Nu Metal Jesus

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Nu Metal Jesus" The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly
Release Date: May 30, 2025

---

Introduction

In the "Nu Metal Jesus" episode of The Bonfire, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly delve into a whirlwind of topics ranging from religious beliefs and personal anecdotes to humorous takes on Dante's Inferno. Joined by regular guests Jacob, Luis J. Gomez, and Christine, the conversation is a blend of sharp wit, candid discussions, and unfiltered humor that epitomizes the show's trademark style.

---

Religious Beliefs and Praying

A significant portion of the episode centers around the hosts' perspectives on religion, prayer, and spirituality. The dialogue reveals a mix of skepticism, personal experiences, and humorous interpretations.

• Robert Kelly shares a personal story about finding solace through prayer during a tumultuous period in his youth:
  "[24:18] Bobby Kelly: ... the night I... got on my knees and I prayed to God... and I've been sober ever since."

• Jay Oakerson engages in a playful yet critical discussion about the nature of prayer and organized religion:
  "[03:48] Jay Oakerson: ... everyone kind of at odds... Bobby is not allowed to let his incredible... exploding ... homophobia."

• Humorous exchanges highlight differing views on praying:
  "[55:07] Jay Oakerson: Bobby said Jesus, if he came back, would be dressed like me. So now I'm new Jesus."
  "[56:23] Bobby Kelly: If you just sit on the edge of the bed and pray without getting on your knees."

---

Dante's Inferno Analysis

The hosts creatively incorporate Dante Alighieri's Inferno to humorously categorize their own behaviors and traits, assigning themselves to various circles of hell based on their personalities.

• Jay categorizes himself as a fraud, placing himself in the eighth circle:
  "[44:33] Jay Oakerson: Eight is fraud. Yeah, you definitely done that punishment in a complex series of ditches..."

• Robert Kelly humorously associates himself with the second circle related to lust:
  "[40:45] Bobby Kelly: I'm actually in two right now, living in with her."

• Lighthearted banter about their standings in hell's hierarchy includes:
  "[35:55] Jay Oakerson: You're a heretic, dude."
  "[45:12] Bobby Kelly: What is Cerberus?"
  "[43:32] Bobby Kelly: You're an angry, chubby, generous heretic."

---

Health Care Discussion

The episode transitions into a spirited debate on health care policies, with Robert proposing a merit-based system while Jay counters with practical challenges.

• Robert advocates for merit-based health care, emphasizing personal responsibility:
  "[08:00] Bobby Kelly: We should deserve our health care and we all should get health care. But... if you want premium healthcare, you work for it."

• Jay counters the feasibility, highlighting issues with insurance accessibility:
  "[08:20] Jay Oakerson: But you can't get good insurance just by working for it."

• They brainstorm solutions, suggesting innovative approaches like bundling insurance through podcasts:
  "[14:05] Bobby Kelly: And then you get insurance."
  "[10:43] Bobby Kelly: I think people who don't make enough money a year should get free health care."

---

Personal Anecdotes and Experiences

Throughout the episode, the hosts and guests share personal stories that provide depth and context to their perspectives.

• Robert narrates his rehabilitation journey, crediting prayer for his sobriety:
  "[24:21] Bobby Kelly: ... I got on my knees and I prayed to God... I'm starting to feel the higher power thing again."

• Banter about past arrests and upbringing brings a relatable and humorous dimension:
  "[51:00] Jay Oakerson: How old were you?"
  "[51:03] Bobby Kelly: ... I was full. Drinking, punk drugs. I was totally."

---

Host Banter and Humor

The dynamic between Jay and Bobby is marked by sharp humor, playful insults, and camaraderie, keeping the conversation lively and entertaining.

• Playful insults and back-and-forth jokes are a staple:
  "[46:12] Jay Oakerson: You have to go crush a lot of pussy and wear overalls with no shirt and no Underwear..."
  "[56:11] Jay Oakerson: But like vibrators and magnets. That's your next question."

• Humorous debates on language and spelling add a layer of comedic relief:
  "[47:45] Bobby Kelly: ... 'drawing' has only one 'r'."
  "[30:18] Bobby Kelly: It must be. Can I say this to you and don't take it."

---

Conclusions and Reflections

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts reflect on their discussions, blending humor with introspection.

• Discussion on therapy and mental health awareness, sponsored by BetterHelp, underscores the importance of mental well-being:
  "[59:07] Bobby Kelly: ... Mental health awareness month right now encourages everyone to take care of their well being and break that stigma."

• Final humorous exchanges continue until the end, leaving listeners with a mix of laughter and thoughtful moments:
  "[61:56] Bobby Kelly: Listen, I think this is another. You're doing another song?"
  "[62:26] Bobby Kelly: With usaa, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%."

---

Notable Quotes

• Robert Kelly on Prayer and Sobriety:
  "[24:18] Bobby Kelly: ... I prayed to God... I've been sober ever since."

• Jay Oakerson on Merit-Based Health Care:
  "[08:00] Jay Oakerson: ... I think the people that make the money should pay and the people that don't should get it for nothing."

• Humorous Dante's Inferno Classification:
  "[43:17] Jay Oakerson: It is."

• Host Camaraderie:
  "[55:07] Jay Oakerson: Bobby said Jesus, if he came back, would be dressed like me. So now I'm new Jesus."

---

Conclusion

"Nu Metal Jesus" exemplifies The Bonfire's ability to intertwine humor with meaningful discussions. Through a blend of personal anecdotes, philosophical debates, and relentless banter, Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly deliver an episode that is both entertaining and thought-provoking, staying true to the show's ethos of blunt humor and unfiltered honesty.

Transcript

[Bobby Kelly]

From director Wes Anderson. Focus Features and Indian Paintbrush present the Phoenician Scheme. It's my most important project of my lifetime. Meet Zsa Zsa Gorda. They keep getting assassinated unsuccessfully. So far, he's the most bold, most elusive, most wanted man on the planet. Help yourself to a hanger neck. You're very kind. Starring Benicio Del Toro, Mia Thrapleton, Michael Cera, Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson and Jeffrey Wright. The Phoenician scheme. Rated PG13. May be inappropriate for children under 13. In theaters everywhere.

[Jay Oakerson]

June 6th.

[Bobby Kelly]

How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi vehicle discount.

[Jacob]

Safe driver discount, New vehicle discount.

[Bobby Kelly]

Storage discount, Legacy.

[Jacob]

How many discounts will you stack up?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tap the banner or visit usaa.com autodiscounts restrictions apply. And now the bonfire with Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly. And here he is. Here he is to save the day. Jersey J is on his way he's in the car making it through the tunnel Cuz he's here to funnel the jokes Jersey J is on his way Jersey J is on his way don't you ever dismay.

[Jay Oakerson]

That made me feel really good. Thank you, guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy, what's going on? We. We. I didn't get the text. Apparently Lou tried to set up Jacob with a girl. She saw the picture of Jake and went, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Ye. Not the one that Jacob poo pooed. I gotta see that. Where is it? I didn't get it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wait, you poo pooed her then she poo pooed you?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, different girl.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Poo poo J. I didn't know about the first one. He didn't bring up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you out of your mind? I'll dump dawn for her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Let me see.

[Bobby Kelly]

I will dump dawn right now for her in the middle. Not my girl. Not the guest. Are you?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, one right here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jacob.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. Jake. Are you kid. Are you serious?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell her I'm available. Tell them me and Jay are able. Me and both. Me and Jay are both available.

[Jay Oakerson]

Me?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, we both.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on, dude. Okay. Come on. Bring her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, I like that. I like those big lips.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

I like those little high cheekbones, strong jawline. Yeah, she got nice tatas.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really? Looks like her eyes are in her temples.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, I like that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Always count on Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what? See, I mean, we're looking at the same girl, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very hot.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Oh, I'm looking at the guy.

[Christine]

Is that not Jacob?

[Bobby Kelly]

That is J. That's Jacob with Captain America Drug Shot in his veins.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob. Jacob, you poo pooed her or she's one of poo pooed you. This one in the picture, they poo pooed each other.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, this one Jacob said. I don't know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What does the other one look like that poo pooed me.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't have that one.

[Jay Oakerson]

I want to see the one who poo pooed Jacob.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This one I want to see poo poo away I wasn't good enough for.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like that one. I like that. But you know what? Here's the thing. I haven't had anything in a long time, so if you show me any, I would actually bang Evelyn if she got over that poison sickness. She's in, In Canada.

[Jay Oakerson]

What if that's what did cure her?

[Bobby Kelly]

If it was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Out of.

[Bobby Kelly]

What if people are starting to catch on to Evelyn? By the way, I've seen some other videos. Yeah, I think we've spread the word.

[Jay Oakerson]

Picking up steam.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's picking up some Evelyn steam. They're starting to do little videos with her. But I would, I'd fool around. I'd do a little something something.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, something something. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. The muck between her legs.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm out. You know what?

[Jay Oakerson]

I. Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I can't even joke around with that now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Took it too far.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Jacob. Guys, can I ask you a radio question? This is a real radio question. I'm just wondering. This. We all know Bobby is a. Is a very aggressive homophobe who says the F word a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

But, but stop, stop, stop.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

That is outrageous.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right? Sure, that's fine. But what I'm saying is I'm not a homopho.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I love gay people. I have gay friends.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What are you talking about? I live. Some of the closest people in my life are gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby, I'm on your side here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't you want to ask you a question?

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you make a. Don't. What you didn't. Don't get. I don't want that as a side clip. That's a job.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. No, it's not a job.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's a record. I, That's a record.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I, I love gay people. I just From Boston. And that word is like whenever you.

[Jay Oakerson]

See gay people in one of the.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not. We've never.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're on the same. I'm not. You haven't even Let me get to the point I'm trying to make. I'm trying to save you here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay? Save me.

[Jay Oakerson]

And try to let you be able to do what you want to do.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay?

[Jay Oakerson]

I listen to the XL stations always for music. And if you listen to LL Cool J's Rock the Bells or any of our stations here, when they play 90s hip hop, F word said a lot and they just let it fly. So why is that okay? And Bobby is not allowed to let his incredible. Which clearly weighs on him. It's exploding out of him, his homophobia.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not homophobic. I love gays. I love to be gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got it, Bobby. I got this. I got this for you. Why can't Bobby say the F word if DMX can, is my question.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, I should be grandfathered in because I am from the 80s.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're from the 80s and 90s.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's the word.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's recorded songs from a different era, so it's grandfathered in.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I'm from a different era.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby's from a different era.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're live on the air now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right. And I love.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, but the things he's saying is from the 90s. What about if the things he's saying are from the 90s? Is that okay, then?

[Bobby Kelly]

I love gay people, I love trans people, and I love everything in between, especially lesbians. Lesbians are my favorite people.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because they're fun.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, they're not.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've always got along. No, touche, my friend. I've always got along with. Lesbians have been part of my success, okay? In my life, lesbians. There's always been a lesbian woman.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you calling Dawn a lesbian?

[Bobby Kelly]

She's close. She's close at this point of her stage.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, is this the Indigo Girls?

[Bobby Kelly]

There's been lesbians, Cindy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay?

[Bobby Kelly]

When I worked with the mentally retarded and I lived with them, she got me the job and she helped me lose weight for the last night at Eddie's.

[Jay Oakerson]

By the way, your one man show should be called Dykes and Retards.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's. That's. I can't say that either way. You can't.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not. You're from the 90s.

[Bobby Kelly]

I know. I am from the 90s, but I can't say that now.

[Jay Oakerson]

There was no homophobia or racism in the 90s. Do you guys even listen to me when I talk?

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say something?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was thinking about this and Don brought it to my attention. And another friend of mine, Big Shoulders Joe, who was a, you know, staunch Republican, big fan of the show.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your daddy?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but he was Like Jay's right. Italian guy. I was listening. Jay's right. There was less racism in the 90s. Yeah, there was. We, we got along better. There was no problems between us in the 90s.

[Jay Oakerson]

See, that's an over stretch too. There were problems in the 90s. There's probably still a lot of very unfair police to black people. I'm sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

He said there was no problems between the whites and then they used their N word. So I think there's problems now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Yeah, well, now. Yeah, well, I just think now it's like there's money to be made in making sure. It's like everyone's kind of at odds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ooh, political. J what are you and Dave starting a show together?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I still don't know anything Dave's stuff at all. I don't understand any of Dave's things. Yeah, I was listening to him on Tucker Carlson. I tell him I keep having an idea I want to do so bad where I'm like, Because again, I have no emotional attachment to politics stuff. I will not get heated in a political debate at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do, I have a lot of thoughts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You want to hear something?

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Throw something. Ask me any question.

[Jay Oakerson]

Health care.

[Bobby Kelly]

Health care, man. Let me tell you something. We should deserve our health care and we all should get health care. But. But you know what? If you want premium healthcare, you work for it. It's a merit based.

[Jay Oakerson]

But you can't. Yeah, you can't get good insurance if you work for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you work for it. I work for it. I got it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but you can't get good insurance just by working for it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, man, I don't want to wait in line.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right, Gotcha.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think people, seriously, you want to hear the serious thought on that? I think people who don't make enough money a year should get free health care. They should get free everything. If you don't make this certain amount of money a year, you should get free and it should be picked up by the rest of us who make 250,000 or more a year. We should pick up the slack, make.

[Jay Oakerson]

It more, 20, $50,000 a year.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we should let those people who don't make enough money, they should be taking care of everything should be taken doctors, they need to make money because you want the best doctor, the best brain surgeon, the best. And there's the only way you become the best is by being competitive and having a merit based system. Right. When you start having everybody getting paid shit money or whatever, the same money, nobody's Gonna strive to be better than the other guy. And we're never gonna evolve medicine, you know, so you should have that. You should make a lot of money if you're a doctor, but you should also do stuff for free. You should have to do free things for people that need it. So I think that the people that make the money should pay and the people that don't should get it for nothing. You can have best. I call it Medicaid. Best of both worlds.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a mouthful.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you gotta go B. Best of B O M B W. B O, B W M B O.

[Jay Oakerson]

B W. Can we get it to be a K? Maybe? So we could be like B O B K, like Bobby K. Yeah, sure. Best of both kinds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Best of both kinds. That's it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Best of both kinds.

[Bobby Kelly]

I like working, shopping, things with you. Dude, we should run for president.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bob K. Bob K. Best of both kinds. There you go. I just know I can't get good insurance. I'm not allowed to.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told you how to do it, you don't listen. You've.

[Jay Oakerson]

No one's told me anything.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I told you how come you can't get good insurance?

[Bobby Kelly]

He can't get insurance.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're not allowed to.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not true. You don't listen. I said you go through your Skanks podcast, you can go through sag, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Give them money, the issue you're having, your podcast or yours individually solely. I can't do that because Gas Digital would have to pay into insurance company.

[Bobby Kelly]

So what? Why won't they pay into it for you and Dave and Louis?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's Lucy Gomez and Ralph Sutton. I don't think they're big time owners of a company, do you know what I mean? Where they're doling out insurance for people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you could just. You put money into the thing, they.

[Jay Oakerson]

Should pay into it.

[Bobby Kelly]

They should pay Skank's money into that and you'll. I think it's. You have to make a certain amount of money a year and you're all set.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not that much you'd think, right? Anyway, can't get good health care. But no, I. Well, anyway, my idea with Dave is because in listening to him the thing, I was surprised, like how much Dave is. Like I was saying to him last night, it's like you've lived a whole life since he's gone off. He got married, he's got two kids now. He's like a big dog in that political pundit world.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Especially after the Rogan thing. It like, fired him up. But it is funny to hear his things. And it's like, I'm like, oh, you're not. This anymore, like, is that little we talk about politics is like. He was very. He's very religious.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, we talked about this on Monday.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. Pro life.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was thinking about this on the way home. Like, how long. If he gets. If he gets really into religion, Right. How long is he gonna be able to do the core values of the legion of skanks?

[Jay Oakerson]

Really? Louis just does the core values, if we're being honest.

[Bobby Kelly]

But how is that gonna. Seriously, how is that gonna. Is he gonna have to go to, like, confession every once a week to. For a show? You know, like. Because once people start believing in.

[Jay Oakerson]

He said he prays, which is so gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I pray.

[Jay Oakerson]

Right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is that gay?

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Why is praying gay?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dude, I'm talking to a guy who has Botox in his armpits. Fingernail polish.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gets his eyelashes done, dyes his hair red.

[Jay Oakerson]

Eyelashes done.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't say that.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not true.

[Bobby Kelly]

You get them fixed.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you do. You get them framed up.

[Jay Oakerson]

Eyebrows.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, eyebrows, whatever. Your eyelashes are gorgeous. You're right. I'm sorry. It's the only natural thing on your face.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right.

[Jay Oakerson]

And that's not true.

[Bobby Kelly]

And as Trump says, you use the fato needle.

[Jay Oakerson]

I did use the fatso needle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And when you list it all at once.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, dude, you're basically fudgeing Joan Rivers of comedy right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Thank you.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just saying. And then you're so behave. Yes. And. But there's a guy who prays, which is just a moral compass that somebody's getting in a day saying, hey, yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

You'Re praying to your God.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's wrong with that?

[Jay Oakerson]

Nothing.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a moral compass. Anybody who prays to a God is, whether it be the universe, Jesus.

[Jay Oakerson]

So if you weren't praying to God, you would go out and rape and murder?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. You're using your brain to think of serene serenity things or good things, instead of allowing your brain to think of wants, needs, sex.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think it's lovely.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's a. It's a positive thing for somebody to pray. Now, your problem is this. Let me just see. That he's praying to an imaginary person that doesn't exist.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that what your problem is with it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I get it. I understand. I mean, look, you can't. You can't fight it because it is, you know, Organized religion is.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's the point about the. Why I think it'd be funny to talk to Dave about this stuff on something is because like I'm fine either way. Dave could believe in God. I'm not. I'm never mad at anybody who believes in anything.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I, can I suggest to solve.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think it's funny that you knees and pray to God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say, can I solve two things at once? You have a new podcast that's yours called Finding my God through Dave Smith that you can take all that money.

[Jay Oakerson]

And put it in the sag action.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you get insurance. Now you get insurance.

[Jay Oakerson]

What is it called now again?

[Bobby Kelly]

Finding God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Finding God through Dave. Finding God through Dave.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Starring Jay. Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right, Jay Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Antichrist. Okerson.

[Jay Oakerson]

J. Antichrist overs.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, man. I don't like me.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not anti religion at all, by the way. Well, you call not religious.

[Bobby Kelly]

You call people who are pray gay. That's anti.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think the act of praying is gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm pretty, pretty sure that's anti.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're getting on your knees to kiss the holy penis.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you get. You don't get on. You know why you get on your knees?

[Jay Oakerson]

Because you're gay. Because you need money for drugs?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, the other side. Robert Downey Jr. Did less than zero. Well, worst scene ever. Oh, he had come on his mouth.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was it the worst?

[Bobby Kelly]

When he had come in his mouth.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did he have jizz on his lip?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it was like jizz. He got caught. Not blow.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I know. He was chugging when they walked in.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The less than zero scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh God.

[Bobby Kelly]

It made me. It just made me think of him differently. Even though it's fake and it's an acting.

[Jay Oakerson]

Who was he blowing exactly?

[Luis J. Gomez]

What are you doing? Iron Man.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh yeah. He was blowing a guy. Some guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They had to stop him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Less than zero scene.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Help.

[Christine]

Help me out. I've never seen this guys blowjob scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

Less than zero. Yeah. I mean it's so sad.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know, dude. It was Robert Downey Jr. Just to see him.

[Jay Oakerson]

You could tell. Black loose. Mary doesn't know how to spell blowjob. That might be it. Penguin Room.

[Bobby Kelly]

He was blowing. What's his name?

[Jay Oakerson]

James Spader.

[Bobby Kelly]

James.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was he blowing him? I don't think he was blowing him. I think James Spader was having him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I think.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was he tricking him out?

[Jay Oakerson]

He's pimping him. I don't know. To get his money back.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. Was He. James Spade was a piece of. In this. Great. He was so good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He always has weird sex in movies. Like, bizarre.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can't do regular.

[Bobby Kelly]

And this is. This is Miami, right? Or is this Hollywood?

[Jay Oakerson]

It was la, I believe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Was it la? Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I think so.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not in this one? No.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not the scene. No. Does he. Doesn't he go through. He goes through the party. Yeah, he goes through the party and catches him in the other room.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, he went all the way to the end of this. And that would be the biggest scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I. Can you go back to that lady right there? Go back to that lady. Click on right there. She is the richest woman in.

[Jay Oakerson]

You said. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's worth billions.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, which is good because she got UG fast.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How is she worth billions?

[Bobby Kelly]

Her. She invested in a company with her husband who is, you know, had money. She started a company called Tesla and. No. And she has. I don't know the name. What the company does. Billions of dollars. She is set forever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Good for her.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Good for her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Barbecue sauce. She's a barbecue sauce heiress.

[Bobby Kelly]

So you. But here's the thing with praying, is that when you get on your knees, it gives you the focus where you're actually. You're humbling yourself.

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

In your mouth, Jay. You can't talk about. We're trying to listen. You're getting on your knees.

[Jay Oakerson]

It doesn't say he found God. It's called finding God. Oh, here it is.

[Bobby Kelly]

All right, let's go back.

[Jay Oakerson]

Go back, go back. I missed it. I missed his mouth on his. The way I hoped.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's. Yeah, he's.

[Jay Oakerson]

Andrew McCarthy set the scene up. Yeah. He's walking through a party to find his old friend Robert Downey Jr. Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Going down.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a drug act.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's whacking off a guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, he was just. No, he was blowing.

[Jay Oakerson]

He was getting ready to.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he put it on. He put it on. Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

He didn't have jizz on his lip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he does. Go to the next scene.

[Jay Oakerson]

You wanted him to have jizz on his lip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go to the next scene, buddy.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's no next scene.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's a next scene when he's fighting with him and he's got.

[Jay Oakerson]

Come on his lip.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got jizz on his lip, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you wish there's his on his lip?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't, buddy, first of all.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't wish any jizz on any lip.

[Jay Oakerson]

Except I feel like if there was jizz on your face. It would be all over your face. Or none, because you swallowed it. I feel there's no in between. I guess you could do a half open mouth. Some face. Some open mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob, what's your preference when blasting a fat batch on a lady? What do you prefer? Face, tits, stomach, Mouth.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why you can't believe in a God?

[Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

Because you can't talk like this and then go back to God. You'd have to go. You would have. You have to.

[Jay Oakerson]

You can't. What's the palate cleanse?

[Bobby Kelly]

The what?

[Jay Oakerson]

What's the palate cleanse for one to the other?

[Bobby Kelly]

You would have to ask for forgiveness. If you were really. If you were into religion, like Catholicism or Christianity, sure, you'd have to ask forgiveness. Those two every night?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, the other ones are worse.

[Jay Oakerson]

So if you every night say you're sorry for the things you say on the show.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, never. No, I never say sorry for comedy.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you ask God to give you the strength to not be a raging homophobe who walks through streets yelling at for everybody?

[Bobby Kelly]

I do not.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right. You don't do that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know. I don't do that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I guess you don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

This is absurd.

[Jay Oakerson]

What you're saying is absurd.

[Bobby Kelly]

And what you're saying is you're going to hell for that. Because that's a lie.

[Jay Oakerson]

The lie that I said will be going to hell. You just said you have to believe in hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you do believe in hell.

[Jay Oakerson]

I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I don't.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, you do. And I hope hell is Christine not making the bed every day and leaving crumbs everywhere.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, she can make the bed. She. Her making the bed every day. But I can't fix the fact that she's left some fucking sheet out the bottom. Why?

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope. Yeah, that's probably my fault. Oh, it's interesting to me that people. I understand. I understand both sides. Like, people don't believe in God at all. I mean, me and Patrice used to philosophize about this all the time. We used to talk about karma.

[Jay Oakerson]

My two favorite philosophers.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I mean, that should have been our podcast, Philosophizing with Patricia.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The country is swinging back towards religion because for a few years it became it's all. But then it was replaced with nothing. Like, everyone became nihilistic and now they're. Yeah, and so they didn't replace it with anything. So now they're swinging back.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, Dave said that in the thing with Tucker Carlson, where He's like, there are no. Really atheists. Like, no one practices atheism. Yeah, I guess kind of true, I guess. Like atheism, something you say when you just go, I don't really believe anything or give a shit. Do you believe atheist?

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you believe in anything? Do you believe in, like, manifesting, like believing, like seeing something, believing it and it coming true, coming to you, like getting what you want in life? Or do you believe in energy? Do you believe in anything other than nothing?

[Jay Oakerson]

Energy?

[Bobby Kelly]

Like. Yeah, like. Yeah, like vibration. Some people say that where it's vibration, like you have to vibrate. The whole world is, you know, vibrations and magnets and magnetic, you know, magnetism and all that stuff. And you can bring stuff to yourself by thinking it, but that's a vibration.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like vibrators and magnets. That's your next question.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, but people believe in that. People believe in vibrations. Some people believe in.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's almost my point.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's too many different beliefs, but they're all the same. If you look, if you. If you break them down. All religions are pretty.

[Jay Oakerson]

I remember Jesus talking about vibes, but.

[Bobby Kelly]

He'S talking about positive thoughts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jesus was the ultimate vibe curator, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

But he talks about positive.

[Jay Oakerson]

Quite a vibe, huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

He talks about positive thinking.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Which is a positive vibe.

[Jay Oakerson]

So Tony, like a Tony Robbins. That's a good.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that's another form of. I think another form of religion for people is like that. That type of, you know, believing in all that stuff, you know.

[Jay Oakerson]

But what is the give a shit about that then? Are you praying to Tony Robbins?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. You're actually, you're actually. I think that. I think they're actually using their own brain as the power.

[Jay Oakerson]

Some people think that religion to most people is harmless and then it causes a lot of. For people.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think there's a theory that you're God and all the other people around you are. You've just. You've become different people to live different lives, to experience different things.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because Pristine. What I am God.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's what she says.

[Jay Oakerson]

I am your God now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Every time you handed that check. Put that in the bank and pay for all this.

[Jay Oakerson]

God says, put this in the bank.

[Bobby Kelly]

Let me see this. This is Dave Smith on Tucker Carlson talking about.

[Jay Oakerson]

Interesting. Very interesting atheist interview.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's so funny because Dave Smith on TV looks very manly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, but in life.

[Jay Oakerson]

Handsome fella.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, very handsome fella, but in life. I mean, a little thin dude, you know?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I had my daughter. I found God the day my wife delivered our first child, I go out and I'm in the. The hallway in the maternity ward. For the first time, it hit me that, like, something could go wrong. This is kind of the thing. I mean, that's what he says, Bailey. He thought something could go wrong, and he was. Got overcome with emotions. So that makes sense. I understand people finding it when you're begging. Now, I've done that. I've been like, if you. God, if you're there and you make this. Whatever things feeling, please let me get Metallica tickets. Please, God, do not. I do not want to hear Max cry. Can we please get into this? God, if you're there.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, God, please let the Cure end early. Let this concert. And now.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I think when I. Like when I get anxiety for the first time, like, really bad, where I was going to the hospital, I felt like something terrible was happening to me.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sure.

[Jay Oakerson]

In that time, like, desperately, I asked to feel better, and I would do whatever to turn everything around and whatever, but I didn't. Didn't adhere to any of that. And I still, you know, medication helped. That's what helped.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I know, but I think. I mean, I've had moments in my life. I mean, the. The night I. The last night I got arrested when I was 15. Rochester, New York, in the police station, all night, being interrogated, lying. Them opening the door and seeing the other two kids who I was with, crying, who ratted me out, knowing I'm going to jail, going into that jail, which is the worst jail I've ever. Juvie jail I've ever been in in Rochester, New York. It was like real prison. Getting into this cell, and I got on my knees and I prayed to God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was that his name? Was it Jesus?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it was by myself. But I prayed to God. I was like, listen, man, whatever. Whatever direction you need me to go in right now, I am willing to do whatever you need me to do. Whatever. I just need. I know I need to stop drinking. I need to stop using drugs. Because when I stopped that, things were going, all right, I need your help. Whatever you want me to do, I'm willing to do. The next day, which is a weird thing, my mom and my Bobby spread.

[Jay Oakerson]

The word that gays are bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not true.

[Jay Oakerson]

And straights are good. Tell them with the F word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Robert, that's not. I. Don't say it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sorry.

[Bobby Kelly]

You Orange peel face. Sorry. Sorry. So, Robert, first of all, God is not Count Dracula.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have to go crush a lot of pussy and wear overalls with no shirt and no Underwear and no underwear. Masturbate into a towel and put it on your friend's door knob. This is my word.

[Bobby Kelly]

That is the word of the Lord. But the next day, Bobby's been following.

[Jay Oakerson]

The Lord since he put a comerag on my doorknob.

[Bobby Kelly]

The next day, my mom and my stepfather, who gave up on me, like, literally were like, we're done. Blah, blah, blah. They showed up, and they were a hundred. They were. They were. For some reason, they believed me. They came in. I'm like, listen, I need to get sober. I need to get it together. I'm willing to. And they brought. They came in. They believed me. They. They were shipping me back to Boston on a plane in a week. They came back up with all kinds of stuff for me when I went back to the other jail. And they were like, we got you. Whatever you need. We believe. For some reason, they believe me. And it was weird because over the last four years, I was a fucking piece of shit, in and out of jails, in all these foster homes. And the first time I got on my knees and prayed and asked for help, I got it. That's weird shit. And I've been sober ever since. And there's been a couple times in my life in sobriety that that's happened to me. Now, do I believe in Jesus Christ and all that stuff? I don't know. I think religion is fascinating.

[Jay Oakerson]

Vishnu.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who?

[Jay Oakerson]

Vishnu.

[Bobby Kelly]

Vishnu's. Yeah, he's fascinating. But I. I do. I think religion.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I think the guy who gives you the thetans. Pollywog. What's the name of the. The one for the Mormons.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's not more as a science.

[Jay Oakerson]

Scientology? I mean.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, more. But all the religions, if you look, they're all based on the same thing. They're all based on. Don't bang your neighbor's wife. Treat people the way you treated. Ha. You know, don't kill people. It's a moral compass for people to actually have a guideline in life. So we don't. Just the strong don't murder everybody. I think so. I think it's a good thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Praise Zenu.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know Xenu.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you know Xenu?

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Is that you pray to.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I don't pray to Zito.

[Jay Oakerson]

Now, what if I'm not a Scientologist, but I pray every night to Xenu? Is he gonna hear my prayers?

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do I have to do people and be weird?

[Bobby Kelly]

Tom Cruise, I mean, believes in this stuff. I don't know. Zeno I don't. I think it's. I think your brain is so powerful that if you. If you believe in something, that if you believe in something that's positive, whatever religion is, if you believe in something and it's positive, you will find serenity and things will happen in your life and open things up. Sure, I think that.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think that. I believe that. I believe you keep a positive thing, for sure. I just think some people need it to be attached to something super supernatural, which I'm not even against. I don't know if it's true.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't know about the supernatural stuff either, because it does. It does freak me out because I have Jewish friends, I have Catholic friends, I have Christian friends, and there is a little hint of different stuff. I have, you know, Ryan Hamilton. I have. Whatever the. He is freaky Mormon, right? He's a Mormon nerd. Luke, like, Luke, the guy from God Rest His Soul from God Rest the Show Soul from Outdoor Boys. He's a Mormon. He. Anywhere he went in the world, he would go to church on Sundays with pajamas. They would wear. No, they wear ties and white shirts.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, but weird magic underwear.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do they?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

They have to wear weird underwear? Yeah. You're allowed to have many wives, but they often be ugly with beards.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's no hot Mormon wives, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, they are under the surface, maybe they get all right. But I mean, like, at first. Look when you see him with their stupid fucking bun. Yeah, those are stupid pajamas.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't understand. What is this? See, this is the stuff that gets like. I would think that if Jesus came back today.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you wearing your pajamas?

[Bobby Kelly]

Robert, if Jesus came back today, he probably dressed more like you than he would like, you know, in that garb, he's not gonna get. He's gonna be like, dude, it's cold. Get me one of those hoodies that chubby guy's wearing.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's new Christ. And you with umlauts. Christ, new Christian.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's gonna have jeans and a. He's gonna have a. He's gonna have, like a sling bag.

[Jay Oakerson]

And Jesus said from the mountaintop get up now get down with the sickness get up and then get down with the sickness We've had this. Your mother. Get up. Come on. Get down with the sickness Jacob. Your very father got up get down with the sickness.

[Bobby Kelly]

What'd you say, Jacob?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm more with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

What do you mean? About the gays?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No more the religion than Jay. But one time, every time we've had this discussion Every time it gets to the. The idea of heaven, it falls to pieces because it's just wacky.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I. I mean, I don't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We've talked about it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe you'll understand it if I explain to you this way. Jacob. Boom da ooh dama da boom da boo da ima.

[Bobby Kelly]

It must be. Can I say this to you and don't take it.

[Jay Oakerson]

You want to be New Christ or Jay?

[Bobby Kelly]

I want you to be anybody you want to be.

[Jay Oakerson]

I like New Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do New Christ. Okay, don't take this as an insult. This is to Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Please don't. But you can be New Christ. You can relay it to Jay.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I want to feel it as Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't take this as an insult, please.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm too fat to not believe in God.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't want to say it, but. Yes. You're not there yet, dude. You're almost there, but you're not there. No, that's not what I was going to say. Isn't it funny when you're fat? You think that's everything.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can I say to me without you getting upset, something fat tagged onto it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I say something? I'm too fat to play basketball. I'm too fat to be a father. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I use BetterHelp. I love BetterHelp. I really believe in therapy. I am a firm believer, I'm going for a long time, that you need to have somebody neutral in your life to tell them your problems, your goals. Not just all the bad stuff, all the good stuff you want to do. Mental health awareness is growing. Many people avoid seeking mental health because of fear of judgment and stigma. You know, they don't want to be seen as someone who needs to go to therapy. People hesitate to get help and it just affects them and it impacts their family, the workplace, entire communities. This mental health awareness month right now encourages everyone to take care of their well being and break that stigma. The world is a better place when people are healthy and happy. BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapist from their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Easy to switch therapists anytime you want. No problem. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.combonfire to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.combonfire the other day.

[Jacob]

I saw a meme showing a baby in a womb Captioned this was the last time I slept well. First I laughed, but then I got concerned because it was true. I figured bad sleep was my fate until I took a leap of faith and replaced my pillow. Coop's original adjustable pillow seriously solved my sleep issues. Before Coop, I tossed, turned and woke up with neck pain. Feeling exhausted. Now I sleep comfortably and wake up refreshed. Now's the best time to try Coop. Don't miss their Memorial Day sale with up to 40% off site wide including best selling pillows. Plus every order over $150 gets a free silk pillowcase only available until May 27th at coopsleepgoods.com Comedy don't settle for sleepless nights and groggy mornings. Try Coop Risk free with a 100 night sleep better guarantee at coopsleepgoods.com comedy that's coopsleepgoods.com Comedy Instacart is here to keep you on the couch this basketball season. With pre game rituals and post game interviews, it's hard to find time for everything else. Let Instacart handle your game day snacks or weekly restocks with delivery in as fast as 30 minutes because it's bad luck to be hungry on game day. Download the Instacart app today and enjoy. $0 delivery fees on your first 3 orders. Service fees apply for 3 orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurants.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I want to say this and I and I don't insult. I don't want you to take as an insult. It must be nice to not believe in anything like a religion type thing where you can always just be silly and not have these moments.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Do you know what I mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't have the moments where I think when you do believe or you do have some type of spirituality where you not forced to have these moments but they're you're open to it and when you're not open to that I would just say quote unquote silliness. Right. It must be nice to just not have. You can always goof on and be stupid and not take these have these serious moments. Like.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I mean still have serious moments but they're more like yeah, but you're.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not going to look at a sunset and be like man, that's God.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're gonna be like no, but I could be like that's beautiful. I saw that moment have you have.

[Bobby Kelly]

But you have that moment where you're like you don't understand what like what it goes into making that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I just don't know if it was made, like.

[Bobby Kelly]

But if I said that to you, if I was like, man, look at that. Look how beautiful that is. You'd be like, buddy, I'll go sit.

[Jay Oakerson]

And watch a sunset with you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Really?

[Jay Oakerson]

Of course.

[Bobby Kelly]

And we can enjoy it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But at one point. Are you going to be silly?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. That's what I'm saying.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have to spend time being serious for Christ. When you look at a sunset.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm just saying that people believe in.

[Jay Oakerson]

You have a certain amount of time that you have to, like, devote to seriousness with Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

There's people. I'm saying it's not a. I'm not saying it's a bad thing or a good thing. I think it must be nice to not have to have these moments. And I think when you believe in something, you kind of forced or in your brain, like, this is a thing, you know what I'm saying? Where you'll be like, hey, man, you know, you get to enjoy for a second, but then you get to be a goofball and not take it in.

[Jay Oakerson]

DJ Liu, first of all, very stylish shirt. Second of all, you look a beetle.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, no, not the band. A bug.

[Jay Oakerson]

DJ Pepper.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Your facial hair is annoying everybody.

[Jay Oakerson]

DJ Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

[Bobby Kelly]

You look like a jazzy bug.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're not religious, right, Lou? You are.

[Bobby Kelly]

I believe in higher power. I was raised Catholic, but I'm starting to feel the higher power thing again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn it. That's right. That's right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Spiritual process.

[Jay Oakerson]

No drinking. Jacob, you believe in God, right? Hardcore.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Don't let him bitch you out of God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sometimes I. I do believe in God.

[Bobby Kelly]

And that's it. You don't have to have a. I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Mean, when the barometer, I go right to it. So I guess I can't say.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, that's like my joke. Like the hits, the fan for us, we get God, the hits for Jay, he gets Joe Rogan's podcast.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's true. Black Lou.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, you believe in God? Yes, he does. When's the last time you've been to church, my Jay?

[Jay Oakerson]

Real question. Real question.

[Bobby Kelly]

God damn it.

[Christine]

I haven't been to church in a long time. I'll say that I do believe that there's something out there. I don't know 100 what of what it is. I hope that there is so I can see certain family members again. But I will say, if it is all real, that where we are right now, I believe is purgatory.

[Bobby Kelly]

You Think this is purgatory?

[Christine]

Absolutely. There's no other rhyme or reason or explanation that comes close to people dying early. Kumia brought this up a long time.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ago, but I'm sorry. Anthony Kumia.

[Christine]

Absolutely.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're gonna quote Anthony Kumia right now?

[Jay Oakerson]

The guys at Genius. Everything he says is dead on.

[Bobby Kelly]

I mean, I don't. I don't disagree. I just. I thought I was the only one.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, the guy. He's our Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anthony Kumia for Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. What was the quote?

[Christine]

There's no rhyme or reason.

[Bobby Kelly]

He has a bunch of quotes. Some of them we can't say.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He goes, I believe it was Anthony Kumia said, jesus is black. My ass.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I believe Anthony Kumi was the one who says this is the way they act all the time.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. They still act like they're in the Bible. Animals. We got refrigerators now.

[Bobby Kelly]

If you leave it out, they'll take it. All right. God. What was his quote? Besides those.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anthony Nietzsche. Kumio.

[Christine]

But basically, there's no reason that a grandmother with seven grandchildren at the bus stop dies because a rock ricocheted and hit her in the head. And then you have on the other side, gang bangers and shootouts who just live to walk away. Like, it has to be, oh, this is your time to go type of thing, because your sentence is up. And that's kind of what purgatory is about. Like, you come to purgatory, you do your time of your sins in your past life, and then you go to heaven or hell if it doesn't work out.

[Bobby Kelly]

But it's complicated if it's purgatory. Don't you. Don't you ascend? Oh, so you think. So you go to where you're supposed to go after this. You go to Hell or heaven. So, I mean, Purgatory, there's like. Would you. Dante's Inferno. Did you read that book?

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's a good book. It's about nine. The nine levels of hell and everybody. It's really up.

[Jay Oakerson]

What level you think I'd be on?

[Bobby Kelly]

You'd be on nine and a half. He'd actually.

[Jay Oakerson]

Top tier is that. I know. Lower you get, probably the better. In hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think the. I don't think it's just. It's different things.

[Jay Oakerson]

Penthouse to Heaven. I don't think it's sub basement.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't think 9 is hot. Higher is worse. I think it's just. Yeah, it's different levels for different things.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dante's Inferno.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Dante's Inferno.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pretty good. So wait, the Person running hell is Dante.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Dante went into.

[Jay Oakerson]

He got his ear pierced in hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

He went down this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, I got a devil claw in my ear.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Dante did a documentary, the devil. Let him come in and do a doc. A quick doc called Dante's Inferno.

[Jay Oakerson]

Here's the nine circles in descending order. Limbo.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Seven.

[Jay Oakerson]

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. What are you talking about?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, the movie seven.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but go ahead, go ahead. What does it say?

[Jay Oakerson]

But this is nine. Yeah, Limbo. Yeah, that's where you don't know what's going on.

[Bobby Kelly]

For the unbaptized and virtuous pagans. That's. You experience a life of quiet and misery that you'd go there?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, possibly.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. But maybe. Maybe you go here too. What's the next one? Lust punished by an endless temptation of fierce endless tempest. Tempters of fierce winds representing the power of lust.

[Jay Oakerson]

I do have lust I love. I like lust.

[Bobby Kelly]

You want to go to two?

[Jay Oakerson]

So far I'm okay on two.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm actually in two right now, living in with her.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, so three is gluttony.

[Bobby Kelly]

Gluttony.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, we both punished by being stuck in a slushy cold rain, surrounded by pigs and guarded by Cerberus. Okay, that sounds right. I think I'm there. So far I'm on rank rung.

[Bobby Kelly]

Three I don't like. I don't like three. Three I don't like. Slushy rain is my worst type of.

[Jay Oakerson]

Four is greed.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is Cerberus?

[Jay Oakerson]

Real quick, come on, dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

What is Cerberus?

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a person. It's a demon.

[Bobby Kelly]

Guarded by Cerberus is a demon?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I just didn't know Cerberus is a demon. The demon who guards the level three of hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's Dante's boy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, what is it? A monstrous multi headed dog. It's a dog that guards the gates of hell.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. What did I say wrong?

[Bobby Kelly]

You said it's a demon. Yes, it's a dog. A multi headed dog is not okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

It has a serpent's tail and snakes growing out of his back. It's a fucking demon, dude. Sorry. This guy never watched Supernatural.

[Bobby Kelly]

I did. I started.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm joking.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do love Supernatural.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Greed. I'm not very greedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you're one of the. You're probably one of the most generous people I've.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know I'm not greedy.

[Bobby Kelly]

I was talking to Don about that the other day. I go, jay is one of the most generous people I've ever met.

[Jay Oakerson]

I just want everybody have a good time.

[Bobby Kelly]

You do, man. You really do. And I've been with the greediest.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Greedy. Are you crazy? I told you. When a bruny canyon came back down to go to a stupid sub shop and Dane made me pay with my last 20 hit a black Amex which has no limit. You can buy a house.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That was the first time you got on your knees.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's the third actually.

[Jay Oakerson]

Greed is punished by pushing heavy boulders and fighting for possession of them. Forever unable to rest. That's not my hell. I'm not going to that hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, that's not your hell.

[Jay Oakerson]

Anger.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, I'm in this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Here we go. Punished in the sticks. A river of fire with souls constantly fighting and tormenting each other. Oh, I'm worried about that. I'll just get out of there. I hope I'm worse than this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I. I'm. I'm going to. I be there. I have anger and I hate it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Heresy punished in fiery tombs. Eternally imprisoned and tormented. I don't like that. That's just being heretic is just being like anti religion, right? Anti God?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think so, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Look up heresy. So we have that, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

That is you. I know that is you. That's what you do.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know you.

[Bobby Kelly]

You call people who pray gay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you're a heretic.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're a heretic, dude. You're angry, generous heretic.

[Jay Oakerson]

Belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religion, especially carry.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're an angry, chubby, generous heretic.

[Jay Oakerson]

All right, so I've made my way down to what? Circle of hell? I believe I made the six so far.

[Bobby Kelly]

Six?

[Jay Oakerson]

Violence. This is not me.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Well, let's see.

[Jay Oakerson]

Further divided into sub levels with those who committed violence against. Against others, nature and God facing various punishments, including being boiled in a river of boiling blood. Buddy, that's not blood.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're violent against God if you're talking against them.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, I haven't committed. I haven't committed violence against God. That would be like. That'd be like burning down a church or something.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, that's just a move of Uber drivers.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, tell that to my three headed dog.

[Bobby Kelly]

Fraud.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean Uber drivers or drivers that I've.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Road rage.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they're drivers in other cars, you're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in, in fact they brought the violence out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but what do they do? Those are the demons.

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're fighting demons. You're fighting them in God's name.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, maybe. Well, that's probably where I'm not going to be on that level of hell. I don't want to boil in a boil. A ring of a river of boiling blood. That's a lot of bees.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Eight is fraud. Yeah, you definitely done that punishment in a complex series of ditches, each with different tortures for specific types of fraud.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Am I a fraud?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't get that fat without us seeing you get that fat. You were sneaking food somewhere.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. It was. Well, I was definitely not temper. I wasn't sneaking it, but it was. I'm a fraud in many ways, I'm sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, you were doing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were doing a lot. A lot of late night fatso eating.

[Jay Oakerson]

So. Yeah. All right. That one I'm gonna be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Hey, me too, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna be in a ditch.

[Bobby Kelly]

We're a fat. We're food. Fat frauds.

[Jay Oakerson]

Frauds.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And the ninth is treachery. The lowest circle, the penthouse where those who betrayed others are frozen in ice with Satan himself located at the center. Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not you.

[Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Bobby Kelly]

Not you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Satan is frozen.

[Jay Oakerson]

I guess I haven't committed treachery.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're not. You've never. You've never.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm not treacherous.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. You've never done anything. Betrayed anybody. You're not you. You've never betrayed. You've been betrayed. Yeah, but you've never betrayed intentionally. You have intentionally betrayed.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tell me one. Open up, my son.

[Jay Oakerson]

Any cheating?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh. Oh, yeah. Then I guess we're both going there.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. It's all I'm talking about.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but you can. In my religion. No. You can ask for forgiveness and is wiped away with a couple Hail Marys. I'll father the glory be lovely. Is awesome.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's really nice. What a good God you have.

[Bobby Kelly]

We do. I have a great God.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's a really good God. Well, so it looks like I'm going to be kicking it all around the go up fifth. Fifth level of hell.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

According to Dante. Dante Nero.

[Bobby Kelly]

A river of fire with souls better known as base.

[Jay Oakerson]

Philip.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can't get out of there, huh?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you can get out of there. You got to believe in God, ask for forgiveness and then do good things. But he's not gonna do that. He's gonna continue.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, if I'm boiling and boiling blood, I'll probably turn it around. First of all, now everything's been proven.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can't turn. You gotta turn around before you go. You can't, buddy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Constantly boiling.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why can't I ask for a little bit of evidence?

[Bobby Kelly]

Buddy. You can do it now. You can be baptized and you can.

[Jay Oakerson]

Why can't I get evidence right now that'll make me turn it all around?

[Bobby Kelly]

You're doing the thing again. You're doing the heresy.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm asking.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's asking for you to believe blindly.

[Jay Oakerson]

Show me something. Take Jacob right now.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, don't. Stop. No.

[Jay Oakerson]

If you're listening.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, Jake. Don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Take Jacob.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. Stop. Jake. God. I. I rebuke.

[Jay Oakerson]

Squeeze his heart with your hand until it pops.

[Bobby Kelly]

I hope Jacob dies just to prove you point to you. How funny would that be?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes, Robert. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. It's me. New Jesus knew Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

The actual. The drawings of Dante's Inferno were amazing in the book. They're pretty creepy. Look at that stuff.

[Jay Oakerson]

Do you know. You know what's crazy? The other day I was going through this. I was like. I wonder if like my spelling's good anymore. Like, I worry about my cognitive thing. And I looked up the word drawing and there's only. There's only one R in it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. Drawing?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, drawing. It's drawing. It turns out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Drawing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Can you believe that?

[Bobby Kelly]

I said drawing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

What did I say?

[Jay Oakerson]

There's not that second R at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Draw.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I know. I'm with you. Draw ring is what. It sounds right to me. Draw ring. But it turns out it's wrong. So me and you both have egg on our face here. Two fools.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't like that. I don't like. I don't like that one. That was too much.

[Jay Oakerson]

What too much? We're both fools. This one. We look like two idiots.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're going to make another level of hell for micro correcting pieces of shit.

[Jay Oakerson]

The tenth circle of hell. Get Dante on the phone. Is this a Verizon deal?

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my accent. We add ours where there isn't and we take them out where they are.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. That's what Chinese people do. We do just about fire.

[Bobby Kelly]

Tonight I'm gonna be at Parks Casino. Throw a plug in the middle.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, why not watch this.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna be a Park casino tonight. Come on down, Philly.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna be home. But you should get your asses down to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tell you a casino.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's gonna be weird to go back there. I want to go down. I'm going down early. I'm going to Wednesday. I'm going in. I went in early today to do.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Steak from Oregon Stakes.

[Bobby Kelly]

No. President's Thief. Who I love.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. But you should also get a steak from Oregon Steaks.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I want. I. I like the other place I went to. What was the other. What was the place I went to? I ordered it the other. I tried, but I couldn't find it on Uber Eats. But I found. What's the other place that everybody goes to?

[Jay Oakerson]

Pat's. Geno's.

[Bobby Kelly]

Nope. The good one. It's a big Pats.

[Jay Oakerson]

Gino's is the.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's. It was another one. Unbelievable. They should actually delivered it right to the cigar lounge where I was at. And I. I ate a steak and cheese and smoked a fat back.

[Jay Oakerson]

We ate a cheese steak. Steak and cheese with guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

A bunch of guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jacob loves guys.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was I saying? Oh, I'm so. I'm going back. I want to go rent a car and I haven't been back to the home I lived in. The. The.

[Jay Oakerson]

The bad kids home.

[Bobby Kelly]

The. The. My parents, my mom.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's.

[Bobby Kelly]

They moved there and we lived in a. When they started putting those new. When they started taking farms over and putting in those townhouses where everybody kind of. There was like five different versions of the house. So everybody kind of had the same layout.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did Andrew and Cersei move with them?

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry, what did you say?

[Jay Oakerson]

Your brother and sister, Andrew and Cersei.

[Bobby Kelly]

Andrew and who?

[Jay Oakerson]

Circe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Circe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did we commit to Circe?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not Circe.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did we ever find out what it was?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes, we did. You said it and I said it. Red Sox song.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jeffrey. Caroline. Yeah, Caroline Bossetti and Andrew and your older sister Lisa.

[Bobby Kelly]

They were not. They were not alive yet. Lisa was. It was just me and Lisa. At that time.

[Jay Oakerson]

How old were you?

[Bobby Kelly]

I was 13 or 14.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, so you're. You're like me. You're older than some of your siblings by a lot.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, my sister was actually old.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, the. Lisa's older, but the other two.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are substantially younger.

[Bobby Kelly]

We didn't. Me and Lisa didn't talk at this time. I was full. Drinking, punk drugs. I was totally.

[Jay Oakerson]

We didn't really talk before you found new Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, this was. I found Jesus years later. Cuz I actually. We moved there Ben Salem. And it. It was like. It was weird. It was like everybody had these houses, you know, like I grew up in. You grew up in Philly. I grew up in Medford. These old houses. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, streets that have been there for a long time. These were streets that they just made, you know, 10 years ago. It used to be a farm before that. Now all of a sudden, they had a mall. Ben Salem Mall I used to go to. So this is weird to me. This whole area was almost like, I don't know, like the movies in the 80s, like, Valley Girl type.

[Jay Oakerson]

Robert, it's me. New Jesus. Do you feel like your life at this point was cut into pieces? Was this your last resort? Suffocation? No. Bleeding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bugs me how white Black Lou is. Sometimes it really does.

[Christine]

I'm ready to jam.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah, he just gets so pumped up when you're singing these stupid songs.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't talk about New Jesus like that.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm sorry. You're right. Jesus. I apologize. I'll follow.

[Jay Oakerson]

What's your problem, bro? What's up, bro? You want to go?

[Bobby Kelly]

I think I want to. I think I'm gonna go back to the neighborhood, try to find the place where I went to school. The place I got arrested.

[Jay Oakerson]

The priest who raped you?

[Bobby Kelly]

No. There's no police. No, I never got raped by a priest.

[Jay Oakerson]

So you're just homophobic out of nowhere.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm not homophobic.

[Jay Oakerson]

I. No, I forgot familiar. So you're not homophobic.

[Bobby Kelly]

Very happy with the gay community, I hope. I wish them all the best.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're gay with the gays.

[Bobby Kelly]

I love the gays. I'm a gay with the gays.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I want to go check it out, because I did that in Rochester. There I went. When I first went back up to.

[Jay Oakerson]

The farm, you said you went to.

[Bobby Kelly]

Right, I went to the farm. It was still there. The pig. One of the pigs. I don't know if I. I think. I think it was still around.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, they just told you that maybe you're like, oh, my God. Is this Squeaks? And they're like, yeah. I knew it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come here.

[Jay Oakerson]

He recognizes me.

[Bobby Kelly]

The first day on the farm, when I was working there, I showed up with, like, a wife beater, and. And I had Jordache jeans, and I.

[Jay Oakerson]

Had a pair of Jordaches.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had mirror shades. And I showed up on this farm thinking I was a badass from Boston. And I went and they met. I went over to the barn. They were showing me where I have to clean all these stalls that I didn't know. And there was a. They had a mentally person working there. And he walked up with this cat that was just lying. Just relax. Like, hanging out of his arms. And as I got closer, I saw that he had his finger in its vagina.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

And I was like. I was like, no, you can't do that. He was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to do that. But the cat was looking at me like, yo, man, why don't you back off? You. Why don't you stop being a blogger? Let this man do what he's got to do.

[Jay Oakerson]

And you think there's a God based off of that?

[Bobby Kelly]

There's. I believe. Believe in. It does. Christine, we were talking about believing in God. Christine, do you believe in God? Do you believe in Aegon? Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now I'm gonna say this now. He believes in one. I believe in one. He believes in one. He believes. The only one that's going to all five levels of hell is the person you live with. Fifth level, hell, he's going to fifth. I just, like. I feel like I've, like, had a open dialogue with God forever. Like, I do pray, right? I do. You know, but at the same time, I'm. I feel like I'm also just talking to myself, you know? It's like I feel like everything is in my head. Like whatever idea I have of God is just my own thoughts. Right? Okay. That's a version of God. I mean, it's better than what you got.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's new Jesus here again. I'm doing the best I ever did. Go away. I'm doing the best I ever had. Now. Go away.

[Bobby Kelly]

Does new Jesus talk through song? Is that his thing?

[Jay Oakerson]

Exclusively through new metal songs. New Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

New Jesus.

[Jay Oakerson]

Bobby said Jesus, if he came back, would be dressed like me. So now I'm new Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I'm thinking that Jesus, if he came back, would not dress an old garb. He probably dressed in something comfortable, like a hoodie, maybe some shorts, some Jordans, right?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's not gonna go back to sandals. That's why I don't understand, like, Muslim religion. The acidic Jews. Certain religions that dress in that way, it's like you evolve God.

[Jay Oakerson]

One thing's for sure, they do it all for the nookie. Come on. The nookie. Jacob, do my come ons. The nookie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on.

[Jay Oakerson]

So you can take that cookie and stick it up your.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stick it up your ass. He doesn't know new metal.

[Bobby Kelly]

You don't know new metal.

[Jay Oakerson]

He must be a Jew.

[Bobby Kelly]

He is a Jew.

[Jay Oakerson]

I knew it.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a Jew.

[Jay Oakerson]

Jews are too dorky to get new metal.

[Luis J. Gomez]

New metal was not my thing.

[Jay Oakerson]

And that's why you're going through the seventh circle of hell. Hearsay, heresy against new metal.

[Bobby Kelly]

You are here. I mean, you are heretic. You think praying's gay?

[Jay Oakerson]

It is.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's not gay.

[Jay Oakerson]

The action's gay.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it's not. Don't put your glasses on.

[Jay Oakerson]

You're going down. You're going down cock level to your Lord.

[Bobby Kelly]

So if pray what? If you pray and just get up, put your hand. You just pray sitting on the edge.

[Jay Oakerson]

Are you sexy?

[Bobby Kelly]

Huh? It's not sexy. It looks like you're trying to eat your glasses.

[Jay Oakerson]

If I do what to pray. If I do what to pray?

[Bobby Kelly]

If you just sit on the edge of the bed and pray without getting on your knees.

[Jay Oakerson]

What about it?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that gay?

[Jay Oakerson]

Doesn't it not work then? Don't you have to be on your knees?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, you can pray right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. How about if. Can I do it when I'm laying on my back and then have God maybe crawl between my legs that way?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Like on all fours?

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, I don't like being blown standing up.

[Bobby Kelly]

Are you talking about God blowing you?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no, I'm blowing God in this story.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't understand how you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Am I blowing new Jesus? Because that's gonna be a lot of buckles. I feel like to take off. That guy's wearing a lot of belts.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What would you pray for, Jay?

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh? If you did bigger wiener.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Jay Oakerson]

But like a problematically large one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Give an earnest prayer for that.

[Jay Oakerson]

Huh?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Doing a. Try it, try it. Try an earnest God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Give me 3, 4 inches on my penis. So I can really be a problem for any girl who's got a normal sized vagina. I really wanted to know I was there. I wanted to close.

[Bobby Kelly]

To get through your eyes and do it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wanted to have to get through. Do you want to bend down in front of you, Bobby?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I would like this. If you really mean it, I would say that you come over and bend down and pray to God.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

About what you want. And this is what you want to.

[Jay Oakerson]

Pray into your lap?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. You don't have to get on your knees. I would say you'd have to like squat down, put.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can also just kind of like bend in half and work you from that angle.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I think they have to be selfless prayers. Like you want a giant penis. But is it for them really or is it for you?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, do a prayer pre. For selfless prayers for. Not for you, for somebody else.

[Jay Oakerson]

I pray that Christine had a smaller pussy.

[Bobby Kelly]

No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that's still you. I thought my wiener was going to be.

[Bobby Kelly]

First of all, your weaning didn't make her bigger.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no. One month.

[Bobby Kelly]

All Right. Her has definitely shrunk over the years.

[Jay Oakerson]

She might have vaginal rejuvenation.

[Bobby Kelly]

100. She does very pop that ding dong in those shorts.

[Jay Oakerson]

This ding dong hasn't seen that vagina in forever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. It's not selfless, man.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wasn't selfless at all.

[Bobby Kelly]

It is selfless. Try to make it selfless. Make it about the woman, not about you.

[Jay Oakerson]

God, I pray that you imagine all the people. It's easy if you try.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think that's what I'm preaching. I feel like you're stealing somebody else's prayer.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay. Try again.

[Jay Oakerson]

God, it's Jay. Sup?

[Bobby Kelly]

You can talk to God.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Stay with it.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can talk to God the way you want to talk.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Stay with it.

[Jay Oakerson]

I wish that I would have told my father in the living years. Say it loud, say it proud.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I.

[Jay Oakerson]

Say it clear.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, listen, this isn't. I believe this is. No.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was that Mike of the Mechanics? Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pretty sure that's somebody else's words again.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You got to learn to talk from your heart.

[Jay Oakerson]

It was PETA. I think it was a Mike Rutherford side project.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why don't you talk from your heart? Say a prayer from your heart that comes from you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

To God. Ready?

[Jay Oakerson]

Prayer from my heart.

[Bobby Kelly]

From your heart.

[Jay Oakerson]

God, Till now I always got by on my own I never really cared Until I met you but now it chills me to the bone how do I get you alone? How do I get you alone?

[Bobby Kelly]

Wait a minute.

[Jay Oakerson]

That was heart.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I know. I know. Not heart. The band. I'm talking about from your heart. Oh, not heart.

[Jay Oakerson]

Specific apologies.

[Bobby Kelly]

The two old chubby girls.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, that's not a nice thing to say about them.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, well, I. Not them. You need to come from your heart. So how about something from your soul? Inner from. Inner. From inside you.

[Jay Oakerson]

For my soul.

[Bobby Kelly]

From your soul.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One of them.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dear God, say it loud. Black and I'm proud. Hot pants.

[Bobby Kelly]

What? What? What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, hot pants.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Jay Oakerson]

Not that many words. Hot pants.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't.

[Jay Oakerson]

Amen. Jesus.

[Bobby Kelly]

Listen, I think this is another. You're doing another song? This is another song, bro. You gotta. I'm telling you, every time I say, come from the heart.

[Jay Oakerson]

You said from the soul.

[Bobby Kelly]

From your soul.

[Jay Oakerson]

That was soul.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but no, you need to come. You need to be original. Original.

[Luis J. Gomez]

There's a cadence.

[Bobby Kelly]

It has to be original. Has to come from you, inside you.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Bobby Kelly]

To God. Okay. Okay. Let's go. Let's do this. Go.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dear God, should I pack it up? Should I pack it in? Should I let you begin. You came to win. If I battle you, that's a sin. Come on. No, that was right there. That was right there.

[Bobby Kelly]

This isn't other people's words.

[Jay Oakerson]

Okay, but I'm not a.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're speaking through limericks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hi.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're hiding, Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're hiding.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I'm not hiding.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're hiding something.

[Jay Oakerson]

Stop it.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm starving. So hungry right now. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day.

[Jay Oakerson]

Like superheroes and sidekicks or Odd and Home Insurance.

[Bobby Kelly]

With usaa, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a'@usaa.com bundle restrictions apply.