Performing For Whales w/Greg Fitzsimmons

Summary

The Bonfire – "Performing For Whales" w/ Greg Fitzsimmons

Air Date: July 2, 2026
Hosts: Big Jay Oakerson & Robert Kelly
Guest: Greg Fitzsimmons

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Episode Overview

In this high-energy episode of The Bonfire, hosts Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly are joined by their longtime friend and veteran comic Greg Fitzsimmons. The trio dives into the chaos of booking comedy shows, backstage mishaps, the unique stress of performing for indifferent crowds (including at places like SeaWorld), and the quirks of the entertainment business—along with plenty of classic stand-up war stories. The episode is peppered with quick-witted banter about pop culture, embarrassing gigs, celebrity run-ins, and the evolving comedy scene.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Chaos of Comedy Show Booking and Comic Culture

Theme: Double-bookings, flaky invites, and comedy circuit politics.

• "Heart outs" and Staying Longer:

  • Greg and Bobby joke about claiming they "have to go," but end up staying because they're actually enjoying themselves ([01:15]).
  • “I knew I was going to want to leave, but it turns out I like you more than I thought.” – Greg Fitzsimmons ([01:20])

• Last-Minute Show Surprises:

  • Greg shares about awkwardly showing up to a Legion of Skanks taping only to find out Jay forgot to arrange a proper spot for him ([03:28]).
  • “You forgot I was on the show. Didn’t you?” – Greg Fitzsimmons ([04:21])
  • Jay openly admits, “Totally,” leaning into his stoner reputation and the sometimes shoddy organization of comedy podcasts ([04:22]).

• The Invite Culture:

  • Anecdotes about comics showing up hopeful for spots simply because someone casually said, “Stop by, we’ll get you up” ([07:27]).
  • “Talent said, swing by, we’ll get me up.” – Greg Fitzsimmons ([07:39])

2. Comedy on the Road & Hell Gigs

Theme: Shows in unlikely places and performing for the disinterested.

• SeaWorld Performances:

  • Conversation shifts to the strange fate of concerts at SeaWorld, including footage of acts like Bow Wow performing to scattered crowds, strollers, and disinterested parents ([15:11], [19:37]).
  • “Who wants to perform in front of a la... Still have eight whales there. They're just not breeding.” – Big Jay Oakerson ([20:21])
  • “It's pretty... [Performing at SeaWorld] Hell gig. You're a net.” – Greg Fitzsimmons ([20:46])

• Outdoor & COVID Gigs:

  • Bobby reminisces about performing at a Brooklyn drive-in, battling distracting views and passing boats ([22:20]).
  • “If you told a good joke, you hear... and then a windshield wipe would go back and forth. Terrible. Man.” – Bobby Kelly ([22:21])

• Comedy Cruises:

  • Mixed memories of Comedy Cellar cruises; Fitzsimmons hated the performances, Bobby recalls the hookups and gambling ([23:03]–[24:30]).
  • “I always had to go up last. So as we're pulling back into the dock, you'd hear the boat and then ropes being thrown. I was still on stage...” – Bobby Kelly ([24:44])

3. Backstage Life, Security, and Famous Encounters

Theme: Security personnel dramas and comic interactions with celebrity guests.

• Club Soda Kenny:

  • The crew recalls Club Soda Kenny working as security for Anthony Cumia, Dice, and Bill Burr ([10:18]).
  • “He really does fly around on the coattails of the famous people.” – Bobby Kelly ([10:30])
  • “He's so intimidating. He will fuck you up bad. Yeah, he's that guy... Sweetest guy in the world.” – Bobby Kelly ([11:00])

• Muscle vs. Suits:

  • Comparing hard, tattooed security to intimidating men in suits ([13:15]).
  • “More scared of a guy in a brown suit. Kenny scares me more than a guy with a full sleeve.” – Bobby Kelly ([13:23])

4. Boy Bands, Pop Nostalgia, and Celebrity Roasts

Theme: The reunion of New Kids on the Block and New Edition; playful jabs at pop culture.

• "Battle for Boston":

  • Fitzsimmons enthuses about boy band nostalgia, sharing how thrilled he was to see New Kids on the Block and New Edition perform together ([25:30]–[26:53]).
  • “Did you even know the New Kids in the Block, a New Edition performed together? Because it blew my goddamn mind.” – Greg Fitzsimmons ([25:30])
  • “It sucks to be in the boy band and be the ugly one.” – Bobby Kelly ([26:13])

• Jenny McCarthy Tangent:

  • Spiraling from Donnie Wahlberg to whether Jenny McCarthy is still hot, to her Playboy days, anti-vaxx, and abortion jokes ([28:14]).
  • “She had to shut down the abortion factory. So she grew a bush.” – Greg Fitzsimmons ([28:46])

• Breast Implant War Stories:

  • Bobby recounts a plastic surgeon who was jailed for disastrous surgeries ([29:57]).

5. Performing in Front of Whales & Other Disasters

Theme: Surreal performance scenarios, the indignity, and resilience of comics.

• Comic Calendar Antics:

  • Discussion about comedians like Stavros Halkias putting out provocative calendars for laughs ([31:53]).

• UFC Fighter Dustin Poirier’s Airport Meltdown:

  • The group watches & breaks down viral footage of Poirier being kicked off a plane after a drunken disturbance ([32:44]–[38:56]).
  • “He immediately went to his walkie talkie, you know. He goes, ‘I'll roll with you right now. Guys, I need help right now.’” – Greg Fitzsimmons ([35:52])
  • Jay and Bobby riff on white guys turning into "gangster rappers" mid-fight ([36:35]).
  • “He turns into Mark Norman. They're lying. That's crazy, by the way.” – Bobby Kelly ([39:03])
  • The comic aftermath is discussed, including Poirier’s inevitable public apology ([39:58]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Last-Minute Show Invites:
  “You forgot I was on the show. Didn’t you?”
  — Greg Fitzsimmons ([04:21])

• On SeaWorld Gigs:
  “Who wants to perform in front of a la... Still have eight whales there. They're just not breeding.”
  — Big Jay Oakerson ([20:21])

• On Comedy Cruise Gigs:
  “I always had to go up last. So as we're pulling back into the dock, you’d hear the boat and then ropes being thrown. I was still on stage going, marshmallow...”
  — Bobby Kelly ([24:44])

• On Security in Comedy:
  “More scared of a guy in a brown suit. Kenny scares me more than a guy with a full sleeve.”
  — Bobby Kelly ([13:23])

• On Boy Bands Aging:
  “It sucks to be in the boy band and be the ugly one.”
  — Bobby Kelly ([26:13])

• On Plastic Surgery Disasters:
  “He made them so big that one of the girls' nipples just fell off after surgery.”
  — Bobby Kelly ([29:57])

• On White Guys in Fights:
  “Why do all these white guys turn gangster rappers when they're gonna fight somebody?”
  — Bobby Kelly ([36:35])

• On Celebrity Security Loyalty:
  “If ever comes a day where it’s like, ah, someone else is going to pay you a little bit more… I hope I don’t have a problem with them and you beat the shit out of me.”
  — Greg Fitzsimmons ([11:42])

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Detailed Segment Timestamps

• [00:45] – Recap of Bobby’s appearance on Fitzsimmons’ podcast, chatter on podcasting schedules
• [03:28] – Greg's Legion of Skanks booking snafu
• [07:27] – Inside stories from the “White Boys in the Hood” era—how casual drop-ins sometimes meant you were (or weren’t) on the lineup
• [10:18] – The saga of Club Soda Kenny and rotating security ranks
• [15:11], [19:37] – Breakdown of SeaWorld concert gigs and the existential pain of performing at theme parks
• [23:03] – Remembrances of COVID-era comedy shows and Comedy Cellar cruise gigs
• [25:30] – Boy band nostalgia—New Kids on the Block & New Edition unite
• [32:44] – UFC’s Dustin Poirier’s airport meltdown: live viewing and commentary
• [39:58] – Host predictions for Poirier’s apology and the cycle of comic redemption

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Final Takeaway

This episode is classic Bonfire: full of behind-the-scenes comedy chaos, sharply funny storytelling, and unsparing honesty about life on—and off—the stage. It's a vibrant snapshot of the unpredictability and camaraderie of the standup world, landing somewhere between a roast, a therapy session, and a backstage hang at a club.

Transcript

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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[Bobby Kelly]

Hello, I'm Ozempic and I'm other GLP1s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Kinda like him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey, did I hear there's a pill version of Ozempic?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yep, you sure did. Ask your doctor about which FDA approved uses of the Ozempic pen or pill may be right for you. Call 1-833-OZEMPIC or visit ozempic.com to view the medication guide and learn more about ozempic semaglutide tablets, 9 milligrams and ozempic semaglutid injection, 2 milligrams.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's a pill version of Ozempic. And now back to the bonfire with

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Big J Okerson and Robert Kelly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greg Fitzsimmons. He's gonna be at Levity live in Oxnard July 11. Gregfitsimmons.com for all those tickets. And make sure you listen to the pit dog radio wherever you get your podcast.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's up, buddy?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You've been on it. You've been on Fitz Dog Radio. Bobby Kelly was just on Fitz dog Radio. We. We went so long that we cut it into two different one hour really shows. Yeah, I. I didn't realize that. I. And I apologize. I didn't mean to keep you that long.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, not at all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I. I didn't realize.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, it was. We just kept going. At one point, you're like, hey, we got to stop. You're supposed to go like a half hour ago. And you realized I lied about my heart out. Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He had a heart out for his 12:15 at the cellar.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Fritzy having a heart out and then having to let the person realize. They're like, yeah, I knew I was going to want to leave, but it turns out I like you more than I thought. I

[Bobby Kelly]

50 walked up to me and I have this little new red jacket on. He goes, man, I really like that. I have the same one. Let me get checks my tag. And I was all happy that he liked my jacket. He goes, yeah, no, it's different. Mine's not an xl.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you remember remember when Conan came in? Conan o' Brien came in and they gave us a firm.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, he's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He 10 minutes. He has 10 minutes. And then when he got to 10 minutes, and you know, we were like, all right, so we gotta let you go. He goes, what are you talking about? Oh, your people go, screw that. Like, he was just all of a sudden was like, nah, that's just their bullshit.

[Bobby Kelly]

And you're like, yeah, I think you

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

were waiting to see if you like this first.

[Bobby Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I remember Steve Martin came on. I think it was Letterman. And he goes. And they. You know, he was the first guest, and he's sitting next to the desk. And they go, all right, well, thank you, Steve. Thanks for coming in. We know you gotta go, blah, blah. He's like, yeah, yeah. And he walks off stage. They bring the next guest on. Halfway through the next guest, he comes walking out like all sheep as he's

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

like, I don't have anywhere to go.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he sat back down and hogged the next segment on some poor road comic. It was his big chance.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, you came in on a good day. We have. I saw so many. I rarely throw things into the chat. For some of the things I see that really. That tip of the point of laughter.

[Bobby Kelly]

We have a text thread with people. We just throw stuff in that we could talk about all week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

With your listeners?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, with us in the group that we could talk about on the show. And very rarely do you see something pop in. It has big J next to it. And when you do, it's real good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I try to come in with life experience and talk. And then Bobby's our Internet scrubber. He's the guy who goes through the Internet and finds all the little doodads and things that everyone's gonna be talking about.

[Bobby Kelly]

You can always tell when I'm taking a shit because 75 things go into that chat.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Then Christine starts frantically putting them into a spreadsheet, and it goes crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Here's something you can chat about. Wait, are you gonna bring some up?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, but go, please.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I want to bring up the last did Legion of Skanks. And I text Jay, like, maybe two weeks before. And I'm like, hey, man, I'm coming to New York. I'd love to come in on the show. And he's like, yeah, that'd be great. You're in. Great. So I fly in, and I'm coming from Newark, and I text him. I go, hey, man, running a little bit late. Flight was delayed, but I'll definitely be there on time. It's at the stand. So then, like, 16 minutes go by, and he goes, great. And then I get there and Donnie McFarlane is there and somebody else, and there's no fucking chair for me. And then they wedge something in at the last second. And I sit down. I think I'm sharing a mic with fucking stuttering John. And I'm like. And they go. They start talking. I go, wait a minute. I go, jay, you forgot I was on the show. Didn't you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Totally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You stone motherfucker. You forgot I was on the show. And everybody starts. He goes, no, no, no, no. And everybody. Sol Instantly. Immediately they were like. He started texting us a half an

[Bobby Kelly]

hour, I've shown up here. And he's like, what are you doing here? I'm like, you asked me to fill.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It wasn't. It wasn't quite as on the nose as that until it was. Because what happened was Greg texted me, goes, hey, I'm at the airport. He goes, I just want to make sure the time's the right. I should be there on time. And I went, great. And then I called. I was like, guys, I fucked. I told Greg he could be on the show a long time ago. I know the show's booked now. I go, we can still have him on. It wasn't much of a panic. Cause I was like, we can still have them on. Because they're gonna say, yeah. Like, they're like, oh, yeah. Of course. What was just funny was what it looked obvious was the way this show is set up. It's like, set up for the three of us hosting. And then, like, two. It was just. It was just a microphone that was on the table. Like, didn't have a mic stand and a chair next to the thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

You're lucky it's Fitzy and not me. At least he fit. And it sucks on your end because when you think you're doing the show, you're the show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And then you show up and you're like, oh, no. You're squeezing into the show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Very fun show, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And here's one of the things he wrote in the text to everybody. So I. But Greg. But he's a great broadcaster. Like, he had to sell me to Louis J. Gomez.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then G. Mike just goes, I like Greg. We're like, it's not your choice anyway. You're our fucking producer.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then that became a running thing. Whenever we would, like, we'd say, like, hey, habit zone's over next week. He goes, I like Greg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rapid. I like Greg.

[Bobby Kelly]

I do. I like Greg.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love me some Greg. Yeah, that's pure pothead stuff. I see it and I go, I'll handle this next time. I see everybody. Remember that. I go, I do now. You said that. Let me go rearrange some things.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, don't feel bad, dude. I text him all the time. I don't hear him. Hey, man, I texted you last Thursday. Yeah, dude, I smoke a lot of pot. Every once I'm done. I'm done with your face.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Legion of skanks. Every week we have set type. Besides, we all have now know the stand. Eight o' clock is the show time for Monday's live. We do Wednesday. We do a zoom episode. Wednesdays at 11pm that happens at 11pm a.m. 11am sorry, 11am that happens two out of every five times we do it because someone goes, lewis, I forgot I'm taking James to somewhere. I'm like, I forgot I'm flying. That everything gets shuffling because no one remembers anything. We're all potheads.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But Jay.

[Bobby Kelly]

Jay. I've seen Jay. Just people walk up to him. Hey, I'd love to. Come on. Come on, dude. Just come on. And then I know in his brain, that's gone. Yeah, like that's that. That invite came from the. Gone.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I came from the black comedy circuit. And I don't know if I ever told you that's the behavior in that world because that when I did White Boys in the Hood, that Showtime show they did, it was like, you know, one of them showcase shows they try to throw together. And talent, the comedian talent was hosting it, you know. Talent. Yeah, he was hosting it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Very talented.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The day. He's very talented. The day of filming, probably about seven comics that I know showed up that I was like, oh, you're on this. And he goes, nah. Talent said, swing by will get me up.

[Bobby Kelly]

And it was like, you need a

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

contract looked over by a lawyer. He said he'd get me on talent said he'd get me on if I showed up. If I showed up. Show up. Camera ready, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Barry Katz one time asked me if I could do the. A showcase. Remember the MTV half hour comedy hour.

[Bobby Kelly]

And like, yes, we do. Don't bring it up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was literally the lowest end cable show you could get. But it meant everything to us back then.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Was there a host for it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think they. I think Wally Collins.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And so I couldn't. It was like my first showcase. I was so excited. And I was booked to do some college shows in the Midwest. So I canceled. One of the kind. It was like a Tuesday night, you know, come down, cancel my Tuesday night show. I'm in like the, like North Dakota, and my next show's in South Dakota. And I fly back to New York, take the train into the city, go to Boston Comedy Club. And Barry goes, what are you doing here? I go, I'm on the showcase. And he goes, no, you're not. I go, you told me I was on the showcase. He goes. He goes, it's all booked up. And I was like, what? And then he comes up later and he felt really bad. He's like, I got you on 1:15. After 27 guys, I fly back to South Dakota.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like, fuck, you're on this show. Opie. Opie was big on that. When Opie and Anthony was happening, I'd see him at, like, places he'd go to watch jam or something. And I'd be on the show and he'd be like, why have we had you on yet? I go, I don't know. I'd love to be. And he goes, we'll get you on real soon, man. And it just never, like, never happened.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he was. That was his little thing he did. Yeah. Get on the. Yeah, we should have you on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You guys were both really there for. And I. I listen. My shower. Listen. Today was a go back to the Bill Burr, Anthony Kumi of falling the pieces thing. Oh. On the show, me got, like, bumped out by Club Soda Kenny, his very own security. The tables had turned. Now he worked for Bill Burr and, like, bumped him out of the Cellar.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why? I actually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Am

[Bobby Kelly]

I. He. What the. The thing, though, is that he went on his show and trashed Billy's wife. Literally brought a photo up and said, how. What an ugly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because I find her unattractive.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's the best. She looks beautiful in the photo, though. It's like. It doesn't make sense. She's like, really? He got the best photo of her ever. Not her at the park with the baby with a tit hanging out. You know what I mean? Just got like, this gorgeous.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's certainly being.

[Bobby Kelly]

Photo of his wife.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She's certainly being inflammatory.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. And he trashed it. Then he. Then he goes. Then he goes up to Billy at the Cellar and goes, aye, man, I guess I gotta say hi. And Billy's like, get the fuck away. No, you don't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then Club Soda Kenny had the chest bump. My goes, no, no, no. Get out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he used to be Cumia's guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, he was like. He was on A's security guy. He was Dice's old guy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Dice's guy. Ona. Then he went to Jimmy, and then he went to Burr. He really does fly around on the coattails of the famous people. But Kenny's the best, though, because he's so goofy when he talk. Leave, sir. He calls you sir. You got to get out, sir. No, sir.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Goodbye.

[Bobby Kelly]

Goodbye, sir. Yeah, leave Mr. William alone, sir.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I would have liked to see that. He was like. He seems like a Kind of guy that would cry while he goes, no, don't make me door Anthony. Don't make me door Kenny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I would never get physical with anybody.

[Bobby Kelly]

Kenny. Kenny doesn't have to get. Kenny is so intimidating. He's. He will you up bad. Yeah, he's. He's that guy. I don't think I' sweetest guy in the world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never seen him in New York. I've seen him in Denver. I've seen him in Tampa, like with different guys. He was with Norton, I think in

[Bobby Kelly]

Tampa you'd always see him in front of the bathroom because Norton, when he went to the bathroom, he'd have with chicks with dicks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not occupied.

[Bobby Kelly]

Occupied. He would always wear out. Now he's Billy's guy for a long time too. Yeah, Billy's guy. He was going to be my guy for a second, but I didn't have enough money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wouldn't hire somebody that I know has echelon.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I wouldn't hire some. I mean, I like the idea they'll have the loyalty to me. But like if ever comes a day where it's like, ah, someone else is going to pay you a little bit more. Well, I hope I don't have a problem with them and you beat the shit out of me. Hey, you're welcome. For the millions of dollars I've given you a fucking jerk off. That's how Anthony. I'm. I don't know. I'm not saying Anthony didn't deserve to get thrown out by his fucking belt and fucking collar. I'm just saying he didn't deserve it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Of course he fucking deserved it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, no, I'm not saying, I'm not saying he didn't deserve it. I'm saying, I'm saying the fact that just from Anthony's perspective though, your old guy that would used to take a bullet for you, like I hate you now.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I mean what happens is, is that they needed him at a certain point and then Anthony doesn't do appearances. Like Jim needed him at a certain. He was doing theaters.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You know, it's like you don't need him at Uncle Vinnie's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right?

[Bobby Kelly]

You know what I mean? You don't need him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, you need audience members at Uncle

[Bobby Kelly]

Vinny's and you only need 80 and

[Big Jay Oakerson]

they don't even need.

[Bobby Kelly]

They can bring their own booze.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You gotta park a mile and a half away from the club.

[Bobby Kelly]

So it's like just where. Where Kenny was needed. He went, you know, you don Billy does, apparently.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I still don't yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

You might need him someday. That'd be great if you took him from billy club.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So to Kenny. I'm gonna take him.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You die for me and then beat the out of me when I attack your next guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Broken's got like seven Navy SEALs, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they're the nicest guys in the world, but you also feel that they could kill you and are ready to kill you instantly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, when you walk somebody in, I mean, they're nice. They are very nice guys. But when you go, even you go. They're cool.

[Bobby Kelly]

They're.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They're with, like, the production or whatever, and they still be like, you know, it's almost like the Terminator scan.

[Bobby Kelly]

Like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No weapons, no bomb fluid.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm still. I'm more scared of a guy in a brown suit. Kenny scares me more than a guy with a full sleeve.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

And some type of vest on. Just some guy standing. No, sir, you can't come over here. Is frightening to me. Well.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cause you're like, why would you have him if you can have a Navy seal? And you're like, oh, it's probably because this guy's craz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. This guy will kill and bury the body.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, for sure.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Unless you stop paying him. Then he'll kill you and bury your body for the next guy he works for. Let's do dealer's choice. Bobby, I want to let you pick what you think would be most fun to talk with Greg about. Here. These are the things I sent you. Little man J lists his medical conditions at a concert. It's a club footed, I think, like handicapped guy who does country rap. I think he's.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's actually in race face too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is he?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, was he in the game?

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't. I didn't know. I've been following him. I'm. I'm a big fan of his for a long time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, really? But his songs are always like. This song's called My One Arm Looks like a Chicken Wing. My One arm Looks like a Chicken wing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He's a good one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I like him, but he listens. We have. Apparently. Christine tells me that at Sea World they've been bumping with some concerts, some free concerts recently, and there's footage of

[Big Jay Oakerson]

that, I guess, SeaWorld in San Diego.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

San Diego, I guess.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But by the way, look at me and Christine's shirts. You look like we're reffing the next World cup game.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No. No way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Same fucking shirt on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, it looks like you're teaching her how to sail On a romantic date. My dad taught me and I hope to one day teach my kids.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We're rooting for a team in the World Cup. No one's heard of that's a country.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dawn Beck.

[Bobby Kelly]

What?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I have an uncle from there. But. So see where I guess has been bumped. I'd like to see some examples of it bumping with free concerts. Because Lil Bow Wow goes out there. Which I assume like everybody else. Didn't he stop making music as a little boy? He still makes music, I guess. But he did a concert there. And just watching him give.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is Fat Joe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay, look, is he still. Is he just Bow Wow now or is he Little Bow Wow Bow Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But he just goes. And it's just when you have to perform at Sea World and no one's there and cares and is doing other things and carrying strollers upstairs just to get away from this. It's pretty.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So he was Little Bow Wow. Now he's Bow wow and another 10 years is gonna be.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is that's the union. Okay. I was gonna say people are like twerking in the audience.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But people. But they're working. Can we hear it?

[Bobby Kelly]

The poor wheel. The whales have been through enough.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's no more whales.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think they're just like, oh, they're gone. Thank God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I think so.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think it's like doll.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I see one in the third row. Red sweater on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now go to. Go to Little Bow Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

That guy's wearing white and black too. That's hilarious. He does look like an orca.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's got fish breath now. That place was pumping for those two acts.

[Bobby Kelly]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. Everybody deals with stigma. Everybody has, you know, things that build up. You know, I go into a fight with a. And I didn't call them. They didn't call me. To where we didn't talk for months because it got so overwhelming. I was going to lose a friend over it. But you know what you do do what I did. Go to BetterHelp and talk to somebody. You talk to somebody about it and you get a little direction and you get it out. And then I repaired this friendship. It wasn't even as big as I thought it was. I just built it up in my head that it was going to be crazy. Even in 2026, stigma can get in the way of a lot of things like getting support for your mental health. Maybe you've encour to consider therapy while avoiding taking the first steps yourself because you're busy worried what others would think or telling Yourself, you should handle it on your own. But therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform, can be a space to slow down and talk through what's been building up. Before it feels unmanageable. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences. And BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Their industry leading match fulfillment rate means BetterHelp typically gets it right the first time. Feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with better help. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] bonfire. That's B E T T E R help.com bonfire. I have three trips planned down to South America. I'm going back to Cuba with my son, and I'm going to learn how to communicate with these people. Their language, which empowers you, which makes you feel fantastic. It's never too late to learn a new language by using babbel. If you're traveling this summer, here's a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Babbel is built for real life, not vocab lists, not verb charts. But it's the real conversation practice. Just 10 minutes a day with babbel. It can help you start having a real conversation in as little as three weeks. Lessons are quick. They have 200 language experts. It's awesome telling you right now I can talk to people. The guy that works in my house, he's Spanish. He comes in and I see him sometimes struggling with me to say things to me. Now I can talk to him in Spanish. He can talk to me a little bit. I don't know it all, but I know some. And I know how to be polite. I can talk to people around the city. It's amazing. Learn a new language with Babbel. What language do you want to learn? They've got it. If you got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learned on your trip. Right now, babbel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babel.combonfire. that's Babel. B A B B E L.combonfire for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply. Who is this?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This is Bow Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, that's Bow Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's so no one cares.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, dude, you have a. You literally have an ocean in front of You.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It worked for Fat Joe.

[Bobby Kelly]

For everybody else, this is like the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The dolphin pen.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's singing around. Well, where else is he gonna do it? Jacob, if you're gonna pull the brakes in the show, at least ask a question. It's not stupid. Would you mind? Does that answer your question? Stupid.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wonder why they wouldn't have the dolphins or somebody jumping in out of the water just to entertain the people.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The dolphins give them a standing ovation.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Who wants to perform in front of a la.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Still have eight whales there. They're just not breeding.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, they're dead

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

people just walking out. It's like, that's enough of Bow Wow.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Everyone realizes you get there and you go, I don't know one little Bow wow song.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're not walkouts, they're swim outs.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This is a job for Aaron Carter, God rest his soul. Aaron Carter. This could have brought him back to life.

[Bobby Kelly]

God, this is such a hell gig. You're a net.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I watched a guy. I watched a YouTube video of a guy that went to a.

[Bobby Kelly]

You have to be careful.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I watched the guy who went to. It's Imagine the show must go on. Stuff for music almost hurts more sometimes than I think a comedy one, I think go back and forth. But there was a guy went to like a. All star classic OG hip hop concert. Some YouTube video I watched and he was talking about how like nobody was there and just watching these. These bands when they supposed to do those compilation shows, they bring out guys like, oh, we had that one song back in 1994. So everyone's gonna know when we come out. And you're doing it for, I mean, teens of people in a theater, like a Radio City sized theater. That's a bummer.

[Bobby Kelly]

That sucks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you gotta go out there and still do it still the artist is gonna be like, please.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. But it still sucks when you look over and there's a guy in a kayak fishing for sea bass next to you. That sucks, dude. When you used to be a gangster rapper and now there's just a guy out there with a trolling motor.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They need able to thrust on that stage, I think. But beyond that, it's pretty cool

[Bobby Kelly]

that that that stage can be float away.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Backstage is a houseboat.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude, you have to. You have to walk. You have to walk. There's no backstage there. You have to walk the plank to get to your stage.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let's see all people performing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh my God, what a show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you know, it stinks.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Just.

[Bobby Kelly]

And the tide's going in and out. And you hear a dude. We had to do when we during COVID We had to do. Colin did that show over in Brooklyn outside at the drive in. But the drive in was literally on the water. So as you're on stage, just the fucking boats are going by and then, and then behind you was the New York skyline at night. So it's like you're not even paying attention. It's like you can see the people in the kite looking up at the skyline. Like, wow, look how beautiful that is. And if you told a good joke, you hear. And then a windshield wipe would go back and forth. Terrible. Man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How pathetic we were is we needed that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The fucking Comedy Cellar cruise ship.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that was the worst thing in the world.

[Bobby Kelly]

I actually loved it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, yeah, but you were just trying to get away. You were running from things.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, I wasn't. I was actually, I was actually having sex with chicks on that boat.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had gambling going. I was AC Ducey for Hard Cash on the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We're not talking about the. We're not talking about the hang.

[Bobby Kelly]

I, I, I used to bring cards.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Left, right, center.

[Bobby Kelly]

Left, right, center. And AC Ducey for big cash.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Bobby Kelly]

And then I would I two of them. I banged a couple, couple chips.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We played with $3, by the way. Big cash. No, we played left, right, center. Starts with $3 bills, first of all.

[Bobby Kelly]

Left, right, center and AC Ducey. This is what he didn't know. He has no idea. It starts out with a quarter, but

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

it, but it keeps scally cap on while you talk to another scally cap guy. When you tell me I don't understand. He's not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, you're not. You're not. You know, you don't like gambling. You know, you know, you were over

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

the Mike's old beef.

[Bobby Kelly]

You were, you were learning lyrics when you were. We were gambling. You know, you're like, play it again. Rewind it on my cassette tape. I yeah, dude, it was crazy because it goes. I remember.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's how you got laid. Impressing those calls with those big bets.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Christine, while they're talking, keep. Bring up that performance of New Kids in the Block with also New Edition so their little Boston wieners will get hard together. I mean, I want to call them gay. It's called. Oh, the Battle for Boston.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

For Boston.

[Bobby Kelly]

I remember it. New kids won.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, everybody won because they came together to perform.

[Bobby Kelly]

What was it? Kiss108. The Remember the Kissing Away concerts they used to have back oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah, we, I, I like the cruise. I like the comedy seller ship thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The performance, the performance sucked.

[Bobby Kelly]

But I always had to go up last. So as we're pulling back into the dock, you, you'd hear the boat and then ropes being thrown. I was still on stage going, marshmallow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you remember? Do you remember? All I remember about that, all I remember about those cruises was the feeling of dumb shit. Esti would walk around like she had the maestro. It she couldn't say, you go on it. 8, 15 year, 3rd year, 4th, 5th, 6th. She'd come around, she'd find you on the boat, she'd go, you, you are next. Like she's like getting the advice. Yes, yes. That's the energy. You, Gary Goldman, you now.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did dress like a gypsy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you even know the new kids in the Block, A new Edition performed together? Because it blew my goddamn mind.

[Bobby Kelly]

I didn't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, this was my whole morning the other day.

[Bobby Kelly]

When was this?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not, not 2021.

[Bobby Kelly]

2021. Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

At the amas and they all still got it.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Which one's gay?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

His brother, believe it or not.

[Bobby Kelly]

Not him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nope. Right. Wow, crazy. The one all the way on the left and the other one all the way on the right's been 40 since they started.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, oh, monkey face. Yeah, he looks like Donnie Osman now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And the youngest one looks like the oldest one. Maybe.

[Bobby Kelly]

It sucks to be in the boy band and be the ugly one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

God damn. Doesn't it?

[Bobby Kelly]

It sucks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Monkey face suck. Danny Wood. He had a name too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, Dan.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jonathan. Hey, Dan Wood. Joey. Donnie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I had, I had Joey McIntyre on my podcast.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Good dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Great dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really good dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

I met him a couple times. He's really, really good looking dude too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Good looking dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

Who's the talented one too? The little young one with the voice?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah,

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

girl, but come on, all five of these guys? Bring it. I mean, six of them if you count the ones that got kicked out together.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, this is a new addition.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

God, they make white people look so stupid.

[Bobby Kelly]

But only one. They really do make white bands look gay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They do.

[Bobby Kelly]

It does look like a musical.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Come on, this guy's straight falsetto. He couldn't look cooler.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, but he's the only one. Who else? Bobby Brown and him was it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But also Bobby Brown's just trying to get through it in his fat Jack jacket.

[Bobby Kelly]

Bobby Brown's crack sweating right now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Look at him, he's all the way. He's all the way on the End dying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. He's trying to take that hat off just to have his head breathe. Nobody else said who was the other people in the band that you don't even know him, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What? Ricky Bell, Ralph Tres, Van Ronnie Devoe.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, Bell, Biv, Devo. Oh, yeah, okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Michael Bivens.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Johnny Gill joined when Bobby Brown left. But now they all do it together because why not? They all need money.

[Bobby Kelly]

What's the lead singer's name again?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ralph Tres.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow. He's great.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's the best.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's awesome.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's a man with sensitivity.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. Bobby Brown looks like Keith doing it now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean he really.

[Bobby Kelly]

He does.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, candy girl.

[Bobby Kelly]

I had too much candy. Now I talk like this. I need some wine. Give me a swirl. Godamn it. Where's Rachel? Where's Marina? Donna Walberg dancing around or something? I told you to put a railing up here to hold me up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude. How hot is Jenny McCarthy still? That she. She talked Donnie Wahlberg into getting born again Christian in the middle of having fun again in his life.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did she really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that's all they talk about now.

[Bobby Kelly]

She's really flipped. She's done a bunch of different causes in her life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think she's anti vaxx too, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

No, she was. Not anymore. She was for a minute when she was a Jim Carrey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, she certainly wasn't anti abortion in her 20s.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice. I'll tell you what, she was always though pro Bush. I respect that. Oh yeah, dude. Yeah. Listen, you're not gonna have a hairy and get abortions. It's gonna be a mess.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Jay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She had to shut down the abortion factory. So she grew a bush.

[Bobby Kelly]

She did Playboy or something, huh?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, she's from Playboy. That's where she's from.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never seen it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you know her. You think she's just from the world of singled out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Sorry, buddy. Sorry about that. My ear itched really bad. Oh, wow, that's nice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The whole thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

I've never seen it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bush from.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I've never seen it. Sorry, buddy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Buddy, you're not going to become friends with Donnie Wahlberg.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, I probably am because I'm not going to. I've never seen his wife's bush.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I. It's all I wanted to talk to him about when he was in here.

[Bobby Kelly]

Did you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, well, I can't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But I wanted to. I thought about it a lot, though.

[Bobby Kelly]

How are you going to say?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

At some point he would say Something. He goes, and that's when we. First time we played Radio City. And I go, huh? Oh, that's cool. One of these guys is gay, right?

[Bobby Kelly]

What about monkey Face?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Whatever happened to monkey face?

[Bobby Kelly]

Is she the gay one?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. That's back when the fake tits were really just trying to break out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Break the skin.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. They go. They go. Well, only C's will fit in here. You go, so throw an F's.

[Bobby Kelly]

I told you, Don. The guy who did Don my wife's tits back in the day, he went to jail because he kept. He kept getting girls to get bigger and bigger tits. And they made him so big that one of the girls nipples just fell off after surgery.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Erect for two years.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I want you to look at that fur in the light.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, I do like a nice pack.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's nice. And. And it's the. It's brown.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You go to her later pictorial because I think after, you know, she was like famous and everything, she may have gotten her titties fixed to not be like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She did. She took him down a notch.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Good move.

[Bobby Kelly]

Look at him right there. Look at him singing together. The two leads of the bands

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

get to the end when they do the song and they all do the dance. Bobby, we're still doing this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Buying white suits. White suits, boots, and we're doing this dance. The other thing I want to get to ultimately. Did she get him fixed? Yeah. Is this later in life they do a little bit better.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, they got a little droop to them. I like a little droop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

She got the new saline. Maybe the one that sags.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'll say. What, she still got that beaver?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A little bit. The other thing I want to get to before we leave is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Christ.

[Bobby Kelly]

Can I ask a real quick question? When was this?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This? Not long ago. Ten years ago.

[Bobby Kelly]

Okay.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She came back. She jumped back in the game after a while. Yeah, but it might have been a little bit more. But it's not. That's her newest thing.

[Bobby Kelly]

God, I wish I had a body that I could just jump back in and do some nudes and make some money.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You could, dude. You just. You're promoted to the wrong people.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Come me, dude. Me and you. Sea otters. Sea Otters.com.

[Bobby Kelly]

that bear bear and the sloppy bottom boy. Absolutely, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let's just oil each other up and just have it. I'll tell you what, Take the gay out of it. How much fun would it be to be naked on a thing together? That's slippery. And me and you just fucking flopping all over each other. Just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I do a calendar. So, like, December, he's an elf on your knee.

[Bobby Kelly]

Stavros already did it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did he?

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he does it. He does it. One day I was in Florida, he was opening for me back in the day, and he was. I was at Bailey J's house, and he goes, I have to do my summer shot. I'm like, what? He goes, I do a calendar. I'm making a calendar. And he gets naked in front of everybody. And this Does a cannonball in the pool. And I'm like, what the are you doing? You're embarrassing me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Calendar.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, get a calendar.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He embarrassed you? Embarrassed you in front of a trans porn star. That's impressive.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he did. There he is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's my favorite thing. He sends me one every year now. Every year we go through the Stavros calendar.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You don't get them all for free.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Just a couple months.

[Bobby Kelly]

Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He does it every year.

[Bobby Kelly]

He does it every year. And these are real photos. Not a. He tasted the. The Thanksgiving one is the best. He was a turkey on the table, and he looked delicious.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I wanted to talk to you about the Dustin Poirier body.

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, yeah?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You watched it?

[Bobby Kelly]

I watched the whole thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you see this at all, Greg?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dustin Poirier, the UFC fighter.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't watch ufc.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's a Louisiana fighter. Was a champ for a minute. He was. He beat Conor last.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Conor fight long time vet. Big. Like family. My kids are the inspiration. You know, when he got a lot of. God, when he retired, it was like. I mean, they gave him an ovation. He's just like, you know, probably has a shot at, like, a long career, maybe commentating or something.

[Bobby Kelly]

Well, he is a commentator, and he's actually. His career was. He came from. They found him. Dana found him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Kelly]

Brought. Yeah, in the, like, the lower circuits found him. He was going for another guy, saw him, and then brought him up. And he had this. And then he fought Conor.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's a documentary.

[Bobby Kelly]

When Conor broke his leg.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. They had a big, like, Connor's. Like. Your wife's. In my DMS. Yeah, I guess his wife slept in Connor's DMs.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh.

[Bobby Kelly]

Ah. Which is a real good impression. Your wife and my date. No, I lost it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was good at first.

[Bobby Kelly]

I panicked.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was subtle.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, that's right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But he. But Dustin Poirier, so I guess he's drunk and was asked to leave. I Don't even know if he's had a response to this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, he's in an airport, I believe.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh yeah. He was drunk on a plane. And they removed him from the plane. They kicked him off the plane mid flight.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yes. Yeah, they threw him out a window.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Tough. This guy is.

[Bobby Kelly]

Footage is amazing. He had a parachute though. He lived. No, before they took off, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's what they should do, these people that lose it on planes. It should be a little ejector seat in the back.

[Bobby Kelly]

No, like, you know those slides you get in and it just shoots you down? They should put them in a tube and it just shoots you out of the bottom pit. Like on a boat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they'd fall fast, cuz. 90% out of her fat.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You got to see. This is crazy. This cop, big shoot. This cop is terrified. Yeah, as he should be. Kind of. Cuz he's like, I'm going to have to do something too drastic cuz he's not going to be able to handle this.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, you're going to have to shoot him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let's go, big dog. Let's go, big dog. What's going on? What's up, bunch of hoes. Let's go, let's go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, pull me off the plane.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All my boys went to the crib.

[Bobby Kelly]

Now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What the.

[Bobby Kelly]

And this is why he got.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, you. Dustin party you, bro. All right, just relax, man.

[Bobby Kelly]

You and her. If that was Jay, though, he would be like, you know me. You know me. Hey, man, you know what? You probably right. I got kicked off the plane.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I went like this. I don't get so have been like.

[Bobby Kelly]

Thank you, ladies. I'm sorry for calling you a hoe. Anyways, where do you know me from? Fight you right now. No, I don't want to fight, bro.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'll go with you right now, bro. I don't want to fight, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't want to fight.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't want to fight.

[Bobby Kelly]

What a loser. You know what he just said? He goes, I'll roll with you. Like he knows Jiu Jitsu. Yeah, he's using like Jiu Jitsu. I'll roll with you right now. Whatever it bod. Tell him. Come on, get a couple, cuz.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's gonna be bad, bro.

[Bobby Kelly]

Just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's gonna be bad.

[Bobby Kelly]

That's so funny. It's so funny though, Jay, he immediately went to his walkie talkie, you know. He goes, I'll roll with you right now. Guys, I need help right now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Damn right.

[Bobby Kelly]

Code, whatever the that code is, it's now. 7:13. Whatever it is. I'm panicking, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Damn right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Slides behind the two flight attendants and so pull it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Pulls a taser out.

[Bobby Kelly]

Pulls the taser.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Several units.

[Bobby Kelly]

Several units

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

behind the desk.

[Bobby Kelly]

It's like a cage.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Relax, relax, bro. Relax, relax, relax.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm gonna bang you up, bro.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Relax.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm gonna bang you up and roll you.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why do all these white guys turn?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Says the N word.

[Bobby Kelly]

Why do these white guys, yeah, they turn gangster rappers when they're gonna fight somebody.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's very lowest thing too.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is it? Yeah, well, he says, okay, no, but I just have.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm just saying, it's that it becomes like, you know, words he doesn't use in his regular thing all the time. Time you want to step, you stepping.

[Bobby Kelly]

I wonder if I do that. I haven't been in a fight in a long time. I wonder if I. If I do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

We dancing. We dancing.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yo, you eyeball me, I'll ball this up right now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Come on, son. Come on, son. What's up, son? What's up, son? Never called anybody son in my life.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then once they get one phrase, they just. Just that one phrase over and over.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's why I love the baddies. That serum is they just swing and go.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, it's like a video.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They kicked him off. This guy's a ufc. You know what's going on, bro? He does calm down severely when this guy shows up.

[Bobby Kelly]

When you see a guy with a. A gun show up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, not. This guy's got a gun.

[Bobby Kelly]

I don't. I think this guy's security. I don't think he's a cop.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Cop.

[Bobby Kelly]

Is he?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I don't think he's security.

[Bobby Kelly]

I think he's just. I think he's just security.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He doesn't have cop energy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's got body cam.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's got a body cam, but I think, I don't think he's cop. Cop. I think this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, he shouldn't be if he isn't a cop. If he is the cop, they shouldn't let him become one. Yeah, he's like, hey, remember the time that guy fought and you panicked and let him hang out behind the thing you just did there? Was there a bunch of them. He goes, just one guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Remember when you put the two stewardesses between you and the assailant?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Remember he was threatening those women and you got behind them. Remember you showed he was threatening women and then you got behind those women. And then this giant, by the way, this seven foot black dude shows up with a gun. He's like, what's up? And he goes, everything's crazy over here, man. To shake his hand, he's like, no, no, you're the real deal now. Okay, okay, okay. All right, player.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah. I think they cuff him pretty.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He does. He changes it right away. Just goes. He goes, all right, you're good. He's like, they're lying here. When he comes to him, he goes,

[Bobby Kelly]

these girls are lying. Tell you he became a white boy again.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna fold you in half and bend you up, murder you. You never see your kids ever again. Oh, hey, officer.

[Bobby Kelly]

He turns into Mark Norman. They're lying. That's crazy, by the way.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's the condescending. You did a good job, though, man. Did a good job today. Watch it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Watch.

[Bobby Kelly]

You did a great job. You did a great job. You did what you could.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'd have you up so bad, dude. You're lucky, man. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for not leaving and crying.

[Bobby Kelly]

Yeah, dude. You did good on that walkie talkie.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You remember I treat you like a. In front of all these chicks to work here who have to call you. They called him for help and he got behind him, which made him angrier. Don't electrocute him. He's gonna get angrier.

[Bobby Kelly]

He's like King K,

[Big Jay Oakerson]

the real cop shows up, he offers up his hands for the cops, like. Like Rich Voss with Bonnie.

[Bobby Kelly]

We gotta. We gotta watch his apology on Monday. I guarantee.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Does he have one?

[Bobby Kelly]

Oh, he's gotta have one. It's gotta come out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's gotta be out by now. You think he'd put it out by now?

[Bobby Kelly]

We gotta watch it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you say the N word?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Kelly]

But if he says it in his apology, I respect him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, he does. He does it with the. He does it with the A. Like it's his vernacular. Like he's calling the guy. Yeah, I don't think the guy was even calling. It was black. I think calling, singing to a white guy, he's being. He's become the full character at that point. My boys never. All back crib hoes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's already here.

[Bobby Kelly]

I'm at the point where I need some help. He went right back to J.C. baby. They always go back to J.C. quickly. Lord Jesus Christ, I need you one more time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sha Boof has had to have. Has had to have helped 65 times.

[Bobby Kelly]

He had to become a monk. He had to go to a monastery.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But he's the same one he had the thing with the cop or. You got to remember that video. You got arrest. He's cursing everybody out, and then he. Dude, he lived up in. In New Orleans last year.

[Bobby Kelly]

That guy went on a mountain and had a robe for a year and a half, and then he came back down and turned into a drunk idiot again. In one night, at least.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Jared Leto. Chicks. Yeah. Great. Oh, I'm at the point where I need some help. Walking away from fighting hasn't been easy on me. And alcohol isn't easy.

[Bobby Kelly]

Answer.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's ruined my father's life, and I will not allow it to ruin mine. My family deserved me at 100%. I'm trying to do everything I can to get my mind right and take the next steps.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Meanwhile, his dad never drank. He's just throwing him under the bus.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, because my dad died from me beating the shit out of him when I was drunk. Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be at Levity Live in Oxnard July 11, Mamba in Huntington Beach July 12 and Pittsburgh Improv July 24th and 25th. After that, Cincinnati, Columbus, Vancouver are all on deck for tickets. And all tour deck dates go to Greg Sim.

[Bobby Kelly]

Greg Simmons.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Simmons.

[Bobby Kelly]

Greg Jay was just a character. He was. He was all heated up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Come on.

[Bobby Kelly]

Come on, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Come on, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greg Fitzsimmons.com and make sure you check out Greg Show Fitz Dog radio wherever you listen.

[Bobby Kelly]

Go check him out. One of my favorite comics to watch. You're more than just one thing. You're the boss.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, Google, what time is my meeting with Tim today?

[Bobby Kelly]

The athlete that class wrecks me. The ringleader. And we're good and always their mom. Everyone in the all new Mazda CX. Five more to move every side of you. Learn [e-mail] Google is a trademark of Google LLC. Sequences shortened and simulated.