five foot two with an umbrella for seven people, your umbrella needles are right at eye level and you gotta, you gotta just pop it up, pop it up. If you're an umbrella in New York City, pop it up, pop it up. That's it. Just a pop up. And you don't have to go all the way up. If it's me, you can go up just a little bit Halfway.

[Big J Okerson]

It's the YouTube world we're in. It's the self importance of people, buddy. I. Now, again, this is another thing. Fat guy syndrome. Fat. My whole life, always worried about the space I'm taking up. I have the same exact fucking thing with umbrellas. When I have an umbrella, dude, I'm all day long, up, down, side, side, navigating to people that are. That are walking by and coming my direction, completely aware of it at all times. What are you making faces at? The fuck are you making faces?

[Robert Kelly]

Can I just say something? I'm glad you said something.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Because as soon as I brought up the umbrella etiquette, her energy, whatever thing, it came over to me and I was like, maybe it's me.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine is the slowest, most non polite walker maybe in New York City. She moves at a snail's pace.

[Robert Kelly]

She's like a Swede. She just walks straight.

[Big J Okerson]

It's wild.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

How slow Christine walks. I am. I've been in my time with Christine from morbidly obese to just regular old fat. And every time she is, I mean, 18 steps behind me where it looks bad, like I pimp her and she's only allowed to look at the back of my shoes. I leave Donna. I go a bitch. A bitch should only look at the back of my shoe. If you see the back of my neck, you looking up too high. Keep Them eyes down.

[Black Lou]

What.

[Robert Kelly]

What was wrong with what happened?

[Christine]

I. You made me think about. I had a weird thing with a guy on the street in Times Square. I was like, holding my umbrella down, lighting a cigarette, and this guy just, like, freaked out, shoved me, screamed at me, kept walking. And it was like a big guy where I was like. I was.

[Robert Kelly]

I.

[Christine]

But I was in the wrong. But his reaction to it was too much, actually. Scary.

[Big J Okerson]

Shove a fucking girl.

[Robert Kelly]

You stopped.

[Christine]

I. I get it. I was balancing my umbrella on my shoulder to light a cigarette.

[Big J Okerson]

Girls gotta take us a solid swing before you can throw a good shove. A shove will end most fights with most girls.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, if she's coming at you a good. A good one to the chest, let them know. It's like, you know, listen, there's not glass around to put all their faces on the glass. I wish. Yeah. I should carry around a small Pexi glass, mush em up against it. If you'll excuse me for one second. If you don't mind pulling this. There you go. Now you're gonna learn a nice mush.

[Robert Kelly]

A nice mush in the face.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm mush in the face.

[Robert Kelly]

Just like a basketball. As soon as they come at you, you just grab, palm their face and push back.

[Big J Okerson]

I've definitely done the. I've definitely done the catch the wild trying to hit you. And a little extra pressure on that wrist with your fingers.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the goon hand.

[Big J Okerson]

Is that what it is?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, the goon hand is when you grab the elbow.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the patrice. Yeah, the elbow.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. When you're in the mall and they. You can't fight because there's people around. So you just grab the little elbow and go, hey, can I talk to you for a second? And you pinch and you push up and you walk them to where you need them to go.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about. I'm talking. That's great. The goon hand is great. This is something different, though. This is the caught slap. And definitely let them know from hand to arm contact. You're letting them know. It's like, I could snap this in half right now. So don't take swings at me, you lunatic.

[Robert Kelly]

So he. He. You. You were. You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

[Big J Okerson]

And how she fucked up. I think she did top of the stairs, too, which is.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you did top of the stairs?

[Christine]

Yeah, it was in Times Square. Cause I was going to 1515 Broadway. It was in the last.

[Big J Okerson]

Doesn't matter if she's wrong. You don't shove a fucking chick. Like, if he even went, like, move your dumb cunt, I would be like, you were being a bit of a dumb cunt there. Right? Like, I can't argue with that. Shoving is like a thing where. Whether she's wrong or right. Let me just be a problem.

[Robert Kelly]

Let me just back up a little bit. You're right. A legitimate shove is bad. But what about a aggressive graze?

[Big J Okerson]

I don't even think an aggressive grace you can make. Do you know how easy it is to ruin a woman's day with words? It's so easy.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, we know. You know?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

How about this? An aggressive graze with a passive aggressive. I'm sorry. Aggressive graze. Boom. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you sitting. Standing at the top of the stairs in the middle.

[Big J Okerson]

I still have, like, you got something to say, say it. I don't know. Maybe not maybe that's fine. Maybe I don't know. A gray. See, here's the thing. The contact with the girl thing is always going to be like, you're asking for problems.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I'm kidding, of course. I mean, I didn't know you meant to. I didn't know you're gonna go dead serious. It's like me saying some. A racist joke and you not laughing. Now I'm just a racist?

[Big J Okerson]

No, no. I think they're people, Bobby. So I don't know what you're talking about.

[Christine]

This guy was, like, at a 10 and super excited to, like. I mean, you know, I would never want to, like, when I've seen Lewis, like, in a mood. I would never want to be, like, the stranger that gets in his way.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think Lewis is gonna push a chick.

[Christine]

No, no.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, guys, listen.

[Big J Okerson]

Only Bobby pushes women.

[Robert Kelly]

That's not true.

[Big J Okerson]

Light grazes. I've never hit a woman and then remarks.

[Robert Kelly]

I've never hit a woman in my life. Except once. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

[Big J Okerson]

And she's. And she hasn't acted up since. Thank you, Dawn.

[Robert Kelly]

No, that's right. Now she makes me my early on. No, I hit it with the chicken once.

[Big J Okerson]

That was a funny old. That was Keith early joke when I first started, like, when I first met him. I better let a girl know how it is right out of the gates. It's like on a first date, I just go, what's up, baby girl? That's how it's gonna be.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but the reason why that joke was so funny is the smack was so gentle.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, like that's such a key thing. Yeah, that's how it's gonna be, baby girl.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. This, this umbrella thing, dude, I had my tube with me. My Yankee swap gift, which is gonna kill people.

[Big J Okerson]

Live in such egotistical. It's like there's little bubbles where they're like, this isn't even bothering anybody else.

[Robert Kelly]

I had it in front of me walking and I was just. People's umbrellas would have hit my eye. I had it like in front of my face. It would have took my eye out. And they look at me like I'm an asshole.

[Big J Okerson]

This city's also. I'm surprised by how many people you're. Again, this is right now where I'm walking. I either walk, I walk from 43rd to 49th up here on 6th Avenue. Right. 6th Avenue is chaos. It's with people and now people with umbrellas. You'd still be surprised, people knowing that they're in like, you know, it looks like fucking Tokyo. Like rush hour. You know, I mean like, everyone's like shoulder to shoulder or how many people with their square. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, you could, you could just use the city that.

[Big J Okerson]

It's very possible.

[Robert Kelly]

It's very popular.

[Big J Okerson]

But here's what's crazy. When you're in a train of people walking like that, everyone's moving. To not have the idea that you have to step out of that completely. If you're going to take some sort of siesta or look at something.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

How many times. Just the four people in the front or just in the middle of that pile of people just stop and go like, oh, is that Fox News? Like, step into it. How about the people step out of the fucking. The lane.

[Robert Kelly]

There's the, the couples, the. The good looking middle aged couples that just stop and have a conversation of where to go in the sidewalk. Like the middle of the sidewalk.

[Big J Okerson]

You see me, tourists are here doing. I was going to say, how about the middle of the sidewalk? How about. Have you seen the people getting honked at and being bitchy because they're trying to take a middle of the street during a red light.

[Robert Kelly]

It should be legal to hit them.

[Big J Okerson]

Picture. It's. It should be legal.

[Robert Kelly]

Just.

[Big J Okerson]

And then people honk and they go like, oh, fucking relax. Yeah, relax. And you're like, relax. There's 7 million cars behind me waiting to go.

[Christine]

I mean, we are at like ground. It's the Rockefeller.

[Robert Kelly]

Ground zero.

[Christine]

Not ground zero. The Rockefeller Christmas tree is across the street from work. So it's like this neighborhood.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this would Be ground. If I could draw the next X marks the spot, it would. This would be ground zero.

[Robert Kelly]

Three the trees.

[Big J Okerson]

Ground zero.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's so. I felt so bad, too. As I'm picking it up, some old lady, some tourist lady, 60 something, was just. You know, the delivery bikes, how they're in. They're always stacked up in front of the deli or something. She must have hit one and tripped. And she was just jammed in between bikes, in between the scaffolding and the bikes.

[Big J Okerson]

Love it.

[Robert Kelly]

Just her foot shaking on the ground and people just.

[Big J Okerson]

Like a mouse stuck in a trap.

[Robert Kelly]

And she blocked all the trap. Yeah, exactly, dude. People were just going, what's wrong with her? Like, nobody was helping her. She was just shaking and stuck in between the scaffolding and some dude's electric bike. And there was just. The Spanish guys were just, like, trying to figure out what to do with this old lady.

[Big J Okerson]

The amount. I mean, the. The amount of time that I'm walking, shoulders squared, straight down a street in New York ever is slim to none, because I feel like I'm doing all the deing and dodging and everyone else is just walking straight and assuming life goes around them.

[Robert Kelly]

And it's. It's the. The girls who are under five. Five with umbrellas.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's get rid of them.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, get rid of them all.

[Big J Okerson]

Little fucking pygmy cunt.

[Robert Kelly]

And they're on their phone. They're on their fucking phone. You're on your phone and you're this high.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, I remember when I told you that the girl who was sauntering in front of our car while we had a green light in her phone, and when I honked, said, oh, go fuck yourself. And then Christine didn't even get out and fight her.

[Robert Kelly]

What the.

[Big J Okerson]

It was crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

You didn't get out and say something.

[Big J Okerson]

I said something. Expecting that I go, and now Christine's gonna come out and lay the beats on this.

[Robert Kelly]

That's why.

[Big J Okerson]

And she did, Jack. And I'll tell you what, that was the first time, though, where I feel like Christine, in her mind was like, maybe I should have gotten out of the car. It was the only time I feel, like, a little bit of guilt. We were in, like, the. Going by the stand, and there was a girl. There was. She was on the phone. Yeah, like, on her phone. And I just honked. I even gave her, like, the little, like, you know, I mean, I'm like, hey, like, heads up.

[Robert Kelly]

You got cucked.

[Big J Okerson]

I was saying shitty stuff in the car. But the toot was that of like a look alive lady.

[Robert Kelly]

Maybe we should change. And she simple.

[Big J Okerson]

Simple Christine and the boys Simple Christine and the boys. Dude. Wow.

[Robert Kelly]

You know I have to have a dog collar. I have a dog collar on dawn when we drive. Because that ever happened. She's like a pit buck. I gotta grab the collar on her neck and pull her back in the window.

[Big J Okerson]

Does she get excited when you go to make a move? Does she get like, get him, baby.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Nipples get hard, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

The one, the one on the left that's bigger than the other one. It just pops out.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine's dated a bunch of like trans guys who go to Rocky Horror Picture show and little pretty boys. Like that's the problem.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

She's never been with a guy before.

[Robert Kelly]

She's expecting you to jump out and do a dance on the roof.

[Big J Okerson]

You're not wrong about that. I jumped out of the car, knocked a guy unconscious. Early in our dating, she was like, I hate. That was awful violence. She showed no hotness in that. No anything.

[Robert Kelly]

If I did that, if I did that, Don would be on the floor of the front seat because her would have been so wet. She would have just slipped off.

[Big J Okerson]

Our friend Michelle.

[Robert Kelly]

So Bobby, our friend Michelle would have.

[Big J Okerson]

Blown me three times. Behind Christine's back for the actions I've done in front of her is how much she appreciates a man.

[Robert Kelly]

I would have got high fives from Max Don. If I not just get out of the car and knock the dude out and got back in and then drove around his stupid body. My family would be excited.

[Big J Okerson]

A guy, some 20 something year old dudes were hanging out in front of our place in East Village one night, hammered on the phone. Whatever. We had Isabella and our friend Michelle's daughter with us and they were outside on the stoop too. And I don't think those guys knew that they were. It was my daughter and her friend, basically.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And these guys just hanging out. And then at some point they just like. I mean literally like draped over them was like. It was like, yo, what are you two getting into them like, they're not getting into nothing, dude. And then he was just doing a lot of like, the dude, chill out, chill out. And I pushed all of them into the garbage, onto their backs into the garbage piles. And Christine appalled at the whole situation.

[Robert Kelly]

No.

[Big J Okerson]

My friend Michelle wanted to give me an award.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. No. Now let me ask you a question though. You get out of the car, the guy knocks you out. Does he get to keep Christine Christine and the car.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He gets to jump in and go, let's go.

[Big J Okerson]

I'll take a dive. If we'll get those two burdens off my hand, I'm gonna go in his ear and be like, no, Moss. I'm gonna no Moss him.

[Robert Kelly]

We should set that up.

[Big J Okerson]

Christina, I'd love to be with you forever, but this guy's kidnapping you. I signed the car over to you in your name.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, that is the fucking. See, when you get out of the. As soon as you get out of the car and that guy knocks you out, then all of a sudden, dawn and Max are just in the car and have to deal with this.

[Big J Okerson]

You got to think about age and your health in that regard. It's not so much to getting beat up or knocked out, because the beauty of being a comic is that is now the centerpiece for your next hour of comedy that you got beat up in front of your family. So I don't have, like. That's not the issue about, like, losing the fight. And those are very. The sphere of losing the fight is, like I said, my dumb health. It's like all of a thing now where it's like, my shoulder will never be right again. I jammed my. This finger in basketball six months ago. It's not. I can't put any pressure on it.

[Robert Kelly]

Is that why you wear the mittens?

[Big J Okerson]

That's why I wear these protective mittens.

[Robert Kelly]

Got you. Let me tell you something. My friend, Wayne Previty, comedian, He was in LA, homeless guy in front of a 7 11, fucking with him. And he came out, he's like, dude, get out of here. Whatever. Wind up kicking the shit out of this guy, literally kicking him. Broke his ankle on one of the kicks, snapped it, fell to the ground in, just writhing in pain. And he.

[Big J Okerson]

Hilarious.

[Robert Kelly]

He goes, all I felt was something crawling up my body. It was the homeless guy, crawled up his body to beat the gym some more, grabbed him by the chest, nose to nose, and just went, I got you now, motherfucker. That's terrifying to me.

[Big J Okerson]

That is terrifying. I mean, no, look, like I said, for sure, there's situation. I don't fucking chest puff in almost in many situations in life.

[Christine]

But this was the problem even with the guy that you knocked out. The problem with Jay is like, he is big and he's scary and he's strong. So when he hit this guy, I mean, he just went right down. His head bounced in my head. I'm going on the butt. I'm going, okay. So I mean, what if you Accidentally killed this guy. And now we're in this situation because you want to, you know, be a.

[Robert Kelly]

Strong man, and you get some salami and you visit him in jail with a fucking file in it. You stop bringing him some prosciutto and you cut it fine.

[Big J Okerson]

But I killed that guy for your honor. She'll be like, I don't care. Well, she wouldn't. She wouldn't attack a girl one time who slammed the front of my car with her hand. Like, slam, though. She wouldn't get out of the car, so I had to circle around the block, get out, and spit in that girl's face.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, I gotta hold dawn back.

[Big J Okerson]

You happy, Christine? I just spit in a woman's face. A vile act because you wouldn't get out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Don gets nuts. Don gets nuts.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, Sean can join me and Lewis's the League of justice Seekers. That's what we are. That's what binds me and Lewis as friends. We need. We have a need for immediate justice on situations. Unless it's me doing the same fucked up thing.

[Robert Kelly]

Don't we already have a league that.

[Big J Okerson]

We created yesterday of justice?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, the. What is it?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, the. The flames. The flames of justice.

[Robert Kelly]

Flames of justice.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, this could be a thing for the flame. Yeah, but that's the whole thing. We're talking about patrolling. We're talking about patrolling the subways, though.

[Robert Kelly]

Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

The flames of justice. Are we now branching out into the actual. Are we taking back the streets?

[Black Lou]

I think we have. Justice are a branch of the League of Justice.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay.

[Robert Kelly]

It could be a side branch. And we can have Christine do our social. Social media.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay. Yeah, let's not get her involved in any justice.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, she will know. She'll let people just criminals just go.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, hey, that girl's being raped. You guys just walk away. You don't get involved in that.

[Robert Kelly]

Here's the problem with it, because when.

[Big J Okerson]

You don't make Christine dispatch, when you decide to.

[Robert Kelly]

To deal with something.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

You never. I remember one time me and Patrice were fighting. Like, going to fight physically. And he was being such a dick to me. It was right over here, too. I think it was on this street, and we were arguing. I go, dude, I will beat the out. I will fight you right now, you piece of. It was like. To that point, it was like when we were coming here from Boston just for, like, day trips.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And he was being just a car nice.

[Big J Okerson]

Three hours of being harassed in a car.

[Robert Kelly]

And I was like, fuck it, dude. I was like, dude, I will fucking punch you right in your face right now. He goes, bobby, when you're punching me, I just want to ask quick, what do you think I'm going to be doing? I was like, I didn't think that through. You're going to be punching me too?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah. Everybody gets hurt a little bit.

[Robert Kelly]

You never.

[Big J Okerson]

When you.

[Robert Kelly]

When you're going to hit something, you never think of the. The after fact. I was at the airport laguardia before it was awesome. Laguardia back when it was shitty laguardia. And I pulled up and I Max, baby in the back seat, in his baby seat, Don in the other seat. I'm driving down and I'm safe, man. I don't. When I get there, some lady, just old lady put her head down and just ran across the street in front of my fucking car. And I had the. Right away. She wasn't in a cross, just ran across. Now, listen, old lady, I get it. Doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. Her son. As I'm driving by, son smacks my window. He went where Max was. He goes, hey, watch where you fucking going. That's my mother. And wax my window. I saw Max jolt out of fear. It just came over me. I. I pulled the car. I got out. I was like, you fucking mother. I felt bad because I'm screaming and like, Max is. I go, that my baby's right there. I will murder you right now, you cocksucker. Your mother ran across the street. Not in the fucking crowd. Why don't you watch where your mother's going, you fucking irresponsible son. And we were fighting, whatever. And then he kind of went away. And she was like, it's my fault. It's my fault. She was like an old Italian lady. I felt that it's my fault. I did. I didn't want to.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, I don't want to see you fighting with your brother.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. So this is the worst part. I didn't think it through. I'm in. This is when TSA first came out or whatever the fuck. I'm in that first class, TS whatever line that was. He's right in front of me the whole fucking time. We're just sitting there.

[Big J Okerson]

Are you mean mugging or is it over?

[Robert Kelly]

We're both breathing heavy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And then finally he was like, you know, it's my mom, man. I go, listen, man, my son, he goes, yeah, dude, you know, I'm sorry. And we just apologized to each other.

[Big J Okerson]

Here's the problem I have here. The son. Your son is one of the things here's to it. Maybe you weren't at this point in your life yet. The times I've got out for spec. Specifically for people hitting my car.

[Robert Kelly]

Good recovery.

[Big J Okerson]

Thank you.

[Robert Kelly]

You're welcome.

[Big J Okerson]

Specifically for people with my car was when my car was a crushing expense in my life. So I'm like, how dare you just smack this thing? It's like, I need. This cost me so much money, but I need it to go to gigs and on the road and blah, blah, you know, I mean, like. So I took a personal in that regard. When they hit the car, jawing a bunch of shit that a lot of times I'm gonna walk.

[Robert Kelly]

When I saw. I saw max jolt, he went like. He went like. That's the first time I saw my kid get scared from some human. Just went like this. Because this guy whacked the window, hit it hard. I think he had some weird ring on too. And it just cling. And. And when I saw somebody that was an attack on my son, all my childhood came out. But little buck Billy, man, you know my.

[Big J Okerson]

Well, that'll make you understand Louis a little bit better. That's what it is. You have to understand.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

We said, no, it will make it.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't.

[Big J Okerson]

Because everything that happens to him, if you go, he goes, they forgot to send a straw with the. With the order. And it's like, okay, well, James needs a straw. So this place doesn't want to send a straw because they don't want my baby. They want my baby to starve. And then it's. He calls with that fury over straw.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the problem, dude. I was there when we went. We went indoor sky skydiving. I know. What the Is that thing? The sky high fly. We went there, dude, and they did just ignore. When they ignored us and they were lying to us, I saw the progression of Lewis. But I tell you this. He is the guy you want when you want. When you do want to get like a.

[Big J Okerson]

If it's going to get to that point where people are going chest to chest, you do what you do want Lewis.

[Robert Kelly]

You want Lewis there. Because I literally became the mom. And I was like, boys, come over here. Let daddy. Let daddy handle this.

[Big J Okerson]

They're super masculine fathers just working things out. Maximus, stand down.

[Robert Kelly]

And he came over to me and he was yelling. I'm like, it's okay. It's all right.

[Big J Okerson]

Okay, baby, you're okay. These people don't understand how tough you are.

[Robert Kelly]

I had to turn his hand over and rub it like the Hulk, I was like.

[Big J Okerson]

And you gotta go. Everybody goes, you're lucky I'm here to stop him. He would have killed every one of you by himself. He doesn't give a. Yeah, what's his.

[Christine]

Posted this other day. It says how I act when I'm slightly inconvenienced. And it's just a panther freaking out.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Wish that. Hope that panther falls off the cliff. But here's the thing with freaking out and I'm learning it with Max. You anger works five or six times and then people are like, whatever, dude.

[Big J Okerson]

Right? Yeah. With full punches.

[Robert Kelly]

This is what. No, but this is what you do. Unless you're gonna start punching people. Unless you're gonna really start being that guy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

You know what I mean? Like, Max, I raised my voice from this weekend and he was just staring at me and I was like, oh, this isn't working anymore. I have to go. And I can't. Raising my voice isn't working. You can scream at people. Yeah, dude. I look at.

[Big J Okerson]

I was below the belt, beating.

[Robert Kelly]

I was a screamer before Lewis was a screamer. I mean, there was a time in my life when I had Max and I. The fucking show went under and you know that money crunch. When that money crunch comes on you and you know, you're like, I was. I turned into a screamer because anxiety, all this shit happens.

[Big J Okerson]

Looking for something.

[Robert Kelly]

And yes. I mean, you know Norton one time. He's the worst to scream at because Norton doesn't care. Like, Norton, he'll. He'll talk to you.

[Big J Okerson]

Like, one of the greatest moments was Jesse Ventura Norton.

[Robert Kelly]

He's going to talk to you. Like he's. He'll be. He talked to Jesse. Like, he'll fight him. Like, he'll. Norton will take the beat.

[Big J Okerson]

I love. He goes. He goes, great. You can kick my ass. Who cares? With your riff raff hair. You call him his riff raff hair is my favorite thing ever.

[Robert Kelly]

That's the funniest.

[Big J Okerson]

He's just sitting there and all just even do stand there with riff raff hair going like, thank you for your service.

[Robert Kelly]

That was a great Jesse.

[Big J Okerson]

He's like, great. You served in there and I didn't. So what?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he is.

[Big J Okerson]

He.

[Robert Kelly]

He's the one who actually shook me out of my anger phase where he was like, I don't give a fuck. I will yell at you back.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know. But the biggest, like one of my biggest pet peeves is like the stupid. Exactly. It's like while someone's driving off you, like Back kick their door. And like, look at somebody. Like, yeah, just did a dick thing for no reason whatsoever. That person needs to be hit in the side of the head with something.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. But you got to do it.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Like the people that yell that don't do it, it's like, right, right, right.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, no, I'm not big for. That's why I think twice before I get into the jawing. Because I'm in my mind, if we're jawing, we're there, it's happening.

[Robert Kelly]

Right.

[Big J Okerson]

And I'm just simply saying the things to get you to fight. When I had that with Isabelle, when a guy almost ran, I had Dave Smith in the car and Isabella when she was real little in the car. And like these dudes like almost ran us off the road. Like it was a dick move they were trying to get. Like I was pulling out. Yeah. Like waiting safely for a time to pull out onto a street from a parking lot. And these guys went around me and like cut me off while I was pulling, you know, I mean, it was like I had to stop short. Everyone was scared. So I got to a red light as these two big black dudes. Dave used to tell this in his. Set this story in a sec. Because Dave really had to be like the mommy was. Same thing. I pulled up next to these guys, finally rolled Dave's window down. Cause he's next to him and I'm just screaming at these two monstrous black dudes in the car.

[Robert Kelly]

Over Dave's really thin head.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, Over Dave and Isabelle's in the backseat of the car. Oh, it was such a bad thing. But like, yeah, those guys weren't getting out of the car.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, yeah, that's the thing. It's like you, he. You gotta be ready to do it. And next time when you punch somebody, can I just give you a tip? You grab the shirt, hit them, and then lay them down slowly.

[Big J Okerson]

I didn't know he was going to be unconscious. That surprised me as well.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, when you hit somebody with your fucking big bear paws, they're pretty much going out.

[Big J Okerson]

This guy had a real glass jaw though, if I'm being honest. I mean, it was. It surprised me.

[Christine]

I mean, they were like flabby guys and like, they were like going out on a Friday night but wearing she's.

[Big J Okerson]

Changed the stool when Christine's. Now they're flabby guys.

[Robert Kelly]

This is insane. Jay did concede a little bit that.

[Christine]

He had a glass jar button up shirts to like go out.

[Robert Kelly]

You fucking hit an old Jewish guy.

[Big J Okerson]

She has no recollection of this at all, whatsoever. It was two dudes and two girls when the night it happened and my heart stopped pumping. Finally. Yeah, this is why Christine doesn't deserve love. When my heart was pumping, my heart was pumping, you know, from what just happened.

[Robert Kelly]

She doesn't deserve love from anything.

[Big J Okerson]

I'd say, no, she can't give it. She doesn't deserve it. She.

[Robert Kelly]

Not even like a dog.

[Big J Okerson]

A dog. But that dog's gonna get. It's. The dog's gonna get too much. Like too much of the love and it's gonna be. Yeah, she'll be a sad old lady.

[Robert Kelly]

So why did you hit an old Jewish doctor?

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah. Well, this guy was already in a wheelchair. He had no arms to block.

[Robert Kelly]

You have a trench coat on and a mock turtleneck.

[Big J Okerson]

It was two twenty something or early thirties dudes that were out with two chicks. They were all drunk.

[Robert Kelly]

Was that the age? Christine?

[Big J Okerson]

It was flabby or flow, by the way, wasn't the point.

[Christine]

We're in shape.

[Big J Okerson]

When my heart was. How the. Do you remember? Do you know that I remember that it was two dudes? Let me tell you something. I got out of the car with two dudes.

[Robert Kelly]

That's why she didn't get turned on. Because you beat up some fat dude?

[Big J Okerson]

Christine? No. Well, here's what she said. This is what I'm saying. By the way, the story in her.

[Robert Kelly]

Mind, maybe it was a challenge. She'd get wet. You.

[Big J Okerson]

The story in her. The story in her mind's changed a thousand times because now they're wearing button down shirts and they're flabby guys. Not flabby at all. The guy would actually describe more as thin than any kind of flabby. But no, I was bigger than both of them, like individually for sure. But I didn't pick who smashed my car, you know, who punched the window of my car. So I got out of the car and they were being put and I ended up fucking. I mushed the guy's face until he would take a swing. And then he took an awful swing and I hit him once and it was over. The other friend was standing there just kind of shocked. I was a little shocked. So I went back and I was, you know.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you look at your fist?

[Big J Okerson]

I cursed. Shit.

[Robert Kelly]

I can't. Like, you just had the power I wield.

[Big J Okerson]

No, but what happened was when I got in the car with Christine, we got back in the car and drove to start looking for parking again. When we got like, you know, a Couple blocks. Circled like my heart rate went down stuff. And I looked over her to be funny, and I did that. I went. I kissed my bicep.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And I was like, how about that? And her response was. She goes, oh, wow, you knocked out a gay guy. Congratulations.

[Robert Kelly]

He's gay.

[Big J Okerson]

She's already called this guy gay. Now he's flabby and fat. She has no right. She just wants to, like, why would you hit him? Smash the story down? Because she has no story of heroics. Christina's lived a life of standing by the sidelines, letting the little people get hurt and doing nothing about it.

[Robert Kelly]

What the fuck was that?

[Big J Okerson]

She has no sense of justice. She doesn't believe in justice.

[Christine]

Street, just justice.

[Big J Okerson]

Huh?

[Christine]

No sense.

[Big J Okerson]

You have no sense of street smarts. You grew up in a wealthy neighborhood of beach queefs. And that's why you'll always be a dumb beach queef that's lived in New.

[Christine]

York City for 16 years.

[Robert Kelly]

All right.

[Big J Okerson]

You're a beach queer.

[Robert Kelly]

Exactly. What's a beach queefy?

[Big J Okerson]

Always a beach queen. You can't handle it here.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. You can't get beach queef out of here.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, give me your wallet. And you're like, that's not tubular, bra. Take your bullshit back to California. You can't live in Jersey. Not with this lack of street smarts. Jersey walked over, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Those. Those drones. Guess where they're from?

[Big J Okerson]

Baghdad.

[Robert Kelly]

Iran.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, because the mothership.

[Robert Kelly]

No, there was a sh. You're not even keeping up.

[Big J Okerson]

There's a mothership.

[Robert Kelly]

You're not even keeping up.

[Big J Okerson]

That's not a mothership anymore.

[Robert Kelly]

It was a ship off the coast, An Iranian ship off the coast that released all those drones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. The FBI is involved. Like, it's fucking Lou Bennington says it's military. US.

[Black Lou]

Our guy was right.

[Big J Okerson]

What?

[Black Lou]

Our guy was right. Our contact.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, that we're planning. That we're planning for the alien invasion.

[Robert Kelly]

Nobody. This is like war.

[Black Lou]

World domination.

[Robert Kelly]

This is like crazy war that's going on.

[Big J Okerson]

Look, we have a thing when we talk about this, because I feel like this isn't going away for a while. Oh, the mothership's there. This isn't going to go away for a while. Can we. Can you. Over the weekend, make a bombs over Baghdad. That's just me going. And here you go. Ready? Drones over Jersey. Now you have it. So we can just hit a button where it goes. Don't pull your thing out unless you pull your thing out. Drones over Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just Saying you, you're going to Jersey and this shit's going down. I just want you to be prepared. You're not prepared.

[Big J Okerson]

Thinking, I got my new hoodie, Jersey versus Iran. I'll take Jersey all day, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

First of all, that's a great hoodie we got.

[Big J Okerson]

We got Ronnie from the Jersey. We had so much good shit down there.

[Robert Kelly]

Go back to that. Go back. What was that?

[Black Lou]

Pentagon shoots down claim.

[Robert Kelly]

Right. Right here. Look at this. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

They don't want you to know it's not Iran.

[Robert Kelly]

Jacob, one cowboy to another, shut your face.

[Big J Okerson]

Bobby, the article you asked to pull up says shoots down claims of mothership. Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

They also shut down claims that, you know, Biden was not. Not going to run for president. They also shock. I mean, they lie all the time.

[Black Lou]

So.

[Christine]

So does Iran.

[Robert Kelly]

So what I'm saying here is that I didn't read the full article and I read the headlines and I have dyslexia.

[Big J Okerson]

No, Bobby, you did.

[Robert Kelly]

I read it backwards. And if I read it with my. With my problems, and I do have problems, and I read the Pentagon shoots down drone from Iran, you think they shut it down? Yes. So it's my. I apologize that I have a disorder and I apologize. That's all I'm saying.

[Big J Okerson]

You just come in so passionate before you let the passion build. Bobby, I have somebody next to you proofreading.

[Robert Kelly]

I love America, Jay, and I want you and everybody to be protected if they're sending Jones.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, don't worry, dude. Here you go. Here's a fly by night website that says that it was.

[Robert Kelly]

That's what.

[Big J Okerson]

There you go.

[Robert Kelly]

There you go, dude. That's a legitimate magazine. What is it?

[Christine]

Oh, New York Post.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Christine]

It says, mystery New Jersey drones are coming from Iranian mothership offshore. Congressman suggests. So some guy just was like, maybe they're Iranian.

[Robert Kelly]

You mean a voted in Congressman of the people.

[Christine]

I mean, that crazy lady with the blonde hair is voted in, so we can't.

[Robert Kelly]

Wow. Which one's that?

[Christine]

What's her name?

[Robert Kelly]

Exactly.

[Christine]

Yes. Marjorie Taylor Greene. I mean, voted in.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Voted in by Americans. She is a fucking lady.

[Christine]

A lady.

[Robert Kelly]

Alex Jones. Did you see the other. The other. I think it was a congressman or senator she was doing. They got this girl doing all kinds of sexual. She was taking shots and putting it into a girl's mouth. And the girl would put it in the other guy's mouth. Yeah, there's a hot video, which. Is that what it's called?

[Big J Okerson]

I mean, no, not jizzing. When you suck jizz, you suck jizz. Out of somebody and spit it to somebody else.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't know if I was dirtier. I'm pretty sure it was alcohol.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys never felt in college?

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, I felt last.

[Big J Okerson]

You guys didn't do any felt.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, as soon as you left ever Thanksgiving, we felt I was on.

[Big J Okerson]

My high school's felching team.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Well, anyways, there you go.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm going to tell you the real deal. Iran launched a mothership that contains these drones. Van Drew said. Who's Van Drew? Republican. Jeff Van Drew, a Republican. A Representative Jeff Andrew, Republican, said the drones very possibly could be from Iran, citing confidential sources during an appearance. I'm gonna tell you the real deal. Iran's launched a mother. So he says they very possibly could be. Now he's saying it. Is that in the same two sentences? Bobby?

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

You gotta stop, dude. These are just drones, bro. Buddy, point dang out. Unless you pull your thing out. Drones over Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh God. I wish we. I wish we had video. I wish they turned the cameras on anyway.

[Big J Okerson]

We can turn them on. They just don't record anything.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh yeah. Here's the thing.

[Big J Okerson]

Can you believe the holidays are here?

[Jacob]

I know. This year went by so fast. I want to help the schools in my neighborhood by giving to DonorsChoose because during this time of the year, it's all about the kids.

[Christine]

That's a great idea.

[Robert Kelly]

DonorsChoose is the most trusted nonprofit connecting teachers and students to donors who believe in them.

[Jacob]

Now more than ever before, students across the country are eager for a season of learning, community and celebration.

[Robert Kelly]

Visit donorschoose.org local and give today.

[Big J Okerson]

Finding your perfect match means a situation where nobody has to settle. And your relationship with your wireless carrier should be no different. This holiday season, give yourself the greatest gift by saying goodbye to one sided relationships and hello to the perfect match with Metro. Don't settle for the same old yadda yadda. Switch to Metro and enjoy the incredible holiday deals you deserve from a wireless carrier that actually brings you joy. Enjoy amazing phone and watch bundle offers from the brands you love at a price you won't want to miss. Plus, at Metro, there are no contracts, no credit checks and no surprises. Expect even more this holiday season with nada. Yada yada. This is a limited time holiday offer, so hurry and stop by your neighborhood Metro store and find your perfect match today.

[Jacob]

Why do more than 10,000 companies, including over 60% of the Fortune 500, rely on Databricks to power their data and AI storage strategy? Because only databricks offers a scalable open platform that unifies all your data analytics and AI in one place. Our data intelligence platform simplifies and speeds everything from data ingestion and governance to machine learning and gen AI. Learn more at databricks.com Are you holding.

[Robert Kelly]

Back on travel plans this holiday break because you're afraid of a language gap? Well, no need to mind the gap if you have Babel. I use Babel all the time. I just went to Cuba. It was so frustrating and not be able to ask for certain things. You know what? I just turned on my Babbel app all of a sudden I was speaking sentences saying good afternoon. I got to go in and say por favor queso which means please cheese. This app was amazing because it teaches you in a fun, relatable way that all of a sudden you just know words and they're in your lexicon. I'm learning Italian with my son. I put my whole family on Babel right now with a quick 10 minute lesson. Handcrafted by over 200 language Babbel gets you talking in a new language just three weeks and with the advanced speech recognition by Babbel it's like having a personal language tutor in your pocket helping you pronunciate whenever you open your mouth. I got Babbel. I hopefully know Spanish and Italian by the end of the year and I already know a bunch of words. I know a couple swears too. Not on there from the guy I met in Cuba. Here's a special holiday deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription but only for the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert kelly. [e-mail] Bonfire get up to 60% off babel.com Bonfire spelled B A B B E L.com Bonfire rules and restrictions may apply. Tiamo, gracias here. The drones they're using in the Ukraine war. Have you seen this footage? The way they're using drones now in war they're just flying dude. There's a guy trying to hide in a bush of trees from a drone and you can hear and then it just drops a bomb down and taking people out. Wars are going to be fought not with men. It's going to be drones with bombs flying over, dropping bombs and just murdering people.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm not really the first person shooters though. Is there a way we can make that into like a Madden type thing?

[Robert Kelly]

Well, they have it in Call of Duty you use the drone.

[Big J Okerson]

Can we do it though? Like if you have like, like if you really send like a 70 yard pass but if the guy misses it, like, he blows up.

[Robert Kelly]

That would be awesome.

[Big J Okerson]

That'll be our war.

[Black Lou]

That's crazy, but I mean, it's true.

[Big J Okerson]

It's crazy, but it could work, right? Thank you, Jacob. Thanks for. Thanks for backing up that idea about the Madden style wars.

[Robert Kelly]

These guys are flying drones in wars now. Dude, did you see. Did you see the footage now? You know, you saw the firework footage with his, like, I don't know, 10,000 drones, they lay out. They all go up and just make images, which is fucking crazy to me.

[Big J Okerson]

It's not. But the genius there is the computer programmer, but the.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, but you don't think the government has computer programmers. It's all gonna be drones and robots. These fucking dogs are gonna be.

[Big J Okerson]

The next time I see that big Grateful Dead skeleton tipping his hat with the drones, I'm gonna be like. You're gonna be like, fucking government, dude.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at that.

[Big J Okerson]

That's Iran.

[Robert Kelly]

Look. That's not Iran, but look at that. That's crazy.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. This is Iran, dude, getting ready to launch. Dude, no. How do we get this footage of them getting ready to launch? Oh, my God, it's a giant turkey. It's taking over. It is Cloverfield monsters. Put it down. Kill that big turkey. They've come back for revenge.

[Robert Kelly]

And these drones that they're using with the size of trucks, like cars, these.

[Big J Okerson]

Are the size of turkeys.

[Robert Kelly]

These are the size of little, tiny drones. But those are amazing. That's amazing. I mean, dude, I love fireworks, but I'd rather see that.

[Big J Okerson]

So do you think that's. What do you think what's gonna happen is Iran's planning a Christmas spectacular.

[Robert Kelly]

What if they do that and we all look, we all come out of the house to see it and then they just.

[Big J Okerson]

The nuke.

[Robert Kelly]

They drop the ball.

[Big J Okerson]

That was the last thing you saw. He goes, you're gonna tell at the gates of the gates of heaven. You're gonna be like, oh, it was beautiful. Whole scene.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, that would be a beautiful way if you're gonna do a terrorist attack, actually have these drones go up and make a Santa Claus flying over.

[Big J Okerson]

The moon, and they just smashes into your house. Like, into the Pentagon.

[Robert Kelly]

And they go. And they fly out and just drop bombs and just kill.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't like that. I like the idea of it seeming like. Like Santa Claus himself, honestly, pulled by reindeer, smashes into our Pentagon. Do you know what I'm saying here? We can make all these different things, like Dasher and Prancer take out The Freedom Tower. They go low, high on it. Prancer, you go low, I'll go high.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm telling you, the next movie about terrorism is gonna have drones in it. And I bet they steal that idea. I bet Rudolph, Santa Claus, and Dasher and Prancer are gonna, on Christmas is gonna go to the White House and we're all gonna be like, what's that, sir?

[Big J Okerson]

And then, guys, the CIA just told me this. Iran's planning a Christmas spectacular in the skies of New Jersey our military's not ready for. We've never seen anything like this before.

[Robert Kelly]

Listen, man, I know.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God. Is that a lady holding a baby? Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

I mean, what a great idea, though. You have Mother Mary holding Jesus. Have like a manger. And then that's the thing that takes out everybody during Christmas.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I wish that. What's the show that does the full light show every 15 minutes? I wish that the end of. They just sprayed out poison gas like some joker style fucking evil. When you're done staring at windows. Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

Look at that. That's the ship.

[Big J Okerson]

That's the ship video that you sent earlier, Bobby.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, go ahead, guys, go ahead.

[Robert Kelly]

Read that.

[Big J Okerson]

Satellite images show Iran's new drone carrier has set sail, leaving its home port for the first time. Well, this is on Business Insider. Jake Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein's brother, wrote this. So I don't know.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't think that's.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't think it's absolutely his brother.

[Robert Kelly]

I don't think they're connected.

[Big J Okerson]

He got away with everything, too. He was right there. He was watching.

[Robert Kelly]

What were you gonna say?

[Big J Okerson]

The video that you sent earlier to the chat.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Talks about them, like, kind of going back into the ocean and disappearing.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

That whole video is terrifying. I will say.

[Robert Kelly]

Well, what was happening is, like, I told you, a guy pointed a laser at it and it just kind of disappeared. Once people, they were being seen or whatever, they were kind of just taking off. And that was in that article. And then they went back out over the fucking ocean, dude. I don't know why, for somebody who's gonna live in Jersey, why. This is not like why people. People are terrified of these. What? What just happened?

[Big J Okerson]

Hey, Jersey, listen up. North Jersey. Wawas. If you do not find the quality control that they have in Philadelphia, Wawas. The drones will come.

[Robert Kelly]

Why don't they?

[Big J Okerson]

The drones will come.

[Robert Kelly]

No, why don't they?

[Big J Okerson]

Because they didn't grow up with it.

[Robert Kelly]

It really makes me sad because you get excited for a Wawa.

[Big J Okerson]

No passion.

[Robert Kelly]

And I'M like, I'm gonna go get some meatballs, maybe some turkey with gravy in a cup. And you get excited and it's not this. It's dirty.

[Big J Okerson]

It's North Jersey.

[Robert Kelly]

It's bad.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, well, I've had ones that are fine. They don't make the sandwich with any kind of love because they didn't grow up with Wawa. They're just like, this is a fucking gas station. You should be happy that we're making the sandwich fresh. And you're like, no, you're supposed to make the sandwich good.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. At all hours.

[Big J Okerson]

It's a Wawa.

[Robert Kelly]

At all hours. At all hours. At all. Not between this time and this time. At all hours.

[Big J Okerson]

At all hours.

[Robert Kelly]

You come in at three in the morning and you're going to get the same type of service.

[Big J Okerson]

So you get at 2 in the afternoon.

[Robert Kelly]

2 in the afternoon.

[Big J Okerson]

100%.

[Robert Kelly]

Yep.

[Big J Okerson]

Same quality. Now you hit a Wawa, South Jers, Philadelphia, all day long. They can't do it wrong because they grew up with.

[Robert Kelly]

It really is a weird thing that they.

[Big J Okerson]

You have to grow up with it. It'll never be the thing if you grow up with no passion for it. You know what I mean? I grew up being like, man, wawa sandwiches are pretty dope. Especially the hours or the hours where nothing's open and you're gonna get that fantastic.

[Robert Kelly]

It's almost like magical. It's almost like being on the road and seeing a 24 hour diner where you're like, what the. You see a Wawa, you're like, we have to pull over.

[Big J Okerson]

I've been to some New Jersey late night one, some North Jersey late night ones where they're like puzzled at the idea that you're like, you're going over to the deli machine to start typing in. Like, I see him kind of be like, ah, gee, I hate that. So I'm like, this is. That's what this place is about.

[Robert Kelly]

It's what it was founded on.

[Big J Okerson]

And what you did was brilliant. And you let me order my shit. And while you make it, I graze the store and you sell 30 more dollars worth of product.

[Robert Kelly]

It's genius.

[Big J Okerson]

Make the sandwich with love.

[Robert Kelly]

Love.

[Big J Okerson]

In fact, you're right. Give me three extra minutes to shop around because you're taking the pieces of meat individually and doing the. The fold. The fold, the fold. Stop just giving me a brick of fucking ham. I think we need to get five pieces of ham. They're all the same thing. So that you bite into it. Looks like you're biting into an inch thick ham steak. I don't want a ham steak.

[Robert Kelly]

We have to.

[Big J Okerson]

Sorry, Jacob.

[Robert Kelly]

I think we have to do a branch off of the flames of justice. Yeah, and fix this Wawa thing.

[Big J Okerson]

What is it? It's our food division. Our fast food division. Okay, I like that. We have a fan for Division. We have to take him back the night. Division. The streets.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Above ground. Christine's not dispatched. She thinks nothing's a problem.

[Robert Kelly]

Social. Social media. She does not answer the phone at all.

[Black Lou]

Flames of quality control.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, you're the flames. Quality control. And Christine, do me a favor. No opinions on this. Just please post the stuff we present. Yeah, don't be like, I'm not okay with this. Doesn't no one ask you, huh?

[Christine]

Pretty good at answering phones.

[Big J Okerson]

I know, but Christine, you don't have your camera. Can't push the propaganda we have here. You don't know how to push it. You don't have no passion either. Just sit back. You can't be part of the flames of justice. You're just gonna be our social media person. You don't believe in justice. You've never gotten it in your life. And you know why that is? Because you never fought for it.

[Christine]

I don't believe in you being big and scary, beating people up on the street.

[Big J Okerson]

She doesn't beat people up in the street. She doesn't believe in.

[Robert Kelly]

She doesn't believe in justice.

[Big J Okerson]

She doesn't think that guy deserves to get punched in the face. It's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

We should all work it out. Out.

[Big J Okerson]

It's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

It's a really hippie way of living.

[Big J Okerson]

She's like, oh, well, they'll. In the long term, they'll probably have a worse off life for it.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, we'd be living in teepees if she was around back in the day.

[Christine]

I've danced in drum circles.

[Big J Okerson]

I know you have. What a dip.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, I love you, Christine, but you don't know justice. No, you don't.

[Big J Okerson]

No.

[Black Lou]

You understand that? What you.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine's a Karen.

[Black Lou]

No, I mean, you put down J100.

[Robert Kelly]

You should have. You should have a pink, pink stripe or a purple stripe through your hair.

[Big J Okerson]

Christine's a Karen.

[Robert Kelly]

Just to let us know what you are.

[Christine]

I am not a Karen.

[Big J Okerson]

When you should get a mom haircut. Sorry.

[Black Lou]

Put down Jay. You're slapping Lou and I in the face because we dream of getting out of a car and having to look in someone's eyes saying, oh, I up. By the way, if they see me.

[Big J Okerson]

Plenty of Times I could jump out of a car.

[Black Lou]

Oh, it's on.

[Big J Okerson]

There's plenty of times I could jump out of a car where the guy will be like, let's go. So it happens. I'm just. But you're right, there are situations. This was two guys. The thing Christine's talking about, fat gay guys. Neither of them are fat. And.

[Robert Kelly]

I'm just going on the information.

[Big J Okerson]

I got an old Chinese going by trumped up bullshit. Told you. By a fucking person who doesn't remember anything.

[Robert Kelly]

It was Halloween night. One was dressed like Liza Minnelli and the other was dressed like Taylor Swift.

[Big J Okerson]

I goes, jay, remember you knocked out a guy who was dressed half bride, half groom down the middle. I punched the groom side, though.

[Black Lou]

I dream of getting out of a car and seeing the beat of sweat of fear.

[Big J Okerson]

I don't know if I've seen that.

[Black Lou]

A ton knows he's. He's made a mistake.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. When a guy gets out of the car and you get out of the car behind him, he just gets happy.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

He knows I was thrilled. Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't been.

[Robert Kelly]

He has to be like, hey, man, I'm not into that. It's my parents car, I don't want it. I'm not into that. Dude. Whatever you're into, I'm not into. Dude.

[Big J Okerson]

I haven't been in a lot of, like, I haven't been in grown, like, fights with somebody. Like, if someone's like a bigger person, like, it tends to probably almost not get there more.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

Do you know what I'm saying? Like. Like it's almost because, like, it's the talk back and forth in. That is like a. Both people being like, not a problem. The problem is like, when you. When. So when it's a situation where it's like, why was this guy not afraid to do that? That's what sticks in my ass. Why are you not. Why'd you think you could just punch this car and just go back to your life?

[Robert Kelly]

No one's ever done anything.

[Big J Okerson]

Go back to your life. Like it didn't happen. Like you're only. You're like, like taking a nice slow laughing about it walk. You're still only 10ft away from me. I'm like, this is crazy. You did that.

[Robert Kelly]

He grew up in Hermosa Beach. Probably.

[Big J Okerson]

Probably.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, he probably grew up. You can punch somebody's car and they go, hey, man, chill, dude, chill.

[Big J Okerson]

Let's. Let's just share cerveza over it, buddy.

[Robert Kelly]

Hey, man, what's going on with you today, bro?

[Big J Okerson]

Christine, you grew up with white supremacists and queefs. I bet your white supremacist friends weren't tough either. That's why they hung out with a.

[Christine]

Bunch of black dick. The Nazi dick. I can tell you that.

[Big J Okerson]

Who knows if that's even true anymore?

[Black Lou]

Louis, am I crazy? Didn't you want to just beat the out of somebody who messed with you?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, absolutely.

[Robert Kelly]

You know, yeah, I think I have.

[Black Lou]

That look in there.

[Robert Kelly]

Look. If I.

[Big J Okerson]

If I black loot that can do spinning, jumping, spin kicks.

[Robert Kelly]

If I got in the car in black glue that little stocky got out, I'd be like, ah, God damn it.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm doing one of those moves where he does like. Like I take a swing and he does a complete straddle split to the ground, and then punches out my inner knees and then my nutshot. And then when I'm on the ground, he gets up and tell and whenever around claps for him.

[Robert Kelly]

And then he bows.

[Big J Okerson]

He actually bows and he bows to me. And he'll say something cool like, walk it off. You won't make that mistake again.

[Robert Kelly]

You'll be all right, fella. Breathe.

[Black Lou]

My last adult fight, I won with.

[Big J Okerson]

Your sister because it was a child.

[Black Lou]

It was a restaurant fight.

[Big J Okerson]

You were an adult.

[Robert Kelly]

Were they in a baby seat?

[Black Lou]

Me and the guy worked in a restaurant. We just. You just would not shut. He was just harassing me.

[Robert Kelly]

What'd you guys do? Sword fight with spatulas right out on.

[Black Lou]

The street in front of the restaurant. Yes.

[Big J Okerson]

Handily, you won.

[Black Lou]

Yes.

[Robert Kelly]

What did you do? What was your technique? What did you. What was your finish move?

[Black Lou]

My finish move was hit first.

[Robert Kelly]

You punched him in the face twice.

[Black Lou]

I jabbed him twice. And then I. I right crossed.

[Robert Kelly]

How long did it take?

[Black Lou]

It was over.

[Robert Kelly]

How long did it take for your hands to recover?

[Black Lou]

That was it.

[Big J Okerson]

He went down.

[Black Lou]

He went down.

[Robert Kelly]

He went down and then unconscious or.

[Big J Okerson]

Went down and just like, I'm done. Like, I'm done. I don't want to do.

[Black Lou]

He actually started crying.

[Big J Okerson]

And then I thought, gay guy.

[Black Lou]

No, he wasn't. But. And then.

[Big J Okerson]

I'm just kidding. I'm not going to. I bet he was a fucking tough guy. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. Christine did to me.

[Black Lou]

No, he was talking.

[Big J Okerson]

God damn right. And you straightened his out.

[Black Lou]

My mistake was then I felt like, ah, this guy's being a now.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Black Lou]

And then. And then he got up and. And jumped me.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, really?

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, it's just a technique.

[Black Lou]

No, it was over. He didn't like.

[Robert Kelly]

But his crying.

[Black Lou]

But that was.

[Robert Kelly]

Crying was a technique.

[Black Lou]

Why didn't I hit him again?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, did he get up and try to do like the now I'm being held back thing? I hate that. Gay.

[Black Lou]

Yeah. At that point the guys, the other guys separated, but it was over. I mean I had.

[Big J Okerson]

When someone's informing you that you're lucky, they're being held back, go hit them first.

[Black Lou]

Always hit them first. Always hit them first and don't show any mercy.

[Big J Okerson]

Agreed. Strike first, strike hard, no mercy, sir. I believe one of the greatest senseis of all time said that. John Kreese.

[Black Lou]

I mean, if you're put in that position like you did you just walk back in, They've left you no option.

[Robert Kelly]

Did you just walk back in and put your apron on and flip an egg?

[Black Lou]

I was the, I was the runner.

[Robert Kelly]

Oh, you're the runner.

[Black Lou]

It was the lower.

[Big J Okerson]

You put your shirt back on and covered up all of your scars. Everyone has questions about why does he live covered in scars like that?

[Black Lou]

Felt great afterward.

[Big J Okerson]

And then Jacob goes, I earned all of these. Maybe if you get to know me better, I'll tell you the stories.

[Robert Kelly]

It'd be funny if Jacob was tattooed from the neck down.

[Big J Okerson]

Just yakuza.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yakuza tattoos.

[Big J Okerson]

Yakuza batat.

[Black Lou]

I remember thinking, because we had planned it, yakuza patata. We, we literally had to do a double shift knowing we were fighting afterward because we had to, we had to work.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that's too much build up.

[Black Lou]

And so the whole day I'm like in 10 or 10 or 12 hours I'm fighting this guy.

[Robert Kelly]

Afterwards it was like 3 o'clock. Was that movie 3 o'clock high.

[Black Lou]

But it was.

[Robert Kelly]

You actually look like the guy in there.

[Black Lou]

Yeah, it was like 11:30 midnight.

[Big J Okerson]

You should have hired that other Baldwin to be your fucking protector.

[Black Lou]

My, my French roommate was so proud of me. He's like, you kicked his ass.

[Big J Okerson]

I never seen something like Driver. And I remember Bulldog.

[Robert Kelly]

You remember thinking, what?

[Black Lou]

I. I don't know how to fight. But my. The one thing I knew in life is hit them before they hit you.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah. Well, here's the problem with that. I've done that too. And when they don't go down, they.

[Big J Okerson]

Just crack their neck and laugh.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, that's the problem when you're like, ah, that's all I got.

[Black Lou]

Well, but you're going to get your ass kicked anyway. You might as well get something in.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah, that is. I'VE been there before. Just give. I just threw everything into it. And then you were like, I hope we could just talk this, like now, like, just go back to shit talking. Because, like, I don't have any more of this in me.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. I've sucker punched a couple guys, hit first, and they just turned their head and went, what? Like, what the fuck happened? I saw that in downtown Manhattan one night. Little Italian kid, I think Brooklyn type of fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. Fucking with. Had to be a Swedish guy. Just a tall blond guy that wasn't really talking. Just letting this guy scream in his face. And he had his girlfriend too. Fucking Tony. Fuck him. Fuck him up. And screaming at this guy. And the guy was like, hey, whatever, I'm, you know, sorry. And the guy went to his car, grabbed a aluminum bat and came up behind the guy. He had a big puffy coat on. And just whacked him in the back. And it went, jesus. And the guy turned around, he went, did you just hit me with a bat?

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, my God.

[Robert Kelly]

And I've never seen fear just go. Drain the life out of this little guinea's body.

[Big J Okerson]

I couldn't tell if it was a.

[Robert Kelly]

Bat or a feather, buddy. His girlfriend was like, tony, let's go, let's go.

[Black Lou]

That's crazy.

[Robert Kelly]

Dragged him back to the car.

[Big J Okerson]

That's terrifying as you had to give everything you have to somebody. Now I will say I've definitely been guilty through my life of the. And it's always the case, I believe, whether it's me or not doing it, I've done the. Are you done? Because I'm done. You know what I mean? You done, dude, you want to keep going? Like, please say no? Are you done? Please, God, say you're done? Yeah, because the tide's gonna start changing if I'm winning, because I am out of energy and breath and all that. The time me and Carla, my ex wife, were early dating and I was driving my car and someone did that. It was I just driving my green Saturn and a guy walked in front walking with a couple of girls. One guy, two girls, guy did the same, hit the front of the car. I was learning what a fucking thing that was at a time, do you know what I mean? Like, how much the pedestrians, like. I mean, it doesn't happen to me really anymore because I kind of know the ebb and flow of the city, you know what I mean? Like, how that would go. I look now always, like, because what would happen? Why people hit your car? You'd get the green light to make a turn. This is what they had with even Christine. You start making a turn, but I start making the turn. And then I look to make sure if I have to stop. But people take that as like you were going to just cut them off. But I'm like, no, I just. Just starting to get out of the lane a little bit. Like, we're letting you go so that a lot of people would kind of be like, yo, chill out. You know, I mean, like. Like, you're gonna hit them. So it happened me a few times. This guy did that, and, like, two girls, and we were so early in dating. Carla was like, what the is happening? I go. She was talking still, and she was like, wow, what an asshole that guy was. And I was like, yeah, that guy's a real asshole. Right by Washington Square Park. I was doing, like, the circle around it, looking for parking.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big J Okerson]

And then we went up, like, about, like, half block or so. And I was like, no, I'm sorry. I'm not even listening to what you're saying. I'm very sorry. I have to go, like, do something. I don't know why I have to go do something about this right now. Can you take over the car, please? Like, drive? And I got out and I ran. I saw he went through Washington Square. Stop.

[Robert Kelly]

One second. You ran?

[Big J Okerson]

Ran.

[Robert Kelly]

Gunned it back in the day.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh, yeah, Gunned it. And then.

[Robert Kelly]

So can we change the story so it can be believable? You lightly jogged?

[Big J Okerson]

No. Everything. I thought I was gonna lose him. Here's what I didn't think about was you're getting. I know you're. You're playfully getting to it, but it's. The actual story is the issue was did not wrap my brain around when I got there. When I spun this guy around, he could have pushed me over with a fucking feather, dude. And these girls had a scissor. I was like, son, motherfucker, you think you're just gonna fucking. Just fucking hit my car? And this is cool. You could do that. And the girls went it. Oh, my God, is this really happening? And I was like, yeah, it's happening. Why, you got something to say? And then they just kind of like, they were almost like. Like, whoa, this is nuts. And I was like, that's what the. I thought. Like, I can only talk if this guy's decided to fight. Then, like, luckily, they just kind of, like, succumbed to me being like, you're. And these dumb or whatever. He was just kind of like, bro, easy. And you're like, yes, my.

[Robert Kelly]

No, he said, easy because you're gonna have a heart attack.

[Big J Okerson]

Sir, easy. You need medical help. I'm a man student.

[Robert Kelly]

Yeah, you got to relax, bro. You're gonna die before we fight.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, I was zip. I did that same thing when I chased the guy who peed in our hallway, when I chased him down the street, when the cops let him go, same thing. I get over to him and thank God he just like. For like the idea of being like, okay, okay, whatever you say, man. Like, just don't do something anymore. Because I was. But I got to him. I was like, I don't give a. If the cops letting you go or not, dude. You're gonna come back in there, you're gonna clean your piss off.

[Robert Kelly]

You don't think it through.

[Big J Okerson]

Not with the run. No, I've done that too much. Like the hall ass. Yeah. Because I was in my mind, my body was operating, trying to get justice. Your body didn't know my. My body didn't understand that my.

[Robert Kelly]

Your brain thinks that you're shredded.

[Big J Okerson]

My brain thought I was shredded. My brain thought I was a long distance runner.

[Robert Kelly]

And your body was like, hey, bro, let's slow down and think this through.

[Big J Okerson]

Dude, when you. When I caught him, it was amazing. When you catch him, I go, please don't turn around and just punch me because I don't have anything. I'm just gonna lose really, really bad.

[Robert Kelly]

Dude, we gotta talk about. I mean, you said, oh, I know you put me down. I mean, I watched it twice.

[Big J Okerson]

You went through the whole thing.

[Robert Kelly]

I had went through it today. And then I went through it again this morning with Don.

[Big J Okerson]

Yeah.

[Robert Kelly]

And I've never seen. Don would have been. Had a. It was a more confused face then when I shaved my bush fat and I was like, does this look good?

[Big J Okerson]

She was like, it was. It was. I'll tease this by saying I think somebody in the ranks of. If it's not his production company, Netflix or somebody be like, hey, you're like, this is. One, you don't call this a stand up special. That's crazy to call a stand special. Or two, you're watching a guy unravel who I don't think has worked through all the shit in his head yet. And it's. The funny is awkward, the awkward is more awkward, and the serious is the most awkward. It's.

[Robert Kelly]

And then sprinkle that with God.

[Big J Okerson]

Sprinkle that with some religious stuff. And my favorite thing in the world, which I do believe I know a minute marker for. Yeah, that will become a long time clip on the show. I'm certain of it. If you want to see Robert Kelly, everybody, guess what? He's in bed in New York with a super special guest showing up. His name rhymes with Kane Duck.

[Robert Kelly]

No, no, no, it does not.

[Big J Okerson]

It does. No, if you say it differently. If you say his name differently, it does sound like Kane duck.

[Robert Kelly]

It's Ookie CK.

[Big J Okerson]

Oh Ookie CK. Oh Ooey Ooey CK. That's in Beacon, New York this Friday, December 13th, one night only. After that, Kansas City, Batavia, Illinois, Levittown, New York and Philadelphia. You can catch Bobby every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Cat Lounge at the Comedy Cellar. For tickets and all of his tour dates and a bunch of content, including Kill Box's latest special, go to Punch up that live Robert Kelly and also Bobby's new YouTube channel. Actually, go watch it all there. Watch everything on YouTube. We're pumping up this channel.

[Robert Kelly]

Monday the 16th, you'll be tripping comes out in the morning and at 10am my special special go live on YouTube. YouTube slash Robert Kelly comedy Killbox going live on there and then we're putting live from the Village Underground is going up on Punchup Live. Trying to get my stand up out there for everybody to check out. So go there and subscribe to it. Monday, 10am Killbox will be live on that channel, my YouTube channel, Big Jokes and will be at Helium St. Louis this weekend, the 12th through the 14th. Then he's gonna be in West Palm Beach, Providence, Boston, the Wilbur Theater. For tickets and all the tour dates, go to bigjcomedy.com and check out his Punchup live. BigJayogerson. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.

[Big J Okerson]

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[Jacob]

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