Origami with Lev Fer & Tristan Bowling

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly

Episode: “Origami with Lev Fer & Tristan Bowling”
Date: June 24, 2026
Guests: Lev Fer, Tristan Bowling
Channel: SiriusXM Faction Talk 103

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bonfire is a loose, raucous hang with comedians Lev Fer and Tristan Bowling, hosts of the "Fight" podcast, alongside regulars Big Jay Oakerson and Nick Mullen (with Robert Kelly off-mic). At its core, the episode careens through outrageous stories about growing up, embarrassing sexual discoveries, family awkwardness, and the evolution of shame in the era of technology; all tackled with brutal honesty and relentless jokes. The group explores tales of being caught masturbating, family taboos, oddball parental behavior, the weirdness of open secrets, sex scandals in schools, and absurd pop-culture news—punctuated by comedic riffs and group laughter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origami, Hidden Talents & Jay’s Awkward Adolescence

[01:08 - 02:49]

• Jay reminisces about his Japanese childhood friend whose sister taught him origami, leading to a hilariously awkward story about being caught masturbating at his grandmother’s house.
• Nick Mullen marvels at Jay’s hidden artistic ability, which surprises even fellow comics.
  • Quote: “That’s what makes me sick about Jay… He’s one of the hilarious guys in the world… and then this asshole reveals his drawing and it’s like fucking Michelangelo.” – Nick Mullen [01:39]
• Lev jokes about using origami to wipe after Jay’s embarrassing episode.

2. The ‘Caught Masturbating’ Roundtable

[02:53 - 09:51]

• All four comics trade stories about being caught in compromising moments as adolescents.
• Jay and Nick discuss the shame and ingenuity of using whatever pornographic material was available, including a coffee table book titled “The History of Sex in Films”.
  • Quote: “Is this whack offable, would you say? It’s only 3.73 on the wack meter, but it was good.” – Jay Oakerson [03:44]
• Nick goes on: “I got caught jacking off by my mom… She laughed so hard she fell to the ground!” [06:27]
• The group riffs about Vaseline being a terrible lube, leading to vivid, absurd metaphors:
  • “It would look like a painting of a wave coming off of it.” – Jay Oakerson [08:14]
  • “You need something that takes the oil off ducks after disasters… Like Dawn soap!” – Host [08:23]
• Jay quizzes producer DJ Lou about whether he and his twin ever caught each other: “I assume just mentally, you know when each other are.” [08:37]

3. Parental Oddities: Post-Jerk Enchiladas and Big Dicks

[09:51 - 18:27]

• Jay tells about being caught by his stepfather, leading to a bizarre silent encounter involving both of them, each “jerking off under the same bad blanket”, and his stepfather cooking baked beans [12:09–12:55].
• Hilarious escalation to Jay seeing his stepfather’s “huge, huge dick”, which becomes a running gag:
  • “I mean, it was like dick came out before him in the room.” – Jay Oakerson [13:37]
  • One story: the stepfather is goaded into showing his dick to his coked-out brother-in-law, leading to stunned silence and “sandwiches quietly” [15:28–16:32].

4. Generational Changes: School Sex Scandals, Technology, and Nudes

[18:50 - 22:39]

• The group discusses how, unlike now, teacher-student sex scandals were unheard of in their youth, but technology changed everything.
• Lev tells a story of a coach getting busted through Snapchats and desperate instructions (“DELETE EVERYTHING!").
  • “All of a sudden kids got to her car… there was a note on her windshield that just said, in all caps, DELETE EVERYTHING.” – Lev Fer [21:00]
• Jay comments on how teens risk severe legal trouble for sharing underage nudes, even among themselves.

5. Kids, Moms, & The OnlyFans Era

[28:36 – 30:44]

• Nick shares his stint working at juvenile hall, where a staff member would "counsel" the hot kids, implying further scandal.
• Jay observes how, these days, it’s not rare to have a parent or someone with OnlyFans or a public sex work persona, making growing up even stranger.
  • “Now… your mom is out there… There’s a more common thing, like someone's mom having sex with one of the friends…” – Jay Oakerson [29:26]
• They reference Chris DiStefano’s story and call back to audience-shared tales about embarrassing parental hook-ups.

6. Celebrity Divorce, Sexual Double Standards & Open Relationships

[35:12 – 40:31]

• The crew briefly explores celebrity breakups: Jelly Roll filing for divorce from his OnlyFans-star/escort wife, Ice T’s alleged divorce from Coco (later revealed as unfounded gossip).
• Lev and Jay scrutinize the double standards regarding infidelity:
  • “If anyone can separate emotion from sex, it’s a former prostitute.” – Jay Oakerson [40:00]
• Lev quips: “Jelly Roll makes hope music for pill heads.” [40:23]

7. Absurd Pop Culture: Mystikal, Piss Fountains & Degenerate Tales

[32:20 – 38:57]

• The group cracks up over rapper Mystikal’s (now convicted) assault charges, riffing on how his song titles now take on dark double meanings ("Shake your ass… or else!”).
• Lev shares a wild story of Ice T at a Chicago club, where the VIP treatment involved getting “pissed on” at a spinning table:
  • “She starts, like, squirting on everybody in a circle, just pissing all over Ice T… And then he apparently was like, ‘That ain’t even cool, man.’ And he got up and left.” – Lev Fer [38:12]

8. Disabled Kid Encounters & Performative Sympathy

[40:31 – 43:15]

• Jay describes a viral video of Jelly Roll meeting a disabled fan, noting the uncomfortable dynamic when a parent orchestrates the interaction for clout.
  • “He just, you know, he screams like a vowel. And then she goes, ‘He says he’s completely blown away meeting you and really loves your dungaree jacket.’ That’s not what he said at all.” – Jay Oakerson [41:39]
• They compare this “emotional translation” to the Gypsy Rose story—parents using their kids as props for special treatment.

9. Jelly Roll: From Music to Stand-up?

[43:15 – 44:27]

• It’s revealed that Jelly Roll, the country/hip hop musician, is dabbling in stand-up and even canceled stadium shows.
• Jay and Lev plug Lev’s new special ("Patchwork") and close with plugs for upcoming gigs.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “That’s what makes me sick about Jay… this asshole reveals his drawing and it’s like fucking Michelangelo.” – Nick Mullen [01:39]
• “Is this whack offable, would you say? It’s only 3.73 on the wack meter, but it was good.” – Jay Oakerson [03:44]
• “I got caught jacking off by my mom… She laughed so hard she fell to the ground!” – Nick Mullen [06:27]
• “You need something that takes the oil off ducks after disasters… Like Dawn soap!” – Host [08:23]
• “I mean, it was like dick came out before him in the room.” – Jay Oakerson [13:37]
• "All of a sudden kids got to her car… there was a note on her windshield that just said, in all caps, DELETE EVERYTHING.” – Lev Fer [21:00]
• “If anyone can separate emotion from sex, it’s a former prostitute.” – Jay Oakerson [40:00]
• “Jelly Roll makes hope music for pill heads.” – Lev Fer [40:23]
• “Shake your ass… or else!” – Jay Oakerson riffing on Mystikal [34:12]
• “He just, you know, he screams like a vowel. And then she goes, ‘He says he’s blown away meeting you and really loves your dungaree jacket.’ That’s not what he said at all.” – Jay Oakerson [41:39]

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Important Timestamps

• 01:08 – 02:49: Intro banter, origami story, Jay’s hidden artistic talent
• 02:53 – 09:51: ‘Caught masturbating’ tales, Vaseline as lube, family shame
• 13:37: Jay’s infamous “stepdad dick” story
• 18:50 – 22:39: Changing sex/tech culture in high school, “delete everything” and child porn laws
• 28:36 – 30:44: Staff ‘counseling’ at juvenile hall, OnlyFans parents
• 35:12 – 40:31: Jelly Roll divorce, Ice T rumors, celeb open relationships
• 38:12: Ice T piss fountain story
• 41:39: Jelly Roll meets disabled fan, performative reactions
• 43:15 – 44:27: Jelly Roll tries stand-up, plugs for Lev Fer's comedy special

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Tone & Style

The overall tone is irreverent, unsparing, and collaborative. Stories are told with raw honesty, explicit detail, and mutual ribbing. The episode features plenty of cross-talk, punchlines, and extended comedic riffs, making the chaos part of the charm. As always, The Bonfire uses the openness of satellite radio for fearless, no-filter comedy, but this episode is especially heavy on personal embarrassment and nostalgia—“boys will be boys” taken to its comic extreme.

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Further Listening/Viewing

• Lev Fer’s special “Patchwork” [Available on YouTube]
• Fight Podcast with Lev Fer & Tristan Bolling (with Colum Tyrell)
• Big Jay’s upcoming show: Buffalo Helium
• Nick Mullen at Governors, Levittown, Long Island

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Crackle, crackle!

Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Commercial Voice]

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[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

and now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's right.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

I had a Japanese friend for a little bit. His sister taught me origami. And he called me masturbating at my grandmother's house once. And when he came in, all he said in his Japanese accent was jerking off. And then he left again. I didn't finish.

[Nick Mullen]

Did he scream?

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no, no. He called me jerking off. No, I was just jerking off. Oh, no, Nick, it was a call back. Jay, I apologize.

[Nick Mullen]

It's all right, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

You got commercial between there. I got all origami.

[Nick Mullen]

Doubt it did.

[Jay Oakerson]

So impressive to me.

[Nick Mullen]

This is what makes me sick about Jay is that not only is he like a one of the hilarious guys in the world. In the world. At this point in the last couple years, I would say the world. Three years ago, I'd say tri state. But the last couple of years, the

[Jay Oakerson]

greater Northern Jersey area, East coast. I got to be big up there. It's mostly diner comedy, but he has

[Nick Mullen]

so many fucking hidden talents. Yeah, remember we did the drawing thing? I literally went to art school. I'm like, I'm going to smoke this. Then this asshole reveals his drawing and it's like fucking Michelangelo.

[Jay Oakerson]

You were doing drugs and getting pussy when I was fucking drawing alone, as an only child, using my imagination for things. You're not a bad drawer either.

[Nick Mullen]

I'm not a bad guy, but Jay is like an artist, which is weird.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, we had a trans girl doing the old. What do you call it when you slap Your nuts. And she was doing 30 burger and dog behind your legs.

[Nick Mullen]

30 second poses.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

And then we made it into seven minute poses.

[Jay Oakerson]

Welcome back to the Bonfire faction talk, Sirius XM103. We are hanging out with two very fun friends of ours right now. They have a podcast called Fight that they do with column tarot. It is the hilarious Lev Furr and Tristan Bolling joining us. What's up, dudes?

[Lev Furr]

Great to be here.

[Jay Oakerson]

Checking out my origami. My origami.

[Lev Furr]

I picture that Japanese guy walked in on you using his origami to wipe your teeth.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's like not my scorpion. Oh, not the broccoli. He was. It was awful. We stayed at my grandmother's house the night before where we often stayed. That's where I was at most of the time. And I thought he'd left in the morning. And I put in. All my grandfather had was a book that actually we rebought not long ago called the History of Sex and Films. And that was a whack offable thing. But he also had VHS tapes that

[Nick Mullen]

were jerked off to text. No, a book.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You painted pictures.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, pictures.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I thought you were painting like a word picture in your head.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, it's a coffee table book. Coffee table book for sure.

[Nick Mullen]

And then she came into the room and her breast and areola.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I just imagine just unbuttoning a blouse.

[Jay Oakerson]

This book right here.

[Lev Furr]

I just pictured checking out at the counter that.

[Jay Oakerson]

And is this whack offable, would you say? It's only 3.73 on the wack meter, but it was. It was good. It had a bunch of like a lot of fur for sure. A lot of beaver in it because. Yeah, it's from like, you know, movies like the 50s, 60s and 70s.

[Nick Mullen]

Look at that. Look at that 1860 muff. Yeah, that's a Yellowstone.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not from this book. That's some Japanese crazy. That's what Jacob likes.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

He's got a. That'll turn copper turquoise. Yeah, she has oxidizing.

[Jay Oakerson]

She changes in clean silver

[Nick Mullen]

statue.

[Jay Oakerson]

But he had this and he also had. And he was. He passed away at this point. Also my grandfather. So he left behind in his VHS collection. He would make his own. Like you get blank tapes and like film put things on them. So one of he had like the Playboy videos which were. I mean talk about whatever they mean by the term erotica. It's that it's not jerkable really unless you're a kid because it's so ridiculous. But like Lady Chatterley type shit in the and the cow. And then just girls kind of like, you know, just posing around with their pussies out. But, man, it's all I needed. But I was. I was going to work and just lost full track of the idea that he won't be in the house anymore. I thought my friend Mark Shiraiwa had left.

[Nick Mullen]

That's his name. His Japanese.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's Japanese.

[Lev Furr]

Sorry I bought in on you.

[Jay Oakerson]

He came in and he had an accent, but very little. But he. I just remember he came in, he saw I. You know, I pulled the covers back over, like. And he just grabbed his bag and goes jerking off. And just, like, put it out of the room.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

He's the Japanese weasel.

[Nick Mullen]

He didn't come in after you and clean up, as the Japanese must do if they catch somebody that's honorable to clean up your jizz.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

They treat it like a stadium.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I. I got caught by my stepfather whacking off once as a kid. Never again by anybody, ever.

[Nick Mullen]

I got caught jacking jerk off by my mom. She said, me and my sister go to the store. You want anything? You want to come? I was like, no.

[Jay Oakerson]

Because when you got those, the answer was yes.

[Nick Mullen]

When you get that time alone when you're like, 11, 12, when nobody's in that house.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Nick Mullen]

I would make. I would get fully naked.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

And lie. I remember I lied in the bed, and she did all the sheets. It was just the mattress. And I was lying, and I was jerking off. I had Vaseline. We used to use Vaseline.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You're jerking off bare mattress.

[Jay Oakerson]

You des having the age and everything that your son is actively doing right now.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, yeah, I know. I'm not going to. In his room with a black light.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

I remember my mom. I was. I was into it, and all of a sudden, she opened door, she went, boo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, God.

[Nick Mullen]

And she scared the out of me.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then she went jerking off.

[Nick Mullen]

She laughed so hard, she fell to the ground because she didn't know it was jerking off. And then she just went in her room and started folding clothes. And I went in. I was like, hey. She's like, what's up? Just trying to hold in the laughter.

[Jay Oakerson]

Laugh at you?

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, she was laughing.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's fucking tough.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. And then, like, two weeks later, me and my sister got to a fight at the dinner table. And she goes, well, at least you don't jerk off with the Vaseline, weirdo.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

And I was just like, ah, she knows too. My mom told my sister what a

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

rat I was about to say. Can you tell with, like, the. Do you pool cue it?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, you guys might be. You guys might be actually too young that you. Somehow that information would have trickled to you. That Vaseline, although it was often described as like, the jerking off thing, is not to jerk off with at all.

[Nick Mullen]

Why did you dick like a duck pelt?

[Jay Oakerson]

I did what you said, though. I tried to just fuck the tub. And I was like, it's not working. And then I said, using it on your hand. I think one time it takes before you're like, what? This is a mess. This is a problem.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You're making Ben and Jerry's cookie dough core.

[Jay Oakerson]

Cold stone.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Happy birthday.

[Nick Mullen]

My mom would never buy the big one, so I just stuck my head in it once because it was just.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's for your lips.

[Nick Mullen]

For my mom's lips.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

So by association, your mom's blowing you.

[Nick Mullen]

My mom, my sister.

[Lev Furr]

What a player.

[Jimmy Conrad]

One.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. One family's lips. Chapstick is another man.

[Nick Mullen]

I just remember getting in the shower, your dick was so waterproof, you could have clean it like soap right off.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's what I'm saying. It became. You had like a. Like a. A layer on it then. Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

You get like, dishwashing detergent.

[Jay Oakerson]

And it would, like. It would look like a. Like a painting of a wave coming off of it. It's like the. When you're done, like, you pull your hand off and, like, you pull some of the Vaseline so it, like, cuff over like this.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You need something that takes the oil off of ducks. Like disasters.

[Nick Mullen]

Like dawn soap.

[Lev Furr]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Or that one that you like. Mechanics. Got it. You got to grab some borax.

[Lev Furr]

Oh, yeah.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Like the one with the grit in it.

[Lev Furr]

The soap with the grit.

[Jay Oakerson]

DJ Lou, you and your brother are twins. You ever catch each other whacking off? Because I assume just mentally, you know, when each other are.

[Commercial Voice]

No.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Do you see, like a cardinal.

[Jay Oakerson]

J.P. we're jerking off now. What's wrong, Lou? Nothing.

[Lev Furr]

He just leans back. He starts spazzing. He also comes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Will stop. Never caught each other. Never. Even when we're younger?

[Announcer]

Ever.

[Jay Oakerson]

Did you make a. Oh. Think you shared a room, I assume, right? No, I had to each week.

[Nick Mullen]

I had my own room growing up, and my mom definitely caught me.

[Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Nick Mullen]

We were allowed to have naked posters on the wall, so I had Samantha Fox.

[Jay Oakerson]

Damn, dude.

[Nick Mullen]

You are trash. That's crazy. Nude tits, Samantha Fox.

[Jay Oakerson]

How the fuck have we not had Ru Garbage come in here and do Lou? I mean, Lou has gotta be up there. Lou traveled to school. Lou has a childhood that Tristan, looks like you should have had, like, traveling to school with varmint in cages. His dad was like an exterminator, so he had to go to school with, like. But make him ride in the back of the van with, like, the angry squirrels.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You're. You're riding with a raccoon.

[Commercial Voice]

Yes.

[Nick Mullen]

With no windows. And the PEs. His pesticides were back there too.

[Jay Oakerson]

It must have been raining on you guys.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

That's good.

[Jay Oakerson]

You like two little Eddie Furlongs?

[Lev Furr]

I got caught as a kid because I was, like, 11. I was typing into the computer. I was like, boobs, tits, anal. Like, you know, made it. Jumped on the third one, quick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it was a leap.

[Announcer]

Anal.

[Jay Oakerson]

He goes, tits. It's not doing it.

[Lev Furr]

It was like the day I discovered porn. And then my mom was like, I found what you've been looking. Gonna tell your dad you're in so much trouble. And so my. My mom put me in the room, sat my dad down, was like, look what he's been searching. And my dad goes, I don't see anything here. And then he closes the browser, and the wallpaper was now Jessica Alba in a bikini. So he turned the monitor off and never talked to me about it again.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, because he bookmarked all those things.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's like, thank you, son. You did a lot of the heavy lifting for me.

[Nick Mullen]

I've been looking for this type of anal for a long time.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I didn't know.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's pretty cool. That's a cool move. My step pop, when he caught me, I. I was. We were in an apartment in West Philly. So it was just a hallway. At the one end of it was like, my bedroom, my mom and step pop's bedroom. Me and my brother shared this room, the hallway. And then it would just be like a living room slash dining room. Basically one thing with, like, a little, like, you know, tiny kitchen, Very New York apartment.

[Lev Furr]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

Feeling. And we had the love seat. Would look down the hall, and it was next to the tv. And my parents, I realized that they had rented a porno from West Coast Video. And Because I wasn't there the night before or something. So I guess they watched a porn together and. Which is an antiquated situation, huh?

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Bizarre.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is bizarre, but I don't think it's that uncommon. Back in the day, I was kind of like, so. But I put it in.

[Nick Mullen]

It's not an antiquated.

[Jay Oakerson]

I played it. Sorry.

[Nick Mullen]

I think I know what that means,

[Jay Oakerson]

but I'm not sure.

[Commercial Voice]

Thanks.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, just say old. Let's dumb.

[Ad Voice]

It Down.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Indubitably.

[Nick Mullen]

I know what that means.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I hit play on the VCR and like, I was just, you know, And I'm looking down the hall to make sure he doesn't, like, you know, he's supposed to be asleep. I'm looking down the hall and I'm looking at the TV and I'm jerking off. And I'm just doing the back. And then at one point, you just get too invested in the jerk and forgot to fucking check back. And by the time I look back, he was like. Everything was weird about it too. I think he was naked, wrapped in a blanket, coming out to, like, get something to eat.

[Lev Furr]

Jerk off.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I'm.

[Nick Mullen]

You're jerking off. In his jerk off time, we had

[Jay Oakerson]

two of the same, like, shitty blanket. They weren't even blankets. They were like comforter. Like what you put over.

[Nick Mullen]

Throw a blanket.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, not even. Just like the thing in a hotel you're supposed to take off.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, the jerk off blanket.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he had that wrapped around. And I'm jerking off underneath the other one. Like, so we. We're both. I'm hard. But he just came out and, like, walked by. He knew what was happening for sure. The porno was on. I hit stop on the point. I just sat there and, like, he

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

didn't say, I'm asleep. Hard. Sitting right up.

[Jay Oakerson]

He came out to make baked beans.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Damn.

[Jay Oakerson]

He wanted to make himself some baked beans. So he puts them in the pot and he's like, holding his towel or, you know, his blanket like this. See a fucking cowboy.

[Lev Furr]

Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

And he's making the baked beans. I'm sitting there in dead silence with the vcr. Everything's off now, but I'm just sitting there, you know, with my dick covered by the blanket too. And like, he just did his thing for like, whatever seven minutes that took. We just kind of quietly sat there, not talking. And then he took his baked beans and went back in the bedroom.

[Nick Mullen]

He took baked beans into the bedroom. That's fucking wild.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Having a bowl of empty bowl of beans on your nightstand.

[Nick Mullen]

You just sit there.

[Jay Oakerson]

He was probably gonna. We didn't know what to do.

[Nick Mullen]

This pervert was jerking off.

[Jay Oakerson]

Neither of us knew what to do.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I see you're making yourself, yourself a man. Hope you don't mind.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna throw together some vittles.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I ran out of Tinder. I couldn't make a fire in the bedroom.

[Nick Mullen]

I was gonna come out here and do the same thing, but I guess I'm gonna have some beans now.

[Jay Oakerson]

My step pop Had a, A weird thing about on that.

[Nick Mullen]

They're gonna say dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Maybe it's not that weird. A huge dick.

[Nick Mullen]

He had a big dick?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. How'd you know he still has it? I think you saw it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was.

[Nick Mullen]

Caught him jerking off too.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. The only time I saw it, two stories I have about my stepfather's huge, huge dick was me seeing it one time the way our. Again, my bedroom was the end of the hall. There was a mirror in the middle of the hallway and then the living room. And I saw him coming out of the bathroom across from the mirror one time just looking down. Just looking down the hallway. You see in the mirror and you turn around, it was like. I mean, it was like dick came out before him in the room. And then it wasn't like hard either. It was just flopping around. But it was big.

[Lev Furr]

It was like about as wide as a can of baked beans.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

It was like the intro to Space Balls. It was for two and a half minutes straight.

[Lev Furr]

I love that he went into the living room to have a jerk and his consolation prize was baked beans. He's like, damn, he beat me to the jerk.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh no, he was. No, he would have jerked off in the bedroom. My mom wasn't home or nothing. No, he came out literally to make baked beans and didn't know that I was out there jerking off. But my step had a lot of weird. Like, he would get into like these jags of things where it would be the only thing he'd eat a lot for a long time. The weirdest things, whether they'd be like turkey from the deli. And then at one time we had canned peaches or then something else, like some just odd shit. But the other dick story I have of him was his brother in law, his sister was married, married a dentist and they were all weightlifter, like semi bodybuilder cokeheads. Not my stepfather, but his sister and the, and the Dennis guy that she married. And then the sister left him, the dentist. But my stepfather and him were still friends. So he called us over to the house one day. He bought a big house that they could live in together. And then she just kind of left him one day. So he was going crazy and all like coked up in his own house. So we're basically there watching this guy go through a coke spiral through his house, showing us a big empty house that he lived. He also bought the model house. So he's living there alone and they have like a room that's like made with like, football theme for a kid. It's like these, like, children's rooms for children that don't exist.

[Lev Furr]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Other families. And picture.

[Lev Furr]

And he's got an IKEA display house.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then we go in his bedroom and he go. He just puts on a porn. Which is strange. I'm probably like 16, and I'm like. And we're kind of sitting there like me and my stepper. This is weird. And then he goes to take a piss with the door open the. His brother in law and he goes. And I think he turns around, like, wags his little fucking wiener at us. And then he goes, joe, I can't believe we're friends for so long and I've never seen your dick. Everyone says your dick is so big, but I've never seen it. And he keeps like, goading him to see it. And my step pop keeps going like, ow. Get out of here. Stop it. Come on. Come on. He goes, come on. And then he finally, just like. To shut him up, he goes, all right, you want to see it that bad? And they go behind like a half wall. And I just see my stepfather's motion of, like, more shoulder than you would think you would require to pull a dick out. Like, you got like, under. And he fucking pulled it out. And this guy was, like, coked up and excited. He goes. He goes, oh, man, I can't believe. And you just saw him immediately go like, oh. Oh, that's a really big dick, Joe. Just like, everything got weird. He turned the porn off, and we went downstairs and ate sandwiches quietly.

[Nick Mullen]

It's so big. He got sad.

[Jay Oakerson]

It kind of made him sad. How? He's like, oh, that is big.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I gotta rethink a couple things.

[Lev Furr]

He's like, and you're gonna have to fix that floorboard.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's like, I'm gonna have to get your. He goes, I gotta get your sister back. Damn, I gotta get your sister.

[Lev Furr]

Dad put on like a weightlifting belt before he took it out.

[Nick Mullen]

I gotta stop doing.

[Lev Furr]

Dang, that's such a crazy. I could never imagine a world where my dad would pull his penis out for another adult.

[Jay Oakerson]

Sometimes you gotta shut a guy up.

[Nick Mullen]

Our dads don't have big enough dicks to go.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You never been pulled over with your dad in the car?

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, officer, let me think. I think I forgot my PBA card. Does this look right?

[Lev Furr]

He's like, that wasn't my foot on the pedal, actually.

[Nick Mullen]

Cop starts yelling, get your hand off. Get it off that.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's reaching.

[Lev Furr]

He's stroking. I remember one Time my mom or my dad was out of town. And my mom got a phone call on her cell phone back then she weighed like Motorola razors and fucking. I go to go grab it, cuz I'm like a 10 year old kid. And I look at the little picture on the front camera and I'm like, what the fuck? And I open it up and it's an overhead shot of my dad's dick from a hotel room that he sent her. And my mom said it as his contact phone. And I'm just Ted answering like, hey,

[Nick Mullen]

your dad definitely had a small dick. The overhead is the small dick shot.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Oh yeah, you got to go underneath. Underneath laid over your wrist like a watch.

[Lev Furr]

My dick is exactly the size of what that dick was.

[Jay Oakerson]

Your father's.

[Lev Furr]

Yeah, I have my dad's dick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Me too.

[Nick Mullen]

I think I have my dad's dick too.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I got my aunt.

[Jay Oakerson]

Son of a bitch, she left it in the will. My dad. Yeah, I saw my dad's dick. Just that one. I had the. I mean, a long time ago, I would joke about seeing his dick, like going into a room, like I thought we were gonna break. Someone's breaking into his house, his apartment, and I like busted his door open to be like, that's one freaking. And I just saw it. And I still remember being like, isn't

[Nick Mullen]

it weird that you remember those? Those are burned in your memory like little. I remember I slept over my friend's house, Jackie around the corner and I went into the bathroom in the morning and I. His father was a truck driver, real rough dude. And I went. And he was just pushing out a. And I just. He went, get the out of here. Just screamed at me. But I froze and just kept staring at him.

[Jay Oakerson]

And he goes, well, I'm only going to ask you to leave once.

[Nick Mullen]

And I just froze.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You just reach in your pocket, start putting on lipstick.

[Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Jackie's dad.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, I just burned in my memory. I just remember Jackie's dad taking a.

[Jay Oakerson]

But did you have met Bobby? I suppose Lev and Tristan may have this more like I was surprised how much like after me, none of my school stuff. There was nothing in my school of teachers hooking up with students or anything sort of like that at all. Now it's like a thing across the board. There's only a couple, like, I guess like dozen stories come out a year. But like that's the people who get caught. Like it probably happens tons of times.

[Nick Mullen]

I just found out my seventh grade teacher, Mrs. I don't want to say her name dad fire. No, but she was, she was. She wasn't that attractive. She was all right, but she had long like gray hair and she was cool, but she was kind of a. I think the last time I. I left school I was like, go yourself. And I never went back to school was the last time I saw her.

[Jay Oakerson]

What a bad boy. Did you pop your leather jacket collar after that?

[Nick Mullen]

No, I did. I put my bugger collar with no sleeves.

[Jay Oakerson]

Never say sorry so you never understand the greases.

[Lev Furr]

Lady, you just got got by the vase.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Come on, Johnny, take me out of here.

[Nick Mullen]

I just found out. I couldn't believe it. She was banging kids.

[Lev Furr]

Really?

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, she was just not you friend of mine that I still want, like one of the only kids I know from that era of my life. She was banging some of the students, she was popping them.

[Lev Furr]

We had a girl that, she was like the lacrosse assistant. She was a student and the teacher was a guy named Coach Iorio. And all of a sudden like, like on a dime it broke out to the whole school that something was going on and like a news story picked. He was sending her like naked pictures holding like a wine bottle just in front of where his dick would be. And then all of a sudden kids got to her car in the parking lot and there was. He left. He just bailed out, ran out of school. There was a note on her windshield that just said all caps, delete everything. So he was like, I'm leaving town. Delete everything.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm just gonna keep driving. That's while the era of the cell phone. That's what I said before. You know when you find out the kids.

[Nick Mullen]

When you can fuck a kid and not get caught?

[Jay Oakerson]

Well no, but how

[Nick Mullen]

you just fuck your teacher and there's no evidence except your jizz on her dress.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Reminiscing Bobby.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think it took a. A law and order SVU thing to let me know that if you're 15 and you and a girl in high in high school are sending pictures back for each other and you get caught with it, you have child pornography. You get tried with like child porn. That's fucking like a scary. I would have had non stop that when I was any girl that would have semi been friends with me, I would have convinced in some way for some reason. You should let me see this. And then I would. That would have been bad. That's what I say. Like yeah, I bet it was also much easier than for like a teacher to hit on a student and kind of feel out a thing and let it happen. And there's not much evidence. Did I just watched a.

[Nick Mullen]

It's just a Polaroid.

[Jay Oakerson]

I watched the body cam thing the other day. You could probably find this in fresh in.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

In freshman year. Dude. One of my. It was like a loose adjacent friend that like when you get to high school you just kind of stop hanging out with. He's like, bro, I will buy your ex's nudes off you. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he just had a whole folder in his phone that was like everyone in our grades nudes that he had purchased. And like he got in massive fucking trouble.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was gonna say. Do you think he thought it when he got caught, he goes, go ahead, dude, I bought these.

[Lev Furr]

I have receipts.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I nickel and dimed this. Listen, I'm writing this off. It's a taxes, your honor.

[Jay Oakerson]

I got the paperwork here. Everything's signed and dated.

[Nick Mullen]

How old was he?

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

He was like fucking 14. 15.

[Nick Mullen]

So he's 14. So it. Would it still be illegal for him? Yes.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You get charged with me out. You're underage.

[Nick Mullen]

So I would thought you have to sell like when you're 18. Look, I gotta sell these. I'll put these on Facebook marketplace.

[Jay Oakerson]

I gotta get rid of these.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

But one very cool phone, no context. I'm selling my iPhone. I haven't wiped it and you shouldn't either.

[Nick Mullen]

It's $10,000.

[Jay Oakerson]

There's a pretty big body cam thing out right now. It's. He's a school counselor and he's a student or he's trying to. And he meets her out in the woods. But the parents like tractor. They're seeing some of that.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

At all. It's a. It's a blonde haired guy and he looks like a dildo. He's just got like dangly earrings. He's got like, you know, like boy band hair. And he showed up on a like sport motorcycle. So he's wearing like the. Oh like the motorcycle. And he's. And by the way. But he comes up, the cops wait for him. He finally emerges, the girl's gone. The parents have already come and gone. And then he just emerges out of the woods like, hey, what's up guys? Everybody's gotta come out. He's like in his mind he's already thought. He goes, all right, I'll just go out there now and just be like, hey, what's up guys? What's going on? What's the problem? They're like, you're here to fuck a student. He goes, that's crazy. Why would you say something like that?

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I'm here to enjoy the woods.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. And then they just show him all the evidence. He's like, yeah, this is pretty bad. Pretty bad. These days, a free offer doesn't stay free for long. The hidden fee starts stacking up. Service fees, activation fees. Next thing you know, it's not free at all, but it. But at Metro by T Mobile, you can get the new Samsung Galaxy A17.5G phone free and save with no activation fees. That's about $250 back in your pocket. What could you do with that? So many things. You could buy junk food or video games or maybe go buy a ticket to the theater. They say the theater is dying. Help them out. You got 250 extra dollars in your pocket. Get that more for your money feeling. Only at Metro. What are you waiting for? Find your local store. Just bring your number and sign up for the 40 DOL savings based on device discount and waived activation fee. Not available if you were with Metro or T Mobile in the past 180 days.

[Nick Mullen]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, for me, during the summer when things are nice and things are happening, I usually start to think I can do it by myself. For some people, summer is their favorite season. But for others like me, juggling everything is pretty demanding and it's tough and it can lead to feelings being overwhelmed and anxiety and counting down the min just waiting for get back to some type of structure. Whether you're someone who thrives or just survives in the summer, make sure to take care of yourself during the warm months. Therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform can help you understand your needs, feel more confident setting boundaries and creating a vision of summer that can actually feel good. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and Preferences and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching for you. Feel confident knowing betterhelp. Their therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the us. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] bonfire. That's B E T T E R h e l p.com bonfire.

[Announcer]

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[Jay Oakerson]

are the right fit, there's only one choice.

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[Jimmy Conrad]

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[Nick Mullen]

When I worked at the juvenile. I worked at the juvenile hall. One of the places I was in later in life when I was, like, 18, 19. And I used to the overnight where I would just make sure they didn't run, they didn't take off. And me and this other guy would split the night.

[Jay Oakerson]

And just know. If you're about to tell us that you had sex with the underage girls, you're on camera.

[Nick Mullen]

It was boys. But this one of the old staff ladies, she had, like, cotton candy hair. She was old. Old, kind of like a few teeth, you know, talk like that. Hey, Bobby, I'm coming in.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Crazy head.

[Nick Mullen]

She would take the kids and bring him downstairs. But at like, 11:30 at night, would come in to counsel certain hot young Puerto Rican detention kids.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Dang.

[Nick Mullen]

And we didn't think anything of it. Like, oh, maybe she's helping them out. Until we found out she was bringing them downstairs and. And just the.

[Jimmy Conrad]

Out of them.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, now there's something to be said for young people. When you get in, like, high school now, there's a chance your mom's done. Only, I mean, the amount of. There was usually like a. A handful or maybe, like, say, a hundred porn girls who, like, would have children that would be embarrassed by this. And now, I mean, like, your mom is out there. And that was another one. That was a strange thing. Chris DiStefano has that story. But that became like, a more common thing too. Like someone's mom having sex with someone, one of the friends in a group. And that's like. Like we had people call in a long time ago and tell us stories about that. Like, we had my mom, remember? One was like, my mom fucked somebody at my high school party in the car out front or something. And you're like, oh, my God, dude. I couldn't imagine this scene. I said, I never had that. We talked about with Christine before. I'd never seen my parents, like, weak at all. I've never. Cause they're not drinkers or nothing like that. So I never saw, like, that kind of thing. So again, that would be such a thing to have them fall off of. To be like, you were Mom. You were French kissing fucking Glenn. Like my dumb friend.

[Lev Furr]

It's summer break, Jay. What do you want from me?

[Nick Mullen]

He loves my eggplant lasagna. You don't ever eat it.

[Jay Oakerson]

If I came home and saw nobody would eat a Jewish lady's eggplant lasagna.

[Nick Mullen]

If I came home and saw dawn around with one of Max's teenage friends, you start whacking.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

No way. I might just slowly roll in, pull up a chair. You started without me, dude, I would have left earlier.

[Jay Oakerson]

Dude, I swear to God, if you tell Max.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude, Don, where's the Vaseline?

[Jay Oakerson]

Don, could this guy be more sad? Boy just got caught trying to fuck child.

[Nick Mullen]

I thought he was gonna be older.

[Jay Oakerson]

So who is this again? No, he's only like 25 or something.

[Nick Mullen]

I thought he was gonna be like, look, look like me with a fucking leather jacket.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no.

[Nick Mullen]

Disturbing.

[Jay Oakerson]

No, no. He's like a total. But my point is almost being it's the same thing. Like why do you. Why when you ever. You see a rapist gymnastics girls, gymnastics coach, look at his face before you hire. Maybe they always look like it. Why would you hire this guy, 24 to do. He's the school. So that's what he's doing. He's preying on them when they come in and they're like, my parents just understand me. Goes, I understand you. We should probably talk in the woods alone. And wear that tight ass thing I like.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

I always say you have to see the girl before you actually judge the guy fully.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I'm also wondering, is this the woman? Because yeah, this looks like a woman.

[Jay Oakerson]

No. By the end of it though, he's so like.

[Lev Furr]

Well, a lot of the times I feel like they were such losers when they were in school and now they're trying to get back and replicate like here's what the hot guys would have looked like. So they're like mentally stuck as like a 13 year old.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's what I do.

[Nick Mullen]

I was going to say. But I.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know how badass I would have been in 96.

[Jimmy Conrad]

Like this?

[Nick Mullen]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Jay Oakerson]

They would have thought I was in papa.

[Nick Mullen]

I used to wear girls blouses back in 96.

[Jay Oakerson]

A mystical gone damn. 20 years mystical. We just got for forcible rape.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Oh, damn.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Lev Furr]

Wow.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Who does what's mystical again? What does he do?

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a rapper.

[Nick Mullen]

I said the same thing. I was like, what?

[Lev Furr]

He's a rap. He's a raper.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a raper.

[Nick Mullen]

Was a rapper.

[Jimmy Conrad]

Sorry.

[Jay Oakerson]

Was a rapper. Turn raper. It's really just 1p away.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

It's 1p away.

[Jay Oakerson]

I woke up and forgot the job description.

[Lev Furr]

You know, I can't read.

[Jay Oakerson]

I thought I was a rappist.

[Nick Mullen]

Me and Christine came up with an idea for Jacob that we. We could probably buy him a Japanese girl for like a wife for five grand.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Are you trying to procure a Japanese.

[Nick Mullen]

I think We?

[Announcer]

How?

[Nick Mullen]

Yes.

[Lev Furr]

Right now's the time.

[Commercial Voice]

They're here.

[Lev Furr]

They're here for the World Cup.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, dude, we could probably. While they're here, Jay, we could probably gr. Grab one of these women for probably five grand to live. You know, she walked 10 spaces behind

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

you just take her phone away until her Godzilla came to Japan. She won't want to leave. She won't want to go back.

[Nick Mullen]

I think we do it. I think we get him a nice Japanese wife that lives in your house. You come home, it's clean. Every day she's bowing.

[Jay Oakerson]

Tie her feet up.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Make her walk in those wooden shoes

[Lev Furr]

around you just gonna take the doorknobs off and put in those slidey doors so she feels comfortable.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Make her kill all the rats around with like some type of bow and arrow she made out of a broom.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

She changes behind one of those, like kind of a FL frames that's all white linen. You can see the reflection through.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. Maybe her bottom half is dragon. It's possible. It's possible. Damn. Now everybody who has friends with m. Like, ludicrous has to be like, oh, I didn't see that side of him.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, we've done that before.

[Jay Oakerson]

I know, but it is a pretty hilarious, like this, like, move, get out. There's like aggressive music too. Remember you were telling him to move, bitch.

[Lev Furr]

I know this song.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, you know a bunch of his songs.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Shake it. Shake your ass or else.

[Jay Oakerson]

Shake your ass. Now all his songs have or else in it.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Shake your ass. It wasn't a question. Shake your ass.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, he does warn you. The other song is called Danger. We'll get to the mystical part. Okay. With the ends.

[Nick Mullen]

Jesus. Oh, him saying it. Yeah, yeah. How are we gonna watch the video?

[Jay Oakerson]

Remember mystical?

[Lev Furr]

Yeah, I know this.

[Nick Mullen]

He sounds like a rapist.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, that was nice.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

It is what he does.

[Jay Oakerson]

It is in fact what he do.

[Nick Mullen]

That's what he do.

[Jay Oakerson]

What are you doing? Damn. Gone forever. Well, if anyone out there gets. Gets word to mystical, let him know I'm keeping his warm. He'll know what it means. He'll know what it means. Yeah. Calm there. Go. Oh, fuck. That's right. Jelly roll filed for divorce.

[Lev Furr]

Do you believe that?

[Nick Mullen]

Yes. I can wait.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Doesn't he have just like a jerk off parade for his wife every concert?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Where he's just being like. This woman pulled me. I was in an alligator's mouth

[Ad Voice]

down

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

in the bayou and she pulled me out.

[Lev Furr]

I saw.

[Jay Oakerson]

Think that he was like, I was

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

facing Galactus 111 gal, I still think

[Lev Furr]

that he's like, man, you. You pulled me back into the darkness.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, maybe. Maybe she put my.

[Nick Mullen]

Well, she was. She was what? Only fans in a. Like a hooker, right?

[Announcer]

She was like.

[Nick Mullen]

She was a stripper. But wasn't she a call girl, too? I thought she was a call girl.

[Lev Furr]

She was an escort.

[Nick Mullen]

Escort. Yeah. And now we lost the weight. You lost that weight. You lose that weight.

[Lev Furr]

I know.

[Jay Oakerson]

And I think he plateaued. So we just got rid of another 160 real quick. Yeah, well, I gotta tell you, Jelly rolls a sweetheart. I did his. When I did his roast, I said she sat next to him and literally didn't smile or laugh at anything. Like, she really. I was like, she wanted to do this roast. And then of course, everyone's gonna go up there and be like, jelly rolls fat. Jelly rolls fat. She would just sit there and be like, I don't. And you're like, well, this makes it look good. Surprise, surprise. That never came out, that roast. Never.

[Nick Mullen]

Speaking of white horse with big tits. Ice. Ice T got divorced too.

[Jay Oakerson]

No.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

That's not true.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, Divorced Coco. And he. He. He's so badass. When he did it, he slowly took all kinds of money and shit away from her. I guess she cheated on him.

[Lev Furr]

This is a lesson. Don't have a food name. Iced tea, jelly roll, cocoa.

[Jay Oakerson]

It all goes bad eventually.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

This is her not.

[Nick Mullen]

Not getting divorced. Oh, they.

[Jimmy Conrad]

They.

[Commercial Voice]

It's new.

[Nick Mullen]

Did you get fake news, Bobby? No, they were.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Damn.

[Nick Mullen]

He was. They might. Maybe they repaired it, but they were. He was taking all the money. He said he's. He took the house. He kicked her out of the house. I guess he caught her around. So he was like that. And he had all these contingencies she didn't know about in the. The marriage where she don't get, like. She gets nothing.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Yeah. What did she do, though? Was she ever, like a singer?

[Nick Mullen]

No, I think she just. She just met Hot Chicken. She's the original, like, big booty white girl, like, before anybody.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, Coco. It was. It was the Smooth magazine cover. That was everything. It changed the way women pose. Go to find that. Is it Smooth magazines. It was. It's the her. It's, you know, it's face down, ass up. But yes, you know.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Oh, the ass is eclipsing.

[Lev Furr]

Oh, I heard it very.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that was literally.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

That's a white one.

[Ad Voice]

Woman.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Was.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's doing black body Was when she

[Nick Mullen]

lived with her parents.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Is she doing like that Ariana Grande?

[Nick Mullen]

She's not anymore.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Get enough, like, tan to get, like, vaguely Puerto Rican.

[Nick Mullen]

It looks like a other guy's shoulders.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, that picture was, like, viral before. That was a thing to have had, like, everyone talk about that at cover.

[Lev Furr]

It's like a chest and a Bowflex ad.

[Jay Oakerson]

It's not real.

[Lev Furr]

My friend told me a really funny iced tea story. He's like this old head Chicago dj, and, like, coincidentally, Ice T was in town promoting something, and they have the same birthday, and it was that night. So they were like, I see. He's like, we're all going out to celebrate my birthday tonight to some weird club. Let's all go. Like, you can come along. So he's like, they walk into this, like, strip club, and they take me down to the basement. And in the basement, there's just, like, a table in the middle, like a round table. And they, like, 10 black dudes sit around this table. And guys come down giving them goggles. So everybody goggles up. All of a sudden, a girl comes down, sits in the middle. The table starts spinning, and she starts, like, squirting on. Everybody in a circle just pissing on everyone. Pisses all over Ice T. And then he apparently was. Was like, that ain't even cool, man. And he got up and left. And then never saw him again.

[Jay Oakerson]

I appreciate you making me not pay for it.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I can imagine. You're like. You're relatively like. You're nicer wearing clothes. Black guy. You're just like, that's the thing. I want bodily fluid.

[Jay Oakerson]

They mention it, too. He goes, you guys want to go down to the piss fountain? Human piss fountain.

[Nick Mullen]

No, I think good Louis Vuitton jacket I'm wearing right now.

[Jay Oakerson]

Don't get it in your eyes. That's all they worry about.

[Lev Furr]

Well, she turned me into an Arnold Palmer player. Put that lemonade in the tea.

[Jay Oakerson]

Well, I mean, that's just the thing, bitch.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I'm wearing suede. I'm not going outside if it's raining. If you want to get your piss on my shit, I'll kill a bitch.

[Jay Oakerson]

I think especially in, like, the famous world, though. Like, whatever the jelly roll and her thing is. The cheating thing is, like, it's not what breaks them up.

[Lev Furr]

No, they were in an open thing. He was like, let her.

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, they say they're an open thing, but I don't know. It goes back and forth. But she says that they cheat. He cheated one time.

[Lev Furr]

And it, like.

[Jay Oakerson]

And she. When she went on Stern, she really oversold. Like. Like, it was the most devastating thing that's ever happened to me goes, you were a prostitute?

[Lev Furr]

Yeah.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

You know how to. You could. If you could explain to anyone that you can separate emotion from sex, it's a former prostitute.

[Lev Furr]

She's like, no, but I loved all those guys.

[Jay Oakerson]

Each one was like a little micro romance.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I kissed every john on the lips.

[Lev Furr]

And sisters.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Oh, each one took a little bit of me with them.

[Lev Furr]

I don't want to on your friend too much, but I mean, Jelly Roll, I. This is gonna make the next album so funny. Like depression rock. Oh, yeah, because he makes, like, hope music for pill heads.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Lev Furr]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

But I don't think he's good. You saw the thing. I mean, that video of him meeting the. The disabled kid. You see that?

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Which one?

[Jay Oakerson]

I mean, the one. The one where the kid. Like, my favorite is when the mom translates for the kid. I. That just.

[Ad Voice]

Just.

[Jay Oakerson]

She's guessing and everyone just has to. Is it those situations where everyone has to be nice or else you are a raging piece of. And the only person who's a genius is the person filming it to make sure this can happen later, Us laughing at it.

[Nick Mullen]

If that kid had a neuro chip in, it would be like, I hate Jelly Roll. That fat. Get me out of here. She wanted to be here. I hate him.

[Lev Furr]

I mean, it looks like he really hates it, but he's screaming that he's having to pee.

[Nick Mullen]

Get him away from it.

[Jay Oakerson]

Andre saw before his father died, he asked him, he goes, if you ever see Jelly Roll, kill him.

[Lev Furr]

He's like Gus Fring and Breaking Bad. He's like, ringing his bell to blow up.

[Jay Oakerson]

But this mom, God bless this mom, who has had a very difficult life of taking care of this kid and looking like that.

[Jimmy Conrad]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

She's only 25.

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm saying, she has that life. And then she says, if you turn the audio up on this, when he's. He just, you know, he screams like a vow.

[Lev Furr]

Yeah.

[Jay Oakerson]

And then she goes. He says, he's completely blown away meeting you and really loves your dungaree jacket. That's not what he said at all. Helen Keller, translator, He goes, one thing was emotions. And by the way, poor Jelly Roll wanted to leave this situation so fast. And he goes, jelly, well, wait, before you go, do you mind if he spits all over? If he slobbers all over your jacket? He goes, oh, man, I'll be honored.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, sure.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Can I put M&M's in his open mouth?

[Nick Mullen]

I love looking at rotten teeth.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

You want me to sign his molars? I don't Know what to do do here.

[Lev Furr]

The kid is just like, jaw on the floor. He's like, I'm doing an impression of your wife when your friends are around.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's being shitty. His whole thing's being shitty. Go back to that.

[Nick Mullen]

Look at the black security guy in the back is like, this is some crazy.

[Lev Furr]

He's like, this is white people. But what bugged me about this video is it seemed like the mom is the one that really cares so much she wants to meet Jelly Roll, and she's pawning off this.

[Nick Mullen]

If I had a kid like that, you know how many people I would meet?

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Are you kidding me?

[Nick Mullen]

I'd be at every concert.

[Jay Oakerson]

He's a huge kid.

[Nick Mullen]

He's a big fan.

[Jay Oakerson]

What if a guy. What if the guy calls Joey roll in and Joker goes. He goes, kill me, dude. I'd be holy, man.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

I'd be at Disneyland every day, front of the line, everywhere I'm going.

[Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely, dude. I know. I felt that's. What was the girl that got everything. Gypsy Rose. That's the best story ever, dude. Her mom just goes like, I'm gonna shave your head and treat you like you're retarded.

[Announcer]

Going to.

[Jay Oakerson]

We're going to go to Disney World every year for free. And then she just eventually thought she was. That's so funny. Oh, poor Jelly Roll.

[Nick Mullen]

Poor Jelly Roll. He lost all the weight and he lost his hot chick.

[Jay Oakerson]

I have a feeling he's just fine.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lev Furr]

Like, his next album, he's doing Stand up now. Did you know this?

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, God.

[Lev Furr]

He started. Yeah, he did.

[Jay Oakerson]

I was there tonight. He started it. The Netflix festival. Yeah, I did that show.

[Lev Furr]

Well, he's been going up at the Mothership and stuff, but they also. They just canceled stadium shows. You was doing for music.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Really?

[Lev Furr]

I think now he's like, all right, I can make some money doing this.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God. I'm going have to find work for Josh. Oh, my God.

[Jimmy Conrad]

Josh.

[Jay Oakerson]

Adam.

[Nick Mullen]

Josh is going to have plenty of work when Jelly Roll is headlining.

[Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's going to open for Jelly Roll.

[Nick Mullen]

He's going to open for Jelly Roll.

[Jay Oakerson]

Scoot and scoot.

[Host (possibly Bobby Lee)]

Oo.

[Jay Oakerson]

Oh, give me my favorite Josh. Give my favorite Josh drop.

[Nick Mullen]

How much money do you make a year?

[Jay Oakerson]

He is the best Lev fur Tristan. Bo called Fight. They do it with our friend, the lovely column Terrell. It's available wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure you check them out. Two of the funniest guys, make sure

[Nick Mullen]

you check out Lev Special too. It's on YouTube right now. It's called Patchwork, right?

[Lev Furr]

Yeah, Patchwork.

[Nick Mullen]

How's it doing?

[Ad Voice]

Good.

[Lev Furr]

It's doing all right. Yeah, it's doing all right. People like it.

[Nick Mullen]

Check it out. He just put it out. Make sure you support it like it. Subscribe to it and get in the comments on that.

[Jay Oakerson]

See them live.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, see them live.

[Jay Oakerson]

See them live.

[Nick Mullen]

Big J, where you at this weekend?

[Jay Oakerson]

I'm in Buffalo Helium this weekend. And you are in Levittown, Long island, at Governors.

[Nick Mullen]

One show Friday, one show Saturday. Sorry. If you bought tickets to the other shows, return them.

[Jay Oakerson]

Get your effing tickets now.

[Lev Furr]

Everyone.

[Nick Mullen]

I was. I was promoting other people's shows.

[Jay Oakerson]

We will be back tomorrow with you tomorrow, baby. Until then, crackle, crackle.

[Ad Voice]

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[Jimmy Conrad]

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